GH & Joe

[Guest Nevermortal]

Anyone remember these guys from The Shooters? Hands down the funniest recappers on the net. I used to sit in eager anticipation for their Nitro & Raw reports even moreso than I did Scott Keith's. And their Revenge of the Smarks article was the funniest shit ever.

[Your Paragon of Virtue 0]

I remember hearing about these guys, than reading up on pretty much most of their stuff. I too would like to know what happened to them, as they were pretty fond of one of my favourite wrestlers, Dean "Babyface" Malenko.

[Guest T®ITEC]

They were the greatest.

 

I actually saved most of their reports before TheShooters changed ownership... They were so freakin' hilarious.

[Guest ShooterJay]

I really miss GH and Joe, I read them religiously back in the day.

 

Their ECW markdom (midget Tazz, foul-mouthed Franchise, suicidal Dreamer, swearing Rhyno) and other running gags (douchebag DDP, Jericho curse) had me crying and doubled over from laughter.

 

Come back GH and Joe, we need you!

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

GH and Joe would be having a field day with todays wrestling...

[Guest Sassquatch]

Geoff and Joe became to busy with work and school and gave up the RAW recapping gig they had at the Shooters.

 

If Geoff and Joe were recapping today I doubt they would be having a great time since they were becoming disenchanted with wrestling at right around the time they left the Shooters.

 

They did get some laughs out of me and put to shame a lot of the recappers that tried to be funny but just weren't.

[Guest Slapnuts00]

May I mention they were HILARIOUS. Everytime I see Rhyno now I think of "Violence Fucking Violence" or "Make you shit your own face!"

[Guest HartFan86]

Never heard of these guys....can someone post one of their old reports if possible?

[Guest ShooterJay]

"Revenge of the Smarts" is pretty much their magnum opus, it's gotta be floating around somewhere.

 

It stars Dave Meltzer and Bryan Alvarez as Tri-Lambs, enough said.

[Guest T®ITEC]

Here's THE RAW AUDIT, from 19 Feb. 2001...

 

 

Live, from St. Louis, MO.

 

The Undertaker vs. D-Von Dudley vs. Christian

 

Lilian Garcia - "He is one half of the World Wrestling Fed-...............CHRISTIAN!" Oh Lilian, what would we do without you? Edge takes a seat at the broadcast table. Taker throws D-Von out of the ring, then yells "PURO-SCHOOL!!" and hooks a FUJIWARA ARMBAR ON CHRISTIAN! Taker spots two fans at ringside, one wearing a shirt that says "Justin" with the other wearing a shirt that says "Tolerable". Taker - "What do you have to say about that?!" First fan - "Well, MARK..." [The geeks bite their lips and giggle because they called Taker by his real name.]...Seeing as how even VIRGIL used a Fujiwara armbar during his stint in WCW, I hardly think that constitutes a standing ovation!" The Undertaker responds by spitting his tobacco on the two fans and the rest of the arena responds with a standing ovation. Undertaker pie-faces Edge at the announce table when fighting outside. Back in the ring, Taker hits the chokeslam on D-Von, then knocks Edge off the apron. Christian goes for the Tomakaze, but Taker fights out of it and hits the Last Ride. Unfortunately, no Ganso drop this week. Edge recieves a chokeslam after the match as well.

 

Stephanie is shown pacing in the parking garage waiting for Trish while HHH calmly stands by. Commercials.

 

Edge and Christian are shown licking their wounds in the back and trying to think of a plan. Edge - "Everything we've tried against Taker hasn't worked! We need to think of something fast!" [HHH enters the picture] HHH - "Did I hear you boys say you're having trouble with The Undertaker?" Christian - "Yeah, you think you could help us." HHH - "I think I might have a solution...I'll be right back." [HHH wheels in a display case with a wide variety of lifts.]

 

Lita vs. Dean Malenko

 

Before the match we get a nice highlight package showing Dean's pursuit of Lita. The camera cuts to a limo pulling up in the arena. Pat Patterson steps out and opens the door. The camera zooms in and shows Dean Malenko sitting in a child seat. The crowd begins to boo loudly as Patterson unbuckles Dean. Patterson puts Dean in one of those baby backpack deals and walks off. Dean cries out, "Waaah haaah haaaah!" The crowd goes "Awwwwwww" as they head into the arena. We are going straight to hell. Dean immediatley shoves Lita to the mat with great force. He heads outside and grabs a chair, but the ref takes it away. Dean toys with Lita by puttig her foot on the ropes during a pin attempt, then rolling Lita on top of himself. The ref gets bumped and Dean goes for another chair. Matt Hardy runs in from the crowd and whacks Dean over the head with the chair. Lita slowly rolls over on Dean and the ref slowly counts to 3. Poor Dean. Matt celebrates with Lita then kisses her on the lips. Lita is taken aback while Matt apologizes profusely. Matt walks back up the ramp with his head down when Lita catches up to him. Lita turns him around and they start making out. Matt is elated and does the suicide gun taunt, but points to his crotch instead of his head. He then begins to unbuckle his pants as the camera quickly cuts away. JR - "GOOD GOD!"

 

A limo arrives backstage and Steph immediately heads for it. Trish appears out of the sun roof and Steph climbs up and brawls with her. Regal quickly whisks Trish away while HHH holds onto Steph on the roof of the limo. HHH is shown cracking up while holding on to Steph. Commercials.

 

A pre-taped sit-down interview with Kurt Angle is shown. Angle confesses to Kevin Kelly that he's jealous of The Rock. He says while he goes out and does moonsaults and suplexes to no reaction, Rock raises an eyebrow and the arena erupts. Angle reminds Kelly of the way Rock treats him and asks Kelly who he'll be rooting for at No Way Out. Kelly bows his head in shame. Angle - "You talk about lack of respect. Everyone thinks Wrestlemania is set in stone. The fans, The Rock, even this company...it will be Stone Cold vs. The Rock. I've made a lifetime of proving people wrong...I WILL beat The Rock this Sunday at No Way Out..." Kelly - "BWAAAAAAHAHAHA!!!...I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Hold for editing...3, 2, 1..." Angle - "I WILL beat The Ro--" [Kelly bites his lip and his stomach is visibly shaking.] Angle - "You're not helping Kevin!"

 

The Kat tells the APA she wants to get naked. Bradshaw says they'll take her to the nudy bar so she can get naked. Where the beer gives ya gas and the Bundy's kick ass....at the nudy bar.

 

Michael Cole interviews Chris Jericho. Cole - "Chris, I'm sure you saw the reports from Superbrawl last night, Yang, the latest recipient of the Jericho Curse, blew 'a million spots' were the words Dave Meltzer used. Do you feel any guilt or remorse?" Jericho - "Guilt, Mitchell Cole? What, you think I MEANT for this thing to get out of control? How dare you Mitchell Cole? How dare you?! Do you think I sleep easy at night knowing my curse is affecting people on a weekly basis? DO YOU?! You got a lot of nerve asking me that question. I'm outta here." [Jericho walks off and the camera catches an evil smirk on his face.] Commercials.

 

Eddy Guerrero vs. X-Pac (Special Ref Chris Jericho)

 

Jericho counts a quick two when X-Pac pins Eddy. Eddy goes to pin X-Pac and Jericho takes his time to count. Jericho throws X-Pac off Eddy while he was in the middle of a bronco buster. X-Pac suplexes Eddy out of the ring, then Jericho and X-Pac start brawling. Justin Credible runs in and helps X-Pac double team Jericho. Eddy comes back into the ring and disposes of Justin while Jericho gets rid of X-Pac. Eddy and Jericho bump into each other and start brawling. Jericho leaves Eddy laying with a curse-free Lionsault. While Jericho returns up the ramp, Benoit meets him on the stage and givs Jericho a DDT. Commercials.

 

The APA and Kat arrive at the strip joint. Bradshaw and Faarooq pay some strippers for a lap dance. When they begin dancing, one of the strippers suddenly stops and points at Bradshaw's shirt. "Umm, Always pounding ass huh?" Bradshaw - "That's right sweetheart! We're all about drinkin beer, smoking long, tasty cigars, then pounding ass!" The strippers look at each other with disgusted looks and run off. Bradshaw - "What's their problem?" [Faarooq shrugs]

 

Edge and Christian tell some guy to relay a message to someone. E&C start yelling for The Dudleys to fight in the parking lot. The Dudleys are shown making their way towards E&C. The camera cuts away to show that guy telling the Undertaker that The Dudleys are trashing his bike. The Dudleys are shown in the parking lot, but E&C are gone. In the background, Taker's bike has some damage. Taker arrives and sees The Dudleys with the damaged bike and starts to brawl with them. In a shocking turn of events, Taker actually sells a beating from The Dudleys. Kane arrives on the scene and receives a conchairto from E&C. JR - "IT WAS A DAMN SETUP!"

 

An impatient Stephanie Mcmahon asks HHH if he's ready yet. We hear, "OW! OOH! AHH! OH IT STINGS!" behind the bathroom door. Stephanie opens the door and we see HHH laying down on a 6 foot long Stridex pad. HHH - "CLOSE THE DOOR! CLOSE THE DOOR!" Commercials.

 

Stephanie comes out as JR informs us it's not time for her match yet. JR - "King, while Stephanie makes her way to the ring, I would just like to reiterate what a vile, disgusting human being Dean Malenko is. He was going to use a chair on Lita for God's sake! What kind of a man is Dean Malenko to lay his hands on a woman?" Steph shows footage of when she slapped Steve Austin last week and tells Trish if she would slap Steve Austin, just imagine what she'll do to Trish at No Way Out. Steph tells Trish to come out now so they can fight. Austin comes out instead. Austin thanks Steph for reminding him that she slapped him last week. She tries to apologize, but Austin tells her to shut up. Austin says since he can't touch HHH, he'd like to give her a present from the bottom of his heart...and there's Stephanie's first Stunner. JR - "STUNNER! STUNNER! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! THATTA BOY STEVE! THE BITCH DERSERVED IT! I HOPE HER BY GOD JAW IS BROKEN! THAT SLUT! ONE MORE TIME STEVE! COME ON DAMMIT ONE MORE!!" [Austin looks strangely at Steph after the Stunner.] Austin - "Somethin' ain't right here..." [Austin looks under Steph's shirt and it shows she is wearing a black bra. The crowd immediatly begins booing.] Austin - "I KNEW IT!" Austin reaches under her shirt, unhooks her bra, and throws it into the crowd. Austin stuns her again and Steph begins to jiggle like Vince after his first stunner. Austin - "That's more like it!" Good Lord folks, that was perverted. HHH runs to the ring and Austin quickly leaves the scene. HHH goes into a roid rage the likes of which we've never seen. CLICK HERE to listen. Commercials.

 

Stephanie is tended to by the trainer while HHH throws things around.

 

Regal and a gleeful Trish Stratus are shown watching the events on a monitor. Regal says it's not safe with Austin running around, and takes Trish away.

 

The Hardy Boyz vs. Haku and Rikishi

 

You could not imagine how much Haku and Rikishi sold for The Hardy's unless you saw it LIVE! Jeff goes for the poetry in motion on Haku, but THERE ARE NO FAIR CATCHES IN THE XFL!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP JR!! Rikishi appeares to have kicked it up a notch in this match. Matt gets beat up on until he hits a DDT on Rikishi and makes the hot tag. Jeff comes in and hits a crisp corkscrew moonsault on Haku. Twist of Fate on Rikishi, followed by the Swanton. While the ref was distracted, Haku headbutts Jeff, and Rikishi rolls over on Jeff to get the victory. Haku gets both Hardy's in the Tongan Death Grip after the match.

 

Back to the strip club with the APA. Dustin Runnels is spotted sitting down at the club. He sees the camera and quickly tries to leave. When he gets up, "something" knocks over the glass on his table. The girls turn to see what made the loud noise. [A loud screaming is heard off camera as the camera quickly turns back to the APA.] Kat is about to get naked with another stripper when Steven Richards and Ivory show up to stop it. The rest of the RTC sneak attack the APA and lay them out with pool cues and whiskey bottles. Steven kidnaps The Kat. Commercials.

 

Al Snow walks around ringside campaigning to become commisioner.

 

Raven vs. Crash Holly

 

We head backstage and both men end up in what they say is a sewage tank. The Big Show appears and dismantles Crash and Raven. Raven's woman hits Big Show in the knee with a 2X4, allowing Raven and Crash to get away. Molly Holly appears and starts fighting with the woman. Raven and the woman try to escape in a car, but Molly and Crash end up in the car with them. Crash and Molly get thrown out, and Raven escapes just before Show catches up with them. Commercials.

 

HHH sends Stephanie away in the limo.

 

The RTC come out with The Kat in their custody. Steven cuts the usual promo until Lawler leaves the announce table comes to the aid of The Kat. Steven challenges Lawler to a match at No Way Out. Lawler can choose any member of the RTC he wants to wrestle. If the RTC wins, The Kat has to join the RTC. If Lawler wins, Kat can get naked. Lawler accepts the challenges and chooses Steven as his opponent. Lawler decks Steven and he retreats. Commercials.

 

We go to WWF New York where TAZZ arrives in a limo. He's shown signing copies of the new WWF CD. A fan wearing a hat and sunglasses walks up to Tazz. Fan - "Hey man, what's happening with Todd Bridges?" Tazz - "How should I know?" Fan - "Hey, remember when your goldfish died? I cried man, that was deep." Tazz - "Hey wait a minute brutha..." [Tazz grabs at the fan's hat to reveal Dennis Knight. Knight quickly dashes off into the night.]

 

Michael Cole interviews The Rock. Cole - "Rock, you heard the comments from Kurt Angle, he says a lot of people are writing him off at No Way Out, but he'll overcome the odds and defeat you." Rock - "Wrestlemania 17! The granddaddy of em all Austin! The Rock knows he's in for the match of a lifetime, but Austin, The Rock guaran-damn-tees that he will come out of that match, STILL the Great One, STILL the WWF champion, STILL the People's Champion,..IF YA SMELLLLLLLLL-" [Kurt Angle is shown watching on a monitor making the Jericho crybaby face.]

 

HHH comes out to watch the next match from the broadcast table.

 

Steve Austin and The Rock vs. Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit

 

Austin mocks Benoit by pointing to his tooth before the match. Benoit responds by putting his hands out in front of his stomach, mimicing a beer belly. Austin responds by curling up his arms like a T-Rex and makes fun of Benoit's arms. Benoit looks dejected, but gets an idea. He grabs a can of WD40 from under the ring and sprays it on his knees. Benoit then walks around ringside like the Tin Man. Austin shakes his head in a, "I can't top that" gesture. Austin sends Angle outside and beats him up right in front of HHH. Rock hits a samoan drop [JR - "SPINEBUSTER!"] on Angle for a 2 count. Austin is tagged in and he hooks an abdominal stretch on Benoit near the ropes. Austin holds the ropes for leverage while he talks trash to HHH. Benoit comes back and hits a German suplex on Austin. Austin elbows out of a second attempt and tags The Rock. Rock gets the Sharpshooter on Benoit, but Angle breaks it up. Benoit comes back with The Crossface, but Austin breaks that up. Benoit misses a diving headbutt on Rock, and the hot tag is made to Austin. Austin hits the Stunner on Angle, but HHH pulls the ref out of the ring. JR - "DAMMIT! DAMMIT!" Benoit tries to hit Austin with the belt, but hits HHH. Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Benoit and gets the win. Austn gives the belt to Rock so he can pose with it. Austin has some last words for HHH as we fade to black.

 

Off: The end of Dirty Dean/Lita feud??

 

On: Angle trying his damndest to make people think he might win at the PPV.

 

On: Haku and Rikishi selling for the Hardy's.

 

Off: We're still waiting for that Tazz push JR! WWF NY doesn't count!

 

Off: RTC/Lawler feud

[Guest T®ITEC]

I would upload the sound files if I knew someplace that would allow them.. GeoCities or something? I'll check later...

 

Anyway, here's Part 1 of... REVENGE OF THE SMARTS~!

 

 

 

With the debut of the new WCW show quickly approaching; the WWF has reached out to two Internet icons to help them with the added workload of booking two separate wrestling organizations. Those two men, Dave Meltzer and Bryan Alvarez, have been chosen to bring their knowledge on workrate and psychology to the new WCW and ensure its successful launch. However, Dave and Bryan are met with resistance from those they have been critical of in the WWF and old WCW. With the help of other wrestlers who have been outcast as a result of the established star's actions, Dave and Bryan fight back on behalf of all the smarts who have been persecuted and made fun of.

 

We now present to you...Revenge of the Smarts.

 

====================Scene 1====================

 

[Our story begins as Dave and Bryan are driving together cross-country to move into their new offices at Titan Towers in Stamford, CT. Tied down to the top of their car is a giant chest full of wrestling tapes.]

 

["Revenge of the Smarts" by the Rubinoos begins to play]

 

They call us dorks cause we're not the norm

The only wrestler not on steroids is Lance Storm

They laugh at our clothes

They laugh at our tapes

We like little wrestlers and not a bunch of roided up apes

So go ahead, put workrate down

one of these days we're gonna turn it around

won't be long, our guys have got so much heart

the time has come for revenge of the smarts!

 

[inside of the car.]

 

Dave - "Oh my God, I can't believe we just met for the first time yesterday."'

 

Bryan - "I know! I was just thinking the same thing."

 

Dave - "Well, we've already talked about the Zero-One and UFC PPV's, what else can we do to pass the time?"

 

Bryan - "Let's listen to some music."

 

Dave - "Good idea. [Dave inserts WWF:The Music Volume 5 into the CD player. Kurt Angle's theme begins.]

 

Bryan - "OOH! TURN IT UP!"

 

[Dave and Bryan singing] - "AN-GLE! AN-GLE! AN-GLE!"

 

[Passing motorists give strange looks to Dave and Bryan as they sing.]

 

["Revenge of the Smarts" begins to play again.]

 

We wear lucha libre masks

and carry a heavy duty inhaler

New Japan shirts, Terri Boatright used to manage Terry Taylor

5 star matches, face full of zits

they call us smarts cause we've never touched a pair of tits

REVENGE OF THE SMARTS!

[Rhyno's voice] - "SMARTS!"

[Dave Meltzer] - "AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!"

 

[back inside of the car.]

 

[back inside of the car.]

 

[bryan produces a calculator] - "You know, according to my calculations, with the two of us on the writing staff, the workrate shown on basic cable will increase by at least 73.678 percent."

 

Dave - "That sounds about right."

 

Bryan - "Also, the amount of large pizzas the Big Show eats before a match will decrease by 97.892 percent!"

 

Dave - "AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

 

[Titan Towers finally comes into view as Dave and Bryan exit off the interstate.]

 

Dave - "OH MY GOD! There it is!"

 

[Dave and Bryan park their car and get out to soak in the scene.]

 

Bryan - "Well, this is it." Dave - "Yep. Finally, all the American wrestlers and wrestling fans will see the light!"

 

[We see the car pulling up to Titan Towers.]

 

["Revenge of the Smarts" kicks in again.]

 

So if they call you a dork cynical or prude

stand up and be proud don't act like a rube

Hey you lazy main eventers

We think a 40 minute match is art

but the jokes on you

it's revenge of the smarts!

 

====================Scene 2====================

 

[Dave and Bryan help each other take the huge wooden trunk full of wrestling tapes off of the top of the car]

 

Bryan - "Well there's 1,467 New Japan Matches, 273 Michinoku Pro matches, and 3 Dynamite Kid vs. Tiger Mask I matches on these tapes..."

 

Dave - "So?"

 

Bryan - "So that's 10,323 head bumps and 8,715 stars!"

 

Dave - "BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! "

 

[bryan and Dave each hold one side of the case as they carry it to the building, they accidentally tip the trunk over and a tape falls out.]

 

[Dave picks up the tape]

 

Dave - "What's this?"

 

Bryan - "Dave no!"

 

Dave - "Wrestlemania IV?! Bryan what are you doing with this?!"

 

[bryan hangs head]

 

Dave - "You're so dirty!"

 

Bryan - "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

 

[They continue to carry the trunk to the building. The camera shows X-Pac lying out in the middle of the grass. Dave and Bryan don't see him and knock him in the head with the case.]

 

X-Pac - "OWWWWWWWWWWW! Hey watch it assholes!"

 

[Dave and Bryan don't pay any attention and continue walking]

 

X-Pac - "Just wait till I tell Hunter."

 

[They begin to approach the building still carrying the trunk.]

 

Bryan - "You know Dave, I feel different already. Like, more mature."

 

Dave - "Yeah, it looks like we're in for quite a change."

 

Bryan - "I'll say, Puro parties, meeting Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle... this is gonna be great!"

 

Dave - "Relax and be yourself, like Frank Shamrock always said, 'Be sure you're right, then go ahead.'"

 

[As Bryan and Dave get near the entrance, Billy Gunn and Steve Austin are walking straight-ahead at one another and fail to see each other because of the huge case. As Dave and Bryan walk by, Gunn and Austin walk into each other on accident and knock heads. Austin goes down holding his neck and Gunn goes down holding his knee.]

 

[The scene cuts to a shot of the balcony of Titan Towers as Rhyno is holding Chris Benoit over the railing by his ankles.]

 

[People watching Rhyno] "RHYNO! RHYNO! RHYNO!"

 

[Rhyno spots Dave and Bryan from the balcony]

 

Rhyno - "SMARTS! SMMAARRTTS! SMMAAAAAAAAAAARRTS!"

 

[Dave and Bryan hear Rhyno and begin to look around in every direction.]

 

Bryan - "Where are they?"

 

Dave - "I think they're talking about us."

 

Bryan - "No way!"

 

[Rhyno drops Benoit from the balcony, Benoit lands headfirst onto the concrete and walks off in no pain.]

 

Dave - "OHMIGOD DID YOU SEE THAT?!"

 

Bryan - "YES!"

 

Dave - "LIKE OHMIGOD OK! CHRIS BENOIT IS JUST LIKE SOOOOO TOTALLY AWESOME!"

 

Bryan - "His neck is so strong!"

 

Dave - "And he's so intelligent too!"

 

[The crowd watching Rhyno begins to chant along with him]

 

Crowd - "SMARTS! SMARTS! SMARTS! SMARTS!"

 

Dave - "Come on Bryan, let's go."

 

[Dave and Bryan quickly shuffle their feet as they carry the case inside of the Tower]

 

====================Scene 3====================

 

[Dave and Bryan finally arrive into their new office and size it up. The first thing Dave does is put up a Sakuraba poster on his bulletin board.]

 

Bryan - "Do you think we'll have room for our wrestling tapes?"

 

Dave - "Oh yeah, we can have a big bookshelf over there for all our back issues of the Observer and Figure Four, and we can put our computers over there. We'll have the best office in the building!"

 

Bryan - "Well I don't know about that, you know the old saying, HHH is not only the smartest man in wrestling, but he has the best office!"

 

Dave - "AAAAAAAAAHAHAHA! Well, we have something that HHH doesn't have. Take this.

 

[Dave hands Bryan a streamer that Japanese fans throw into the ring before matches.]

 

Bryan - "What's this for?"

 

Dave - "It's an early warning device. We can put it on the doorknob whenever one of us is watching a Puroresu tape. That way we don't walk in on each other."

 

Bryan - "Awesome."

 

====================Scene 4====================

 

[The next scene shows a wild party on the top floor of Titan Towers, the same floor that Triple H's office is on.]

 

[Triple H is shown walking around with Stephanie Mcmahon and holding a protein shake.]

 

[bob Holly walks up to Triple H]

 

Bob - "You really do drink that stuff... wow."

 

HHH - "Wow what? How'd you think I got this big?"

 

[Triple H tries to impress Bob by chugging the shake]

 

Bob - "Careful there, don't get TOO big!"

 

[Triple H smiles with his cheeks bulging out. His face begins to turn bright red]

 

[bob Holly walks off and Triple H spits out the shake in a plant nearby]

 

[Rhyno barges into the room carrying Edge's KOTR trophy, which is filled with beer]

 

[Rhyno takes a huge chug and spits it into the air]

 

Party-goers - "RHHHYYNOOOOOO!"

 

Rhyno - "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

[Rhyno takes the trophy over to Edge]

 

Rhyno - "Fill this up like I filled Lori Fullington's rotten stinking gash!"

 

[Edge pours beer into the trophy]

 

[Triple H is shown laying on a couch with Stephanie Mcmahon and raising his fist as a salute to Rhyno.]

 

Triple H - "WOOOOO HOOOO!"

 

[Rhyno pumps his fist in the air]

 

Rhyno - "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

[Triple H begins making out with Stephanie]

 

[Albert is shown doing push-ups with Evan Karagious riding on his back]

 

[billy Gunn bursts into the room]

 

Billy - "Hey everyone! It's time for STAIR-DIVING!"

 

[Everyone gathers around]

 

[Rob Van Dam is shown sitting on a couch smoking a joint. RVD takes his arm off of a girl's shoulder next to him and gets up.]

 

RVD - "Watch this!"

 

[The crowd is going wild as various wrestlers dive into a pool of beer]

 

RVD - "Step aside!"

 

[RVD springs up to the top of a post on the stairs. He begins to bend his knees as he starts to jump. Before he can jump, Shane Mcmahon comes CHARGING at lightning speed out of nowhere and dives off of the top of the stairs and into the pool.]

 

[The crowd watching goes nuts]

 

Crowd - "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

 

RVD - "But guys! Watch this!"

 

[RVD jumps to the wall and begins to crawl down it like Spiderman. He leaps back to the top of the stairs, does a backward somersault, a back handspring with a 1 and a half, and then he does a quadruple front flip and lands into the pool of beer doing the splits. RVD begins to do his thumb point, but he realizes that no one is watching because the crowd is carrying Shane Mcmahon away on their shoulders. RVD hangs his head and a single tear rolls down his cheek.]

 

[The scene cuts back to the top floor of Titan Towers as the party continues.]

 

[Dusty Rhodes pulls out a bottle of 188 proof Fireball and a lighter. He hands the alcohol and the lighter to Chris Jericho]

 

Dusty - "Hey guys AHEHEHEHEHEHE! Watch thith! OHOHOOO HE GONNA LAY HIS OL TIHAD ASS OUT AHHHEEHEEH!"

 

Triple H - "Hey Dusty, I don't know about this, he is kinda... careless..."

 

Jericho - "Shut up jerky! I'm the life of the party now! Deal with it!"

 

Triple H - "But you're not ready..."

 

[Jericho lights the lighter, drinks some alcohol and spits it into the flame forming a huge fireball]

 

[The crowd watching "OOHHHHS" in amazement]

 

Crowd - "FIREBALL! FIREBALL! FIREBALL!"

 

Dusty - "HEHEHEH AHHAHAH THEY REALLY GETTIN' BEHIND HIS OL TIHAD ASS! AHEHEHEH!"

 

[Triple H watches on nervously.]

 

[Chris Jericho blows a few more fireballs. We then get a head on shot as Jericho blows a fireball towards the camera. The curtains near where he blew the fireball immediately go up in flames.]

 

[Click HERE to listen to the music that plays as this happens]

 

====================Scene 5====================

 

[The partygoers quickly escape the top floor and meet outside of the Tower as the fire department comes in.]

 

[Triple H and Rhyno roast old Wrestling Observer Newsletters on a patch of fire]

 

[Jim Ross walks by]

 

[Coach Kevin Nash watches on]

 

[Triple H talks to JR]

 

Triple H - "Musta been careless Jericho."

 

JR - "Well, that isn't what the fire department thinks."

 

Nash - "JR, if my boy says it's careless Jericho, then it's careless Jericho. How'd he get invited anyway?"

 

Triple H - "Jim, you know Jericho better be a little more careful."

 

Nash - "Jim, we've got a big PPV coming up and I don't want my boys minds worried about where they're going to work."

 

JR - "Well, they should of thought of that before they burned their floor down."

 

Nash - "What's done is done, now where are my boys gonna work?"

 

Triple H - "Don't make me call Vince. Hey, how about the new WCW writer's and wrestler's floor?"

 

JR - "What about the guys who are working there now?"

 

[Triple H shrugs]

 

JR - "DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!"

 

====================Scene 6====================

 

[HHH and Nash gather all the established stars and get them ready to take over the floor inhabited by the new WCW writing staff.]

 

HHH - "Are we gonna let a bunch of net geeks tell us how to sell and put people over?!"

 

Wrestlers - "NO!"

 

HHH - "We're main eventers, this is our building! I say we go in there and take over the WCW floor for our own use!"

 

Wrestlers - "YEAH!!"

 

HHH - "Does everyone have their lifts on?!"

 

Wrestlers - "YEAH!"

 

HHH - "LET'S GET THOSE SMARTS!"

 

[All the wrestlers charge into the WCW floor. Rhyno gores people left and right through the third story windows as others hurry to get out of the building.]

 

[Nash with megaphone] - "Come on, move it! Move it! I want to see the exact opposite of what I do in the ring! Let's go! Don't worry, I'll see to it that each and every one of you smarts is taken care of. We will do what is best for the company and not our own selfish needs!"

 

[All the wrestlers begin laughing hysterically and chant "SMARTS! SMARTS! SMARTS! as Dave and Bryan carry their tape chest into the street.]

 

====================Scene 7====================

 

[The new floor for the new WCW writers and mid-card WCW wrestlers is shown. It's in the basement and contains a bunch of cots, a rowing machine, one dumbbell, and a single typewriter in the corner of the room. As well as a TV with a Beta cassette player]

 

[JR talks to the writers and mid-carders on their new floor]

 

JR - "Well, I know this move has probably been very sudden for all of you and you're probably all still very disoriented. I can assure you, that this move is not permanent, it's only temporary. Now big things are ahead in your future, I can assure you. As you can see, the accommodations that have been made for you are quite acceptable and I hope you can enjoy your training and writing..."

 

[A voice is heard in the background]

 

"But I don't even wanna go to college! I WANT BALL BALL!"

 

[The camera shows Dean Malenko wearing a weenie suit and bow tie, walking into the room with his parents]

 

Dean's Mother - "Now Dean, you're workrate is a gift and you need these guys to help develop your personality."

 

Dean - "I want people my own age!"

 

Mother - "You will be with people you're own age when you're older"

 

Dean - "But you can't just drop me off here! I want my Sit-N-Spin! I want Big Wheel!"

 

Mother - "Now don't get cranky!"

 

[Dean's mother gives him a kiss on the forehead and then leaves. Dean joins the rest of the group listening to JR's speech]

 

JR - "Now is there anybody here with allergies?"

 

[Lash Leroux raises his hand]

 

JR - "What allergies do you have?"

 

Lash - "I GOTS THE ALLERJAY FOR GRABBIN' UNDERAGE BOOBAY!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEE!"

 

[JR points out the TV with Beta. Bryan and Dave both groan as they know they won't be able to watch their tapes.]

 

JR - "Now because of this situation, we are allowing all new WCW employees the chance to join a clique so they have a chance to work with the established stars..."

 

[Everyone cheers]

 

JR - "The selection process and try-outs will begin tomorrow"

 

[Nash interrupts] - "Now cut the bullshit and grab a cot! Move it or work with Billy Gunn!"

 

[Everyone runs for a cot]

 

====================Scene 8====================

 

[bryan and Dave are shown sorting their tapes by average match rating]

 

Dave - "I knew we wouldn't get any big name wrestlers, Bryan."

 

Bryan - "Dave, it's probably not over yet. We can get big names to do jobs for our wrestlers on opening night. All we have to do is get in a clique."

 

[Dave and Bryan are shown walking through the halls of Titan Towers. They approach Stephanie Mcmahon's office.]

 

Dave - "I don't know, are you sure about this Bryan?"

 

Bryan - "Dave, yes."

 

[Dave and Bryan walk up to her door and knock. Stephanie opens the door.]

 

Stephanie - "Hi, can I help you?"

 

Bryan - "Yeah, we'd like to speak to Stephanie Mcmahon please?"

 

Stephanie - "Um, this is she."

 

Dave - "BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH, come on."

 

Bryan - "Can we please speak to Stephanie?"

 

Stephanie - "I said, this is she! Wait a second..."

 

[stephanie closes the door. Stephanie unhooks her bra from underneath her shirt and opens the door again.]

 

Bryan - "It IS Stephanie Mcmahon!"

 

Stephanie - "What can I help you gentlemen with?"

 

Bryan - "Uh.. well... you see... uhhhh."

 

Stephanie - "Are you guys looking for a date with me?"

 

Dave - "BWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA [snort] [snort] NO!"

 

Bryan - "We really need some help, we figured someone of your stature could help us out. We want to join a clique."

 

Stephanie - "Well you know boys... MYYY FATHER SAYS [bryan's right glasses lens shatters] IS VINCE MCMAHON! So choosing the right clique can be one of the most important decisions in the life of a wrestling employee. Guys like you have to weigh your choices very carefully."

 

Bryan - "So what clique do you think is right for us?"

 

Stephanie - "You guys are KLIQ Clique all the way."

 

Dave - "Wait a minute, aren't KLIQ guys all tall, muscular, good looking, and the most popular?"

 

Stephanie - "Yes, but you guys have got that certain something I know they'd be interested in. I'll call them and tell them you're coming."

 

Bryan - "Should we ask for a particular member?"

 

Stephanie - "MY HUSBANNNNND TRIPULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AIIIIICCH!" [bryan's left glasses lens shatters]

 

====================Scene 9====================

 

[bryan and Dave go to their old floor in Titan Towers. The feeling on the floor is dark and mysterious, as there is very little lighting. A double-door with a cursive K on one door and a picture of a hand making the KLIQ sign on the other.]

 

Bryan - "You know Dave, if we get in, maybe we can have Triple H job to Jeff Hardy in the first Nitro main event."

 

Dave - "These guys are never going to accept us."

 

Bryan - "Why wouldn't they?"

 

Dave - "They're the main eventers, they're not going to give up their spot."

 

Bryan - "I don't think Miss Mcmahon would of sent us over here if we didn't have a chance of getting in."

 

[The double doors open. X-Pac opens the door wearing a dark robe with a hood.]

 

X-Pac - "Yessss?"

 

Bryan - "Tell Triple H that we're the guys that Stephanie Mcmahon sent over."

 

X-Pac - "Follow me boys..."

 

[The scene cuts to show a room lighted by dozens of candles and KLIQ members in hooded robes. The darkness and quietness of the room give off an ethereal feel]

 

[X-Pac leads Bryan and Dave down an aisle]

 

[KLIQ members sitting in pews] - "Welcome."

 

Bryan - "Hi."

 

Dave - "How's it goin' everybody?! This is Dave Meltzer along with Bryan Alvarez!"

 

[Triple H walks up behind Bryan and Dave and whispers to them.]

 

Triple H - "Hey, you guys seem pretty cool... take these for later."

 

[Triple H gives them two unrolled condoms]

 

Bryan - "Rubbers? What do we need rubbers for?"

 

[A strange sound is heard in the distance]

 

"BAAAAA"

 

[The sound becomes much more familiar as a light is shown on the person making the noise]

 

Chyna- "BAAAARYAN Alvarez and Dave Meltzer? I don't wrestle girls!"

 

Triple H - "Let the initiation begin"

 

[The scene cuts away and comes back showing Dave and Bryan both stripped of their clothes except for their underwear. Bryan is wearing gymnastics bottoms while Dave is wearing a pair of tighty whiteys with his name stitched in them]

 

Triple H - "Have you ever been with a woman?"

 

[bryan and Dave answer simultaneously]

 

Dave - "YES!"

 

Bryan - "NO!"

 

[2 second pause]

 

Dave - "NO!"

 

Bryan - "YES!"

 

[Two buckets of water are then tossed at Bryan and Dave]

 

KLIQ - "LIARS!"

 

Triple H - "Have you in-directly accused a KLIQ member of using illegal performance enhancing drugs or holding down any other wrestlers?"

 

[bryan and Dave answer simultaneously again]

 

Dave - "NO!"

 

Bryan - "YES!"

 

[2 second pause]

 

Dave - "YES!"

 

Bryan - "NO!"

 

[Two buckets of feathers are then dumped over their heads.]

 

====================Scene 10====================

 

[Jim Ross goes over the list of all the wrestlers who have been reassigned to the new WCW and do a roll call to make sure they are present.]

 

JR - "Malenko, Dean?"

 

[Dean raises his hand excitedly] "HERE! HERE!"

 

JR - "Hardy. Jeff?"

 

[Jeff gives a limp-wristed wave]

 

"Jeff Hardy!"

 

JR - "Jeff Hardy, what are you doing here? I thought you had a solid spot on the WWF roster."

 

[Jeff takes a sucker out of his mouth to answer] "Nash said I was too young."

 

JR - "Leroux, Lash."

 

Lash - "HOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEE!!"

 

JR - "Ahem, Tajiri, Yoshihiro."

 

Tajiri - "Ah, here-ah!"

 

JR - "Douglas, Shane."

 

Shane (Wearing a shirt with the words "Fucking High on Stress" on it) - "CALL ME FRANCHISE FUCKER!"

 

Tajiri - "Ah, excuse prease, why they call you the Flench Flies?"

 

Shane - "THAT'S FRANCHISE FUCKER! AND THEY CALL ME THAT BECAUSE I BUILT THIS GODDAMN PLACE!"

 

Tajiri - "Ohh, sank you velly much."

 

====================Scene 11====================

 

[Cut to later that evening, it's business as usual in the basement. Lash Leroux is making a squeezing motion with his hands, Jeff Hardy is dancing spastically in front of a pulsating light, and Shane Douglas and Tajiri are playing rock, paper, scissors."

 

Shane - "ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!"

 

[Tajiri has a rock, while Shane has scissors]

 

Tajiri - "I have lock."

 

Shane - "LOCK?! YOU CAN'T HAVE A FUCKING LOCK! OH ROCK?! HAHAHA! I WIN MOTHER FUCKER!"

 

Tajiri - "Scissah beat lock?"

 

Shane - "YEAH! SCISSORS STAB THE FUCKING ROCK!"

 

Tajiri - "Oooh, sank you."

 

[Dave and Bryan walk in dripping wet and covered in feathers.]

 

Shane - "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU FUCKERS?!"

 

Dave - "I don't wanna talk about it, I just want to go to bed."

 

====================Scene 12====================

 

[Dave and Bryan wish each other goodnight, cuddle up with their wrestling buddies dolls, and pull the covers up. The rest of the wrestlers on the floor go to sleep as well]

 

Jeff - "Rave on Dean!"

 

Dean - "Night Night! Jeff!"

 

Tajiri - "Nighta Lash!"

 

Lash - "Night Franchise!"

 

Shane - "SWEET FUCKING DREAMS AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

 

[Dave, Bryan, and the other wrestlers quietly snicker at Shane. Dave is unable to retain his quiet giggling and bursts out with a huge laugh]

 

Dave - "AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAH!"

 

====================Scene 13====================

 

[The next day at Titan Towers, the WWF stars have finished a strenuous workout at the gym and give all their dirty clothes to the houseboy Tajiri.]

 

[Rhyno throws his dirty shorts in Tajiri's face] - "SMELL THIS YOU FUCKING SMART!"

 

[Kevin Nash walks by] Tajiri - "Excuse me, Mr. Nash, it okay I leave early to find place to train?"

 

Nash - "I'll tell you what, you can leave as soon as I donate $20,000 to the Pillman Memorial Fund!"

 

[All the wrestlers laugh]

 

Austin - "Hey Tie-jiri, can you do me a favor?"

 

[Tajiri nods. Austin puts his jockstrap over Tajiri's head.]

 

Austin - "Get that all nice and clean you little bastard!"

 

[Tajiri puts two fingers under his chin and gets ready to blow mist in Austin's face, but Vince Mcmahon walks by and Tajiri stops himself.]

 

====================Scene 14====================

 

[Later that day, the gang tries to think of a place where they can do their work.]

 

Bryan - "I'm tired of this golldam place, we can't work under these conditions. And all our guys are getting rusty because the WWF guys won't let them use the ring at Titan."

 

Dave - "OH MY GOD!"

 

Bryan - "What?"

 

Dave - "I know a place where the guys can train AND we can work on our booking!"

 

Bryan - "Where are we gonna go Dave? Where can we go?!"

 

Dave - "I'll tell you where. [Patriotic music starts playing as Dave looks to the sky.] Where all wrestlers go when they haven't been given a chance. A place that won't turn you away because you're only 5'6" or 130 lbs. A place where wrestlers can show that they still have something to give to this great business..."

 

Bryan - "Hulk Hogan's Universal Studios arena?"

 

Dave - "AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA-No. I'm talking about...THE ECW ARENA!"

 

====================Scene 15====================

 

[All the wrestlers gather outside of the ECW Arena.]

 

Dave - "Isn't it fantastic?"

 

Shane - "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHIT? I BUILT THIS GODDAMN PLACE AND NOW THIS FUCKING HOUSE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!"

 

Bryan - "Well it does need a little work."

 

Dave - "I'll say... a little workRATE!"

 

[Click HERE to listen to the music that plays as the camera shows clips of the smarts fixing up the arena.]

 

[Dave sees an old picture of RVD hanging on a wall in the arena. He scoffs, pulls it off the wall, and tosses it into a garbage can. He pulls a poster of Kurt Angle out of his suitcase and neatly puts that up in its place.]

 

[Lash Leroux sees a picture of Beulah hanging in the lockerroom. He pulls out a pitcher of water and pours it over the Beulah's chest. Lash begins grabbing at the picture while wearing a replica of the WCW World title.]

 

[shane Douglas comes across a stack of old Pro Wrestling Torch's in the basement. We see him sitting in the middle of a huge pile of them as he crosses out the "Ric" in Ric Flair's name and replaces it with the word "Dick."]

 

[Tajiri is painting a wall inside of the arena while Jeff Hardy watches on.]

 

Jeff - "Here, this will make you go faster!"

 

[Jeff hands Tajiri a colored pill. Tajiri takes it and swallows it.]

 

[The scene then shows Tajiri in fast forward as he quickly bounces around the house and painting it in under a minute.]

 

[After they finish their impressive work on the arena, they stand outside with each other and admire their accomplishment. Triple H rides by on his motorcycle with Stephanie Mcmahon hanging on behind him.]

 

Stephanie - "I can't believe what they've done to the arena! Looks terrific, doesn't it Hunter?"

 

Triple H - "Yeah.... but it won't look terrific for longuhhhhhhhhhh."

 

[Triple H sees Shane Douglas staring at him.]

 

Triple H - "What are you looking at smart? Huh?"

 

Shane - "I THOUGHT I WAS FUCKING LOOKING AT RIC FLAIR'S MOTHER'S DOUCHE BAG, BUT THAT'S IN NORTH CAROLINA! I BUILT THIS GODDAMN PLACE!"

 

====================Scene 16====================

 

[The next morning]

 

[inside of the arena, Jeff Hardy, sucking on a pacifier and covered in day-glow colors, is raving spastically. Dean Malenko, wearing a kid's gas mask and size 28 waist pants (making Dean look like he has elephant legs) dances with him. The rest of the smarts are sitting at the dining room table enjoying breakfast. A robot propels itself around the room.]

 

[shane and Tajiri attempt to play cards, but Shane gets increasingly frustrated with the robot as it keeps beeping.]

 

Shane - "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING FUCKER?"

 

Bryan - "That's Smart-O the Wrestling Database."

 

Shane - "WHAT THE FUCK?"

 

Bryan - "Watch this?"

 

Bryan - "Smart-O, What was Ric Flair's average match rating in 1989?"

 

[Click HERE to listen to the sound that plays as Smart-O calculates.]

 

[smart-O in a very stereotypical computerized voice] - "According to my calculations, Ric Flair's average match rating in 1989 was exactly 4.6428561037 stars, his highest match rating year of his career. The legendary Steamboat/Flair series of that year was perhaps the greatest series of matches in the United States in the 1980's. However, Flair's match rating would soon go down in the following years as World Championship Wrestling went through a series of bookers. The worst of those being Jim Herd who made Ric Flair leave the promotion and head to the World Wrestling Federation. All of this led to the legendary sign at a WCW event that read - "We've Herd Enough. HA HA HAAAAAAA"

 

[All of a sudden a sledgehammer crashes through the window and scares everyone. Dave walks over and picks up the sledgehammer, with a note attached to it.]

 

Dave - "It says get out you cynical smarts."

 

Tajiri - "What is cynical smaaaht?"

 

Dave - "We are."

 

To Be Continued...

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

LIVE from Cleveland OH

 

We open up with a shot of two TV's, one labeled WWF and the other labeled WCW. Vince points to the WCW and says "Oh look there's Jeff Jarrett..." Vince then points to a monitor labeled OVW and says "Oh look, there's Mark Henry running the ropes and getting blown up... GOOD GOD Look at his hair! HA HA HAAAA!" Vince then points to a monitor labeled ECW. Vince - "Oh look, there's Lou E Dangerously and C.W. Anderson standing in an empty arena... oh hahaha, Lou E is on his cell phone asking when the show is going to start. How cute AH HA HAAA!" Heyman - "Aww come on!" Vince then starts to go into his monologue, but he hears "Eye of the Tiger" start to play from another monitor. Vince turns to see a monitor labeled WXO and he sees Scott Nash doing push-ups and jumping rope. Scott Nash - "Vince Mcmahon, we're coming Baaaaaaaack!" Vince pulls his collar out and gulps huge. Vince says he has purchased his own competition in WCW. He says he has the ability to address WWF fans, WCW superstars, and WCW fans as to what this all means. Vince says he's going to make history tonight. He sees Jeff Jarrett on TV and says after tonight he should spell his name "G-O-O-N-N-E-E"

 

JR welcomes us to the show and hypes the historic simulcast that will take place tonight.

 

Kurt Angle comes to the ring to start the show. Heyman - "The war, the war is finally over, and Vince Mcmahon is the winner." Kurt says everyone is up in arms over the big news, which is that he still doesn't have an opponent for Wrestlemania. Angle says the only thing that keeps him going is the fact that he's the best wrestler in the world. Angle says he's going to keep complaining until he gets an opponent for WM. Chris Benoit's music hits and he comes out to respond. Benoit - "You know since this is a historic night... this may be my last chance to say it..." [crowd starts to pop] Benoit - "It's been a while, but I think I remember..." [crowd pops louder] Benoit - "Here it goes... [ahem].... SULLIIIVAAAAAAAN!!!" [the crowd bursts into a huge pop] Several fans with foam t-rex arms with "Crippler" written on them are shown going wild for Benoit. Benoit says that he doesn't have an opponent at WM just like Kurt. Benoit says he can make Angle tap any time he wanted to if he gave him the time. Angle says that if Benoit's challenging him for a match at WM, then he accepts. Angle says he'll never tap to the Crossface. He tells Chris he can make him squeal in seconds and if he doesn't think so, prove him wrong. Benoit and Angle go at it and try to lock their finishers on each other. Benoit gets the Crossface on Angle and Angle taps out. Edge & Christian run out to attack Benoit! The crowd is obviously booing because they read that they were going to be at Nitro and they are pissed that they were swerved.

 

Vince is shown backstage with Trish watching Buff and Lex on WCW TV. He hints that Buff and Lex's days are numbered. He then books Rock and Austin in a tag match against UT and Kane. We cut to a shot outside that shows Buff and Lex hanging their heads down and walking back to a bus labeled "Lex Express" The bus starts to beep and backs up over Lex's foot. Lex - "OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Sorry folks, but we had to say goodbye to the Luger Sell somehow.

 

Commercials.

 

Michael Cole interviews Debra. Debra says she doesn't want to talk right now.

 

TAZZ'S music hits and he walks out to the ring.

 

TAZZ vs. Val Venis (Lumberjack Match)

 

The RTC and APA serve as lumberjacks outside the ring. Before the match starts Tazz grabs a mic and points to the announce table. Tazz - "Hey Bradshaw, look at that announce table brutha. That thing is HUUUUGE!" Bradshaw - "Hahaha! You're right Tazz, that's a big table!" Tazz - "Hey Faarooq, look at JR's hat, that thing is HUUUGE!!" Faarooq - "Good one Tiny T!" Tazz - "That thing is way too big, I could live in that thing brutha!" Faarooq - "That is hilarious Tazz!" Bradshaw - "Score another one for the Tiny T!" Tazz - "Aww I'm just sayin it's a big hat that's all!...I'm feelin a little tuckered out I'm gonna take a nap brutha." [Tazz curls into the fetal position on the announce table.] Bradshaw - "Aww, ain't that adorable! He looks like a little mouse." Faarooq - "He looks like a little buttercup!" [Tazz wakes up.] "Hey what's all this buttercup talk brutha?!" Bradshaw - "We didn't mean nothin by it Tazz!" Faarooq - "Yeah we're sorry!" Tazz - "I got a good mind to climb up your shirt and Tazzplex your lip brutha!" We've hit a new low with Tazz folks. TAZZ locks on the Tazzmission early, but Steven runs in and Superkicks him while the ref was distracted. Val misses a Moneyshot to give Tazz time to recover. TAZZ hits a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX AND PINS VAL VENIS! TAZZ SQUASH! TAZZ SQUASH! THE BIGGEST NIGHT OF WRESTLING CONTINUES!

 

Vince is shown watching Animal on WCW TV. He asks Regal what Animal thinks of the new ownership.

 

A close-up shot of a the word "Print" on a computer screen is shown. A fat finger mashes a button on the mouse and we hear a printer warming up. The shot zooms out to show the monitor reading "The Please Sign Christopher Daniels Petition." A bunch of fans wearing air brushed shirts that say "Christopher Daniels" with their hair cut short and wearing neck collars like Christopher Daniels are shown looking determined as they leave the room and close the door behind them. Christian Slater is shown looking through a drawer in the room. He finds a gun in the bottom drawer, puts it in his pocket and leaves the room.

 

Commercials.

 

The Classic Wrestlemania moment is Pete Rose getting the stinkface last year by Rikishi.

 

The Lex Express is shown driving down a rural road. We see Rick Steiner, Animal, and Jeff Jarrett walking down the side of the rode. The Lex Express pulls over and Buff and Lex get out. Lex - "Hey guys, get in we'll give you a ride..." Jarrett - "Slap you slappy, I don't give a slap anymore." Lex - "Yeah, whatever, do you guys want a ride?" Animal - "Where you guys headed?" Buff - "We don't know yet..." Animal - "Great! Let's get in guys!" [steiner, Animal, Jarrett, Buff, and Lex get back onto the bus. CLICK HERE to listen to the music that plays as the camera stays in it's place as we see the Lex Express drive off into an orange sunset. The bus fades away driving down an unknown dirt rode in Cleveland.]

 

DOINK'S Music hits and he is shown IN THE CROWD with the fans.

 

Heyman busts out a Brother Love impression. We see a shot of some of the participants of the battle royal. GOOD NIGHT is that Corporal Kirschner?

 

William Regal comes out to the ring and says he has an announcement that concerns WC... Fields. He says he will not rest until he defeats Chris Jericho at WM. Regal calls out the Holly's for a warm up match. Crash Holly comes out to answer the challenge.

 

Crash Holly vs. William Regal

 

Regal knocks Crash out of the ring and drags in Molly. Regal rubs her face in the mat and locks her in the STF. Crash runs in to break it up but gets locked in the STF seconds later. Crash taps out and DOINK runs in to attack Regal. "Doink" locks on the Walls of Jericho until the refs come in to break it up. "Doink" takes off his wig to reveal himself as Chris Jericho to a big pop.

 

Backstage, Vince points out Dustin Rhodes on WCW TV. Vince tells Trish that Dustin at one time wanted to get breast implants. He then drools over Trish as we head to break.

 

Commercials.

 

Back from break we see the Christopher Daniels fans loading him into a car. Fan #1 - "We've got to get him to Cleveland!" Fan #2 - "Right, then we'll give Vince the petition!" CLICK HERE to listen to the song that plays as we see nerdy looking Daniels fans from all over the nation switching off at specific hot spots and taking their turn driving Daniels to Raw. Some fans are shown driving him in mopeds, while others are sitting in the basket of their 10-speed as Daniels peddles away. A fan at the last checkpoint tells Daniels to get into the back seat. Daniels - "Why can't I ride shotgun?" Fan - "Because my mom is driving and she wants me to sit next to her." Daniels - "Wha ha ha hat?" Fan - "Well tonight's such a big night my asthma's acting up and I might have an attack!" Daniels - "Ahh gotcha!" Daniels and the fan get into the car. The music fades out as the car drives off.

 

Jonathan Coachmen interviews William Regal. Regal tells the Coach to tell Jericho that he has a match with the Big Show tonight.

 

Edge & Christian tell Angle that they got a match with them against The Hardy Boyz and Chris Benoit tonight. Edge tells Christian To get RHI.. RHI... RHI...[sigh] RHYNO. BRING BACK THE "I" DAMMIT! Rhyno - "They've seen it in the halls, and they've seen it in shopping malls, Linda Mcmahon and Stephanie sucked my fucking balls!" Kurt - "WELL I NEVER! I am personally offended! Stephanie Mcmahon is a fine upstanding..." RHYNO tells Kurt it's an honor to meet him. He tells him that since he's a friend of E&C he's willing to BLEED for him. RHYNO PROMO RHYNO PROMO!

 

Chris Jericho is getting a breath of fresh air outside of the arena. Jericho spots someone walking in the distance. He squints his eyes and puts his hand over his eyes to block out to sun as he tries to get a better look. Jericho - "It couldn't be... Could it?!" [A cloud of dust is shown approaching in the distance. The cloud comes closer and Jericho yells out in terror] Jericho - "OH GOD IT IS! IT'S DDP!" Jericho runs back into the arena. The camera shows DDP walking up to the door surrounded by a cloud of dust like Pig Pen. The camera cuts away to show Jericho running into the dressing room. Jericho - "CODE 10! CODE 10! DDP IS HERE! DDP IS HERE!" [Jim Dotson runs to lock the doors and the wrestlers quickly try to hide their boots knowing that DDP has the Jericho curse.]

 

[Commercials]

 

We come back from commercial. Jericho is standing by a sink in the washroom trying to calm himself down by splashing cold water on his face. Jericho - "Ok, the doors are locked and everyone has hidden their boots. I think everything's gonna be ok!" All of a sudden, a window in the bathroom opens up and DDP crawls through. DDP - "Yo Cutter! What's up!" Jericho - "Aww crap..." [Jericho quickly remembers that while he told everyone else to hide their boots, he forgot to hide his.] Jericho - "Shit!" [Jericho sprints out of the bathroom and towards his lockerroom]

 

JR and Heyman hype the main event for Wrestlemania. A video package of the feud follows.

 

Footage is shown from JR interviewing Rock and Austin from Smackdown.

 

JR- "Steve, what are your thoughts on The Rock both on a personal level, and on a professional level?" Steve - "On a professional level, I respect him, cuz he's the WWF champion. He brings out the best in Stone Cold Steve Austin every time we get in the ring! On a personal level, I can't stand the son of a bitch! HE THREW ME OFF A DAMN BRIDGE JR!" [smackdown crowd heard booing as they recall the incident and start a Rocky Sucks chant. JR and Rock throw their hands in the air.] Steve - "What?" [JR whispers in Austin's ear.] "Whaddaya mean they want him as the face?! He's gotten boos every time he hit me!" Rock - "And I thought it was HHH I had to worry about!" Rock begins crying and runs off the set as JR chases after him and gives Austin a "how could you?" look. Austin bows his head, then slowly raises it back up displaying an evil grin.

 

Coach tries to interview Debra. Debra refuses once again.

 

Vince is shown backstage telling Trish that now is the time he must address the fans. He gives Trish a big smooch before he leaves the room.

 

Commercials.

 

A wide shot of the arena welcomes us back to Raw. Vince McMahon's music hits and he walks down to the ring to cut THE promo. Vince doesn't like the reaction he got and he tells Lillian to announce him again. Vince goes midway up the ramp and points at her to announce him once again. Vince tells us that this promo is being broadcast simultaneously on TNT. We see a shot of an empty ring on Nitro and Vince on the big screen. Vince says Time Warner is practically begging him to buy WCW. He says that Time Warner has signed the contract, but he hasn't signed his name yet. He states that he'll sign it at Wrestlemania if Ted Turner walks down the aisle and hands him the contract to sign. Vince says he may have had a little help along the way on his route to beat Turner, but it was himself who did all of the work. Vince says he's going to give Turner a seat at ringside to watch him destroy Shane in the middle of the ring. He tells us that Stephanie, Trish, and Linda Mcmahon will be in his corner at Wrestlemania. Vince says there are a lot of things he could do with WCW. He could sit back and watch Hogan's ridiculous flexing or listen to them talk about how they were going to bury the WWF. Vince says that he can turn it into a huge conglomerate, but he wonders who would be a part of it. He asks the crowd to cheer for the stars he's about to list off. "Hulk Hogan?" [crowd boos]. Lex Luger? [crowd boos]. Buff Bagwell? [crowd pops HUGE]. Booker T? [crowd pops] Scott Steiner? [crowd pops] DDP? [10 fans in the front row start cheering madly. A mysterious hand from the side of the screen hands a megaphone to them. They pull a mini tape recorder out and push play. We hear some audio from an old Nitro as the crowd chants for DDP to make a hot tag during a match. They put the tape up to the megaphone to make it seem like the whole crowd is cheering for Page. A masked man wearing a "Who's Line is it Anyway" shirt with the sleeves cut off hands each of the 10 fans a white bag with a black "$" printed on it. The fans high five each other and sit back down.] The crowd then CHANTS for Goldberg. Vince asks if they want Goldberg and they pop huge. Vince says that he wanted to fly out to Nitro and address the troops in person, but it's too redneck for him. Vince then says he wanted to look Goldberg, Booker T, and others in the face and say "YOU'RE FIRED!" He then says that he's going to bury WCW just like anyone else who gets in his way. The crowd starts up a mixed chant of "Goldberg" and "Asshole." Vince demands more respect or he'll walk out. Shane McMahon's music hits and Vince gets ready to fight. However, we hear the Nitro crowd popping and we see Shane walking out on NITRO. Vince - "Shane, where are you?" Shane - "What's up Vince? Surprise Dad."

 

Shane tells Vince that his ego has gotten the best of him. We cut to a Nitro/Raw split screen as Shane tells Vince that the deal IS finalized with WCW and the name on the contract does say Mcmahon, but the first name is Shane. Ross - "OH MY GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Shane tells Vince that he owns WCW and his company is going to kick his ass just like it did in the past. Vince stares on in disbelief as Shane stands in the middle of the Nitro ring. Good God Almighty.

 

Com By God mercials

 

Vince is shown backstage screaming into the phone. He yells at his attorney and tells him that he's ruined the whole damn thing.

 

The Hardy Boyz & Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle, Edge, & Christian

 

Benoit walks out with a T-Rex foam arm and slaps arms with only the fans who are wearing the foam T-Rex arms. Benoit gets the Crossface on Angle after a fast paced match, but Christian breaks it up. Benoit then locks the Crossface on Christian and gets the submission win. Benoit then hits a tope on Angle outside of the ring. Matt Hardy goes to attack Edge, but RHINO GORES Matt. Lita goes to help Matt but RHINO GORES LITA too. Rhyno screams into the camera - ""I see London, I see France, I think Lita just SHIT HER FUCKING PANTS!!"" Edge - "Yes Rhyno, she shit her pants, now go back to the hotel."

 

Jericho is shown finally opening the door to his lockerroom. Jericho - "What the hell, somebody locked the door, I couldn't get in!" DDP's voice all of a sudden scares Jericho down to his toes. DDP - "Yo cutter! What's up!" Jericho nervously - "Ah heh heh... DDP, hey how's it going man?" DDP - "Ah not bad, you know I was just telling your buddy Chris Benoit about the time I met the Rock." [The camera shows Benoit knocked out on the floor making the shape of an X with his body.] DDP - "Hey I gotta go cutter, Mick's gonna be on next!" Jericho looks frantically around the room and his eyes suddenly set on his boots sitting right on a bench in the lockerroom. THIS PLAYS as Jericho tries to figure out if DDP contaminated his boots.

 

Mick Foley walks into the arena. Steve Austin runs up to him right away. Austin - "Mick, Mick... PAGE is here!" Foley - "Dear God in heaven..." Austin - "How long till you think we can make him crack?" Foley - "4 weeks!" Austin - "I say 3!" Foley - "Hahaha!" Austin - "Come on, I've got some ideas!" [Austin and Foley walk off together.]

 

Commercials.

 

Kevin Kelly interviews The Undertaker & Kane. He asks 'taker about how he feels about Triple H having the night off. Taker - "Well, he's gotta have some free time to pop all those zits on his back." [Kane does a spit-take through his mask.] [HHH's voice is heard off-camera.] "Oh come ON!"

 

A huge fleet of cars is shown pulling up to the arena. The BILLY JEAN THEME cues up again as they all get out of their cars. A motorcycle pulls up with Daniels driving it and one of his fans in the sidecar wearing a leather helmet, goggles, and a scarf. They start to approach the arena doors when Vince Mcmahon and Jim Dotson come out to meet them. We see a small wooden RF Video stand selling bootleg Christopher Daniels clothing and videotapes in the background. A fan approaches Mcmahon and speaks in a squeaky voice - "Vince! We demand you sign Christopher Daniels NOW!" Vince - "Well he's kind of small and he blew that spot on Nitro. I'm not really ..." [Christian Slater runs up to Vince with the petition in hand.] Slater - "Vince look at this!" [slater pushes the petition into Vince's hand forcefully and knocks him backwards.] Jim Dotson pushes Christian Slater in an effort to make him back up. Slater holds his shoulder and falls to his knees like he's been shot. Fan - "Vince, by our calculations, workrate percentage will raise by 3.45 percent after just one week of having Daniels in the lockerroom..." Vince - "Oh I'll sign him, just get the hell out of here and stop slobbering over me." The Daniels fans jump up and down in a huge celebration cheering loudly. The celebration lasts approximately 6 seconds as they quickly begin gasping for air and taking hits off their inhalers. Daniels approaches the RF Video stand, lights a match and burns it down. THE BILLY JEAN THEME cues up once again as Daniels walks away from the fire and fades into the night.

 

Commercials.

 

Test vs. X-Pac

 

Before the match, Eddie Guerrero's dressing room door is shown partway open. The camera shows Eddie apparently strutting around with his knees bent and flapping his arms like a chicken. Eddie sees the camera and sticks his head out the door. Eddie - "Hey, if you believe those rumors that I'm going to lower myself to be the Gobbledy Gooker at Wrestlemania, you can stick it essa!" Eddie then slams the door. We hear Vince McMahon's voice from behind the closed door. Vince - "HE'S GONNA PECK! HE'S GONNA PECK! HE'S GONNA PEEEEEECK!" Eddie Guerrero comes out to serve as the special guest referee. Eddie makes a slow count for Test's first pin attempt. Test knocks Eddie over the top rope. X-Pac tries to hit Test with the title, but Test hits him in the stomach. Test hits his finisher and a new ref comes in to make the count, but Eddie pulls him out before the 3. Albert comes in and hits an Albert Bomb on Test and Eddie turns around to make the 3 to give X-Pac the win. Eddie gets some punches in on Test after the bell.

 

Michael Cole interviews Steve Austin as he attempts to get coffee. Austin - "Sshhhhhhh!" [Austin points to his left and the camera moves to show DDP sleeping in a chair.] [Austin pulls out a brown paper bag labeled 'Dog doo' and drops some pieces onto DDP's hand.] [Mick Foley then tickles Page's nose with a feather.] [DDP brings up his hand to itch his nose, but smears his face with the dog doo.] [Austin and Foley run off laughing.] Page - "Ahahaha you guys! It's ok, If my day was any better, there would have to be TWO of me to handle it HAHA! TWO TWO TWO TIME TWO TIME!" [The camera cuts away]

 

Commercials.

 

Mick Foley's music hits and he walks down to the ring as JR climaxes. Foley pushes his new book before he gets into things. DDP runs into the ring with his book. DDP - "What up Cutters! It's the Pagester here WITH MICK FOLEY! HEY STEINER! I'M STILL STANDIN'! Anyway, you can get this silver yo yo along with my book POSITIVELY PAGE for a limited time only to celebrate my 45th birthday! Now is that a deal or..." [An anvil drops from the ceiling and falls on DDP's head. Pages gets knocked out and is stretchered out] Foley looks up to the rafters and sees Steve Austin. Foley gives Austin a thumbs up while Austin winks down at Foley. Foley says that he came out because he thought that Wrestlemania just wouldn't be right without himself involved. Vince Mcmahon comes out and cuts him off in mid-sentence. Vince says he'll call the cops if Foley doesn't' leave the ring. Foley says that on December 5th, he and Linda had a very important business meeting. Foley rolls a tape of his meeting with Linda. The tape shows Linda giving Mick a stack of papers to sign. Foley brings out a document that says that he can be the special referee in any match of his choosing. Foley tells Vince that he chose his match to ref at WM. Vince walks backstage in anger without saying a word.

 

Commercials.

 

The Big Show is shown walking to the ring.

 

Chris Jericho is also shown on his way to the ring.

 

Commercials.

 

Vince tries to calm himself down backstage by taking a bite out of a strawberry, but he spits it out.

 

Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

 

DDP is shown leaving Jericho's dressing room. Jericho - "Haha, he thinks he can put one over on me does he?" [Jericho pushes the boots off of the shelf on his locker and into a garbage can using a stick. Jericho then opens up a small safe and pulls out some brand new boots.] Jericho and Show battle to the outside. Show throws Jericho back into the ring and Kane runs down to beat up on Show. Raven runs down to assault Kane with a garbage can lid. After that, William Regal sneaks in and hits a neckbreaker on Jericho. Show chokeslams Jericho and pins him for the win. Kane attacks Show with a chair after the match. Raven attempts to attack Kane, but gets a chokeslam for his troubles.

 

The Rock asks some new person where Austin's lockerroom is.

 

JR asks the Dudleys at WWF NY about the condition of Spike Dudley. D-Von says it's going to take a lot more to keep him down then what Rhino did. Buh Buh - "Diamond... Dallas... Page. Do you think you're free now that you've gotten rid of Scott Steiner? Well let me tell you something you old, crusty, bald headed motherfucker! My brother D-Von just left WWF NY and he's going to give Kimberly 9 inches of black...[camera cuts away]

 

DDP - "Hahah I love those welcome to our promotion ribs! These guys love me!"

 

The Rock tells Austin that if he doesn't mess with him, he won't mess with Austin. Austin tells the Rock that when the match is over, all bets are off.

 

Kane & The Undertaker vs. The Rock & Steve Austin

 

Kane and UT exchange punches on the Rock early in the match. Rock hits a spinebuster and makes the hot tag to Austin. Austin hits the Thesz Press on UT. Kane attacks Austin from behind to give UT control. Kane takes care of the Rock on the outside of the ring. Austin goes for a stunner, but UT pushes him into the Rock who was on the apron. UT chokeslams Austin and sets him up for the Last Ride as the audience begins laughing. Taker - "Oh come on, I MIGHT have done it." [The audience laughs harder as Austin does the Scott Hall boogieman taunt while he's between Undertaker's legs.] Triple H runs in and attacks UT with a chair before he can powerbomb him. Austin turns around and covers UT for the 3. UT stares down Triple H after the match. Austin celebrates with some beers. Rock sneaks up behind Austin, waits for him to turn around, and hits a STUNNER on Austin. Rock then asks for a beer and sets it down next to Austin as the show ends.

 

On: Jeff Jarrett diss.

 

On: TAZZ SQUASH!

 

On: Vince WCW Promo!

 

On: Shane WCW Promo!

 

Off: They like DDP.

-------------------

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

* We are just as shocked as anyone about Eyada's untimely passing. Many of you may have thought that due to some of the degrading jokes we made about Dave and Bryan, that we didn't like them. That is certainly not the case, as we both tuned into the show everyday and it was without a doubt the best audio wrestling show ever. We called quite a bit in the earlier days to see if we could make the Justin Credible's and the Lance Storm's of the world laugh. We made fun of Dave's frequent fits of laughter throughout our reports. All that means about Dave is that he must have really enjoyed doing the show, which makes it even sadder for us to see it go. We even cracked jokes about Bryan Alvarez and his gymnastic abilities on the pummel horse. But Bryan's the kind of guy who can shrug things like that off because he has a good sense of humor. Hopefully, Dave can get some sort of sponsorship and get the show going once again. But until then, we'd like to say goodbye and thank you to Wrestling Observer Live. [Fade to black]

 

["I Will Remember You" plays as we see slow motion clips of Dave laughing, Bryan sticking his index finger in the air as he tells Dave a joke, Dave's dog attacking Frank Shamrock, Bryan doing a gymnastics floor routine where he lands perfectly and Dave jumps up and cheers in the audience, and Dave having a MMA guest on the weekend after Vince bought WCW.]

 

[A Growing Pains final season like ending is shown as Dave grabs a group picture of him, Bryan, Frank, and Al from the fireplace at Eyada Studios. As Dave picks up the picture, he sees something carved into the wall with a knife. Dave takes a closer look and sees the phrase - "TOM ZENK WAS HERE... OLE GIVES BJ'S"

 

[Click HERE to listen to Dave's response as he smiles lovingly and gently rubs his finger over the carving.]

 

Wrestling Observer Live

The Best Audio Wrestling Show Ever

1999-2001

 

Click HERE for a tribute song

 

* The Curse of The Revenge of the Smarts: The news of the show being cancelled was very sudden. Not only was Joe out of town the day of the last show, but the power went out in my neighborhood 20 minutes into the show, AND NOW the last show is not being archived. Of the 20 minutes I did hear, Dave mentioned something about an ECW invasion. If this happens we’ll mark out like a bunch of fucking cocks.

 

*And thanks to Bryan Alvarez for saying that he thought Revenge of the Smarts was funny. (even if he didn't, or hasn't seen Revenge of the Nerds) Anyone who can read the jokes we wrote about them like that and laugh it off is not vegan in our books.

 

* We goofed last week and forgot to post the Booker T clip. Have a seat, Click HERE, and listen to one of our favorite moments in wrestling history.

 

Recap of last weeks WCW happenings.

 

JR tells us that The Undertaker will take on Mike Awesome and Lance Storm in a handicapped match.

 

Shane Mcmahon walks down to the ring for his match and it looks like JR and Heyman are going to stick around to do the commentary this time. Taker says he has a score to settle with DDP. Shane steps out of the ring as DDP's music hits. DDP has an old school Steve Austin like entrance as we see a wall of skin crust with "DDP" written on it. The skin flake wall crumbles with a sound effect of a crouton being crunched.

 

The Undertaker vs. DDP

 

Taker tosses DDP around for a bit. Shane crawls into the ring as UT starts to chokeslam DDP and attacks Taker with a cane. Taker quickly overpowers Shane and sets him up for the Last Ride. DDP recovers and attacks Taker with a chair before he can powerbomb Shane. Shane and DDP double-team Taker in the corner. Sara tries to stop them but she ends up being diamond cut for her troubles. They lay Taker on top of Sara and leave the ring together. Shane and DDP celebrate at the top of the ramp as EMT's check on Sarah.

 

Shane and DDP continue celebrating backstage. Nothing douchey so far from DDP. DDP gets on UT's motorcycle and has trouble getting it in gear! HAHAH! DOUCHE!

 

Commercials.

 

Taker helps load Sara onto the ambulance. In the VERY distant background we see a shadowy figure and it looks like he's preparing for his match. The figure climbs on top of a balcony, dives through 20 tables, and begins raking his forehead with what looks like a cheese-grater. The figure then spreads his arms and crawls out of the view of the camera.

 

JR - "THE HELL WAS THAT?"

 

Heyman sweating and pulling at his collar - "What's what?"

 

The Dudley Boyz vs. The APA

 

Replay of Spike breaking his ankle on Smackdown. New Jack, in his second RF Shoot called Spike the toughest wrestler he ever went up against and this clip does nothing but prove his point. When did the APA start wearing gloves? Very vegan. Slow match for the most part. Crowd begins a table chant less then a minute in. Bradshaw "powerbombs" Bubba out of the corner and makes the hot tag. Dudleys eventually hit the headbutt spot and bring out a table. Spike walks down and hits Bubba with a crutch. Bradshaw hits the Clothesline from Hell on D-Von and gets the 3 and the titles.

 

A strange video clip plays that seems to mimic the old Simpsons episode where Homer runs on the treadmill and his bouncing blubber puts the doctors into a hypnotic trance. We see Dustin Runnels running on the treadmill in slow motion. Doctors look on taking notes as their heads bob up and down watching... GOOD GOD... WE'RE STOPPING THIS JOKE RIGHT HERE! That was a close one.

 

Backstage, Vince Mcmahon talks with Steve Austin and Debra. Vince begins to rant on Shane. Kurt Angle walks in still wearing his cowboy hat from Smackdown. Kurt has brought presents for Vince and Austin. Vince and Austin open their boxes to reveal Sheriff's badges. Angle opens his present to reveal a gold badge. Austin then tells Angle he looks like a jackass in his hat. Austin then tells Angle to go to Booker T's lockerroom and challenge him for the WCW title.

 

Commercials.

 

Kane arrives to the arena. In the very distant background we see another shadowy figure possibly preparing for a match tonight. The figure does several somersaults, 7 cartwheels, a double backflip, a headspin on the top turnbuckle, and then springboards to the top rope. The figure yells out - "Ok, how long did it take me to set that spot up?" Another figure in the distance pushes a button on a stopwatch and yells out - "4 f'n' minutes" Figure - "DAMN!" Figure with the stopwatch - "You know you'll never be on Raw if it takes you that long to set up a spot... maybe you shouldn't do so many cartwheels and somersaults." Figure - "NO! THE CROWD WANTS SOMMERSAULTS!" [Click HERE to listen to the crowd reaction to this] Figure - "See, what'd I tell you?!"

 

Rhyno vs. Albert

 

Rhyno starts out a house of fire against Albert. X-Pac sneaks in and superkicks Rhyno from behind. Albert goes for a pin but thankfully only gets 2. Rhyno hits a beautiful back suplex on Albert (TECHNICAL RHYNO!). Rhyno hits a huge Frogsplash on Albert for 2 and 3/4 (LUCHA RHYNO!). Rhyno goes for the Gore, but Albert sidesteps it. X-Pac sneaks in but gets Gored for his troubles. Rhyno turns around to eat a huge scissors kick from Albert and then gets pinned.

 

Booker T exercises in his lockerroom. Kurt Angle walks in and tells him just who he is. Booker asks him how he's doing and Angle tells him he's pretty peed off. Shane challenges him and Booker accepts. Booker asks him if he really thinks he has a chance. Angle - "Yippe Kieaye Mother Hubbard."

 

Commercials.

 

Exxon Blown Spot of the week is Crash Holly's blown spot where he tried to dive through the ropes but smacked into them instead. Ok it wasn't.

 

William Regal is shown on the phone in his office. Tajiri squeals and suddenly cowers in fear. Kane walks in and says he'll take his brother's place in the handicapped match tonight.

 

Jeff Hardy vs. The Big Show

 

Jeff dances and then SALUTES the crowd. Awesome stuff. TBS chucks Jeff around for awhile. Trish Stratus walks down to the ring. Back in the ring, Jeff hits a missile dropkick on TBS. Jeff goes for a hurracanrana, but Big Show catches him and tosses him OVER his head. TBS then gets the easy 3 on Jeff. Trish comes into the ring and KISSES Jeff Hardy. Jeff Hardy looks on very confused. We love it when we don't have to think up jokes.

 

Backstage, Kurt Angle stretches and does the Rumpshaker in Steve Austin's face. Linda Mcmahon is shown in a bikini standing on the shore playing a saxophone. Good Grief, we apologize for the visual folks. Austin tells Vince that he's volunteering his leadership for Team WWF. Angle says that if he wins the WCW title, he should be it. Angle tells Austin he sees himself as the Skipper and Austin as Gilligan. Austin tells Angle it's the other way around. Chris Jericho barges in and says that the rumors about him joining WCW after KOTR were just rumors. Jericho then tells Austin he wants to be on his team. Austin and Angle tell Jericho that they'll think about it but they don't want him right now.

 

Commercials.

 

JR and Heyman tells us that Lita and Trish will take on Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson in a bra & panties match at Invasion.

 

Matt Hardy and Lita are shown at WWF NY. In an awesome spot, Lita has trouble hearing JR. Ok it wasn't that great. Lita tells Trish that actions speak louder then words as she lays a big one on Matt.

 

Shane Mcmahon gives Booker T a pep talk.

 

Vince Mcmahon gives Kurt Angle a pep talk.

 

Coach Lubbock gives Wendy a pep talk.

 

The host from Nick Arcade gives a contestant a pep talk.

 

Sid Viscous gives his bladder a pep talk.

 

Rodge gives Shirley Hemphill’s box afro a pep talk.

 

Bret Hart gives Jim Neidhart a pep talk about getting hungry and forgetting his manners.

 

Jack Victory looks on smiling and nodding his head.

 

Commercials

 

Kurt Angle vs. Booker T

 

Booker lays into Angle with some chops to start. Angle fights back and clotheslines Booker out of the ring. Shane clotheslines Angle from behind and knocks him into the steps. Back in the ring, Booker hits a missile dropkick for a count of 2. Angle reverses an Irish whip into the corner and hits a back suplex on Booker. Booker quickly fights back and hits a spin kick for 2. Crowd starts an "Angle" chant as he fights back with some suplexes. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Booker slips out and hits the Axe Kick. Booker does the backspin, but Angle gets up and clotheslines him before he can do anything. Angle locks the Ankle Lock on Booker in the middle of the ring. The ref acts distracted and doesn't ask booker if he gives up. Angle tries to tell the ref to turn around, but Booker knocks him into the ref. Angle hits the Angle Slam on Booker and goes for the pin. Earl Hebner runs in to count the pin but gets pulled out by Nick Patrick. Hebner runs in and spears Patrick. Shane hands Booker the title belt and he hits Angle with it. Booker goes for the pin and Lil Natch slides in and counts 3. Good stuff, finally.

 

Commercials.

 

Angle tells Vince and Austin he really didn't mean it when he said not to help him against Booker T. Austin tells Angle that's why he should be the leader of team WWF.

 

Scott Hudson interviews Torrie Wilson and Stacey about the tag team bra an panties match at Invasion. Hudson - "Stacey, the fans are dying to know, what excuse will you use to no-show the next house show event?" Stacey - "Hmmm, I think I'll say I have really bad diarreah." Hudson - "GOOD NIGHT!"

 

The APA tell The Dudley's they didn't know Spike was going to interfere and try to smooth things over by offering them a beer. The Dudley's decline. Buh Buh - "Why don't you ask us again at the end of the night." ECW!! ECW!! ECW!!

 

Commercials.

 

Kane vs. Lance Storm and Mike Awesome

 

One wonders how Mike Awesome will kick Kane's teeth down his fucking throat with that mask on. Before the match starts, Chris Jericho comes out to even the odds and teams with Kane. Jericho and Storm's past as a tag team is brought up while they wrestle. Jericho is tuned on for most of the match. He makes a quick comeback against Storm, but Storm brings his knees up on a Lionsault attempt. If Lance Storm was wrestling on instinct he would have put his elbows over his face. Jericho hits a ghetto blaster on Storm and finally makes the tag to Kane. Kane cleans house and hits the top rope clothesline on Awesome. Jericho comes off the top with a dropkick on Storm. Just as Jericho has Storm in the Walls and Kane goes for a chokeslam TOMMY F'N DREAMER AND ROB VAN DAM RUN IN FROM THE CROWD AND ATTACK JERICHO AND KANE!! THE DUDLEY'S, TAZZ, RHYNO, RAVEN, AND JUSTIN CREDIBLE ALL HIT THE RING AND FACE OFF WITH STORM, AWESOME, DREAMER, AND RVD. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! ALL THE ECW GUYS SLOWLY TURN AROUND AND FACE JERICHO AND KANE!! THE ECW GUYS SWARM JERICHO AND KANE AND BEAT THEM DOWN!! IT'S HAPPENED! SPICOLLI DRIVER ON JERICHO! POORLY EXECUTED VAN DAMINATOR ON KANE!! RVD STAYS IN CHARACTER!! Heyman leaves the broadcast booth and hits the ring! Heyman says he's been forced to be a corporate sell-out with that pig JR. "It looks to me, like they all have joined, E-C-W!" DREAMER ARM SPREAD! Heyman says they'll take on the WWF and WCW. "This invasion just got taken, to the EXTREME!" The crowd chants ECW as Dreamer is bursting at the seams and Tazz has a big smile on his face. Heyman lines up all his men in a single file line facing the camera. Each ECW guy takes a step forward and introduce themselves Mickey Mouse Club style to familiarize their ECW personas with the crowd. Click HERE to listen. The ECW theme plays as we head to break. One question. Where's Tajiri? One more question. Where's Tracey Smothers?

 

We request, NAY WE DEMAND A GREASED ROPES MATCH BETWEEN SABU AND CHRIS JERICHO AT INVASION!!

 

Commercials.

 

Tony Schiavone, what did you think of that last segment? Click HERE

 

JR sits alone as he wonders how long Heyman has been planning this.

 

Shane talks to Vince and says they need to work together tonight to get rid of ECW. Shane says he'll get five of his guys and Vince gets five of his for one match tonight to get rid of the 10 ECW guys. 20 MAN TAG?! Vince and Shane argue over which team will follow orders.

 

Commercials.

 

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. X-Pac

 

Who cares? ECW is reunited. Match is basically a backdrop for JR to talk about the ECW situation. X-Pac wins by holding the ropes and sitting down on Scotty.

 

Vince gives a pep talk to the WCW and WWF guys. Good Lord the teams are APA, Billy Gunn, Big Show, and Bob Holly for WWF, and Kanyon, Meat, Jindrak, Palumbo, and O'Haire for WCW. Way to kill our excitement for this match. Shane says he'll personally lead the teams. Vince says Shane will be personally responsible as well.

 

Commercials.

 

The WWF and WCW teams hit the ring. Lilian tries to introduce the WCW team, but all she can get out is "Chuck O'Haire!" then she gives up! That was awesome. The two teams start jawing with each other and then all hell breaks loose with both teams fighting. The WWF mid carders clear the ring and the ECW music hits. Tazz leads the ECW army in from the crowd, all wearing ECW shirts. They make it to the ring and start brawling with the WWF team. The ECW team clears the ring and challenge the WCW guys to come in the ring. The WCW guys stand off with the ECW team and they all start hugging! The WCW and ECW teams join up to beat up the WWF guys. Shane and Paul Heyman embrace in the ring. Vince walks out and asks what the hell is going on. Tazz hooks the Tazmission on Bob Holly as Shane goes Old School Sunday Night Heat on us. "YEAH! TAZMISSION!" Sean O' Haire gives his DVD type thingy to Faarooq, then Faarooq gets a 3D. Top rope Van Daminator on Billy Gunn with tons of light. Shane says he can't compete with Vince's checkbook, but he can outsmart him. Shane announces the merger of WCW and ECW, and says they'll kick the WWF's ass. Shane then introduces the newest owner of ECW...Stephanie Mcmahon!! Vince watches in shock as his daughter walks by him on the ramp.

 

Stephanie Mcmahon in ECW? Think of the possibilities...[rubs chin, dream sequence fades in]

 

Rhyno - "What's the matter? Is it because you're Raven's fucking girlfriend?!"

 

Stephanie - "No! I'm pregnant!"

 

Raven - "The pills say one day at a time moron! What are you an idiot?!"

 

Stephanie - "What do you care? It's not yours!"

 

[Raven looks at Rhyno]

 

Rhyno - "Don't look at me! All she did was suck my fucking cock!"

 

[Dream sequence fades out.]

 

JR - "MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR WWF SOULS!" Fuck everyone who doesn't like this. Fuck em all.

 

On: ECW

 

Off: The End of Wrestling Observer Live.

 

Nuff said.

[Guest HartFan86]

That shit was great! Hopefully someone can post the rest of the revenge of the smarts.