WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 9/6/2002!

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

LITANY OF EXCUSES- I missed the 6 Minute Turnaround again for what was originally an easy explanation that got longer and more irritating as the day proceeded. I went over to the beloved, good-lookin' and multi-talented [mul]DOOMSTONE's house last night- as he is expecting his first youngun and he needed my Mr. Furley-like assistance in concocting the soon-to-be-born bundle of joy's crib. Fingers were crushed, backs of heads were bashed by planks as we swung them to and fro in a confined space- what with me making with my Curley Joe Dorita to [m]DS's Shemp. We wept manly tears and hugged like men who had fought in the frontlines of Do-it-Yourself warfare. We drank our own urine and made a radio out of a potato and a razorblade. We finally made the call to my wife to get technical advice on the nechanics of the raising and lowering section of a crib and how to make it work without severing any fingers. So anyhoos, we watched the Smackdowns in-between burying claw hammers into each others' thighs and what a beautiful and bountiful wrestling-drenched bonanza it was. SO anyway, I decide to type a few notes into Hotmail and write it up at work after rewatching a few things this morning before I left for work. So of course, I get randomly drug tested at work first thing. I am a major cog in not having 8-inch gaslines explode across the state of Virginia so I can see the need for drug testing in my profession- so it isn't like my friend who rightfully told Circuit City to shove their job up their ass because why the fuck would you give a shit if a stereo salesman is on drugs on weekends. Who is it going to actually kill? So I have no moral outrage for my drugtest since I can see the point to it and that point is other than corporate shitheads reminding the hourly worker that you have to make a certain amount of money before you any right to privacy in this country. And THEN I type up the workrate report all up Hotmail and copy it and paste to a new window and it of course deletes everything. Imagine my hearty laugh as I laugh at the foibles of modern technology! HAHAHAHA! Oh, Microsoft, you festering boil on the rancid ass of corporate America, how I motherfucking hate you. So anyways, lemme say FUCK YOU AND YOUR CUM-GUZZLIN MOTHER, MICROSOFT. I am typing this first part on my computer at home which runs unAmerican open source Linux so I'm posting my notes and finishing it off on this very message board when I get back to work. Bill Gates can suck my Linux-scented 18 inch dick. Again.

 

WHAT WORKED-

 

-REY REY vs Billy: Billy is completely unrecognizable now when compared to the Vehicle Of Suckin It that he was before the inspired pairing with Chuck Palumbo. And here Billy is fabulous busting his ass trying to keep up with what Rey wants him to rudo- and he is quite the swanker-be-keistered Marabunta, rolling into Rey's ranas awkwardly but effectively. Plus Billy has this offense that doesn't suck now- with punches that don't make you wnat to throw up. Chuck is AWESOME with the post-MORTAL~! interruption/clothesline to the floor. Rey Rey's new love for the Carolina Tarheels and their sky blue colorscheme is problematic- if the Florida State vs UVA game is indication of the fate of the rest of the ACC. Maybe Rey should do the colors of a different ACC team every week. I await the Clemson contact lenses.

 

-Proposal: Chuck proposes to Billy and there isn't a dry eye in the house. I know I wept and deep in your heart, so did U. I can no longer lust after the ass of another man's man- as that is some kind of sin. We will all miss the spurty, gooey lust that we must separate ourselves from. Or something. I cannot wait for the ceremony next week and will wear a mesh muscle shirt in unity with my gay brothahs and sistahs.

 

-Jamie Noble vs Shannon Moore: Noble gives Moore 98% of the offense and thus Noble never establishes his Benoit Lite offense that wowed them in the indies. Moore does look great as his winning streak comes to an end- as he seems to have some spots he can hit with confidence and consistency and he also has good punches to carry him between spots. They need to heat this up and have them beat the shit out of each other because both can brawl like motherfuckers. [Go watch Moore vs Mathews table match from OMEGA]. It would rule since they are such lil guys. What they should do is.... [Rasmussen enters the hoary netherworld called FANTASYBOOKING]... have Jamie Noble get arrested for public drunkenness and resisting arrest and have him in the county jail for two week. Nidia comes to visit three days after he is sent in.

 

NIDIA: Hey, sugarbaby.

 

NOBLE: Well, I'm so glad you could finally make it. You been fucking Shannon Moore?

 

NIDAI: What?!? I would never...

 

NOBLE: Goddammit! I'ma kill you and I'ma kill him! GODDAMMIT! (lunges for Nidia who is sobbing uncontrollably).

 

Noble needs to take the next step to peckerwood sexual psychopath so that you and I both can relive our drunken 20s and hideous co-dependent relationships- and thus! the restraining orders they produced. Lets air out some psychological wounds and let them breathe.

 

: -Randy Orton vs Brock Lesnar: Orton wins the Bump Of The Fucking Year with that over the ringpost bump to the floor. They should follow up the cool past history at OVW aspect by having these two become tag partners at some point. It would get Orton over and legitimize him in the eyes of the fan and would also be ANOTHER Japanese Booking Tactic that they could utilize during this near perfect Lesnar push. And that finish was MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME.

 

-Rikishi and Edge talk about Rikishi's ass and Rikishi becomes offended when Edge speaks of his buttocks as a mere object of ridicule- as opposed to what it truly is: an allegory about the Blue Collar Man's Struggle to get the Man's Foot out his ass. Since Rikishi gets all philosophical about this- his Ass of Life- Rikishi takes away UPN's moral highground and thus the Evil Whyte Network Execs can no longer suppress (or bleep out) my Polynesian sangre's use of the the word "ass" anymore.

 

- Gay Positive Mark Henry vs Tajiri: Tajiri bumped well enough and Mark Henry capably sold Tajiri's offense and especially Tajiri's more lively than usual kicks so much that I overlooked the horrendously long set-up to the Chocolate Mousse. Plus, Mark Henry congratdulating the betrothed is the kinda shit we need in the Professional Wrestling.

 

- Brock/UT Summit: This had Nether Realm Of Not Working written all over it until Heyman SOMEHOW gets UT over as a sympathetic underdog and SIMULTANEOUSLY gets over Brock as Mr T in Rocky 3. I'm not doing this segment justice because Heyman is fucking brilliant in this. I certify him as Born Again Genius.

 

- DeVon vs Batista- Finlay chair thing: this match was nothing at all really, but the Finlay influence on Batista shows through already as he cribs the master's chair argumant with ref to set up transition of opponent to offense spot and I anxiously await Batista dropping an elbow across the throat of an opponent hanging off the apron.

 

- Jamie Noble=dog. Jamie Noble balking at the marriage talk of Nidia is funny in the shortrun but in the longrun, Noble as Sexually Possessive Redneck Psychopath would be far more intriguing than Noble as peckerwood romeo. Either way, Noble is your GOD and you need to send him 10% of your weekly paycheck.

 

- Matt Hardy vs Hardcore Holly- Endless stream of nearfalls. This was as good as you are going to get with non-entity Bob Holly involved but it works because they continue the WRESTLING GOLD angle of Matt Hardy as annoying friend and MENTOR to Shanon Moore- as Hardy assumes the roll of Chris Carter to Moore's Randy Moss and the fun is only beginning. Moore makes the face that I make whenever I run into my older brother's friend John at the 7-11.

 

- Benoit and Angle start making fun of each other which is all to leading up to Benoit and Angle beating each other into oblivion. Benoit makes a truly awe-inspiring I Smoke Five Packs A Day squinty Popeye face before getting all REAL on Angle's goofy ass. Eddy assuming the roll of prison peacemaker from the play SHORT EYES is wrestling GOLD.

 

- Crash vs Hurricane: Crash is a good lil addition to the Cruiserweight ranks. Hurricane is fabulous in this- though his massive amount of offense ruins the psychology of the match- as you could tell that Crash was going over. Sweet Dandino by Crash. They need some sort of unifying idea for these cruiserweights. My suggestion is the Jamie Noble Army- what with fellow Southerners Helms and Moore RIGHT THERE. Add in the Redneck Tajiri and we could have a mighty Cruiserweight war.

 

- Angle/ Benoit/ Guerrerro vs UT/ Edge/ Rikishi: This is a match they should run every week for a year. Benoit beats the shit out of Udertaker and then sells getting the shit beaten out of him by Undertaker. Rikishi, the overachieving third of the face team, makes the dynamic of the match-up great because you know that Rikishi could do the job at any moment- thus making this more of competitive match as opposed to a vehicle to get/keep Ut and Edge over. Edge prays to heaven everyday a prayer of thanksgiving that he has Eddy Guerrerro to make him look God-like week after week. Edge does his weekly Ricky Morton impersonation- as Benoit and Eddy and then Angle beat the living dogpiss out of him. Benoit fucking MAULS him and Edge is a fucking MAN for taking it. Undertaker does the ref interruption but isn't as good on the apron as Rock or Hogan- though he comes around later. Angle's Kanemoto Belly-to-Belly isn't nearly as impressive looking when you see Lesnar doing it on the same show. UT tags in after they should have prolly cut Edge off one more time to build up the tension and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! Everybody hits some finishers- including UT eating a gigantic Benoit German. Rikishi's offense is completely smoked by everyone else in the match but he does bring his fabulous Duplex of Manly Asscheek Compartments of Pungent Taintilizing Grub Eliminatin' Cornshootliness and applies it directly to Angle's face- which is SUPER great because it makes Benoit laugh hysterically with that Popeye face again, causing he and Angle to start beating the living fuck out of each other and hopefully continue beating the living fuck out of each other until and up to and on the PPV. If that match happens, I will be at Mulligan's Sportsbar on Main Street when they show the WWE Unforgivens. Quoth [mul]DOOMSTONE, "Color me Mulliganed". The match isn't even over yet, as Eddy is alone against three stoic and comical faces so he DOES FULL FUERZA GUERRERA WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS ARM AROUND RIKISHI and I party and freak out. Then it gets superweird as Rikishi has a Karen Finley Performance Artist moment and transforms his body into a complete ass-cannon. And Edge shoves Eddy's face into it like it's Eddy's bachelor party and Edge is Eddy's frat brother and Rikishi's giant asscheeks are a strippers big titties. UT with the chokeslam and another fucking great Smackdown comes to an end.

 

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Crash as the third Benoit, DeVon as everybody who votes in the state of Virginia. They should establish Noble as the Peckerwood Benoit before bringing in Crash as Benoitcito in the same division. And Steph giving D-Von a tonguelashing for questioning the moral reprehensibility of a gay marriage and then simply taking it further renders D-Von's horrendous portrayal of a Black Southern Baptist preacher even more shitty and half-hearted. So little to bitch about these days on Thursday....

 

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

 

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

[Guest Goodear]

DEANO~!

 

1) So are you building or constructing a crib there sport? Cause I'm not sure i would trust the baby bed built by two guys who were drinking urine and eating radios. Although I'm sure all the blood splatter will make for a colorful decoration for the baby that will both stimulate their minds and build them for that post-apocalypic world thats bound to come about sooner or later. I have my shoulderpads all ready, do you?

2) Drug testing to make sure things don't go boom is actually pretty reasonable. I'm shocked that a company actually has a logical policy.

3) Hotmail... I use it... It sucks... all is right with the world.

 

ON TO MATCHES!!!

 

REY REY vs Billy: Billy is completely unrecognizable now when compared to the Vehicle Of Suckin It that he was before the inspired pairing with Chuck Palumbo. And here Billy is fabulous busting his ass trying to keep up with what Rey wants him to rudo- and he is quite the swanker-be-keistered Marabunta, rolling into Rey's ranas awkwardly but effectively. Plus Billy has this offense that doesn't suck now- with punches that don't make you want to throw up.

 

I think Rey missed a rana at one point, but still it was a totally nice little match where the outcome was never in doubt but still ruled regardless. Billy punches have a nice measured quality to them nowadays and the tilt-a-whirl slam sure us great when its getting used on a midget like Rey. Billy's like the most improved WWE wrestler this year so far.... good for him.

 

-Jamie Noble vs Shannon Moore: Noble gives Moore 98% of the offense and thus Noble never establishes his Benoit Lite offense that wowed them in the indies. Moore does look great as his winning streak comes to an end- as he seems to have some spots he can hit with confidence and consistency and he also has good punches to carry him between spots.

 

Jeff Hardy wishes that he could hit the twisting moonsault and Lita wishes she could do the flying rana like Moore does. The spinning neckbreaker is also particularly sweet, but Moore's look and music just don't work for me. The bellbottom tights and hair ust keep reminding me of Kid Kash if he lived in the 1960's for some reason.

 

-Randy Orton vs Brock Lesnar: Orton wins the Bump Of The Fucking Year with that over the ringpost bump to the floor. They should follow up the cool past history at OVW aspect by having these two become tag partners at some point. It would get Orton over and legitimize him in the eyes of the fan and would also be ANOTHER Japanese Booking Tactic that they could utilize during this near perfect Lesnar push. And that finish was MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME.

 

Orton is just bumping his little heart out for anyone over 270 lbs. and he just ragdolls so well that he's bound to make an impact sooner or later. The belly-to-belly was tremendus. The prematch promo and Paul E. yelling stuff about it during the match just ruled the school. And the finish is everything you say it is.

 

- Gay Positive Mark Henry vs Tajiri: Tajiri bumped well enough and Mark Henry capably sold Tajiri's offense and especially Tajiri's more lively than usual kicks so much that I overlooked the horrendously long set-up to the Chocolate Mousse. Plus, Mark Henry congratdulating the betrothed is the kinda shit we need in the Professional Wrestling.

 

Woah, DEAN gives Mark Henry a "what worked" ... remember what I said about the apocalypse? This match stunk even if Tajiri did break out the gremlin laugh when he hit the sitting dropkick. There's only one reason to watch Mark Henry match, and that's the UltraBossman stradle.

 

- Brock/UT Summit: This had Nether Realm Of Not Working written all over it until Heyman SOMEHOW gets UT over as a sympathetic underdog and SIMULTANEOUSLY gets over Brock as Mr T in Rocky 3. I'm not doing this segment justice because Heyman is fucking brilliant in this. I certify him as Born Again Genius.

 

It was all business and then Heyman made it personal... kinda. See, people seem to be missing the boat on this promo being all "why couldn't they leave it just as a match," well, to Heyman's character winning is what the business is about. And if bringing up personal matters puts a doubt in the big bad Undertaker's mind about his ability to go with Lesnar, Heyman will bring it up twice. It's a win at any cost sort of deal. And that works.

 

- Matt Hardy vs Hardcore Holly- Endless stream of nearfalls. This was as good as you are going to get with non-entity Bob holly involved but it works because they continue the WRESTLING GOLD angle of Matt Hardy as annoying friend and MENTOR to Shanon Moore- as Hardy assumes the roll of Chris Carter to Moore's Randy Moss and the fun is only beginning. Moore makes the face that I make whenever I run into my older brother's friend John at the 7-11.

 

Hardy just rules at this thing. And that he loses makes it all better. It would be easy for him to play arrogant prick if he wins all the time. But to be arrogant and a loser at the same time just brightens the world. The best part will be next week when he goes off on Helms losing to Crash, and when Helms counterpoints, bringing up the crooked referees and Hardcore Holly and security guards and T-shirt salesmen.

 

- Benoit and Angle start making fun of each other all to lead up to Benoit and Angle beating each other into oblivion. Benoit makes a truly awe-inspiring I Smoke Five Packs A Day squinty Popeye face before goetting all REAL on Angle's goofy ass. Eddy assuming the roll of prison peacemaker from the play SHORT EYES is wrestling GOLD.

 

Oh lord, I like the idea of Benoit ushering in the age of Face Angle and all... but his acting just sucks a meat missile. I mean that phoney laugh just sucked... MUAH HAHAHAHA! **phhbt**

 

- Crash vs Hurricane: Crash is good lil addition to the Cruiserweight ranks. Hurricane is fabulous in this- though his massive amount of offense ruins the psychology of the match- as you could tell that Crash was going over. Sweet Dandino by Crash.

 

Crash needs to find some offense somewhere because he can only get so far selling for everybody all match long. No selling the Eye of Hurricane doesn't win him any points from me either. Crash is even more of a nonfactor than Hardcore.

 

- Angle/ Benoit/ Guerrerro vs UT/ Edge/ Rikishi: The match isn't even over yet, as Eddy is alone against three stoic and comical faces so he DOES FULL FUERZA GUERRERA WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS ARM AROUND RIKISHI and I party and freak out.

 

Watching Eddie's progressions was just awesome from...

1) Hey stop fighting you whackos!

2) Wait a minute, there's someone behind me.

3) Wait a minute, there's THREE guys behind me!

4) Maybe if I don't turn around, they won't see me.

5) Shoot, that's not going to work.

6) Hi Guys! Boy that Benoit and Angle sure are a pill aren't they? Well, I gots to ... OHHHHHHHHHH SHIT!!!!

 

 

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

 

YES!

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

DEANO~!

 

GOODEAR~!

 

This mechanics of this quote thing elude me so hopefully this won't be JAKKKED!

 

1) So are you building or constructing a crib there sport?

 

DR: I believe "concocting" would be the operative word.

 

Cause I'm not sure i would trust the baby bed built by two guys who were drinking urine and eating radios.

 

DR: It was the finest of all possible urine and Idaho's finest radios.

 

Although I'm sure all the blood splatter will make for a colorful decoration for the baby that will both stimulate their minds and build them for that post-apocalypic world thats bound to come about sooner or later. I have my shoulderpads all ready, do you?

 

DR: I tried to bleed in the form of a Teletubby. That's not as easy as it sounds.

 

2) Drug testing to make sure things don't go boom is actually pretty reasonable. I'm shocked that a company actually has a logical policy.

 

DR: They opted for illogic when it comes to Christmas bonuses.

 

3) Hotmail... I use it... It sucks... all is right with the world.

 

ON TO MATCHES!!!

 

DR: Here! Hear!

 

REY REY vs Billy: Billy is completely unrecognizable now when compared to the Vehicle Of Suckin It that he was before the inspired pairing with Chuck Palumbo. And here Billy is fabulous busting his ass trying to keep up with what Rey wants him to rudo- and he is quite the swanker-be-keistered Marabunta, rolling into Rey's ranas awkwardly but effectively. Plus Billy has this offense that doesn't suck now- with punches that don't make you want to throw up.

 

I think Rey missed a rana at one point, but still it was a totally nice little match where the outcome was never in doubt but still ruled regardless. Billy punches have a nice measured quality to them nowadays and the tilt-a-whirl slam sure us great when its getting used on a midget like Rey. Billy's like the most improved WWE wrestler this year so far.... good for him.

 

DR: Yeah, I can't figure out how Billy transformed himself into an actual wrestler. It's sorta like Manabu Nakanishi or something.

 

-Jamie Noble vs Shannon Moore: Noble gives Moore 98% of the offense and thus Noble never establishes his Benoit Lite offense that wowed them in the indies. Moore does look great as his winning streak comes to an end- as he seems to have some spots he can hit with confidence and consistency and he also has good punches to carry him between spots.

 

Jeff Hardy wishes that he could hit the twisting moonsault and Lita wishes she could do the flying rana like Moore does. The spinning neckbreaker is also particularly sweet, but Moore's look and music just don't work for me. The bellbottom tights and hair ust keep reminding me of Kid Kash if he lived in the 1960's for some reason.

 

DR: They need to get Moore into some garbage matches to get him over as more than just a skinnier Hardy. Matt vs Shannon TLC would do everyone involved a world of good. Shannon will blow plasma out of his head like there is no tomorrow if given the chance.

 

-Randy Orton vs Brock Lesnar: Orton wins the Bump Of The Fucking Year with that over the ringpost bump to the floor. They should follow up the cool past history at OVW aspect by having these two become tag partners at some point. It would get Orton over and legitimize him in the eyes of the fan and would also be ANOTHER Japanese Booking Tactic that they could utilize during this near perfect Lesnar push. And that finish was MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME.

 

Orton is just bumping his little heart out for anyone over 270 lbs. and he just ragdolls so well that he's bound to make an impact sooner or later. The belly-to-belly was tremendus. The prematch promo and Paul E. yelling stuff about it during the match just ruled the school. And the finish is everything you say it is.

 

DR: It had that feel like American Dragon/Spanky, Jeff Hardy/ Shannon Moore, etc matches where you can tell they done that match a thousand times before while training- and that they are willing to go the extra yard to get the other over since they have that bond.

 

- Gay Positive Mark Henry vs Tajiri: Tajiri bumped well enough and Mark Henry capably sold Tajiri's offense and especially Tajiri's more lively than usual kicks so much that I overlooked the horrendously long set-up to the Chocolate Mousse. Plus, Mark Henry congratdulating the betrothed is the kinda shit we need in the Professional Wrestling.

 

Woah, DEAN gives Mark Henry a "what worked" ... remember what I said about the apocalypse? This match stunk even if Tajiri did break out the gremlin laugh when he hit the sitting dropkick. There's only one reason to watch Mark Henry match, and that's the UltraBossman stradle.

 

DR: I was probably just surprised that Mark Henry grimaced convincingly while being kicked. I didn't mention the amounts of Guinness involved in crib construction experience, did I? I should have. I blame myself.

 

- Brock/UT Summit: This had Nether Realm Of Not Working written all over it until Heyman SOMEHOW gets UT over as a sympathetic underdog and SIMULTANEOUSLY gets over Brock as Mr T in Rocky 3. I'm not doing this segment justice because Heyman is fucking brilliant in this. I certify him as Born Again Genius.

 

It was all business and then Heyman made it personal... kinda. See, people seem to be missing the boat on this promo being all "why couldn't they leave it just as a match," well, to Heyman's character winning is what the business is about. And if bringing up personal matters puts a doubt in the big bad Undertaker's mind about his ability to go with Lesnar, Heyman will bring it up twice. It's a win at any cost sort of deal. And that works.

 

DR: The way Heyman reframed the context of the match was brilliant. It goes from UT being the next victim of Brock to UT having something to prove. That's effective use of idiotic vignettes.

 

- Matt Hardy vs Hardcore Holly- Endless stream of nearfalls. This was as good as you are going to get with non-entity Bob holly involved but it works because they continue the WRESTLING GOLD angle of Matt Hardy as annoying friend and MENTOR to Shanon Moore- as Hardy assumes the roll of Chris Carter to Moore's Randy Moss and the fun is only beginning. Moore makes the face that I make whenever I run into my older brother's friend John at the 7-11.

 

Hardy just rules at this thing. And that he loses makes it all better. It would be easy for him to play arrogant prick if he wins all the time. But to be arrogant and a loser at the same time just brightens the world. The best part will be next week when he goes off on Helms losing to Crash, and when Helms counterpoints, bringing up the crooked referees and Hardcore Holly and security guards and T-shirt salesmen.

 

DR: They DEFINITELY need to keep up the highlight reels.

 

- Benoit and Angle start making fun of each other all to lead up to Benoit and Angle beating each other into oblivion. Benoit makes a truly awe-inspiring I Smoke Five Packs A Day squinty Popeye face before goetting all REAL on Angle's goofy ass. Eddy assuming the roll of prison peacemaker from the play SHORT EYES is wrestling GOLD.

 

Oh lord, I like the idea of Benoit ushering in the age of Face Angle and all... but his acting just sucks a meat missile. I mean that phoney laugh just sucked... MUAH HAHAHAHA! **phhbt**

 

DR: Oh come on. Benoit should get an Academy Award because all this acting is supposed to lead up to the pay-off of a wrestling match and that wrestling match will be Benoit vs Angle and that will rock this motherfucking world.

 

- Crash vs Hurricane: Crash is good lil addition to the Cruiserweight ranks. Hurricane is fabulous in this- though his massive amount of offense ruins the psychology of the match- as you could tell that Crash was going over. Sweet Dandino by Crash.

 

Crash needs to find some offense somewhere because he can only get so far selling for everybody all match long. No selling the Eye of Hurricane doesn't win him any points from me either. Crash is even more of a nonfactor than Hardcore.

 

DR: I thought he was supposed to be all-matworktastic in those METAL and JAKKED matches. My suddenly best wrestling girlfriend ever- the Smackdown- would be a place to elaborate on the matwork.

 

- Angle/ Benoit/ Guerrerro vs UT/ Edge/ Rikishi: The match isn't even over yet, as Eddy is alone against three stoic and comical faces so he DOES FULL FUERZA GUERRERA WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS ARM AROUND RIKISHI and I party and freak out.

 

Watching Eddie's progressions was just awesome from...

1) Hey stop fighting you whackos!

2) Wait a minute, there's someone behind me.

3) Wait a minute, there's THREE guys behind me!

4) Maybe if I don't turn around, they won't see me.

5) Shoot, that's not going to work.

6) Hi Guys! Boy that Benoit and Angle sure are a pill aren't they? Well, I gots to ... OHHHHHHHHHH SHIT!!!!

 

DR: and the ASS-CANNON! THE ASS-CANNON!

 

DEAN.

[Guest Brian]

Dean, just wondering what did you think of the last time Benoit and Angle met?

 

Anyways, the review rules and I was watching Eddie over and over for the better part of this morning before I had to go to work.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

Dean, just wondering what did you think of the last time Benoit and Angle met?

 

Anyways, the review rules and I was watching Eddie over and over for the better part of this morning before I had to go to work.

I was boycotting all US wrestling at the time. I didn't watch any non-indie US wrestling from 2000 to the resurrection of the Workrate Reports in May 2002. It all seems like a dream now.

 

DEAN.

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

No mention of the SWINGING NECKBREAKER FROM THE TOP ROPE~! ?

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

No mention of the SWINGING NECKBREAKER FROM THE TOP ROPE~! ?

AH! I suck! Somehow I forgot that.

 

DEAN.

[Guest EricMM]

They need some sort of unifying idea for these cruiserweights. My suggestion is the Jamie Noble Army- what with fellow Southerners Helms and Moore RIGHT THERE. Add in the Redneck Tajiri and we could have a mighty Cruiserweight war.

 

I know I marked like fuck when i read that. Imagine, (if you will) the team of Moore, Knoble, Helms, Tajiri vs. the new team of Eddy, Rey, and the newly aquired Low-Ki and Red, from NWA.

 

Shit I don't care, trade Matt for Tajiri, and Tajiri for Red. I don't care who's face, who's heel, it would RULE

[EL DANDY~! 0]

Let it be known that Vince has let Low Ki, Chris Daniels, Modest, and Morgan all wrestle dark matches that blew away a lot of the matches on the two big shows...and didn't sign them.

 

 

FOR SHAME!!!!!!!

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

Let it be known that Vince has let Low Ki, Chris Daniels, Modest, and Morgan all wrestle dark matches that blew away a lot of the matches on the two big shows...and didn't sign them.

 

 

FOR SHAME!!!!!!!

 

HHH probably got nervous and told Vince not to sign them. Except Modest got a dark match before HHH hit it big didn't he?

[Guest Brian]

Daniels has had some twenty odd dark and syndicated matches for the WWE, and Ki's probably in the low teens.

[Guest Dames Edna]

Brian, do you suspect the WWE will ever hire Daniels? Did he do something to get himself shitlisted? Do you think they'll try and snatch away anyone from the x-division?

 

I ask you because you are the one with probably the most knowledge about the business and its history

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

If you use the perfect booking of a Junior heavyweight division- Lyger in New Japan, one would deduce that you would need a division with ten people- 8 in a feud and two floaters or outsiders. For WWE to use this schematic- and when we are talking Post Benoit Smackdown we are looking at Heyman channelling the best Japanese booking ideas- the WWE would need 3 more Cruiserweights. You have Moore, Noble, Tajiri, Crash, Chavo, Helms and Kidman. I don't see Rey being booked as a Cruiserweight- much less Eddy. Low-ki and Daniels would be a good move. There are a thousand other guys they plug in to the final spot.

 

DEAN.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

Don't forget Funaki

 

WWE Cruiserweights so far:

Hurricane

Moore

Noble

Tajiri

Kidman

Chavo

Funaki

Crash

Rey

 

Rey is what the WWE Cruiserweight division needs right now unless they sign Low Ki and some others

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

Don't forget Funaki

 

WWE Cruiserweights so far:

Hurricane

Moore

Noble

Tajiri

Kidman

Chavo

Funaki

Crash

Rey

 

Rey is what the WWE Cruiserweight division needs right now unless they sign Low Ki and some others

They're not gonna book Rey as a Cruiserweight. He's over with the heavies. You don't go backwards.

 

DEAN.

[Guest Dames Edna]

But wouldn't having someone over like Rey as a main part of the divison legitimize it? I think it would be good for him to do what he does best. With him as champion, or contender, it would enhance the importance of the title in the WWE scheme of things.

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

Don't forget Funaki

 

WWE Cruiserweights so far:

Hurricane

Moore

Noble

Tajiri

Kidman

Chavo

Funaki

Crash

Rey

 

Rey is what the WWE Cruiserweight division needs right now unless they sign Low Ki and some others

They're not gonna book Rey as a Cruiserweight. He's over with the heavies. You don't go backwards.

 

DEAN.

What about Crash, he WAS a Super-Heavyweight, you know?

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

But wouldn't having someone over like Rey as a main part of the divison legitimize it? I think it would be good for him to do what he does best. With him as champion, or contender, it would enhance the importance of the title in the WWE scheme of things.

Rey wrestling for the Cruiserweight title would be great for the title. But if the people buy him as a legitimate threat to heavyweights- as the match with Kurt Angle and the positioning of Rey with Edge in a few main events show that the people are buying it- then you don't move him back down the card if he's over farther up the card.

 

The WWE can easily legitimize their division with Noble as the #1 heel if they can build a division with fun storylines around him and a stable of evil little bastards. They just have to get away from the WCW booking idea that the public will only follow one two-man fued at a time for the weight division.

 

DEAN.

[Guest Brian]

I have no idea why they haven't hired Daniels. I asked Meltzer on Observer Live once and he has no idea.

 

Rey would legitimize the division but they're not going to bring him back until they start jobbing him out.

 

They need to build te division around Tajiri, Knoble, and Chavo. Those are three of the best heels they have in the company.

[EL DANDY~! 0]

All I have to say is Modest/Daniels Nitro. FUCKING CLASSIC. Nobody knows what to do with either of them. Hmmm...

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

Daniels did not have a very good match that night. IIRC, he blew a bunch of his moves. Modest looked better. OK match, but not a "classic" by any stretch of the imagination.

[EL DANDY~! 0]

Spiff, that was because Daniels almost BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK in that match, and then wrestled with the tingling sensation still going on in his neck. I think it's fucking great, and without that, could have been THE lost Nitro match of the entire history of the show.

[Guest EL BRUJ0]

Anybody see that one match between Kwee-Wee and Daniels from when WCW was on thier Australia tour? I think they ended up showing it on WCW worldwide or whatever they were calling thier recap show.

 

Man that match ruled the school.