Metal Comments

[Secret Agent 0]

Wow, all in all i think this turned out to be a pretty good show.

 

Ejiro put on quite an entertaining piece, and I won my match. I would like to see what Jack wrote however, just to see how others write my charater.

 

Promo's, Promo's. And CIA, The World Champion includes me in his. What a night for Johnny D eh?

 

Judge's match won by default but even though...I felt it was an excellent read, that i enjoyed from begining to end.

 

The Francise wins in yet another excellent read, and gets challenged to a Hell in a Cell by Matt Myers!! Mak is going to be one busy man!

 

Well thats all from me for now.

[Guest Powerplay]

Opening Promo: I like it. Simple, not to long, easy to read. Solid stuff. Who is the cancer of the sWo? OOOOhh.

 

Ejiro vs. Blank:

 

Very nice start. You seem to know the mechanics of wrestling very well, which is a great strength to have (One that I lack at the moment ). Your psychology seems very good: You concentrate on Blank's arm tenaciously, getting two Fujiwara Armbars, an armdrag, a cross armbreaker attempt, an actual cross armbreaker in before making him submt to your submission finisher, the Cobra Crossface. We could have another Fugue in the making ' .

 

Most things were solid, but perhaps you could add some more detail to some of the events. Commentary was solid; Axis and King were quite nice, and occasionally Edwin was a little out there, but still very good. The biggest problem I saw were minor things like a couple grammatical errors and odd sentences. Try proreading your matches, and if a part seems odd, read it aloud to listen to how it feels. That advice was given to me by an SWFer. Very solid outing, and I think you've really adapted well to the story style in only a couple days.

 

Spike Promo:

 

Good character stuff from Spike, and I had a few chuckles with it as well. Could he be the cancer Matt was talking about? We'll find out later.

 

Johnny D vs. Jack the Ripper

 

Again, Johnny gets a solid match in. You have a lot of strength in commentary. You write great dialogue and you have a pretty good handle on all the guys at the table. Your match was pretty damn good, for what it's worth. I liked this more than your Blank one, the story does add to it. Only thing I could say is possibly a little less commentary, as it does get kinda crowded, but very nice overall.

 

CIA Promo:

 

Yeah, CIA, good thing you used Johnny instead of me in there. I would dropped the title on your head or something mean like that. Good little thing with Mak and you, keeping the heat up between you two. Then again, I don't know if you can heat this thing up anymore than it already is. Good job.

 

#1 Contendership for the World Title

Judge Mental vs. Thor vs. Flunkmasta Flexx vs. Leon Sharpe

 

All comments on my match are greatly appreciated. I think I did better than what I thought I was going to do, but I rushed the ending and it lost some of the flow there. Again, please comment, critize, rip apart in any fashion at all.

 

Main Event

#1 Contendership for the World Title

Mak "The Franchise" Francis vs. Kamikaze vs. Tim Dillon vs. Mason

 

I'll edit something in later, but I really don't know what to say yet.

 

Ending Promo:

 

To be edited in.

[Guest Goodear]

Ejiro vs. Blank:

 

Going over to the conversational style led to a better read, in my opinion, so that's groovy. I still need to work on making the moves mean a little more, I'm a little too much into "Ejiro hits the cross armbreaker..." instead of describing the action a little better. I need to work on that, since I'm going through almost the entire move lists while only writing 3,000 word matches. I hope I was able to put Blank over even if I made him go night-night.

 

Johnny D vs. Jack the Ripper:

 

Johnny on the other hand, is a little too minimalist for my taste, but he's closer to where I would want to be than I am. Much better discriptions of minor moves than I have, but I think Johnny spends a little too much time on commentary, and not enough on the actual match.

 

Judge vs. The Mighty Thor vs. Flexxx vs. Leon

 

I liked it! MOTN for me with everyone playing their roles extremely well (Sharpe as cheating face, Flexxx as sneaky heel, Judge as wiley big guy, Thor as bull). The only wrestling issue I had was a whip Judge used to get into corkscrew suplex. How does that work mechanics wise? The finisher flurry is about the only way to work these fourways, but Flexxx and Judge hitting theirs at the same time and the referee being unable to count was an inspired choice.

 

Mak "The Franchise" Francis vs. Kamikaze vs. Tim Dillon vs. Mason

 

I don't know, I think there were too many long sections where guys would disappear for too long. And I really didn't like the La Magistral finish... mostly because I don't like the move, I get that Manson was drained after taking a beating, mostly the Franchise tag... but the cradle just doesn't work for me. And using the ropes for leverage on a Magistral doesn't really seem possible or actually useful.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Just so you all know, I'm not just being a slacker...King's doing the Wrath card. Dunno where he is, but it should be up sometime today. I passed along all of your requests to him...so, fill his PM box with hate mail about Wrath...not mine.

 

Da "absolves all blame from himself" H

[Guest Powerplay]

Wild Child Dark match:

 

Dude, where's my Suicide King? I'm pretty sure that SK isn't required for the dark match, well... eh, I'm a King mark. Give me a break .

 

You didn't do much with the entrances or a little before match commentary. It's always cool to maybe do a pre-match spiel with King and Edwin, or maybe do a brief analaysis of what each wrestler is (I.e grappler, luchadore, technical and submissions, etc.) and give some light on what each wrestler has to do to win or lose. Again, I stop myself because you only have around 2,000 words with a dark match. You can do a lot more with an extra thousand.

 

A little too much commentary for my taste. Your pin counts were done in the commentary, and kinda lacked some excitement. Much of your commentary is spliced every other sentence with the stuff going on in the ring, which can make it difficult to follow. More detail in the match rather than commentary can help you some, but your commentary overall is pretty good. Edwin may need to be more zany, but Axis is very very solid.

 

Your character is definitely of a Rey Mysterio Jr. vein and personally I'm glad we have a mega-luchadore running around the SJL. You can do just about ANYTHING springboarded, which makes you a spot-filled surprise machine. The character himself is neat (Cajun from the Bahamas, anyone? Everyone nowadays is from Detroit it seems.) and has tons of room for any development that you want.