LOSING MATCHES THREAD

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Oakly777: (N) @ our match sucking

HvilleThugg: no, believe me..it didn't suck

HvilleThugg: i had to read them like 3 times

HvilleThugg: they were both so fucking good

HvilleThugg: i couldn't pick a winner

Oakly777: ...is this pity or truth? :-)

HvilleThugg: i never pity

HvilleThugg: it's truth

HvilleThugg: you got a 32 and they got a 33 on my scoring scale

HvilleThugg: one point dude!

HvilleThugg: keep that shit up man

HvilleThugg: i promise you'll be going places

Oakly777: mkay

Oakly777: cool

HvilleThugg: the ending was awsome

HvilleThugg: AWSOME!

HvilleThugg: and you almost won based on your ending alone

Oakly777: yeah...

HvilleThugg: oh...i know you're down because you lost....but trust me....you're gonna blow shit up here soon enough

HvilleThugg: especially if you keep writing like that

HvilleThugg: understand that you've been here a short time and are going up against the best...so, of course there's gonna be a peroid of adjustment where you're gonna lose to the top guys here...

HvilleThugg: but stick with it bro

 

Well, I guess our match was pretty good, so I thought I'd post it for viewing pleasure. But since Edwin and Raynor RULE so much [damn j00z!] we lost, so...to make up for losing, we'll force everyone to read our match anyway.

 

 

 

Anonymous Man: “I tried gates, fences, watch dogs, I tried EVERYTHING. And I just couldn’t keep people off of my property. But that all changed once I got a Thugg 2000.”

 

A small clip shows a trespasser attempting to tip toe onto the man’s lawn, when suddenly, an exact model of H-Ville Thugg emerges from some nearby bushes.

 

Thugg 2000: “Dag yo. Get off da fuckin’ lawn.”

 

Trespasser: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The trespasser runs off into the distance as the owner of the lawn smiles a broad, gleeful grin, patting Thugg on the back.

 

Anonymous Man: “Now no one dares to come onto my lawn. I heard that the real H-Ville Thugg lives up in Washington D.C. and controls all of the Thugg 2000’s from his palace.”

 

Cut to a dilapidated shack, where Thugg lies, lounging on a stretcher.

 

Thugg: “I will wreck yo shit.”

 

Cut back to the man.

 

Anonymous Man: “I hear he’s a genius.”

 

Voiceover: “So buy a Thugg 2000 TODAY for top quality property protection! Because who’s gonna stand up to…”

 

Thugg 2000: “Dag yo. Get off da fuckin’ lawn.”

 

Voiceover: “Indeed Thugg 2000, inde…”

 

Thugg 2000: “OFF YO!”

 

Voiceover: “Um…I’m not ON the lawn in the…AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

*** BOOM ***

 

*** BOOM ***

 

*** BOOM ***

 

Substantial bursts of silvery, glistening pyro blaze from the ceiling as SJL Storm returns from a commercial break, and the show reinitiates with an opening pan of the paid off…er…unproportionally enthusiastic audience. Hundreds of grammatically incorrect signs dot the arena, wrestler-related comments sprawled across the cardboard surface:

 

“The Boston Stangler”

“Deathwish Will Be Wishing That He’s…Dead”

“CLUCK CLUCK KABOOM!”

 

The screen gradually slinks over to the commentary table where Grand Slam and Bob Riley reside, trying to pretend they tolerate each other.

 

Stevens: “Ahem. Welcome back ladies, gents, and everything in between to SWF STORM coming to you LIVE from the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, North Carolina! We’ve witnessed a loot of matches that could fill Roseanne Bar’s belly tonight so far, but right now, we’re ready for our main event!”

 

Riley: “Wowza! Tonight, we’re gonna witness what is sure to be an orgy and a half of agony when Magnificent Seven members Frost and TNT absolutely demolintegratestroy Carnies Edwin MacPhisto and Chris Raynor, just like they did at the opening of last Smarkdown!”

 

Stevens: “Yes. Them and FIVE other men I might add.”

 

Riley: “As I mentioned earlier, Eddie Mac started it.”

 

Stevens: (sighs) "We go down to Funyon now, who is ready to make the introductory announcements.”

 

Funyon enters the ring, wearing his usual attire consisting of a three-piece tuxedo. Tons-of-Fun acquires a microphone, and begins to speak…

 

Funyon: “And now ladies and gentleman and Bob Riley, we are ready for the main event [cheers]! This contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the SWF Tag Team Championships! Disqualification and count-out rules are in affect! Introducing first, they are the SWF Tag Team Champions, weighing in at a total of 489 pounds, they represent the Midnight Carnival, Chris Raynor and the SWF Heavyweight Champion of the World, Edwin MacPhisto!”

 

“Midnight Carnival” echoes throughout the building in a luscious female voice, as the first few uplifting beats of Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Love Rollercoaster” emit from the loudspeakers and a visually loud series of erratic, blinding flashes illuminates the stage. Suddenly, the familiar voice of Edwin MacPhisto rings out…

 

Edwin: “I AM THE WALRUS! Well, I’m Edwin MacPhisto, but same difference, as I represent the squad of swingers that is the Midnight Carnival! And tonight, the Mid…”

 

“Take two of these and call me in the morning” a humbled, miniscule vocal pitch squeaks out.

 

Edwin: “Z, I’m doing my opening montage for Pete’s sake, I don’t need to play doctor right now.”

 

Z: “Righto, I’ll go doctor up Strangler, I hear he’s pretty banged up. Dr. Z OUT!”

 

Z trots back through the curtain to a mild pop.

 

Edwin: “Anyhoo…where was I? Oh yes. Tonight, the Midnight Carnival is BANG! KICKING IT UP A NOTCH!”

 

“STEP RIGHT UP” prowls across the screen in jet-black lettering, as a collection of neon blue lasers streak across the arena, flaring out suddenly, just as the crowd hears “Rollercoaster of Loooooovvvveee!” for the first time.

 

Edwin: “For you see tonight, tonight, we are going up against the barbaric polar bear, Frost, and that crazed pyromaniac, TNT!”

 

--- darkness ---

 

Edwin: “But, in the end, who will come out on top!?”

 

“CAR-NI-VAL!” the crowd begins to chant as suddenly an excess layer of purple strobelights drapes itself over the arena, and elucidates both Raynor and MacPhisto at the midpoint of the entrance ramp. Eddie Mac tosses the microphone to the side, as the crazy Carnies dart to the ring, outstretching their arms to receive high-fives from the front row audience. Edwin and Caveman Chris slide under the ring’s bottom rope, immediately pacing across the squared circle, hopping onto nearby turnbuckles and posing for the approving crowd. Edwin removes his red, immaculate trench coat, and swathes it upon a ring post as the Carnival’s music comes to an abrupt halt.

 

Funyon: “Secondly, weighing in at an impressive 563 pounds, they represent the Magnificent Seven, under the title of Chilly Chilly Bang Bang, they are Frost, and ‘TNT’ Taylor Nicholas Thompson!”

 

System of a Down’s “Toxicity” blares from the PA system, as a duo of pale lavender spotlights circle around the entire arena, highlighting selective fragments of the crowd under its heated array. The targeting search beams hone in on the pinnacle of the stage, where they discontinue all movement, focusing on the hulking silhouettes of Frost and Taylor Thompson. Both men situate themselves at the entranceway’s peak, folding their arms across their chests. The drums kick up, causing both grapplers to surge with an abundance of newfound energy, as they hurriedly stalk down the ramp, hop up onto the ring apron, and raise both of their arms into the air in order to flip off the crowd.

 

Riley: “God #1 and God #2 are in the ring, as those two pitiful losers over there are discussing their so called ‘strategy.’ Of course, Chilly Chilly Bang Bang thought ahead, as TNT has exited the ring, and evidentially Frosty will start out this match. What’s taking those circus freaks so long anyway?”

 

Stevens: “They’re only working out a methodical form of winning Bob…OH MY GOD! Frost just floored Edwin to the mat with a stiff clothesline, delivering a cheap shot across Raynor’s jaw as well! The snowman heaves Chris over the tope rope and to the outside protective mats, and now he’s driving his snow-white boot into the fallen Edwin’s side!

 

*** DING DING DING ***

 

Stevens: “And we get underway as Frost and Edwin meet up for the first time ever.”

 

Riley: “And probably the last. They’re going to need Edwin’s dental records to identify him after this!”

 

Frost continues to stomp Edwin down in the corner with thundering boots. He then grabs the top rope with both hands and proceeds to grind the heel of his boot into MacPhisto’s throat. The ref starts his DQ count as Raynor shakily climbs back to the apron.

 

Stevens: “Frost jumps Edwin before the bell and now this blatant choking. There is no call for any of this.”

 

Riley: “Oh, but you didn’t hear what Edwin said about Frost’s mother backstage.”

 

Frost lifts his foot up at four and then scrapes the heel of his heavy wrestling boot down Edwin’s face. Frost backs off while sneering at the crowd and motions with his right hand for the fallen World Champ to ‘bring it.’

 

Stevens: “Edwin would never talk dirty about Frost’s mother.”

 

Riley: “That’s not what I told Frost.”

 

MacPhisto reaches up to grab the second ropes and pulls himself up to his feet in a quick, clean motion. Edwin puts a hand to his face, to make sure he’s not bleeding, and determinedly walks to the center of the ring to face Frost. His eyes surprisingly cold and his mouth fixed in a scowl.

 

Stevens: “Edwin MacPhisto might be known as a bit of a clown, but he can get serious when he needs too.”

 

Riley: “He can get a serious ass whipping.”

 

The two men stand nearly eye to eye, with Frost only having a scant one inch height advantage on the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache. Frost stands tall in the ring with a cocky smirk on his face. Edwin returns the smirk and the two look about ready to bust out laughing like two old army buddies. Edwin breaks the revelry with two lightening fast slaps to Frost’s face and then bows low at the waist with his left hand in the air and his right behind his back like a courtly gentlemen. Frost’s face beats a bright red as much from his anger as the slaps themselves. MacPhisto glances up to see the fuming Frost and charges into his gut with a spear. Frost rides the move back into the lower left ring corner with his back only making slight contact with the buckles. Frost works his arms up under Edwin’s chest and tosses him off to go lurching half way across the ring and land on his rear.

 

Riley: “The Cocktail of Shame turned into a Cocktail of What up Bitch?”

 

Edwin climbs to his feet as the crowd encourages him with torrid cheering not to give up. MacPhisto turns his head to all sides of the arena to acknowledge the fan’s support, and then holds his left hand up with fingers stretched wide.

 

Stevens: “Edwin is asking for a test of strength with one of the strongest men in the SWF today. I don’t believe it!”

 

Riley: “See what sniffing glue does to your brain?”

 

Frost shakes his head with that smirk back on his lips and rotates his shoulders to loosen up his upper body muscles. Frost steps out to meet Edwin with his arm up to grip MacPhisto’s, but he lowers his arm and slaps Frost full across the mouth two more times before prancing off to the near corner like a ballerina. Frost stomps his feet in the ring and bellows in frustration. Edwin laughs at the sight and relaxes by lying across the corner ropes with his feet and head hanging out of the ring. Raynor guffaws along with the crowd as TNT shouts at Frost to get it together from their corner.

 

Stevens: “Edwin seems to be taking the same approach that Z did a few weeks ago: humiliate the big man and knock him off his game.”

 

Riley: “We all saw how well that worked for Z. Frost is a proud man, you don’t spit on his honor.”

 

Frost’s nostrils flare like a wild bull and he charges into the corner gathering speed and power with each stride. Edwin pushes off the ropes with his hands to slide to the outside apron as Frost reaches him. Frost takes the turnbuckle chest first with a ring shaking ‘wow-paching’ and stumbles back slightly. Edwin delivers two more bitch slaps over the ropes to either side of Frost’s face as the fans erupt in applause. Frost throws out a brutish haymaker that Edwin ducks by dropping to the floor. He struts on the outside and swings his head up to flash Frost a dazzling smile. Frost punches and kicks at the turnbuckles with boiling rage.

 

Stevens: “One can’t fault the strategy so far, as Frost throws a childish hissy fit in the ring.”

 

Riley: “That is not a hissy fit…it’s…uh…a manly expression of pent up hostility.”

 

Edwin scurries back into the ring, tackling Frost around the knees and bowling him over to the mat. MacPhisto makes the cover and tries to hook the leg.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Frost bench presses Edwin off of him a full foot into the air, as Eddie Mac crashes down to the mat with significant impact. Edwin rolls over and up to his feet, full of fire, as Frost lumbers up.

 

Stevens: “A near fall due to the World Champion taking advantage of the agitated Frost.”

 

Riley: “Ok, I’ll give Edwin credit. He can agitate anyone.”

 

Edwin scores a bulldog headlock on Frost while he is only halfway up and yanks the off balanced grappler down. Edwin spins around to a sit out position, to show off his great agility for a man his size, and drives Frost’s face right into his knee! Frost pops into the air on impact and flops over on his back.

 

Stevens: “MacPhisto capitalizes with the Midnight Special!”

 

Riley: “That resituated Frost’s booga-loo.”

 

Edwin spins up to his feet as the fans shout approval. He bends over and gives the stunned Icelander two playful slaps across the cheeks and the crowd goes even more nuts. TNT yells from the corner and Edwin shoots him a playful grin as he steps back to tag Raynor.

 

Stevens: “MacPhisto adds insult to injury before tagging out to the former U.S. Champ.”

 

Riley: “Smartest move he’s ever made, because Frost is going to clobber anyone near him when he comes too.”

 

Raynor springs up into the air and drops a knee into Frost’s chest. Frost tilts forward as the air rushes out of his lungs and Raynor covers without hooking the leg.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Stevens: “Kick out from Frost! Too much time elapsed between the Midnight Special and the cover.”

 

Riley: “I think too much time has elapsed between the Midnight Special T.V. show and my last reference.”

 

The Rayn man jumps to his feet while pulling Frost up by the sides of his head. He attempts to whip Frost into the far ropes, but he reverses and sends Raynor for the ride. Chris twists in mid-movement in order to take the ropes in the back and dashes toward Frost. He leaps off of his feet with an elbow cocked and strikes Frost in the chest. The two men collapse to the mat in a heap. Raynor crawls the few inches over to Frost and throws his arm over the man's chest for the cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Frost kicks out with a snap, as Raynor bolts to his feet and back towards the ropes.

 

Stevens: “Raynor is looking to send this one home as early as possible.”

 

Riley: “With the beating they took on Smarkdown, I’m surprised they didn’t sit at home and just fax in their move sets.”

 

Frost woozily makes his way to his feet as Raynor flies at him with another elbow. Frost dodges to his right and Chris lands awkwardly into the ropes. The taut strands ricochet him back towards the chilly one, who catches the back of Raynor’s head on the rebound, using Chris’ running momentum to hit a colossal Neckbreaker! Raynor lies, metaphorically dead on the mat as Frost sits up to chuckle at the hushed crowd.

 

Stevens: “Ooo…Frost busts out a fierce neckbreaker on Raynor and tags in TNT.”

 

Frost rolls across the mat to slap hands with his partner and TNT slips into the ring through the second rope with a cocky strut while pointing at Edwin on the apron.

 

Riley: “That beating the Carnies took on Smarkdown is going to come into play here, as the Mag7 boys are a lot less beaten up.”

 

Stevens: “That was over four days ago!”

 

Riley: “It was a hell of a beating.”

 

TNT leans over to pull Raynor up by his hair and the grappler struggles to his feet. Chris tries to make a lunge for Edwin, but Thompson has him firmly in his grasp and jerk him backwards. He bends Raynor over at the waist and clubs him in the back of the neck with his fist until he drops to the mat on his face. TNT leans back into the ropes for a little added leverage and swings out and down with an elbow to the back of Chris’ neck. The Rayn Man clutches the back of his neck and pounds his feet into the canvas in pain. TNT rises up to his knees and flexes his muscles to taunt Edwin and earn the disdain of the audience.

 

Stevens: “TNT needs to stop showboating and worry about closing this match down.”

 

Riley: “You weren’t saying that when Edwin was prancing around like a fairy, making Frost look stupid earlier. Is someone a little bit biased?”

 

TNT wraps an arm up under Raynor’s right shoulder and lifts him to his feet. He takes a second to gain his footing and then throws Chris over his head and down to the canvas on his neck. He flops head over heels to plop on his face. Taylor rolls Raynor over and looks to make the cover. He drops to his hands in the push up position over Chris’ torso then shakes his head ‘no.’ The crowd reigns down with several jeers and Thompson smiles with delight. He rocks back onto his haunches and tags Frost back into the ring.

 

Stevens: “You’re saying I’m biased? You’ve been pulling for Frost and TNT the whole match and you can’t say that Thompson arrogantly not going for the pin after the half nelson suplex was not a little foolhardy.”

 

Frost steps over the top rope with his eyes glued on Edwin. He sends two short, stiff kicks into the side of Raynor’s head and then turns to glare at MacPhisto again.

 

Riley: “The difference is that everything I say is true. And the truth here is that these men aren’t after the gold, they want to retire both of these morons to the Old Wrestler’s Home so they can smelt crack pipes with Jake Roberts and trade war stories with Ted Flink.”

 

Raynor unsteadily tries to pull himself up to his feet, using the ring ropes as a proverbial ladder, but Frost steps back to back with him and wraps him around the throat to hoist above the canvas. Frost strolls out to the center of the ring with Raynor on his back and proceeds to ratchet down on the grappler’s neck with all of his sinewy might.

 

Stevens: “The hanging body vice Frost calls the Icelandic Backbreaker. However, that name can be a little misleading as the hold puts a lot of wear and tear on the neck as well, the body part that Mag7 has obviously chosen to work on.”

 

Riley: “Obviously? Well, duh. The neck is a favorite target of both men. Why? Because you can kill a guy working on it.”

 

Frost tilts over so far, his nose almost touches the canvas, while he wrenches down on the neck. Raynor flops and fidgets on Frost’s back like a dirty old rag doll. Edwin starts clapping his hands on the apron and the fans follow suit.

 

Stevens: “A wrestling ring is a very dangerous environment and both TNT and Frost show the strength and power to kill a man with almost any hold.”

 

Riley: “You ever heard of a guy dying from an armbar? Or keeling over from a kneebreaker? The neck…that’s the money part.”

 

Mark and Bobby’s comments can barely be heard over the booming thunder of the fans’ supportive clamoring. Referee Matthew Kivell raises Raynor’s hand up in the air to judge if he is unconscious and it stays weak, yet defiant in the air.

 

Stevens: “I could say something so dirty there, but we’re on national television.”

 

Frost screams at the crowd and shakes his head ‘no, no’ back and forth while knuckling down even harder. Edwin scrunches his face in thought on the apron and one can almost see the mythical light bulb going off over his head. Edwin cups his hands around his mouth and starts singing “Frosty the Snowman.” The fans slowly pick up on it and the tune swells throughout the arena with youthful glee. Frost stomps his feet as if he is a literal dumb brute and unceremoniously throws Raynor down so he can cover his ears with his hands.

 

Stevens: “…WITH A CORNCOB PIPE AND A BUTTON NOSE…”

 

Riley: (shouting to be heard) “OH, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BEING PROFESSIONAL AND ACTING LIKE A SERIOUS COMMENTATOR!”

 

Stevens: “…FROSTY THE SNOWMAN…”

 

Riley: “ALL OF YOU PEOPLE CAN GO RIGHT TO HELL AND SIT ON A HOT COAL UNTIL I GET THERE!”

 

Frost scampers over to TNT and tags out. Taylor tries to take Frost’s head on his shoulder in a comforting manner as he steps through the ropes, but the big man shoots his partner a perturbed look and steps to the apron with his hands clamped firmly over his ears while the song steadily dies down. In retaliation, Thompson goes to town on Raynor’s neck with various kicks and chops while he tries to crawl toward Edwin on the mat.

 

Stevens: “Chris is just a few inches away from Edwin, and…NO! Thompson grabs Raynor by his black pants, yanking the Carnie to the center of the ring!”

 

Raynor: “And now he’s working more on the neck by dropping a few ponderous elbows into the back of Chris’ collar!”

 

Thompson repeatedly drives the point of his elbow into Raynor’s neck as the wrestler shouts in anguish and holds the back of his sore vertebrae. Thompson finally jerks Chris up by his hair and unceremoniously shoves him back into the bottom right ring corner where he slumps down limp. Thompson saunters over to Edwin on the apron and lightly slaps him across each cheek.

 

Stevens: “TNT avenges the honor of his partner and soils Edwin’s.”

 

Riley: “It’s like a Shakespearean play with all of the rich subtext, just no cross dressing.”

 

Edwin puts one foot through the ring ropes and the fans burst out with anticipation. TNT takes a few steps back while pointing at Edwin for Kivell to take care of. Matthew gets under Edwin with his shoulder and tries to force him back to the apron. Meanwhile, Frost takes the referee distraction to choke Raynor out in the corner with his two mighty paws. TNT turns to spy this and charges into the corner with a knee lift to the midsection and the two men proceed to club Chris down to the canvas.

 

Stevens: “Look at that malicious double teaming by the Mag7 as the ref’s back is turned.”

 

Riley: “Yeah, ain’t it textbook?”

 

Kivell finally gets MacPhisto to take his specified place on the ring apron and he turns around just in time to miss the double team tactics. Thompson picks the stunned Raynor up and hauls him up across his shoulders in what he hopes to be the coup de grace.

 

Stevens: “IT LOOKS LIKE THE TKO AND WE COULD HAVE NEW CHAMPIONS!”

 

Thompson makes sure that he is facing Edwin as he swings his partner off his back and impales Raynor’s chin on his shoulder with a diamond cutter. TNT casually sprawls out over Chris with the mondo-arrogant cover.

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THRE-

 

Chris puts a lifeless foot on the ropes to break and the crowd explodes with joy as Thompson detonates with disbelief.

 

Stevens: “His overconfidence cost him there, Bobby.”

 

Riley: “Far be it for me to criticize the Mag7 here, but FOR CHRIST’S SAKE KILL THOSE FRIGGIN’ CLOWNS!”

 

TNT vaults to his feet and begins to verbally berate the referee, who yells back at the grappler and tells him to focus on the match. Thompson pulls the lifeless Raynor to his feet and bodyslams him to keep the wind out of his sails before tagging Frost into the ring. Frost steps over the top ring rope and promptly falls to the canvas with a knee drop to Chris’ chest and proceeds to choke away on his throat.

 

Stevens: “Frost resorts to more blatant choking and Kivell forces the break.”

 

Riley: “Kivell can’t ‘force’ anything as far as Frost is concerned. Lucky for him Frost chose to let go out of the kindness of his own heart.”

 

Frosty hauls Raynor up to his feet and pins the man under his armpit to set up the Ice Pick. Frost looks over at Edwin and draws his thumb across his throat in the classic “slice the throat” gesture.

 

Stevens: “That impailer DDT of Frost’s would most likely snap Raynor’s neck at this stage.”

 

Riley: “We can only hope.”

 

But overconfidence strikes the Mag7 again as Raynor uses the split second breather to muster all of his strength to ram Frost back into the nearest corner! Frost slams into the turnbuckles and loses his grip on the Rayn Man. Chris hobbles up onto Frost’s bent knees with his hands on the back of the man’s head and monkey flips him over to go sliding across the canvas to a massive pop!

 

Stevens: “HE COUNTERED THE ICE PICK AND NEEDS TO MAKE THE TAG, BUT CAN RAYNOR CONGREGATE THE STRENTH REQUIRED!?”

 

Raynor flops onto his stomach and commences the tortured crawl toward Edwin’s outstretched hand. Chris reaches up, his fingers only a hair’s breadth away from making contact, when Frost abruptly latches onto his ankle to prevent the tag! Thompson rushes into the ring and crashes an elbow to the back of Raynor’s head.

 

Riley: “The short answer there would be, ‘no.’”

 

MacPhisto tries to enter, but Kivell gets between he and Thompson as he yells at Taylor to move back to the apron. TNT takes Raynor by the ankles and drags him back toward his own corner before departing. Kivell convinces Edwin to stay put and turns back to the action as Frost makes the crawling tag to TNT.

 

Stevens: “TNT enters the ring PROPER this time without having to resort to cheating.”

 

Riley: “Here let me play the world’s smallest violin for you in sympathy, you ex-Carnie bastard.”

 

Raynor is back up on his hands and knees as TNT flies into the ring with a standing splash to the small of Chris’ back. He collapses to the mat and TNT grapevines the man’s arms with his legs while rearing back on his injured neck.

 

Stevens: “Yes, I am an ex-Carnival member and am proud to have served with such a noble and honest group.”

 

Riley: “Considering MacPhisto keeps getting tossed out of zoos for ‘playing suspiciously’ with the pandas.’”

 

TNT hops up and down on Raynor’s back for added agony as he wrenches on the neck. Kivell takes a crouched position in front of Chris asking him if he wants to give up. His tormented screams may indicate ‘yes,’ but his resolute head says ‘no.’ TNT crouches over Chris’ shoulders, as he cinches up on his neck and pulls it back at an unnatural angle

 

Stevens: “Thompson works the camel clutch as I cannot believe the pounding and submission holds Raynor has taken without giving up!”

 

Riley: “He’s a stupid caveman. He’s too dumb to feel pain. He’s too much of a moron to know when to give up. JUST SUBMIT ALREADY!”

 

Edwin yells ‘HEY!’ at Kivell who pivots his head to see MacPhisto pointing across the ring to signal Frost coming in. Matthew darts to his feet and heads toward the corner, but Frost stands breathing hard on the apron with his hands in the air to protest that he is doing anything wrong. This gives MacPhisto the opportunity to dash into the ring and dropkick Thompson full in the chest. Thompson falls off of Raynor and out of the hold in a heap, gripping his reddened chest in inevitable pain as Edwin scuttles back to the apron.

 

Stevens: “Listen to that screaming crowd. It might not be legal, but they seem to approve of the World Champion fighting fire with fire.”

 

Riley: “I wish he would just catch on fire.”

 

The ref spins back around at Frost’s assistance, but sees nothing. Edwin leans so far over the ropes his feet are not even touching the apron as he begs for the tag. Raynor begins his slow trek toward MacPhisto as the stunned TNT tries to gather himself and make the tag to Frost.

 

Stevens: “THE RACE IS ON, BOTH MEN NEEDING A TAG.”

 

Riley: “I NEED A DRINK! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! C’MON THOMPSON!”

 

TNT stumbles into his corner and slaps Frost’s hand to let him in and then tumbles through the ropes to the apron. The lumbering big man is not known for his speed and, with one last lunge, Raynor makes the tag to Edwin before Frost can reach him! Edwin vaults into the ring over the top ropes to a tremendous ovation! Eddie Mac sprints to the center of the ring, stops short, just halting long enough to reel backwards, and with a sudden burst of liveliness, he thrusts the plateau of his boot across the cheekbone of Frost with a stiff sidekick! Frost stumbles backwards, but manages to maintain his balance. Edwin observes this impressive feat by the icy monster, but spares him no time to recuperate, as once again he propels his right leg upwards, driving it into Frost’s jaw! Frost wavers backwards a bit, STILL attempting to stabilize his gigantic body with windmilling arms. Edwin steps over to finish the job and flicks Frost across the nose to send him toppling to the mat! Frost’s chilly face reddens with embarrasment, as he immediately twirls to his feet and stomps the mat in frustration.

 

Riley: “Showoff.”

 

Stevens: “And Edwin takes Frosty to the mat with a lack of ease, yet he still managed to maintain his flamboyant nature throughout the entire offensive sequence.”

 

Edwin elongates his right arm, slapping the other upon his hip, striking a Travolta disco pose as the fans explode in a flame of cheers and chuckles!

 

Riley: “How dare he! Making a mockery of Frost like that!”

 

Stevens: “And Frost doesn’t seem to appreciate this gesture to much either, as he makes a desperate charge towards the Mac Daddy!”

 

Frosty shambles across the ring, with his crosshairs set on Edwin, but MacPhisto leans forward, and receives the charging Frost with an elevated spinebuster! Ed lifts Frost high above the ground, struggling to heave Frost onto his shoulders, but his strength proves to be lacking as his body gives out and the Mac Daddy goes tumbling to the mat! Frost uses Edwin’s collapsing momentum to follow him down to the apron with a Lou Thesz Press, beginning to plunge a few sharp knuckles directly above the eyebrow of Edwin! Eddie Mac, who already bares a series of bruises collected last Smarkdown, immediately begins to shed a significant amount of blood, as the crimson fluid streaks down his face in ribbons.

 

Riley: “And Frost now has the advantage, playing this match in a methodical manner as he opens up those bruises that were originally engraved less than a week ago! MacDumbPhisto really should have considered dodging at least a few of those chair shots from the Boston Strangler.”

 

Stevens: “And Edwin has nowhere to go! Chris still remains in his nearly deceased state at the edge of the ring, laying on the outside ring apron and holding his neck, leaving his partner to fend off a two-on-one attack!”

 

Frost rolls away from Ed, and cumbrously paces back and forth inside the ring, pondering his next maneuver. Frosty gains an ‘eureka’ expression on his face, as he immediately meanders over to Edwin, who seems to have been playing dead! Edwin kips to his feet, spitting in the pit of his right palm and striking it across Frost’s astonished composition! Edwin continues to bombard Frost with slaps across the thick of his chest. Frost staggers against the ring ropes, again slightly humiliated in the presence of a jam-packed arena. Immediately after stumbling into the corner, Frost glances about, realizing that he is in his home corner, where TNT is situated just a foot away! Frost outreaches an arm, slapping it against that of TNT, who possesses a mischievous grin.

 

*** SLAP ***

 

Riley: “And now we get some fresh blood into the ring, as Thompson leans back, slingshotting himself forward and over the ropes, a single arm extended, as he crashes down upon Edwin with a flying forearm! Taylor knows how to use those ropes to his advantage alright, as that slingshot strategy may have given him the momentum he needed to complete a winning move!”

 

Stevens: “He makes the cover! Will it be enough?”

 

Riley: “Of course it will, look at Edwin, he’s practically dead, buried, and/or cremated.”

 

ONE!

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

TWO!

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

THHHHHH…TWO COUNT!

 

Stevens: “HE KICKS OUT! HE KICKS OUT! HOLY AMBIGUOUSLY GAY COLOR COMMENTATOR!”

 

Riley: “He’s not even aloud to kick out in the first pla…wait…an ambiguously gay what?”

 

Stevens: “And TNT is fuming! He’s just completed the famed cutthroat gesture, and is pointing into the heavens! Could this be leading where I think it is?”

 

TNT hastily jerks Edwin to his feet, scooping him up along the side, and off of the mat. Thompson spins around a few times with Ed still in his grasps, as the fans litter the arena with roaring boos.

 

*** SLAM ***

 

Stevens: “And TNT spikes Edwin into the mat with a sideslam!”

 

Riley: “Just making sure that MacPhisto is MacUnconsciouso as Thompson is now advancing up the turnbuckle, step by step!”

 

Taylor scales the ring post, ascending in a rather lethargic fashion, slowly but surely reaching the climax of the buckle. Thompson stands at the summit, gazing about at the fervent arena, and suddenly, he squats down and springs into the air! TNT soars with a single elbow outstretched, as he lands with a sudden impact that causes the ring to shake with its intensity! Edwin’s body flinches in throbbing pain as Taylor’s pointed elbow drives into the epitome of his neck, and he hooks his leg, making the cover!

 

Stevens: “SHELL SHOCKED! SHELL SHOCKED! This usually is used in order to set up Dynamite…can it end the match though!?!?”

 

ONE!

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

TWO!

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Riley: “HEAVENS TO BETSEY! HE KICKED OUT! THAT NO-SELLING SON OF A BITCH!”

 

Stevens: “Edwin proves to be in a desperate situation now though, very prone to any pain that the dynamite warrior may wish to inflict upon him.”

 

Riley: “TNT is a bit disappointed, but seems to know exactly what to do next, and is dragging Edwin to his feet by that poofy red hair of his.”

 

Thompson shoves Edwin into a corner, bringing his broad arm back, and slicing it across Edwin’s chest with a knife-edge chop!

 

“WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The audience, despite not necessarily enjoying this act of abomination, chimes in with some “Whoo’s” anyway, as in wrestling doing so is practically religion.

 

“WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

TNT mercilessly pounds on the chest of Edwin MacPhisto, tearing away at his black “OZZY 4 LIFE” muscle shirt to reveal his blemished chest. TNT shoots a quick glance at Frost, who glares back, and with an evil smirk concreted on his face, nods his head.

 

Stevens: “And Taylor has lugged the inert Crown Prince of Flash and Panache to the center of the ring, and entrapped his cranium in a standing headscissors!”

 

Chris, who has just managed to fully recover, cracks his neck once or twice, and notices this occurrence! Raynor hops over the top rope, just as TNT hooks the arms…

 

Riley: “What the hell is he doing in the ring!? Shoot him!”

 

The referee makes an effort to get rid of Raynor, but Frost wants to do the job for him as he trudges into the ring and nails Raynor with the heart punch known as the Touch of Frost! Chris goes flipping over the ring ropes to the floor on the stiff blow. Frost steps over the top ropes and hops down from the apron to follow. Frost grabs his opponent from behind, and pretzels his arm around his head, forming a cobra clutch!

 

Stevens: "It looks like Raynor wants to give up, but he's not the legal man. Kivell has just jumped to the outside in an attempt to break the two grappler's up."

 

Riley: “Don’t forget the action on the inside, TNT has lifted Edwin up onto his shoulders looking for Dynamite…WHAT THE!?”

 

Eddie Mac clears Taylor’s dreadlocked skull entirely, hurdling over it, and landing behind him! He reaches his arms backwards, hooking TNT’s, preparing him for the Encore Cross!

 

Stevens: “TNT is struggling to maintain his poise, leaning forward in order to avoid certain damnation!”

 

Riley: “Pfft…puh-leeze, Taylor could kick out of that wussy move ANY day of the week………any day………RUN AWAY TNT!”

 

Stevens: “And Edwin has almost…OH NO! IT’S CHRIS WILSON! CHRIS WILSON IS SPRINTING DOWN THE ENTRANCE RAMP!”

 

Riley [quickly smashing his visual monitor with a hammer]: “I don’t see anything!”

 

Stevens: “He’s got a chair, and the referee is distracted by the action on the outside, this is terrible!”

 

Riley: “Nothing at all!”

 

Wilson slides into the ring to a reaction of pure hatred from the crowd, positioning himself in front of Edwin. He slings the chair back, and with unbelievable force, smashes it across Edwin’s unprotected face, as a thick stream of blood gushes from his forehead!

 

Stevens: “And Ed couldn’t even BLOCK the damn thing as his arms were still intertwined with that of TNT’s! Edwin crumples to the mat, Chris bails up the entrance ramp, and here’s the referee!”

 

Riley: “Whew! I remember we had another monitor here…hey! TNT is lying on top of Edwin! I didn’t actually witness anything, but I’m sure Taylor demolished Edwin in a 100% CLEAN fashion!”

 

Stevens: “CLEAN TO THE LIKES OF YOU MAYBE! THIS IS A TRAVESTY!"

 

Kivell drops for the count.

 

ONE!

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

TWO!

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*** DING DING DING ***

 

Funyon: “The winner of this bout, and the NEW [unbelievably thunderous boos] SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…TNT and FRRRRROOOOOOOSSSSST!!!”

 

“Toxicity” starts up, and the audience begins to litter the ring with various trash. Frost drops Raynor passed out on the floor and enters the ring. He shoot a cold glance at TNT, who beckons for a hug, as both men are handed their own tag belt. The competitors raise their arms in victory, and slowly make their way out of the ring and up the entrance ramp, leaving a bloodied Edwin and a Caveman in need of a chiropractor behind them.

 

Stevens: “The horror! The horror! We have new tag team champions, but by what means?”

 

Riley: “And we’re out of time! Join us next Smarkdown to see in what new and inventive way Mag 7 will KICK SOME CARNIE ASS!”

 

The camera fades as TNT and Frost are pelted with garbage at the top of the ramp, the tag belts lodged firmly on their strong shoulders.

[Guest Ironman]

You got held down~!

 

Just kidding, I haven't finished reading your match.

[Guest chirs3]

As big a fan as I am of Edwin's writing of Stevens and Riley, I personally think TNT and Frost absolutely raped us on commentary. There's too much in here to point out specific examples, but I implore everyone, READ THIS MATCH!

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Yeah....they nailed that commentary!

 

You have no idea how close they were to beating you Chris and Edwin...they were one click away from it! I went back and forth over the two with my mouse, and I couldn't decide on which one to close....for like 10 minutes. Damn you people...I hate making tough decisions like that!

 

Da "want to go back and grade them again" H

[Guest El Luchadore Magnifico]

Ok, here is my match against Spider, by request of JD...

________________________________________________________________

 

The final commercial of the break fades away, but is quickly replaced by an impressive shot of the inside of the Greensboro Coliseum, centered on the massive SWFTron. Before long, the arena lights fade out slowly and then after five seconds of complete darkness, multi-colored lights start to flash on and off. The heavy guitar intro to Metallica’s “Leper Messiah” thunders from the loudspeakers as boos reverberate through the arena.

 

‘So says the Clan…’ Is projected onto the SWFtron in a red, gothic font. The text ripples and fades away…

 

Then the main guitar riff kicks in, marking the arrival of Spider Nekura at the entranceway, clad in the Clan’s black, hooded robes. His head is down but his hate-filled eyes, barely visible behind his thick black hair, are transfixed to the ring. Spider’s arms are outstretched in his ‘scarecrow’ pose as the IGNtron bursts to life, showing Nekura pull off various moves throughout his career.

 

Funyon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from England, weighing in at 231 pounds...Spiiiiider Nekuuuura!!

 

Spider soaks up the crowd’s hostile noise for a few moments, his shadowy figure lit up from time to time by the camera flashes and spotlights, before making his way down the ramp as the riff ends. He ignores the booing crowd and then climbs up onto the side of the apron as the growling vocals kick in. Nekura ascends the turnbuckles and outstretches his arms, posing for a few moments as the lyrics “Bow to Leper Messiah!” ring out through the arena. Nekura then jumps down to the canvas and pulls back his black hood. He removes his robe and then prepares himself for the match ahead, stretching lightly and moving around while the crowd’s booing dies down.

 

Stevens: And welcome back to SWF Storm, live from the sold-out Greensboro Coliseum! Up next, in what is sure to be an incredible contest, Spider Nekura of the Clan will take on El Luchadore Magnifico of the Midnight Carnival!

 

Riley: It’s so satisfying to see the members of these “unified” stables fighting each other tooth and nail. If anything, it assures me that the Magnificent Seven will be able to wipe all of them out with no trouble at all.

 

Suddenly, a Mexican voice shouts out, “UNO! DOS! TRES! CUATRO!” over the loudspeaker, surprising everyone but Spider as a burst of pyro shoots upwards from each turnbuckle in time with each shouted word. Getting over their surprise, the fans burst into cheers in anticipation, and only grow louder when El Luchadore Magnifico bursts out from behind the curtain, holding his Mexican Flag in one hand and the LHW Title in the other. Grinning wildly, Magnifico pauses at the top of the ramp and slowly raises both his arms in the air, creating a primo photo opportunity that many fans take advantage of.

 

Funyon: And now, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at 190 pounds, he is the SWF Light Heavyweight Champion...El Luchadoooooorre Magnificoooooo!!

 

Upon hearing his name, Magnifico breaks his pose and quickly heads down the ramp, slapping fans hands as he goes. When he reaches the ring, ELM slides beneath the bottom rope, drops the flag and the title, pops to his feet, and hops onto the nearby second turnbuckle, where he pumps his fist into the air repeatedly, sucking a little more heat from the excited crowd. Finally, Magnifico hops back off of the turnbuckle, gathers his belongings, and hands them to the referee. Seeing that everything is in order, the ref signals for the bell, as Magnifico and Spider face off for the first time.

 

DING DING DING

 

Stevens: Although they have tangled in a few Tag Team matches and a Three-Way Ladder match, Magnifico and Spider have never faced each other one-on-one before. But like you said, Riley, I’m not sure what the purpose of this match is when the participants are supposed to be allied.

 

Riley: It’s simple; they’re not! The Clan and the Carnival can say they’re allied or whatever as long as they want, but the fact of the matter is that the violent and storied history between the two stables will not disappear that quickly.

 

With the ringing of the bell still echoing within the arena, Spider and Magnifico begin slowly circling each other around the ring, moving towards the center of the ring and each other. As soon as they’re close enough, both men shoot out their arms and throw themselves into a lockup. Nekura quickly takes advantage, pulling Magnifico into a side Headlock and wrenching away at his neck. After a few seconds, Magnifico begins stepping backwards towards the ropes, pulling Spider with him. ELM bounces off of the ropes and uses the momentum to push Spider forward, breaking his hold and sending him towards the opposite ropes. Nekura bounces off and rushes back towards Magnifico, and as he approaches, the luchadore leaps straight up into the air, his legs extended for a Hurricanrana! However, Spider ducks beneath ELM’s legs and skids to a halt, turning to face Magnifico right as he lands! ELM spins around, coming face-to-face with Spider, and immediately takes a punch to the face from the Clannie! With a series of stiff and fast blows to the face, Nekura backs Magnifico across the ring, right into the ropes. Once there, Nekura grabs ELM by the arm and whips him across the ring, As Magnifico bounces off of the ropes, Spider steps into the center of the ring, bending over for a Back Body Drop as ELM approaches. Nekura grabs the running luchadore by the legs and quickly stands up, throwing him high into the air! However, Magnifico manages to flip forward in mid-air, landing on his feet right behind Nekura! But before the luchadore can even move from that position, Spider spins around and whips his leg out, slamming his foot directly into the back of ELM’s right knee! Magnifico cries out in pain and falls to his left knee, allowing Spider to lash out with his foot one more time, this time connecting squarely with Magnifico’s face! The fans OHHH! simultaneously as Magnifico falls limply to the mat, taken down by the force of the kick. Not wasting a second, Nekura falls to his knee and immediately makes the cover. The ref slides into position and begins counting as Spider hooks the leg...

 

ONE...

 

TWO-No! Magnifico kicks out right after two.

 

Stevens: As well as being skilled technically, Spider is also trained in many forms of martial arts, making his brutal kicks among the deadliest in the league.

 

Riley: And the best part is how quick he can connect! He can smash your head in before you can say contusion!

 

Spider goes right back on the attack after the kickout, grabbing Magnifico by the hair and painfully pulling him to his feet. Using his grip, Nekura pulls Magnifico towards the nearest corner, before yanking his head forward and slamming it into the top turnbuckle. Dazed from the blow, ELM collapses against the turnbuckles, leaning up against them for support. Spider begins kicking away at Magnifico’s vulnerable right knee, landing nearly a dozen kicks before grabbing the luchadore by the arm and pulling him out of the corner. Nekura attempts a whip, but Magnifico reverses it, sending Spider rushing towards the opposite corner. Spider turns while he runs and crashes back-first into the turnbuckles, cueing ELM to charge across the ring towards Nekura! However, the damage to Magnifico’s knee slows him down a bit, giving Spider enough time to dive out of the corner as ELM approaches, throwing himself right into Magnifico’s right knee and sweeping him off of his feet! Magnifico falls to the mat, his hands gripping his knee, as Spider pops back to his feet, ignoring the boos that emanate from the fans. Nekura takes a few stomps at ELM’s knee, then steps over the luchadore and hops onto the nearby second turnbuckle. Spider takes a second to work out his plan, then suddenly leaps off of the turnbuckle, extending his elbow in mid-air and dropping it on Magnifico’s knee as he falls! ELM lets out a cry of pain and grips his knee even tighter as an expressionless Nekura rolls back to his feet.

 

Stevens: Man, Spider is just ruthless on working that knee! Magnifico’s going to be in serious trouble if this continues.

 

Riley: Nekura taking out Magnifico’s knee is a brilliant, aggressive strategy! ELM will have a much harder time flying around the ring with a broken knee!

 

Spider delivers a few more obligatory stomps, then grabs Magnifico by the arm and jerks him to his feet. Using his grip, Nekura whips him towards the far ropes, then steps into the center of the ring as ELM is bouncing off. Magnifico rushes back towards Spider with a slight limp, and as he approaches, Nekura suddenly wraps his arms around ELM’s head and arm, interlocking his hands and setting him up for a Head-and-Arm Suplex! But before Nekura can deliver the Suplex, Magnifico quickly throws his knee forward, driving it into Spider’s gut and stunning him momentarily! ELM lands another knee and attempts to escape the hold, but Nekura manages to keep his grip as he shakes off the blow to the gut! Before Magnifico can attack again, Spider kicks ELM square in the knee, almost causing the luchadore’s leg to buckle from the pain! This distracts Magnifico enough for Nekura to quickly fall backwards, dragging ELM with him and driving his skull into the mat with a Head-and-Arm Suplex! The crowd OOOOH!s simultaneously as a dazed ELM lies face-up on the mat, his eyes staring blankly at the house lights as Spider covers him. Sliding into position, the ref begins to count as Nekura hooks the leg...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...No! Magnifico kicks out at two and a half, to the relief of the crowd.

 

Riley: Well done, Spider! He used Magnifico’s pain against him, distracting the luchadore enough to land a Head-and-Arm Suplex!

 

After the kickout, Spider quickly gets back on top of Magnifico, sitting on the luchadore’s chest and looking directly at him. Nekura grabs ELM by the hair, lifts his head a bit off of the ground, then rears back and pops the luchadore in the face! Maintaining his grip, Spider furiously bashes away at Magnifico’s face, not stopping his assault until he has landed numerous blows to ELM’s forehead. Even then, Spider refuses to relinquish his grip, instead using it to hoist Magnifico up to his feet. From there, Spider grabs ELM by the arm and whips him towards the far ropes. Magnifico bounces off and rushes back towards Nekura, and as he approaches, Spider spins and throws out his leg for a Roundhouse Kick! However, ELM manages to roll beneath Nekura’s leg, popping to his feet behind Spider and then spinning around to face him! Spider turns around as well, which Magnifico takes as a cue to lash his arm out, driving it into Nekura’s chest with a Knife-Edge Chop! The SMACK! that reverberates off of Spider’s chest is only rivaled by the WHOOO!ing of the crowd, as a surprised Nekura grips his chest and backs up several steps. Not slowing for an instant, ELM rears back and drives his arm into Spider’s chest once more, creating an even louder SMACK! upon impact! Another WHOOO! rises from the fans as Nekura backs up some more and ends up falling into the ropes.

 

Stevens: Magnifico is desperately trying to make a comeback with those stiff Knife-Edge Chops! Spider looked to be caught completely off guard!

 

From there, Magnifico grabs Spider by the arm and attempts a whip, only to have it reversed by the Clannie. ELM rushes towards the ropes, bounces off, and runs back towards Spider, and as he approaches, Nekura sidesteps towards him and throws his foot into the air, looking to connect with a Superkick! However, ELM manages to throw his hands up just in time, catching Spider’s foot in front of his chest! Magnifico quickly throws the leg to one side, spinning Nekura around. Once Spider is face-to-face with him again, ELM lands a stiff boot to the gut, doubling Nekura over! Magnifico quickly locks Spider into a Suplex position and lifts him into the air, holding Nekura perpendicular to the mat for a Brainbuster! But before ELM can drive Spider into the mat, the Clannie manages to twist out of Magnifico’s grip, landing on his feet right behind the luchadore! As soon as he lands, Nekura grabs ELM’s leg from behind and jerks hard on it, causing Magnifico to fall face-first to the mat! Once Magnifico is on the ground, Spider sits on his back, facing away from the luchadore, and begins crossing his legs!

 

Riley: The Web! Spider has Magnifico down on the ground, and is about to trap him in the Web!

 

As Nekura struggles with crossing ELM’s legs, the luchadore seems to suddenly snap to attention, realizing what Spider is trying to do. Magnifico quickly crawls over to and makes a dive for the nearby ropes, grabbing them and preventing Spider from locking in the submission. Nekura continues with the set-up for the Web, but grudgingly stops when the ref threatens him with disqualification. Undaunted, Spider stands up, only to quickly drop his knee down on the back of Magnifico’s right knee! ELM withdraws his leg and clutches his knee as Nekura stands up again, grabs Magnifico by his arm, and slowly pulls him to his feet. Using his grip, Spider whips Magnifico into the nearest corner, which ELM crashes into back-first. Nekura delivers a few more kicks to ELM’s knee, before grabbing him around the waist, lifting the luchadore into the air, and placing him on the top turnbuckle! As Magnifico sits on the top turnbuckle, somewhat dazed, Nekura grabs him by his right leg and extends it to its max. Spider suddenly jerks back on it while twisting to the ground, yanking Magnifico off of the top turnbuckle with a Super Dragon Leg Screw! ELM falls to the mat, clutching his knee and crying out in pain as the crowd OOOOH!s sympathetically.

 

Stevens: Ouch! Super Dragon Leg Screw from Spider as he continues to work over Magnifico’s knee. Nekura seems to be extremely skilled at attacking a single body part.

 

Riley: And why shouldn’t he be? An important part of combat is canceling out your opponent’s strengths, and that’s just what Nekura is doing by crippling Magnifico.

 

Nekura quickly gets back to his feet after and quickly continues his attack, stomping away at Magnifico’s right knee several times. He lands about ten stomps before heading over to the nearby corner, climbing the turnbuckles as ELM lays on the mat, clutching his knee in pain. Spider quickly reaches the top, standing up on the top turnbuckle and turning towards Magnifico as several fans rise to their feet in anticipation. Nekura takes a second to line himself up with Magnifico, then leaps off of the top turnbuckle, flipping forward in mid-air and crashing towards ELM with The Descent! Thousands of flashbulbs in the stands go off, lighting up the scene as Magnifico rolls out of the way, leaving Spider to crash to the mat face-first! A loud cheer rises from the crowd as ELM and Nekura lay side by side, temporarily motionless.

 

Stevens: No! Spider tries for the Descent, and misses! He must have thought that Magnifico would be too distracted by the pain in his knee to avoid the 450 Splash.

 

After a few seconds, both Magnifico and Spider begin to stir, as they turn onto their stomachs and begin pushing themselves to their feet. ELM is slowed down a bit by his knee, allowing Nekura to reach his feet first and approach Magnifico as he is standing. As soon as ELM reaches his feet, Spider rears back and unloads with a punch, only to have it blocked and returned by the luchadore! Nekura absorbs the blow, before rearing back and driving forward with his fist again, which is blocked and returned once more! Before Spider can give it another go, Magnifico blasts him with a punch of his own, beginning a blindingly fast series of jabs that backs Nekura across the ring! Spider is backed right into the ropes before ELM grabs him by the arm and whips him across the ring, stepping into the center of the ring as Nekura bounces off of the ropes. Nekura rushes back towards Magnifico, jumping into the air and throwing out his foot before ELM can defend himself! Spider spins in mid-air and throws his foot directly into Magnifico’s face with a Jumping Spinning Heel Kick, effectively cutting off any sort of comeback from the luchadore. The luchadore falls to the mat as the disappointed fans begin booing Spider.

 

Riley: Hahah, dumb little luchadore. Spider squashed that offensive streak quickly enough.

 

Stevens: It doesn’t look good for Magnifico. If he can’t keep up the attack, he won’t have a chance against Nekura.

 

Spider gets back to his feet after the Heel Kick and notices that Magnifico is lying face-up on the mat. Suddenly, he bolts towards the nearest ropes, jumps onto the second rope, and springs backwards, flipping backwards in mid-air for a Quebrada Moonsault! Nekura makes perfect contact with the Quebrada, crashing directly into Magnifico’s gut as the fans OOOH! simultaneously. Spider immediately makes the cover after impact, hooking the leg as the ref slides into position and begins counting...

 

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THR-Noo! Magnifico gets his shoulder up right before three, drawing a relieved cheer from the crowd. Nekura gets off of Magnifico and goes to his knees, looking a bit frustrated as he puts his hands on his hips and rests for a second. After the breather, Spider grabs Magnifico by the hair and stands back up, dragging ELM to his feet along with him. As soon as both men are standing, Nekura pulls Magnifico into a Suplex position, and then immediately falls backwards, slamming the luchadore to the mat with a Snap Suplex! Spider and Magnifico remain on the mat for a second, until Nekura turns onto his stomach and starts getting back to his feet, still holding ELM in the Suplex position! Nekura stands, dragging Magnifico with him, and immediately falls backwards again, driving ELM’s back into the mat with another Snap Suplex! ELM and Spider remain on the mat for a little longer this time, before Nekura begins pushing himself back to his feet once more, still maintaining his grip on Magnifico. Eventually, both men are standing again, but this time, Nekura attempts to lift Magnifico into the air for a Brsinbuster, looking to complete the Arachnophobia! However, ELM wraps his foot around Spider’s, blocking the lifting action and preventing the Brainbuster! Nekura tries once more, only to have it blocked again! But the strain on Magnifico’s leg from blocking the Brainbuster further pains ELM’s knee, preventing him from blocking it one more time as Spider lifts Magnifico into the air! Nekura holds ELM in the air for a second.....and then falls onto his back, slamming Magnifico’s skull into the canvas with the Brainbuster!

 

Stevens: Arachnophobia! Spider has completed his Arachnophobia Suplex combination, and that might be it for the luchadore!

 

Riley: That is it! Magnifico’s brains are scrambled like diner eggs!

 

A concerned OHHH! rises from the crowd as Spider floats over for the pin. The ref slides into position and begins counting as Nekura hooks the leg...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE-Nooo! Magnifico gets his shoulder up just in time, barely avoiding the pinfall as the crowd cheers wildly! Spider rolls off of Magnifico and looks at the ref incredulously, who just holds up three fingers and maintains his position. Silently cursing to himself, Nekura grabs ELM by the hair and slowly stands up, dragging the luchadore along with him. With Magnifico struggling under his grasp, Spider slowly gazes out over the crowd, giving the fans an idea of what’s coming next. The fans fear the worst, and begin booing like crazy as Nekura looks down on ELM.

 

Stevens: It seems like Spider has had enough of Magnifico! He might try to finish it off right here and now!

 

Riley: And what better time to do so! I’d be surprised of ELM knew where he was.

 

Nekura stares coldly at Magnifico for a few seconds, his hateful glare drilling a hole in the luchadore’s skull...then suddenly sticks his head beneath ELM’s arm and grabs him by the leg and arm, setting Magnifico up for the Stigmata! Moving quickly and swiftly, Nekura lifts ELM into the air and begins flipping him over to slam his skull into the mat, when Magnifico suddenly slips out of Spider’s grasp, landing on his feet and back-to-back with the Clannie! As soon as he lands, ELM reaches back and hooks both of Nekura’s arms, then bolts towards the nearby corner for the Baja California Crusher as the surprised crowd pops loudly!

 

Stevens: Reversed! Magnifico has reversed the Stigmata and is looking to land the Baja California Crusher!

 

Magnifico reaches the corner and runs up the turnbuckles, but suddenly cries out in pain as he tries to flip backwards off of the top turnbuckle! Unable to complete the backflip, ELM releases his grip and falls to the mat, clutching his knee in pain!

 

Riley: Nuh-uh! Magnifico’s knee is far too damaged to complete that move! It’s a shame, really.

 

Nekura, a satisfied grin on his face, grabs Magnifico by the arm and slowly pulls him to his feet, with the luchadore’s leg almost buckling as he stands. Wasting little time, Spider quickly reassumes the Stigmata position, placing his head beneath Magnifico’s arm, grabbing that arm, and gripping the opposite leg. Nekura immediately lifts ELM into the air, flipping him around above his head for the Stigmata! But when Spider begins driving Magnifico downwards, the luchadore suddenly hooks his legs around Nekura’s head, yanking back on it and pulling him down to the mat! Magnifico grabs Spider by the legs as he’s falling, rolliing the Clannie into a Modified Victory Roll! The surprised fans cheer like crazy as Spider struggles violently under Magnifico’s grip, desperately trying to avoid the pin that the ref is now counting...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEE! Spider escapes a millisecond too late, as the ref springs to his feet and signals for the bell! Nekura, looking confused and pissed, jumps to his feet and gazes at the ref as the undetected luchadore rolls out of the ring.

 

Funyon: Your winner, by pinfall, El Luchadoooooorre Magnificooooooo!!

 

Spider flies off the handle upon hearing this announcement, looking around wildly for Magnifico as “Mission Trip to Mexico” hits the speakers. When Nekura sees ELM, backing up the ramp with a tired smile on his face, he charges at the ropes, shouting unheard expletives at Magnifico. The luchadore only smiles wider and throws his fist into the air, drawing a loud pop from the crowd and further pissing off Spider.

 

Riley: Fluke! Joke! Magnifico got his ass kicked the whole match, only to be graced by some miraculous streak of luck and pin Spider up with a Victory Roll!

 

Stevens: Yup, that’s about what happened.

 

Riley: How does that not piss you off?!?

 

Stevens: Simple. Spider is evil and a meanie, and Magnifico is a cool Mexican guy. I think you can figure out who I wanted to win.

 

Riley: Blargh!

 

Stevens: While Riley has a conniption, we’ll take a commercial break. Stick around, because coming up next, we’ve got Thoth taking on The Boston Strangler for the Number One Contendership to the SWF World Heavyweight Title!

 

The last image broadcasted before the commercial is a triumphant El Luchadore Magnifico, his fist raised in the air and his face pained with a huge grin...