My (WWE) Christmas List

[Guest HHHater]

1. Stone Cold Steve Austin. 'Nuff said.

 

2. Hey, Vince, here's a wacky idea: instead of hiring disgruntled ex-soap opera writers, how about you hire some creative minds who are actually passionate about the wrestling business? Where do you find these people? Well, I'd say you have about 20,000...er, 4,000 candidates sitting in your arenas every night, and a several thousand more out here on the...*gasp*...Internet!

 

What WWE needs right now are more writers like Paul Heyman...not Daddy's Little Slut or Vince Russo version 2.0 (Gerwitz). Ever since WWE became this big-shot Fortune 500 media powerhouse back in '98, it's been easier to get a meeting with the Pope than it has to get a job with WWE. And why? Because Vince McMahon has no respect for the fans. He fails to realize that everybody who is currently "in" the wrestling business (excuse me, HIS business) started out as a fan. I bet the director of staffing is under strict orders from Vince to throw out any resumes submitted by fans.

 

What Vince needs to realize that this isn't 1998 anymore...his ratings are in the shitter, his attendance is in the shitter, his storylines suck, and he can't be so picky about who he hires anymore. And besides...wasn't Vince Russo a f'n video store clerk?!

 

3. Kill the "WWE style". Let your workers work. Let the cream rise to the top. Let's face it, the ultra-vanilla "WWE style" is based on two things: one, the powers that be don't want the guys who wrestle the more violent Japanese style (Benoit and Jericho) or the more flashy cruiser/lucha libre style (Rey and Kidman) overshadowing the prize slugs like HHH-uh. Two, Vince doesn't insure his wrestlers and he doesn't want them to unionize. That means no risky moves...after all, he wouldn't want to get sued again after a Rocker Dropper gone awry. Then again, maybe he can just give the next guy who gets hurt a cushy job with WWE.com. Wouldn't that be so nice of Mr. Mack-Man?

 

4. No more time slots. This business of the undercard matches getting a strict 5-minute slot and the top-tier matches getting 10-20 minutes is making for a boring and predictable product. I understand that some limits need to be set, but how in the hell are the guys on the mid-card supposed to prove themselves if they only have 5 f'n minutes to work with every night? You give the mid-carders almost no time to tell a decent story, and then you have HHH come out and lecture them on how to work. Maybe they could "work" better if they were given 10-20 minutes and melodramatic, overbooked finishes every night...

 

5. Production value. Production value has sucked as of late. First off, the new RAW set is uglier than Mae Young in a thong. They need to bring back the previous, much cooler RAW set. Two, Vince needs to take all of that money that he got from his stockholders and buy some decent cameras. In WCW, the picture was so vivid that you could literally read the sign of the guy up in Section 300, Row Z. You felt like you were there. WWE shows look like TV shows, you don't feel like you are there. And lastly, if you are going to use pyro, get some decent f'n ventilation so that we can see the match and not smog.

 

6. Character development. What used to make WWE so great was its character development. NWA/WCW may have had the workers, but WWE had The Undertaker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mankind, Razor Ramon, Hulk Hogan, Goldust, The Rock...the list goes on and on. Hell, some of you freaks even liked Waylon Mercy. The point is, character development is a lost art in WWE. Now everybody is either a "phenomenal athlete", a "monster", a cowardly heel, or a blue chipper from OVW. Sometimes they intertwine. I am not saying go back to Gimmick Hell like it was in '95 and make Chris Benoit the Flying Dutchman...at all. But at least give us some cool, innovative characters. The steak needs some sizzle, bah god.

 

7. Clean finishes. This business of "protecting" guys has gotten way out of control. When anybody other than HHH hits his finish and the fans automatically look towards the entrance way for the run-in, you have a serious problem. What ever happened to, "Anything can happen in the WWF!" Or how about, "Any WWF superstar can beat any WWF superstar on any given day!" WWE needs to get out of the mindset that if a guy gets defeated cleanly, his stock is ruined. That's just not the case. Ask Flair and Steamboat. Or Bret and Austin.

 

8. Pay-per-views. Stop changing the logos/names/sets of the pay-per-views every year. The fans like to see continuity.

 

9. Established WCW and ECW guys with fan followings. No, Vince, you cannot take credit for breeding them from day one like you can Rocky or HHH or Bret or Taker, but that doesn't mean that you can't use them to better your company. WCW and ECW are dead...you won. So let it go, and let a guy like RVD or Chris Jericho or Billy Kidman excel. Don't let HHH-uh hold them down, don't tell them they need to learn how to work the WWE style, don't bullshit them and screw them around. Years ago, Vince used to take a talented NWA guy (i.e. Ricky Steamboat) and stick them with a stupid gimmick that he came up with. Now, he either buries them in mid-card hell or dangles the main event carrot above their noses every six months and then yanks it away.

 

10. And numero ten...the roster split. Face it, Vince: it's bombed. Just like communism, it looked good on paper but it sucks in practice. What ever happened to making room in the company for the young up-and-comers in OVW? Making more TV time for the guys who don't get any? The only guy who I've personally seen get more TV time is HHH-uh, who has turned Monday Night RAW into The HHH Show. Where is Sean O'Haire?

 

11. Confidence. Have confidence in your champions. If the rating drops by .01 the next night, don't panic and take the belt off of them. What ever happened to the days of experimenting with new champions and letting them grow into the role? Jesus Christ, Diesel was the lowest-drawing WWF champion in history and Vince let him keep the belt for a YEAR! These days, Angle isn't drawing so Vince panics two weeks in and puts the belt back on Austin. Same goes for angles. The nWo angle was tanking, so Vince just walks out on RAW and says, "The nWo is dead, because I said so." Not only did he cop out, he didn't even have the decency to give the angle a finish. What he should have done was sit in a room with the writing team, drink a shit-load of coffee and eat a shit-load of Power Bars, and figure out how to make the nWo angle work...oh yeah, Vince doesn't HAVE any good writers...which brings us right back to #1 on my wish list.

[Guest cynicalprofit]

This would have been so much funnier if he had done it to the tune of 12 days of x-mas.

[Guest creativename]

Great post. I think some people will flame you because of your handle though.

 

Nice summary of stuff wrong with the company. Of course other than #1 and #10, I don't think the rest have much chance of happening/changing.

 

I especially agree with #4 (time slots), and also 2 (new writers, from the fanbase), 3 (WWE Style is tooooo played out), and 6 (characters have gotten stale).

[Guest chirs3]

First off, the new RAW set is uglier than Mae Young in a thong. They need to bring back the previous, much cooler RAW set.

 

YES! For the love of God, go back to the old one!

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

10. And numero ten...the roster split. Face it, Vince: it's bombed. Just like communism, it looked good on paper but it sucks in practice. What ever happened to making room in the company for the young up-and-comers in OVW? Making more TV time for the guys who don't get any? The only guy who I've personally seen get more TV time is HHH-uh, who has turned Monday Night RAW into The HHH Show. Where is Sean O'Haire?

And you think ending the split will rectify this? If anything, that would mean even less time for guys these kind of guys, and guys like Knoble, Chavo, Mattitude, etc. Ending the split means HHH gets to dominate 2 shows, as well as guys like Big Show, Taker, Rikishi, etc. taking up their time.

 

Rather than end the split, get better writers and push new guys to make the fans care. Reward hard work rather than let petty backstage politics determine who gets pushed and/or buried.

 

3. Kill the "WWE style". Let your workers work. Let the cream rise to the top.

Scott Keith mentioned this in either his SD rant or his mailbag column, that the "WWE Style" was basically created to benefit guys like Austin & Rock. Now that those guys aren't around, the WWE should loosen up their emphasis on the style. If some guys want to work that style, let them. But don't discourage guys who want to stray from it. If anything, guys who are hampered by the WWE style who decide to stray from it have a better chance of getting over, which means it's easier to create some new stars, which means more $$$ in Vince's pockets.

[Guest evilhomer]

Hell, some of you freaks even liked Waylon Mercy.

Waylon ruled, Ya know what I mean.

 

Kill the "WWE style".

Can ya give me a hell yeah. Not only is it boring, it also makes all of the matches virtually the same with a few different faces and a few signature spots predictably thrown in.

 

No more time slots.

Yes and no. More time to Booker/Jericho/Storm, yes. More time to Vince's hoss fix Bradshaw/Show/Rikishi, no. Face it, hosses will always be around, so give them a short match to show off the power moves and get out. Then let others who can actually work a match shine.

[Guest C-Bacon]

First off, the new RAW set is uglier than Mae Young in a thong. They need to bring back the previous, much cooler RAW set.

 

YES! For the love of God, go back to the old one!

No, no. the old RAW set was dated and needed a change. I got sick of seeing it for 5+ years. The new modern set is much better, although it could be tweaked a little.

[Guest HHHater]

The previous set wasn't around for 5 years. Yes, the core components (the ramp and the TitanTron) debuted on the first edition of RAW is WAR in '97, but the look was constantly being updated. Remember when the set was nothing but the TitanTron, a black curtain, and a ramp that was too short? Compare that to the pre-April 1st RAW set, or the 1998 RAW set, and tell me that it was the same set for 5 years.

[Guest FeArHaVoC]

Kill the "WWE style".

Can ya give me a hell yeah. Not only is it boring, it also makes all of the matches virtually the same with a few different faces and a few signature spots predictably thrown in.

 

"WWE Style" can be good. When used right, it paces a match, and helps tell a story.

 

WWE Style doesn't just = Punch/Kick.

[Guest evilhomer]

When used right is the key wording. Too many don't use the style right.

 

I'd much rather see cruisers have lucha cruiser matches, heavys have heavyweight power matches, and middleweights have a combination.

[Guest Super Pissed Smark]

Not to shit all over your long post, but the only things that have any real chance of happening are Austin returning and the split ending. The rest just aren't in Vince's playbook.

[Guest buffybeast]

Not to shit all over your long post, but the only things that have any real chance of happening are Austin returning and the split ending. The rest just aren't in Vince's playbook.

*sigh*

 

We know.

 

Although I'd like the company to continue with the split. It has been a benefit to guys who might otherwise get lost in the shuffle.