Jump to content
TSM Forums
Sign in to follow this  
Guest TSMAdmin

Dr. Tom's Velocity Report, 11/30/02

Recommended Posts

Guest TSMAdmin



Hope everyone had a nice Turkey Day, and that you're making progress on your leftovers. This show is my reminder that my four-day weekend is close to ending, so on that note, let’s get to it.


On tape from South Carolina, this is WWE Velocity for 11/30/02. Your hosts are Michael Cole and Marc Loyd.


Opening Match: Rikishi vs. Red Dog (already in the ring). Dog jumps Rikishi, but the big man shoves him down. Back to the brawl, but Rikishi gets the better of it. He clotheslines Dog in the corner, who bails before any ass-based offense can come into play. He goes back in, right into a BELLY-to-belly from Rikishi. Rikishi drags Dog to the corner, but Dog wisely scampers away before Rikishi can set up the Banzai Drop. Dog clotheslines Rikishi and slugs him down, then goes out to abuse him on the apron. Back in, Rikishi reverses an Irish whip and Samoan Drops Dog. The fatass splash sets up the Stinkface, then Rikishi plants Dog with a DDT. He drags him to the corner, and this time, the Banzai Drop finds its mark at 3:18. Basically a squash for Rikishi, though it was something of a surprise to him jerk the curtain on Velocity. 1/10

(Winner: Rikishi, pinfall via Banzai Drop at 3:18)


Since we’ve had a match, that mean’s it’s CLIP TIME~! This time, we get clips of Jonah’s excellent rib from Tough Enough 3. Yeah, it was probably mean-spirited, but it was very thorough, and he did a damn fine job of keeping a straight face and pulling it off.


Ahhhhlbert and Bill DeMott vs. Two Jobbers. Since neither graphics nor the announcers bother to identify the jobbers, I’m not going out of my way to do it, either. Jobber #1, in black trunks, starts, leaving Jobber #2, in red, on the apron. I’m going to call them Black and Red, and try to avoid the Johnny Walker comparisons. Bill shoves Black into the corner and puts him in a headlock. Black drop toeholds Bill and starts working the leg, which Red continues after tagging in. Bill fights him off and summons Albert, who blocks a drop toehold with his GIRTH. He gets dropkicked down, though, and Red starts working his leg, too. The announcers are talking about everything except this match, even moreso than they normally do on Velocity. Albert kicks out of the legwork, but gets pinballed in the jobber corner. Albert whips Red into his corner, and Bill comes in to pound away. They do a double-team hangman, and Albert tags in, clubbing Red in the corner. The announcers have finally bequeathed last names to the jobbers, but don’t point out which is which, so again, I’m not going to bother identifying them. Apathy returns apathy, friends. Albert kneelifts Red a bunch, and Bill comes in to clothesline him down for 2. A hard clothesline, but Black manages to tag back in. He goes into the jobber version of house afire – house with the oven left on, I guess – and sunset flips Bill, but Albert breaks it up. Bill whips Albert into the corner after Black, and the bicycle kick (“one of the most lethal finishers in WWE,” Loyd deadpans) and moonsault finish at 4:06. I guess there’s a little potential in the Albert/DeMott pairing, but I’d like to see them against better competition before rendering judgment. 2/10

(Winners: Albert/DeMott, pinfall via moonsault at 4:06)


It’s clip time again, this time covering the “Pilgrim Fashion Show” between Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie from Smackdown. Unfortunately, they’re complete enough to include Mr. Charisma in the clips. From my Smackdown report: The Cat dances in the ring to kick off the Pilgrim Fashion Show. There’s a table of food in the ring, which I’m sure will last a long time. Torrie comes out as “Pocahotness,”, then Dawn Marie joins us in Pilgrim colors. Mr. Charisma comes out in a turkey suit, and Cat appropriately calls him “Smackdown’s biggest turkey.” He tries to recite something that’s supposed to be a poem, but I didn’t drink enough for that to happen. Cat wisely boots him off the stick and starts the “fashion show.” It lasts until Dawn flaunts the engagement ring, triggering the annual food fight. Dawn ends up with a pumpkin on her head, in case you wonder about things like that.


Ice Ice Cena (with B-Squared) vs. Danny Denucci. Cena does some dope freestylin’, yo, before the match, while the erstwhile Bull Buchanan keeps the legions of screaming female fans at bay. Wow, the jobber parade continues tonight. At least I recognized Red Dog from a house show, but I have NO idea who the no-names in the last two matches have been. Cena kicks Denucci, but that triggers the JOBBER OFFENSIVE FLURRY~! as Denucci answers with a hiptoss, clothesline, and spinkick in short order. Cena clubs Denucci down and chokes him on the bottom rope. He snap suplexes the jobber for 2. A HARD Irish ship sets up a back suplex for Cena, which gets 2. Denucci gets in a sunset flip, but Cena clotheslines him for his impudence. Denucci boots Cena on a charge and hits a flying clothesline. He hits a WWE bulldog (which is really a slightly modified facecrusher) for 2. Cena blocks a suplex and clotheslines Denucci down, then finishes him with the Protobomb at 3:59. Nothing terrible here. 2/10

(Winner: John Cena, pinfall via Protobomb at 3:59)


Another jobber went down in defeat, so it must be time for MORE CLIPS~! This time, we start two weeks ago on Smackdown, with the beginning of Brock Lesnar’s rampage amidst Stephanie McMahon’s persistent threats of suspension. Moving ahead to the most recent Smackdown, we pick things up with the staredown between Brock and Stephanie, which soon leads to his suspension. This leads to the abortive main event between The Big Slow and The Fabulous Moolah, which doesn’t happen because Brock comes out and delievers an F5 on Slow thru the announce table.


Main Event: Crash Not-Holly vs. NUMBAH ONE Annoucer Funaki. They start with a test of strength, which is something I always look for in a cruiserweight match. Forget the highspots and quickness, I want 80’s OFFENSE, damnit! That sets up a reversal sequence, and Funaki sweeps Crash’s leg out. He takes him over with an armdrag into an armbar, but Crash gets out and slams Funaki. Another armdrag for Funaki, this time into a headlock. He releases it after Crash climbs the corner, letting him thud back to the mat. There’s armdrag #3, followed by armbar #3, but Crash escapes and tosses Funaki out. Funaki tries to skin the cat back in, but Crash batters him to the floor. Back in, that gets 2. Crash slams Funaki and goes up. He comes down with the Please Counter Me leap, and Funaki tries to oblige him, but Crash grabs the raised boot and shoves him off. Funaki DDTs Crash, then bulldogs him for 2. Crash blocks a suplex and rolls up Funaki for 2. Funaki takes Crash down with a drop toehold and goes for a cradle, but Crash blocks that and rolls Funaki up for 3. My stopwatch failed to start, but this was about 4:00. Typical Velocity match here, in every sense of the word. 2/10

(Winner: Crash, pinfall via rollup at ~4:00)


Overall: A typical episode of Velocity: wrestling that’s not offensive but doesn’t stand out, clips from Smackdown, and Funaki in the main event. Obviously, “Smackdown’s NUMBAH ONE announcer” means “I want to be in the main event on Velocity.” This show never seems like a bad way to spend an hour, despite its lack of star power. Polk hits you up next week, loyal Velocity fans!


Dr. Tom

(Remove the leading X from each field to send me feedback)

Missed something? Look for it in my TSM Archives!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this