The Midweek News

[Guest TSMAdmin]

I’m disappointed. Last week was the second week in a row that no one sent in a correct entry for Spot The Classic. I got an email from someone several weeks ago, wondering why I did it, since isn’t it pretentious to do that in a wrestling column? My answer: Of course it is, but I like to think my audience has a little bit of culture outside the realm of sweaty steroid freaks groping each other for fun and profit. Don’t make a liar out of me, friends.

 

Last week’s classic was: "Then farewell heat, and welcome frost." It's from Shakespeare's The Merchant Of Venice, and seemed to be perfectly fitting for X-Pac. As always, email me with your findings and win the prestigious no-prize!

 

I saw Signs Sunday evening, and I should have a review posted to TSM by the time you read this. In short: it was an excellent suspense flick, and a worthy successor to Shyamalan’s other movies. Go see it if you haven’t already.

 

Brief introductions aside, let’s dive into all the news that’s fit to steal, all the dirt that’s fit to deal, and all the mud that’s fit to sling.

 

Raw On The Rebound

 

If you haven’t already, take a gander at JHawk’s Raw report for your in-depth recapping needs. I give you the Reader’s Digest version, as always.

 

--- Trish/Bubba vs. Molly/Harvard: Trish looks like she had a 24-hour bout of Jackie Gayda Disease. The match was watchable, at least, and the writers’ acknowledgement of the Spike/Molly continuity was nice to see. 1/10

 

--- Storm vs. Booker: Solid little match, as I would expect from these two pros. I hate Mini-Dust, though. 5/10

 

--- Jericho/Slow vs. Flair/Bubba: This was good, and better when Slow wasn’t in the ring. I really wasn’t expecting much from this match, so it was a pleasant surprise. 5/10

 

--- Dreamer vs. Richards: Entertaining crap, but still crap. The Hardcore belt really needs to go. 2/10

 

--- Jeff Hardy vs. RVD: Yay, the Hardys are at odds again. I have a lot of caring left over, since I didn’t care at all the first time, but I’m not wasting any of it on a stick-figure superman vs. his super-hick brother. Match was OK. 3/10

 

--- HHH-uh/Storm/Test/ Christian vs. Booker/Goldust/Taker/Rock: Super-hot main event, and a damn fine match to boot. It was good to see a clean ending involving the legal men. 8/10

 

Other Developments: The Island Boyz’s rampage against the less fortunate continued, as they squashed Mini-Dust. I hate midgets in wrestling, so I really don’t care, but whose bright idea was it to name a 350-pound Samoan “Rosie?” It’s not like “Jamal” is a lot better, but at least he’s got a masculine name. I’d hate to see him try and cut a promo, though. “Me and Rosie are gonna kick your ass!” I’m sure that will scare a lot of people. HHH made it official: he’s a heel-uh, and the fans’ cheering is what made him weak-uh. He didn’t offer a reason why he’s sucked so bad for the last eight months, but if you play connect the dots on his back, I’m sure the answer will come to you. The Hardys are at it again, to the surprise and delight of no one. And Bookdust gets a shot at the Tag Team belts at Summerslam, thanks to Booker’s win over Lance Storm.

 

In toto, a solid Raw, and orders of magnitude better than last week’s abortion.

 

He'll Be Scraping Off The Rust With A Jackhammer

 

Bill Goldberg is finally getting back in the ring, but it's not going to be on this continent. Goldberg is booked for All-Japan Pro Wrestling later this month, on the 30th and 31st. His opponents on those days will be Satoshi Kojima and Taiyo Kea, respectively.

 

There is no word on whether he'll have to punch any car windows or accompany Bret Hart into the desert, however.

 

(Credit: Wrestlingobserver.com)

 

There's a Conspiracy A-Brewin'

 

Last week on Smackdown, Stack Kiebler handed Eric Bischoff some supposedly sensitive documents meant for Stephanie McMahon. Monday night, Kiebler defected to Raw. There is speculation that she is on Raw as a spy, and is still working for Stephanie McMahon.

 

WWE is apparently bound and determined to get Stephanie over as a face, even if it's at the expense of Bischoff. Bischoff has been doing an excellent job on Raw, and is very good in the smarmy GM role. While WWE is happy with the job Bischoff has done, the fact remains that he won't be with the company forever, while Stephanie will.

 

So far, I like Stephanie as a face, and the opposition between her and Bischoff has been a good aspect of the shows. I don't like the fact that they're so concerned with getting her over, especially as a face, and especially when a good character like Bischoff could suffer as a result. For the dueling GMs angle to work, they both have to be strong, not just one of them. And considering that Stephanie will eventually contract McMahon Disease again, and turn from face to heel at whim, the whole thing seems rather pointless.

 

But nepotism often does.

 

(Credit: Wrestling Observer newsletter)

 

You Have The Right To Remain Silent. What?

 

Steve Austin was tossed in jail Tuesday in Texas, stemming from the alleged spousal abuse incident on June 15th. Austin turned himself in after charges were filed based on wife Debra's original complaint against him. The local media in Texas has picked up on the story, and were the first ones to report it. This has been picked up in the national media, though it doesn't seem to have the scuttlebutt attached to it that the June incident did.

 

WWE.com posted the following on its website regarding Austin:

 

According to KMOL, the NBC TV affiliate in San Antonio, TX, Steve Williams (Austin) has been arrested on charges of spousal abuse. The charges stem from an alleged incident on June 15th. Mr. Williams has been released on his own recognizance.

 

At this time, World Wrestling Entertainment has no further information on this story. Steve Williams is currently not a member of the active roster. WWE wishes Steve and his wife Debra the best during this difficult time.

 

The AP reported that Debra did not press the charges that compelled Austin to turn himself in. Rather, the police forwarded the case to the Bexar County District Attorney's office, who pursued the matter.

 

(Credit: KMOL.com, WWE.com, PWTorch.com)

 

Patience And Looking Away Ahead

 

Hulk Hogan is going to be off WWE TV for an undetermined length of time. Persistent knee and back problems led to Hogan asking for some time off, and his destruction at the hands of Brock Lesnar is being used as the vehicle to make that happen. It's being done as an "injury" angle, which served the dual purposes of giving Hogan the break he wanted, and helping to get Lesnar over as a monster.

 

Hogan is not scheduled to return to TV at any certain time, and his absence could be a few weeks or a few months. He's still tentatively scheduled to wrestle Vince McMahon at next year's WrestleMania, and it's doubtful that some time off now would change that. WWE has spun this onto the Australia incident, also, saying Hogan's back couldn't take a pair of twenty-hour plane rides, and that he wanted to spend his 75th birthday on August 11th with his family. That is not the same tone that was first reported when we learned Hogan wouldn't be going Down Under.

 

The money issue apparently stemmed from McMahon paying the wrestlers for a house show as opposed to something more lucrative, like a PPV. Hogan questioned his pay, and McMahon chose to remove him from the show rather than dealing with his possible request of a higher pay rate. Hogan's backstage reputation is reportedly very good since his return, and this incident is not expected to mar that.

 

By the way, he's not really 75. Or is he?

 

(Credit: Wrestling Observer newsletter)

 

As An Added Bonus, He Was Even Coherent

 

Scott Steiner recently conducted an interview with Get In The Ring radio. (Their site is www.getinthering.tv , and is well worth checking out.) Some highlights:

 

-- Said there is no status on his status with WWE.

 

-- It was Bischoff's idea to split the Steiners and turn Scott heel, but his idea to change his look to match the new role.

 

-- He feels amateur wrestling is the toughest sport out there, and that's why so many MMA stars come from amateur backgrounds.

 

-- Doesn't think Kurt Angle will go back to the Olympics, since he has too much to lose if he doesn't win another gold medal.

 

-- Feels that AOL-Time Warner killed WCW, since Ted Turner liked wrestling, but the corporate suits who came over in the merger didn't.

 

-- Called Ric Flair an "amoeba," and said he had no backbone. This stems from an incident in the early 90's, when Flair apparently said Steiner wasn't ready for a singles push, and was spineless in the resulting confrontation. I think this contradicts some earlier comments he made about Flair.

 

-- Has no plans to go to NWA: TNA, and has no idea who he would wrestle if he did.

 

-- Feels Brock Lesnar has a good look, and is believable in his role due to his amateur background.

 

-- Still talks to Sting, but doesn't think Sting will come back if he has to do anything other than light traveling. Steiner also talked about how hard traveling is in the business, even with the lighter schedules today's stars receive.

 

-- Said that winning titles is nice, but drawing money is more important, and one doesn't necessarily mean the other. Steiner put over Jesse Ventura as a guy who drew money without a World title reign.

 

-- He didn't see the gruesome Sid broken leg at first. Steiner called it the worst injury he'd ever seen in the ring, and said Sid still hasn't completely recovered.

 

-- Said he'll return to the ring at the right time for the right amount of money.

 

-- Still gets along with Goldberg, but doesn't know how well Goldberg would do in WWE due to his heat with HHH.

 

All told, a good interview, and a lot better than the incoherent ramblings Steiner used to offer on Monday nights a couple years ago.

 

Can They Really Afford To Lose Anyone?

 

The futures of Scott Hall and Ken Shamrock in NWA: TNA are in doubt.

 

Hall signed a four-episode deal, which has been expired for a few weeks now. Despite his reputation, he has apparently been a model citizen backstage, and has impressed Jerry Jarrett with his work ethic. There is no deal in place to bring Hall back to TNA, but most expect it to happen.

 

Shamrock, however, isn't in such a good situation. He's under contract for a year, but might be gone well before that time is up. Jarrett was unhappy with his title reign, and felt he showed very little charisma. I wonder why Jarrett though Shamrock had a lot of charisma in the first place. Word is that TNA is trying to buy out the remainder of Shamrock's contract.

 

(Credit: PWTorch newsletter)

 

You Too Can Play A Dumb Hick

 

No, they're not casting a sidekick for the Hardys. Eidos Interactive, best known for the Tomb Raider series of videogames, has announced a deal with Backyard Wrestling Inc. to produce a game based on the Backyard Wrestling videos.

 

This is an incredibly stupid idea. Backyard wrestling is pure shit, worse than any of the "garbage" federations out there today. The one advantage to backyard wrestling is that most of the cretins who participate in it will either be dead or terminally comatose by age 30, thus removing them from the gene pool to the benefit of society as a whole. Why would anyone want to glorify such utter trash by making a video game out of it. Eidos should stick to making games about dungeon-crawling characters with ridiculous breasts, and stay out of the business of producing wrestling games if shit like this is the best they can do.

 

Since I am an insider in many industries, I was able to get a sneak peek at the controls for this game. This is for the X-Box version, so you'll have to do your own conversions to other console formats.

 

A button: Throw a punch or kick that misses by six inches.

B button: Dive into a pool of flaming thumbtacks for no reason.

X button: Toss opponent into flaming barbed wire.

Y button: Apply crappy submission hold.

A+B: Break opponent's neck with a piledriver.

X+Y: Break opponent's neck with a powerbomb.

Left trigger: Set up a table using milk cartons and plywood, and dive thru it for no reason.

Right trigger: Break your own neck with a suplex.

White+Black buttons: Your mom comes out and tears the ring down.

 

Doesn't this look like a winner?

 

(Credit: Wrestlingobserver.com)

 

A Spike Is A Spike

 

Raw did a 3.9 rating Monday night. That is up .2 over the 3.7 it had earned the previous two weeks. No word on whether HHH has taken credit for this turnaround-uh.

 

(Credit: 1wrestling.com)

 

Someone Pull The Plug Already

 

X-Pac is still under WWE contract, though the death vigil is ongoing. He is sitting at home, with no plans to return him to the road or to TV. Both sides are said to be unhappy with the current situation, but X-Pac remains under contract.

 

If both sides want him gone, what's taking so long?

 

(Credit: 1wrestling.com)

 

Headlocks, Dropkicks, and Starbucks

 

WWE officially announced that WrestleMania XIX (or will it be X-9?) will be held in Seattle, Washington, as has been speculated for a while. No announcement has yet been made as to an on-sale date for tickets.

 

(Credit: Rajahwwf.com)

 

EXTREME Sabotage?

 

Mike Sanders feels that Paul Heyman played a major role in his release from WWE. Apparently, Sanders got caught in the middle of an argument between Heyman and Kevin Nash. Nash is a friend of Sanders'. Sanders also suspects that Heyman was against him being used as an announcer. WWE had thought highly of Sanders' mike skills, and he was auditioning as an announcer around the time Heyman was still doing color work on Raw.

 

(Credit: Rajahwwf.com, PWTorch newsletter)

 

Help A Former Steroid Freak Out

 

As many of you know. "Superstar" Billy Graham is in failing health and in need of a liver transplant. There is a benefit being organized to help pay his medical bills, as a lot of his prescriptions are not covered by insurance. Complete information is available at http://www.superstarbenefit.com , but here's a quick rundown.

 

Saturday, October 5th in Wakefield, MA

 

Two shows: 2:00 and 7:30.

 

Ticket prices for both shows are reasonable, as $25 will get you good seats for the two shows. The shows will feature a lot of indy talent, with the biggest name currently on the bill being The Road Dogg. Raffles and many merchandise sales will be going on also.

 

(Credit: 1wrestling.com)

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And so another enthralling edition of the Midweek News has come to a close. Email me with any feedback, or if you want to impress your friends by saying YOU guessed correctly in Dr. Tom's pretentious and prestigious Spot The Classic game. I'll be back tomorrow with Smackdown, and the usual suspects should bookend the weekend with their own news reports. Over and out.

 

Dr. Tom