Where did everybody go?
• So here's some local stuff that's going on in my redneck of the woods.
Now there's a bunch of blahblahblah to this article, but the last two paragraphs caught my attention.
"Fairness." Interesting. You see, in this same county there is some road construction going on due to some hippie EPA order. This construction is going on along a patch of road that's home to a bunch of local businesses, who are understandably pissed off about the whole thing. "No need to worry," the politicians said, "this construction won't affect any of the businesses."
Less than two months into construction a corner store shut its doors. The reason? The road construction turned away many of the customers. The amount of businesses went down so much that this store lost its lottery machine, and the owner decided to call it a day.
Now in the interest of "fairness," I think the State should allow this store owner, who from what I was told had been in business for decades, to keep his lottery machine and stay in business. But wait, this store is in the PRIVATE sector.
Maybe the store owner should have asked for a bailout.
I haven't really paid attention to your new solo show weeknights on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2009~! However, when I heard back in February that Gilbert Gottfried was going to be one of your GREAT AMERICAN PANELISTS, I couldn't resist. Finally got around to looking up a clip on YouTube of this segment to replay one of the highlights.
What also made me laugh was George Allen (to the left) then trying to make a serious douchey statement about roids in baseball. You're not running for office anymore. Lighten up for God's sake.
Here's another clip. The first 0:54 pretty much sums up why I don't bother watching these shows on a regular basis. The rest of the clip is why I watched this particular episode.
When you're good enough to get 63 pages in your "ask" feature, the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.
Man, am I stretching for material now or what? Guess I can comment on President Hussein again. Then again, nothing STRIKES me as worth commenting about this terrorist fucktard. I could make some jokes about his kids, but that would be going in the GUTTER. Perhaps a sex joke about him and Michelle wreslting in the sack -- I bet there's some good PIN ACTION there. Oh look at the time: It's 7:10. I gotta split.
• Those bitches. How dare they think the Octo-Mom is an unfit parent?
Now here's the big shocker. That feminazi bitch Gloria Allred is finally on the right side of the law.
• So Barney Fwank thinks Scalia is a homophobe.
I swear to Christ you could just burn sound clips of this guy to a CD and it would outsell at least half the comedy albums out there.
I actually did fill out an office bracket earlier this morning. Problem is I don't remember who I picked. I have Memphis winning it all, though. Don't ask why.
• Before you start saying OMG TAX THE RICH, remember that one day it may be you in the government's cross-hairs. Hell hath no fury like a public official with an ax to grind.
Then why did you do this, you cunt?
And let's also strip the retention bonuses of these people.
And while we're at it, let's have Barney Fwank take a bit out of his account just for shits and giggles.
Nice to see you have enough time to go on late-night television and fill out a March Madness bracket -- It's not like you have anything better to do, o' favorite Son of Kenya. On second thought, if this Bread and Circuses routine keeps you distracted for any length of time from implementing your socialist schemes, I'll ask you to fill out a bracket for the remaining NIT rounds. Actually, during the whole Clinton impeachment period, I was all for the process. It wasn't partisan; it was more because it kept Congress and the Prez from doing anything else.
Speaking of which, I need to fill out MY brackkket. Oh who am I kidding? I haven't even posted last year's baseball results from that annual competition I have with that pseudo-baseball expert we have at this place.
Thank Christ you people have resources that America doesn't care about (at least not any more -- damn you Civil War). Dealing with Middle Eastern culture is bad enough.
And speaking of HATE CRIMES~!
Gee, I thought flag burning was PROTECTED SPEECH? Didn't we go through this already back in the 1990s with Tommy Lasorda?
Did you at least remove the price stickers from the DVDs before giving them to one of our country's top allies? For all the spending you're doing, shitdick, I at least hope these movies are the super-special editions with commentary and other features.
• So the toothless Mexican family has had quite the eventful month or so. The matriarch of the group quit her job. Why? Because of the PRESIDENT HUSSEIN RECESSION~!
Well, not quite.
You see, this person got paid $10+ per hour by the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania to clean half of the house where her aunt/mother lives. Who cleans the other half? Why, another person. They have two people getting $20+ per hour to CLEAN A FUCKING HOUSE FULL-TIME. Oh, and there’s a third person who is supposed to drive said aunt around for grocery shopping, etc. But there’s one problem here. This chauffer refuses to drive along the only stretch of state highway in which all these necessary stores are located. Not sure how much this person makes, but whatever. Your government in action.
Now why is this person quitting her job?
To HOME-SCHOOL her two kids.
Why is this significant? Peep this previous entry.
Now read the following.
This was WRITTEN BY THE SAME PERSON TAKING HER KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL TO HOME-SCHOOL THEM.
Oh, but the plot thickens. I knew there was more to this groovy mystery. You see, this lazy piece of human trash would have to have other reasons to get out of sitting on her fat ass watching television all day and getting paid $10+ per hour. With her household reduction in income, it turns out this family is now eligible for more welfare. Did I say “welfare”? I meant to say “benefits.” Or at least that’s what the welfare matriarch is calling this gift to the underclass. And when I say "more welfare" I mean "more than what she was making 'cleaning' her aunt's house at $10+ per hour."
But I’m not done with the updates. It’s time for a kkk Twin Spin~!
Remember this gem from a while back?
Well earlier this week we got an update. This happy couple has been divorced for quote some time now. And now the “Aussie Prince,” is suing his former better half for HALF THE PLANE/HOTEL BILL he rang up for his little intercontinental booty call. Oh, and he’s also suing for defamation of character.
How can I follow this? Goodnight, tip your waitresses and try the tortured baby cow.
Even in this HUSSEIN RECESSION, it's still possible to find work. Mrs. kkk finally did. We got the message on the answering machine Friday afternoon. Back to the university, back to her previous salary, back to the benefits package, back to ... driving through Wilkensburg (aka the ghetto) to get to and from our little corner of suburban paradise. Oh well, nothing's perfect. Truth be told, driving through this shit hole twice every weekday really motivates you to work hard and justify your job. If you don't, you could be among the trash in these near-shantytowns. The offer is going to made sometime next week by the useless University Human Resources department, and in about a week or two after that the better half will be riding shotgun yet again in my morning/afternoon commute. Thankfully, we have been treading water the last several months, but after a while not seeing your bank account increase at all it gets a bit old. In fact, our savings account remains untouched, and I only need to put in about $1,500 into the checking account in order to get it back up to the $5,000 mark, which is the minimum we keep in that account; anything more than that goes to paying off debt/investing/etc. Actually, this $1500 "hole" isn't so bad, considering we had to replace our furnace this winter, which took a healthy bite out of the checking account. However, when you PREPARE and SAVE MONEY FOR THESE KINDS OF THINGS, something like a new furnace is only a temporary dip in an already established account instead of being harbinger of DISASTER YET TO COME for a WORKING FAMILY. Maybe I shouldn't have paid my mortgage and asked ACORN to squat on the property whenever the foreclosure man comes a knocking.
So I was watching ESPN today and saw some stupid ad talking about how the Dominican Republic or some other second-tier country that's really good at baseball had an AMAZING RUN in the first-ever WBC. The title of this ad was something like "Great WBC moments." This is the SECOND FUCKING TIME this baseball exhibition has been played. Even the Fu-Schnickens went through two albums before putting out a "greatest hits" CD.
Hey shit-for-brains, you think any of my people will be falling for this obvious bear trap? Fuck no. The moment there's any kind of racial issue that's addressed and not met with the approval of you and your liberal comrades will pull the OMG RACISM~! card. I was born at night but it wasn't last night. If I was I'd be some kind of prodigy for typing this up instead of sucking on some titties.
• So here’s the latest from the crack-whore niece-in-law.
She knows this guy who lives about 4-5 hours away. Nineteen years old. No job. Doesn’t go to college. He paid a long-distance booty call. How did he get to my neck of the woods? HIS OLD MAN DROVE HIM.
Anyway, the crack-whore niece-in-law took her two-month old kid with her to the hotel room for a night of passion. Where did the kid sleep while her mother got her freak on? The gentleman caller brought a crib. It must have been in storage or something because apparently it was moldy, and now the kid’s sick because of it.
Remember, whenever you hear a politician/activist claim that we don’t do enough for the poor, keep in mind that not everyone who takes public assistance is a hard-working provider for a family of four that recently lost his job due to the factory moving to Mexico.
This is too long to type out to make a “comment” when I can milk it for an actual post.
The cats are fine for the most part. We have the two males in one room upstairs and the two females in the other upstairs room. They haven’t been around our cats for the most part because the “Welfare Four” have never been fixed or taken for a vet appointment. We also don’t want them getting into trouble with the various wires around the house as well, so for now they are quarantined.
What’s funny is that the three litter mates (two males/one female) aren’t a problem at all. However, the mother is a pain in the ass. Much like her owner, she’s a whiny cunt that always wants out and constantly scratches the door and cries at the top of her lungs. Every time I hear her it reminds me more and more about the crack-whore niece-in-law. Earlier this week we introduced her to Max, who is always hanging around the two closed rooms. Of course, after a week of trying to get out and interact with the other cats of the house, this little bitch starts growling and hissing. Integrating her with the rest of the group is going to be a joy – while Max just stood there dumbfounded, if she pulls this shit with JJ or Dessa, the result will be different. Ha. Even as I’m typing this, the mother cat (named “Princess”) is swatting her female 8 month-old kitten because she went up and sniffed her. Man, Princess is so much like her owner it’s hilarious. (Guess I could make the comment here that both parties went out and got knocked up.)
Semi-related story. I’m actually amazed that our three cats haven’t been carrying on with the new additions. They HAVE to know something is up, what with the closed doors and meowing. Last night I was cleaning the house and noticed JJ on the living room couch looking outside with his tail puffed out – a sign that something was out there. Sure enough it was another cat. Sure enough I was correct. About 15 minutes later I was cleaning the female’s upstairs room, and in order to do that whenever I went into one room I herded that room’s occupants to the upstairs bathroom. When I did this with the female’s room I kept the door open. JJ came in and looked around. Now even though the scent of foreign cat was in the room, along with a multitude of other “clues,” the first thing he does is go over to the food dish and start eating. No puffy tail. No investigation into the bathroom, which was closed and had meows emanating from the inside. No nothing. Christ is he dense.
Here is not how to make nice with the mother of who you are are banging. You need to read the 2/4 entry to get some backstory. And "Angie" is the "name" of the crack-whore niece-in-law. The following took place during a phone conversation. You can figure out who is who.
"Angie wants Princess (one of the female cats) and Buddy (one of the male cats) back when she gets her apartment."
"Angie is NOT getting Buddy because he's the most adoptable cat out of the lot. She will get Princess back, and if there's another cat left over it will be Stripe (the other female cat) because she's the least-adoptable of the group. The two males are probably going to be taken first and I'm not going to stop that. And when is Angie going to get her welfare pad?"
"I don't know. Probably sometime in May?"
"Probably sometime in May."
***This is when I start getting pissed and the Hulkkk transformation takes place***
"I thought it was going to be March. Well then ALL FOUR cats are up for adoption. Unlike other people I'm not her servant."
"Who are talking about ... 'her servant'?"
F U C K
Needless to say it went downhill from there. Sad thing is I wasn't targeting the mother-in-law with that remark, because it's not just her that caters to every whim of the crack-whore niece-in-law. However, upon further review I realized that the father-in-law and better half pretty much bend over to the crack-whore niece-in-law at the request of the mother-in-law. When Mrs. kkk heard about this exchange, she said I needed to apologize. Apologize for what? I'm not sorry about what I said because it's the truth. And you know what: If the mother-in-law is more pissed about me saying this than she is about the crack-whore niece-in-law dropping out of school, going on welfare, having a bastard child with another person who needs sterilized and taking NO responsibility for her actions then too bad. In fact, I think that's the problem right there.
The crack-whore niece-in-law has pretty much been allowed to do whatever she wants, and everyone caters to her demands. Except me. Back in 2003, the crack-whore niece-in-law had some mid-term/term paper due. Even though she had months to work on this, she waited until the last minute. And the paper, due on the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday, needed sources and all that other good stuff, meaning the crack-whore niece-in-law needed Internet access. And guess who was the only one that had such a technological marvel? Yep. Just hours before the Super Bowl, I was asked if the crack-whore niece-in-law could come over and use the computer. My response: No. And here's why.
-- A few weeks prior, the crack-whore niece-in-law was arrested at Wal-Mart for shoplifting. I was going to watch the Super Bowl and I didn't trust a thief alone in my residence. Besides, the crack-whore niece-in-law wouldn't know what to do half the time, and she would be calling me in for help every 5 minutes.
-- The better half offered to "watch" her, but Mrs. kkk had already made plans to go out with one of her friends. I wasn't going to have the better half cancel her plans with someone she infrequently sees; keep in mind these plans were made WEEKS in advance and the crack-whore niece-in-law's request was made the afternoon of Super Bowl Sunday.
-- As I said above, this research paper was due THE NEXT DAY. And I was asked about this SUNDAY AFTERNOON. Now if I had been given just a FEW DAYS NOTICE about this, I would not have had a problem. But I was not about to turn my life around for this irresponsible brat.
Now before you say, "Boy, kkk, you don't care about anyone else but yourself," I want to point out that ... well, you're probably right. Actually, whenever a genuine need to alter life's schedule arises I have no problems. A few months back I was at the dentist's office when the better half learned that the mother-in-law fell and hurt her knee. I told Mrs. kkk to take her to the emergency room and pick me up afterward. After my appointment I was roaming around the local shopping complex for 4-5 hours while waiting to hear of an update. Sure my afternoon/evening was shot, but big f'n deal. An emergency took place and needed dealt with. Where the hell am I going with this? ... shit ... Oh well, might as well finish with the usual quality send-off...
Do you really care where the maple syrup comes from? That is unless you want to find out how to have it mask the general stench of your city even more than it already does.
• President Hussein doesn't care about Kentucky-ians.
By the way, how come our president hasn't done more for the fine citizens of the Midwest? Oh, that's right. Because there aren't any welfare recipients standing around going "now who's going to pay my bills?" Then again, why would they -- it's f'n COLD outside.
You're a fighter. Stay on the court for another four, maybe eight years, before stepping down.
• This is one fucked up story. And don't even bother with the "Big Beaver" jokes. I beat you to the donkey punch. The last sentence is ... well. Just read.
You're talking about raising taxes AND bailing out the two Philadelphia daily newspapers. Is it 2010 yet?
• So for those itching for a fix of what’s been going on with the kkk household, here’s an update.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law squirted out a kid in December.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law walked in on her baby’s daddy having sex with another person … in the house they live together at … while the crack-whore niece-in-law was fully awake.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law, along with her bastard child, is now living with my mother-in-law.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law has gone to more welfare offices than I knew existed this past week, and the better half told me that the commonwealth of Pennsylvania will be charging the baby’s daddy with the hospital bill for the bastard child squirting out. (Oh, and because the crack-whore niece-in-law smoked and did drugs during pregnancy, the bastard child was brought into this world strung out and needed medical attention right off the bat.) The total cost being sent to the baby’s daddy? $20,000.
Now here is where I come in. Am I offering any aid, assistance or comfort to the crack-whore niece-in-law?
And if you thought otherwise, just how long have you been reading this blog?
What I am going to do is rescue the four cats that are still at the baby’s daddy house. Why are there four? Because the crack-whore niece-in-law adopted a cat, did not get it fixed, and it ran off and got knocked up. Gee, that sounds awfully familiar. Who says pets don’t take after their owners?
Anyway, the crack-whore niece-in-law is at yet ANOTHER welfare office today, so I’m not sure when the kitties will be arriving at the kkk household. Why are the cats going to take refuge here? Because we are more than convinced that once the baby’s daddy gets the $20k bill those cats are as good as dead. The better half told me that the medical bill will be arriving in his mailbox sometime next week, so I’ll be expecting the new arrivals either today, tomorrow or sometime this weekend.
While I’m on this subject, how come the baby’s daddy has to foot the ENTIRE medical bill? How about splitting it down the middle between him and the crack-whore niece-in-law? Oh, that’s right. The crack-whore niece-in-law is a leech to society. Man, whenever my mother-in-law keels over, the crack-whore niece-in-law is in some serious trouble. My father-in-law, if he doesn’t keel over first, won’t be doing jack shit for her, nor will the kkk household. She’ll have to fill out her cash assistance forms all by herself. Oh noes.
And just think. Whenever you hear a politician or advocacy group say we don’t do enough for the poor, think of the crack-whore niece-in-law.
In today’s editorial titled: "Drop Dasschole: The health nominee is not up to Osama's standard," your editorial board starts out with the following:
Now after a few paragraphs of “blahblahblah” I notice this passage:
Now let’s look at today’s editorial headline one more time.
Drop Dasschole: The health nominee is not up to Osama's standard
I’m curious to know why there isn’t any concern about Osama’s “standard." You even took the time to list the gang President Hussein thought would be ideal to tell us how to lead our lives -- Mr. Holder, Mr. Geithner and Mr. Lynn. How come no "concern" is expressed about Mr. Osama's judgment in people? Oh, yeah. I remember. Because your publication is nothing more than left-wing trash and is in financial dire straits.
At least one good thing has come out from all this. For years you liberal faggots whined about being called "unpatriotic." Well, after having the current vice president tell us that paying taxes is "the patriotic thing to do," I completely understand why President Hussein's posse don't bother to fulfill their civic duties when it comes to filling the public coffers with their hard-earned money.
I heard your comment about Bud Selig making $17 million in 2007. Nobody deserves to be paid that much? Don’t worry, I’m sure YOUR BOY President Hussein will make your wish come true. I know you're a commie and all, but you do entertain me on PTI. And to your credit, you do keep your unAmerican comments at bay for the most part.
• So the city of Shittsburgh was involved in some game the other day. I caught a few minutes of it. Here’s some stuff:
1) Great game, but not THE BEST OF ALL TIME. Get a grip, ESPN.
2) The Harrison beat-down that got 15 yards isn’t an eject-worthy offense. Jesus Christ, I’ve seen MUCH worse in terms of beat-downs during punt coverage.
3) Santonio Holmes deserves to be the MVP. Yes, Ben made the throws, but Holmes made the catches. And there were a number of catches that Santonio made during the game that he turned into big plays.
3a) Actually, Kurt Warner should be the MVP of both teams. After all, he had just as many touchdown passes to Steeler players as did Ben.
3b) One of the things I like about Ben is his movement in and out of the pocket. It’s amazing to see him avoid defenders and make a throw. Sometimes the results are disastrous, but no pain no gain. It was interesting to see Ben do what he did all game and then to watch Warner try to do the same thing on Arizona’s final play of the game.
4) The Cardinals beat themselves. They should have won that game.
5) That roughing penalty on Ben Roethlisberger was bullshit. That roughing penalty on the field goal holder later in the drive wasn’t.
6) When the Steelers kicked the second field goal deep in Cardinal territory I knew there was going to be a comeback. If the Cards would have won this game, the decision not to go for the touchdown early in the first quarter was going to haunt Tomlin for quite some time.
7) Holmes' feet were both down on that touchdown catch. And I did get a laugh out of his LeBron impersonation. I’ve heard “why wasn’t that excessive celebration penalty enforced.” I don’t know. Here’s a thought, though. It looked like Holmes’ back was to the field; my guess is that the officials just thought he was going to spike the ball or something mild and thus weren’t paying attention to Santonio’s antics.
8) I still don’t know what’s worse: “One for the OTHER thumblol” or “Six-pack.”
9) Since when did President Hussein become a Steelers fan? Stop sucking Rooney's cock -- the election is over. And for the record, the Cards were actually a Chicago team once upon a time, so you should have been pulling for your relocated loveable losers.
10) Broadway Joe, you can present all the Lombardi trophies you want. I'll always remember you for this:
• Holy crap. Scott Keith's Biggest Fan is a prophet.
• While some may think President Hussein may be able to walk on water, he sure can't walk through windows/doors/walls.
Remember when a certain ex-president made such a flub?
• Boy, it's a good thing Osama didn't pick this former senator to head anything in the Treasury department. That would have been embarrassing.
• If Bruce shouldn't have made a deal somewhere, it should have been with his vetting team. Who WOULDN'T think a deal with Wal-Mart would go over well with the commies he frolics with?
• OK, if you can't see the writing on the wall here, then you deserve to show up to work one day and find the doors locked.
• So I have finally found a set of car insurance commercials that I hate more than the Geioco Cavemen. Those Progressive ads with the burnette cashier.
Good God. At least a few (and I mean "a few") of the Geico ads had a smirk/chuckle moment to them. These ones are atrocious.
However, I finally laughed at one of the Progressive ads, but probably for the wrong reason. If you can stand it, get through to the end of this ad for the invisible voice-over line.
• Now we're comparing the dining habits of our two most recent presidents?
You know what? After reading this drivel my opinion of W. just went up a bit more. He can sit next to me at a Golden Corral any time. I want to stab with a rusty fork those people that talk more about the food they're getting at a restaurant than those that just want go out to eat.
Wait, did I just make another presidential death thread? Shit. Well I'll just copy what a columnist of color said a while back about another public figure. That ought to put me in the clear.