Promo: The Hearts of the Matter

[Guest Grand Slam]

Promo: The Heart of the Matter

 

In a small room lit with low-wattage fluorescent bulbs, "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens sits behind an old desk reading through a stack of papers. There is a notebook on the desk and occasionally he scribbles a hasty note in it as he prepares for the next show. As he flips pages, there is a soft knock on the door.

 

GSMS: Come in...

 

The door swings open, and a colorful figure steps in hesitantly. For a moment, all that can be seen is a swirling red vinyl coat then a title belt appears. Not just any belt, but the SWF World Heavyweight Title! The camera pans up to Edwin MacPhisto's normally smiling face, but today set in a neutral expression.

 

Edwin: You wanted to see me Mark?

 

GSMS (never looking up from his paperwork): Yeah, I wanted to let you know that I turned down that interview request.

 

Edwin (a little confused): Interview request? Which one?

 

GSMS: That guy from The Torch that talked to you a week or so ago. I decided he was just going to try and start trouble, so I declined the interview. I know he wanted to ask about The Match.

 

Edwin: Oh. Okay. Whatever you think is best Mark, just thought it would be a good interview for the kid.

 

GSMS: Yeah well...

 

Edwin: Right. I'll see you around Mark.

 

GSMS (still reading his paperwork): Mmm-Hmm...

 

Edwin starts to walk out the door and stops, hanging his head a little. He takes a deep breath and turns back into the room, slamming the door behind him.

 

Edwin: Alright Mark, let's get this over with. What the bloody hell is wrong with you? You want to punch me out? You want to yell and scream at me? Well let's get it over with mate, because I'm tired of this tap-dancing routine!!

 

Grand Slam finally looks up from his papers, a quizzical and calm look on his face. He drops the notes on the desk and stares Edwin right in the eye.

 

GSMS: I have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about Edwin.

 

Edwin: You know bloody well what I'm talking about! When you were fired after that match, I tried to call you at home, I tried to get in contact with you, but no! You wouldn't pick up the phone! You wouldn't return my calls! So I figure, fine, he'll get back to me when he feels ready, so I let it drop. Then I find out that you were hired on as the announcer and I thought, "Great! Now things will start to get back to normal! I'll get to see my friend, we'll have a few beers, we'll play some cards, we'll have some laughs!" But you acted like the Carnival didn't exist! You never bothered to wish us luck in our matches, you never called and congratulated me on winning the World Title and I haven't heard anything from you about the Tag Titles either. And it hurts Mark. You were our friend, my friend, and I expected better from you!

 

GSMS: You think this is easy for me? That I was just kicking back at home and drinking daiquiris waiting for you to call and tell me how exciting the SWF was? Well fuck you Edwin!! This business was my life! This is what I was put on this Earth to do and you took it away from me!! Regardless of the circumstances, you are the direct reason I'm not World Champion right now!!

 

Edwin: What?!? Oh please! You were the one who said that we had to go through with the match!! You were the one who said we needed to do it for the fans, that one of us had to stay and oppose Da Pound! We did what we had to do and you know it!

 

GSMS: That's what I thought then, but now? You have no idea how hard it has been for me, do you? How difficult it is to watch you guys doing what I love night in and night out? I'm sure Stubby gets the irony of me being an announcer, being around the boys all the time, watching from the sidelines and not being able to do anything about it. Do you? Do you know how many times I've arrived at the arena and walked past the Carnival's locker room and heard to you all laughing and joking? I've almost knocked a couple of times, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't force myself to suck up my pride like that. Besides, I'm an announcer, I have to be impartial. I'm not a Carnie anymore.

 

Edwin: Is that what this is all about? Pride? Anger? Resentment? Bugger all that!! You and I both know you being retired isn't what you wanted, at least not yet, but there's nothing we can do about it now. Maybe someday, but not now. Besides, you'd be the first impartial announcer in the history of professional wrestling...

 

GSMS: So what do we do now?

 

Edwin: Well there are two things we can do. We can suck it up, put all of this shite behind us and be friends again, or we can walk away. I know what you would have said four months ago. What do you say now?

 

Slowly, Grand Slam stands up, picks up a briefcase and shoves the papers into it. With a weary and resigned expression, he pulls a baseball cap off a hook on the wall and tugs it down on his head. He pushes past Edwin and opens the door. Edwin's eyes drop and a rare frown crosses the Crown Prince's face.

 

GSMS: I guess that's not much of a choice now, is it?

 

Edwin: I guess not...

 

GSMS: Right... but you're buying. I took a pay cut you know...

 

Edwin brightens immediately and throws his arm around Grand Slam's shoulder.

 

Edwin: I knew you couldn't walk away. Once a Carnie, always a Carnie.

 

GSMS (smiling): Yeah, it's like a virus. I'm... sorry Edwin. Sorry about what I said, and how I've acted the last few months.

 

Edwin: No problem my friend! "Everyone goes South, every now and then." Billy Joel said that. Smart man. In rehab, very sad...

 

GSMS: Its good to be back Eddy Mac, even if I am permanently on the sidelines.

 

Edwin: Hallelujah!

 

Laughing the two friends disappear around the corner away from the office, headed to the Midnight Carnival locker room, and a long delayed retirement/welcome back party.

[Guest El Luchadore Magnifico]

*sniff*

 

That's so beautiful...and now it's time to party! Wheee!

 

*breaks out keg of Tequila and basket of taquitos*

[Guest chirs3]

*sniffle* Once a Carny, always a Carny...

 

... except for Roja. Where the hell is he?!

 

But seriously, that was good.

 

*steals ELM's taquito basket*

[Guest HVilleThugg]

it's too bad all my friend turned on me to force my retirement...so i can't have an emotional reconciliation like stevens here...mainly because i want to kill every last one of them

 

nice one mark...you still got it brother. i was kind of hoping that you'd just walk past edwin for the major diss, but i suppose once you've gone face, you can't go back...that is, when you're a pussy ass carnie. but yeah....good one.

 

i'll make a deal with ya....if you come back, i'll come back...(maybe).

 

da 'excited to see the slam' h

[Guest Ace309]

This was a very unexpected and very interesting promo. We're working very hard to ruin the Grand Slam character by turning him into some version of Axis wearing a baseball cap, so it's great to still have him around to keep us in line.

[Guest Grand Slam]

Believe it or not, the first draft of the promo ended with me dissing Edwin, but then I would have had to follow it up with promos so I could stay a face... and I retired because I wanted to concentrate on writing other things...

 

Thanks for the kind words all, keep 'em coming...

[Guest Suicide King]

Once a Carnie, always a Carnie?

 

DAMMIT!!!!

 

must... scrub... harder. Can't... get... clean!!!!

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Bodacious! Man, I was worried for a moment there.

 

Man, Edwin's starting to look a real dick...but at least Mark still loves him. Yee-haw! Party time! Altogether that was really well written, great depth of character showing the more aggressive and blunt side of Stevens that we only saw rarely...bravo, chap.

 

And King...the dirt never comes off. Bwa ha ha.

[Guest Lerrin Breggan]

I really enjoyed the promo and thought that it was well done. Had me going there for a little bit, but the happy ending brought it all back to the up and up.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Nice work, Grand Slam. It woulda been nice to see the diss, just to see how it would have worked out. But you're right in that it would have been extremely hard to remain a face after that, so you did the right thing. Overall, it's really nice. Hopefully, someday down the road, we'll be graced with a Grand Slam comeback.

 

And King, there's still a spot on your hand. Muhahahahaha.

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Good stuff my man, I was expecting the diss, to be honest. Didn't really wish for it.

 

 

As for Thugg... I did it for you! Remember, the hospital, the friends... the me making fun of you not being able to move and Bo making fun of your penis size... Oh... see your point.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Man...that just...that just touched me...deep, man...that touched me REAL deep.

 

WOOHOO! CARNIES IN DA HIZZOUSE!