Batista Part Deux

[Guest notJames]

So The Artist Formerly Known As Leviathan makes his re-debut on The Little Show That Couldn't to a response caught somewhere between polite applause and apathy. Oh, Dave, how did they screw thee? Let me count the ways:

 

1. Boring entrance

If they're going to give vignettes heralding this guy as the Second Coming, the least they could have done is match it with a grand entrance. No pyro, no new music, no dancing girls, no surprises, nothing. Look what they did with Rey Rey and compare. Geez, is everything better on SmackDown!? (Rhetorical question)

 

2. Boring opponent

If they put Aldo Credible in the match to illustrate just how boring a squash could be, mission accomplished. Nobody sees this guy outside of Heat, and they expect the crowd to care whether he's beaten or not. And are they building Batista as a heel or a face? Last time I checked, Credible was a heel. Way to confuse and bore the few fans paying attention to this match.

 

3. Boring match

I know, squashes are a good way to get monsters over. But it's not like he did anything different from his past matches. And the high impact stuff is nothing we haven't seen before with Brock, Kane, Bradshaw, Albert, etc. If you're going to treat this guy like Prometheus Unbound, for fuck's sake, make him do something interesting. There are roughly 1001 killer moves they can steal from Japan that don't begin with "power" and end with "bomb". And no, sitting down on a move does nothing to increase the impact on either the victim or the viewer (after that boring match, you could say the two are interchangeable...)

 

4. Bad timing

You put Batista, a relatively new, freakishly built monster getting a renewed push, in a squash match against a nobody, roughly ten minutes after airing a promo for a newly-aquired Scott Steiner.

 

I'll wait for you while the logic starts to sink in.

 

How is anybody supposed to care about Batista, given his mishandling after only one match, when they're already soiling their pants over Big Pile-a Poop, who is just as grotesquely-muscled, just as intense, but has easily 50x the fanbase? (1 x 50 = 50) Even if Mushmouth Meshhead (CRZ - come back soon) goes to the Stephie Show, the comparisons are already being made, if only subconsciously. And god forbid the two should go head-to-head. There won't be enough room in the ring for them to spread their bloated arms out.

 

If it keeps up in this fashion, no one is going to take Batista for the übermensch they're hyping him as. Sure he'll go over the D'Los and the Spikes and possibly a Tommy Dreamer or two. But when they try to put him over guys that the fans really care about, it'll fail just as surely as when Jamal pinned Booker T in Houston.

 

Truth be told, I like his potential. He's got a good look, he's explosive, and he's mostly beliveable as a guy that could snap at a moment's notice. And from what I've heard about his OVW work, Batista has skills. But his second stint out of the starting gate is leaving too much to be desired. I know I'm dooming the guy before he's started, but the bookers don't exactly put a dent in my hope chest. And if/when the apathy meter finally hits eleven somewhere down the line, the monkeys writing this show will be left scratching their heads and picking nits out of their fur wondering "Eeee eee eeeeee eeee ee eeee*?" while poor Davey Boy is shunted into the also-ran pile staring at the glass ceiling, dreaming of a time when he could have been trading Ico-Pro tips with HHHe-Man and Kane-with-Necro-Grip.

 

 

 

 

*translation: Where did we go wrong? This guy's a Hoss. Why aren't they popping for his Hoss-tility? Maybe he should squash RVD and Booker in a handicap match, while HHH "gives him the rub" by talking over the commentary team.

[Guest razazteca]

still not impressed by this OVW talent who is supposed to be the best of the Natural Born Thrillers Version 2. According to the PWI 500 Leviathon is supposed to have a killer move most likely stolen from Nova.....a Spear/Powerbomb combo. I guess this move along with Ortan's Wheelbarrow German Suplex and Brock's Shoot Star Press do not exist in WWEEEEEEEEEEEEE land. Heaven forbid a HOSS~ to have a Spear more powerful than Edge or a HOSS to have a highspot better than Kidman or anybody looking better than HHHe-Man.

[Guest Mole]

still not impressed by this OVW talent who is supposed to be the best of the Natural Born Thrillers Version 2. According to the PWI 500 Leviathon is supposed to have a killer move most likely stolen from Nova.....a Spear/Powerbomb combo. I guess this move along with Ortan's Wheelbarrow German Suplex and Brock's Shoot Star Press do not exist in WWEEEEEEEEEEEEE land. Heaven forbid a HOSS~ to have a Spear more powerful than Edge or a HOSS to have a highspot better than Kidman or anybody looking better than HHHe-Man.

If Brock ever wrestles Angle, then I'm the shooting star press will come out.

[Guest Mulatto Heat]

Good points notJames. It almost amazes me how they've handled these 'rookies' (I've grown to have a serious disdain of that word). Hell, with Batista it was almost like a character reset as his time with D'Von is seemingly forgotten. And yet they've screwed up yet again. Point #4 is why the "Monster" is so run-of-the-mill these days. What's the difference between Batista and Steiner or Lesnar?

 

Oh, on another note, I really love how people seemingly how when, where and how Brock will break out his fabled SSP. Does anyone else not recall how he was 'supposedly' going to do it at Summerslam? Then at No Mercy?

[Guest Anglesault]

He was also going to use it at Vengeance to show that he can fly with RVD or something.

[Guest buffybeast]

Batista seems to be lacking charisma. He reminds me a lot of Lex Luger.

[Guest notJames]

Batista seems to be lacking charisma.  He reminds me a lot of Lex Luger.

Are you kidding? After every big move, he successfully conveyed his emotion by growling at no one in particular.

 

That's charazzzzzzzma!

[Guest RenegadeX28]

That was a very messy re-debut of Batista indeed.......

[Guest Choken One]

I think it is the name...Batistia alone works but adding Dave really lessens the threat...Although Brock Lesnar or Scott Steiner aren't evil sounding either...they make it threating when you think of it. If Steiner name was Bobby Wellerstone...and was the same...Bobby Wellerstone would be a feared guy.

[Guest evilhomer]

*breaks into "These are the Dave's I know you know" by The Kids in the Hall*

 

The limiting of moves is killing the product so much. "Holy Shit" moments are few and far between if at all. It protects the wrestlers from injury, but then again, they'd also be safe sitting at home out of work because fan apathy killed the product.

[Guest dreamer420]

I just want to see Steiner, HHH, Brock, and Batista all standing beside each other. Imagine that image.

[Guest Anglesault]

I just want to see Steiner, HHH, Brock, and Batista all standing beside each other. Imagine that image.

Can I pull the lever that opens the trap door under them?

[Guest ozzysheadlessbattheonlinelegend]

*breaks into "These are the Dave's I know you know" by The Kids in the Hall*

*some of them are david, but most of them are daaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvveeeeeee*

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

Lesnar will NEVER do the shooting star press in the WWE. NEVER.

[Guest godthedog]

why does half the board have such a hard on for batista? he's enormous, he's ripped, and he's incredibly stiff in the ring. and that's about it. he entertained me for a couple weeks there when he clotheslined the SHIT out of randy orton, but he has yet to impress me with any actual wrestling ability. and he's a damn rookie, all smarks should wait at least a year before bitching about somebody being "mishandled" (unless they're already well-established from another company, like jericho).

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

I don't think I've heard such silence as during that minute-30 squash last night. It was literally silent. I had a hard time realizing I had the TV on.

 

For every Mattitude we get a Monster. Just need better gimmicks or attitudes to get these guys moving in some sort of direction.

[Guest Nevermortal]

He busted out the Finlay Rolling Fireman's Carry, so I'm cool with the man.

[Guest buffybeast]

Lesnar will NEVER do the shooting star press in the WWE. NEVER.

Why do you think this?

[Guest midnight_burn]

Any chance Batista had was killed when they started calling him Dave. Could they pick a less threatening name? Cower in fear, here comes the monster DAVE~!

[Guest Ravenbomb]

could be worse, his name COULD be Francis.

JR: OH MAH GAWD, IT'S FRANCIS BATISTA!!!

[Guest AndrewTS]

could be worse, his name COULD be Francis.

JR: OH MAH GAWD, IT'S FRANCIS BATISTA!!!

That's my dad's middle name. Of course, one of my UNCLES got "Marian" as a first name (since changed to Michael).

[Guest art_vandelay]

*breaks into "These are the Dave's I know you know" by The Kids in the Hall*

*some of them are david, but most of them are daaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvveeeeeee*

*they all have their own hands, but they come from different moms*

[Guest Human Fly]

At least they had "Batista" scrolling by on his Titantron video and not "Dave" that would've been the worst possible thing they could've done for him.

 

I thought they missed a good chance to get him over when he walked by HBK. I'm not saying he should've powerbombed Michaels in the hallway or anything, but a little staredown would've gone a long way. It would've also conveyed to the fans (if they couldn't tell it already) just how huge he really is.

[Guest art_vandelay]

Maybe it's all for the best that his debut wasn't so grand. I think he still needs a lot of work in the ring.

[Guest alfdogg]

Lesnar will NEVER do the shooting star press in the WWE. NEVER.

Why do you think this?

Because it would overshadow a certain blond-haired roid monster who has three matching initials.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

he is name could have been "DJ Bastista" the guy who says:

 

Batista: I win because you lose...

Jobber: But why do I lose?

Batista: Cause I win....duh...

[Guest Choken One]

is Dave is real name? I really fail to see a martablity in Dave.

[Guest notJames]

Yes. David is his name.

 

Strange that only Lillian referred to him as "Dave", whereas JR, King, and his chyron just called him "Batista". Methinks Lillian relapsed into that announcing retardation that prevents her from saying that Toronto is in Ontario, and not just in Canada.

[Guest subliminal_animal]

4. Bad timing

You put Batista, a relatively new, freakishly built monster getting a renewed push, in a squash match against a nobody, roughly ten minutes after airing a promo for a newly-aquired Scott Steiner.

 

I'll wait for you while the logic starts to sink in.

 

How is anybody supposed to care about Batista, given his mishandling after only one match, when they're already soiling their pants over Big Pile-a Poop, who is just as grotesquely-muscled, just as intense, but has easily 50x the fanbase? (1 x 50 = 50) Even if Mushmouth Meshhead (™CRZ - come back soon) goes to the Stephie Show, the comparisons are already being made, if only subconsciously. And god forbid the two should go head-to-head. There won't be enough room in the ring for them to spread their bloated arms out.

Good point. That's the one reason that has me thinking Steiner's going to Smackdown. But, as everyone says...this is the WWE we're talking about.

 

still not impressed by this OVW talent who is supposed to be the best of the Natural Born Thrillers Version 2.  According to the PWI 500 Leviathon is supposed to have a killer move most likely stolen from Nova.....a Spear/Powerbomb combo.  I guess this move along with Ortan's Wheelbarrow German Suplex and Brock's Shoot Star Press do not exist in WWEEEEEEEEEEEEE land.  Heaven forbid a HOSS~ to have a Spear more powerful than Edge or a HOSS to have a highspot better than Kidman or anybody looking better than HHHe-Man.

I doubt the Edge thing is a factor, because Rhyno was allowed to use the Gore regularly, and that was put over more than the spear. Plus, I doubt the reason they're keeping Brock's SSP in the mothballs is because they're protecting KIDMAN of all people.

 

I think it is the name...Batistia alone works but adding Dave really lessens the threat...Although Brock Lesnar or Scott Steiner aren't evil sounding either...they make it threating when you think of it. If Steiner name was Bobby Wellerstone...and was the same...Bobby Wellerstone would be a feared guy.

Awesome post. You said it as good as anyone could. Not even about Batista, strictly, but just about names on monster guys in general.

 

I don't think he'd ever be able to surmount "Dave," though. That is the quientessential average, middle-middle-class, works-in-a-cubicle type of name. But like some other guy said, I'd just chalk it up to Lilian's fuckup.

 

why does half the board have such a hard on for batista?  he's enormous, he's ripped, and he's incredibly stiff in the ring.  and that's about it.  he entertained me for a couple weeks there when he clotheslined the SHIT out of randy orton, but he has yet to impress me with any actual wrestling ability.

People have a hard-on for him? I didn't sense that, but I haven't really seen too many Batista impressions outside of here. I think most of the criticism is not that Batista is really good, but that if you're going to build a guy up, make an effort to make the debut worth it. And funny note about Batista's ring skill...every report of OVW prospects I read said he really needed a lot of work in the ring and even though he had a great look, he shouldn't be brought up any time soon.

 

I thought they missed a good chance to get him over when he walked by HBK. I'm not saying he should've powerbombed Michaels in the hallway or anything, but a little staredown would've gone a long way. It would've also conveyed to the fans (if they couldn't tell it already) just how huge he really is.

Now THAT would've been a good idea.

 

he is name could have been "DJ Bastista" the guy who says:

 

Batista: I win because you lose...

Jobber: But why do I lose?

Batista: Cause I win....duh...

Huh?

[Guest Choken One]

I didn't get the DJ Batistia thing either....So I guess "DAVE" was a one time thing? Why don't they just use Lillian as National Anthem chick and Backstage interview and bring Fink back or use someone else...