SJL Metal - Wednesday, February 27th

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

“BOOM!”

 

“BOOM!”

 

“…Welcome… To the first ever SJL show… SJL Metal!”

 

“BOOM!”

 

Funyon’s voice echoes out throughout the arena, and, amazingly, the fans can hear it, amongst the deafening pyrotechnics. Understandably so, they are confused. Axis is alone at the commentary table, for some unknown reason.

 

Axis: Welcome folks, to what, by my counting, should have been last Saturday’s IGNJL Crimson! And yes, I am confused as you. I’m betting that we won’t have to wait much longer though, seeing as Eddie Mac, my broadcast colleague, isn’t here. I’m expecting some big entrance here…

 

As Axis wonders aloud, the lights in the arena drop out, and a hovering, haunting hum wavers in.  The crowd gets to their feet quickly, a roar echoing through the Sydney Superdome, as the large glowing screen lights up with fading silhouettes of a man, the one, the only,  the Mac Daddy, Edwin MacPhisto...

 

Axis: Bingo, I was right. Come on Edwin, hurry up and explain what the hell is going on here…

 

Edwin's voice rises from the back as a pair of pendulous blue spotlights swing back and forth across the entrance ramp...

 

Edwin: Friends, gentlemen, ladies especially, citizens, and Axis, the wonder from down under, here I come, without further adieu, to explain this change of events...to you...

 

With that final word, the vocals of "Battleflag" drop in as the lights spin out and explode in a wall of purple strobe lights!  The delirious whirl of red and gold disco lights illuminates the superdome as the equally delirious figure of JL Commissioner Edwin MacPhisto comes dashing down the entrance way, microphone in hand and red vinyl trenchcoat flaring behind him!

 

Axis: Come on, Edwin, we're on a schedule here...sheesh...

 

Edwin slides into the ring, absorbed in the crowds constant cheering for him, and Funyon announces his presence:

 

Funyon: Making his way to...oh, nevermind, he's already here!  Sydney, Australia, please give a warm welcome to your commissioner, EDWIN MACPHISTOOOOOO!

 

“MAC-PHIST-OOOO!  MAC-PHIST-OOOOOOOOO!"

 

Axis: Damn this charismatic fool… Hurry up already!

 

Edwin raises the microphone to his mouth, teasing the crowd with an announcement, but they keep on cheering!  Moving from rope to rope, Edwin eats it up, but, checking his pocketwatch, notices that time is running by.  He raises his arms in the universal "silence" pose, and finally, the crowd's chanting dies down, giving Edwin the chance to explain just what the hell is going on here…

 

Edwin: …WELCOME, CITIZENS OF SYDNEY!

 

Naturally, this just hypes up the ecstatic Australian crowd even more, as Axis noticeably groans at his table.

 

Edwin: …Alright, alright. As much as I’d like to bask in my own glory, Axis, your fellow Australian…

 

“AXE – IS! AXE – IS!”

 

A middling chant floats through the arena for the home country hero, making him look like a wuss as he blushes.

 

Edwin: … As I was saying, as much as I’d like to bask in my own glory, Axis is urging me on here. And I have a show to run! So… Why is the IGN Junior League suddenly called the Smarks Junior League? Well… It’s a bit of a hassle, really. IGN, the television company supporting us, sent their licensing fees through the roof. Expenses were really starting to pile up for them, and unfortunately, we could not afford to stay there. They have given us great service, though…Let’s hear it for IGN!

 

…Understandably, the crowd doesn’t particularly care, as Australia gets the IGNJL through Fox sports.  Damnable syndication.

 

Edwin: …Eh, alright then. Anyway, that explains why we are no longer the IGNJL. But why are we the SJL? Well… guess!  Come on now, any guesses?  Could it be...the fact that this show is being broadcast, in North America, on Smarks TV! Hence, the SJL!

 

…Once again, the crowd doesn’t care.  Edwin continues on, sweating a bit, but unfazed...

 

Edwin: But never fret! Our card is still the same as was promised for IGNJL Crimson this week! You will STILL see K-Os collide with Annie Eclectic, Renegade and Low Brass for a four corners match in the main event! You will STILL see Ash Ketchum go up against Erek Taylor for the European title! And, come Crimson, you will see a very, very special surprise, a surprise for both you and eight of our most rewarding grapplers in this federation!

 

The crowd mumbles, wondering what the surprise could be, and Edwin forges on...

 

Edwin: And fret no longer, ladies and gents - you will STILL see the normal IGNJL action… Except, instead of IGN, it will begin with an S! That is all! Welcome to the SJL - step right up and get your tickets, ladies and gentlemen!

 

Edwin disregards the microphone, before ducking out of the ring. He heads over to the announce table, puts on his headset, and resumes commentary.

 

Edwin: Greetings, Axis.

 

Axis: …That was it? I was expecting something better than that…and what's this about a special surprise?

 

Edwin: Bah, what do you want from me? I just told the truth! Damn Australians…and you'll find out soon enough, my friend.  Wait till Saturday...

 

Axis: Damn mysterious Brits… We will be right back on SJL Metal after this short break…

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The card!

 

DAMMIT WICKED STYLE, WRITE!

Kojack vs. Wicked Style

-Coming off a hard loss to Shawn Brody on Metal, Kojack looks to rebound against Wicked Style while his tag partner MVS is tied up with Brody. Wicked Style has to write or, since he no-showed his first match, he will be kicked out of the fed.

 

TASTY TASTY TRIPLE-THREAT

Thomas "Tom Cat" Menias vs. NBK Josh Tupper vs. Ced Ordonez

-Menias and Tupper ended up not battling on Metal, but Ced Ordonez sure did, showing up Dragon and Wicked Style in impressive form. Can he pull an upset against the stud and the veteran NBK tonight, or will these others have something to say about it? Regular triple threat rules are in effect--first pinfall or submission wins.

 

TV TITLE MATCH

Mike Van Siclen vs. Shawn Brody

-On Metal, Shawn Brody managed to top Kojack after some interference from MVS, Kojack's partner in the American Wildside, went awry! Now Brody takes his first big test in the IGNJL: can the hot-shot hardcore new guy topple cocky Mike Van Siclen from his ivory tower?

WORD LIMIT: 4001. BONUS WORD!

 

HARDCORE SUBMISSIONS MATCH FOR THE HAND OF A LADY!

Mafia vs. Flexxx

-Flexxx is a sick, sadistic porn god. Mafia's a paranoid and occasionally hardcore mofo. Coming off a strong hardcore victory on Metal, Mafia now goes up against Flexxx, who himself pulled an upset over the veteran Xero, and the hand of Mafia's ex, Candra, is on the line! What on earth is gonna happen here? I sure as hell don't know, but it's going to be ridiculously bloody, I betcha!

 

Match Description: DQs and countouts are not in effect, and submissions count anywhere. Anything is fair game, but pinfalls are worthless. The first man to make his opponent submit wins both the match and the services of Candra.

 

CHOOSE THE STIPULATION MATCH-UP!

Erek Taylor vs Ash Ketchum

- Taylor and Ash are good friends in XF9 and they recently got involved in a battle for Taylor's Euro Title. Seeing that Taylor is a great guy and a handsome guy, and a nice guy, and a funny guy as well, he's given Ash a rematch for *his* European Title. However, the match's stipulation, if any, will be decided here!

 

Editor's note: This match description was written by Erek Taylor. The express opinion of the JLCC is that he is neither great nor handsome nor nice nor funny. OHH HO HO, DISS! THOUGHT YOU COULD RULE THE WORLD WITH YOUR MATCH DESCRIPTION, DIDJA EREK! EH HE HE, YOU CAN'T DANCE WITH THE MAC DADDY AND EXPECT TO LEAD!

 

Cough. Moooooooving on...

 

MAIN EVENT

NON-TITLE FOUR CORNERS MATCH

K-Os vs. Annie Eclectic vs. Renegade vs. Low Brass

-On Metal, Annie E. fought through a severe beating and illustrated some severe mental issues as she clobbered her old friend Ash Ketchum. Now, her fellow Havoc member Renegade, a former world champion, makes his return to the ring. K-Os, the world champion, and Low Brass, the XF9 leader coming off of the retirement of Stryke, are here as well, and this shall be a true proving ground for each of these competitors. There are three world champions here, and one storied veteran who will no doubt hold the belt soon enough. Will Havoc use their 2-person team to an advantage? Will the world champions show why he's the champ? Or will Low Brass overcome all the odds and show why XF9 is the longest-lasting stable in JL history? Time will tell...

 

Match Description: This match is four-corners rules. Each wrestler has a corner, and only two wrestlers may be in the ring at any time. Any wrestler may tag any other wrestler in or out, and the first person to score a pinfall or submission will be the victor. DQ rules are in effect, and a DQ would result in a wrestler's elimination from the match. Don't do that, though, because that's lame, unless you can do it really well.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Axis: Hello and welcome back to metal. I am “The Man” Axis.

 

Edwin: And I’m wondering why I was paired up with you.

 

Axis: Yeah Edwin…… Anyhoo it’s Wicked Styles against Kojack right now.

 

*The crowd waits for an wrestler to come out. They wait for five minutes and start becoming impatient and start booing. The cameras go into the back to look whats going on just to see Kojack attacking Wicked Styles. Kojack starts stomping on Styles in the back stage. Refs come to separate them but Kojack pushes them all away. Mike Van Siclen comes out from nowhere with a steel chair. MVS smashes the skull of Wicked Styles.

 

Axis: OH MY GOD! Wicked Styles is getting smashed with that chair.

 

Edwin: Can you hear the sound of steel against skull?

 

Axis: Yes I can hear that sick sound.

 

*Wicked Styles starts bleeding from the massive chair shot. Then Kojack picks up Wicked Styles and walks to the ring. When he gets there, he throws Wicked Styles in the ring and the ref rings the bell.

 

Ding, Ding, Ding.

 

Axis: Well this match has started but Kojack now has a huge advantage!

 

Edwin: That chair shot is going to be Wicked Styles downfall.

 

Axis: Well I don’t think Wicked Styles has a chance today.

 

*MVS walks down the ramp with Melissa as Kojack starts stomping on Wicked Styles. Kojack picks up Wicked Styles and sets him up for a Jack Slam (Running powerslam). Kojack is about to hit it when Wicked Styles escapes out of it and hits a DDT. MVS is in shock and tells Melissa to distract the ref and she does. Then MVS crawls into the ring and delivers another chair shot to the skull of Wicked Styles.

 

Edwin: OH MY GOD! That was a massive chair shot. Wicked Styles is down and not getting up.

 

Axis: Wicked Styles had the upper hand but MVS bailed out his partner.

 

*Kojack slowly gets up as Melissa walks off the ring apron. Kojack picks up Wicked Styles and sets him up for a Jack Bomb. Kojack hits it in the middle of the ring as Wicked Style’s head is driven into the hard canvas. Kojack hooks the leg for a pin.

 

One, Two, Three

 

Axis: and Kojack got a win tonight but he had to attack Wicked Styles first.

 

Funyon: “Here is your winner………….

 

*Funyon is cut off by MVS punching him in the jaw causing him to fall. Then MVS picks up the mic and is about to talk.

 

MVS: “I said you weren’t worthy enough to announce our names. So there is a little lesson.”

 

*Then MVS slides back into the ring to hook up with Kojack and hit a Baretta Driver. DMX party up comes out of the speakers as Kojack, Melissa, and Mike Van Siclen walk off.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The camera surveys the crowd and zooms in on a particular sign in the audience.  In black letters it reads “Insanely Gay Now” with the first letter of each word outlined in green. The camera then pans to the announcing table where Axis and Edwin sit.

 

Edwin: [chuckling] “What do you suppose that means?”

 

Axis: “Call them like you see them…Anyway, welcome back to SJL Metal!”

 

Edwin: “SJL! SJL!”

 

Axis: “Stop that…”

 

Edwin: “Sorry…SJL!”

 

The camera shot transitions to a shot of the entranceway as Funyon introduces the bout.

 

Funyon: “Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Triple Threat match. Introducing first, from San Jose, California, weighing in at 191 pounds, Ced Ordonez!”

 

A thunderclap echoes through the Sydney Superdome with segues into “Storm of Ambition” blaring through the speakers. A few seconds pass before Ordonez pulls the curtain back and walks toward the ring, his towel draped around his neck. He slows down a little to slap a few of the audience members’ hands as he makes his way down the ramp, the lights flash like intermittently like lightning. He rolls into the ring and does his pre-match warm-up jog in the ring. He gets into a corner and throws his towel into the crowd as Funyon continues the introductions.

 

Funyon: “His opponent, hailing from Kittery, Maine, weighing in at 239 pounds, Thomas “Tomcat” Menias!”

 

“Stray Cat Strut” instantaneously arouses the female demographic in the audience. Menias struts to the ring with his usual entourage of women. He stops once he gets to the bottom of the ramp and gets a kiss from each of his girls before they all walk back up the ramp and to the locker rooms. Menias climbs into the ring and heads to the center of it. Ordonez casually walks up to Tomcat as he removes his coat and hat. Ced extends his hand out of respect and Menias shakes his hand. Ordonez mouths the words “Good Luck” and Tomcat does the same as the lights slowly dim and the camera switches its focus to the SmarkTron.

 

Funyon: “Finally, being accompanied to ring tonight by Melinda, from Denver, Colorado, weighing in at 260 pounds, “Natural Born Killer” Josh Tupper!”

 

A loud siren sounds as a red spinning siren appears on the SmarkTron. The words “Natural Born Killer” imprint themselves behind the siren and jail cell bars suddenly slam down over the words. The SmarkTron goes black as the combined sounds of Twiztids, Broken Wings and heavy boos approaches deafening levels. The arena lights up as five quick pyro blasts flash from each side of the stage. “NBK” emerges from behind the curtain followed by Melinda. They both walk to the ring and Tupper tells Melinda to remains outside of the ring while he slides into it. Tupper scouts his opponents as his music fades and the referee gets into position.

 

**DING DING**

 

Tupper and Ordonez tie up and Tupper wastes no time in shoving down Ced hard and he nearly slides out of the ring. Tupper makes a crude gesture at the newcomer as Tomcat gets ready to try his luck. Tupper and Menias tie up and “NBK” uses his leverage to force Menias back into the corner. The referee asks for a clean break and nearly gets it, but Tupper cheapshots Tomcat and whips him into the opposite corner. Tupper charges but Menias dodges and “NBK” hits the turnbuckle chest first. The pissed off Tupper turns around and charges again but Menias takes him down with an armdrag. Tupper charges again with the same result. “NBK” looks like he’s about to completely lose it and rushes at Tomcat with a clothesline. Menias ducks it and Ordonez takes a few steps and catches the charging Tupper with an abbreviated Final Surge. Tupper completely loses his composure and rolls out of the ring, grabbing Melinda firmly by the arm. He forcefully drags her as they both head back up the ramp. Ced looks absolutely stymied by the sudden turn of events as the crowd yells obscenities the departing Tupper.

 

Edwin: “He’s…leaving?”

 

Axis: “The newcomer showing up the veteran and I don’t think “NBK” appreciated that much!”

 

Edwin: “But what about Melinda? And, um, the match?”

 

Axis: “Well we’ve still got two guys in there.”

 

Edwin: [sighs] “But no eye candy!”

 

Menias surprises the distracted Ordonez with a quick roll up.

 

ONE, Ordonez kicks out easily

 

Ordonez sits on the mat confused as Menias laughs and reminds him that it’s a Triple Threat Match. Ced stands back up and nods as they both shake hands and begin circling each other. They lock up and Ced gets the early advantage and starts wringing Tomcat’s arm. Tomcat struggles a little but manages to counter into an armlock of his own. Ordonez counters by rolling through then catches Menias with an armdrag. Ced charges but Menias leapfrogs over him and Ced runs to the ropes. Off the ropes, Ced leapfrogs over Menias and hits the ropes again. Ordonez rebounds but gets caught by an armdrag by Tomcat that Menias segues into an armlock. Ordonez stretches his foot out and manages to get into the ropes. The referee calls for a break and gets it cleanly. The crowd applauds the exchange they have just witnessed.

 

Crowd: “SJL! SJL! SJL!”

 

Axis: “Well I guess it just rolls better off the tongue.”

 

Edwin: “You better believe it! SJL!”

 

They square off again in the center of the ring as Menias feints with jabs.  Ordonez catches him in the left leg with a signature roundhouse kick. Ordonez fires off another kick and goes for a dropkick to the knees, but Tomcat swats away Ced’s legs. Ced tries to get up quickly, but Menias catches him from behind and takes him down with a belly to back suplex. Menias continues to grab his waist and rolls into another belly to back suplex attempt, but Ordonez rolls underneath him and grabs his left leg. Menias falls forward and Ced clamps on with a reverse crucifix kneebar. Menias feels it, but drags himself and Ordonez to the ropes and Tomcat gets a hand on the bottom rope. The referee asks Ced for a clean break. Ced complies, walks back to the center of the ring and waits for Menias. Menias shakes off some of the pain and meets Ordonez in the center of the ring for another stand off.

 

Ced answers first with another roundhouse kick to the injured leg and Tomcat replies with three quick jabs to Ced’s temple and cheek. Ordonez tries for another roundhouse kick, but leaves himself wide open to an uppercut.  The impact of the blow glazes Ced’s eyes and his legs buckle as he crumples onto the mat. Menias pins Ced’s shoulders.

 

ONE, TWO, Ordonez kicks out.

 

Tomcat picks up Ordonez and whips him off the ropes. Menias meets Ordonez off the ropes and knocks him down with a kneesmash to the head. Ordonez sits up with a clueless expression on his face as he falls back onto the mat. Menias checks on his knee before making the cover.

 

ONE, TWO, Ced barely gets a shoulder up.

Tomcat gets Ordonez back onto his feet and gets back to back with Ced. Menias then grabs Ced around the neck and Menias drops straight down into a neckbreaker. Menias then forces Ordonez up into a sitting position and places him into a sleeper hold in the center of the ring. The referee checks on Ced to see if he wants to submit. Ced only makes motions that he’s still conscious, but he slowly fades until he is motionless. The referee lifts Ced arm up and it falls dead.

 

ONE!

 

He checks again with the same result.

 

TWO!

 

The ref signals and lifts Ordonez’s arm one more time.

 

TH---NO! Ordonez thrusts his hand into the air.

 

Ced looks around in desperation and struggles to the ropes. He kicks his leg out and misses the bottom rope. He lunges once more and manages to hook onto the rope, forcing the referee to ask for a rope break. Menias lets go as Ced takes a huge breath of air. Ordonez slowly gets to his feet but is met with a snap jab from Menias. Ordonez stumbles back a few steps but lunges right back at Tomcat with a vicious knife-edge chop to the chest. They furiously begin exchanging jabs for knife-edge chops. Ordonez breaks the chain with another roundhouse kick to Tomcat’s left leg. Menias responds with a left cross, but Ordonez dodges it and pulls Menias down into a Fujiwara armbar. Ced shakes the remaining cobwebs while Tomcat writhes in pain trying to escape. He manages to turn his body perpendicular to the ropes and uses his right arm to hook the bottom rope. The ref calls for a break and Ced complies.

 

Ordonez pulls up Menias by the left arm and puts him back down with another Fujiwara armbar, but Menias falls to his knees and is able to roll through. Tomcat floats over Ordonez and places him in a full nelson while picking him up off the mat. Ced struggles to break free, pulling his weight down especially hard on his left side. However, Menias puts everything he’s got into holding on and comes out on top with a vicious Dragon Suplex. He bridges it into a pin attempt but Ced’s feet are in the ropes.

 

Both wrestlers are just about exhausted as Menias picks up Ordonez and whips him into the ropes. Off the rebound, Menias back body drops Ced, but Ced floats over and grasps Menias from behind. Tomcat tries to counter with a headlock, but Ced gets him off the ground and backdrops him hard. Ced lies on the ground and tries to catch his breath while Menias instinctively rolls onto his stomach away from Ced. The referee administers a ten-count.

 

ONE…TWO…THREE…FOUR…Ced slowly crawls toward the prone Menias.

 

Ced rolls him onto his back and gets an arm on him for the pin.

 

ONE, TWO…

 

 

 

THRE---NO!!!  Menias just barely gets his shoulder up before the referee’s hand slaps the mat for the third time!

 

Both men roll to opposite ropes and pull themselves back up. They make a charge at each other and Ced times his sidestep just right and catches him in Final Surge position.  Menias frantically elbows Ced, and Tomcat manages to get him to let go. He wastes no time in grabbing Ced and hoisting him up into a stalling suplex. Ordonez flails his legs, sensing a Tomcat Crush attempt. Menias desperately tries to hold Ordonez up but can’t. Ced floats over and lands on his feet directly behind Tomcat. Tomcat swings wildly with a back elbow but Ced ducks it. Ced shoots at Menias and Tomcat blocks high. However, Ordonez goes low and grabs Menias by the leg. Ced gives him Dragon Screw Legwhip and holds on the ankle as he stands back up. Ced turns away from Tomcat then proceeds to apply the Cross Lightning. Menias grimaces in pain but he’s nowhere near the ropes and he taps! The crowd goes wild and the referee calls for the bell!

 

**DING DING**

 

“Storm of Ambition” starts again as Ced lets go of the hold and raises his arm in victory while Tomcat clutches his knee.

 

Funyon: “Your winner, by submission, Ced Ordonez!”

 

The crowd applauds the sensational match while Ordonez walks over to Menias to see if he is OK. Ced helps him to his feet and they shake hands, which the cheering crowd approves. Menias goes to a corner to catch a breather while Ced rolls out of the ring and back up the ramp.

 

Axis: “The newcomer gets another impressive win!”

 

Edwin: “I love this stuff! SJL! SJL! SJL!”

 

Axis: “Is that all you can say?”

 

A long pause…

 

Edwin: “SJL!”

 

Axis: “[sighs] After the break, the TV Title is up for grabs wiWHAT THE HELL?!?”

 

Edwin: “SJL?”

 

Ordonez pulls back the curtain only to be met by a waiting Josh Tupper, who brutalizes Ced with a Hit and Run. Ced falls backwards and Tupper drills him hard onto the ground. Tupper nails a defenseless Ordonez with a few solid punches before Menias sprints up the ramp to make the save. Tupper gets off Ced and he and Tomcat begin brawling. They fight their way to the back as the referee checks on Ced, who is doubled over in pain as the shot fades and we head to a commercial break.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

(The camera shows nothing but blackness, slightly marred by the very feint light from two candles, placed far to each side of the screen. A fuzzy silohette is seen, but just barely. Sobbing can be heard)

 

 

Female Voice: I just wanted everyone to be happy.... *sniff*

 

(silence. twenty seconds worth)

 

*sob*

 

Female Voice: What's wrong with being happy? I thought I made people happy.... I made food for them..... I befriended and gave advice.... *sniff* I thought I helped people.

 

(more silence. thirty seconds)

 

Female Voice: I loved her...... LOVED HER! I thought I made her feel SPECIAL! ...... I felt special. When she looked at me....

 

(uncontrollable crying ensues for a minute, until silence is again heard. Ten seconds)

 

Female Voice: They all left me. Everyone is gone. Either retired, or broken up, or just left. No one wants to talk to happiness.

 

(silence)

 

Female Voice: No one wants an Angel.

 

(silence)

 

Female Voice: Angel no more.... just blood. Everyone wants to see blood..... red....... red...... blood.......

 

(the camera slowly fades away to the sound of maniacal laughter, fading into the faces of Axis and Commisioner MacPhisto, who watched the scene on the SmarkTron.)

 

Axis: If that's who I'm sure it is... I'm not sure I want to see this main event....

 

Edwin: Pansy.....

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The IGNJL Crimson Theme blasts over the PA system as the camera pans the jam-packed Superdome, of Sydney Australia! The camera swings around, surfing through the sea of fans until it stops on one particular sign for the Hardcore Spot Machine. The camera isn’t stagnant in its movements and continues its sweep of the arena, catching more shots of random signs about the arena. It zooms to the front row section of Australian celebrities. The camera zooms in with caution like in an animal documentary...

“Hiya and a good hello from my wife and Sewey at home!” chimes the ‘Croc Hunter’ Steve Erwin brightly into the camera, his forearms rested against the guardrail.

“Hey mates,” says Crocodile Dundee with a smile from under his snakeskin hat as he tips it.

The Croc Hunter’s eyes fill with tears and soon turn to rage as he flings himself at Dundee. He ends up on top with fans circling around.

“Why you!!! You killed the poor snake to make that hat!! Your boots!!! They’re snake too!!! I’ll kill you!!!” the Discovery Channel mascot screams as he frantically attacks Dundee. Dundee sends the Croc Hunter fling off of him with a shove from his legs and now both are on their feet. The Hunter gnashes his teeth but Dundee keeps him at bay with his freaking huge knifey spoony knife.

“Crikey,” sighs Edwin as security finally penetrates the crowd’s ring and restrains the two men. “I’m starting to wonder if coming to this place was a good idea.”

“Nonsense, Edwin,” assures his partner in crime, Axis. “I’m from here so it has to be good!”

Axis’s voice dies out as the eerie intro of Stabbing Westward’s “Darkest Days” starts to emanate from the PA system. The jingle of bells and the beat of a drum catch the fan’s attention.

“There are times... when I’m just a shell... when I do not feeeeel anything for anyone...”

They turn their heads to the entranceway as the lights dim and blue lights start to strobe against the black velvet curtains.

“All I feel is hollowed and bruised... used up and misused... forced to be sommmeone I don’t want to be...”

The anticipating fans await his arrival as the music grows in volume.

“Have I failed somehow or someway? Will the weight of today... finally pulllll me down... to drown... in the depths of despair...”

Shawn Brody steps out from behind the curtains to a surprising amount of cheer for the rookie.

“Where I am alone... except for my rage...”

He strides to the ring, slapping the hands of the fans that rush to the guardrail. They pat him on the back as he nears the ring.

“My RAAAAAAGE... my pain... I haaate... my darkest days.”

He rolls into the ring where he stretches, trying to keep his cool as he eagerly awaits his opponent.

“Say hello to the man who is challenging the IGNJL World Television Champion here tonight,” Edwin informs the audience at home as Brody’s song fades out as the lights return to normal. The camera swings back around to the entranceway.

The lights go down all over the arena as "Runaway" by Linkin Park kicks up. Suddenly, a blue spotlight shines down on the entranceway, where Mike Van Siclen stands, arms outstretched, with Melissa right behind him clapping her hands and shaking her hips to the beat of the music. The chorus of the song starts as MVS stands cockily, bobbing his head slightly to the beat of the song.

"Now I find myself in question...

(You point the finger at me again...)"

The spotlight goes off, and the only thing in the arena is the sound of Linkin Park once more...

"Guilty by association...

(You point the finger at me again...)"

WHAM! A huge blast of white pyro goes off on the stage, illuminating MVS and Melissa in its glow. The lights come on, though dim, and MVS walks down to the ring with Melissa following behind, boos bouncing off of him. He slides into the ring and Melissa enters over the bottom rope, entering the squared circle. MVS hops up onto the nearest turnbuckle and posing with his TV title glistening over his shoulder. The fans boo until he finally hops back down and turns to the official.

“Championship gold is on the line here tonight,” notes Edwin, “Siclen’s plan to soften up Brody on Metal fell through when Brody fought back and took out both Kojack and Siclen. Can Brody stand tall once again?”

“Brody’s been on quite a roll and has the momentum coming in to top off the TV Champ,” Axis finishes. “Van Siclen on the other hand has been in a slump for the past few days, losing to Erek Taylor most recently.”

“It’ll be the day when someone pries that title from Siclen’s hands,” mumbles Edwin as MVS finally hands the title to the official. The official folds up the belt and holds it overhead, presenting it to each side of the arena, as Funyon gets ready to start things off.

“The following contest is for the SMARKS JUNIOR LEAGUE WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP...” Funyon’s fake voice trails off into the Smarks fans that are getting their first taste of the JL. He starts back up as they eventually quiet back down. “...and is scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, the challenger...” The camera swings to Shawn Brody. He stands in the corner with his arms on the ropes, relaxed yet focused with his head tilted downward. “Weighing in tonight at 227 pounds... Hailing from Dallas, Texas... SHAAAWN BRODY!” With that, he steps forward to a sizable cheer from the energetic fans as he outlines the TV title around his waist while eyeing Van Siclen and his prize.

“Shawn Brody so covets the Smarks JL Television Title.” Edwin continues, “he has set his sighs on the belt and looks to take it into the new generation of the league. Some big names have battles it out for the Television Gold here in the league at one time or another and there is no doubt in my mind that Brody could be the next one.”

Funyon’s booming voice starts back up. “His opponent... Weighing in at 237 pounds... Hailing from Harrison, Illinois... He is your current IGNJL World Television Champion... MIKE VAN SIIIICLENNN!!!” Funyon exits the ring as the fans erupt in boos, showing their emotion for the champ. The official hands the belt to the ring crew and calls for the bell to start off the match.

“DING! DING! DING!”

“...And we’re underway!” Says Edwin as the two men slowly start to circle up in the center of the ring. “Van Siclen is always cocky but he had better take Brody very seriously,” notes Axis as Brody turns to the fans and starts to clap. They catch on quickly and soon the majority of the arena is clapping in unison as Brody starts to circle with Van Siclen again. They cautiously close the gap between each other and Brody extends his hand, not for a shake but with fingers spread. MVS eyes the hand and then Brody...he accepts! They lace fingers and soon their other hands are locking together... And it starts! Brody and Van Siclen are chest to chest and struggle, trying to force their adversary down.

“MVS is winning the test of strength!” shouts Axis as Van Siclen overpowers Brody, forcing him backwards. Brody bridges under Siclen’s weight and Siclen jumps onto Brody’s hips, his shins on Brody’s thighs, trying to break Brody down. Brody gives a little but stays strong as Siclen lands on Brody a second time. Siclen jumps up a third time but Brody drops out of the bridge and catches Siclen in the midsection with his feet, flipping him over but keeping their hands locked. “Van Siclen won the test of strength but Brody won the test of wit!”

They get back onto their feet but Brody quickly kicks his leg up in between them and swings it out to the side, breaking one of his hands free. He holds the other as he twists Van Siclen into an arm wrench. Siclen wastes no time and rolls forward, then rolls back onto his shoulders before springing to his feet with a kip-up. He twists Brody into an arm wrench of his own and torques it under his armpit in a standing armbar. Brody drops to a knee to decrease Siclen’s leverage and slaps his shoulder to distract himself from the pain. Van Siclen pulls him reluctantly back onto his feet, but Brody drops to a knee once more and slides his hand between Siclen’s legs before lifting him in a fireman’s carry. Brody stands, trying to hook Siclen’s head...

“Van Siclen narrowly escapes getting ‘Spiked’ by Brody,” calls Edwin as Siclen slides off of Brody’s back. He turns Brody around and scores a kick to the midsection before taking his forearm...Irish Whip—reversed! “Just for all our new fans out there, ‘Spiked’ is Brody’s Fireman’s Carry to Michinoku Driver maneuver,” notes Axis as MVS rebounds off the ropes. Brody jumps up for the obvious Hurricanrana, but Siclen ducks, and Brody plays it off like a leapfrog. He dashes to the ropes straight ahead as Siclen continues to the ones in front of him. Brody ducks a sloppy clothesline and they hit the ropes again. They come back once more and Brody slings Siclen halfway across the ring with a...

“Tilt-A-Whirl Flying Head-Scissors!” shouts Axis as they make it back onto their feet. They dash at one another but Brody bounces Siclen’s face off of the canvas with a Drop Toehold that sounds a CRASH from the ring. He steps through and grabs Siclen’s arms before rocking back and hoisting Siclen into the air. “Mexican Surfboard, hyper-extending the knees!” Brody rolls to the side, back on top and then rocks back, hoisting Siclen back into the air and in a world of pain. Brody repeats once more, hoisting Siclen back into the air until Brody pulls Siclen over his head in the stretch now pinning his shoulders down. “One...No! Siclen kicks out!” shouts Edwin, echoing the official.

Brody gets back onto his feet and pulls Siclen up with him, using a fistful of Siclen’s grown-out locks. He presses MVS into the ropes and smashes him in the jaw with to stiff forearms and then a boot to the midsection...Irish Whip by Brody—reversed! Siclen holds onto Brody’s arm and pulls him into the Rockbottom step up, but Brody battles out with elbows. Siclen staggers back a step, but Brody swings a clothesline...it’s ducked and Siclen catches Brody with an Edge-O-Matic. “Blade Cutter by Van Siclen, he hooks the leg...and no! Brody kicks out!” calls Edwin.

Van Siclen stands as Brody starts to get up too. Siclen aids him up the rest of the way with a fistful of Brody’s signature blonde locks and leads him to the corner where he rams Brody’s head into the top turnbuckle pad. He delivers a kick to the midsection, wearing Brody down before he drapes his arm over the top rope and rears back... SMACK! “Whoo!” SMACK! “Whoo!” Siclen turns Brody’s unprotected chest red with some harsh knife-edge chops with Brody’s facial expressions telling the story. Brody suddenly grabs Siclen’s head and bounces his head off the top turnbuckle pad before unloading with an open-handed chest slap of his own, making the fans “Whoo!” one last time. Siclen clutches at his now-red chest, trying to prevent further damage. Brody boots the unsuspecting Siclen in the gut, doubling him over into perfect position for a forearm shot...and of course Brody delivers with a smash! “Brody is unloading with some offense on the champ! Siclen can see the TV title slipping away,” says Edwin as Brody climbs up onto him and makes a fist...

“One! Two! Three! Four!” Every time Brody unloads a punch, the fans count. “Five! Six....” MVS grabs Brody around the waist and steps forward before falling back, catching Brody’s head on the top turnbuckle. Brody rolls off MVS and Siclen gets back onto his feet and stomps him until he rolls out of the ring to regain his composure. Siclen follows him soon after and grabs him from behind. Siclen spins Brody around, kicking him in the midsection before sending him into the rail with an Irish Whip. Brody meets the steel with his back and collapses on the thin black mats below. Van Siclen continues his attack and pulls Brody back onto his feet with the fistful of hair. He pulls Brody away from the guardrail and then turns before charging back at the steel. He sends Brody into the unforgiving rail, this time with his chest meeting the steel as he tumbles over it, landing in the first row as fans scatter.

“They’re taking this fight into the crowd! Siclen should watch the count—” Axis is cut off. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind as long as he keeps the title.” Edwin mutters in distain as Siclen climbs over the rail... and is sent flying back over it to the mats with a Dropkick by Brody! Brody follows Siclen over the rail and grabs him, rolling Siclen back into the ring and breaking the barely noticeable count out. Brody climbs up onto the apron and vaults over the top rope into a Summersault Legdrop—Siclen rolls out of the way and onto the apron. He stands and grabs the top rope as Brody gets back onto his feet. Siclen fires a punch at Brody but gets blocked and meets the turnbuckle with his face. MVS staggers back, off balance as Brody hops up onto the top turnbuckle pad...

“Who-nan-con-rana, taking Van Siclen off the apron!” shouts Axis to a large pop from the fans. Brody gets up with some new energy as he rolls into the ring. Brody sits up, soaking up the cheers until he spies the semi-recovered Siclen climbing up onto the apron. Brody gets up as Siclen starts to crawl into the ring, poking his head over the second rope...SMACK! Brody almost knocks Siclen back off of the apron with a Dropkick, catching him in the face. Siclen clutches at his nose as he tries to crawl back into the ring, again over the second rope. Brody quickly surveys his surroundings and then hops up onto the second turnbuckle pad before springing back and catching Siclen in the back of the head with a Leg Drop, welcoming him back into the ring. Brody makes the cover with a lateral press...

One...

Two...

“Siclen kicks out!” shouts Axis with a little surprise as Siclen holds his arm up, his shoulder clear of the canvas. Brody stands and then pulls Siclen to his feet by his head. He turns his back to Siclen and drops to a knee, taking him over with a Snapmare. Brody springs back up and catches him with a Dropkick to the back of the head. Siclen clutches at his head in pain as Brody makes another cover, this time hooking the leg.

One...

Two...

“No! Still two... two and a half!” shouts Axis as Siclen kicks out once more. Brody gets back onto his feet and pulls Siclen up with him before charging to the near corner and bouncing Siclen’s head off the pad. He scores a boot to the midsection on Siclen, who favors his gut with his arms. Brody takes hold of one for an Irish Whip, sending Siclen across the ring. Brody follows giving a close chase but eats an Elbow from Siclen once he hits the corner. Brody staggers back as Siclen springs onto the top turnbuckle and turns, facing Brody. He leaps off and catches Brody with a flying Spear! Siclen rolls through and hits the ropes. He comes back fast...elbow drop into a lateral press. The official drops down...

One...

Two...

...And no! Brody fires a resilient shoulder off of the canvas. “Kickout by Brody!” shouts Edwin in relief. Siclen grabs a fistful of Brody’s locks and pummels him with his free hand until the official starts to badger him. Siclen stands, pulling Brody up with him and into an inverted facelock, as if for a Suplex. Yes, Siclen lifts him up but no, he deposits him on the top turnbuckle, facing the ring. He nails Brody with a right hand, softening him up before he starts to him the turnbuckle. Brody fires back, boxing Siclen’s ears and then hammering him over the back with two axe handles and then a closed fist to right above the brow. Siclen almost loses his balance but Brody grabs him and bends him over, he head pressed against the top turnbuckle pad as Brody stands, wobbling. He grabs Siclen about the waits and dives forward over him in a Sunset Flip, but catches him on the way down in a Powerbomb! Siclen crashes to the canvas and Brody folds Siclen up with his legs pressed to his chest in a pinning combination...

ONE!! Brody can taste the TV title...

TWO!! Closer... closer still to the golden prize...

THR—NO!! MVS KICKS OUT!!!

“SICLEN IS JUST A STONE’S THROW AWAY FROM LOSING HIS TV TITLE!” yells Edwin as both men are downed, trying to catch their breath. They finally get back onto their feet and reluctantly charge at one another. MVS manages to swing a sloppy clothesline but Brody ducks it into a rear waistlock and lifts MVS up for the German Suplex. Surprisingly, Siclen breaks Brody’s grip and rolls forward, hooking his legs under Brody’s arms and grabbing Brody’s legs. He ends up sitting on Brody’s chest, clutching Brody’s legs in a pinning combination. He hooks Brody’s tights for the extra heelish leverage...

ONE!

TWO!!

NO!! Brody rolls backwards, now with MVS pinned down in a clutch.

ONE!

TWO!!

NO!! MVS musters the strength to kickout! “Close calls here on both men,” says Axis as the excitement builds and they charge at one another once more. Brody scoops MVS up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry. He hooks Siclen’s head... CRASH!! “Van Siclen just got ‘Spiked’ in the center of the ring!” shouts Axis at the Fireman’s Carry to Michinoku Driver! “Brody hooks the leg!”

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE—NO!!! Melissa starts to breathe again in a sigh. She frantically slams her hands on the apron, rallying her support for Van Siclen. “MVS KICKED OUT!!! MVS KICKED OUT!!!” screams Axis at the top of his lungs as Brody stands, battered a bruised. Brody clenches his fist and traces the under edge of his chin with his thumb as he nonchalantly reaches down, a tired yet relieved look on his face as he grasps a fistful of hair with his other hand. He pulls MVS reluctantly onto his feet as the arena comes back to life...

“BRO-DY! BRO-DY! BRO-DY!”

Kojack jumps over the guardrail and hops up onto the apron, but the official sprints to and blocks his entry. “KOJACK!! IT’S KOJACK!!” Edwin screams. The chant dies out into immense boos as the official holds Kojack back. His heroic deeds are met with a hard shove, sending him to the canvas as Kojack steps over the second rope. Brody jams Siclen’s head between his legs, oblivious to Kojack’s presents as he lurks up behind. Kojack grabs the over exhausted Brody and turns him around before jamming his head between his legs in the standing head-scissor with little fight from the worn Brody.

“Oh no! Not like this! This isn’t wrestling, it’s bull,” states the emotional Edwin in a disgusted tone. “Kojack will pay come Metal, so help me!” Van Siclen gets back onto his feet with some help from the ropes and soon starts to shout commands to his tag partner, standing in front of him as Kojack bends forward and wraps his arms around Brody’s torso. “No!” shouts Axis, “this isn’t right!” Suddenly, Van Siclen’s sadistic smile turns to a look of shock and panic as his eyes widen. Kojack muscles flex as he prepares to lift Brody...no, he looks up, catching the expression on his friend’s face and releases Brody who falls to the canvas. Brody is saved from Kojack’s signature Jackknife Powerbomb...but why? Kojack slowly turns around, a worried look running across his face.

SMACK! Kojack goes down after a chair shot! Kojack rolls out of the ring as the man brandishing the steel, folding chair confronts Van Siclen who pleads for his physical health. SMACK! He too feels the aftermath of steel meets skull in full force. “A ROBED MAN HAS LAID OUT THE AMERICAN WILDSIDE WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!!” screams Edwin at the top of his lungs. The robed figure tosses the dented chair out of the ring and then drags Brody towards the downed MVS in the center of the ring. He drapes Brody’s limp arm over MVS’ corpse and goes to stir the referee back to life. After a short while, the official finally comes to and makes the count...

ONE!!

TWO!!!

“THREE—And justice is served...WAIT NO!!! MVS GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!” screams Edwin frantically as the shock sets in. “Waking the official gave Van Siclen enough time to recover and kickout!” Axis rationalizes though in equal shock.

Both men crawl up to their feet as the robed figure slams his hands on the apron, rallying support for Brody. Melissa does the same on the other side of the ring as Kojack slowly gets up, still clutching at his head as he hollers to MVS. The two men in the ring lock horns, collar-and-elbow, but MVS ducks under Brody’s arm into a rear waistlock. The two men grapple for control as Brody tries to break MVS’ hands apart, but fires back with an elbow instead. He catches MVS with another into the side of the head and tries for a third...MVS ducks it and the two men are face to face. Boot to the gut and Irish whip by MVS...reversed! MVS rebounds off of the ropes into a swift boot to the midsection, doubling him over. Brody quickly jams MVS headfirst into a standing head-scissor and hooks his arms. Brody lifts MVS up VERTICAL... CRASH!!! Melissa has to cover her eyes...

“HIGHSPOT!!! BRODY HIT THE HIGHSPOT ON SICLEN!!!” screams Edwin with glee after witnessing the back of MVS’ head meeting the canvas from a brutal Double Underhook Piledriver. “IT’S ALL OVER!!!” Brody hooks MVS’ legs, utterly exhausted, the sweat stinging his eyes...

ONE!!!

TWO!!!

THREE!!! The official’s hand strikes the canvas an unbelievable third time as Brody is overcome with joy, though, visibly battered. The robed man slides back in the ring and stomps MVS until Kojack drags him out under the bottom rope, defeat sinking in.

“DING! DING! DING!” The official calls for the bell before he rolls out of the ring, he too a little beat up.

“Your winner and *NEW* SMARKS JUNIOR LEAGUE WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION... SHAWN BRODY!!!” bellows Funyon in a faked low voice.

The official rolls back in the ring with the belt and hands it to Brody who clutches it tight in his arms as proud man standing tall once again, the official raising his arm in victory. Brody pulls his hand back from the official and turns to his robed savior. The robed man takes the belt from the new champ with Brody a little confused, but is reassured when he feels the belt, tight around his waist. The robed man raises Brody’s arm high overhead once again in victory, “Darkest Days” picking up in the background...

“Shawn Brody is the new champ! Finally, someone silences Mike Van Siclen by taking away his IGNJL World Television gold!” shouts Edwin as his voice fades out into the song, the lasting image of Brody with his glistening title melting into the fans’ eyes...

Behind him the robed figure stands, his face hidden in mask under the shadow of his hood...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

After a hectic and startling series of events, in which the former IGNJL abrubtly changed to the SJL…the flagship show, SJL Metal, comes to you from the Sydney Superdome in Sydney, Australia. The fans are pumped as random guitar riffs thunder throughout the sold-out venue, and silver-ish lighting glares down from the rafters, and encircle the tron. The fans jump up and cheer, as “Sleep Now in the Fire” by RATM echoes and Flexxx’s TKO flashes on the SmarkTron. A clip of a bomb hits, and a massive stream of yellow pyro flies into the ramp and hits three times….

*BOOM

*BOOOM

*BOOOOM

“(Axis) Welcome back to Metal! We’re getting started early here, as Flunkmasta Flexxx out to the ring, as we’re ready to get started with the Hardcore Submissions Match featuring Flexxx versus Mafia, with Candra on the line. On Crimson a couple weeks ago, Mafia delivered a beating that Flexxx wouldn’t soon forget. But Candra has apparently become enthralled with Flexxx afterwards.”

“(Edwin) Ah, but don’t forget that Candra was by Mafia’s side and helped him win his Hardcore battle with Folgore one week ago. So you must wonder which side she’s on. Nevertheless, I’m certain Flexxx is merely toying with Mafia’s emotions.”

“(Axis) Not a smart thing to do concerning Mafia, but the Gangster seemed fine with seeing Flexxx and Candra on that certain Crimson, considering the torch Mafia and Ms. Candra carry for one another. Makes you wonder if Mafia has anything up his sleeve, or anything to do with Candra’s little crush towards his adversary.”

The Porn Man struts out onto the ramp and performs striking and spinning motions with his trusty and ever-dangerous kendo stick to the delight of the crowd. He begins walking down to the ring, as Funyon picks up the break with his match intro.

“(Funyon) Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a Hardcore Submissions Match!…Where the only way to win is to make your opponent submit. First, from Rochester, New York and weighing in at 267 pounds, FLUNKMASTA FLEXXX!”

Flexxx hops up onto the apron and climbs into the ring, walking to the center as he soaks in the applause from the faithful fans in attendance. He walks over to one turnbuckle, and raises his arm into the air, displaying his split-fingered victory sign for the crowd. He climbs off the turnbuckle, and does so again, opposite side of the ring. He continues with the two remaining turnbuckles, when after the last, the lights go down, setting a dark atmosphere, with flashes of color raining down onto the entryway and ring. The opening beats of “War Machine” by KISS strikes, as the crowd awaits the arrival of Flexxx’s foe.

“(Axis) Here comes Mafia down here in a moment, who is definitely no stranger of Hardcore-type matches. As recently he’s been running a whole gamut of  matches with some sort of Hardcore rules.”

“(Edwin) I’d like to take this opportunity to remind our fans that SJL Metal is brought to you by Pepsi Max. Run, don’t walk, so you can pick yourself up a bottle today.”

“(Axis) Edwin. Don’t start with me. I’m not in the mood for your stupid behavior tonight.”

“(Edwin) It's the only way I can get more ad space. Sell ads while we're on the air. It's a genius plan. know what this is about. Is this about me sending that stripper over to your house for Valentines?”

Mafia walks out onto the stage into multiple spotlights, shining from every direction, and he then walks down to the ring. The fans finally seem to have taken to him, still with his share of heat, granted…but he seems to have a few more fans on his side, as opposed to a few short weeks ago.

“(Funyon) Next, from Denver, Colorado. Representing Havoc! And Weighing in at 215 pounds, MAAAFIA!”

Mafia slides beneath the bottom rope, and immediately turns to one side, climbing up on the nearest turnbuckle. With hands clasped behind his back, still engulfed in the spotlights, he raises his head towards the sky and spews out a helping of Black Mist. Droplets are highlighted by the spotlights, in a picture perfect pose, but the ritual is interrupted by Flexxx, who hammers into Mafia’s back with repeated forearms. A shot of Candra watching backstage is shown across the screen, as the Referee signals for the bell.

*DING DING DING

Mafia stumbles down off the turnbuckle, as Flexxx spins him around and hits a right hook to the jaw. Mafia comes back, and gets in a shot of his own. Mafia continues with another, and another. Finally, he grabs the arm of Flexxx and wrenches it over, shuffling behind and locking in the top-Wristlock. Flexxx looks for a way out, sizing up his possibilities, when he dives down and Armdrags Mafia. Mafia immediately stands, and Flexxx charges. Mafia underhooks the arm of Flexxx and Hiptosses him over and to the mat. Flexxx then stands, and Mafia rushes forth, driving Flexxx down with a Shoulderblock.

“(Axis) Mafia going to what he knows best, by attempting to take Flexxx down to the mat, although Flexxx has matched him up thus far.”

With Flexxx down, Mafia runs towards the ropes, whilst Flexxx shuffles over on the mat. Mafia hits and comes back, hopping over Flexxx and continuing towards the other side of the ring. Mafia hits again and comes running back, to be caught with a surprise as Flexxx hits the Spinning Heel Kick on Mafia. Mafia goes down to the mat, and rolls out of the ring as quickly as he can, then kneels on one knee and checks on his jaw. Flexxx runs out after, putting Mafia down with a Clothesline from behind. Flexxx then heads towards his corner and picks up his kendo stick, then tosses it into the ring. Mafia stands on the outside, and Flexxx spins him around, trying for a haymaker. Mafia ducks and grabs Flexxx into the go-behind waistlock. Pulling back as best he could, Mafia lifts up Flexxx, and throws him carelessly behind his head, nailing the perfect German Suplex on the floor outside. Flexxx grabs his neck and taps his foot onto the ground, in pain, and the Referee checks up on him. Mafia heads towards under the ring, and then pulls out the standard steel chair. Flexxx lays on his back, attempting to stand, as Mafia hovers over, ready to drive the edge of the chair into Flexxx. Flexxx though, with lightning quick reflexes, gets Mafia with an opportune shot to the quadracep with a hard kick. Mafia drops the chair and grabs his upper leg, appearing to have been charley horsed.

“(Edwin) They had best stay away. Too many times I’ve had my coffee, water, alcoholic beverage and what not spilled by lunatics at ringside.”

“(Axis) But I thought your show was all about ratings? Wouldn’t you want them to be out here?”

“(Edwin) Sure, so long as I get to move out of the way first. I have to protect my beautiful face from any hot-beverage accidents. The ladies love my rugged good looks.”

Mafia leans up against the announcers table, shaking the kinks out of leg, as Flexxx stands and chop blocks Mafia from behind. Mafia does a flip as he crashes into the outside floor, and Flexxx grabs the chair previously brought out by Mafia to throw it into the ring. With that, Flexxx picks up Mafia and rolls him into the ring as well. Back in the ring, Flexxx picks the leg of Mafia high up off the mat, and drives it back down. He does it once more, before hooking the legs of Mafia with his arms and going for a Boston Crab. With the Crab locked in, Flexxx continues to rock back for more leverage, as the Gangster strains and struggles for a way out. Going through everything possible for a way to get out of it in his mind, he goes limp, in hopes of alleviating the pain. A minute passes, but Flexxx finally lets go when he realizes it’s too early for a possible tap out. The match is extended further, as Mafia lays on the ground, and Flexxx lifts him up to whip him into the ropes. Mafia goes flying into the ropes, still somewhat gingerly on his bruised leg. Flexxx anticipates too early, and tips off his intentions for the Back Body Drop. Mafia slows down and raises his knee up to the face of Flexxx, getting him between the eyes.

“(Axis) A hot matchup thus far, and surprisingly there seems to be some sort of respect between these two”

“(Edwin) Are you doubting my woman-wrangling abilities?”

‘(Axis) What?”

“(Edwin) I can wrangle women as well. It’s easy.”

“(Axis) Ugh. This is probably gonna lead to another lawsuit you know. First theres the mother who’s suing us after her son heard a Neilson of the Jungle interview and began cursing all the time. Then there’s that woman who says Flexxx got her pregnant a few years back. And now some womens rights group is gonna come down on the JL for the ‘women wrangling’ references.”

“(Edwin) Your point being? If an animal rights group never sued the JL over my references to panda wrangling, as comedy fodder and unreal as that gimmick is, what’s the chance some bitter-old broads are gonna get in a hissy fit over this?”

“(Axis) …Back to the match.”

Flexxx quickly recovers and turns towards Mafia, only to see Mafia staring back at him. Mafia quickly grabs the throat of Flexxx and digs in with his fingers, squeezing ever so tightly. In an instant, Mafia sweeps Flexxx’s legs out with one of his own, and drives Flexxx into the canvas, still holding onto the throat. Flunkmasta hangs on for life, as Mafia keeps the hold tight. The Referee checks Flexxx, while the fans cheer Flexxx on.

“(Axis) Mafia with his Throat Slam, that STO and Chokeslam combo, is taking the life away from Flexxx right now.  I don’t know if Flunk can survive this.”

“(Edwin) He’ll pull through. The fans are rallying behind him as we speak. He’ll pull the old Hogan act.”

“(Axis) Who?”

Flexxx reaches up and grabs the head of Mafia, and begins rifling away right hands, in an attempt to get him to break the hold. Finally, he does so, but not without some major damage being done. Flexxx crawls away to a random corner, when Mafia lifts him up and delivers a stiff knee to the gut. With Flexxx crouched over, Mafia walks around to the back of Flexxx, and grabs him into the Inverted DDT hold. Mafia, who knows what he was about to go for, spends too much time posing and jaw jacking with the fans, and Flexxx suddenly reverses into a Twisterfuck, his trademark Stunner. Mafia falls to the mat, and Flexxx recovers for a moment from his previous ordeal, then grabs a chair. He stands over Mafia, and begins driving the edge of the chair into his leg. Being near the turnbuckle, Flexxx seems inspired, as he props up Mafia into the Tree of Woe. He grabs his kendo stick laying in the ring, and begins to take out his rage on the legs and midsection of Mafia, striking and jabbing with the kendo stick. Mafia finally untangles himself, and slides outside.

“(Axis) Renegade has made a very strong come back, with the reversal of a potential move from Mafia, into his Stunner. And Mafia was just obliterated by that kendo stick.”

“(Edwin) Wear Lugz Boots.”

Mafia tries to escape the fury of Flexxx, as Flexxx positions himself above Mafia inside the ring. Flexxx catapaults himself using the ropes, and flies over, landing on top of Mafia. Both men lay outside the ring, and the Referee checks on both. Finally the two competitors stand of their own will, and they begin battling once again.

 

Flexxx grabs Mafia’s arm and attempts to whip him into the stairs, which Mafia reverses and Flexxx hits instead, his head crashing against them. Mafia promptly picks up Flexxx and rolls him back into the ring. He grabs Flexxx from behind, putting him into the Inverted DDT position. No getting out of it this time, as Mafia spins quickly and turns it into a Falling Diamond Cutter. Mafia, sensing the perfect time for some wood, rolls outside and pulls a table from out under the ring. He slides himself and the table back in, and sets it up against the turnbuckle closest to the announce crew.

“(Axis) Mafia with Redemption!”

“(Edwin) Where’s the fruitcake going now?”

Mafia picks up the limp Flexxx, still injured from the Redemption, and lays him standing up against the object. Mafia stands back, opposite end of the ring, and he runs as fast as he can, jumping then twisting in mid-air, attempting some sort of mutant Senton Splash. Instead…

*CRACK

“(Axis) Mafia is out! He just went hurtling through the table!”

As Mafia lays out cold on the mat covered in wooden shards, Flexxx passes up his chance for a submission, as he climbs out of the ring and rummages through…Mafia’s jacket? He searches for his brass knuckles, looking to give Mafia some of his own medicine, when he finds a new toy of Mafia’s, his crowbar. Flexxx jumps up and slides back in, just as Mafia is attempting to get to his feet. Mafia turns around, and Flexxx charges, with crowbar in hand. Mafia quickly ducks, and Ax Handles Flexxx into his neck, forcing him to drop the foreign object outside the ring. Mafia slinks towards behind Flexxx, and wraps his arm around the neck, while running his other arm under the remaining arm of Flexxx’s, and locks his hands behind Flunkmasta’s head. Mafia quickly drags Flexxx down to the mat…no escape. The Referee checks in on Flexxx, and soon enough, Flexxx is just another victim.

*DING DING DING

“(Axis) Flexxx taps to the Dragon Sleeper! Flexxx taps!”

“(Edwin) And here comes Mafia’s chick from the back right now.”

As “War Machine” echoes throughout the arena once more, Candra walks down the aisle and climbs up the ring steps, as Mafia holds open the middle and bottom ropes for her as she climbs in. With Flexxx rolled off to one side, Mafia and Candra embrace in the ring, which the fans surprisingly reply to with cheers.

“(Axis) No fan of Mafia coming from this announcer, but needless to say he rightfully won the match, WITHOUT his usual tactics.”

“(Edwin) A Hardcore match and our announcers table didn’t break once!

*CREAK

*CREAK

*SNAP

*CRASH

“(Axis) You really have to build these tables with some better supplies and craftsmanship.”

“(Edwin) Meh. Not my problem.”

“(Axis) *sigh * We’ll be right back.”

“(Edwin) SkittlesTastetheRainbow!”

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Returning from commercial, the roar of the crowd is omnipresent as the camera pans from a shot of the Harbor Bridge in downtown Sydney, Australia to a large dome Sydney’s Olympic Park, the unique design signifying it as the Sydney Superdome and setting for tonight’s SJL event… SJL Metal! The shot then goes inside the arena, the crowd on their feet as they anticipate SJL Metal’s next live match! The camera cuts back from blackness into a shot of the arena. Decked out in JL gear, each fan joins in, but some carry signs, waving them in an attempt to get on TV. The few that do read "Poke-freaks of Sydney!" with an arrow pointing down to six Ash fans, "XF9 is the Superstable!!!" "WE DIDN’T EXPECT SACRED’S INQUISTION!" "Just Thuggin’" and the mandatory "What?" sign or two. The camera continues to pan the opera house of happy fans, then cuts to the announcers table, where Axis, Sacred, and Edwin sit smiling, Edwin doodling on paper. a stuffed panda placed next to the Panda Wrangler’s monitor.

 

Axis: …And welcome back to SJL Metal, live from Sydney!!!

 

Edwin: What?

 

Axis: I said-

 

Edwin: WHAT?????

 

Axis: Edwin…

 

Edwin: WHAT?!?!?!?!

 

Axis: EDWIN!!!!!!

 

Edwin: WHAT-(Suddenly, Edwin sticks his fingers into his ears and pulls out a pair of earplugs.) Sorry. The pyro was too loud.

 

Sacred(whispering to Axis): Is he always like this, mate?

 

Axis: You should see him when he’s  on a sugar high…

 

As the shot returns to the stage, it is suddenly interrupted by the sudden darkness in the arena. The Smarktron sparks to life, portraying a revolving "X". As smoke begins to encompass the ramp, the tunes of "Toxicity" by System of a Down begins to flow out of the speakers. And almost as the lyrics begin to come, the sounds all stop, giving way to the massive explosion of pyrotechnics before the song resumes playing. The lights return to normal and the shadow of Erek Taylor blazes down the ramp, the crowd on their feet, Euro Title wrapped around his waist, Tag/Stables Title draped over his shoulder as Funyon raises the mic to his mouth to speak.

 

Funyon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is to decide the stipulation for Crimson’s SJL EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH!!!! Introducing first… from Anaheim, California, weighing in at 210 pounds… he is the SJL EUROPEAN CHAMPION and one member of the SJL TAG/STABLES CHAMPIONS, X FORCE NINE… ER-EK TAY-LORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

 

Almost on cue, The High Flying Prince spins around before racing down the ramp and sliding in the ring. He slides under the bottom rope and pops back up, the crowd cheering as the ref takes his titles.

 

Sacred: Erek Taylor has been champion for a while, but his streak could come to an Saturday, thanks to his own stable mate!

 

Axis: Ash Ketchum is an amazing competitor… but I don’t think he has enough to do it… Edwin… what ARE you drawing?

 

Edwin holds up his doodle: three stick figures. On the right and left sides are two stick figures, smiling, labeled "Sacred" and "Edwin". In the middle, the stick figure looks the same, except for the frown, fangs, and horns on his head. It is labeled "Axis."

 

Sacred: Wow… that’s quite good…

 

Axis: You little…

 

Just then Taylor’s music cuts off as the lights go out, the sold-out Sydney crowd rising to its feet.

 

Edwin: HERE WE GO!!!!

 

Axis: Oh boy…

 

Just then, the beginning of U2’s "Elevation" begins to play, the part at the beginning pumping the crowd up as a waterfall of pyro flows over the SmarkTron and shoots up in front of the entrance, like Christian’s entrance. But then, as the first words begin, the pyro in front of the entrance stops, a spotlight shining onto the stage, shining off Ash, who is in a Jericho-like pose. The crowd pops like there’s no tomorrow as the see the Poke Freak, shiny Tag Title clutched in his left hand. Misty is on his left side, wearing a sexy pink string bikini, her hair pulled back into it’s usual ponytail on the left side with a pink scrunchie, gold chain ankle bracelet on her left ankle, her arms on her hips smiling as Ash spins around from his Jericho pose and walks halfway down the ramp. Stopping his walking, Ash brings his right arm up straight in the air quickly and makes his signature split-finger victory sign with his right hand. At this point, five red pyro blasts shoot up from the stage in unison, right where the original pyro was. Ash and Misty release themselves from their poses and go down to ringside, Ash slapping hands with the fans and getting pumped up as a video of clips from his best IGNWF, JL, and ML matches plays on the SmarkTron.

 

Funyon: And her opponent… being accompanied by Misty, from Pallet Town.. weighing in at 255 pounds… he is a member of the SJL TAG/STABLES CHAMPIONS, X FORCE NINE… ASH KET-CHUMMMMMMMM!!!!!

 

He climbs up onto the apron, throws his Tag Title Belt in, opens the ropes to let Misty in, then climbs in himself, removing his hat and jacket. Ash climbs the turnbuckle closest to the crowd and usually takes off his shirt, whipping it into the first two or three rows of the crowd, giving a lucky fan a souvenir to take home. Ash then hops off the turnbuckle as Misty poses next to him in a cute and sexy pose that drives the guys wild! A nine year old Aussie Ash fan, front row, catches it, and he jumps up and down in excitement, happy to have something of his idol’s. Ash turns back around as the crowd chants his name, almost deafening in amplitude …

 

Crowd: ASH!!! ASH!!! ASH!!! ASH!!!

 

Edwin: Look at this! Ash is loved by everyone, everywhere!!! He’s like… like… Gary Coleman! Except taller… and white!

 

Axis: Jesus, Edwin… when was the last time you got a mental check-up?

 

Sacred: It’s been a while, huh?

 

Edwin: Right…

 

Reaching under the table, Edwin pulls out a macaroni necklace, a paper attached to it reading "SPECIAL FRIEND". He places it around Sacred’s neck, Axis laughing his head off as Sacred looks confused, Edwin smiling his face off.

 

Sacred: …

 

Axis: Oh… I am SO enjoying this moment!!!!

 

Sacred" …thanks.

 

Quickly removing the necklace, Sacred throws it aside as the ring bell rings, the match starting.

 

Axis: And away we go on SJL Metal!!!!!

 

Moving toward each other, the High Flying Prince and the Undercard King draw their arms back, "royalty" hooking up as they thrust their arms forward into a grapple. A king is more powerful than a prince, and so is the case this time, as Ash Ketchum grabs Erek around the head, forcing him into a standing side headlock. Erek immediately draws his elbow back, thrusting it forward into Ash’s chest as he attempts to break free. The first elbow fails to do anything, but the second loosens the hold a bit. As a third Taylor elbow rams into Ash’s chest, Ash releases Erek, allowing Taylor to lean back and run toward the ropes. Bouncing off them, Erek flies at Ash who turns around just as Erek sticks his shoulder into Ash’s chest, knocking Ketchum to the mat for a second with a shoulder block. Ash falls to the mat, but gets right back up as Erek runs to the ropes a second time. Flying back at Ash again, Ketchum is unprepared as Erek gets in a hop, slamming his forearm into the head of Ash so hard, Ash flips around before dropping him to the mat.

 

Sacred: Amazing Diving Adelphia from Erek Taylor! It works everytime!!!!

 

Edwin: What a forearm smash!!!

 

Axis: It’s a clothesline.

 

Ash slowly begins to get up, dizzied by the move as he drunkenly staggers around, Erek slowly realizing NOW is a good time to do something. Running back to his friend, the ropes, Erek causes them to stretch back, and as they contract and shoot him forward, Erek shoots like a rubber band at Ash, extending his right hand out, catching the back of Ash’s head, and pushing Ash’s head forward, driving it into the mat as he drops Ash to the mat with a one-handed bulldog!

 

Edwin: Forearm smash.

 

Axis: CLOTHESLINE…

 

Ketchum flips from his face onto his back from the sheer force of the blow, and Erek drops on top of him, covering him as the ref drops to the mat to make the match’s first count…

 

One…

 

T-Ash gets his shoulder up, forcing Erek off him. Almost immediately, both men begin to get up, pushing up onto their feet, but with his superior agility, Erek gets the first shot… literally, as he draws his arm back and brings his clenched fist right into Ash’s head with a punch. Erek does this once more before grabbing Ash’s right arm, taking a step and pushing him away as he attempts an Irish whip.

 

Edwin: Forearm smash.

 

Axis: I’LL FOREARM SMASH YOU!!!!

 

Edwin: AXIS SMASH!!!!!

 

However, Ash counters, pulling Erek back to him as he stops and turns to face the High Flying Prince, clutching him across the body with his right arm and lifting Erek up into the air, slamming him onto his back with a quick Rock Bottom… the Poke Rap!!!

 

Sacred: Hold on, you two… no fighting at ringside…

 

Axis: Erhem… right. Sorry, Sacred.

 

Edwin: I still think it’s a forearm smash.

 

Erek grabs his back as Ash gets back up onto his feet, Erek slowly grabbing his back as he gets up, Ash crouching down. As Erek turns to face Ash, Ash spins, hitting Erek in the head with the heel of his right foot and dropping Taylor to the mat with a standing hook kick. Erek, however, is barely fazed by the move, and he gets up immediately, just as Ash runs to the ropes. On the rebound, Ash leaps at a smaller Erek, tackling him to the mat, both men hitting the mat as Ash pins Erek under his body. Straightening himself up, Ash immediately begins to punch Erek in the head with closed fists, finishing off the Lou Thesz Press with mounted punches called the Poke Ball Press!!!! Erek cannot block the punches, his arms pinned under Ash’s knees, and the ref begins the count to keep Erek from having to take this punishment. Ash pounds away as the ref counts to one, two, three, four, and five, at that moment, calling for a break. Ash unwillingly obliges, getting up and allowing Erek room to get up. Taylor slowly gets to his feet, beaten, but the fun has just begun. Grabbing Erek behind the head with both hands, Ash drops into a sit-down jawbreaker, Erek’s jaw impacting on Ash’s head as Ketchum releases Taylor, Erek bouncing dramatically away as if head just been stunnered!!!

 

Axis: Wow!!! What a sit-down jawbreaker from Ash Ketchum!!!!

 

Sacred: Erek must have one huge headache…

 

Edwin: Does he need Motrin?

 

Axis: No, Edwin, he does not. I’m surprised you’d say something like that.

 

Edwin: What am I supposed to say? Ooga boogity phffffffttt narzeroc kifric?

 

Axis: Don’t answer it, Sacred. Don’t answer…

 

As Ash slowly gets up, Erek slowly gets back up, staggering toward the Poke Freak. His "Poke Senses" flaring, Ash drops to his knees, facing away from Erek as Taylor staggers backwards toward him, Ketchum looking back. At the right second, Ash reaches up, hooking the arms of Erek Taylor, and sliding Taylor down his back, slides Taylor into a backslide pin, Taylor’s arms smacking the canvas as the ref drops to the mat to make the count…

 

One…

 

Two-Not good enough as Taylor breaks free of Ash’s grip, both men separating from each other as Taylor falls forward, but as if suddenly finding a burst of energy, Erek is finally able to keep pace with Ash as the two men get up at the same time.

 

Axis: Looks like Erek Taylor reached deep down inside and found the energy inside of him.

 

Edwin: I have a feeling in my chest… a happy feeling!!!

 

Axis: And even if he didn’t, he could ask Edwin to lend him some…

 

Reaching out, Ash grabs one of Erek’s arms, and giving him a push on the back, Ash whips him to the ropes. Erek bounces off them, flying back at Ash. However, instead of Ash’s intended purposes, Erek leaps at Ash’s chest, latching his right hand onto Ash’s neck and choking him as Erek’s momentum pushes Ash to the mat. Ash hits the mat hard, but Erek continues the hold, his left hand starting into a punching frenzy as he batters Ash with the Flying Morale!!!!

 

Sacred: What a takedown by Erek Taylor?

 

Edwin: But how can a 210-pound man knock down a 255-pound man?

 

Sacred: Simple. Laws of physics.

 

Edwin: Bah. Whatever. It’s like asking how a one pound swallow can carry a three pound coconut.

 

Axis: Now let’s not start that…

 

However, as the fiasco continues, and before the ref can call for a break, Ash breaks free of Erek’s grip, grabbing at his throat and choking for air as he slowly gets up, slow compared to Erek’s hop up onto his feet.

 

Sacred: How can it exactly, Edwin?

 

Axis: Sac-red…

 

As Ash gets onto his feet, Erek grabs him around the head, bending him over and grabbing his shorts as he lifts Ash up vertically into the air before falling back into a suplex. Rolling onto his chest, Erek gets up, pulling Ash up again and repeating the process, dropping back and slamming Ash’s back into the mat again with a second vertical suplex. The weak move temporarily keeps Ash on the ground, but as he gets up slowly, he grabs his back in pain, not bothering to look into Erek’s face. Erek goes to make his move, attempting to grab Ash, but Ash quickly thrusts his leg forward, throwing a kick into Erek’s face. However, Taylor puts his hands up, blocking the kick, and before Ash can follow up, grabs Ash’s leg, falling to the mat as he spins, spinning Ash’s leg around with a hook of his arm, and dropping Ash to the mat onto his back with a dragon screw leg whip!!!! Ash hits the mat hard, and Erek quickly rolls over, hooking Ash’s leg as the ref drops down for the attempted pin…

 

One…

 

Two… no! Erek is stunned as Ash kicks out of the pin, keeping the match going as Erek gets up on his knees, hopping up onto his feet in a second. Bending over, Erek grabs Ash by the head and pulls him up, delivering right hands as he pulls Ash up. Grabbing him as he gets onto his feet, Erek turns Ash around, slamming him forward onto the mat with a scoop slam!!!

 

Sacred: Erek Taylor has been on fire!!!!

 

Edwin: No he’s not!!!!

 

Axis: Enough, smart***.

 

Edwin: I’m just pointing out the obvious…

 

Grabbing Ash’s legs as Erek stands there, Taylor puts his right one in between and wraps Ash’s legs around his, turning Ash onto his chest and locking him in a sharpshooter, set up for the Execution!!!! But wait! As Erek reaches back to lock in a sleeper lock, Ash grabs Taylor’s legs, pulling them back, sending Erek flying forward as he releases the hold, Ash getting up as he grabs Erek’s legs, forming a number four with them, and grabbing his right leg, twists Erek’s ankle to the right into a figure four ankle lock!!!!! Erek begins to cry in pain, but before Ash can keep Erek the hold in for long, Erek frees up his left leg from the hold by struggling, breaking the hold for a minute, then does the same with his right leg, pushing off up onto his feet, a slight limp in his walk for a second as he turns around, grabbing an unsuspecting Ash from behind around the neck and face with both arms, locking in a devastating sleeper hold on Ash Ketchum!!!

 

Axis: This could be it!!!! Sleeper hold on Ash Ketchum!!!!

 

Sacred: Doubtful, Axis. You’d have to be stupid to think this is the end of the match.

 

Edwin: Man… I’d love to have this guy with me at ringside! He’s better than that idiot Axis!!!

 

Axis: Well… at least my job’s safe for now… but if Edwin’s gone… it’d be a happy day in Axisland…

 

Edwin: Australia?

 

As the commentators comment, Ash elbows Erek in the chest. The blow causes Erek to release the hold, allowing Ash to lift Erek up onto his shoulders into a fireman’s carry. Ash then releases his legs and throws them toward his back, grabbing Erek’s arms and holding it on his shoulder. Ash then sits down as Erek falls to the mat, his arm impacting on Ash’s shoulder and Erek letting out a shriek of terror as Ash releases his arms, falling onto his back grabbing his arm after the move!

 

Axis: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!!!!

 

Sacred: A Fireman’s Carry Arm Breaker! I haven’t seen that used in a while!!!

 

Ash quickly turns around leaping on top of Erek and pinning him to the mat as the ref drops to the canvas…

 

One…

 

Two…

 

THREE-NO!!! Impossible as it may seem, Erek somehow kicks out!!!

 

Axis: How did he do it?

 

Edwin: Miss Cleo.

 

Sacred: Really?

 

Axis: NOT AGAIN!!!!!

 

Getting up, Ash grabs Erek and pulls him onto his

feet, but bringing his arm back, Ash thrusts it

forward, palm first, into the chest of Erek Taylor

with a quick palm strike!!!! Taylor cries in pain, his

ribs feeling the brunt of the blow, but suddenly, Ash,

with his fist still on Erek’s chest, balls that hand

into a fist and drives it up under the chin of Erek

Taylor, the Pokemonster knocking him to the mat with a

vicious rising uppercut!!! Taylor is knocked off his

feet and drops to the mat like a ten-ton anvil,

slamming hard onto his back. Somehow, though, he ends

up rolling onto his chest, and like the tortoise,

slowly but surely begins to get up, using his arms to

push himself off his chest. Knowing he can somehow do

something with this, Ash bends over, hooking the arms

of Erek Taylor as he pushes himself up, and straining

for a second, lifts Erek off his chest, his back

against Ash’s chest as the Undercard King lifts Erek

up into the air into a double underhook suplex, but

with lightning precision, Ash quickly flips Erek over,

turning his body perpendicular to Ash’s as Ketchum

drops onto his left knee, slamming Taylor back first

onto his knee with a underhook backbreaker… the

Blastoise Backcracker!!!! Erek’s back hits Ash’s knee,

and he falls off, landing on his back and grabbing it

in pain as Ash runs to the ropes, bouncing off them.

As he rebounds, he flies back at Taylor, doing a quick

front somersault and rolling back onto his feet a foot

away from Taylor. Leaping into the air, Ash coils and

uncoils his limbs, falling back on top of Taylor and

landing chest-to-chest with a devastating rolling five

star frog splash!!!! As usual, Ash controls the

reaction of the splash, allowing him to remain on top

of Erek as he pins him to the mat, the ref dropping to

make the count…

 

 

One…

 

Two…

 

TH-NO SOUP FOR ASH!!!! Erek kicks out! The once

cheering crowd decrescendos a bit in loudness as they

see this, and Ash looks like he knew he had Erek.

Turning to the ref, he shakes his head in disgust,

then smiles, all the meanwhile Erek Taylor slowly

rolling around, yelping and crying in pain a little.

 

Edwin: He’s calling for his mommy!!!

 

Axis: What do you mean? He’s crying in pain!!!

 

Edwin: Crying like a little baby for its mother!!!

 

Sacred: Well… he does have a point… (Suddenly, Axis grabs hold of Sacred by the shoulders and begins to

shake him.)

 

Axis: GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!! DON’T LET HIM TURN YOU

TO THE DARK SIDE!!!

 

Edwin: Axis… I am your father…

 

Axis: Oh shut up!!!!

 

Slowly getting to his feet, Ash Ketchum swaggers a bit, but he bends down, grabbing Erek and pulling him up. Taylor standing, Ash swings his leg forward into a kick, but Erek catches it. Quickly, though, before Erek can counter, Ash leaps off his other foot, driving it under the chin of Erek with a frontflip enziguri that spins the smaller man around for a second. Ash flips through the air, landing on his feet, and as Erek turns back around, Ash leaps into the air, thrusting his feet into Erek's face, knocking Taylor down with a vicious missile dropkick… the Rocket Launch!!! Taylor slams hard into the mat, but Ash falls too, immediately getting back up, bending over, and grabbing Taylor. Pulling Erek onto his feet, Ash holds onto him, grabbing his jersey with both hands and using it to lift Erek HIGH into the air above him with what seems to be a body press, but suddenly, Ash lets go with his left hand, grabbing him around the neck with his right hand and dropping back onto the mat, twisting Erek's head into a violent body press 3/4 neckbreaker called the Johto Street Cutter III!!! Erek's head impacts upon the shoulder of Ash, and as Ash releases Erek, he rolls him onto his back, covering him for the attempted pin…

 

 

One…

 

Two…

 

THREE!!!! NO!!!! TAYLOR KICKS OUT!!!! Distraught, Ash screams at the referee, but then goes about getting off his BUTT and onto his feet, pulling up Erek in the process.

 

Edwin: Taylor will not give in!!!! Pandarific!!!!

 

Axis: Oh, stop it… please…

 

As Ash pulls Erek onto his feet, Erek quickly lunges at Ash, throwing his arm into a punch that causes him to spin around. Ash ducks underneath, though, grabbing Erek as he spins by the back and BUTT as he begins to lift Erek up, falling back into a back drop. At the highest point of the back drop, though, Erek begins to flip, flipping back as he grabs Ash around the head, falling forward now as Ash falls back and flowing into a diving reverse DDT counter… the Majestic DDT!!! Ash's head slams into the mat, and Erek quickly covers Ash, the ref dropping down to make the count…

 

One…

 

Two…

 

TH-NO!!! Ash kicks out!! With this sudden burst of energy, Taylor immediately gets up and pulls Ash up onto his feet.

 

Sacred: Erek's back in this thing!!!

 

With Erek in an opportune position, Ash knees Taylor in the chest, causing him to bend over as Ash steps back. Taking a step forward, Ash swings his left leg up and plants it on the mat, doing the same with his right, except planting it on the back of Erek’s head, dropping Erek to the mat with a vicious scissors kick… the Air Ketchum Deux!!!! Erek’s face is slammed hard into the mat, the force of the blow knocking him temporarily senseless. Bringing his right foot down, Ash simply uses it to flip Erek onto his back like a hamburger on a McDonald’s grill: quickly. With Erek lying prone, Ash backs up, headed to a turnbuckle perpendicular with Taylor’s body, and in one quick bound, Ash leaps to the top rope, the crowd going nuts at the sight of this.

 

Sacred: Watch this man fly!!!! He’s one of the best at it!!!

 

Edwin: He flies like a bird!!!! A big bird that’s as popular as Gary Coleman!!!!

 

Axis: You’re not drunk, are you?

 

Edwin: Just on fun!!!!!!

 

Quickly leaping off the top rope, Ash flies through the air, aimed at Erek as he coils and uncoils his body, slamming on top of Erek Taylor’s chest with a five-star frog splash… the Snorlax Splash!!!! The momentum from the move unfortunately propels Ash off of Erek, not enabling Ash to pin, but bouncing him onto his back, allowing him to roll onto his feet. The crowd gets more into the match, chanting both men’s names as Erek rolls in pain, sitting up screaming as his chest feels like it’s been hit with a hammer. Erek cries as Ash staggers about, but it’s not over.

 

 

Starting to get up, Erek turns to face Ash, not the brightest thing as Ash turns to face him, the crowd really into the match by now. Ducking down, Ash slides Erek onto his shoulders, and before Erek can react, swings Erek over his right shoulder, Erek’s head placed between Ash’s legs as he drops into a sitting position, driving Erek’s head into the ring with a devastating cradle Samoan Driver!!!!

 

Edwin: YEAH!!! MEW DRIVER!!!!!

 

Meanwhile, Ash rolls Erek up for the three count, the ref dropping to the mat to make the count…

 

One…

 

Two…

 

THREE!!!!

 

 

 

NO! EREK KICKS OUT! The crowd moans as Ash remains sitting up, exhausted and tired, neither making the next move.

 

Axis: You won’t… you know…

 

Edwin: GO CRAZY????? Don’t mind if I do!!!!! Wooooooooooooooo!!!! (Axis elbows Edwin in the ribs as Sacred looks on.)

 

Axis: Shut up Edwin.

 

Edwin: Tubular!!!

 

Axis scowls as Ash pulls up Erek, grabbing him around the neck and bending of them forward, attempting what seems to be a swinging neckbreaker that would take both competitors down. However, as he gets ready to swing Erek around, Taylor knees him in the chest, causing him to release Taylor in mid-swing as Erek grabs Ash around the head, setting him up for what appears to be a DDT, but Taylor then wrenches Ash’s head until their backs are face to face, setting Ash up for his finishing sit-out neckbreaker!!!!

 

Sacred: Erek Taylor going for the Fame and Fury!!!

 

However, just before Erek drops with Ash, Ash slides his head out from Erek’s arm, the result being Ash standing as Erek drops to the mat on his BUTT. Feeling confused, Taylor sits there for a second as Ash takes off for the ropes, which stretch slightly under his weight.

 

Edwin: Nobody home!!!

 

Sacred: Why did I sign on? Was I drunk then?

 

Slowly, the High Flying Prince gets up and turns around now facing Ash as he charges at Erek, ducked down as if to tackle him, preparing for a super-strong gore… the Shut Up!!!! Ash slams into Erek, slamming him into the mat with tremendous force that shakes the ring violently as the crowd cheers.

 

Axis: Thundering Shut Up from Ash Ketchum!!! But Erek still could hit his finisher!!!

 

 

Edwin: Twenty bucks says Erek doesn’t hit it. Edwin the Genius says so.

 

Axis: I’m not betting you twenty bucks!!!!

 

Edwin: Edwin’s Panda Senses detect he is right…

 

Sacred: Panda senses?

 

Meanwhile, tired and weak, Ash pushes himself up onto his feet, Erek grabbing his chest and slowly staggering onto his feet, not knowing Ash has done so. Ketchum then climbs to the top rope, turning his back to Erek. As Erek turns his head up and looks toward Ash, spotting him on the ropes, Ash leaps off, twisting into a Phoenix Splash. As he flips, he positions himself so his head faces Erek, then continues the flip. When he gets near to the young high flyer, he grabs him by the neck and flips himself onto his back, flipping Ash’s buddy forward into an amazing spiked DDT! As Ash releases  Erek, he falls over onto his back. Exhausted and ready to end it, Ash drapes an arm over Erek as he covers him, the ref dropping to the mat to make the count…

 

One…

 

Two…

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!

 

The bell rings as Ash rolls onto his back and Misty excitedly jumps up and down while her man slowly tries to get up, sweating profusely. Funyon,, outside the ring, brings the mic to his lips as the crowd cheers.

 

Funyon: Your winner… ASH KET-CHUMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

 

Axis: WHAT AN ENDING!!!!!  WHAT A MATCH!!!!

 

Sacred: I don’t believe it!!!! The Poke Ball, Go wins it again!!!!

Ash slowly rises onto his feet, exhausted from the battle, as Misty runs into the ring. She excitedly hugs Ash, who kisses her on the cheek. But suddenly, the crowd boos loudly, and as Ash takes a look up on the stage. Standing there is none other than Mafia, smiling from ear to ear as he stands, staring at Ash, who looks all but confused. Mafia chuckles, and then, as soon as he appeared, he turns and heads back stage, Ash confused.

 

Sacred: What the hell was that about?

 

Axis: Maybe Mafia wants a fight!!!

 

Edwin: Maybe Mafia wants some cookies!!!

 

Axis: SHUT UP!!!!

 

Sacred: But coming up soon, it's our four-way main event you can't miss, here on SJL Metal!!!

 

The camera then begins to fade away from the shot of a confused Ash into a commercial for "SJL Down Under!!!!"…

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

[Families, friends, drinking buddies, bed buddies, politicians, and their dogs all sit around their respective television sets, a noisy chatter amongst them.  Questions about the new league, comments on the first show so far, pointers on how to make nacho dip, a veritable ruckus.  Until............]

 

“Everybody SHUT UP!!  It’s starting!!”

 

[The marks in each group assume command.  As the conversations in each home come to a halt, the final Stacker 2 commercial fades off into digital air.  Blank screens meet blank stares, but ever so slowly, the familiar JL logo fades into the screen.  The jagged letters, I-G-.......... well you get the point, rotate in the middle of the screen, as the smarts’ flare up in rebellious anger.  The logo rotates in blissful ignorance of what is to come..........]

 

*~*~*CRASH!!!*~*~*

 

[From out of nowhere, a HUGE SJL logo comes crashing out of the heavens, and lands right on top of the........ other logo, smashing it to bitty pieces!  As the fans watching at home cheer their heads off, the purdy black and blue letters shoot off arcs of electricity!  A new guitar riff, as generic as the old one, but slightly different and with more “attitude” blasts from the speakers as the logo washes off the screen and the techies switch back to a live feed.  A cameraman out in the streets of Sydney gets the signal, and focuses his gear on the majestic Superdome, which is brilliantly lit up on this Wednesday night.  Cursing his darned luck on drawing the short straw, the unfortunate soul ignores the odd stares he gets from passers by, and continues to focus on the building.  Cutting to another camera, a chaotic symphony of cheers and jeers, roaring yells and ringing cells fill up the arena, cued by the theme music kicking back on!  The cameramen sweep the raucous crowd, a sea of humanity, a mob fuelled by alcohol, bloodlust, and more alcohol!]

 

Axis: “Welcome back to SJL METAL!!!”

 

[The house lights halt their erratic paths, and the crowd begins to die down as the camera focuses on the announcer’s desk, and more specifically Axis and Edwin Macphisto.  Strewn across the table are various Australian objects.  A didgeridoo, boomerang, and Kangeroo doll take up residence on top of the table in front of the two announcers.  Axis moves the doll out of the way so he can see the camera, as Edwin adjusts his Crocodile Dundee hat.]

 

Axis: “This has been a night no one shall ever forget!”

Edwin: “Between my witty anecdotes and my new snazzy hat which I received from this beautiful Aussie lass in the crowd, how could they?!”

Axis: “Hmph........... some things shall never change I guess.....”

Edwin: “My boyish good looks and irrefutable charm for instance!”

Axis: “........... Not even for my return to the mother country could you show a little dignity.”

Edwin: “Aw, how can I hurt my bestest buddy in the whole world.  Tell ya what, I’ll play the Australian National Anthem.  A little diddy I picked up from the Olympics.......” [Picks up the didgeridoo]

Axis: [Yelling over top of the horrific playing of Edwin]  “Anyways folks, this HAS been a monumental night.  The IGNJL is now the Smarks Junior League.  I’d explain how this happened, but my co-anchor did before, so why bother?” [shrugs]

Edwin: [stops playing] “Whew......... and mom said those weekly lessons wouldn’t pay off.  But right you are, I did have a big announcement earlier tonight.  If you missed it, TOO BAD!  Should have watched our show from the beginning.  Serves you all right.  But enough of the past.  This company is twirling into the next era as we speak, and the following match shall cap off the first show of this new generation!”

Axis: “And what a match it shall be.  A four corners match.......

Edwin: “OF AUSTRALIAN DOOM!!!”

Axis: “Man, you’re more hyped over the venue then I am.  Back to the show.......... this match is a web of feuds and egos.  Annie Eclectic, K-Os, Low Brass, and Renegade will duke it out to settle feuds, gain respect, and prove dominance.”

Edwin: “Renegade and K-Os have met a few times in the short past, and each time K-Os has had Renegade’s number.  But this time, someone has Renegade’s back.”

Axis: “In theory.  Annie seems to be very unstable, if her match with Ash was any indication, so who knows what she will do tonight.  We shall see Havoc’s status after this match.  But no matter the case, one of their greatest enemies, Low Brass, will be looking to take out all three other wrestlers.”

Edwin: “It’ll be a knee-slapping, drop down, drag out, barn burner, mucho excellente, fantasgreat match of BIBLICAL proportions!”

Axis: “Yes.  Yes it shall.”

 

[sneaking into the ring during the announcer’s banter, Funyon walks around the ring, noticing all the subtle differences.  The new apron, the different logos, the new shirts for the crew.......... Funyon makes a mental note to look into getting his IGNJL tattoo removed from his chest.  Hearing the cue over the mike in his ear, Funyon shuffles his cards and licks his lips.]

 

Funyon: “The following match is the MAIN EVENT.... a FOUR CORNERS MATCH!”

 

[Crowd pops]

 

Funyon: “Introducing first....................”

 

["The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World plays over the PA inside the arena as Annie Eclectic comes out.  The crowd begins to boo as “The Angelic One” walks to the top of the ramp.  A video of her in her white gown, which is superimposed over clips of some of her more brutal fighting moments in the ring plays on the SmarkTron.  Basking in the warmth of the crowd’s heat, Annie’s smile suddenly turns into a menacing grimace as she stalks down to the ring.]

 

Funyon: “Coming to the ring, standing five feet nine inches tall and weighing 140 pounds....... ANNNNNIE ECLEEEEECTIC!!!!!!”

 

[The crowd continues to boo as Annie stomps up the steel steps and enters the ring.  Looking around to the crowd, Annie’s face turns blank of emotion as she removes her gown and drapes it over the far ropes on the right side.  A crew member grabs the garment as Annie waits in the far right corner.]

 

Axis: “Talk about your emotionally fragile.”

Edwin: “Emotionally fragile?  That wench could bust you up eight ways from Tasmania, and leave YOU emotionally fragile.”

Axis: “Well, she certainly did take it to Ash last week.”

 

Funyon: “And her opponent..........”

 

[The house lights turn a green hue, causing the crowd to go wild.  The saxophone echoes throughout the arena and..............]

 

BRASS MONKEY!!!

 

[As the crowd yells in sync with the Beastie Boys’ “Brass Monkey”, Low Brass walks out from the back giving the Ozzy salute to the crowd, which is returned by the thousands.  Not wasting any time, he walks down the ramp and slides into the ring.]

 

Funyon: “Standing six feet three inches tall.............. LOOOOW BRASSSSSSSSS!!!!”

 

[With a quick glance at Annie, Low Brass turns his attention back to the crowd as a green spotlight envelops him.]

 

Edwin: “Oh goody, this is my FAVOURITE part!”

Axis: “Is the camera necessary?  We do tour with the guy.”

 

[The crowd bursts into sheers as Low Brass begins to gyrate and twist in the middle of the ring!  The referee and Funyon step back to watch the showman perform the Low Brass dance!  Annie looks off to the stage area, not noticing Brass’s antics.  Feeling satisfied with himself, Brass stops and removes his jacket, tossing it to the outside.]

 

Funyon: “And their opponent...........”

 

“PICK UP THE PACE!!”

 

[The crowd definitely picks up the pace, booing their hearts out as Renegade’s music hits.  Stepping out onto the ramp, Renegade glances down, then back up quickly!...........]

 

****BANG****

 

[Giving himself a high five, Renegade sets off a pair of pyros from the stage!  The crowds heat is slowed by the heat from the flames, but picks back up as Renegade hurries down to the ring.  Sliding in, Renegade looks at Annie, who returns the favor, then both turn towards Low Brass!]

 

Axis: “This free-for-all just may turn into a gang beating!”

Edwin: “Creating havoc?”

Axis: “Yes, creating havo.......... I refuse to dignify that with a response....”

 

[before either Renegade or Annie can do anything, the referee rushes in front of Low Brass and yells at them to leave it for the match.  Though tempted, both back away, Renegade to the near right corner, Annie to the far right one.  Low Brass grins at them both then walks to his respective corner on the far left.]

 

Axis: “Only one left.........”

 

*****BOOOM*****

 

[Cutting off Axis’s comment, a peal of thunder resonates through the building!  The house lights cut out as “Down” by STP hits the speakers.  Red pyros cascade over the entrance, and walking through them, is K-Os, with the SJL belt over his shoulder.  Stepping out to the ramp, K-Os finally can hear the crowd........]

 

Axis: “I don’t think he’ll ever leave this behind!”

Edwin: “These Aussies are picking up where the people of the Gund arena in Cleveland left off!”

 

[Looking to the crowd, K-Os is astounded by cheers that are interwoven with the majority of the boos!  A snarl across his face, rueing the day this little joke ever started, K-Os raises the belt and.........]

 

****BAM****

 

[Four huge red pyros shoot out from the ramp!  The roar of the fire drowns out the crowd temporarily, and K-Os marches down to the squared circle.]

 

Funyon: “Finally, coming to the ring, standing six feet one inch tall, and weighing 259 pounds...... He is the SJL WORLD CHAMPEEN.............. KAAAAAAAAAAA-OSSS!!!!”

 

[sliding into the ring, K-Os tosses the belt to the ref, and backs into the near left corner, watching all his opponents.  The referee slides the belt to the outside as Funyon takes his leave, and the crowd settles.]

 

Edwin: “I’ve decided to keep this match toned down with a tag format.  Figure the Aussie crowd will appreciate me slowing this match down a bit.”

Axis: “Hey!  I’m right here ya know........”

Edwin: “What?!  Oh!  So you are.” [Pats Axis on the back]

 

[The referee looks around at the competitors, and asks for two to leave the ring.  Renegade immediately exits the ring to the apron, and looks back in to the others with a grin on his face.  Low Brass, K-Os and Annie all look around, then shrugging his shoulders, Low Brass turns and exits to the apron by his corner.  Satisfied, the referee motions for Annie and K-Os to start it then signals for the bell.]

 

DING DING DING!!

 

[The crowd pops in anticipation of the undeniable war that is about to be waged.  Both Annie and K-Os circle around each other, feeling out each other.  Annie begins to step forward, and take the first move, when K-Os quickly turns around............

 

 

and slaps Low Brass on the shoulder!!]

 

Axis: “.........huh?”

Edwin: “That yellow bellied, pigeon livered bastard has a case of the limper tail!”

Axis: “Seeing as this match is non-title, I don’t know if K-Os really cares about winning this one.”

 

[The crowd is a mix of boos and cheers as Low Brass stares at K-Os from the apron.  K-Os flashes a wicked grin, and begins to step through the ropes to the apron as the referee calls for Low Brass.  Shaking his head, Low Brass moves to enter the ring, but is immediately attacked by Annie!  Before he is even in the ring entirely, Annie nails a hard boot to the side of Low Brass!  Low Brass sways to the outside, but grabs onto the rope before he falls out.  Grabbing a handful of hair, Annie pulls him back into the ring, and shoves him into the far left corner.]

 

Edwin: “Poor Brass, it’s him versus the world in this one.”

Axis: “Well, if anyone can do it, he would be the man to do it.”

Edwin: “Meh, if he doesn’t I’ll just overturn the ruling.  A teehee!”

Axis: “Commish powers getting to ya?”

Edwin: “QUIET FOOL!  I will have no more of your tiring insolence.  Respect or be disrespected!”

Axis: “Yes’um........”

 

[before Low Brass can gain his senses, Annie hits a hard knife edge chop to the throat!  The crowd groans as Low Brass clutches his throat, gasping for air.  Grabbing an arm, Annie whips Low Brass to the near right turnbuckle.  Walking up to her opponent, Annie begins to hit some quick punches!  Right jab, right jab, left hook...........]

 

SMACK!

 

[in the midst of her flurry, Annie doesn’t see Renegade leaning over the ropes.  With a hard slap to the shoulder of Annie, Renegade tags himself in!  Annie looks at him in shock, but before she can do anything, Renegade enters the ring and pulls Low Brass to the right ropes.  The referee prevents Annie from attacking Renegade, and reluctantly, she exits to the apron in the near right corner.]

 

Edwin: “These tags aren’t very friendly now, are they?”

Axis: “I wouldn’t expect anything more from Renegade.”

Edwin: “He’s one mean mother......”

Axis: “........... [notices Edwin’s stare] ...... What?”

Edwin: “........... nevermind.”

 

[back in the ring, Renegade grabs the left arm of Low Brass and whips him hard into the left ropes!  Bounding back, Low Brass ducks beneath Renegade’s clothesline at the last second, and goes of the ropes again!  Renegade quickly turns around, looking for his foe.................

 

 

 

but not fast enough as Low Brass SLAMS into him with a spear!  The two men crumple to the mat, as the crowd pops for the impact move!  The referee rushes over and checks on them, then begins to count them out but is cut off as Low Brass sits up.  Shaking out his head, Low Brass slowly staggers to his feet.  Renegade begins to push off the mat, but Low Brass speeds the process and drags him up forcefully.  Hitting a hard right, Low Brass sends Renegade reeling, but Renegade recovers enough to hit a shot of his own!  The crowd begins to cheer as Low Brass returns the favour, but immediately turn to boos as Renegade hits a quick thumb to the eye!  Blinded, Low Brass is unable to block the kick to the stomach from Renegade.  Latching a front facelock on the doubled up Low Brass, Renegade looks to hit a DDT, only to have Low Brass hit a quick knee to the stomach!]

 

Axis: “Low Brass is fighting back, he has the heart of a lion!”

Edwin: “Didn’t the Tin Man have the heart?”

Axis: “What?”

Edwin: “Yeah, the lion wanted and got courage.  You know, that Wizard of Oz movie.... how’s it go?”

Axis: [Watches in disbelief as Edwin begins to sing “We’re off to see the Wizard”]

 

[Capitalizing on his opening, Low Brass grabs around the waist of Renegade, and lifts him over into a Northern Lights Suplex!  The fans in Sydney go wild as he bridges over for the pin!]

 

ONE!!

 

 

TWO - kick out!

 

[Renegade kicks out of the pin, and quickly rolls to the outside on the left.  Low Brass gets back to his feet, and walks up to the left side of the ring.  Renegade yells something at Low Brass, which can clearly be read off his lips, and is slightly audible.]

 

Edwin: “............ well that was uncalled for.”

Axis: “Maybe they can catch that in editing.....”

 

[Enraged, Low Brass leans over the ropes, grabbing for Renegade.  However, Renegade dodges Low Brass, and grabs his ankles tripping him to the mat.  Still holding the left leg, Renegade raises it up and then slams it down into the apron.  As Renegade repeats this movement, the cameramen flip back to shots of Annie and K-Os, who are both watching intently as Low Brass is dissected.  Back to the action, Renegade pulls Low Brass to the outside and begins to lay in some kicks.  The referee yells to bring it back in the ring, then begins a ten count.]

 

ONE!  TWO!

 

Edwin: “So what do you think of the hat?  Be brutally honest.”

Axis: “Wha?  The hat’s fine.  Renegade is really taking it to Low Brass here and.......”

Edwin: “So you think it jives with my style?”

Axis: “Yes yes, it JIVES.  The referee is counting these men o.......”

Edwin: “Do you have a hat like this, what with being Australian and all?”

Axis: [Grabs the hat and tosses it to the ground]  “Enough!  There’s a MATCH GOING ON!”

Edwin: [Pouts]

 

THREE!  FOUR!

 

[Outside the ring, Renegade drags Low Brass up and grabs him by the arm.  With a hard Irish whip, Renegade sends Low Brass flying.......]

 

CLANG!

 

[Right into the near left steel pole!  The crowd “Oooooh”s at the sickening collision, while Low Brass sees monkeys spinning in his head.  Renegade watches in glee as Low Brass falls face first to the mat.]

 

FIVE!  SIX!  SEVEN!

 

[Not looking to lose by a count out, Renegade rolls into the ring, then right back out stopping the count.  He begins to move towards Low Brass...................

 

 

 

then looks up at Annie!  Yelling something at her, Renegade bends over and drags up Low Brass.  Annie pauses for a moment, then hops down off the apron!  Renegade holds Low Brass’s arms behind him, offering up the XF9er to Annie.  The crowd boos, and the referee yells for them to stop it, but neither have any effect.  Sizing up her target, Annie rushes forward.................

 

 

jumps for a Drop Kiss..................

 

 

and PLANTS her feet right in the mouth of Renegade!!!]

 

Axis: “Mah gawd!”

Edwin: “ ‘Mah gawd’? “

Axis: “Oh, um........... Holy Horatio Hornblower!”

Edwin: “That’s better.  Plagiarism is baaaad.”

Axis: “Low Brass ducked the drop kick causing Annie to hit Renegade instead!”

Edwin: [Drops his headset and runs off]

 

[As K-Os stands idly by on the apron on the opposite side, Annie stands up and looks down at Renegade and Low Brass.  Her face is blank, devoid of emotion, as she stares at the two men laid out on the floor.]

 

Edwin: [Returns]

Axis: “What was that for?”

Edwin: [Puts his Dundee hat back on and smiles at Axis]

Axis: “........meh.”

Edwin: “Look at that......... look on Annie’s face!  It’s...... scary and evil and mean.”

Axis: “Renegade ain’t gonna be happy with that, for sure.”

Edwin: “.........Hold me Axis...........”

 

[Finally being knocked back to life by the noise of the crowd, Annie walks to the near right steel steps, and climbs up them back to the apron.  As Renegade stirs, Low Brass pulls himself up with the apron.  Stopping for a short breather, Low Brass hears the new count by the referee reaching “Four”.  Fighting on, Low Brass grabs Renegade’s hair and pulls him up.  Rolling the man in, Low Brass climbs to the apron and enters the ring.]

 

Axis: “K-Os and Annie have been sitting back this whole match pretty much, they’ve hardly broken a sweat!”

Edwin: “Some call it strategy, some call it being a chicken......... myself, I call it chickegy.”

 

[As Axis shakes his head in disgust, Low Brass staggers over to the fallen Renegade.  Suddenly, a voice catches his ear!  Turning to the far left corner, Low Brass sees K-Os reaching out for a tag!]

 

Axis: “Why the........... he just wants in cause Renegade is out!”

 

[Low Brass slowly walks over to K-Os’ corner as the crowd begins to boo.  K-Os hollers for a tag, but Low Brass stops just out of reach!  Looking at K-Os with a grin...................]

 

Edwin: “THE LOW BRASS DANCE!!  TWICE IN ONE NIGHT!!  YIPPI!!”

 

[The crowd breaks into cheers and laughs as Low Brass taunts the champ!  K-Os’ eyes grow wide in anger, and a snarl laces across his mouth.  Low Brass laughs as he sees the champs rage..........

 

 

then is quickly bent over backwards, as Renegade latches on a reverse front facelock!  Before Low Brass can do a thing, Renegade lifts him up and slams him to the mat with a reverse suplex!  The crowd boos him as Renegade scuttles over for the pin!]

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

TH- kick out!

 

[Low Brass somehow manages to get his shoulders off the mat at the last second!  Renegade is visibly upset, and immediately bolts to a vertical base.  He circles around Low Brass, as Brass begins to get to his feet.  Renegade ducks behind him, as Low Brass shakes out the cobwebs.  The crowd yells for Low Brass to watch out, but he turns around and gets nailed with a boot to the gut!  Renegade quickly applies a 3/4 facelock!]

 

Axis: “Looks like Renegade is going to end this sucker!”

Edwin: “Going for the Renebreak!”

 

[Renegade looks to hit the move, but Low Brass reacts quickly and shoves Renegade to the near ropes!  The crowd pops as Low Brass regains himself and grabs Renegade, tossing him into a MASSIVE T-Bone suplex!  Renegade goes crashing to the mat, as Low Brass pops back up to his feet.]

 

Edwin: “What a T-Bone!  Aw man, now I’m all hungry.  Got some Aussie grub?”

Axis: “What the hell is K-Os doing?”

 

[On the apron by the far left corner, some rowdy Aussie fans have begun to rag on the SJL champ.  Hearing their comments, K-Os turns around and begins to lay into them with a blue streak!  Seeing this, Low Brass walks up right behind K-Os, and looks around to the crowd.  With a tap on the shoulder, K-Os’ spine tingles, and he turns around..........]

 

WHAM!!!

 

Edwin: “Well that’s an interesting tag........”

 

[Low Brass nails a hard right hook, right to the jaw of K-Os!  Collapsing to the outside, K-Os is dazed as Low Brass slides out of the ring.  Pulling up the dead weight by his trunks, Low Brass shoves him into the ring, then hops up to the apron with a smirk on his face.  The crowd’s cheers and laughs are deafening.]

 

Axis: “Guess Low Brass figured the champ should see some action tonight.”

Edwin: “Is that even a legal tag?”

Axis: “Seems the ref is allowing it.”

 

[inside the ring, K-Os rolls to a halt right beside Renegade, who has begun to rustle.  Pulling himself up slowly by the ropes, Renegade looks around, looking for Low Brass.  Turning his attention down, Renegade is startled, but suddenly breaks into a grim smile.  Grabbing K-Os by the hair, Renegade pulls him up and begins to hammer on him with hard lefts and rights, pushing him back into the far right corner.  CRACK!  CRACK!  Two hard chops lace into the chest of K-Os, the sound resonating throughout the arena.]

 

WHOOOOOOOOO!

 

WHOOOOOOOOO!

 

[stepping back, Renegade crouches back then springs forward, slamming both of his palms square into K-Os’ chest!  The blow is magnified with K-Os being trapped in the corner, as the air in his lungs is forcibly removed.  Collapsing to the ground, K-Os gasps for air, his eyes and mouth wide open.  Not being one with mercy, Renegade compounds the effect by slamming three hard kicks to the chest of K-Os!  The referee pushes between the two, and forces Renegade off of K-Os, yelling at him to keep it clean.  While Renegade is reprimanded, K-Os hugs his chest and tries to regain some of his breath.]

 

Axis: “Renegade is just destroying the champ here!”

Edwin: “Don’t forget, Renegade is the one K-Os beat for that belt.  I don’t think Renegade will be satisfied until he gets it back.  For example.......” [steals Axis’ Pepsi Max]

Axis: “Hey!  Give it back!  Give it give it give it!”

Edwin: [Hands it back]

Axis: “Ah....... whew......”

Edwin: “See?”

 

[shoving the zebra out of the way, Renegade stalks over to his prey and pulls K-Os back to his feet.  Latching on a front facelock, Renegade quickly hits a snap suplex on K-Os!  Holding onto the facelock, Renegade sturggles to pull them both back up, then hits another snap suplex!  The crowd boos mightily as Renegade ever so slowly pulls K-Os back up and.......................

 

 

hits a third and final snap suplex!  Sitting up with a smirk on his face, Renegade looks around, indulging in the heat of the crowd.  He suddenly jerks to a halt.............

 

 

his gaze resting on Annie Eclectic.  Standing up to his feet, Renegade yells at her, reprimanding Annie for the Drop Kiss on the outside!  Annie’s face show no signs of regret or caring.  She just continues to stare at Renegade.  Shaking his head, Renegade pulls K-Os to his knees, then hits a hard kick sending K-Os rolling to the near right corner.  Walking over, Renegade looks to tag in Annie.........

 

 

but she hops down off the apron, and looks away from the ring!]

 

Axis: “What the blue blazes is she doing?.........”

Edwin: “I dunno, but Renegade looks like he’s about to blow!”

 

[sure enough, inside the ring, Renegade is visibly pissed, the veins in his necks growing massive.  Before he can do anything though, he is spun around by a regained K-Os!  Back on his feet, K-Os nails a hard punch that sends Renegade reeling!  Falling against the ropes, Renegade bounces back towards K-Os, who picks him up for a scoop slam!  As K-Os turns around to plant Renegade in the middle of the ring, the referee is caught off guard, and is hit in the face by Renegade’s foot!  The shot sends the ref down to the mat!]

 

Edwin: “Whoopsie-doodle......”

Axis: “We need another referee out here!”

 

[Not noticing the ref, K-Os slams Renegade back first to the mat.  Stumbling towards the left ropes, K-Os checks his face, which has a small cut on the right temple.  The crowd begins to come alive........]

 

Axis: “What is Annie doing?!”

 

[Hopping off the apron, Annie rushes over to the bell keeper and forcefully shoves him off his chair.  Folding it up, Annie turns back to the ring, and slides in!  Slowly pushing off the mat, Renegade is blissfully ignorant of the chair-wielding Annie.  The crowd begins to get noisy, as Annie waits for her spot.  Finally to his feet, Renegade stumbles around in a little circle, slowly turning towards...........]

 

 

 

CRACK!!!

 

 

 

Axis: “OH MY GOD!!”

Edwin: “What a shot!!”

 

[Ducking out of the way at the last split second, Renegade avoids the chair..........

 

 

but K-Os is not so lucky!!  Finally deciding to get involved, Low Brass quickly enters the ring and nails Annie with a dropkick causing her to drop the chair!  Staggering back to the near ropes, Annie is caught off guard as Low Brass lunges forward and hits a clothesline sending them both to the outside over the top rope!]

 

Axis: “It’s carnage out here!”

Edwin: “Did I not promise ‘Australian Doom’?”

 

[While Low Brass and Annie fall to the outside, Renegade gets to his hands and knees, then slowly up to one knee.  With a final push, Renegade stands up, then falls against the ropes again.  Catching his breath, he pushes off them and turns around to see K-Os, laid out in the middle of the ring, blood gushing out of his temple.  A grin across his face, Renegade staggers forward towards the lower body of K-Os.  On the outside, both Low Brass and Annie begin to get to their feet.]

 

Axis: “Renegade has a golden opportunity here!”

Edwin: “If he wins this one, he just may get that shot!”

 

[Pulling up K-Os’ legs, Renegade intertwines his leg between them and turns over into a Sharpshooter!  The crowd boos as he grabs the right foot of K-Os and twists it into an anklelock!]

 

Edwin: “Renegade has locked in the Rage!!”

Axis: “K-Os is tapping!!”

 

[The pain surging through K-Os’ legs is too much, and the champion gives in.  Slamming his fist to the mat, K-Os looks to escape the pain, but nothing happens!]

 

Axis: “The ref is still out!”

 

[As K-Os screams out, Annie and Low Brass begin to trade punches.  Slowly gaining the upper hand, Low Brass hits a hard right, then scoops up Annie, dropping her onto the guard rail!  The crowd is a mix of boos and cheers until.................]

 

 

 

Axis: “WHAT THE HELL??!!”

Edwin: “WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?!”

 

 

 

[The crowd unleashes a gigantic wave of heel heat as two men come running from the back.  Breaking off, one dives into the ring, and the other rushes around the ring to Annie and Low Brass.]

 

 

Axis: “IT’S........ IT’S..........”

 

 

 

 

Edwin: “THE CLAN!!”

 

[Running up to Low Brass, Thoth nails a VICIOUS clothesline, nearly taking Low Brass’s head off!  Annie falls to the ground, besides the far right post.  Inside the ring, Spider Nekura bolts to his feet and nails a STIFF roundhouse kick to the back of Renegade’s head!  Pulling Low Brass to his feet, Thoth plants his foot into his midsection, then quickly applies a standing head scissors!  Pulling Low Brass vertical, Thoth locks his hands together...............]

 

 

Axis: “RIOT OF THE BLOOD!”

 

 

[And SPIKES Low Brass to the ground on the outside!  The crowd’s heat is overwhelming as Low Brass slumps to the ground.  Inside the ring, Spider has been laying into Renegade with a flurry of kicks, to the face, to the stomach, to the calf.  Finally, a Standing Spinning Back Kick takes Renegade off his feet!  K-Os begins to rustle, and finally rolls to his back.  Looking over, he watches as Spider stalks his prey.  Renegade tries valiantly to get to his feet, trying to block out the pain.  Thoth stands up on the outside, and watches as Renegade turns towards the leader of the Clan.  Spider grabs Renegade by the inside of the left leg and drapes his left arm over his shoulder, then lifts him up.................

 

 

 

 

DRIVING him to the mat with a Stigmata!!  The crowd begins to throw popcorn boxes and beer cups into the ring, as Spider gives a sinister smile and rolls to the outside by Thoth.]

 

Axis: “THE CLAN HAVE JUST DESTROYED THESE MEN!!”

Edwin: “God, the referee is starting to move!”

 

[K-Os slowly crawls over, inching towards his opponent............

 

 

 

and drapes his arm over the chest of a motionless Renegade!  The referee slowly sits up, and shakes out his head!  Hearing the yells and boos of the crowd, he senses something afoot.  Holding his neck, the referee looks around and sees the pin!  Falling to one side, his palm strikes the mat!]

 

 

ONE!!..............

 

 

 

TWO!!!!!.................

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!

 

DING DING DING!!

 

 

Axis: “K-Os just stole this match, with an assist from the Clan!”

Edwin: “Why are there here?!”

 

Funyon: “The winner of the mat......AGH.......”

 

[shoving Funyon out of the way, Thoth grabs a steel chair and dives into the ring.  Spider walks up the steps and slowly enters the ring, as Thoth sizes up Renegade.  Picking his spot, Thoth raises the chair and........]

 

CRACK!

 

[smashes it onto the head of Renegade!  The crowd is disgusted with these actions and the ring begins to fill with litter.  As Thoth hits another chair shot, K-Os staggers over to Spider with a wicked smile across his face.  The Clan leader returns the smile and says something, while Thoth exits the ring and tosses in a limp Low Brass.  K-Os nods then drags Low Brass to his feet.]

 

Axis: “NO NO NO!!!”

 

[With a standing head scissors, K-Os SLAMS Low Brass to the mat with a Hell Helix!!  Getting to his feet, K-Os is suddenly surprised as Annie dives into the ring!  The crowd pops as she walks right up to K-Os a scowl on her face.  K-Os, face crimson with blood, stands right up to her, neither one moving for seconds, until................

 

 

 

 

Annie face quickly turns to a devilish smile.  Turning away from K-Os, Annie grabs the dented chair, and raises it high over her head........]

 

CRACK!.......

 

 

CRACK!.................

 

 

 

CRACK!!

 

[Three times, three chair shots to a weakened Renegade!  Tossing the chair to the outside, Annie turns back to K-Os, Thoth, and Nekura, then nods her head.  Nekura nods back, then smirks at the crowd as he demands for a mike. Grabbing it from between the ropes he raises it to his lips and begins to speak…]

 

“And so, once again, the JL is entangled within the web.” Growls the devout sadist. “The Clan once again wages an unholy war against the SJL and once again all opposition to us will fall. Chaos. Eclectic. Two of the three disciples of darkness…”

 

“Huh? Two of the three?” MacPhisto chimes in. “Well then who’s the third?”

 

“Scum…” he spits, acknowledging the crowd. “Let me introduce you to the third Clansman…”

 

Heads turn to the entranceway in anticipation for the third and final Clan member. Spider dwells on the few moments of silence…as Shawn Brody steps out onto the ramp!

 

“Brody as well?!” Exclaims Edwin.

 

Brody makes his way down to ringside as the fans greet the rookie with a chorus of boos. He makes it into the ring and exchanges a nod of respect with Spider.

 

“The Clan is now complete. With the transformation of the IGNJL into the SJL, so comes the transformation of the Clan…and the transformation of your life.” Nekura points a black fingernail in the direction of the SJL commissioner, Edwin MacPhisto. “Not only will we make your life a living hell in the SWF, but here, in your own abode, as well. We are everywhere. We are the backbone of this very federation…and you fear us…”

 

Spider lowers the microphone as he is pelted with boos and jeers from the crowd. He smirks as he throws the cowl of his robe back over his head.

 

“So says the Clan…”

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Summary for a chock-full show!

 

First off - welcome the SJL!  As for the special surprise...check out the Crimson Card, up shortly.

 

KOJACK d. WICKED STYLE

-Only a couple hundred words, but it's enough to beat out the no-showing n00b.  So long, Style.

 

CED ORDONEZ d. THOMAS "TOM CAT" MENIAS, NBK JOSH TUPPER

-Damn, we've got some slick n00bs!  Ced said "lose," and Tom n' Josh listened!

 

Scary Annie promo...she's cute, but...eek!  Scary!

 

SHAWN BRODY d. MIKE VAN SICLEN

-and gets the first title change of the SJL era!  Your new TV champ - Shawn Brody!

 

MAFIA d. FLEXXX

-He walks out with the lady in a really nasty hardcore submissions match...intriiiiiguing.

 

ASH KETCHUM d. EREK TAYLOR

-The Pokemaster uses his wicked new maneuver to beat his XF9 cohort and choose the stipulation for their upcoming title match!  But what does Mafia have to do with it all?

 

K-OS d. ANNIE ECLECTIC, RENEGADE, LOW BRASS

-The champ wins...and joins the Clan!  AGH!  Annie joins the Clan!  Brody, the new TV champ, joins the Clan!  Thoth and Spider Nekura clean house on the JL and reinstitute the next level of sadists!  Blast!  Edwin's got some cleaning to do!

 

Nice show: too many no-shows, but I'll attribute that to the changeover.  Crimson's gonna be another biggie...