Mad Scientist

Dude, that was a helluva match. Congrats. You earned the HELL out of that belt.

Well, at least you left one to be placed at some random spot...since my match did not have Excalibur coming from underneath the ring. And I think it's completely unbelievable that the plebeian proletariat wants to see Michael Alexander lose. That blows the whole promo for me.

May is going to be hell for me, as I've got a conference midmonth then a term of trial court at the end. I'm out for the month unfortunately for any serious writing. Promoage is a possibility, but there's no way I'll be able to put together a decent match what with the trial prep and the conference.

Alright, this is getting ridiculous. We're blowing all our good promos for the year here! Or at least, I'm burning through mine... Seriously though, another great promo. The personality interplay between Alexander and IL works much better than I expected for this promo war. I'm getting a face vs. heel vibe much like the SCSA vs. Bret Hart feud...which is very, very good.

Thanks. Now I just have cobble together a match worthy of all this build-up...and good enough to beat you. Ulp!

Michael Alexander stands in front of dumpster behind the Halifax Metro Centre. As the camera focuses in, Alexander grins wickedly. "You know, Andrew Rickmen, you talk a lot about your performance in hardcore environments. You've quoted victories over people even dedicated fans struggle to remember, in matches that can only be found on antiquated VHS." At this, the Mad Scientist reaches into the dumpster, pulling out a dirty, rumpled, and unopened VHS tape of "SWF Blood, Sweat, and Fears: The Best of the Hardcore Division" which features an image of a moonsaulting Insane Luchador. "You say you're at your best in such a situation. Well, I feel the need to point out that even a black velvet painting of Elvis can look beautiful when it rests on a pile of excrement." Michael turns back to the camera as he examines the tape. "You see, Rickmen," Alexander muses, "you tout your daring, your scars, your ill-advised stunts, and your mastery of pathetic collections of household refuse." He pulls out a previously shattered version of IL's patented Excalibur, followed by a folding chair warped beyond all recognition, the splintered remnants of a kendo stick, and a dented garbage can lid, piling each object on top of its predecessor in a heap of brutally used hardcore implements. "Rickmen," Alexander proclaims as he turns back to gaze at the camera, pointing at the hardcore heap before him, "I have to agree with you that you have chosen your stipulation well. I couldn't think of a more fitting environment for you. You certainly don't belong in a wrestling match, a contest of athleticism, skill, and intellect. But you are perfectly suited for a hardcore match and its implements...you belong there in fact. You share one critical bit of kinship with the hardcore match and its accessories...when you boil it all down to the essentials, it's all just garbage that is useless in any other context. It's out of place everywhere else, just like you." "That, more than anything, is why you've never been able to gain the world title. It would be like a groundhog that tried to learn chess. Hopeless, hapless, humorous, and ultimately futile. But don't worry, Rickmen. After Hell Freezes Over, you won't have to worry about such things, because much like your used and abused kindred here..." Michael Alexander points to the heap of shattered props. "...and that groundhog, you will be cast back into your hole. Unlike the groundhog and this heap of flotsam, however, you will know that you had the chance to become something more." The camera then focuses close on Alexander's face as his wicked grin etches its way across his face. "But you just weren't good enough. Don't worry, though, because there will still be plenty of room out here for you." Alexander turns to walk away, tossing the battered VHS tape back into the dumpster. The camera closes in to show IL's picture, lying atop a shattered TV screen and a bag or two of moldy popcorn.

I love the contrasts here. Protein shake vs. tap water jug...BRILLIANT!

SWF WORLD TITLE 2/3 Falls Hardcore Michael Alexander© vs Insane Luchador IL seems to be on a roll. It remains to be seen whether I can get things together enough to match him in his match of choice. Gah. The safe bet is on IL. Grudge Match Tracey Bruner vs Va'aiga I gotta go with Bruner on this, although Va'aiga could pull it out. Increasing Grudge Match Annie Eclectic vs Taiga Star Annie's going to pull out the victory, I think... S.I.N. vs 'Hollywood' Spike Jenkins If Spike shows, I'll go with him; this NYC fight should bring out the best in him, and that's usually pretty damn good. Dance Dance Dragon vs TORU Takahara Betting against either boss? Um...I say double DQ! Tod James Stewart & Daniel Smith vs Rikard Fleihr & Arne Andersen I think the Norsemen are going down, but I suspect the possibility of another beatdown...you can't trust a Norseman.

Damn it! I knew that name-dropping thing was going to bite me in the hind-end. I'll have to take a different tack for the next one... Another fun promo, btw. Poor Ben Hardy...he's the only promo host that seems to get ambushed by his guests...

Now that is certainly a compliment...now where'd I put that coin? How could I not build up a hardcore match against a guy famous for using a set of strapped-together florescent light bulbs named after a mythical weapon wielded by a semi-mythical archetypal monarch? I have a horrible feeling I'm going to lose this name-dropping battle I've started though...

Ben Hardy turns back to his cameraman as they hurry down a well-lit hallway and huffs in exasperation. "Hurry up, you buffoon! If we miss this appointment..." The two men enter a room on the right of the hall. Inside they find a series of scale models and anatomical posters of human muscle groups, skeletons, and nerve structures. In the midst of this panorama stands a musing Michael Alexander, examining a fully modeled human nerve structure on a mannequin. He's carrying his title belt over his shoulder. "Sorry we're running late, sir," begins the embarrassed interviewer. Alexander cuts him off. "Your inadequate grasp of time is not my concern." The Evil Genius turns toward Hardy and the camera. "My concern right now is one Andrew Rickmen, who calls himself the 'Insane Luchador.'" "I'm sure, sir," Hardy replies with practiced poise. "After winning the match at Downward Spiral, the Ill One has named his stipulation, a 2 out 3 falls hardcore match! What are your thoughts about that? And about him sending you a message by using the Event Horizon to beat MANSON?" Michael snorts derisively. "Using the Event Horizon? My thoughts on that? Rickmen, what do you think that tells me? It tells me that you couldn't get the job done with your own maneuvers...but they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I suppose I'm flattered." He smiles at this last. "With regards to the stipulation, it does seem that Mr. Rickmen has put you in a situation that you have yet to confront during your time in the SWF...and a situation that certainly favors the challenger, in both chances for victory and tactics." Hardy adds pointedly. "Yes, I'm sure Rickmen thinks that," Alexander laughs. "And I admit, hardcore matches are Rickmen's element. They usually are the element of those who can't compete with true skill and athleticism. He has made his nom de guerre synonymous with hardcore matches. Rickmen has also made his name synonymous with taking punishment. Well, that works well for me, because I have made my name synonymous dealing out punishment and inflicting pain. And a hardcore environment includes so many new and interesting opportunities for that." "You don't think you are an underdog in this situation?" Hardy inquires. "Underdog?" Alexander looks genuinely surprised. "Well, you are still a rookie, confronting a veteran in a match that he is famous for," Hardy points out. Alexander's face contorts in fury for a moment before his wicked grin begins to spread. "Hardy, I may be a rookie, but in my short time in the SWF I have achieved more than the 'Insane Luchador' has in over seven years. I AM the SWF World Heavyweight Champion. I've beaten the best in the SWF to get here. I've pinned Toxxic and MANSON. I've submitted Spike Jenkins, Jimmy the Doom, and Danny Dagda, among others. I have made it through my own singular talent for inflicting pain. Yes, Rickmen will be in his element. So much the better. That way, once I've beaten him, once he's tapped out, he'll have nothing to blame but his own inadequacies." Alexander takes the microphone from Hardy and sweeps his arm around the room. "Take a look at these items, Rickmen. Every one has stories to tell. Every part of the human body is a tool, a fulcrum, a switch that I can turn on or off to inflict pain. And that's with merely my own wrestling skills. Just think of the havoc I can wreak with the aid of additional implements. You've said before that you enjoy pain, Rickmen. If that's true, then you are in for quite a treat at Hell Freezes Over, because there aren't names for many of the agonies you are going to suffer. I'm going to break and twist things inside of you, and when I'm done you'll be just another subject to be resigned to the refuse heap. Enjoy your brief time in the spotlight, Rickmen. It's the last time you'll have it as anything other than an object lesson. And how apropos that that match should occur at a Pay-per-View whose title indicates your chances...because you'll only take this belt when Hell freezes over." Michael Alexander pats the belt on his shoulder, and the camera focuses in on the title belt and the interview cuts to black.

Damn. One thing is right - there are so many possibilities inherent in this match that I really don't know where to even start, much less finish. And IL is playing this up. I liked this promo. It gets across just how much IL has worked for this, brings in some history, and points out that IL can be considered the odds-on favorite to win at HFO.

What about doing a hybrid face/heel...? Much like Bret Hart did. Even during his heel run in WWE, he was still getting huge cheers everywhere else (especially Canada). You could do something like that...

I gotta say, I loved this promo. Especially the last bit with the glue gun. Because no one can ever use one of those things without burning themselves at least once...

Certainly not when DEATH is on the line.

I'm out for the first show. I might be available for the second, though.

Yup, this one was all me. Stupid house-selling, new job, tax season, and holidays (and my pitiful inability to manage my curtailed free time effectively). Sorry, folks.

This is poetic on so many levels...I love it.

Catfight!!!!!

Again, I should be up for it.

Is it bad that I actually marked out a little for the Return of President Ramu?

I always presumed that our promos were performed in-character...have I missed something?

I *should* be available.

Seriously. Now, that's not the most common by far, but every once in a while myself and one of my nerd compadres will actually discuss anthropological topics, like tribal organization, animism, prehistoric hierarchical systems, and such things. Not on a "did you read that article in the Anthropology Journal" but more a "I was watching National Geographic the other day and they did this show about this tribe with [insert interesting and unusual custom or tradition]...wonder how that might work if you plugged that same underlying idea into [fictional, fantastic, futuristic, or postmodern circumstance or environment]?" kind of thing.

Books, politics, current events, religion, TV, movies, history, science, video games, anthropology, mythology, and other such stuff. I generally only talk about sports when I'm around people I have nothing in common with. I know enough about sports to float a conversation just from keeping up with the news (you'd be amazed at how much headline space gets eaten up by sports stuff). I do occasionally watch MMA, and enjoy it when I do, but if you ask me any real questions about it, I'd have to look up anything but the most basic stuff; I don't keep up with who the champs are or who's doing well, but I do like to watch people kick, punch, elbow, etc. the heck out of one another. However, you don't catch me watching baseball, basketball, football, soccer, or anything else unless I'm stuck over at a family member's house with no way to legitimately escape (Thanksgiving comes to mind).