Jump to content
TSM Forums
Sign in to follow this  
Guest TSMAdmin

WWE Smackdown! Report for 6/13/02

Recommended Posts

Guest TSMAdmin



Hey, let’s watch two 50 year-old guys stare each other down! Then let’s watch Arn Anderson high-tail it like a wimp! I guess it beats getting Tang squirted on you . . .


On tape from Greenville, SC, this is WWE Smackdown! for 6/13/02. Your hosts are Michael Cole and the still dapper Taz(z).


Entering a red ring already filled with alleged security workers, it’s 100% Vince. Vince stands on a desk and gives his version of the “I’m the king of the world!” speech. And to kick off this new, exciting era of WWE television, we’re going to start with . . . a contract signing! Well, I’m all fired up. Excuse me while I extinguish myself. Contract signings are always such THRILLING television. Good penmanship or bad? Flowing cursive or block script? These kinds of questions can ONLY be answered by an enthralling contract signing, folks. Anyway, The Undertaker and HHHGH come out to play their roles in this farce. HHH shows his rebellious nature by REFUSING TO SIT~! He even tosses the chair clear out of the ring! The chair didn't break, by the way, which means it's holding more deserving chairs and ottomans down. Even the furniture plays politics in WWE. Yay, we just spent ten minutes “signing” a match we all knew was going to happen anyway. The usual staredown and brawl ensues, with things going fully the Undertaker’s way, until HHH discovers a sledgehammer that someone carelessly left under the ring. Sledgehammer in hand, HHH threatens a sit-in until UT comes back out for a beating. To make his point, he Pedigrees a security guard. I’m sure THAT will goad Vince and UT into action.


And to think I drove home in the pouring rain for THIS shit. You people better appreciate me.


Back from the break, The Unambiguously Gay Duo and Rico are bitching about not being able to get to the ring. H points out the Duo’s new meaning of “Suck it!” and that gets the Pride parade in motion. Chair, meet sledgehammer, and down goes Billy. Well, that was productive. H reiterates his demands, then destroys the announce table. Well, he tries to, but someone must have forgotten to saw it. It's comical, actually: the announce table usually collapses if someone looks at it funny, and HHH actually has to drag it over because he can't batter it apart with the hammer. A monitor is next on the hit parade. It takes holding a "$50,000" camera hostage for Vince to come out. Vince books a tag match of UT and Kurt Angle against HHH and Hollywood Hulk Hogan. H accepts, then destroys the camera anyway. Take it out of his check, Vince.


Well, the first half-hour’s gone, and it officially sucked a savage sausage.


After the break, Cole gives a recap for anyone who slept thru the first half-hour. Leave them alone, Michael; they’re the lucky ones.


KOTR Qualifier: Test vs The Hurricane. Earlier, Hurricane ran into Nidia again, and more bad drama ensued. Helms attemtos to brawl, but soon thinks better of it and bails. He hits a crossbody back in, but Test overpowers him. They do a few reversal spots, then Helms turns the Meltdown into the Eye of the Hurricane for 2. Test comes back with Roll The Dice for the pin at 1:53. Not much to see here, even for a two-minute match. 1/10. After the bell, Nidia and Jamie Knoble slap the Hurricane around and remove his mask. You'll never guess who it is.


KOTR Qualifier: Tajiri vs Hardcore Holly. Holly still packs a lot of canned heat. Tajiri shoulderblocks Holly, but Holly has the mad choppage going on. Tajiri kicks him around for a bit, including a nice dropkick to the face. Spinning heel kick gets 2. They exchange chops, then Tajiri kicks Holly square in the head. Moonsault misses, so Holly clotheslines Tajiri and nails the Best Dropkick In The Business. Tajiri slips out of the Alabama Slam and does a big kick for 2. Holly counters the Tarantula into an Alabama Slam for the pin at 3:39. Completely pedestrian match. 2/10.


Meanwhile, Smackdown is Jericho watches a tape of himself laying waste to Edge last week. His self-congratulations are inerrupted by The Big Valbowski, who makes vague threats about anal penetration. I never thought he was THAT kind of porn star . . .


Tag Match: Smackdown is Jericho and Lance Storm vs The Big Valbowski and Billy Kidman. Val and Jericho look to start, but Jericho tags Storm in right away. Val goes after Jericho, only to get waylaid by Storm. Jericho comes in and chops away. Val shoulerblocks him down and kneckbreakers him for 2. Storm comes in and gets rolled up for 2. In comes Kidman, with a crossbody for 2. Kidman monkey flips Storm, but Storm rallies with the knee. Kidman ends up on Storm’s shoulders, allowing Jericho to do a super stungun. Jericho comes in and drops the elbow for 2. Another stungun, and Storm is back in with a dropkick for 2. Jericho is back in with a bulldog, but the Lionsault hits knees. Tags abound, and Val cleans house. Blue Thunder powerbomb for Storm, but Jericho saves. Val boosts Kidman for a kick to Jericho, but Storm superkicks Val for 2. Storm gets whipped into Jericho and takes a spinebuster for 2. Kidman comes in and NAILS the Shooting Star Press, but Jericho yanks ref Brian Hebner out at 2. Drop sleeper for Kidman, which Storm uses to get 2. Kidman rolls up Storm with a bridge, and lifts his shoulder before the 3 at 5:39. The replay shows Storm getting his shoulder up when Kidman did, for those who are scoring at home. Energetic tag match from the smaller crowd. 6/10.


Meanwhile, Hogan holds court with Mark Lloyd, brother.


During the break, Storm bitches out the ref, bringing up the Hebner family’s history of screwing great Canadians. Good shot there.


Tonight, Tough Enough’s Linda talks about her tag match with Trish against Jackie (the other one) and Ivory. Tough Enough EXPLODES~!


Meanwhile, Angle pays Vince a visit. He accepts Hogan’s challenge and tries to get Vince to pull his “hair” when Undertaker walks in and yaks about the match tonight. Well, that moved the show right along.


After the break, Reverend D’Von Damn Dudley enlightens the crowd on the sinful nature of masturbation. Ffaarrooqq comes out and performs Sermonus Interruptus. Faarooq admits he still yanks the crank, and wallops the Reverend with the mic.


Faarrooqq vs Reverend D’Von Damn Dudley. Spinebuster (called the “Dominator” by Cole) ends this one in about 0:06. So the loud, cursing, beer-drinking, masturbating black stereotype beat up on the wacky reverend black stereotype. I’m not sure there really is a masturbating black stereotype, but this match was just more RACISM~! either way. -2/10


Chick Tag Match: Trish Stratus and Linda vs Ivory and Jackie. Ivory ambushes Trish and side slams her for 2. Trish takes a dropkick, and Jackie comes in to use her knee brace. She tosses Trish by the hair, but Trish rallies with the high kick and a backdrop. In comes Linda, and it’s a Tough Enough beatdown. Linda does the Tough Enough staple, the dropkick, but Ivory saves at 2. Linda takes a double flapjack while Trish argues over nail colors with the ref. She misses a splash, and Trish comes in with the forearms. Ivory goes up, but Trish does a handstand and headscissors her down. Stratusfaction ends it at 3:03. I’ve seen worse from the men tonight. Linda and Jackie still look very green. 2/10.



Meanwhile, Stacy Kiebler pays Vince a visit and looks disgusted after he plants one on her.


Meanwhile, Hogan is on his way to the gorilla position when Undertaker and Angle delay him with a beatdown. Quick, someone get him some Geritol!


Main Event, Tag Match: The Undertaker and Kurt Angle vs HHHGH and Hollywood Hulk Hogan. HHH jumps Angle coming down the ramp. In the ring, he brawls with UT and drops him with a facebuster. H beats on Angle until Kurt whips him into a UT big boot. The heels do a double-team beatdown. Angle suplexes H and pounds him in the corner. H tries to rally with the knee, but Angle choks him on the middle rope and leaves UT to abuse him on the apron. A trio of Germans gets 2 for Angle. UT comes in and wails away on HHH. UT tosses H out so Angle can beat on him outside the ring. Back in, UT continues the pounding. Angle comes in and slaps on a sleeper. HHH suplexes out of it, and they’re both down. H has no one to tag, but Angle tags in UT. H has an elbow ready, then they drop each other with a mutual clothesline. Angle comes in and promptly posts himself on a charge. H neckbreakers him, and spinebusters UT. Outside they go, where H whips Angle into the steps. UT beats on him from behnd, but ends up going into the wall and getting posted. H chairs him across the back and finds the sledgehammer. Back in, a sledge shot to the gut draws the DQ at 9:56. UT rallies and tosses H out, but H whacks him with the hammer a few times, sending him over the wall. Angle posts HHH and gives him an Olympic Slam in the ring. Not terrible for what was essentially a handicap match, and I think Hogan’s absence only helped the ring work. 4/10.


After the bell, Hogan ambushes Angle on the ramp. Hogan and HHH pinball Angle for a while. Angle backdrops out of a Pedigree, but gets pantsed by HHH. Hogan pulls the wig off, and now Angle takes the Pedigree. Hogan adds the legdrop and dons Angle’s wig. They end with a posedown to send the crowd home happy.


Doing The Math: Well, the show did get better after the first half-hour, but pulling the plug and watching ninety minutes of static would have been an improvement. Two clunkers in a row, folks, and with the PPV Hype Edition coming next week, we just might have a trifecta. Maybe if a few more people walked out in childish fits, this show would improve. Mr Hogan, could I show you to the door? Overall (not an average): 3/10.


Dr. Tom


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this