Me, Myself, and My Pain

[Guest Powerplay]

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

 

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

 

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

 

Invictus by William Ernest Henley 1849–1903

 

William Hearford walks down the dank, concrete halls of the The Slaughterhouse. He’s not Judge Mental right now, his job is done. He walks down the hall alone, his footsteps reverberating through the clammy utility hall. Why he walks down here, even he doesn’t know, all he knows is that he needed to walk alone after his victory over Blank. Why did you do that to the man? Asks a voice in his head. Why did you want to hurt him like that? Mental answers aloud.

 

“You saw what he did. He thought he could cause pain. I gave him a brief show of what true pain was.”

 

And who are you to judge what true pain is?

 

“I’ve experienced true pain. I’ve had my soul ripped apart by people…. Do you think he could understand that?”

 

So you nearly break his back? You sink to his level?

 

“I didn’t sink to his level. His violence was random; mine was to teach a lesson. I showed him that he doesn’t know anything about causing pain.”

 

You’ve felt the pain. Why do you spread it to other people?

 

“Because other people spread it to me. Why should I, a single man, stop the path of the pain given to me by thousands of other people?”

 

You can’t stop it because you aren’t strong enough to.

 

Mental stops walking.

 

“Strength? Strength?! STRENGTH?! I could have ended that man’s career out there tonight! I COULD HAVE ENDED HIS LIFE! It was my choice not to! I could have just as easily pulled harder and broken his back! I made the choice not to. Me, and no one else. I control my fate, my destiny, my future. I have the strength to do whatever I want now.”

 

He begins walking again, now in an angry fashion.

 

You used to be strong. You used to be able to choose what you did.

 

“I was weak. I had no power back then. I was a clown. I was a fool. The crowd controlled me, the people controlled me. I had no control over my life.”

 

So it is better to be a slave to your impulses, like a wild animal?

 

“At least, as an animal, I know I’m acting in my best interests. The people that controlled me before, they used me. When I was done they discarded me like a child’s plaything.”

 

If you have the strength, if you have the control, why don’t you stop? Why do you become what you hate? Deep down, you don’t want to do this, yet you still do. Why?

 

Mental stops again. The anger washes off his face for a moment, revealing a softer, more human looking man. He stands completely still, lost in deep thought. He closes his eyes slowly, and his face hardens back to normal.

 

“Because it’s the only way I can remove the pain from my mind. When I got up to my knees that after that match in Detroit, I cried. I cried not because of the physical pain I was in, but from what those people did to me. They abandoned me out there. I was left feeling emotionally naked in front of thousands of people, as ashamed as Oedipus after he learned the truth about his origins. Everyday, I feel that pain inside of me, like a wound that refuses to heal. It festers still, lingering on in my soul in my every waking moment. Today, when I heard Blank scream, the pain eased a little. It didn’t do much, but it did something. And until that pain is gone, I’ll do whatever it takes to cure it.”

 

The voice is silent. Hearford waits a moment for a response, but hears none. With that, he walks back the way he came, ready to find out his next match.

[Secret Agent 0]

wow thats some pretty intense stuff there. I can't wait to see the next development in the Judge's court!

[Guest kelloggs]

n00b's that promo...I'm loving it...and why must they all have ideas of where they want their characters to go.

 

It took me a month of matches, TNT jobbing me the TV title AND joining the swo before I had any real character development.

 

Keep it up Judge, this is high quality stuff