SMARKDOWN Commizentes

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Ahem. Congrats to all of the winners, except for Jay Dawg, who I refuse to congratulate...until I read his match ending, which simply rules, so I have to.

 

Anyway, my match lost, but this, in my opinion, was the worst match I have ever written.

 

*Until Sunday I thought Smarkdown was on Tuesday, so I didn't start until then.

 

*I was practically asleep during my entire writing session.

 

*I suck by nature.

 

*I didn't edit.

 

*I really couldn't think of anything to do with Flesher's character in general.

 

*Flesher rules.

 

There you have it, once I read in detail, I'll post more comments, but until then, SNOOCH TO THE NOONCH!

 

Edit: Hopefully the card is posted just as early as the show was.

 

...and hopefully I pay attention to what DAY the show is.

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Same here 5MoD. The only time I had to write was on Sunday night, and I also spent my whole writing session half asleep from one of the longest weekends of life. I got 1500 words, read over it, and realized this the biggest pile of crap ever constructed. So I no showed. Obviously Mercury did as well. Thank god, They decided to cancel the match or something, and I didn't get raped by a giant cock or squash jobbed to Johnny Generic.

 

Anyway, Great Match from Tom Flesher.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Yeah, there was no Thoth-raping for Danny and Merc for some reason....hmmmmm.......

 

Note: Danny, am I hallucinating or did you switch your avatar image and the image in your sig? I'm CONFUSED!

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Looks like a damn marvelous show, especially for a Smarkdown. I've only finished reading the promos so far, but Erek/LDP has taken an interesting turns of events, and I can't wait to see where it goes now. A big return in the main event--I'm all about writing matches where people come back lately, eh?

 

And, before I go, thanks to Raynor for further proving why he is the best damn tag man in the fed and working my random, random writing schedule. Here's to reign number four, homeboy. Oh, and momentary ego moment: double champ? Helllls yeah.

 

Now, what to do with them...

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Note: Danny, am I hallucinating or did you switch your avatar image and the image in your sig? I'm CONFUSED!

Yes, thanks for noticing. I decided the image of Kawada's toothless grin just wasn't big enough. I switched the Misawa headdrop to the avatar until I can find a better image.

[Guest Thoth]

Yes, I know I told everyone that Spider Nekura wasn't returning for two more months.

 

I am a lying bastard.

 

Great match from Edwin and Raynor, and great show all around. We're getting so many returns, Stubby can actually book shows while leaving people out.

 

If only the JL could say the same...

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Hmmm... interesting development between Ash/Erek/LDP.

 

I wish you guys gave me a little heads up about that, it would have made the match flow a little easier. But meh, I kicked Ash in the nuts and set him on fire. Good enough for me. (Y)!

 

Nice defense by that little slut, ELM.

 

 

 

But words can not express the sight of Spider Nekura back on program! BOOM SHAKALAKA!!! That was intense! The other day, I was talking to Edwin, and I said that both you and Divefire need to be here for the Summer, making it complete! BONG!!!!

 

Raynor, four time. (Y) Way to be my man.

[Guest Grand Slam]

Very nice show all. Angles developing all over the place, titles changing hands, returns... this one had it all.

 

And mad props to my boyz (if its wrestling, it is spelled b-o-y-Z) in the Carnival!! ELM retains and Edwin & Chris reclaim the Carnie's Tag Belts!! We be jammin'!!!!

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Bump. I'm bumping this up to the top, since it only had a few replies. A lot of angles went down...I need to finish reading one-and-a-half of the matches, then I'll be back with full commentary and thoughts. Anyone who cares should follow suit...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

And now, segment by segment breakdown, because Outcast has inspired me to dig deeper into our product. Thanks, Cast-a-way. You all ought to do the same.

 

Opening promo - Erek Taylor backstage

-Short and simple. Decent teaser for the big promo later on.

 

Frost vs. Z

 

Frost does well, wasting few words with a concise intro that gets right into the match. When you've only got 3000 words, that's what you've gotta do. Giving the JL history between Frost and Z is a good idea, since not everyone reads the JL. Z wrestling the match in his schoolgirl's outfit was a kick and a half, and it makes me want to see Syd bumped up here so they can have a Mirror Image lingerie match or something. Commentary seemed a little formulaic with the Stevens says something/Riley says something/repeat method, but altogether it was good and funny. A short match, but again, good use of 3000 words. Simple finish gets the Early Winter over a bit. Nice opener.

 

Frost promo

 

...and this was what made it all work for me. Intense~! promo, setting up that sure-to-be bomb-ass cage match with JD.

 

Ced vs. Mag

 

Another awesome cruiser-style match from our most iconic Light Heavyweight champ. Moreso than usual, even, the pacing in this match was off the chart--I don't think Mag or Ced took a breather once. Great spots, and more importantly, great explanations--when something like the backflip-giri blindsiding Mag seemed a little off, the commentators were right there to give that last little clue/insight. Paragraphs get long, though--a bit of spacing might help make the read easier. You've gotten the face-style Mag nailed down, and there's really not much stopping you from coming after the world belt again...

 

Ash, Pete, and Erek promo

 

Not sure who wrote it. I was surprised this wasn't used as a board promo. Felt like one to me. I was a bit disappointed to see the blooming Erek/LDP tensions cut off so soon in favor of a reconciliation, but I'm pretty sure these guys know what they're doing. Also, as simple and quick as it was, I liked Pete's mention of wanting to test out Tod in the ring, since they're facing off on Storm. Fantasy booker me would have built to an ICTV title match between Erek and LDP at the PPV and THEN had the reconciliation, just cause I think these guys could put on a hell of a show, but what's happening with the unidentified harasser might be just as good.

 

JD and Ash

 

First off, really funny referring back to the XBox spot from the PPV. A very interesting match, which portrayed a sicker, more brutal hardcore style, with flames, powerbombing Misty, but still maintained some humor. I kind of like the brutal turn--you know me, I like to write funny things--but if we can have a few cool extreme matches that aren't just garbage matches, I'm all for it. I can't write them for shit, but if JD can, booyah. It put over both of the guys involved and read well, though a bit sloppy in terms of what could have been proofread. That's one-sitting match writing for you, though. Incorporate a little more of JD's technical psychology into his sick brawling, and you could have a really great blend of hardcore. The guy who can hit a corkscrew brainbuster onto the concrete impresses me just as much as the guy who puts a man through a table...

 

Flesher vs. TNT

 

Funyon reads the card, raises his eyebrow and begins announcing. "And his opponent, from Buffalo, New York, and weighing in at 213 pounds... the SWF US Champion, and the man you'd be proud to bring home to mom, the... jesus, this is horrible. The object of your envy, your every heart's desire, the NEXT SWF Light Heavyweight Champion, bow down for the Superior One, Tom Flesher!"

 

Stuff like that is what probably makes Flesher my favorite writer to read currently. His character is on such a hot streak with the return from the Durandal persona and the movement towards LHW country that it's just plain fun. He writes story style really damn well, especially for a slut who studies constitutional law and all that crap. Bwa ha ha. Flesher also does a ridiculously good job of explaining the potency of a palm strike here, so much so that I want to face him just so we can have a crazy-ass shotei duel. The match oozed drama and, as a piece of writing, would have been entertaining enough to read even if not affiliated with this business. My only suggestion: bring back coffee mist. That is all.

 

Raynor and I wrote the main event, so I don't have too much to say about it. The second half of the match is fine, and I thought I rushed it, but I was proud of the return I gave Spider.

 

That's all I got. Someone else take 20 minute and give the show a similar treatment so I don't feel lonely.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

I feel bad now because, frankly, I have no comments. I'm not a wrestling guy... I can't critique it.

 

I apologize and you may call me a hypocrite, but I simply can't judge people's matches because I just don't know what is good anymore...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

You could at least talk about the stories and/or angles that went down, what you thought of them. That's something.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

I can do that. Reading now.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

Being a storyline and promo guy, I am going to comment on those things... mostly on the in-show flashes and strats, but a little on the matches.

 

Opener - Filler, as always. Stubby isn't creative with them anymore

 

Frost's Interview - Hmm... doesn't fit considering you WON the match... heh. But, I like what you're doing with giving your character a mean streak. Give a bit more reason WHY you're going on a mean streak and you've got me hooked.

 

Ash's Promo - Okay, starting off in the beginning, bad jokes turn me off like crazy. Going further... reads like a joint promo, so I'll assume I was wrong in saying "Ash's promo". I would make it flow a little better and make it look like ONE person wrote it. A way to fix that would be to not switch perspectives so much.

 

Okay, the random Misty comments aren't doing it for me... already, the character pisses me off.

 

You also made this fued, whatever it may have been before, seem like a joke... and that makes it seem kinda... I dunno, unimportant.

 

Overall, you did what you wanted to do which was reconcile the characters. You did that, so it's decent.

 

 

 

Final Comments

As for the show as a whole, we need more strats/interviews/inter-match fun and joy. Put your storylines over, fellas.

 

Better?

 

 

EDIT - Okay, I didn't say something I wanted to... the Mag 7/Carnivan storyline rocks and everyone that isn't on board yet needs to... That's about it for in-match storylines since that is the only one that is really being put over right now.

[Guest Ace309]

The SWF Smarkdown Segment-By-Segment Comments of Superiority, Brought to You By Guinness Stout and Several Different Manufacturers of Red Meat~!

 

Opening

Erek arrives. Tell me I'm reading too much into this, but I like the "big star" kind of entrance, and the XBox reference.

 

Frost vs. Zydney Zky

And we open with the first of several seal references on the night! Funyon "pleasant in peach," and I'm starting to wonder whether it's really Riley that's the gay one. More or less a squash for Frost, but it made a lot of sense, particularly considering Z's appearance as Sydney Sky... and I'm still wondering whether it's really Riley. Z did get in the token offense, which was nice.

 

Frost Promo

Good, character-driven piece, although the dialog was a little wooden. If I was really upset, I probably wouldn't yell

NOT TO MENTION FOR THE PAST WEEK I’VE (he points to himself) HAD TO OPEN THE SHOWS AGAINST A MIDGET WHO WILL CARRYING MY LUGGAGE BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR IN CED ORDONEZ!

But that was the only problem I had with it. I can see this going places.

 

El Luchadore Magnifico vs. Ced Ordonez, Light Heavyweight Title

And up next we have the... well, okay, the Caramel Midgets. Good match as always from ELM, with excellent spots and (most importantly) me in the commentary. Added a bit of fuel to the fire, and Ced's style is interesting as always.

 

X Force 9 Promo

Gonzo as always. <3 these guys.

 

Jay Dawg vs. Ash Ketchum, Hardcore (Gamers) Title

I have only one thing to say:

Riley: "Look at him! There’s nothing left but Ash! Ha! Jay Dawg is a champion of all champs!"

Nothing left but Ash. God, Jay Dawg kills me. Very good match, with enough wrestling to keep me mildly entertained despite the fact that I'm not a fan of hardcore.

 

Tom Flesher vs. TNT, US Title

(Y) at my character expressing the emotions I'm feeling while I'm writing!

 

Carnival vs. Clan vs. Magnificent 2/7

It's the Carnival. You expect me to critique this? Excellent match, an inspiration for those of us who thankfully don't have to write triple threat tags with any degree of regularity. Storyline is developing, and that makes me happy.

 

w00t y34h!