your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 11/7/2002!

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

I went to Canada two weeks ago and then last week I went with the younguns to gather copious amounts of candy on Halloween night. Now, I`m back to return for your reviewing pleasure.

 

WHAT WORKED-

- Noble was a peck of fun and Torrie works a thousand times stiffer than Kidman so 3/4 of this match so perfectly fine. Kidman wasn`t given enough time to use his mindmeld to force Jamie Noble to try his first Powerbomb ever so Kidman looked perfectly fine as he became a house... a house afire. Plus it sets up Kidman vs Noble and I`m thnking Noble could Juventud a couple watchable matches out of Mr. 1998.

 

- Your SKITSVILLE Compendium: I`ve missed two weeks and I`m glad that Al Wilson is still making the beast with two backs with young, leathery Dawn Marie. And THEN Rikishi and Cena kick it all free-style and what not and I`m reminded of that WHAM! UK! hit from the early 80s- ``Young Guns``! P N NEWZ 2002, DADDY!!! As we useta say in the day- GO HOUSE! Rock n don`t stop it! YO BABY YO BABY YO BABY YO! Can Mantaur with a Boogaloo Shrimp breaking board in a parking deck be far off? I SAY THEE NAY! MEANWHILE, God, I hate to disparage a lady, but Stephanie is getting a real Bea Authur look to her with those burly Butkis-esque shoulders and it kinda helps make the whole ``her fucking Bischoff`` concept makes more sense- as I`m assuming that a bottomless lack of self-esteem would have to be a requirement to facilitate viewing the horrendous mounting face of Bischoff. Your gentle reveiwer almost lost his VERVE for love, and sex and the ladies as I thought about Bea Arthur and the animotronic Bischoff doing the donkey dance until AL MOTHERFUCKING WILSON comes screaming back- testicles akimbo and aging jiminy winky raging like a forrest fire as he feels the urge to brand Dawn Marie `s divine hinder as his own PRIVATE STOCK! YEAH, YOU GO, HOT LOVAH MAN! GO HOUSE! YOU GONNA HIT IT AND NOBODY ELSE IS EVER GONNA HIT IT AGAIN!! FOREVER! AL, YOU ARE A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER! U R A MAN! Al using the suicide trick to get the pussy was a fucking classic assmonger play and he played it like a MASTER. He knows how to get the supercoochie in the coupe like the colonel`s got the chicken. AL ROX! AL ROX! AL ROX! I need to towel off. Again.

 

- Cena tries to fist Rikishi`s gigantic ass and I gotta give mad phat props to the WWE in that they try to now appeal to the fringe element of loverz of hot man-on-man action. The match continues- less about standing switches and rolling kneebars and more about a man... a young, thin man fresh out of OVW coming to terms with a larger, fatter man`s giant ass. By the end, Cena- coated with a fine mist of kim chi-scented fecal spray- takes the whole of Rikishi`s shiny globes of manly poo-blasting gloots and loses- not just a wrestling match but he also loses to his inability to comprehend his feelings, his feeling of allure and his feeling of revulsion- to another man`s forbidden manplace! It`s less like a wrestling feud and more like a movie at the Sundance Festival.

 

- Unbelievably, Angle/ Benoit vs Rey Rey/ Edge 2 out of 3 was REALLY motherfucking great. Angle starts early by doing stupid bumps through the ropes onto his head while chasing Rey. Benoit and Angle smack each other in the head as they tag and I fucking love it. Edge takes a gigantic ass-beating early in the first fall- as the Unstoppable Mack Truck Of Mutually Loathing makes a run at being the best tagteam ever. Edge gets smoked by everyone in this match because Rey can actually pull off a harder edged offense than Edge when needed. Rey is fucking aflame as they take the first fall and he hits the sweetest armdrag counter out of the Olympic Slam to lead to Rey taking the ass-beating. Benoit mauls Rey and Rey sells the damage during his comeback to make the build-up all fun and heated. The hot tag is a little too early and my favorite tagteam cheat like motherfuckers to take the second fall- as Angle makes Edge with a bashed-in skull tap to a Ankle lock. Before Angle and Benoit go to the comercial, they smack each other around. This is just the best booked angle in wrestling currently- as it takes two of the three best wrestlers in the WWE and allows them to be this fascinating tag team and also CONTINUALLY allows them to beat the shit out of each other for our pleasure. And we find it pleasing. The third fall has Angle start by beating the dogshit out of Rey. Rey is such a MONSTER in this match, making with the really good, credible comebacks and then bumping like a motherfucker and then being perfect guy on the apron during the Edge ass-beating. Edge takes to his best role- as he assumes Ricky Morton in opposition to this, the World`s Greatest Possible Anderson Brothers. Angle and Benoit are fucking GOLD as they dismantle Edge and Edge sells it like a MAN to get the crowd worked up. Benoit cutting off Edge`s hope spots are fucking hellish and it makes the heat go through the roof. Rey makes the hot tag and Angle bumps like a KING for him until Benoit cuts him off and they do the 54 section finish to set up the Dusty finish. Fuck yeah, a RESTART and Rey is back to being beaten to death. Fuck, let`s do 7 out 12 falls. I`ll stay right here and watch. Benoit decides to fucking KILL Rey with a chop and a suplex and Rey is the victim of Angle and Benoit trying to see who can throw the gnarliest suplex. Rey gets the DDT to make a comeback and a hot tag and Edge hits a couple a midgrade offensive moves and they opt for the 97 section finish to finally get the belts onto Rey Rey and Edge. I can only hope that it doesn`t mean the end of Benoit and Angle as a tag team. That was fun.

 

- Eddy and Chavo as Bugs and Daffy is really fun. Heyman as Elmer Fudd and Lesner as Sam the Sheepdog was less compelling. The match itself was fine- as Eddy cheats to get on offense and then brings four buckets of psychology by working on the knee. Brock sells the knee while on offense for the most part, which is surprising. Eddy- being the best wrestler in the world- makes the big man vs lil man match work as well as it possibly could, and Brock selling the leg was pretty deep selling for a youngster. Postmatch, the Big Show is too much of a load to gorrilla slam Brock into the mats and I`m wondering how they would lure me to a sports bar.

 

WHAT DIDN`T WORK-

- C`mon Heyman, how am IIIII supposed to buy Big Show as a threat? He sucks. I`m suddenly supposed to buy a PPV to watch Lesnar try to carry the biggest underachiever in modern wrestling history? Come on. It`s like the WWE wants to charge admission to view it`s stool sample.

 

- Matt Hardy is a MAN as he bumps as much as a human can bump- in front of a completely complacent audience- and tries to make the Giant Bag Of Pee that is the Big Show look like he actually isn`t the Nouvelle Loch Ness. No dice, young Matt. The big show is worst Festering Pile of Flaming Feces to enter my TV screen in a while. Postmatch, Brock Lesnar is upset. Prolly over having to get in the ring the shittiest wrestler on the face of the earth in 10 days.

 

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

 

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

[Guest benoitrules2000]

Brilliance, as usual!

[Guest goodhelmet]

the only thing i can say deam is that you are a very lucky man. just think, you could have lost the coin toss, card game, spin of the roulette wheel, or whatever device you came up with to do the SD reports. just think... RAW workrate report:

 

what worked...

 

helms flying through the crowd reminiscing of his days in NC

 

 

um... and that's about it.

 

not very exciting is it?

[EL DANDY~! 0]

- Your SKITSVILLE Compendium: I`ve missed two weeks and I`m glad that Al Wilson is still making the beast with two backs with young, leathery Dawn Marie. And THEN Rikishi and Cena kick it all free-style and what not and I`m reminded of that WHAM! UK! hit from the early 80s- ``Young Guns``! P N NEWZ 2002, DADDY!!! As we useta say in the day- GO HOUSE! Rock n don`t stop it! YO BABY YO BABY YO BABY YO! Can Mantaur with a Boogaloo Shrimp breaking board in a parking deck be far off? I SAY THEE NAY! MEANWHILE, God, I hate to disparage a lady, but Stephanie is getting a real Bea Authur look to her with those burly Butkis-esque shoulders and it kinda helps make the whole ``her fucking Bischoff`` concept makes more sense- as I`m assuming that a bottomless lack of self-esteem would have to be a requirement to facilitate viewing the horrendous mounting face of Bischoff. Your gentle reveiwer almost lost his VERVE for love, and sex and the ladies as I thought about Bea Arthur and the animotronic Bischoff doing the donkey dance until AL MOTHERFUCKING WILSON comes screaming back- testicles akimbo and aging jiminy winky raging like a forrest fire as he feels the urge to brand Dawn Marie `s divine hinder as his own PRIVATE STOCK! YEAH, YOU GO, HOT LOVAH MAN! GO HOUSE! YOU GONNA HIT IT AND NOBODY ELSE IS EVER GONNA HIT IT AGAIN!! FOREVER! AL, YOU ARE A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER! U R A MAN! Al using the suicide trick to get the pussy was a fucking classic assmonger play and he played it like a MASTER. He knows how to get the supercoochie in the coupe like the colonel`s got the chicken. AL ROX! AL ROX! AL ROX! I need to towel off. Again.

DEAN, that makes me want to weep tears of joy. Tears of joy for old men getting some motherfucking pussy in the face of all the horny young people in the crowd, and getting it for good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom...and probably never come back.

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

"Testicles akimbo"? That sounds like it might hurt.

 

And no mention of the Rey ringpost 619 on Kurt?

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

- Your SKITSVILLE Compendium: I`ve missed two weeks and I`m glad that Al Wilson is still making the beast with two backs with young, leathery Dawn Marie. And THEN Rikishi and Cena kick it all free-style and what not and I`m reminded of that WHAM! UK! hit from the early 80s- ``Young Guns``! P N NEWZ 2002, DADDY!!! As we useta say in the day- GO HOUSE! Rock n don`t stop it! YO BABY YO BABY YO BABY YO! Can Mantaur with a Boogaloo Shrimp breaking board in a parking deck be far off? I SAY THEE NAY! MEANWHILE, God, I hate to disparage a lady, but Stephanie is getting a real Bea Authur look to her with those burly Butkis-esque shoulders and it kinda helps make the whole ``her fucking Bischoff`` concept makes more sense- as I`m assuming that a bottomless lack of self-esteem would have to be a requirement to facilitate viewing the horrendous mounting face of Bischoff. Your gentle reveiwer almost lost his VERVE for love, and sex and the ladies as I thought about Bea Arthur and the animotronic Bischoff doing the donkey dance until AL MOTHERFUCKING WILSON comes screaming back- testicles akimbo and aging jiminy winky raging like a forrest fire as he feels the urge to brand Dawn Marie `s divine hinder as his own PRIVATE STOCK! YEAH, YOU GO, HOT LOVAH MAN! GO HOUSE! YOU GONNA HIT IT AND NOBODY ELSE IS EVER GONNA HIT IT AGAIN!! FOREVER! AL, YOU ARE A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER! U R A MAN! Al using the suicide trick to get the pussy was a fucking classic assmonger play and he played it like a MASTER. He knows how to get the supercoochie in the coupe like the colonel`s got the chicken. AL ROX! AL ROX! AL ROX! I need to towel off. Again.

DEAN, that makes me want to weep tears of joy. Tears of joy for old men getting some motherfucking pussy in the face of all the horny young people in the crowd, and getting it for good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom...and probably never come back.

there is absolutely NOTHING better than having a role-model for ME on a wrestling show. Al shows us the way to enter our golden years knee deep in poontang. It's a textbook guide to the older, steady love of the aging studbolt using guile and wileyness to touch the young lady's hinder. What else could you ask for beyond the ass-stomping wrestling that is also supplied? Smackdown rules.

 

DEAN.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

"Testicles akimbo"? That sounds like it might hurt.

I was raving.

 

DEAN.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

the only thing i can say deam is that you are a very lucky man. just think, you could have lost the coin toss, card game, spin of the roulette wheel, or whatever device you came up with to do the SD reports. just think... RAW workrate report:

 

what worked...

 

helms flying through the crowd reminiscing of his days in NC

 

 

um... and that's about it.

 

not very exciting is it?

Lack of cable pays off!~

 

Yeah, RAW sounds like the most hideous batch of shit associated with wrestling this side of XPW TV.

 

DEAN.

[ChrisMWaters 0]

the only thing i can say deam is that you are a very lucky man. just think, you could have lost the coin toss, card game, spin of the roulette wheel, or whatever device you came up with to do the SD reports. just think... RAW workrate report:

 

what worked...

 

helms flying through the crowd reminiscing of his days in NC

 

 

um... and that's about it.

 

not very exciting is it?

Lack of cable pays off!~

 

Yeah, RAW sounds like the most hideous batch of shit associated with wrestling this side of XPW TV.

 

DEAN.

You've never heard about GLOOW, have you?