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Dr. Tom's Smackdown! Report

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Clips are shown of the hideously bad, intelligence-insulting HLA segment from Unforgiven. If you missed it the first time, I envy you.


On tape from San Diego, home of the 619 area code, this is WWE Smackdown! for 9/26/02. Your hosts are Michael Cole and Taz(z).


Opening Match: Rikishi vs. Chavo Guerrero. Chavo refuses to get into the ring, so Rikishi chases him. Obviously, he’s read up on Stupid Babyface Tactics. Chavo beats him back in and jumps him. Rikishi blocks an Irish whip and tosses Chavo out. Chavo decks him from the apron and goes up. He comes down with the Please Counter Me, so Rikishi catches him and tosses him into the corner for some abuse. Chavo avoids the fatass splash and bulldogs the big man out of the corner. Rikishi slugs it out, then posts himself on a charge. Chavo dropkicks the shoulder and goes for the mini-Stinkface. Rikishi shoves him away and suplexes him. The fatass splash hits this time, but Chavo raises his knees on the Banzai Drop. He gets a camera, but Rikishi superkicks it into his face, and the Banzai Drop ends this one at 4:31. Fun little match, made moreso by the underrated antics of Chavo. 3/10


Meanwhile, Torrie Wilson gets ready for the bikini contest.


Bikini Contest: Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia. Your host is Tazz, and the judges are The Hetero Duo. See, this is why Smackdown is the better show: we can have mindless T&A segments without an overgrown adolescent slobbering over the girls in the ring. Nidia disrobes first, and proves she can’t dance and chew gum at the same time. At least she followed the five-second rule. Chuck gives her a 6, and Billy gives her a 9. Torrie then proves why she should run away with the Internet Babe of the Year race this year. Yowza! Torrie gets a pair of 10s from the non-gay judges. I must say I concur. Jamie Noble and Tajiri come out to protest Nidia’s shabby treatment in the scoring department. They end up chanllenging the judges, which leads us to ...


Impromptu Match: Jamie Noble and Tajiri vs. The Hetero Duo. Chuck gets tossed, and Billy takes some quick double-team kicks to the legs. He drops Noble with a Tilt-a-Whirl slam, but Noble dropkicks his knee. Tajiri comes in and continues the leg abuse. Billy gets his leg pounded on for a while, and Noble cinches in a modified figure-four. Noble, like a good heel, slaps Billy’s hand away from the ropes, forcing Billy to finally fight out of the hold. Billy crumbles right away on an Irish whip – nice bit of selling there. Billy kicks the tar out of Noble with his good leg to escape a kneebar. He faceplants Noble, setting up the hot tag to Chuck. Chuck cleans house, taking out Noble with the underhook suplex and dropping Tajiri with a Jungle Kick. Billy struggles to the top rope, and they finish Tajiri with the “Code Red” (Doomsday Device) at 6:31. Good formula tag match that really had the crowd into it in the latter half, and featured some good selling by Billy. 6/10


After the break, Roving Reporter Funaki has “hard-hitting” question for Brock Lesnarberg. Funaki asks if Brock will give The Undertaker a rematch. Brock applauds his guts for asking the question, and says he’ll answer it in the ring.


Meanwhile, Kurt Angle interrupts Stephanie McMahon’s phone conversation to suck up for moment, then ask for a rematch with Chris Benoit. Stephanie has other plans, though: a main event of Angle vs. Benoit vs. hometown boy Rey Mysterio. Angle informs Rey he’ll be the one getting the 1-2-3, but Rey points out that might not happen if he hits the 6-1-9 first.


After the break, Funaki conducts his big in-ring interview. Brock comes out with Paul E. Dangerously, and Funaki starts asking about the bent-up chair. Lesnar tosses the chair down and doffs his belt. Funaki tries the pre-emptive strike, but Brock no-sells it and kills him. The F5 (which draws a decent pop) finally ends the slaughter. I’ve always said that beating up 200-pound Japanese jobbers is the best way to get your champ over as a tough guy.


Meanwhile, Dawn Marie offers herself as a challenger for in future bikini contests. She should do OK, since the girls are only judged from the neck down.


No-DQ Match: Eddy Guerrero vs. Edge. Eddy slugs Edge in the corner and shoulderblocks him down. Edge monkey flips him off an Irish whip and brings the brawling. He works the arm, but Eddy bulls him to the corner. Eddy does what can only be described as a springboard hangman using the second rope. Nifty move. He covers, with some help from the ropes, for 2. Edge backdrops Eddy and dropkicks him. He goes back to the arm, but Eddy rallies with an enzuigiri. Vertical suplex gets 2, and Eddy goes to the chinlock. Edge fights out and powerslams Eddy. He goes up, but Eddy cuffs him around and comes down with a superplex for 2. Edge hotshots Eddy and dumps him, and gets a ladder from under the ring. He runs at Eddy with it, but ends up clocking the ref instead. That looked pretty painful. Eddy chairs Edge in the back, and tosses him back in for some similar treatment. Eddy misses a Frog Splash, and since everyone is dead, we pause for a commercial. Back from the break, Eddy is pounding Edge in the corner. He hops on for a sleeper, which Edge finally manages to escape. He faceplants Eddy and goes up, only to get brought down with a hurricanrana for 2. Eddy works the arm and goes for a ropewalk, but Edge counters with a filthy powerbomb for 2. Edge brings the ladder in, but Eddy dropkicks it into his face and gets his own ladder. He slugs Edge down onto one ladder, drapes the other atop him, and slingshots onto the ladder from the apron. The slow cover gets 2. A nice “Eddy!” chant gets going. Eddy climbs the other ladder, as does Edge, and they fight over the top. Eddy wins that one, and comes down with a NICE sunset flip powerbomb. That gets 2.99. Edge backdrops Eddy into the ladder, and Eddy lands right on his head and neck. Yikes. They both do a slow climb again, but this time, Edge wins the scuffle, and hits the Impaler DDT from the top of the ladder. Daaaaamn. That gets the pin, and we saw 16:43 of it. This was an AMAZING match for free TV, and better than Eddy’s Raw ladder match earlier this year. I’d say it was as at least as good as their PPV match. Definitely a MOTYC, but I think Angle-Benoit from Unforgiven beats it, though not by much. 9/10


In a commercial, Pete Rose fulfills the only purpose his worthless hide could possibly have: getting mauled by Kane. No Tombstone? Gah.


After the break, Marc Loyd catches up with Chris Benoit. Benoit gives props to Angle, and promises to beat him again, along with Rey-Rey.


Meanwhile, Mattitude v1.0 lectures Shannon Moore about the finer points of getting your opponents to run to the other show. Moore points out that Brock has been a help, but Matt dismisses that and storm out. Do you need me to tell you who walked out of a nearby door?


Earlier this week, WWE played “Meet The Press” to hype WrestleMania XIX in Seattle.


The Undertaker vs. Mattitude v1.0. I think I liked Taker’s theme better without the words. It sounded more menancing and badass with just the music. Matt offers the handshake, which Taker accepts. Unfortunately for Matt, he doesn’t let go, and throws Matt into the corner for some beatings. Matt boots UT on a charge and hits the second-rope legdrop. UT shoves out of the Twist of Fate and plants Matt with a chokeslam. The Last Ride finishes it at 1:44. Well, that was ... brief. DUD. After the bell, Brock clobbers UT with the belt. A bloody UT struggles to his knees, so Brock waylays him with the belt again. Good, a real bladejob from Taker this time. Brock some good heat for his attack.


During the break, Taker struggled to get to his feet outside the ring. They go to black-and-white for UT making the doctors’ job more difficult.


Angle gets on the stick before the main event, and bemoans Rey’s involvement in the match. He runs down the San Diego crowd and his opponents at the same time.


Main Event, Triple Threat: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rey Mysterio. Angle pie-faces Rey down, and Rey answers that dis with a headscissors. Benoit tries to suplex Rey, but Rey kicks off of Angle and turns it into a bulldog for 2. Rey gets tossed, allowing Benoit and Angle to break out the MAT WRESTLING~! It looks like Angle gets the better of their passes. Rey flips back in, heel kicks Benoit and rolls him up for 2. Angle posts himself on a charge, so Benoit back suplexes Rey. Benoit dusts off the inverted atomic drop, setting up a snap suplex for 2. Benoit tosses Rey out again, but Angle was lying in wait, and pounds away. Clothesline and belly-to-belly each get 2 before Benoit starts the Germans. He gets a pair of them, but Angle blocks the third and does a pair of his own. They fight over the next one, so Angle settles it by kicking Benoit and hitting the Olympic Slam. Rey springboards in with a dropkick to Angle, and covers Benoit for 2. Smart. Benoit plants Angle with a release German, causing Kurt to land on his face. Rey missile dropkicks Benoit to the outside, so Kurt tosses him onto Benoit. Outside, Angle sends Rey into the wall, and brings Benoit back in for the Anglelock. Benoit makes the ropes, and he and Angle pause there long enough for Rey to hit a double 619 to a very nice pop. Angle counters the West Coast Pop with a powerbomb try, but Rey turns that into a rollup for 2. Angle slugs Rey down, only to get caught in a Crossface from Benoit. Rey breaks that up with a springboard legdrop to Benoit. I think this is the most I’ve ever typed “springboard” in one night. It’s not a very useful word outside of wrestling, but Rey sure has been using it a lot tonight. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. Rey avoids the Olympic Slam and kicks Angle into Benoit. Benoit tosses Angle out, and Rey springboards onto him (from the second rope this time) for a hurricanrana for the pin at 8:51. Very good, well-paced match that saw all three men get their signature spots in. Rey has been booked well against the heavyweights, and it certainly doesn’t hurt when his opponents are Benoit and Angle. This would have been the match of the night if not for Edge-Eddy, but it was still very, very good. 8/10


The breakdown:


The Good:


I normally complain about only getting five matches on a two-hour show, but when one is a sixteen-minute affair, and the other is a nine-minute main event, and they’re both excellent, I don’t care. They could go with that formula every week if the quality holds up. The impromptu tag match was good, and I even got a kick out of the opener. The bikini contest jacked up the T&A factor, and we learned that Raw isn’t the only show that can exploit women as sex objects. That’s a good thing to know, especially when Torrie is involved.


The Bad:


There’s very little to complain about this week. The Undertaker-Matt Hardy match was too brief to amount to anything on its own, but it did set up Brock Lesnar destroying Taker with the title belt.


The Ugly:




Overall: If only they were all this good. The Edge-Eddy match was simply amazing, the main event was only slightly less excellent, and he rest of the show did nothing to diminish that excellence. If you needed any more proof that Smackdown is a far superior show to Raw, this was People’s Exhibit #1. Case closed, and bang the gavel already. 8.5/10


Dr. Tom

(Remove the leading X from both fields to holler at me.)

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