PROMO: Hippoz Eatingz Marblz

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Ah, the XF9 Locker Room. Behind these closed doors are where some of the greatest wrestlers ever have gathered, at one time or another, to fight the evils of THE UNIVERSE!!!

 

OK, maybe I'm hyping it a wee too much, but still, XF9 has had a great influence upon the JL and WF, so there.

 

But anyways, behind those hallowed doors, we hear voices: one male, one female. Outside the door, standing like they're Jay and Silent Bob, are Tod deKindes and Renegade, with Sarah Leavenworth next to them. Gade bobs his head to the beat as he does a little freestyle chanting while waiting for Pete to show up.

 

Gade (as a chant):

--fuck, fuck, fuck, mother-mother fuck, mother-mother fuck-fuck! Mother fuck-, mother-fuck, mother-fuck, noinch-noinch, noinch, smoking weed, smoking weed, doing coke, drinking beers! Drinking beers, beers, beers, rolling fatties, smoking blunts! Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts!

 

Tod places his hands over Renegade's mouth. We then hear some mumbled words as Gade continues on.

 

Tod: Stop that. Do it again and you are forever forbidden from watching "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" again.

 

Gade: Sorry. Can't a guy have some fun, Silent Tod?

 

Tod: That does it. NEVER AGAIN. (Gade's face changes to a sad one as Tod pats Gade on the back before he turns to Sarah.) Now, what are we doing here again?

 

Sarah: Pete's supposed to meet us here to discuss what our goals are after Genesis 3-

 

Suddenly, we hear the voices, though more audible this time, coming from behind the door.

 

Misty's Voice: Oooooh yeah... oh, Ash... *giggle*

 

Sarah: Is that Ash and Misty? No wonder they're late...

 

Gade: Sounds like they're having fun in there...

 

Sarah: Maybe we should leave them alone...

 

Tod: Probably. Maybe there's someone where else we can meet with Pete-

 

"Click!" The lock on the door opens as the door handle turns and the door creaks open on the XF9 Locker Room. Tod and Sarah turn around to see Renegade standing by the door, hands behind his back as he whistles a tune, looking innnocent. Yeah, right.

 

Sarah and Tod: RENEGADE!!!

 

Renegade: Yeeeeeeeeeesss?

 

Sarah, Why'd you do that?

 

Renegade: Cuz I'm the Renegade Mastahhhhhhh?

 

Tod: *sigh*

 

Sitting there, in the middle of the floor, in each other's embrace, kissing, is Ash and Misty, sitting in between them, in clear view of everyone else, is none other than...

 

 

 

 

Hungry Hungry Hippos. The game of marble-eating hippo fun.

 

Gade: Weird...

 

Hearing Gade's voice the two look up, shocked to see their teammates watching on like 8-year olds discovering the Discovery Channel special on animals having sex in the wild.

 

Misty: Hey, um... wassup?

 

Tod: What are you guys doing?

 

Misty: We're playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. We always do it before the shows start.

 

Gade: Oooooooooook...

 

Ash: Ummmm... hey guys... wanna join in?

 

Gade: Ummmmmm...

 

Tod: No way. I don't have time for these foolish little games. I'm the US Champion, and I have a busy schedule.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

----

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ash(probably hyper and crazy, but who cares): I WIN AGAIN! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A US TITLE SHOT AFTER GENESIS, JUST LIKE YOU BET! HOO-AH!

 

Ash gets up and does the Low Brass Dance in front of everyone in victory, as usual.

 

Tod:

 

Of course, Tod, Gade, and Sarah sit there, playing along with the happy couple. Ash has just won for the 47th time in a row. His smile glistens like the hood of a new car in the Nevada desert on a clear day, while Tod looks a little peeved.

 

Gade: Tod, it's just a stupid game.

 

Tod: I know, but-

 

Misty: Uhhhh... don't we have something to discuss?

 

Tod: Yeah, we do. (Tod turns to face Ash.) So, what's this deal I've been hearing? You want a shot at those two M7 bozos, Frost and TNT at Genesis 3... IN A TORNADO TAG TEAM MATCH? You're crazy! They'll tear you to shreds-

 

Sarah: Tod, maybe Ash has a strategy...

 

Ash: Exactly.

 

He stands up, going over to a dry-erase board on the wall. He pops off the cap on a red marker, and like a basketball coach at halftime, begins to illustrate his battle plan.

 

Ash: First, we'll do this to them: . Them, some of this. , followed by and , plus as a bonus, , some , and finish them off with some . Post match, we shall and all night long.

 

Gade, Misty, and Sarah:

 

Tod: What the hell was that?

 

Ash: Sorry. Damn emoticons got in the way. But basically... awwww, forget it. I'll explain later. But first, onto a more important topic, that being my replacement for Misty as manager until her pregnancy ends. Sarah, have you found anyone yet?

 

Sarah: Actually... no. Everyone I've contacted is busy with other endeavours.

 

Ash: Even VLAD AND COMET???

 

Sarah: Even Vlad and Comet.

 

The room goes silent as Ash is in shock. Not even two of his best buddies are available.

 

Ash: Well, this sucks. Guess it's gonna have to be you, Sarah, unless some miracle pops up-

 

"KNOCK KNOCK!" Someone taps on the open door as Ash and the rest of XF9 look up to see a small goateed Japanese man, possibly in his late 40s or early 50s. He smiles as he wears his SWF polo shirt, carrying papers of importance for Stubby P. McWeed.

 

But lo, this is no ordinary man! It is none other than the only person Sarah forgot about, Ash's former manager from his old ML days before he met Misty...

 

Mr. Nagasaki! The man who used to run in on matches and taser people so Ash could set them up for his finisher! Ever since Ash brought his girlfriend down to the ring with him, poor Mr. Nagasaki has had several jobs, now being an assistant to Stubby P. McWeed himself. He enjoys his jobs very, very much, though he longs to return to the ring.

 

Mr. Nagasaki(in his broken English): Oh, hello Mistah Ketchum-san! How you do, sir? I breeng you papah from Mistah Stubby-san! He say "You go deliver papah to Ketchum-san! He must sign for me! Vehy vehy impotant for Ash to sign it!"

 

Ash: Umm... thanks.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: Yes, you sign papah, I delivah to Mistah Stubby-san!

 

Ash quickly pulls out a little pen, reads over the documents throughly, and signs them for Stubby. It's just some merchandising stuff, mainly new t-shirts for the Pokemania craze, but he makes sure he knows what they're about, and after signing them, hands them back to his former manager.

 

Ash: There you go.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: Domo arigato, Ketchum-san. I be going now-

 

As Mr. Nagasaki turns to leave, Ash grabs him by the shoulder and stops him.

 

Ash: Wait a sec.

 

Mr. Nagasaki, not knowing what to expect next, turns back around to confront his former student.

 

Ash: Shinji, you used to be my manager back in the old days, remember? Back before this Pokemania thing kicked into gear and I found Misty.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: Yes, I remembah-

 

Ash: Well, Misty's pregnant, and I need a manager for the time being. So, what do you say? Would you like to be my manager again, Shinji? For old time's sake, friend?

 

The room goes silent as Mr. Nagasaki pauses to think. He has a job, but does he really want to return to action? (Hint: If you've read this promo thoroughly, you should know what happens next. Well, you should know anyways by guessing, but if you read it carefully, good for you. *hands reader a cookie*)

 

Mr. Nagasaki: O-tay, Ash-san, I will be your managah again. Fah old time's sake.

 

Ash: SWEET-

 

Mr. Nagasaki: But, I will train you, too, Ash-san. I will teach you and make you better wrestlah! Tough as cactoos, fast as hummingbird, swift as tigah, strong as bear! float like balloon, sting like atomic bomb! You-

 

Ash(interrupting him): OK, OK, I get the point! Now, hurry up and get those papers to Stubby, he's probably waiting for them.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: Thank you, Ash-san! I be your managah!

 

Ash: Yes you are.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: I be your managah!

 

Ash: Yeah! I know!

 

Mr. Nagasaki: I be your managah!

 

Ash: YES! NOW GET GOING!!!

 

Mr. Nagasaki runs off, an extra bounce in his step as he runs down the hall, grabbing everyone and sight and telling them about the great news.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: I be Ash's managah!

 

Gus: Ok... that's great. Go you.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: Domo arigato, fat stupid man!

 

He runs down the hall and grabs one of his co-workers, shaking them with happiness.

 

Mr. Nagasaki: I be Ash's managah!

 

Neilsen: Fuck off!

 

Mr. Nagasaki: But I be Ash's managah!

 

Neilsen: I said fuck off!

 

Mr. Nagasaki: But-

 

Neilsen: Fuckin' say it fuckin' again, fucker, and i'll fuckin' rip you a fuckin' new fuckin' hole, motherfucker!

 

Mr. Nagasaki runs off in fear of Neilsen as Ash watches from the door, a confused look spread across his face, the same look spread across the face of everyone who reads this promo.

 

Ash: *sigh* It's gonna be a looooooong three months...

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

And yes, Thoth, you shouldn't have stopped sniffing glue.

[Guest realitycheck]

...that was... yeah. I should've headed j0r warning over AIM, good sir.

 

That said, I laughed. The emoticon bit was pretty good, heh.

 

Nagasaki returns? Bah. You need to bring back the pics of women in bikinis and lingere, d00d. ;-)

 

-Z

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Told ya, Z.

 

Well, it's OK for my first promo in a while. I should write promos more often. I'm getting a bit rusty, me thinks.

 

But if ur all lucky, the chicks might come back. Maybe... maybe...

[Guest SupaTaft]

Ummm... I laughed at it.

 

But you pissed me off, it goes like this...

 

Fuck

 

Fuck

 

Fuck

 

Mother-mother fuck, mother-mother fuck fuck, mother fuck mother fuck, noinch noinch noinch.

 

One, two. One, two, three, four, noinch noinch noinch. Shmokin' weed, shmokin' weed, doin' coke, drinkin' beers. Drinkin beers, beers, beers. Rollin' fatties, shmokin' blunts. Who shmokes da blunts? We smoke the blunts. Rolling da blunts and smokin'...

 

Snoogans...

 

-Taft

[Guest Ace309]

Whoosh.

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Meh. Humorous promo, Ash, but it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know why, but I can't see myself getting into this overly goofy Ash. Edwin, ELM, Raynor... they all played it well because their goofy promos always had a point. This... well, I admit, it had a point, but you butchered Renegade up pretty bad, and Tod as well. The emoticon bit was excellently done.. however... meh.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Fuck.

 

Gade, Tod, sorry if i screwed you guys up. i havent written in forever. it's my fault. shoot me.

 

no, really...

 

 

 

*goes and ducks the bullets*

[Guest Tod deKindes]

I, um...

 

That was, well...Hmm

 

See, the thing is....

 

I...

 

Hmm...

 

I need a moment.

[Guest Renegade]

Well...Ash you could have talked to me in advance. I did find you butchered Renegade in that promo, but hey we all make mistakes right?

 

I did laugh at other segments of the promo though, just please warn me next time.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

OK. Will do.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Well...Ash you could have talked to me in advance. I did find you butchered Renegade in that promo, but hey we all make mistakes right?

 

I did laugh at other segments of the promo though, just please warn me next time.

Being turned into Jason Mewes isn't being butchered! It's....

 

...uh...

 

...

 

::runs away from the INSANITY::

[Guest chirs3]

That emoticons bit was golden.

 

(Y)(Y)

[Guest Thoth]

Huh?

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

*writes down notes*

 

Emoticons=good. Must use in a future promo, but not too recently or frequently...