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Moving Right Along: Albert Isn't Awful

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Guest TSMAdmin

Moving Right Along:

Albert Isn't Awful


What am I thinking?


You know, I didn’t like WWE SmackDown: Shut Your Mouth all that much at first touch. I found some of the controls a bit counterintuitive and the manual a bit sparse on the details you actually need to play certain kinds of matches. I really shouldn’t have to struggle to figure out how to get back up on the apron after a tag match should I? But the engine has slowly grown on me to the point where I can have a marathon session for four to five hours without much of problem due to the ‘what’s going to be next’ feel of the season mode and easy to get along with play style. One of the biggest problems I had with No Mercy was that as the difficulty got higher, the computer-controlled wrestlers basically just got all counter happy to the point you couldn’t really even pull off the simplest of moves. The new game, though, simply makes the computer wrestler more aggressive, which is a much better situation if you ask me. But those ladder matches ... let’s just say that ladder matches stink and they should die, okay?


Why do wrestling fans on the board have such a problem with Edge anyway? Sure, his moveset is a gigantic pile of stink right now and his selling is spotty, but everyone in WWE with the possible exception of Chavo Guerrero Jr. seems to have that problem. So what makes Edge such a popular source of venom? My theory is that smart marks commonly have a favorite brand of wrestler. That prototypical wrestler is usually a) a heel and b) under 245 pounds. It doesn’t really matter what sort of matches you put together, as long as you fit under those criteria, the smirks will love you. How else can you explain John Cena’s surging popularity on the board since becoming a heel? He surely hasn’t pulled a match better than the one he had against Kurt Angle in his debut, yet all of a sudden, he’s an ‘up and comer’ after months of being ‘undeserving’ of a push.


I call certain fans ‘smirks’ because they always seem to be laughing at their own tired jokes about Triple H while demanding that WWE come up with something fresh and new... like pushing Chris Benoit. You know whom I am talking about, the people who add "–uh" to the end of every word and consider it high comedy. I’m so subtle and clever except... you know, not.


Everyone should see Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets. It’s a rollicking good time, that, while it lacks the sense of wonder of the first movie had, it more than makes up for it with a tighter plot. And there’s just something really sick about dissolving all the bones in a young lads arm that makes you giggle with glee. I saw it with my mom and we liked it. Are you saying you’re a better judge of movies than my mom is?


Why Not Albert?


People on the board seem to have this problem with Albert’s sudden push into a probable program with both Edge and Rey Mysterio. And while I don’t have a problem with fans not liking a wrestler, since I don’t care for a whole lot of them (I can safely say I won’t feel bad if Bill DeMott never wrestles again), it seems somewhat unfocused when its applied to Albert. Quite frankly, I still haven’t been able to get anyone to give me a comment beyond, “He sucks.” Which is a nice expression and all, but it just wasn’t quite what I was looking for when I asked the question. Honestly, what is so horrible about the wrestler known as Albert that pushing him is worthy of six multi-page threads on the subject? So, in a effort to foster some discussion and to be the devil’s avocado that I love to be, let’s bring up some of the reasons people might be using beyond ‘He sucks’ and have a little talk about them okay?


Albert is getting the push to upper middle card without any previous build.


By relegating Albert to Velocity duty for a few months, the WWE has basically thrown a person that has had trouble with Funaki in against the number two face on SmackDown! This is an improper way to build a person up who needs to have more credibility than he has in order to draw fans into a feud. WWE is quickly becoming notorious for doing this sort of thing, with the most notable beneficiary being WWE SmackDown Champion, The Big Show. And I could certainly see why this could be a bone of contention for the fanbase. To use a movie analogy, no one would want to see Greedo kill Luke Skywalker after he’s just killed The Emperor. It breaks into the flow of continuity that wrestling should always have. There always should be some sense of a bridge between the lower and upper card so that people can get a feel for who most deserves a victory or a loss. It then creates a greater sense of importance to upsets so that when they happen they actually make some sort of an impression. But when everyone but Funaki is playing on this even playing field, wins and losses lose a sense of meaning. Because in another three weeks, the guy who just won could just as easily loose to the same guy he just beat. And if people have this issue with Albert’s push, I cannot find logic in their reasoning. It would have had made far more sense to have Albert pick up some wins against the Rikishi’s of the world before getting this win against one of the standard bearers of the SmackDown! brand.


Someone else, like Matt Hardy, should have gotten the spot


Ah yes, the argument that WWE is holding down someone who could have used the spot Albert got more effectively. The problem is that person doesn’t really exist. People can scream, “Matt Hardy!” all they want and say that he would have put in a better performance. But the fact is that Matt just pinned Rey Mysterio in a tag match last week and no one seemed to care. That should have been a big victory that got Matt over more than he is to both the smart and casual fans. But, instead, it just washed right over him and us with nary a thought. Whereas, Albert’s win created wave after wave after wave of shock through our minds to the point that we’re still discussing it. You cannot say that about Matt Hardy as much as you might want to do so, because the historical precedent of just last week says otherwise.


Albert got the spot because he’s a Hoss and Vince loves the big people


I hate this line of thought. Because it depends on the idea, that because a wrestler is big, he cannot be actually worthy of a push. Where is that written in a holy manual? Blasting Albert because he is big is just as bad as saying Chris Jericho cannot draw because he’s too small. Both attitudes are ridiculous and out dated. Lots of larger men can put on a good match whether people want to admit or not. Is it going to be brimming over with quick counters and high flying action? No. But is Rey Mysterio penalized because he cannot throw a believable clothesline or lift someone up for an impressive powerbomb? Power wrestling is just as viable a style of working as any other, and should be suitably enjoyed when it is used well. Albert, as much as people may want to deny it, is pretty good at the power style of wrestling as it currently stands in the WWE promotion. He uses impressive throws that a smaller man could not, along with a reasonable degree of speed and selling, to put together entertaining contests when he’s allowed to do so. Albert’s problem is that he usually doesn’t get that chance. Given three minutes of match time on Velocity against Danny Doring is not going to make for five star classics. I don’t care who is the ring, it’s not going to happen. Anytime Albert has taken on a decent worker in a give and take contest, Albert has done well. That just hasn’t happened enough times for Albert to have an impressive resume of work at this point in time.


Albert doesn’t have the charisma to pull it off


Dude gets zero promo time; who knows how well he can do an interview? Matt Hardy ‘couldn’t talk’ for years before he got an infusion of Mattitude just a few months ago and now he won’t shut up. Who knows what the heck could happen if they actually let Albert talk for once about what his goals and aspirations actually are in an attempt to get him over. Using Michael Cole as a mouthpiece through his announcing is never going to get anyone heat. And, yeah, Albert is an ugly cuss with a poor sense of dress and grooming, but quite frankly, that’s a problem with WWE’s inability to package him appropriately. Going back to Albert’s T&A gear would result in an immediate improvement for his look.


So, there you have it. A little bit of rebuttal for all the things you might have heard on the board. Hit me up with any comments you want at [email protected], and I’ll be happy to engage anyone in spirited discussion on this or any other topic you might want. I’m good like that.


Also... join The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation. IF YOU DARE! MwuHAHAHA! This is how I do plugs, folks. You probably don’t want me trying to sell cars for you.



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