MIW "Losing" Thread

January 27, 2003

Well, if I say it, I will most likely get in more trouble then I am in now. And I'm sorry Dace, I can't even read your match now, as I am way too pissed off and disgusted. Here is my match in case anyone wants to see it...

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(We return from the last segment to the SJL's first Pay Per View of the year, SJL MALICE IN WONDERLAND! The whole crowd is pumped up like never before at any SJL show, and the sold out {Hey, if the WWE can almost sell out a PPV, so can the SJL} Compaq Center in Houston, Texas! All the fans are on their feet, screaming at the top of their lungs, waving some more of their little signs. The camera's scan across the arena, and up to the huge cell that hangs above the ring for the next match, before cutting back down to Axis and the Suicide King at the announcer’s booth.)

Axis: Dear God! Look at that!

Suicide King: That is a lot.

Axis: A Lot of what?

Suicide King: A whole lot of pain.

Axis: You are telling me.

Suicide King: No, I was telling the little green elf sitting on the other side of me. Of course I was telling you!

Axis: No need to get emotional about it King.

Suicide King: Well, your stupidity is annoying.

Axis: Your ignorance is annoying.

Suicide King: What ignorance? You're a liar!

Axis: No, I'm not!

Suicide King: Do we have to do this every match, Axis?

Axis: You start it.

Suicide King: No, I don't.

Axis: Yes, you do.

Suicide King: Stop being so immature, Axis.

Axis: Can we please start talking about the brutal match that is going to take place next?

Suicide King: You mean the one where the two people in it are going to bleed, a lot?

Axis: Yes, that one.

Suicide King: Oh, OK.

Axis: Well fans, up next is the FIRST EVER, DAMNATION IN A BOX MATCH!

Suicide King: Damnation in a Box? What kind of name is that?

Axis: I don't know. But is apparently the brain child of "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins, as he wanted the most brutal, death defying match to beat Dace Night in to end this feud of there's, once and for all. Trust me. This WILL be a brutal, bloody match.

Suicide King: Well, looking up at that "box," I can tell you are right.

Axis: Fans, this is what the Damnation in a Box is. It is a Hell in a Cell, but wrapped around the chain links is barbed wire and C4 Explosives! So when someone goes into the cage, BAM! An explosion will go off, not only burning the person who ran into the cage, but also the barbed wire cutting them open.

Suicide King: That sounds terrifying and brutal. I love it.

Axis: But not only that King. At the top of the cell, there will be weapons hanging. Every three minutes, a random weapon will fall from the top of the cell, down to the ring or floor below, and will be allowed to be used.

Suicide King: I know Spike Jenkins doesn't like Dace Night, and that he wants to hurt Dace Night, but don't you think this is a little much?

Axis: I think this is a little much for anybody!

Suicide King: Maybe Dace Night does deserve the punishment Spike Jenkins is about to give him. Dace Night did cost Spike the chance to be a LIVING LEGEND!

Axis: What Spike got, Spike Deserved. Dace only got revenge against Spike for what Spike did to him.

Suicide King: Yes, but Spike was on his way to making history!

Axis: I am glad he didn't.

Suicide King: You are so jealous of Spike!

Axis: Yeah, I am jealous of that stuck up, obnoxious, swelled-ego jackass!

Suicide King: How dare you say that about Spike!

Axis: Oh, don't get so upset. It's only Spike Jenkins.

Suicide King: ONLY Spike Jenkins? Only? Spike Jenkins is the King of the World, and would be a Living Legend, if it wasn't for Dace.

Axis: Are we going to argue about this the whole show?

Suicide King: We might have too!

Axis: Well, we aren't. Look! The cage is being lowered down to the ring.

(The camera cuts up to the cage, as it begins to lower down to the ring. The fans rise to their feet and continue their screaming, as lights begin flashing around the cage for effects. A stage crew begins to stand round the ring, waiting for the cage to hit the ground. The cage lowers down to the ground, and the stage crew begins to check to see if everything is in place. After looking around at everything, and checking everything with the cage, the workers confirm the cage is ready to go, as we cut back over to Axis and Suicide King.)

Axis: And we are about ready for Damnation in a Box!

Suicide King: I can't wait for the blood to be spilt!

Axis: That's a sick thing to say, but there will be a lot of blood spilt in that ring tonight.

Suicide King: We're about to start! We're about to start! Let's go to Funyon!

(The camera cuts over to Funyon, standing over the chair he sits at near the time keeper.)

Funyon: This match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Damnation in a Box Match! (Crowd cheers) In this match, two superstars will enter this cell, with the cages wrapped in barbed wire. When a superstar comes in contact with the barbed wire cage, a small explosion will take place, roasting anybody near it. At the top of the cell, hang weapons. After every three minutes, a random weapon will fall to the ring below, and become legal to use. The only way too win this match, is via pin fall, submission, a referee ten count, or someone losing consciousness!

(The lights in the arena lightly dim, as gold sparks rise at the top of the entrance ramp. The opening guitar riff of "King of Your Own World" by Smugface plays over the loud speaker, and the crowd immediately starts booing.)

Suicide King: The King of the World and almost a Living Legend is about to make his way out here!

Axis: Hey, let's throw a celebration.

Suicide King: That was almost funny Axis.

Axis: Spike Jenkins is a great wrestler and all, but I just can't stand him. He is the most annoying person in the world.

(Axis looks over at Suicide King.)

Axis: OK, second most annoying person in the world.

Suicide King: You are asking for it.

Axis: Spike is not the King of the World and he is not a Living Legend.

Suicide King: He would be a Living Legend of he won the gauntlet match on Wrath if it isn’t for Dace!

Axis: But he did not win.

Suicide King: Stop saying that!

(Back at the ramp, the gold pyro continues to shoot up from the bottom of the ramp, as "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins walks out of the entrance way, wearing his usual ring attire, and walks up into the gold sparks. Spike stands in the sparks, preparing his mind and body for the pain that is about to come. The fans continue to boo Spike, but Spike pays no attention, and continues to warm himself up. After standing in the pyro for several seconds, Spike breathes in some of the pyro through his mouth, and exhales through his nose, causing smoke from the pyro to fill up over his face. Spike walks out of the pyro and begins walking down the ramp-way, but unlike what he does at every show, he just stares straight ahead at the cell, and not into the crowd.)

Axis: Spike Jenkins looks nervous King.

Suicide King: That's fine. When he gets in there, it is all business.

Axis: Lets hope he can walk out of the cell when this match is over. Wait, better yet, you can hope for it.

Suicide King: It sickens you how much of a talent Spike Jenkins is.

Axis: His talent doesn't sicken me. His ego does.

(Spike walks down the ramp, and stops short of the cell. Spike looks around the cell walls at the barbed wire and the C4. One of the stage crew is still at ringside, carefully opens the cage door, and Spike starts taking deep breaths, as he steps through the door into the Box!)

Axis: Spike Jenkins steps foot into the Box!

Suicide King: Spike better not get himself killed.

Axis: Dace has a lot of anger toward Spike, and Spike WILL get hurt. I can tell you that!

Suicide King: Why do you have to be such a downer?

Funyon: First, to the ring. Weighing in at Two Hundred and Twenty Pounds, from Hollywood, California, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Spike hops up the steel steps, and steps up onto the apron, looking up at the top of the cell at the weapons. Spike walks to the middle of the apron, looking around the cage, a little worried, and a little scared. Instead of doing his trademark, stretch against the ropes, and just steps through the middle and top rope into the ring. Once in the ring, Spike holds his arms outstretched and begins to walk in a circle, soaking all the boos in the arena toward him. Spike stops spinning, and walks up to the closest ropes, looking over the cage once more, nodding to himself.)

Axis: This is the big one for Spike! He is going to be in a lot of pain after this, but will he come out as a winner in a lot of pain, or a loser in a lot of pain?

Suicide King: He is a winner!

Axis: We'll see.

("King of Your Own World" begins to fade out, as red and purple strobe lights begin flashing over the entrance way, as "Winds Of Creation" by Decapitated begins thrashing over the loud speaker. Spike turns toward the entrance way, as Dace Night walks out from behind the entrance curtain, wearing his normal black trench coat, and his normal ring attire. Spike slides out of the ring between the middle and top rope, and drops to the floor, walking around the ring to the door of the cage, as he stares straight ahead at Dace.)

Funyon: And his opponent! Weighing in at Two Hundred Fifty-four Pounds, from Birmingham, England, DACE NIGHT!!!!

(Dace and Spike continue to stare at each other, as they both take a few steps toward each other.)

Axis: You can feel the tension between the two!

Suicide King: We are in for a blood bath here!

(Dace unstraps his black trench coat, and begins to pull it off his shoulders, showing the world a "Satan Fears Ultra Violence" black tee. Dace tosses the coat aside, and pulls his crucifix necklace over his head, and tosses it aside too, as he and Spike continue walking toward each other. Daces’ theme music begins to die down, as he and Spike are only a few feet from each other. They start talking trash to each other, not paying attention to their surroundings, but to each other. After standing around for a while, they charge in at each other, and Spike throws a right hand at Dace, which Dace takes, but retaliates with a right punch to Spike.)

* Ding Ding Ding *

Axis: And here we go!

Suicide King: They started outside the cage. Can they do that?

Axis: They just did.

(Spike throws another right hand, which connects against Dace's head. Dace throws a right hand again, and again hits Spike on the side of the head. This continues for a couple more punches, before Spike goes for another right hand, but Dace blocks it with his left arm, and hits Spike with another right hand. Dace hits Spike with a quick right hand, staggering Spike back a few steps. Dace hits another right hand, and a second, which knock’s Spike back a couple more feet. Dace hits another right hand, and he and Spike are back at ringside, near the cage. Spike stumbles back some more, before one final right hand knocks Spike back through the cage door, into the "box.")

Axis: Spike is in the cell, the one place I don't think he wants to be at right now.

Suicide King: Spike challenged Dace to this match, so he wants to in that cell more then anything!

Axis: I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Suicide King: I just realized. This is the first ever Damnation in a Box match!

Axis: Yeah, so?

Suicide King: If Spike wins this, then he will be a Living Legend! The first person too win a Damnation in a Box match!

Axis: That is if he wins it.

Suicide King: How can you say he isn't going too win this?

Axis: This match is going to be a brutal, bloody brawl. And that is where Dace Night excels at.

(Dace walks through the cage door, as Spike catches another right hand, and stumbles back into the ring post. The officials at ringside, close the cage door, and turn the key in the pad lock, locking both Spike Jenkins and Dace Night in the cell!)

Axis: Both are locked in the cell till there is one definite winner!

Suicide King: Spike will obviously win this.

Axis: I have a feeling that Dace is.

(Spike begins to stumble back away from Dace around the ring, but Dace hits Spike with another right hand. Dace hits Spike with two more right hands, before Spike falls back into another ring post. Dace grabs Spike's tank top, and pulls him away from the ring post. Dace hits Spike with another right hand, and another. Spike begins to toddle backwards, and Dace hits another right hand, and Spike begins waving his arms around as he is about to fall into the cage and the fans around them begin cheering!!!)

Axis: The first explosion is about to happen only a few seconds into the match as Spike Jenkins will feel a little burn!

Suicide King: Oh no!

(Spike continues waving his arms, showing that he is about to fall into the cage, as Dace grabs him by the tank top again, lifting him into the air, and tossing him into the nearest ring post and the crowd gives Dace some soft boo's, just for pulling Spike out of the way.)

Axis: Spike should thank Dace for that.

Suicide King: What Dace did is Dace's own fault! Besides, Spike had him right where he wanted him.

Axis: I'm sure he did King.

(Back in the cage, Dace gives Spike a quick chop across the chest. Spike holds his chest in pain, as Dace lifts Spike's jaw up, aiming at his face. Dace winds back, and goes for a right hand to the face, but Spike ducks it, and Dace's fist collides with the steel post!! Dace falls to the mat on his knees, holding his hand in pain. Spike tries to catch his breath, finally getting some free time, as Dace begins to crawl away from him. Spike stands straight up, and begins to follow Dace. Spike makes his way over to Dace, and gives him a quick kick to the back, knocking Dace chest first down to the mat. Dace gets back onto his hands and knees, but Spike gives him another kick to the back. Dace turns so he is facing Spike, and rises to his knees. Spike turns to Dace's left side, and begins to "focus" in on Dace. Spike walks in toward Dace, and gives him a quick, stiff left kick to the chest.)

Axis: Spike is going for his three kick combo!

Suicide King: Very smart, Axis. Are you a super genius or something?

Axis: I like to think so.

Suicide King: You are the only person.

(Spike backs up, focusing on Dace again. Spike walks back in toward Dace, and gives him a quick, stiff left kick to the chest again. Dace holds his chest in pain as Spike backs up again. Spike turns to the crowd, and yells out "Final Shot" as he turns to Dace, and begins to hop around on his feet. Spike charges in at Dace, going for a quick left kick to the head, but Dace lifts his right arm up, catching Spike's foot in the air. Spike starts hopping on his foot, as Dace just holds the other one. Dace turns toward the cage, then back to Spike and smiles, as Spike begins shaking his "No" and holding his arms out, begging Dace not to do it. Dace shakes his head "Yes," and Dace dives to the mat on his back, twisting Spike around in midair with a dragon screw leg whip, but Spike's whole body collides with the cage and a burst of fire and sparks flies around where Spike hit the cage, and a cloud of smoke fills up over the cage and over the arena, as Spike's body falls from the barbed wire down to the mat, a piece of the back of his shirt, still hanging from the barbed wire.)

Axis: WOW!

Suicide King: Oh my God!

Axis: That was amazing!

Suicide King: No, That wasn't!

Axis: Yeah, it was.

Suicide King: Spike can be really hurt!

Axis: The barbed wire tore a piece of his shirt off, so it might have ripped his skin open!

Suicide King: I think I'm going to be sick at the thought of it.

(Spike lies on the floor face first, not moving, as Dace looks up from his sitting position, still stunned at the events that just took place. Dace quickly gets back in the game, and crawls over to Spike, turning Spike over onto his back, and pinning him.)

One

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Two

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(Spike kicks out!! Dace gets to his knees and looks at the referee in surprise.)

Suicide King: Oh sweet Jesus Mary Mother of God.

Axis: Don't get too dramatic, King.

Suicide King: Too dramatic? Did you see that explosion?

Axis: Yes, I did.

Suicide King: So you know that I am not being (with fingers) "Too Dramatic."

Axis: Yeah King, you are being just enough dramatic.

Suicide King: I am not dramatic.

Axis: Hey King, is this your Oscar?

Suicide King: WOW Axis that was funny.

Axis: I like my sense of humor.

(Dace rises to his feet, grabbing Spike by the hair, and dragging him up to his feet. Dace lets Spike stand up by himself, and Spike begins to wobble back and forth. Dace winds back and hit Spike across the chest with a big chop that knocks him off his feet, to the mat. He hits the mat, and rolls to his side, holding his back in pain from the barbed wire. Dace drops to his knees on the mat, and rolls Spike onto his side, pinning him.)

One

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Two

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(Spike gets a shoulder up!)

Suicide King: Amazing!

Axis: He kicked out of a chop. What is so amazing about that?

Suicide King: That after the pain he went through so far. It is amazing.

Axis: I think you should cover your eyes when the weapons start falling.

(Dace Night gets to his feet, looking down at the fallen Spike. Dace grabs Spike by the hair, and pulls him up to his feet. He grabs Spike's wrist, and whips him toward the cage, Spike turning and running back first into the cage, as a small explosion goes off, and sparks and dust fill up the whole area that Spike is standing in. The smoke begins to rise, as Spike falls to the mat, landing on his side, wincing in pain. Dace quickly gets down for the pin.)

One

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Two

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(Spike again somehow gets a shoulder up! Dace jumps to his feet, and looks at the referee stunned. Dace grabs Spike by the hair, and drags him up to his knees. Dace reaches down, and grabs the bottom of Spike's tank top, and pulls it over Spike's head, tossing it to the sides. The camera gets a close up of the three, straight cuts across the back of Spike Jenkins.)

Axis: Look at what the barbed wire did to him!

Suicide King: That looks horrible!

Axis: It's going to take Spike some time to heal from this match, that's for sure.

(Dace grabs Spike, lifting him up to his feet. Dace wraps an arm around Spike's head, and the other arm through Spike's legs, lifting Spike into the air, and driving him down onto the floor below with a big powerslam!! Spike lands hard on his back, and quickly rolls around in pain, holding the cuts on his back. Dace gets on his knees, and turns Spike onto his back, pinning him again.)

One

.

Two

.

(Spike gets another shoulder up! Dace wipes the sweat off his forehead, and again gets to his feet. Dace grabs Spike by the hair, and drags him up to his feet. Dace hits Spike in the back of the head with a few elbow shots, before using his strength to toss Spike up into the air over his shoulder. Dace turns toward the crowd, and points to the cage wall, telling the crowd that he is going to throw Spike in head first, as the crowd cheers for the brutality. Dace holds Spike around the waist, as Spike looks forward at the cage wall, trying to wiggle out of Dace's grips. Dace charges toward the cage wall, as Spike begins shaking lose Dace's grip. As Dace is about to drive Spike's head into the wall, Spike falls out of his arms, landing on his feet behind Dace, but he pushes Dace forward into the cage wall. Dace nearly falls into the cage wall, but is able to stop at the last second. He takes a deep breath, and turns around, and is met with a superkick by Spike, hitting him in the jaw, knocking him back first into the cage wall!! The C4 goes off, as sparks and fire hit Dace. The smoke begins to clear up, as Dace falls forward, landing face first on the floor.)

Suicide King: YES!!!!!

Axis: "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins superkicked Dace Night into the cage wall . . .

Suicide King: Spike is the smartest man in the world!

Axis: I would think lucky.

Suicide King: I knew you would say that.

* BUZZ *

Suicide King: What was that?

Axis: The first three minutes are up, and the first weapon is going to be dropped.

(The fans in the arena look at the top of the cage, as a special effect light flash over the weapons, and one is released, and the weapon falls to the floor opposite of the cage wall that Dace was just kicked into. The first weapon in the Damnation in a Box match, is a Thumbtack Wiffle Ball Bat!!!!)

Axis: A Thumbtack Wiffle Ball Bat!

Suicide King: What kind of weapon is that?

Axis: A wiffle ball bat with thumbtacks glued to it.

Suicide King: Who comes up with these ideas for weapons?

Axis: A very sad, and lonely man.

Suicide King: Taylor Nicholas Thompson from the SWF?

Axis: No . . .

Suicide King: Oh. Well, then I don't know who it is.

(Spike turns toward the weapon, and begins to stumble over to it. Spike walks across the floor, and makes his way up to the waiting thumbtack wiffle ball bat. Spike reaches down, and lifts the bat up into the air, as the crowd boos. Spike turns back to Dace, as Dace gets onto one knee and tries to stand up after the explosion. Spike begins to walk back to Dace, and Dace rises to both his feet. Spike charges in at Dace, hitting Dace across the stomach with the thumbtack wiffle ball bat, knocking Dace back into the cage wall, setting off another C4 explosion!!)

Axis: And Dace goes into the cage again!

Suicide King: Do it against Spike!

Axis: They have both gone into the cage twice already.

Suicide King: Spike's back is pretty cut up.

Axis: It's not pretty.

(The smoke clears, and Dace falls to his knees on the floor, staring straight ahead. Spike walks up in front of him, and begins talking trash, and posing with the wiffle ball bat. Spike puts the bat down on the ring apron, and stands in front of Dace, throwing left’s out, hitting nothing but air, but pretending he is boxing, taunting the stunned Dace. Spike grabs the bat, standing in front of Dace, stands like he is batting in a baseball game. The crowd's boo's and hisses get louder at this mocking action.)

Suicide King: Spike is hilarious!

(Spike winds up with the bat, and swings it at Dace's head, but Dace ducks under it! Spike, missing his target and putting all his strength behind the shot, does a complete 180* spin, as Dace grabs him around the waist when he stops. Dace lifts Spike into the air, and drops back, driving Spike face first into the cage wall and the C4 goes off!!)

Suicide King: SPIKE!!

Axis: A HOT SHOT INTO THE CELL WALL WITH THE EXPLOSIVE!!!

Suicide King: SOMEONE HELP SPIKE!

Axis: HIS FACE MAY BE BURNT OFF!

Suicide King: Ewwww.

(The smoke around the cage begins to rise, and Spike just collapses to the side of Dace, and Dace falls face first onto the mat himself.)

Axis: They are both knocked out of it!

Suicide King: Someone check Spike's face!

(The referee is checking on Spike, and moving over to check on Dace, as both competitors lie on the floor. Spike begins to shake, holding his face in pain, as Dace lifts his head off the ground, looking around him. Dace pushes himself onto his hands and knees, and begins to rise to his feet, getting onto one knee. The referee continues checking on Spike, and Spike begins to try to get up. Dace gets to both feet, but almost loses his balance, and leans against the ring apron for support. Spike gets on his knee, and begins holding his head in pain, as there is a small cut on his forehead from the barbed wire. Dace stumbles around the ring post, and walks up to the side of Spike. Dace reaches down, and picks up the thumbtack wiffle ball bat that Spike dropped, and steps in front of the downed Spike. Spike looks up at Dace, and Dace snaps the thumbtack wiffle ball bat down across the forehead of Spike, and Spike grabs his head in pain!!)

Suicide King: SPIKE!

Axis: That is going to hurt. Thumbtacks to the forehead. Ouch.

Suicide King: Ouch? Is that all you have to say?

Axis: Double Ouch?

(Dace leans over and grabs Spike by the hair, pulling his upper body back up, so he is once again standing on his knees, and as quick as before, Dace smacks Spike over his skull with the wiffle ball bat!! Spike grabs his forehead in pain, but Dace hits Spike with the wiffle ball bat once again, except this time over his back and over the cuts from the barbed wire, causing Spike to wince in pain!!!!!)

Suicide King: How can Dace Night be so cruel?

Axis: Spike needs a good beating.

(Dace leans down, grabbing Spike by the hair, and pulls him to his feet. Spike wobbles around on his feet, as Dace lifts Spike's jaw up, and smacks Spike in the forehead with the thumbtack wiffle ball bat again, but instead of falling to the mat, Spike falls backwards, and lands back first into the cage wall, setting off the C4 explosives, and fire and sparks burn the skin on Spike's back, as a cloud of smoke fills up the area, and begins to rise to the top of the cage. Spike falls to his knees, then falls face first onto the floor. Dace quickly turns Spike over, and pins him.)

One

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Two

.

(Spike just gets a shoulder up in time. Dace gets to his feet, and begins to look a little pissed off, as the weapon buzzer goes off again.)

* Buzz *

(The special effect lights begin flashing over the top of the cell, as a gym bag falls from the cell roof, and lands in the ring.)

Suicide King: What's in the bag?

Axis: We will find out soon enough!

Suicide King: I hope it's not bad.

(Dace throws the bat to the side, and leans down to grab Spike by the hair. Dace drags Spike up to his feet, and pushes Spike against the ring apron, and rolling him in under the bottom rope into the ring. Dace grabs the middle rope, and steps up to the apron, and steps through the middle and top rope into the ring.)

Axis: This is the first time these two have been in the ring so far in this match.

Suicide King: Oh joy.

(Dace walks over to the gym bag with the weapons in it. He reaches down, lifting the bag up, holding it with one hand, and opens it with another. He opens the bag, reaching in, and pulls out a lightbulb tube, to a crowd cheer!!!)

Suicide King: Lightbulb tubes?

Axis: Yes, King.

Suicide King: How do you use those as weapons?

(Dace drops the bag back to the mat, and turns back over to Spike, as Spike is standing, but is wobbling back and forth. Dace walks up to Spike, lifting the lightbulb tube over his head, and smashes’ it across Spike's forehead, knocking Spike to the ground, holding his head in pain!!!!)

Axis: That's how.

Suicide King: I shouldn't have asked.

(Dace drops to the mat, and covers Spike.)

One

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Two

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(Spike gets a shoulder up! Dace stands on his knees, trying to think of what to do to keep Spike down. He climbs to his feet, and walks over to the bag of lightbulb tubes. Dace reaches down, lifting the bag off the ground, and goes through it, pulling out two lightbulb tubes. Dace drops the bag, and turns toward Spike, and begins yelling "GET UP.")

Axis: What is Dace Night planning to do?

Suicide King: It's not good for Spike, that's for sure.

Axis: So far in this brutal match, only two weapons fell, and Dace has been using them to beat the life out of Spike Jenkins.

Suicide King: Yes, Axis. I think we all see Spike getting killed in there.

Axis: OK, I just wanted to tell everybody at home, in case they didn't see it, or just saw it, enjoyed it, and wanted to be reminded.

Suicide King: How many people want to see Spike Jenkins get hurt?

Axis: About sixteen billion people.

Suicide King: That's not funny.

Axis: I wasn't joking.

(Spike gets onto his hands and knees, shaking the cobwebs out of his head, as Dace stands behind him, holding a lightbulb tube in each hand. Spike stands on one knee, and finally pushes himself up onto both feet. Spike stumbles back, almost knocking into Dace, but Dace cracks one of the lightbulb tubes over the cuts on Spike's back, and Spike shrieks in pain and grabs at his back. Spike turns toward Dace, holding his back in absolute pain, and Dace breaks the second lightbulb tube over Spike's head, shattering the tube into millions of pieces and knocking Spike to the mat. Dace goes down for the cover.)

One

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Two

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(Spike kicks out!)

Axis: Spike almost getting pinned right there!

Suicide King: Don't say it like you are happy!

Axis: Why not?

Suicide King: Because we want Spike too win.

Axis: I don't want Spike too win.

Suicide King: Axis, we are a team. As a team, we need to work together, and want the same things, for the good of the company.

Axis: I guess so . . .

Suicide King: And what is good for us and good for the company is Spike winning!

Axis: How did I know you were going to say that?

(Dace stands on his knees, and looks over at the bag of lightbulb tubes again. Dace crawls over to the gym bag, and reaches over, grabbing the strap, and pulling it toward him. He reaches into the bag, and pulls out three lightbulb tubes, only leaving three more in the bag. Dace tosses the bag aside, and places the three tubes on the mat right next to each other, and gets back to his feet. Dace walks over to Spike, grabbing him by the hair, and lifting him to his feet. Dace wraps his arm over the back of Spike's head, pulling him in a DDT position. Dace takes Spike's free arm and wraps it over his head, and Dace grab’s Spike's pants, and quickly snaps him over with a snap suplex, flipping Spike over back first into the lightbulb tubes that Dace set up earlier!!!!)

Axis: Snap suplex on the lightbulb tubes! Dace may have Spike beat here!

Suicide King: Don't say it’s true!

(Dace flips over, lying on Spike, going for the pin.)

One

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Two

.

(Spike gets a shoulder up!!!!!)

Suicide King: He kicked out!

Axis: I don't believe it!

Suicide King: Don't doubt that man Axis. Not for one-second!

Axis: I may have to believe you on that, King.

(Dace rises to his knees and begins to look around, not sure what to do next, when . . . )

* BUZZ *

(The weapon buzzer rings, and the special effect light at the top of the cage flashes over all the weapons. It finally stops on one, and the third weapon of the match falls to the floor outside the ring. The weapon of choice, is a Barbed Wire Singapore Cane!!!)

Suicide King: Is that a Singapore cane?

Axis: Yes, but with barbed wire wrapped around it.

Suicide King: Oh, how nice.

(Dace saw the barbed wire Singapore cane fall from the top of the cage, and is on the move to get it. Dace rolls to the ropes, going out under the bottom rope, and to the floor. Dace walks around the ring, walking up to the barbed wire Singapore cane, and leaning over, picking it up off the floor. Dace slides into the ring, under the bottom rope, and rolls into the ring. He climbs up to his feet in the corner, and turns to Spike Jenkins, who is holding his back, but is back on his feet. Dace starts walking toward Spike, ready to swing the cane, but Spike sees him coming, and spin kicks the cane out of Dace's hand, shocking Dace.)

Suicide King: Spike Jenkins is fighting back! Yes!

(Dace stands there, shocked that Spike is fighting back, as Spike quickly does another spin, and kicks Dace in the ribs, knocking him backwards into the corner. Dace leans in against the corner, as Spike walks toward him. Spike throws out a quick right kick, hitting Dace in the gut. He throws out another right kick, and again hits Dace in the gut. Hollywood backs up, and throws another right kick out, this time connecting with the side of Dace's head!)

Suicide King: What a nice round house kick by Spike Jenkins!

Axis: I thought I was the color commentator.

Suicide King: When Spike makes a beautiful move, like that kick right there, you can't help but call it.

(Dace stands stunned against the turnbuckles in the corner. Spike turns away from Dace, and turns his attentions toward the barbed wire Singapore cane. Spike leans down, lifting the cane off the mat, and holds it in the air, taunting the crowd with it. Spike turns toward Dace, cane in hand, but Dace comes running out of the corner toward Spike, grabbing Spike under the arms, lifting him into the air, tossing him half way across the ring into the opposite corner back first, causing a sudden burst of pain in Spike. Spike drops the cane, while reaching down behind him to hold his back. Dace comes charging up to Spike, and hits him with a stiff right elbow, right to the mouth. Dace hits Spike with another elbow, hitting him right in the eye, and continues to pound away on Spike with elbows. A flurry of elbows hits Spike in the left side of his mouth and left eye!!!!!)

Axis: OH MY GOD! He is beating on Spike with elbows!

Suicide King: Someone stop him!

(Dace just begins pounding Spike's face with the elbows, his eye already beginning to swell up, and his lip cut open. Dace continues with the elbows, smashing into Spike's face, while snapping the other side of his face into the turnbuckles from the impact. After only a few seconds, Dace has hit Spike with about 27 elbows to the face. Dace hits one final elbow to the face, and backs away, as the crowd cheers him on and chants "Holy Shit . . . Holy Shit . . . Holy Shit." The camera cuts a close up of Spike's face, showing a swollen left eye, blood pouring from his mouth, and a glazed over look in his other eye. Spike stumbles out of the corner, but quickly falls face first to the mat!)

Axis: Dace Night just unleashed everything he had in those elbows and destroyed Spike Jenkins and his face!

Suicide King: That was inhumane!

Axis: It was, wasn't it?

Suicide King: YES, IT WAS!

Axis: I'm sure a lot of people in the back and watching at home or in the arena enjoyed it though.

Suicide King: I DON'T CARE! Wait. YOU ENJOYED IT?

Axis: I thought it was mildly entertaining.

Suicide King: HE GOT MASSACRED IN THERE!

Axis: I know. I saw it.

Suicide King: That's disgusting!

(Dace looks around the now screaming, excited crowds of Houston, Texas, as they scream for more blood on the behalf of Spike Jenkins. Dace walks over to the body of Spike, grabbing him by the hair with one hand, and grabbing the edge of his pants with the other. Dace drags Spike to the ropes, and just simply tosses him through the middle and bottom rope, out onto the floor! Spike lands shoulder first on the floor, as Dace turns around, and looks over at the barbed wire Singapore cane. Dace walks over to the cane, leans over picking it up off the mat. Dace walks to the closest ropes, and steps through the middle and top rope onto the apron, and jumping down to the floor. He walks around the ring floor, around to Spike, who is standing on both knees now. Dace stands behind Spike and grabs him by the hair, pulling his head back, exposing the cut on his forehead. Dace lifts the barbed wire Singapore cane into the air for the crowd to see, and the crowd starts cheering for their new found hero. Dace takes the cane, and puts it up to the cut on Spike's forehead, and begins mashing his forehead open with the barbed wire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Suicide King: I CAN'T LOOK!

Axis: Spike is going to be feeling this later, that's for sure.

Suicide King: HE'S FEELING IT NOW!!!!

(Spike begins waving his arms around, trying to get away, as Dace rubs the barbed wire over his forehead, opening the wound some more. Dace scrapes Spike's forehead bloody with the barbed wire, as Spike screams in pain and agony. Dace lifts the barbed wire off of Spike's forehead, and holds the cane in the air, with the crowd screaming. The camera gets a close up of Spike's face, as there is a deep cut across his forehead, and blood is pouring down his face. Dace tosses the cane back into the ring, and grabs Spike by the now blood hair, and lifts the dead weight up to its feet. Dace wraps his arms around Spike's waist, lifting him into the air, and tossing him backwards, and Spike crashes into the cage wall back and neck first causing the C4 explosion off!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Axis: DACE NIGHT RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEXED SPIKE JENKINS INTO THE CAGE WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suicide King: DEAR GOD!

(The fire and sparks splash over the back of Spike's body, but Spike just collapses down to the floor. The smoke from the explosion fills up the front row crowd's view, but soon rises to the top of the cage, and out of the arena. Dace gets up to his feet, and turns toward the nearly killed Spike Jenkins. Dace walks over to Spike, grabbing him by the arm, and pulls him away from the cage, as he gets down and pins Spike.)

One

.

Two

.

Thr . . . NO!

(Spike gets a shoulder up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Suicide King: He kicked out? HE KICKED OUT! YEAH!!!!!!!!

Axis: How does he keep kicking out?

Suicide King: He is the King of the World! He may be burnt and bloody, BUT HE IS THE KING OF THE WORLD! He is the greatest athlete in the SJL right now, and he will not walk away from this match without a win!

Axis: You seem to really like him.

Suicide King: I only root for the best, and he is the best.

(Dace looks at the referee in complete awe, but gets back up to his feet. Dace grabs Spike by the bloody hair, and aggressively pulls him to his knees. Dace sticks Spike's head between his legs, and wraps his arms around Spike's waist, pulling him up to his feet. Dace lifts Spike up, holding him up in a powerbomb position, as the camera gets a shot of Spike's face, blood dripping down over his eyes and nose, nearly covering his whole face. Dace holds onto Spike, and starts to charge forward, and crashes into the cage, driving Spike back first into the explosion!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Suicide King: Spike is going to die in this match.

Axis: You are just realizing this? Dace Night just literally powerbombed Spike into the cage wall!

(Dace backs away from the wall, letting go of Spike, and Spike just collapses to the floor, landing on his bloody face. Dace gets onto the mat, and turns Spike over onto his back, to make the cover.)

One

.

Two

.

Thr . . . OH MY GOD NO!

(Spike somehow just kicks out!!!!!!)

Suicide King: (almost crying in joy) HE KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT!

Axis: How is he doing this?

Suicide King: I don't know. I don't care. As long as he is kicking out, it is all fine!

(Dace jumps up to his feet, not believing that Spike just kicked out again. Dace looks down at the blood Spike, as . . . )

* BUZZ *

(The camera focuses in on Dace, as he looks up at the roof of the cage. Another camera cuts to the top of the cage, as the special effect light flashes over the weapons. The light stops, and flashes over the fourth weapon, a trash can, as it falls from the ceiling down to the floor, landing diagonally across the ring from Dace and Spike.)

Suicide King: With this kind of match, does that trash can have man-eating gerbils in it?

Axis: Never doubt the hardcore freak who came up with these weapons.

(Dace looks down at his bloody opponent, and realizes that he isn't going anywhere, so Dace makes his way around the ring, towards the newest weapon to fall from the ceiling. Dace walks around the ringside area, passing around the first ringpost, and heads towards the trash can. Dace leans down, picking the can up, and examining it. Dace begins making his way around the ring again, heading back towards a now awakening Spike. Dace walks around the ring, and heads towards Spike. As he makes his way towards Spike, he lifts the trash can over his head, ready to strike it down on the skull of the now standing on his knees, Spike Jenkins. Dace goes to slam the trash can into Spike's head, but Spike somehow finds the power, to dive at Dace, and hit him with a low blow! Dace foils over, dropping the trash can, as Spike quickly gets to his feet, leaping into the air, wrapping his leg over the back of Dace's head, and driving it down into the trash can!!!!!!!)

Suicide King: YES!!!!!!!!!

Axis: Where did Spike Jenkins get the power to low blow Dace and give him a rocker dropper on the trash can?

Suicide King: From his many adoring fans!

Axis: He has fans?

Suicide King: Spike is one of the most popular wrestlers in the world!

Axis: I'm sure he is.

(Dace lies face first in the now dented trash can, as Spike gets back on his knees. Spike turns Dace around onto his back, and makes a cover!)

One

.

Two

.

(Dace kicks out! Spike rolls off of Dace, and wipes his hand over his face, wiping the blood out of his eyes. Spike gets on his knees, and then rises to his feet. He walks over to the ring apron, reaching into the ring, and grabs the barbed wire Singapore cane, and pulling it out, leaving it on the ring apron. Dace begins to move around, and gets onto all fours, trying to catch his breath. Spike leans over, picking up the trash can, turning towards Dace, as he stands on his knees. Spike lifts the trash can over his head, and slams it down over Dace's forehead. Dace begins to wobble back and forth as he is about to fall, when Spike lifts the trash can over his head again, and again slams it over Dace's skull. Spike takes the trash can, and turns it sideways, putting it over Dace's head and most of his upper body as good as he can get it. Spike grabs the Singapore cane on the apron, and backs up, looking at the trash can as it is wobbling. Spike holds the cane, and baseball swings it straight into the trash can, where Dace's face would be. Dace falls face first to the floor, with the trash can still over his head. Spike throws the Singapore cane into the ring, and dives to the mat, turning Dace around onto his back, and pinning him with the trash can still over his head.)

One

.

Two

.

(Dace somehow kicks out!)

Axis: Dace Night kicks out!

Suicide King: That was a three count!

Axis: That wasn't even close to a three count.

Suicide King: I saw it with my own two eyes. That was a three count!

(Spike rises to his feet, and again has to wipe the blood from his eyes to see. Spike reaches down, and pulls the trash can off the head of Dace Night, and tosses it into the ring. Spike reaches down, grabbing Dace's neck, and drags him up to his feet, pushing him up again the ring apron, and pushing him under the bottom rope into the ring. Spike leans down, lifting the ring apron up, and going under the ring.)

Axis: What is he doing down there?

(Spike is looking under the ring, when he pulls out a steel chair! Spike puts it on the ring apron, and slides it into the ring. Spike goes back under the ring apron, and pulls out another steel chair! He puts it on the ring apron, and slide it into the ring like the last one. He goes under the ring once more, but what he pulls out takes both hands, as he stands up, he pulls out a Window Pane!!!!)

Suicide King: Spike! That's not the smartest thing to do!

Axis: A window pane? Someone is going to get hurt!

Suicide King: THEY ARE ALREADY HURT! Blood is gushing out of Spike's forehead, and Dace has a cut on his forehead also!

Axis: OK. Someone is going to get hurt, More!

Suicide King: Very nice choice of words, Axis.

(Spike puts the window pane against the ring apron, and slides it into the ring, like the chairs, and he slides under the bottom rope into the ring, also. Spike gets to his feet, leaning over, and grabbing a chair, and walking to the center of the ring, where he opens the chair, and places it on the mat. Spike walks over to the other chair, lifting it up, opening it, and walking back, placing it across from the first chair. Spike walks back to the window pane, leaning over and picking it up, and walking back to the chairs, where he places the window pane between the two open chairs! Spike turns towards Dace, who is on his knees, getting up. Spike walks over toward him, and gives him a quick kick to the back. Spike grabs Dace by the neck, and lifts him to his feet. Spike pushes him back into the corner, and walks in after him, grabbing Dace around the waist, and lifting him up to seat him on the top rope. Spike grabs onto the top rope, and pulls himself so he is standing on the middle rope. Spike climbs up to the top rope, and is now standing on the top rope, standing above a sitting Dace.)

Axis: Is he?

Suicide King: Spike is going to take Dace Night out!

Axis: Top Rope Hurricanrana through the window pane? Oh God!

(Spike leaps up into the air, wrapping his legs around Dace's head, and flips over, going to flip Dace off the top rope through the window pane, but Dace holds onto the ropes!! Dace grabs Spike by the waist, and pulls him back up, so Spike is sitting on Dace's shoulders in a powerbomb position, when Dace jumps off the top rope, and drives Spike back first through the window pane with a sit out powerbomb off the top rope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Axis: POWERBOMB OFF THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE WINDOW PANE!!!!!

Suicide King: What the hell just HAPPENED? AHHH!

(Dace sits there, pinning Spike in the same position that he drove him through the window pane.)

One

.

Two

.

THRE......NOOOOOOO!

(Spike gets a shoulder up!!!!!!)

Axis: I Don't Believe It!!!!!

Suicide King: Spike is the best in the SJL today!

Axis: If he wins this, I might have to believe you!

(Dace falls back, laying down trying to catch his breath, as. . .)

* BUZZ *

(The fifth weapon of the match has signaled to drop as the camera goes up to the top of the cage and the special effect light flashes over the weapons. The light stops flashing, and the fifth weapon falls from the top of the cage, falling down to the ring, nearly hitting the referee in the way. The weapon of choice, a stop sign with thumbtacks glued to it.)

Suicide King: What kind of weapon is that?

Axis: A stop sign with thumbtacks glued all over it!

Suicide King: Can the weapons get any weirder?

(Both men are lying in the ring, trying to catch their breath, as the referee runs around, checking on them both. The camera gets a close up of Spike's face, blood pouring all over, and dripping down onto the mat, making a little puddle of blood. The camera goes over to Dace, as his cut seems to have deepen and blood pours down his face. Dace begins to show movement, as he crawls out from under Spike and the glass shards under them. Dace crawls towards the ropes, and looks over close to him, and sees the thumbtack stop sign. Dace grabs the middle and top rope, and pulls himself up to his feet, wiping the glass shards off his backside. Dace stumbles over to the stop sign, pulling it off the ground, and lifting it into the air. Dace walks back over to the glass shards and where Spike Jenkins is laying. Dace drops the stop sign down, with the thumbtacks point out, and walks over to Spike. Dace reaches down, grabbing Spike by the hair, and drags the body up to his feet. Dace wraps his arm over Spike's head, and takes Spike's free arm, and wraps it over Dace's head. Dace takes his free arm, and grab's Spike's closest leg, lifting it up. Dace lift Spike into the air, falling back, and fisherman suplexing Spike onto the thumbtacks and glass shards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The referee dives into position.)

One

.

Two

.

(SPIKE KICKS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Axis: HOW DOES HE KEEP KICKING OUT?

Suicide King: IT IS UNREAL!

Axis: Spike Jenkins just kicked out of a fisherman suplex on the thumbtack stop sign! Just unbelievable!

Suicide King: I have to keep saying it. Spike Jenkins is the greatest superstar in the SJL!

(Dace sits up, as Spike rolls off the thumbtacks and the glass shards in pain. Dace gets on his back, and rolls to the ropes, going out under the bottom rope, out onto the floor. Dace starts walking around on the floor, looking for something in particular. He looks around on the floor, then finally pushes the apron up, and looks under the ring. He grabs something under the ring, and pulls out what he has been looking for. The first weapon to drop from the top of the cage, the Thumbtack Wiffle Ball Bat!!!)

Suicide King: What is he going to do with that?

Axis: Most likely hurt Spike.

Suicide King: I know that!

Axis: Then why did you ask?

(Dace rolls back into the ring under the bottom rope, and gets to his feet. Dace walks over to where Spike Jenkins is still laying, trying to catch his breath and his thoughts. Dace grabs Spike by the hair, and begins to pull him up, but Spike stands on his knees, and hits another low blow on Dace. Dace drops the thumbtack wiffle ball bat, and grabs his groin in pain, as Spike grabs the bat, and rises to his feet. Spike takes the bat, and wrap it around Dace's throat, choking him with the thumbtacks going into Dace's throat. Spike drops down, holding onto the bat, and driving down Dace onto the thumbtack stop sign!!!!)

Axis: Reverse DDT by Spike Jenkins, using the thumbtack wiffle ball bat, onto the thumbtack stop sign.

Suicide King: They are using a lot of thumbtacks, huh?

Axis: That's for sure.

(Spike lifts the wiffle ball bat off of Dace's throat and tosses it to the side, and grabs Dace's leg, hooking it for the pin, while Dace lays on the thumbtacks.)

One

.

Two

.

(Dace gets a shoulder up!!!!!)

Suicide King: NO!

Axis: Dace Night kicked out! What will it take to put one of these two down?

Suicide King: I have no clue....

* BUZZ *

(The camera at the top of the cage goes from weapon to weapon while the special effect light flashes over them. The light finally stops on one, and it’s a BARBED WIRE TABLE~! The table falls from the top of the cell, and lands on the outside of the ring.)

Axis: A barbed wire table is now in the match. That will not be good for one of these men.

Suicide King: And really good for Spike Jenkins.

(Spike looks over at the table that fell, and stumbles over to the ropes, wiping blood from his eyes again, and steps through the middle and top rope, jumping down to the floor. Spike walks over to the table, lifting it onto its side, and lifting it up onto the ring apron, pushing it into the ring. Spike rolls into the ring under the bottom rope, and gets to his feet. He walks over to the table, lifting it off the ground, and carries it over to the corner, opening one of the legs, and placing it up against the corner. Spike turns back to Dace, who rolls off the thumbtack stop sign, and rolls around, holding his back in pain. Spike walks over to him, and leaps into the air, doing a 180* spin, and dropping down, leg dropping Dace in the back of the head.)

Axis: 420 Leg drop by Spike to Dace.

Suicide King: I really wish Spike would just pin Dace and get it over with. The longer he is in this match, the more he is going to get hurt.

Axis: WOW King, did you go to Harvard or something?

Suicide King: ...........

(Spike gets to his feet, grabbing Dace by the hair, and pulling him to his feet. Spike drags Dace over to the table, and lays him back first into the table. Dace lies back on it, trying to catch his breath even though it is barbed wire. Spike walks away from them, and walks half way across the ring. Spike turns to Dace, and starts to charge in towards him. Spike dives to the ground doing a cartwheel, and jumping out of it, ready to hit the Tidal Wave, but Dace walks out of the corner, and catches Spike on his shoulders in midair. Dace drives himself, and Spike head first through the barbed wire table with a DVD!!!!!!!!!!)

Suicide King: HE PUT SPIKE HEAD FIRST THROUGH THE BARBED WIRE TABLE!

Axis: With a Death Valley Driver!

Suicide King: One of them is not going to walk out of this match.

Axis: I don't think either of them will be able to walk out of this match.

(Dace rises to his knees. He grabs Spike's wrist, and pulls him out of the wreckage of the barbed wire table, and weakly covers him.)

One

.

Two

.

Thre........NO~!

(Spike gets a shoulder up!!!!!)

Suicide King: Thank God he kicked out again!

Axis: Neither of these two men want to quit! They both want to win this! They both want to a chance at the SJL World Title! And they both know this is the stepping stone for them. Whoever wins this, will want it more. They will want the top spot the most. And they will deserve this win!

Suicide King: Calm down over there Axis.

(Dace stumbles up to his feet, and without question, grabs Spike by the hair, and pulls him to his feet. Dace tucks Spike's head between his legs, and Dace wraps his arms around Spike's waist. Dace lifts Spike into the air, holding him in a powerbomb position. Dace walks over to the thumbtack stop sign, and drives Spike into the thumbtacks with a huge powerbomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dace falls over on top of Spike and the thumbtacks, pinning him.)

One

.

Two

.

Three........NO~!

(Spike gets a shoulder up!!!)

Axis: What a powerbomb onto the thumbtacks by Dace Night....

* BUZZ *

Suicide King: Oh God, THEY DON'T NEED ANY MORE WEAPONS!

(The camera at the top of the cage shows the light flashing over all the weapons, as only a few are left. The light flashes over some of the weapons, and stops on the seventh weapon, the Barbed Wire Steel Chair! The chair falls from the top of the cage, and lands on the floor.)

Suicide King: This is insane! Someone stop the match before they kill each other!

Axis: That was the point of this match. So they can kill each other.

Suicide King: That isn't the smartest thing to be looking forward too in a match.

(Dace rises to his feet, looking around the screaming audience for support. Dace looks back over at Spike, and reaches down, grabbing him by the hair, and lifting him up to his feet. Dace grabs Spike by the hair, and drags him over to the ropes. Dace steps through the middle and top rope, holding onto Spike, and dragging him through the middle and bottom rope onto the apron. Dace lifts Spike up onto his feet, and tucks his head in between Dace's legs. Dace wraps his arms around Spike's waist, and lifts him up in a powerbomb position. Dace turns towards the cage, and chucks Spike off the apron, across the floor, back first into the cage, causing an explosion over Spike's body, and Spike falls lifelessly to the floor below!!!!)

Axis: Dace Night just powerbombed Spike Jenkins off the apron into the cage!!!!

Suicide King: This is really brutal!

(Dace hops off the ring apron, and collapses on top of Spike, trying to finally get the pin.)

One

.

Two

.

Thr...NO!!

(Spike gets a shoulder up! Dace rolls off of Spike, both physically and mentally exhausted.)

Suicide King: Look at Dace Night! He can barely move! The referee should stop the match and award it to Spike Jenkins.

Axis: Spike Jenkins is probably legally dead now.

Suicide King: SHUT UP!

(Dace sits up, trying to think of a way to end this match. Dace pushes himself up to his feet, with the help of the ring apron. He flings the ring apron open, and begins searching under the ring for something. He grabs something with both hands, and pulls it out from under the ring, a second Window Pane, with the crowd cheering for more blood.)

Suicide King: Not another one!

Axis: That's what this match needs. More glass. And more thumbtacks. And more barbed wire. And more blood.

Suicide King: The fans agree.

(Dace pulls the window pane up onto the ring apron, and shoves it into the ring. He turns over to Spike, but leans down and grabs the barbed wire steel chair that was dropped from the top of the ceiling earlier in the match, and tosses it into the ring. Dace finally walks over to Spike, leaning down and grabbing him by the hair, and pulling him to his feet. Dace pulls Spike into the ring apron, and then pushes him into the ring under the bottom rope, as Spike just lays on the mat, with blood covering his entire face. Dace hops up onto the ring apron, and steps through the middle and top rope into the ring. Dace leans over, picking up the window pane from the mat, and carries it to the middle of the ring, where the two steel chairs and the glass shards from the first window pane remain. Dace places the window pane in between the two steel chairs, like the first window pane, and turns back to Spike. Dace stumbles over to Spike, bending over and grabbing him by the hair. Dace holds onto Spike by the hair, and starts walking back to the window pane, dragging Spike on the mat. Dace walks up to the window pane, holding Spike right behind him. Dace turns to Spike, lifting Spike up to his feet. Dace pulls Spike into him in a DDT position, but Dace takes Spike's free arm, and flips it over his head. Dace grabs Spike's pants, and lifts him straight up into the air, in a suplex position. Dace holds Spike in the air for a few more seconds, before dropping down, DRIVING SPIKE HEAD FIRST THROUGH THE WINDOW PANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Axis: OH MY GOD!

Suicide King: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

Axis: SHEER DROP BRAINBUSTER THROUGH THE WINDOW PANE!

(Dace calmly turns over onto Spike, pinning him for the sure win.)

One

.

Two

.

THRE.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Spike gets a shoulder up. Dace jumps up to his feet, and starts screaming at the referee that was a three count. Dace dives back down at Spike, pinning him again.)

One

.

Two

.

THR..........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

(Spike gets ANOTHER shoulder up! Dace jumps up and again begins screaming at the referee, when...)

* BUZZ *

(Dace looks up at the top of the cage, waiting for whatever weapon to fall. After the light flashes over some of the weapons that are left, a small, blue bag falls from the top of the cell, and lands a few feet away from Dace. Dace walks over to the bag, leaning over to pick it up, and opens it, and a big smile forms from ear to ear on his face. He looks up at the top of the cell, and shouts "Thank You" and he opens the bag all the way, turns it upside down, and dumps out about Five Thousand Thumbtacks!!!!!)

Suicide King: No. No more thumbtacks!

Axis: Spike Jenkins should have stayed down in those pin fall attempts.

Suicide King: Shut up Axis. You aren't helping!

Axis: I wasn't trying to help.

Suicide King: Dace Night is a derange, psycho individual. He is going to seriously injure Spike Jenkins!

January 27, 2003

1.) Whole thing didn't post.

2.) Disgusted at what?

January 27, 2003

Here's the rest. And TNT, it's a long story...

========================

(Dace turns back to Spike Jenkins, who nearly dead now. Dace stumbles over to Spike, leaning over, and grabbing him by the hair. Dace begins to walk back to the little area with all the thumbtacks, dragging Spike behind him, blood still pouring down his face. Dace gets to the thumbtacks, and begins to pull Spike up to his feet, but Spike, for the third time this match, hits a low blow, nearly knocking Dace out of his boots. Spike rises to his feet, as Dace turns his back to Spike, holding his groin in pain. Spike grabs Dace's arm, and flips it over his head, and grabs both of Dace's legs with one arm. Spike lifts Dace in the air for a backdrop, but spins Dace around, and both of them dropping down onto the thumbtacks powerbomb style!!!!!!!!!)

Axis: BLUE THUNDER DRIVER ON THE FIVE THOUSAND THUMBTACKS!

Suicide King: SPIKE IS GOING TO WIN! HE IS GOING TO WIN AND FINALLY BECOME A LIVING LEGEND!

Axis: It could happen!

(Spike sits there, holding Dace as the referee dives into position.)

One

.

Two

.

THREE.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(Dace gets a shoulder up, his whole shoulder covered in thumbtacks.)

Suicide King: NO!!!!

Axis: Dace Night just barely kicked out of the Blue Thunder Driver on the thumbtacks. What a match!

Suicide King: Match? What match? This is a blood bath! How long can Spike go with blood coming out of his head like that?

Axis: Not long, I suppose.

(Spike pushes himself out from under Dace, and rises to his feet. Dace tries to move away from the thumbtacks, but his body is in too much pain. Spike looks down at Dace, and starts to run in the ropes opposite of Dace. Spike bounces into the ropes and comes charging at Dace. Spike dives to the ground, doing a front roll, and jumping out of it, doing a front flip in the air, and dropping down in a senton on top of Dace on top of the thumbtacks!!!!!!! Spike stays on top of him for the pin.)

Axis: ROLLING THUNDER ON THE THUMBTACKS!

Suicide King: Yes!

One

.

Two

.

THR..NOOOO!!!!!!!!!

(Dace kicks out! Spike rolls off of Dace, exhausted, and not sure what to do. Spike rises to his feet, and makes his way over to the barbed wire steel chair that fell earlier in the match. Spike reaches down, lifting the chair off the ground, and turning towards Dace, as Dace rolls off the thumbtacks, the camera getting a shot of about twenty tacks in Dace's back. Dace crawls towards the center of the ring, as Spike goes to meet him. Dace stands on his knees, looking up at Spike, as Spike lifts the chair above his head, and slams it down onto Dace's skull, with a sickening thug. Spike lifts the chair off Dace's skull, and lifts it above his head again, as he slams it down across Dace's skull, once more with a sick thud. Spike pulls the chair off of Dace's skull, with a piece of the barbed wire stuck in Dace's bloody hair and a cut on the top of his cut open skull. Spike pulls the chair off of Dace, and grabs Dace by the hair. Spike brings his face real close to Dace, as the camera moves in to hear Spike scream, with a lot of emotion in his voice, "I AM NOT A FUCKING JOKE!!!!!!" Spike lets go of Dace's hair, and with his free hand, wipes some of the blood off his face from the cut on his forehead, and smears it over Dace's face, as Dace begins to wobble, Spike lets out a blood curdling yell, and yields back the barbed wire steel chair, and swings it like a baseball bat, cracking it over Dace's face!!!!!! Dace falls forward, face first on the mat, as the little cut on his forehead has been stretched out to an even larger cut, and blood begins to spill down his face, as....)

* BUZZ *

(The light at the top of the cell begins to flash over the last remaining weapons, and flashes on a giant board. The board comes crashing down from the top of the cell, and lands near the middle of the ring, almost hitting Spike and Dace. Spike walks over to the new weapon, looking in at the board, as it is a BED OF DEATH!!!!!)

Axis: A BED OF DEATH!!!!

Suicide King: What exactly is a bed of death?

Axis: It's that. It's a giant wood cage filled with lightbulbs, lightbulb tubes, glass, thumbtacks, and barbed wire!!!

Suicide King: Its an All-In-One-Package.

(Spike sees the new weapon, and decides to end the match now. Spike walks over to Dace, leaning over, and grabs him by the wrist. Spike takes Dace, and drags him over towards the Bed of Death. Spike pulls Dace, and leaves him on top of the bed. Spike turns towards the corner, and starts to walk to the ropes. Spike steps through the middle and top rope, stepping out onto the apron, and walks over to the corner. Spike climbs up to the first turnbuckle, exhausted from this whole match. Spike climbs up to the second turnbuckle, and the third. Spike stands on the top rope, looking down on his opponent on the Bed of Death. Spike leaps into the air, pulling his arms in, and pushing them back out, as he comes down with a five star frog splash on to Dace on the Bed of Death, but Dace moves out of the way, and Spike crashes chest first into the Bed of Death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Suicide King: OH MY GOD!

Axis: SPIKE JENKINS WENT FOR THE RATINGS GRABBER, BUT DACE NIGHT MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!!!!! SPIKE CRASHED INTO THE BED OF DEATH!!!!!!

Suicide King: SOMEONE! HELP! HE'S HURT!

Axis: SPIKE JENKINS JUST COMMITTED SUICIDE HERE PEOPLE!

(Dace grabs the middle and top rope, and pulls himself to his feet. Dace turns towards Spike, and wobbles over to him, nearly falling onto the Bed of Death himself. Dace leans forward, grabbing Spike by the hair, and dragging him to his feet. Dace knees Spike in the gut, forcing him to kneel over, as Dace pulls Spike into a powerbomb position!!!!)

Axis: Is he going for the Dark Star Driver ON THE BED OF DEATH? HE'LL KILL SPIKE!!!

Suicide King: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

(Dace lifts Spike up onto his shoulder, and prepares to drive Spike down face first into the bed of death, but Spike falls backwards over his shoulder, and landing on his feet behind Dace. They both turn towards each other, as Spike quickly throws Dace arm over his shoulder, and quickly grabs Dace's other shoulder with his arm. Spike grabs Dace's tights with his free arm, and lifts Dace into the air, and driving him down, back first into the bed of death!!!!!!!)

Axis: HIGHLIGHTER ON THE DEATH BED! HIGHLIGHTER ON THE DEATH BED!

Suicide King: SPIKE JENKINS IS GOING TO WIN!

(Spike moves Dace's shoulder from over the back of his neck, and crawls on top of Dace Night, hooking the leg for the pin.)

One

.

Two

.

THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* DING DING DING *

("King of Your Own World" by Smugface plays over the loud speaker, as the referee of the match, raises Spike Jenkins hand in the air, while he lays on top of Dace. The technicians begin to have the cage rise to the top of the building, as EMT's run into the ring to check on Dace and Spike. )

Suicide King: HE DID IT! HE DID IT! HE BEAT DACE NIGHT! SPIKE JENKINS BEAT DACE NIGHT! SPIKE JENKINS IS A LIVING LEGEND!!!

Axis: "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins has just defeated Dace Night in Damnation in a Box here at SJL Malice in Wonderland! What a brutal, bloody battle between the two. Spike is bleed all over his face, with his back cut open, while Dace's face is all bloodied as well!

Suicide King: He was burnt. He was cut. He was beat with things that only people could dream about, BUT SPIKE JENKINS STILL BEAT DACE NIGHT!

(EMT's check on Dace in the ring, as Spike Jenkins begins to move around. Spike goes to roll out of the ring, but referees and officials stop him. He finally gets under the bottom rope, and sits on the apron, looking out into the fans that are giving both him and Dace Night a standing ovation. Officials help Spike off the apron, and they begin to help him around the ring, and up the ramp, as the camera gets one more shot of the bloody face of Spike Jenkins.)

Axis: What an amazing match! Spike Jenkins just pulling out the win against Dace Night in the most brutal, horrifying match in SJL History! Dace Night being helped out of the ring by officials and up to the back, as members of the ring crew, sweep up the glass shards and barbed wire left in the ring.

(Axis turns towards King, who has a big smile on his face.)

Axis: Go ahead King. Yap it up.

Suicide King: I TOLD YOU ALL! SPIKE JENKINS WAS GOING TO WIN AND BECOME A TRUE LIVING LEGEND BY BEING THE FIRST WINNER OF THE DAMNATION IN A BOX MATCH, AND HE IS!

Axis: Yes, he is. You are right King.

Suicide King: Thank you, Axis.

Axis: Up next, is going to be another brutal match.

Suicide King: Not as bad as this though.

Axis: That's true. But up next, is Johnny Dangerous taking on Fugue!

Suicide King: Spike Jenkins is THE MAN!

Axis: OK, King.

January 27, 2003

I think I'll pass on posting my match. I did it last night, and only did 6000 words, not proud of it at all.

That being said, Janus is king. Great match champ.

January 27, 2003

I think I'll pass on posting my match. I did it last night, and only did 6000 words, not proud of it at all.

That being said, Janus is king. Great match champ.

Paladin, from what I here, it was damn close to winning. To get that from Strangler, that's a damn good compliment. Post it, man.

January 27, 2003

Blackwell, I'd really like you to post yours. I was laughing out loud several times at it, and I almost went with it over Janus'. You and Storm especially should post your matches.

January 27, 2003

I think I'll pass on posting my match. I did it last night, and only did 6000 words, not proud of it at all.

That being said, Janus is king. Great match champ.

I would like to note that if you call 6000 words "only," then you'll go fucking far in this fed.

January 27, 2003

I think I see where this is going. Spike, no you did not lose because you think I hate you.

Your match was very good, but Dace's was a tad better.

January 27, 2003

Well I didn't really like my match, but it was DAMN fun to write.

---

(Slowly but surely the camera hums back to life. A completely black screen is viewed by fans, young and old, which stare at the screen like they’ve been brainwashed. Suddenly a little animated bunny hops onto the screen in a suit looking down at his watch. With an uncanny resemblance to the Alice in Wonderland rabbit, which it’s not due to copyright issues, it suddenly looks up and gulps. By surprise a gothic blue sentence falls from the sky and crushes the bunny into oblivion! Blood then splats against the screen and spells out “Malice In Wonderland!”)

“WELCOME BACK!” Axis says very, very, very enthusiastic to the point where it’s almost sad. “We have just started off our superb show and the SJL PPV of the century!” He brags and advertises. The fans in the arena go crazy for what has potential to be the show of SJL history!

“Right fans, this is rather important night to me. When else do I get to watch Ejiro TEAR into Wildchild?" Suicide King taunts the fans.

“In your dreams,” Axis rebuttals, “but that’s not the point. We’ll be saying farewell to Johnny, Wildchild, Ejiro, and Fugue tonight.”

“Right, so the Mag-7 will grow stronger and the Wild and Dangerous Nights will crumble! Delicious! I love it!” King exclaims with glee, even he likes being in attendance.

“Glad to see your glass in half full in some odd, remote way King… anyhow, before we can even go into the insane ‘Ultimate Brawl’, or the ‘Box of Damnation’ we have the famous, classic MALL BRAWL~!” Axis explodes to a good pop.

“Yes, but this time no one decent is in it. But I’ll put my money on Omega.” King bitterly says.

“Very untrue. However, we have MVS –mixed reactions-, Janus –major boos for the new fresh heel-, Omega –few boos from people who have encountered him before-, Blackwell –silence for the newbie-, Leon Sharpe –huge cheers-, and Insane Luchador –mega pop from the fans-!” Axis suddenly remembers something, “And CT.” Laughter echoes off the wall.

“Humph, Cutthroat has a better chance than Sharpe does.” King grunts, pissing off Leon’s cult in the back.

“But enough chit-chat, it’s time for the match!” Axis then swipes his hand towards the SmarkTron where the picture slowly pieces together. “We basically pulled the same thing as the Motor City Rumble, hidden cameras are EVERYWHERE and we’ll see how funny or brutal this can be.”

“And judging from the past… how big of boobs some chick-a-Dees have!” King shrieks like Lawler himself.

“Christ…” Axis mumbles, just envisioning the lawsuits filing in.

But the fan’s minds slowly get out of the gutter as they watch the picture come in crystal clear. Right at the entrance of the mall, where people unaware of the upcoming event hustle around, eight men all stare at the information kiosk. They all try to remember it as the man in the middle looks around at the determined faces.

“Alright gentlemen.” Funyon begins to talk. “I want a good, bloody fight and preferably some nudity… err, good luck and you know the rules!”

“Apparently that was the mark for the match to start.” Axis inputs.

The seven men stare at the kiosk screen, memorizing everything as they then catch a look of a huge fountain with water spewing up towards the roof, then descending down on different circular stone levels and then landing back in the pool. Many people inhabit the three-floor room and slowly each competitor looks around at each other. MVS, with his lack of shirt, white tights with little lightning bolts running down the sides, the stubble on his face, and the shoulder length black hair. Then they look over at one of the Irishman in the match, Christian Blackwell. They stare into his deep-set green eyes, the black pants, black belt, and no shirt also. He slowly rubs his coarse beard and takes a deep breath in.

“Wow, this match may top Edwin versus Raynor at Genesis.” King sarcastically quips, almost with a trace of pain in his voice.

Then the eyes shift towards the two tall men, who nervously strain their muscles- ready to fight. Janus stands up with a different stance as if his heel turn made him a new person. But his attire of black leather pants, black boots, and white goatee all remain the same. Leon with his wild black hair and his own shirt covering his massive chest, and the black leather pants, not to mention his own goatee and his intimidating face. Everyone’s eyes pass over Cutthroat, who’s desperately trying to sign an autograph for a child. Then the eyes set on the Insane One, who’s a few steps behind everyone. Spiked hair, the wild green speckled eyes, the creepy smile, and the long sleeved black shirt that extends past the palms of his hands. He’s the only one who wears casual cream (somewhat khaki) colored cargoes and black skate shoes. But last but not least, Omega stares at them all. His mind races for a plan, as all of theirs does, and the black shirt with the lightning and storm scene. His trousers also bare storm references but suddenly everyone’s attention turns to see-

“Janus takes the first shot as he just tossed Sharpe into that plastic map and knocks it over! It’s an all out brawl now!” Axis proclaims.

Andrew Rickmen and Omega Storm both square off both throwing lefts and rights. Sharpe hops up and then grabs the massive Janus and uses all his energy to scoop slam him onto the fallen kiosk map, crushing it! Cutthroat gets tosses into a “Hair and Nails” salon, while MVS grapples with Christian Blackwell. Mike Van Siclen then ducks under Christian’s arms and grabs his right arm- allowing him to hit in a hammerlock! Janus slowly picks himself back to his feet. Omega then retreats away into a Suncoast video, drawing IL to follow him. MVS gets hits with an arm drag by Blackwell and the two throw punches and strikes on the tile floor. Sharpe whips Janus towards the “Aunt Annie’s” pretzel shop. Janus suddenly knocks over some people waiting in line and everyone hollers their protest until they see Leon stalking over barking at them to “Shut up!” The silence dims and all the workers scoot away as Janus ducks under an elbow attempt and heaves Leon onto the display case, shattering it! Some of the fans mark out watching Janus deliver punches of fury across Sharpe, who’s trapped within the case!

“Mmm… carnage.” Axis drools watching Leon just try to avoid the punches.

Meanwhile, Andrew Rickmen and Omega throw constant punches; head snapping back and then delivering another punch into a fleet of Suncoast workers assume it’s a normal fight. IL and Storm both grab onto each other’s shoulders like ram’s butting heads and Omega overpowers Andrew, causing Rickmen to reel back. Workers and IL then get sandwiched between the shelves of videos, and Omega swoops down delivering a few spears. But as Omega goes to hit the final spear Andrew catches him in a headlock and drops down for the DDT! People all stop to watch Andrew pick Storm back up by his hair and then toss him into the shelf, knocking it over and sending the people on the over side running! Rickmen then grabs a wire shelf that holds the game guides and magazines as he shakes all the items off. Raising it in the air Andrew slams it against his foe’s back! Omega grabs his back in agony, and rolls over the fallen shelf for protection.

“Maybe this will break the trend and be overly brutal.” Axis hopes.

Andrew then tosses it but it soars over his opponent’s body and smashes against another shelf next to the wall. Videos then pile on top of Omega, not inflicting much pain, but more or less a nuisance.

But those two battle zones aren’t the only places for action, for MVS and Christian both brawl their way into the “Hair and Nails” salon, seeing Cutthroat in the chair talking to a lady. The two shudder away that image and continue to brawl right into the sitting area! Women, and a few men, leap out of their seats protesting as the two trips over an empty seat. Mike is able to get the upper hand as he throws a nice uppercut that gets Christian off from on top of him. Christian swipes his hand across the little table, knocking over various items, and he attempts to hop onto it! But right as Blackwell hops onto the table (back turned) Mike reaches his huge arms up and wraps his arms around his waist! Mike then drops to the ground as Blackwell’s legs kick furiously but MVS hits the backdrop suplex! Cutthroat then begins to stomp over towards Mike and MVS smirks as he reaches on the ground and grabs a spray can.

“Oh! Have mercy, not the hairspray of DOOM~!” Axis chuckles right as Mike sprays the contents right into CT’s eyes. He grabs his eyes and lets out a girly shriek that allows Mike to plow him across the room with a spear! CT smashes against the wall and slowly crumbles down. Mike grabs his blonde hair and pulls him back up, Cutthroat’s face is shaking with anger and he suddenly clutches his fist.

“Uh-oh.” King sarcastically comments.

THEN CT THROWS A QUICK, FAST, REALLY COOL, GETTING ALL THE CHEERS, UPPER INVERTED CUT! Otherwise known as a punch… that allows MVS to no-sell and dropkick CT out of the whole area! Blackwell then comes up from behind and gives a sucker punch to Mike’s head, sending Mike staggering like a drunken bachelor. Mike then whirls around to see Blackwell with a seating chair, which he smashes across Christian’s chest!

Meanwhile, the two monsters for men battle up the crowded escalator. By-standers are hesitant to let Janus try to escape from the rage stricken Sharpe but then once they look at Janus’ intimidating size they find a way to make room. Janus stands on a step facing backwards, allowing himself to throw wild punches at Leon. Soon Sharpe leaps up a step and picks up Janus over his head! Leon utilizes all his strength as he tosses Janus over the other railing and onto the escalator leading down! Innocent people all shriek and do their best to get away, but as Janus slams against the stairs it turns into an inevitable train wreck.

As if the damage that occurred just then wasn’t enough. The fans then get to see Insane Luchador get tossed into a restroom area!

“Oh! Guys or girls bathroom, I didn’t notice.” King eagerly asks.

“…Guys…” Axis says with a slight shudder.

As the camera switches, thankfully not revealing any skin, Andrew Rickmen trips over a puddle of something and smashes against one of the stall’s shut doors.

There’s a grunt and then a very familiar voice hollers out, “What –grunt- y’all doing in this neck of the woods! I’ve got a turtle head and I can’t even crap in peace!” The fans identify the voice. The door swings open and a courtesy flush is given and the one and only HAMSAUCE steps out! IL suddenly blurts out in laughter while the newbie gets in the face of the SJL legend?

“HamSauce!” Axis shrieks like a children.

“Oh God, what’s next? Ted Flink? G0R0?” King asks while he rubs his temples like he has a headache.

But another voice yells loudly and desperately at the next shut stall, “HELP! I THINK I LOCKED MYSELF IN THIS PLACE! Christ, it’s worse than the shed!” Then pounding is heard.

“Why does that voice sound like mine…?” Axis slowly asks and then shrugs it off.

HamSauce throws an elbow, taking Omega by complete surprise, and IL is able to dropkick his foe out of the doorway and back into the mall corridor! When Andrew steps back out he’s suddenly taken by Omega who grabs him in a spinebuster position! But he lifts the 223-pound Luchador into the air and then drops him onto his one knee! Rickmen grabs his jewels from the brutal Manhattan Drop!

But the camera finds that scene disturbing and switches down to see MVS and Christian united to beat on the “Human punching bag” Cutthroat with punches! They pass the monstrous fountain and head towards the busy food court region! A McDonald’s, Panda Express, Subway, and Pizza Direct all inhabit the half circle. MVS then whirls around and hits a cheap shot on Christian and then tosses CT over the McDonald’s counter! Fans all grab their food and get away, most of them aware of the event now taking place. Suddenly an old, crackled voice yells out.

“HEY! Who spilled the frying oil again?” Another legend steps out into the public, the one and, thankfully, only… Ted Flink! “Now what’s his brouhaha?” Cutthroat then gets up and tries to shake Ted’s hand but even Flink realizes who stands by him. Ted suddenly raises the frying fry basket and puts it over CT’s head! Cutthroat screams an inhumane scream and the smell of burning flesh is brutal.

The SJL crew rushes to flip the hidden camera scene away from that, and it succeed as it shows Janus and Leon still brawling. They now are inside the local “JC Penny” and they take turns throwing each other into clothing racks. Security guards rush in but can’t tame the two wild men, and then Sharpe is able to take the advantage. He slaps his hand against his throat in middle of the aisle where parents all whine at the men to “Get along so they can move along” and Sharpe tries to lift up Janus, but Sharpe’s foe smashes his elbow into Sharpe’s head. Janus then ducks under Sharpe and comes out from behind him. He grabs Sharpe’s arms and hooks them in a full nelson and uses his nearly super-human strength to toss Leon over his head in a Full Nelson Suplex! The sound is absolutely brutal and Janus slowly gets back to his feet, throwing wild punches to back off the security guards and he leaves looking for the balloon, content with the damage done.

“Sometimes you don’t need weapons to make something brutal…” King comments as he rubs his own neck in sympathy for Leon.

But the camera flips screens again to show MVS on top of the Pizza Express counter! Blackwell is apparently in control as he stands right in front of Mike and he flips him off the counter with a snap mare! Mike is able to suck up the pain and Blackwell leaps off hitting an axe handle right onto Mike’s cranium! As Christian picks him up and tosses him towards one of the empty tables another familiar figure walks by with gray eyes…

“Isn’t that Edwin?” King asks.

Suddenly Edwin notices Mike and then yells “ZING!” He drops his tray and runs like a stampede was behind him. Everyone pauses, all trying to comprehend what just happened, but then get back to brawling. Soon the little acne ridden fans circle around the two SJL competitors in awe asking for autographs. Mike then gets tossed onto one of the tables and Christian uses his strength to lift the table and Mike up and then put it gently down by the counter.

Christian then hops onto the counter and leaps off torque his body awkwardly and hitting an elbow drop through the table, which crunches to everyone’s delight!

“Yeah, I think that was Edwin…” Axis comments, ignoring the spot that just occurred.

That picture slowly fades away to show Omega and the Insane Luchador brawling towards an unknown department store where, yes another, familiar face is seen dressed as a purple dolphin.

“EXTREME~! Low prices! This will make it PAINFULLY~! Easy to shop!” The people associate the voice to be the ML’s hardcore “king” Iceman! Who holds up booklets with barbed wired rims! Omega then nearly spears insane Luchador, but he side steps and soon the fans all realize the two foes are on the second floor! Andrew Rickmen then grabs his competitor, whose still duck down and he tosses him into the air near the glass railing! Below them is the first floor where a petition table is, the fountain (which they could probably leap onto) and then the solid cement. Andrew stalks over but a very loud voice takes him by total shock.

“CLAN FUNDRAISER! SELLING TEE-SHIRTS!” Soon people hurdle around the table where the tee shirts lay face down and Thoth stands there, advertising. He then lifts up one of the fine quality shirts to get the sweet sound of laughter everywhere. Thoth looks on in confusion and someone hollers, “IT’S AN OOZING COCKHEAD!”

The camera zooms in, it indeed is.

“Wait, what?” Thoth rebuttals thoroughly confused as he looks around.

“Where’s the shirt, or are they all replaced by PENISES!” Someone else hollers in laughter. Thoth then looks around, remembering why he hates the world, and begins to weep.

But only a few feet away the two competitors throw punches until Andrew ducks under one. Storm lunges forwards but Rickmen swoops down and pops up behind Storm! He delivers a palm strike to the back of Omega and then shoves him forward, IL’s foe slams against the glass railing and slouches down there, breathing heavily. Andrew then decides to prove he’s insane… again. He hops onto the railing, as people from below scream at him to get down, and he grabs Storm’s hair. He lifts him up and Andrew slowly balances himself so his back is to the rest of the mall below him. He then lifts Storm’s legs over his shoulders and then turns back around, letting Omega’s upper body dangle.

“JESUS CHRIST!” Axis screams and in the arena all the fans rise to their feet in eagerness.

Andrew Rickmen then leaps off with Omega screaming and punching for his life and the two falls!

…And continue to fall.

THEN SUDDENLY HIT THROUGH THE PETITION TABLE IN A PILEDRIVER/POWERBOMB HYBRID! The mall, even though a few good miles away, could probably hear the faint “HO-LY SHIT!” chant that explodes across the whole world watching!

“Just… words can’t describe.” Axis admits to the fans, whom’s jaw dropped.

The camera zooms in at the petition table, crushed as little wood chunks float in the fountain and people gather around the two SJL superstars wondering what the hell happened. People call for an ambulance as that picture fades away…

Then kicks right back up revealing MVS and Christian Blackwell battling out of the food court area, which is now utterly abandoned and destroyed. While CT tries to charge at him, his face deformed and blood streaming everywhere. Mike gets the upper hand and tosses Christian onto the stairs, which curve up towards the second and third floor. Blackwell then retreats as Mike follows his fellow SJL superstar. The two finally get done playing “chase” when they reach upon the second floor. The two grapple and Christian gets heaved into the Bath and Bodyworks floor!

“HHHHEEEYYYYYY GUYS!” A very flamboyant voice calls, and Jiggalo Joe, the superstar for two minutes, charges up at the two men. MVS and Christian shoot a look towards each and begin to run, as they grabbed the demolished CT, who was a few steps behind him, and tosses him to the “wolves.” While the two retreat you can hear the cries of Cutthroat.

Mike and Christian both circle around each other until they glance up at a golden balloon tied up, ready to be set free above their heads. MVS ducks down and goes for a last resort move- as he low blows Blackwell, to a good amount of boos in the arena, and he begins to charge up the stairs. But mid-way, as he shoved people out of the way, Janus suddenly comes crashing down onto MVS. Leon Sharpe, now taking heavy breaths from rage, is seen. He picks up Janus and with all the rage rushing through him, puts him in between his legs and lifts him over his head and leans over past the railing and drops Janus! The seven-foot Mag-7 monster free falls all the way to the cold cement, where he bounces and has one spasm before coughing harshly. Mike hops back to his feet and while Leon leans over the rail Van Siclen leaps forwards. But Leon, on a roll, catches him and tosses him up the rest of the stairs in an exploder suplex!

“The house is on fire for Leon!” Axis hollers over the “S-J-L!” chants.

Mike rolls around, causing shoppers to step over him and then he notices the golden balloon being released. Two levels down the Insane Luchador deny the stretcher and he slowly gets to his feet and he sees the balloon. Andrew runs past the fountain, well running fast in that condition, and then starts to go up the escalator. Leon then begins to walk towards it but before he can get remotely close Mike throws a kick to his kneecap from the ground. Andrew begins to shove people away as he stares up, watching a little kid unwrap the balloon, trying to nab it.

“Urgh, that reminds me of the time that some kid beat me up for my belt…” King mutters out loud. “I mean…”

Andrew ascends up to the third floor and curves into a dead sprint as the balloon floats right over the railing, almost out of everyone’s reach. But suddenly MVS is seen running at a pure dead sprint (as the camera splits into four screens showing the fallen superstars but then regroups to one). Mike lunges out and Andrew is only a few feet away… Rickmen suddenly lunges out hitting a spear from behind on Siclen! The glass railing shatters and the two tumble off the edge as Mike clutches the balloon and pulls it in towards the floor. People all across the mall stare up, and no one is sitting in the arena, as Mike and Insane Luchador suddenly come dangerously close to hitting the fountain’s edge of one circular section! But the two splashes into the shallow waters as it soaks everyone within a certain radius and whatever water is left begins to turn into a murky, crimson color. Nobody moves and nobody speaks. Various chants fill the arena and around the nation’s homes and suddenly Andrew Rickmen’s hand grab the envelope and tear it in half, exhausted.

“Congrats…” is all it reads.

The bell chimes in the arena as paramedics flock the place like Navy Seals ambushing a crack house in Colombia.

Funyon’s voice comes from nowhere, seemingly. “YOUR WINNER…. INNNSSSAAAANNNEELLYY DUMB FOR DOING THAT…. LUCHADOR!” The fans still cheer louder and Axis can barely be heard.

“Perhaps the oddest, shortest, and most brutal Mall Brawl ever.” Axis comments, still bewildered at the ending. “More after this!”

-The screen slowly fades, getting ready for the next segment-

January 27, 2003

Okay... Before I read my fellow combatants' matches, I'll post mine for your viewing evjoyment. Allegedly it held some promise, and was close to winning, but... I dunno. Janus, IMHO, sunk it seven ways to Sunday. But... Whatever. Here goes.

--------------------

(Voiceover on a black screen) Uhh... This is a note to all the networks: Because we're running close to Super Bowl time, we've decided to implement a censoring system on today's broadcast. So... All networks, get ready to field the complaints, and... It has nothing to do with us. Back to program.

The screen goes to static for a moment, and then...

Sheer and utter mayhe* are the call of the day as the cameraman pans the crowd in the arena. The mood can best be described as 'electric', as fans of all ages, backgrounds, sizes - Ugh... Some too big of a size - have crammed into the arena to witness the pagentry, the awe-inspiring stardom, the...

Aw, screw it. Everyone's here to watch for people getting broken, bloo*ied, and otherwise mangled. Because, like NASCAR, we all know that wrestling ain't anything without the crashes... Or something like that...

*Ahem* Where were we? Oh! The cameraman! He's taking in the crowd, watching crazy, excited, and possibly drunk people whooping and hollering with their signs: "Elves Do It In The Forest", "Spike The Punch!", "Cutthroat - '04"... Oooooh, someone just lit that one on fire. Guess they didn't like it. But be that as it may, everyone's attention is diverted from the flames to the ring as "Li'l Bloo*red Riding Hood" by Children of Bodom bursts forth from the speakers. The fans get whipped into a feverish pitch, and the camera view zooms down to the floor. It settles onto the announce table, and the faces (or heel and face, or... whatever) of our two resident yahoos...

But wait! Who's that behind them? The camera focuses in to find... No other then... David Carr, quarterback and full-time opposing teams' tackling dummy of the expansion Houston Texans! It's good to see David here after a harsh first season... Or, better yet... Still alive! He looks to carry some of the pain with him, as he's here in company of his strength trainer, a doctor, crutches, slings, and an IV drip of morphine. Poor guy. But, back to the announcers... Axis and The King!

(Axis, excitedly) We've gone down the rabbit hole, folks... And where we've wound up is beyond anyone's imagination! Greetings everyone, and welcome to Houston, Texas...

(King, in a low tone) Home of steers and quee*s...

(Axis, slightly distracted) And the Compaq Center, site of this pay-per-view event, SJL: Malice In Wonderland!

(King, in a serious tone) And if you haven't paid the low, low price of $69.95 to get all this excitement, I'll come to your place and douse your genitalia in gasoline and light it on fire.

(Axis, a little shocked) That's a bit extreme... Don't you think?

(King, haughty) Well, we here in the SJL don't take kindly to people that pirate our shi*. That's the one thing we can agree on, you ugly Aussie hoss.

(Axis, muttering) You don't have to be so vulgar, you know. We -are- still on TV.

(King) Ask me if I care, you flaming retard.

Axis sighs, then after a beat...

(Axis) Be that as it may... We've got a very exciting card on the table for tonight.

(King, smiling smugly) Well technically, Axis, it's not on the table. It's in the arena, and in the mall.

Axis looks at King for a second, then...

(Axis) Let's get you a run-down of the action tonight.

(King, muttering under breath) Stupid-ass Aussie can't take a joke...

(Axis, a little louder) We have a Tag Team Tables match featuring the team of Chris Card and Crow, facing off against Arianwyn Rivenstone and her escort, Nocturna Bloo*moon.

(King, sighing lus*ily) Ahhhhh, Arianwyn and Nocturna... The Disciples of Discord. Two fine-looking women that can come reign chaos in my world anytime. And you know damn well that Natasha's going to be there... Ahhhhh, Natasha... I'll give you the pain, baby... Oh yeah...

Axis reaches over and smacks King upside the head. The two glare at each other for a beat.

(Axis, grumbling) And what about Chris Card and Crow, King?

(King, after a beat) Yeah, they'll rip each other to shreds in their corner... Leaving more air time for the three hotties! Woo-hoo!

Axis sighs, shaking his head, then looks at the card.

(Axis) After that, we have... The Domin*tion In A Box match, featuring "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins and Dace Night. This one sounds like a hardcor* lovers' dream!

(King) Well, the military surplus store was having a "Going Out Of Business" sale, so the powers-that-be helped them out. I just about creamed myself when I saw this one: We've got C-4 explosi*es, barbed wire... Who knows what kind of weapons we'll be dropping in. I hope everyone likes pain and suffering, because there will be plenty of it to go around!

(Axis, a little disgusted) That... One... Should be drawing in the fans... (mutters under his breath) Though not because of your 'endorsement', King... (back to normal volume) We also have an Ultimate Fight match tonight. Johnny Dangerous, Fugue... Your thoughts, King?

(King, grumbling) This one might look like a cage match with a submission / TKO stip... But plain and simple, it's about respect. And that disgusts me. This match should not be following a Domin*tion In A Box match... This one shouldn't even be on the card! Just set the guys in a room with some por*o mags and tapes, and...

(Axis, holding up a hand) Don't even go there. I'll just say that this match has been brewing for a long, long while, and I can't wait to see the result. Wrestling at its finest.

(King, under his breath) And I'll just say I got a little too personal into Axis' se* life, apparently...

Axis glares at King, who throws up his hands in feigned innocence.

(King) What?

(Axis, flustered) Just... Shut up.

(King, smugly) Touchy, aren't we?

(Axis, tuning King out) And for the final match of the night, we have your SJL World Champ, Ejiro Fasaki, taking on Wildchild in what could be the culminating match of their feud. (turning to King, a little hesitantly) Anything of intelligence to say?

(King, looking a tad bit hurt) Yeah, actually... This is another one of those plain-jane matches, but there's always magic to be found in a belt bout. This one's been one of the longest-running feuds to date in the SJL, and there's good chance of these two getting bumped to the bigs. This will be the first time they've squared off in a honest-to-Dog singles match, so it'll be entertaining to see how much they let loose, or if they restrain too much because of the matches they've had in the past. And, though I'm not one for no-interference rules, it'll be interesting to see how these guys can handle things on their own.

Axis looks completely shocked. King shrugs.

(King) Don't look so surprised, asshol*. I choose when to be serious, and when to give you hell.

(Axis) Gee, thanks.

(King) Don't mention it.

(Axis) ...Hey, did you say "honest-to-Dog" back there?

(King, flatly and bluntly) No.

Axis looks at King for a moment, then back into the camera.

(Axis) But, to start off our night, a match that has grown into somewhat of a tradition here on SJL Pay-Per-Views. The Mall Brawl. We're not sure if this is the third, or the fourth, or what... But these have always been a treat.

(King) Yeah, you gotta enjoy six, or seven SJL wrestlers tearing up a local mall... While there's people in it! Stores trashed! People's psyches scarred for life! And always a surprise or two on top of that! It'll be something to watch! Heh heh... Bloo*, carnage, deat*, destruction.

King starts twitching like a fiend craving a fix. Axis slides his chair to the side, away from the Seizure King.

(Axis) Let's... Uhm... Let's go out to the mall with our Ben Hardy... Ben? Are you there?

-----(Transition)-----

The scene fades slowly back in to one of, compared to the Compaq Center, tranquility. Families out strolling the Promenade. Elderly couples on the benches. The sounds of money being spent, and lives being lived. The camera swings around to find the lovable tool known as the SJL's head interviewer, Ben Hardy.

(Hardy) Well greetings to all of you back at the Compaq Center, and greetings to all of you in TV land watching this SJL Pay-Per-View. Ben Hardy here, and welcome to Houston's largest area mall. Tonight's going to be an exciting night here as we hold our However-Many-th Annual Mall Brawl Match!

An impromtu fan base throws up a sizable cheer as the refs and Hardy gather towards the info kiosk. We see Matt Kivell, looking oddly beat up and not quite himself... He looks much worse than the punching bag he is. There's Anthony Michael Hall, the evil Eddy Long, Suxton-I mean-Sexton Hardcastle... And a few other zebra-stripers for convenient cannon fodder / winner callers. Hardy and company remove the cover from a decent-sized boombox, and Hardy grabs up the remote.

(Hardy) And now, for our superstar introductions!

Hardy taps the first control... Whirrwhirrwhirr*clang*...Whirrwhirrspinnnnn...

"I shut 'em down..."

The speakers do their best impression of the Compaq Center's sound system as the beats of LL Cool J's "Shut 'Em Down" (Suicide Spin remix) reverberate against the kiosk the crowd cheers and looks around for the first superstar until...

(Random Mall Patron) Hey, look! It's Steve Nash!

The patrons start to boo, and flow towards the sighting. The mall security grunts manage to beat the throng off of...

(Hardy) No, no, no folks... That is "Amazin'" Mike Van Siclen!

The crowd hears that, and starts cheering, making a hole for the SJLer. MVS parts the crowd, seeming to not mind the mistaken fans, but looking an awful lot like the Dallas Mavs star. He is focused, poised, and nods to Hardy as he gets to the area where they're starting. Hardy taps the remote control.

Whirrwhirrwhirr... Spinnnnn...

Fear Factory's "Resurrection" is the next track, driving the small crowd into a chorus of boos.

(Hardy) Our next combatant, from Sydney, Australia... The monster among men... Janus!

The crowd unconciously clears the way for the huge man, while booing . Janus pays no heed, and just drives ahead. Him and MVS get into a staring contest, and you can already feel the tension ratchet up in this little area.

Whirrwhirr... Clickclickspinnnnn...

"Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot tears out of the speakers, and the impromptu crowd starts to cheer.

(Hardy) The third victim, all the way from Easton, P-A... Insane... LUCHADOR!

One of the crowd favorites, the throng cheers for several moments, then there's a slow realization... IL's not coming the same way the others did. Everyone looks all around. Nothing... Then, one little boy looks -up-...

(Little Boy) What's that?

Everyone turns to where the boy points to see... A man dressed in skate gear on the third floor ledge. He leaps down, and falls... falls... falls... But is saved from a quick end by the short bungee attached to his waist. As he bounds back up about 6 feet, he quick-releases the harness he was in, back-flipping to a feet-first landing on the ground by the rest of the fighters. The crowd loves it, Janus and MVS are less than thrilled. And Hardy...

(Hardy) Next time, use the elevator... Sheesh.

IL just shrugs it off. Hardy shakes his head, and goes to the next track on the CD.

Whirrwhirrwhirrrrr... Clickspinnnnn...

As soon as "The World Is Not Enough" by Garbage is recognizable, the crowd whips into a frenzy! We can see Leon Sharpe working the crowd, shirt in hand. And faintly, through the cheers...

(Sharpe) C'mon, who wants THE shirt? I know someone wants it... Who's it gonna be???

Hardy chuckles, and brings the mike back up.

(Hardy) And now, the resident franchise man of the SJL, Leon Sharpe!

Having sold the shirt to a young, stunning redhea* (who, much to the dismay of Security and delight of the teenage guys in the crowd, is changing into it right here, right now), Leon jogs into the area with the other fighters, eyeing them up. He can -almost- go eye-to-eye with Janus, and that doesn't seem to faze him.

Clickclickclickwhirr... Spinnnnn...

Next we have "One Of A Kind" by Breaking Point... The fans are a little confused at this one.

(Hardy) Don't worry folks, you haven't heard this one before. It's a newbie... So, from New Haven, Connecticut... 6 foot-3, weighing in at 245 pounds... The... Omega... STORM!

The man known as the Omega Storm stalks through the opening in the crowd, seemingly sizing up his competition. He pats the tazer hooked to his belt, and smiles cunningly. The other wrestlers smirk, not caring how coc*y, arrogant, or anything else the new guy is. They see him as cannon fodder, nothing more. The crowd isn't sure what to think, so they kinda cheer, sort of.

Clickclickwhirrspinnnnn...

Next is "Three Libras" by A Perfect Circle. Again, the crowd's a bit confused.

(Hardy) Another new one, folks... Hang on. From Rosslare, Ireland... 6-4, weighing in at 248 pounds... Christian Blackwell!

Blackwell walks calmly into the area, measuring up his opposition. Again, a light pop from the crowd, and a less-than-thrilled response from the veterans. The other newbie, Storm, gives Blackwell a slight nod.

Clickclick... Whirr... Whirr... BANG! The last sound is the final thing the boombox ever does, as smoke and sparks come spitting out of the machine. The crowd scatters to a slightly safer distance.

(Hardy) Well isn't -that- a bitc*... Anyway, I'll just introduce our last contestant... C'mon out here, Cutthroat.

The crowd give a nice-sized pop for such a tool of a wrestler, but... We -are- in Texas, after all. There's nothing for a few moments, then... A Security

guard walks through the hole in the crowd.

(Guard, to Hardy) Excuse me, but there's a man in one of our restrooms...

The veterans groan to themselves. The refs cringe. Hardy, to his credit, keeps a straight face.

(Guard, continuing) ...He's a bit unnerving. Very strange attire, and he keeps screaming...

(Hardy, stopping the guard) Lemme guess... "Cutthroat", right?

The guard nods. Hardy sighs.

(Hardy) Yes, he's one of ours. We'll get him out soon. Thanks.

The guard walks off. Hardy looks at the refs, and they shrug.

(Hardy) Well, he's heard the rules before. We'll get him after we explain to everyone here and at home. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the famous SJL Mall Brawl match. The object is to find the golden balloon in the mall, pop it, read the card in the envelope, and get it to a referee for the win. The balloon will start up there...

Hardy points up at the Best Buy on the third floor, where the mall manager just released said gold balloon.

(Hardy) ...But it can float or be taken just about anywhere. The only rule is to find the balloon, and get the message to a ref. Got it?

Everyone nods, crac*s their knuckles, and glares at their competition.

(Hardy) Ohhhhh-kay then... I guess if there's no questions... Let's do it!

Hardy stupidly whips out a gun, and fires it into the air! The wrestlers and all but one of the refs are off like a bolt, but all the people in the mall are screaming, diving for cover... Security comes up and grabs Hardy by the arms, dragging him for the exits. Hardy looks at Se*ton.

(Hardy) Go get Cutthroat, and let him know it's on!

And with that, Hardy's 'escorted' out the doors, and into a waiting police car. Se*ton sighs.

(Hardcastle) What I do to get into a pay-per-view...

He stalks towards the restrooms, entering the door slowly.

(Hardcastle) Hey, Cutthroat... The match started... You've gotta move.

No response.

(Hardcastle) Cutthroat? Where the fuc* are you???

A groan from one of the last stalls. Se*ton approaches cautiously.

(Hardcastle) ... Cutthroat?

Se*ton notes a puddle under that last stall

(Hardcastle) Ewwwww! What the Hell, man?

Se*ton opens the stall door, and... Cutthroat pis*es in his eye!

(Cutthroat) CUTTHROAT!!!

(Hardcastle) Aaugh! Stop it! It burns! ACK!

Se*ton backs away, but Cutthroat continues to let loose a stream of pis* all over... The stall, the can, Se* ton, himself...

(Hardcastle) Damnit, that's enough!

Se*ton charges in, and kicks Cutthroat square in the jimmy. The pis* stops, and Cutthroat starts screaming like a sissy man. Se*ton gets close, and traps Cutthroat in... A knuckle lock! Cutthroat thrashes about, screaming in unbearable anguish. Se*ton cinches the hold, then slips in a puddle of pis*.

(Hardcastle) Shi*!!!

Se*ton hits the floor with a SPLASH! Cutthroat, the hold broken, takes off with uncanny speed. A few moments later, several security guards come charging. They see Se*ton just starting to stand, dripping in pis*.

(Guard) Uh... What happened in here? Someone heard a woman scream...

Se*ton just shakes his head angrily, and stalks out of the bathroom.

Meanwhile, on the second floor, the duo of Leon Sharpe and Janus are tearing it up. Rapid series of rights and lefts by the big men send people scrambling for cover. Janus gets in under Leon's guard, and super kicks him through a nearby game arcade window! Glass flies everywhere as the slightly smaller man plunges into a semi-darkness beyond. Janus steps forward, ready to follow, but stops when a much smaller, much less muscled man gets in his way.

(Dead Meat) Excuse me, sir... But I'm with the survey group located in the mall here. Do you have time to answer some questions?

Janus looks down, down, down at the man. He's bookish, wearing miles-thick glasses, a tweed suit, and pennyloafers. Janus tries to step around, but the man steps in the monster's way again.

(Really Dea* Meat) Sir, it would just take a few moments.

Not wanting to waste time and energy on something that... insignificant... Janus again tries to step around. And the man gets in his way again.

(Roadkill) Sir, I can make it well worth your... ULP!!!

The man's line is cut off as Janus lifts him by the lapels, a full foot off the ground, to look him dea* in the eye.

(Janus) Not... Interested...

The scrawny guy gets tossed into a nearby kiosk. Wood and plastic shoot everywhere, and in the middle is the survey man. He lies there for a moment, then sits up, brushing himself off. He looks at the behemoth entering the arcade.

(Lucky Man) Certainly, sir! But if you change your mind, please come see me!

Inside the arcade, Janus begins stalking his prey, Leon Sharpe. Teens and vid-geeks run for cover at the sight of such a huge man, but Janus stops one of them. The kid gulps, looking up at the big man, probably wetting himself.

(Janus) Where is the man that flew threw the window?

(Pimply Kid) He... He... He...

Shaking helplessly, the kid points towards the Turret Tower game off in the corner. Janus lets the kid go, and moves towards that way. He sees someone inside, and makes a break. He tears open the door to find...

(Janus) What's this?

What it is is a cardboard cut-out from when Virtua Fighter 4 first debuted... And a quickly-departing Leon Sharpe! Janus turns towards the door, but Sharpe closes the door, and jury-rigs the lock! Janus roars and rattles on the door, but to no avail. Sharpe grins from the other side of the glass.

(Sharpe) Lock's level 99, bitc*... And you don't have the smarts for it.

(Janus) When I get out of here...

(Sharpe, cutting him off) You're going to be puking your guts out, and walking upside down! Get the point?

Sharpe walks over to the wall as Janus blows off some steam inside the machine. Sharpe plugs the game in, and watches. Suddenly, all the lights come up in and out of the game. The sound of a motor getting some juice, and...

(Janus) YARGH!

Sharpe starts laughing as the game reveals why it was unplugged in the first place. Janus is a helpless victim as the 'turret' mechanism of the game starts spinning faster and faster! Janus goes to a knee against the gunner's chair as the game spins madly out of control.

(Sharpe, chuckling) Have fun in there, big guy.

Sharpe darts out the entrance as the motors in the game finally sputter out in a small burst of sparks and smoke. The machine slowly winds to a stop, and inside, Janus tries to stand. But, even with his abilities, he can't fight off nature and the human anatomy... He pitches forward, and busts right through the glass! And in the shards of colored glass, Janus lies, a groaning wreck...

Back on the first floor, the wrestler known as IL is looking in every store for the golden balloon that will give him a shot at stardom... Or, at least, another win under his belt. He sees a crowd of people.

(IL) Hmm... Wonder what that is...

As he's saying that, a group of young teenage guys come walking by with CDs in their hands.

(Teen 1) ...Yeah, I can't believe we got her autograph!

(Teen 2, haughtily) Yeah, we only stayed in line for an hour and a half.

(Teen 3, excited) But it was worth it... She's so hot!

(IL) Hey, who's over there?

(Teen 1, looking as he walks) Only the hottest singer to date!

(Teen 3) Yeah, it's Avril.

(IL, almost hypnotized) Avril... Lavigne?

(Teen 1) Yup, the one and only.

The kids walk off, and IL just... Stands there. He stands there for a few moments, until the lines thin out enough that he sees... Her.

(IL) Oh my...

Something snaps in his head. He looks around in desperation, then spies a skateboard left near some lockers. He rushes over to get it, and looks at it for a moment.

(IL) It's been a while... But anything for her...

A few moments later, up at the front of the line, the crowd has thinned out some... We can see the punkish singer, Avril Lavigne, taking time out to talk to some of her fans. She's smiling, really having a good time, and so are her faithful. A couple of geekish guys come walking by, looking to see what the hub-bub is about, and start snorting and chortling in that geekish kind-of way.

(Geek 1) Hey, Miss Lavigne... How's it feel to have a computer virus named after you?

The geeks keep laughing as they walk away, and Avril just shakes her head.

(Avril, lightly) I can't help that people like me a lot. But I don't condone taking advantage of celebrities like that.

The gathered crowd is pleasantly surprised at her, and that just makes her more likable. All the sudden, a commotion sparks up from the back of the line. The security guards start to tighten up around the group, and Avril stands up slowly.

(Avril) Anyone know what's going on back there?

Before anyone can answer, a young man on a skateboard comes zooming around the crowd, pulling a few crazy tricks, before stopping on the dime about 5 feet from where Avril is standing. Oh God... It's IL. The guards seem ready to pounce on this troublemaker, but Avril holds up a hand.

(Avril) Is there something I can do for you?

(IL) Yes, there is...

IL bends down on a knee.

(IL) Marry me!

The crowd snickers quietly. Avril, to her credit, is being very civil and calm about it... Probably happens all the time... Maybe.

(Avril) Well, I'm flattered... But I don't even know who you are.

IL lights up a huge smile.

(IL) Avril, dear... I'm your Sk8er Boi!

The crowd has a good laugh, and even Avril crac*s a smile.

(Random Voice) Hey! Watch out!

Everyone turns towards the voice, trying to see what's going on... IL, being a wrestler, has a slightly keener alertness and awareness... And he sees what's about to hit the fan!

(IL) Oh man...

(Mystery Voice) CUTTHROAT!!!

Yes, folks... Cutthroat comes charging full-bore out of the crowd, and... He trips! His stumbling and running carries him right into IL! The momentum is so much that it carries the duo straight back into the ill-placed and unlucky Avril Lavigne. The trio go tumbling back into the backdrop for the autograph session in a mass of limbs and curtains. Everyone seems unhurt.

(IL) That was no good...

(Cutthroat) CUTTHROAT!!!

(Avril) Uhm... Ow. Someone get that curtain rod off my thigh.

(IL, with a hint of excitement) That's no curtain rod...

(Avril, disgusted) GAH!

Avril delivers a swift knee to the 'curtain rod', and IL yelps in man pain, stumbling away from the pile-up. Avril slowly rises to her feet, shaking out the cobwebs, then looks down at Cutthroat.

(Avril) And just who are you?

Cutthroat looks up at her a moment...

(Cutthroat) CUTTHROAT!!!

He leaps up, and blows a humungous belch in her face! Avril grapples at her throat, gasping and gagging as Cutthroat takes off in the general direction of IL.

(Avril) Ugh...! Chili dogs with garlic and onions... Rotten meat... And... And... Pis*?

She finally goes down for the count. So did everyone else within 25 feet of the blast.

Back on the second floor now, as we see Leon Sharpe and Janus locked back up... Janus looks somewhat recovered after taking a spin, though he's a bit ied. Sharpe looks... Well... Sharp. A hundred feet or so down the corridor, we see the two newbies, Omega Storm and Christian Blackwell, tusslin' and tanglin'. All of this fighting is cutting a path through the crowd towards the toy store. Janus manages to launch Sharpe into the store through the front door with an Irish Whip... Blackwell, however, is a little more stunning and pulls off a release german suplex on Storm... And puts him right through the plate glass! That sends the crowd inside scattering (though I'm not sure why a 6'10" rumbling mass of muscle whipped through the front door wouldn't do the same...). The cashier looks up, petrified.

(Cashier) Hey! You know you can't do that!

Blackwell comes through the shattered window, and stares at the cashier. At the same time, Janus walks through the front door, looking for Sharpe. The cashier blinks a few times.

(Cashier, quietly) Or... You can do whatever you want, really...

He hides under the counter. Blackwell picks Storm back up, and hip tosses him onto one of those roll-out plastic toy keyboards. The noise the combined keypresses make seem to accentuate the grimace on Storm's face. Blackwell doesn't let up, sliding down and locking Storm up in the Triangle Hold... Just looking to wear a combatant down so that it's that much easier later on. Unfortunately Janus, not having found Sharpe right away, decides to take out some mayhe* on someone else, and elbows Blackwell in the head, breaking the hold. Blackwell recovers and looks up at the big man.

(Blackwell) One should know when not to interrupt another's work.

Janus replies by short-arm clotheslining Blackwell into a basket of video games.

(Janus) I interrupt when I want to, little man.

Just then, Sharpe launches himself through the air off the cashier's counter, and slams Janus into a pile of squeaky plush toys with a flying clothesline! Sharpe grabs one of the plushes, and starts 'pummeling' Janus.

(Sharpe) Say you like teddy bears, damnit! Say you like 'em!

Janus either doesn't like them, or doesn't like Sharpe, or both... The monster lances out with a hand, latching onto Sharpe's throat!

(Janus) You're... Beginning... To... Annoy... Me...

He stands slowly out of the pile of fluff, with Sharpe struggling in his grip. Janus locks the other hand over the first, and lifts up... Could it be? A chokeslam on the floor? Blackwell has something to say about that as he manages to get a high basball slide kick into the back of Janus' knees. The giant buckles, wavers, then falls, bringing Sharpe down with him! The trio is in a pile for a moment, then Sharpe gets to his feet and smiles at the prone form of Blackwell.

(Sharpe) Thanks, I owe you one... I'll get you a shirt at 10% off, how's that?

Sharpe chuckles, and trots out of the store. Blackwell, meanwhile, slowly extracts himself from under the big man's frame. He looks around for Storm, who's slipped out quietly and conveniently.

(Blackwell) Damn... The chase is on once again.

And with that, he takes off out of the store. Janus, catching his breath, finally comes to his feet with a roar.

(Janus) I'm going to find that man... And when I do...

He growls, clenching his fists, and leaves through the shattered window. The cashier, after a few moments of silence, creeps out from under the register.

(Cashier, quietly) Thank you, come again.

We go to the third floor... We find Omega Storm, walking down the corridors of the mall, peeking in each store, in search of the elusive gold balloon. He stops a janitor on their way to... Who knows where.

(Storm) Excuse me, you haven't happened upon a gold-colored balloon, have you?

(Janitor, looking up) Uhm... No. Did your child lose it?

(Storm, smirking) Yeah, my kid lost it.

(Janitor) Well, I'd try the lost and found then, first floor.

And the janitor starts on his way. Storm looks about to knock the guy's head clean off, but decides against it. Suddenly, he feels the sensation of thousands of tiny fists banging on his back. He laughs.

(Storm) Stop it, that tickles...

(Voice From Behind) CUTTHROAT!!!

Storm turns around, and... Yes, there stands Cutthroat. His hits on Storm's body slow, then finally stop. The two stare at each other for a moment.

(Storm) You have to be kidding...

(Cutthroat) CUTTHROAT!!!

(Storm, blinking and holding his nose) Jeez! And you smell like pis*, too! What's wrong with you, man???

Cutthroat tries several times in a row to lay backhands on Storm's chest, but... They're about as effective as wet noodles. Storm sighs, then nails Cutthroat with a heart punch! The delusional one hits the ground like a ton of bricks. Storm picks him up by the hair, looking around for a moment. He grins, then starts dragging Cutthroat towards a store. Once inside, the woman looks at the duo with a very confused, slightly freaked expression.

(Woman, hesitant) Can... I help you... Gentlemen?

(Storm) Yeah, I need a new wardrobe for my friend here.

Cutthroat groans softly, unawares. The cameraman backs out of the store, not wanting to be a part of this, but he -does- catch the store's name on the way out:

"Victoria's Secret"

Meanwhile, on the ground floor, we run into a little scuffle with MVS and IL. The two trade punches, kicks, and verbal barbs as people watch.

(MVS) Why the Hell (punch) are you still (punch, block) in the JL anyway? (kick, block, feint) You've been here (punch, duck) forever!

(IL) Hey! Maybe (kick, block) I like it here... (punch, kick) It's not like you're (duck, block) on your way up (punch, punch, kick) anytime soon.

(MVS) Well... (kick, dodge, punch) I'm better than you!

(IL) How do you know? (punch, duck, dodge) You're still here too!

The two look at each other for a moment.

(MVS) You ever get the feeling that someone was giving you the royal screw job?

(IL) Yeah, my whole career.

(MVS) Hmm... I've got a plan.

(IL) Oh yeah?

(MVS) Yeah. Since we're the younger group in the JL, I say we team up and take these older farts on... Show 'em what youth is about!

IL ponders this for a moment, then grins.

(IL) I like it... Let's win this match, and go right to the top!

(MVS) Right!

The two take off, but you can hear...

(IL) Y'know, I almost got it on with Avril Lavigne today...

Suddenly the two stop.

(MVS) That's it! I can't team with you now!

(IL) Huh...?

Before IL can ask anything, MVS nails the poor boy with a spinning wheelkick, and drops him to the deck. MVS runs off, leaving IL laying there.

(IL) Damn... No taste in good music.

Back to the third floor... Outside Victoria's Secret... And a God-awful sight. Storm is still dragging Cutthroat around, but now... Cutthroat is out of his wrestling attire, and in a very, -very- sheer red bra with hearts and white lace... And a matching set of panties. People are repulsed, and run when they see the pair. Storm drags the helpless Cutthroat around, and punches him in the head when he resists.

(Storm) See? It looks good on you, trust me.

(Cutthroat, slurred) Cut... Throat...

(Storm) Now, a place to show you off... A-ha!

Storm looks diagonal from the store to a Western bar (oddly placed, don't you think? So close to the Victoria's Secret...). He grins, and drags Cutthroat that way. When in front, he stands Cutthroat up, and looks at him.

(Storm) This is where I let you off. Happy trails, buddy.

He back up, and gets ready to let Cutthroat have it with a kick to the jaw, but stops.

(Storm) Oh, and Cutthroat?

Cutthroat looks up.

(Storm) Instead of saying your name all the time, start mooing. It's better ratings. Got it?

Cutthroat moos. Storm grins, then lets him have it with a nastily stiff jaw kick. Cutthroat drops to the ground, and Storm immediately follows up with the Unpredictable Weather. He leaves Cutthroat wrapped up as something catches his eye.

(Storm) Oh, this could be interesting...

He takes off towards a store down the way. Meanwhile, a large, obviously drunk cowboy-type comes stumbling out of the Western bar. He stops, and his jaw drops as he sees Cutthroat in his ie, in a rather helpless position.

(Cowboy, words accompanied by the scent of beer) Well lookie here... You're looking mighty fine, little missie. And all bundled up in a package for a nice cow-poke like me... I must be having a lucky day... Tell me, sugar... What's your name?

Cutthroat, remembering what Storm had said and seeing the camera on him, moos. The cowboy gets a y look about him, and grins maniacally.

(Cowboy) Well... I gotta say that this -is- a real lucky day then! (looking up at the cameraman, who's been trying to back away the whole time) And you got yourself a camera? You're a feisty, little heifer, ain't ya? Well, don't worry... Daddy'll take you all back to his ranch so he can brand ya, and saddle y'all up for a long ride! Yee-haw!

Cutthroat is helpless as the cowboy picks him up in one arm, still lock in the submission hold, still mooing. The cameraman (God have mercy on his soul) is plucked up as well, and the camera itself... Mercifully cuts off from the rest of the world. Good luck, boys! Meanwhile, on another camera, we see Mike Van Siclen running towards... Something... But we can't quite make it out. The camera gets into a good position, and we see... A gold balloon!!! Mike could win this sucker! He grabs up the balloon, then looks around. He sees a ref turning the corner down a ways, so he hauls ass towards the ref...

(MVS) Hey! Hey! Waitaminute!!!

The ref turns... Man, he looks awfully familiar. At any rate, he approaches MVS with a smile.

(Referee) Looks like you found it! Good job!

He -sounds- vaguely familiar, too...

(MVS) Alright, so I have to pop it, open the envelope, and read the card, right?

The ref nods, so MVS pops the balloon, and grabs the envelope before it can fall to the ground below. He tears it open, and looks at the card inside.

(MVS) Hand this to a ref for your prize... Okay, seems simple enough.

MVS reaches out to hand the ticket to the ref... The ref... Grabs his arm hard, and yanks MVS towards him! MVS, filled with pride and tasting the win, can't react as the ref levels him to the ground with a short-arm clothesline! Smoothly, the ref reaches on his belt, and pulls off a pager-looking device. He slams it into MVS' side, and watches in delight as MVS shakes and gyrates... And then goes limp.

(Not-So-Ref) Sweet dreams.

The 'ref' grins evilly, and slips out of hte costume to reveal... OMEGA STORM! He slips the tazer back to his side, and chuckles. He looks across the way at two stores: The arts and crafts store, and the costume shop.

(Storm) I owe you guys!

Storm takes off as MVS groans quietly on the floor.

Meanwhile, on the ground floor, Sharpe is stalking about, looking for the balloon... He's full of pride, having embarassed the monster, Janus, at nearly every turn they've met.

(Sharpe) Damn, I'm go--ULP!!!

The sudden cut-off in gloating speech is caused by a pair of massive paws clamped around Sharpe's throat. Those paws are connected to two -huge- arms, and those arms... Connected to one pis*ed-off Janus!

(Janus) There you are, little man... Prepared to die yet?

Sharpe wriggles and writhes, trying to break free. Janus hauls Sharpe up into a vertical suplex, then turns it into the starts of a Tombstone! Oh, the humanity! Janus holds him there in a herculean show of strength.

(Janus, snarling) Any last words?

(Sharpe, breathing hard) Yeah... CUP CHECK!

Janus doesn't realize what this means until... WHAM! Sharpe slams his free hand into the family jewels of Janus! The big man just buckles, releasing his hold on Sharpe. Leon manages to roll out of the way just barely before getting crushed by a 350 pound falling sack of meat. Sharpe catches his wind, and kicks the big man in the side.

(Sharpe) Guess you weren't wearing one.

He takes off just as Janus bellows like Hell itself opened up, and stands slowly.

All of the sudden, there's chaos and mayhe* abounding all over the mall... The balloon (the real one this time) has been sighted, and six SJL superstars are Hell-bent on being the first one to get it! The balloon, unawares that it's causing so much of a commotion, floats merrily along on the second floor, near the sportswear store. Omega Storm and Chris Blackwell are the first to be anywhere close, jockeying for position as they run down one hall. Janus and Leon Sharpe approach from another direction, stopping every 5 feet to blast each other in the face with repeated punches. MVS and IL come from a third lane, MVS just trying to avoid IL for even thinking Avril Lavigne was something worth while. The 6 superstars are almost to the storefront when... POP!!! The half-dozen men look at each other with an unbelieving look, then step in front of the store's main door. There's a ceiling fan... And on that ceiling fan, there are pieces of gold balloon, along with pieces of gold balloon strewn all over the store. Se*ton leads the troupe of referees to the storefront, and gaze dismayingly upon the scene.

(Hardcastle) Well ain't that just a bitc*...

The 6 superstars look at Se*ton, then take off into the store, ready to tear, rend, and destroy to get the envelope. The cashiers and workers wisely don't say a word, and get the Hell out of the way as clothes, people, and clothesracks go flying throughout the store. IL climbs to the top of one of the upright racks, getting a bit better view of the chaos below. He spies a likely victim... Omega Storm, who is bent over, looking under some fallen clothes for the envelope. IL leaps down, planting a leg in the small of Storm's back. The two tumble into the shirts, and start pounding on each other with rights and lefts. Elsewhere, Janus is eyeing a clothing rack when Sharpe plants a tons-sizes-too-small Yankees jersey over Janus' head (it wouldn't fit much past his shoulders)! Janus roars and bellows like a bull stuck with a sword, and goes careening into clothesracks, and... Unfortunately for him, Mike Van Siclen. MVS gets completely run over, but not before MVS takes the giant down with a drop toe hold. Janus can't quite catch himself, as his arms are half-pinned by the shirt, and MVS jumps on his back, wailing the Hell out of the back of his head. The big man bellows, and MVS bails ship before Janus rips the jersey (A Derek Jeter one... Oh damn) completely apart. Christian Blackwell and Sharpe enter the picture now, locked up and trying to gain leverage through piles of hats and the like. The wrestlers seem to draw closer and closer to each other in their little in-fighting until there's 5 on them fighting each other within about a foot and a half space. Waitaminute... Just 5? Who's missing? Wait... There's someone coming out from underneatn a pile of batting practice jackets, or something... It's Omega Storm! And he's got the envelope!!! The other 5 combatants look and see what's transpiring, and leap down on the newbie, Storm. There's fists thrown, kicks, shoving, biting... Poor Storm is at the bottom of the pile, more or less stuck. Out of the pile, the envelope floats out, but no one seems aware. After a few moments, the fighting slows to something tolerable, with all 5 men standing. They look around for a moment.

(MVS) Where's the envelope?

(IL, pointing to Storm) He had it last.

(Storm, showing his hands) Not anymore.

Everyone looks around for a moment, then spies...

(Sharpe, pointing) There!

(Blackwell) It's mine!

(IL) Not if I get there first!

The 6 men jump for the same spot, which the laws of physics counteract with interesting results. IL and MVS bounce harmlessly off of Janus' sprawled frame, and end up to the side. That, combined with the fact that Sharpe jumped -on- Janus, prevent Janus from getting full spring, and he falls short. Blackwell pulls himself short as MVS crosses his path. Storm jumped for Janus' feet, seeing that he needed to stop the tallest body from getting there. But, with Janus stopping, Storm winds up going -over- Janus and Sharpe, and... Impacting the wall! He's the first one to realize where he ended up, though, and grabs the envelope... Again! The other 5 try to scramble to their feet, but Storm is already beating a path for the door. IL and MVS are easily the fastest, and catch up to Storm just before he makes it to the threshold. The pair each grab a leg, and bring the envelope-holder down! Storm tries to kick the two away, but they cling tenaciously. Storm reaches down with a free hand, unclipping the tazer from his side. In a fluid motion, he jams it into MVS' arm!

(MVS) Damnit, not again... OWWWWW!!!

MVS grabs his arm and rolls away, leaving only IL left. Storm tries to tazer him too, but IL moves himself out of the way, while still hanging on.

(Storm) Damnit, you little bug... Let go!

(IL) That card is my ticket to stardom, bitc*! I'm not going to let some newbie steal my glory!

As IL makes his move to grab the envelope, Storm brings up a knee into IL's manhood!

(IL) AAUGH!!! Not again!

IL crumples back, and Storm runs for the doorway! Janus, Sharpe, and Blackwell not far behind, Storm reaches down, and hits a switch on the wall by the doorway as he dives for the outside of the store... *ClinkclinkclinkclinkSLAM!* The iron security gate drops down! Janus slams into it at full bore, bending it out, but it stays. Sharpe crashes into Janus' back, and Blackwell hits as well. All three go down in a pile as Storm raises his hand in victory! Matthew Kivell comes over as Storm tears the envelope open. The 5 other combatants do their best to bust down the security gate, but no luck, thanks to a strong agnetic seal at the bottom. Storm triumphantly pulls out the ticket inside the envelope, and reads it for the world to hear:

(Storm) "Sorry! This ticket is not an instant... Winner... Please... Try again?"

He looks at Kivell, and just about pulls the man out of his skin as he lifts him up by the lapels.

(Storm) I went through all that... For THIS???

Kivell shakes his head.

(Kivell) No, no, no... You're the winner, you're the winner of the match!

Storm lets him down slowly, then nods.

(Storm) Well... You gonna raise my hand in victory, or what?

Kivell looks a little relieved as he comes over and brings Storm's arm up as the victor. Storm revels in it for a moment, then... He grabs Kivell, taking him up at a 90 degree angle! Storms falls forward, but releases his hold on Kivell. The ref / dark match jobber screams as he's sent flying over the second floor guardrail after a beautiful release, reverse, fallaway slam. Down he sails like a two-winged lawn dart, and... SPLOOSH!!! Kivell belly-flops hard into the fountain below! Storm brushes his hands against each other, then smiles into the camera.

(Storm) Random violenc*. Good ratings booster. Back to the arena.

-----(Transition)-----

The fans are in an absolute fever after this hellacious match. Axis and King are stunned.

(Axis) This match... This match was...

(King, suddenly very animate and excited) It was the absolute best ever! I've never seen anything like it! The carnage, the trickery! The absolute, sheer random chaos of it all! Gawd, I love it!!! The sheer, random...!!!

King suddenly spins around, and leaps into the crowd... And tackles an unsuspecting David Carr (he should be suspecting these kind of things, after the year he had)! At the corner of the screen, a box pops up: "David Carr, Houston Texans - Career Sacks: 77" Next to the "77", a "+1" pops up. Axis sighs softly as the med-techs tend to Carr. King is bounding up and down the aisles, like a kid on a sugar high.

(Axis) We'll be right back with the Tag Team Tables Match after this message...

-----(Fade to black)-----

janusd · January 28, 2003

....Damn. You did good, FTOF.

Remind me, however, to kick you seven ways to Sunday in an actual match for repeatedly embarassing me.

January 28, 2003

Remind me, however, to kick you seven ways to Sunday in an actual match for repeatedly embarassing me.

Don't blame me... It was all Sharpe's fault. :headbang:

But thanks for the kind words.

MIW "Losing" Thread

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