SWF Look into the Future, pt. 1

[Guest Angel_Grace_Blue]

This came about like most things do, a boring chat experience. Some credit goes to TBS, as he added a few, so praise him as you see fit. As Thoth would say, Taste the enjoy!

 

The scene fades in from black to show SWF commentators “Grand Slam” Mark Stevens and Bobby Riley seated in a dimly lit room at two large chairs, both wearing black cloaks, with small SWF logos printed on the material.

 

Stevens: Hello ladies and gentlemen, to an SWF exclusive. We’ve had many SWF superstars die, and this has finally been helpful to us.

 

Riley: That’s right. They’ve managed to look into the future, and they’ve told us about the SWF’s future. So, sit back, pop a tape in the VCR…

 

Stevens: Or a disc into your DVD recorder…

 

Both: As we take a look, into THE FUTURE!!!

 

Stevens: We’re going to be looking in at small increments, every few months, until December 2004. Take it away, Crowe and Mr. Galatea!!

 

The two alcoholic stoners also have cloaks on, but instead of the SWF logo printed on theirs like Mark and Bobby, pot leaves and kegs are emblazoned.

 

Crowe: In the year 2003…

 

Mr. G: The month of February…

 

Stevens: Former IGNWF wrestler and commentator, NTD, will be arrested for kidnapping and sexually assaulting The Boston Strangler and his dog, Jeter-Sucks-Ass.

 

Riley: Annie Eclectic will bring in her current life-partner, WOW wrestler, Thug, and the two will capture tag gold and hold it for a record 900 days.

 

Stevens: Ejiro Fasaki will win his fifth SJL world title, yet will never be bumped, due to him commenting backstage that the Suicide King wasn’t really that great a heel.

 

Mr. G: In the month of March-tober…

 

Crowe: Dude, it’s like, December.

 

Mr. G: Yeah, but we’re looking into the future. The year 2003, in the month…

 

Crowe: Tuesday?

 

Mr. G: No, April, and your mother’s a whore!

 

Crowe: And? Everyone already knew that…

 

Riley: ELM will retire unannounced from the SWF, when at an event, he is arrested by the INS and deported.

 

Stevens: Cyclone Comet and Neilsen of the Jungle return from the Middle East with Osama bin Laden’s and Sadam Hussein’s heads on poles. The two form a lasting alliance when Neilsen manages to get Comet drunk and to swear.

 

Riley: SJLer Crow will be let go after his 3000th arrest for possession of narcotics. After the shake-up with Stubby McWeed leaving, the SWF became severely less tolerant of drug offenders.

 

Stevens: Long-time SJLer Insane Luchador will be on the verge of getting bumped, but a minor eye injury that sidelines him for two weeks will drop him down to the bottom of the pile, where he’ll wait to climb back up for several more months.

 

Crowe: In the month of June…

 

Mr. Galatea: In your mother’s gaping…

 

Stevens: Guys, could you be a little more professional, please?

 

Crowe: Galatea’s mum is a professional, professional whore!

 

Mr. Galatea: Damn straight. Now, where were we? Oh yeah...In June...

 

Stevens: Angel will make his triumphant return, teaming with Chris Wilson. Both will get title shots. Both will no-show.

 

Riley: Ash's child, Hollyanna Rose Craven, will begin to crawl. We will be treated to a series of 3,000 words promos about this feat. However, the baby will crawl away from Ash, realizing what a moron her father is.

 

Stevens: MVS and Matt Myers will set personal records, retiring 5 times apiece in one month. However, they will fail to break Jacob Helmsley's all-time record of 7.

 

Riley: The SWF will experience financial troubles after nearly every single record company realizes that the SWF has been using un-licensed songs for a few years and sues them for millions of dollars. This results in drastic pay cuts for nearly everyone except the Suicide King, HVT, Edwin MacPhisto, Mark Stevens, and Xstasy.

 

Mr. Galatea: In the year of today…

 

Crowe: In my bong…

 

Mr. Galatea: The month of August…

 

Stevens: Frost will be indicted after it is discovered that his FrostBrand™ taco packages contain nicotine and various carcinogens.

 

Riley: Axis’s scheduled return will be canceled after he is unable to make it to an event after locking himself in his shed.

 

Stevens: Jay Dawg will never make a return, after having been arrested for sodomizing hundreds of people with power tools.

 

Riley: Long Dogger Pete’s son, Ian will enter the league, be bumped, and win a SWF title before either CIA or Alex Zenon. This will result in the suicide of the two superstars.

 

Crowe: In the year 2003…

 

Mr. Galatea: The month of October…

 

Stevens: Tom Flesher’s political career will be cut short, when, at a campaign debate, he delivers an Ego Buster to his opponent.

 

Riley: Mr. Galatea will make a return to the SWF. In a drunken stupor, he will vomit and urinate on TNT at an event and leave again.

 

Stevens: Chris Raynor will undergo severe psychiatric evaluation after an incident at a zoo, he screams the words, “Pandas, I love the pandas!” enters the panda enclosure, beats all six animals to death with a large rock and dresses up in the skin of the largest and as he said, “I’m dancing for the children, because they love the pandas, too!”

 

Riley: Fugue will be ostracized from the SWF when he takes to bringing the corpses of dead composers with him to the ring for matches.

 

Mr. Galatea: Fin the smear 203…

 

Crowe: On top of old Galatea’s mum…

 

Mr. Galatea: All covered with c…

 

Stevens: Hey! That’s enough, on to December. Judge Mental will retire from the SWF and get his own law show, wherein all defendants who are found guilty are given a Capital Punishment and a gavel shot. It will even top all SWF shows in ratings.

 

Riley: Exploding Chicken will be given an intern job, but will be fired after he has stolen over $900,000 worth of office supplies before lunch on his first day.

 

Stevens: Grimedogg will make a return and kick Tom Flesher in the testicles. He will continue to do this every event, house show, et cetera, until Tom is forced to retire due to a crushed nut.

 

Riley: Jayson Grant will return with Spike, Rane, Diablo, and Pimp Daddy Sarp in an effort to remind the public about the first IGNWF, however, they will not have enough money to buy tickets and will be turned away at the door.

 

Stevens: Well, it looks like we’ve had some fun and made some outrageous predictions, so stay tuned for part two, sometime…

 

All Four: IN THE FUTURE!

[Guest crusen86]

(Y) & (N)

[Guest Ace309]

Tom Flesher’s political career will be cut short, when, at a campaign debate, he delivers an Ego Buster to his opponent.

 

I'm SO going to run for student body president now.

[Guest Powerplay]

Stevens: Hey! That’s enough, on to December. Judge Mental will retire from the SWF and get his own law show, wherein all defendants who are found guilty are given a Capital Punishment and a gavel shot. It will even top all SWF shows in ratings.

 

Hell yes! My prediction rocks!

[Guest crusen86]

[Guest crusen86]

(Y)

[Guest crusen86]

(N)

[Guest crusen86]

\m/

[janusd 0]

(Y) @ Look into the future

 

(Y) (Y) @ Crusen's pic.

[Guest crusen86]

Wooo.

[Guest crusen86]

(2:17pm) (@SuperiorOne) Mak Francis v. Tom Flesher

(2:17pm) (@SuperiorOne) -> Mak Francis to win.

(2:17pm) (@SuperiorOne) WAUGH

<Crusen> Steve Waugh.

(2:17pm) (Action) * SuperiorOne drives an icicle through Stryke's chest.

(2:17pm) (Action) * CIA wonders if he should do this nations tates thing. NAH.

(2:17pm) (@SuperiorOne) I don't like when people predict the other guy.

<Crusen> you want replies?

(2:18pm) (@Judge) I know, Ejiro. It was kinda unfair.

(2:18pm) (+GOdrea) Who, me? Sure, say what you like, dislike, etc...or not...

(2:18pm) (Ejiro) IL predicts the other guy EVERY WEEK

(2:18pm) (@Judge) But yes, Ejiro does have the ultimate suckup thing now.

(2:18pm) (@Judge) Well, yeah. He always does, Ejiro.

(2:18pm) (Ejiro) I'm going to totally make Ejiro a suck up when/if I get bumped

(2:19pm) (@Judge) Crusen, that picture is just so fucking hilarious.

(2:19pm) (@Judge) It's now my desktop.

<Crusen> lol

(2:20pm) (CIA) Does Ced have AIM?

(2:20pm) (@SuperiorOne) Cutthroat used to predict himself.

(2:20pm) (Quit) (MistressSarah) (satanicang@***.ipt.aol.com) (Connection reset by peer)

(2:20pm) (+GOdrea) Crusen = spammer

(2:20pm) (@SuperiorOne) and CIA, Blue Knight Ced

(2:20pm) (CIA) Right, I have him. He's not on.

<Crusen> asif im spamming

(2:21pm) (+GOdrea) Galatea spams more than anybody

(2:21pm) (+GOdrea) Speaking of which, we should do a SWF Community Board spammies award show...

(2:21pm) (+GOdrea) Or not...

[Guest crusen86]

(2:02pm) (+GOdrea) Or something else?

<Crusen> sing

<Crusen> it's Conon The Barbarian. bahah@me

<Crusen> asif i have a weak econmy

(2:02pm) (Action) * Janus still remembers when it was "Conan the adventurer' and was a silly cartoon.

<Crusen> From Message

<Crusen> The Sultanate of Galiland

<Crusen> Received: 18 hours ago Die.

(2:03pm) (Join) (SuperiorOne) (tommycanuh@***.buf.adelphia.net) (#SWF)

(2:03pm) (Op) (ChanServ) (+@) (SuperiorOne)

(2:03pm) (@SuperiorOne) People

(2:03pm) (@Judge) TAAMO!

(2:03pm) (Ejiro) Hey Tom

(2:03pm) (@SuperiorOne) Ejiro.

(2:03pm) (+GOdrea) Tom

(2:03pm) (@SuperiorOne) Judge.

(2:03pm) (Janus) Mr. Superior One.

(2:03pm) (@SuperiorOne) GOdrea.

<Crusen> hey i own the swf

(2:03pm) (@SuperiorOne) Janus.

(2:04pm) (Action) * GOdrea bows down to Crusen for having the most extreme nation in The SWF

<Crusen> \m/

<Crusen> || \m/adskillz! || Agalloch - Hallways Of Enchanted Ebon

[Guest crusen86]

(2:22pm) (CIA) It's cause you suck.

(2:23pm) (Ejiro) Crusen shall not be more extreme than me for long! It shall not stand!

<Crusen> not really.

(2:23pm) (@Judge) CIA: You talkin' to me?

<Crusen> || \m/adskillz! || Disturbed - Stupify || \m/ || 4m32s/4.17MB || \m/ || Playage: 65 || \m/ ||

(2:23pm) (CIA) No. I'm talking to the whore sucking Tom's cock. Yes, you.

* Crusen to the xtreme

(2:24pm) (@Judge) I don't see- Oh wait, nm.

(2:24pm) (Action) * Judge waves his Hardcore Belt at CIA.

<Crusen> ...that made me laugh. (Y)@CIA

(2:24pm) (Action) * GOdrea marks out for Crusen because he's X-treme, not extreme

(2:24pm) (Action) * SuperiorOne waves his Tag Team Title match at CIA, as well as an empty hand that simulates the World Title.

(2:24pm) (+GOdrea) Wait...X-treme sucked ass...

(2:24pm) (CIA) Wow! A tag team title MATCH! WOW!

<Crusen> Xtreme Hound ruledz

[Guest crusen86]

CIA/Judge = ratingz.

[Guest midnight_burn]

(2:17pm) (@SuperiorOne) Mak Francis v. Tom Flesher

(2:17pm) (@SuperiorOne) -> Mak Francis to win.

(2:17pm) (Action) * SuperiorOne drives an icicle through Stryke's chest.

(2:17pm) (@SuperiorOne) I don't like when people predict the other guy.

 

*Makes sure he always predicts against Tom from now on*

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

[Guest Ace309]

*Makes sure he always predicts against Tom from now on*

 

I'd apologize, but that just wouldn't be like me.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The SWF will experience financial troubles after nearly every single record company realizes that the SWF has been using un-licensed songs for a few years and sues them for millions of dollars. This results in drastic pay cuts for nearly everyone except the Suicide King, HVT, Edwin MacPhisto, Mark Stevens, and Xstasy.

 

Hip hop hooray, ho, hey, hoooo!

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

Is WOW even a league? Is there a Thug?

 

...she better be pretty, and NOT manly and NOT wearing a mullet, or the gopher's head is mine! MINE!

 

-Annie

 

EDIT: I am so actively hating you GOdrea. That, is awful. Ewwww, and double Ewwwww. *cries* She's a manly mullet dyke! With a bad tattoo! *cries more*

[Guest TheAntipop]

I'm not a stoner.

[Guest Lightning Flik]

*consoles Annie, by letting her cry on my shoulder (as being her #1 mark should at least give me the rights to do that much to help out)*

 

That's just plain mean and awful!

 

*reads content of thread, and gets angry*

 

HEY! YOU FORGOT ME!

 

Lightning Flik: During the last month of 2003, Lightning Flik will finally make a return that has been a couple years in the making. Although, his comeback is successful at first, he soon leaves the SWF/JL for good. As his body finally breaks down so much that he's walking in crutches for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

...sadly, I'm wondering if I need crutches right now... Life sucks. At least for me.

[Guest crusen86]

1

[Guest redbaron51]

2003:

 

Xero will still be a jobber

[Guest midnight_burn]

2003:

 

Stryke quits and returns many times, all along no-showing at epidemic levels.

[Guest Crowe]

I'm not an alcoholic, but I might have to become one... my main dealer has stopped dealing.

 

Oh, and my prediction, probably true.

 

Crowe

[Guest chirs3]

Stevens: Chris Raynor will undergo severe psychiatric evaluation after an incident at a zoo, he screams the words, “Pandas, I love the pandas!” enters the panda enclosure, beats all six animals to death with a large rock and dresses up in the skin of the largest and as he said, “I’m dancing for the children, because they love the pandas, too!”

 

...