Crimson March 9th Comments

[Guest Shawn]

Results...

 

Singles Match

"Deathwish" Danny Williams vs. "The Superior One" Tom Flesher

WINNER: Flesher!!!

 

First Pin Wins Match

The Dark Reaper vs. Cutthroat vs. Z

WINNER: Z

 

TV Title Match

Shawn Brody © vs. Mike Van Siclen

WINNER: me

 

Singles Match

Mafia vs. Ced Ordonez

WINNER: Ced Ordonez. Both men had the same intro. Kooky.

 

No DQ Match

Low Brass vs. Ash Ketchum

WINNER: Ash Ketchum

 

MAIN EVENT

#### In A Cell Match

K-Os vs. Flexxx

WINNER: K-Os. It was default, and I knew it would be. Flexxx retired last week. I thought he might of wrote for this special occasion, but oh well.

 

------------

 

Singles Match

"Deathwish" Danny Williams vs. "The Superior One" Tom Flesher

I'll be waiting for this one mayself...

 

First Pin Wins Match

The Dark Reaper vs. Cutthroat vs. Z

I thought as much... keep your eye on Z, people.

 

TV Title Match

Shawn Brody © vs. Mike Van Siclen

I've been so eager for this and now I'll just hve to wait longer... cute.

 

Singles Match

Mafia vs. Ced Ordonez

Ced! Woo!!

 

No DQ Match

Low Brass vs. Ash Ketchum

- ####. No offense to Ash but I really thought LB should've taken this one... there's always next time.

 

MAIN EVENT

#### In A Cell Match

K-Os vs. Flexxx

- Didn't know Flexx retired... I guess a match with K-Os must be pretty killer... Oh well... so long as my brother Clannie moves onto the finals with Lady Red. No matter if they leave me for the WF or not, I will bakc them all the way.

 

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Comment Away!

[Guest Shawn]

So I guess the tournament finals will be...

 

Ash Ketchum vs. Lady Red

 

K-Os vs. Erek Taylor

[Guest Zero_Cool]

No DQ Match - Send to Edwin MacPhisto

Low Brass vs. Ash Ketchum

- These two XF9ers have butted heads numerous times in the past, and they will go at it one more time. No rules should make things interesting. The winner will face another XF9er for a SWF contract - Erek Taylor.

- Word Limit: 6000

 

 

This basically means that we should get Clannie facing Clannie, and XF9'er facing XF9'er..

 

Erek vs. Ash

 

Lady Red vs. K-Os

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Newbie match edited in, and it's quite impressive!  Both men wrote, but only one could win...

 

And the tourney finals will not be on Metal.  Crimson, as that'll be easier for some of our participants to write.  Metal will be a build show, but one with a gang-buster main event, let me tell you...

[Guest midnight_burn]

Looked to be quite an impressive show.

 

The newcomers look to be quite good, Z and Flescher putting on some very nice debuts.

 

Ced continues to impress, another great win. The TV or Euro title is no doubt in his future.

 

Still have to wait for Brody/MVS, should be great as well.

 

And Ash and K-Os move onto the finals. I thought Low Brass would go through, but Ash's match was very good, and he deserves his opportunity.

 

And K-Os match, what's there to say. The usual brilliant showing from the world champ, and i guess with Flexxx retiring and K-Os maybe getting bumped that closes the chapter on the K-Os/Flexxx feud.

 

So for next Crimson i guess we'll see A Clan war with K-Os and Lady Red, and an XF9 war with Ash and Erek. Should be very very good matches.

 

All in all a very good Crimson, all good matches.

[Guest Chaos]

I forsee..............

 

 

Erek and K-Os vs. Ash and Lady Red.  Not only does it make sense, it'd be super kicky cool as well.  

 

 

Once again, the undercard shines.  Opening match was a sweet lil' number, and Z has the greatest gimmick ever.  I'm pleasantly surprised to see Ash take the spot in the finals.  Both men could win, both deserved it, and everyone bet against him.  Tres bien.  

 

I'm kinda wishy-washy with my match.  Although I'm very glad to make it to the finals, I really wanted this match to go down mono et mono.  Ah well, Fate's knarled hand decided to intervene.  Sorry to see you go Flexxx, you brought me into the best feud I've been in, and one of the best TV feuds ever.

 

To a zany builderiffic Metal we go.........

[Guest WarMachine]

Eh. Time for me to start getting back on track. One no-show last week, and a near no-show this week.

 

Even if I would've attempted to write with everything I had this time around, I'm not so sure I would've won. Great match, Ced.

 

"Mafia 3:16 says I Just Put Your Ass Over."

[Guest realitycheck]

Well, I won my first match. Yay me. I'm signifacantly less enthused after reading Fleshers match, which scared the hell out of me. I'm hoping CC don't plan on having him and I go on Metal.

 

Anyway, a right bloddy good show all-around, with congradulations to Ash and K-O's for moving on in the Contract Tournament, and congradulations to Ced for earning my coveted match of the night honours. Don't grow too fond of it, I get the feeling I'll flop my opinion when the Brody/Van Siclen match is posted.

 

Again, good stuff.

 

-Z

Who should probably add a JL record to his signature...

 

...and also wishes he had paid more attention to Flexxx and K-O's, and the XF9/Clan feud, so he could actually comment about it.

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

Oh my god...

 

I was in the goddamn main event!!!

 

And what do I do? Absolutely nothing

 

I'm terribly sorry for the no-show on Crimson, and for leaving in general. It's just that I haven't had access to a computer since around Tuesday of last week, because of school grades making people bar me from computer access. Sad to see that after waiting half of a week to steal some goddamn keys to unlock the room my computer is in, in the middle of the night, and finding out that I had blindly passed up the opportunity that I had been waiting for, for MONTHS.

 

I'm afraid I won't be back for awhile either. So farewell, for now... and to everyone I pissed off in the past (Jake, IL, and some others), please forgive my being a stupid ass.

[Guest Low Brass]

Ash, wonderful match.  Good luck in the finals.  

 

I didn't get to do even close to my best on this match, cause I slept in today.  I had the match to about 3700 words or so and planned to finish it this morning.  What do I do then?  I sleep in till 30 minutes before the match is due.  yup.  I had to rush the finish of my match, which was looking great up until this horrible ending to it.

 

So this looks like another couple months of glory and fun for me in the JL feuding with either Lady Red or K-Os, depending on who wins the finals.  Oh well.

 

-Low Brass

 

ugh...

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Hope everyone's liking my writing thus far. Kinda hard for me to find the time right now with work and school, but I hope the efforts are showing. I heart Mafia 3:16!

Great show all around and to all of the new talent, welcome aboard.

[Guest Renegade]

Good show, and Flexxx retiered? damn, thats another Destruction member out....actually, Renegade, IL, Payne/NBK, Myers, Venom and now Flexxx....all retiered. Well good luck on those grades pal.

[Guest Shawn]

Flesher won, awesome! I knew he was good but that was something else. I do kinda like the commentary style. Oh and I was there so woo!!

 

::Shawn is the number one Flesher fan::

 

Heh... Funny how Only my match is missing now... hurry up and give your match to Thugg, MVS!

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

O.K., O.K., not to bitch, but I really think I was robbed.  There is no dening Ace is the superior writer.  His match was very well written and the commentary was briiliant.  But as far the actual match goes, I think mine was better. My match was more low key, and mat based.  But that was the type of match I figured two techincal wrestlers would fight, rather than a battle of high impact moves.  Oh well, great match Ace.  So Iam I gonna have to put more effort into the damn commentary or what.

[Guest Shawn]

I didn't see your match so I don't know what to think but if you had it made based the whole it I could've gotten bland compaired to the high-impact match. The key is to mix the two. Start from some chain wrestling and work up to the high action match and now you have an entertaining match with some build.

 

As for commentary, horrible commentary can kill almost any match as can great commentary turn a piece of crap into a pretty good match. Just read some of the other matches to get a feel of the commentary and how they roll.

 

70 posts? Damn...

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

No, I mixed some brawling and high impact moves in there in to, and I think the ending sequence of my match was awesome and made both guys look good.  

 

Here is a summary: Boilermaker attempt, reversed to Supertombstone attempt, Flesher escapes and lands on apron, Sunsetflip pins Deathwish, Deathwish reverses into own pin, Flesher bridges out, pushing both men to their feet, and Deathwish into a piledriver. Rather than pin, Flesher goes for the Cloverleaf to make Deathwish tap, Deathwish cradles Flesher, but Flesher reverses to a cradle of his own.  He can't hold it, both men get to their feet and Deathwish tries a tombstone, Flesher escapes and scoops up Deathwish for a tombstone, but Deathwish reverses it to his own tombstone.  Rather than pin, he goes for the chickenwing.   Than Brody interfers and what not(but that wasn't my idea). Flesher misses the beermug shot, and gets pinned by a dragon suplex.

 

Mabye I had to many counters and reversals.  But I think it was more exciting than me just getting my ass handed to me, the entire ending of the match.  Not to take nothing away from Ace, his match was incredable, and I have to nothing to be ashamed of by losing to it.

 

As for commentary, I knew it was bad, so I didn't use that much of it.  It in no way took away from my match, though it didn't add anything either.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Deathwish, if you want some feedback, feel free to put your match up on the comments thread or on a separate losing matches thread.  Or even PM the match to me, and I'll take a look at it.  We're all about feedback, yo.

 

I really liked that show.  Woo woo!

[Guest Shawn]

that Brody interfearing was my idea. Flesher was so nice as to agree with it and pass it on to you so that you'd know to write it.

 

I do like the sequence but I'm not one to question a marker since I haven't had the problem and it's really my place. I'll just try to put it in this light...

 

Yeah you lose on your debut but losses come and go. I was kinda pissed when I lost to Tomcat in a hardcore match becuase hardcore is my forte and it was kinda emparrasing to lose to that pussy (pun..oh ho ho ho) but I knew that I had writer's block that time so I went and pulled something together for the next time. After a day or two, I just shrugged it off and picked a fight with MVS.

 

Also, for you newer guys and others that just don't have any direction right now, go and talk to somebody who's on your writing level. Ask them if they'd like to feud and start something. That seems to work with me...

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

This is the comments tread, isn't it?  Oh well I'll pm you the match.  Thanks for the feedback Shawn.  I'll just have to move on to Cutthroat.  BTW, I liked the idea of the interference, its a good way to keep both guys heat.

[Guest Shawn]

Post it here so I can take a look-see at the match in question.

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

The camera spins around the sold out arena as some cheap pyro and fireworks go off.  We than go to the broadcast table.  The crowd is so loud, their words are barely audible.

 

Axis: Welcome everyone to SJL Crimson.  Tonight we are live from the Adelaide Entertaiment Center in Aldelaide, Australia.

 

Edwin: Thats right, and sorry folks Sacred will not be with us tonight.

 

Axis: Thank God.

 

Edwin: You know you miss him already Axis. Bwahahahhahaha.  

 

Axis: Anyway fans we have a great show scheduled tonight.

 

Edwin: I am looking forward to, tonight’s main event.  It will be KO’s and Flexxxx in a HELL IN THE CELL!!!!! The winner faces the evil Lady Red for a SWF contract.  

 

Axis: Yes, but first we have what is sure to be mat classic.  It’s the debut of “Deathwish” Danny Williams and “The Superior One” Tom Flesher.  

 

Edwin: Personally, I don’t like either one of them, but this will be one hell of a match.

 

Funyon: Entering first weighing in at 213 pounds, from Buffalo, New York.  He is “The Superior One” Tom Flesher.

 

Theres some low-grade pyro, as "The Gauntlet" by Dropkick Murphys blasts over the loud speakers. Tom emerges from the dressing room. He climbs into the ring and calls for the mic “I AM superior. Tell all your friends to get out there, bring your Superior One t-shirts and come out to the matches, because I, Tom Flesher, am going to put on a clinic of my wrestling technique for all my fans. I love you as much as you love me! Maybe more!"  He than drops to one knee, with his arms raised in the air.  He is “booed” without mercy.

 

Funyon: And his opponent weighing in at 235 lbs, he hails from Lousiville, Ky.  He is “Deathwish” Danny Williams.

 

The heavy grinding grooves of Dillinger Escape Plans "43% Burnt" blasts over the loud speakers. The titantron simply says Deathwish in white letters and follows that with highlights of Dannys Indie and New Japan Matches. Danny comes out on to the platform. He simply looks around, and shakes his head.  He is so cold, the crowd doesn’t know how to respond.   He walks to the ring with a focused, no nonsense look on his face. He gets in the ring and just warms up.

 

Axis: How come you don’t like Danny Williams.

 

Edwin: He’s a drunk and a pill popper.

 

Axis: Sure he had personal problems, but he got help. Leave the man’s past where it belongs.

 

Both men are in the ring. The Superior One talks to some fans and plays the crowd.  Deathwish is ice. The ref calls for the bell. They circle each other and tie up in the center of the ring.  Deathwish gets the advantage with a back waistlock.  Deathwish lifts The Superior One in the air and slams him into a amateur wrestling position on their knees.  Deathwish quickly moves in front of The Superior One, and snaps on a front headlock.  The Superior One pushes them both up to the vertical position. Deathwish switches the front headlock to a side headlock.  He than floors the Superior One with a side headlock takedown.  The Superior One’s shoulders are on the mat.  The ref makes the count. 1.....2....

The Superior One gets his arm around Deathwish’s waist, and rolls him on his shoulders.  The ref makes the count. 1.....2......

Deathwish rolls the Superior One into a seated side headlock.  

 

Axis: Beautiful scientific wrestling from both men.

 

Edwin: If by beautiful you mean boring.

 

The Superior One rolls Deathwish back into the pinning position. 1......2....

Deathwish rolls the Superior One back into a seated side headlock.  The Superior One again rolls him back into the pinning position.1......2.....

Deathwish rolls him back into a seated side headlock.  This time he tightens the move, adding more pressure.  The Superior One lets out a scream. The Superior One manages to make it to his knees, finally powering them both into the vertical position again.

 

Edwin: Finally their on their feet.  Lets see some real action.

 

Axis: I don’t understand how you can not appreciate what they are doing. These men are playing a human game of chess.

 

Edwin: Chess sucks.

 

Deathwish still holds on to the side headlock.  The Superior One pushes him into the ropes and launches him off.  The Superior One chases him.  Deathwish comes off the ropes and floors the trailing Superior One with a shoulderblock.  Deathwish cuts across the ring and bounces off the opposite ropes.   The Superior One dives in front of him, but Deathwish jumps over him.  Deathwish runs into the ropes and comes speeding back. The Superior One gets to his feet and leapfrogs over Deathwish.  Deathwish comes off the ropes again.  The Superior One catches him with a hiptoss, but Deathwish overpowers him and  reverses it into a hiptoss of his own.

 

The Superior One jumps to his feet but gets caught with an armdrag.  Deathwish locks on a kneeling armbar.  The Superior One immediately gets back on his feet.  Deathwish responds by giving him an arm wrench.  The Superior One screams as his arm is twisted.  Deathwish than locks on a wristlock.   The Superior One walks in circles looking for an escape.  He manages to grab Deathwish’s arm and reverse it into a wristlock of his own.  Deathwish just smiles.  He drops to one knee, rolls, cartwheels, front flips and reverses right back into a wristlock on the Superior One.  The crowd applauds.  

 

Axis: Williams is now working over Flesher’s arm.  This has got to be a set up for the headlock chickenwing.

 

Edwin: You really think so?

 

A frustrated Superior One just pushes Deathwish into the corner.  The ref steps in, and forces Deathwish to release the wristlock.  The Superior One takes advantage and catches Deathwish with a snapping European uppercut.  Rather than capitalize on the stunned Deathwish, he waves at the fans.  The fans just boo him.  Deathwish than hits him with brutal knife edge chop, than a second, than a third, than a forth, as he chops his way out of the corner.  The crowd “whoos” with each chop, even if it is against cloth.

 

Edwin: Now this is what I am talking about.

 

Axis: Those chops are sending chills up my spine. Ouch.

 

Deathwish grabs the stunned Superior One and tries an Irishwhip.  The Superior One hangs on and reverses, sending Deathwish across the ring and  into the  ropes.  Deathwish comes off the ropes, and tries a clothesline.  The Superior One ducks.  As Deathwish bounces off the opposite ropes he eats a superkick from the Superior One.  The force knocks Deathwish through the second rope and out of the ring.

 

Edwin: What a superkick.  I don’t care how much drugs your on, that has gotta hurt.

 

Axis: Well it may hurt a lot, considering he is not on any drugs.

 

Edwin: Says you.

 

Axis: Says the drug test.

 

Edwin: You know how easy it is to cheat a drug test?  There are ways.  Believe me there are ways. Ways you don’t want to know about.  

 

The Superior One drops to one knee and raises his arms in the air.  The fans just boo him, but he doesn’t seem to notice.  Deathwish struggles to his feet on the outside.  The Superior One rolls underneath the bottom rope.  He grabs Deathwish, but he turns around and surprises him with a knife edge chop.  The Superior One is briefly stunned, but he grabs Deathwish’s head and smacks his face into the apron.  The Superior One follows with a cracking European uppercut. He than grabs the stunned Deathwish and slams him with a Lotus suplex.  He than rolls back into the ring and awaits Deathwish.  Deathwish still dazed, climbs on the apron.  The Superior One gives him a hard palm strike to the face, and sets him in position for a suplex over the ropes and into the ring.  

 

He lifts Deathwish into the air for the suplex, but Deathwish lands on his feet behind him.  Deathwish locks on a back waistlock.  The Superior One spins around and locks on a back waistlock.  Deathwish spins around and locks on a back waistlock.  The Superior One spins around but this time floors him with a Russian leg sweep.  The Superior One covers him for the pin. 1....2.......Deathwish kicks out.

 

Axis: Amazing counter wrestling by both men.  I thought he that had him with that leg sweep.

 

Edwin: Oh come on, you know it takes more than leg sweep to keep a crack head down for the three.

 

The Superior One stands up and grabs the left leg of Deathwish.  He than drops an elbow on it.  Deathwish screams.  The Superior One rise to his feet still holding the left leg, he than drops a second elbow on it. Deathwish screams again, but tries to grip a headlock on The Superior One.  The Superior One slips out of it, and rises to his feet again.  He than drops a third elbow on to the leg.  Again, Deathwish tries a headlock but can’t grip.  The Superior One drops a fourth elbow to the leg.  This time Deathwish locks on the headlock.  The Superior One tries to work a leglock, but Deathwish adds pressure.  The Superior One finally lets go of the leg and pushes them both back up to the vertical position.  Deathwish limping, still keeps the side headlock on The Superior One.  The Superior One lifts Deathwish in the air and delivers a shin breaker.

 

Axis: Brilliant strategy by Flesher.  By taking out the leg, Williams loses his speed and power advantage.

 

Deathwish releases the headlock, and falls to the mat holding the left leg.  The Superior One grabs the left leg and locks on a figure four leg lock.  The crowd pops for the famous move.  Deathwish sits up screaming in pain.  The ref asks him if he wants to quit.  Deathwish shakes his head, still screaming.  The Superior One begans taunting him and slapping him in the face.  Deathwish falls on his back.  The ref counts. 1....2 ½.  

Deathwish turns on his side, and tries to reverse the hold.  The crowd urges him on.  The arena fills with the sound of stomping feet.  

 

Axis: Williams is trying to reverse the hold.  The pain has got to be intense.

 

Edwin: Can someone explain to me how rolling over a figure four hurts the person who has applied the hold.  

 

The Superior One fights it, but Deathwish manages to roll over and reverse the hold.  The Superior One screams in pain, and releases the hold.  He doesn’t get far, as Deathwish grabs his legs, and immediately  locks on a Indian death lock leg grape vine.  Deathwish sits on the Superior One’s back.  Deathwish grabs the arms of the Superior One stretching them out.  Deathwish rolls over, pinning the Superior One’s shoulders to the mat with the Bow and Arrow/Surfboard variation pin.  The unorthodox move gets an applause from the crowd. 1.......2 1/4.  

The Superior One wiggles a shoulder up but only for second.. 1......2 ½...  

The Superior One wiggles a shoulder up again, but can’t keep it up.1....2 3/4.

The Superior One wiggles a shoulder up again.

 

Axis: What a counter move by Williams. Shades of Dean Malenko.

 

Edwin: I admit that is a pretty cool move.

 

The pain is to great on Deathwish’s leg.  He releases the hold.  Both men get to their feet.  

Deathwish hobbles around, and is easy prey for the Superior One’s leg clip.  The Superior One drags Deathwish to the center of the ring and tries to apply the figure four again.  Deathwish kicks him into the ropes with his free leg.  The Superior One comes off the ropes and grabs the left leg again.  This time he turns him over and locks on an ankle lock.  Deathwish pounds his fists on the mat, and screams in pain.  He manages to push himself up, relieving the pressure.  He manages to roll through and grab the leg of the Superior One.  The takes the Superior One down, breaking the hold..  

 

Deathwish still has the leg and again locks on a Indian death lock leg grapevine. The Superior One holds his arms straight out in front of him to avoid the pin again.  Deathwish just drops back and locks on the inverted STF.  The Superior One screams as pressure is applied.  Deathwish yells to the ref “Ask him!”.  The ref asks him, and The Superior One replies with a loud “NO!”.  Frustrated, Deathwish finally releases the hold.  

 

Axis: Brilliant counter from a ankle lock to an inverted STF.

 

Edwin: These guys are actually making mat wrestling interesting.

 

He hobbles to the head of The Superior One and pulls him up.  He delivers to forearms to his jaw, and pushes him down into a standing head scissors.  Deathwish lifts him in position for a piledriver.  The Superior One fights it and firmly plants his feet on the mat.  He than lifts Deathwish into position for a backdrop.  The Superior One holds on to Deathwish’s legs and delivers a vicious backdrop driver.  

 

Axis: I have never seen a move like that.  He just drove William’s head into the mat with a backdrop.

 

Edwin: I bet Williams is gonna have to unzip his jeans to say “Hello” from now on.

 

The crowd madly “boos” as The Superior One puts one foot on Deathwish and poses for the pin.1....2 ½.

 

Deathwish gets his shoulder up.  The Superior One lifts up Deathwish and Irishwhips him into the corner.  He charges and hits the avalanche. He sits the weary Deathwish on the top turnbuckle.  He climbs up.

 

Axis: He could be setting him up for the Boilermaker.

 

Edwin: Deathwish looks like he already had a  Boilermaker before the match. .

 

Deathwish however comes to, and scoops up The Superior One for the super tombstone.  The crowd goes nuts, and jumps to their feet.  

 

Axis: He is gonna tombstone him from the second rope.  

 

Edwin: Yeah! if this is scientific wrestling, Iam loving it.

 

The Superior One kicks his legs in a frenzy, and is able to slide out of it.  He lands on the apron. The crowd gives a huge disappointing “Oh”.  Deathwish jumps down, but the Superior One rams his shoulder into this abs.  The Superior One flips over the ropes and Deathwish, pulling him into a sunset flip pin.1....2...

Deathwish rolls backward to his knees, grabs the Superior One’s legs and flips over for the pin.1...2 3/4......

The Superior One bridges both of them up into the vertical position.  He spins Deathwish into a standing head scissors and piledrives him.  The Superior One drags Deathwish’s lifeless body  to the center of the ring.  The crowd “boos”.

 

Edwin: Go for the pin, what’s a matter with you..

 

Axis: No, he is gonna go after the injured leg.

 

The Superior One goes for a Texas Cloverleaf, but Deathwish cradles him for the pin. 1...2...

The Superior One reverses to a cradle of his own. 1...2....

He cant’ hold it as both men get to their feet.  Deathwish kicks him with his good leg, and scoops him for the tombstone.  The Superior One slides out to the side  and lands on his feet.  He quickly scoops up Deathwish for the tombstone.  Deathwish hangs on to The Superior One’s waist as he slides over him, putting The Superior One right back into position to be tombstoned. The crowd goes nuts. Deathwish drives his head into the mat with the jumping tombstone.

 

Axis: Jumping Tombstone, this could be it.

 

Edwin: Maybe he will have some sense and go for the pin.

 

He than lifts up the Superior One’s  head and locks on the headlock chickenwing.  He wraps the body scissors around his waist to get more leverage.  The crowd is on their feet.  The Superior One tires to inch his way to the ropes, but their to far away.  He raises his free arm for the tap.

 

Axis: The HEADLOCK CHICKENWING!!!

 

Edwin: Hes gonna TAP!!!

 

But before he can tap, Shawn Brody runs out of the entrance way to a chorus of “boos”.  He jumps on the apron.  The ref goes and argues with him.  Not seeing The Superior One tap out.

 

Axis: What is Brody doing here.

 

Edwin: I hate the Clan.

 

Deathwish releases the hold and walks to the ref and Brody.  The Superior One rolls out of the ring holding his left arm.  Deathwish and Brody yell at each other.  Deathwish motions for Brody  to “come on”.   The ref tries to restrain Brody.  The Superior One runs back in the ring with a beer mug.  Deathwish turns around just in time to duck the Superior One’s wild swing.  Deathwish easily locks a full nelson on the off balance Superior One, forcing him to drop the beer mug.  He than lifts him into a dragon suplex pin.  The ref turns around and quickly counts. 1....2.....3.  The ref calls for the bell. The crowd erupts into a frenzy.  Brody throws up his arms in disgust and charges in the ring.

 

Axis: ITS OVER! ITS OVER!

 

Edwin: What a great match.  Neither man has nothing to be ashamed of, accept the beer mug thing.  

 

Deathwish immediately rolls out of the ring.  He grabs a mic.  He is breathing so heavy he can barely speak ”A run-in.  A RUN-IN.  I thought this was the SJL where we finishe our matches.  Run-ins are for those pansies in the WWF.”  

 

Edwin: Very well said.

 

Axis: But what is this relationship between the Clan and Flesher.

 

Edwin: I don’t know, but I really hate the Clan.

 

The crowd busts into a loud “SJL” chant.  Deathwish drops the mic and limps to the locker room.   The Superior One makes it to his feet. He thinks the crowd is cheering for him. He starts posing and encouraging the  “SJL” chant.  Brody just gives an evil stare toward the retreating Deathwish.

 

Edwin: We have more to come, so stay tuned. Ratings, Ratings, Ratings.

 

 

Coffin Surfer: yeah, the ending sucks and is a bit self-indulgent. I figured I had to play face if I was gonna be put up against heels.  heel/heel fueds dont work.

[Guest Shawn]

Edwin: How could you like that show when my match wasn't even posted yet?!

 

Coffin: I'll be readin that so gimme a few minutes and I'll comment.

 

Here's what I have to say. Remember that I haven't slept since yesterday and I will ramble on...skip to the bold thingy if you want the main tip.

 

Okay, after reading the match here are a few things off the top of my head. Right now I'm sure Edwin's giving you his "flow" speech on PMs. It's a good one so give a it listen.

 

Small things, Our "titantron" is the SmarksTron. Edwin is zany! He makes funny noises when I match is doing down hill to try and keep people interested... like the music box+monkey theory. He needs more energy too. not just "Is that right?" or whatever. He needs some pad jokes that Axis despises and whatnot. Have him miss-call a move name if you have the extra words. Also, the NJPW and WWF... don't try to talk about real life feds too much unless you're having Edwin ribb on them to brighten up your commentary.

 

As for the finish, I probably whould've killed have the people in attendence if Flesher lost, crucified the referee and...oh... don't worry about that, I'd rather have how you wrote it than swinging my TV title and hitting Flesher so we wouldn't already be starting to fall apart as a team or whathave you.

 

I liked the wrestling of the mat pretty well but it kinda needed more. You should look at some other matches. Anything Spider Nekura writes for example. I love his build up and finsh. Every match is a story.

 

Here's the good part...

 

In a story you have five main parts... Intro, rising action, climax, fallign action and the resolution. A match should have the same.

 

In the intro of a story, you tell the setting and characters and whatnot.In a match, you roughly do the same by giving any background info in the opening commentary.

 

Next there is the build (rising action) of the story. Here you start form headlocks and hammer locks to running off a headlock into the ropes and you have your leapfrogs and whatnot. You build up from little moves and connect stuff with those forearm shots and all of that. You try to use the little things to build up to a few highspots and keep them connected with more little moves. Those high spots are mini-climaxes.

 

As the action gets better and bigger moves are pulled, you head to the climax right around then you have about 1000-700 words left, you think about the ending if you haven't already. you pull some bigger moves and reversals, remember through out the whole match both man are kicking some ass and getting some kicked lest you face Cutthroat. Basically in this part you have the fast aciton with teeth gritting nearfalls and bullshit. The suspense should be killing as you guys beat the *fish* out of eachother.

 

Somewhere form the climax to the resolution you will have to win the match. This is where the sotry scheme can differ from wrestling but not much. For your finish...You're a heel right? Here's how you can do it. You are kciking ass after a reversal of one of his signatures into on of yours. You go for your finisher  but he reverses like the face he is and the fans love. He tries his... you reverse and "wreck dat bitch, yo" with your finisher. You get the 1-2-3 and the fans feel robbed since the face lost but good since you just put on once hell of a show.

 

You can add any sotryline crap in there as it fits too...

 

 

 

I know I'm rambling but um...yeah.

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Thanks for the feedback.  But aside from weak commentary and misnaming the titatron.  I still feel I have the much better match.  All those things you spoke of, were seriously lacking in ace's match.  My guy didn't even attempt his finisher in that match, and the ending was very anticlimatic.  Also their was a serious lack of near falls, while mine had several teasers in the ending. I thought my mat wrestling was lacking a little, but not much considering word length.

 

I think Ace just used great writing to make his match really look alot better than it really was.  As far as actual inring wrestling goes, I truely think mine was much better. But enough of my bitching, i have to start writing my match with cutthroat.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Heh.  You can tell Brody either really likes it here or really doesn't want to go to bed.  Heh.  See, this is why I woke up, checked the Storm card, and then slept till 12:30, folks.  Mwa.

 

I guess I'll just put my comments about Deathwish's match here, as they're largely stuff that can really apply to all new guys.  

 

First of all, I've read through both matches, and found it very interesting that we've got two new guys with characters who wrestle in a style quite different from much of the league.  Definitely an emphasis on the Japanese style, and that's an interesting choice since most of us are American-style/strange imagination suckahs.  

 

Brody mentioned flow, and I guess I'll explain that now.  Flow is what I (and a lot of other people too, I think) consider to be the general way the match moves.  I stole the term from everyone's favorite toasted Brit, Divefire, but he hasn't been around for a while, so now I steal it.  Steal it steal it steal it!  In any case, when I say flow, I mean how the match moves, in terms of transitions, psychology, internal storyline, tensions, and so forth.  It's basically the big picture.  Both matches had excellent psychology, well-declared and well-focused, which is a good start.  However, Flesher's match has a slight edge because of a few things.  

 

For one, his commentary was more lively and moving.  Commentary's something you get the hang of pretty quickly.  You could read old Axis or Edwin matches in the WF to feel the characters, but you'd probably be fine just checking out how the characters are written in the top 2 or 3 matches on the card.

 

Axis = knowledgable Australian play-by-play guy, a face, big guy, 6'10" and 300 pounds.

 

Edwin = me!  Zany and ridiculous face color man, really out there.  Affinity for pandas.  British, flamboyant, bizarre.  Grand Slam Mark Stevens has suggested that getting drunk is the key to writing Edwin.  While I agree that this method works, in the event of a lack of alcohol, just think goofy Brit who cracks bad jokes and bad puns, and you're in decent shape.

 

As I was saying: Flesher's commentary was more active.  Most of his prose was, as a whole, more active, and written with more variety.  A lot of us here are washed-up English majors or future washed-up English majors (woo yeah!), so we put a lot of stock in the actual writing.  Here's one spot where Flesher had the edge, in my eyes.  Even the variance of syntax can be a big factor.  Constant short sentences like "Deathwish lines him up for the tombstone.  Flesher reverses into a tombstone of his own.   Deathwish uses an elbow and reverses back into his own tombstone." can wear a bit tiresome.  How would I write it?

 

"Deathwish lines him for the tombstone...but Flesher flips out and reverses Deathwish into a tombstone of his own!

 

Axis: Amazing reversal!

 

Edwin: I nearly wet myself with gleeee!

 

Axis: I hate you.

 

Flesher mugs for the crowd and sets to lift Deathwish, but Danny Williams drives an elbow into Flesher's chest and breaks free!  Both men tumble to the mat..."

 

So, yeah.  That's how I write.  Lots of pacing and emphasis done just through the prose.  By no means do I say change your style, but make it fun!  Make it zippy!  The match might be a technical wrestling clinic, but really put the crowd behind it.  Pace it out, highlight extremely prime reversals with exceptionally excited commentary, with paragraph breaks that set the wonderful move off from another, with whatever you can think to best get the point and feeling across that you seek.  This is the heart of flow--language is the big picture that you use to get across everything you want to say.  Clean up your actual writing and that'll take you a long way.

 

In terms of the actual wrestling, both matches were great.  A pretty good build in all terms, marked with some peaks and valleys of excitement in the middle--the Flesher match with the whole "going for a brainbuster" business was a great little internal hook.  Deathwish, I'd also suggest that you work a bit to build the characters in match.  At the beginning and ends of the matches, both wrestlers showed off their individual characters pretty well, but try to make those characters come across in the middle of the matches too.  They don't have to cut promos or anything mid-match, but just play with some aspects of the character.  You can use them for transitions, too--Flesher plays to the crowd, hawks a t-shirt, and Deathwish rolls him up while he's distracted, they reverse out, and you go from the end of one sequence to the beginning of another.  

 

Basically, the final word, from me at least: the Flesher match was superior in bringing me into it as a reader, and made the match more actually exciting.  Deathwish, you had a great debut nonetheless, and a bright future ahead.  Experiment with writing style a bet, and you'll be on the way.

 

And that's all I've got, because my fingers are getting tired.  Blasted carpal-tunnel!  Hope this has been of some use to you, Deathwish, or to anyone who's looking for a few pointers.  Any time you new guys have questions, just send me a PM and I'll try to answer.  S'what I'm here for, after all.

 

until next time...

[Guest Shawn]

Edwin - You just had to go and make a bigger post...

 

Quit holdin' me down!!!

 

Coffin_Man - Writing does play a bigger part than maybe it should but if you can read it well, the match is that much easier to feel and see. With time the whole writing stlye thingy will come to you, but don't worry about it too much. Just read your match once over before posting it and see how it goes.

[Guest Ace309]

I really liked the amateur wrestling sequence at the beginning. I was trying to write something similar to that, but my ideas kept dragging me away. I guess when I was outlining the match I just was thinking more NJPW than USAW.

 

As for my finish being anticlimactic, I don't know. I had been trying to build logically to it, and it didn't work out the way I had hoped. I didn't see any reason for Williams to go for the finisher because the foreign object really took the starch out of him (when writing it I envisioned him taking it like Kurt Angle's "Nestea Plunge" sale of the Stunner).

 

Oh, and Edwin... current Political Science major/Philosophy of Law and Linguistics minor.

[Guest Suicide King]

Question my wisdom will you, Williams?  That's a good way to end up perpetually jobbed.    Yes, what would I, a former WF Heavyweight Champion, know about writing a good match?

 

Well, my boyo, you weren't robbed.  You are absolutely right that your technical sequences were better, as was your overall pacing in my opinion.  But the flaws that led me to pick Fleisher were clear and distinct.

 

First of all, your match was dry. Dry, dry, dry.  It was all, "A does this to B, B hurts, A does this to B, B hurts, A does this to B, B reverses, A hurts."  You need detail, not just rote move sequences.  Sounds.  Expressions on faces.  Mat shaking.  That sort of stuff.  The stuff that makes you feel like you're in the arena watching the match.  Trust me... all the good writers master the details.  Spots do not a wrestling match make.  They're good to have, but they're not what we're here for.  This was the main problem.

 

Next, as others have mentioned, your flow.  Your pacing is good.  Move sequences are logical, and your impact moves are in the right places.  But you need flow to connect the different portions of your match.  As I was reading your match, I could clearly see the division between opening, midmatch, and finish.  Work on your transitions a little, to help keep your marker guessing.

 

Next. Your commentary.  Your Edwin was horrible.  And I mean really bad.  But that is totally forgivable since it is your first match.  Commentary comes with time, and truthfully it isn't as important as a good, technically sound match, which you had!

 

Overall your plusses far outweighed your minusses Williams.  I anticipate your going far with a few minor alterations and some more experience.  You just had the misfortune to run up against Fleisher early on.  Ask Edwin sometime about his first match against Spider Nekura.  Spider lost, and he still became relatively important.

 

By the way, since I'm critiquing and all, I hate the commentary only style Fleisher.

[Guest realitycheck]

Hmmm.... seeing as you're all in the critiquing mood, and seeing as I'm a n00b and all, could I get some opnions on my match?

 

 

-Z

Who will probably regret asking...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

YOU SUCK Z!

 

Heh heh.  Hazing complete.  Now, the match!

 

My initial impressions: great sense of character.  You established this loser/lucky character, and hit the right balance between making him credible (the cool top-rope guillotine on Reaper) and ridiculous (cowering with one eye open?  Beautiful!).  Good stuff.  It might be hard to keep the "Z wins by a twist of fate/lucky break" thing going strong after a while, but you're off to a good start with the chair-bounce ending.  Eventually you'll probably have to make Z a bit more legit in the ring to make him a viable threat, but this is a very solid, character-establishing first match.  When someone says Z, we'll now all know that they're talking about the lucky klutz.   Good interplay between the three men, focusing on the brief history between Cutthroat and Reaper.  Referencing back to stuff that happened on past shows is always nice for a bit of backstory.  You had a good balance of action within the triple threat, with some double-teams and some people getting taken out of action for a while.  

 

Onto the commentary: done your research, I see!  A little bit of history, a little bit of ASA-mocking, and good commentator banter.  Schweet.

 

Things to perhaps be improved: proofread, I say!  A few strange grammatical constructions in there necessitated some re-reading on my behalf, and a few parentheses and apostrophes were out of place.  The match flowed pretty well, in and of itself--a bit spotty, but the spots connected, at least.  Most of the transitions had to do with someone being taken out of the match briefly or returning to it, but that worked well enough.  You shouldn't have much trouble evolving that in the future--for a first match, quite quite good.  My main advice would be to give the whole thing a once-over after you've written it, to correct punctuation and grammar mistakes, and to be sure to keep transitions and development of tension throughout the match.

 

Oh, and you also put over both of your opponents pretty nicely.  Always.  Good, fun match, that made me smile and laugh out loud on several occasions.

[Guest realitycheck]

"YOU SUCK Z!"

 

Z: Hey! That's not--

Edwin: GODDAMN IT, YES YOU DO!

Z: Damn it!

 

(A super special fifty-billion bonus points if anyone gets that.)

 

"great sense of character.  You established this loser/lucky character, and hit the right balance between making him credible (the cool top-rope guillotine on Reaper) and ridiculous (cowering with one eye open?  Beautiful!)  Good stuff."

 

Thank you, thank you.

 

"It might be hard to keep the "Z wins by a twist of fate/lucky break" thing going strong after a while..."

 

Tell me about it. The chair-bounce end was the best I could come up with, and I'll probably have to come up with something brilliant for the table match on Metal.

 

I only plan on keeping this up until Z fumbles his way into a title match, should that ever happen, at which point I'll begin evolving Z character.

 

"Onto the commentary: done your research, I see!"

 

Believe it or not, I've been a devout follower of the IGNWF/SWF for *sixteen* months. I've compiled a stunning amonut of useless information about the fed.

 

"A little bit of history, a little bit of ASA-mocking, and good commentator banter.  Schweet."

 

You really think it was good? I was pretty sure my commentary blew mucho dogo (Especially my characterization of Edwin) untill the last three pages or so.

 

ASA-mocking can only improve lacking commentary.

 

"proofread, I say!  A few strange grammatical constructions in there necessitated some re-reading on my behalf, and a few parentheses and apostrophes were out of place."

 

I blame my word processer. Anything that looked out of place was purely Word 97's fault. Tis' the Devil, I say!

 

Seriously though, this is the first elongated peice of literature I've written in a loooooong time, so I was shaking the rust off of my fingers all the way through. The stickyness my take more effort. On top of that, it was already one AM when i finished, plus another hour of filing down the match so it was under the word limit, I was just too tired re-read everything, and I didn't notice mistakes until after I'd sent the match in.

 

"...Good, fun match, that made me smile and laugh out loud on several occasions."

 

Great! Exactly what I was gunning for. Thanks for your time, Edwin, this will be most usefull in later matches.

 

 

-Z

Currently blowing up the Powerpuff Girls.