Mad Scientist

I think either of those names would send Michael Alexander into a fit of grammatical apoplexy. MANSON and I will have to come up with something...

Well, it sounds like either Saintly C. Killa or Blue Leaf is going to get a shot at FULMINATUS!, so unless there's some tag team booking going on for <insert name of impromptu MANSON/Alexander tag team here>, Alexander is down for something. When is Ground Zero coming up, anyway?

I enjoyed all the promos and the matches that happened as well. W&D vs. Rev-0 is really shaping up to be an excellent feud, and it makes the tag titles seem significant. I loved the opening promo. It seriously stretches my suspension of disbelief that a Level 42 Priest didn't have any heal spells or resurrection contingencies ready for his match. I mean, come on... Dagda's match was fun too. Honestly, the only disappointment was missing those matches that were no-shows...all of them sounded like they would've been damn fine matches.

And, MANXANDER sounds like something you catch from a rabid muskrat. We've gotta do better than that. I know Winston Churchill was taken, but come on...

I'm with Johnny on this one. Wouldn't he want revenge on the one who pepper-sprayed him? Or is this a "Heel Stable tosses youngest member to the wolves" sort of thing?

WCW did have "Glacier", a ripoff of SubZero from the Mortal Kombat series of games.

I don't think that touring is a necessity if you can put on a consistently good show. TNA can't though. Hell, WWE can't. The touring would allow at least some fresh fan perspectives on the show, but it would also require additional investment to continually cart around all their show gear. I don't see them doing this in the immediate future, especially since it seems like they're losing money overall. I'd settle for them just fixing their writing/booking and actually using the amazing compilation of ring talent they've got.

*smacks head* THAT'S what I forgot! I think he would have lovingly called the stepladder "Steve."

Here's my losing match. Fulmie's match was great, but I went to the trouble of having fans chant in German...c'mon... Let me know where I can improve things! Gracias! The outdoor venue roars with thousands of fans having imbibed tens of thousands of beers. A banner is unfurled briefly that proclaims that “FULMINATUS furchten des Flugelhorn!” The nearby stage is subtly lighted just enough for the cover band to be able to see to play their instruments. “And we’re back, here in Norburgring, Germany, for the final match in the New Blood Title Tournament,” Mak Francis announces solemnly. “We’ll be seeing the future of the SWF decided tonight between these two men.” “That’s the first really sensible thing you’ve said tonight, Francis,” remarks the Suicide King. “The future of the SWF will be decided tonight by Michael Alexander, who will win this title and bring some respectability back to the SWF title scene.” “You may be getting ahead of yourself, King,” Mak chides softly. “This match tonight is entirely different fare from what Alexander’s had to deal with so far. I mean, this is a ladder match against quite possibly the weirdest, most unpredictable man ever to set foot into the ring. A ladder match against a normal wrestler is difficult; against an unorthodox enigma like Fulminatus, it is may be nearly impossible for Alexander’s mat wrestling expertise to deal with.” “You’ve got to be kidding me. After that ridiculous stair dive that wackjob did last week, he’ll be lucky if he can find the ring, let alone climb a ladder.” King chuckles. “Fulminatus has had his fun with the undercard and that giant clown freak, but now he’s going in the ring against a real wrestler who didn’t throw himself down the stairs a week ago. I’m going to enjoy what happens this week.” Funyon enters the ring as Referee Anthony Michael Hall leans against the ropes. “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Final Round of the New Blood Title Tournament!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” “Tonight’s match will be a Ladder Match! Now entering the ring, claiming to be from Everywhere! He weighs in at 190 pounds! He is FFFFULLLLLLLLLLMINNNNNNNNAAAAAATUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!” The lights in the stage and ring area flicker for a scant few moments until the entranceway is lit with an explosion of sparks and pyro smoke. The cover band cranks out a somewhat passable version of “Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida” and Fulminatus wanders down in the direction of the ring. He is carrying a household stepladder over his head like Jackie Chan from any number of his movies. As he appears to be drunk in his aimless meandering, the crowd gets behind him in that drunken groupthink one often finds at large outdoor gatherings involving mass consumption of alcohol. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Fulminatus has some difficulty getting into the ring with the stepladder around his head, but he manages to clamber in over the top after initially trying to enter between the ropes. “See, Francis? The bozo can’t even get into the ring. I’d say this was sad if I wasn’t going to relish every minute of Alexander’s victory. And who the hell wears a damn ladder, anyway?” “This just illustrates what I was saying about Fulminatus’ unpredictability. Alexander can’t possibly be as prepared for this as he could for any other match against any other competitor, and that’s going to be his main problem here, King.” Funyon stares at him for a moment, then returns to his introductions. “And his opponent, from Greenville, South Carolina, weighing in at 221 pounds, he the Mad Scientist of the Mat, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICHAAAEL AAAAAAAALLLLLLLEXXXXXXXXXXXXAAAAAAAAAAAANDERRRRRR!” The cover band cranks out the popping beats of “Dread Rock” as the Smarktron flashes with Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man and various images of Alexander destroying various opponents. The Evil Genius steps out onto the rampway, surveying the crowd with disdain, and they respond in kind. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Alexander makes his way to the ring dripping with arrogance, but he’s got to be off-balance here. He’s used to going up against people you can study and predict, and Fulminatus is a complete and total mystery to everyone, possibly including himself,” Mak advises. King snorts derisively. “Are you trying to tell me that cluelessness is Fulminatus’ big advantage?” Alexander enters the ring, glaring at Fulminatus, who is still wearing the ladder around his head. He notes the location of the ladders set outside the ring and stretches in preparation, ignoring Fulminatus with completely unveiled contempt. Referee Hall gives the signal and the bell rings to start things off! DING! DING! DING! Fulminatus drops the stepladder over the top rope as the bell rings and he runs at Alexander full bore! The Evil Genius easily dodges the charge, and Masked Maniac bounces off the ropes and continues to run across the ring, bouncing off the ropes repeatedly. “Fulminatus is starting things off quickly here, as he often does,” Mak remarks. “Yes, but running around like a starving marmot accomplishes what, exactly?” King asks sarcastically. Alexander, frustrated by this manic marathon, steps in and goes for a clothesline, which Fulminatus stumbles underneath to the delight of the crowd. As Alexander turns around to go after Fulminatus again, the Deconstruction Dynamo bounces back off the ropes, and cartwheels into his Fortuna’s Wheel kick right into Alexander’s face. The Evil Genius collapses onto the mat in a heap. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" “It looks like that act was a ruse to draw in Alexander, King,” Mak observes. “And it seems to have worked pretty well.” “Alexander’s approaching this nut too rationally, Francis,” King laments. “He’s used to dealing with rational response, and this Fulminatus wouldn’t know ‘rational’ if it bit him.” The Mad Scientist is rolling over and clutching his face as Fulminatus flips back to his feet. Seeing Alexander now lying face down, the Masked Maniac bounces himself off the ropes again, this time springboarding backwards for a double knee drop right into Alexander's back! The Evil Genius gasps in pain as the air is crushed out of his lungs. Fulminatus does a forward roll off of Alexander’s back and stands like a gymnast just off a dismount. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “Excellent springboard knee drop, with a backflip no less! Fulminatus is pulling out all the stops here, King.” “Francis, he has to pull out ridiculous move he’s got. Even Fulminatus isn’t crazy enough to think he can beat Alexander otherwise.” The Cruiserweight Chaos Engine ascends to the top turnbuckle as Alexander struggles up to his feet. The Evil Genius is still gasping for air even as he visibly winces while drawing those gulps of air. As Alexander turns around, looking for Fulminatus, the Deconstruction Dynamo leaps off the turnbuckle and lands on Alexander’s shoulders in perfect position for his Seek Ye the Eye of the Hurracanrana. The Evil Genius attempts to simply toss Fulminatus out over top rope before the Masked Maniac can shift his weight to execute the ‘rana, but even as he goes over the top rope, Fulminatus manages to hold on to Alexander’s head, using a head scissors for a top rope choke while hanging upside down over the rope! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “Fulminatus held on with that headscissors!” Mak exclaims. “He’s choking Alexander out on the rope!” “That’s blatantly illegal! The ref should do something!” King howls indignantly. “King, you know that nothing’s really illegal in a ladder match. I mean, they can beat each other with ladders for God’s sake!” “Ladders are one thing, Francis, but that freak isn’t using a ladder is he? No, he’s using his legs, and that’s just wrong!” Desparate, Alexander fires a series of elbows into Fulminatus’ back, which at last forces him to release the head scissors. The Mad Scientist staggers away from the ropes, again gasping for breath. “Alexander manages to escape with a couple of stiff elbows to Fulminatus,” Mak notes. “He seems to be taken aback by Fulminatus’ unorthodox style and he needs to get oriented to it before he loses this match.” “This wacko is beyond unorthodox, Francis; he’s insane! I can’t believe we allow people like that to compete against legitimate wrestlers!” King says sulkily. The Deconstruction Dynamo rolls back into the ring and heads straight for the gasping Alexander, and hits with a series of echoing chops to the Evil Genius’ chest. The Mad Scientist goes for a chop of his own, which Fulminatus easily dodges, cartwheeling around behind Alexander. The Evil Genius turns around as quickly as he can manage, but Fulminatus springs up with an upward headbutt to the chin of Alexander! The Mad Scientist staggers away again, confusion and pain evident on his face. “Fulminatus is really taking it to Alexander here, King. The so-called Evil Genius seems to have a hard time with the SWF’s resident enigma.” “Alexander’ll get his bearings soon, Francis. Fulminatus can get in some early shots, but Alexander will get in the last one. He’s got to! I don’t know if I could stomach seeing the belt around the waist of Fulminatus. Actually, the freak’d probably wear it on his head or something…” The Cruiserweight Chaos Engine pirouettes forward, whipping Alexander into the ropes and going for a backdrop. The Evil Genius seems to have recovered his bearings a bit, however, and manages to catch Fulminatus with a facebuster onto his knee, and then shifts flawlessly into position for a Russian leg sweep, wrenching Fulminatus backwards to the mat, completing the Whiplash! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “See! What’d I tell you, Francis?” King gloats. “The Evil Genius outsmarted him that time.” “For the first time this match, yes,” Mak replies stoically. Alexander forces himself back to his feet. A ruthless fury is etched on his face now as he begins to stomp towards Fulminatus, who is getting to his feet. The Mad Scientist hits a nasty spin kick to the midsection of Fulminatus! The Deconstruction Dynamo doubles over, and Alexander follows up quickly with a spinning back elbow to the side of Fulminatus’ head! The Masked Maniac staggers away, but remains upright. “Alexander continues on the attack. It’s nice to see him be all business for a change, and not waste time disrespecting his opponent,” Mak remarks. “Well, you can’t really disrespect someone who’s too crazy to know that you’re disrespecting them,” King replies thoughtfully. “Mocking Fulminatus would be useless; he’s already a mockery himself.” “That’s profound, King.” “I’m not making a political statement here, Francis.” “What? Oh, never mind.” Deciding violence is the better part of valor, Alexander goes for a dropkick to Fulminatus’ knee, but the Cruiserweight Chaos Engine flips over the dropkick, landing on his back next to Alexander himself. The Mad Scientist furiously rolls over and tries to grab the Deconstruction Dynamo, but Fulminatus is up and bouncing off the ropes again. The Evil Genius goes for a back elbow, which Fulminatus ducks easily, but on the Masked Maniac’s return, the Mad Scientist clips him with a quick drop toehold and scrambles over into a grounding headlock. Alexander grinds on the headlock, trying to wear down Fulminatus as best he can. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “The masked man managed to do a little more of that flippy crap, but Alexander has taken control again!” King notes gleefully. “He seems to be finally playing to his strengths and grounding the speedster here,” Mak agrees. “But, it’s going to be tough to win a ladder match like this.” Fulminatus doesn’t remain idle, though, and he tries to work his way to his feet. Alexander is forcing him to carry his weight as well, slowing Fulminatus down to a somewhat manageable speed. The Cruiserweight Chaos Engine shoves Alexander off into the ropes to break the headlock, and drops to the mat as Alexander rebounds, then scrambles back to his feet and hits the returning Evil Genius with a flying hip BUTT! Alexander is knocked off his feet by surprise more than anything, and quickly gets up again. Furious, he goes for a lariat, which Fulminatus rolls underneath. The Deconstruction Dynamo then bounces off the ropes again, and hits the Mad Scientist squarely in the gut with the Spear of St. Gulik! Alexander crumples to the mat as the breath exits his lungs in a whoosh. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “He hit Alexander with the Spear of St. Gulik!” Mak yells. “The what?!” King sputters. “It’s right here in the book, King.” “You’ve still got that coloring book he gave you a couple of weeks ago? Seriously?” “To keep up with this guy, I figured we’d need it.” “For once you’re using your head, Francis.” “I’d say thanks if I felt that was a compliment.” Fulminatus scrambles out of the ring and slides one of the ladders into the ring. He then begins doing likewise with all the other ladders he can find, finally leaving four ladders in the ring. Alexander has rolled over onto his side and can be seen clutching his midsection. Meanwhile, Fulminatus seems to be frantically searching for something outside the ring, running around and clutching his head in dismay. At last, he seems to have found what he was looking for, and the Deconstruction Dynamo raises his stepladder over his head in triumph, in a way not unlike a newly-converted Grinch hoisting aloft a sled filled with presents. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!” “Oh, for the love of…! What the hell does he need all those ladders for? And what is the deal with that little stepladder?” King is flummoxed. “Why are you asking me?” Mak inquires. “I don’t know what he’s thinking!” “You’ve read his little crayon manifesto, right?” “It’s really more like a picture book; the only words are the move names…unless these other squiggles are supposed to mean something…” Fulminatus then slides both himself and his stepladder back into the ring. Alexander has now rolled over and is trying to use the ropes to get back up. Fulminatus leans two of the ladders into one corner, and then approaches Alexander, cutting loose with a Mongolian chop that collapses the Mad Scientist into a seated position in the corner “Alexander looks to be in trouble here,” Mak warns. “Fulminatus has too many extra weapons in there now.” “Maybe he’ll trip over one of them,” King grumbles. Fulminatus quickly snatches up his stepladder, places it behind his back, yells “FNORD!” and runs toward Alexander, flipping forward to crush Alexander between the stepladder and the turnbuckle, using the Deconstruction Dynamo’s own weight for extra force. Unfortunately for Fulminatus, Alexander sees this coming, and rolls out of the corner at the last instant, leaving the flipping Fulminatus to collide with the ladder and the turnbuckle. The Cruiserweight Chaos Engine is left lying upside down in the corner with his own stepladder wedged between him and the turnbuckle. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “YES!” King shouts. “That weirdo just plastered himself on his own stepladder! I love it!” “Fulminatus overestimated the damage done to Alexander, and it cost him. He may have just handed the match to Alexander,” Mak adds. Alexander hauls himself back to his feet using the ropes. The Evil Genius then kicks Fulminatus viciously in his midsection, which causes him to finally fall out of the corner face down on the mat. Alexander then leaps up and drops a knee right across the back of Fulminatus’ neck. The Deconstruction Dynamo howls in pain and tries to roll away, but the Mad Scientist is having none of it, grabbing Fulminatus and pulling him up. The Evil Genius hoists the stunned Fulminatus into what looks like a front slam position, then spins the Cruiserweight Chaos Engine into his Foucault’s Pendulum backbreaker! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Alexander with a brutal followup, focusing on Fulminatus’ back and neck. This is not a good spot for Fulminatus to be in with Alexander, King.” “Actually, Francis, this is where I like Fulminatus best…on the mat and in pain. Now Alexander can get on with winning this tournament.” The Evil Genius grins maliciously as he now surveys the various ladders around the ring. He picks up the nearest one and smashes it down across the back of Fulminatus. Alexander then sees the stepladder, and his grin grows to the point of becoming a grimace. He grabs the small ladder out of the corner and approaches the form of Fulminatus, now lying facedown and nursing his back. He folds Fulminatus’ legs around his own leg in a deathlock position, while he faces Fulminatus’ head. Alexander then hooks the top rungs of the folded stepladder around the Deconstruction Dynamo’s head, wrenching his neck up and backward, using the ladder for added leverage in a sort of standing Regal Stretch. Fulminatus’ arms arm flailing wildly in an attempt to escape the hold, and the Mad Scientist continues to wrench the hold, his malicious grin now a rictus of sadistic glee. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Tears roll down King’s cheeks. “He’s choking him with his own stepladder! It just keeps getting better and better!” “This is textbook Michael Alexander here,” Mak observes clinically. “He has seen a vulnerability and he’s focusing on it with every weapon at his disposal.” Finally, Fulminatus’ writhing and flailing allow him to dislodge himself from the stepladder. Alexander releases the deathlock contemptuously. The Evil Genius then mocks Fulminatus by pretending to stagger around drunkenly. Fulminatus is lying face down near the corner against which two ladders have been leaned. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Alexander is doing it again, King. He’s letting his ego get the better of him when he should be working on winning this ladder match.” “Bah! I doubt Fulminatus can even stand up after that! No harm in having a little fun.” Alexander turns away from the seemingly grounded Fulminatus and proceeds to grab one of the many normal sized ladders in the ring. The Evil Genius sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, checks it, and begins to climb slowly, his injured ribs and chest obviously still slowing him down a little. As he ascends to the top, he reaches for the title suspended above him. “Alexander’s almost got it!” King shouts happily. “He’s going to--” “Um, King,” Mak interrupts. “What is Fulminatus doing?” Mak points and King’s jaw nearly distends as it drops. Fulminatus, showing again his amazing resilience, has slowly ascended the turnbuckle where he had earlier positioned the two ladders. He then uses those ladders for a sort of ladder-vault to hurtle himself at Alexander, who is busy trying to unhook the New Blood Title belt. Fulminatus connects with what looks like his Confusion Bomb on the unsuspecting Alexander to a huge pop, and both men crash unceremoniously to the mat. Hard. All the ladders follow suit, leaving the ring cluttered with folded ladders and crumpled bodies. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “HEILIGE SCHEISSE!” “HEILIGE SCHEISSE!” “My God!” Mak yells. “Both men may be out after that! I don’t know if the match can continue!” “Oh, no!” King howls. “Get up, Alexaneder, GET UP! You can’t let that whirling wacko win this thing!” It takes several moments before either of the two men moves, and the first to do so is the irrepressible Fulminatus, and the crowd takes up a chant in support! “FUL-MI-NAT-US!” “FUL-MI-NAT-US!” The Deconstruction Dynamo has forced himself into a slow slithering crawl to the ropes. Each beat of the chant stirs Fulminatus to greater effort. At last he reaches the ropes and begins to pull himself to his even-more-unsteady-than-normal feet. “Fulminatus is up! I can’t believe it! King, what do you make of this?” “He’s even crazier than I thought, Francis! He should be in a mental institution, not in a wrestling ring! What sane person does that kind of thing? He had to have hurt himself at least as much as he hurt Alexander with that Senton thing he did!” Alexander has finally rolled over to begin his own odyssey to uprightness. Fulminatus does a staggering run at the Mad Scientist, doing a sort of baseball slide with his knees forward, smacking them into the side of Alexander’s head! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “Fulminatus hits with a baseball slide knee to the head! That’s the first time I’ve ever seen that, King!” “Come on, Alexander!” King cheers desparately. “You can’t let this sideshow stumblebum win this tournament!” Alexander yelps in surprise and pain at the impact as he is rolled out of the ring from the force of the blow. He rolls off the apron and hits the floor with a thump. Fulminatus follows him out and lifts Alexander up to fire a series of alternating right and left forearm shots into the head of the Evil Genius, rocking him back into the guardrail. The Masked Maniac then, with a surge of insanity or adrenaline or maybe a little of both, springs up onto the ring apron and flips backward for a moonsault directly at his opponent. Unfortunately, his opponent is no longer on the rail when Fulminatus completes the flip, for Alexander has thrown himself out of the way, leaving the Cruiserweight Chaos Engine to crash into the guardrail midsection first. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Fulminatus missed big with that moonsault,” Mak says sadly. “If he hadn’t been hurt at all yet, that should be enough to put him down.” “And he did it to HIMSELF, Francis,” King adds. “Alexander only had to let him. Now he should be able to end this insanity!” The Evil Genius laughs evilly at his opponent’s body hanging limply over the guardrail. He clutches his ribs as he does so, wincing a little from his own injuries. Alexander slowly makes his way to his feet, obviously hurting. A groan coming from Fulminatus galvanizes the Mad Scientist into action. He grabs Fulminatus’ head, pulling it up into a front facelock position. The Evil Genius then lifts the Deconstruction Dynamo up from the guardrail and into a vicious implant DDT on the floor! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “A DDT on the floor!” Mak shudders. “That could be a career-ending move, King.” “If Fulminatus had a career, yes,” King chides. “Since he’s just an escaped mental patient, it just means it’ll be easier for the orderlies to haul him back to his padded room.” Fulminatus lies face on the floor as Alexander rolls himself away. The Evil Genius pulls himself back up and surveys his handiwork. A stunned look blossoms on his face as he sees Fulminatus stir, seemingly trying to rise. A sharp kick from Alexander sends Fulminatus rolling, but does not arrest the Masked Maniac’s attempts to rise. The Mad Scientist shakes his head in disbelief, and decides to head into the ring, hoping to perhaps gain the victory before Fulminatus can recover enough to stop him. He climbs back into the ring, but his own injuries and exhaustion hamper him no small amount. “Alexander seems utterly perplexed by Fulminatus, King,” Mak observes. “No matter what he does, it doesn’t seem to really stop the masked man.” “Fulminatus is too dumb or too crazy to know when to stay down, Francis. Anyone would have problems with that.” Inside the ring, Alexander grabs one of the ladders off the mat and begins to set it up. He has just gotten the ladder up and underneath the title when Fulminatus drags himself onto the apron and into the ring. The Evil Genius’ jaw seems to hit the mat as he sees this. Snarling vituperatively, Alexander stomps over to his opponent, and jerks him up for a nasty knee to the head. Fulminatus stumbles but does not go down. The Mad Scientist pulls the Cruiserweight Chaos Engine back for another knee, but Fulminatus rolls to side of Alexander, out of his grip, and snatches up the stepladder lying nearby. As Alexander turns around, Fulminatus places the ladder over his head and onto his shoulders again, looking like he is going for some kind of Jackie Chan maneuver with it. The Evil Genius seems to have noticed this as well, and grabs the end of the ladder. Smiling cruelly, the Evil Genius then pulls Fulminatus to the ropes and Alexander flips over the top rope, using his hold on the ladder to guillotine Fulminatus between the stepladder’s rungs and the top rope! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Vicious guillotine necksnap by Alexander! How is Fulminatus still moving at all?!” Mak is getting hoarse. “Well, if he’d stop doing crazy things like putting a stepladder over his head, those kind of things wouldn’t happen.” King chuckles. The snap knocks Fulminatus free of the stepladder, which drops to the outside. The Masked Maniac staggers backward, but miraculously remains stumblingly upright. Alexander is amazed again at the Deconstruction Dynamo’s fortitude, and slides back into the ring, mind racing for a way to put Fulminatus down long enough to obtain the belt. Fulminatus meanwhile leans against the ropes. “I can’t believe this guy is still up!” King is incredulous. “Alexander, do something!” “He’s throwing everything he can at Fulminatus, King, and Fulminatus just keeps going!” As Alexander grabs up another of the ladders and approaches menacingly, Fulminatus, in a surge of manic energy, charges toward the nearest corner, runs up it, and springs back to dropkick the ladder Alexander is holding right back into the Evil Genius’ chest. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “Where the hell did that come from?!” King sputters. “From the same place all Fulminatus’ moves come from, from his guts, determination--” “And his severely diseased mind?” “That too.” Both men hit the mat at about the same time, but this time Fulminatus falls closer to the ladder standing in the center of the ring. As he lifts his masked head, the Deconstruction Dynamo notices this as well, and begins to drag himself up the ladder, obviously pushing his battered and spent body to its limits. His limbs quiver with the effort as he slowly begins the climb. “FUL-MI-NAT-US!” “FUL-MI-NAT-US!” “This may give Fulminatus the opening he needs…if he can make it before Alexander can get out from under that ladder that just got kicked into him,” Mak says. “God, no! Not this wacko!” King despairs. The chant grants a new energy to Alexander as well, as he looks up to see his opponent now crawling up the ladder. Shoving the ladder he was carrying off himself, the Mad Scientist forces his screaming muscles into a fresh endeavor, and he hauls himself haltingly toward the ladder, reaching the bottom of it as Fulminatus crests it. “Alexander’s on the ladder too!” King squeals desparately. “Go, Alexander, go!” “I don’t know if he can stop Fulminatus now, King…” The Cruiserweight Chaos Engine seems oblivious to Alexander’s presence as it is he that is grasping for the title dangling a scant couple of feet above the top of the ladder. Seeing this, a grim determination now shows itself in the Evil Genius’ expression as he pushes himself up the ladder, his own limbs nearly shaking with the effort being whipped from them by sheer will. Just as Fulminatus’ fingers attempt to latch onto the hanging belt, the Mad Scientist grabs him from behind! “YES!” King shouts. “Alexander’s got him, King, but can he stop Fulminatus from getting the belt?” The Deconstruction Dynamo frantically tries to get the belt down before Alexander can capitalize on Fulminatus’ vulnerable position. Alexander does not allow that to happen, as he lifts Fulminatus from the crest of the ladder in a back suplex position and pitches them both backwards off the ladder, dropping Fulminatus down into Alexander’s Blue Thunder Bomb! Fulminatus crashes onto one of the ladders still lying in the ring and Alexander lands only inches away, but it is just enough to avoid landing on the ladder! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “HEILIGE SCHEISSE!” “HEILIGE SCHEISSE!” “Event Horizon onto a ladder! Oh. My. God. King, that may have broken Fulminatus’ back,” Mak somberly observes. “We need some paramedics out here.” “Damn right we do,” King agrees. “Alexander is going to need some treatment after this madhouse match.” Fulminatus is finally still, and Alexander drags himself back toward the ladder. It is a long, slow climb as the crowd boos and chants German expletives, some supportive and others just in amazement. The Mad Scientist reaches the top of the ladder and looks down at Fulminatus, who still lies broken across the ladder below, even his redoubtable recuperative powers unable to bring him back into the match. He slowly unstraps the belt from its hanging position and holds it over his head. Referee Anthony Michael Hall, who up until this point has been effectively a spectator, tells the ringside personnel to ring the bell. DING! DING! DING! “Alexander wins it!” King shrieks. “Finally, the Title is safe from masked weirdoes and giant clowns!” “He fought through everything Fulminatus could throw at him,” Mak says. “And he managed to get past one of the most difficult men to put down I’ve ever seen. I just hope Fulminatus wasn’t crippled by that Event Horizon onto the ladder. I’ve never seen something like that.” Funyon enters the ring as Alexander slowly clambers down the ladder, the adrenaline bleeding out of his system as the pain of his injuries and his exhaustion reassert themselves. Hall raises the Evil Genius’ hand as Funyon blares over the roars of the crowd. “Here is your winner AND YOUR FIRST EVER NEW BLOOD CHAMPION, MMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLL ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEXXXXXXXXAAAAAAANNNNDERRRRRRRR!” King cackles happily. Boos, cheers, and expletives erupt anew from the German crowd at the announcement as Hall goes over to check on Fulminatus. To everyone’s amazement, he moves a little, and the paramedics hit the ring to try and put him on a stretcher. From his sprawled position on the ladder, Fulminatus appears to be arguing with the paramedics. Alexander straps the belt around his waist and pats it smugly. The Evil Genius’ pompous smirk returns now, even more pronounced than before. He leaves Fulminatus arguing with the paramedics in the ring and makes his way up the ramp. At the top Alexander turns again to display his new title and laughs evilly. “Well, Fulminatus is at least conscious.” Mak lets out a sigh of relief. “Yes, and apparently still crazy enough to argue with the damn EMTs. But at least this tournament ended the way it should have, with Michael Alexander as the champion.” “He may be the champion now, King, and he deserves to be, but if this tournament showed anything, it’s that he’s got a lot of competition that could very easily surprise everyone. This division is shaping up to be very interesting.” King snorts derisively. “Well, as long as Alexander is champion, at least we can say the title has some credibility. Where would we be if Fulminatus or Blue Leaf or that freaky giant clown won? I shudder at the thought of it.” “King, we’d still have a division full of promising and exciting young competitors.” “Of freaks, crazies, and comic book geeks, you mean.” “Could be worse, King. One of them could have had a hackneyed ‘cheating underhanded gambler’ gambler gimmick. Talk about a joke…” King growls as we… FADE OUT.

You're right, but a guy can dream about good writing and booking from TNA, can't he?

Gah. That was some hellah promoage right there. Whoa. And Fulminatus is once again connected with a great T-Shirt idea - "Emergency Dolphin Storage." That ties with "KING KONG DIED FOR YOUR SINS" for awesomenessage.

I did enjoy writing it, but after going through your match, I can see why you won it. Yours was the more succinct telling of the basic story of the match. Honestly, I loved that Alexander slapped on the Gordian Knot just for the sheer evil hell of it. I may have hobbled Alexander a bit too much, as you said. Having some more technical exchanges would have helped a lot. I think I may have overused the ladder spots, honestly, come to think of it. I look back on it now and think that I went over the top with all of them. Maybe I should have just kept the laddervault and the corner spot, and left out most of the others. Although I did really like the stepladder idea. Once I got it into my head, I couldn't resist throwing it in, which was most likely what led to the overspottiness for an Alexander match. And I'm glad you liked the nicknames. I just couldn't keep calling you FULMINATUS! all the time, and if any wrestler in this league deserves a slue of nicknames and epithets, it's Fulmie.

Got a great name for the Alexander/MANSON team: Ruthless Inflection Sure it's semi-nonsensical, but hey, every team can't be Winston Churchill...

Touche.

I agree TNA took the lazy writer's way out here. No argument to be made. I'm just of the opinion that they could have built up to the feud while Daniels was out much better than they did, and it could have gotten more juice for the angle. That still wouldn't have saved it from the crappy booking, though. I like the idea of having the guy who's supposed to be the promotion's top face confront the actions he's taken that don't fit in with that mold over the course of his run. And I gotta admit, I want to see Sting drop the damned tired-ass Crow gimmick. Him doing the beach boy howl while dressed like a bodybuilding goth mime just drives me f-ing nuts.

I don't mind "Lashley" so much. Just never use his first name. I gotta agree that Lashley, as a powerhouse, needs more power moves to round out that side of him. Right now he has the following power moves that he uses with any regularity: T-Bone/Exploder Suplex (good for what it's worth, but Tazz did this one so an awesome power move it ain't) Powerslam (can be done by anyone, so again no "WOW" factor - terrible finisher for someone pushed as "The Next Next Big Thing") Stalling Vertical Suplex (pretty good, but still not thrilling - now if he did this as a superplex, as a finisher maybe, it would reek of awesomeness) Spear (this is done by everyone, and nobody does it as well as Rhyno or Goldberg, so now it just seems to be a generic finisher for people with little imagination) Dominator (good power move, but no WOW factor to it - makes a decent enough finisher) Some moves that should be added to make Lashley wrestle more like an unstoppable powerhouse: Press Slam/Spinebuster (Goldberg used this at the end of his WWE run, and it looked really good) Chokehold/Press Slam (another Goldberg power move) Standing Gordbuster (used by several folks, most notably by Ron Simmons - hoisting the victim into the vertical suplex, then just dropping him forward onto his face while the attacker remains standing) Gorilla Press Drop (Ultimate Warrior style - the contemptuous dropping of the smaller guy on his face is always good) Stalling Superplex (see above...I think this would make a great new finisher for Lashley if he could pull it off - it would add that Holy SH*T/WTF factor to his arsenal like nothing else could) My two cents (more).

After reading through FULMINATUS!'s match, I can definitely see why it won. Much better ladder match than the one I wrote. Good for him. Of course, now Michael Alexander will be going nuts about this. I gotta come up with some good promoage about this now.

You're correct that TNA poorly executed the feud, from its beginning to its end. I agree with you there. Where we part company I guess is the necessity of a lot of on-air backstory. While Daniels was out, they should have shown him watching all sorts of religiopsychological stuff, but centering on watch Sting since his return to TNA, maybe reading some articles on Sting, watching old Sting matches (this would be problematic, as I'm sure WWE owns most of this old footage). During these vignettes, TNA should have Daniels focusing on the dualities of Sting-one match where he does the "babyface saves the day" ubergoodygood deal, then a match where he destroys Abyss and tortures Mitchell, throwing in some baseball bat beatdowns for good measures. Have a couple of vignettes and matches where Daniels runs to help Sting and goes overboard, batting people and even cheating to help, and Sting berates him. There doesn't need to be this "mentor" relationship with Sting for the angle to work; Daniels would just need to be shown as more obsessive and deranged. TNA had the basics of the idea down, but dropped the ball on execution, as far as I'm concerned. Now, if you feel for aesthetic reasons the feud would only work with months of backstory, I disagree but I respect that point of view, and I believe such would definitely improve the emotional context of the feud, but don't find that level of build a necessity for the feud to work out well.

You're probably right. But I still think it would have made that feud great, and a great send-off for Sting's retirement (which has been teased several times by TNA over the last couple of years-ever since Sting came back, honestly).

Lashley is probably underrated, but that doesn't change the fact that his current level of talent is not equal to the GODPUSH he's been getting. The guy has some definite amateur credentials. He can put on great matches as long as he is put with experienced wrestlers, but he is too green to get the kind of push he's getting, especially with his personality. He has terrible, I mean TERRIBLE, presence. He has no mike skills whatsoever, and needs to get placed with a mouthpiece quick. Goldberg getting a rookie GODPUSH worked because he had a powerful, intimidating presence in the ring and his promos. He came off as a scary, legit badass; Lashley doesn't come off as anything but awkward. Lashley could work as a big weapon for someone else (Benjamin, MVP, etc.), as long as he doesn't have to talk. Let him run in, lay a big-man beatdown on the guy his boss points at, and walk away smiling. That way, he'd come off as a massive monster threat. Add to the big-man beatdown his actual amateur cred and let him wrestle people into submission. Next, GET RID OF THE STUPID RUNNING POWERSLAM AS A FINISHER. Have him use that falling Dominator, and maybe give him the Torture Rack as a submission. The critical fact here is to put Lashley up against some veterans who can teach him how to carry a good match, play to his strengths in the ring (power and a little amateur flourish), and give him a mouthpiece. I think Lashley could get madly over as a heel if he played an enforcer, destroyed a couple of babyfaces via run-ins and beatdowns, and always walked away from those beatdowns with that eerie smile he gave after pushing Armando's wheelchair into all that scenery on ECW.

Yeah, he got down to about 315, but was told to gain the weight again for the Strongman competition. Just picture this... he was working on how to do Frankensteiners in OVW and other fun stuff. I wish we got a chance to see that Mark Henry. But the dude is a hell of an athlete for being a short, now overweight guy. It sucked that he's returned bigger than ever. Mark Henry breaking out a hurricarana would have been the greatest moment in the history of wrestling. Ron Simmons would have to put in a special appearance on SD! just to say..."DAMN!" Hell, he might have to say it twice.

I dunno, FULMINATUS! Ladders and the like are not my strong suit. I'm betting on your match. After all, you had...A PLAN! Plus, I didn't take out any MTV employees at all in my match. No bonus points for me.

This whole 'the NEW Christopher Daniels!' shtick is ridiculous too. He's got a fancy new logo painted on his face! So what? Is there anything 'new' about him besides that, because if so I haven't seen it. Well, he can play the hapless babyface in the build-up on Impact and end up getting the wins when the PPV blow-offs roll around. That tactic seems to have worked pretty well when they've actually used it. So long as it was done right, there's no reason he couldn't succeed in the X-Division. He'll never be a World Title contender obviously, but that's not neccessarily a bad thing. Ah, I see you're overlooking Daniels' new goatee, revealing his evil mirror self. I have to disagree about this feud. While the way TNA executed it was awful (which is almost always the case), I think the idea at its heart is sound. The whole schtick with Daniels return was that he was seeking a new direction. New demented Daniels focuses on the most iconic figure in TNA as his role model. Unfortunately, Daniels is now demented (due to a breakdown after his loss of the X-Division title and his repeated losses to LAX in the Tag Title picture), and misinterprets the basic tenets of Sting's persona (90s WCW's Crow-like Christ figure, who is the perennial uberface), instead focusing on the more violent and reactionary portions of Sting (the use of the bat, the gothiqueness, the crazy violent matchups when he tries to "convert" Abyss by beating the crap out of him and torturing his manager). Sting attempts to correct him, but Daniels, in his screwed-up state, can't understand and sees it as another rejection, which causes him to rebel against Sting and basically fashion himself into a sort of anti-Sting, and then they have several matchups, with Daniels getting an initial rub by using the bat a little, and maybe having some help from Mitchell and his new monster (which could also bring Abyss and Sting together, although I'm not necessarily in favor of this). It all gets blown off at a dramatically appropriate PPV with a Last Man Standing match or something of the sort, with Sting returning in his original painted-up beach boy mode, thus revealing his reversion to his full babyface persona. Would TNA ever book things that way? Hell no, they flubbed that like they seem to do with everything else these days. But it had a ton of potential. And Eric Young is the perfect face addition to the X Division. Nobody else needs to be in world title picture right now; it's too clogged as it is. Of course for this to work, TNA must stop crapping all over the X Division and its title. Otherwise this would be another form of burial.

Happy somewhat-belated Birthday to everyone!

True, but we are supposed to maintain some level of quasirealism, even for e-wrestling. Of course, Stone Cold could still get a face pop for Stunning a nun or an orphan, so maybe Rev-0 could stay heel while pranking the other heels. I'm just finding it hard to imagine people not cheering for you when you prank Alan Clark, especially multiple times.