JHawk

SmackDown (6/12/2003) Vince McMahon to Sable: "You have the most beautiful set of...eyes...I have ever seen."

The Heisman trophy has been a joke for at least ten years (someone mentioned Toretta over Hearst already), but any credibility it might have had was completely destroyed when Eric Crouch won it two years ago by throwing more interceptions than touchdown passes for an overrated Nebraska team.

You can remember back to before wrestling ever aired on TV? Oh, you meant gimmicks on TSM! Sorry, but I have to be a smartass sometimes.

I think Evolution should kick Randy out of the group in the same manner that the Horsemen got rid of Sting. Wouldn't that require HHH to get the belt back and Orton to win some sort of tournament to earn a shot at it? It could get Orton over, but do we *really* want to see that happen?

I always thought he kind of was, in the "HBK" way. That could explain why it worked so well, actually...

Nitro (August 17, 1998) Eddy Guerrero: "Yeah that's right - unscheduled interview. Hey production, don't even think about going to a commercial, if not I might go say my piece at some other show. Yeah, that's right Eric, so I got your attention now Eric Bischoff? I can't get it in the back. Huh? I try and go in there and talk to you about business and I get screamed at and kicked out - well if this is what I gotta do to get your attention, Eric Bischoff, then this is what I'm gonna do. Fire me, do whatever it takes, I could give a you know what, Eric. Eric Bischoff, time in and time out, for one whole year I have been coming here to work just to be mistreated by you and very much unappreciated, Eric. On the road, on TV, I give you my hundred percent, I give all these people my hundred percent whether they like me or whether they don't, I give you the best show there is and you know it and you cannot give me the time of day in the back to listen to what I have to say to you Eric, well I could give a damn. Cause you know what? I don't care anymore Eric Bischoff, you got a lot of young talent here in WCW and all you do is hold us down for people that you pay a lot of money to and that you have way up here, well I don't care Bischoff, anymore, I don't care about these people, I don't care about nothing anymore, Eric, you have driven me to that. Eric Bischoff, this has nothing to do with you people, this is personal between me and you, Eric. I ... come to work with my heart and all you do is step on it, and I'm tired of it. You hold me down, you've held me down, but from now on in Eric, see I don't know what it is, I don't know if it's something personal you've got against me. Whatever it is Eric, I don't know. I mean, what is it about me that you have against me that you keep me from stepping up the ladder in this profession? What is it about me? I mean you got me tied down, Eric, in my contract, Eric, and I could give - I'm telling you this right now, okay? And I'm saying this for any other guy that wants to come out here and speak his mind that's being held down - if you got the - you know what, come out here and say it like I am. Eric Bischoff, I'm telling you this face to face, boy, 'cause I can't get your attention, by the way, I'm face to face, let me say on national TV in front of all these people I'm coming out and the only reason I haven't come out any sooner is for two reasons - Chavo, Jr., I love you, man. You're my blood and I'll never let that go. You're one of the reasons I haven't - said anything about what I'm doing tonight. And the other reason is because I have two kids and a wife that I have to support. But you know what? If losing my dignity means having to put up with WCW, NWO red, black or white or whatever the hell it is, I don't care. So Eric Bischoff, I'm telling you this right now, I want out of my contract no matter what it takes, who I gotta speak to, or what it is, okay? And here, let me save you some time, Eric Bischoff <throws soda on himself> I've thrown coffee on myself - as far as I'm concerned Eric Bischoff, you can take this job and shove it up your you-know-what."

Dusty Rhodes at SuperBrawl VII: "She kicked him in his thing, Tony!"

I've asked about 100 times the last week and never got a straight answer, but... Besides Texas, WHO DID OKLAHOMA PLAY THAT WAS ACTUALLY WORTH A DAMN? Sorry, but all this "Their schedule was tougher" bullshit has been going on without anybody actually defending that argument (and this includes the media, not just us BSing here). With the possible exception of USC, OU played fewer ranked teams than anybody in the top 5. But by God, those 6-5 records sure add up with strength of schedule, don't they?

Ric Flair on TBS, referring to Baby Doll prior to a series of Flair-Dusty Rhodes matches: "She can wear her clothes, she can wear his clothes, she can wear Haystacks Calhoun's clothes, and she has the nerve to call herself a beatiful woman."

A few months ago the guys who did the Best of the 80s scenario for 1.4 were doing one for 4.0, but I haven't heard anything about it since. Anybody know if they finished it, and if so, where to get it? Hell, is there a good pre-1989 scenario floating around?

Well, PacSun is certainly better than A&F. But could someone explain to me why a place called Pacific Sunwear refuses to sell any nice looking Hawaiian shirts? There's more to the Pacific Ocean than California.

SNME Oct. 1986 Roddy Piper: "So what you're saying to me is I ain't fighting tonight because some goofball in a dress (Adrian Adonis) and some fat hog (Magnificent Muraco)...you're talking between the two of them 600 pounds [something I still can't decipher]...what you're saying to me is I can't wrestle The Iron Sheik tonight because these fat nasty stretchmarked looking sons of no g-g-g-... What they did is hurt my knee. So what you're telling me is I can't wrestle? Is that what you're telling me?" Gene Okerlund: "No, the doctors are telling you that." Piper: "Oh, the doctors are telling me that. You know what you can do, little Dr. Torre? You can go out and deliver somebody's baby. I ain't no baby! Nobody in my entire darn life has ever told me what to do! If I wanna wrestle, I'm gonna wrestle! I ain't gonna sit back here and say 'oh my poor little knee' and let them have the courtesy of saying they didn't let me wrestle. I ain't gonna sit back! You see, there is a difference in the entire world between every wrestler and myself! And thank God for that, man!"

Jerry Lawler to the Roddy Piper imitator on Raw (May/June 1994): "Your muscles look like mosquito bites on a strand of spaghetti."

Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania X: "Alundra Blayze could be in movies if she had a couple more legs."

First she gets replaced as the host of Premium Blend and now this. Maybe God loves me after all.

I usually suck at these, but what the hell. My picks are underlined. December 16 New Orleans: North Texas vs. Memphis 6 pts. December 18 GMAC: Louisville vs. Miami (OH) 18 pts. December 22 Tangerine: N.C. State vs. Kansas 4 pts. December 23 Fort Worth: TCU vs. Boise State 21 pts. December 24 Las Vegas: New Mexico vs. Oregon State 8 pts. December 25 Hawaii: Houston vs. Hawaii 1 pts. December 26 Motor City: Bowling Green vs. Northwestern 11 pts. Insight: Virginia Tech vs. California 10 pts. December 27 Continental Tire: Pittsburgh vs. Virginia 12 pts. December 29 Alamo: Michigan State vs. Nebraska 15 pts. December 30 Houston: Texas Tech vs. Navy 5 pts. Holiday: Washington State vs. Texas 24 pts. Silicon Valley: Fresno State vs. UCLA 3 pts. December 31 Music City: Auburn vs. Wisconsin 9 pts. Independence: Missouri vs. Arkansas 13 pts. Liberty: Southern Miss vs. Utah 16 pts. Sun: Oregon vs. Minnesota 14 pts. San Francisco: Colorado State vs. Boston College 7 pts. January 1 Outback: Iowa vs. Florida 22 pts. Gator: West Virginia vs. Maryland 17 pts. Capital One: Purdue vs. Georgia 23 pts. Rose: Michigan vs. USC 27 pts. Orange: Miami vs. Florida State 25 pts. January 2 Cotton: Oklahoma State vs. Mississippi 19 pts. Peach: Clemson vs. Tennessee 20 pts. Fiesta: Kansas State vs. Ohio State 26 pts. January 3 Humanitarian: Tulsa vs. Georgia Tech 2 pts. January 4 Sugar: Oklahoma vs. LSU 28 pts.

Mankind to Chyna (Raw 8/9/99): "SO Chyna, you bring your ovaries, and I'll bring my...guys..."

Raw (Oct. 28, 2002): Stacy Keibler: "Hi!" Test: "Stace - this stuff is really lame." Stacy: "Okay, forget about it. I've got it." Test: "...what." Stacy: "Okay, this is the BEST idea I've ever had. Okay. You know how the Rock has his People - and Kane has his Kane-enites. And Hulk Hogan has the Hulkamaniacs. Whadda YOU have?" Test: "Gee, I dunno, Stace, what DO I have?" [stacy bends over and whispers something to him.] Test: "What?" Stacy: "Yeah - you have TESTICLES!"

SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (12/4/2003) Who agrees? Who doesn't? And who will argue just because it's the neat thing to do. Read the recap, then read the feedback to find out!

I'll take it one at a time: And it was just extended within the last year, even though had OU remained unbeaten we'd have had the same controversy we do right now. Thanks to OU losing and saving the BCS' ass, we're having this argument. Which would be a good thing. That still doesn't give a non-BCS conference any legitimate shot at the National Championship, which is the main issue for the Miami of Ohios and the TCUs and the Boise States of the NCAA. Which would probably end up just making things more confusing since the AP and coaches' polls rarely agree on number two even if they agree on number one.

I admit that I haven't played VI, but out of the ones I've played X was my favorite, followed by VII. I've still never beaten VIII so I won't comment (stop taking my spells, you sorceress bitch!). IX was the first one I played so I enjoyed it, but it didn't hold up compared to the others IMO.

I live near Cleveland, so we pretty much expect that even if we have the best team that ever set foot on the field, the officials will make a blatant bad call or the quarterback will die or something to cost us an actual celebration. Hell, we cheered Ohio State's win last year because we figured that's as close as we're getting for a while.

Raw. Eric Bischoff to Jeff Hardy: "I'm starting to think that I signed the wrong Hardy."

That bothers me for one main reason. KState came in tonight ranked 13th in the BCS or so, right? So who's to say #16 doesn't come in and run the table in a tournament? Division I-AA does a 16-team tournament, and nobody bitches that it's too much. Division II and III also do extended playoffs and nobody complains it's too much. There are 117 teams in I-A, and people actually think limiting the legit shot at the national championship to two of them is a good idea?

SmackDown (9/12/2002) Billy Gunn: "COME ON, RICO! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! This was all just supposed to be a publicity stunt! Hey - we're not gay, I mean, we've got nothing against gay people... As a matter of fact, if I was gay I probably wouldn't marry Chuck."