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The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 7

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Guest TSMAdmin

NWA: TNA Week 7


Man, it sucks when you’re playing catch up. I missed last weeks show, but you can get an idea as to what happened here.


As for this week, I’m back, baby.


Once again, like every week, big shout out to Big Jose Suazo who hooks me up with my weekly (more like bi-weekly) NWA:TNA goodness. Last time I saw him, he was straight up assing me in Wrestlemania X8 for GameCube, but that’s alright cuz I don’t like that game...its no No Mercy. Anyway, he told me to just come over and order the show and he’ll be home sometime during the broadcast. What a friend.


I’m sitting here with two CHERRY ITALIAN ICES~! and I’m ready to recap!


Show starts and I immediately realize the effect of their cost cutting efforts as the Nashville Fairgrounds looks a lot smaller than their other venue, there’s a lack of pyro and zero video recaps from last week. Alas, they are still paying Don West for some reason.


Our first match of the night:


AJ Styles (Champion) vs. Elix Skipper for the X division title


Why is this match first??


Match background: Technically, the match should be AJ Styles facing “The Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels, but he’s Spicy Drop-ing people in Japan as Curry Man so its Skippers shot tonight, being next in line.


The Match: Styles comes down to the ring with Jerry Lynn. Damn, I really should have seen last week. The last time I saw these two, there were feuding HARD. Now they seem all buddy buddy....something’s not right. Skipper attacks from behind to start. AJ Comes back with a snap swinging neckbreaker. Some brawling before AJ hits a flipping dropkick in the corner and a clothesline for 2. Elix “Matrixes” out of the pin. Damn, I love when he does that. Another flipping dropkick by AJ. Release Dragon Suplex by Elix! Jerry Lynn is at the announce booth singing AJ’s praises. “It ain’t ballet” says JL. I’m sure he must have been told that once. Stiff kick by AJ to take over again...and another. Third attempt is reversed into a beautiful belly to back suplex by Elix. He plants AJ and hits a twisting legdrop in the corner for two. Gutwrench suplex for 2. AJ once again retaliates with some kicks to the ribs but gets tossed for his troubles. Elix with some clubbing blows to the neck, which the announcers point out. He’s trying to soften up AJ for the Play of the Day (Elix’s spinning Rocker Dropper). Double-underhook suplex into a nice submission hold by Prime Time. AJ fights out, attempts a ‘rana, but eats a powerbomb for 2. Elix with a submission hold that I’ve NEVER seen before and that’s saying something. He’s working the neck with it. Neckbreaker. Styles is BARELY selling the neck...grrrrr. Skipper attempts a Northern Light Suplex, but its reversed into a reverse Dragon sleeper (front face lock with arm lock). Elix gets out of it, goes for a reverse DDT, but ends up getting one himself. AJ goes up top and misses a guillotine legdrop, called a senton splash by Tenay. I’m SO disappointed in you, Mike. Elix charges AJ and gets thrown over to the outside. Styles’ Asai moonsault misses. Skipper goes back in and hits a NICE spinning pescado! Best one I’ve seen in a long time. Back in now, Elix goes for the Play of the Day, but its reversed into a Styles Clash attempt, but Skipper reverses THAT to a sunset flip for a near fall.....wow. Elix stands on the top ropes, looking to attempt a moonsault, but AJ dropkick’s him and Skipper inadvertently gives himself an Arabian Press onto his own NECK. That looked NASTY. AJ to the top now, Spiral Tap and its over! Holy Shiznit, Elix looks hurt. Jerry Lynn congratulates AJ after the match.


My opinion: Good match, but it was mostly a one-sided contest until the finish. Styles’ failure to properly sell the neck, especially after the Spiral Tap, really bugged me. Skipper really impressed me here and I hope he prospers in the division ***.


Tenay informs us that Ricky Steamboat has ruled that Shamrock is still the NWA Champion after Malice stole the title belt during last week’s ladder match. The announcers also played up Jeff Jarrett’s refusal to meet with Steamboat earlier during the week.


As they’re talking, the crowd starts applauding, no doubt it’s for a rising Skipper who thankfully isn’t injured. Then, Monty Brown comes down to ringside and proceeds to beat the living hell out of him. This is payback for last week when he set him up and abandoned him against K-Krush. See what happens when you miss a week? Most notable move used here was a press slam into fallaway slam by Brown.


Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring with a burlap sack...and its moving. He cuts a promo about working his way from the bottom to the top of the fed, so tonight he starts with a midget. He pounds him for a while, piledrives him and gives him The Stroke. Puppet, The Midget Killer comes out to a small pop. JJ insults him for a but, but Puppet isn’t pleased and pulls out a gun! Well...*its fake*! This REEKS of Russo. Security tries to restrain Pupper, but JJ brains him from behind with a chair a few times. Jesus, that was just tasteless. Oh, great, Suazo just walked in. I’ll replay this for him later on.


Ricky Steamboat(!) comes down with security, Don Harris and Bullet Bob Armstrong (WTF is Armstrong going to do....haha). He tries to lay down the lay, but JJ just issues a challenge to the Dragon, which he accepts. He jumps over the ring and gets into KARATE STANCE~! Oh man, as much as I’d love to see the Dragon back in the ring, this really accomplishes nothing. Doesn’t matter anyway, as Scott Hall attacks JJ from behind and JJ takes off. Hall issues a challenge to JJ to make their match tonight a stretcher match.


In the back, Goldilocks conducts and interview with Sonny Siaki. He proceeds to say his name about 85,934 times and stresses his superiority over the other Flying Elvises. Looks like Russo is trying to re-do old heel Rock.


Slash (with Father James Mitchell) vs. Sonny Siaki


Match Background: None


The Match: Father James Mitchell is with the announcers. He has a box filled with “blood” with him apparently. In the ring, it begins with Slash dominating with punches and kicks, but Siaki comes back with his flapjack into a samoan drop combo. Somersault legdrop by Sonny. Slash attempts a sunset flip powerbomb off the apron, but Siaki, fearing his life and deservedly so, gives him a flying head scissors instead. Man, Siaki throws some nice sounding pounding. Back in, Siaki hits a springboard senton for 2. Slash finally comes back with his version of the Eye of the Hurricane for a two count. Slash gives Siaki the “Crash and Burn”, an airplane spin while in Razor’s Edge position. Slash then applies a Cobra Clutch, into a Russian leg sweep. Both guys on the top rope now, but they both get crotched. Slash recovers first and attempts a senton and misses. Does that move ever work in ANY organization if you aren’t Dick Togo? Siaki with the advantage now and gets his pumphandle exploder suplex for two! Mitchell distracts the ref and Slash puts a hood onto Siaki (?) and gives him a hangman’s neckbreaker for the win. WTF?? The hood just looks to blind you, but it shouldn’t be enough to have a neckbreaker beat anyone...After the match, Slash ties Siaki up in the ropes and Father James Mitchell draws a cross on Siaki’s head in “blood”. Dammit Russo! “Head of Security” Don Harris comes in and cleans house on Slash. Imagine Jim Dotson working that way? Malice comes down to face Harris, but is restrained, because Harris is just a FORCE~! and all that.


My opinion: As OK match, kind of slow. If NWA is pushing Siaki as a singles competitor trying to break away from his team, why job him out in his first singles match, especially to a nobody like Slash? Slash would have gotten his heat back with the whole “blood” thing, which looked really hokey to begin with. *1/2


In the back, Goldilocks interviews Steamboat, who expects to lay down the law. Yeah.


The TNA girls dance for a minute, but “The Truth”, K-Krush comes down to talk some sense into one of the black dancers. What, you thought I’d recap dancing if it wasn’t important? When she refuses to listen to his propaganda, he insults her and she slaps him. K-Krush is really great on the mic here. In retaliation, Krush goes for his trusty belt, but “The Alpha Male” Monty Brown comes to the save. Krush ends up hitting him on the back with the fakest 2x4 since the imfamous “rubber stick” days of WCW. Steamboat then comes down to the ring and calls out Krush. “Truth” goes to the ring and goes face to face with the former NWA World Champion. He tells him how he’s been held down by “them”, implying “The Man” or “Whitey”. He brings up the fact that Steamboat was also held down once in his career, after Wrestlemania 3. It was Hogan’s fault! It’s ALWAYS Hogan’s fault! After relating to Krush, he relents and gives him a title shot against Ken Shamrock and the NWA World title next week!


I’m quite intrigued by the this angle, but I really don’t feel comfortable with playing the race card as intense as they are.


Next match:


Apolo vs. Malice


Match Background: None


The Match: Some brawling to start. Apolo comes off the top onto Malice’s shoulders onto what looked to be a really blown head scissors attempt of some sort. Malice on the outside, Apolo dives over the ropes with a somersault tope! He can fly for a big guy....very Mike Awesome like. Some more brawling by ringside. Back in, Malice powerbombs Apolo for two. Malice sees a cut on Apolo’s head and goes after it viciously. Tenay sells it as Malice not caring about the match in general, just wanting to extract “the crimson life essence of another opponent”. Superplex by Malice. Sloppy ass 2nd rope ledgrop by Malice. Apolo finally comes back with a DDT. NICE Superkick by Apolo for the win! After the match, Malice chokeslams the ref, quite harshly. He attempts the same on Apolo, but Don Harris comes on down! Slash follows him down to make it a “2 on 1 affair” and they perform the stupid “blood” ritual on Harris that they did to Siaki earlier in the show.


My opinion: This “blood” angle reminds me a lot of the old Ministry of Darkness sacrifice angle and the Brood’s bloodmatch angle rolled into one....and we all know who came up with that shiet. Apolo seems to be a pretty decent, but the novelty of Malice is wearing off to me. The match was * ¾ in my estimation.


Don West introduces Miss TNA, Taylor Vaughn (BB Bush of WWF infamy). Bruce of the Rainbow Express (Kwee-Wee), comes down and retorts K-Krush’s speech about being held down. He wants a shot at the Miss TNA crown. Oh God. In accepting his challenge, Taylor seductively gets down on her knees (why the hell would that work on a “homosexual”?) and gives him a low blow.


Bruce vs. Taylor Vaughn for the Miss TNA crown.


Match Background: The previous segment, duh.


The Match: Taylor starts off with a suplex and a slam on Bruce. Of course, resident retard, Don West is loving this. Taylor and Bruce “catfight” for a little while, until Bruce hits her with some power moves. Botched inverted powerbomb by Bruce for the win.


My opinion: Thanks Vinnie Ru, I officially feel dumber after watching this. -**


In the back, Goldilocks tries to interview Low-Ki, but once again, he blows her off.


Low Ki vs. Jerry Lynn (aka The Match I’ve been Waiting for)


Match Background: Lynn defeated Low-Ki in the X division 4-way title match, however, ‘Ki’s already faced AJ Styles and was defeated. Whoever wins moves up the ladder to face AJ.


The Match: Styles comes down to the ring with Lynn and joins the announce team. Lynn with a hammerlock to start, but ‘Ki spin kicks out of it! both men attempt hammerlocks, but are constantly reversed to a stalemate. Once again, Low-Ki kicks out of a an armbar. Both men transition from submission to submission beautifully as Lynn enziguiri’s ‘Ki out of an anklelock. Headscissors by ‘Ki, but Lynn comes back with an AWESOME tilt a whirl backbreaker! Lynn charges ‘Ki in the corner but runs into Low-Ki’s shoulder and gets a STIFF kick. Mild Low-Ki chant by the crowd. Muta elbow by Low-Ki. All this time, AJ is KISSING Jerry Lynn’s ass on commentary. Dragon Clutch on Lynn as he’s tied up on the ropes, Tarantula style. Tenay says that its called the “Bite of the Dragon”, and so it shall be from now on, biatches. Lynn counters a shoulder block attempt with a ledgrop. Lynn with a Gory Special, turned into a VERTEBREAKER~! variation. Lynn goes for the Cradle Piledriver, but ‘Ki counters into an armbar! Face-first suplex by Lynn which looks more like he dumped ‘Ki shoulder first....Ouch. Low-Ki with a forearm, PERFECT dropkick, Stun gun and sunset flip for a nearfall! Wow! ‘Ki gives Lynn a stick kick, but Lynn answers with back with a forearm. Again....and AGAIN! This is looking AJPW like with the strikes! Low-Ki with a springboard roundhouse to the face! 3-KICK COMBO~! by Low-Ki for TWO! Cartwheel-kick attempt reversed into a Spiral bomb by Lynn for 2!! Dragon Clutch by Low-Ki, reversed into a Tornado DDT by Lynn! He goes for the Cradle Piledriver, but ‘Ki hits the Tidal Crush somersault kick from that position! ‘Ki motions for ‘Ki Krusher ’99, but Lynn irish whips him instead. Styles gets on the apron and ‘Ki reverses the Irish whip. AJ purposely enziguiri kicks Lynn in CLEAR VIEW of the official for the DQ. Aww man. ‘Ki hits the Krusher on Lynn anyway, but is then informed of the infraction. AJ comes in and stands over Lynn to taunt him, but he eats a STIFF kick to the face by Low-ki, upset that he just was cost the match.


My opinion: Great match! The DQ ending did hurt it, but it furthered the AJ-Lynn storyline, so its forgiveable. I wish this could have gone on longer. Low-Ki is starting to become the star of the X Division, he was the most over X guy tonight. ***3/4


Goldilocks interviews Don Harris, who demands a first blood match with Malice. Don West freaks out about the “blood” match. No, sir, its FIRST Blood, there’s a difference.


Disco Inferno out to do his new talk segment, Jive Talking. He’s looking for the “hottest, sexiest, dumbest bitch”. I’ll admit, I found that funny. He introduces Goldilocks as his first guest, who takes exception to his comment. Disco tries to make nice in an effort to get her to show her breasts to the camera, but alas, Goldy has too much class to do so. After a few minutes of bantering, she slaps Disco and Paulina of Tough Enough fame runs in and chokes Goldilocks out. WOW....she’s huge. I thought she was Joanie Laurer for a second, now that she’s a blonde.


Back at the announce table, Don West announces a 3-way next week for the X title! Low-Ki vs. AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn. I’m THERE. Don West then states that “Ricky The Steamboat Dragon” will be here next week as well. GET RID OF DON WEST!


The Main Event


Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett in a Stretcher Match.


Match Background: Twice, Jeff Jarrett has caused Hall to leave the arena on a stretcher, so Hall wants REVENGA~!.


The Match: Hall and Jarrett brawl at the top of the aisle. In the ring, Hall gets his Contractually Obligated Fallaway Slam and Jarrett retreats. They brawl backstage. RUSSO SIGHTING!! They brawl back to the ring where JJ is now back in the ring. Hall goes to get the stretcher. Its a military soft stretcher, btw. Before he can do anything with it, JJ baseball slides the stretcher into Hall. JJ uses it repeatedly on Hall, irish whipping him into it, propped in the corner. He does it again, before Hall reverses the whip and JJ tastes the stretcher for the first time in the match. Hall is just throwing the stretcher onto JJ’s back. Snake Eyes onto the proppep up stretcher by Hall. Signals for The Edge and gets it, but K-Krush pulls out the ref. K-Krush axe kicks Hall, who takes a back bump on it?!? Ref back in now, and JJ only gets a two out of it. Monty Brown in to stop Krush and he chases him to the back. Jerry Lynn inexplicably runs in and splashes Jeff Jarrett (in clear view of the official, who lets it go on) for a Hall two count. Styles takes out Lynn at the top of the ramp and goes to the top rope. Before he’s able to execute anything, Don Harris comes down and crotches him. We’re never sure who AJ was aiming for, but if it was Hall, it would have solidified his HEELNESS~!. Malice and Slash come down to take care of Don Harris. Ref bump and JJ brings a chair into the ring. Ricky the Steamboat Dragon comes down to ringside and is attacked by a chair-wielding Jarrett, who knocks himself with it accidentally. Hall takes the chair and goes to hit Jarrett, but Steamboat stops him, he wants the match to end clean. Jarrett takes the opportunity to Stroke Hall onto the chair for the pin. Why couldn’t Steamboat just stop the ref from counting??


My opinion: The match was too brawly for me and there was too much interference. It at least build up the other feuds, which is great and it looks like Steamboat may have some issues with Scott Hall next week. I’m being generous, but I’ll giving it **1/4


Overall: The X matches and K-Krush are the only thing that really kept my interest this week. I couldn’t care LESS about Russo’s wacky booking antics and his influence in tonights show really bugged me. Disco’s segment was OK, but the gun angle never should have taken place. I’m not paying 10 bucks to see midgets with guns, as funny as it might sound.


From what I read, last week’s was a great show and this one was just interesting.


Hopefully, I’ll be back next week with the 3-WAY~!


‘Til Next Week...


The Dames, Damian Gonzalez


Any questions, comments, hate mail, email me: [email protected]

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