Goodear vs. The Board

[Guest TSMAdmin]

It’s been a busy week in the old Goodear household. First off, my roommate of about 5 years (since my sophomore year of college) is striking out to a bigger and better place to live, while I languish in the original, cockroach-infested apartment. And to be quite frank, I don’t have a problem with it. Mostly, because I don’t think I’ll be staying here in Virginia much longer and so, I don’t have to worry about leaving him high and dry now. And partly, because I’ll get to wander around the current apartment naked a whole lot more.

 

In other news, my folks have finally gotten a picture of my best gal, and have decided to add it to the wall of “family.” Do you think they want grandchildren badly or what? Anyway, the girlfriend is a little freaked by the notion, since she’s never actually met my parents. Well, at least she won’t have to worry about being “good enough” for them. Evidently, the parents will be happy as long as someone takes me out of my wild single life. Must be since I’m such the player. You know two girlfriends in 5 years will just burn you out like that –snaps fingers-.

 

If you’ve got disposable income, I recommend spending it on the Friends first season DVD. It’s great for those 20-30 minutes periods in your day when you have to kill some time and there’s nothing on television to watch. Marathon sessions are a little hard though, since it starts to set in how much of a pain in the ass Chandler must be to have around all day and how badly you want to kill him. Slowly. Using a blowtorch.

 

You know, these little slice of life paragraphs are an easy way to get your columns started without having to actually put more than five sentences in a row? I love them. With that, away we go… to the board!!!

 

The Celtic Jobber starts us off from the thread “ Jamie Noble, How has he done?” …

 

A fictional conversation between Triple H and Jamie Noble, based on what probably happened to Lance Storm;

 

Jamie Noble: Killer sleeper hold man!

Triple H: “Fuck off kiss-ass! Hey Stephanie; this Jamie Noble guy has a smart mouth on him, make him job to Mark Henry on Velocity for 3 months"

 

Lord Jesus, can we please stop with the Triple H backstage conversations already? There’s about three of them on the board a week, and none of them is even remotely entertaining. My impersonation of someone else impersonating Triple H,

 

“Blah, blah, Stephanie, blah, blah, hold them down, blah, blah -spits water-.”

 

Come on folks, this is beneath you. Don’t tell me how repetitive wrestling is when you do the same three bits every other day. Well, at least C.J. didn’t put –Uh at the end of every word, which not a damn person mentioned until WWE pointed it out for us.

 

Next we go to NoCalMike as he pontificates on “Randy Orton injured, from carrying the company on his back”…

 

JR starts off Raw all miserable, "Ladies and Gentleman, a great tragedy has occurred, Randy Orton has hurt his shoulder, I am so sorry for the fans out there, so we will have to settle for RVD vs. Storm, go ahead and turn on MNF, I wouldn't blame ya, oh just remember to turn it back in time to see Triple H go on about his match with Kane to close the last 20 minutes of tonight's broadcast, god bless and god speed Mr. Orton!"

 

You know what is funny? That people keep trying to blame Orton for his push. Like it’s his call to have Jim Ross yelling like a dimwit during all of his matches. If you have a problem with Ross, blame Ross! Like it’s Orton’s decision to go over Storm and Christian consecutively. If you have a problem with WWE’s booking, blame the booking. But to say that Randy Orton is the reason you aren’t having Lance Storm/Rob Van Dam matches is just about the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You know, it’s funny that all of a sudden people don’t like that WWE actually is trying to push someone beyond the lower midcard. So what if Lance and Christian do jobs? It’s not like it means a damn thing anyway since WWE could easily turn the key on their pushes whenever they feel like it. Like people are going to look back and be, “Wait a minute. They lost to Randy Orton! Phooey on them!”

 

Moving on quickly to, oddly enough, Quik in “Smackdown Spoilers, Sounds Like A Great Show”

 

So now each brand has a world title and a tag title.

 

Yay. No midcard belt. No semi-push. Now all feuds are meaningless except for the world titles.

 

You know, about ten years ago or so, there were a grand total of three titles in the then WWF. Now there will soon be six. And people are going to be complaining that there won’t be any feuds that mean anything because there isn’t a title involved? Let me tell you something sonny, a title belt is just a freaking prop. It’s a tool designed to get people over as “the best” in a particular federation or weight class. And the I-C title was no longer even accomplishing that. In another thread, I asked people who the last person to be elevated by the title was, and you know what the answer I got was? The Rock was, in 1998. That’s five years ago! And since then, no one has gotten any sort of rub off the title? Good riddance.

 

Finally, lets go to a happy-go-lucky guy named mw679 from the lovely thread named “Wrestlemania Thought, Japan???” …

 

Ok, so I'm sitting here watching my Best of Japan 2001 tape set and I start thinking, what if the WWE ever held Wrestlemania in Japan? I know it's far fetched, but bear with me. If they ever did, they could have only like 6 or 7 matches on the card and everyone would work a style that would get over with the Japanese fans, not this "WWE style"...I just think it would be cool to see, I know the time difference and everything would screw things up but damn I'd love to see wrestlers pulling out things they'd never be able to do while hampered with that dreaded WWE style *cough*vertebreaker*cough*. Anyway, figured I'd chime in, share your thoughts....

 

I’m not sure what to say about this. Do I say that WWE doesn’t want its employees to drop each other on their heads for a reason? Do I mention that just going to a foreign country doesn’t magically make everyone that takes the flight the kind of worker that the country favors? Do I bring up the fact that if WWE wanted to, they could wrestle a puro style whenever they wanted and don’t have to actually go to Japan if they don’t want to? Do you honestly think it’s a good idea to make workers wrestle in a different style on the biggest show of the year?

 

I’ll be back later. Send me e-mail at [email protected] and I’ll answer it whenever I get around to it. You might even get published in one of these bad boys. And then all the chicks will be after your stuff… even the lesbians. Promise.