Losing match thread

[Guest Tod deKindes]

Not to be bitter; but King, how much did JD pay you?

 

---

 

(Deep in the heart of Brandon Walsh's hometown of Minneapolis, Minnesota; the Target Center is buzzing about this special XF9 themed night. Five matches in, and now it's time for some handicap action.)

 

Stevens: It's been a most peculiar night thus far, Bobby, it's like XF9 has taken over Storm!

 

Riley: I got TWO words for you, Salami: PLEEEEAZE!! This has been nothing more than the unfair POLITICAL MANEUVERING orchestrated by that TRAMP Sarah Farfeitnuggen!!

 

Stevens: It's Leavenworth.

 

Riley: Oyven-glayven.

 

Stevens: Leavenworth!

 

Riley: Love me tender!

 

Stevens: (sighs)...You're hopeless.

 

...

 

(Bell rings, signaling the next match.)

 

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a HAN - DI - CAP match, where BOTH members of X Force Nine will be allowed in the ring at the SAME time!

 

Riley: That is SO not fair!!

 

Stevens: What did you expect? Sarah booked this match!!

 

(Loads of pyro go off in the arena, as the lights suddenly go out. A voice echoes all of a sudden...)

 

*This*

 

*Is*

 

*MAH HOUSE!!*

 

(Almost fluidly, the opening notes of Rammstein's "Dü Hast" flow into the arena, signaling the arrival of one man...)

 

Funyon: Introducing first; from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada...He is a member of Creative Control and also the SWF Hardcore Champion. Weighing in at 250 lbs, Jamie Drazon, but he's also known as...Jaaaaaayyyy Daaaaawwwwwg!!

 

(As the german power techno explodes into an aggressive beat, JD walks out from behind the curtains with his head hung down in its usual manner. His pacing is a little quicker than usual, as he almost immediately heads towards the ring, rolling under the bottom rope; knowing what kind of match is ahead of him.)

 

Riley: You have no choice but to admire this man's courage, Ground Ham!! Jay Dawg is going it ALONE tonight against two top members of XF9!! It will be a MIRACLE!!

 

Stevens: A miracle?

 

Riley: A MIRACLE, I say. When Jay Dawg actually defeats TWO Niners ALL - BY - HIMSELF!!

 

Stevens: We'll see about that.

 

(JD looks at no one in particular and eventually finds his corner for his usual bit of pre match mental preparation. As his music dies down, he places his hands on his thighs, awaiting the competition.)

 

Funyon: And their opponents...

 

(As the original lighting makes way for a blinding array of rave like strobe lights, and as smoke fills the entrance way, we hear Slipknot's "I Am Hated" explode out of the speakers. As the black and green logo of XF9 flashes on the Smarktron, Funyon talks the talk...)

 

Funyon: Representing the X Force Nine, at a total combined weight of 378 lbs, they are ... Tod - deeeeeeee - Kiiiinn - deeeeeeess...and his tag team partner ... Annie - Eeeeeee -clectiiiiiiiic!!

 

(Tod power walks out to his usual violent pace, obeying his theme song's intense rhythm; but his partner is a step slower behind him. Annie has a noticeable limp in her step, as her ribs and left leg are heavily taped.)

 

Riley: Hey look, Annie cut herself shaving!!

 

Stevens: ...

 

(Tod rolls under the bottom rope into the ring while Annie is still halfway down the ramp. Tod tries to throw his game face look at JD, but HE's staring at his female arch rival. Tod thinks nothing of it at the moment, as he climbs to the second turnbuckle, unleashing his mighty roar to the fans. He peers out towards ringside and sees Annie gingerly grabbing onto the middle rope to boost herself up. Tod walks over as the two clasp hands, helping her up onto the apron. She enters the ring clutching her midsection, contenting herself by raising a solitary fist to the crowd. )

 

Stevens: Annie Eclectic does NOT look in the best of shapes, Bobby.

 

Riley: I can only approve, Sand Bag! JD has put challenge after challenge after challenge in front of Annie and as you can see, it's taken its toll on her!

 

(As Tod untrenches and unshades himself, Annie grabs the microphone from Funyon's hands and requests for the music to be cut. )

 

Stevens: It looks as if Annie's got something to say ...

 

Riley: YOU DON'T SAY, oh master of the obvious.

 

Stevens: Shut up.

 

(While Tod patiently waits in the corner, JD and Annie stand face to face in the middle of the ring. Referee Mark Hebner stands nearby, ready to ring the bell at the first sign of action. )

 

Annie: (despite her injuries, you can almost see the determination in her face) ... Jaaaaay Daaawwwwwg! ... Jaaaaayyyyyy Daaaaawwwwg! ...What more do you want from me? ... You've sent each and every one of your love slaves against me ... And I gotta admit they've done their job fairly well ... But you won't break me, JD ... Now thanks to Sarah, we're going to do a little Creative Control of our own. So tonight, paybacks are a BITCH, Jamie! And this Hardcore title of yours, be prepared gonna kiss it good bye, 'cause it's coming back to XF9 ... and it's coming back where it belongs!

 

(The crowd pops at Annie's determination, but their cheers quickly turn to groans and boos as JD coldly knees her in the ribs and drops her with a gut buster! )

 

Stevens: COME ON!! That was a cheap shot!!

 

Riley: Go get 'em, JD!!

 

(Hebner tosses the dropped microphone to ringside and orders the bell to be rung, while Tod pounces on JD and hammers away at him with a series of rapid fire right hands to the side of the head. Annie rolls to ringside and leans herself against the ring steps, clutching her aching ribs. Hebner ignores her for now, instead focusing on the action inside the ring. )

 

Stevens: Tod deKindes is not about to let his partner get attacked like that, and now he is taking it to Jay Dawg!

 

Riley: Like THAT'll last. Feh.

 

(Tod tries to just about punch JD's face off, but he doesn't notice that JD has staggered to the nearest corner, prompting Mark Hebner to call for the break. Tod steps out, allowing both men to circle each other in center ring. They connect with a lock up, but Tod almost immediately grabs an arm wrench out of the whole deal. He cranks on the hold, as JD screams in pain at his arm being twisted in such ways. JD counters with his own arm wrench but Tod ain't having none of that and recounters into a rear hammer lock. He then floats over into a regular head lock, and then into a short drop toe hold, sending JD flat on his face. Tod quickly floats over again and grabs a front face lock, grounding the Hardcore champion. )

 

Stevens: A technical series to start the XF9 team's offense, and Tod has Drazon reeling in the center of the ring.

 

(Drazon pounds against the mat, psyching himself up. Using a sudden burst of strength the Hardcore champion draws himself up to his knees ... then rises up to a near standing position. Tod squeezes and flexes his arms trying to subdue Jay Dawg back down but Drazon gives Tod a swift elbow into the ribs. A second shot releases the hold, giving Jay Dawg back the ability to stand up straight. The no-selling bastard shakes his head, clearing his mind before readying himself for his next attack. Drazon makes a run at the side of the ring, leaping in the air and jumping onto the second rope. Rebounding back from the force, Drazon twists in mid air and knocks Tod down with a flying clothesline!)

 

Stevens: Jay Dawg has surprisingly beaten the odds to start, taking Annie out quickly and concentrating on the remaining member of the XF9 team!

 

Riley: Intelligence, strength, and cunning. Jay Dawg exemplifies Creative Control in a subtly sexy package. Batteries not included.

 

Stevens: Let's try not to talk about Jay Dawg's package on the air, shall we Bobby?

 

(Jay Dawg pops back to his feet, dropping a few knees into the throat of Tod deKindes. The crowd show their anger at the low tactics of the Hardcore champion as Hebner gives a warning to Drazon. Jamie brings Tod to his feet and hooks on a front face lock, bringing the XF9er's arm up over his head. Tod recovers enough to send a weak jab into Drazon's side but he simply ignores it, lifting Tod up over his head. Jay Dawg falls backwards, crashing Tod down hard to the mat. Drazon rolls with the impact, bringing Tod back into a front face lock. Jamie lands a hard knee into the gut of the german one and breaks the hold, twisting around to lock his arms behind him. The Hardcore Champion grunts and flips back, dragging his opponent up and over, throwing him nearly halfway across the ring.)

 

Stevens: Vertical suplex into a release German suplex! Jay Dawg is handling this rather easily, and I for one think a bit too easily. Where has Annie gone?

 

Riley: I wouldn't be surprised if that bitch ran away fast. She's all talk, and knows when she's going to get whooped, even when the odds are supposedly in her favor!

 

Stevens: That's not Annie's character at all, we've seen time and again how she is completely unwilling to run from a fight. Where talking about a woman who took on Lerrin Breggan, Sacred, Perfect Bo, and Jay Dawg all face to face!!

 

Riley: And what did it get her? Broken and bruised, and now she is absolutely WORTHLESS to her tag team partner right now!!

 

(Drazon rises to his feet and floats over to the fallen Tod. Dragging the 9er up to his feet, Jamie shoves him hard into the corner and follows in with a hard right hand. Jay Dawg continues to punish Tod by throwing hard fists into his face as Mark Hebner makes good use of his five count …

 

ONE....

 

TWO....

 

THREE....

 

FOUR....

 

... and Drazon breaks the punching combination. He turns to break clean from the corner, but instead comes back to put a full chokehold flush on Tod's neck. Hebner begins another five count but Drazon breaks at four. The crowd begins to get louder in their disrespect for the Hardcore champion as he follows in with another chokehold which drops Tod down to a sitting position before Hebner can begin to count.)

 

Stevens: Even when in control does Drazon have to resort to bully illegal tactics in this match? He has Tod where he wants him, but decides to try to choke him out rather than take him down honorably!

 

Riley: HONOR? It's two on one, Stevens! Even if the whiny one isn't in the ring at the moment, it's survival in here, not win brownie points with you, Hound Dog!!

 

(Jay Dawg grabs the left leg of Tod and walks backwards, dragging Tod to the center of the ring. Jay Dawg raises the leg by the ankle and falls sideways, dropping an elbow on the side of Tod's knee. Jay Dawg pops back up to his feet still holding Tod's leg by the ankle. Drazon drops another elbow into Tod's knee, relishing the scream of pain elicited from the XF9er.)

 

Stevens: Jamie has set the pace of the match effectively, even if his methods aren't always legal. He has Tod down and slowed, and still no sign of the Hardcore Queen.

 

Riley: I told you Stevens, she up and ran! She left little Tod all alone to deal with the Hardcore Champion, and is licking her wounds somewhere in the back.

 

Stevens: She hasn't and you know it. She's got too much heart, and way to much animosity against Drazon to just turn and run.

 

Riley: She's GONE, I tell ya! And now JD is gonna take of Tod just like time caught up with Kraftwerk!

 

Stevens: Hey now, I like Kraftwerk.

 

Riley: …

 

(Jay Dawg saunters over to the corner of the ring, looking back to check if Tod is still down on the mat. Climbing up the ropes, Jay Dawg reaches the top rope, and slowly turns around, keeping his balance and staying perfectly perched upon the top rope. Drazon looks over, measuring the distance he needs to leap. Bending his knees for the jump, Jay Dawg prepares to fly across the ring... until the ropes he stands on are suddenly no longer underneath him. The crowd pops at the sight of Annie E hanging on the top rope, using her weight to dislodge her hated enemy off the turnbuckles and crotch him hard.)

 

Stevens: There's the answer to that question! Drazon spent too much energy looking after Tod, completely forgetting about the one person in this league that's gunning for him the most!

 

Riley: Isn't that a disqualifiable offense! Ref! Do something about this!!! Hebner!! Earl!! …DAVE!!

 

Stevens: It's Mark.

 

Riley: That's what I said!!

 

(Annie E slowly gains purchase on the ring apron, using the top rope to bring herself to her feet. She begins to climb the turnbuckles behind Drazon, visibly favoring her left leg in the climb. She plants her right foot on the second rope, and wraps her arm around the head of the stunned Jamie Drazon from behind. Using all her strength she pushes off the second rope with her right leg, leaping up and over the top rope into the ring.... dragging Drazon's head behind her. Annie E drives the Hardcore Champion's face into the mat with the impact of landing...)

 

Stevens: Bulldog off the top rope! XF9 has turned the match around, possibly for the remainder of the match! Tod is slowly getting back up and Annie E has renewed the attack! Can they finish off the Hardcore Champion and give the Angel a small measure of revenge?

 

(While Annie rolls over to her side, clutching her ribs, Tod rolls on top of JD for the attempted cover. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH-- …

 

(Kick out by the champion. Tod shakes off the earlier attack to HIS leg and whips JD to the ropes. Tod extends his boot and jams it in JD's stomach with a gutshot, doubling him over. Tod throws himself into the ropes and connects with a huge swinging neckbreaker. He throws himself into another adjacent set of ropes and nails a nasty looking knee drop right on the forehead. Cover. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH- …

 

(Kick out once again by the champ. JD tries to seek refuge in the corner, but Annie cuts off his self-imposed rest period as she wildly hammers away at him with right hands. The crowds erupts at the resurgence from the Hardcore Queen. )

 

Riley: Look at her go!! This should not be legal, Ground Beef!!

 

Stevens: This is for all the months of hell she's been through!!

 

(With Tod waiting in the wings, Annie Irish whips Jay Dawg into the opposite corner, where he hits hard. Tod charges and nails a NASTY corner spear, driving the air out of the champion. He grabs hold of both arms and connects with his overhead release double underhook belly-to-belly suplex. Jay Dawg staggers up to his feet once again, but Annie shuts out all the pain in her knee, bounces off the ropes and comes right back, nailing the champion with a HUGE flying forearm. She falls on top for the cover. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-…

 

(Nope, another kick out by JD. )

 

Riley: What an effort by the champion!! His mama should be PROUD of him!!

 

(Annie raises up JD for some more offense, but his hand suddenly locks itself on her throat! He pushes her back into a corner and starts choking her out! Seeing his partner in such a bad way, Tod charges at his opponent; but it's almost as if JD has eyes in the back of his head, as he quickly turns around and FLOORS Tod with a brutal clothesline. He goes back to his preferred choke hold in the corner on Annie, prompting Mark Hebner to step in with his five count once again. )

 

Riley: Come on, squeeeeze, JD! Squeeeeze!!

 

Stevens: Bobby, you sound like you're doing a #2!!

 

Riley: …

 

(Meanwhile, Tod recovers from his clothesline as he slowly gets up to his feet. He sees Annie still in the chokehold, and charges once again. JD once again moves, causing the two partners to collide in the corner … sending Bobby Riley into fits of laughter. )

 

Stevens: … It's not funny, Bobby. Annie and Tod both collided severely and she could be hurt!!

 

Riley: Yeah, ain't it a HOOT!!

 

(Tod staggers back and notices what he's done, but he barely has time to turn around and see JD advancing on him. He fires a superkick attempt squarely at his head, but JD catches the leg, spins Tod around and catches him in a beautiful capture suplex that sends Tod flying overhead all the way to the opposite turnbuckles. He looks from one corner to the other, seeing two options opening up in front of him. Who's ass to kick first? Surprisingly, he heads towards Tod; feeling confident that he can finish off Annie later. )

 

Stevens: Oddly enough, Jay Dawg decides to focus his offense on Tod deKindes.

 

Riley: NO!! Come on, JD!! He's NOT the one you wanna kill!! Just let that little nazi crawl to the mat and focus on ANNIE!!

 

(Bobby Riley's plea falls on deaf ears for the moment, as JD Irish whips Tod to the ropes. Tod ducks under the ever present clothesline and back elbow, but on the third bounce, JD catches Tod with an Owen Hart-esque overhead belly to belly throw. He quickly falls on top of Tod for the cover. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

(But that's not enough to keep the still somewhat fresh Tod down for the count of three. Both men end up back on their feet, trading right hands. Drazon gets the better of that exchange for the moment, as he attempts another Irish whip to the ropes on Tod, which is duly reversed by the german grappler. JD ducks under a clothesline, but he's seen this before, as he hangs onto the ropes in order to avoid the resurgent back elbow on the second bounce. Tod suddenly charges at him in hopes of a clothesline out of the ring, but JD thinks quick and backdrops Tod clear over the ropes … but he lands on the apron! Drazon, unaware of Tod's safe landing. Tod grabs a handful of hair and YANKS JD down to the canvas with authority. Meanwhile, Annie is back on her feet. The two Niners nod to each other, as Annie grabs both of JD's legs. )

 

Riley: NO! Not the package!!!

 

(Tod pulls himself on the ropes and propels himself back inside the ring and drops a big elbow on the chest of JD, all while Annie drops a castrating leg drop onto Jay Dawg's … "package". )

 

Stevens: And a nice double team on the part of the XF Niners!!

 

Riley: Seriously, what is WITH Annie's hatred of other men's … "prized possessions" ?? Every time, she's got to DESTROY another man's dream of progency!!

 

Stevens: Progency?

 

Riley: Yeah, you know when a man … reproduces.

 

Stevens: You mean progeny?

 

Riley: I said PROGENCY!!

 

Stevens: Or is it procreation?

 

Riley: It's PROG-- … Aw hell, look it up.

 

(Everybody's back up. Double Irish whip to the ropes on the Hardcore champion. In another neat bit of double team offense, Tod catches Jay Dawg in a flap jack as Annie completes the move with a wicked looking Rocker Dropper, drawing a pop from the impressed crowd. However, still smarting from her injuries, Annie recoils back on the mat, clutching her knee in pain, realizing she shouldn't perform power moves like that. Tod doesn't think about that for the moment as he rolls Jay Dawg over on his back and hooks the leg for the cover. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-- …

 

(Another kick out by Drazon. Despite the pain, Annie is back up, laying into JD. Snapmare by Annie leaves Jay Dawg in the middle of the ring in a seated position. Both Niners back into a corner and comes right off smacking Drazon in the back of the head with a BRUTAL double seated drop kick. Drazon holds the back of his head as he tries to stagger up to his feet. He ends up in a corner where Tod and Annie meet up with him and absolutely MURDER him with kicks to the mid section. Double Irish whip to the opposite corner. Tod goes to Irish whip Annie in that very same corner occupied by JD, but she reverses and sends Tod instead, who collides with a nasty corner clothesline, which is followed up by a crisp running bulldog ala Raven. Cover. Annie quickly falls on top for the cover. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH-…

 

(Kick out once again by the champion. Tod, wasting no time, grabs the hardcore champion in a front face lock and throws his (JD's) arm up over his (Tod's) head, and casually snaps him off with a crisp snap suplex. He holds onto the face lock, rolls JD over and back into a standing position. He lifts up the champ once again, this time dropping him face first with a front suplex. He lifts up Jay Dawg for a third time, but this time Annie comes in and grabs her own half of the double suplex. They lift up the champ and almost carelessly drop him stomach first across the bottom rope. While Annie watches on, Tod goes over to the apron, signaling to the cheering crowd that he's gonna fly. He springboards up to the top rope and leaps off … but Jay Dawg moves!! )

 

Riley: Atta boy!!

 

(As Tod lands flat on the mat in front of Jay Dawg, the champ blocks an oncoming right hand attempt from the apron by Annie, grabs her head and then snaps her neck across the top rope. He quickly slides back into the ring, watching Annie gasp for air, while clutching her throat. Nonetheless, seeing her deadly foe, she runs at him, lunging forward with a clothesline attempt but Jay Dawg ducks and connects with a HUUUGE roundhouse kick to the head! )

 

Riley: SWEET TOOTH LOOSENING~!! SWEET TOOTH LOOSENING~!! Jay Dawg is on the comeback trail!!

 

(Tod tries a charging attack of his own towards JD, but he's caught and brought down with authority with a nasty looking T-Bone suplex courtesy of the champ. Annie staggers to her feet, holding her jaw, but Jay Dawg is quick with a go behind and a brutal german suplex, bridged into a pinfall attempt. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR- …

 

(Save is made by Tod. Once JD is up, Tod tries another clothesline on him, but JD catches his fist and cleverly turns it into a Northern Lights suplex for another pin attempt. )

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH- …

 

(Kick out by Tod. JD sees both of his opponents trying to make their way up to their feet, so he's gotta think quick and do something … so he clips Annie behind the leg, making sure she stays down! He quickly refocuses back on Tod with a gut shot and a VICIOUS face first DDT! )

 

Stevens: And there's the JD DDT!! Jay Dawg could take it right here!!

 

Riley: The cover!!

 

ONE!

 

TWO

 

THR- …

 

(Close kick out by Tod. Knowing full well that Annie is out of commission for the rest of the match, Jay Dawg orders Tod to get up to his feet, most likely signaling that he's ready to end this match. )

 

Riley: Yes! Yes! Yes!! He can almost feel it now, Blast Pit! Jay Dawg can almost TASTE the fact that he has beaten not one but TWO members of XF9!!

 

Stevens: Jay Dawg is no doubt setting up Tod deKindes for his JD's Revenge! If he hits this one, no doubt it'll be over; UNLESS Annie Eclectic has anything to say about that!

 

(JD goes for a kick in the gut, but Tod catches the foot and spins him around! Irish whip reversal sequence leads to the referee getting bumped when JD leapfrogs a charge, causing Tod to spear the ref by mistake. )

 

Stevens: Good Lord, the referee is DOWN!!

 

(JD profits from the brief distraction as he BLASTS Tod with a brutal Sweet Tooth Loosening. He looks around, stomps Annie for good measure and goes outside; where he retrieves a kendo stick…and while he's at it, Annie's own sheathed kendo stick.)

 

Stevens: Come on, what's he doing with THAT!?

 

Riley: That's what I call "making the best out of a given situation", Grand Stand!

 

(Back in the ring, JD has Annie's stick in hand while the other lies around nearby. He looks at both his opponents and almost smiles at the carnage that he'll allow himself to spread, especially with no referee.)

 

Stevens: Wait a second.

 

Riley: Hey look, it's Lerrin Breggan!

 

(For no adequate reason, Lerrin walks down to ringside to watch the proceedings, but he's more interested in putting some hurt on the Niners. JD barely acknowledges him with a look … as Lerrin starts hammering away on Tod!!)

 

Stevens: What the HELL!?

 

(JD watches with glee at the new development, but what he doesn't see is Annie crawling up to her knees. Meanwhile, the crowd cheers as someone else is running down…)

 

Stevens: It's Longdogger Pete!!

 

(Pete arrives at ringside and dutifully kicks Breggan's ass, dragging him away from Tod. As the two brawl, Tod recovers from the attack, but doesn't see JD behind him wielding the stick. What *JD* doesn't see is Annie creeping up behind him and SCORING with an upper nut!)

 

Riley: This is chaotic!! Do something, referee!!

 

Stevens: Breggan and LDP are fighting at ringside and now Team XF9 is turning things around!

 

(Annie gets her hands back on her kendo stick, gripping it firmly with both hands and getting up to her feet; all while Tod is also getting up and getting his hands on the OTHER kendo stick left behind by Jay Dawg. Both Niners are up, they nod to each other, swing…)

 

CRAAAACK!!

 

Stevens: Oh my GOD!! A DOUBLE KENDO STICK SHOT TO THE HEAD OF JD!!!

 

(Annie falls on top of the champ while Tod and Pete (who had gotten the best of Breggan) roust Mark Hebner, who does the Trademark Hebner Slow Count.)

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THREE!!

 

(Bell rings, as A.W.K.'s "She Is Beautiful" fires up on the speakers.)

 

Funyon: The winners of this bout…the team of…Tod deKindes and Annie…Eeeeeeeclectiiiiiiiiiic!!!

 

(As Pete rejoins his teammates for an in-ring celebration, both JD and Breggan stagger off towards the back.)

 

Stevens: What a HUGE win for XF9, as Annie pins the Hardcore champion!!

 

Riley: Yeah, BY CHEATING!! WHAT THE HELL?!…This is not over…This is NOT over by a longshot!!

 

(As the three XF9ers celebrate in the ring, we fade away to commercials.)

 

…

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Not to be bitter; but King, how much did JD pay you?

 

 

Fuck you too.

 

 

 

I'll give you my thoughts another time.

[Guest redbaron51]

I'd like you to read my match...

 

 

 

that is all

 

 

damn work

[Guest Perfect_Bo]

I wonder if Sacred ever finished the match? I knew he was busy and all, but I'm just wondering... I think my ending of the match was fuckin good... But what the hell... It's all good...

 

Bo