4th of July Smackdown

[Guest LesnarLunatic]

This is borrowed from the booking from this site..

http://deathlove.littlemorals.com/fakewwe/WELCOME.HTM

 

enjoy!

 

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SmackDown began with a shot of the sell-out, completely full, Boston crowd for a very special 4th of July edition of the show! The capacity crowd was decked out in patriotic US gear and everyone in the arena, including hosts Michael Cole and Tazz, had tiny American flags to celebrate America's birthday!

 

As a special presentation, ring announcer Lillian Garcia came out huge applause to sing a rousing rendition of "America the Beautiful". Unfortunately, as she reached the climax of the song, her microphone shorted out much to the dismay of the enthralled crowd. Just then, the arena's PA system played Kate Smith's "God Bless America" and out came...Lance Storm! Storm was decked out in a costume reminiscent of that which founding father George Washington might have worn while

commanding his troops, complete with a powdered wig and tri-corner hat. Storm ran to the ring with a replacement mic and offered it to Lillian, then offered to sing along with her from the top. The two performed an amazing rendition of the song, with Storm singing not unlike an angel. But the crowd booed him.

 

Storm then got on the mic and said he understood why the crowd hated him, because he was a dirty, stinking Canadian and, like all Canadians, he deserved nothing less than complete contempt. Storm pointed out that Canadians like to consider themselves popular in other countries, but he knows that while US citizens have earned grudging respect because of their success and tenacity, Canadians are secretly made fun of for being the planet's biggest dorks. The crowd continued to boo Storm for making fun of their beloved neighbours to the North, but Storm said that he so loved the US that he had a special announcement for the Boston crowd - he was going to become a US citizen!

 

The crowd started to throw trash in the ring, but Storm continued on, talking about how the founding fathers bravely overthrew tyrannical dictators from England, something Canada never had the guts to do. He talked about how America pretty much singlehandedly saved humankind in the World Wars and about how America staved on Communism and bailed out the French - who, Storm added, were like Canadians only with a real film industry - in Vietnam.

 

This was too much for Hardcore Holly, who came out to huge applause from the livid Boston crowd. Holly again yelled at Storm for running down America's best friend, Canada. He noted that Canada contributed its valuable special forces to help the Allies during WWII's Project Overlord and then talked about how Canada has contributed to the world with its fine comedic actors like Michael J. Fox, John Candy and, to a much, much lesser extent, Dan Akroyd! Then Holly said "This one is for Canada!" and kicked Storm in the balls and demanded they have a match

right away.

 

It turned out to be an excelledt techincal match with a number of stunningly

executed dropkicks. Storm appeared to have the match in hand after hitting a crisp Superkick following a well-planned double dropkick spot, but amazingly, the entire Boston crowd rose to its feet at once and performed an impromptu but heartfelt version of "O Canada", which enraged and confused Storm, leaving him open for an Alabama Jam and a pin from Holly. Holly then joined the crowd in another run through of the popular Canadian National Anthem.

 

In the back, Maven was sitting in a make-up chair getting ready for a TV spot promoting the upcoming Tough Enough 3. Little did he realize that the make-up artist was actually a disguised Rico Constantino, who had a sinister container of NADS Hair Removing Gel.

 

As the Undertaker arrived at the arena, Cole gave an update on Rikishi who, in a completely unrelated incident, showed up on Raw and tried to run over Brock Lesnar before being completely destroyed and put through the roof of his car. Rikishi's ass actually saved him from too much damage and though he was still in the hospital recuperating, there was a chance he could be on SmackDown next week. Meanwhile, the Undertaker tracked down Test and asked Test do him a favor and use his immunity to show up on Raw and take care of some business. Test angrily responded that he knew what UT wanted him to do and there was no way he was going to get involved punched him in the face and said he's school his ass in the ring...tonight!

 

Molly Holly had been scheduled to take on Ivory for the women's title, but Ivory had mysteriously disappeared earlier, so Torrie Wilson agreed to fill in. Even though she can't wrestle, Torrie Wilson somehow got an advantage in the match but lost when Jerry Lawler rolled out from under the ring and tripped her to cost her the match.

 

Lawler took off to the back, but Mark Loyd caught up with him and asked him why he helped Molly. Lawler admitted that he was the one who locked Ivory in a room earlier to make sure she couldn't face Molly, and said that he helped Molly retain because, if she lost on SmackDown, she'd be stranded there and would never be on Raw, preventing Lawler from noting that she had a big ass. At that point, WWE road agent Fit Finlay walked into the interview area and punched Lawler hard enough that the King went sprawling backwards into a bunch of those infamous clangy poles.

 

During all this, Tazz took the opportunity to go backstage and talk to his pal

Hulk Hogan. Hogan was still angry with himself for losing their tag match last week and said that he didn't think he had it anymore, and maybe it really was time to retire Hulkamania. Tazz said that Hogan only lost because Angle tripped him up, and that Hulkamania was still alive. Hogan was still depressed, but Tazz said that he should go out there tonight and prove it to himself one way or another by taking on Tajiri, and that Tazz would be there at ringside to make sure Angle couldn't ruin things this time. Hogan shook Tazz' hand and said "Thanks, brah!" and went off to make sure the match would be signed. After he left, the Reverend D-Von came up to Tazz and said that he was busy writing a eulogy for Hulkamania, pissing Tazz off.

 

Back in the make-up room, Maven realized at the last second that the make-up artist was actually Rico and that Rico was going to apply NADS The Hair Remover to Maven's eyebrows! Rico said it was true, that he was horrified and offended by Maven's eyebrows and was going to take matters into his own hands. Before Maven could beat Rico up, Billy & Chuck ran in and attacked him. Luckily, Al Snow made the save and this set up a Billy & Chuck vs. Snow and Maven match for the titles instead of Billy & Chuck vs. Funaki and Mark Henry or whatever other shitty match it would have been instead.

 

Tazz made his way back to the ring area and demanded D-Von face him in the ring for badmouthing Hulkamania. D-Von agreed and came to the ring with Bautista, but the Human Suplex Hulkamaniac seemed to have things in hand anyway until that no-good Kurt Angle came out and attacked Tazz for a DQ ending. Angle, Bautista and D-Von continued to beat up Tazz until Hogan came out for the save, but the damage was already done and Tazz was taken to the back for medical attention.

 

In the back, The Undertaker forced his way into Vince McMahon's office to talk with the WWE owner. Vince was angry and sent his personal assistant, Stacy, away but promised that they would have "lots of hardcore sex" later like they do all the time. UT demanded a match with Test later so he could teach him respect. He then suggested that Vince wasn't treating the Rock fairly, which shocked Vince. UT noted that his title match two Raws ago against The Rock had a suspect ending and that it wasn't fair to suspend a guy who probably deserved another shot at

the title. Vince was still taken aback and was about to refuse when UT suggested that Rock have a chance to earn his way back and to a title shot by facing Brock Lesnar at Vengence for the SummerSlam title shot. Vince and UT then laughed in an evil manner, but Vince quickly said he'd have to think it over.

 

At that point, UT was shooed out of the office by none other than an angry

Kelsey Grammer, star of TV's Frasier! The furious Grammer presented Vince with a bill for his dry cleaning because he had been vomited on by Tommy Dreamer on Raw. Vince told Grammer to get the hell out and that there was no way he was going to pay for it. Grammer got even angrier and vowed vengence on Vince, and said that Vince had no idea who he was messing with.

 

Billy & Chuck lost the tag titles to Al Snow and Maven.

 

Backstage again, new WWE sensations John Cena and Randy Orton were in a room filled with computer equipment doing live chats and interviews and streaming crap and all that stuff for WWE.com. Unfortunatley, Chris Jericho happened by at that point and realized what they were doing, then took a chair and destroyed all the WWE.com equipment and screamed about how the Internet sucks. Cena and Orton took exception to this, but Jericho continued to freak out about the Internet and smashed the two of them with the chair and left them out cold. At THAT moment, Faarooq walked by the room, saw the carnage and said "Damn!", setting up a match with Jericho later.

 

In the ring, an upset Hurricane showed footage of his cage match last week and pointed out that Jamie Noble (boy) only won because Rey Misterio showed up and hit a flying headscissors on top of the cage that sent Noble (boy) to the floor. Misterio came out to a huge pop and tried to apologize to Hurricane, not unlike when he apologized to Sting that time on Nitro, but Hurricane said they could settle things with a #1 contender's match, and I guess guys can just book their own #1 contender matches now, because they proceeded to have one.

 

And what a match! All those jerks on the Internet are saying Misterio won't be that good anymore, but screw them because this was awesome and Rey hit all his coolest moves and it was great and I loved it and Misterio is super-terrific. Towards the end of the match, Nidia came out and instructed several guys in wifebeaters and mullets to bring out Jamie Noble (boy), who was in a wheelchair from the fall he took last week, so he could scout out whoever his opponent would be. Only, see, his wheelchair didn't have any wheels and when they put him on stage, they put it up on cinderblocks. Because he's a white trash redneck. Heh heh. Get it?

 

Jericho came out and kicked Faarooq's ass because he was still really pissed about the Internet thing, and then got on the mic and said this was one of his best matches ever and if people on a little thing he liked to call the InterSHIT (this got bleeped, and really, it's not even that funny, because net and shit don't sound that much alike) didn't think so, well, screw them!

 

The Undertaker took on Test for the WWE Undisputed title and must have been angry at Test refusing to do whatever it is he was planning to have him do on Raw because he kicked his ass, old school. At the end, however, Triple H hit the ring and nailed UT with a Pedigree. He then demanded that he get a shot at the Undisputed Title-uh at the PPV because there was no one on SmackDown who deserved it more and he'd be on Raw on Monday to prove that no one there should have it over him, either. He then gave Test a Pedigree, too, just because.

 

In the back, an angry Chris Jericho was wandering around in the locker room area and noticed a Palm i715. Jericho was angry because the impressive gadget allowed access to the Internet and he was going to destroy it when he realized who it belonged to...THE GAME-UH! Jericho looked around the locker room and suddenly lost interest in the powerful Palm i715 when he found The Golden Ticket! And then he grabbed it and took off! Uh oh!

 

In the main event, The Immortal Hulk Hogan came out to Voodoo Child (Slight Return) because Kurt Angle still had possession of Real American. This didn'tbother the overjoyed, flag-wavin', Independence Day-celebratin' Boston crowd, though, because they were just happy to see a true American hero like The Hulkster. Hogan took on Tajiri in a surprisingly good match and at the end, had things all wrapped up when that lousy, rotten Kurt Angle came out and tripped Hogan with the neckband for his Olympic Gold Medals, leaving Hogan open to a deadly kick to the head and pin by Tajiri. The crowd was livid and tossed more garbage into the ring as Angle and Tajiri did the Hogan posedown to Real American, while a dejected Hulk Hogan ran to the back.

 

In the back, Hogan yelled "That's it, brah, Hulkamania is DEAD!", but the

injured Tazz hobbled out and begged the Hulkster to come to SmackDown next week so Tazz could show him that there was still hope for Hulkamania. Hogan looked Tazz right in the eye, and the terror of Red Hook looked like he might even be tearing up a little. Just as the end credits flashed up on the screen, Hogan turned to walk out the door, then looked back and said "I don't know, dude, I just don't know," and walked out of the arena.

 

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DRAMA~! thanks to Mex.. who is insane.

 

P.S.: the Golden Ticket allows a wrestle to appear on both shows.

 

Visit http://deathlove.littlemorals.com/fakewwe/WELCOME.HTM and hope for more wacky mayhem!