Promo: Frost Appears on Howard Stern

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Radio Transcript

The Howard Stern Show

Wednesday January 14th, 2003

Appearance by SWF wrestler Frost

 

Howard: “Ok, coming in now we have from the Smarks Wrestling Federation…uh…we have Frost. He is one half of the tag team champions and a really big dude from what Gary tells….Wow…big dude, this guy’s a monster! (guffaws)”

 

Kacey: “Frost, he’s a damn snowbank.”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “What are you like 300 pounds?”

 

Frost: “Yeah, about that.”

 

Fred: “And I bet he hasn’t even had breakfast yet.”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “Are you like six ten or something too?”

 

Frost: “Six seven, almost six eight”

 

Howard: “Like three quarters and something.”

 

Frost: “Yeah…”

 

Robin: “Are you asking him how tall he is or how big he is in the pants? (laughs)”

 

Howard: “(chuckles) Yeah, I bet you’d like to know Robin.”

 

John: “Well….ster….steroids….shrin…shrink you down…”

 

Howard: “I don’t think you want to accuse this guy of being on steroids.”

 

Kacey: “Because you could send him into a roid rage and he’d kill us all.”

 

(laughter)

 

Frost: “Nah, I don’t do that stuff.”

 

Howard: “Ever done ‘roids?”

 

Frost: “Never needed to.”

 

Howard: “Could you get me some though? (laughter) Look at these arms I can’s bench my remote (laughs)”

 

Kacey: “Trust me Howard, you don’t want a drug to make your penis any smaller.”

 

Howard “(chuckles) I’d wind up with negative penis.”

 

Robin: “It’d crawl back inside (cackles).”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “Yeah, but like other guys you know are on steroids right?”

 

Frost: “I don’t know. Seriously, I don’t. Guys know not to do that stuff around me.”

 

Howard: “You don’t tolerate it.”

 

Frost: “No, I…I don’t tolerate it. I find it to be very unprofessional and…it…it gives wrestling a bad name. I take what I do seriously and I want to be respected for it.”

 

John: “Re..re…respected, but it’s not…uh…not real…”

 

Kacey: “John would you shut up!”

 

Howard: “I will so laugh when he kicks your ass.”

 

Frost: “I’m getting ready too.”

 

(laughter)

 

Robin: “Get ‘em. (guffaws)”

 

Frost: “I’m not keeping kayfabe or anything…”

 

Robin: “What?”

 

Howard: “Kayfabe…”

 

Frost: “Uh…wrestling speak, always pretending everything is real…”

 

Robin: “Oh.”

 

Howard: “Oh, ok, ok.”

 

Frost: “I know that people are clued into what wrestling is more, but it’s not like we’re going out there with smoke and mirrors. It takes an athlete, an actor, a stuntman…a varied skilled person to do what I do and what all the guys in the SWF do and…I…I just get upset when people dismiss it as…nothing…just nothing worth anything.”

 

Howard: “Retards like Stuttering John.”

 

Fred: “Why don’t you go in the ring with him? We’ll do a live remote.”

 

Howard: “Yeah, we’ll tape it for the E! Show.”

 

Robin: “Great idea! (cackles) We can do a remote from the hospital too.”

 

(laughter)

 

Frost: “No, I’m not going to do that. That just plays into what I’m talking about. I’m not this caveman wrestler beating people up.”

 

Howard: “Yeah, I think I was reading you went to school in Norway or something.”

 

Robin: “Norway!”

 

Frost: “University of Norway, yeah. I have a Master’s Degree in psychology.”

 

(whoas)

 

Howard: “Damn, you are a smart guy. Are you from Norway? I hear an accent…”

 

Frost: “I’m from Iceland.”

 

Kacey: “Really, that’s not just part of your character?”

 

John: “Now who’s….who’s asking….the dumb…dumb que….”

 

Kacey: (screaming) THAT IS NOT A DUMB QUESTION!”

 

Frost: “No, that’s a perfectly legitimate question. Frost is a character I play, but there’s a lot of truth in that. I was born in Iceland. Of course, it’s not as cold as I make it out to be, but that’s just what people know.”

 

Gary: “It’s what they expect.”

 

Howard: “Yeah, like the Vikings named it that to trick people.”

 

Fred: “Greenland is really cold and Iceland is pretty green.”

 

Frost: “Yeah, not that it can’t get cold, but…”

 

Kacey: “Of course, Americans are still dumb enough to believe that.”

 

(laughter)

 

(taped voice of Howard saying “Hey now!”)

 

Howard: “Hey now! There’s a lot of Vikings in America.”

 

Frost: “Ever been to Minnesota?”

 

Robin: “That’s not just the football team. (cackles)”

 

Howard: “Yeah…well…uh…we should probably get back to talking more about you.”

 

Kacey: “Robin still wants to know how big his penis is.”

 

Robin: “(laughing) Yeah…tell me!”

 

Howard: “Are you...are you big in the pants?”

 

Frost: “I’m…(snorts) decent.”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “Decent!”

 

Kacey: “Decent means enormous in Icelandic.”

 

(laughter)

 

Frost: “The ladies are cool with me.”

 

(laughter)

 

Gary: “Don’t you like have a girlfriend who wrestles or is that just a…uh…storyline thing.”

 

Frost: “That’s a storyline thing. When I was in the SJL, which is like the AAA ball of the SWF basically, we did an angle where I started dating Sydney Sky, a female down there.”

 

Howard: “She hot?”

 

Frost: “Yeah, she’s a good looking girl.”

 

Howard: “You hit it?”

 

Frost: “She’s a good looking girl.”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “You don’t kiss and tell?”

 

Frost: “Kiss sure, just not other things and tell.”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “But…yeah…there are some hot girls in the SWF right?”

 

Frost: “The only female we have active right now in the WF is Annie Eclectic. She has a lot of drive and really fits into being one of the guys. I’ve never wrestled her, but we’ve worked outside the ring…”

 

Howard: “Yeah, I bet you worked it outside the ring. (snickers)”

 

Frost: “Totally professional. I return what I get in kind and I give Annie more credence and respect than I give a lot of the men.”

 

Howard: “You hit it! Don’t lie to us, man!”

 

Kacey: “Look at the guy, he’s got to be a pussy magnet.”

 

(laughter)

 

Fred: “We should take him to Score’s tonight.”

 

Howard: “YEAH! You want to go to Scores with us tonight?”

 

Frost: “……I think I might be able to do that.”

 

Howard: “The girls would love you…”

 

Kacey: “You got a lot of money?”

 

Frost: “I’ve got some cash on me.”

 

Howard: “Then they will definitely love your ass. You’ll take five or six girls home with you.”

 

Frost: “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

 

(wild laughter)

 

Howard: “Gary is signaling to me that we’re running out of time. You have to be somewhere?”

 

Frost: “I’ve got a few appearances booked today since I’m in New York.”

 

Howard: “But you’ve got some stuff to plug right.”

 

Frost: “Why else do people go on talk shows?”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “Hey…hey…that’s honesty. I like that. Anytime I go on Jay or Dave I’m just there for my books or whatever.”

 

Fred: “It’s not like you like those guys.”

 

Howard: “(snorts) Hell no! (chuckles)”

 

Gary: “Frost is going to be on Dave tonight.”

 

Howard: “You’re doing Letterman?”

 

Frost: “Yeah and a few other things. I have to be in Detroit tomorrow night. We have a show Friday.”

 

Howard: “There you go, plug the show.”

 

Frost: “SWF Smarkdown, this Friday at 8 p.m. live from the Joe Louis Arena. I’ll be in a triple threat match for the ICTV Title with Orochi and Danny Williams…”

 

Howard: “Whoa, so a big match for you.”

 

Frost: “Yeah, I’m really looking forward to it, getting geared up for it.”

 

Howard: “Those other two guys…they good guys?”

 

Frost: “Sure. Orochi keeps to himself a bit, we had a match last week though and it went great. Danny Williams, we’re…we’re in the same stable, the Magnificent 7, and we’ve traveled a few times in the past.”

 

Gary: “Yeah, but Williams he’s had real life drug problems and stuff in the past hasn’t he?”

 

Frost: “That’s the past. He truly has cleaned up now, at least from what I know of him. I probably respect him more than anyone else in the fed, because he’s cleaned himself up and he’s fighting to stay that way.”

 

Howard: “Don’t you sell cigars or something too…”

 

Frost: “Yeah, I…”

 

Gary: “He actually brought you a box, Howard.”

 

Frost: “Yeah, I brought you a box.”

 

Howard: “There you go, let me see those Gary. Wow, these look pretty nice.”

 

Fred: “How much do they retail for?”

 

Frost: “We run specials through the SWF website store and such, but retail they’re like fifty bucks a box.”

 

Howard: “But these are like high quality hand rolled smokes, right?”

 

Frost: “Yeah, we’re in with the Macanudo people…”

 

Howard: “How did you get into selling these? Do you really smoke cigars?”

 

Frost: “Oh, yeah. My…a cousin of mine in Iceland runs a humidor and likes to experiment in rolling his own…”

 

Kacey: “Sometimes, he’ll even do cigars.”

 

(laughter)

 

Frost: “Cigars…we’re only rolling cigars here. (chuckles) Yeah, my cousin basically hand rolled me my own personal cigars and I passed them out to some of the guys in the back from time to time. The Suicide King, he’s one of the bookers…uh, guys in charge, he suggested that we try and market them, but he wants to market everything.”

 

(laughter)

 

Gary: “You sell tacos too right?”

 

Howard: “Tacos!”

 

Robin: “Icelandic tacos! (cackles)”

 

Frost: “Like a taco mix in a box you buy at the store. Long story there. Originally, our World Champion, El Luchadore Magnifico, who’s of Mexican heritage and plays on that like I play up my Icelandic background, was set to be the spokesman for them. However, he pulled out at the last moment after thinking about it. He truly does take a lot of pride in being Mexican and thought that endorsing tacos was disrespectful to his heritage. I can understand how that would play into stereotypes he’d rather not further. So, I said ‘let me have them.’”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “Yeah, let’s have a 300 pound white guy from Iceland sell tacos.”

 

Fred: “Genius!”

 

Robin: “You could put penguin meat and walrus blubber in them…”

 

Frost: “We actually did that joke.”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “So, you guys played into the humor of the idea.”

 

Frost: “Our marketing people thought that was the best route and it’s worked for the most part.”

 

Howard: “Ok, I thought we were going to take some calls, but do you need to go…right…”

 

Gary: “Two calls, Howard, just take two calls.”

 

Frost: “I can stay for two calls.”

 

Howard: “Alright…caller, you’re on the air.”

 

Caller: “Hey, Howard this is Mike, love the show man.”

 

Howard: “Of course you do…(laughter)…you have a question for Frost here.”

 

Fred: “Why else would he be calling?”

 

Mike: “Hey, Frost…”

 

Frost: “Hi, Mike.”

 

Mike: “I’m a big SWF fan and I was watching the show on Monday…man…is that Z guy EVER going to beat you?”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “You really kick somebody’s ass Monday?”

 

Frost: “Yeah, Alex Zenon, he’s a solid guy. He works hard, he trains hard, he never complains about what’s asked of him. I’ve traveled with him once or twice, hung out with him a bit. Z and I both know that it’s not win or lose, it’s entertaining the fans and making the other guy look good. In that respect I like to work with him more than anyone else.”

 

Howard: “But you always kick his ass right.”

 

Frost: “Well…he beat me once in the SJL. It was a handicap match with the Suicide King, who I mentioned earlier, on his side. They knocked me out with a briefcase full of Def Leppard albums…”

 

(wild laughter)

 

Kacey: “That doesn’t count!”

 

Howard: “Yeah, that doesn’t count!”

 

Robin: “No, no, Def Leppard…yeesh.”

 

Kacey: “Now if they were Bon Jovi albums…”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “That would so totally count…”

 

Fred: “But not Whitesnake…”

 

(laughter)

 

Howard: “Yeah, like that guy’s old lady beat up Chuck Finely…”

 

Gary: “Tawny Kitaen”

 

Robin: “So, if they were Whitesnake videos…”

 

Kacey: “With her in them…”

 

Howard: “Now, that would count.”

 

(laughter)

 

Gary: “Get to the next call, Howard.”

 

Howard: “Don’t rush me.”

 

Gary: “He has to get out of here, Howard.”

 

Frost: “It’s ok.”

 

Howard: “Fine…fine…caller…”

 

Caller: “Yeah…”

 

Howard: “You there.”

 

Caller: “Yeah, I’m here.”

 

Howard: “What’s your name?”

 

Caller: “Greg.”

 

Howard: “Talk to Frost, Greg.”

 

Frost: “Hi, Greg.”

 

Greg: “Hi, Frost. I’ve got a friend who was in a gay bar here in New York a couple months ago and he said that that Ash Ketchum guy tried to pick him up…”

 

Howard: “A friend, you know it was you man.”

 

(laughter)

 

Robin: “Yeah, don’t lie to us.”

 

(laughter)

 

Kacey: “Everyone has a gay friend, but no one’s gay themselves, it’s always ‘my gay friend.’”

 

Gary: “Isn’t that guy like married?”

 

Fred: “Well, on the shows, but…”

 

Frost: “No, that’s real. Misty and Ash, well he’s going by Michael Craven now, bit of a gimmick change, are really married. I assume he’s straight.”

 

Howard: “She’s a beard (snorts).”

 

Frost: “Well, she’ really pregnant too and…uh…she’s pregnant in the storylines, but she’s pregnant in real life too.”

 

Kacey: “Doesn’t mean he’s the father.”

 

Robin: “The baby’s a goatee for the beard. (cackles).”

 

Howard: (snorts) Yeah, it’s all an elaborate illusion to make a guy who sounds gay anyway to look straight.”

 

Frost: “I don’t want to talk anymore about him.”

 

Howard: “This Ash, you don’t like him?”

 

Frost: “I’m not the kind of person to rip someone on air like this where he can’t defend himself. Let’s say, he’s just not my favorite person.”

 

John: “You…you…don’t want to talk…tal…talk about anyone…”

 

Kacey: “SHUT UP!”

 

Howard: “Stuttering John, I thought you learned your lesson. If a man this size doesn’t want to talk about something, I’m not going to push him too.”

 

Kacey: “He might push back.”

 

Frost: “No…no…let’s just drop it, I’ve got to go.”

 

Howard: “Yeah, ok…thanks for coming by Frost.”

 

(applause)

 

Frost: “Thank you, it was fun.”

 

Howard: “Fun for us, man. You going to come to Scores with us tonight?”

 

Frost: “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

 

Gary: “I’ll work it out with him as he leaves.”

 

Howard: “That was the SWF’s Frost. Cigar aficionado, taco king, pussy magnet, (laughter), tag team champion…hey, we didn’t get to talk about that…”

 

Fred: “Next time.”

 

Howard: “We’ll talk about it next time…and this Friday, we all hope, will be the SWF’s new ICTV Champion. Good luck with that. Frost, ladies and gentlemen, Frost.”

 

(applause as guest exits booth)

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Being a huge fan of Howard Stern, I must say this is the best promo ever.

[Guest realitycheck]

I second Danny. This was just GREAT. I don't really know what else to say about it. People have experimented with 'shoot' promos, or ones that don't deal with kayfabe or whatever, and truth be told, not a whole lot of them have been that great.

 

Although, along with Mark's "Ross Report" esque thing, this would be an exception. Showing the wrestlers as REAL real people is still intriguing to me, and really good if done right. So, Kudos to you. I'd like to see some other people try these...

 

-Z

And one quick note: Was it your intention to make Frost 'the person' come off as a timid sounding guy? Or is that my mistake and I'm just not reading the lines right?

[Guest Suicide King]

Frost rules. That is all.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

I'm glad the intial response has been positive. This was certainly an experiment. I just had the idea of putting Frost on a talk show and Howard seemed like a good fit.

 

For Z's question, the idea was to make Frost "the person" a quiet and respectful guy. I wouldn't say timid, but it could come off that way and that's fine. I think Mick Foley can come off as timid in real interviews and I guess that soft spoken Foley "real man" is what I see Frost as outside the ring and out of character to be.

 

I think another trick for me here was to make it sound like a real transcript of a Howard Stern episode. Does that come off? Does it sound like a real transcript? Do the Howard Stern characters come off right?

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Man, if Robert Smith were here he'd sound all wispy and say this was just like heaven, cause it was. One of the most original promo concepts I've seen executed, and worthy of massive praise. It's a sort of insight that works on a bunch of levels; you still assess your match for Smarkdown, you still talk about your past and your history, but you do it in an entirely unique fashion. Totally sweet.

[Guest Thoth]

Having listened to Howard Stern and read transcripts, this is fucking dead-on accurate.

 

One of my three favorite promos ever with POOFNAR and that really scary one Kibagami wrote to plug our LMS.

[Guest Tod deKindes]

*writes down the "negative penis" joke and remembers to use it later*

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

I admit, I'm a huge Stern fan too and this seemed dead on accurate, especially the Kacey and Stuttering John interaction. That said, that's an incredible piece of promo-ing to be somewhat off kayfabe and still work.... that's really amazing. Everything seemed so spot on, especially with how 'real life' Frost would talk about Z, Annie, and Craven. It all interacted well, especially with Frost's somewhat shyness about expounding on his Syd Sky relationship.... really. This is damn damn good.

 

-Annie

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

bah, double post. ner.

 

-Annie

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

. . . Dude, I thought that -I- was the whacked-out half of Chilly Chilly Bang Bang, man.