the incomplete Countdown match that I had to do

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

I couldn't get this done. I went to bed at 2:30 last night, I got up and I drove a bit, until getting home at 11:00am CST.

 

so.. here goes with my half-assed bizarre match. I really hate battle royals/four way clusterfuck matches.

 

Enjoy!

 

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Curry: Welcome to the Countdown to Genesis, Look at that countdown move!

 

We see a timer on the screen counting down.

 

NTD: Whoa baby! Buy the PPV if you haven’t before.

 

Curry: Yeah.. buy it.. and get rid of your black box!

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK! KLUK! BAAAAWWWKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! KAAAAABOOOOM!

 

Exploding Chicken explodes.

 

Curry: THAT’S HEINOUS!

 

NTD: Anyways, we have a match coming up here on this card and it’s for the SJL European title.

 

Curry: They still have that around?

 

NTD: Yeah man, remember, they got rid of the Television title, not the European title.

 

Curry: Oh yeah.. it’s sorta tough to follow the JL when SWF has a pay per view coming up that you all should buy.

 

NTD: Anyways.. let’s go to the ring announcer.

 

Funyon stands in the ring with his trusty microphone, clearing his voice for a moment, he begins the introductions for the Battle Royal.

 

The lights in the arena dim. Just enough pyro hits so the entrance and ramp is illuminated.

 

Funyon booms out "Introducing first.. the one.. the only.. JACK THE RIPPER"

 

Marilyn Manson's "Fight Song" erupts from the sound system as Jack makes his way down the ramp. When the lights come back on, Jack "the Ripper" taunts the crowd and he continues to do so in the ring as he is warming up

 

NTD smirks "They let Jack back in? Heck, when it comes to come things, I am a ripper also. If you know what I mean"

 

Curry nods "I have no clue what you are talking about there, any comments Exploding Chicken?"

 

Chicken stands there and bobs his head.

 

Funyon starts his second introduction.. "Introducing next.."

 

As the entrance music of "Sellout" by Biohazard plays, Funyon makes his introduction "From Sarasota, Florida, weighing in at 188 pounds, EIJIRO FASAKI!

 

Ejiro strides down to the ring wearing a short robe that matches his tights. He commonly poses on the middle rope (in the middle of the ropes, not on the turnbuckles) raising his arm in the air.

 

NTD asks Curry, regarding Fasaki’s name "Ichiro Suzuki?"

 

Curry corrects NTD and comments "No… Eijiro Fasaki, he wrestles because he likes to do it."

 

NTD laughs and says "He likes to wrestle sweaty half-naked men?"

 

Curry shakes his head and says "No, it’s for the love of it. He’s just incredible."

 

NTD nods and rebuts with "Uh huh.. sure he does!"

 

Funyon buts in and announces "Introducing third…"

 

The house lights dim as the theme for "James Bond" begins to play

 

NTD skeptically says "Can he use that? Shouldn’t the Fleming people be suing us now?"

 

Curry is confused over stuff like copyright law and he states "It’s probably public domain"

 

Funyon calls out "From Las Vegas, Nevada, Weighing in at 205 pounds.. JOOOOOOHHHHNNNY "THE BARRACUDA" DAAAAAAANGEROUS!

 

A single white spotlight shining on the entrance area where Johnny steps out. (ala the beginning of any James bond movie.) Johnny strides to the ring with out a care in the world, usually taking the time to wink at a few ladies or even blow a kiss in there general direction before hopping foot into the ring.

 

Curry, with a tear in his eye, announces "Without men like Johnny, we would have lost to the Communists"

 

Funyon pauses and then says "Introducing Fourth….."

 

We hear a voice over the arena PA system tells the fans this.. "BUY THE T-SHIRT!", before Leon Sharpe’s special SWF pre-show theme of "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon plays.

 

NTD is shocked, and he replies with "Why is the Champion coming out fourth?"

 

Curry can’t reply to this easily, but we’ll assume he got told over his headset, "Sharpe doesn’t like coming out last for his matches, so this must be some compromise"

 

Funyon announces "He’s the Smarks Junior League European Champion.. he fights out of Detroit, Michigan and his European home of León, Spain, he weighs in at 305 pounds, LEON SHARPE!"

 

Sharpe walks though the curtains and walks to the ring carrying a duffel bag, with his t-shirts inside the bag. He might stop for a few moments to make a sell. Sharpe enters over the top rope and goes to a corner.

 

NTD notes "This is the first time I have seen Leon in person. Let me just note that he gains points from me for coming out to Warren Zevon. That song is about London, which is in Europe, which he is the champion of. Also, Sharpe is from Lay-own, Spain. He’s so good, they named a town after him!"

 

Curry sneers "I think the town has been around for longer"

 

Chicken adds to the conversation with "ZEEEEEVON! KLUK! KLUK!"

 

Funyon returns to his post for the announcements, where it’s now time to introduce another man to the match, "Introducing fifth…"

 

Dropkick Murphy’s "Barroom Hero" begins to play.

 

"Face down in the gutter, won’t admit defeat… those clothes are soiled and black!"

 

Funyon: "From Limerick, Ireland, weighing in at 168 pounds, TIM DILLON!"

 

Suddenly, cheap green shamrock confetti falls from the rafters. ("He’s a big, strong man with a child’s mind, don’t you take your booze away!"). Orange and Green pyro blows off to the sides and Tim appears on the stage. Soaking up the cheers he struts down the stage with his arms in a boxer’s defensive pose as he throws a few punches. He then slaps some fans hands and he sometimes will hand out little Irish flag to his loyal fans. He slides into the ring and pulls out a Guinness beer can and chugs it down

 

NTD: "Eexxxxxxxxxxitttt light, EEEEnnnnnnnnnnterrrr night! Take my hand!"

 

Curry: "No thanks!"

 

Funyon: "And introducing last!"

 

Godsmack’s "I Stand Alone" hits the speakers as Kamikaze steps onto the stage.

 

Funyon: "From Minnetonka, Minnesota, weighing in at 235 pounds, KAMIKAZE!"

 

Kamikaze looks around as he goes down to the ring. Once in the ring, he climbs a turnbuckle, throw his arms up and his head back, and shout, "KAAMIKAAAZZEEEE!!"

 

The bell rings as the match starts. The six men pair up, with Kamikaze taking on Johnny Dangerous, Eijiro taking on Dillon and Sharpe taking on Jack. Sharpe pounds on the hapless Jack as we see Kamikaze holding his own with the Agent and Eijro having an even match with Dillon. Sharpe tries throwing Jack over the top early, not to no avail. Kamikaze yells out randomly at the crowd, giving Dangerous an opportunity to take control. Jack charges towards Sharpe with a spear, but Sharpe shrugs it off, Sharpe then throws Jack over the top rope, leaving him to lay on the apron. Eijiro Fasaki comes in and executes a baseball slide, which kicks Jack to the floor.

 

Funyon: "Jack the Ripper has been eliminated!"

 

Suddenly, Sharpe exits the ring though the middle ropes, kicks at Jack some more and walks to the commentary table. Meanwhile in the ring, Kamikaze goes after Fasaki, as Dillon and Dangerous fight. Sharpe sits down at the table and grabs a headset.

 

Leon Sharpe: "Hey, I just felt like taking a rest here. Heck, I am the European champion. Let me remind you fans to buy my t-shirts."

 

Sharpe laughs.

 

Leon Sharpe: "How about that Fasaki? He must not like Jack either. He wrestles because he likes wrestling guys, right? I don’t want to suggest anything here, but.."

 

Curry: "Let’s move on":

 

Dillon hits an armdrag on Dangerous, when he goes for another one, Dangerous hits him with a hard kick to the chest. Kamikaze hits a neckbreaker on Fasaki, but Fasaki goes for a comeback by hitting an Armdrag on Kamikaze.

 

Sharpe: "It’s an Armdrag fest, it’s like I’m watching Lucha!"

 

NTD: "Quiet Leon, we might miss a rana!"

 

Fasaki puts Kamikaze in a wristlock before he takes him down to the mat hard with a snap suplex. Meanwhile, Dangerously is in control over Dillon, hitting a DDT on the Irishman. Dangerously then punches Dillon a few times in the head.

 

Curry: "Dillon is getting taken to the shed here!"

 

Sharpe: "I hope he doesn’t lock himself in it!"

 

Chicken "KLUK KLUK KLUK!"

 

Dillon whips Dangerous into the corner and comes in with a clothesline. Dillon punches Dangerous, but Dangerous reverses the action and unleashes his own punches. Dangerous chops Dillon in the throat and hits a Frankensteiner on him, throwing him into the middle of the ring.

 

Sharpe: "Super Secret Rana by Dangerous!"

 

Curry: "Hey! You’re just making that up"

 

Sharpe: "It’s as real as your sex life"

 

Curry shuts up at that low blow. As Dillon is down, Dangerous climbs to the top rope.

 

Exploding Chicken: "KLUK! BAWWWWWKKK! DON’T GOOOO TO THE TOPPP!!"

 

Sharpe: "I never would have figured the chicken would have a problem with flying"

 

Kamikaze starts yelling at the imaginary girlfriend, hitting the top rope, sending Dangerous down hard crotch-first on the top turnbuckle.

 

Sharpe: "I guess the CIA didn’t provide him with an athletic supporter"

 

Dillon punches Dangerous some more, but when he tries to make something of the predicament that Dangerous is in, Dangerous comes down with a sunset flip onto Dillon.

 

Meanwhile, Fasaki and Kamikaze are still going at it, Kamikaze attempts to mount some offense on Fasaki, only to have Eijiro go for his bad knee. As Fasaki works over the knee, Dillon whips Dangerous into the corner. Dillon charges towards Dangerous in the corner with a Gore and he hits it.

 

Sharpe: "GORE! GORE! GORE! Come on James Bond, get out of that!"

 

Dillon walks out and then charges in for anothe Gore, but Dangerously manages to duck and sling Dillon over the top rope, knocking him to the floor. Sharpe gets up as this is happening.

 

Sharpe: "I’ll have to get back to you later."

 

Sharpe runs into the ring, rolls under the bottom ropes and charges at Dangerous. Only to be met with fists to the midsection. Sharpe is whipped into the ropes and then backdropped onto the mat. Meanwhile, Fasaki is hitting Kamikaze in his bad knee. Dangerous shoves Fasaki out of the way and goes to work on Kamikaze and his knee.

 

Sharpe smirks and then clotheslines Fasaki to the mat. Sharpe throws Fasaki towards the ropes before catching him and chokeslamming him.

 

Meanwhile, Dangerous has Kamikaze in a knee-bar. Kamikaze starts yelling at ‘Maria’ causing the confused Dangerous to release the hold. Dangerous glances in the direction that Kamikaze was yelling and then he pulls something out of his tights.

 

Curry: "NO! JOHNNY DANGEROUS HAS PULLED OUT THE CYANIDE!"

 

NTD: "What? I don’t think that’s Cyanide.. still, I want some of that!"

 

Curry: "Damnit, those don’t even look like cyanide."

 

NTD: "Did you drop acid with Dock Ellis in the back?"

 

Dangerous pulled out a roll of quarters, but, are these SUPER SPY QUARTERS THAT HAVE TWO HEADS AND CAN KILL PEOPLE? Nope.. they aren’t. The referee doesn’t let Dangerous hit Kamikaze with those quarters either. Dangerous puts the quarters down in disappointment, surely, he was to tell British Intelligence that it was time to kill the referee with an umbrella.

 

Sharpe messes around with Fasaki, slapping him around like a prison bitch. Fasaki takes Sharpe down with a drop toe hold and then puts him in a facelock? But, could Sharpe escape? Yes, he does escape the dreaded chinlock. Sharpe is met with a sunset flip, which would spell bad luck for him if we had pinfalls count in this. Eijiro follows this with a spin wheel kick as Sharpe is getting up. Sharpe is staggered in the ropes as the fans rise up to cheer, thinking that Fasaki could eliminate the champion. Fasaki gears up for another kick, only to have Sharpe move and throw him though the ropes. Sharpe smirks as Fasaki lays on the floor and our cameras go back to Dangerous working on Kamikaze’s knee. Dangerous kicks the knee, but then we go back to the other side of the ring because as Fasaki was getting up and Sharpe wasn’t looking, something big happened.

 

Fasaki got on the apron and then onto the top turnbuckle. Then as Sharpe turned around, Fasaki takes him down to the mat with a Blockbuster. Sharpe is dazed on the mat.

 

Curry: "If only pinfalls counted in this match! Then Fasaki could win it right here"

 

In other action, Kamikaze gets to his feet and then goes for a suplex, barely lifting Dangerous up and dropping him. Kamikaze clutches his knee in pain as he tries to follow up. Dangerous kicks him in the knee and then follows up with a Double Arm DDT, planting Kamikaze down on the mat.

 

Fasaki is trying to do anything he can to get Sharpe over the top, but it seems to be all for naught. Eijiro begins to kick Sharpe in the legs, going for the knees that were hurt against Matt Myers. Eijro puts Sharpe in a single leg crab, but Sharpe is able to clutch the ropes, forcing the hold to be broken. Sharpe gets up and smirks at Fasaki before going into his offense.

 

Kamikaze is trying to fight off Dangerous, he goes for a DDT, but Dangerous hooks his leg and runs him into the corner. As Kamikaze tries to recover, Dangerous kicks him in the gut and hits the License to Kill on Kamikaze, taking him down hard and taking him out.

 

Fasaki goes for a kick, but Sharpe grabs the leg, Fasaki counters with the Owenziguri back brain kick, which staggers Sharpe. Fasaki charges in and hits a baseball slide, taking Sharpe down.

 

Dangerous scrapes Kamikaze off the mat and then attempts to throw him over the top, but Kamikaze blocks his attempt and hits him in the gut. Kamikaze executes a drop toe hold on Dangerous, dropping him throat first on the bottom rope.

 

Eijiro’s attempts to get more offense in on Sharpe fail, as Sharpe splatters him on the mat with a chokeslam. Sharpe smiles as he looks down on Eijiro, but Fasaki gets up, to the surprise of Sharpe. Sharpe then punts him in the gut and Jackknifes him on the mat.

 

Dangerous and Kamikaze are going at it some more, but Kamikaze takes time out from his schedule to yell at Maria, allowing for Dangerous to come up from behind and eliminate him.

 

"Kamikaze has been eliminated!"

 

Chicken: "KLUCK! KLUCK! THEREHEGOES! KAAAAAABOOOOOOOOMMMMM!"

 

Dangerous looks at the Chicken for a moment and lays back to watch Sharpe and Fasaki fight. Sharpe kicks Fasaki as he is getting up from the Jackknife. Fasaki hooks onto a leg and tries hard to take Sharpe down to the mat. Sharpe doesn’t go down so easily, instead hitting Fasaki with whatever he has got.

 

-------------

 

and before you ask, I was gonna use those quarters later. I figure Dangerous would use them to make calls on his shoephone, right?

 

Bleh

[Secret Agent 0]

Not too bad at all Leon, too bad you didn't have time to finish it. I feel your complaints on the four ways and royal matches. I too felt the 6 man royal rumble was kind of ackward to write until i cleared a few people out of the ring. Mine lost too though so don't feel too bad, man. Johnny D can't whip out 7g in words to keep up with that leprachaun.

[Guest Goodear]

Here's my loser...

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

With the chords of the James Bond theme playing and the sight of “The Barracuda” Johnny Dangerous making his way to the ring to uproarious applause, we are greeted to SWF Countdown to Genesis by our intrepid announce crew of Curry, NTD and THE EXPLODING CHICKEN!!!

 

Curry starts us off with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the storm before… the even bigger storm. This is The Countdown to Genesis! Featuring the best of what the Junior Leagues has to offer and some big league chew on top. I am your host, Curry. Joining me tonight is… what are you wearing?

 

NTD looks to the camera, wearing a Leon Sharpe ™ T-shirt, a smile, and nothing else, “I’m wearing the latest trend in fashion. Separating the gorgeous from the grotesque is the Leon Sharpe ™ T-shirt. Obviously you will note, that I wear the shirt… and Curry does not. Connect the dots will you?”

 

Curry sighs to himself, “I’m also joined by The Exploding Chicken… so, what’s up Chicken?”

 

“Cluck, cluck… bitch.”

 

“Right… moving right along. We have the 3rd Annual Newbie Battle Royal to start things off. And as an extra-added bonus, The SJL European Title is on the line in this unique situation. Let’s go to Funyon for the ring introductions…”

 

Funyon starts his routine, “Introduc… Oh Christ! Feet don’t fail me now!”

 

As soon as Johnny Dangerous steps into the ring, Jack The Ripper and Ejiro Fasaki both go on the attack, forcing Dangerous onto his heels and pushing him back into a corner. All the action starting so quickly causes Funyon to scamper out of the ring as quickly as possible to evade all the bodies that are about to hit the floor. That and now he doesn’t have to announce six people in a row. That would be hard on the vocals and all. Anyway, as Fasaki and Jack pound Johnny in the corner with a number of punches and kicks, Tim Dillon and Kamikaze have decided to double up on the huge European Champion, Leon Sharpe.

 

Curry is quick to explain, “With a European Champion that outweighs everyone else in the match by almost one hundred pounds in one corner, and the hottest newcomer in the Junior Leagues in the other, the rest of the battle royal participants are trying to exert their influences right away.”

 

“Man, there’s nothing like some double teaming to start your day,” smiles NTD.

 

Kamikaze holds Leon’s arms behind his back while Dillon drives in some big, strong punches to his forehead, utilizing his boxing background. But when Tim tries to get a little head of steam, Sharpe lifts a big foot that catches Dillon right in the face and sends him down to the mat. Then, utilizing his weight advantage, Sharpe drives Kamikaze backwards and into a turnbuckle. Turning quickly, Sharpe grabs Kamikaze by the legs and attempts to lift him over the top rope, using his power to muscle Kaze into the air.

 

With Fasaki throwing elbows into the side of Dangerous’ head, Jack The Ripper has taken notice of Dillon’s momentary predicament and decides to make the most of the opportunity. Taking Dillon by the hair, Jack tosses him against the ropes and creams him on the rebound with a leaping clothesline. His bicep pops against Dillon’s chest and drives all the air out of the Irishman as he flies to the canvas. Meanwhile, Kamikaze has managed to fight off Sharpe’s attempt to toss him over the top by poking him in the eyes. With Sharpe momentarily blinded, Kaze quickly scales the ropes. Taking a moment more than usual due to his injured knee, Kaze steadies himself and launches towards Sharpe. Kaze’s feet have a meeting with Leon’s face with a missile dropkick and he goes flying across the ring. Kamikaze rises to his feet with a mild limp and lets out a cry triumph, only to get hit with a running elbow from Fasaki, who in turn gets crushed with a clothesline from Jack The Ripper.

 

“You can’t concentrate on just one person in this match, they’ll always be someone right behind you,” calls out Curry.

 

“So its like every Saturday night?” responds NTD.

 

Seeing that he’s the only one standing tall at the moment, Jack decides to return his attention to Johnny Dangerous, who has been slumping in a corner since this match began, taking a drubbing. The Ripper charges forward, but gets caught coming in with a leg scissors from “The Barracuda.” Gripping The Ripper tightly between his legs…

 

“Meow!” lets out a happy NTD.

 

Dangerous pushes off the turnbuckle and takes The Ripper down to the canvas with a frankensteiner! Jack rolls right up to his feet, stunned, and stumbles towards a rising Tim Dillon. Jack isn’t so loopy that he won’t take a wild swing at the lad, but Tim easily ducks underneath and buries him with a German release suplex that sends the Londoner head over heels to the mat. Dillon and Dangerous both take a hold of The Ripper and look to send him over the top rope, but The Ripper holds on with all his might. Meanwhile, Kamikaze and Fasaki are battling it out on the canvas, trading right hands from their knees. Trading shot after shot, both men slowly work their way up to their feet, still throwing punches at each other. Eventually, Kaze simply lunges forward and tackles Fasaki down to the canvas with a double leg, and lowers the boom with a whole lot of what a fat man named Dusty would call clubbering.

 

Finally, Dangerous and Dillon manage to shove Jack over the top rope, but he has managed to wrap himself around the bottom rope with a death grip, to keep from being eliminated from this European title match. Fortunately for Jack, Leon Sharpe has been spending the last few minutes recovering from the missile dropkick, and he nails Dangerous from behind with a knee to the kidneys and then smashes a turning Tim Dillon with a hard right hand to the head. As Jack sneaks back in under the bottom rope, Leon hauls Dangerous up onto his shoulder and drops him on the top turnbuckle, face first with a snake eyes drop. But Dillon isn’t one to take a punch to the face and let it slide, so he charges into Sharpe and drives him back with a flurry of right hands.

 

Curry lets loose with, “You aren’t going to win a fist fight with Tim Dillon without taking some shots in return.”

 

“I’d love to take a shot at a lot of guys in the ring. Why do they call him The Ripper anyway? What issss he ripping? I bet I know.”

 

“Buckaw?”

 

Jack the Ripper puts a stop to the Ejiro Fasaki-Kamikaze brawl by pulling Kaze off of Ejiro by the hair and slamming him into the top turnbuckle three times in rapid succession. Ejiro gets to his feet, but Johnny Dangerous pushes him back into a corner and slugs away with a series of right hands while Leon Sharpe manages to get the upper hand on Tim Dillon by catching a right hand and pulling Tim in close. Grabbing a hold of Tim’s head and arm, Leon deposits Dillon on the canvas with a viscous exploder suplex.

 

“That Leon can explode on me whenever he wants.”

 

“Did you say explode? CLUCK, CLUCK, BOOM!!!”

 

With Dangerous pounding away on Fasaki with right hand after right hand, Jack the Ripper stands behind him, waiting for his opportunity to attack. Johnny unloads with another huge right hand that sends Ejiro to the canvas. The Ripper sizes up Johnny Dangerous and waits for him to turn around. When “The Barracuda” turns The Ripper charges forward with a tremendous spear that folds the spy in half and sends the back of his head slamming into the mat. Leaping to his feet with a roar of triumph, The Ripper is oblivious to the fact that he is also being stalked. Pivoting towards an unexpected surprise, Jack falls prey to a dynamic high angle spinebuster from Kamikaze that drives Jack into the mat like a hammer. Kaze reaches into his tights and pulls forth a Japanese headband, and shows it off to the crowd. They roar in anticipation as Kaze wraps the headband around his head in preparation for the diving head BUTT. Kamikaze takes a running start and ascends to the top rope but due to his limited mobility, Kamikaze has to ready himself a moment too long…

 

Because Leon Sharpe is there with a push from behind that sends Kamikaze flying all the way to the arena floor!!! Kamikaze has been eliminated! Recovering from his trip to the floor, Kamikaze looks about him stunned for a moment before looking at where he landed. His eyes go extremely wide before he screams in horror!

 

“MARIA!!! NO!!!”

 

Tears begin to flow down from his eyes as Kamikaze stares at the patch of ground underneath him. He reaches down and scoops up a bunch of air. Kaze looks back and forth in a panic looking for someone, anyone that can help his “manager”. As he stumbles to the back, he continually yells out to the back.

 

“Medic! Medic! God damn it. Get a medic out here! Hold on baby. MEDIC!!!”

 

Leon watches Kamikaze freaking out for a moment with a puzzled look on his face. As always, that’s a mistake. For when he turns back to the action, Ejiro Fasaki is there to stun him with a series of elbows to the face. With the European champion stammered, Ejiro rears back and unleashes a screaming elbow. But Leon blocks the move by putting up his arms, and easily sends Fasaki spinning back the way he came. And when Fasaki is face to face with Leon once more, he finds himself on the receiving end of an Uraken spinning back fist! Ejiro bounces backwards like a super ball, coming to rest on his face. But that doesn’t save Sharpe from getting gang attacked by Jack, Johnny, and Tim all at the same time!

 

“Oh baby, has this match taken a turn for the better! Nothing like a gangbang to make everything just all the more sweet,” observes one NDT.

 

All three men push Leon back into a corner and try to lift him up and over the top rope. Sharpe desperately swings away at the mass of humanity that surrounds him, but they hold fast and lift Leon higher and higher towards the top rope. Panicked that he might be eliminated, Sharpe reaches out and jams his fingers into the eyes of one Jack The Ripper. With one less person lifting, Sharpe is able to free himself from the grip of his attackers. Undaunted, Johnny and Tim continue to maul him in the corner with closed fists, but Sharpe’s legs are back on the canvas where they belong as far as he is concerned.

 

At the same time, a blinded Jack The Ripper staggers towards Ejiro Fasaki who quickly ducks underneath Jack’s arm and jams him with a STO legsweep that sends Jack’s head spiking into the mat. Ejiro eyes Jack’s position up before bouncing off the ropes and crushes Jack with a lionsault, driving his chest into Jack's with momentous force. While in the corner, Leon has escaped his predicament through throwing some hard shots to the faces of Dillon and Dangerous. But Leon doesn’t get a respite for long before Fasaki leaps into his arms and slams in some elbows to the face. Dillon continues to throw tremendous body shots to Sharpe’s ribs while Johnny Dangerous moves over to battle with a stunned Jack The Ripper.

 

Waiting for him to recover from the lionsault, Johnny keeps a close eye on The Ripper. Johnny Dangerous charges forward from the side and sends Jack to the canvas with a swinging neckbreaker. Quickly climbing up to the top rope, Johnny makes sure to keep an eye out for the other competitors before making his leap from the top. Johnny finally launches himself at Jack, but gets clobbered with a hooking clothesline on the way down that drives Dangerous’ head into the canvas. Quickly raising Johnny off the canvas, The Ripper lifts him up into a powerbomb position and slowly carries him over to the ropes! With murder on his mind, Jack is planning to drop Johnny head first over the top and to the floor!

 

“Sweet Christmas, that Jack has murder on his mind!”

 

“That sounds familiar for some reason.”

 

Johnny struggles like a madman and frees himself from Jack’s grip, falling down behind his opponent. Johnny quickly whips himself backwards with a spin heel kick that sends the turning Jack spiraling over the top rope and to the floor, eliminating him from this battle royal!

 

“Two down and four to go. This battle royal is starting to thin out a bit.”

 

“Have you ever actually had two men go down at the same time? Tremendous.”

 

“What the buck, buck?”

 

Dillon and Ejiro continue to double up on Leon Sharpe, both attacking Sharpe around the knees with a series of kicks to the calves. Finally, both men rear back and unleash a kick at the same time, and finally Sharpe wobbles and falls down to his knees. Dillon signals to Ejiro quickly, suggesting a course of action. Ejiro nods in agreement before both Fasaki and Dillon hit the ropes and sandwich Sharpe’s head with a pair of dropkicks. Sharpe’s body stiffens for a moment, and then he slumps to the mat. Johnny Dangerous nails a rising Dillon from behind with a clubbing forearm while his attention is diverted. Dangerous hooks Tim in a butterfly and drops him to the mat with a double arm DDT as Ejiro climbs onto Leon’s back. Ejiro tries with his whole body to pry Sharpe’s arms backwards with a Rings of Saturn double armbar. Ejiro wrenches back with as much force as he can gather, but Sharpe is able to keep his arms from going all the way back by using his power. While that is going on, Dangerous is pulling Dillon to his feet. Johnny hooks Tim by the head, turns him over, and drives him into the canvas with a reverse neckbreaker. Continuing his offensive, Johnny attempts to whip Dillon into the ropes but it gets reversed. Catching Dangerous on the rebound, Dillon picks “The Barracuda” up and drives him to the canvas with a cradle DDT! With both men trying to get a second wind, neither man sees what is coming next.

 

With Ejiro Fasaki still attached to his back like a barnacle, Sharpe has managed to actually work his way up to his knees. Displaying unfathomable power, Leon stands up with Ejiro still locked on! Adjusting his grip, Leon tosses Ejiro off his shoulders with a maneuver that is “Illegal in 46 States”.

 

"I know lots of things that are illegal in 46 states, and I've done most of them."

 

"Is being an exploding chicken one of them? BAWK-BOOM!"

 

Angered by all the punishment he’s been forced to take, Leon takes Ejiro off the canvas and deposits him back down with a release powerbomb that causes an immediate spasm of pain in Fasaki’s body. Seeing as Dillon was just then climbing back up, Sharpe takes the opportunity to drive a boot into Tim’s sternum, doubling his opponent over. Dillon goes up! AND DOWN with another mammoth powerbomb that causes Dillon to land on his upper shoulders before coming to a painful stop.

 

“Well, I bet that was worth it,” says NTD.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Having Leon’s face in between your legs.”

 

“You’re welcome for setting you up by the way.”

 

“You’re my strait man, Curry… No wonder I hate you.”

 

“Cluck.”

 

Anyway, Leon shrugs to himself for a moment, thinking, “Well, I did it twice, I think I’m contractually obligated to try it one more time.” Picking Johnny Dangerous up, Leon clamps down with his arms before jerking Dangerous high into the air. But Sharpe holds Johnny up at the apex of the powerbomb for a moment to long. Because once he is up there, Johnny starts to throw a flurry of punches into Sharpe’s face. Free from Leon’s grip, Johnny drops down, landing on his feet. Johnny presses his advantage and peppers Leon with a series of right hands that rock The European Champion back on his heels. Dangerous hits the ropes and slams into Leon with a clothesline, but Sharpe refuses to bend under the assault and only steps back a few paces. Johnny hits the ropes again, trying to finally topple the 6’10” monster to the mat. But on the rebound, Sharpe catches Johnny with a boot to the face that sends Dangerous staggering backwards. Dangerous stumbles back and falls through the middle ropes, collapsing to the floor in a heap. Leon quickly climbs through the middle ropes to the outside to press his advantage on the fallen super spy. With his opponent climbing back to his feet, Sharpe grabs Dangerous by the back on the neck and sends him flying into the ringpost. Johnny’s face bounces off the post and he goes tumbling away to the cold arena floor, as a terrible idea crosses the mind of the European Champion. Leon begins to peal away the protective padding from the floor, exposing the harsh concrete floor beneath. Collecting Dangerous, Sharpe presses Johnny high above his head, drops him down, positions him,

 

"AND DRIVES HIM DOWN WITH A “SILVER BULLET” TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!" screams out Curry.

 

"Oh he's dead."

 

"Buck yeah."

 

Grinning maliciously, Sharpe surveys his work, but gets pulled around and blasted with a series of hard right hands from Dillon! Rocking Leon back again and again, the bare-knuckle brawler stuns Sharpe before tossing him back into the ring. Dillon scampers up to the top rope and comes flying off with a flying bulldog that scrambles Leon’s eggs. Turning Leon over, Dillon pummels away at The European champion in retaliation for his horrible act against “The Barracuda”. Dillon steps through the ropes and proceeds to springboard off the top rope, dropping a leg from what appears to be a mile in the air across Leon’s head.

 

Meanwhile, Johnny Dangerous hasn’t moved an inch on the floor since Leon drove him down on his head. Taking a tombstone piledriver on the concrete has caused a deep gash to open up on top of his head and a steady stream of blood has begun to pool underneath his head. EMT’s from the backstage area begin to rush out from the back of the arena, and rush to Johnny’s aid.

 

"Well, Johnny didn't go over the top rope, but I think he's been eliminated all the same," laments Curry.

 

Not satisfied yet with the punishment he’s dropped on Sharpe yet, Dillon again moves to the ring apron and propels himself at Sharpe’s fallen form. But this time, he collides in midair with the leg of one Ejiro Fasaki. Having watched Dillon do the move only a few moments earlier, Fasaki waited in the weeds for him to attempt it again and smashed Dillon when he did. Kicking Dillon on the way down, Ejiro causes Tim’s head to snap back with a tremendous whip lashing effect. Fasaki stumbles away for a moment, and leans into a corner. Ejiro begins to go back and forth from Leon to Dillon, dropping knees down on both of their heads. On the outside, the EMT’s have finally gotten an unconscious Johnny onto a stretcher and have begun to wheel him out of the ringside area and back to the training room in the backstage area. The technicians have placed a collar around Dangerous' neck and have placed bandages across his head in an attempt to stem the bleeding.

 

Exhausted, Ejiro tries to lower the number of his opponents by one and kicks Tim in the stomach and grabs him in a ¾ nelson. Fasaki runs towards the ropes and pushes himself up for the Ejirocution, but Dillon holds onto the top rope and keeps his feet. Dillon throws a back elbow into Fasaki's face and quickly switches behind Ejiro. Tim grabs Ejiro by the hair and pulls him down, hooking him up for “Blood and Whiskey!” Dillon lifts Fasaki up, but Ejiro over rotates, and lands on his feet behind the Irishman. Fasaki takes Tim by the hair and throws Dillon forward and into a rising Leon Sharpe! Sharpe grabs Dillon by the throat and picks him up off the canvas. Sharpe quickly deposits Dillon over the top with a chokeslam to the floor! Eliminating Tim from this European title match.

 

"What an impressive display of power! Leon just deposited Dillon over the top like he didn't weigh a thing."

 

"He weighs 20 pounds! He doesn't weigh a thing. Wow, think of the possibilities."

"Twenty pounds is big for a chicken."

 

Petrified that he’s now facing a recovered Leon Sharpe one on one, Ejiro takes a step back into the corner and gets smashed there with an aggressive running clothesline. Grabbing Ejiro by the ears, Leon takes a few steps and sends Fasaki flying across the ring with a thwack. Raising his foot in a savage attempt to remove Ejiro’s head from his shoulders, Sharpe drives a big boot into his opponent's mush sending Fasaki hard into the mat. Leon swaggers over to his fallen opponent and pulls him off the canvas, going in behind, Leon holds Fasaki in a tight waist before arching backwards and sending Fasaki soaring through the air with a German release suplex. Sharpe stalks his competition again and lifts Fasaki up to his feet by the tights with one arm, treating Ejiro like a small child. Leon wraps his arms around Ejiro in another tight waist. But this time, Sharpe doesn’t feel a bit of resistance and decides to instead finish Ejiro off. Quickly shifting an arm around Fasaki’s head, Sharpe locks in a deep Dragon sleeper. Ejiro quickly comes to life as the pain of the hold strikes him, but he quickly fades again as the pressure appears to be too much for Fasaki to handle.

 

"Well, this one looks to be all wrap… wait a minute." Curry listens to his headset intensely before screaming out, "GO TO THE BACK! GO!"

 

"But, but I'm not wearing pants!"

 

The Smarktron suddenly flips from the action within the ring, to the training room. Kamikaze is standing there with concern on his face, looking at an empty table. But the bigger story is that Johnny Dangerous, having regained consciousness is shoving the medics out of his way as he fights to get back to the ring. Roaring with anger and wearing a neck brace, Johnny finally breaks free from the medical technicians and runs out of the room. Kamikaze has just one comment to make…

 

“Man, that boy is crazy.”

 

Inside the ring, Sharpe finally releases the half-conscious Fasaki and sends him to the mat in a lifeless heap. Sensing victory, Leon lifts Ejiro up in the slam position and looks to deposit him over the top rope as the fans scream in awe as Johnny Dangerous comes tearing down the aisle! Still wobbly from the "Silver Bullet", but mad as hell, Johnny slides into the ring behind Sharpe and Fasaki. Grabbing Leon from behind, Johnny lifts both men up and over the top rope!!! Sharpe hits the floor feet first and stumbles into the guardrail, but Fasaki has managed to hold onto the bottom rope and is holding on for dear life. Seeing that he still has one opponent left, Johnny starts to rain a series of boots to Fasaki, knowing that if Ejiro hits the floor now, that there will be a new European Champion.

 

"This will be all! We will have a new European Champion! Wait, what the hell?"

 

But an enraged Leon Sharpe isn’t going to go away that quickly, and he jumps up to the apron to get another shot in at Dangerous. Sharpe rushes forward and tries to clothesline Johnny but Dangerous ducks underneath and rocks him backwards with a big right hand! Meanwhile, Fasaki scrambles into the ring behind both men as Johnny continues to slug away at Leon. Finally rearing back with all his might, Johnny smashes Leon down to the apron with a big right hand. Falling, Leon holds onto the top rope in an attempt to keep from falling to the floor and get another shot in at "The Barracuda". Johnny reaches over the top rope and continues to pound away on Leon.

 

"But he’s forgotten all about Fasaki!"

 

From behind, Ejiro blasts Johnny in the back of the head with a screaming elbow!!! Stumbling forward, and with the ropes already pulled down, Dangerous goes tumbling all the way over the top out to the floor!

 

Fasaki collapses to the mat and referee Anthony Michael Hall delivers the European title to its new owner. Meanwhile on the outside of the ring, the fight continues. Sharpe tosses Johnny into the guardrail with a vengeance, trying to take the weight of the belt out of Dangerous' hide. Pulling Dangerous over to the exposed patch of concrete, Leon lifts him up over his head again, setting him up for another “Silver Bullet”!

 

"This will kill him!"

 

"Such a waste… but what the hell? Put him away, Leon!"

 

But this time, Johnny is able to shift his weight and fall behind Sharpe. Meeting the turning Leon with a kick to the chest, Dangerous quickly locks his arm around Leon's head and smashes him into the canvas face first with the “License to Kill!” As Leon lies on the concrete, a fleet of referees surrounds Johnny and begins to pull him away from his fallen adversary.

 

Inside the ring, Ejiro has climbed up to his knees and is holding the European title close to his chest. Cherishing the moment, Ejiro kisses the belt before climbing to the middle rope and showing to all the fans in attendance as a chorus of cheers descend for the, as Funyon announces,

 

"The WINNER of the SJL Newbie Battle Royal and the NEWWWW European Champion! EEEEJIRO FASAKIIIII!"

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

on another note, I'd say a Eijiro v. Leon match would be fun.

 

Also, I was gonna edit in something before the blockbuster where you went for the blockbuster off the second rope and got splattered in the ring.

[Guest Insanityman]

And my match...

 

 

 

(The millions of sadly addicted SWF fans all stare at their television like a teenager’s first glimpse at a breast. It glows to life very slowly and all the fans give a “Yes!” as they see a completely black screen. Suddenly a very deep, booming voice projects “At first there was nothing.”

 

Long pause as the marks look at the screen in confusion.

 

“Then there was S-W-F.” The voice finishes as a sudden chiseled, stone sundial with a gothic looking egg timer on the top. It casts a shadow next to the 12 O’ clock position and the sand runs down to the last few grains in the timer. In sync the last grain descends and hits the pile as the sundial reaches 12. A sudden lightning bolt adds to the dazzling specials effects as the whole image explodes into flames. It then swipes to the scrolling marquee that hangs with pride on the door. Then the loyal fans show their patriotism for their favorite superstars. Colorful, attention-grabbing signs are showed off in the air. Their signs include “I Didn’t Pay To See JLers!” and “The Mystery Man Is G0R0!” one sign guarantees. The camera then pans its way past the group of fans and then settles right in front of the announcer’s table. NTD, the pant less wonder, yells at a fan to quit throwing the peanut shells, as Curry fumbles with his headset. On the extreme left is the genocidal, feces dropping, chicken dancing… EXPLODING CHICKEN!)

 

“Kluk! Kluk KA-BOOM!” Explodes the psycho in perfect timing with the pyro that rockets into the air. The Exploding Chicken harasses Curry Man as Goldfinger’s “Open Your Eyes” fades.

 

“Welcome back!” Curry Man greets the fans, and then goes on, “As the Countdown to S-W-F’s GENESIS begins we are opening with a six man battle royal for some SJL European belt!”

 

EC “kluks” in protest as Curry Man makes the belt seem worth as much as his feces. Curry Man then points into the audience as he screams, “It’s the flailing fruit!” and the Chicken Man scrambles under the desk in cover, cowering.

 

“First there was nothing… then there was creation…” NTD begins to ramble and then snarls to the camera. “Then the most foul, vile thing was created.”

 

“Chris Wilson?” Curry inquiries, NTD shakes his head no, “Clan?” Another wrong guess, and CM looks on in confusion.

 

“PANTS~!” NTD says as his face twisted into disgust as if he cringed at the thought of the extremely convenient alternative to shorts.

 

Exploding Chicken looks down at his comfy pants and then looks up at NTD in confusion but then remembers the PPV, “Right,” he pauses for an involuntary “Kluk” “now we have yet another newbie battle royal! Winner is deemed the European champion! Being thrown over the top rope by a measly competitor can ONLY eliminate you, ” Chicken swipes his arm out (as it’s folded like a chicken’s wing) and the camera goes straight towards the entrance ramp.

 

“This match is scheduled for five top rope eliminations…and count-out rules are not in effect, and the winner will be crowned with the prestigious S-J-L EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP!” Funyon announces as the JL marks explode in cheers.

 

Suddenly Godsmack’s “I Stand Alone” hits the speakers as Kamikaze steps onto the stage. His eyes reflect absolute confidence for himself and he slowly stalks down stage.

 

“Introducing first… hailing from Minnetonka in the ring, weighing at 235 flat… he’s the suicidal… (EC “kluks” in anger as if Funyon stole his line) KAMIKAAZZEE!” Funyon’s booming voice collides against the arena’s wall. Kamikaze then gets to ringside as he slides in and hops onto the closest turnbuckle. A sea of cheers drowns his “Kamikaze” cry out.

 

He then stands in the turnbuckle embracing the near-rabid crowd.

 

“Seems pumped and ready.” Curry Man comments as the pant less wonder giggles at “pumped.”

 

 

Suddenly the fans are silenced by the beginnings of Dropkick Murphy’s “Barroom Hero” suddenly the fans are showered down upon by cheap, shiny green shamrock shaped confetti. The younger audience is content by trying to collect the confetti but the entrance stage is soon lit up by the green and orange pyro, but Tim Dillon isn’t there. Confused the fans look around the room and finally they spot the Irishman on the top fleet of stairs. The fans all flock to him and he has a microphone in one hand, and a Guinness beer in another. (However there’s a few other right by his feet) his usual attire (“End the Fighting” tee, shamrock clad cargoes, black skate shoes) only differs with a tweed cap resting on his head. He brings the microphone up to his mouth and he wets his lips, “So this is how electric a SWF crowd is?” Dillon asks the fans as they throw out some cheers. “Right, then screw that!” Tim says to the crowd and they sudden silence.

 

“I think Tim’s had a few too many beers…” Curry Man accuses and EC “kluks” in agreement.

 

“Yeah, maybe I’m being naïve, but the entrance ramp is over there.” NTD informs Tim.

 

“Okay, fine… let’s pump you guys up! I’ve got a retirement home marking out for a BOXING match more than this! This is a friggin’ PPV!” Dillon informs, almost a look of bewilderment on his face. “Therefore… let’s mix our heritages!”

 

“I’d like to mix heritages…” NTD giggles as Curry Man looks over in disgust while he figures out what the pant less co-worker was implying.

 

Dillon suddenly raises the Guinness in the air and the Irish man pops the tab open and the beverage spills everywhere. “I chug, you chant!” Dillon comments and suddenly some parent cries in protest and rants at Tim look actually listens, “Unacceptable behavior? Sorry, but if you’re that strict you can kiss my arse!” Dillon responses and he quickly brings the beer to his lips. There are a few intelligent men who catch on and begin to chant “Oi!” and Dillon begins to chug.

 

Suddenly the whole damn county is plagued by a deafening “Oi!” chant which speeds up as Dillon suddenly bends down and gets the other. As Tim gulps the last bit of beer he gets an explosion of cheers. The chant dies and Dillon then throws the Guinness to a random spot. He watches on and then cringes as he watches a thirteen-year-old catch it, then proceed to chug it.

 

SJL trouble, not mine. Dillon thinks to himself as he begins to descend down the steps and midway he picks up an odd flag, one side Ireland, other side American.

 

“Suck. Up.” EC comments and NTD gets sudden happy thoughts.

 

Dillon has a hard time pushing through the throng of nearly gained fans as he walks towards his destiny, the ring. Tim finally makes it and he ditches the flag as he hands it to a wee little kid.

 

“Cheap pop machine.” NTD concludes as he pushes the naughty thoughts away from his mind. Curry Man looks around for a vending machine then catches on to what NTD was implying.

 

Tim then hops over the barricade and then slides into the ring, he removes his tweed cap and looks down at it in consideration. “Ah, hell with it.” He says and he tosses it towards the fans. Dillon then struts into the center of the ring and gestures for Kamikaze to also step forward. He complies and Tim throws out a hand, and the two shake hands. Tim gives a quick nod and another nod to Matthew Kivell. Tim Dillon looks at Kamikaze, who wears the generic red tights, and feels no need to wear a shirt. He then notices his black boots. Dillon gives him a grin and then gives Funyon a questioning look. Funyon realizes he never made the announcement, “Next is your favorite Irish boxing professional… raised from Limerick, Ireland… probably the puniest man at 168! TTTIIIMMMM DILLLOONN!”

 

Tim nods and then glances at Kamikaze who keeps in his corner. Dillon slowly goes to the corner diagonal from Kamikaze and slowly ponders.

 

The lights dim as the theme for the exclusive James Bond music begins to play, with a single white spotlight shining on the entrance area where Johnny steps out. Johnny strides towards the ring, taking his sweet time with a face that proves he couldn’t care less. The Barracuda then struts over towards a section of a group of very attractive college girls. His eyes run towards the blonde and he stops next to rail as he puts his elbow against it. He speaks suave as hell and gets a rouse of giggles from the girls. The girls all smile and wave at the “dreamy” man and he then walks down the aisle. Johnny Dangerous then straightens his suit and finishes his trip to ringside.

 

“Born in Las Vegas… and weighing in at a puny 205, JOHNNNY “THE BAARRAACUUDAA” DDANNNGGGEROUS!” Funyon’s voice explodes over the arena. Johnny then slowly steps onto the steel steps as he blows a kiss towards another female as he enters the ring. Dillon and Johnny exchange a quick handshake, just to prove no feelings but business. Johnny then takes another turnbuckle leaving one last corner free.

 

With the sudden explosive of entrance music that is "Sellout" by Biohazard, Ejiro steps out on the metallic stage, with his usual attire (black tights with plain kneepads) and he strides down to the ring wearing a short robe that matches his tights. He then reaches the ring as he poses on the middle rope raising his arm in the air.

 

“Hailing from Sarasota, Florida… weighing in at 188… EJJJIRROOO FASAKI!” Funyon declares.

In the ring, Ejiro then strips away the robe (to NTD’s squeal).

 

The lights in the arena dim suddenly dim startling the fans. Just enough pyro hits so that it illuminates the entrance and the ramp. Marilyn Manson's “Fight Song” then erupts from the sound system as Jack makes his way down the ramp.

 

“Spawned from London, England… he is the infamous ripper, but not the true one… JACK THE RRIIPPPERR!” Jeers engulf the arena.

 

Still frames of East End London flash on the SmarkTron, setting an odd, gothic mood. When the lights flip back and the pyro slows to a stop Jack, being slammed with trash, continues to taunt his “fans.”

 

The slides into the ring paranoid, as the three other opponents all close in and circle around like a pack of wolves to sheep.

 

“Kluk, the only problem not being liked.” The genocidal Chicken comments about Jack being the first victim.

 

“You would know.” Curry retorts.

 

“Sometimes I like to be alone.” NTD declares to the world as he brings his finger suggestively to his smug, dirty grin.

 

EC yelps (in a "kluk") as he looks at NTD in horror but then focuses to the ramp way.

 

The lights dim and then "Something bad is gonna’ happen" by Fenix TX starts to play. Sharpe comes out to the ring carrying his usual duffel bag with his t-shirts inside the bag. He then stops and offers his shirt to a acne plagued teenager who kindly declines as Sharpe’s normal, kind face twists into quick anger and the kid quickly throws out thirty bucks and Leon smiles again. Sharpe, with a huge grin, takes his belt and strokes it softly as he enters over the top rope and carefully gives it to Kivell. Matthew then holds the belt high in the air.

 

(Suddenly the camera flashes to a colorful, “PAP” and under the sign it declares “I Hate Pants!” From they’re the PPV viewer’s screens fade to black as they all watch in hysterics, waiting for it to glow back to life. Apparently, the SWF has more than enough money as the more visual effects blast on the PPV viewer’s screen. In the background are the six men as fire engulfs the screen. From the fire the six men appear and they all jitter around. Leon Sharpe, reflecting an extreme ego, practically strokes his European belt, as Johnny Dangerous runs a hand threw his hair, and Jack the Ripper fiddles with his cane. Tim Dillon is throwing down an Irish jig, Kamikaze is giving an intense look as he fidgets, and Ejiro is slowly regulating his breathing. The motions stop showing a freeze frame of Leon with confidence in his eyes, Tim ducked down into a boxer’s defensive stance, Jack eyeing his cane, Ejiro giving an intense look, Johnny with a suave grin, and Kamikaze face is dead serious).

 

The camera flashes back into the arena as it is neatly placed near the ringside, where Jack stands in the center, turned towards Tim Dillon. Leon faces Kamikaze and Ejiro stands behind Johnny.

 

DING. DING. DING. The bell chimes.

 

“And we’re off!” Curry Man explodes and suddenly throws a hand over NTD’s mouth to keep him from saying the obvious next line.

 

Tim dodges a quick right from Jack, Leon throws a quick jab that sends Kamikaze reeling into the ropes, and Ejiro hits an elbow to Jack’s head. As Kamikaze returns from his trip into the ropes Sharpe throws his huge foot out as the big boot slams into Kamikaze’s face and causes him to reduce to the mat. Tim Dillon counters with two lightning fast punches to Jack’s jaw and then nose and the catches a feeble hook attempt by Ripper as he locks it into a hammerlock. Johnny politely taps Ejiro on his shoulder and when he turns around he delivers a quick dropkick. Ejiro stumbles into the ropes and when he returns Johnny throws his knee into Fasaki midsection. However, the Asian catches it and sends the James want-to-be sprawled onto the mat with a quick elbow as he pulls his knee towards him.

 

“I’d thought they’d all team up on Jack.” Curry Man confesses.

 

In the ring, Tim Dillon grabs Jack by his hair (with his free hand) and he places one hand on his back (releasing the hammerlock). The Irishman then continues to go to throw the Ripper out at an absurd time but Jack’s guardian angel (gee, ought to be the same one as Z) saves him as Kamikaze is bumped into the two as Leon threw a shove. Jack the Ripper the ducks out of the ex-boxer clutches and he ducks under him and ends up drop toe-holding Tim Dillon. Dillon with amazing reflexes sticks his two hands out and stops himself from having his face meet mat and he rolls away as Jack misses the elbow. Ripper swears as he grabs his now sore elbow and the two shuffles back to his feet. Leon Sharpe, the present European Champion, throws another fist of doom out towards Kamikaze. The speedier of the two (Kamikaze), however ducks it and quickly throws a dropkick to Leon’s chest. It sends Sharpe staggering back and near the ropes as Kamikaze then charges forwards hitting a roaring elbow. Leon then staggers and entangles within the ropes. The fans all stand to their feet praying, begging that Kamikaze doesn’t get Sharpe out. Leon frees his arms in just the right time to block a punch from Kamikaze and the big man throws a rare palm strike to send Kamikaze away. The unstable Kamikaze then charges at Sharpe again. The Champion ducks under Kamikaze and positions himself so that as Kamikaze goes to hit him down Leon places one hand near the groin and another near his throat. Leon’s knees straighten and thus Kamikaze is in the hands of Leon’s mercy.

 

Not a good thing.

 

Leon Sharpe, the European Champion, circles around trying to get the audience’s approval and while he spins Kamikaze suddenly slips off! Kamikaze, however, feels just as bad since his bad leg is throbbing from landing on it with impact. Leon Sharpe whirls around and gets another dropkick to his chest. Meanwhile, a few feet away Johnny and Ejiro collide into a grapple. The two struggle and suddenly Ejiro throws a knee into The Barracuda then follows through with a headlock and finishes it with a quick DDT. Dillon and Jack collide into a grapple. Which ends up with Jack the Ripper going to spin around to whip Tim into the ropes. He doesn’t prevail as Tim goes to whip him into the ropes, yet another reversal attempt by Ripper but as he’s spinning to throw Tim, Dillon throws his free arm to clothesline Jack down. Tim then begins to throw his black skate shoe down on his foe. Ejiro and Johnny on the other side in the ring exchange punches and elbows. Johnny Dangerous finally gets the upper hand on Ejiro and he throws a roundhouse kick that sends Ejiro into the turnbuckle, slummed down. Johnny then grabs Fasaki and perches him on the top ropes.

 

“Early elimination?” Exploding Chicken asks. “Amateur.” He quickly adds.

 

Johnny takes a few steps back and goes to run after and execute some move… though we’ll never know what move as Ejiro throws his boot out and it collides into Barracuda’s “gorgeous” forehead. Johnny rockets backwards and Ejiro mounts the top turnbuckle and leaps off and hits a cross onto Johnny!

 

“Ha! Johnny taken down by a Crossbody…” Curry Man suddenly pauses and looks desperately for what the smacking sound was.

 

In the ring Leon Sharpe has Tim raised in the air for a chokeslam as Jack the Ripper stands behind him ready to jump the giant from behind. Kamikaze saves Leon as he wraps his arm around his neck and then trips him down for a reverse DDT. Leon then runs towards the apron ready to chokeslam him over the edge. Tim Dillon then sends his two fingers into Leon’s eyes and Tim grabs the ropes with his arms in desperation. He lands on the apron His legs then dangle over the apron and he then stands up straight on the apron barely avoiding a punch. Dillon then leaps onto the top rope and goes for the Crossbody. The European champion catches Tim Dillon in a powerslam and then brings him down for the powerslam. The ring trembles from the impact and a few feet away Jack the Ripper hits a monkey flip onto Kamikaze and then pounds on his injured leg. Ejiro then bails from the ring from the second rope as Matthew whirls around to see if he’s out or not. Meanwhile, Dillon rolls from under the bottom rope. While Kivell is overwhelmed Jack walks up to Leon and ducks down hitting a low blow. Meanwhile on the outside Ejiro and Dillon stalk towards each other, and in the ring Jack goes to throw the bent over Leon Sharpe out of the ring. Leon barely budges and Sharpe whirls around and slaps his hand onto Jack’s neck. The echo makes the fans cringe and as Leon slams him down. Jack slams lifelessly off the mat and then hits the mat for the second time in agony.

 

“Wait, we have an outside brawl now!” Curry exclaims.

 

It is true, Ejiro threw an extremely hard elbow that was nearly dodged and the momentum threw Ejiro to step forward as Dillon grabs the back of his head and slams it harshly against the guardrail. Fasaki then slips away from the second slamming and grabs the Irishman’s head and he slams it hard against the already weaken forehead of Dillon (from previous match). Tim lays slumped against the barricade as the fans all reach out and pat on his sweaty head. Tim’s face rises up showing a crimson path from his forehead, now cut open. Tim rises from the guardrail and Ejiro slams an axe-handle punch against his back as Tim’s chest slams against the steel again. He wheezes for air as Ejiro grabs him on the shoulders and pulls back causing him to slam into the apron. Dillon’s eyes close for a considerable few seconds and when they open back up the calm and cool green switches to a rabid, fierce green. Tim raises his shaking hand and he gently dabs it on his forehead, he smears the blood across his face with the back of his hand. He then places it on his two cheeks (a very old habit of his, it gave him a motivation to absolutely kick their ass) and he grins. He then warns Ejiro, “I’ll shamrock your world!” Ejiro lunges forwards and turns his back as he spins and hits a reverse roaring elbow. Dillon’s head snaps back and slams against the canvas as he swears and slumps down.

 

“Dillon taking quite a beating…” Exploding Chicken concludes, “Maybe the bare knuckle boxing was a hoax.”

 

Dillon’s vision blurred caused him to throw a wild punch and Ejiro lunges forwards and as Ejiro, working on Dillon’s head, sends a knee to his gut. Tim doubles over and Ejiro hooks one arm up and places Dillon’s head near his waist, where he’s holding up Dillon’s one arm. He then drops down in brutal DDT that vibrates a sickening thud as fans wonder if their Irishman just died.

 

Meanwhile, in the ring, Kamikaze found himself in a nasty Boston Crab courtesy of Dangerous. At the opposite end of the ring Jack the Ripper suddenly lunges up and puts one hand on the back of his head and other on the shoulder and he sends the Euro champ down.

 

“Kluk, kluk, KA-BOOM!” EC says in sync with Leon Sharpe falling and then hitting the mat. On his face, looking like Cousin “It” with his black hair all over the place, and Jack gets cocky as he grabs the black hair and raises Leon’s head up. Then lets go of the hair nonchalantly as Leon’s face falls and slams into the mat. However, as Jack struts away from Leon (a few steps) and jeers the fans, Leon stands up. Sharpe’s nostrils flare and he stalks behind Jack and grabs him from behind as he manipulates the puny little cruiser as he slams him down! The end result of a side slam, the fans go ballistic and Leon Sharpe pulls Jack back up, craving more. He ducks under him and then with all his might sends Jack flying through the air from a belly to back suplex. Jack hits the mat and bounces off actually still moving forward as he slams into the isolated turnbuckle, a twisted heap of human.

 

On the outside, Ejiro had picked Dillon to his feet and shoved him back as the Irishman (now even more pissed with a splitting headache) charges forwards but Ejiro reverses the clothesline attempt with an arm drag. The pain is converted into energy and Tim pops right back up as he wipes the blood out of his eyes and he throws his blonde hair away from his face, showing that the semi-hidden cut is really a gash. Tim charges again but this time baseball slides straight into Ejiro sending him toppling onto Dillon.

 

“That goes to prove that Dillon doesn’t always know what he’s doing.” NTD concludes, “I’m assuming he hates technical wrestling as much as I hate pants.” He compares.

 

“Kluk, is that possible?” Exploding Chicken wonders out loud.

 

The two on the outside finally sort themselves out and both stand near their feet again. Ejiro gets to his feet first and sends a kick to Dillon’s jaw (who was on one knee trying to get up) Tim’s body slams into the guardrail again and Dillon suddenly lunges forwards tackling Ejiro by the legs and sending the two sprawled back on the cold, hard cement. In the ring, Kamikaze desperately grabs the ropes as Matthew explains calmly at Johnny Dangerous to let go. Johnny takes his sweet time as he does however, but Kamikaze suddenly springs up and throws his good knee into Barracuda’s gut. He then continues on to grab the spiffy dressed Johnny by the waist and he lifts him into the air. He then slams him down in a spinebuster as Kamikaze grabs his bad leg and slowly limps a few steps to shake it off. A few feet away, Leon had picked up the heap once known as Jack the Ripper and then screams to the crowd. The crowd responses in cheers as Leon looks to go for the Silver Bullet! He ducks down but Jack throws his knee into his chin as Sharpe stumbles (and since he was bent over) has little balance as he falls to his back. Jack then grabs both legs and goes to turn the Leon Sharpe over, but fails as Leon resists.

 

“Starting to heat up, though all these submissions are boring as watching a chick- sorry EC, watching grass grow.” Curry announces with a phony yawn.

 

Jack gives up on the hold and Leon scrambles back to his feet. Jack is suddenly forced into a grapple as Leon pushing the two towards the ropes.

 

“Na-na-na-naaa na-na-na-nnnaaaa… hheeeyy hheeyy heeey! Good bye!” Curry Man sings as Leon releases the hold and considers what to do.

 

Leon throws his knee into Jack’s gut and as he doubles over in pain Sharpe forces Jack’s head between his legs. (As NTD is plagued by naught thoughts all over again)…

 

“What’s that odd noise?” Curry Man asks and NTD suddenly gives shifty eyes and reveals both hands in the air.

 

“N-n-nn-nothing.” NTD stutters.

 

Leon then wraps his huge arms around Jack’s torso as he raises him into the air. The fans all begin to chant “Break His NECK!” (Much like the ECW chant “Show your tits.”) The chant increases as Leon looks around to see if he could kill two birds with one stone and hit either foe on the outside. He is suddenly aware that both man are again engaged in brawling and Leon goes to drop Ripper. The European champion quickly places the British man over the apron and is ready to drop him. Suddenly Jack comes to life and he twists Leon’s neck while pulling downward. He completes the hurricarana that causes him to fall onto the cement (with back-shattering impact) while Leon topples over but lands ONE foot on cement and his knee slammed against the apron. The fans explode into cheers as Ripper lands on upper back and near his neck.

 

“Leon’s still in! Jack botched the move!” Curry Man insists as Matthew pauses in consideration.

 

He signals for the bell once, signifying that Leon was safe… for now.

 

“Eliminated at 7:16… JACK THE RIPPER!” Jack lies motionless, and whether he can move or decided not to move is unknown.

 

Leon enters back in the ring as he staggers back into the ropes for support. The other two foes battling in the ring are currently in a grapple. But the man dubbed as The Barracuda shoves Kamikaze off and slams his foot on Kamikaze with a spinning heel kick. As Kamikaze stumbles Barracuda sends a swift kick to his bad leg as Kamikaze screams out in pain. Barracuda then charges forwards and Kamikaze suddenly slides his body to the side and trips Johnny with a drop toehold. Johnny’s neck slams against the cable ropes and he grabs his throat as he falls backwards.

 

On the outside, Dillon is seen throwing a right hook, a blur that was a left jab, another blur that was a right jab and he then busts out into a quick jig (causing a loud pop) as he goes for the clothesline Ejiro catches the arm and locks it in the air and he lunges forwards and hits another one arm DDT!

 

“Christ, that jigging is what screwed Dillon!” Exploding Chicken yells.

 

Dillon lies on the cold cement, as the blood seeps around him, creating a little puddle, besides the fact no kid will be stomping in his one. Ejiro pulls the nearly knocked out Irishman and forces a one-sided grapple. Ejiro twists Tim’s wrist into a wristlock, and then throws his leg over his opponent, yet the modification is his one it lands on his shoulder and sends the two down. The camera however moves back to ringside as a smacking sound is heard.

 

Inside the ring everyone witnesses Kamikaze and Johnny align with each other for a few seconds as they go for a double clothesline on Sharpe. The smack sound was Leon grabbing both their throats and lifting them in the air, however Kamikaze throws a kick to his kneecap, as did Johnny and Sharpe drops the two. Kamikaze dives out of the way as the Euro Champion grabs Johnny’s slicked back jet-black hair (from behind), he turns the man around and then wraps his muscularly defined arms around The Barracuda’s waist.

 

“He’s not… oh God, he is! He’s going to attempt to German Suplex Dangerous over the top rope!” NTD and Curry Man say in somewhat unison. EC sits up straight in his seat, wanting to view this.

 

However Johnny grabs Sharpe’s jaw and slips out of hold and hits an odd jawbreaker and he releases the grasp, dazed. Johnny whirls around and dropkicks Sharpe, but it’s nothing enough to send the 305-pound man over the top ropes. He staggers then charges forwards a bit and big boots Dangerous down. Kamikaze then runs forwards and leaps into the air grasping Leon’s massive head and bringing it down into a harsh DDT!

 

“Uh-oh, doesn’t look good for the European Champ!” Curry Man proclaims.

 

Leon then rolls away from any further harm and towards the turnbuckle. Kamikaze then remember Leon’s knee as he jogs up and begins to rapidly stomp on it! Sharpe desperately tries to get away but to no prevail. Leon is able to dodge the next stomp as he pulls himself back to his feet and Kamikaze hits a dropkick sending Leon Sharpe reeling backwards against the ropes where he slumps down into the turnbuckle. Johnny then attacks from behind as he grabs Kamikaze’s bad leg and lifts it into the air. Kamikaze falls from the ambush flat on his face and Dangerous brings the leg into the air and then slams it against the canvas. He keeps the grasp on the leg as he drags him to the center of the ring.

 

“Ah! The Japanese Death Leg Lock!” Curry Man explodes, as he can’t figure out what to call Johnny’s last few actions.

 

“I believe it’s called ‘the drag your opponent to the center of the ring to work his bad knee.” NTD points out, outsmarting Curry.

 

“KLUK! KLUK! KA-BOOM!” EC exclaims at random and nobody’s really phased by his weirdness.

 

Johnny then slowly grabs both legs (and since Kamikaze’s back is already facing up) applies the pressure with ANOTHER Boston crab. Meanwhile, on the outside Dillon and Ejiro are found something obscenely close to the announcer’s table. The announcer’s cry out in protest as Dillon begins to slam Ejiro’s head against the table and then delivers a few shots to Fasaki’s head. Ejiro delivers a stiff elbow and it sends Tim reel back towards the canvas and another elbow that shakes some of the fresh (and some crusted) blood of the Irishman. Tim finally rolls in the ring and Fasaki follows. While the Irishman gets hit by a harsh kick to the back of his brains (still working on his head), making Dillon fall onto the canvas. Leon Sharpe soon starts to walk over to Ejiro. And when the two meet, they collide into a grapple. Ejiro then throws a forceful knee to Leon’s gut and when the Champ doubles over Ejiro hooks one arm and goes for DDT! However Leon slips out of the hold and grabs Ejiro’s one arm and sticks it between his legs. Ejiro yelps in pain as Sharpe continues on to wrap his arm around Ejiro and soon he executes the pump-handle. Leon Sharpe then lifts him in the air and then sends Fasaki down onto the mat forcefully as the Asian American bounces up into the air from the awesome impact.

“Dump-handle suplex!” Curry explodes in glee.

“Pump-handle.” Chicken corrects.

Johnny slowly lets go of the lock again and watches Kamikaze wobble to his feet as he stumbles due to his bad leg.

Mission accomplished. He thinks to himself as he stalks over for the kill.

 

Johnny “The Barracuda” Dangerous suddenly lunges forwards and hits a powerful headlock as he then follows through by twisting his body and goes for the drop…

“LICENSE TO KILL!” Curry and NTD identify the move.

 

The die-hard Johnny fans scream in cheers but Kamikaze barely slips out of the lock as Johnny falls and lands on his bum. Kamikaze then takes the chance as he drops to the mat but hits a weak dropkick to the back of Johnny’s head. Dangerous tumbles forwards and springs to his feet in utter pain, but only to walk straight into Leon’s grasp! Leon Sharpe picks him up valiantly into a Guerilla Press. The fans all explode hoping for the Silver Bullet but Sharpe teases the fans as he ends it into a front slam. Johnny grabs his back in utter pain and rolls out of the way. Ejiro, Dillon, and Johnny all on the mats crippled, leaves Sharpe and Kamikaze. Kamikaze charges at Sharpe and when Leon throws up his leg for a big boot Kamikaze ducks under it and springs up behind Leon! Kamikaze then quickly wraps his arm around Leon’s lower-chest and then places him near his shoulder. Kamikaze uses the last few bits out of his strength as he falls down backwards hitting a backdrop suplex! Kamikaze springs to see feet and mutters something about Maria as he begins to pull the big man up. Leon Sharpe feels his wrist being squeezed on as he is suddenly whipped into the ropes Kamikaze (on nothing but an adrenaline high) grabs Leon’s one leg and then wraps his other arm over him, stalling for a bit. He nearly drops Leon Sharpe but is –barely- able to slam him down with the Irish whip into a powerslam! However, some cheers are heard and as Kamikaze turns around he sees Tim Dillon charging at him. Tim then ducks down for the spear but grabs the back of Kamikaze and lifts him in the air as he gores him down to the canvas. Tim tops one of his favorites moves off with a slew of sloppy, weak punches to Kamikaze’s face (who sacrifices his head for leg). Tim pauses, still on top of Kamikaze as he wipes away the blood that still flows slowly. The Irishman then grabs Kamikaze by his hair and pulls him to hits feet. He then follows through by hitting a vicious headlock and then falls down into a DDT. However, he retains the hold and pulls Kamikaze back up.

NTD looks down on his sheet and then recognizes the move, “Finn’s Fall!”

Dillon falls into another spiked DDT, and then gets back up. Tim Dillon then hits the third and lets go of the lock and stands at his feet with pride. However, he’s suddenly bombarded by Johnny Dangerous who was on his feet waiting to pounce! Tim feels a sudden kick to his gut and he grabs it in agony. Johnny then hits his own headlock and follows through by spinning and hitting his finisher, License to Kill! Tim Dillon is out cold and The Barracuda observes the fallen wrestlers. He decides to take his chance as he positions Dillon closer to the turnbuckle. Johnny then hops onto the top one, as he shakily stands up straight. He then makes a gun with his fingers and all the fans catch on he’s going for the Secret Splash! Leon Sharpe is now on one knee is only a mere few feet away, Kamikaze is still out cold near Leon, and Ejiro had rolled to the other side of the ring for safety. Johnny then bends his knees and jumps as all the fans hold their breath.

 

Johnny is still vertical in the air as he makes the axe handle with his two hands when suddenly Sharpe stands on the end of his toes and he slams his giant hand over Barracuda’s throat! Sharpe puts his other hand on his back as Leon quickly takes a step over to the ropes where he tosses Johnny!

All…

 

The…

 

Way…

 

Down… the “Secret Agent” slams onto the cement on his back in pure pain as Matthew calls for the bell. The fans up until now where silent but a sudden, “HOLY SHIT!” chant explodes and fills the PNE arena.

“Eliminated at 12:37… JOHHNNYY DAANNNGEROUS!”

 

Leon Sharpe looks over to Tim Dillon, the man he’s most friendly with. Then he walks over and steps past Tim. He then goes to pick up Ejiro, who suddenly head-butts Leon straight in the chest. Leon gasps for air as Ejiro grabs him by his long hair and attempts to toss him over the top rope. Leon begins to fall over but he catches himself by grabbing the ropes. Leon whirls around as he grabs Ejiro and flings him into the air. Ejiro slams onto the apron and then descends onto the cement, now out also.

“Eliminated at 12:45… EJJIRROO FAAASAAKKII!”

 

“Down to the final three!” NTD announces to fans as Curry confirms that by counting on his fingers.

Kamikaze, now back on his feet tugging at Dillon’s half red (from blood) half blonde hair to get him to his feet. Leon relaxes against the ropes as Kamikaze goes for the finish. Dillon though suddenly hears all the cheers breaking through as Kamikaze knees him in the gut. Dillon suddenly springs up trying to ignore all the pain as he sends a jab to Kamikaze’s jaw. Tim then gives Kamikaze a huge stomp to his bad knee as it buckles and Tim clothesline Kamikaze down. Tim Dillon then pulls his foe up and shoves him towards the ropes. He then sends a few jabs to Kamikaze’s and follows through with a powerful jab straight to his face. As he reels back into the ropes Tim Dillon busts into the Irish jig (to a deafening roar of approval from the fans) and then harshly clothesline’s Kamikaze over the top rope as he lands on his stomach.

The bell tolls in again. “Eliminated at 13:27… KKAAMMMIKKKKAZZE!” Funyon’s voice booms out.

Tim Dillon turns around to see Leon Sharpe stalking at him. Tim gets a sudden idea as Leon takes a step forward the Irishman lunges out and sends a knife-edge chop to Leon’s chest. Tim shrinks back a bit, and Leon takes another few steps.

 

WHOOO!

WHOOO!

 

WHOOO! The fans chant as Dillon sends knife edge chops to Sharpe, at the same level of his punches. Leon still stalks forwards.

WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOO! The chops get hit faster and faster, then Sharpe grabs the ex-bare knuckle boxing champion and then sets him up for the Leon Sharpe Special! (An F-5).

“Wait, Leon taking a gamble, he’s yet to hit the move!” NTD points out.

“Kluk!” Leon goes to lift Tim… “KLUK!” Tim suddenly spins through it and lands on his feet and hits a very quick reverse DDT! “KA-BOOM!” EC says, not fazed by the reversal.

“And today is no exception.” Curry Man notes.

 

Leon Sharpe grabs the ropes for support as Dillon has his hands on his knees trying to regulate his breath. The European Champion then dashes forwards and Tim gets ready for the impact. Leon Sharpe suddenly stops a few inches away and a punch sends Tim stumbling backwards. Leon then follows through by lifting him into the air for a Guerilla Press!

 

Leon gets cocky and pauses.

 

And waits…

Right as he is ready to let go Tim spins his legs so that he slips out from behind. Tim Dillon then wraps his right arm around his neck and forces Leon to bend his back (so that he’s staring at the ceiling). Tim grins while he grabs a chunk of Leon’s leg and he lifts him into the air and then slams down on the back of his neck while Tim lands on his back.

 

“BLOOD AND WHISKEY!” Curry Man explodes, excited.

Tim Dillon stands up and feels for the blood that has nearly creased to a stop, yet some still flows down his face. He chisels a few big flakes of crusted blood away and then in happiness busts into a jig.

“KLUK! MORON! KLUK, YOU HAVEN’T WON YET!” Exploding Chicken jeers at Dillon.

Tim then grabs Leon Sharpe and lifts him up. Dillon shoves Leon towards the ropes (who stumbles around) and Leon suddenly, as a last resort, throws a punch. It actually hits Dillon sending him to the canvas momentarily. Sharpe, fatigued, soon wandered over to the ropes where he faces the crowd, hung over the ropes breathing hard. Dillon gets back to his feet and charges forwards as he runs and leaps into the air hitting a heavy dropkick that sends Leon over the top rope and onto the cement. A sudden chorus of cheers drowns out the bell.

“YOUR WINNER AND NEW S-J-L EUROPEAN CHAMPION! TIIIMMM DILLLLOOONNN!” Funyon announces joyfully. Matthew gets handed the belt as he passes it to Tim Dillon.

“What a match!” Curry Man comments. As NTD shrugs, “It was okay.”

Tim Dillon, who fell to both knees in exhaust, grasps the European belt in both hands and he stares at it like it’s enchanted. His sweat and blood falls from his face and drips onto the belt, but then proceed to slither off the belt and dips onto the canvas. Tim Dillon suddenly shoots up in glee and busts into a celebration jig! Dancing to his entrance music the fans begin another “OI!” chant. The chant picks up the pace, as does Dillon. Soon when the fans can’t chant any faster Dillon hops onto the middle rope and shows off his new, shiny belt. Suddenly the identical confetti falls again and the fans give out hollers of encouragement.

“We have more to come!” Curry Man promises.

-Screen fades to black, preparing for the next segment.-

[Guest HollywoodSpikeJenkins]

Here is my crap match, that makes me feel all weird because it wasnt entertaining. Oh yeah, BAH to Z.

---------------------------------------

 

(The camera pans across the !~HUGE~! PNE Coliseum, in Vancouver, British Columbia, CANADA~! The SWF fans who came to the arena, to see the show...a few hours early, for only god knows why, waving there little signs in appreciation to the camera. We cut down to the special announcers booth, where Curry, NTD, and the Exploding Chicken sit, all in there little tuxedo's, with Curry with a really small bow tie on, cutting off the circulation to his head. NTD with no pants on.... Looking over at Curry. And the Exploding Chicken, with a bandage on his wing.)

 

Curry: Welcome back to the SWF Genesis the Third, Countdown show. I am your host, CURRY. The Greatest Announcer this Business Has Ever Seen!

 

NTD: You suck. But that suit looks really fitting on you.

 

Curry: Why, THANK YOU!

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK BLAH

 

Curry: After one heaven...

 

NTD: Don’t you mean Hell?

 

Curry: No. Hell is a bad word. My mother always taught me never to use that word.

 

NTD: You’re a loser. But a very attractive loser. Who put those highlights in your hair?

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

Curry: Back to the show. After a exploding

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Curry: Not you...

 

Exploding Chicken: kluk... *sniff sniff*

 

Curry: After a exploding Battle Royal for the SJL European title, it is time now to get into the second match of the evening, pitting "Brother Red" Spike Jenkins against "Hollywood" Matt Myers!

 

NTD: I think that you got the backwards.

 

Curry: Umm, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU FANS TONIGHT!

 

(Without warning, the lights in the arena start to flicker on and off.)

 

Curry: Oh no, an electrical problem.

 

NTD: No you idiot. Very handsome idiot.

 

Curry: Thank you.

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

("Slit Wrist Theory" by 36 Crazyfists slowly starts up over the loud speakers. The fans rise to there feet, booing towards the entrance ramp, as "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins walks out from behind the curtain, wearing a "I Luv Me" black shirt, and a pair of khaki shorts.)

 

Curry: Spike Jenkins. He is from Tennessee you know.

 

NTD: No he is not.

 

Exploding Chicken: Kluk Kluk.

 

Funyon: Ladies and Gentleman, this match is scheduled for ONE FALL! First, coming to the ring, from Hollywood, California, weighing in at Two Hundred and Twenty Pounds!!!!!! "HOLLYWOOD" SPIKE JENNKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Spike walks down the entranceway, looking past the ignorant fans that the goddamn Canadians are. By the way, Canada Sucks . Spike glides under the bottom rope, into the ring, and quickly gets back to his feet. Spike looks past the booing Canadian crowd, and walks over to the ring ropes, where he signals for the Ring Announcer, Funyon, to bring him a microphone. Funyon gets out of his chair, and walks over to Spike, handing him a microphone. Spike takes the microphone and walks around the ring, thinking of what to say to the ignorant Canadian crowd.)

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: Tonight, here at (sarcasm) The Countdown (sarcasm), I am set to face, the former Co-Leader of the sWo, Matt Myers...

 

(Crowd gives a mix reaction to Matt's name.)

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: Oh shut up!

 

(Crowd boos)

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: Let me tell you a little something about, Matt Myers. Matt Myers, is a glory hog. He has an ego that’s twice the size of his head.

 

Curry: Look who is talking, Mr. I Got An Ego Triple The Size Of My Head!

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: Matt Myers took all the credit from the sWo. Well, Matt Myers is a nobody. No one cares about Matt Myers. Matt Myers is a has-been. Wait, you can only be a has-been, if you have done something. Matt Myers was a Never Was!

 

(Crowd boos and starts a "We Want Myers" chant.)

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: Let me tell you something. The sWo was so great, BECAUSE OF ME. I WAS THE SUPERSTAR OF THE SWO! I AM THE SUPERSTAR OF THE SJL. ME! NOT MATT MYERS! NOT MAK FRANCIS! NOT ANYONE BUT ME! I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD! ME ME ME!

 

(The crowd starts chanting "We Want Myers" louder and louder)

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: Oh shut up! If you people weren't SWF Mindless Drones, and watched some REAL wrestling, from the SJL, then you would have saw, the Hell in a Cell match, with Matt Myers, and the, SCARED MAK FRANCIS!

 

Curry: Spike Jenkins says Mak Francis is scared! WOW!

 

NTD: Is that a silk shirt you’re wearing under there?

 

Curry: No, it’s polyester!

 

NTD: ...

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: Matt Myers injured his ribs pretty bad during that Hell in a Cell. So he won’t be able to compete tonight. Thus, naming me, "HOLLYWOOD" SPIKE JENKINS, THE WINNER!!!!!!

 

(Crowd starts booing, when...

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

The Lights in the Arena turn out!)

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: WHAT THE HELL? NOT WHEN I AM ON THE MIC. SOMEONE FIX THE LIGHTS....

 

(**************************BOOM***********************)

 

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins: WHAT THE....

 

("Rise" by The Cult starts playing over the loud speaker. Multi-colored strobe lights flash all over the arena, as smoke begins to rise up from the entranceway. Spike Jenkins just stares towards the entranceway, as "Brother Red" Matt Myers walks out from behind the entrance curtain, with his ribs taped up under his shirt.)

 

Funyon: AND HIS OPPONENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! COMING TO THE RING FROM NEW HAVEN, CONNETICUT!!!!! WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY NINE POUNDS, "BROTHER RED" MATT MYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Spike stands in the ring, with his jaw dropped to the floor, as he looks at Myers slowly walking down the entranceway, holding his ribs in pain. Myers slowly makes it to the ring, and rolls under the bottom rope, into the ring, holding his ribs in pain. Myers grabs the middle rope, and pulls himself up to his feet, looking over at Spike, as the lights return to normal.)

 

Curry: FANS! WOWZERS!

 

NTD: What?

 

Curry: LOOK AT THE TWO COMPETITORS IN THE RING! WOWZERS!

 

NTD: Yeah, that Matt Myers is a sexy fellow...

 

Curry: ...

 

NTD: Uh, I should hook him up with my sister...

 

Curry: Oh..

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(Spike Jenkins and Matt Myers enter the middle of the ring, where Spike starts to tell Matt that he didn’t mean it...)

 

* DING DING DING *

 

(Spike holds his arms up telling Matt that he was just kidding, as Matt makes a fist, while staring at Spike. Spike puts his hand out, as if trying to get Matt to shake it.)

 

NTD: Spike is trying to put the past behind them and make friends. How cute.

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(Matt looks around the audience, as they boo for this. But Matt caves in to his old sWo buddy, and grabs Spike's hand, and shakes it.)

 

Curry: Good sportsmanship by good sports man.

 

NTD: That doesn’t make sense.

 

Curry: It does to me.

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(They shake hands, and Matt looks out into the booing crowd.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

When Spike pulls Matt into him, and gives him a quick knee to the ribs, knocking Matt to the ground, holding his ribs in pain.)

 

Curry: What a cheap shot!

 

Exploding Chicken: Kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk.

 

Curry: I totally agree.

 

(Spike grabs Matt by the hair, and pulls him up to his feet, pushing him back into a turnbuckle. Spike takes Matt's right arm, and hooks it behind the top rope, then does the same with Matt's left arm. Spike backs up, and gives a left hand shot to Matt's ribs. Matt unhooks his arms, and holds his ribs in pain as Spike Jenkins backs up, looking out into the crowd, taunting the stupid Canadians. Spike walks back over to Matt, and once again, hooks his arms behind the top rope, and once again, gives Matt a quick left to the ribs. Matt holds his ribs in pain again, as Spike yells out into the crowd, "Hockey Sucks!” causing the crowd to boo even more. Spike, grabs the middle ropes to the side of Matt, and drives his shoulder into Matt's ribs. Spike pulls back, but holds onto the ropes, and again, drives his shoulder into Matt's ribs. Once again, Spike pulls back, and again, drives his shoulder into Matt’s ribs.)

 

Curry: Spike is really working those ribs of Matt like the ribs on a hot summer day in July.

 

NTD: Is that a joke?

 

Curry: It could be.

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(Spike lets go of the ropes, and stands face to face with an agonized Matt Myers. Spike yells out "You Suck You Fucking Glory Hog" and gives him a slap across the face, getting a "OHHHH" out of the crowd. Spike backs up a bit, and does a standing backflip, landing on his feet, and runs into the corner, going to drive his shoulder into Myers ribs, but Myers some how finds the energy to lift his foot up, kicking Spike in the face, knocking him backwards. Matt walks out of the corner, and spins around, throwing his leg into the air, aiming at Spike's head with a spinning heel kick, but Spike ducks under it. The momentum gets to Myers, as he spins around, facing Spike, and Spike dives at Myers, driving his shoulder into Myers ribs, knocking Myers face first to the mat.)

 

Curry: WOW! Spike Jenkins saw that kick coming!

 

NTD: Oh, I forgot. I have to call my girlfriend!

 

Curry: Oh really. What’s her name?

 

NTD: Her name is Markisha.

 

Curry: Markisha? Like Mark?

 

NTD: Ohhh, no comment!

 

Exploding Chicken: Kluk Kluk?

 

(Spike crawls to the ring ropes, and pulls himself up to his feet, trying to catch his breath from the kick he got caught with. Spike walks over to Myers, and grabs him by the hair, pulling Myers up to his feet. Spike pushes Myers up against the ropes, and whips him across the ring, but Myers reverses it, and sends Spike across the ropes. Spike bounces into the ropes, and comes charging back at Myers. Myers throws his arm up, going for a clothesline, but Spike ducks under it, and continues into the ropes. Myers turns to Spike, as Spike bounces into the ropes, and comes charging back. Spike runs straight into Myers, but Myers grabs Spike around the waist, and lifts him up. Myers stumbles back a bit from the momentum Spike had, but drops down, driving Spike back first into the mat.)

 

Curry: What a spinebuster from Matt Myers!

 

NTD: So Enrique said, "Hey Doll" and I was like, "Don’t You Take That Tone of Voice with me, I got me a man" and he was all like "IM sorry, I didn’t mean any disrespect. I heard you be announcing at the Countdown to Genesis show." and I was all like "Yeah so?" and he was all like "I love the SWF. My favorite wrestler is Jay Dawg." and I was all like "Tis', You So Crazy!" and he was all like "But Jay Dawg is so hot" and I was all like, "Maybe I should introduce the two of you." and he goes "Really?" and Im like "Sure, I heard rumors about Jay Dawg that you wouldn’t believe"

 

Curry: Ummm....

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(Myers rolls around in pain a bit, holding his ribs. After a few seconds, of catching his breath, Myers rolls over toward Spike, and lies on top of him.)

 

ONE!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

TWO!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

THRE.... NO!

 

(Spike just barely gets a shoulder up.)

 

Curry: WOW! Spike just barely kicked out!

 

NTD: Damn!

 

Curry: What?

 

NTD: I lost service!

 

Curry: Your cell phone sucks!

 

NTD: So do you!

 

Curry: Well, I...

 

Exploding Chicken: ...

 

Curry: Well, you see...

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(Matt rolls off of Spike, and crawls towards the corner. Spike begins to pull himself up to his feet. Matt stands in the corner, as Spike looks over at him. Spike charges towards Matt, but Matt moves out of the way, and Spike runs straight into the corner. Spike bounces back from the impact, as Matt turns Spike around. Matt grabs Spike in an inverted front face lock, and starts to run, looking for the Memory, but Spike wraps his arm over Matt's face, pulling back, holding Matt in a reverse DDT type of position. Spike grabs Matt's tights, and pulls him up into the air, into a powerslam position. Spike flings Matt's legs forward, and drops down onto one knee, driving Matt, ribs first into his knee.)

 

Curry: What a gut buster by Spike Jenkins!

 

NTD: Damn you AT&T!

 

Curry: Aren't they our sponsors tonight?

 

NTD: How the hell should I know?

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(Spike stands up, trying to catch his breath. Spike walks over to Matt, as Matt tries to catch his breath also. Spike grabs Matt by the hair, and pulls him up to his feet. Spike drags Matt to the same corner Spike just ran into, and picks Matt up in a body slam position, but puts Matt on the top rope, in a tree of woe. Spike walks in the opposite direction across the ring, and turns back towards Matt. Spike runs towards Matt, and does a cartwheel. Spike lands out of the cartwheel, and jumps into the air, doing his double kick to the face, but instead of to the face, Spike kicks Matt in the ribs.)

 

Curry: A Tidal Wave into the ribs of Matt Myers!

 

NTD: I just got word from backstage, that the rumors about Jay Dawg are not true, but the rumors about Ash Ketchum are!

 

Curry: What rumors?

 

NTD: Oh you know silly.

 

Exploding Chicken: Kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk kluk.

 

NTD: That’s so fascinating.

 

Curry: WOWZERS! Is that true?

 

Exploding Chicken: Kluk Kluk.

 

NTD: It looks like Ash is a FREAK~!

 

(Back in the ring, Spike rises to his feet, and looks out into the crowd, and yells out “Its Over.” Spike steps through the middle rope and lands on the floor in front of the announcers. Spike flips open the apron, and looks under the ring. After a few seconds, Spike pulls out a SledgeHammer and a Steel Chair!)

 

Curry: Now what does he plan on doing with those?

 

NTD: Part-aye!

 

Exploding Chicken: Kluk Kluk!

 

(Spike leaves the sledgehammer on the ring apron, and slides into the ring holding the chair, as Matt Myers gets to his knees, holding his ribs in pain. Spike gets to his feet and steps in front of Matt, lifting the chair over his head ready to strike…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

….

 

When the referee grabs the chair from behind Spike’s back. Spike turns towards the referee, and they have a tug of war with the steel chair. Spike, being the strong wrestler that he is, pulls the chair, and pushes it, knocking the Referee to the mat. Spike turns back towards Matt, who is on his knees now, looking up at Spike. Spike lifts the chair over head…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

When Matt Myers gives him a quick low blow, with the referee turned away. Spike drops the chair, and drops to his knees, holding his groin in pain. Matt rises to his feet, and lifts the chair up. Matt stands over Spike, with the chair lifted over his head…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

When the referee comes up from behind Matt, and grabs the chair away. Matt turns to the referee, as the referee begins to walk away with the chair. Matt shouts at the referee, but too no avail. Matt turns around, and is met with a shot to the ribs by the SLEDGEHAMMER!

 

Curry: Spike Jenkins just used the sledgehammer on Matt Myers!

 

NTD: That has to suck.

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK!

 

(Spike tosses the sledgehammer out of the ring, as the referee turns around. Matt turns onto his back, holding his ribs in sheer pain, as Spike walks towards the corner. Spike grabs the top rope and springboards himself up to the top rope. Spike turns towards Matt, and leaps into the air. Spike pumps his arms and legs into his body, and throws them back out, as he comes crashing down on top of Matt Myers ribs.)

 

Curry: Spike Jenkins with the Ratings Grabber!

 

NTD: What a hot, sexy move.

 

Curry: …

 

(Spike lies on top of Matt.)

 

One

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Two

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THREE!!!!!

 

* DING DING DING *

 

(“Slit Wrist Theory” by 36 Crazyfists starts up over the loud speaker, as the Canadian crowd boos.)

 

Funyon: Here is your winner, “HOLLYWOOD” SPIKE JENKINS!!!!!!!

 

Curry: Spike Jenkins picks up the win here on the Countdown to Genesis. Even if it was by cheating!

 

NTD: So Exploding Chicken did you, Jay Dawg, AND Ash really do that?

 

Exploding Chicken: KLUK KLUK KABOOM!

 

(The Chicken explodes as Spike Jenkins stands in the ring, yelling out “IM THE KING OF THE WORLD” as we cut to a little backstage skit, showing the rivalry between Thoth and Silent)

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There was alot wrong with the match since I did it in a rush....I dont have anything to say so BAH!

[Guest dr-smogz]

I posted this somewhere else. But I wasn't able to get to a computer to write my match.