PROMO: Acceptance

[Guest Ace309]

Flesher, in his tuxedo, steps up to the podium carrying his Best US Champion and Most Promising Bumpee statuettes. He clears his throat and begins to speak.

 

I'd... I'd like to thank all the little people out there. What you've done for me tonight really makes me feel special and important.

 

I'd like to thank Mom and Dad Flesher, for being so superior to me. Without their love, acceptance and fat, fat wallets, I wouldn't be here today and I wouldn't be showing each and every one of you how horrible you truly are. I know that sounds harsh, but... well... I mean, you understand you're horrible when you're compared to me.

 

Yeah, you see how you're scum. It's cool, though, I love you.

 

I'd like to thank my twin brother, the Physically Imposing One Pat Flesher. Patrick, I know you're in boot camp now, but thank you for all the times we spent fighting in the yard. I knew those matches would prove something, Pat. Thank you for helping me realize my superiorosity.

 

I'd like to thank my uncle, the Slightly Above Average One Tom Murray. Uncle Tom, thank you for lending me my name and showing me exactly what I could be. With your help, I managed to unabashedly exceed everything you had ever done.

 

Thank you to my cousin, the Really, Really Great One Liam Thompson. Without your help and inspiration, I never could have seen what is truly possible for someone who's above average.

 

And, finally, I'd like to send a shoutout to my cousin twice removed, the Other Superior One Ryan Duffy. Ryan, for those of you who don't know, is just as superior as I am, when it comes to his talent... making cheese sandwiches. Ryan makes a really, really superior cheese sandwich. They're so good, in fact, that he could sell them to a Hindu. Hell, he HAS, on three nonconsecutive occasions. Ryan, keep chasing that dream and someday you'll be making cheese sandwiches for me, when I'm the President.

 

And to all the little people... I love you as much as you love me. Maybe more! Goodnight and God Bless!

 

Flesher bows and leaves the stage to massive applause.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

...Flesher for President. I could get behind that.

[Guest redbaron51]

Flesher the new king of comedy...

 

ya i can see that

[Guest Suicide King]

You forgot to thank someone Flesher...

[Guest kelloggs]

Flesher owns... funny stuff