Stupid lawsuit thread...

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

Whenever I turn on my computer, my AOL IM pops up (I use a cable modem so I’m always connected) and in front of me is some news tidbits that I usually ignore (It’s usually about what’s the latest with J-Lo and her boyfriend of the week). However, I clicked on this link regarding stupid lawsuits, and below are some of them…

 

* A man sued the city of San Diego for $5.4 million after he suffered emotional trauma at an Elton John concert in Municipal Stadium. The man says that a woman was using the men's urinal, a sight that he claims he found extremely upsetting.

 

* A convict in Colorado sued for early release because, he said, "Everyone knows a con only serves about 3 years of a 10-year sentence."

 

* A student attending a college in Idaho fell from his window while mooning a friend. The student then sued the college, claiming that it had not provided adequate information about the dangers of upper-story windows.

 

* Jefferson Ketcham's family is suing Cobb's Inn and a waiter there, Paul Kane, over Ketcham's death. The family is claiming that Kane was negligent because, after he gave the intoxicated man a ride home, Ketcham tripped, hit his head, and died. The family says Kane should have walked Ketcham to the door.

 

* A New York prison inmate is filing a suit for $8 million against the state after he accidentally shot himself with a gun he illegally smuggled into the penitentiary. The inmate says that better security would have prevented him from getting the weapon inside.

 

* A California grandmother is suing Disneyland after she and her grandchildren witnessed Mickey Mouse taking off his costume backstage. The suit is due to her grandchildren's traumatic experience.

 

* A 27-year-old man was killed while rocking a vending machine that tipped over on him. The man was attempting to steal a drink out of the machine. Relatives in New York are suing for $400,000 in damages.

 

* Chris Morris brought a suit against the state of Michigan for $1 million. Morris claims he caught a cold in the rotunda (a large, round room) of the state capitol building. He was there to observe an art exhibition.

 

* A construction worker in Tulsa intentionally cut his hand off with a circular saw. When he was taken to the emergency room, he told doctors not to reattach the hand, saying that it was possessed. The man is now suing the doctors for not reattaching his hand, claiming that the doctors should have known he was psychotic.

 

* A woman is suing a guide-dog school for $150,000 after a blind man allegedly stepped on her foot. A dog trained at the school was leading the man at the time.

 

* 17-year-old Ricky Higgins is suing his high school after he was kicked off the basketball team for driving drunk. He is suing for $100,000 and would like to be reinstated on the team. His lawyers claim that he is an alcoholic, and that his disability is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

 

* A man is suing a bank that he attempted to rob. After employees of the bank realized he was deaf, they were able to talk during the attempted robbery, which made it easy for them to stall the would-be robber until police arrived. The failed bank robber is suing the bank for discrimination.

 

* A Pennsylvania woman is suing a pharmacy because she bought a contraceptive jelly from them and got pregnant anyway. She failed to read the directions and ate the jelly on toast.

 

* An Indiana inmate sued because he was not given Rogaine to treat his baldness.

 

* A convicted killer serving time in Florida has sued the state because lightning knocked out the prison's satellite-television service. The inmate must now watch network television programs, which he claims often contain profanity, violence, and other offensive material.

 

Now the strange thing about these cases is that you don’t know if they were thrown out or settled. Unfortunately, you know the fate of these next several lawsuits…

 

* A California woman sued a grocery store after she dropped a six-pack of beer on her feet. The woman was not injured, but she said that it hurt. She won the lawsuit.

 

* Kara Walton sued a nightclub after she fell out of a bathroom window and had her two front teeth knocked out. She won $12,000 plus dental expenses. She fell from the window, which she was using to sneak into the club to avoid the $3.50 cover charge.

 

* A West Virginia woman won more than $2 million after she hurt her back opening a pickle jar while at work.

 

* A Texan woman was awarded $780,000 after she sued a furniture store. She sued because she tripped and fell over a child running amok in the store. Surprisingly, she won the case, even though the child was her own.

 

* Two suspected drug dealers were shot in a gang-related war. The two sued the owners of the Ramada Inn parking lot where it occurred for $1.5 million in damages. The Florida hotel is appealing.

 

Now there’s some sanity in this world – these TWO cases were thrown out…

 

* Dorothy Johnson sued Kenmore Inc. for the death of her dog. After washing the poodle, she placed it in her Kenmore microwave, "just a few minutes, on low," to dry it off. The case was dismissed.

 

* A young Ohio resident sued his father for bumping into him with a lawnmower. The 5-year-old boy's case was thrown out.

 

And out of all these, here’s the one lawsuit I sympathize with, sort of. (If it was me, I would look for work elsewhere)…

 

* Six nurses who worked at a facility for the disabled were fired after refusing to comply with new countywide rules that required them to give patients sexual assistance, such as helping them with masturbation or putting on a condom. The nurses have filed a lawsuit.

 

And lawyers wonder why they aren’t liked…

[Guest Some Guy]

* A Pennsylvania woman is suing a pharmacy because she bought a contraceptive jelly from them and got pregnant anyway. She failed to read the directions and ate the jelly on toast.

BWAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

 

* Six nurses who worked at a facility for the disabled were fired after refusing to comply with new countywide rules that required them to give patients sexual assistance, such as helping them with masturbation or putting on a condom. The nurses have filed a lawsuit.

 

And this is why Liberalism should be outlawed. Since when is blowing a load integral to a crippled man's heath?

[Guest Kahran Ramsus]

Thank god I live in Canada. Those cases would be tossed out in about 5 seconds.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

I'd like to go to every single one of these people and punch them firmly in the jaw, breaking it in three separate pieces. Then I'd sue them for injuring my hand under the belief that had their jaws not broken, my hand would have been perfectly fine.

 

*Six nurses who worked at a facility for the disabled were fired after refusing to comply with new countywide rules that required them to give patients sexual assistance, such as helping them with masturbation or putting on a condom. The nurses have filed a lawsuit.

 

The only lawsuit in that post that makes sense. I'd like to burn down the county that thought such a law was a good idea. Sadly, I bet this case gets thrown out as a frivilous lawsuit.

 

"First thing we do is kill all the lawyers." - Best Shakespearean quote ever.

[Guest DrTom]

All of those cases (except the last one) are perfect examples of how liberalism has poisoned both our society and our legal system. Personal responsibility is apparently a thing of the past, as you can now fuck up royally and sue someone else for it, despite the fact it was your own stupid fault. We've managed to litigate stupidity into a virtue, and I think it's disgusting.

[Guest Cancer Marney]

This exchange is my favourite, from just before the "Alas, poor Yorick!" passage.

 

"Why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be his quiddities now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks? why does he suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of his action of battery? Hum! This fellow might be in's time a great buyer of land, with his statutes, his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers, his recoveries: is this the fine of his fines, and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt? will his vouchers vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the length and breadth of a pair of indentures? The very conveyances of his lands will hardly lie in this box; and must the inheritor himself have no more, ha?"

"Not a jot more, my lord."

"Is not parchment made of sheepskins?"

"Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too."

"They are sheep and calves which seek out assurance in that."

- Hamlet, Act V, Scene II

[Guest NoCalMike]

I am sure a large portion of those are fake, but still quite hilarious.

[Guest papacita]

Last year in my Criminal Justice class, we studied a case where a man attempted to sue *SATAN* for forcing him to commit a crime.

[Guest ant_7000]

Hey, suing is the american way. Im bout to burn myself on my Foreman grill and then sue.

[Guest EricMM]

All of those cases (except the last one) are perfect examples of how liberalism has poisoned both our society and our legal system.

 

Hey Liberalism doesn't equal stupidity

 

Anyone, liberal, conservative, whatever, would be like: "WHAT!? You ATE the jelly? Piss off!" or "YOU dropped the beer on you feet lady..." or "You're actually trying to sue them after you pulled a vending maching on top of yourself? Didn't you see the sign? Screw!"

 

This is COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

 

Common sense is Bipartisan

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

...yeah, it's the liberals' fault...

 

After all, they were the morons on the jury. All of them. In every case.

[Guest DrTom]

Hey Liberalism doesn't equal stupidity

It doesn't?

 

The reason I blamed these cases on liberalism is that liberal policies and practices allowed them to happen. Conservatives are big on self-reliance and personal responsibility; liberals have constantly absolved people of personal responsibility thru entitlement programs and the erosion of common sense in the courtroom. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, a conservative will tell you to be more careful next time. A liberal would tell you that it's obviously the fault of the screwdriver maker for not issuing a clear warning (in Spanish, too, of course) that you shouldn't insert the tool into your eye, and that you can sue them for that. Litigation and the chance for quick wealth have replaced responsibility and hard work, and it is entirely the fault of liberalism that such a travesty has happened.

[Guest DrTom]

After all, they were the morons on the jury. All of them. In every case.

They may has well have been. As I just got finished explaining, liberal policies put us in the predicament where you can sue someone because you're a careless fuckup who injured yourself.

 

I'm sure the juries were full of people who were carefully selected because they happened to be sympathetic to the ridiculous "cause" of the plaintiff and his shyster attorney. Also, quite a few of these cases are decided by individual judges, and a liberal judge is going to continue to enforce the poisonous policies laid down by his predecessors.

[Guest danielisthor]

Hey Liberalism doesn't equal stupidity

It doesn't?

 

The reason I blamed these cases on liberalism is that liberal policies and practices allowed them to happen. Conservatives are big on self-reliance and personal responsibility; liberals have constantly absolved people of personal responsibility thru entitlement programs and the erosion of common sense in the courtroom. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, a conservative will tell you to be more careful next time. A liberal would tell you that it's obviously the fault of the screwdriver maker for not issuing a clear warning (in Spanish, too, of course) that you shouldn't insert the tool into your eye, and that you can sue them for that. Litigation and the chance for quick wealth have replaced responsibility and hard work, and it is entirely the fault of liberalism that such a travesty has happened.

I would like to add in that if these cases are actually won, then the liberal taxes get to take a big chunk out of the winnings. you win 4 million, they get 35 to 50% of that. Its a big scam or as my friends father (who was a Lt. in the East Orange, NJ. Police Dept. and Vietnam Vet) a communist plot.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

Don't blame liberals, blame lawyers and people out for easy money.

[Guest hardyz1]

A Pennsylvania woman is suing a pharmacy because she bought a contraceptive jelly from them and got pregnant anyway. She failed to read the directions and ate the jelly on toast.

 

I always thought this was an urban legend. Let me check Snopes...and I was right.

 

That makes me wonder if any of the others are fake. I know the one about the drunk tipping over the Coke machine is true.

 

Here's another frivolous lawsuit: The parents of the Columbine victims are suing/have sued various video game companies because, apparently, they are either retarded or trying to make money off their children's deaths.

 

Don't forget the guy suing McDonalds. The scary thing is, I think he has a better argument that many of these lawsuits. Still not a good argument, but better nonetheless.

 

Personal responsibility? God forbid.

[Guest Some Guy]

The people suing McDonalds are suing because their fat ass kids eat there everyday and got even fatter. They have absolutely no legitimate case, the only case they have is their fat fuck kid's case of the muchies.

It's common fucking sense that if you eat shitty food, which McDonalds freely admits there's is then you'll get fat. It's no big secret.

 

Another stupid McDonalds lawsuit was the old lady who put a hot coffee between her legs pulling out of the drive through and the cup spilled and she burnt her crotch. She got a ton of money in a settlement and now every coffee cup has to say, "Caution, contents hot" or something to that effect. People are fucking stupid and it is the Left that encourages it.

They hate big corporations (McDonalds, Big Tobacco, Gun makers, Oil companies, etc...) so they are all for someone suing them regardless of the reason. Anything to fuck big business. They also encourage reliance on the government, so suing someone for a quick buck through the govenrment is preferable to someone going out and earning their money. If everybody did that then the Left would be out of business. Kind of sad that a whole political ideology's existance relies on the failure people to survive, huh?

Conversly if everyone were successful than Conservatives would be riding high and have exactly what we want, independant people who work for a living and don't leach off others.

Conservatives rely on success, Leftists rely on failure.

[Guest J*ingus]

Another stupid McDonalds lawsuit was the old lady who put a hot coffee between her legs pulling out of the drive through and the cup spilled and she burnt her crotch. She got a ton of money in a settlement and now every coffee cup has to say, "Caution, contents hot" or something to that effect.

Actually, that one wasn't quite as bad as it was blown up to be. That particular McDonalds was heating its coffee hotter than guidelines specified, and in fact there had been several complaints about it in the past. And the woman got huge blistered 2nd degree burns on her legs and groin from the cup, so it wasn't just an "ouch!" kind of thing.

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Once again, that coffee story has been wildly distorted by the media. McDonald's had received many other complaints over a period of more than 10 years about their coffee, which was frequently served at near-boiling temperatures (20 degrees hotter than most other fast-food restaurants) for business reasons (it stayed hot longer and they saved money). They knew it was a problem. They had already received and settled over 700 complaints.

In this case, the octogenarian plaintiff asked for only medical damages, which were reasonable ($20,000 or so, IIRC). McDonald's refused to pay. That's when she filed the lawsuit, again, asking for damages only. The judge examined the case, examined previous complaints, decided that McDonald's had acted negligently and recklessly, and imposed additional punitive damages (which were reduced to about one-sixth of the original award on appeal anyway).

It's not just the cups that changed; McDonald's has now been forced to invest in more heating equipment and serves their coffee at temperatures which won't give you third-degree burns which have to be repaired with skin grafts.

 

Now it's at 190 degrees, which just gives you first-degree burns. Improvement of a sort.

[Guest Samurai_Goat]

Though this sounds iffy, I swear I heard it was true. (Heh heh.) In Tennessee, a man's house was hit by lightning. He filed a 'suit against God. And they didn't throw it out. However, God failed to appear in court. So the judge ruled he had to pay damages. However, they have not yet been able to track down God and force him to pay.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

I blame Ally McBloodyBeal

[Guest Samurai_Goat]

Oh, don't get me started on spontaneously hemorrhaging starved actresses.

[Guest danielisthor]

Though this sounds iffy, I swear I heard it was true. (Heh heh.) In Tennessee, a man's house was hit by lightning. He filed a 'suit against God. And they didn't throw it out. However, God failed to appear in court. So the judge ruled he had to pay damages. However, they have not yet been able to track down God and force him to pay.

I believe this case was in the 1970's. I remember reading a snippit about it a few years back.

[Guest danielisthor]

The people suing McDonalds are suing because their fat ass kids eat there everyday and got even fatter. They have absolutely no legitimate case, the only case they have is their fat fuck kid's case of the muchies.

It's common fucking sense that if you eat shitty food, which McDonalds freely admits there's is then you'll get fat. It's no big secret.

 

They hate big corporations (McDonalds, Big Tobacco, Gun makers, Oil companies, etc...) so they are all for someone suing them regardless of the reason. Anything to fuck big business. They also encourage reliance on the government, so suing someone for a quick buck through the govenrment is preferable to someone going out and earning their money. If everybody did that then the Left would be out of business. Kind of sad that a whole political ideology's existance relies on the failure people to survive, huh?

Conversly if everyone were successful than Conservatives would be riding high and have exactly what we want, independant people who work for a living and don't leach off others.

Conservatives rely on success, Leftists rely on failure.

Another note about this story is that (and not proven but reported by WABC in NY) are the parents of these kids are all unemployed and on welfare, yet these fat bastard kids are able to eat at McDonalds everyday.

 

 

The one thing that really pisses me off about people suing big corps. Especially Tobacco is this:

 

The Federal Government subsidizes the tobacco industry, helps it out with federal money. Our tax dollars. For basically 30 years now, packages have been telling the people who smoke, that smoking is dangerous to your health, dangerous to the health of people around you and dangerous to your unborn baby if pregnant. Yet, these people continue to smoke, they get lung cancer and then sue. Stupid juries give them huge awards (though most get reduced substantially, but that's never reported by the media). Where do you think that money is coming from? I doubt it's coming from their profit margin on sales. I'm more than willing to bet its coming straight out of the taxpayer’s pocket through the Federal Government as a subsidy.

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

"I always thought this was an urban legend. Let me check Snopes...and I was right."

 

!@#$%, well that's the last time I click on that link...

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Hmf. I always thought Calista Flockhart was extremely hot.

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

Hmf. I always thought Calista Flockhart was extremely hot.

::shakes head::

 

I just lost all respect for you...

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Yikes, if you're in to the whole skeletal thing.

 

I'm going to sue Dr. Tom for being a moderator of a board that strains my eyes.

 

YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!!!

[Guest DrTom]

Oh yeah?

 

Well, I'm going to counter-sue because the picture of Pinhead in your signature has given me nightmares. My lost sleep and emotional trauma has to be worth at least $100 million these days...

 

So TAKE THAT~!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I'm going to counter-counter-sue YOU for your Avatar of Unitas, which makes me lament his loss and causes me great emotional distress. Johnny Cochrane is on the phone right now.

 

You are so fucked.