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Metal Ed

Ask Metal Ed

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I ain't got much to do since I got a couple days off from the junkyard since that toaster fell on my head. I figure I might could answer some of your questions. Keep em rockin', though. Metal Ed don't need no bullshit.

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Guest MrRant

How can Motley Crue do a roomful of cocaine and survive but people with talent take on hit and fall down dead?

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Guest MarvinisaLunatic

Hmm. This isn't going to be as good as the Ask Guy Stokes thread from a while back..

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Guest Kotzenjunge

YES!!

 

(I've been waiting for the inevitable Ask Metal Ed thread)

 

Metal Ed, the females of this board continuously no-sell my flirtations. What can I do to make them notice me?

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

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Will you give me back my jacket, Metal Ed?

I ain't got your jacket, dude. I got this jacket from my dad after the industrial accident. I figured he didn't need it no more. I put the big Maiden patch on myself, though. It's pretty bitchin'.

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Guest Cancer Marney

Dear Metal Ed:

 

A sister in the convent has indicated a desire to go to a nudie bar. However, even after being mounted with a strap-on, she claims to be reluctant to attend an all-day technique seminar on technique improvement.

 

Should I make attendance mandatory? Does she like being forced? Or should her recalcitrance be taken at face value, and a special exemption be granted through the offices of the Reverend?

 

Sincerely,

Mother Superior of the Most Holy Order of Abnego Feminae

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Guest MrRant
Dear Metal Ed:

 

A sister in the convent has indicated a desire to go to a nudie bar. However, even after being mounted with a strap-on, she claims to be reluctant to attend an all-day technique seminar on technique improvement.

 

Should I make attendance mandatory? Does she like being forced? Or should her recalcitrance be taken at face value, and a special exemption be granted through the offices of the Reverend?

 

Sincerely,

Mother Superior of the Most Holy Order of Abnego Feminae

Perhaps she needs the Reverend to guide her.

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How can Motley Crue do a roomful of cocaine and survive but people with talent take on hit and fall down dead?

The Crue is like me, dude. We can't be killed. They got a pact with Satan, too, man. Ain't you heard "Shout at the Devil"? It's a pretty bitchin' song. Got me to bangin' my head pretty good. If some pop sissy like Paul Simon had signed a pact with Satan, he'd probaly be alive today. It ain't the Crue's fault.

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Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion
Dear Metal Ed:

 

A sister in the convent has indicated a desire to go to a nudie bar. However, even after being mounted with a strap-on, she claims to be reluctant to attend an all-day technique seminar on technique improvement.

 

Should I make attendance mandatory? Does she like being forced? Or should her recalcitrance be taken at face value, and a special exemption be granted through the offices of the Reverend?

 

Sincerely,

Mother Superior of the Most Holy Order of Abnego Feminae

Perhaps she needs the Reverend to guide her.

Quit conspiring about me!

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Guest Cancer Marney
Perhaps she needs the Reverend to guide her.

I know this is an internal matter in the convent, Reverend, but I would be most grateful for any guidance you might provide her, so that she may return to the true path and know once more the glory of the Holy Al.

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Why is my wrist bleeding?

Do you work at the junkyard, too, dude?! I tripped on a matress one time and landed on this little table...cut my wrists up pretty bad. I took the table home, though, and that's where I usually keep the Rock Box. Metal Ed always looks on the bright side, unless someone's fuckin' with him. Then it's time to crack some skulls, dude.

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Metal Ed: To you, who are the best bands, ever?

My #1 all-time most rockinest band ever is probably Skid Row. They got some bitchin' stuff, man. Quiet Riot is pretty awesome, too. I like just about anything you can think of, just as long as it keeps the Rock Box screamin', dude.

 

Trixter is pretty bad ass, too.

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Why are you the coolest poster ever?

Cuz I was born to rock, baby! People round here appreciate a rockin dude like Metal Ed more than most of these churchy people up in Wausau. Some dude came up here last night and tried to get me to turn my Rock Box down...I was bangin' my head and all, playin some Warrant...and I was all like, "Hey, dude. No one turns down Metal Ed's Rock Box. No one." He ran off when he saw my head wound, anyway. Pussy.

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YES!!

 

(I've been waiting for the inevitable Ask Metal Ed thread)

 

Metal Ed, the females of this board continuously no-sell my flirtations. What can I do to make them notice me?

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

You gotta be assertful and stuff. Make em know you mean business. I usually try to play em some air guitar and take em to the buffet, but I don't know if you could do that stuff on a message board. Pretty much just be cool and chicks will notice you. The cool ones, anyway. They're usually pretty big.

 

It can't hurt to grow a mullet, either.

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Dear Metal Ed:

 

A sister in the convent has indicated a desire to go to a nudie bar. However, even after being mounted with a strap-on, she claims to be reluctant to attend an all-day technique seminar on technique improvement.

 

Should I make attendance mandatory? Does she like being forced? Or should her recalcitrance be taken at face value, and a special exemption be granted through the offices of the Reverend?

 

Sincerely,

Mother Superior of the Most Holy Order of Abnego Feminae

:blink:

 

I figure you should just do her. That's what I'd do. I ain't too sure what you're talking bout, anyway.

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Who do you think has the better mullet?

 

You or Eddy Guerrero

Eddy Guerrero's mullet is all stringy. I don't spend 45 minutes in front of my Def Leppard mirror every morning for nothin...my mullet is perfect in every way. It's thick and luscious. At least that's what the big girl up to the Stop and Go told me. I don't know all them big words like that.

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Guest KingOfOldSchool

Metal Ed. I have a big desire to grow a mullet, tear some holes into the kneecaps of my jeans, wear bitchin' Sammy Hagar shirts, and build a table out of cinder blocks and wood for my own Rock Box. Should I do this, and if so, will you help me break into a construction site to steal the blocks?

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Guest Cancer Marney

Dear Metal Ed:

 

Thank you for your advice. I shall have someone bring the sister to my cell.

 

Sincerely,

MS

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Why am I being ignored by you too, Metal Ed?

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

I wasn't ignoring you, dude. I just had a bunch of questions to answer. Metal Ed is a pretty popular dude. People around here have bitchin taste. I bet they like Dokken, too.

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Being from Wisconsin, is Metal Ed a Packer fan too?

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

I don't get to watch much football, since I ain't got but the one TV and it don't get such good reception. I seen some of them, though, and that Bret Favor guy is pretty bitchin. He likes to drink, just like Metal Ed.

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