SWF Smarkdown (March 4/2002)

[Guest BA_Baracus]

[Loud music booms through the darkened arena.

 

Suddenly a series of 6 large yellowish pyros explode one after another from the left side of the stage to the right.  As soon as they're done another bunch of orange-ish pyros burst across the stage from the right side back to the left as the Smarkdown logo appears on the SWF-tron.

 

After a few seconds the lights return, scan an excited audience then zoom in on the announcer's table...]

 

Curry - It's the first ever edition of SWF "Smarkdown" NTD!

 

NTD - What a stupid name.

 

Curry - No it's not!  It's uhh...really uhhh...

 

NTD - Not even you can shill for a name this bad.

 

Curry - Pffft...just watch me.  Anyways, on with the show!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

SINGLES MATCH

Jay Dawg vs. El Luchadore Magnifico

- Jay Dawg has seen his stock in this company rise quite a bit since aligning himself with Da Pound.  Can he upset Magnifico and finally erase his reputation as a massive jobber?

 

GUEST REFEREE MATCH FOR THE ICTV TITLE

Edwin MacPhisto © vs. Thoth (ref – Spider Nekura)

- Edwin MacPhisto defeated Thoth at “From the Fire” to become the 2-time ICTV champion.  Thoth is intent on winning back his gold and has used the Clan’s power over the commissioner’s office to have this blatantly unfair match booked…

Match Description – DQ and count-out rules are in effect.  Spider can write a match if he wants, but he isn’t required to.

 

HANDICAP MATCH

The Boston Strangler & Fallout vs. Longdogger Pete

- Another totally unfair match in the Clan’s favour.  Pete may live to regret upsetting Fallout on Storm…

Match Description – DQ and count-out rules are in effect.  Only 2 men are allowed in the ring at once.  Strangler and Fallout must tag in and out.

 

ICTV TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH

Spider Nekura vs. The Prophet

- Ever since helping Stubby liberate his wife, the animosity between the Clan and Enlightenment (two heel stables) has been growing.  This Monday Clan leader Spider Nekura and the Prophet will fight for a shot at the ICTV title.

 

TAG TEAM MATCH

Sacred & Hville Thugg vs. Xstasy & Mark Stevens

- After holding the US title for over 70 days, Sacred was defeated by Xstasy on Storm, while later on in the evening the current heavyweight champ, Hville Thugg, was pinned by Mark Stevens in a tag match.  Da Pound will be looking for some revenge this Monday…

[Guest BA_Baracus]

[The door to the parking lot swings open and in marches the commissioner.  It’s raining outside and a grim looking McWeed is half soaked.  Stubby marches down the hall, but jerks his head around as he hears a pair of footsteps approaching from behind…]

 

Stubby – Wha’?  Oh, it’s you.

 

Fallout – Hi McWeed…how you doing?

 

Stubby – Well, let’s see…I’m up to my fucking neck in red tape and paperwork over this network change, the fucking Suicide King rejected his new contract so I had to can him, my wife’s still acting like a fucking loon and to top it all off I’ve got some little piss-ant harassing me the second I get in the fucking door.  So how am I doing?  Not all that fucking good, that’s for fucking asking.

 

Fallout – Okay then…let’s cut the shit then.  I want a title shot.

 

[bA and Fallout turn a corner.]

 

Stubby – Uhm, let’s see…no.

 

Fallout – Hey, watch it!  You follow our orders now.  You do what we say, and I say I want a title shot!

 

Stubby – Do me a favour and go fuck yourself Fallout.  I don’t follow orders from the Clan, and especially not a semi-talented nobody like you!  I’m just repaying a debt and the way I see it I’m pretty close to paid up…

 

Fallout – Oh yeah?  Who’s gonna’ protect your wife when we’re gone?  Think you can stop the Enlightenment all on your own?  You did a piss poor job the first time, and I know you don’t want us fightin’ you!

 

[As Stubby searches for the right response, a shapely and somewhat more muscular then normal woman strides by, causing Fallout to jump a bit…]

 

Fallout – Shit.  That looked like Sarah.

 

Stubby – Okay…you’re right.  Maybe you do deserve a shot…but Stevens is already the #1 contender…

 

Fallout – Fuck Stevens…make it a 3-way.

 

[stubby reaches a door with his name on it, stops and begins searching his pockets for the key.]

 

Stubby – …my office.

 

Fallout – Wait…what about my shot?

 

Stubby – Check out the Storm card.  Until then, leave me the hell alone.

 

[stubby unlocks the door, steps in and slams the door in Fallout’s face.  Fallout stands there for a few seconds staring at the door…]

 

Fallout – …alright!  Title shot on Storm!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The opening ceremonies of SWF Smarkdown! have come to a close, leaving a weird atmosphere inside the GM Place consisting of nervous, yet oddly quiet excitement. Suddenly, the calm is broken as a Mexican voice shouts out, “UNO! DOS! TRES! CUATRO!” over the loudspeakers, with a burst of pyro from each turnbuckle accompanying each shouted word. The fans immediately begin to cheer as the chorus  “Mission Trip to Mexico” begins to pound through the speakers of the arena. El Luchadore Magnifico bursts out from behind the curtain, waving his Mexican Flag proudly and sporting an excited grin. He rushes down the ramp, slapping a few fans’ hands on the way down, as Funyon’s voice booms over the speakers.

 

Funyon: The following is a Singles Match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at 190 Pounds…El Luchadooooorre Magnificooooo!!

 

Magnifico slides headfirst into the ring, pops to his feet, drops his flag, and then hops onto the second turnbuckle. He begins pumping his fist into the air dramatically, drawing even more cheers from his fans. After a few seconds of this, the luchadore hops off of the turnbuckle, picks up his flag, and hands it over to the ref for safekeeping.

 

Curry: If you couldn’t tell, folks, we’re ready to start things off tonight with our first match of the evening, pitting El Luchadore Magnifico against Jay Dawg!

 

NTD: JD is the newest member of Da Pound, yo! He will pop a cap in Mag’s ass, fo’ sheezy!

 

Curry: You’re possibly the whitest person I’ve ever met. Good job.

 

NTD: Word!

 

Magnifico begins to stretch in the ring as his music, as well as the cheers, slowly die down. Right after the music fades out, 3 dim, blue strobelights start to flash around the ramp. Then a pair of silver strobes point directly down into the ring, crisscrossing. JD's voice is suddenly heard, as he shouts out "Welcome to Motherfucking Hell!" over the speakers. Three seconds later, D12's “Fight Music” cranks over the speakers, drawing immediate heat from the crowd. JD walks out with the lyrics playing, and pauses at the ramp to take a brief look around at the booing fans. His agitated expression doesn’t change as he makes his way down the ramp.

 

Funyon: And now, from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, weighing in at 250 Pounds…Jaaaaaaaaaay Dawwwwwwwwwwg!

 

Curry: Even in his own hometown, JD is despised by the fans! They must really hate him for what he did to Xstasy!

 

Once JD reaches the ring, he begins to climb the steps, keeping his eyes fixated on Magnifico. He reaches the top step, pauses, and then throws his arms into the air, drawing one final round of boos before he climbs into the ring. All of the strobes fade out, along with JD’s music, as he stands in the center of the ring, still glaring at Magnifico who is leaning against a corner, watching Dawg with a mixture of caution and amusement. The ref makes sure everything is in order, and then signals for the bell.

 

DING DING DING

 

Magnifico pushes himself out of the corner, and the two men begin circling each other, coming closer and closer. As Magnifico gets within arm’s reach of JD, he reaches out for a lockup. JD starts to do the same, but suddenly drives his knee forward instead, doubling the luchadore over with a viscous shot to the gut! JD begins pounding away at Mag’s back, bringing him down to one knee. JD suddenly drops to the mat and sweeps his leg outward, knocking it into the back of Magnifico’s knee and kicking his legs out from beneath him! As soon as the luchadore hits the mat, JD pops back to his feet and begins dropping his knee on Mag’s chest. After a few of those, JD grabs Magnifico by the hair and jerks him to his feet, then takes him by the arm and whips him into the far ropes. Magnifico bounces off of the ropes and rushes back towards JD, and as he approaches, Dawg lashes out with his leg and tries to connect with a kick to the chest. The luchadore rolls beneath the leg and pops up behind JD. Dawg spins around to face Magnifico, giving Mag the opportunity to grab JD by the shoulders and push himself up into the air, then hook his legs around JD’s head and jerk him down to the mat with a Hurricanrana! JD jumps to his feet right after hitting the ground, standing up at about the same time as Magnifico. Dawg rushes towards the luchadore, only to have his arm hooked and get thrown over Magnifico’s shoulder with a Arm Drag! JD jumps to his feet and rushes towards Magnifico again, and once more gets his arm hooked, but this time JD is able to plant his feet on the mat and avoid the Arm Drag!  JD breaks his arm free, spins around so that he’s face-to-face with Magnifico, and then wraps his arms around the luchadore’s waist with a Waistlock! JD immediately picks Magnifico up and throws him backwards, sending him crashing to the mat with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex! The luchadore bounces off of the mat and arches his back in pain as JD comes over for the cover. Dawg drapes himself over Magnifico’s chest and hooks the leg, drawing the ref down to count…

 

ONE…

 

TWO-No! Magnifico escapes right after two, drawing a few cheers from the crowd.

 

Curry: Beautiful Belly-to-Belly Suplex from JD! He’s really established his dominance so far in this match.

 

NTD: Did you just call JD a Domanatrix?! He may be a little kinky, sure, but he doesn’t do that stuff!

 

Curry: I don’t want to even know how you know that…

 

After Magnifico kicks out, JD grabs him by the hair and stands up, then begins to walk towards the nearest turnbuckle while dragging the luchadore behind him! Upon reaching the turnbuckle, JD jerks on Magnifico’s hair and drives his head forward, slamming it into the bottom turnbuckle! JD begins wildly stomping away at the luchadore as he slowly turns himself over and leans up against the bottom turnbuckle. Dawg doesn’t pause for a second, as he starts stomping away mercilessly at the luchadore’s gut. After about a dozen stomps, JD grabs Magnifico and pulls him to his feet, then takes his arm and whips him towards the opposite corner. JD runs after him, trailing a few feet behind the luchadore as he approaches the corner. As he comes towards the corner, Magnifico grabs the top rope, leaps into the air and extends his legs! JD can’t slow down in time, running through Mag’s legs and crashing into the corner! Right after impact, Magnifico turns around in mid-air, slides down JD’s back while grabbing his waist, and then flips forward, dragging Dawg down to the mat and rolling him up into a pin! The surprised fans begin to cheer as the ref slides down to the mat and begins counting…

 

ONE…

 

TWO-No! JD escapes the pin and jumps to his feet before Magnifico has the chance to stand. Dawg immediately charges at the rising luchadore, and slams him back down to the ground with a Clothesline!

 

Curry: Ouch! Magnifico got in a quick pin, but was immediately overtaken again by JD!

 

NTD: Da Pound has energized JD, Curry! His days of jobberness are over!

 

After landing the Clothesline, Dawg grabs Magnifico by his arm and pulls him back to his feet. JD lands a kick to the gut, doubling Magnifico over, and then applies a Front Face Lock, seemingly for the JD DDT! But before Dawg can start the move, Magnifico grabs him around the waist and begins charging across the ring, not stopping until JD’s back is driven into the corner on the opposite side! JD arches his back in pain and leans up against the corner as Magnifico escapes his hold. The luchadore stands right in front of JD, draws his arm back, then drives it forward and…CHOP! SMACK! WHOOO! The sound of Mag’s Knife-Edge Chop striking JD’s chest echoes throughout the arena as the luchadore draws his arm back once more. Magnifico drives it forward and…CHOP! SMACK! WHOOO! JD is slightly bent over and breathing deeply as ELM grabs him by the arm and tries to whip JD towards the opposite corner. However, Dawg reverses it, sending Magnifico running towards the corner. JD slowly follows him, then stops dead in his tracks in the center of the ring as Magnifico hops onto the second turnbuckle, turns around, and then leaps towards JD with a Flying Cross-Body! However, Dawg sees this coming in plenty of time, and manages to grab Magnifico by the shoulder and between his legs in mid-air! JD immediately spins and falls to the mat after “catching” the luchadore, driving him down into the canvas with a Powerslam! The crowd begins to boo as JD quickly covers Magnifico, hooking the leg as the ref slides into position…

 

ONE…

 

TWO…No! The luchadore kicks out at two and a half.

 

Curry: JD is showing some amazing ability here. You might have been right about his joining Da Pound energizing him, NTD.

 

NTD: Of course I’m right! Good to see that you’re finally smartening up, Spicy Indian Dish Man!

 

JD rolls off of Magnifico and stands up, taking a few seconds to berate the ref about the two count before continuing. Dawg delivers a few stomps to Magnifico, then heads over to the nearby corner and begins climbing towards the top, facing away from ELM. But as he climbs, Magnifico slowly stands up, reaching his feet before JD can reach the top. The luchadore turns towards JD just in time to see him reach the top turnbuckle. Magnifico quickly grabs the top rope and begins to shake it, forcing JD to lose his balance and fall crotch-first onto the top turnbuckle! A loud pop rises from the crowd as JD, looking to be in extreme pain, sits motionless on the top turnbuckle as Magnifico climbs up behind him. The luchadore finally reaches the top, carefully balancing himself on the top rope behind JD as the crowd looks on expectantly. Magnifico grabs JD by his shoulders, hops into the air, and then hooks his legs around Dawg’s head from behind! Magnifico then falls backwards while pulling on JD’s head, jerking him off of the top turnbuckle and throwing him to the mat with a Dragonrana! The crowd pops wildly as JD lands on his stomach in the center of the ring right after Magnifico lands on his back in front of the corner.

 

Curry: Dragonrana! What an amazing move from Magnifico, putting him right back into this match!

 

NTD: Bah, that wasn’t so great. Back in my day, you had to at least do a Tiger-Phoenix-Shooting-Star-Hurricanrana of DOOM or else the crowd would boo you outta the ring!

 

With both men down, the ref begins to count them out. As the ref reaches three, JD and Magnifico stir and begin to struggle to their feet. Both men are at one knee at the five count, and JD reaches his feet at the seven count while Magnifico is still struggling with standing up. JD walks over to the rising luchadore and stands right in front of him, going into a preparatory stance as he waits for Magnifico to stand. The luchadore finally does reach his feet, and as he does so, JD spins around and lashes out with his leg, aiming for Magnifico’s head with a Thai Roundhouse Kick! With amazing reflexes, Magnifico is able to duck beneath the kick just in time, creating a loud “whoosh” as JD’s leg passes over his head. Dawg is spun around by the force of the kick, so that he’s facing away from Magnifico when he stands back up. The luchadore wraps his arm around JD’s neck with a Reverse Headlock and hops backwards onto the nearby turnbuckle. Magnifico then leaps off of the turnbuckle, twists around in mid-air, and falls onto his back, slamming the back of JD’s head into the mat with a Tornado Reverse DDT! The crowd gets back into it, cheering loudly as Magnifico covers JD, hooking the leg as the ref slides into position…

 

ONE…

 

TWO…No! JD kicks out at two and a half, putting a prompt end to all the cheering.

 

Curry: Magnifico lands another big move!  He’d better finish this off quick-like, before JD’s legendary vitality kicks in!

 

NTD: It’s too late for that! Magnifico simply can’t “finish off” JD, he’s too damn tough to be beaten by some punk-ass luchadore!

 

After JD kicks out, Magnifico rolls off of him and simply lies there, exhausted from the beating JD had given him throughout the match. After a few seconds, he begins to climb to his feet, and is followed by JD soon after. As Magnifico stands, he sees that JD is getting up as well. The luchadore makes his way behind JD, waiting patiently for Dawg to reach his feet. JD finally stands, but as soon as he reaches his feet, Magnifico turns so that they are back-to-back, and then hooks his arms as if for a Backslide! Before Mag can run towards the nearest corner for the Baja California Crusher, JD suddenly breaks his arms free, turns to face the luchadore, and then hooks both of his arms from behind! JD slowly lifts Magnifico into the air and falls backwards, smashing his neck and head into the mat with a Dragon Suplex! The crowd OHHH!s loudly as Magnifico falls onto his stomach and lies limp on the mat from the brutal Suplex.

 

Curry: Dragon Suplex from JD! Magnifico went for the Baja California Crusher, but JD managed to reverse it and land that viscous Suplex!

 

NTD: Hah! Magnifico is done for! Pin ‘em, JD!

 

JD lays still for a few seconds, looking a bit exhausted, then starts crawling over to the unmoving luchadore. Dawg grabs Mag by the shoulder and turns him onto his stomach, then drapes himself over Magnifico’s body for the cover. The boos start up once more as the ref slides down to the mat and begins counting…

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THR-Noo! Magnifico gets a shoulder up at the last moment, stopping the booing and replacing it with relieved cheering!

 

Curry: How close was that?? JD almost captured the upset with the Dragon Suplex!

 

JD rolls off of Magnifico and begins to pound the mat with his fist, looking even more pissed off than usual as the luchadore lays next to him, motionless. Not calming down in the slightest, JD grabs Mag by his arms and stands up, slowly dragging ELM to his feet as he stands. As soon as Magnifico is on his feet, JD delivers a kick to his gut to double him over, then applies a Standing Head-Scissors and draws Magnifico’s arms across his neck, setting him up for JD’s Revenge! One half of the crowd boos JD, while the other half cheers for Magnifico to escape. JD lets his anger get the better of him, launching into a profanity-laced rant at the crowd while still holding the luchadore in position. As JD is distracted, Magnifico suddenly breaks his arms free, drops to one knee, and delivers a Low Blow to JD! Dawg immediately doubles over and stumbles away from Magnifico as the luchadore rises to his feet. ELM slowly comes up from behind JD, turns his back to him, and then hooks Dawg’s arms as if for a Backslide! Magnifico turns his body towards the nearest corner, then begins running towards it as the crowd grows louder and louder!

 

Curry: Magnifico escaped JD’s Revenge, and is now looking to finish the match with the Baja California Crusher!

 

NTD: No way! JD will not lay down for this crappy excuse for a finisher!  

 

Magnifico runs up the turnbuckles of the corner, jumps off the top one and flips backwards, and lands on his knees, slamming JD’s face into the canvas with the Baja California Crusher! The crowd is as loud as ever as Magnifico remains on his knees for a second, looking completely exhausted and unable to move. Finally, he grabs JD by his shoulder and slowly turns him onto his stomach, then drapes himself over JD’s chest for the pin. The ref slides down to the mat and begins  to count as both men lay motionless on the mat…

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEE!! JD gets his shoulder up, but it’s right after the three count! The ref jumps to his feet and signals for the bell as the crowd pops once more!

 

DING DING DING

 

Funyon: Your winner by pinfall, El Luchadoooooooorre Magnificooooooo!!

 

“Mission Trip to Mexico” begins to blast over the speakers as the ref helps Magnifico to his feet. Behind him, JD is slowly struggling upwards, with a mixture of shock and supreme rage painted on his face. Meanwhile, Magnifico leans up against the rope, breathing deeply and holding one arm in the air while the ref holds up the other. ELM pushes himself off the ropes and turns around at exactly the wrong time, as he comes face to face with a SEVERELY pissed-off JD! As soon as he sees Magnifico, JD delivers a boot to his gut and re-does the entire setup for the JD’s Revenge! Wasting no time, JD hops into the air and falls to his knees, smashing Magnifico into the canvas with his finisher! JD hops back to his feet, spouting curses at a motionless Magnifico as the crowd mercilessly boos him.

 

Curry: C’mon, that’s not nice! Magnifico beat you fair and square…kinda.

 

NTD: Hah, that’s what he gets! Damn dirty Mexican slut.

 

Curry: Anyway, stick around folks, because we’ve got plenty more action coming up on SWF Smarkdown!

 

The scene fades to commercial as JD exits the ring and the ref starts checking on Magnifico.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The Clan locker room. Hardly the most hospitable place in the world, where ever it is in the world as it changes from show to show, yet still retains its familiar feel.

 

The man known most often as Spider Nekura sits, contemplating his matches in the night to come. Things it would seem are falling into place for him and his Clan after such a long time away. He can feel how close he is to claiming his prize, a stone throw away from influencing the lives of the youth of one whole country.

 

And a knock at the door breaks him out of his thought. “Come.” Is all he makes heard from his position on the finely bound black leather chair he sits in.

 

The door opens carefully as a plainly nervous Fed Ex boy holds a parcel. “Mr Nekura?” The man in front of him just nods, once. It’s enough of a savage movement to make the Fed Ex boy swallow, hard. “I’ll just put it down here on the table then… No need to sign…”

 

“What is it?” The Spider asks once, his gaze set firmly on the child before him.

 

“Erm… You want me to open it?” Once more, Spider nods and the boy quickly opens the package to pull out a video. “Looks like a video…”

 

“Put it in the player, then leave.” Spider tells the boy, moving his gaze off him and onto the TV screen. The Fed Ex delivery man is in no mood to argue and simply does as he is told, sliding the video into the player and making himself scarce.

 

The TV screen flickers for a moment, the snowstorm of a fresh tape clearing to an image of Misty Rivers bound and gagged in a small room. The image flickers for a moment as she looks towards the camera with the eyes of a frightened rabbit, then the image flicks and wipes off to show the body of a man, dressed in white clothes. “Good evening Mr Black, I hope you don’t mind me using a spare tape to contact you, but I thought you might like the eye candy.”

 

Spider shifts a little in his chair, moving forward as if to get a better view of the TV, pressing his fingers together as he studies the body of the man on the screen. “The Saviour.” He voices in a dark tone.

 

“You’ll of course know who I am by now, but I suspect you’re wondering what I’m doing. Well, I can assure you there is no bomb planted in this tape, nor in any of your vehicles or this room. I’m not the type to do a Wilson…” The Saviour’s hands unfold a little, gesturing as one would with facial features, body language communicating what can not be seen. A calm reassurance.

 

“Although I will admit I thought about hiring some youths to harass you and your 'friends' for tonight. Some what in the vain of Beverly Hills Cop, but again, I doubted you’d appreciate that form of humour. No, instead I thought I’d talk to you, talk to you about control. Something I know you’re very familiar with. Most people don’t like being controlled. They have that annoying thing they like to presume is free will, the desire to do as they please. Of course, men like us know this is far from the truth. Already society controls them in what they do, what they think, and what they feel. From governments to their bosses, every one tells them what to do, indeed it would simply take men like us to press a few of the right buttons to take total control over there little lives. Amusing, is it not?

 

“Men like us, you there would be devil, me there would be saviour, struggling for power over them. Like small gods really, herding their flocks to do battle. I suppose it is a little petty… But then, so are we in our own way. Your Clan, my Enlightenment, one for the history books I think.

 

“But no, this is not the time to open the air and share our differences on the way of life, such as it is. No, today, or rather now is to give a demonstration of my type of control. In a few moments you should see a rather lovely young lady walk through that door and threaten your life.”

 

Indeed, as Spider looks rather puzzled the door to the locker room opens and in steps Misty Rivers, a small automatic pistol in her dainty hands. Her eyes appear glazed over, like she’s drugged, but her aim appears true as she points for Spider’s midsection.

 

“You see, a brief telephone call to the lovely Ms Rivers here, a key phrase and suddenly she has the desire to shoot the man that freed her from her bonds. I do love irony, don’t you? However, the best part of this particular trick is she won’t kill you, if you give her a key phrase. I’ll give you a hint; it’s about your match tonight against my Prophet. Enjoy your evening Mr Black, I know I will.” And with that the video returns back to snow.

 

The Spider looks on at Misty, measuring the distance between them in a study of weather he can take the gun off her or not. Perhaps the timely arrival of one of his fellow Clan members, but he knows Fate is not that kind to him. He moves experimentally, pressing himself forward a little in his chair, only to watch Misty tighten her trigger finger. “Very well then…” He finally speaks in a terse tone. “I will lose tonight against the Prophet.” And in an instant, Misty falls to the floor like a puppet with no strings.

 

The Spider relaxes for a moment, falling a little back into his chair as he looks over the crumpled Misty. “This, has not yet begun, Saviour…”

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

 

Alone in the Midnight Carnival dressing room, Edwin MacPhisto watches the match between his cohort, El Luchador Magnifico, and Jay Dawg come to a close.  With beads of perspiration on his forehead, he checks the clock.

 

Tick, tock, tick, tock.  It’s time.

 

Extending his long legs and climbing out of his plush purple recliner, Edwin snags his coat and his ICTV Championship Belt, takes a final sip from the half-empty daiquiri glass at his side, and strides out the door…

 

…right into the path of Fallout.  The two lock eyes for a moment, and Fallout, his own title belt wrapped around his waist, shoots a glance at the Mac Daddy’s belt.  With a smirk, a sneer, and a sadistic sarcasm, he speaks.  “Good luck.”  The Light Heavyweight Champion pushes past Edwin, and the Mac Daddy fastens his belt around his waist and begins the long walk to the ring…

 

…and we pull away from the Smarktron, revealing the boisterous and fired-up Vancouver crowd!  The GM Arena is at capacity tonight, with the exception of a few drunk Canucks presently being escorted out of the arena, their “BOSTON STRANGLER, SHOW US YOUR BOOBS” sign being torn in half as security lugs them out the back.  “Damn,” notes the ever present Curry Man, as our view spirals towards the announce table, “what sort of liquor do they serve up here in Canada?”

 

“What,” scoffs NTD, “are you implying that because those rowdy fellas want to see the Boston Strangler’s lovely--”

 

“Uh, just stop right there, NTD, please.”  NTD throws a minor tantrum, but Curry gets back to work.  “On to more important matters—we just saw Edwin MacPhisto, leader of the Midnight Carnival and current Intercontinental Television Champion, on his way out to the ring, but the Mac Daddy doesn’t seem to be his chipper self this evening!”

 

“I can’t blame him, Curry,” retorts NTD.  “He’d better have some quality time with that title right about now, because in about 5 minutes, he can kiss it goodbye, courtesy one revenge-seeking Balancer and one special guest referee by the name of Nekura!  Woo hoo!”

 

“Honestly,” sighs Curry, “I almost have to agree with you there.  The Clan’s influence in the Commissioner’s office is slowly flooding the entire federation—Edwin has to deal with a Clan referee tonight, and after that, poor Longdogger Pete has drawn the Boston Strangler AND Fallout in a handicap match!  I seriously question Commissioner McWeed’s logic in granting these men their every wish.  If this keeps up--”

 

“What’s wrong motherf**ker, you were a man, just a minute ago…”  

 

As the house lights drop into darkness, the heavy beats of “You Were” by DJ Foxx crash into the arena, nearly drowning out the sudden wave of boos for the entrance of quite possibly the most dangerous men in the Federation.   Pulsing, gothic text across the Smarktron reads “So says the Clan,” and a whirl of ominous blue lights reveals two shadowed figures on the entrance stage, clad in hooded robes.  The figure on the left, wearing an SWF Tag Team Championship belt across his waist, raises his arms in a scarecrow pose, and the man on the right raises his own belt high into the air.  

 

“What audacity of The Clan, coming out together even though Spider Nekura’s role in this match is supposed to be an administrative one!” cries Curry.  “These bastards don’t even give a whit about protocol!”

 

“Hey!  You never complain about it when the Carnival does it!”

 

“That’s different!  They’re always competitors!  Tonight, Spider is--”

 

“Tonight nothing!  Nekura and Thoth are the Tag Champs, so show them a little respect, my spicy sonovabitch!”  As the announcers bicker, Nekura and Thoth begin their slow walk to the ring, where Funyon meanwhile brings his microphone to his lips.

 

“The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the SWF Intercontinental Television Title!  Making their way to the ring are the challenger, weighing in at 236 pounds, and the Special Guest Referee for this match, weighing in at 231 pounds.  They are the SWF Tag Champions—Thoth and Spider Nekura, the CLAAAAAAAAAAAN!”  By the time Funyon finishes, the dark ones are in the ring, robes discarded and belts lowered.  Spider wastes no time, quickly walking to Funyon and snaring the microphone from his grasp…

 

“Tonight,” he rasps, his English voice dripping with scorn, “the Commissioner continues to pay his tithe to the Clan, in the form of a price Intercontinental Television Title shot for the true champion, the Balancer.”  Nekura pauses briefly to gesture to Thoth, who raises his arms high, drawing jeers from the crowd.  “Better still, later this night, you shall see the Reaper defeat the meager Prophet to earn a shot at that same belt.  But best of all,” snarls Spider, tossing his slick bangs and sneering at the entrance ramp, “tonight you will all have the privilege of watching the Clan decimate and destroy the so-called ‘Crown Prince,’ Edwin…MacPhisto.”  The name slithers off Spider’s tongue, but the crowd quickly takes up a chant in favor of their Prince!

 

“MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!

MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!”

 

“The crowd’s out in full support of Edwin tonight,” shouts Curry, “anxious to see the Clan get some comeuppance…”

 

“You shall see,” snaps Spider, continuing undeterred and cutting Curry off, “see as we tear this MacPhisto apart, tear apart his precious Smarks Junior League…but first, I shall have the honor of counting you down tonight, so that the Balancer may regain his rightful title, and--”

 

Suddenly, the lights in the arena drop out, and the Smarktron lights up in their place with a series of wispy silhouettes!  The hovering, haunting ambient sound of “Battleflag” courses through the arena, cutting Spider as the crowd gets to its feet, cheering as the pendulous spotlights swing, the human beatbox kicks in, and a much more amiable British voice floats out through the rafters!  

 

“My oh my, you’ve got quite a laundry list of intent there, Peter Parker!  Your Spider-sense is tingling, and you know why?  It’s simple and true, and it’s because the Mac Daddy is about to throw your Balancer off-balance!  Before the night is through, though you might not believe, you’ll find yourself counting three in favor of the high-falutin’, six-gun-shootin’, rootin’ tootin’ flashiest Clan-smasher that ever was!  This ends here, and this ends tonight, because, my dark and dreary friends, the feeling’s right.  There’s something in the air tonight…it’s not the breath of a Spider, or the look of a Strap-Pants-Wearing-Son-Of-A-Gun…it’s the call…of a Devil.”

 

The vocals of “Battleflag” explode in time with a huge wall of purple strobe lights, and as columns of red pyro erupt on either side of the stage, Thoth and Nekura glare down the ramp with malicious intent…

 

…and the crowd explodes as, under cover of delicious disco light, Edwin MacPhisto bolts into the ring from BEHIND them, nailing a balled fist to the back of Thoth’s head and sending him tumbling forward!

 

“And, charging from behind,” booms Funyon, now on the ring apron with a backup mic, “your ICTV champ, 239 pounds of Carnival chaos, Edwin MacPhistOOOOO!”

 

“MacPhisto nails Thoth from behind with a surprise attack!” calls Curry, as Funyon descends to ringside.  “Edwin’s going to have to stay on his toes all night if he’s going to outwit these two Clan comrades!”  The lights return to normal and the music drops out, and Spider turns on his heel to face MacPhisto.  He tenses for a moment, but thinks better of a direct attack, deciding to maintain his cool and perhaps retain some semblance of his actual task tonight.  The staredown takes Edwin’s attention long enough, however, leaving Thoth a wide-open window of opportunity to come dashing back with a clothesline!  The crowd settles down as Edwin topples to the mat, and Thoth pulls him by the hair only to aggressively snapmare him over and down again.  “Hot start for MacPhisto, but the Clan’s settling him down again.  The big question to answer this match: how involved will Spider get in this match, and how on earth does Edwin expect to score a fall?” wonders Curry.

 

“He doesn’t!” cackles his pantsless partner!  “MacPhisto knows he’s doomed—he’s just going through the motions!  The Clan has him brainwashed!  Squeaky clean!  They made his brain all soapy!”

 

“You’re a retard.”

 

“Darn tootin’!”

 

Nekura stands back and hovers on the outside, remaining passive for the moment as Thoth pulls Edwin up and launches a pair of elbow strikes into his ribcage.  With a hop and a step, the Balancer whips Edwin to the ropes, catching the Mac Daddy on his return with a sharp high leg clothesline!  Edwin flips a full 360 degrees, landing awkwardly on his back, and Thoth returns to drop a sharp knee across his neck!  “Thoth takes the breath out of Edwin with that combination, and it looks like Nekura approves!”  The Balancer shoots a glance towards Spider, who nods, then points to the corner.  “Spider’s dictating the action,” says Curry, “but to what end?”

 

“The end of MacPhisto, that’s for sure!” quips NTD.  Thoth moves for the nearest turnbuckle, and Edwin starts to sit up, but Spider immediately plants a black boot down right across Edwin’s throat, holding the Mac Daddy in place and forcing him to sputter for breath!  The crowd lays massive heat on Spider for stepping outside the boundaries of his job, and the temperature only gets hotter as Thoth careens off the top rope to drop a flying elbow across Edwin’s ribcage!  

 

“Nekura’s way out of line!” protests Curry.  “Thoth should be DQ’ed for that sort of action!”

 

“But,” snickers NTD, “who’s going to disqualify him when Nekura’s in control?  God, this is great!”  

 

With a brutal laugh, Nekura releases Edwin’s throat, and Thoth hooks the leg for what might be the first and last cover of the night!  Nekura quickly dives to make the count, but before he can get down there, Edwin throws Thoth off and surges away!  A bit surprised, Nekura backs off and lets Thoth take over again, brushing down his trademark crucified Christ shirt in the meantime.  Commenting on that, Curry speaks.  “This is total crap!  I can’t believe Stubby’d book this sort of sideshow!  Nekura doesn’t even have the referee’s uniform on!”

 

“That’s cause he looks so cute in his Dead Jesus wear…”

 

“Jesus, do you have a crush on EVERYONE?”

 

“…maaaybe.”  Giggling like a schoolgirl, NTD poses coquettishly.  Back in the ring, Edwin is catching his breath on the ropes, when Thoth bolts forward and tries to clothesline him over the top!  The Mac Daddy quickly ducks and drives his shoulder into Thoth’s knees, drawing a huge cheer from the crowd as he pushes up and uses Thoth’s momentum to send HIM up and over the top rope!  The Balancer spills to the apron, and once again Edwin quickly snaps his glance to Spider, trying to keep himself protected from sneak attacks.  The Reaper stands back, glaring.  “Spider should just eat the fly right now!  Get this done fast, and move on to the rest of the Clan killing LDP!”

 

“As much as I hate Spider, he’s not stupid—he’s not going to wear himself out when he’s got the Prophet later this evening.  Tyler McClelland’s a man on a mission, a force to be reckoned with, and even Spider will have to be at 100% to match up with him.”  Curry finishes his statement just as Thoth gets up off the outside, a bit shaken, but clear-headed enough to grab Edwin by the ankles and yank him down and out of the ring!  Edwin manages to rotate during the pull and land on his feet, but as he throws a right hook, Thoth blocks the punch and counters with a wicked thrust uppercut!  The Mac Daddy stumbles backwards, and Thoth steps to meet him.  The Balancer tosses an arm across Edwin’s chest, hooks his inside leg, and quickly drops backwards, drilling him into the thin ringside mat with a sharp Downward Spiral.  Edwin hits the mat, and Thoth sits up, locking eyes with Nekura.  Spider drops to the mat, and Thoth hooks Edwin’s leg on the outside!

 

“WHAT?”

 

Spider counts!

 

ONE!

 

TW—and Edwin throws his shoulder up, again shoving Thoth off and scrambling away!  The crowd is suitably pissed at this point, and Curry is taking this personally too! “Nekura, counting the pinfall on the outside!  This is a regular match, count-outs, DQ’s, and pinfalls in the ring, and he is totally bending the rules to Thoth’s advantage!”

 

“I told you!” chimes NTD.  “Look at this way—maybe after tonight, Stubby’ll have paid his debts to the Clan.  Consider Edwin the sacrificial lamb!”  Curry shakes his head and then looks up as Edwin staggers past the commentary table, bracing himself on the guardrail as the adoring front-row fans slap his back, trying to get him back into the match.  Thoth doesn’t give him much time to rest, shooting forward with a shoulder block to the gut.  As Edwin doubles over, Thoth shoves the hands of the fans out of the way and snaps a few Japanese swear words at them, drawing even more jeers and quite a few middle fingers to boot!  Ignoring the crowd, Thoth stands Edwin up and rears back his right arm, launching it forward a second later with a stiff chop into Edwin’s chest.  Thoth lands another chop, pressing Edwin back against the guardrail, and then claws his fingers and rakes them across Edwin’s eyes!  Edwin clutches at his face and rolls off the guardrail, staggering blindly over towards the announce table.  

 

“Come on Edwin,” shouts Curry, “get up and show these bastards what you can do!”

 

“Hey, no playing favorites!” whines NTD.

 

“Oh, right, Mr. ‘I love the Clan, la la la, I have Clan boxer shorts…”

 

“I do!  Look!”  NTD stands up, revealing to the world his Clan boxer shorts with “So says the Clan” emblazoned on the BUTT and little pictures of chibi Spider, chibi Thoth, and chibi Fallout all over!  Fortunately, most of the world is busy watching Thoth pull Edwin up by the nape of his neck, rear back, and then slam him forward face first onto the announce table!  Acting quickly, Thoth laces his hand through Edwin’s legs and scoops him up in a pumphandle position.  He pulls Edwin up, and starts to fall back in an inverted suplex!

 

“NTD, back up, sit down, or something!  We’ve got an Edwin incoming!”  Thoth brings Edwin back as Spider stares on from ring, but suddenly Edwin kicks and slips out of Thoth’s grasp!  The Mac Daddy flips out of the Balancer’s hands and lands feet-first on the announce table as Thoth barely stays standing!  “What an escape from Edwin, who’s now got the high ground!”  The commentators back away from their table, and Edwin rears back his foot and plants a heavy ladder-laced Doc Marten right into Thoth’s face!  The Balancer stumbles backwards, and Nekura scowls in shock!  The crowd is on their feet now, cheering and hollering, and as Thoth comes back around, the showman in Edwin comes through.  He raises his hands and right leg into the air, poised as Thoth charges back towards the table…and Edwin hops and lashes out with the planted foot, shouting at the top of his lungs:

 

“RALPH MACCHIO IN THE HIZZOUUUUSE!”

 

“Crane kick from Daniel-son—erm MacPhisto!” blurts Curry!  Thoth collapses to the ground and Edwin dismounts from the table, revitalized and ready to go, the crowd behind him.  He pulls Thoth up to a standing position, scores a knee-lift to the gut, and as the Balancer doubles over, referee Spider Nekura begins to count the men out!  “As if we further need to establish the bias,” moans Curry over the booing crowd, “Nekura now chooses to start the count-out as soon as Edwin gets the advantage.”  

 

“He’s just doing his--”

 

“Oh, shut your trap!”  Edwin frowns at Spider, but continues undeterred, locking a front facelock on Thoth at the count of two and drilling him with a DDT at three!  The Mac Daddy leaves Thoth laying and dives back into the ring, brushing himself off and making a regal bow to Nekura, who instantly stops the count, turns, and drives a firm punch straight into Edwin’s gut!  “Just when Edwin starts to turn things around, the Clan manages to get two steps ahead again…sigh.”  Despondent, Curry watches on as Nekura takes Edwin into a reverse inverted facelock, spins, and drills MacPhisto with his Sin neckbreaker!  Spider’s crossed the line, and the crowd lets him know it.

 

“NEW REF!  NEW REF!  NEW REF!”  With a huff, Nekura dismisses the fans and shouts to a recovering Thoth, risen and on his way back into the ring.  The Balancer slides back into the ring and immediately covers Edwin off of Nekura’s attack!  Spider drops down and lays down a lightning fast count!

 

ONETWOTH—and Edwin gets a shoulder up!  Thoth punches him hard in the face and hooks his leg!  Another fast count!

 

ONETWO—NO!  Edwin kicks out again!  Overcome with rage, Thoth tears Edwin up off the mat before Spider can try to make another count.  Thoth whips Edwin across the ring and charges with a clothesline, but the Mac Daddy bounces back and ducks the swing!  The crowd roars as Edwin reaches the opposite ropes, leaps, hits the second rope, and springs back towards the pursuing Thoth!  Edwin descends, and as he approaches Thoth, he launches his fist out to land a monstrous falling shotei on the Tag Champion!

 

“Star Wipe!” shouts Curry, ecstatic!  “Edwin off the ropes with the shotei—and he’s got the cover!”  Edwin hooks the leg for the first time of the night…

 

…and Spider just stands there.  The irate roar of the crowd is absolutely deafening.

 

Curry Man is astounded.  “Folks, I’ve never seen anything quite like this—total and utter disregard for the rules, total disrespect for the position of referee!  Right about now, I’d say Nekura’s very lucky that we have guardrails in place, or this ring would be flooded with angry fans eager to squish the Spider.”

 

“Maybe Thoth’s foot’s on the ropes and Spider just has a keen eye!”

 

“NTD, they’re in the middle of the ring.”

 

“…maybe Thoth has a big foot!”

 

Noticing the lack of hand slapping the mat near him, Edwin discards the winded Thoth and rises to his full height.  The crowd cheers as he turns to get in Spider’s face, looking down on him from half a head up and sharing some choice words and pantomime with him!  Edwin slaps his hand and points to Thoth, trying to convince Spider to at least do some portion of his job, but Spider growls, uncaring and unbending…and Thoth scoots up from behind and darts a hand between Edwin’s legs, rolling backwards and tying Edwin up in a small package!  “Roll-up from behind!” cries Curry!  Spider hits the mat in a moment!

 

ONETWOTH—and Edwin kicks off the mat and reverses the cradle!  Spider doesn’t move a muscle, but Thoth slowly pushes forward, using his superior strength to force Edwin off him!  “Edwin’s had Thoth down for at least three now!  He’s pushing himself to the limit and getting nowhere!  We need someone else out here--”

 

“—but who in their right mind’s going to go above and beyond Commissioner McWeed’s word?  Stubby is law, baby!” cackles NTD.  Thoth continues to push up slowly, and with a final forward press he snaps Edwin down to the mat in a sunset flip!  Spider’s eager hand flies to the canvas!

 

ONETWOTHR---and Edwin lashes out with a free arm and catches Spider in a jaw, delaying his count just long enough to power out of Thoth’s sunset flip!  The Mac Daddy scrambles away as Spider clutches at his jaw, and the Reaper stares on, menacing Edwin with his eyes.  “Another amazing escape from Edwin, but what good is it going to do our ICTV Champion?” wonders Curry.  Back in the ring, Thoth closes in on Edwin, and Spider rises to his feet behind the Balancer, covering Edwin’s flank.  Measuring his options and licking his lips, Edwin pounces right, moving towards Spider, but as the Reaper steps forward to meet him, Edwin changes direction mid-stride and springs sideways towards Thoth, whirling as he lands and catching him across the chest with a reverse clothesline!  Thoth staggers and Edwin quickly scoops him up into a Fireman’s Carry!  “Edwin’s looking for the Sound Check!” bellows Curry, but before Edwin can float into the neckbreaker, Nekura dashes forward and nails a solid boot to Edwin’s gut!  On Edwin’s shoulders, Thoth flails but keeps Edwin’s arms occupied, and Spider connects another boot to the gut!  Edwin stumbles and Spider rears back for a third, but suddenly Edwin jerks forward and releases Thoth, sending him sailing straight into the oncoming Reaper!  

 

“Edwin hit the referee!  Edwin hit the referee with the referee’s friend!  Edwin should be DQ’ed and lose his title!” whines NTD!

 

“God, will you ever shut up?”

 

“No!”  The bickering continues and the crowd is in stitches, laughing and cheering as the Clan members try to untangle themselves from each other, Spider shouting a very uncharacteristic, “Get off me, blast it all!” as he struggles out from under Thoth.  Thoth scrambles back to his feet, freeing the founder of the Clan, but the Balancer stumbles right into a MacPhisto waistlock!  Edwin vaults backward and holds Thoth high for three seconds, then pounds him down into the mat with a Delayed German suplex!  Knowing that Spider won’t count the cover, Edwin doesn’t bother to bridge, instead rolling out and pulling Thoth up in a quick arm twist.  The Mac Daddy steps forwards and Irish whips Thoth straight towards Spider Nekura!  The guest referee dives to the side as Thoth skitters past, and as the Balancer rebounds, he leaps at Edwin with a flying crossbody—and Edwin catches him, flips him, and sits out, pasting Thoth with a tilt-a-whirl front drop!

 

“Great counter from Edwin!  He’s still in this—I’m sure of it!”

 

“Keep dreaming, Curry!  Here comes Spider!”  Edwin holds Thoth in a lateral press and gives a puppy-eyed face to Spider, as if to say “won’t you pleeeeease count the pin, Mr. Spider sir?”  Although the crowd gets a kick out of Edwin’s facial contortions, Spider decides to get a kick of a different color out of it, driving the toe of his boot right into Edwin’s jaw!  Edwin rolls off Thoth, groaning, and a dizzy Thoth rolls over and lays an arm over Edwin!   Spider dives to the mat!

 

ONE

TWO

TH—and Edwin rolls away from the limp cover at the last second, scrambling for the corner of the ring!  Thoth lashes out and grabs Edwin by the ankle, pulling him back as he rises to his feet!  Thoth reels Edwin in and grabs him by the waist of his pants, and then sends Edwin hurtling towards the ringpost with a brutal throw!  

 

CLANG!

 

Edwin’s left shoulder and neck meet the post, and he pulls back from it, wincing.  Thoth snaps a few words at Nekura, and Spider responds with some sort of gruff affirmation.  The Balancer stalks towards Edwin and pulls him up off the mat, twisting him around, dragging him back away from the corner…and locking in a Dragon Sleeper in the center of the ring!  “Thoth busts out the elusive Dragon Sleeper,” calls Curry, “but there’s no way Edwin’ll tap out to the Clan!”

 

“But,” points out NTD, “if Edwin passes out, not even his Carnie tomfoolery can save him!  Thoth’ll win by submission!”  Curry begins to retort, but pauses, then rethinks his statement.

 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re exactly right.  Come on Edwin, fight out of it!”  The crowd is on Edwin’s side, as the “MAC-PHIST-OOOOO” chant is at full blast.  Thoth squeezes Edwin’s neck tight, bending him as horizontal as he can, working over the just-impacted shoulder by pumping the crook of his elbow against Edwin’s neck!  Edwin starts to lose his balance and Spider dashes in, hollering at Edwin to give up while he can still breathe, but Edwin just grits his teeth and fights through the pain!  Thoth starts to straighten his posture out, trying to contort Edwin’s neck even more, and with a resounding growl, Thoth tightens his grip and clenches with one final twisting pump!  Edwin’s arms go limp, and Spider moves to raise Edwin’s right hand!

 

The Clan founder and guest referee lifts it once…and it drops.

 

“MAC!”

 

He lifts it again…and it drops…

 

“PHIST!”

 

Spider, grinning his most rotten of smiles, raises Edwin’s arm a third time…

 

“OOOOO!”

 

…and Edwin’s hand GRABS SPIDER’S THROAT!

 

“Edwin’s got Spider by the thorax!” yells Curry!  The crowd is on its feet again, and Edwin is powering up and out of Thoth’s grasp, driving his left elbow into Thoth’s ribs over and over again!  Edwin squeezes Spider tighter with his right hand, and with one more elbow strike, Thoth finally breaks off his grip!  Edwin breaks free, still holding on to Spider’s neck, and Thoth rears back swinging a huge fist…that collides with the face of his tag team partner as Edwin ducks and dives out of the way!  The crowd roars and Thoth looks on in shock as Edwin suddenly bolts towards him and leaps, taking him down with a lanky springing sidekick!  Instinctively, Edwin goes for the cover, but he stops himself halfway, cursing his luck and realizing how little good that’ll do him!  He turns on his heel, helpless, waving to the crowd, trying to draw ideas from them!  Shouts of “hit them with golf clubs,” and “Call Kool-Aid Man!” cascade into the ring, but none of them help Edwin—and here comes Spider, irate at Edwin’s trickery!  The Reaper throws a right—Edwin throws one of his own!  He throws another—Edwin deflects it and lands a huge shotei!  Spider stumbles, but comes back with a spinning roundhouse kick—that Edwin ducks!  He hits ANOTHER shotei, and Nekura goes flying backwards!  “Edwin’s on the comeback, and I cannot believe it!” cries Curry.  Edwin throws his arms in the air and turns—RIGHT INTO THOTH’S GRASP!  

 

Thoth scoops him up and starts to flip him for the Riot of The Blood cradle piledriver, but Edwin rolls through and half-cartwheels out of it!  Edwin staggers into the corner and Thoth body splashes him against the turnbuckle, then pulls him out towards the middle of the ring, holding his thrashing form as Spider gets back to his feet.  “Woo-hoo!” shrieks NTD.  “Now it’s the referee’s turn to enforce the rules of the ring!”  Thoth holds Edwin in a double chicken-wing, and Spider steps forward and drives a knee into the Mac Daddy’s ribs!  The crowd groans as Edwin takes the hit, and then Spider chops him straight across the throat, drawing another groan!  Spider steps back, and he sadistically drives another knee into Edwin’s ribs, more forceful this time, but the groans of the crowd are starting to wash over with a murmur, and then…

 

…cheers?

 

“What’s going on?” shouts Curry, looking around.

 

Spider drives another knee into Edwin’s gut, and as he pulls away, he meets Edwin’s gaze.  The crowd roar rises still, and Edwin’s eyes shift to just over Spider’s right shoulder…and he smiles.

 

“NO!” screams NTD!

 

Spider whirls around…and takes a lightning quick kick to the temple from Tyler McClelland!

 

“It’s the Prophet!  He came out of nowhere!” screams Curry, overjoyed!  In an instant, another fierce kick snaps against the side of Spider’s head, and the third strike drops him like a sack of doorknobs!  “FORCEFUL INDOCTRINATION FROM MCCLELLAND TO NEKURA!”  Thoth is shocked, and he loosens his grip on Edwin to deal with the Prophet, but Edwin comes alive and rolls around to get back-to-back with the Balancer!  Edwin throws his arms backwards and hooks them through Thoth’s, plants his feet, and grins a huge grin as he vaults forward to smash the head of a bellowing Thoth into the mat with the Encore Cross!  The GM Arena is going haywire!

 

“ENCORE CROSS!”

 

“NO!”

 

Edwin holds the bridge and Thoth’s goes limp, and moving with amazing speed, the Prophet falls next to Nekura!  He intertwines his arm with the Reaper’s and raises it high as the crowd roars!

 

“NO FRICKIN’ WAY!” screams NTD!

 

McClelland brings the hand down, and the crowd counts along!

 

“ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

The bell rings and Edwin releases Thoth and scrambles away, darting past the just-stirring Spider as the Prophet bolts away with amazing speed!  The timekeeper dashes to meet Edwin, passing off his coat and ICTV title as Funyon makes his announcement:

 

“Your winner, by pinfall, as counted by…heh…Spider Nekura…and STILL ICTV CHAMPION…EDWIN MACPHISTOOOOO!”  The beats of “Battleflag” start to bump through the arena, and Edwin dashes along ringside and up the entrance ramp as Thoth and Nekura come to and charge for the ropes!  Spider snaps his head around, looking for the Prophet, but he’s disappeared already!

 

“What a finish!” shouts Curry.  “You said it, NTD—who would have the audacity to defy Stubby’s booking?  None other than the Prophet, Tyler McClelland!  The crowd doesn’t like him much, but they were sure glad to see him tonight, as he took corrupt ref Nekura out and counted Edwin’s Encore Cross on Thoth!”

 

“That was disgusting!  I can’t believe such cheating!”  Curry rolls his eyes, and NTD rails on.  “Spider’s going to take Tyler apart when they meet later tonight!”

 

“Maybe so, NTD, but the Prophet landed the first strike tonight.  Who will MacPhisto face next for the ICTV title, the man who just helped him beat Thoth, or the man who fought hard to make sure he wouldn’t?  Stay tuned to SWF Smarkdown and find out!”

 

We cut to commercial on Edwin bowing before the entrance curtain, as the Clan scowls on from the ring…

[Guest BA_Baracus]

<HVT> Yeah, yeah…just make sure they’re up in there by the time we get there.

 

HVT sits on a plush leather couch, talking on his cell phone as Smarkdown returns to the air.  Across the room, Sacred sits in a recliner, deep in thought, not really concerning himself with what his Pound cohort is talking about on the phone.

 

<HVT> Oh, for real?  Tight yo…well, tell them we been dyin’ to meet them too, and we look forward to seeing them tonight.

 

<Phone> …

 

<HVT> Three?  Good.  Well, we’re done at 10 up here, so we’ll be up in dat piece at like 1 or 2, unless we get caught up in some other shit.

 

<Phone> …

 

<HVT> Nah dogg…it’s cool.  Tell them to bring some friends for real.

 

<Phone> …

 

<HVT> Aight…bet.

 

HVT turns and sees Sacred looking at the ground as he sits in his comfortable recliner, but Sacred doesn’t even look up.

 

<HVT> Yo bro…Yo…YO SACRED!

 

<Sacred> Huh?

 

<HVT> Yo, peep it.  My man Peanut got us some hoes for tonight.  They gonna meet us at the club yo, so don’t be makin’ no plans.

 

<Sacred> Yeah…ummm…ok, sure.

 

<HVT> Yo man, what’s yo deal?  You been all DL all night playa.

 

<Sacred> Huh…oh, nothing man.

 

<HVT> Bullshit.  You still pissed off about losing that title to Xstasy, ain’t you?

 

<Sacred> Nah man…

 

<HVT> Yes you are.  I told you playa…it’s all gravy.  You gonna move on to bigger and better things than that little ass US title anyway.  Besides, you can get some revenge on that bitch tonight anyway…yo ass need be thinkin’ about that.

 

<Sacred> {with a sinister smile} Oh, believe me…I am.

 

<HVT> No doubt bro.  Hey, you seen Jay, I gotta tell him ‘bout these broads tonight…

 

Just as soon as Thugg mentions his name, Jay Dawg comes flying in the door, as if on cue.  He bursts in, breathing hard and almost bouncing with excitement.

 

<JD> H..h…hey guys.  {deep breath} You’re not going to believe what I just heard.\

 

There’s a silence in the room as both Sacred and HVT stare at JD.

 

<JD> Well, aren’t you going to ask ‘what?’

 

<Sacred> Well, it’s customary to follow the phrase, ‘you’re not going to believe what I just heard’, with your news, but if it makes you feel better, what?

 

<JD> Xstasy’s not here yet!

 

HVT and Sacred stare blankly at JD, as if he just told them that the Pope wasn’t Catholic.

 

<HVT> You shittin’ us?  Cause I don’t like it with mutha fuckas be playin’ games and shit.

 

<JD> No bullshit man.  I was just out getting a drink and cooling down from my match, when I heard that head road guy say all panic-like that Xstasy wasn’t here yet.  He was all running around and shit yelling at people to find him.  It was actually kind of funny really, especially when he yelled “Now” and they all scattered like roaches when you turn the lights on.

 

HVT and Sacred look at each other with stone faces, and then they immediately crack a sinister smile.

 

<HVT> Yo, we gonna have some fun tonight!

 

<Sacred> You…and me…versus Stevens.  Oh yeah, I been waiting for a moment like this for a while.

 

<HVT> Yeah playa!  It’s on!

 

JD plops down on the couch next to HVT, who puts his arm around JD.

 

<HVT> Good lookin’ out on that info dogg.  You just made my night yo.

 

HVT gets up and walks over to a locker, pulling out a large leather jacket and putting it on.  HVT heads for the door, and then looks back.

 

<HVT> Yo, I’ll be back in a few…anyone asks, we don’t know jack about Xstasy, aight?

 

Both Sacred and JD nod in agreement as HVT leaves the room, and then JD turns his attention to Sacred who has gone back into deep thought.

 

<JD> Hey man, what’s wrongwith…

 

<Sacred> {interrupting} Shut up.

 

<JD> Exxccccuuuuuusssseeeeee ME!

 

The shot returns to ringside, giving the viewers at home a first hand look at how it feels to be at a live SWF show.  As the camera pans the crowd, NTD and Curry, the SWF’s most familiar duo can be heard over every TV set.

 

<Curry> What?  Xstasy’s not here??  Can we confirm that??

 

<NTD> NO!  That’s a travesty…how am I supposed to oogle his sexy behavior if he’s not here?  It’s just not fair dammit!

 

With a “Hmph” from Curry, Smarkdown heads back to the many commercials that help make this great shit  we have free of charge.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

As the inaugural Smarkdown returns, the crowd erupts into cheers. The SmarkTron™ displays the arena jam-packed for the event. Fans jump up and down, looking to get onto TV, as they wave their “creative” signs in the air. As one EXTREMELY enthusiastic fan waves her “I WANT THE KING OF HEARTS!” sign while shrieking, the Smarkdown music dies down, and Curry’s voice comes bouncing into millions of living rooms once again.

 

“Welcome back, SWF fans! We’re here tonight with the inaugural Smarkdown right from the GM Place in Vancouver, Canada, and we’ve had some good stuff so far!”

 

“Curry, I can’t wait for this next match! We get to see that interfering punk, Longdogger Pete, get his ass HANDED to him by Fallout and Strangler of the Clan!”

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure, NTD. LDP just beat Fallout the other night! This guy is on a tear!”

 

“I don’t care how good he’s doing, he won’t be able to take out TWO Clan members by himself!”

 

“Well NTD, let’s head backstage to Ben Hardy, who is with LDP right now! We’ll see what he has to say about your thoughts!”

 

The screen immediately changes to a shot of Ben Hardy, his omnipresent mic in his hand, as he stands alongside an impatient-looking Pete. Hardy stares directly into the camera for a few moments, then begins to talk. “Longdogger Pete, since your eventful debut in the SWF, you’ve been targeting the Boston Strangler for his vicious attack on you back in the JL. Tonight, you have to go into a handicap match against Strangler and Fallout. What do you think your chances are tonight?”

 

Pete turns to the camera, a disgusted look on his face. “What do I think my chances are? Ben, I didn’t get to where I am by second-guessing myself and telling myself that I can’t win! I beat Strangler before! I beat Fallout before! I beat Strangler AND Fallout in a tag match! Therefore, I can beat ‘em by myself!” Pete pauses as the crowd pops for the Miami native, who lowers his mic and waits for the cheer to die down before bringing his mic back up. “Strangler, Fallout, I’m not afraid of you! I’m not afraid of the Clan! There’s a reason I’m in this bid’ness…”

 

As the crowd begins to pop for Pete’s catchphrase, the expression on LDP’s face goes from one of intensity to one of pain as a steel chair smashes into his back. Ben Hardy shrieks and jumps back in fear as Pete drops to the floor, revealing the Boston Strangler behind him, steel chair in hand, and a metal chain wrapped around his shoulder. Pete starts to weakly push himself up, but a second chair, in the hands of Fallout, comes flying into the picture, and into Pete’s skull. LDP drops flat to the floor, and lies nearly motionless while moaning.

 

“Dammit NTD, Strangler and Fallout couldn’t even wait for the match to begin! Those cheating bastards!”

 

Strangler smashes his chair onto Pete’s exposed back, sending LDP rolling along the ground in a vain attempt to escape the blows. Suddenly, Pete stops moving as Fallout’s chair smashes straight into the exposed top of LDP’s skull. Pete limply lies on the ground as Fallout drops the steel chair, and turns to walk away. Strangler, however, tears the metal chain from around his shoulder, and creates a 3-foot long loop. He grabs Pete by the throat, and wraps the steel chain around his throat, beginning to choke the life out of Pete. Strangler keeps choking Pete as officials begin to run into the picture, and Fallout is shown reentering with a look of distaste on his face. As officials try to tear a screaming Strangler off of the unconscious Pete, Fallout shakes his head with a look of disgust.

 

“Strangler won’t leave Pete alone! He’s unconscious already!”

 

“Curry, why isn’t Fallout helping? He should be taking that rookie down a few notches too!”

 

“Maybe Fallout actually knows when enough is enough, NTD!”

 

The officials have no luck in pulling an incensed Strangler off of a lifeless LDP, who is being choked and smashed into the floor by Strangler. Suddenly, Fallout parts the cloud of referees, and puts his hand on Strangler’s shoulder. Fallout starts to say something to Strangler, who snaps his head around, and turns his rage on Fallout. Fallout hops back as Strangler starts laying into him with a string of four-letter words, each becoming more and more vulgar than the one before. Fallout’s face hardens into a mask of complete anger, and he grabs the bigger man by the shoulder, and shoves him to the ground. Strangler releases his grip on the chain around LDP’s neck, allowing the Miami native to roll away, coughing, to the flock of zebras nearby. Strangler stands up, and gets up in Fallout’s face, towering over the cruiserweight. Strangler starts to scream in Fallout’s face, swearing a blue streak as Fallout answers back with a similar barrage of words.

 

“Not again! Strangler and the Clan aren’t exactly getting along that well!”

 

“NTD, Strangler’s had some subtle problems with the Clan since he joined nearly two months ago! Now things are rising to the surface!”

 

Strangler and Fallout continue to jaw at each other, with the normally reserved Fallout becoming more and more incensed by the moment. Finally, both men lean back, but both of their fists are stopped before they can be brought forward. Strangler and Fallout whirl around to see a sweaty Thoth and Spider Nekura, respectively, holding their fists. Spider says something soft to Fallout, who merely nods and stalks away with Nekura. Meanwhile, Thoth grabs Strangler, and tosses the Bostonian up against the wall with an EXTREMELY pissed off look on his face.

 

“Thoth is taking Strangler to the woodshed, NTD!”

 

Thoth gets into Strangler’s face, keeping Strangler pinned up against the wall. “Strangler, I recruited you for the Clan for a reason. That reason was NOT to pick fights with all the other members. Do you understand?” Strangler merely glares back at Thoth, who had gotten physical with him on Storm. “Strangler, you either learn how to be part of the Clan, or the Clan has no use for you. Do you understand?”

 

“**** you” barks Strangler, drawing a surprisingly BIG pop from the fans. Strangler shoves Thoth back, sending the veteran Clannie stumbling back a few steps. Before Thoth can react, Strangler goes pacing into the depths of the backstage area, disappearing from the sight of the camera. Thoth sighs, looks at the ground, and then walks off in the opposite direction, where Spider and Fallout went.

 

“Curry, what does this mean? Is Strangler through with the Clan?”

 

“NTD, nothing is ever THAT cut and dry with the Clan! Well, we have to take a break! But stay tuned, as there’s still TONS of SWF action left tonight, including a huge tag team match between Da Pound and the Midnight Carnival! Stay tuned!”

[Guest BA_Baracus]

As SWF Smarkdown comes back from commercial, the GM Place in Vancouver is rockin' to the the tunes of some hard rock bands! They're all on their feet cheering as the cameras swirl around and show those goofy Canadians doing their thing... The cameras focus in on one group in particular, a man and his wife jumping up and down, both of them with similarly sized breasts... and both of them bouncing up and down similarly...

 

"Now THAT'S disgusting..." Curry Man remarks.

 

"That's Canadia, ain't it great?" NTD laughs.

 

"I think I'm gonna puke..." Curry Man replies.

 

The cameras also pick up some goofy signs on their rounds, including "JD=Our Native Son! Ugh... we need a new native son...", "Judo... CHOP!" and a random "YOU SUCK!" sign. A pretty hostile crowd, but we'll let it pass since they're Canadian. They have an excuse. As the camera comes to a halt at ringside, our two excited announcers, Curry Man and NTD, are prepared to speak...

 

"Wow, what a night we've had so far! LDP took on a team of Clansmen, Jay Job faced El Luchadore Magnifico, it's awesome! This is a great way to begin the new legacy of SWF Smarkdown!" Curry Man says.

 

"It IS great... and it's only going to get better. In addition to our main event, which is coming up soon, we've got this next match here... The Prophet, who seems to be in a little bit of a funk, is being rewarded for some reason... He is going to square off against Spider Nekura, the Clan's leader, for the right to face Edwin MacPhisto for the ICTV title!" NTD exclaims.

 

"I'm not so sure this is a reward... you know, Spider is one of the toughest guys in this federation, I don't think it's a reward for anyone to face him..." Curry Man objects.

 

"I understand that, but any title shot reward is good, in my opinion... at any rate we're about to see ANOTHER incredible match tonight. The animosity between these two groups is very high, and that simply makes for good wrestling!" NTD smiles.

 

"Now THAT I agree with..." Curry Man concurs.

 

Suddenly, the arena lights fade out slowly and then after five seconds of complete darkness, multi-colored lights start to flash on and off. The heavy guitar intro to Metallica’s “Leper Messiah” thunders from the loudspeakers as boos reverberate through the arena.

 

‘So says the Clan…’ Is projected onto the IGNtron in a red, gothic font. The text ripples and fades away…

 

Then the main guitar riff kicks in, marking the arrival of Spider Nekura at the entranceway, clad in the Clan’s black, hooded robes. His head is down but his hate-filled eyes, barely visible behind his thick black hair, are transfixed to the ring. Spider’s arms are outstretched in his ‘scarecrow’ pose as the IGNtron bursts to life, showing Nekura pull off various moves throughout his career.

 

“This match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the #1 contendership to the ICTV title! Introducing first, from the third plain of hell... he weighs in at 231 pounds... Spider NEKURA!" Funyon screams.

 

Spider soaks up the crowd’s hostile noise for a few moments, his shadowy figure lit up from time to time by the camera flashes and spotlights, before making his way down the ramp as the riff ends. He ignores the booing crowd and then climbs up onto the side of the apron as the growling vocals kick in. Nekura ascends the turnbuckles and outstretches his arms, posing for a few moments as the lyrics “Bow to Leper Messiah!” ring out through the arena. Nekura then jumps down to the canvas and pulls back his black hood. He removes his robe and stands there in the middle of the ring...

 

"Spider Nekura, as always, leaves a chill in my spine... I don't know what it is about him, he's just plain creepy..." Curry Man shivers.

 

Soon, the arena lights drop out and the arena begins to chill... a fine mist begins bellowing out of the stage area, lit from behind by a blood red spotlight... then, out of nowhere, an awfully familiar voice comes out of the loudspeaker...

 

"The Enlightenment is Here..."

 

All of a sudden, a MASSIVE explosion engulfs the arena and multiple shades of red kick up around the stage area and "By Myself", by Linkin Park, kicks up over the loudspeakers! The crowd instantly rises to their feet and boos the radicals that are soon to enter the ring... Then, the music seems to mellow...

 

"I can't hold on... (to what I want when I'm stretched so thin...)"

"It's all too much to take in..."

"I can't hold on... (to anything watching everything spin...)"

"With thoughts of failure sinking in...

 

All of a sudden, The Prophet emerges from the backstage and the crowd spews a chorus of boos at him!

 

"And his opponent... weighing in at 162 pounds, he's from Springfield, Virginia... 'The Prophet' Tylerrrrr MC-CLELLAND!" Funyon pronunciates.

 

He begins his slow, methodical walk to the ring with his head and eyes down towards the ground. What seems like a frail, unhealthy little man transverses the ramp and finally reaches the ring... When he reaches ringside, he stops for a second, then turns over to the timekeeper and grabs a microphone...

 

"You know... I've been in a bit of a funk lately, wouldn't you say? It seems the Clan has my number... whether it be Strangler or Thoth or even you, Spider... I don't know what's been going on with me, but it makes me sick... a year ago, I was considered the next up-and-coming champion... a phenom... a prodigy. Now, when the title is mentioned, I'm not even close. I'm in a different league from you guys, right?"

 

The crowd cheers for him putting himself down...

 

"Wrong."

 

All of a sudden, in a strikingly fast maneuver, Prophet drops the microphone and his robe and darts into the ring! The timekeeper rings the bell as fast as he can and the match is underway! Before he can even process the fact that he has a man vaulting at him, Spider is speared into the ground and on his back! Prophet goes for the early advantage, using his speed to hit Spider numerous times in the ribs and kidneys! Before Spider can work his way to his feet by himself, Tyler McClelland rises back up to his feet and struts backwards, then gives the crowd a gesture that just says "WHAT?!?"

 

"Slick maneuver by Tyler McClelland there... as much as I hate him, he's one of the fastest mo'fo's I've ever seen..." Curry Man says.

 

Spider, much more awake now, returns to his feet. He begins to circle around Prophet and then dives for the lockup... but misses badly. Prophet ducks out of the way just in the nick of time, and manages to get behind Spider. He shoves the Clansman into the nearside ropes and waits for him to come back around. When he does, he leapfrogs over Spider, who was going for a spear, and vaults himself off of the nearside ropes himself. What this does is makes both guys go opposite ways very, very fast. Spider bounces off with a bit more force than Prophet does, but Prophet almost immediately launches himelf into the air. Spider doesn't adjust accordingly, and the phenominal Clan-leader gets slammed into the mat by the Enlightened freak!

 

Not so much damaged as stunned, Spider remains on the ground for a few seconds... but it is far too long since Prophet seemed to be getting up as he was going down. In the process, he jumped onto the nearest turnbuckle and waited for Spider. So, when Spider returns to his feet finally, he gets smacked right in the jaw by a missile dropkick from Tyler McClelland! He falls straight backwards and has his head slammed against the mat and Prophet lands right on top of him! The Enlightened one hooks the leg, and Matt Kivell is in position for the pin!

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Kickout by Spider! Prophet doesn't dwell on the count too long. Instead, he vaults to his feet and bounces back off the farside ropes... he launches off of them as quickly as he can, and catches Spider off-guard once again by hitting a hurricanrana on the bigger man! He goes for the quick pin, but Spider manages to put his foot on the ropes before Referee Kivell can even manage a one-count. Prophet responds by bashing away at Spider's face while in the mount position, hitting him with four stiff jabs before jumping back to his feet and working his way back into a fighting crouch, prepared for Spider to jump back to his feet...

 

"If I'm not mistaken, it looks like Tyler McClelland has gotten a bit of his swagger back... we haven't seen much of it in the last few weeks, but he looks quicker and much more crisp than he has in previous matches." NTD remarks.

 

"I think you're right... currently, Spider has no answer for the Enlightenment prodigy's speed. Prophet is literally running circles around Spider as if he weighed 400 pounds, and he only weighs 231!" Curry Man analyzes.

 

"Well, if anyone can solve a guy, it's Spider Nekura. This match is far from over, but we'll certainly see what happens..." NTD responds.

 

Spider, somewhat bewildered by Prophet's speed, makes his way to his feet on his own pace. When the bigger man does, Prophet pounces on him and locks him up... the two wrestle around for a little bit, but Spider takes the decided advantage. Applying a relatively effective front facelock, Spider turns it around into a reverse waistlock and lifts skyward... German suplex! Now with the upper hand, he can afford to raise Prophet to his feet himself. He knees Prophet as hard as he can in the gut, then locks him up... and lifts... hits a head and arm suplex! Prophet's back hits the ground with a thud, and the Clansman manages to get his first pinfall attempt of the night...

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Thr-no! Kickout by Prophet. Spider gets up as quickly as he can, and is followed hastily by Prophet! However, one roundhouse kick later, Spider is the only man standing... the kick thunders off of Prophet's jaw and sends him flying to the mat. The crowd boos as Spider begins a slow walk towards the ropes...

 

"Like I said, Spider found a way to turn this match around... Prophet made a mistake by locking Spider up, and he took advantage of it..." Curry Man reiterates.

 

...but Prophet jumps right back to his feet and basically tackles Spider from behind! He slams Spider's head into the mat and jumps as quickly as he can onto the closest turnbuckle! He sizes the situation up as well as he can, judges distance, then jumps around on the turnbuckle so he's facing away from Spider. He immediately jumps again, vaulting himself into a backflip and landing right on Spider, who was in the process of standing up! The result is Spider smacking his head against the ring again, and Prophet getting the opportunity to pin him in his daze!

 

One!!

 

Two!!

 

Thre-KICKOUT! Spider barely gets his shoulders off the mat in time! Prophet continues his efforts at pushing the pace of the match by bouncing himself off of the far-side ropes. He takes a run at Spider, then vaults himself off the mat again... he hits a flying body press! As soon as he can get up, he resets into a fighting crouch, where he is in perfect position to meet Spider in the center of the ring... As soon as the Clannie gets up, he realizes that the complexion of the fight is about to change dramatically...

 

"Uh oh, two of the best martial artists in the federation today are about to do their thang!" Curry Man exclaims.

 

"This should be good..." NTD adds.

 

Both men are in their fighting crouches when Spider goes for the first maneuver! He leads with a stiff roundhouse kick right, but it is knocked away by Prophet! Prophet responds with a quick left jab that barely misses, but he comes across with a right roundhouse kick to Spider's face, then a left hook, then a right uppercut! A Wind Chill followed by a Wind Combo! Spider drops to his knees, but looks back up at Tyler with a look of straight intensity... He jumps to his feet as quickly as he can, but is met with a straight side-kick aiming for his ribs...

 

"This could be the knockout blow right here!" NTD screams.

 

...that he catches with his bare hands! He spins Prophet's leg counter-clockwise and sends him spinning towards the ground! Prophet lands on his hands and decidedly loses his advantage! With his back turned to Spider, the Clansman reaches his feet and pounces on Tyler... He slides underneith of him and goes for The Web... he locks it on! Tyler rears back in pain, but there is no rope in sight! Spider keeps pulling with all his might as he has Prophet trapped!

 

"Tyler McClelland is in a world of trouble! Spider has him right where he wants him!" NTD screams, stating the obvious.

 

When Prophet realizes there is no ropes within reaching distance, he starts to crawl, albeit very slowly, towards the ropes in front of him. Spider continues to rear back on his neck, and he decides that this is not such a good strategy. Instead, he drives his knee into the ground as hard as he can, and tries to stand up! However, Spider isn't going to quit on this maneuver so easily... Prophet, now in obvious pain, tries it once more... he gets one knee up, but Spider tries to knock him back down by releasing one hand really quickly... but Prophet rolls out of the submission maneuver! Thoroughly damaged, Prophet rolls out of the ring and begins pacing outside...

 

"What a counter by Spider to get him into that situation, but very nice job by Tyler McClelland in getting out of it... we've definitely got two world class atheletes in our presence tonight!" Curry Man says.

 

The referee, counting Prophet out of the ring, is shoved aside by Spider. Spider jumps out of the squared circle and begins pursuit of the Prophet, causing the damaged Enlightenment member to jump back into the ring quicker than he wanted to. Spider continues his chase, but he is cut down as he re-enters the ring by a straight right kick to the face! This sends half of his body out of the ring, but the man formerly called Outcast pulls him back inside. In pulling his leg, Prophet forgot to account for the other one, and it meets his chest quite rudely! As he falls over, Spider quickly goes for the perhaps ill-advised pin...

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Kickout by Prophet. Spider returns to his feet as fast as he can, and Tyler manages to get up just as quick. Being the more agressive man right now, Prophet bounces himself off the nearside ropes. Spider, however, decides to stay still. Prophet launches himself as fast as he can at Spider, but the former JL wonder manages to cut him down with an arm drag! Prophet makes his way back to his feet once again, but this time he is thrown into the ropes by Spider as opposed to doing it on his own free will. This time, with Spider being in decided control, the Clansman catches Prophet and turns him around once... tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Before he has the time to even wince, Spider has him pinned!

 

One!

 

 

Two!

 

 

Kickout!! Spider jumps back onto his feet and awaits the shaken Prophet. Prophet obliges by jumping up as quickly as possible, still trying to push the pace, and Spider manages to kick him in the stomach! Using surprising speed for a man his size, Spider maneuvers behind Prophet and manages to lock him up in a half nelson, then locks on a chicken-wing... SPIDER SUPLEX! The impact smashes Prophet's back and neck into the ground, and allows Spider another breather!

 

"Now it's Prophet that can't get any offense going... Spider has decidedly taken control of this bout." Curry Man says.

 

"Tyler McClelland is extremely opportunistic, don't forget that... Spider had better not let him get back into this match, because he can end it in a split second with that finisher of his..." NTD dissents.

 

Spider returns to his feet at about the same time Prophet does, and he locks Prophet up. He manages to lock him in a snap suplex position and executes it perfectly! Some of the air is sucked out of Prophet's lungs, and he stays on the mat for a few seconds... however, Spider isn't done with him and he keeps holding the Prophet. He goes to his feet, forcing Prophet to follow, and he executes another snap suplex! This time, not letting Prophet get any time down, Spider reaches down inside and lifts Prophet vertically off the mat! He holds him there for a few seconds before dropping him down and completing Arachnophobia! He goes for the cover!

 

 

One!

 

 

Two!

 

 

Three... NO! Prophet BARELY got his shoulder up! Spider, looking to end it right here, almost literally drags Prophet towards the corner... He picks him off the mat, sits him up on the top turnbuckle, and walks up to him. He turns his back to Prophet, extends his arms in the crucifix position... but Prophet kicks him hard in the back! Spider falls forward, then rolls onto his back! In one slick maneuver, Prophet leaps up onto the top rope, then jumps forward...

 

 

"SACRIFICE! PROPHET HIT HIS FINISHER!" NTD explodes.

 

The Prophet goes for the quick cover!

 

 

 

One!

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

Three!! The Prophet wins the match!

 

"Here is your winner... your new #1 contender for the ICTV title is THE PROPHET!" Funyon screams.

 

The crowd boos as Prophet, with much too big of a grin on his face, turns towards the crowd and starts mocking them with obscene gestures... Spider is on the ground, but not for too long... he reaches down and hits Prophet with a killer forearm to the back of the head, and then starts stomping him into the mat! He starts stomping away at the Prophet as "By Myself" kicks up in the background!

 

All of a sudden, Strangler runs out from the backstage area... he carries a steel chair, and it looks like Prophet is going to be his victim. He sprints down to the ring, and Spider nods his head at him. Spider stands Prophet up, then leans him in the corner. Strangler shakes his head and then... tosses the chair over to Spider! Spider mouths 'thank you' to him, then lines Prophet up in the corner... he begins to take a run at Prophet, but a startling flash eminates from the stage area and draws both men's attention!

 

"U Got It Bad" by Usher kicks up over the loudspeaker, and Laura McClelland starts to stroll down the ramp with a blank stare on her face. She has a microphone in one hand and a tazer in the other! The Clan members sort of stare at each other for a second, and Laura continues her deliberate stroll down the ramp!

 

"What the hell is this? She needs to go back to her locker room, she's pregnant! She can't afford to get hurt!" Curry Man screams.

 

However, she reaches the ring and gets in. Strangler first stops her, but she aims the tazer at him! He starts to go forward with a punch, but stops himself...

 

"What's the matter," She begins, "Can't hit a pregnant woman?"

 

Strangler hesitates, but Laura doesn't! She sticks the tazer on his bare arm and he drops like a fly! Spider turns around and can't believe his eyes!

 

"Stupid bitch..."

 

He takes a run at her with the chair, but Prophet vaults himself out of the corner and tackles him from behind! As Spider returns to his feet, he is met by a kick to the right temple, kick to the left temple, and a right hook to the right temple... FORCEFUL INDOCTRINATION!

 

"Laura, what the hell are you doing?" Tyler says, "Let's go..."

 

"By Myself" kicks up again, and Tyler hurries Laura backstage as Strangler starts to regain his senses!

 

"I don't know what the hell Laura was thinking, but it looks like we have a new number one contender to the ICTV title, and his name is the Prophet!" NTD screams.

 

"What a crazy match... it almost seemed like it ended too quickly, but it was definitely good while it lasted! Well, we've got a crazy main event for you so stick around, SWF Smarkdown will be right back!" Curry Man yells.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

<Curry> BACK!  Live on Smarkdown where the question of the night is still, where in blue blazes is the Perfect Drug??  We have yet to receive word that he’s arrived, and his match is merely moments away.

 

<NTD> Do you think it’s possible that he’s…well, getting it on?

 

The image of Curry and NTD switches to that of a backstage locker room where Mark Stevens paces alone.

 

<Curry> And there’s his tag partner for tonight, Grand Slam Mark Stevens, and Lord knows what he could be thinking about right now.

 

Stevens checks his watch and then shakes his head in disappointment as he continues to pace.

 

<NTD> What do you think they’ll do about the match??

 

<Curry> Handicap I guess…I don’t know.  I do know that it is not like Xstasy to just not show up, and…wait a second, maybe that’s him.

 

There’s a quiet knock at the door and Stevens nearly leaps out of his boots with hope.  He moves quickly to the door and throws it open, only to have his relief shattered into a million pieces.  The camera swivels around to show a short, chubby brunette at the door holding a clipboard.

 

<Woman> Mark, you’re up in 30.

 

Mark sighs and nods before walking over to a couch and gathering his things.  Stevens puts on his Vancouver Canucks baseball cap, looks at his watch, and sulks out the door.

 

<NTD> Wrong again my spicy friend.

 

<Curry> Indeed, and Stevens looks a little rattled at the prospect of having to face Da Pound alone.

 

The scene returns back to the ringside area where it focuses on the entrance ramp.  The fans look a little disappointed, but before they can express their unhappiness, the lights shut off, completely blanketing the arena in darkness.

 

<Curry> Here we go, and here’s hoping that Xstasy shows up very soon.

 

“Just cause I love my niggas!”

 

The SmarkTron flashes the crimson letter “D”.

 

“I shed blood for my niggas!”

 

An image of JD executing JD’s revenge on Fallout appears on the SmarkTron, followed by a black screen that then flashes the crimson letter “P”

 

“Let a niggas holla, ‘Where my niggas?’”

 

An image of Sacred hitting the Cruel Fate on Mercury replaces the letters, but then the black screen returns followed by the flashing crimson letter “G”

 

“All I wanna hear is ‘right here my niggas!’”

 

An image of the Hville Thugg hitting the Untamed on Mark Stevens appears on the SmarkTron, and then the black screen returns.  The screen then flashes the letters “DPG” several times as an electronic wail starts off and DMX continues…

 

“You will not take this from me baby!”

 

“You will NOT TAKE THIS FROM ME BABBBBBYYYYYYYY!!”

 

“You know…”

 

BOOM!!

 

Fire erupts from the stage, shadowing HVT and Sacred behind it’s high flames as the letters on the SmarkTron give way to the words, “Da Pound”.

 

“My Niggas!”

“Some niggas that you don’t wanna try!”

“My Niggas!”

“Some niggas that’s really do or die!”

“My Niggas!”

“Will have you cowards ready to cry!”

“My Niggas!”

“Will rob!”

“My Niggas!”

“Will kill!”

“My Niggas!”

 

<NTD> Yeah!  I’m really diggin’ Da Pounds entrance.

 

<Curry> It’s a little angry for my tastes, but whatever…

 

<NTD> I’m sayin’, can you be any more white?

 

As DMX’s “My Niggas” blares through the speakers and the fans excrete hatred from every orifice in their bodies, HVT and Sacred step to the forefront, their bodies illuminated by the fire that shoots up behind them.

 

<Curry> Well, seeing as how I AM white, no.

 

<Funyon> Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall.  Introducing first, at a combined weight of 681 pounds…the team of SACRED AND THE SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, THE HVILLE THUGG…..DA POOOUUUUUNNNNDDDDD!!!!

 

Once Funyon has announced them, Da Pound moves slowly and confidently to the ring, completely ignoring the boos that whip down on them like a typhoon.  Once at ringside, HVT makes his trademark top rope entrance as Sacred steps between the top and second rope.

 

<Curry> Here they are!  Da Pound…part two, so to speak.  The Hville Thugg, still fresh off his huge win against Mark Stevens just a week ago, while Sacred finally lost his US title to the still missing Xstasy.

 

<NTD> Hey, who got the best of that contest anyway?

 

<Curry> Hmph!  What my informative collegue is referring to is the heinous acts perpetrated on Xstasy by these two individuals on Storm last Friday night.  

 

The Smarktron kicks up and all the televisions at home switch to a highlight reel of HVT’s and Sacred’s attack on Xstasy following the US title match.

 

<Curry> Sacred and the Hville Thugg systematically decimated the Perfect Drug after he won the US from Sacred, ending with a brutal Untamed onto a steel chair.

 

<NTD> You don’t think that Xstasy sustained serious injuries, and that’s why he’s not here, do you?

 

<Curry> I don’t know, but I didn’t hear anything like that this week, so…

 

Once again, the lights black out, leaving the fans to murmur restlessly, until….

 

CRACK!

 

The entire arena explodes as “Born Bad” by Gone Jackals kicks up over the speakers and the Smarktron fills with baseball highlights interlaced with Mark Stevens highlights and the phrases “Grand Slam”, “Heavy Hitter”, and “Midnight Carnival”.

 

<Curry> Here he is!  The Heavy Hitter himself…and the these Vancouver fans are completely beside themselves!

 

With the first guitar riff, the arena is flooded with a bright white light, after which red and white pyrotechnics explode on the stage.  The smoke from the pyro clears and Grand Slam Mark Stevens stands underneath the Smarktron with a look of disdain on his face.

 

<NTD> Looks like Stevens is also beside himself, probably wondering where Xstasy is.

 

<Funyon> And their opponents, first, weighing 287 pounds from Lincoln, Nebraska……from the Midnight Carnival……..GRAND SLAM MAAAARRRKKKKK STTEEEEEEVVVVVEEEENNNNNSSSSSS!!!!

 

As the referee forces HVT and Sacred to exit the ring on the far side, Stevens sprints down to the ring, jumps up to the apron, and then steps over the top ropes.  Once inside the ring, Stevens moves to the near right corner and climbs up to the second rope where he pumps his fist, keeping the crowd amped.  Before jumping down, Stevens takes off his Canucks baseball cap, and tosses it to a lucky 10 year old girl in the front row, who hugs another young girl beside her after thrusting the hat onto her head.

 

<Curry> Wow, what a lucky young fan.  I bet that made her night.

 

<NTD> The SWF…IT’S FAAANNNN-TASTIC!

 

<Curry> Shut up.

 

Stevens jumps down off the turnbuckle and then turns to look back at the entrance as he backs up towards the far ropes.  He turns and watches HVT and Sacred walk around the ring to the near side where they stop and also turn towards the entrance.

 

<NTD> Well?

 

<Curry> Well what?  I’m waiting just like you are.

 

<NTD> Looks like there’s still no Xstasy, eh?

 

<Curry> It sure appears that way.

 

HVT and Sacred look at each other, and then up to the ring as Stevens, who is constantly shifting his attention from the stage to the referee to the two individuals outside the ring that wish to do him bodily harm.

 

<NTD> Hmmmm, well, shall I call the paramedics or do you want to?  Cause Mark Stevens is in for a world of hurt.

 

The restlessness of the crowd begins to convert to anticipation as a loud “Xstasy” chant fills the arena.  HVT, Sacred, and Stevens all stare out towards the entrance, waiting for the all-too-familiar voice of Trent Resnor, but it seems that their waiting is in vain.

 

<Curry> They’re chanting for him, but he’s no where to be seen!!

 

<NTD> I just hope this doesn’t get too ugly.

 

Once they realize that the Perfect Drug isn’t going to come waltzing through the black curtain, HVT and Sacred glance at each other and then up to Stevens.  With a sadistic smile, the two Pound members climb back into the ring and begin to stalk Stevens.

 

<Curry> And so it begins.  Da Pound is going to look to destroy Mark Stevens once and for all, and without Xstasy here, they very well could succeed.

 

Stevens backs up to the far ropes, hoping to bide just enough time for his partner to show up, as HVT and Sacred creep ever closer.  Near the far left corner, the referee whispers something into the ear of Funyon, and then Funyon’s voice stops HVT and Sacred dead in their tracks.

 

<Funyon> Ladies and gentlemen, due to the fact that Xstasy has yet to arrive, this tag team match will now be a……………..

 

“… and I want you…”

 

<NTD> Wait a second…

 

…the arena lights fade to dark…

 

“… and I want you…”

 

<Curry> HE’S HERE!!!

 

… white light flashes from the entryway…

 

“…and I want you…”

 

<Curry> OH HELL YEAH!

 

… the light flashes faster now, and brighter…

 

“… and I WANT YOU!!!”

 

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM

 

 

“YOU ARE THE PERFECT DRUG, THE PERFECT DRUG, THE PERFECT DRUG!”

 

<Curry> HE’S HERE!  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HE’S HERE!!

 

The fans are literally falling all over each other, cheering at decibels that exceed NIN’s “The Perfect Drug” blasting through the speakers.  A waterfall of golden sparks comes down onto the top of the ramp as a blinding white light shoots from the entryway.  However, everyone’s attention is soon diverted away from the entrance ramp over to the tech area to the left of the ramp once they do not see the usual silhouette of Xstasy through the golden sparks.

 

VAROOOOOMMMMM!!!

 

<NTD> What the….

 

While NTD goes into shock, the fans explode even more as Xstasy emerges from the smoke-filled tech area…………IN A BULLDOZER!!!

 

<Curry> What in blue blazes??  Xstasy’s driving a bulldozer in here!!

 

<NTD> Where the f**k did he get that from??

 

Xstasy revs the engine on the large construction vehicle, and then jolts it forward towards the ring.  Meanwhile, inside the ring, Stevens looks extremely happy to see the Perfect Drug, while HVT and Sacred wipe their brows with anxiousness and the referee stands there with his mouth gaped open.

 

<Curry> This is the most peculiar thing I’ve ever seen in this business.  Xstasy has just driven a bulldozer into the arena and is pulling it up to the ring.  What are his intentions with this large piece of machinery?

 

<NTD> Is this what he was out all day doing??  Getting a damn bulldozer…ohhhh, I bet he looks sexy in one of those hard hats and those tight jeans….

 

As NTD drools, Xstasy pulls the mouth of the bulldozer’s scoop right up to the near edge of the ring.  HVT and Sacred move to the near ropes, and begin to stare out at Xstasy, with their hands pressed down on the top rope.  Xstasy screams from the seat of the bulldozer for Thugg to come down there and face him, and Thugg rebuts, telling Xstasy to fight him in the ring like a man.  Xstasy says something about “pink, paisley bitch” whie HVT follows with some incoherent slang that uses the word “trick” in a derogatory way.

 

<Curry> Xstasy is taking this rivalry to the next level, daring the Hville Thugg to get out of the ring and face him.

 

<NTD> Thugg’s way too smart for that.  He’s gonna make Xstasy come into the safe confines of the ring, where he will proceed to beat him into a gooey paste….mmmmmmm, Xstasy paste…….{drool}

 

<Curry> Stop that!  You’re a sick, sick man, you know that?

 

HVT and Xstasy exchange hostilities over the ropes while Sacred stands nearby, screaming his own brand of hatred towards the Perfect Drug and the fans continue to cheer.  Suddenly, Stevens sprints across the ring and the roar of the crowd forces HVT to turn around right into a clothesline that sends him over the top rope……………AND INTO THE BULLDOZER’S SCOOP!!!

 

<Curry> OH MY GOD!!  MARK STEVENS JUST KNOCKED THUGG RIGHT INTO THE BULLDOZER’S SCOOP……RIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF XSTASY!!

 

<NTD> HOLY SHIT CURRY!!

 

Before HVT can gather his bearing enough to climb out, Xstasy adjusts some levers in the vehicle, and the scoop raises high into the air.  Sacred looks on in horror as HVT sits up in the scoop and looks down some 15 feet at the ground below.  A stunned Sacred snaps out of his trance and charges Stevens, who blocks a right hand and delivers several of his own.

 

<Curry> The tables have turned, and now Da Pound is on its heels.

 

Xstasy backs the bulldozer up, turns it around, and drives it back towards the tech area while the fans chant his name in unicen.

 

<NTD> He’s driving away!!

 

<Curry> Xstasy is driving away with Thugg in the scoop of that bulldozer!!  The Hville Thugg is completely helpless, subject to Xstasy’s whim!

 

Meanwhile, inside the ring, the referee continues to stare at Xstasy driving away as Stevens whips Sacred to the far ropes and follows with a high Back Body Drop.  The vibration of the ring caused by Sacred’s impact causes the ref to shake out of his trance and call for the bell.

 

DING DING DING

 

<Curry> Xstasy has just taken the Hville Thugg away from ringside in that bulldozer, leaving us with a one on one match up between Sacred and Mark Stevens.

 

<NTD> But what is to become of Xstasy and Thugg??  Where’s Xstasy taking him?

 

Sacred holds his back as he gets back to his feet and walks right into a belly to belly suplex that sends him skidding over near the far ropes.  Stevens rushes over and pulls Sacred away from the ropes a bit before dropping down to make the cover!

 

<Curry> I rightfully don’t know, but…….wait a sec!  Stevens with the cover!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO…..NO!

 

<Curry> No, Sacred with the kick out!

 

Stevens reaches out to grab Sacred again, but Sacred scoots under the bottom rope and out of the ring.

 

<NTD> Now there’s a smart move from Sacred, escaping for just a second to gather himself after watching his partner and friend get carried off in a bulldozer.

 

Sacred wipes his brow on the outside and begins to walk towards the right side of the ring, but he is stopped by a hand on his shoulder.  Stevens, who climbed out after him, turns Sacred around and floors him with a hard right hand!

 

<Curry> Stevens isn’t going to let Sacred get away that easily…but the question is where has Xstasy gone with HVT?

 

Inside the ring, the referee begins his ten count while, on the outside, Stevens grabs Sacred and lifts the Aussie to his feet.  He walks Sacred over to the announce table, and then Stevens violently slams Sacred’s head on the table.

 

<Curry> And Stevens slamming Sacred’s head into our table here.

 

After slamming his head a few more times, Stevens grabs Sacred and goes to whip him to the right, but Sacred reverses the whip and sends Stevens…..

 

CRASH!

 

…head first into the steel steps!

 

<Curry> Oh god…Stevens’s head bouncing off those steel steps!

 

<NTD> And here comes Sacred…

 

With both men down on the outside, the Smarktron kicks up yet again, and the fans explode when they hear Xstasy’s voice.

 

<Xstasy> Oh come on, you’re gonna have to do better than that Damien!

 

The split screen on televisions gives way to a full screen of Xstasy driving the bulldozer outside.  HVT looks up over the lip of the scoop at Xstasy in the cockpit…

 

<HVT> I’m gonna f*ckin’ kill you!

 

<Xstasy> That’s all you’ve gotta say you pink paisley bitch?  You’ve f*cked with us for the last time.  You can’t stop the will of the people!

 

<HVT> Yo, I’m gonna straight wreck yo shit dog!

 

The fans roar as the bulldozer comes to a stop, and HVT gets back down in the scoop.  The camera pans around to see the horror on HVT’s face, and then zooms out to show that the bulldozer has stopped directly in front of a brick wall.

 

<Curry> Oh dear god!  You don’t….no, he wouldn’t….

 

<Xstasy> Hey Damien,  wreck this!

 

Xstasy thrusts the bulldozer into gear, slams the pedal down, and whips his dreadlocks back.  The bulldozer starts forward slowly, but gathers speed as it gets closer…until….

 

CRASH!

 

The roar of the crowd is deafening as the bulldozer’s scoop crashes into the brick wall, crumbling it into a million pieces!

 

<NTD> HOLY SHIT!

 

<Curry> I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!  XSTASY JUST DROVE THE HVILLE THUGG RIGHT INTO A BRICK WALL!!

 

Xstasy jumps out of the bulldozer and moves over to the rubble where he sees HVT’s body crumpled amongst the red bricks.  He smirks, and then breaks off into a sprint in the opposite direction.

 

<NTD> What the hell has gotten into Xstasy?!?

 

<Curry> Too much of Thugg being a jackass I suppose.

 

Back at ringside, everyone sits stunned at the developments they have just seen, and Sacred breaks into a run towards the ramp.  However, as he passes Stevens, Grand Slam reaches out and pulls him down to the ground by his hair.  Sacred’s head hits the ground and he holds it in pain as Stevens moves to him.

 

<Curry> It looked like Sacred was heading off to help Thugg, but Stevens was having none of that.

 

Stevens gets Sacred up and rolls him back into the ring, where the stunned referee stands, completely forgetting about his count.  Stevens lifts Sacred again, pushes him to the near right corner, and whips him to the far left corner.  Stevens runs in, but Sacred picks his legs up, using the ropes as leverage, and Stevens runs right into Sacred’s feet.

 

<Curry> Back come Sacred with those boots to the face…

 

With Stevens slightly dazed, Sacred jumps up to the top rope, and when Stevens’ turns around, Sacred drops him with a missle dropkick!

 

<Curry> And the missle dropkick puts Stevens on the mat.  Sacred with the cover!!!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TW….NO!

 

<Curry> No!  Stevens kicks out easily that time.

 

<NTD> But if Sacred keeps the pressure on, he’ll wear Stevens out with the kick outs.

 

Stevens gets to his feet quickly, and before Sacred can get a shot in, Stevens connects with a forearm to the face.  Stevens then grabs Sacred by the neck, turns around so they are back to back, and then drops Sacred with a textbook Neckbreaker.

 

<Curry> Stevens with a Neckbreaker, and Sacred’s in a bad way.

 

Stevens picks Sacred up again, this time locking him in a front face lock, and dropping him with a Suplex.

 

<Curry> And the textboox Suplex from the former World Champ.  Stevens is more or less dominating Sacred here….cover by Stevens!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR….NO!

 

<Curry> NO!  Sacred kicks out again!

 

<NTD> Sacred, resilient as usual.

 

Stevens gets Sacred to his feet, but on the way up, Sacred rakes the eyes of the Heavy Hitter.  As the referee warns him, Sacred runs back to the far ropes, bounces off, and connects with a flying elbow to Stevens’s head, staggering the former champ.

 

<Curry> Back comes Sacred!

 

<NTD> There’s no quit in this Aussie!

 

Stevens doesn’t go down, so Sacred runs off the near ropes, but when he approaches Stevens, he is flipped over and slammed with a huge Powerslam!

 

<Curry> Powerslam…and the hook of the leg!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE……NO!!

 

<Curry> NO!  Sacred kicks out yet again!

 

Stevens lifts a woozy Sacred to his feet and whips him to the near ropes.  Sacred runs back, ducks a Grand Slam clothesline, bounces off the far ropes, throws his whole body in the air, and drives his shoulder into Stevens’s gut!

 

<NTD> Kamikaze!!

 

<Curry> Desperation move from Sacred, and both men are down!

 

<NTD> I bet they both wish they had partners now.

 

The referee begins his ten count as both men remain on the canvas.

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!

 

Both men begin to show motion, but neither gets off the canvas.

 

<Curry> Who’s it gonna be?

 

FOUR!

 

 

 

 

FIVE!

 

 

Suddenly, the fans explode as who should come running down the ramp……….XSTASY!!!!

 

<Curry> HE’S BACK!  THE PERFECT DRUG RETURNS!!!

 

<NTD> Now this sure isn’t fair.

 

Xstasy runs down the ramp, leaps up on to the apron in the near left corner, and reaches his hand into the ring.  Sacred is on all fours as Stevens crawls slowly to his corner and slaps hands with Xstasy!

 

<Curry> Stevens gets the tag!!  Here comes the Perfect Drug!

 

Xstasy hops up to the top turnbuckle from the outside as Sacred gets to his feet.  While Stevens rolls out of the ring, Sacred staggers near the corner where X is perched, and in perfectly swift motion, Xstasy leaps off, wraps his legs around Sacred’s neck, and pulls him down with a Hurricarana!!!

 

<Curry> Xstasy with a top rope Hurricarana!!!!

 

Xstasy hops to his feet and motions for Sacred to get to his feet.  The fans seem to realize what’s coming as they roar in excitement as Sacred begins to stagger up.  Once up, Sacred walks right into a boot to the gut from Xstasy that doubles him.  X locks in a front face lock, looks at both sides of the crowd, spins Sacred so they are back to back, and………..STOPS!!

 

<Curry> X-Cept…Wait!!  

 

<NTD> OH MY DEAR LORD!!!

 

A pan up the stage shows a very bloody and injured HVT limping down the ramp, his face marred in blood and his left arm limp at his side!!

 

<Curry> I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!  THE HVILLE THUGG IS BACK!!!  HOW IN THE HELL….

 

<NTD> DEAR GOD!  I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WALKED AWAY FROM THAT HORRIFIC ACT!  THE HVILLE THUGG IS BACK, AND HE’S HERE TO GET SOME OF XSTASY!

 

Xstasy releases Sacred, who falls to the canvas immediately, and then beckons HVT to get into the ring.  HVT limps heavily down to the ring and gingerly slides into the ring, protecting his left leg and left arm.  With the majority of his visible body covered in blood, HVT moves towards HVT through a hostile reaction from the fans, and when he reaches the Perfect Drug, he blocks a punch and staggers Xstasy with one of his own!

 

<Curry> It’s like watching the dead walk!  Can anything stop this beast?

 

<NTD> I think it’s obvious that nothing can stop him from destroying Xstasy for good.

 

HVT grabs Xstasy with his right arm, and throws him over the far ropes to the floor.  HVT slides out of the ring after him, but Xstasy gets to his feet quickly and delivers a side kick to Thugg’s face….that’s caught!

 

<Curry> This isn’t good for Xstasy!  He’s gotta be wondering what will keep this monster down!

 

HVT pushes the leg down and floors Xstasy with a clothesline!

 

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Stevens climbs back in and moves over to the far ropes.  HVT grabs Xstasy off the floor and tosses him over the crowd barrier and into the sea of fans, who are absolutely rabid at this point.  Stevens, realizing it’s too late to deal with HVT, turns back to finish the job on Sacred, but when when he turns around he is met with a boot to the stomach by Sacred!!

 

<Curry> Xstasy and Thugg are leaving again, but wait!!

 

Sacred locks in a front face lock on Stevens, jumps a little in the air, kicks his legs, and falls forward slamming Stevens to the mat face first!

 

<NTD> CRUEL FATE!!!  CRUEL FATE ON MARK STEVENS!!

 

Sacred makes the cover on Stevens and the disoriented referee drops down to make the count.

 

ONE!

 

<Curry> WHAT A HUGE UPSET…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

<CURRY> …WIN THIS WILL BE IF….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

 

<NTD> YES!!!

 

<Curry> Sacred did it!  He just pinned the former world champ, Grand Slam Mark Stevens!!!  WAIT!  MARK STEVENS WASN’T EVEN THE LEGAL MAN!!!

 

DING DING DING

 

Sacred quickly slides out of the ring as Stevens gathers himself, while HVT and Xstasy have completely disappeared through the crowd.  Once he realizes that he has just lost the match, Stevens gets beside himself, screaming up the ramp at Sacred, who backs up towards the stage, looking in all directions as if he can’t believe it either.

 

<Funyon> Your winners…..SACRED AND THE HVILLE THUGG…..DA POOOUUUUNNNNDDDDDD!!!!

 

<Curry> This was just too bizarre for words!  First Xstasy with that bulldozer, then both he and Thugg returning, only to leave again!  Sacred picking up the pinfall over Stevens, who wasn’t even the legal man….what a bizarre and violent end to this night!

 

“Seasons in the Abyss” hits the speakers as the stunned crowd finally realizes that Stevens lost and begins to boo heavily.  

 

<NTD> Despite the unfair advantage gained by Xstasy’s acts, Sacred still managed to pull off a win against Mark Stevens!!  You can’t take that way from the Aussie.

 

<Curry> It’s just so hard to believe…all that’s gone down here tonight.   Stevens wasn’t the legal man in this match up, Xstasy was.

 

<NTD> With all the chaos brought on by Xstasy himself, the ref was obviously discombobulated.

 

<Curry> That doesn’t make it fair!

 

<NTD> Fine…count Xstasy out then.  It’s been well past ten!

 

<Curry> But…but…

 

<NTD> HA!  I’m right!

 

<Curry> Well ladies and gentlemen, this concludes yet another bizarre edition……..WAIT!!!

 

Suddenly, the Smarktron comes to life…..out in the parking lot!  First, Xstasy comes stumbling into view, between a car and a truck, blood gushing from his head, followed by the still bloody and limping HVT, carrying a lead pipe in his right hand!

 

<Curry> These two aren’t finished yet!!!  They’re still fighting it out in the parking lot!

 

<NTD> HOLY SHIT!  WHAT IS IT WITH THESE TWO?

 

To the left of the duo is a large SWF semi, that HVT decides to use to his advantage.  He tossese the lead pipe aside, grabs Xstasy, and launches him face first into the side of the rig!

 

<Curry> And Thugg just threw Xstasy into that truck!  The hatred between these two has reached a new level here tonight!

 

HVT moves to the fallen Xstasy, but before he can grab the Perfect Drug, Xstasy throws an arm up between Thugg’s legs that connects with his….well, you know!

 

<NTD> OHHHH!!!  That’s low!

 

HVT cringes and doubles over as he backs away from Xstasy.  HVT backs up close to that car as Xstasy gets to his feet, the new blood staining the pavement where he staggers.  Xstasy sees the lead pipe nearby and also sees HVT tending to his genitals.  Xstasy grabs the pipe and charges HVT…….who sides steps at the last second!  Xstasy runs straight into the car parked their, but the worst is still to come.

 

<Curry> This is getting bad!  Both these men need medical attention, and a restraining order from one another!

 

Xstasy rests against he passenger door of the car, but only for a second as HVT gathers himself for just a moment.  HVT grabs Xstasy, one hand on his shoulder, the other grabbing the waist of his pants.  Without hesitation, HVT pulls Xstasy back from the car, and then throws him forward…………….RIGHT THROUGH THE CAR WINDOW!!!!

 

<Curry> AAAAHHHHH!!  SON OF A BITCH!!  WHAT THE….OH MY GOD!!  THUGG JUST THROUGH XSTASY HEAD FIRST THROUGH THAT GODDAMN CAR WINDOW!

 

<NTD> This has turned into an absolute bloodbath!  There’s no excuse for this behavior…not here…not ever!

 

As Xstasy’s head crashes through the car window, the crown inside falls to a hush as they fear for the well being of the Perfect Drug.  HVT staggers away for a moment before dropping to his knees, and then down face first on the pavement.  Xstasy pulls himself out of the car, and immediately drops into a sitting position against the face, his head down and blood dripping to the ground through the dreadlocks that cover his scarred face.

 

<Curry> GET SOME DAMN MEDICS DOWN THERE!  XSTASY AND THUGG BOTH NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!

 

Just as soon as Curry spoke the words, two ambulances screech to a halt in front of the scene.  Medics fly out, grab stretchers and run over to the fallen men.  Two medics move over to Xstasy and begin work on him, and two other medics try to get HVT onto a back board.  However, HVT shoves one away, and starts to get to his feet.  HVT uses the stretcher to pull himself up, but as soon as he lets go, down he goes again!

 

<Curry> This is a bleak sight here to christen Smarkdown.  The Hville Thugg and Xstasy have taken their hatred for one another to a level never before seen in this business.  Who knows how serious the injuries are to these two, and who knows when it will end between these two former friends gone bad!

 

<NTD> This is one of the worst nights ever in this federation, and I just hope that everyone in the back is watching on, looking at what pure hatred can do to 2 people.

 

<Curry> Well, I just hope that everyone is praying for the health of both these young superstars.  Both these men may be seriously hurt, but we won’t know until later.  Xstasy and the Hville Thugg have taken things to another level, and who knows what’s in store for Storm.  Sacred pinned Grand Slam Mark Stevens to win the tag match, but that again is marred in controversy.  We’ll find out all the ramifications of these events on Storm!

 

A final shot of the medics working on Thugg and Xstasy is shown before the SWF logo sweeps on the screen, ending the show with a fade to black.

 

Injury Notes:

 

HVT – Large laceration above his right eye, separated left shoulder, and bruised right knee.  HVT will be selling the cut and the shoulder, but not the knee.  He’s pretty banged up, and probably should be kept out of actual competition for one show, but it’s not completely necessary (i.e….it’s only storyline…I can write.)

 

Xstasy – Laceration above his left eye and another near his hairline.  He can sell what he wants.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Results

 

SINGLES MATCH

Jay Dawg vs. El Luchadore Magnifico

- Magnifico wins of course.

 

GUEST REFEREE MATCH FOR THE ICTV TITLE

Edwin MacPhisto © vs. Thoth (ref – Spider Nekura)

- Edwin manages the upset with some help from the Prophet!

 

HANDICAP MATCH

The Boston Strangler & Fallout vs. Longdogger Pete

- This one doesn't go down as Strangler and Fallout half kill Pete backstage then start arguing with each other.

 

ICTV TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH

Spider Nekura vs. The Prophet

- The Prophet wins and we get some zany taser/imaginary wife related fun after the match!

 

TAG TEAM MATCH

Sacred & Hville Thugg vs. Xstasy & Mark Stevens

- Finally!  The IGNW, er...SWF has had a scene where a large piece of machinery rolls out to the ring!  Not only that, but later in the match we had something ram into a brick wall.  Wooo!  Oh...and Sacred pins Stevens.