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3/12: A Message To President Hussein

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Did you at least remove the price stickers from the DVDs before giving them to one of our country's top allies? For all the spending you're doing, shitdick, I at least hope these movies are the super-special editions with commentary and other features.


Well, what would you buy Gordon Brown? He's not a man known for pleasure - rather as the sort to take an afternoon's summer holiday before heading straight back to work, so it must be hard. But President Hussein can't have predicted the scornful response of the Daily Mail when he decided to pick Gordon up a few DVDs.


In return for a pen holder carved from the timbers of the sister ship of the one the White House desk is made from and a first edition of a seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill, the Mail is appalled that "Barack Osama, the leader of the world's richest country" gave Brown a box set of 25 DVDs selected by the American Film Institute. These, it says, include Raging Bull, Casablanca, Psycho and The Graduate. It is, the Mail says, "a gift about as exciting as a pair of socks".


8:30 p.m.


• So the toothless Mexican family has had quite the eventful month or so. The matriarch of the group quit her job. Why? Because of the PRESIDENT HUSSEIN RECESSION~!



Well, not quite.


You see, this person got paid $10+ per hour by the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania to clean half of the house where her aunt/mother lives. Who cleans the other half? Why, another person. They have two people getting $20+ per hour to CLEAN A FUCKING HOUSE FULL-TIME. Oh, and there’s a third person who is supposed to drive said aunt around for grocery shopping, etc. But there’s one problem here. This chauffer refuses to drive along the only stretch of state highway in which all these necessary stores are located. Not sure how much this person makes, but whatever. Your government in action.


Now why is this person quitting her job?


To HOME-SCHOOL her two kids.


Why is this significant? Peep this previous entry.


In every family there is at least one sect that gives gifts that make you say “WTF?” And I don’t mean “WTF” in terms of fruitcake or some other equally lame gift. I know I’ve talked about Mrs. kkk’s side of the family on more than one occasion and discussed how some branches of her family tree are … unique. However, there is this couple that I legitimately can’t stand. I know I’ve mentioned them before, but for those who haven’t had the opportunity to learn about this happy family from Day 1, here’s a recap:


Mrs. kkk’s one cousin married some near-toothless Mexican who already has several kids from a previous marriage that he does shit with. Both were part-time janitors when they decided to have kids. There’s one problem: the Mexican is sterile, so they went to the clinic to knock the chick up via turkey baster. Please keep in mind that by now they have already claimed bankruptcy once and collect welfare, among other wonderful gimmies from the government. Because kid number one was such a joy, they decided to have another test-tube baby. Oh, and these welfare pros have purchased their own house and have a new car. All on a part-time janitor’s salary. Oh, and the wife works for the State as a “maid.” She gets paid to “clean up” half of her aunt’s house. What she actually does is sit down and watch TV all day. Why did I say “half of her aunt’s house”? Well because another relative is supposed to clean up the other half.


While I was over my old man’s house the day before Christmas, the better half went to her aunt’s house, where she ran into this happy family of four. What did they give Mrs. kkk for a Christmas gift? A picture of her car from when it was near-totaled a few years back from some bitch in a SUV plowing into her from behind. Oh, and we got the latest installment of this family’s “newsletter.” Every word/space/etc. has been faithfully restored, except for the text in bold. The names have been changed to protect the pathetic. Or am I just saying that and the names are indeed real? Either way, enjoy.


Now read the following.



I am trying something different this year since we are all busy I wanted to keep in touch so I came up with this newsletter of my family. We moved into our new house two weeks before Christmas of last year. Wow what a huge step but we really like it. Everyone has there own room and we also have two bathrooms so that is a plus. Gary is still employed at the County Courthouse. Sometime in the year of 2007 he will become full time. We can’t wait !! He is such a hard worker. We are proud of him. Tonya is employed at name of State-run agency which pays her for “cleaning” her aunt’s house and takes care of the kids. Our little Reba will be 3 years old on January 8. I remember when we brought her home from the hospital. Seems like yesterday. Aunt Milldred had this spaghetti dinner and we took the baby down to her house so everyone could see her and no one ate the dinner cause we were all to busy with the baby. Now Reba is into Caillou, Blues Clues, Dora and Diego. She learned to count in Spanish just by watching Dora! Little Terri man where do I start on her? She had a tough start on life but she fought. Being she was early the doctor’s told me that she would have to be flown to Pittsburgh. Well everyday of her life she is making a lyer out of them doctors. She is not completely out of the woods she is still struggling with her weight. They are still saying that she is to thin. She is into Barney, Teletubbies, Elmo and Big Bird. She loves to dance. Our cat Codi likes the move. She is more loving and she comes out and greets us when we come home from work everyday. We wish all that reads our newsletter a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and God Bless.




Oh, but the plot thickens. I knew there was more to this groovy mystery. You see, this lazy piece of human trash would have to have other reasons to get out of sitting on her fat ass watching television all day and getting paid $10+ per hour. With her household reduction in income, it turns out this family is now eligible for more welfare. Did I say “welfare”? I meant to say “benefits.” Or at least that’s what the welfare matriarch is calling this gift to the underclass. And when I say "more welfare" I mean "more than what she was making 'cleaning' her aunt's house at $10+ per hour."


But I’m not done with the updates. It’s time for a kkk Twin Spin~!


Remember this gem from a while back?


The other night we got an update on this loving couple. I’ll call the wife “Amy” and the husband “Dave.” Late last week, when Amy got her most recent bi-weekly paycheck, she went to deposit it at an ATM. When her deposit slip shot out, she noticed that the account was $600 overdrawn – and that was AFTER she made her deposit. Naturally, she was more than curious as to what was going on. She got a transaction sheet and noticed that there was a really, really big withdraw to the account that went to pay off a credit card this couple owns. She got a transaction record of this credit card and discovered the following.


1) A bill for a round-trip airline ticket to and from Australia.


2) A bill for two a two-week stay at a nearby hotel.


Figure it out.


Needless to say, Amy is getting a divorce attorney. Oh, and Amy just found out that Dave quit his job in November and they have been without health insurance for the last four months. Did I mention Amy is a diabetic? Now while I could understand to some degree Amy not knowing right away about her lesser half’s employment situation – she works a first-shift job while Dave’s job was second-shift, so he could just leave the house and shack up with chicks from Down Under until his make-believe shift was over – I can’t for the life of me wonder how she couldn’t notice something was odd when his PAYCHECKS weren’t BEING DEPOSITED in their BANK ACCOUNT. But whatever, it’s not my life.


Oh, yeah. When Amy confronted Dave on all of this, his only response so far has been to accuse Mrs. kkk’s friend of trying to break them up. How was the better half’s friend doing this? By going out socially with Amy and trying to hook her up with guys. How dare these two bitches go out in public.


Well earlier this week we got an update. This happy couple has been divorced for quote some time now. And now the “Aussie Prince,” is suing his former better half for HALF THE PLANE/HOTEL BILL he rang up for his little intercontinental booty call. Oh, and he’s also suing for defamation of character.


How can I follow this? Goodnight, tip your waitresses and try the tortured baby cow.

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