Funerals

[Guest spiny norman]

If this is in too much poor taste, I apologise. If you're offended, I do feel awfully bad. But, anyway, does anyone have any interesting funeral stories?

 

I've been to seven funerals in my life, but something interesting (in a sick, perverse way, sure) happened at my Great-Grandmothers funeral. I was twelve at the time.

 

Anyway, it was an outdoors funeral. During the speech from her brother, I choked on some saliva. Anyway, I really couldn't breathe, and I was coughing etc while getting dirty looks from most of my family members who thought I was trying not to laugh, and instead coughed.

 

My mother and aunt realised I was choking, and started wacking my back. I started hyper-ventilating, and my sister whispered to me to just go for a walk, and so I got up and left.

 

So there's my incredibly tasteful story. Does anyone else have any, or am I just a weirdo for even bringing up the topic?

[Guest DARRYLXWF]

A funny thing happened to a school mate of mine.

 

At his grandfathers funeral his younger brother started laughing for no reason, from there, he started laughing because of his brother, and it was a chain reaction throughout. The entire row or two started laughing.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

When my dad went to his grandmothers funeral when he was a boy he accidently knocked her coffin over, spilling her corpse on the ground.

 

 

....i didn't say it was a funny story.

[Your Paragon of Virtue 0]

You should have

 

Only thing I have, is uncontrollable at the stupidest things, during the worst times. On top of all this, I get dirty looks from everyone else there....

[Guest DARRYLXWF]

When my dad went to his grandmothers funeral when he was a boy he accidently knocked her coffin over, spilling her corpse on the ground.

 

 

....i didn't say it was a funny story.

I'd say that falls nicely under the catagory of shock humor, and I like it.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

My grandmother almost fell into my great grandfather's grave at his funeral.

 

I'm also told that I walked up to the coffin of my old Aunt Connie, took a look at her, and said "Boy, she sure is dead!" I was four at the time.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Texas Small Arms 09]

Just a quick question, spiny are you fucked up in the head? This is a really retarded thread and I'm just curious as to why you even thought about shit like this. I'm not offended by this, I just wanna know why you decided to start a thread so damn stupid

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

I think it's a valid topic for a thread. Interesting things do happen at these, after all.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest treble charged]

I'm also told that I walked up to the coffin of my old Aunt Connie, took a look at her, and said "Boy, she sure is dead!" I was four at the time.

Ok, I burst out laughing at that one. I've been to one funeral in my life, and I was 17 when it took place, so I don't have any cute stories like that, but that's why it's good to have little kids at stuff like that. Helps lighten the mood.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

It's fine, I thought it was hilarious too. To have that timing and wit today would rule.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest spiny norman]

TSA:-

 

I didn't think it was that bad? We've had a few good stories so far, so it seems I'm not the only one.

 

It's no worse than the weird dream thread, where we've had people recounting dreams of their sister's being naked before making out with them. I don't think funny funeral stories are any worse than incestual fantasisations?

 

This is General Chat, which to me means thnings I'd speak to people about in everyday life and conversations. And I have conversations with my friends where we recount humourous moments in funerals that we have experienced. If too many people find it to be immoral, so be it, don't read the thread.

 

But so far the majority of people posting haven't found anything wrong with it, so I don't see why it can't continue?

[Guest papacita]

I really don't have any funny funeral stories. At a funeral for one of my dad's friends, he was reading the eulogy and just started cracking up telling an old story about his friend. Soon just about the whole church started laughing.

 

Then there was the time I went to a family friend's funeral in North Carolina. It was boring as hell, and just about the entire front row fell asleep. I was also told that while I was asleep a fly flew into my mouth...

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

My dad was giving the eulogy at my grandmother's funeral, and he was commenting on how she looked different in the coffin than she had in life. He said "She didn't have perky breasts like that." Seemed kind of an odd thing to say.

[Guest SP-1]

This isn't the funeral itself, this is at my dad's wake.

 

I was five at the time, so alot of this is simply because I was five and hadn't quite grasped the situation. But anyways, there was this girl in my kindergarten class named Mandy. I started with the ladies early in life and she and I took a walk outside my Uncle's house while the adults did their thing inside. I courted a young lady at my dad's wake . . .

 

. . . and found out some time later that she was my cousin.

 

. . .no, I'm not making that up.

 

-SP, does anything more really need to be added?

[Guest kingkamala]

Why yes yes it does

[Guest SP-1]

LOL, if I went back home to visit my dad's side of the family, I could probably look her up. But she'd still be my cousin.

 

SP, who loves his family, but not that much.

[Guest Nevermortal]

In 6th grade, one of my classmates had a father who died. A few of us from the class attended the funeral, and sat in a row. One of the people happened to be the class clown.

 

All of a sudden, he started making these faces, and I let out a big "HA!" that resounded off the walls of the church. My father looked at me, shook his head, and gave the universal look for "I am gonna fucking kill your for embarassing me, asshole." Then I laughed again. I finally exited.

[Guest The Metal Maniac]

At my grandmother's funeral, there were, as at many funerals, a great many relatives there who I've never met.

 

This is worsened by the fact that the thing was held in Cape Breton, where everybody knows everybody else. so there was a TON of people I' never met. (And yes, everyone does know everyone. The first thing they ask each other is "Who's your father?" so they can find out how they know them.)

 

Anyway, this leads to lots of introductions. "I'm such-and-such, such-and-such's child/brother/spouse/cousin" and the like. This prompted my male cousin, Allan-Cleary, to greet someone with this gem:

 

"Hello, I'm Allan-Cleary. I'm Allana's daugher."

 

I fell the the floor laughing, and couldn't stop for 5 minutes.

[Guest BaldFish]

One time, I went to a funeral and had sex with the corpse.

 

Wait, sorry, I'm thinking of the Katie Vick storyline. As you were.