PROMO: Frontier Psychiatrist

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

“Edwin? Edwin, what happened to your hand?”

 

Edwin MacPhisto looks up from the bench press, rests the lightly weighted bar on the retainer, and works out the kinks in his bandaged palm. “Oh, that?” He lets out a sharp laugh. “Nothing really, Z. You know the coffeepots in the hotel?”

 

“The really cheap ones?”

 

“Yep. Mine..it gave me decaf instead of regular. Justice needed to be served.”

 

“…you beat up your coffeepot?”

 

Edwin laughs again. “No, no, not really. I dropped in the sink this morning, and please, please, remind me never to try and pick up broken glass without my contacts in.”

 

“Oog.”

 

“Oog? That’s putting it lightly, my alphabetically-challenged amigo.” The Mac Daddy sits up and stretches out his arms.

 

The weight room at the Halifax Metro Centre isn’t too crowded on this Saturday afternoon. Z and Edwin are the only ‘stars’ in there…off to the side, Matty Kivell is fighting his way through a set of sit-ups, and a few machines down, some of the local indy talents lucky enough to score a Smarkdown dark match are shooting the breeze. “Doesn’t it hurt when you do the bench press with your hand like that?” questions Z, wincing at the sight of a little red blooming on Edwin’s fresh bandage.

 

“Quite a bit, actually. But you know what they say, Z: no pain, no gain.”

 

“I guess…”

 

“And really, what’s a teensy cut to me?” smirks Edwin, his face as jovial as ever. “Monday night I’ve had the fortune of drawing Stubby’s own personal hit squad…if I’m going to get the paste kicked out of me Monday and then at Wargames, I figure I’d better get used to it, right?”

 

Again, Z replies in the semi-affirmative. “I guess…”

 

“What’s the matter, Z? You’re not your usual chipper self.”

 

“Ha! You’re one to talk.” Realizing what he just said about half-a-second too late, Z’s clasps his hand over his mouth as his eyes bug out. Edwin frowns. “Oh, Edwin, I didn’t mean that, I didn’t, you know, it’s just--”

 

“Z. Z! Calm down! It’s okay. You have every right to call me on my…distance, lately. I’ve been a bit distracted. Some personal things, plus everything with the M7…it’s quite the load.”

 

“I know, I know,” says Z, taking a seat on the bench next to the Carnie capitan. “It’s just lately, it’s been real weird. I mean, I know I’ve only been here for a month…but this isn’t how it always gets around pay-per-views, is it? Staring off into space for 5, 6 minutes at a time? Showing up to the arena late, not sleeping?” Edwin raises his eyebrows at that one. “The bags give you away, Edwin. I’m guessing you’ve been putting in…eh…3, 4 hours a night, at best.” The world champion gives a big laugh at this.

 

“What, since we had you put a little peroxide on our wounds, you really fancy yourself a doctor now?”

 

“No, no! That’s not it! It’s just…it’s odd, you know? This isn’t normal…is it?” Z’s brow furrows, and instinctively, Edwin opens his mouth with a grin to snap off a witty reply…but then closes it. His grin relaxes into a slight downturn, and he opens his mouth again.

 

“No…no, Z, it’s not.”

 

With the timidity of that chubby little kid asking the pretty girl to dance at the 6th grade Winter Wonderland ball, Z poses one more question: “Uh…if you don’t mind me asking…um…why?”

 

Edwin takes a deep breath.

 

“All right. I’ve been wanting to get it off my chest for a while now, and now’s as good a time as ever, right?”

 

“Uh…right! Yeah!” Z nods his head in affirmation, probably a good two or three times more than necessary.

 

“It’s about an old…colleague of mine, I guess. His name’s…” Edwin pauses, catching his lips and stopping his tongue as it begins to roll out across the roof of his mouth. He rethinks his words. “His name’s Nathan Kibagami.”

 

“Kibawazee?”

 

Edwin busts out a wide grin…a genuine one. “Kibagami. Japanese, I suppose. You wouldn’t know him, just this fellow I used to know. I…well, I hadn’t seen him in a long time. About a week ago he dropped by to pay me a little surprise visit.”

 

“That’s great!” beams Z. “I love seeing old friends! One time, down on the boardwalk in Seaside, I ran into my old friend Marty, who I went to my first Springsteen show with--”

 

“—I don’t really consider him a friend, Z.”

 

The Jersey shore nostalgia kick stops short. “Oh.”

 

“Yeah, well. He and I…god,” says Edwin, looking down at the floor for a few moments, “I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this. You’ve got some sort of bloody weird reliability about you…”

 

“I get that now and then…”

 

As Edwin continues, he chooses his words carefully, and it is evident in his surprisingly stutter-stop tone. “Anyway…Nathan and I…go back a ways. We had a bit of a…falling out, and since I haven’t really had occasion to see him much, him showing up last week set off a few bad memories, if you will.” Z nods, expecting more. “That’s…that’s really all I feel like saying about that, Z. I’ll tell you when your older, okay?” Edwin gives the newest Carnie a friendly punch on the shoulder, and Z can’t help but chuckle. He gets his composure back and looks at Edwin again.

 

“So…it’s just that? This Nathan friend of yours?”

 

“Well…no, not totally. That’s a big part of it, but…obviously there’s some stress about Wargames, and if you haven’t seen the card for Smarkdown yet--”

 

“Oh, I have,” responds Z, grimly. “If you need any help…”

 

“I think I’ve got it handled on my own, Z. I have an idea or two. But I’ll be damned if this isn’t bloody ridiculous…ugh, Stubby. Why’d the latest big bruiser in our neck of the woods have to go and make friendly with the commissioner?” Edwin shakes his head. “It’s not going to be fun.”

 

“But hey, look at it this way: no Nathan, right?”

 

Edwin cocks his head, thinks for a moment, and raises his eyebrows. “You know…I guess you’re right about that.”

 

“See! It’s not so bad!” Doctor Z seems to have come through again. “So it’s a lot of stress. As long as you don’t bottle it up, as long as you let some of it out, you should be fine! Lerrin won’t know what hit him!”

 

“No.” Edwin pauses, and looks down at the floor. “No, he won’t.”

 

“And that’s my official diagnosis!” Z gives his fearless leader a hearty pat on the back, then stands up. “That wasn’t so bad. I should make housecalls more often! But uh, listen, Edwin?”

 

Edwin’s still staring at the floor. “Yeah?”

 

“About Wargames…uh…do you think you could help me?”

 

“How?”

 

“Well, you win by submission, right?”

 

“Yeah, that’s the way it goes…”

 

“Uh…I don’t know how to put this, but…I don’t really do submissions.”

 

“You’ve got that…sitting…on them…thing…”

 

Edwin blinks, and realizing that sitting on someone isn’t exactly the sign of a technical mastermind. “Okay.” He rises, and brushes himself off. “Let’s get a little lunch, and I’ll try to give you a few pointers, all right? We’re not going to get Chris Wilson or Tyler McClelland to tap out to a chinlock anytime soon. Can you do an STF?”

 

“Uh…S…T…what?”

 

“Okay, okay. How about a dragon sleeper?”

 

“Er…”

 

“…Nagata lock? You worked with Ced, right? You must know that one…right?”

 

“Well…”

 

“…Figure Four?!?”

 

“Kinda…”

 

Things aren’t looking so good. Edwin speaks feebly. “…Boston crab?”

 

And Z’s eager eyes light up! “Ooh! Ooh! That’s the one where you grab their legs, right?”

 

“Well…uh…”

 

“And you pull them and stuff, right? Yeah!”

 

Edwin’s mouth hangs open for a moment before he gets the words out. “Moooore or less.” He lets out a small sigh. “I suppose it’s a start. Look, let me get my duffel, and we’ll talk this over some sandwiches and fine tea, all right?” Edwin gives Z a particularly big grin, maybe a little more than necessary, and ducks off to grab his bag. Z nods to himself.

 

I think I cheered him a bit, he thinks, as he watches Edwin give a little wave to a still-struggling Matty Kivell on his way to the locker room. Yeah, he thinks. I think I did a good thing.

 

But what was that name he said? Nathan Kibagami?

 

Huh. Interesting.

 

Nathan Kibagami.

 

I’ll have to look that up some time.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

Stop competing for me for most promos written in a period of three days, please.

 

kthxstfubye.

 

I'll comment for real in a sec.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Hey, we're 2 to 2 so far...

 

...and I'm gonna school you. Boyo.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

This one actually had a much lighter feel to it than the other two, and it is refreshing to me for some reason...

 

I don't know if its a bad thing, but the way you've built up the Edwin character in the past two years has made me want to crave his light-heartedness... even if it is just masked. The last few promos have not had ANY of that... and I missed it a bit.

 

I liked this one a lot, but Z still isn't going to get me to tap out...

 

Good job, Edwin... on to round 25432!

[Guest Ironman]

I think we can agree that Z carried this promo...

 

*plugs chat, leaves*

[Guest Kibagami]

Nathan Kibagami, eh? Sounds like a reeeeeeeeeeeeally scary guy.

 

 

Good stuff, Edwin, though I am still El Promo Ayatollah.

 

.::stands on the lawn::.

[Guest Ironman]

I 0wn you Silent.

 

..and why aren't you in chat?

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

I have to agree with whoever said Z owned this promo.

 

 

 

 

Some more good stuff... damn Silent has to be the most over leaguer in a while. Blarg.

[Guest Rabbi_wilson13]

Edwin, lying to poor Z! For shame!

 

"Uh..S...T...What?"

 

Z rocks the house and Edwin can still rock the house with the humor he's been missing lately. Good promo, sir, and WarGames are going to so freaking rule, Z knowing submissions or not.

 

But I believe you lads said you wanted a promo war? Well let's go, amigos.

[Guest kelloggs]

During WarGames someone needs to go down to the Nebelna(sp?), that sit on them embarassing thing sub. That would be hot as I only read about it in Puro sites and it sounds too funny. And Edwin this was one niiiiiiiiiiiiiice promo and a good change of pace. Teach Z a hot sub or WarGames will suck because I mark for him.

 

M. Francis

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Nice promo. Like the people above me said, the humor was a refreshing change from Outcast's promos about a dead wife, Edwin and Silent's promos about some dead girl and stalking each other, and Wilson blowing things up. Nice job, man. And Z's character was so friggin' funny in that promo! Seriously, Z, you need to write a promo or two! I miss all the funny stuff from the JL.

[Guest chirs3]

“And that’s my official diagnosis!”

 

Z, that's your new catchphrase. No, you don't have a choice in the matter.

 

And another fine promo from Edwin... damn, maybe I should actually write something sometimes soon... What with all this [finger quotes]Character Development[/finger quotes] and whatnot... when's the last time we employed the use of stuffed pandas, eh?

 

*fires up wordpad*

[Guest Lerrin Breggan]

This promo did remind me a lot more of the old Edwin. I do like how he has such a great internal struggle and there are things that really can get to the SWF champ! Good Promo, I enjoyed it thoroughly!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"Nathan Kibagami eh?

 

I can see that name on million T-shirts, caps and action figures.

 

Mothernature says..."