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Dr. Tom's Smackdown! Report 10/17

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Guest TSMAdmin



Last Thursday, Taker’s latest cocktail waitress conquest spoke out. Few cared.


On tape from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, North America, Earth, this is WWE Smackdown! for 10/17/02. Your hosts are Michael Cole and Taz(z).


Tag Tourney Semifinal Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio vs. D’Von Damn Dudley and Ron Simmons. Edge and Simmons start it off. Simmons passes on the clean break, opting to kick Edge in the corner. They bounce off each other on a shoulderblock, so Edge goes for the sure thing and clotheslines Simmons down. He nails a missile dropkick, but a Simmons jawbreaker stops his momentum. D’Von comes in, right into a flapjack. Rey springboards in in the usual fashion, and takes D’Von over with a snapmare. A dropkick flush in his face follows. Simmons sneaks in, but gets taken over by a Rey headscissors, and D’Von gets taken down by a drop toehold. D’Von avoids the 619, though, and Rey turns around into a spinebuster from Simmons. D’Von press slams Rey, but misses the 2nd rope elbow, as usual. Rey takes him down with a spin kick and makes the hot tag to Edge. Edge goes into housecleaning mode, dropkicking everyone in sight before hitting an Edge-O-Matic on D’Von. Simmons makes the save. Rey knocks Simmons out of the ring with a springboard dropkick, and follows with a plancha. Edge spears D’Von in the corner and puts him up. He tosses Rey into the corner, and Rey brings D’Von down with a hurricanrana. Simmons saves and powerslams Edge, but gets sent out by Rey. This time, D’Von takes the 619, but Simmons is back in time to catch the West Coast Pop and powerbomb Rey. Edge spears Simmons and hits the Impaler on D’Von for the win at 4:37. After the bell, La Familia Guerrero join the party and do a beatdown of Edge and Rey, punctuated by an Eddy frog splash on Edge. Good match to open the show with, though I wish they would have given it a few more minutes. 5/10

(Winners: Edge/Rey, pinfall, 4:37. Edge and Rey advance to the finals Sunday.)


Meanwhile, roving reporter Funaki interviews Tajiri, who will be guest ref when Nidia and Jamie Noble tangle in the ring. Yay, more foreign languages. If only all rednecks settled their disputes by beating the hell out of each other instead of drinking and working on their Camaros.


Redneck Arbitration: Jamie Noble vs. Nidia. Noble keeps insisting he doesn’t want to do this, even after Nidia lowblows him and cradles him for a couple of near-falls. Finally, Noble sits down on a sunset flip and gets the pin at 2:00. DUD. After the bell, Nidia smacks guest ref Tajiri. Tajiri, however, can’t retaliate, as Nidia and Noble double-team him. Noble finishes him with a Tiger Driver, the lovers make up, and all is right in the trailer park again.

(“Winner:” Jamie Noble, pinfall, 2:03)


Meanwhile, The Undertaker gets miked up.


After the break, Undertaker fesses up to knowing Tracy “back then.” Yeah, yeah. Yawn. Leave the soap opera crap on Raw.


Meanwhile, the Guerreros walk into a dark dressing room, and turn the light on to reveal Chris Benoit. Eddy concludes that Benoit thinks he was ganked by the Guerreros, and theatrically denies it. Benoit says nothing the entire time, just fixing Eddy with an icy stare, which just makes the segment that much cooler and funnier. Eddy kirks out at the end, after Benoit still hasn’t said anything, so Chavo escorts him out. That was an effective use of all three men.


After the bell, Brock, Paul E. Dangerously, and “Tracy” walk around backstage.


Billy Kidman vs. John Cena. Well, since Cena couldn’t get over as a face, they might as well try him as a heel. Giving him a better name and an actual gimmick wouldn’t hurt, either, since no one cares about him either way. Cena starts working the arm, but Kidman armdrags him down. Cena goes back to the arm, but Kidman escapes a hammerlock and takes Cena over with a headscissors. Cena slingshots Kidman clear out of the ring and brings him back in for 2. He goes to work on the back, whipping Kidman HARD into the corner and pounding on his lower back. A back suplex gets 2, so Cena follows with a half-hour suplex, also for 2. Cena locks in a bow and arrow, as a “Cena sucks!” chant gets going. Ok, maybe they care a little. I can see a few people actually shouting, so I don’t think the chant’s canned. Kidman escapes and dropkicks Cena down. He nails a flying elbow, but Cena plants him with a DDT for 2. Cena goes for a powerbomb, but he obviously forgot he’s trying to powerbomb Billy Kidman, who turns it into a rollup for 2. Kidman hits a standing enzuigiri and goes up. Cena tries to slam him down, but Kidman turns that into a DDT for 2. Cena backslides Kidman and puts his foot on the ropes for the cheap pin at 5:38. Good enoough for government work. 4/10

(Winner: John Cena, Flair Pin, 5:38)


Meanwhile, Tracy tattles on Taker, but Stephanie McMahon doesn’t care, and tosses her out of the building. Paul says that Brock is the future of Smackdown, and UT is in the twilight of his career. And by the way, he’s a maniac who uses a cast for a weapon. Paul asks that the cast not be allowed. Steph says she’ll consider it. Wow, you could cut the tension with a knife ...


After the break, Taker vents his frustrations on the Tracy situation to Stephanie. He’s not happy about the cast possibly being disallowed, so he smashes up some tacky amenities in Steph’s office.


Brock Lesnar vs. Chuck Palumbo. Chuck slugs the champ, but Brock bulls him into the corner and rams him with his shoulder. Chuck tries to brawl, but Brock answers with the jiu-jitsu clothesline. He whips Chuck hard into the corner and posts his ribs. Brock pounds away and hits a pair of clotheslines. It looks like Chuck is bleeding hardway from the mouth. Chuck tries to slug his way back, but Brock knees him down. A vertical suplex gets 2. Twice more, it still gets 2. Brock nails the overhead suplex and locks in a bearhug from behind. Good thing Chuck’s got the hetero gimmick back. Chuck makes the ropes, so Brock slams him into the corner and leaves him in a Tree of Woe. Brock charges, so Chuck half-flips and kicks him down. Brock posts himself on a second charge. Chuck pounds Brock and hits the overhead suplex. He connects with a pair of Jungle kicks, but Brock grabs the bottom rope at 2. Brock reverses an overhead suplex to one of his one. It looks like Brock’s bleeding from the mouth, too. Brock backbreakers Chuck and hoists him into the F5 at 6:30. After the bell, Undertaker attacks, wailing on Brock and scattering the various officials who try to chase him off. Brock blades before making his escape. The match was pretty good, and at least it wasn’t a glorified squash. 5/10

(Winner: Brock Lesnar, pinfall, 6:30)


Meanwhile, the yummy Torrie Wilson stretches in a perforated shirt when she spies her dad. She interrupts her routine to warn dear old dad away from Dawn Marie.


Steamy Intergender Action: Dawn Marie and Mattitude v1.0 vs. Rikishi and Torrie Wilson. Matt has a new entrance video, emphasizing the “Version 1" moniker. It’s pretty well-done, really, looking like a slick WWE-style website, and getting in a jibe at Undertaker. Chicanery on the tags leaves Dawn in against Rikishi, which shouldn’t be allowed in a “mixed” tag match, Dawn slaps the big man (must be boob envy), so Rikishi picks her up and tosses her onto Matt. Torrie neckbreakers Dawn for 2. Dawn kicks her down on a charge and tries a Flair pin, for 2. Torrie slams her, and Rikishi comes in. Again, he shows himself to be a savage cheater again as he tries a buttdrop. Dawn preserves her implants by rolling away. Here comes Mattitude, and Rikishi greets him with a flurry of punches. Matt can’t do a sunset flip because Rikishi is TOO FAT. Matt does manage to hit the Side Effect, though he misses the second-rope legdrop. Rikishi shoves out of the Twist of Fate and spinebusters Matt. Dawn jumps on his back, so he uses her for a fatass splash. Torrie does a running splash onto the Dawn/Matt pile, and Rikishi splashes them again. Matt puts Dawn in the way of the Stinkface, thus showing his Mattitude. Torrie rolls up Dawn, but Matt reverses them and Dawn gets the pin at 3:59. Torrie only had about ten seconds to kick out there. Like most mixed matches, this had a good moment or two, but wasn’t anything special overall. 2/10

(Winners: Dawm Marie/Matt Hardy, pinfall, 3:59)


Meanwhile, Brock gets medical attention as Paul births kittens.


After the break, Paul complains about blood on his jacket and demands the cast not be allowed Sunday. Steph again promises to consider it, but Paul hasn’t used up his kirk-out quota for the night yet.


Meanwhile, Benoit does the intense staring trick to Kurt Angle, who interprets it as jealousy over his gold medals. Angle finally figures out it’s about last week’s attack, so he tries to focus Benoit on tonight’s match against the Guerreros.


After the break, Torrie discovers the flowers are actually for Dawn (duh). She spies him in the shower with Dawn and runs away. I certainly wouldn't run away from Dawn Marie in a shower. Just thought I'd add that.


De Facto Main Event, Tag Tourney Semifinal Match: Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit vs. La Familia Guerrero. Edge and Rey attack the Guerreros before the bell. Angle starts pounding on Edge, and Benoit goes to work on Rey. Edge spears Angle, drop toeholds Benoit into the ropes, and Rey adds the 619. Everybody’s dead, so we need a commercial. Back from the break, Eddy is pounding on Angle and stomping a BAH GAWD mudhole. Angle elbows him to break it up, and gets a clothesline for 2. He decks Chavo off the apron and suplexes Eddy for 2. Benoit comes in and pounds on his former friend. A hard back elbow gets 2, and Benoit follows it with a backbreaker, also for 2. Angle tags back in and works over Eddy in the corner. Eddy hits a back elbow and tags in Chavo, who brings the mad stompage. A clothesline gets 2, but Angle nails an overhead suplex. Benoit buries a knee in Chavo’s gut and gets 2 off a back suplex. Chavo answers with one of his own, though, and goes to the chinlock. Eddy pounds Benoit down and tries a suplex, but Benoit counters it into the Crossface. Chavo breaks it up. He tags in and exchanges MANLY chops with Benoit before snapmaring him over and going back to the chinlock. Benoit fights out, but Eddy sneaks in a knee from the apron, and Chavo clotheslines Benoit for 2. Eddy slingshots in and cheap-shots Angle, allowing Chavo to abuse Benoit. Chavo stays in and slaps on another chinlock. He goes up, but Benoit crotches him and brings him down with a superplex. Eddy tags in, Angle gets the hot tag, and Kurt is a gold medal house afire. He folds Chavo in half with a German and hits an overhead suplex on Eddy for 2 as Chavo saves. Benoit Germans both Guerreros, but gets whipped into the ref and ends up outside. Eddy chop-blocks Angle and locks in the El Paso Lasso, but Kurt wisely reverses it to the Anglelock. Eddy taps, but the ref is still out. Chavo has a chair, which Benoit snatches away from him. He makes nice with the Guerreros long enough to paste both of them with the chair, and Angle finishes Eddy with the Olympic Slam for the win. We saw about 10:45 of it after the break. Typical excellent match from these four, setting up what should be an awesome match for the Smackdown Tag Tiles Sunday. 8/10

(Winners: Angle/Benoit, pinfall, 10:45. Angle and Benoit advance to the finals Sunday.)


Meanwhile, Marc Loyd asks Stephanie about the cast. She decides to trump the main event and make the announcement in the ring.


Stephanie comes out for the main event interview, and quickly summons Brock and Paul. Steph weighs the options, putting Brock’s breaking of UT’s hand vs. UT using the cast as a weapon. The decision: Taker will be allowed to wear the cast. Now we can all sleep easily tonight. The crowd seems to be getting an early start on that sleep. Brock menaces Stephanie until Taker comes out, but Brock has a spinebuster waiting for him. Brock stomps the hand, leaving UT curled up against the ropes. Brock leaves, but Paul stays behind, which proves unwise, as UT wallops him one. Paul blades, too, and UT wails away after slugging Brock off the apron. Everyone blades for Taker tonight! I’m sawing my forehead open as I type this up. UT shows off the bloody cast as the credits pop up.


The breakdown:


The Good: Both tag tourney semifinal matches were solid (the latter especially so), which really showcases the talent disparity between Raw and Smackdown. Brock and Palumbo put on a decent match that had some stiff spots in it. John Cena actually got a reaction from the crowd after going the way of the heel. None of the non-wrestling segments really did anything for me.


The Bad: Will he or won’t he be allowed to wear the cast? Oh, the tension! Oh, the DRAWMUH~! It’s better than watching storylines about necrophilia, though. Even when Smackdown hits its low in terms of soap opera stuff, it doesn’t come close to scraping the gutter like Raw’s been doing for the past couple weeks.


The Ugly: I hate it when the main event slot is wasted on an interview, especially when the predictable confrontation ensues. I know they’re trying to sell the PPV on Sunday, but I actually watch for the wrestling, and I’d rather a mediocre match close the show than a bunch of talking and weak punching.


Overall: The magic of two and three weeks ago is apparently difficult to recapture. Maybe next week, when there’s no hard selling that needs to be done. This was an improvement over last week’s thoroughly mediocre show, though, and Smackdown continues to be leaps and bounds better than Raw. 6/10


Dr. Tom

Send me feedback or I'll club you with my cast!

(Remember to chop off the leading X from each field)

Stop back Sunday for The Dames' Diatribe on No Mercy!

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