DVDVR ROAD REPORT: NWA VA 9/21/2002!

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

NWA VA 2/21/2002: PRESTON QUINN RULES! JACEY NORTH RULES! SANJAY DUTT IS FUN! TOMMY LOGAN TRIES TO GET US DATES! mulDOOMSTONE GETS OUT OF THE HOUSE~! SATAN PRO MAKES HAMBURGERS! I DON'T ACTUALLY GET DRUNK! WHOMP ASS!

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HIYA!

 

Just got back from the fabulous NWA VA show at the humidity-enriched Westover Hills Community Center and it was a fabulous night of the Professional Wrestling.

 

It all started at 2:00 with the Satan Pro Cookout which actually took place at my house because Satan Pro lives in one of those nude singles communities (I`m probably lying). Preston Quinn and his lovely girlfriend Kim showed up with their younguns and they played with my younguns all afternoon while we all ate the famous Satan Pro hamburgers and had a good time together. Rob Hoffman showed up and had a couple of the beloved hamburgers. I talk to him but all the while I am trying to fight back my seething hatred that will spill out when he starts ring annoucing later in the evening. King Of Danger Cliff shows up and we grill him about being at the Skins/Eagles game monday night but he said he had already left in a stupor total depression before the pepper spraying section of the game kicked in so we talked about British pop at length while PQ, Kim and Satan Pro spoke of some highly addictive video game- Eternal Quest or something. We have a festive laidback cookout time until fivish and everybody wrestling-related had to get over to the community center, Cliff had to go nap and me -n- Satan Pro went over to his house to watch a few moments of FINAL FAUNTASY and kill time until the card started. We show up at the Sweat-Engorged Community Center at 7:01. Who is standing outside the building but none other motherfucking KING OF MEN- [mul]DOOMSTONE! He some how got a few hours off from the new youngster and we all party and freak out.

 

The first match is Biggie Biggs vs Ken Brown. Ken Brown is a big muscular guy who is wrestling face and Biggie Biggs is wrestling heel. The only problem is that there is this big batch of kids from the community center that were just GREAT because they were filled with hate for all the heels like kids are supposed to be and are rooting for the faces like kids should do. The problem is that Biggie Biggs came out first and for some reason the kids decide he is the face and there was NOTHING anybody could do to change their minds and it screws up the whole basis of the match- as they pop big for Biggie`s heel offense and don`t really come around to hating the heel until 3/4 of the match in. Biggie should have come out setting a Hello Kitty doll on fire or something. The wrestling was perfectly fine- as they kept it basic up to the foreign object finish. I don`t remember too much more of this but I didn`t hate it or anything.

 

Sean Lei and Corey James come out with their manager- a nifty little number in a miniskirt business suit thingy with a briefcase. Me -n- [m]DS weep that we are not in a bar and can say horribly crass things about the briefcase- as we have to keep it above board for the million children attending. She says something about not wanting her tag team in the NWA Junior Heavyweight tournament so they make it Chino Martinez vs Robert Royal and I sez, ``llllllokay.....`` This was also perfectly fine wrestling- very armdrag intensive and nothing really noteworthy good or bad except for really great Air Raid Crash by Martinez and the fun-filled antics of the best indie manager in the biz- Neal Sharkey. Sharkey was fucking great riling up the youngsters and being Johnny on the Spot for the Memphis Face Gets The Foreign Object And Gets DQed finish. They say that they will go Best Of Seven and I guess that`s cool- as long is Sharkey is at ringside to spruce up things with his madcap antics.

 

Magic came out and was instantly beloved by the Young Children Of Wrestling and it was great. He wrestled this guy Chris Escovan, Escobar, Escosomething and the scrawny young guy with the last name I cannot quite remember bumped LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING FREAK for Magic and made Magic look truly godlike. That kid has a future in the biz if he has a future. He was fucking crazy and fearless and was also really great at infuriating the Children Who Would Love Magic. Magic fucking KILLS him with a thoroughly gnarley Tiger Driver 91 and we all completely lose it. It was fucking great.

 

They take an intermission and JT and Zhixel come up and introduce themselves and we speak of the tractor Zhixel rode to the card from Amelia (HAHAHAHAHA! We kid the folks from Amelia! Get outta here!) and rub in the fact that JT missed out on the Satan Pro hamburgers. Both were good eggs all and we all talked about our first wrestling matches we ever attended. Phat Ass Dave Layne was too busy trying to get the girlies in the Coupe like the colonels got the chicken. Brian the Richmond Spurtastic Love Machine had also showed up before intermission all bedecked in his finest seductive finery after attending a wedding and the ladies were swarming on his junk like he was at a women`s prison and he had paroles in his pants! YEAH! YEAH DADDY! YEAH! YOU GO, INTERNATIONAL LOVAH!!

 

Jacey North comes out and talks ill of the fans and says un-nice things about the city of Richmond and the people in attendance. OOO- how I am filled with hate for this horrible horrible man! I forget what happens but it kinda morphs into Preston Quinn vs Tommy Logan. PQ works stiff as shit and Logan tries to keep up- acquitting himself well and making with the comedy heel spots, the most memorabole is when he shouts over to our side while flexing his rotund muscle, ``I feel sorry for you women who gotta go home these so-called men!`` whereupon I ask the ladies behind us if we are actually all going home together. They laughed their cruel laugh to the row of DVDVR board members- thorough studly hunks of sheer manly hunkliness all, but used to the derisive laughter of women. Tommy Logan cheats to win with the foreign object ending that they seem to be ending most everything with this night and PQ is cheesed.

 

Idol X and Greg Steel come out and DOOMSTONe fucking freaks out of Idol X`s Billy Idol patch and also freaks out over his David Lee Roth patch. Sean Lei and K©orey James(z) come in and it`s suddenly a sanctioned match for the tag titles! Rob Hoffman is incensed and the hot manager/valet gal smacks Rob in the face and we RACE RACE RACE to make the ``Hey, Rob is used to getting smacked by women on Saturday nights`` joke AND I WIN I WIN I INW! YES! VICTORY! This match was pretty cool. They had a super old school section where Korey Jamez eats lots and lots of offense by the face tag team and Idol X is pretty improved offensively since last I saw him- as he and Steel were a fun tag team on offense and Corey James was good selling the assbeating in a heelish manner before finally cheating to transition to get the expanded HEAT SEGMENT~! on Steel who hits two consecutive Psicosis bumps through the ropes, shoulderfirst into the ringposts. It was balls out thus leading to: They work on his shoulder with Lei and Jamez making with the assorted high-flying and fun breaking and stomping and crunching of Steel`s shoulder. Korey Jamesz is really neato. They did the Keylock-into-Suplex counter and we popped like monkeys! Idol X gets the hot tag finally and they have assorted shenanigans to set up miniskirt girl with the briefcase to the head of Idol X and it`s a title change! That was a fun Southern tag match in a hot gym the way it should be.

 

Jacey wrestles Sanjay Dutt and it was fabulous. I had heard good things about Dutt from Fat Ass Dave and he was right. We give Jacey all the heel heat his evil ass deserves but my problem is that by the end of his matches, I get so wrapped in the beauty of the execuition that I forget to hate him and begin to love him. Love him in a wrestling way. This was fucking great. Jacey crushes Dutt`s neck with a Black Cat DDT first move in and they base the match around Dutt using his speed and quickness to escape Mr Delicious`s need... no desire.... to cripple young Dutt via compacked neck vertebraes. North hits a fucking picture perfect kneedrop and I feel like bustin loose. There were BEAUTIFULLY stiff kicks and fabulously stiff chops and they whipped out fabulous submissions- North with the FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING AWEEEESSSOME Dr Cerebro Staked Out Over His Thigh Upside Down While He Stretches Your Leg Over His Head submission and it fucking rocked. Dutt hits the beautiful spinning round the body set-up to the Octapus hold and we wept love`s easy tears. Then they hit all these big finishers- as they kicked out of probably too many finishers but they had enough cool finishers to keep the crowd into it. North hits the Poontangler for two. Dutt hits standing Moonsault after hitting something big that I cannot recall to save my soul for two. Dutt hits a fucking beautiful Springboard Corner Hurricanrana for two. North hits a motherfucking GNARLEY toprope Air Raid Crash and it`s finally over. It was motherfucking great. We clapped and clapped and clapped.

Then North hops on the STICK! and says that he will defend the Virginia title ANYWHERE ANYTIME! Preston Quinn comes out and takes him up on it. Jacey says he`s tired and sweaty and he wants to go home. After Quinn makes with the initial ass-beating, North would really wish he were home. Quinn starts off by just beating the holy living dogshit out of North for our pleasure and we are pleased. Quinn throws the best punches in wrestling, BAR NONE. Quinn goes for the powerbomb and North goes to one knee All Japan style. Quinn starts fucking WAILING on North`s back hits the fucking GRISLEY Lyger Bomb. North finally gets on offense after throwing Quinn to the floor. North hits the Poontangler and Quinn makes it look absolutely deathlike. North is too dead to make the cover. Quinn gets on offense and hits the ultrafabulous Locomotion Piledrivers to set up his fucking BEAUTIFUL Niagra Driver and we have a new Virginia champion! Jiminy fucking Christmas, these should wrestle every week in that building. I would go. I`d take my kids.

 

Postmatch: we kinda linger around and say goodbye to Kim and the younguns. We meet Magic and HEY! his Shoalin Wrecking Crew partner- Subeh- is there. Being an idiot, I say, ``You`re that guy that lands on his head! We have tapes of you!`` We see Jacey and taunt him about missing out on the hamburgers. He looked like he had just wrestled a 25 minute match with Sanjay Dutt and had then been beaten to death by Preston Quinn but was the irrepressible Jacey that we all love. We yammer at length and finally figure that we had better hit the road. I ask Zhixel where his tractor was parked! HAHAHAHAAH! That never gets old! AMELIA COUNTY! HA! He`s gonna knee me in the groin soon. We say goodbye to Dave and JT and I get home and tape Red Green. It was a big day. I should have drank more though....

 

DEAN.

[Guest Phoenix Fury Legdrop]

Dean, the way you lay on the lovin' for "Mr. D" Jacey North, we'll probably see little "Jacey Rasmussens" running around in 20 years kicking the next generation of Wildside teenagers in the crotch.

[EL DANDY~! 0]

Dean, this independent report has made me closer to the greatness of my local independents...like APW. I am now going to go and see if I can't conceive one of Donovan Morgan's children now...

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

Dean, this independent report has made me closer to the greatness of my local independents...like APW. I am now going to go and see if I can't conceive one of Donovan Morgan's children now...

I must first concieve the child of Chesterfield County Fair Eterrnal Champion- Johnny Ringo. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.... pasty.....

 

DEAN.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

Dean, the way you lay on the lovin' for "Mr. D" Jacey North, we'll probably see little "Jacey Rasmussens" running around in 20 years kicking the next generation of Wildside teenagers in the crotch.

Actually, Mr Delicious expanded his hatred of the Youth Of The World by kicking Dutt- a youth of Bombay, India- right in the tender parts. I forgot to mention it and I am filled with shame. Why is Jacey North such a groin-hater?

 

DEAN.

[Guest razazteca]

I think I am going to hit on Rudy Boy Gonzales daughter the next time ETW comes to town.....she sells the merchandise.

 

nothing is more fun than going to a indy show at the convention center and watch South Park age kids yell out cuss words in 2 languages.

 

Jermany Sage is the best heel in Texas too bad nobody knows this yet. Is it possible to get Chris Kruger to stop grunting during his matches?

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

I think I am going to hit on Rudy Boy Gonzales daughter the next time ETW comes to town.....she sells the merchandise.

 

nothing is more fun than going to a indy show at the convention center and watch South Park age kids yell out cuss words in 2 languages.

 

Jermany Sage is the best heel in Texas too bad nobody knows this yet. Is it possible to get Chris Kruger to stop grunting during his matches?

C'mon, Raza-A, nothing beats grunting!

 

DEAN.

[Guest razazteca]

Trust me oh great guru of pop culture obscure association, Chris Kruger is kin to the MTVs Brothers Grunt. I wish Brian Pillman can return from the grave and beat the grunt out of Kruger.......Smart Mark indeed.

[Guest Taylorjt4]

Glad to see some props given to the indies here in Va. VCW is a very good

indy organization and is the home base to PQ,Phil Brown, Sean Lei, Korey James , Sonjay Dutt and others. PQ is one of the best all-around wrestlers I have ever seen. He has great in ring work, does great on the mic and gives his all at every match. VCW had a show Sunday here in Newport News and Jacey North and Tommy Logan from NWA Virginia wrestled as well.