Quick! Help ME!

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

How the hell do i get a two year old to stop crying?!?

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

Bash it in the head with the claw-side of a clawhammer. Sure, the mother will be angry with you, but it's worth it to make sure you don't have a headache.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

I'm not going to bash my nephew's head in.

 

he's been screaming since my sister in law dropped him off...two hours ago.

[Guest Angle-plex]

Let him suck on your nipple?

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

beer?

[Guest Sassquatch]

Make some faces at the kid and then hold him in your arms and shush him down until he calms down.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

As fucked up as I am, children love me. I ussually play with them until they tire out.

[Guest Paranoid]

How the hell do i get a two year old to stop crying?!?

Sucks doesn't it? My kid is just turned 2 last month. There really isn't much you can do dude. If you can understand her it helps out alot. I can understand her most of the time, but sometimes I can't and she gets pissed. Then all you can do is let her be! Good Luck man! If you have any general question or even not general, I will try to give you some advice.

[Guest Sassquatch]

CWM hasn't posted in a while which hopefully means things went smoothly with him and the kid...

[Guest Insanityman]

Get the GRA on the little bugger. Eh, anyways my cousin did that and I basically gave him sugar so he bounced off the walls... it was almost as bad.

[Your Paragon of Virtue]

...or the kid's causing him so much trouble that he has no time to post on the comp.

[Guest Kinetic]

Paranoid has a kid? I had no clue. I mean...I don't know the guy or anything, but still. That's the type of information you should be forthcoming about. If I had a kid--and I probably don't--I'd make sure everyone knew about it. There'd be jokes and gimmick posters and "top ten songs to shut a baby up" threads and everything.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

...or the kid's causing him so much trouble that he has no time to post on the comp.

Bingo.

 

Ryan (my nephew) continued to screamand holler for another hour after I posted this.

 

Finally he settled down when I put on Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny is my savior.

 

He's sleeping now, I'm looking after him for the next few days while his parents are on vacation.

[Guest Texas Small Arms 09]

I take it my idea didn't work

[Guest Paranoid]

Paranoid has a kid?  I had no clue.  I mean...I don't know the guy or anything, but still.  That's the type of information you should be forthcoming about.  If I had a kid--and I probably don't--I'd make sure everyone knew about it.  There'd be jokes and gimmick posters and "top ten songs to shut a baby up" threads and everything.

Actually there are alot of times I am going from watching Dexter's Laborator shorts from CartoonNetwork.com and posting with you guys while she's sitting in my lap. I feel as though I am a cool Dad. We watch Scooby Doo and stuff like that. I was gonna say watch cartoons for CWM, but I wasn't sure how used to him his nephew was. It's not really that hard, but the phrase "Patience in a virtue" took on a whole new meaning!

[Guest cynicalprofit]

2 things, smoke him out or 2 sided tape. Seriously. You give a kid that stuff and they get stuck for hours.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Fall down. Kids love watching grownups hurt themselves.

[Guest B-X]

Give him a funny hat and stick him in your neighbors yard.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

HA. Good Idea BX.

 

Seriously though the kid normally loves spending time with me but I think he's sick. He was throwing up all night so I've made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow.

 

 

Oh and TSA your idea didn't work the first time but later that night it did. Thanks.

[Guest The Metal Maniac]

This is gonna sound really silly, but my Dad swears by it, and he raised 5 kids, so whatever. And for the record, this might only work on young babies, but whatever.

 

Now, I'm not making this up, but...slowly rub your finger down the kid's nose repeatedly. Not hard or anything, just touch the top of the nose and let your finger slide down. Apparantly, it makes babies fall asleep quickly.

 

Hey, it's better then punching the kids face in.

 

Or just get a nephew like mine (Ok, it's a second cousin, but whatever). I swear, you can sit the kid in the living room and just put an open case of Coke next to him. He'll be entertained for hours, just taking cans out, fooling with them, and handing them to you.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Well I haven't had a chance to use your Idea Metal Maniac. He's settled down a bit now.

 

He's actually watching a hockey game now. Proof that he is releated to me.

[Guest Sandman9000]

I'm under the assumption that given my background, any suggestions I give will quickly be ignored and classified as illegal, immoral, and downright child abuse, so I won't.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

*pictures Sandman playing with a Fisher Price Playskool Disney Weedwacker with assorted attachments*

[Guest Downhome]

Now, I'm not making this up, but...slowly rub your finger down the kid's nose repeatedly. Not hard or anything, just touch the top of the nose and let your finger slide down. Apparantly, it makes babies fall asleep quickly.

 

Hey, it's better then punching the kids face in.

That is 100%, without a doubt, true. It doesn't sound crazy at all, I've used that tatic also, as does my whole family...

 

...I thought we were the only ones, lol.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

so Downhome has a little nose fetisHHH?

[Guest Downhome]

so Downhome has a little nose fetisHHH?

Not so much a "fetish" as it is a lust.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

*spits up Mt. Dew*

 

 

.....bastard....

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Give him this year's #1 Christmas item:

 

Mattel's Gasoline-powered Sharp Thing!!!!

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge