Guest kkktookmybabyaway Report post Posted October 9, 2002 * Purity Test: Back off, lady. I'm NOT afraid to use this." 58 % Whatever... *Personality Test: MASTERMIND (Submissive Introvert Abstract Thinker ) Like just 8% of the population you are a MASTERMIND (SIAT). You can be silent and withdrawn, but behind your reserved exterior lies an active mind that allows you to analyze situations and come up with creative, unexpected solutions. Normal people call this "scheming." Don't learn German. Anyway, your sense of style and originality are your strengths, and people will respect your judgment once they get to know you. If you learn to be a little more personable, you could be a great leader--you've definitely got the "vision" thing down. Just make sure all the plotting you do behind those eyes of yours is healthy. Famous masterminds in television: Dr. Claw, The Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Montgomery Burns. I tend to agree w/ the results of this test... * Death Test: You can expect to die on July 24, 2049 at the age of 73 years old. Damn, and I so wanted to see 2050... * Un-Intelligence Test: For the record, you are: 55% Un-telligent! which is significantly lower than the current average of 60% Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are hopeless in the pursuit of manhood: "Interesting. While the subject shows a very high level of intelligence, his sense of observation is abnormally below average. We attribute this to the egotistical nature of the subject. Actually, snakes behave in the same manner, but he's smarter than any animal. "The subject is brave, however,and shows real strength in that department. Courageousness is a large part of un-telligence. "In addition, the subject exhibits brave tendencies, and that does a lot for his score. "But what concerns us most about him is his sinister and violent attitude. While we almost find it amusing that the subject would rather kill something than suffer a minor inconvenience, it effectively destroys his ability to survive tight situations. Our study suggests there is a 41% chance that he will end up in prison! "Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a fair and productive sense of morality, and a hot shot self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals." Final Score: 55% Un-telligent But that other test said I was one point away from a genius... * Sex Test: Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with 8 people! Including the (none of your business) you've already had sex with, that makes (none of your business) new lovers! You are 33% sexy. Hope my better half doesn't see this test... * Bitch Test: The results are in. You are certifiably: 26% bitch! Which is lower than the worldwide average 38% Hey, I'm a sweetie... * Slut Test: 31 % Slutty Whatever... * Gender Test: Statistically speaking, you are a chick. (80 % confidence) Last time I checked below I was a guy. I knew I should have picked that other monkey to win the fight. And what's so bad about a blue bedroom. This test was retarded... * Gay Test: 30 % gay. Sure I touched him, but I didn't like it -- much... * Date Test: dateable! You are neither more not less dateable than your peers-- welcome to the land of mediocrity, home of the masses! You have an undeniable animal magnetism, but you're just as likely to attract small animals as you are to attract human beings. Nevertheless, the people you flirt with generally find you funny and cute, or "fute." You have good hygiene, which is an imporant aspect of relationships involving two or more people. Avoid seafood and walks in the woods. 80% more dateable than me? Yikes, better stick with what I have then... * Love Test: Greetings, confusoid. You scored a... 64% Is it a bird? A plane? Is it a boy? A girl? Is it love, or is it lust? Ah, you. You are that rare mix of sensitive and sensual, romantic and randy, pride and prejudice, etc. When you see your crush, you waffle like a Belgian, unsure of whether you'd rather paint their toes or suck on their toes. Poets have long been puzzled by your kind. You'll never fall for robots or nymphos, but you will suffer longs bouts of marriage. I'm less dateable, but more loveable than most people... * Friendship Test: Slightly atonal chords and mildly distracting lights! You are 56% rock-solid friend. Are you a Virgo? I'm not surprised. You're a good friend at times, but other times you're harder to count on than an abacus coated with finger-repellent. And made of razor blades. You're the type of friend that when somebody asks you to hang out with them, you say you want to hang out but then you never actually specify a time, so that you don't actually have to hang out with that person. But you're generally trustworthy and sensitive to others' needs, like a warm elephant on a cold morning. You'll never be the Best Man at a wedding, but you'll also never be the Worst Man. Don't be shy about using phlegm or bile to show your friends you care about them. No comment -- I'm done w/ these tests... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest evenflowDDT Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with 1 person! And you'll first have sex at age 21, in your own bed. You are 17% sexy. ::faints:: More tests to come later... I've got another one of them papers I'm supposed to be doing for a class in a few hours. EDIT: Oh wait, there's more... The info on your 1 future sex partner(s): 1 of them will be female 0 of them will be male And you will actually love 1 of them! Prepare yourself for a long and fruitful relationship. So at least I'll be in love and married forever to that 1 person. The problem? I've got 3 years... ain't life grand? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest evenflowDDT Report post Posted October 9, 2002 "Frank, we need to talk. NOW." You are 41% GAY! That's gayer than average for someone of your gender and supposed orientation. The typical straight guy is only 39% gay! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Midnight Express83 Report post Posted October 9, 2002 I am a loser 84% pure. I am a straight. 28% gay Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Cancer Marney Report post Posted October 9, 2002 You are a smooth chick. You have a knack for greatness. For the record, you are 80% Un-telligent! which is significantly higher than the current average of 60% Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are resourceful and sly woman: "The subject shows a very high level of intelligence, and her sense of observation is one of her best qualities. Considering this, she shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation. "Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a fair and productive sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals." Damn, J-Lo! You are... 79% dateable! Attractive and confident, witty and charming, a healthy ambrosia-based diet... you're wanted in the 48 contiguous states, you slayer. Call me. Seduce me. Make me a woman. Not only do you know how to turn a girl's engines on, but you also know how to oil, lube and rotate it. You put the "elation" back into "relationship," and the "night" back into "one-night stand." "I'm afraid we have some bad news. Please, you might want to stay seated." Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on: August 21, 2004 at the age of XX years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (47%) Alcoholism (9%) Alien Abduction (8%) Homicide (6%) ~ ~ ~ H'm. Well, live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted October 9, 2002 I'm 30% Pure, and am a MENTOR ( Submissive Extroverted Abstract Thinker ) You are a MENTOR (SEAT). Some would call you the most powerful and influential of all people. Those people are wrong. The reality is that you DON'T really WANT to impose personal views or beliefs on others. Yet you are extroverted and intelligent, and you like to get involved. So you help others with the pursuit of knowledge. You're the reason that people say teachers are also students. You are as much a learner as a master, and this satisfies you. You won't die a lonely death, but towards the end you'll grow introspective, wondering if your life meant anything. This will last for decades, and you'll die after your spouse. Well, that's about completely wrong. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Sturgis Report post Posted October 9, 2002 I'm 62% pure (damn!) 26% sexy (yeah that's true) 26% gay (I'm not gay) I will die when I'm 65 (not bad) I will have sex with 5 people including the two I already had sex with and I will love only 2 of them(1 already) And my IQ is 42 (true) I don't think I like these tests. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted October 9, 2002 The Slut Test. Substituting all the questions about men with women, I acquired the following: 43% slutty which is actually less than the average, 46%. Hey, 26 other people agreed with me about Julianne Moore. EDIT: I've taken the gender test in the past, and it guessed I was a man. Actually, I was hoping to fool them. Alas, my machismo was not wily enough to fool the statistics. I've also taken the gay one in the past, and scored somewhere in the 30s. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest evenflowDDT Report post Posted October 9, 2002 It all adds up... You are definitely a woman! How do we know? Well, deep down, your gender affects everything about you, from your favorite number to your views on Canada. Many women who took the test think and act just like you, as you can see from the clusters above. Statistically speaking, you are a chick. It also gave me this lovely graphic... And the following text when I picked that I was a guy: REALLY? You know, for every question, we track very carefully what each gender answers. This allows us to guess with the utmost accuracy what you are. And in the rare case where we guess incorrectly (like now), we have the opportunity to learn from nature's mistake. You. People like you, who walk the scary line between man and woman, are *very* helpful in understanding exactly what it means to be human. Thanks, and good luck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Satanico Report post Posted October 9, 2002 purity: 47% gay : 32% death: August, 26th 2017 at age 40 and from cancer(oh great) bastard: 69% Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted October 9, 2002 I'm 35% gay. I thought I was sunk when I admitted to getting nervous in the locker room, too. I can expect to die on December 7th, 2043 at the ripe old age of 60. Most likely of heart disease or some smoking-related illness. It guessed correctly that I'm a man. And it's comforting to see that people prefer Black Jack to The Slot Machine, which would be a pretty lame porn name. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Angle-plex Report post Posted October 9, 2002 My Test Scores: Gay- 20% Pure- 72% I.Q. - 158 Sex- I'll have sex with 5 women before I die - I'll love 1 of them Insane- 41%~! Personality- Accountant!? Gender- I'm a MAN~! Death- August 20, 2062 Dateabile- 62% Wealth- I'll be a millionare when I'm 39, with most of my money coming from criminal mischief Bastard- 50% Loveabile- 46% Best Friend- 39% Inner Child- Malnourished Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Will Scarlet Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Purity: 69% Gay: 26% Sex: I am going to have sex with 15 people in my lifetime, all female, three of which I will actually love, and I am 32% sexy. Insanity: 35% Personality: Artist Bastard: 50% Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bob_barron Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Purity: 78% Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Congratulations! Based on inflation, taxes, the anticipated world economy, melting icecaps, free love, the global yeast war of 2017, the Canadian depression of 2021, and your personal financial outlook, you can expect to be worth one million dollars at... 39 years old! This is how you'll make (or lose) big bucks during your very eventful life. Match these events on your personal timeline with the graph to see their effects. 2003: Armed robbery turns hot lead to gold. 2005: You develop ground-breaking genetic techniques. However,two Whoopie Goldbergs now walk the earth, and it's all your fault. Total disaster. 2012: You invent a new game show called "Money Shot" where random couples have sex for audience approval and fabulous prizes. Hosted by Regis. 2014: Arrested for grand theft: pants. Very high legal fees. "Hi, I'm Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, noted crap-monger, and star of TV's Melrose Place. I'm also a psychic. Anyway... I predict that your first million dollars will be made in 2019, in the following ways: " $63,000 through insider trading. $261,000 being a star. $126,000 through lucrative nerd-ism, like me, Bill Gates. $124,000 criminal mischief. $189,000 working 9 to 5. $187,000 'working' between the sheets. $50,000 odd-jobs for the Pope. Fo sheez, Kotzenjunge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bob_barron Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with 2 people! And you'll first have sex at age 20, in your own bed. You are 14% sexy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest oldschoolwrestling Report post Posted October 9, 2002 You are 34% Pure! (Very interesting.) I should drop to about 29% now that I have a new hottie in my sig..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Zack Malibu Report post Posted October 9, 2002 47% Sexy-In addition to the ______ girls that I've already slept with, I'll have a grand total of 18. 83% Dateable This probably isn't stuff I should brag to the g/f about. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Angle-plex Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Has anyone taken the NEW I.Q. test? It's MUCH harder. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest evenflowDDT Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Has anyone other than me gotten the other gender? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest T®ITEC Report post Posted October 9, 2002 Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with 2 people! And you'll first have sex at age 20, in your own bed. You are 14% sexy. Someone actually did worse on this one than I did. I feel better now; thanks, Bob. Has anyone other than me gotten the other gender? Kotz did. Right in the middle, just like you. Has anyone taken the NEW I.Q. test? It's MUCH harder. I did, over the summer. I got a low score, but that isn't surprising. I'm a stupid person. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted October 9, 2002 New IQ Test? Where is that one? Fo sheez, Kotzenjunge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted October 10, 2002 I just took the purity test.. 69%~! I'll take the others in a little bit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CED Ordonez Report post Posted October 10, 2002 65% Pure...probably one of the highest without saying yes to a sex question. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted October 10, 2002 I suspect anyone who scored less than 30% on the gay test wasn't being entirely honest when taking the quiz. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest treble charged Report post Posted October 10, 2002 I got something like 25%, and I was basically honest. I's got nuttin to hide. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted October 10, 2002 C'mon, man. Scoring in the thirties doesn't mean you're gay. As a wise man once said, "everyone's a little queer." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest treble charged Report post Posted October 10, 2002 I'll take it again, just to make you happy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted October 10, 2002 If you answer the same way, it's not gonna change. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest treble charged Report post Posted October 10, 2002 You're right: You are 26% GAY! I think I was even more honest, this time. Just 'cause you're gayer than me doesn't mean you have to be jealous of my bursting heterosexuality. Go catch a show on Broadway, or something. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
