Mad Scientist

That chairshot imagery was damn fine, I must say.

Your prose promos are more unnerving than the entire run of the UT's Ministry of Darkness promos combined. *shudders*

Hardcore is never gratuitous.

I enjoyed the show...I was looking forward to more of the nordic Woooo!'s though.

I thought the weight limit was supposed to be a smack at the growing midriffs of 3D and to make them look foolish. I didn't get the idea that it was a general requirement. And there could be a height/weight deal going on with Tomko and Abyss... On Tomko, I think they're still keeping him as a Lone Wolf tweener...if he sides with Christian, he becomes a face. What he needs to do now is when Angle comes to thank him and welcome him to the Angle Alliance, he needs to kick Angle in the face...and maybe kiss Karen for the heck of it. That would really bring home the new character they've set up. If he becomes an Angle flunky, then the whole idea is down the crapper. No surprise from TNA, unfortunately.

Curse my overpowering desire for proper pop-reference resolution! *wipes apple bits off of shirt*

You forgot to spit. Didn't you read the T-shirt?

The camera fades in on Michael Alexander, seated in a battered throne in a shadowed room. Behind him are works of depicting the titanic struggles of mythology and history, including Zeus hurling down lightning upon the Titans and the Odin battling the Fenris. As the Eidolon of Excellence leans forward, the little light in the room glints in the gold strapped around his waist...the SWF World Heavyweight Title. He rises from the throne as he speaks. "Well, Manson, we will meet in the ring in a little over 24 hours. When we joined forces less than a year ago as Slaughterhouse Five, the stars were aligned for our success. We destroyed the nascent sensation Winston Churchill and cast down everything in our path. Since the SWF came under the management of the Cockroach, we have worked toward our separate goals. Despite all the obstacles thrown in my path, I clawed my way to the title match at Clusterfuck, and I walked out of the ring that night as the SWF World Heavyweight Champion - my destiny." "During that same time, you have been a juggernaut in the heavyweight division, only just falling short of winning the Clusterfuck itself. Now, as much as I decry the machinations that may have pitted us against one another, I must admit that I knew, and you must have known, that it had to come down to this. Two of the greatest and most feared men the SWF has known, competing for the ultimate prize...this." Alexander pats the SWF World Title belt proprietarily. "If history teaches us anything, it is that great forces, even those allied together, must eventually come into conflict. Greatness does not abide rival claimants. You said that you want me to bring everything I've got to our match tomorrow. I assure you that I expect no less from you. This will be a clash for the ages. And like all great clashes, whether of Titans and Olympians, Norse Gods and Giantkin, it must and shall be about survival. Only one of us will walk out of Grand Rapids tomorrow night as champion. I have fought long and hard to get to this point. So have you. And this is our Clash of the Titans, the Twilight of we two Gods. Regardless of everything we have been through before, all that matters now is you and me and this title." "And tomorrow night, I will have to prove to you like I did to Toxxic, that you will have to get used to being second best."

Damn. That was good. This is going to be very, very interesting.

I'm pretty sure you didn't , but this just adds more fuel to Alexander's conspiracy ideas. I've got to get that promo about that done...

Yes, there is that New Blood Title to be dealt out again...Alexander should have to either drop it into a tournament or defend it, should Manson handily stomp me, as I fully expect.

There are the New Blood Title (which Alexander should probably drop, but he's too egotistical to drop any sign of his obvious superiority), the Cruiserweight Title, the Tag Team Titles, and the World Title. There's also that elusive Hardcore Title that Landon's been keeping in his desk.

I'm down with allowing a single person to control a tag team if that will help the division as a whole. The positives of this approach outweigh the negatives that I can see.

I'm available.

I love it. WØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØ, indeed.

MANSON?! Tossing me into the fire before From the Fire, I see...

The Dresden Files are da bomb. I even enjoyed the TV series for what it was worth. Not nearly as good as the books, but what adaption ever is? Butcher's Codex Alera series is enjoyable as well. But I'm a sucker for a good fantasy quasi-Roman Empire yarn.

SWF Favorite Writer(s)? Toxxic, Tom Flesher, Wildchild Favorite Match(es)? the match where Alan Clark won the SWF world heavyweight title in a triple threat Favorite Promo(s)? The series of prank promos by Rev-0 on Alan Clark Favorite Character(s)? Toxxic, Johnny Dangerous, Landon Maddix Favorite Spot(s)? FULMINATUS' stairwell senton Favorite Move Names? FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE! by FULMINATUS Favorite Stipulation(s)? Iron Man Tables match Least Favorite Stipulation(s)? LADDERS. Gah. Favorite Match(es) and Promo(s) (Written by you)? Right now, I really like the match I wrote (the losing one) against FULMINATUS for the New Blood Title Tournament and the losing match I wrote for the #1 contender match with Johnny Dangerous. The first House of Marvelous and my "TOXXIC, This Is Your Life" promo Dream Matches? Michael Alexander vs. Tom Flesher in an Ultimate Submission match Dream Angles? I keep having a ridiculous impulse to turn Alexander face. I have no idea right now how I'd do that, but for that drastic of a turn, it'd have to be damn good, wouldn't it? Funny Moment(s)? The debut of "The Winston Churchill Experience" Fondest Memories? The debut of "The Winston Churchill Experience" Any Regrets? Insufficient time to write and insufficient planning to compensate for said insufficient time to write I've became most friendly with...? Well, I'm sort of a message board lurker at best, so I'm equally friendly with everyone, I guess. Wrestling Favorite Federation? By default, WWE. TNA could be if it weren't booked and written by a team of retarded gibbons. Those are the only two that I can see where I live. No ROH or anything down here. Favorite Worker? Shelton Benjamin. He's still being wasted in ECW, but at least they're pushing him a little. Least Favorite Worker? Khali. Can you even call him a worker? Favorite Match(es)? The first "Money in the Bank" match. Favorite Stipulation? Ultimate X Dream Matches? AJ Styles (non-cowardly) vs. Alex Shelley (non-jobber) vs. Shelton Benjamin If I worked for a company it'd be... I presume this means wrestling company, so I'll go with WWE. They make money, instead of losing it. I am a big fan of steady paychecks. My style of wrestling would be... Submission style with some fun suplexes. Think a combination of Tazz and Royce Gracie in their respective primes. Face or heel? Tweener wiseass. Face/heel would depend on who I'm making fun of. Dream Matches (that includes you)? Me vs. Alex Shelley vs. AJ Styles vs. Shelton Benjamin - Fatal Four Way Elimination Personal Name? Chris Age? 34 Single? Nope. Hitched. Biggest Turn On? The Wife. She might see this at some point. Biggest Turn Off? Not The Wife. See above. Religious? Somewhat. Favorite book(s)? Robert E. Howard's adventure and fantastic stuff (Conan, Bran Mak Morn, Solomon Kane, etc.) Steven Erikson's Malazan Book of the Fallen series Jim Butcher's Dresden Files and the Codex Alera Richard K. Morgan's Market Forces and Takeshi Kovacs books George RR Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire The Lord of the Rings Favorite movie(s)? Lord of the Rings Conan the Barbarian Spider-Man X-Men Favorite actor/actress? Actor: Brad Pitt. I hated to admit it, but the bastard is talented. Dammit. Actress: Haley Berry. She's talented. But that's not the reason. Favorite bands? Linkin Park Waylon Jennings Offspring George Thorogood Lynnrd Skynnrd Saliva Godsmack Favorite song(s)? "Who Do You Love?" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers Most Recent Accomplishment? My son. Best thing I've been able to do. Most Recent Failure? Bad job choice. My biggest flaw... Lack of commitment. I start lots of projects that I never finish. I like my... Vans shoes. Those things are damnably comfortable. Future Goal(s)? Actually finish one of my major writing projects. Do you write outside the SWF (if so, what do you write)? I pretend to write fantasy, horror, and scifi stuff. Notice the above flaw. Heroes? My dad. Cheesy, yeah, but he's the only person I've gotten to know enough to truly admire. I would love to meet... Robert E. Howard Hardest moment of my life... Losing my grandfather. Greatest moment of my life... It's a toss-up between my wife saying yes to my modest proposal and my son being born. Would you want to be famous? NO! Rich? Sure. Famouns, Hell, no. Favorite swear word? FUCK. It works for everything. Favorite food? Barbecue. That's a noun for those of you not from the South. What would you want God to say if you want to Heaven? Where are the video games? What would you want the Devil to say if you were in Hell? What is up with the Satanists? Is that really about you?

I should be available. Alexander will, at the very least, have to explain why he didn't really lose to Toxxic and that it was a conspiracy of some sort.

The losing world title match has just been turned in. I'm going to be interested to see how Toxxic beats me...I holding out for a DQ!

Dude, that is weird. My law school thesis was on Native American sovereignty in the wake of a case that allowed state police to pursue investigations and conduct arrests inside tribal lands. And, scarily enough, it was about 35 pages. I've done some (bad) poetry that was published in the college literary zine, and I dabble in fiction and pretend to be writing several different novels in modern urban fantasy, sword & sorcery, and high fantasy. I keep meaning to start pretending to be writing something SF-ish, but haven't been able to get going.

Good promo...we're seeing some serious personality from Taiga. That's a very good thing. Sounds like she could be gunning for that Hardcore belt that Landon's been hiding in his desk since he took over as GM... And a hardcore shopping spree? That sounds like a great promo in the making right there! Having someone follow you around a Home Depot or Lowes with camera? Money, I tell you!

On like Donkey Kong. Now if I can just outwrite you...

The video fades in to show a ring lit in scarlet and white spotlights. In the ring are various easels holding historical SWF event posters. Sitting in the ring, in a chair reminiscent of “Masterpiece Theatre,” is Michael Alexander. “Welcome, my friends,” he drawls. “We’re to take a look at a wondrous chronicle of success in the SWF. A panorama of great moments and stirring drama. I know what you’re thinking…that I’m here to tell you about myself. Well, it is true that such terms would certainly describe my own exploits. However, I am actually here to honor another SWF great…someone who has developed an incredible record over the past several years, winning match after match, title after title. I’m speaking, of course, about my opponent at Clusterfuck 2008, the Straight Edge Sensation called Toxxic.” Michael Alexander rises from the chair with a smooth smile. He strolls over to the easel nearest to his chair. A promotional poster for SWF From the Fire 2004 rests thereon. “Here we have Toxxic’s first serious achievement…he defeated Aecas to win the Hardcore title. A long, brutal contest, which culminated in a surprising victory for the rookie over the champion via submission. The first indication that Michael Stephens, or Toxxic, as he chose to be known, was going to be a force to be reckoned with.” Nodding in recognition and approval, Michael Alexander walks to the next easel, whereon we see a photo shot of Nathaniel Kibagami standing in victory after his number one contender match with Toxxic in May 2004. “And here is Toxxic’s first serious setback. He lost a number one contender’s match to one of the most dangerous strikers in wrestling, now or then…nothing to be ashamed of early in your career, but certainly devastating to Toxxic’s ambitions. However, as one might expect, this did not deter Toxxic.” Shaking his head in mock solemnity, Alexander steps to the next easel, a poster promoting SWF 13th Hour 2004 event. “Shortly thereafter, Kibagami and Toxxic met once again, this time in a Last Man Standing match. These two men battered each other from pillar to post, used everything from steel chairs to groin shots. When the count of ten was reached, Toxxic stood tall in the ring over the mass of flesh that was Nathaniel Kibagami. Another truly great moment in Toxxic’s rise to greatness.” The next easel in line holds a promotional poster for Ground Zero 2004, showing Toxxic, Tom Flesher, and Janus. Michael Alexander smiles with an eerie beneficence. “And then we come to the realization of Toxxic’s ambition…and the culmination of one of the greatest rookie years of all time. Toxxic overcame a brutal beating at the hands of gigantic Janus and the Superior One to achieve his first SWF World Heavyweight Championship. In his first year in the SWF. Truly groundbreaking…” Alexander’s smile flashes to a wicked grin as he turns. The Evil Genius steps up to the next easel, a poster for Genesis VII. “Our subject then went through a roller coaster of a year after that, losing the title, winning the title, losing it, and winning it again. He also won and lost the tag team titles, had a crisis of conscience after nearly crippling Landon Maddix, and eventually came to Genesis VII, where a newly popular ‘Sensation’ overcame Tom Flesher to gain the Cruiserweight Championship while holding the World Heavyweight Championship and the Tag Team titles, making himself into the first Triple Crown champion in the SWF. An amazing achievement for a young man who had begun his SWF career barely two years earlier. A milestone in SWF history, indeed.” Michael Alexander turns from the Genesis easel. “During the next year, Toxxic would lose his SWF World title to Gabriel Drake following a series of nasty revelations about their mutual past. He was chokeslammed out of the ring by Janus during the Clusterfuck in 2007. Following this, he eventually reverted to his original Toxxic persona at From the Fire 2007.” The Mad Scientist looks at the easel, which holds a collage of promotional work on Clusterfuck 2007 and From the Fire 2007.” The Evil Genius continues his peregrination as he approaches the last few posters in the ring. “As we all know, Toxxic finished 2007 by first reclaiming the tag team titles with Revolution Zero, then following that up by winning the SWF World Heavyweight Championship yet again, defeating Johnny Dangerous at Genesis. This latter part of the year saw Toxxic sadly lose those tag team titles to the Violence Distribution Network via submission – Toxxic’s submission.” Michael Alexander turns back to the camera, his face shadowed by the rear spotlight. “And now, with the opening SWF event of 2008, we have Toxxic as World Heavyweight Champion and the established superstar in the SWF. And he faces an SWF rookie, in his first world heavyweight title match.” The Mad Scientist walks back over to the chair and sits down, leaning back nonchalantly. “Your career has come full circle, Toxxic. Now, you’re on the other side. Toxxic, at Clusterfuck 2008, you and I will meet in our first World Heavyweight Title match. You’ve come a long way, my friend, and now you are approaching the pinnacle of your career…the point that all your suffering and struggles have prepared you for…” Alexander leans forward now, intensity etched on his face, dominating the camera. “At Clusterfuck 2008, you reach the culmination of your SWF career…the moment you’ve worked for the last four years…the match where you, Toxxic, lose to ME. Your time is over, and a new era is beginning. The Era of the Eidolon of Excellence. Time to take your place in the history books, Toxxic, just like every other stepping stone to greatness…the Ivan V to my Peter the Great, the Neville Chamberlain to my Churchill, the King Harold to my William the Conqueror, the William McKinley to my Theodore Roosevelt. Take your place, Toxxic, and get used to being second best. You’ll be there for quite some time.” A cheshire grin spreads across Alexander’s face as the camera fades out…

Jericho for the 360 clothes of various sorts cash Barnes & Noble gift cards various child distraction devices (the gift givers thought they were toys for the boy)