CLUSTERFUCK 2003!!!!!

[Guest Suicide King]

----------------------------------------------

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation

© 2000 – 2003

All Rights Reserved

----------------------------------------------

 

A flash of light streaks across the screen and the ominous sound that brought the light explodes into the sound of an electric guitar. In shadowed form, their faces flicker on the screen, and then out again just as quickly as they came, each one with an expression of sheer determination.

 

Nathaniel Kibagami

 

Judge Mental

 

Ejiro Fasaki

 

Annie Eclectic

 

Xstasy

 

Stryke

 

Johnny “The Barracuda” Dangerous

 

Michael Craven

 

Xero

 

Wildchild

 

Danny Williams

 

CIA

 

Alex Zenon

 

Fugue

 

TNT

 

Jay Dawg

 

Longdogger Pete

 

Frost

 

Tod deKindes

 

Mak Francis

 

 

Twenty individuals will enter…

 

Only one will remain standing in the end…

 

They lay it all on the line…

 

For a chance at the prize…

 

The SWF World Heavyweight Championship!!

 

 

“Let me enlighten you”

 

“This is the way I praaaaaaaaayyyyyy”

 

“Living just isn’t hard enough”

 

“Burn me alive inside”

 

“Living my life's not hard enough”

 

“Take everything awaaaaaaaaay”

 

“WOAH!”

 

 

And the madness begins…

 

“Prayer” by Disturbed ruins the sleep of parents across the world and the montage of footage blurs the memories of all who watch. Insane bumps, harsh words, face to face confrontations, and finishers…tons and tons of finishers are among the images that bombard the screen…

 

 

Tatsudoshi!!

 

Capitol Punishment!!

 

Cobra Crossface!!

 

Daybreak Pedigree!!

 

Xception!!

 

All Time High!!

 

Cover Up!!

 

Descent Into Darkness!!

 

Xero Gravity!!

 

The Wild Ride!!

 

Rolling Elbow!!

 

Air Canada!!

 

Ikari Shinkan!!

 

Harmony!!

 

Mushroom Cloud!!

 

JD’s Revenge!!

 

THA CLOGGAH!!

 

Early Winter!!

 

Wet Dream Machine!

 

Franchise Tag!!

 

The finishers cease, and suddenly, still through the music, footage of Perfect Bo and Hville Thugg standing toe to toe dawns the screen, but is quickly replaced with the two fighting it out backstage. Before the viewers get to attached to Thugg and Bo bashing each other with blunt objects, El Luchadore Magnifico’s showdown on the final pre-PPV show clips into the montage, but is quickly replaced with ELM laying down the Mexican Pride Press on Flesher.

 

Untamed on Bo!

 

The Boilermaker on Magnifico!

 

Chair blast to Thugg!

 

Baha California Crusher on Flesher!

 

 

BOOM!!

 

BOOM!!

 

BOOM!!

 

BOOM!!

 

 

White pyro explodes like dominos all the way around the ring, up the ramp, around the stage, which gives way to a huge blast on the stage. “Prayer” plays in the background and the fans are electric as the camera pans them while zooming in and out.

 

(Stevens) – Ladies and gentlemen!!! OH!! WHAT A NIGHT! LIVE FROM THE MELLON ARENA, IN THE HEART OF PITTSBURG, PENNSYLVANIA!!! As always, alongside my colleague Bobby Riley, I’m “Grand Slam” Mark Stevens, and THIS IS CLUSTERFUCK!!!

 

The noise inside the arena is simply spellbinding and cannot be truly described in words. Every single fan is on their feet and screaming at the top of their lungs, and they continue to make noise as the camera settles in on the SWF’s favorite commentary team, Mark Stevens and Bobby Riley.

 

(Stevens) – What a night we have in store!!

 

(Riley) – That’s right Mark. We’ve got a match of the street-thugs, with the Hville Thugg and Perfect Bo in an ‘I Quit’ match.

 

(Stevens) – Now that’s gonna be a helluva contest, that will almost certainly end with only one man walking out…or perhaps neither of them will walk out. And our main event tonight…WOO…what a main event. The SWF champion, El Luchadore Magnifico, defends against his perennial foe, Tom Flesher in a very unique match…The first ever Submission Ladder match!

 

(Riley) – Now that’s the one I’m waiting for Mark! I can’t wait for Tom to finally walk away with the SWF title.

 

(Stevens) – Well, I think Magnifico might have just a little bit to say about that, but we’ll have to wait and see. But…between all that, of course, we have our huge 20-man battle royal…The Clusterfuck!

 

(Riley) – It’s anyone’s game in there tonight, but you’ve gotta like Frost to come away with the win and a shot at the SWF champion at From The Fire. He has beaten nearly everyone on the roster…hasn’t lost in months…and to top is off, he’ll enter at number 18, giving him a huge advantage. Who can stop him?

 

(Stevens) – There are a few people in there that could pose a threat to Frost…you’ve got Tod deKindes, Xstasy, Nathaniel Kibagami…just to name a few. But Frost as been on a roll, and so far, has been labeled the favorite to be the last man in the ring.

 

(Riley) – Let’s hurry up and get there…I can’t wait!

 

(Stevens) – Well, you’ll have to wait just a little while longer because we’ve got the huge rivalry match between Thugg and Bo now, so…

 

The camera cuts away from the announce table and the Smarktron sparks to life, showing footage of the backstage area and Thugg walking towards the camera.

 

(Stevens) - …and here comes Thugg! He looks ready…ready for what is sure to be a most brutal match against his arch-rival, Perfect Bo!

 

Instead of the usual cut away back to ringside, the camera stays on Thugg, and pans around as the big man walks by, as to shoot Thugg walking away. When the camera turns to point at the back of Thugg, another man comes into the picture…Suicide King.

 

(Stevens) – Uh oh…why is the commissioner standing there?

 

The fans at ringside let loose a loud boo as King stands in the doorway of what probably is his office. Thugg walks by without incident, and in fact, doesn’t even take a sideways glance at Suicide King. As Thugg passes him by, King uses the opportunity as a chance to take a shot at Thugg…

 

(King) – Oooo…somebody looks exceptionally focused tonight.

 

King leaves his doorway and jogs to catch up with the large man from the nation’s capitol. Thugg completely ignores King, keeping his eyes forward and not saying a word.

 

(King) – So, you ready for Bo tonight?

 

(HVT) – Go to hell King.

 

(King) – Oooo! Got some anger there! I better watch out or big, bad, Thugg might wreck my sh *BEEP*.

 

King prances around Thugg imitating some kind of fairy, darting in and out and touching Thugg on the chest with his index finger as he floats in front of HVT. Thugg does his best to ignore the buzzing King, and continues to walk forward down the hall.

 

(King) – Everyone, everyone…don’t mess with Thugg. He’s an angry black man who will kick your ass…Oooo…everyone…run scared.

 

Thugg stops in his tracks and stares at King, who immediately halts his little song and dance.’

 

(HVT) – What the *BEEP* you want yo?

 

(King) – I’m just looking to find out which Thugg we’re gonna see tonight. I mean, this is a big match for you…against your arch enemy…the man that put you out of wrestling for 8 months…the man who has tormented you time and time again…the man who…

 

(HVT) – Get to the point yo.

 

(King) – Hey, I’m just establishing that this is a huge match. I mean, does it get any better than Bo versus Thugg? Seriously, does it?

 

Thugg simply stands there impatiently waiting…

 

(King) – Ok, ok…check it out. I just have one question…

 

King darts inside an open door nearby and then comes back out, holding a steel chair.

 

(King) – Are you gonna need one of these…{holding up the chair}…or, one of these?

 

King reaches in his pocket and pulls out a tampon, which he holds in Thugg’s face, drawing much laughter from the crowd, and of course, his share of boos. Thugg stands there, staring angrily at the tampon and King…

 

(HVT) – King…I swear to God, this ain’t the time or place for this crap. Get the hell outta my way, I gotta match.

 

(King) – Hey, don’t get mad at me because tonight, the whole world we see the truth about you Thugg…that you’re just a giant pussy now. And I tell you, it’s going to be a good feeling for me…hearing you scream over that microphone…hearing you sob and squeal like the bitch you are. Hearing you say, “I Quit” is going to bring just a little extra joy to my already perfect existence. Why? Because the whole world will see what I’ve known all along.

 

(HVT) – Whateva yo…you ain’t fazin’ me none. Cause for real yo…I’m ‘bout to roll out there to dat ring and straight blast dat nigga. Make him wish he never knew H-V-T. And I promise you King, it ain’t gonna be for the weak at heart yo…so you might wanna go back to your papers or your contracts or your male porn…or whatever it is you do in your office. Because if you come down to that ring tonight playa…you gonna get dealt wit, just like Bo…ya heard.

 

(King) – How very touching there Thugg…almost brings me to tears. But…ummmm…let me tell you something. If…no…when you lose this match and the whole world sees what a bitch you’ve become…I’ll make sure that you never see any parts of a title…any parts of a main event…anything remotely related to an important or high profile match. In fact…once Bo’s exposed you to the world, I’ll see to it that you spend the rest of your days here in the SWF curtain jerking against the Memphis Eel and Cardboard Comet. No world title shots. No ICTV title shots. No tag team title shots. No main events. No pay-per-views…nothing. Because hey…once you’ve gone soft in this business…there’s only one thing you’re good for…jobber food.

 

Thugg, seemingly very unhappy with King’s threats simply stares in silence at the commissioner…

 

(King) – Oh, but no pressure Thugg…none at all. Good luck, and have a faaaaaaantastic match.

 

King winks and smirks before skirting off back in the direction they had come, as Thugg continues down the hall…

[Guest Suicide King]

‘Dung’

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= About over a year ago =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

The screen shows Thugg, X and Bo all stand together in the ring…all raising their arms up in the air signifying that they are bond together as a group, as a stable…as DA POUND!”

 

‘Dung’

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--= A while ago =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

The screen shows Bo returns to Da Pound…the new Pound with something on his mind…a change man and no one seems to know why.

 

‘Dung’

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= That PPV =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

The screen shows Bo hitting Thugg over the head with a chair at a PPV…Thugg on the ground stunned and hurt looking up and seeing the chair crashing down to his head and body. Bo grabs the mike and said: “You want to know why I did this to you? It’s call payback…payback for fuckin my wife.” The last chair shot that rocked Thugg’s brain inside his head.

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The next PPV =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

“ALL ABOOOOOOOOOOARD!”

 

“WHAT? Haven’t ENOUGH people tried to ruin Edwin’s party already?”

 

The crowd’s boos are phenomenally loud, and the drown out “Crazy Train” as the deputy commissioner himself steps out onto the ramping, snarling at the confetti as the last of it falls down and gets caught in his hair. “Cut my music!” he sneers, spitting confetti aside. “Well, well, Edwin,” scoffs King, as “Crazy Train” fades out, “it looks like you finally did it. No thanks to that big dumb bitch standing next to you. Bo, Bo, Bo…why couldn’t you get the job done? I didn’t ask for anything fancy—just a simple crippling! I thought you of all people could have pulled it off, not this little fey pretender to my throne standing next to you!”

 

“What?” says Curry, dumbfounded as everyone else. “I don’t get it…”

 

“I guess,” continues King, sighing, “I’ll just have to come do it myself. But in the meanwhile, Bo, why don’t you take care of our other problem?” King grins, and Edwin turns towards Bo, a confused look on his face. Bo grins…AND LEVELS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION WITH THE STEEL CHAIR! THE TITLE BELT GOES FLYING AWAY AND EDWIN DROPS LIKE A DEAD MAN AS THE ARENA BURSTS INTO RIOT! The Suicide King comes bolting down the ramp, and Bo raises his arms high into the air, roaring as he steps forward and bumps chests with Sacred and Jay Dawg!

 

“BO JUST TOOK OUT THE WORLD CHAMP—AND…no, no, I get it! I can’t believe we missed it!” In the corner, HVT has finally risen up from the Walk-Off, and as he sees Bo floor Edwin with the chair, he realizes the nature of the deception! With a bold shout, the battered Thugg lunges forward, and Bo swings his chair, but Thugg ducks! The Savvis Center explodes with cheers, and Thugg lunges forward…but Sacred and JD each grab and arm of his! He looks back to them dumbfounded, and—

 

CRAAAACK! Bo brings the chair down hard over Thugg’s head! He slumps –

 

CRAAAACK! Bo levels him with another chair shot! He passes the chair off to King and he –

 

CRAAAACK! King takes a swing of his own, and blood starts to pour out of HVT’s forehead as he collapses to the mat! The crowd is in a fury! “It was Bo! It was King! It was them all along! Bo’s got his revenge all right—but this was a setup? I can’t believe it!”

 

“I suddenly like Bo a lot whole more!” snickers NTD.

 

Sacred, JD, Bo, and King stomp away at Thugg, trading the chair off and leveling his head with shot after shot, when suddenly Sacred gets yanked out of the picture! A bloody-faced Edwin MacPhisto tears him away and swings a fist, but the Suicide King dashes towards him and wraps him up in a half-nelson before he can do anything! He floors Edwin with the Joker’s Wild, and as the bloody world champ hits the mat, King dumps him out of the ring and goes back to Thugg! “They’re tearing Thugg apart! He’s not going to survive if they keep this up! Listen to that crowd, NTD—I can’t believe, but these people are getting behind the HVille Thugg!” Through all the chairshots, Thugg is fighting through, sitting up, throwing punches, but he keeps getting put down! “He can’t last much longer, and Edwin’s taken out! Where’s the Carnival?” The Smarktron suddenly lights up on the Carnival locker room, thuds coming from inside, the door barred from the outside! “They’re walled in! There’s no one left! Someone has to do something--”

 

“LIGHTS OUT! GUERRILLA RADIO—TURN THAT SHIT UP!”

 

The crowd pops one more time—and the music cuts out immediately as Commissioner McWeed comes charging out the back! “KING! BO! You jackoffs! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Another huge pop!

 

“The commish is finally coming around!” cries Curry!

 

“Who gave you the bright idea to beat Thugg down like that? Huh? Was it me? Was it King? You guys are in big trouble…” The crowd is behind the commish now, chanting “STUB-BY, STUB-BY” at the top of their lungs for the first time in ages. “You’re in big trouble, and you know why? I said I wanted Thugg taken care of! I said I wanted him out of my way. But I didn’t say I wanted Thugg beaten down—I wanted him CRIPPLED!”

 

“WHAT?” The shocks keep coming, and Stubby P. McWeed throws the microphone down as his chant suddenly dissolves! “The commissioner—the Pound—Bo—they were all in on this! I can’t—I can’t believe it!”

 

“You better, Curry, cause Thugg’s a dead man tonight!” Stubby dives into the ring and starts to stomp away, and Bo raises the chair high…and jams the edge down into the back of Thugg’s neck! Thugg convulses and stops fighting back, and Bo does it again!

 

.

.

.

 

Bo raises the chair high…and jams the edge down into the back of Thugg’s neck!

 

.

.

.

 

Bo raises the chair high…and jams the edge down into the back of Thugg’s neck!

 

.

.

.

 

Bo raises the chair high…and jams the edge down into the back of Thugg’s neck!

 

.

.

.

 

Bo raises the chair high…and jams the edge down into the back of Thugg’s neck!

 

‘Dung’

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= SWF Lockdown! - Jan 13, 2003 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

(HVT) – I’m gonna call you back.

 

**click**

 

HVT flips his phone closed and stares out in front of him. The camera turns 180 degrees to find…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…Perfect Bo.

 

(Stevens) – BO! BO!! It’s Perfect Bo! Oh my god…all hell’s gonna break loose backstage with these two most hated of enemies.

 

HVT stares at Bo, who stands about 100 feet away down the hall, and after several very tense moments, both men start to walk slowly towards one another.

 

(HVT) – I been waitin’ for you…

 

(Bo) – Wait’s over…Bring it!

 

And with that, all hell does, in fact, break loose as the two large men meet face to face…or rather, faces to fists. HVT throws the first punch, as the crowd at ringside explodes, which connects hard against the side of Bo’s head. In retaliation, Bo throws a punch of his own that lands square into Thugg’s chin.

 

Punch by Thugg!

 

Punch by Bo!

 

Punch by Thugg!

 

Punch by Bo!

 

Punch by Thugg!

 

Punch by Thugg!

 

Punch by Thugg!

 

(Riley) – Lord have mercy!

 

(Stevens) – Holy cow! We need some security of something backstage…these two are going to kill each other!

 

Thugg gets the upper hand, staggering his mortal enemy several steps towards an opening at the end of the hall. Thugg grabs Bo by the head, and throws him face first into the wall alongside the hallway. The blow sends Bo down to one knee, but when Thugg goes to grab him, Bo drives an elbow into Thugg’s gut, and then scores with a huge uppercut that drives the big man way back to the opposite wall. Bo jumps to his feet, grabs Thugg by the head, and slams him face first into the same wall.

 

(Bo) – Where you at yo!! Fight like a man you pussy!

 

Bo turns Thugg around in order to get a good look at the man whose career he nearly ended, and Thugg is actually smiling. This change in Thugg’s demeanor causes a slight hesitation in Bo, which allows Thugg to score with a crushing right hand to Bo’s temple. The blow drives Bo back to the opposite wall again, and HVT rushes up to him and drives a hard thigh into his abdomen, taking the wind out of the Perfect One. He then grabs Bo by the head and starts to drag him to the opening that connects two hallways. Once there, HVT throws Bo into a steel shelf resting against the wall. Bo hits the shelf with a crash, and bounces off holding his back. HVT grabs him by the head again, and then launches him through a door across the hall, knocking the door completely off its hinges. Inside the room, wrestlers scatter as Bo slides across the floor!

 

(Stevens) – Now they’re in the locker room!

 

HVT stalks Bo, who tries to scramble to his feet. Bo makes it upright as Thugg reaches him, and Bo throws a punch that lands against Thugg’s face. With Thugg stunned temporarily, Bo lands several more punches as the unrecognizable wrestlers dive across the room to get a good look at the action by stay out of the way. With HVT reeling, Bo charges Thugg, tackling him against the wall, but Thugg starts to slam down on Bo with heavy forearms. Bo drops down to one knee, but continues to push Thugg against the wall and drive punch after punch to the big man’s kidneys. After several slow moments of this, both men slide down the wall to the ground, where they start to wrestle for position and throw an occasional punch or two.

 

(Stevens) – Good God…the hate between these two runs so deep! If Bo’s back, we can expect this thing to explode to levels never seen before here in the SWF.

 

With Thugg and Bo wrestling on the ground, about 10 large security guards rush into the room and grab at the two superstars, pulling them apart. Both men keep swinging in an attempt to land one final punch, but to no avail as the guards pry them away from one another.

 

(HVT) – You’re fuckin’ dead yo! DEAD!!

 

(Bo) – Bring it! I’m right here! And I ain’t goin’ anywhere!

 

One set of guards drags Thugg from the room, leaving everyone buzzing from the encounter.

 

‘Dung’

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= A promo set a few days before Clusterfuck =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

“You know what? You think I wont make you squeal?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Then why we don’t make it an ‘I quit’ match.”

 

Bo stood quiet for a second with a look of concern…he then looks up and said: “Bet, I’m gonna have fun beating your ass that you will have no choice but to scream like a little bitch ‘I quit.’”

 

“No, no, no, no, no, no…you’re not gonna beat my ass…I’m not going to say I quit.”

 

“Nigga I would DIE before I say I quit.”

 

“I would die also…”

 

“And that’s what’s going to happen…you’re going to die. I’m not going to hold back because it’s time for you to learn your lesson.”

 

“I’ll be waiting…”

 

“The wait will soon be over.” Bo said…after that state, Bo gets up and leaves the room, leaving the people at home have a good look at his couch.

 

Thugg gets up as well and leaves his area and that’s when the camera shifts down it catches Ben Hardy sitting on the steps waiting for Thugg and Bo to finish their little dispute. He gets up and acted like nothing happen and start talking.

 

“Well there you have it…Bo and Thugg will tangle it out at Clusterfuck and it may be an ‘I quit’ match…lets hope if it gets signed…Well, this is Ben Hardy signing off.

 

‘Dung’

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Present =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

There’s a split screen on the Tron…on the right side it shows Bo showing his beef with Thugg and what he has done to him. On the left side it shows Thugg and his problems with Bo and what he has done to him and they’re both showing simultaneously.

 

The camera now puts its attention to the screaming crowd of 30,000 in the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. People with signs, t-shirts, masks and face paint covers the arena as the camera slowly shifts towards the announce table.

 

“Welcome to Clusterfuck…this has been one of the most anticipated pay per views in SWF history…20 men, one winner, over the top rope elimination type style match, and oh who ever is coming out number 20 must have the biggest advantage in this match.” Mark started out his commentary.

 

“20 people…one goal…this match doesn’t take much intelligence to win. It takes Stamina and luck. Who has the most stamina and who has the best luck?” Riley said and asks to himself.

 

“Yeah, stamina is a must…but you have to be smart as well…because how can a guy that weighs 180 pounds is going to go toe to toe with a man that weighs more than 300…it’s logical.”

 

“The man can use his quickness and try to avoid the grasp of a big man…get the man off balance and things will turn out well.” Counter comment Riley.

 

“Well, enough about that…it’s time for the opening bout. These two men aren’t use to opening the PPV but this match will still be one of the best matches every to hit the SWF. An ‘I Quit’ match.”

 

“It’s to see who is the realest, to see who’s the toughest, to see who’s the thugest of them all…the self proclaimed thug who has a softer side, or the menace from the Bronx…Bo. I’m going for Bo.” Riley said.

 

“Well, it’s time to start this match…I know I wont be able to talk to much about this match because I have to prepare my self for ELM and Flesher and of course the Main Event…Cluster…blank.”

 

“Why can’t you say it Mark?”

 

“Because I am a family man…I never liked the name Cluster and that word at the end…I have to show a good example to my child and my people back at home that I am a good man, and will not fall into these kind of people.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

The lights dim into a dark blue type color with a fire type reddish color hovering over the darkness. The Tron awakens with the words. "Wait is over" as it quickly juggles with scenes of Bo's greatest moments and victories. As a loud voice echoes around the arena stating "Damn Homie, in High school you was man Homie...what the fuck happen you.

 

Funyon struts around the ring until he decides to get to the middle of the ring…he raises the mike up that he was holding by his lips and said: “The following match is an ‘I Quit’ match. The way to win this match is to verbally make your opponent scream the words ‘I Quit’ on the microphone. Coming in first…this man is a one-time Hardcore Gamers champion, one time U.S. champion, one Intercontinental–television champion, and one time tag team champion. He is a self proclaimed Hardcore God…he is known as the perfect one…coming in at 285 pounds hailing from the Bronx, in New York City…ladies and gentlemen…PPPEEERRRFFFEEECCCTTT BBBOOO!!!”

 

The song "Wanksta" by 50 cent starts to as Bo slowly comes out from behind the curtains into a chorus of boos. Bo has his head down but he slowly raises it up to see the crowd as they boo him with no remorse. Bo looks around with a sly smirk on his lips as he cracks his neck. He slowly descends himself down the ramp and stops right in the middle of the ramp. He looks to his left and to his right, he then raises both his hands exposing his middle and index fingers crossed together as his pinky and thumb sticks out leaving the ring finger curled up in his palms. As both arms reaches it peaks, two red pyros blast from the ground into the air as the Tron changes images as two words are implanted on the screen that says "THUG LIFE". Bo then looks at the crowd who are giving him a little negative love with profanity and finger gesture that should not be on regular T.V…but since this is PPV, hell, we show everything. Bo smiles and runs towards the ring, he slides under the bottom rope and quickly gets up…goes towards the left corner, ascends himself on top of the second turnbuckle and just looks around the arena.

 

“He looks confident.” Mark noticed

 

“That’s because he’s pissed and he wants to destroy Thugg with no remorse.” Riley said.

 

The lights in the arena black out, covering all crevices of the place with a cloud of complete and utter darkness.

 

“MUWHAHAHAHA!”

 

An electric guitar blares of the speakers, starting the introduction to DMX’s “Who We Be”, as the entire arena explodes into a frenzy of cheers. The fans leap from their seats and make as much noise as humanly possible, despite the fact that no human form has been seen on the stage as of yet.

 

"They don't know..."

"Who we be."

 

"They don't know..."

"Who we be."

 

“What they don’t know is…”

 

BOOM!

 

A huge explosion on the stage leaves a wall of fire across the stage in its wake, leaving only a small path in the center, as the fans lose their minds and the first verse of the song begins. In the path left by the wall of fire, a dark figure creeps forward, a black towel over his head, and as the figure makes his way to the part of the path where the fire is on both sides of him…

 

“And his opponent…former world champion and one of the greatest superstars every to grace the SWF…coming back strong from his ending career injury…weighing in at 386 pounds, from the mean streets of Washington, DC…he is the man, the thug…HHHVVVIIILLLLLLEEE TTTHHHUUUGGGGGG!!!” Funyon announces, announcing better than usual, as this is Pay Per View time.

 

Upon hearing the announcement, HVT begins his slow descent to the ring, removing the towel from his head on his way down the ramp. Bo cant help it as he runs towards the ropes and goes through it…he plants his feet on the ground and makes his way up the ramp where Thugg stops and waits for him. Bo reaches to him and without any hesitation he throws a right hand that lands, but Thugg retaliates and throws a right hand of his own…

 

‘Ding, Ding, Ding.’

 

Right hand by Bo…

 

Right hand by Thugg…

 

Bo…

 

Thugg…

 

Back and fourth, back and fourth, back and fourth…Thugg is now getting the upper hand at this moment as he hits Bo with 2…3…4…5 consecutive right hands that is rocking Bo back down the ramp. Bo stumbles back first onto the apron…Thugg follows and cracks Bo with a right hand, Thugg grabs Bo by his arm and attempts to whip him towards the steel steps, but Bo blocks it and reverses it so that Thugg goes towards the steps, but his strength is just too much as he pulls Bo back into him for a clothesline and Bo goes down hard.

 

“I don’t think that Thugg is in a good mood…I think he’s tired of Bo ridiculing him, taunting him, bullying him.”

 

“Thugg is over 7 foot tall…how is Bo bullying him? This is more than just bullying, this about pride and thug love…who is more from the streets.” Riley said.

 

“Well, if that’s the case…Thugg does.”

 

Thugg goes towards the steel steps and kicks off the top part…he bends down and grabs the other part of the steel steps…lifts it up and takes it towards Bo who is now on one knee. Bo doesn’t see Thugg with the steel steps and when he turns around…wham…Bo goes down instantly. Thugg doesn’t let go of the steps as he takes a step to the side so that his feet is right next to Bo’s head. He looks down at Bo while he lifts the steps way up in the air.

 

“He’s going to smash his face in.”

 

“No he’s not…haven’t you learn from these type of situation…in wrestling, they will never hit that type of damaging attack. It’s too brutal and it’s deadly, and regardless that they hate each other, they are still businessman. Watch Bo move out of the way.” Riley said using his intellect.

 

Thugg shifts down the steel steps towards Bo’s head…but the perfect one moves out of the way right before contact.

 

Riley looks at Mark and smiles as he said: “See…”

 

“How do you know that…how do you know so much?”

 

“Is in the book of knowledge of sports entertainment. No one is going to get hit with a chair early in the match…especially in a PPV show. That’ s just not right and it’s against code 221, which means, you cannot let opponent hit you with an illegal (Or legal in matches) objects early in the bout.” Riley said.

 

The stairs bounce once as Bo rolled towards the bottom of the ramp…he sees Thugg turning around and Bo, who was on one knee at that time, charge forward, drilling Thugg on his gut and making his back crash against the edge of the apron. Bo takes a step back and quickly grabs Thugg to throw him inside the ring. Bo follows and quickly gets up before Thugg does, he grabs Thugg by the arm and attempts a whip, Thugg reverses it…Bo bounces off the ropes, and when he runs back he sees the big boot getting closer and closer to his face until it knocks him down on the mat. Thugg bends down to help Bo up to his feet, grab his arm and whips him again towards the ropes…Bo bounces off and meets, once again, with Thugg’s big boot causing Bo to hit the mat hard. Thugg looks back to see how far he is from the ropes, he takes a few steps back, springboard himself off the ropes and when he reaches Bo he leaps up in the air with his legs extended out. When he lands, his legs hits across Bo’s neck completing his vicious leg drop.

 

“This is usually the time where Thugg goes for the pin…but, that’s not going to work this time…he has to make Bo said ‘I Quit.’” Mark explained.

 

Riley looks at him in a dumbfounded way and said: “Wow, all this time I thought this was a regular match and it was going to end this quick, thank you for clearing that up for me.”

 

Thugg quickly gets up…he takes a few steps back again springboarding himself from the ropes causing him to quickly move forward…he leaps and hits another leg drop…but he doesn’t stop there, he gets up again, takes a few steps backward…bouncing off from the ropes reaching to Bo and leaping up in the air, dropping his big leg across the neck of Bo. Thugg gets back up filled with emotion as he looks down and screams some profanity at the laying Bo…he then spits at him as he makes his way towards the ropes and goes through it…he lands on the floor and goes towards where Funyon is located, he ask for the mike and receives one. He goes towards the apron and climbs it…at this time Bo is on one knee and sees Thugg going through the ropes with the mike grasp by his hand. Bo quickly gets up and steam rolls towards Thugg and kicks him right in the face causing him to fall on the floor and drop the mike. Bo gets up to his feet as he looks outside to see Thugg getting to his feet…Bo grabs the top ropes and pulls himself up and over the top rope to land on top of Thugg with a vaulting press.

 

“What the…”

 

“Fuck” Riley said finishing Mark’s sentence.

 

“Tell me I didn’t just see that.” Mark said obviously stunned.

 

“Um, this is a new age and day, and what big man usually do can change in the course of a day, or a few months…Bo using some athleticism and propelling himself over the top rope to do some sort of plancha, is new and surprising…but hey…(Looks at the camera) this is SWF, anything is possible.” Riley said…still stunned but using his intelligence to overcome the shock.

 

Bo lands right on Thugg’s upper body…the fall didn’t hurt Bo at all as he quickly gets up. Thugg gets on all fours and receives a soccer like kick to the gut…Bo looks towards the announce table and walk towards it.

 

Riley stands up quickly and screams with joy “Evil Inc…Bo, Evil Inc baby.”

 

Bo turns to Riley to acknowledge him…once Bo nods his head Riley sits back down…Mark just stares at him with a sad face and said: “You sadden me…do you see me standing up screaming to Bo ‘Anarchy baby…the real Anarchy baby’? No…you are with out a doubt a sad, sad person.”

 

Bo goes towards the bell ringer and forcefully removes him from the chair that he was resting his ass from…he grabs the chair and folds it up. Thugg is now getting to his knees but his back is turned towards Bo and doesn’t see him. Bo quickly goes towards Thugg and smacks his back with a hard chair shot, which made the crowd go ‘ohhhhh’. The impact cause Thugg to flinched back with pain, Bo jerk back the chair and winds up for another shot, he swings and knocks Thugg down with a shot to the back of the head…Thugg is now lying down, face first on the floor and he isn’t moving as the crowd from the front row begins to scream and make gesture to Bo as if they were going to hit him. Bo drops the chair and looks around for a mike, he sees the one that Thugg dropped, he walks over to get it and then goes back towards Thugg…Bo goes to his head, lifts it up and said:

 

“You know what…I thought about it, but I’m not going to give you the pleasure to quit already…more will be coming to you.” Bo said…he doesn’t even put the mike towards Thugg’s lips to see if he says ‘I quit’.

 

Bo gets up and went to get the chair that he left behind…he hears the crowd cheer but doesn’t think much about it. Bo turns to face Thugg who is now standing straight up and looking down at Bo…Bo looks up for a second before he jerks the chair back. He’s about to swing when Thugg quickly grabs his neck and begins to squeeze causing Bo to drop the chair. Thugg grabs Bo’s arm and drapes it over his shoulder, He grabs Bo’s pants and lifts him up in the air, he turns towards the ring and throws him on the ropes causing Bo to bounce off hard…him ricocheting off the ropes caused his back to hit the edge of the apron…Bo continues to stumble down which cause the back of his head hitting the edge of the mat as well, Bo lands hard on the floor and that’s when Thugg grabs the chair that Bo dropped.

 

Thugg waits for Bo to get to at least to one knee…he twirls the chair around as he screams the word ‘get up’. Bo makes it to both his knees and he looks up, the only thing he sees is the steel chair charging down on him with full steam. He didn’t have time to make an attempt to block the impact as the chair crashes hard on top of Bo’s head.

 

“That’s just viscous…I thought Thugg was a thoughtful person that doesn’t get like this…you can honestly say that he’s a hypocrite.” Riley said, no liking of what he’s seeing.

 

“What about Bo?”

 

“What about him?”

 

“Why don’t you say things like that about him…he’s viscous and what not, say something about him.” Mark pleaded

 

“Because he never acted to be a friend and to be a good fighter then turn around and smack you in the head with a chair…he’s straight up, I’m going to hit you in the head with a chair and he does it. That’s why I don’t say the same thing about him.”

 

Bo lies face first on the floor but he’s attempting to get up again…he pushes himself up from the floor making him get back to both his knees…the chair shot caused a little opening on upper part of his forehead. Thugg is still looking down at him with the chair clutch in his hand…he screams: “You still want more bitch…you still want more?” Bo looks up and spits at him, it reached to the midsection of Thugg…The big man looks down and sees the saliva on his pants, he gets mad and swings again, the impact which was made on top of Bo’s head again caused the perfect one to drop down. Thugg, with fury drops the chair and searches for the mike, he sees it and grabs it…he gets on his knees right next to Bo and puts the mike by his lips and said:

 

“Say you quit bitch…just say it.”

 

Thugg puts the mike to Bo lips and all you hear is hard breathing…Thugg puts the mike back to his own lips and said:

 

“Say it you fuckin bitch…SAY IY!”

 

Thugg once again puts the mike by Bo lips…and Bo finally said something, and he said: “Yo’ mama got two balls and one don’t work.”

 

Thugg quickly gets up and starts to pound on Bo’s head with his boots…he drops the mike so he can reach down and help Bo to his feet, he then puts Bo under the bottom rope and into the ring. Thugg slides in and once again helps Bo up to his feet, grabbing him by the back of his neck and smacking him around like a toy…Thugg the grabs his arm and whips Bo towards the ropes…Bo bounces off, runs back and that’s when Thugg lifts him up in a side slam position and actually drop him with a side slam. Bo lies on the mat motionless as Thugg slowly gets up with cockiness filled in his smile. Thugg starts to shake his head, stating that he’s not done and he will continue to give Bo some more punishment. Thugg bends down and with his two hands he wraps it around Bo’s neck and at the same time he’s lifting Bo up to his feet. The power that Thugg is using is lifting Bo up in the air. Thugg then motions his body towards the side and tosses Bo across the ring, hearing a loud thud when Bo landed.

 

“Bo is being tossed like nothing…this big man that weighs about 280 pounds is being thrown around like…well…like your sibling.” Mark said.

 

Thugg goes towards Bo again and lifts him up to his feet…he grabs Bo by his arm and jerks him inward only to knock him down with a short arm clothesline but Thugg does not let go of Bo’s arm and he lifts him up to his feet again and drops him down with about short arm clothesline but Bo isn’t let go as Thugg lifts him to his feet again and drops him one more time with the third short arm clothesline. Bo drops to the mat and Thugg let him lie there…the crowd is getting pumped up as Thugg moves around the ring showing some enthusiasm.

 

“You know, Bo is being manhandle…when is he going to show us some fight?” Mark ask

 

“In due time…the way great wrestler’s work is by making their opponent tire down…how, well letting them use their offence over and over and over again until they can no longer keep going…and that’s when the smart one strike and continue striking until further notice. That is what Bo is doing, you just watch.”

 

Thugg goes to the motionless Bo and helps him to his feet grabbing Bo’s arm at the process…he whips Bo across the ring. Bo springboards back right into Thugg’s body, Thugg lifts Bo up and then slams him down with a vicious spine buster. The front Bearhug slam caused the mat to vibrate…after that, the crowd jumps from their seat, as they know what’s going to happen next. Thugg walks around the ring, smiling, until he stood over Bo’s head…he then crosses his thumb across his neck in a throat slash motion. The crowd goes bezerk and this could be Thugg’s finishing maneuver. Thugg reaches down and lifts Bo up to his feet, he then places his right hand around Bo’s chest and his left hand around Bo’s crouch…Thugg bends his knees a little and lifts Bo up in the air…he has him on top of his head…he then jerks a little more and lifts him up in the air in a gorilla press style, displaying to the fans his power. The crowd are all up over their seat, they are all silent as Thugg continues to have Bo up in the air…this could be the end.

 

“Oh damn…if this doesn’t make Bo quit, I don’t know what will.” Mark said.

 

“I do, a threat to his family and kid…that I know will make him quit, since that isn’t happening, he isn’t quitting.”

 

Thugg shifts Bo’s body frontward to hit the ‘Last Stand’ and that’s when Bo slips out of harms way…landing on his feet right in front of Thugg. The look of shock runs through Thugg’s eyes as Bo quickly kicks Thugg in the gut causing him to double over, Bo quickly grabs Thugg’s head in a front face lock and drops him right on his head with a hard DDT. Both men are down for a second before Bo crawls his way towards the ropes…he makes it and then goes to the outside…he lifts the apron from the floor and reaches in and what he takes out surprises everyone because Bo isn’t known for that kind of action…what Bo takes out is…

 

Bear with me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A ladder! The crowd goes wild from the sight of the ladder.

 

“Now, do you have anything to say about this?” Mark asks Riley.

 

“I’m as shock as you are…but we will see what’s on his mind.”

 

Bo gets up with the chair and slides the chair in…not seeing Thugg already on his way to get back to his feet. Bo follows the ladder and doesn’t lift the ladder up, he sees Thugg and goes directly to him and punches him hard for good measure. Thugg drops to his knees again and another punch followed by a kick to the face makes Thugg drop to the mat again. Bo turns and goes towards the ladder, he picks it up and walks towards the corner…he leans the ladder on the corner and then makes his way back to Thugg. He helps Thugg up and grabs him by the arm…Bo attempts a whip towards the ladder but Thugg reverses it and Bo goes crashing on the ladder. Thugg runs to Bo who just land on the ladder back first…Thugg goes for a splash but Bo moves out of the way causing Thugg to hit face first on the ladder…Bo grabs Thugg by the back of the neck and pulls him down to the mat. Bo goes towards Thugg’s legs, hooks Thugg’s leg under his arm for a slingshot…Bo pushes Thugg’s body forward a little bit, he looks back to see how far he’s from the ladder and he drops down to his back causing Thugg to launch right into the ladder face first. Bo quickly gets out of the way as Thugg stumbles back after impact…the connection of Thugg’s face and the ladder causes the ladder to wobble a little bit…the ladder than tips over and hit’s Thugg right over his head causing Thugg to drop to the mat.

 

“Using weapons in your match when is legal should be outlaw…Weapons are made for delinquents from the streets, these are professional wrestlers, they shouldn’t stoop so low to use weapons when you are pay to wrestle.” Mark said, disgusted by what Bo did.

 

“No…don’t you listen to these ignorant people? They love this violence…this is why All Japan Pro gets recognize as being one of the most brutal athletes in the world today…because they use skills and weapon in the same sentence. SWF should watch some of their matches and do some of the things they do and watch the ratings sky rocket.”

 

Bo goes towards Thugg and the ladder that’s on top of him and removes the ladder…he takes it and slides out of the ring. Bo then puts the top of the ladder on top of the apron’s edge and puts the bottom part on top of the barrier making a little bridge. Bo then climbs the apron and walks towards the top part of the ladder to see if it’s holding well. Thugg is now getting up displaying a new cut right above his eye, which was caused by the ladder. Thugg walks towards Bo who was on the other side of the ropes, he grabs Bo by his shoulder and turns him around…Bo turns around and shoves Thugg back. Thugg goes to him but Bo ducks and drills his shoulder right through the third and second rope and right to his gut. Bo then gets back up and grabs Thugg by the head in a front face lock.

 

“Don’t tell me he’s going to do what I think he’s going to do.”

 

“Not only is he attempting to do what you and I think he’s attempting to do, but he’s going to do what I and you think he’s going to do…”

 

“What do I think he’s going to do?” Mark asks Riley.

 

“Well, you’ll see.”

 

Bo grabs Thugg’s arm and drapes it over his shoulder…He reaches down to grabs Thugg’s pants and then jerks him up in the air. The sight of Thugg in the air is one that has not been seen a lot of times…this creates the crowd to go ‘oooohhhhhh’ and stand up on their feet. Bo lifts him up and over the top rope and suplex him right on top of the ladder causing the crowd to chant ‘holy shit’.

 

“That’s what you was thinking Bo was going to do.” Riley said, turning to face Mark.

 

“Um, yeah.”

 

The ladder dents a bit from the bottom which was caused my the impact and weigh Thugg has…Bo gets up and sees Thugg lying on top of the ladder, motionless and in pain. He walks across the apron and goes towards the corner, he starts to climb up the corner and turn his body towards Thugg and the ladder.

 

Looking up…“Don’t tell me that he’s going to do this?” Mark said.

 

Looking up as well…“I think he’s going to do it…I can’t watch” Riley said as he closes his eyes.

 

He stands up straight and looks at the people…he flips them the bird and he flies off!!! Pictures are being taken as they see this big man soaring in the air. Thugg sees Bo ‘flying’ and gets off of the ladder as soon as possible. Bo sees Thugg moving but there isn’t anything he can do as he crashes right on top of the ladder making it break in half. The crowds jump up and cheer as a chant of ‘SWF’ starts from the top of the stadium. Bo is on the floor stationary in pain as Thugg is moving a bit but he’s still hurt from the current events. Thugg gets up first and looks for a mike, he searches around his area but couldn’t find it there, he then cuts the corner and looks around where the announce table is at…he finds a mike on the floor and picks it up. He walks back to where Bo is lying, face first, on the floor…he gets on both his knees and first put the mike by his lips and said:

 

“Just quit it…{Breathing hard} It’s over man…Just stop it right here.”

 

Thugg puts the mike towards Bo’s lips and all you hear is hard breathing.

 

“Well, at least we know that Bo’s alive and breathing…” Mark said, trying to be funny.

 

Riley looks at Mark, shakes his head and said: “No, that wasn’t funny…at all.”

 

Thugg gets no respond and he puts the mike towards his lips again and said: “Do you wanna fuckin die mother fucker? I will kill you, you better be smart and say it before your son will be left without a father.” Thugg said with a voice of anger as he puts the mike towards Bo’s lips again, waiting for an answer. After about two seconds of breathing hard, Bo’s voice is head and he said: “You will die now.” Thugg quickly takes the mike away from Bo’s lips and slowly gets up to his feet while looking down at Bo. He then throws the mike in the ring and then helps Bo to his feet. Bo is limp, lifeless as Thugg puts him in the ring. Thugg then lifts the apron from the floor and reaches inside, he searches for something and it seems he got what he was looking for as he pulls out a………

 

Wait for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A table! The sight of the table being taken out by Thugg causes the crowd to go on a frenzy…Thugg then looks around the arena, feeding off of the crowd’s love for him. He then slides the table in and he follows. He gets up and at the same time he lifts the table up and takes it to the middle of the ring. Thugg looks at Bo who is still lying down while setting the table up. Once the table is up and in the middle of the ring, Thugg goes to Bo…he helps him get to his feet and then places his massive hand on his throat. Bo quickly grabs Thugg’s wrist trying to make him let go. Thugg screams: “Quit mother fucker, quit” as Thugg grabs Bo’s arm and drapes it over his shoulder. Thugg lifts Bo up in the air, begins to spin around…

 

“It’s the ‘Untamed’…and it’s going to be through the damn table.” Mark scream with excitement.

 

“I thought you said that weapons and wrestling shouldn’t be link together…you’re so hypocritical.”

 

Thugg is half way done with the spin…he’s about ¾ done now and that’s when Bo wraps his arm around Bo’s neck/head. Thugg is done with the spinning and is about to put Bo through the table…he’s driving him down but Bo doesn’t let go of Thugg’s neck. Bo’s back including with Thugg’s face goes through the table as Bo counters the ‘Untamed’ with a DDT and they’re both down.

 

“Who got the worst of that?”

 

“I’m not sure…” Riley said.

 

The referee don’t know what to do…he wants to call the match off because this is getting to brutal, but he wants the fans to get a clear cut winner so he continues with the match. They both doesn’t move for about 15 seconds and the crowd are on top of their lungs, screaming and showing their gratitude for this match. Bo is the first one to make any movement as he moves Thugg’s right arm out of the way…he slowly gets up and walks towards the corner and this is the time that Thugg start to show signs of life as he turn his head to see where Bo is at. Pieces of table components scattered everywhere as the referee tries to clear it from the ring but he needs Thugg to get off some. Bo reaches to the corner and starts to climb up.

 

“Ok, this just proves that Bo isn’t smart like you say you are Riley…he just got hurt my a top rope move attempt and now he’s going back up there? I know Bo well and he was never a high flyer.”

 

“For a person of Thugg’s caliber, Bo knows that he has to use every single thing in his arsenal to take him out. Bo is doing everything he can and trust me, he has more under his sleeves.” Riley counter.

 

“A person that’s not a high flyer should not take any risk like that…Bo should just learn to utilize his opponent with his talent…and he has the talent, he just don’t know how to use it sufficiently.”

 

Thugg gets on one knee as Bo reaches the second turnbuckle…slowly getting up to the top rope. Thugg finally gets to his feet but stumbles a bit as Bo at last gets to the top rope. Bo turns around to face Thugg as Thugg makes his way to cut Bo off. Once Bo turned around all he sees is a right hand from Thugg, and another right hand from Thugg almost cause Bo to fall back from the top rope. Bo quickly crouches down to grab the ropes and that’s when Thugg grabs Bo’s neck…Bo fights him off with right hands, one, two three right hands in a row causes Bo to leg to of the chokehold. Bo then reaches to his head and puts him in a front face lock to see if he can hit some kind of DDT but Thugg uses his old tactics and low blow’s Bo. Thugg then starts climbing up the turnbuckle.

 

“What the hell is going on here? Is everybody in this PPV going to do some high flying stuff?”

 

“Maybe.” Riley answers with a smile.

 

Thugg going up the turnbuckle causes Bo to stand up straight…Thugg is now on the second turnbuckle as he grabs Bo by his neck. Thugg then makes the extra step as he grabs Bo groin area, they are both on the top rope as they try to both balance themselves out. Thugg then bends his knees a little to lift Bo up in the air…

 

“WHAT THE HELL!!!” Riley screamed.

 

Pictures are being taken all over the arena.

 

With full motion Thugg has Bo in a Gorilla Press style as they turn and Thugg falls off the top rope while still having a hold of Bo. Thugg then pulls Bo’s body inward as they both close in the mat…

 

“OH MY GOD!” Screams Riley.

 

“He just hit the Last Stand…this is unprecedented.” Mark said, almost speechless to see what he just saw.

 

As they both make contact with the mat, Bo flops around like if he’s having a seizure as Thugg just land and didn’t make any movement. Bo stops moving, he just lie there with his eyes closed…the crowd are all on their feet to see what’s going to happen next. Thugg makes the first movement as he rolls over to his stomach…he puts his hands on the mat and lifts himself up like a pushup…he looks around and sees what he was looking for, he slowly crawls towards it and reaches the mike. He gets it and begins to crawl to his left towards Bo…he makes it to him and goes by his head. He puts the mike to his own lips and said: “Just say it…you don’t want to die.”

 

Thugg puts the mike towards Bo’s lips and at first all you hear is hard breathing…then Bo said: “No.”

 

“Sweet and simple…you gonna have to kill him before he would say I quit…” Riley said.

 

“And I really don’t think that Thugg will mind that.” Mark said.

 

After Bo said no…Thugg drops the mike in disgust and the sign of being tired. Thugg slowly gets up to his feet and makes his way towards the ropes…he goes through the ropes to the outside…he walks towards the announce table which was on his right and cutting the corner. He looks for the chair that was on the floor, he finds it and slides it in the ring…Bo is still down as Thugg slides in the ring. Thugg walks towards Bo and towards the mike…he picks the mike up and places over his lips and said: “Chucky…you don’t want to give up? Huh?”

 

While he was saying that he was making his way towards the chair…he bends down and picks it up with his left hand while still holding the mike with his right hand. He, once again starts to speak. “Why don’t you think about your family? Think of your family Bo.” Thugg crouches down towards Bo’s head and once again he speaks. “Say you want to quit.” He places the mike to Bo’s lips and waits for a respond…Bo breathes hard for a second before saying. “No.” Thugg rises to his feet while putting the mike to his lips and said: “Well, you’re the one who’s going to make your wife a widow.” Thugg drops the mike, grabs the chair with both hands now and raises it over his head and swings it down hard across Bo’s back…not once, not twice but three times in a row. Thugg then crouches down, grabs the mike, puts it by his lips and say: “Now, you wanna quit right?” Thugg puts the mike by Bo’s lips and Bo quickly said: “Fuck you bitch.” Thugg cocks his head back in surprise as he puts the mike by his mouth and he said: “Fuck me?” He’s getting up, still holding the chair. “Fuck me…No nigga…fuck you.” He drops the mike again and starts wailing on Bo with ferocious chair shots across the back.

 

“Bo needs to give up…he’s going to get killed out there.” Mark said, actually sounding concern for Bo.

 

“For the first time, I’m actually agreeing with you…this has gone too far.” Riley said, agreeing with Mark.

 

After about 7 chair shots to the back…Thugg drops the chair and grabs the mike, he bends down and helps Bo to his feet. He held Bo up by grabbing Bo by the back of his neck, he puts the mike to his lips and he said: “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re destroying your family…you’re son is going to be fatherless…say you wanna quit.” Thugg puts the mike towards Bo’s lips…his eyes are closed as he breathes hard on the mike…Bo then said: “Destroy my family?” Bo’s eyes then just awaken. “You destroy my family.” Before Thugg can react to anything Bo kicks him right in the nuts…a right hand and another right hand knocks Thugg back to the ropes. The mike is dropped as Bo grabs Thugg’s arm, he then whips him across the ring. Bo attempts a clothesline but Thugg ducks it…as Thugg goes across the ring Bo quickly grabs the chair that was right next. Bo then takes a few steps towards Thugg as Thugg bounces off the ropes and right into a chair shot. Thugg gets knocked down instantly but he quickly gets up as if the chair shot didn’t affect him…but another chair shot did affect him as it staggers him back, and another one just drop him and this time he didn’t get up as quick. Bo then unfolds the chair and puts it right in the middle of the ring, he goes to Thugg and helps him to his feet, he takes him towards the chair…Bo is on one side of the chair and Thugg is on the other. Bo then locks a front face lock on Thugg…the chair is right between them as Bo slowly turns himself and Thugg around in a form of a neck break and then DROPS!

 

“Oh my god…he could have broken his neck…” Mark said

 

“Again.” Riley finish.

 

Bo just drops Thugg right on the top edge of the chair and Thugg quickly grabs the back of his neck. Bo then goes towards the mike and grabs it…he puts it by his mouth and said: “Do you really think I’m going to just let you slide when you talk about my family? Do you, cause I don’t care…just like these useless people here in Pittsburgh…they don’t care about you and frankly they don’t care if you die. But I’m going to make you squeal before you die…” Bo drops the mike and goes over Thugg’s body. Thugg who is face first on the mat doesn’t know what’s about to happen as Bo sits on Thugg’s back and grabs the head/chin of Thugg and pulls back in a camel clutch. Bo continues to pull back on Thugg’s neck as Thugg scream with agony.

 

“Bo is working on Thugg’s neck now, and this could either break or make Thugg and his old injury…can he withstand the punishment that I know Bo is going to deliver on Thugg’s neck, or is he going to break and said I quit because he doesn’t want anything else to happen to his neck?” Riley said.

 

“Well, we don’t know yet…hopefully the neck is heal 100%…therefore Bo can just hurt it right now and not re-inure it.”

 

Bo continues with the camel clutch and doesn’t want to let go…he’s putting a lot of pressure on Thugg’s neck as if he wants to snap it off. The crowd is really getting on Bo now because they want to see more action. After about 1½, Bo lets go of the lock and goes to grab the chair that was around the area. He goes back to Thugg, lifts the chair up in the air and then slams it down right on the back of the neck of Thugg, another shot to the same area and another shot…Bo is just being relentless on Thugg’s neck and doesn’t want to stop anytime soon. After about 5 shots to the back of the neck Bo goes towards the mike and picks it up…he then walks towards Thugg while putting the mike by his lips and he said: “Now, say you want to quit.” Bo calmly said as he quickly puts the mike towards Thugg’s lips. Thugg, breathing hard, harshly said: “Fuck you.” Bo jerks up quickly and goes towards the ropes…he goes through the ropes and to the floor…he lifts the apron from the floor and searches in…after about a few seconds he leaves that area with nothing. He cuts the corner and goes towards the middle of that side, he lifts the apron from the floor and looks in…he reaches in and grabs something and takes it out…it’s a box…a box filled with things. He slides the box in and he then follows.

 

“What the hell is he going to do with that box…mail Thugg out via UPS?” Mark said as he laughs from his corny joke.

 

Riley stares at him again and said: “You will never make a living as a comedian.”

 

Bo, who is inside the ring already reaches inside the box and takes out a pair of scissors…he goes towards Thugg, clutches the blades from the scissor between his fingers…he couches down and lifts Thugg’s head up and starts punching the forehead of Thugg while using the scissors. After about 10 shots, Thugg is deeply cut open and is losing a great deal of blood. Bo goes back to his box of tricks and grabs a steel chain…he goes back to Thugg and wraps the chain around Thugg’s neck and then commence to pull Thugg towards the ropes…Bo goes through the second ropes with the chain which is causing Thugg’s head to be lifted…now Bo is pulling on the chain, causing some major damage on the neck of Thugg. Bo goes on top of the apron, right to the side of Thugg’s head…he takes a few steps back while balancing himself on the apron…he takes a few steps forward, jumps up and hits a drop kick right on the back of the neck of Thugg. Bo quickly slides in the ring after hitting the leg drop, he pulls Thugg back in the ring and grabs the mike…he puts it by his lips and said: “Do you want to quit now?” Bo goes to his knees and places the mike to Thugg’s lips and Thugg quickly said “No”.

 

“Bo doesn’t just want to beat him, nor humiliate him, he wants to take him out for good.” Riley said with a smile.

 

“No, that isn’t going to happen.”

 

Bo quickly gets up and grabs the chair while dropping the mike…he starts wailing right on Bo’s neck. After about 5 shots, he drops the chair, lifts Thugg up, puts him on a ¾ headlock and drops him with the pain right on the chair. He pulls the chair out from under Thugg’s face and continues wailing on him in the back of the neck. With a lot of fury, he gets the mike while dropping the chair, he puts it by his lips and said: “You want me to end your career? Huh? Then say that you quit mother fucker.” Bo puts the mike towards Thugg’s lips. At first there was no answer and that’s when Bo puts the mike back to his lips and said: “Wake up you fat bitch…and answer.” Bo was saying while nudging him…Bo places the mike back to Thugg’s lips and Thugg said: “Suck my…” Bo quickly puts the mike back to his lips and said: “Whoa…you wanna disrespect me? Don’t you ever learn motherfucker? Aight bet.”

 

“What is he planning to do?” Mark asks himself.”

 

“I have no idea…but I know it will be brutal.”

 

Bo paces around the ring for a minute…looking at Thugg and back at the chair…the audience and back at Thugg. Bo then jolted out of the ring and right towards the announce table.

 

“He’s coming our way.” Mark said.

 

Bo goes towards Funyon and kicks him out of the chair he was sitting…he folds the chair up and quickly slides in the ring. He drops the chair right beside Thugg and grabs the other chair, opens it up a little and crouches down right in front of Thugg’s head. He then slides the chair through Thugg’s head so that the edge of the chair is making pressure on Thugg’s neck and the bottom part of the chair is sticking up. Bo then gets the other chair, winds up and smashes it across the other chair causing the edge of the share to sharply make contact with Thugg’s neck. The screams are over whelming as Bo raises the chair over his head again, and with sheer force, it crashes down against the other chair…he lifts it up again and swings it down, over and over and over. 10 shots in a row causes Thugg to not move at all…Bo drops the chair and quickly grabs the mike…he goes towards Thugg and places the mike by his mouth and said: “What about now bitch…you want to quit?” Bo puts the mike by Thugg’s lips and Thugg said, while in pain, he said: “No.” Bo gets up while putting the mike by his mouth and he said: “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…quit you fuckin bitch.” The mike is drop as Bo grabs the chair again…he starts wailing on the other chair…the sound of destruction going towards Thugg’s neck.

 

“Someone got to stop this…this is brutal.” Mark said.

 

“The only one that can stop this onslaught is Thugg…if he just says I quit.”

 

After every swing, Bo screams “Quit bitch”…one shot, two shot, three shot, four…and Thugg is lying there motionless. Bo drops the mike and slides out of the ring towards where there’re pieces of broken table parts. Bo grabs the broken leg and slides back it…he starts using that stick as a baseball bat swinging it wildly on the chair. Bo then starts stomping on the chair…he gets off, grabs the chair again and commences swinging on the chair.

 

“He’s trying to break his neck again.”

 

“I don’t think he’s trying…I actually think that Thugg’s career is over. Thugg’s neck is already broken.” Riley said showing some sad emotion

 

Bo grabs the mike again…filled with emotion he puts it by his lips and said: “Say that you quit now…just say it.” Bo goes to his knees, puts the mike by the lips of the motionless, lifeless Thugg and waits for an answer. The crowd goes quit, waiting for Thugg to say ‘No’ or something around those lines…Thugg breathes hard and Bo isn’t going to stop asking him at this moment…he’s dead tired himself and he wants to know if Thugg finally accept that he lost to the better man.

 

“Is he going to say it?”

 

“I hope not but I really want this match to be over.” Mark said.

 

Bo still has the mike on Thugg’s lips waiting for his respond…and finally Thugg open his mouth to speak and he said: “My career is over…I have nothing else to give. I quit.”

 

The whole crowd mummers is a stun fashion, all looking at one another trying to explain what just happen…trying to answer their own questions about this being a set up. But the conclusion still remains that this is not a setup. Thugg in actuality did say he quit, and the bone sticking out of the back of his neck elucidates that his career is done. Bo stumbles back in exhaustion…from his knees to his BUTT he puts the mike towards his face and said: “I told you that I was going to do what I said I was going to do…I finish what I started, and there is no longer a fake Thug named Thugg.”

 

After hearing the phrase ‘I quit’ from Thugg…the referee quickly calls for the bell and signals for paramedics to come.

 

‘Ding, Ding, Ding’

 

“And the winner of this match…via saying the words ‘I quit’…PPPEEERRRFFFEEECCCTTT BBBOOO!!!”

 

“Ya fuckin didn’t think I was capable of doing this? All hell breaks out when a nigga fucks with my family…and I made sure that he wont come back anymore. There is no more Thugg.” Bo said with a sadistic voice.

 

The paramedics comes…two males and one female. They quickly slide in the ring with a wooden stretcher. One of the male paramedics, lets call him Jake, he quickly goes towards Thugg and ask him what he feels? Thugg respond, and a look of shock ran through Jake’s face…The female paramedic, lets call her Jackie, she goes towards Thugg’s neck and saw a gruesome sight and she quickly covers her mouth is utter horror. The other paramedic, lets call him Tom, he goes to the neck of Thugg and what he saw he couldn’t believe. Tom goes to Jake and told him: “There is no way to remove the chair at this moment.”

 

Jake said: “Why”

 

“Come look at this.” Tom said, escorting Jake towards Thugg’s neck. Jake couldn’t believe what he saw as he slowly turn towards Bo. Bo just sits on the turnbuckle with an evil smile…he still has the mike and said: “What…can’t take the chair out because of that bone? Shit happens when you fuck with me.”

 

“What’s going on here?” Mark asks.

 

“I think Thugg’s life is over…his career as a wrestler is over.” Riley answered.

 

Jake goes back to Thugg’s head and asked him: “Can you feel your legs?”

 

“No…” Thugg answered back…and the paramedics knew that this is more than just a tragic accident…and this is something out of their league. Jake called Tom and Jackie to help move Thugg to the wooden stretches with wheels. They slowly pull him out of the ring and onto the stretcher…they tie him up so he doesn’t make any sudden movement…and they take him up the ramp and away from Bo. Back in the ring, Bo still has the mike in his hand and puts it back to his lips and said: “One down…one to go…”

 

Bo drops the mike…walking away from the ring and from the chorus of boos and items thrown towards his direction. He makes his way up the ramp and out of the presence of the crowd and the camera quickly goes towards the announce table.

 

“This is such a terrible, terrible scene…Thugg, can be out for the rest of his life.” Mark said.

 

“Thugg is done…he’s over…he will never step foot in the square circle again. May god be with him and hope he could at least walk again.”

 

“Well, before anybody can get emotion here…it’s time to get into the next match…The battle royal…over the top rope match.”

 

“First one in has it bad…last one it has it good…” Riley said

 

“But not until we see what got them into this match…take a look at the Tron.” Mark answered back

 

Mark and Riley both look…and that’s when the Tron awakes…

 

End

[Guest Suicide King]

“Twenty Men… One Ring…”

 

The image of an empty ring practically floats across the screen, its barrenness almost eerie to the millions of viewers watching from all around the globe.

 

“One Goal.”

 

The SWF Heavyweight Championship Belt appears onscreen, as the camera pans out revealing El Luchadore Magnifico to be wearing it around his waste with pride.

 

“…Some have been striving for what seems like forever…”

 

Images of X, Stryke, Michael Craven and Xero flash across the screen.

 

“…Some are still green with inexperience, looking to pass the competition at unimaginable speeds…”

 

Wildchild, Ejiro Fasaki, Johnny Dangerous and Fugue are shown.

 

“…Many emotionless, with hearts of stone…”

 

A shot of Danny Williams stretching in his locker room fades in and out.

 

“…Others sympathetic, trying to erase years of hatred…”

 

The recognizable form of Nathan Kibagami can be seen in his personal gym, kicking furiously at his punching bag.

 

“…Loners…”

 

Tod deKindes stares intently at the camera, an evil, almost insane glint in his eye.

 

“…Alliances…”

 

Annie Eclectic, CIA, and a slightly morose Alex Zenon all lean against the Midnight Carnival golf cart, each of their mouths forming into a light grin.

 

“…Still fresh faces…”

 

Mak Francis ties up his boots on a locker room bench, while Judge Mental straightens his tights not too far away.

 

“…Returning veterans…”

 

Longdogger Pete can be seen cracking his knuckles against his chest, and just a few feet to his side, Jamie Drazon ties his black stringy hair into a ponytail behind his head.

 

“…Oh, and Chilly Chilly Bang Bang, too.”

 

The inevitable image of Taylor Thompson diligently doing pushups next to Robert Frost, who is completing crunch after crunch, is shown.

 

“Twenty men… one ring… one common goal… tonight…”

 

Quick photo-captures of each and every competitor scroll across the screen, until…

 

“…in…”

 

***BOOM***

 

“SWF CLUSTERFUCK 2003!!”

 

The SWF logo is sprawled across the screen, with “Clusterfuck” written in jagged letters underneath. The offbeat heaviness of “Prayer” by Disturbed blasts from the loudspeakers, and then the familiar voice of Bobby Riley rings out.

 

“GAAAH!!” Bobby squeals in pain, covering his ears with his hands. “Why did Ash suggest this infernal music for the show?? My left ear is actually BLEEDING!!”

 

“That’s probably just your brain in liquid form, leaking from your skull. Nothing to worry about Bobby,” Stevens assures his ambiguously gay co-host.

 

“Oh, okay then,” says Riley, slightly less worried now, until a second wave of doubt crashes down on him. “Wait a seco--…”

 

“Anyhow, welcome back ladies, gents, and everything in between to SWF Clusterfuck!! We’re at the first Pay-Per-View of the year, and already, this could very well be the most exciting!! So far, we’ve witnessed a brutal “I Quit” match between the H-Ville Thugg and Perfect Bo. Both men were incredibly resilient and for a while there it didn’t look like we’d ever get a clear winner, but in the end… well, I won’t tell you what happened if you missed it, you’ll just have to buy the tape!”

 

“Hah!!”

 

“But on an even MORE exciting note… I think it’s time…”

 

“Vader time?”

 

“No, idiot. It’s TIME FOR THE CLUSTERFUCK!!”

 

“Woohoo! Fasten your seatbelts and get the Vaseline, because it’s going to be TWENTY men all competing for the #1 Contendership of the SWF World Title!!”

 

“Well, technically it’s only nineteen men… you know, Annie Eclectic is in there too…”

 

“Lucky duck. She gets all the guys.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, we sure wouldn’t want to waste any time… let’s go down to Funyon, who will introduce the first two wrestlers in this bout!!”

 

“Ehrm, yeah. You know, that’s another factor in this match… the number that you draw directly affects your chances of winning. I don’t care if #1 is G0R0, we probably won’t see him as the winner tonight.”

 

With those last remarks, the camera pans over to the ring. Funyon stands in the center of the squared circle, wearing his PPV-only, powder blue, polyester tux, and a matching pair of suede shoes. A ring attendant hands him his microphone, and in an instant, his booming voice rings out into the jam-packed Melon Arena!!

 

“Ladies and gentlemen and the Suicide King… it is time for the 2003 SWF Clusterfuck!!” The fans blow the roof off with cheers and some even start a “CLUST-ER-FUCK!” chant, until Funyon’s vocals can be heard once more. “Disqualification and Countout rules are NOT in effect! Two wrestlers will start the Clusterfuck, and from there on, one combatant will enter every two minutes, according to the number he or she chose. Remember, in the Clusterfuck, it is every man for himself, and a wrestler can only be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope, and down to the floor. If a wrestler jumps over the top rope by their own will, they are NOT eliminated. Once all twenty participants have entered, and there are only three men left, the match will become a Triple Threat!! At this point, the first wrestler to gain a pinfall or submission over another wrestler will win the SWF Clusterfuck and go on to face the Smarks Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight Champion at From the Fire, with a match stipulation of their choice!!” The fans cheer as loud as they can, before being hushed rather abruptly as Tons O’ Fun states: “And now, the participant who drew #1…”

 

“Adios” by KMFDM pumps from the sound system, and the lights acquire a crimson red tint, and the audience soon catches on, as they pop like one of Tenyru’s joints!! The lights begin to flicker as the beat of the song rises in volume, and a flaming ankh is projected 20 feet tall on the Smarktron! Fog swamps the stage just as the song’s chorus ensues, some of the more hardcore fans even singing along.

 

“It's been too many times…that I stuck out my neck (for you)

It's been too many times…that I spoke my mind (for you)

It's been too many times…that I caught all the flak (from you)

Apathetic crap…is all I can find (in you)

 

I don't want no part in this,

I don't feel the need to score;

Burnt all the bridges,

Closed my heart;

I don't want to be a part

No more

 

Dosvidanija, Ciao, Adieu,

Hasta la vista, I'm on my way

Goodbye, Sayonara,

Auf nimmerwiedersehen,

Over and out,

And down the drain]

 

It's been too many times…that I raised my voice (at you)

It's been too many times…that I walked the line (with you)

It's been too many times…that I've had no choice (but you)

Hypocritical swine…I have had it this time..

FUCK YOU…”

 

A monstrous flash of red pyrotechnics flares up from the stage in a fiery blaze, while evenly brilliant crimson flames emit from the ringside area, causing Funyon to scream with fright and bail out of the ring. Then, with the red pyro still persistently streaming from what seems like everywhere in the arena, the 6’5”, 242 pound figure of Nathan Kibagami appears at the pinnacle of the entrance ramp, looking ready to rumble!!

 

“Holy Jumping Mew Drivers!!” Mark yells with surprise. “Nathan Kibagami, a man known for his resilience, appears to have drawn #1 here tonight!!”

 

“Actually Stevens, I’m just getting word via headset that Alexander Zenon himself pulled a few strings backstage to get Nathan this spot… A stroke of genius from Alex there, trying to stack the odds against his main offender. I’d bet quite a bit that Nathan won’t last very long in this match, especially considering how many enemies he made here in his first SWF run, back when he was the cool, heartless Silent, with rock solid abs and a BUTT that could melt a stick of butter…” a small amount of drool collects on the side of Riley’s mouth, but Grand Slam quickly hands him a handkerchief.

 

“Hmmm… yes, Alex has been acting a bit odd lately… quite bitter at how well the former Silent has been doing since his return, gaining respect from his fellow workers, and gaining the trust of his significant other, Angel. And he seems to have done it all without much struggle, too. Personality put aside though, Nathan is still just as talented as he was when he left this fed, and I’m sure he’ll Clusterfuck his way through as many Clusterfuckers as he can tonight in the Clusterfuck.”

 

By now, Kibagami has reached the ring and slid underneath the bottom rope, a determined look in his eye, and a noticeably absent Angel. He adjusts his deep red tights, and paces over to one of the ring’s posts. Climbing the turnbuckle rather quickly, Nathan holds out his arms to his sides in a Crucifix position, as his legions of fans shout enthusiastically to support the once heartless man.

 

“Notice that Angel isn’t down here tonight… probably told to stay behind by Nathan. He wouldn’t want her to get hurt or anything,” Mark adds his insight.

 

”Oh come on Stevens, enough of this bullcrap. Honest men have no grasp on true love, what with their honesty and the like.”

 

“…Are you this dumb on PURPOSE??”

 

“Ssshhh, #2 is coming out.”

 

The lights go back to normal, and Nathan assumes a readied stance in the center of the ring. An army of silence invades the arena, the only audible sound being the audience bustling with excitement…

 

“Who could it be!? Frost!? Pete!? XERO!?!?!?” Riley wonders aloud.

 

Redness consumes the stadium once again, and a vociferous drumbeat, accompanied by an evenly abrasive guitar line, resonates from the PA System! The crowd boos furiously at the song, knowing what is to come. The drums get louder, and the audience follows suit, raising their voices too. Soon though, the drums reach an unmatched volume, until one cymbal later…

 

“NOW TESTIFY!”

 

The boos increase, and once “Testify” by Rage Against the Machine has been tearing through the arena for long enough, three bursts of scarlet pyro shoot from the stage, foreshadowing the arrival of Judge Me—…

 

“Judge Mental!!” Mark shouts in a very surprised tone. Sure enough, William Heartford III appears from the backstage curtain, and begins to stride down the entrance ramp. He points at his chest with his thumb and shouts “YOUR future World Champion!!” to all who can hear him, but receives even more jeers.

 

“Woohoo! The resident old school old timer of the SWF coming in to take Silent DOWN!!”

 

“Um, it’s Nathan, Bobby.”

 

“Oh, as if people actually call him his real name.”

 

Judge stops dead in his tracks once he arrives at the ring, and begins to pace back and forth around it, occasionally shooting distasteful glares at the outside ring officials. His music fades out and the red tint vacates the arena, but still Judge doesn’t enter. The crowd boos fervently, and the moment Nathan’s attention begins to wander slightly off of Judge, the 45-year-old grappler slides under the bottom rope and into the ring, ready to get it on!!

 

*** DING DING DING ***

 

“AND THE CLUSTERFUCK IS ON!!”

 

Judge lunges up to get off of his belly and to his feet, but Nathan quickly lashes out at him with a stiff sidekick!! Judge dodges the move just barely by ducking out of the way, and stands to his feet, only to be met with a roundhouse kick!! He evades that too though, backing away from Kibagami to collect himself and think up a battle plan.

 

“Nathan trying to get the early advantage by attacking with his extremely quick and stiff kicking arsenal, but Judge appears to be one step ahead of him, dodging every time!!” Grand Slam points out.

 

“Very quick on his toes, like a minx!!” Riley states, gaining only an awkward glare from Mark for his efforts.

 

Not wanting to let up on his offense, Kibagami continues closes in on Judge, and thrusts himself into battle with a deadly superkick!! Once again, the man with the punniest name in the SWF sidesteps around Nathan and out of the kick’s collision course, but this time, Kibagami is ready, and he turns to his opponent, immediately going for a sidekick to Judge’s chest!! Mental puts his hands up in front of him as an effort to block the maneuver, and catches Nathan’s foot with both of his hands, causing Kibagami to wobble uneasily on a single leg.

 

“He’s got ‘em now!!” Bobby shrieks.

 

Before Nathan can even react, Judge pulls in some slack on the leg, and with his free arm, shoves his adversary onto his back!! Judge continues to hold onto Nathan’s left leg however, and wanting to keep it simple, falls forward with a sharp elbow to Nathan’s calf, before backing away and acquiring a standing posture once more.

 

“Ouch! Judge gets the first completed move of the match, managing a single leg takedown, and an elbow to the leg!! You’d have to think that he wants to keep Nathan grounded here, in order to disable his lethal kicks.”

 

“So far Mr. Mental is DOMINATING, dodging everything that Silent had to throw at him, and then taking him down to the mat with a single-leg takedown. Next thing you know he’ll be hooking on Grandpappy Knows Be--…”

 

“Um, wrong old guy, Bobby,” Grand Slam points out.

 

“Oh as if I actually keep track of these things ya fuckin’ carrot top…” Riley mutters underneath his breath.

 

The oh-so judgmental Judge Mental turns away from his floored foe for a moment, and raises his arms in victory, sneering at the crowd. It turns out that he celebrated too soon, however, as Nathan kips up to his feet with relative ease, and lurches forward at Judge with a Yakuza kick, catching him in the face just as he turns around!! Mental drops like a sack of wet mice, completely caught off guard by the stiff strike.

 

Mark audibly cringes at the move’s impact. “Judge got a little excited over his advantage there for a moment, and his cockiness cost him big time, allowing Kibagami to take him down with a Yakuza kick!!”

 

“Pfft, what a sissy kick. Did you see that sissy kick?” Riley asks his significantly more intelligent colleague.

 

“Well… no… I saw a Yakuza kick that knocked Judge back into grade school…”

 

“And Yakuza translates directly to ‘sissy’ in Japanese.”

 

A small pool of blood has formed under Judge’s now crushed-in nose, and all he can do is stare up at the lights, still suffering the aftershocks of a kick to the face. Nathan doesn’t allow him to rest, as he grabs a handful of Judge’s black tights, and lifts him to his feet. He contemplates his next move for a moment, before making his decision, and positioning himself behind Judge, in order to latch on a rear waistlock!! Kibagami tightens his arms around Judge’s midsection and looks from side to side, gaining only shouts of approval from the crowd!! He plants his feet into the mat, and with a grunt of exasperation, falls back, hurling Judge over his head!! Judge lands on his head with a sickening thud, and goes limp.

 

“GERMAN SUPLEXAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” Riley hollers, his voice almost going hoarse.

 

“That’s gonna hurt in the morning!” Stevens predicts. “And now Kibagami has Judge up on his feet again… could he be going for the elimination?”

 

“Of course not Marky Mark, eliminating someone would require brain power.”

 

“Well then, that would explain why you eliminated no one last year, now wouldn’t it?”

 

“…Shut up.”

 

Just as the SWF’s resident Heavy Hitter suggested, Nathan grabs the back of Mental’s head with one arm, and grips his tights with the other, before running towards the side of the ring and throwing him over the top rope!! Judge delays his elimination in the only way he can, by grabbing desperately at the top rope with both of his hands, while Nathan still persistently tries to shove him up and over!!

 

“10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!!”

 

“The first countdown has begun!! We’re about to get a third entrant in the ring here!”

 

“Hopefully it’s a friend of Judge’s… not that he needs help, but still!”

 

“6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!!”

 

Nathan hears the crowd counting down along with the timer, but this only eggs him on more, as he tries to lift Mental over the top rope with all of his might!!

 

“2!!! 1!!!”

 

Kibagami strains his muscles, and just as the buzzer goes off, he finally puts Judge over the top, but Mental hangs on to the apron to a chorus of boos, refusing to drop to the floor!

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!”

 

The boos only increase as the heavy grinding grooves of Biohazard’s “Sellout” resound from the speakers, and former SJL European and World Champion Ejiro Fasaki sprints down the ramp at full speed, sliding into the ring!! Only about half of the arena knows who the hell Ejiro is, but they all boo with the same ferocity, Ejiro’s evil nature solidified to them by the “MAGNIFICENT 7” printed in yellow on the side of his tights.

 

“Woohoo! YOUR SJL Ejiropean Champion, EJIIIIRO FASAAAAKI!!!!!!” Riley bounces up and down in his seat.

 

“A man who is coming off of a loss against fellow bumpee Wildchild at the last JL Pay-Per-View via submission, Ejiro is sure to be in a rotten mood, and looking to make an impact here tonight!!” Mark examines the 5’8” Asian American.

 

“And plus, he’s part of the Magnificent Seven!! Mwahahaha! Go get ‘em Ejaculator!!”

 

“…Bobby, never try to give a wrestler a nick name ever, EVER again.”

 

Nathan lets Judge survive for a moment as he turns around to meet the SJL bumpee head to head! Ejiro throws a punch at the ruthless Arizonian, but Kibagami blocks the strike with one hand, and unleashes a flurry of forearms to the forehead of the unfamiliar grappler. Ejiro staggers back with each forearm, putting his hands up to block the attacks, but Nathan grabs a hold of his arm, and whips him into the ropes at the opposite side of the ring!! Fasaki bounces back, and Nathan appears to be looking for some sort of a move… whatever it was though, he doesn’t hit it, as a recovered Judge Mental drops to the mat beside Nathan, wraps his legs around Kibagami’s shin, and takes him down face first to the canvas with a drop toehold!! Ejiro, still running off of the ropes, approaches Nathan and leaps into the air, landing on the back of his neck and head with a jumping knee drop!! Nathan howls out in pain, grabbing at the back of his neck and rolling around on the mat like someone who has caught on fire and is trying to put himself out!!

 

“Nathan’s neck is an obvious weak spot of his, and Ejiro seems to know that. Fasaki was one of the JL’s most impressive workers of all time, and I’m sure he’d like to get ahead fast here in the SWF, so he’s probably done his homework,” Mark says, an almost worried tinge in his voice.

 

“Well, Silent’s neck has withstood a lot in the past,” Bobby points out. “Edwin MacPhisto broke it with a Tiger Driver ’91, Yuuichiro Kaesame almost did a second time by hitting the Riot of Blood on him through the ceiling of a Hell In a Cell cage… and now Ejiro’s about to snap it like a twig once and for all!! Yippy skippy!!”

 

Ejiro lies on his belly after the knee drop, but soon both he and Judge spin to their feet, looking to inflict even more damage on the originator of the Demonstar Driver!! Ejiro looks at Judge expectantly, and Judge glances back, nodding, before both Magnificent Seven members go to town on Nathan with a salvo of stomps!!

 

“The Magnificent Seven is double-teaming Kibagami!! This isn’t fair! It’s every man for himself!!” Grand Slam watches on as Judge lays the boots to the back of Nathan’s left leg, while Ejiro stomps irately at his neck.

 

“I love it!! Show no mercy M7! Stomp his brains out!!”

 

The audience boos with all their heart, but the two heels continue the assault, lifting Kibagami to his feet! Ejiro kicks him in the gut, doubling him over, and grabs his head with one of his arms, spinning around 180-degrees, before sitting out with a vicious neckbreaker!! The back of Nathan’s neck smashes across Ejiro’s shoulder, and he falls lifelessly to the mat. Mental then flips Kibagami over onto his stomach, saddling up on his back. He reaches forward with both of his hands, and hooks them underneath Nathan’s chin, before pulling backwards with all of his might, causing the downed Kibagami to scream out in anguish!!

 

“10!! 9!! 8!!”

 

“The Magnificent Seven are just manhandling Silent’s neck, and I’m loving every minute of it!!” Bobby rejoices. “A neckbreaker from Ejiro… a Camel Clutch from Judge… all they have to do is get him to his feet, and he is GONE!!”

 

“7!! 6!! 5!!”

 

“Not so fast Bobby!!” Grand Slam interrupts Riley’s premature celebration. “Two minutes have passed once again, and we’re about to have entrant #4 down here!! But the question is, will it be a friend of Nathan’s, or a foe?”

 

“4!!”

 

The Pennsylvania crowd boos, hisses, jeers, and makes any other noises of displeasure that they can think of, but Mental reacts by simply putting more pressure on his opponent’s neck. Ejiro gets up to his feet, and delivers a stiff punt to Nathan’s face!!

 

“C’mon!! Show some mercy!!”

 

“No way ‘Jose!”

 

“3!! 2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT”

 

The crowd looks at the entrance ramp. The commentators look at the entrance ramp. Ejiro looks at the entrance ramp. Even Judge Mental turns his head to look at the entrance ramp…

 

“OH NO!!” Riley shouts, as the upbeat tunes of Andrew W.K.’s “I Get Wet” echo throughout the arena!!

 

The fans go into a frenzy of cheers, as a red spotlight shines down on the top of the ramp, and Annie Eclectic bursts from behind the backstage curtain, running faster than a speeding bullet, her trusty kendo stick with her!! Judge spots the aggressive, almost crazed look in Annie’s eyes, and with an expression of fear painted across his face, springs off of the fallen Nathan, and bails out of the ring, under the bottom rope!! Annie slides into the ring, but soon follows Judge out the other side in hot pursuit!! Mental lumbers around the outskirts of the ring as fast as he can, but the much faster Annie Eclectic is gaining on him from behind, swinging her kendo stick in front of her!!

 

“The anti-hardcore Hardcore Gamers Champion hasn’t been all that much of a gentlemen to Annie as of late, and she’s looking to teach him the meaning of pain!!” Stevens cheers on his fellow Carnie, while still trying to be fairly objective.

 

“Dammit, Annie was so much cooler when she was doing ‘Flip’ promos and banging Wilson. Now she’s sunk to a level where she gets off on chasing old men!! Judge should sue her for harassing the elderly or something!!” Riley suggests. “Plus she’s gay… gah, I HATE gays!!”

 

“…I won’t even comment on the irony in that, Bobby.”

 

Knowing that he can’t keep ahead of the Queen of Hardcore for long, Judge Mental slides back into the ring. Still looking to get a piece of the old-school technician, Annie slides in right after him, but just as she hops up to her feet and charges into battle, Ejiro catches her with a knee to the gut, causing her to front flip over his knee, and land right on her ass!

 

“Ejiro saves his fellow M7-er by delivering a cheap shot to Annie Eclectic’s stomach!” Mark is disgusted.

 

“Woo! Waita be a team player Ejiro!! Now Ejaculate her to death or whatever it is you do!!”

 

Annie’s kendo sword flies out of her hands, landing near the edge of the ring, but the Angel herself is more pissed off than hurt, as she bounds up to her feet rather easily to Ejiro’s surprise, and locks him in a front facelock!! Fasaki tries to squirm free, but Annie has her arm tightly cinched around his head, and refuses to let go. The crowd starts up an “EC-LEC-TIC!!” chant, as Annie grips the waistline of Ejiro’s jet-black tights with her free arm, and lifts him up into the air, almost vertical to the ground… before falling backwards and smashing his skull into the mat with an elevated DDT!!

 

“ANNIE T!! ANNIE T!! Eclectic dusts off an old finisher of hers, and takes Ejiro out!!” Mark Stevens hollers as loud as he can, but his voice is still overshadowed by the thunderous cheers of the crowd!!

 

“Smite her with her own Kendo Sword Judge!! SMITE HER!!”

 

Annie lies next to the unconscious Fasaki for a moment, but she quickly hops up to a vertical base, ready to open a can of whoop-ass on a certain Judge!! Eclectic spins around, searching for the elderly grappler, but just as she does so, Mental catches her in the ribcage with a spear!! Annie shrieks in agony as she collapses back to the canvas, and clutches her hurt ribs with both of her arms.

 

“That son of a bitch!” Stevens indicts Judge Mental. “He basically just used Ejiro as a distraction so that he could get the advantage over Annie! The Hardcore Queen definitely isn’t 100% tonight, and her ribs and back are big vulnerabilities, so unless Judge has revamped his entire personality within the last week, he’s going to be concentrating on those weaknesses.”

 

“I know, isn’t he a genius??”

 

Annie slowly stands up yet again, but Judge is waiting for her, and just as she reaches her vertical base, he closes in on her with a series of left and right jabs to her ribcage!! Annie grunts with each blow, staggering backwards until she eventually corners herself against a turnbuckle.

 

“The Judge is absolutely pummeling Annie with those jabs!! Come on William, those ribs are injured!!”

 

Mental shows absolutely no clemency on Annie, grabbing onto the ropes, and thrusting shoulder after shoulder into her hurt ribs!! Meanwhile, in the center of the ring, both Nathan and Ejiro have made it to their feet, and the two simultaneously lock up, each man jockeying for position!! Fasaki immediately begins to lose his footing due to Kibagami’s strength advantage, but he shifts his weight a bit, and fastens a side headlock on his adversary to gain the upper hand!!

 

“Ejiro might be looking to hit another neck-related move on Kibagami…” Stevens foresees, a natural Miss Cleo.

 

“But our next entrant is mere seconds from entering!! Let’s just hope that he’s in the Magnificent Seven, eh?”

 

Nathan firmly lodges both of his feet onto the mat, and, looking for a quick escape, he shoves Ejiro with all of his available strength into the nearest turnbuckle!!

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

Fasaki hits chest-first, and stumbles backwards a bit from the impact. Nathan spins him around, and grabs onto his wrist, before heaving him all the way across the ring into the opposite ring post… the very same ring post where Judge is ramming his shoulder repeatedly into Annie’s ribcage!!

 

“6!! 5!! 4!!”

 

Mental grabs a hold of Annie’s legs, and lifts her up, setting her on the top turnbuckle. He reels back, looking to shove her out of the ring… but just as he’s about to make his move, 188 pounds of Ejiro Fasaki crashes into his back, sandwiching him into the ring post!! Both members of the Magnificent Seven let out a groan, and falter backwards towards the center of the ring, as Annie Eclectic pulls herself up to the top turnbuckle!!

 

”3!! 2!!”

 

The Smooth Criminal wobbles a bit as she attempts to rise to a fully erect position, still holding her ribs from the punishment inflicted earlier. Nonetheless, she quickly gains her sense of balance, and not wanting to waste any time, leaps off the ring post towards Mental, landing a hard top rope “Dropkiss” right to his face!! The crowd pops big, and then pops even bigger as…

 

“1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!”

 

“Uh-huh, yeah…”

 

“NO!! NOT HIM!!”

 

“YES!! The man who entered at #1 last year and stayed in almost the entire match!! The man who single-handedly eliminated former SWF Champion RANE!! The man who threw YOU over the top rope, Riley!! It’s time… to experience… THE JOY OF X!!”

 

A flash of brilliant white light X-PLODES from arena entryway, and the crowd is X-STATIC as the silhouette of X himself can vaguely be seen through the X-CRUCIATINGLY blinding white light!! X saunters down the ramp, and hops up to the ring apron, sizing up each man inside the ring.

 

“X just returned to the SWF a few weeks ago, and is an old time veteran here. Former Intercontinental-Television Champion, former United States Champion, former Tag Team Champion, and former Hardcore Gamers Champion… the Joy of X has accomplished a lot in the Smarks Wrestling Federation. Plus, he’s familiar with the choose-your-own-stip reward that goes to the winner of the match, being a former Xstasy Rules Champion down in the JL, as well,” Grand Slam proves that he’s a wrestling encyclopedia.

 

“Hey, did you mention him losing his Hardcore Title to a GIRL, or his several failed return attempts, or--…”

 

“We’re not here to throw insults around, Bobby.”

 

Meanwhile, while X continues to simply stand on the apron and observe the ensuing action, Annie Eclectic pounces on top of the collapsed Judge Mental, grabs a hold of his head, and pounds it several times into the mat!! Ejiro stands in the center of the ring and tries to shake the cobwebs out of his head, but Kibagami doesn’t let him, as he immediately rocks forward with a DEVESTATING superkick to the back of the head!! The crowd groans at the sickening sound of foot-on-skull contact, and Ejiro flops onto his stomach, now almost completely unconscious.

 

“What a superkick on Ejiro!” Mark’s eyes widen at the kick’s impact.

 

“Oh yeah right Mark. Ejiro’s only playing possum, and you know it,” Bobby looks on as a river of blood begins to flow from Ejiro’s ear, and his eyes roll into the back of his head. “Yep… just playing possum alright.”

 

X seems to decide on an offensive strategy, and in an amazing display of agility, nonchalantly front flips over the top rope, and into the ring!! Nathan turns to face him, and immediately charges him with a Burning Lariat!! X ducks the stiff clothesline attempt, and Nathan passes by, running right into the ropes. He turns to take the cables in the back, and rebounds back towards X, but the Perfect Drug is ready, as he hops up into the air, and plunges his feet into Nathan’s chest, flooring him with a dropkick!! X briskly gyrates to a standing position, and without stopping to think for even a moment, jumps up to the top rope of the ring, and springboards off with a backflip, landing a picture perfect top rope Lionsault on the downed Kibagami!!

 

“Nathan goes right for X, but the Washington DC Caribbean is more than prepared, as he takes Kibagami down with a dropkick and a Lionsault!! X is one of the most agile wrestlers in the federation, and at only 19, is also one of the most grizzled veterans, too. I’m sure several of the SWF superstars will be looking to put him out tonight, as such an achievement could very well get them a higher place on the card,” Mark

 

“Not to mention a hefty raise, eh? I’m tempted to go in there and put that Bastard out myself,” Riley says, in a frighteningly serious voice. “Get my paycheck bumped up from $5.00 an hour…”

 

“What? My paycheck is $400.00 an hour.”

 

“Dammit! I knew I wasn’t getting paid enough!!”

 

Annie, now smashing fist after fist into Judge’s bruised face, finally rises off of her much older enemy, and stomps across the ring in search of her Bokken!!

 

“Eclectic has laid off of Judge for a moment, but she doesn’t look like she means well!” Stevens looks, almost worried as he sees the crazed look on Annie’s face.

 

“C’mon Ejiro!! Get up and help out your Mag7 buddy!!” Bobby shouts at Fasaki’s corpse.

 

Eclectic grabs her Singapore Cane from the edge of the ring, and shoots a menacing look towards Judge Mental!! She hones in on her antagonist, and just as William Heartford III lifts himself up to his knees…

 

*** THWACK ***

 

Annie Eclectic’s Bokken comes crashing down across his face!! The red mark of the cane shot is imprinted on Judge’s forehead, and a second one is added as…

 

*** THWACK ***

 

…the kendo sword lashes across his mug once more!! Annie whacks Judge a few more times with the kendo stick, before simply positioning herself behind him, and choking Mental out by pulling the kendo stick back over his air pipe!!

 

“That’s a blatant choke!!” Riley points his finger accusingly towards the ring. “Can’t the ref call for the DQ or something!?”

 

“Afraid not Bobby!” Grand Slam bellows, almost triumphantly. “We’ve hit the eight minute mark, and another SWF Superstar is about to enter the ring!!”

 

Riley presses his hands together and prays for a heel.

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

On the other side of the ring from Judge, Annie, and a finally recuperating Ejiro, X lifts Nathan up to his feet, and shoves him over the top rope!! Nathan has enough wits in him to hang on to the upper chord for dear life, and X puts one of his feet on the bottom rope for leverage, before continuing to lift Kibagami out of the ring!!

 

“6!! 5!! 4!! 3!!”

 

Half of the crowd buzzes with enthusiasm as Nathan is almost eliminated, while the other half starts up a “She’s Hardcore!!” chant for Annie Eclectic!! Every single fan in the arena joins in on the countdown though, as the next participant is almost here…

 

“2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!”

 

“Points of Authority” by Linkin Park plays over the Melon Arena’s sound system, and the crowd marks out like one collective bizznatch as orange and white pyro spray from the sides of the stage, and Stryke comes dashing out onto the ramp!!

 

“Stryke!!” Grand Slam shouts. “It’s Stryke!!”

 

“WHY GOD!? WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME!!” Riley shouts at the ceiling.

 

“The man who took out Jay Dawg in mere seconds during last year’s ‘Fuck, in one of the biggest upset eliminations of all time!!”

 

“Yeah, dead even with Cyclone Comet eliminating me in 2001…” Bobby grumbles, apparently still holding a grudge against the superhero.

 

Stryke jogs down the entrance ramp and arrives at the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. His eyes dart around the squared circle, looking for a target, before coming upon X, who is still trying to eliminate Nathan just a few feet away!! Knowing that this may be his one big chance to make an impact here tonight, Stryke marches right over to the former Pound member, squatting down a get to get a good, grounded position…

 

“Stryke looks like he’s about to go after X, and X is completely oblivious to his presence!! He’s too concentrated on Nathan!!”

 

“Well at least if X is gone it’ll clear out some of the face population. There’s too many damn good guys in there right now.”

 

“This could be a huge chance for Stryke to make a name for himself in tonight’s match…”

 

X pounds fist after fist into Kibagami’s head, trying to weaken him, but Nathan is relentless, and he clasps onto the ropes with no intentions of letting go!! The Perfect Drug doesn’t know what he has to do get rid of Nathan, but he isn’t given much time to think about it, as in one swift motion, Stryke scoops him up from behind, and heaves him up and over the top rope!! X is too surprised to react, and he flips over the ropes and down to the floor, landing on his feet and toppling forward onto his chest!! The arena goes kookoo up the wazoo for the surprising elimination, as X gets up to his feet and shoots an angry look at Stryke, who raises his arms triumphantly!!

 

“X IS OUT!! X is out of the Clusterfuck!!” Stevens yells. “A man who was a big favorite to win here tonight has been the first eliminated, and by Stryke, to boot!!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-X-

ENTERED: 5th

LEFT: 1st

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Stryke

LEFT IN RING: Nathan Kibagami, Judge Mental, Ejiro Fasaki, Annie Eclectic, Stryke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

X is fuming with fury, but Ring Enforcer Memphis Eel orders him to go back to the locker room, and with a huff, X marches back up the entrance ramp from which he came.

 

“Mwahaha!!” Bobby guffaws. “That’s for eliminating me last year, foo!”

 

“And our second elimination might not be too far off, look at Annie and Judge over there with Judge, Bobby!!” Grand Slam points at the opposite side of the ring from where Stryke is celebrating.

 

Annie leans back, choking Judge out with her Kendo Sword, and once Mental stops moving, she keeps her bokken across his throat, and stands him up to his feet, looking to impose even more damage on her rival!! Eclectic spins Judge around to face her, and immediately locks on a front facelock, still holding her Singapore Cane across his throat. The crowd hums with anxiousness… before bursting cheers, as Annie DDT’s Mental onto the mat, with the Kendo Sword still athwart his neck!!! The cane jams into the Judge’s esophagus, and he makes almost a gagging noise as he land right on his head, and flips over, appearing to be almost dead!!

 

“Bokken-Assisted DDT!!” Stevens calls the sickening move. “Judge isn’t moving!! I think his air supply was cut off enough to render him unconscious!!”

 

“But look!! Ejiro is up to his feet now!! GO EJIRO! GO!!!!” Bobby acts as a cheerleader to the Former Ejiropean Champion.

 

Annie rises to her feet again, and makes a cutthroat motion with her hand, signaling that Judge is finished!! The crowd eats it up, but they’re suddenly thrown into a rage of negativity, as Ejiro Fasaki darts at Annie with the intentions of avenging his partner, and delivers a stiff-as-hell bicycle kick to her ribs!! Annie shrieks out and reels back into a turnbuckle, grasping at her wounded ribcage. Ejiro moves fast, clutching a handful of Annie’s raven black hair in his hands, and forcing her into a standing head-scissors!! The “Angel” frantically tries to wriggle out of this uncomfortable predicament, but Ejiro tightens his calves around her noggin as much as he can, and hooks her arms!!

 

“HERE IT COMES!!” Riley screeches. “HE’S GOING FOR THE EJIROCATION!!!”

 

“But Annie is trying as hard as she can to get free of Ejiro!!” Mark watches on. “We all know just how much Annie doesn’t like her head between a man’s legs…”

 

“Pfft, she just has bad tastes.”

 

“10!! 9!! 8!!”

 

The crowd counts down with the buzzer, and in the center of the ring, Stryke awaits the next participant while Nathan still lays winded at the edge of the ring. Ejiro however, is as busy as a bee with a certain hardcore lesbian, as he pulls all of his weight backwards, trying to get her off of her feet for a double-arm piledriver!!

 

“7!! 6!! 5!! 4!!”

 

Annie resists Ejiro’s pull, and leans back as much as she can, her ass almost touching the ground, before she suddenly whips her head up from underneath him, sending Fasaki up and over her… and the top rope!!!!

 

“Annie reverses the Ejirocation into a back body drop!! Ejiro is out of here!!”

 

“NOOOO! EJIRO! MY LOST LOVE!!”

 

Ejiro lands with a plop on the outside concrete, but quickly rises back up to his feet, pointing a finger at Annie and screaming at her! Annie smiles weakly, and leans over the ropes, blowing a kiss to Ejiro as he’s whisked backstage by a herd of zebras, the audience cheering at his elimination all throughout.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Ejiro Fasaki-

ENTERED: 3rd

LEFT: 2nd

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Annie Eclectic

LEFT IN RING: Nathan Kibagami, Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Stryke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“3!! 2!! 1!!”

 

“LUCKY #7!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!”

 

“Johnny Dangerous!” a seductive female voice booms from the loudspeakers. The crowd responds with a roar of cheers, and those who don’t recognize the name just go with the flow, cheering as well, as the “Mission Impossible 2 Theme” by Limp Biskit rocks out from the wall to wall speaker system of the Mellon Arena! A vast range of colorful lights swirl around the stadium, and highlights of Johnny’s JL Career sporadically flash on the Smarktron, before the man, the myth, the legend, Johnny “The Barracuda” Dangerous finally steps out onto the stage, and with a hint of pure suaveness in every single one of his mannerisms, begins to walk down the ramp. He leisurely strolls down to the ring, his usual entrance attire that is a jet-black tuxedo noticeably missing, only stopping for a tick or two here and there to wink at an especially striking young lady. Dangerous arrives at the nadir of the ramp, and shoots a debonair wink at Ejiro, who is still spitting trash talk and death threats out at Annie Eclectic, as almost a dozen referees surround him, trying to escort him out.

 

“Here he comes… Johnny Dangerous!!” Grand Slam yells, genuinely psyched up for the Secret Agent’s debut.

 

“Blah. What a dork. I mean… I played spy when I was FIVE, and I know a few 14-year-old’s who still play James Bond, but he’s fucking 28! I mean, c’mon!” Riley complains.

 

“Dork or not, Johnny Dangerous is the SWF’s new resident spy. Not to mention, he’s a former SJL World Champion, having won the strap from Judge Mental himself. They say he’s incredibly talented with the ladies, too.”

 

“Well I’m not, and look how far I got!”

 

“…Not very far…?”

 

“SHUT UP!”

 

Johnny slides under the bottom rope and into the ring, where Stryke meets him right away with a wild haymaker! Dangerous’ footing doesn’t falter a fraction though, and he’s quick to retaliate, coming back at Stryke with a massive shotei right to the bridge of his nose!! Stryke with a hard right European Uppercut, but before he even has time to sell, Johnny strikes back with a karate chop to the Aussie’s shoulder! The two go into an all-out brawl, neither man gaining any clear advantage! A punch from Johnny, A forearm from Stryke. Johnny, Stryke, Johnny, Stryke, Johnny, Stryke, Johnny, Stryke, NATHAN!

 

“Nathan Kibagami is back in this thing, and looks like he’s in almost top form!” Mark shouts as the Phoenix resident takes down both Stryke and Dangerous with a double clothesline, and begins choking out both men.

 

Kibagami strangles the two dazed wrestlers as they lie on the mat, gasping for breath and writhing in pain. He thinks twice about what he’s doing though, and not wanting to be reduced to the savage heel he once was, Kibagami lets go of his chokeholds, opting instead to stand up and begin delivering hard boots to both downed Clusterfuck participants!

 

“Aww, and I thought Silent was going eVil again…” Riley sighs, truly disappointed.

 

“Not a chance Bobby, he’s a changed man.”

 

“Pfft, that’s what Paul Reubens said.”

 

Just a few yards away, Annie tows a lifeless Judge Mental up, holding him on his feet so that he doesn’t collapse.

 

“Mark… I’m a little worried about Judge… he hasn’t moved at all since that Bokken DDT,” Riley shows some legitimate concern.

 

“Well, I’m sure the Medical Team can fix him up good as new just as soon as he’s ELIMINATED!!” Mark’s voice rises for that last word, because just as he says it, Annie takes a hold of the Judge by his clean cut gray hair, and points over the top rope, warranting a big time pop from the Mellon Arena!!

 

Eclectic scurries to the side of the ring, dragging Mental with her, but when she goes to throw him over the top, he comes back to life a serial killer in a badly made teen horror movie, and grabs a good portion of Annie’s hair to halt his elimination!! He takes a second to smile grimly at his much more petite opponent, and with the grin still cemented on his face, he lobs her over the top rope!

 

“I KNEW IT!!” a certain homosexual co-host exclaims. “He was faking it! Just waiting for the right moment!”

 

“But look! Annie grabbed onto the top rope! Her feet are just inches above the ground, but she’s still in this!”

 

Mark notices Annie’s evasion of elimination, but Mental does not, and he cockily turns his back to his seemingly defeated rival, raising his hands up into the air! Something seems odd though, because the crowd is cheering as loud as they can! Judge turns around, only to find that Annie has pulled herself back into the ring by the top rope, flipping back into the squared circle without even using her feet!! Mental’s jaw drops to the floor in shock, and without thinking, he lunges forward at Annie for a high-impact clothesline. Luckily, the Queen of Hardcore steps to the side just in time, and as Judge passes, she guides him to the ropes with her hand on the back of his head, and uses his already established momentum to throw him up and over!! Judge lands on the outskirts of the ring, as his knees smash into the outside concrete with sickening impact!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Judge Mental-

ENTERED: 2nd

LEFT: 3rd

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Annie Eclectic

LEFT IN RING: Nathan Kibagami, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Johnny Dangerous

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“His feet didn’t touch the floor!” Riley claims. “He landed on his KNEES!”

 

“Give it up, Riley,” Stevens advises the commentary booth’s lesser half.

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

“Come on God!!” Bobby screams at the Heavens above. “GIVE ME SOMEONE TO ROOT FOR!!”

 

“6!! 5!!”

 

Annie collapses back onto her rather shapely behind with exhaustion, but Judge doesn’t look like he’s going to leave it at that, as he scowls at Annie, before turning and walking towards the Time Keeper’s table in search of a weapon! Meanwhile, Kibagami lets up on Johnny and Stryke, and lifts Dangerous up to a standing position. He rams his knee into Johnny’s face a few times before spinning him around and hooking on a rear waistlock, preparing for a German Suplex. Stryke soon makes his way to his feet as well however, and he at once sizes up the situation, and dashes to the backside Kibagami, grabbing him from behind in a rear waistlock of his own!

 

“This doesn’t look good…” Stevens observes, as the fans in the arena try to cheer for the ensuing spot, and count down with the timer at the same time.

 

“FACE GENOCIDE!!” Bobby shouts with schoolgirl-esque glee.

 

“4!! 3!! 2!!”

 

Nathan’s instincts tell him to nail an elbow right into Stryke’s head, but his arms remain cinched around Johnny’s waist! Mustering all of the gusto he has left, Stryke leans back, lets out a grunt, and lifts Nathan high above his head with a German Suplex, who lifts Johnny high above HIS head with a German of his own!!

 

“Look! It’s like musical chairs, only with head dropping!”

 

“What the hell are you on Ri--… OH MY GOD!!”

 

“1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!”

 

*** BAM ***

 

Stryke lands rather softly on his back…

 

*** BAM ***

 

…Nathan lands rigidly on his shoulders and neck…

 

*** BAM ***

 

…and Johnny lands directly on his head, backflipping over onto his belly as the crowd gasps in shock! Nathan is dead. Dangerous is dead. And even Stryke is moving at the rate of a dead kangaroo. None of the audience can see this though, because just as the suplex succession ends, “Cochise” by Audioslave kicks in, and several strobe lights pulse on and off in time with the music’s melody!! Fog pours from the backstage area, and the crowd’s rather mixed reaction is drowned out by several blasts of pyro from the stage!! Annie Eclectic, the only living life form left inside the ring, stands up with the assistance of the ropes, and gazes down the entrance ramp, leaning against the ring cables just to stay on her feet.

 

“It’s Ash Ketchum!” Stevens yells. “ASH KETCHUM!!”

 

“Yeah Mark, NOW who’s getting names wrong!? It’s MICHAEL CRAVEN dammit! Ash 2.0!! The Pokefreak with a zesty mix of evil-osity!” Bobby admires Ash’s recent personality change.

 

A red hue is projected from the houselights, and the figure of Michael Craven comes sprinting down the ramp, pumping his hands into the air to psych the crowd up, receiving an awkward blend of both boos and cheers for his efforts!

 

“Possibly the two most hardcore wrestlers in the federation are about to go head to head, and neither of them are the Hardcore Champ!!” Stevens bellows with anticipation.

 

Annie backs away from the ropes and walks towards the center of the ring, getting ready to face the “Chimera,” but as the lights go back to normal, Judge Mental can be spotted plowing through the group of referees on the outside and sliding into the ring with a chair in hand!! Michael stops just a foot away from the ring, coming to an abrupt stop. He looks right past Annie, and a smirk almost violates its way onto his face, but just as Eclectic takes the hint and realizes that something is wrong…

 

*** CRACK ***

 

…Judge SMASHES his chair across her lower back, and she SHRIEKS out in what could easily be recognized as pure agony!! Annie, the tough little warrior that she is, doesn’t go down, and instead turns around suddenly to face the man that she eliminated just moments before…

 

*** CRACK ***

 

…only to receive a scintillating chair shot to the face!!

 

“Oh come on!! Judge was already eliminated from this match! Get him out of here!!”

 

“Ahahahahaha!” Riley giggles menacingly. “KILL HER JUDGE!!”

 

A cut has formed across Annie’s forehead, but she still refuses to fall!! Michael slides into the ring, standing up behind her, as Mental winds up his trusty steel chair a third and hopefully final time…

 

*** CRACK ***

 

…and BLASTS the Hardcore Queen with one of the most brutal chair shots in the history of this sport!! The gash on Eclectic’s forehead opens up to the size of the Grand Canyon, and she incoherently totters rearward into Michael, who catches her back-to-back, in position for a backslide!! Judge knows that his work here is done, and with a broad smile on his face, he exits the ring. Mental casually drops his chair on the outside before headed back up the entrance ramp, parting the group of security guards and referees like the Red Sea.

 

“Annie is history!!” Bobby predicts. “What an impression the Hardcore Champion just made! I mean, after that, he DESERVES a World Title shot!”

 

”Ugh!” Stevens groans with revulsion. “That was just a sickening display of lack of Sportsmanship! I can’t believe he would do that! She’s a WOMAN Judge! A WOMAN!”

 

“Women are the devil.”

 

”And now look… As--… er, Michael Craven has her set up for a backslide… what’s he doing?”

 

“Oh this is just too good.”

 

The Nightmare reaches back and grabs Annie’s neck with his right arm, so that it almost looks like he’s going for a neckbreaker… but being the former Ash Ketchum and all, he adds a twist, as he darts forward and runs up the ropes, before backflipping over Annie and slamming her neck into the ground with the C4!! Michael hops up to his feet, waiting for the academic pop, but it never comes, and only boos of disgust can be heard throughout the arena! The fans are still appalled at Judge’s behavior, and a few empty beer cups soar down into the ring, though they each miss Craven by a mile.

 

”C4!! The Cyclone Comet Cradle-Arm Cutter puts Annie down for what may be the last time!” Riley marks big time. “And with assistance from the ropes, too! In just a minute, Annie will be out of here!”

 

“Not like this! How could Michael do this to the woman who he introduced to the SJL? Another fresh man will be down here in thirty seconds… just hold on, Annie!”

 

Craven no-sells the boos as best he can, as he pounds his fist into his chest, raises his arms into the air, and jumps in place for a moment to taunt the unconscious Carnie, an almost bitter glint in his eye. He turns around to celebrate with the other half of the crowd, but quickly finds himself on his back as none other than a fully convalesced Stryke catches him by surprise with a double-leg takedown!

 

“Oh look, that stupid dingo had to come and RUIN everything,” Riley sighs.

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

Stryke grabs Michael’s legs in the pits of his arms, and despite the Nightmare’s frantic resistance, he turns him over onto his chest, locking on a standing boston crab!!

 

“EVENT HORIZON!!” Stevens screams. “STRYKE GETS THE EVENT HORIZON!! Stryke has gotten his submission finisher on the man who TWICE beat him for the Hardcore Gamers Championship!”

 

“Oh no. Too bad there are no submissions, huh Marky Mark?” Bobby asks his co-announcer.

 

“6!! 5!! 4!!”

 

“Now, if we can just get a bad guy in here… I’m getting sick of rooting for Craven, dammit.”

 

Michael shouts out in pain and grinds his hands into the ring apron, but it does him no good, and Stryke merely leans back even more, wrenching on the submission as much as he can! Meanwhile, Nathan Kibagami, still slightly dazed and/or confused from the German Suplex he took earlier, rises to his feet a few meters (since Australia uses the metric system) away.

 

“3!! 2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!”

[Guest Suicide King]

Megadeth’s “Trust” discharges from the speaker system at full-blast, and the crowd is almost a virtual anti-pop as they boo the entering participant out of the building before he even shows his face!

 

”XERO!!” Riley shouts in the same tone that one might use when saying, “Look! Jesus!”

 

“Someone who has teamed up with Michael Craven on many occasions… the self-proclaimed ‘King of the DDT’… and without a doubt the most grizzled veteran in this match tonight, Xero certainly is quite the competitor, despite several unfortunate losses lowering the status of his image a bit.”

 

“Jobber or not, XERO is my new pick to win this thing!”

 

Red and white pyro emits from the stage, and the Light Heavyweight sprints out from the backstage area! Stryke turns his head to see Xero running down the ramp faster than the Mach 5, but before he can even decide what to make of the situation, a generic black wrestling boot is propelled speedily towards his face, inside it: Nathan Kibagami’s foot! Kibagami absolutely NAILS Stryke in the face with a STIFF side-kick, and Stryke wilts over to the ground instantaneously, releasing the tormented Craven in the process. Blood flows from his nose as if they were water faucets, and he collapses chest-first onto the mat.

 

“WHAT A KICK! Stryke’s not moving!!” the Heavy Hitter is in awe.

 

“Quite the impressive sound effect, too.”

 

Xero reaches the ring, and leaps up to the apron, but doesn’t enter, instead choosing to gaze across the ring and observe whom he’s up against. Johnny and Craven both slowly rise to their feet, and Nathan stalks over to Annie Eclectic, looking to inflict damage on her. Meanwhile, Stryke lies motionlessly in the middle of the ring, not moving a millimeter. Xero doesn’t even stop to contemplate his own safety. Instead, he runs down the apron, and jumps up to the top of the ring post in one leap. Stopping for only half a second to take aim, Xero springs from the top rope and takes flight, helixing down onto Stryke’s back with Shooting Star Press!!

 

“ABSOLUTE XERO!! ABSOLUTE XERO!!” Stevens screams, as the arena reacts with boos.

 

Riley is the only cheering man in the building. “Yahoo!! Go, go, go! XER-O-O-OOOO!!

 

Xero lands on Stryke, and almost bounces back up off of him due to the impact, recoiling in pain and clutching at his chest!

 

“Ouch! Xero hit so hard, he actually took some punishment from the landing collision himself!!”

 

“Puh-leeze, he’s just trying to make Stryke look good. What a generous guy,” Bobby marvels.

 

As Nathan walks over to the carcass of Annie and tows her up to her feet, both the Chimera and the Barracuda stand up at the other side of the ring. Craven is still on one knee, and Johnny is struggling to stay on his feet, wobbling ineptly, but the two already are trading blows, back and forth!

 

“Johnny has taken some pretty hard blows tonight, and that Event Horizon has slowed down Ash quite a bit, but these two are still giving it their all!” Mark watches the two go at it. “Michael is the much fresher man, but he’s having trouble standing, and Johnny obviously would have the advantage in a fight due to his training in hand-to-hand combat, being a spy and all.”

 

“Meh, just wait ‘till Xero gets his hands on him. HE’S a Hungarian Race Car Driver.”

 

The two go back and forth, almost dead even! After half a minute of back and forth action, the crowd starts to stomp their feed rapidly on the ground, their proverbial drum roll increasing in intensity as Dangerous gets three hits in a row, then four, five, six, seven… until he’s unleashing an all out flurry of razor sharp blows to Craven’s forehead!! Michael puts his hands up to try and block some of the hits, but it’s no use, and having no other option, Craven reaches down, and hooks his right hand up into Dangerous’ crotch with a low blow that could kill an entire tub of unborn children!! The audience moans with sympathy for Dangerous, as he clutches at his testicular region and drops to his knees!

 

“Now THAT’S the smartest thing that ‘the Freak’ has done all night!” Riley roots on redheaded combatant.

 

The crowd doesn’t seem to agree with Bobby however, as a good percentage of the throng boos furiously, only a few dozen hardcore Craven fans popping for the underhanded tactic.

 

“Oh come on! He didn’t have to do that!” Grand Slam feels Johnny’s pain.

 

The Nightmare stands up, and takes a hold of some of Johnny’s stylish black hair, pounding fist after fist into his forehead! Across the ring, Nathan has Annie in an upright posture, having to lean her against a turnbuckle just so that she doesn’t crumble to the mat in a puddle of her own blood when he lets her go.

 

“Annie,” Stevens examines the lifeless lass, her face consumed with mortal red. “…isn’t going to last much longer. She’s been in there for almost twelve minutes now, which is a lot in this type of match… and after Judge’s savage attack on her, you have to think that she can’t be in good health right now. Unless this next entrant is a Sydney Sky coming to save the day, I hate to admit it, but she is out of here.”

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

Kibagami pummels Eclectic with forearm after forearm to the face, and convinced that she’s dead, his eyes almost have a hint of pity in them as he grabs onto her legs and lifts her up, trying to get her over the top rope!

 

“6!! 5!! 4!! 3!!”

 

No!! Annie Eclectic, with all of the oomph and adrenalin left in her diminutive body, opens her eyes wide, and kicks Nathan in the face just before he gets her over the top! She gets down from the turnbuckle, and going on the will to win alone, she reels out of the corner, nailing Nathan with everything she has!! Punch, punch, punch, haymaker, haymaker, European Uppercut, toe kick, toe kick, toe kick, and every other strike in existence, as the crowd pops HUGE and the minute dwindles down to zero…

 

“2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!”

 

Annie continues to throw infinite strike variations at Kibagami; Michael Craven continues to hammer down on Dangerous with axehandle after axehandle; even Xero has gotten Stryke up and is battering him with several knees to the gut over in the corner of the ring, but the entire population of the Mellon Arena is concentrated on one thing, and one thing only…

 

“Hey, do you really think Sydney Sky WOULD come back??”

 

“Shut up, Bobby.”

 

Raw guitar ruptures from the speakers as “The Everlasting Gaze” by the Smashing Pumpkins plays!! A few Junior League junkies erupt with cheers, but the rest of the crowd whispers anxiously, until an unfamiliar face-painted Bahamian comes dashing out onto the stage, head banging with the music before darting down the ramp, obviously ready for some action!

 

“Who the hell is that? Oh no… he’s not going to come down and Chris SMASH everyone, is he?”

 

“That’s no caveman Bobby!” Mark corrects his colleague. “That’s Wildchild! Just a few days ago, he was SJL World Champion after making Ejiro tap out at the JL Pay-Per-View, but now he’s been bumped, and he’s ready to rock here in the SWF! Probably the quickest man in this match, Wildchild comes from the Bahamas, and is a former circus performer!”

 

The mass of fans eventually picks up on the cheering fad, because by the time WC reaches the ring and somersaults underneath the bottom and middle ropes to enter the ring, the crowd is giving him a huge ovation!! Wildchild slides into the ring, and quickly races at Michael Craven, hitting him with a massive leg lariat!! Craven goes down fast, but he kips up to his feet as one pissed off panda, and when the Bahamian comes back at him with another leg lariat, Michael catches him by the throat, preparing for a chokeslam!! The Freak doesn’t strain himself too much, and he lifts Wildchild into the air by his gullet with ease, but the move isn’t completed as Johnny Dangerous, looking for revenge, hits him with a forearm to the back of the head! Craven fumes with aggravation, and turns to meet the Barracuda face to face, but right when he turns around, Wildchild jumps towards the nearest set of ropes, springboards off of the second one, and hits Craven on the rebound with a dropkick to the back! Craven topples forward and Dangerous catches him with Judo Throw, before both Wildchild and Johnny jump atop of him and start battering him with fists the face.

 

“And the team of Wildchild and the Barracuda are really taking it to Michael! If Wild and Dangerous keep on double-teaming him like this, then the Freak’s not going to have a chance at pulling off any offensive maneuvers at all, and he’ll be out of this match in short order!” Mark predicts.

 

“Go back to the JL you little punks!” Riley shouts. “All you are to me is fresh meat!”

 

“Umm… fresh meat?”

 

“Quiet.”

 

The two new additions to the SWF lift Michael to his feet, and both lock front facelocks on the Nightmare. The grab him by his shorts at the waistline, combining both of their efforts to raise him up, and slam him back down to the mat with a double suplex!! Michael arches his back and yelps out in pain, but Wild and Dangerous don’t let up! They drape Craven’s neck over the bottom rope, and Johnny forces his throat down onto the lower cable while Wildchild paces to the other side of the ring. Meanwhile, Xero has climbed up to the second rope of his turnbuckle, and snatched Stryke into a front facelock. He raises an arm up into the air, receiving only jeers from the crowd, and then jumps forward with a swing, hitting a tornado DDT from the second rope, crushing Stryke’s head into the mat and sending him rolling to the edge of the canvas!

 

“The KING OF THE DDT HITS A TORNADO DDT ON STRYKE! Xero, You’re a genius!”

 

“Stryke has been in here for a while, but the two real iron men, or iron women, in this match, are Annie Eclectic and Nathan Kibagami! I don’t even know how they’re still moving after this difficult battle!”

 

“Yeah. We should have them tested for steroids or something.”

 

Annie lets it all hang out, using every ounce of energy left in her against Kibagami, but even she, despite her wooziness, can tell that it’s not having much affect, as her opponent appears to be more annoyed than harmed. She has one last Ace up her sleeve though, and just when Nathan is about to counterattack, she grabs onto his head, and sways his entire body to the side, slamming his cranium down onto the canvas with a swinging neckbreaker!

 

“Annie takes the former Clan Member DOWN to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker! He didn’t see THAT one coming, and the neckbreaker has to have done some damage to his already injured vertebrae… I don’t know how much his spinal chord can take in the state it’s in…” Mark worried aloud.

 

Annie lies on her back, her chest moving up and down as she gasps for air, completely exhausted. She crawls over to the ring ropes and starts to climb up to her feet using the cables as a ladder, as Wildchild nearly breaks the sound barrier, whizzing past her, headed right for Michael Craven! Johnny presses the Chimera’s neck down onto the bottom rope one last time before getting the hell out of the way, and Wildchild zooms into the ropes, grabs onto them, and swings his legs around to completely thump the Freak right in his face with his version of the 619 that he calls the Chicklet Buster!! The impact of the swinging kick sends Craven back into the ring, completely unconscious. He lies motionless in the ring, and just to take advantage of the opening, Johnny Dangerous bounces off the nearby ropes, and rebounds back, dropping a fist right into Michael’s chest! Craven comes back to life suddenly, and flails about like a lizard’s tail when it’s been cut off for an instant, before turning into a comatose pile of flesh once more, this time showing no signs of coming back.

 

“Ash Ketchum is DEAD!” Stevens yells. “A Chicklet Buster from Wildchild set up Michael for Johnny’s ‘Armed and Dangerous,’ and at this point, I don’t think that he’ll be in this match much longer.”

 

“Unless he pulls out a ONE-LEGGED PILEDRIVER out of nowhere!!!!!”

 

“…Yeah, I don’t think that he’ll be in this match much longer.”

 

And Mark is correct, because right after the Barracuda’s devastating fist drop, the collective team of Wild and Dangerous picks the former X-Force-Niner up. Without hesitation, they grab onto his black shorts, grip onto his head, and rush forward, hurling him and over the top rope! Michael lands on the cement floor outside with no resistance whatsoever, and the crowd goes wild!!

 

“Michael is out of here!!”

 

”And here comes someone to take his place!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Michael Craven-

ENTERED: 8th

LEFT: 4th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Johnny Dangerous, Wildchild

LEFT IN RING: Nathan Kibagami, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Johnny Dangerous, Xero, Wildchild

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

Wild and Dangerous turn around, raising eachother’s arms in triumph, but the bloodied form of Annie Eclectic runs at them with a surge of energy, extending her arms and hitting a double-clothesline that sends both newbies flipping back over the top rope themselves, and down to the floor!

 

“6!! 5!! 4!! 3!!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Johnny Dangerous-

ENTERED: 7th

LEFT: 5th

ELIMINATED: Michael Craven

ELIMINATED BY: Annie Eclectic

LEFT IN RING: Nathan Kibagami, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Xero

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Wildchild-

ENTERED: 10th

LEFT: 6th

ELIMINATED: Michael Craven

ELIMINATED BY: Annie Eclectic

LEFT IN RING: Nathan Kibagami, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Xero

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Annie takes out both Widchild and Johnny! These two have certainly proven themselves as excellent competition tonight though, and I’m sure they’ll be moving up the ranks in the SWF in no time.”

 

“Yeah, after they run their course as jobbers in a year or so,” Riley sarcastically comments.”

 

Annie wipes some blood from her brow and turns back to the ring, as Wild and Dangerous head to the back, quite disappointed. The crowd cheers Annie on, but when she turns around, Nathan Kibagami is waiting, meeting her with a kick to the gut! Annie doubles over, and Nathan grabs her in a standing head-scissors, wasting not a second as he flips her up onto his shoulders for a powerbomb!

 

“Kibagami has recovered! And he’s looking for revenge, setting Annie up for… oh no!” Mark gasps as Nathan lifts her over his head, and drapes her over his back upside down, holding onto her legs.

 

“2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!”

 

“The Jester’s Race” rings out through the arena, triggering a massive amount of boos from the audience, and Danny Williams walks through the curtains, slowly yet purposefully striding down the entrance ramp.

 

“Hah! Who cares what Nathan’s doing!? We’ve got a REAL wrestler in the ring NOW! The United States Champion, Danny Williams!” Riley marks out.

 

Deathwish makes his way to the ring, while inside the squared circle, Annie is still slung over Nathan’s back, as he gives her legs a little slack, and then sits out, decimating Annie’s skull onto the mat!! Annie’s eyes close and she lies on the mat unmoving, and Nathan tries to get up, but his neck pains and exhaustion cause him to collapse to the mat.

 

“Kiou o Kakekisu!” Mark is amazed at the move’s brutality. “That could have broken Eclectic’s neck!!”

 

“But Nathan is too tired to move as well, and once Danny gets in there, they’re all fucked!”

 

Williams arrives at the ring and climbs the ring steps, standing on the apron for a second to observe the ring, not an ounce of liveliness in sight. He climbs through the ropes and puts his hands on his hips, smirking at the carcasses all around him, but the almost eerie lack of life in the ring is broken by Xero, who kips up to his feet, ready to face Danny head to head!! The crowd actually cheers to see someone step up to the plate against Deathwish, but Williams doesn’t look intimidated at all, and the two grapplers begin circling eachother, their arms out to defend any attacks.

 

“Xero and Danny are about to face off, and God knows who’ll win! I mean, they’re both so GOOD! Looks and athleticism-wise, that is,” Bobby fawns over the two readied wrestlers.

 

“This duo was once a tag team here in the WF, and they came oh-so close to winning the Tag Team Titles from the unstoppable Chilly Chilly Bang Bang at Apocalypse, in an epic Bomb Shelter match!! Being former partners, I’m sure these two know eachother in and out… let’s see who comes out on top tonight,” Mark awaits the inevitable clash between the two.

 

Danny squats down low and takes a battle stance, while Xero hops up and down, gamely extending his arms out in front of him. Then, as if the two telepathically told eachother to do so at the exact same moment, Xero and Deathwish lock up in the center of the ring, fighting for position! Williams gains the advantage without delay, obviously having the strength advantage, and Xero loses his footing, allowing Deathwish to back him up into the corner of the ring! Being the respectable gentlemen that he is, Danny makes the clean break, but the mutual truce doesn’t last long as Williams cracks a STIFF elbow into Xero’s face, and his head snaps back like a PEZ Dispenser (copyright Cyclone Comet)!! Xero’s nose bleeds crimson red, but Danny doesn’t allow him to recuperate, immediately nailing him with another elbow to the face! And another!! And another!!! And ANOTHER!!!! Xero’s eye swells up, and Danny grabs a hold of his wrist, whipping him across the ring into the other corner, and follows him all the way for an avalanche! The King of the DDT reaches the turnbuckle, but thinks fast, and leaps up to the second rope, springboarding back at Danny with a flying cross body!

 

“Flying Cross Body!! Xero uses his much more prominent agility to take Danno down to the mat!”

 

“C’mon Danny, get back in there and Ganso Bomb his ass!”

 

“Bobby, didn’t you say that Xero was your pick?”

 

”Yeah… but… that was during the pre-Danny era, man. Totally different now.”

 

Xero gets off of Williams, and Danny gets up to his feet, but Xero jumps up onto his shoulders, and falls backwards, flipping him over with a hurricanrana!! Danny hits the mat headfirst, but recovers once more, a little slower this time. Xero dashes towards him and goes to punt him in the head with a Dynamic Kick, but Danny catches his foot in mid-air, and slams it down to the mat hard!

 

“Xero with a Dynamic Kick attempt…” Stevens says. “But Danny uses that move himself, and knew just how to counter it!”

 

Williams thinks of putting on a submission hold, but knowing that a submission won’t do him any good in this type of match, Danny chooses an alternative, simply dropping his knee onto the back of Xero’s thigh as hard as he can!!!! The crowd gasps and groans at the audible crack, and the King of the DDT screams out loud, his thigh possibly broken!!

 

“Haha!! Did you see that Mark!? Hell, even if you didn’t, did you HEAR it!! That was beautiful!” Riley’s lips curve into a sadistic grin.

 

“Danny just cut this face off short, by practically breaking Xero’s leg!!” Grand Slam is in shock.

 

Xero grimaces in agony, but Danny pries him off of the mat, and grabs him in a rear waistlock! He goes to toss him over his head, but Xero flips all the way over in the German Suplex, and lands on his feet, only to yelp out in pain and collapse, clutching his leg!! Danny has no mercy, and he treads over to Xero, lifts him up, and nails an elbow in the back of his head.

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!! 6!!”

 

Nathan finally starts climbing to his feet, while on the other side of the ring, Danny goes to lift Xero over the top!! Williams leans over and grabs onto one of Xero’s legs, looking to flip him out of the ring, but Xero fights back with a forearm to Danny’s back! Deathwish’s head snaps up and he snarls at Xero, but the King of the DDT doesn’t falter, instead letting loose with an outbreak of punches aimed at Danny’s head!! Danny backs away from the blows, but Xero can’t follow, having to lean on the ropes just to stand!! A broad smile invades Danny’s face, and he snickers at Xero’s almost sad attempts to reach out and hit him!

 

“Xero has been disabled, but he’s still fighting with everything he’s got,” Stevens states admirably.

 

”5!! 4!! 3!! 2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The lights take on a red shade, and the first verse of “O Canada” plays from the loudspeakers as the crowd churns out some of the loudest cheers of the night. A billowing Canadian flag appears on the Smarktron, and as the first stanza of the Canadian National Anthem fades out, a single frame of the Midnight Carnival flashes on the Smarktron…

 

“Midnight Carnival” a soft female voice whispers…

 

*** BOOM ***

 

…signaling the initiation of “Secret Agent Man” and a blaze of red pyro!! The masked outline of CIA can be seen onstage, microphone in hand!!

 

”Carnie #2 of the match, here to add some flair to this match, MC style!” Mark praises the stable that he himself was once a part of.

 

“Hellllllooooooooooooooooo Mellonheads!!” the Canadian Intelligence Agency hollers, gaining screams of respect and support. “Evening all, far and wide, the masked Carnie is here, so get ready for one hell of a ride!!”

 

CIA goes through his prematch brown-nosing, while meanwhile, in the ring, Danny is honing in on Xero!

 

“This Canadian is ready to kick some BUTT, here tonight, in the Cluster-WHAT?”

 

The crowd is torn between cheering on CIA and booing Danny, as he slinks up to Xero, dodges one of his attempted punches, and cracks an elbow up into his jaw! Another elbow strike almost sends Xero flipping over the ropes, but the DDT King still holds onto the top rope as insistently as he can! Williams is just irritated now, and wanting to finish this off for GOOD, he utterly discombobulates Xero with a full-swing elbow, and then slips behind him and hooks him under his legs, setting him up for a backdrop suplex!!

 

“Jay Dawg and Fugue, the Franchise too. Frosty, Danny, everyone that you boo! Out, out, out they go! Because they surely can’t handle the Canadian storm full of snow!” The audience is at about a “9.8” on the mark-out scale at this point, as CIA takes off his black Canadian flag-baring jacket, and throws it to an adoring fan!

 

The audience stops cheering a second later though, as Danny lifts Xero up from behind, and despite his opponent’s constant struggling, dumps him backwards over the top rope with a Dangerous Backdrop to the outside!! Xero lands on the concrete, taking the impact of the fall on his head and shoulders!!

 

“Holy shit!” Stevens is in awe, even letting a curse word slip. “That… that… I don’t think Xero is still alive!! Can we get some MTA’s down here!?”

 

“Oh come on, he’s XERO! He’s taken worse in the past, man.”

 

Luckily, there’s already a medical team at ringside tonight for such an epic match, and they immediately swarm around Xero, adjusting both his neck and leg, and loading him up onto a stretcher.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Xero-

ENTERED: 9th

LEFT: 7th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Danny Williams

LEFT IN RING: Nathan Kibagami, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Danny Williams

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Stryke gets up to his feet on the opposite side of the ring from Danny, and comes soaring at him with a dropkick to the head, sending the SWF’s resident All Japan Heavyweight tumbling down to the mat. He rises up to his feet again, looking very angry, but Stryke doesn’t look afraid, forcing Danny into the corner of the ring with a knee lift, and pounding fist after fist right into Danny’s prone face!! Meanwhile, CIA slides into the ring ready to rumble, but Nathan catches him before he even stands up with an elbow to his back!!

 

“Stryke is wearing Danny down on one side of the ring, Kibagami is trying to stop CIA from getting an advantage on the other side… and Annie… well, Annie is drowning in a pool of her own blood somewhere in between. Ugh,” Stevens sighs.

 

Despite Kibagami’s efforts to keep him down, CIA makes it to his feet, and knocks Nathan silly with a bionic elbow!! He takes a hold of one of his hands, and whips him into the ropes, but Nathan ducks a clothesline attempt on the rebound, and comes back with what looks to be a hooking lariat… which CIA ducks as well! Kibagami can’t even turn around though, because the crazy Canuck grabs him in a full nelson right when he comes to a halt, and before Nathan has time to react, his face is PLANTED into the ring canvas with the Via Rail!!!!!

 

“Via Rail! CIA gets the Via Rail on Nathan, and he is barely moving!”

 

“Look over here though, Danny is making a comeback! Wahoo!”

 

While CIA plays to the crowd a little and then lifts Nathan to his feet, Danny turns the tables over in his corner by kicking Stryke in the family jewels, and then executing a brainbusting DDT on his Australian adversary!!

 

“Come on Danno, take a walk! You deserve it… just take a walk man,” Riley insists.

 

Danny seems to have a telepathic connection with Bobby, and as Riley says this, Williams simultaneously slides under the bottom rope. He paces around on the outside a bit, his hands on his hips, breathing heavily, while Stryke gradually restores a clear state of mind on the inside of the ring. CIA in the meantime, lifts a very wounded Nathan Kibagami to his feet, and grabs his arm and head from behind, putting him in a cobra clutch!!

 

”The Million Dollar Exemption!! CIA is using the Million Dollar Exemption, a move that he learned from his old rival, Mak Francis, back in the SJL, to inflict even more damage on Nathan’s neck!! Kibagami is NOT in good condition right now,” Mark says, as the timer begins to count down a thirteenth time.

 

“Ooh, lucky #13, eh Grand Slam?”

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

Stryke finally regains a standing posture, and he bolts over to where Danny is, sliding under the bottom rope and onto the apron! Williams is facing the other direction, taunting a small little boy in the front row who’s wearing a “MC” shirt, and Stryke takes advantage of the opening, jumping up to the top rope and springing backwards with a Lionsault to the outside!! The crowd goes into an uproar of cheers, and Danny turns around just in time…

 

…so that he can nail a HARD side elbow right into Stryke’s face as he lands!!

 

“Meteor to the outside, but Danny blocks it with an elbow! Holy cow!” Mark howls, but his voice is drowned out by an earsplitting “HOLY SHIT!!!” chant.

 

“Wow, Stryke slipped from the ring and Danny was there to catch him. WHAT A GUY,” Bobby bends the truth a tad.

 

“6!! 5!! 4!! 3!! 2!!”

 

Stryke lies in front of Danny, totally spent, and Danny shrugs him off, nonchalantly kneeling down and nailing some more elbows into his head! Back in the ring, CIA is still working over Nathan’s neck, and Annie slowly recovers by the ropes.

 

“1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!”

 

“Temptation” by the Tea Party surges from the arena’s speakers, and the stadium looks like a bowl of Lucky Charms as every color of the rainbow flashes in strobe light form, and two brilliantly intense white spot lights focus on the stage, illuminating the third Carnie of the match: Alexander Zenon!! Alex brushes back his long, auburn hair, and gazes attentively down the entrance ramp, before breaking into a gallop, wanting nothing more than to get his hands on Nathan Kibagami!!

 

“ZENON! IT’S ALEX ZENON! CARNIE PRIDE!”

 

“Hey Mark, aren’t you supposed to be the OBJECTIVE commentator?”

 

“Oh, uh, right,” the Heavy Hitter coughs awkwardly. “Well… Alex is quite the impressive wrestler indeed, and he’s probably wanting to completely SLAUGHTER Nathan tonight.”

 

The Artist Formerly Known as Silent hears his antagonist’s theme music and a mildly mixed reaction coming from the crowd, and knowing that trouble is coming, he swings his leg backwards to hit CIA with a low blow and break up the cobra clutch! CIA doubles over slightly, and Nathan swings around with a spinning hook kick, nearly dislocating CIA’s jaw! The Canuck falls to the mat, but next in line is a well again Annie Eclectic! She lumbers unevenly towards Nathan, still a little dazed from the punishment that she took earlier, and Kibagami is glad to add to the brain damage with a hard-hitting superkick right to her face!! Finally, Zenon himself rolls into the ring looking to dish out some pain, but Kibagami is waiting, and Alex is put down like Old Yeller via a Gamengiri to the side of the head!!

 

Grand Slam is amazed, “Nathan is fighting off the entire Midnight Carnival, save Mags, with his kicking arsenal alone!! This is unreal!”

 

“But what IS real in the Twilight Zone??”

 

CIA stands up, leaning over and shaking out the cobwebs from that last kick, but Nathan takes down the defenseless Canuck by somersaulting forward and whipping him in the head with his heel, completing the Rolling Koppou Kick!! He rolls up to his feet ready to take on the next attacker, but before he can turn around, Alex cracks his arm against the back of Kibagami’s neck with a STIFF, STIFF, STIFF arm grenade!! Pain shoots down Nathan’s spine, and he falls to the mat, almost completely immobilized!! Zenon frowns at his arch-nemesis slightly, and pelts him in the back of the neck with several very impacting stomps! Annie joins in, putting the boots to Nathan, and soon enough, CIA gets up and comes over to participate in the proverbial orgy of pain as well! Kibagami clasps his hands onto the back of his neck to protect himself, but the hail of boots pours down just the same! Alex signals for his teammates to stop, and he guides Nathan up to his feet with a hand over his shaved head. He tells something to his fellow Carnies, and Annie and CIA nod, both walking over to the same turnbuckle. Zenon looks absolutely fanatical as he punts Nathan in the stomach, and traps his head in between his legs with a standing head scissors! Annie and CIA hold onto the top turnbuckle as CIA climbs up the ropes on the left side of the ring post, and Annie ascends the ropes on the right. They sit on the top ropes, gaining their balance, and once they’ve centered their weight, they stand up fully erect on the second rope on either side of the turnbuckle!! Alex has an expression of spite on his face now, as he raises his arms for the fans (who react with both boos and cheers,) and then lifts Kibagami completely vertical to the mat, positioning him for a piledriver!! He holds his sworn enemy steady however, and his face can be seen through Kibagami’s legs as he nods evocatively at the other two-thirds of the Midnight Carnival.

 

“Oh no… Alex… don’t…” Mark doesn’t want to look, but he does anyway.

 

“Wait, what’s he doing!? Wha—HOLY FUCK!!”

 

Annie and CIA take off from their post and plummet towards Alex, each planting their hands on one of Nathan’s feet as they land, while Zenon sits out, and SPIKES Nathan’s head right into the ring canvas!!!!!! Annie and CIA make the piledriver all the more devastating though, driving Nathan down even harder by pushing down on his legs as Alex sits out!

 

“ASSISTED SPIKE PILEDRIVER!! NATHAN IS DEAD!!!! HE’S NOT MOVING!!! GET SOMEONE DOWN HERE!!!!!” Grand Slam insists, his eyes locked onto Nathan, who lies unmoving, his eyes fluttering shut.

 

“I… I’ve never seen anything like that before…” Bobby is shaken as well. “But it was pretty fucking awesome, huh??”

 

There are no boos or cheers now, only shocked silence.

 

“10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4…”

 

Annie and CIA look down upon Nathan worriedly, but Alexander Zenon has a smile a mile wide across his face.

 

“3… 2… 1…”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!”

 

“Toccata and Fugue in D Minor” wafts gently from the Mellon Arena sound system, and bright white lights flash on and off, grabbing the crowd’s attention from the ring. The music gains speed and intensity as it plays along, and after a moment of listening to Bach’s masterpiece, the crowd spots the SJL Triple Crown Champion, FUGUE wandering out onto the stage, a big smile on his face. He roams down entrance ramp, holding up seven fingers in the air to show some M7 pride, as the audience squashes him with a metaphorical elephant’s foot of boos.

 

“Fugue here,” Stevens scrutinizes. “Is a former SJL World Champion, Former SJL European Champion, FINAL SJL Television Champion, a member of the Magnificent Seven, and quite the musician, too.”

 

“What’s not to like!?” Bobby asks.

 

“His underhanded tactics, his unkempt hair, his ruthless sadism… Fugue isn’t a very good role model, Bobby.”

 

Inside the ring, Alex has boosted the corpse of Nathan Kibagami up onto his shoulders, holding him in a Fireman’s Carry. His knees wobble a little under 242 pounds of cane-wielding goodness, but he manages, and with absolutely no struggle, Nathan is tossed headfirst over the top rope and out of the ring!! He does a somersault in midair, landing on his back on the outside, still completely unresponsive due to the spike piledriver earlier. The crowd boos with concern for Nathan, as several members of the SWF Medical Team run over to Nathan, and load him onto a stretcher, setting up a neck brace around his collar

 

“There goes Kibagami, though it’s not like he could put up much of a fight…” Grand Slam says uncomfortably.

 

“But this Fugue guy has come to replace him!! Magnificent Seven all the waaaay,” Bobby roots on the new SWF pugilist.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Nathan Kibagami-

ENTERED: 1st

LEFT: 8th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Alex Zenon

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Danny Williams, CIA, Alex Zenon, Fugue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Nathan is carried up to the top of the ramp, where a very distraught Angel appears, directing the stretcher to the backstage area while softly whispering words of encouragement to the unconscious Kibagami. Fugue meanwhile, arrives at the ring, but figures that going in alone with three Carnies awaiting him is suicide, so he stops short of the ring, refusing to enter.

 

“Oh come on, get in there Fugue!”

 

”No way Marky Mark. If he were to get in there NOW, he’d have to waste pointless energy in order to kill all three Carnies, and why would he want to do that?”

 

Annie and CIA glance at eachother, and exchange winks, before going into an intense staredown, right out of “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly”! Annie’s eyes narrow as CIA’s fingers look as if they’re ready to pounce on an imaginary gun in an imaginary holster strapped to his waist. Zenon sighs with a “you’re both complete morons” look on his face, but the audience hoots and whoops with laughs, cheering on the Midnight Carnival’s return to humor after the elimination of Nathan!

 

“Look at this!” Grand Slam snickers. “The Carnies are having a staredown, right out of an old western movie!”

 

“How un-hilarious.”

 

“C’mon pilgrim, it’s gold!”

 

“No no, THAT’S gold,” Riley’s eyes light up and he points down to the ring, where Danny Williams has slid in underneath the bottom rope behind CIA!

 

Annie breaks out of character, and she points behind CIA to warn him, but it’s too late, as Danny Williams CLEANS him from behind with an Enzui Lariat!! Annie dashes in to assist her fellow Carnie, but Williams is prepared, taking her down as well with a stiff running elbow to the bridge of her nose!! Alex looks like he’s next to try and take down Danny, but his turn never comes, as Fugue slides under the bottom rope behind him, and hooks his arms behind his back, before dropping to his knees and slamming Alex right onto his behind!

 

“Coda!! Oh no, that usually sets Fugue’s opponents up for…”

 

Fugue stands back up to his feet, still locking Alex’s arms behind his back, and in one swift motion, he flips forward, bridging over his opponent with HARMONY!!! Zenon screams out in agony drawing some boos from the crowd, but Fugue keeps the hold cinched on as tightly as possible!

 

“Mwahahahaha!! The M7 is teaching the MC the meaning of PAIN!” Riley says merrily.

 

Fugue quickly realizes that he can’t get a submission in this type of match though, and he releases the hold just seconds after locking it on, before kipping up to his feet, and backing away from Alex.

 

Alex struggles to his feet, shaking the pain out of his hurt arms, but when he turns around to face his adversary, the smiling face of Fugue is rocketing towards him at full speed, and the Former SJL World Champion almost decapitates Zenon with a flying forearm attack, that sends him up and over the top rope!!

 

“Alex is out of here!! Yeeeeah Fugue!” Riley cheers on the Magnificent Seven member.

 

“But no! Alex has landed on the ring apron, and he’s not out of this thing just yet…” Grand Slam studies the almost eliminated Carnie. “But Fugue isn’t giving him time to get back in the ring, so he could be eliminated soon enough!”

 

Alex lies on the ring apron, grasping onto the middle rope as tightly as he can, but a very determined Fugue nails a boot to his face, causing him to loosen his grip! Another boot sends him closer to elimination, and a Fugue raises his right foot upwards one last time, grabs onto the top rope for leverage, and comes down--… but before his foot can make contact with Zenon’s face, two hands grab him around the waist, and toss him over the ring ropes himself!! Fugue lands on his feet and looks back towards the ring to see who took him out, his eyes falling upon CIA!!

 

“The Canadian Intelligence Agency makes the save for his fellow Carnie, taking Fugue out of this match just two minutes after he arrived!” Mark is just as excited as the rest of the arena.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Fugue-

ENTERED: 14th

LEFT: 9th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: CIA

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Danny Williams, CIA, Alex Zenon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“10!! 9!! 8!!”

 

The crowd expects Fugue to come back into the ring and get revenge on the Crazy Canuck, but he just grins eerily up at the Canadian, points a finger at him, and heads to the back. CIA leans over the top rope and points a finger back at the smiling Fugue as he leaves, but without warning, the hand of Alex Zenon pops up from below him, grabs a hold of his Maple-Leaf mask, and yanks him out of the ring and to the floor!!

 

“Zenon just took out his partner in crime: CIA!”

 

“Haha! Take that you lousy Canadian! No one likes your country anyway!”

 

“7!! 6!! 5!!”

 

CIA turns suddenly, flabbergasted at his elimination, and shoots Zenon a “What was that for!?” glare. Alex shrugs, saying “Just business,” before rolling from the apron back into the ring. CIA clenches his fist, almost ready to tear his MC pal a new one, but he nods understandingly, and lowers his head in disappointment, before walking back up the entrance ramp, to a huge ovation from the crowd.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-CIA-

ENTERED: 12th

LEFT: 10th

ELIMINATED: Fugue

ELIMINATED BY: Alex Zenon

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Danny Williams, Alex Zenon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“4!! 3!! 2!!”

 

Alex stands up, looking across the ring towards Danny, who has Annie Eclectic up against the ropes, trying to get her out, pelting her with an elbow every few seconds. Stryke finally slides into the ring from the outside, and seeing that Alex all by his lonesome, he charges into battle, and the two immediately begin trading left and rights!!

 

“1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

[Guest Suicide King]

A single guitar riff hits, and then…

 

“Oy! Oy! Oy! Oy!”

 

Taylor Nicholas Thompson doesn’t wait for the “Watch me exploooode!!” line of AC/DC’s “TNT” like he usually does, instead shambling down the ramp as quickly as he can, and sliding into the ring!! The crowd is split right down the middle on whether or not to cheer TNT or not, but it doesn’t effect his mindset at all. Taylor doesn’t stop for an instant, moving as quickly as he can all the way until he reaches Alex and Stryke, nailing them both with a double clothesline!

 

“Taylor Nicholas Thompson coming in at #15…” Mark gives viewers at home the low down. “TNT just returned a few weeks ago, and he won his first match back against Xero in 7 seconds, proving that he really has revamped himself since leaving to Australia several months ago. He’s much more concentrated on his goals now, and his main goal right NOW seems to be being a member of the Magnificent Seven.”

 

“Ahhh, my hero…” Riley drools. “He was the longest reigning SJL Television Champion OF ALL TIME, you know.”

 

“Until losing the belt to Mak Francis… Speaking of TNT losing, Taylor is coming off of a loss right now actually, having been beaten by Tod deKindes just a week ago in a five-man Battle Royal. That win allowed Tod to pick his placement in tonight’s match…”

 

“And he chose #19! How clever!”

 

“Well, I don’t see why he didn’t just pick #20.”

 

“Oh, like the last guy in EVER wins, Mark.”

 

Taylor stands above Stryke and Alex, and he picks up Zenon by his long stringy hair, running and throwing him over the top rope for an attempted elimination! Alex doesn’t go over though, as he desperately clings to the top rope with both of his arms, wrapping his legs around it too! Thompson marches over to Alex and tries to pry him off of the ropes, but a recovered Stryke grabs him from behind in a sleeper hold!! Alex releases the top rope and falls back into the ring, before standing up, and trudging over to Danny Williams, who is oh-so close to taking out Annie Eclectic.

 

“Alex is trying to save his fellow Carnie!” Mark comments, being a commentator and all.

 

“Nooo! That’s cheating! Don’t help that lesbo-slash-bimbo, it’s every man for himself!”

 

“You didn’t seem to complain earlier when Fugue and Danny were blatantly teaming up…”

 

“That was a mutual truce, not a double-team.”

 

Alex reaches out at Danny with both of his hands, grabbing his short blonde hair and nearly ripping it out as he yanks Deathwish backwards, and away from Annie. The (now all but deceased) Queen of Hardcore falls lifelessly to the canvas, while Danny Williams rubs the pain out of his head and turns around to meet the culprit, who meets HIM with a destructive superkick right to the jaw!! Danny drops like a sack of wet mice, and grabs relocates his jaw with his hand, before snapping up to his feet and lashing out at his opponent with a fierce elbow to the temple! He can’t follow up however, and he collapses onto his belly in fatigue.

 

“Zenon hits his old finisher, the Blizzard of Oz, on Danny Williams in order to stop him from eliminating Annie, but Williams delays the selling of the move long enough to come back with a HARD elbow that takes Alex down as well. Neither men are moving now…” Grand Slam looks at the wrestlers in the ring, the match starting to slow down now due to exhaustion.

 

In the meantime, Stryke still has TNT in a sleeper hold, and the crowd cheers him on, as Thompson is getting woozier by the second! Taylor gets his second wind however, and he jerks left and right, attempting to fling Stryke off of him! The Australian compromises by tightening his grip, but the explosive one thinks up another plan, and he starts to drive several elbows back into Stryke’s ribs! Stryke grimaces with each blow, and knowing that he has to do something fast, he drops down onto his stomach, SLAMMING the back of Taylor’s neck into the ground with a sickening Sleeper Drop! The crowd groans at the impact, but soon the groans turn into infinitely loud cheers, as Stryke pops up to his feet and raises his arms into the air!

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

“What a Sleeper Drop from Stryke there… and the crowd is eating it up!” the Heavy Hitter shouts, “eating it up” as well.

 

“And we’re just seconds away from #16…” Bobby ties to think of who it could be. “Who’s left? Frost isn’t down here yet… then Mak…”

 

“6!! 5!! 4!! 3!!”

 

Four of the five participants in the ring lie dazed on the mat, while Stryke cricks his neck and takes a karate-esque stance, readying for the next entrant…

 

“2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

Silence takes over the entire Mellon Arena, as blazing pyrotechnics seem to sizzle out of every nook in the stadium… And then…

 

 

 

 

 

“THIS

 

 

 

 

 

IS

 

 

 

 

 

MAH

 

 

 

 

 

HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The crowd detonates with vociferous cheers as a lyric-less version of “Du Haste” by Rammstein thunders 360 degrees throughout the arena, and the not-forgotten form of Jamie Drazon appears at the top of the stage!!!!!!

 

“It’s Jay Dawg!! JAY DAWG!!!!!”

 

“And he’s getting CHEERED to boot! I guess the people here tonight really missed the Dawg, because they are blowing the roof off of this place!!”

 

“They’re CHEERING!? No! Stop! You’re making me like Jay Dawg less and less!”

 

Jay stalks out onto the ramp, and raises his head up to absorb the reaction that he’s getting. He smiles a smile with thoughts of sadism and violence flashing through his mind no doubt, and rolls his piercing blue eyes up into his head, before running down the entrance ramp, and sliding into the ring!! Stryke comes up to meet him with some punches to the noggin, but JD shrugs them off and blocks one with his arm, allowing him the chance to get some punches in of his own!!

 

“Jay Dawg and Stryke are brawling!” Stevens watches on. “Stryke eliminated JD last year in record time… and I’m sure the Dawg is looking for revenge!”

 

“JD is justice. JD is rule. And JD is the most hardcore motherfucker in this fed, so Stryke better not take him lightly!”

 

Jay Dawg pummels Stryke against the ropes, relentlessly smashing in his face with everything he’s got! Stryke covers up with his arms, trying to block as many of the hooks, jabs, and uppercuts as he can, but it’s no use! Finally, the rain of fists ceases, and Stryke’s eyes flutter open, he wipes the blood from his nose, and looks to see what happened… ONLY TO BE THAI ROUNDHOUSE KICKED OVER THE TOP ROPE AND DOWN TO THE CEMENT FLOOR!! The crowd’s cheers turn to boos in an instant, as they finally remember why they hated JD so much way back when! The jeers don’t affect Jay at all however, and he simply smiles, basking in the negativity.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Stryke-

ENTERED: 6th

LEFT: 11th

ELIMINATED: X

ELIMINATED BY: Jay Dawg

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Danny Williams, Alex Zenon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“After 20 minutes, Stryke has finally been eliminated, and by the man who he himself took out last year!”

 

“What a loser. I can’t believe he was even BOOKED in this match! What ever happened to the Aussie Glass Ceiling? I miss that.”

 

Jay Dawg turns around to look at the other four competitors in the ring, and wastes no time in striding over to the nearest one: Taylor Thompson! TNT is still recovering from the Sleeper Drop that he took earlier, and he gets up to his knees, but Jay Dawg runs up to him with a knee to the face!!

 

“And the next man on Jay Dawg’s ‘TO KILL’ list… TNT!” Bobby squeals excitedly.

 

“These two have had some backstage problems in the past, and hell, they’ve had some in-ring problems too. Jay Dawg once hit JD’s Revenge on TNT while he had a chain wrapped around his throat, and shoved his face in your crotch too, Riley.”

 

“Ahh, good times…”

 

Jay Dawg grabs a hold of Taylor’s dark brown dread locks, and pulls his head up between his thighs, locking on a standing headscissors! The crowd buzzes with excitement, as Jay Dawg reaches down, and crosses the dynamite warrior’s arms across his own throat… before jumping up and landing on his knees, crushing Taylor’s torso, arms, and head into the mat with enough impact to make old-school Silent break into tears!! The crowd starts up a “HOLY SHIT!!” chant, but Jay Dawg doesn’t even acknowledge them, pouncing up to his feet and sliding under the bottom rope of the ring!! He lifts the curtain of the ring up, and begins rummaging underneath the squared circle for a weapon of his liking!

 

“Jamie hit JD’S REVENGE on TNT, and Taylor is out like a light!” Bobby marks out.

 

“But now JD could very well be going hardcore… he’s known for this stuff, you know. And judging by the shit that he’s come up with in the past… well, I don’t really think that this will be pretty.”

 

Jay Dawg finally finds a suitable weapon, and when he pops his head back out from under the ring, he has a wooden baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire in his hands! The crowd screams ecstatically!

 

“No way…” Mark mutters… “He wouldn’t.”

 

“Oh, he would!!” Bobby flashes a smile that you could see your reflection in.

 

“10!! 9!! 8!!”

 

Jay Dawg slides into the ring, where Zenon, Eclectic, and Williams are all recovering, and gets right to work!! He runs at Danny first, who is using the ropes to get up… but not for long, because (BAM!!) JD takes him back down with a baseball shot to the jaw!! The crowd gasps as Danny falls onto his back, his hands on his jaw, but Jay Dawg isn’t finished! He raises his bat into the air, and smashes it down onto Danny’s chest! Some of the barbs catch onto Williams’ chest, and rip into his flesh, as he screams out in agony!

 

“7!! 6!! 5!! 4!!”

 

Jay Dawg sets his eyes on Annie Eclectic next, and he dashes over to her with his bat extended, cracking it over her back!! He pulls back, and the barbs sticking into her shirt and tearing at her now undone hair, as she shrieks her lungs out!

 

“Jay Dawg is absolutely DESTROYING everything in site! He doesn’t seem to have an inch of compassion in him!!”

 

“Nope, don’t you just love it??”

 

“3!! 2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“Cold Contagious” by Bush starts up halfway through the song, but it can barely be heard over the tens of thousands of fans all screaming their lungs out for the returning Longdogger Pete!!!

 

“You will get yours…

you will get yours…

you will get yours…

you will get yours…

 

YOU WILL GET YOURS!!!!!!”

 

Dozens of white fireworks BLAST from the stage, and as the smoke clears, the Miami Menace walks out from behind the backstage curtain! He raises a single arm into the air, before lightly jogging down the entrance ramp, ready to take on all challengers.

 

“You have no right to calm me down

You were never that around

And I have missed

 

Cold contagious

All the mighty mighty men

What you save is what you lose out in the end

Cold contagious

Cold contagious...!"

 

“LONGDOGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” Stevens welcomes back the returning Peter MacDougal with open arms. “A former Hardcore Gamers Champion… winning the belt from the three-time champion, Mistress Sarah, Longdogger could very well be the one man who could out-hardcore Jay Dawg!”

 

“Nonsense! That stupid Floridian couldn’t be hardcore if his life depended on it. He’s doooomed like the rest,” Bobby forecasts. “And do you notice how much he’s stalling? I mean, his entrance has taken up about a minute. He must be a death-a-phobic or something.”

 

LDP gets up to the ring apron, and steps through the ropes, ready for action!! Jay Dawg, who is on the opposite side of the ring grinding his barbed-wire bat across Alex Zenon’s forehead, releases the bloody Carnie, and looks up at his new challenger. He doesn’t even stop to think about it as he charges at the Longdoggah, swinging his bat forward! Jay Dawg tries to slug LDP right across the face, but Pete reaches out with one of his massive hands, and grabs onto one of Jay’s arms, stopping him with relative ease. He then grabs the bat by the handle with his other massive mitt and pries it away from JD as if he were taking candy from a baby! With Jamie in one hand and the bat in the other, LDP raises the bat up into the air…

 

“Time for Jay Dawg to get a taste of his own medicine! Pete has used his much superior strength to gain the advantage… and now it’s his time to shine tonight, as he returns to the SWF!” Grand Slam is genuinely excited.

 

…and CRACKS it over JD’s head!! Pete releases Jay Dawg’s arm, allowing the former Circus Clown to fall to the mat. The No-Selling Bastard tries to collect himself, but Pete doesn’t give him any time as he smashes the bat onto Jay Dawg’s bat, scraping the barbed wire against his flesh!! Even the longest reigning Hardcore Gamers Champion of all time can’t no-sell that, and he howls out in pain as the barbs rip into his skin!! Pete grabs a handful of the Dawg’s black hair, lifting him to his feet again and turning him around, only to drop the barbed wire bat to the mat, hook both of JD’s arms, and double-arm DDT him ONTO the bat!!!!! Jamie lands headfirst onto the lethal weapon, and right when he lands, he yelps out in pain like a dog who just got his foot caught in a bear trap, and flies backwards, pressing his hands on his shredded face to stop the blood flow!!

 

“Longdogger Clogger onto the bat!!!!!” Stevens is shocked, and so is the crowd, as they start up the second “HOLY SHIT!!!” chant of the match.

 

“Dammit Petro!!” Bobby addresses JD. “Don’t let a few barbs stuck into your skull put you down… that’s child’s play yo… Um, sort of.”

 

The crimson flow of Jay Dawg’s blood collects on the mat, and he desperately tries to army crawl away from LDP, who goes after him, presumably for the elimination. Pete clears almost a yard with each step as Jay Dawg scurries away frantically, but TNT, who has regained his consciousness now, cuts Jay Dawg off with an elbow drop to the back of the head! Jay Dawg rolls out of the way just in time though, and Taylor hits nothing but mat, as Jamie kips up to his feet, and catches him as he gets to his feet with a HARD hooking lariat!

 

“Jay Dawg is on his second wind!” Bobby celebrates, almost ready to leap out of his seat and sing “Zippity–Doo-Da.”

 

Taylor goes down fast, but the shoot fighter knows that he hasn’t fended off all comers yet, sprinting towards LDP next, and knocking him over with a jumping side kick!!

 

“Jamie Drazon is bleeding buckets, almost as much as Annie… he’s taken a HUGE licking from Pete, and yet he’s still ticking!!” Stevens is impressed.

 

Bloodied and battered, but not beaten, Drazon hasn’t finished his rampage, and he turns around yet again, his stabbing blue eyes now completely visible through his crimson covered face. Taylor has risen to his feet by the edge of the ring, and Jay Dawg sees red, propelling himself forward with the force of a freight train, going for the elimination! He puts his shoulder out in front of him, looking to shoulder block TNT out of the ring… but the dynamite warrior DUCKS at the last moment, and back body drops Jay Dawg right out of the ring!!!! The crowd cheers wildly as Jay Dawg lands on the concrete below! He hops up, and rolls his eyes into the back of his head, grinding his teeth with umbrage.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Jay Dawg-

ENTERED: 16th

LEFT: 12th

ELIMINATED: Stryke

ELIMINATED BY: TNT

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Danny Williams, Alex Zenon, TNT, Longdogger Pete

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Thompson takes Jay Dawg out with a backdrop!! Jamie thought that he could eliminate TNT with a shoulder block, but he was prepared, and JD ended up on the losing end!”

 

“But come on, you really have to admit that Jay Dawg showed his value as a hardcore wrestler tonight,” Bobby adds. “He was CHEATED out of the win here, but now that he’s back, I’m sure that JD’s reign of terror will begin all over again! I can barely contain my excitement!”

 

“10!! 9!! 8!!”

 

“Speaking of excitement… #18’s time is nearing, and it’s either Frost, or Mak Francis.”

 

“7!! 6!! 5!!”

 

In the ring, Taylor backs into a corner of the ring and leans against the turnbuckle, still feeling the aftershocks of JD’s Revenge. Annie is lying by the ropes, nearly a pint of her own blood surrounding her, while Zenon has reached a vertical base next to her, wiping the blood from his brow as well.

 

“4!! 3!! 2!!”

 

Longdogger Pete stands up, and leans against the ring ropes, while Danny gets up to one knee, blood consuming most of his forehead. All five wrestlers in the ring stare up at the backstage curtain, awaiting the next competitor’s arrival…

 

“1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“Frost wants to kill your mamma.

Frost wants to kill your mamma.

Frost wants to burn your dad.

He gets real mean when you make him mad.”

 

The crowd boos passionately as they spot Frost on the entrance ramp, puffing a cigar and raising a single clenched fist into the air! Dweezil Zappa’s “Frost Wants to Kill Your Mama” plays, and Frost walks down the entrance ramp with a purposeful stride, ignoring the crowd’s heckles, his eyes glued to the ring. Frost reaches the squared circle, and puts his cigar out on edge of the ring apron before tossing it to the heated crowd, and entering the ring.

 

“Frosty!” Bobby is happy to see yet another Magnificent Seven member in the match. “Maybe this is the man we need to clear out some of those damn faces, eh?”

 

“The SWF’s Intercontinental-Television Champion looks intense tonight, and he’s apparently ready to get on with anyone who cares to challenge him!”

 

Frost gazes around the ring, wondering whom he should take on first, but his query is answered for him as Alex Zenon rushes him with a stiff arm grenade across his chest!! The Meadowland resident’s arm rams into Frost’s rock hard chest, but the Icelandic Giant doesn’t move more than an inch backwards, shrugging the move off as if it were a fly landing gently on his torso. Alex glowers up at the unaffected snowman, and he backs up again, more determined this time. The Carnie scurries forward a second time, much quicker now, and NAILS Frost with a stiff clothesline to the chest, this one twice as impacting as the first!! The Velvet Hammer doesn’t give up any ground though, and he only sells to the extent of a small grunt, before taking a hold of Zenon’s head with one of his massive hands, and hurling him over the top rope, almost into the ninth row!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Alex Zenon-

ENTERED: 13th

LEFT: 13th

ELIMINATED: Nathan Kibagami, CIA

ELIMINATED BY: Frost

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Danny Williams, TNT, Longdogger Pete, Frost

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Frost has only been out there for thirty seconds, but he’s already taken out Alexander Zenon! What an impact he’s making!” Bobby is in awe.

 

“But with so many enemies in this federation, and with Danny Williams out for his blood, you have to wonder just how long Frost can last tonight.”

 

“Frost can last allll niiight loooong Marky Mark.”

 

“…Only you would know, Riley.”

 

Alex lands on his side, hitting hard on the solid ground, but he muscles his way back up to his feet, and gives Frost a scowl before heading to the back. Frost raises his arms to soak in the boos like a wet sponge, but next in line on the “Job Train” as he calls it, is Danny Williams! Deathwish paces up to Frosty, giving him a look of respectful hatred, and Frost returns the glare, clenching is fists and preparing for the inevitable scuffle by cricking his neck. The two M7 members stare eachother down for a minute, some very threatening vibes going between them, and then, at almost the exact same time, the evil rivals are thrown into a duet of pain as they exchange blow after blow, breaking into an all-out brawl!! Danny smashes elbow after elbow into the Iceman from Iceland’s face, but Frost meets him with an almost exactly even amount of offence, unleashing several left and right hooks into Deathwish’s head!! Neither man seems to be gaining any clear advantage, but they both give it their all, until the quarrel is unexpectedly broken up by Taylor Thompson, who hits a knee lift on Danny from behind! The SWF US Champion staggers forward, and Frost catches him in his right arm, lifting him off of the ground and SLAMMING him back down again with a Uranage!!

 

“The Ice Shelf!! TNT helps his former tag team partner get the advantage over Danny, and who knows what he’ll do with it!” Grand Slam speculates.

 

“Oh come on guys…” Riley pleads. “Why do the HEELS have to be fighting eachother? I mean, look! LDP and Annie are right over there! Kill them!”

 

Frost gets to his feet and begins stomping Danny down with some hard boots to the chest, and TNT joins in, as Chilly Chilly Bang Bang reunites to gang up on the floored Kentuckian!! Meanwhile, over on the other side of the ring, LDP has Annie up on her feet, and he lifts her up with both arms, before slamming her back down over his knee with a Manhattan Drop!!

 

“10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

Annie clutches at her crotch in pain and backs away from Pete, but when he inevitably follows, she’s ready for him, meeting him with a flurry of punches to the head! Longdogger backs away from the aggressive Annie, but her offensive outburst of punches doesn’t wane for even an instant! Finally, when she feels that LDP is worn out enough, Annie runs back to the opposite ropes, reverberates off of them, and comes back, leaping into the air with a flying cross body…

 

“6!! 5!! 4!!”

 

…But the One Man Wrecking Crew catches her in his arms, turns so that his back is facing the center of the ring… and falls backwards, flinging Annie over his head with a fallaway slam!! Annie lands on her back, flopping up and down like a fish when she lands due to the rigidity of her collision with the ground! The Doggah raises his arms into the air, before setting his sights on the entrance ramp, where #19, Tod deKindes, is about to enter.

 

“And it’s no secret who #19 is…” Mark verifies. “Tod deKindes, a former US Champion here in the SWF, is about to come in at the 18-minute mark of this match, and I’m sure he wants to make a mark tonight just as much as everyone else involved in this match does! Plus, lately he’s been going around claiming to be the Soul Surving Member of XF9…”

 

“Which he IS,” Riley insists.

 

“Whether he is or isn’t, the fact is that Longdogger Pete founded that stable, and I’m sure that he’s a bit ticked off about Tod’s recent claims!”

 

“3!! 2!! 1!!”

 

“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The audience is booing even before “Cold” by Static-X kicks up, and smoke begins to billow from the backstage area. Brief highlights of Tod deKindes’ career flash sporadically on the Smarktron, the “XF9” symbol interspersed throughout his entrance video, which causes Pete to visually frown from the ring. Then, as the music picks up in its intensity, a series of white, blinding strobe lights fill the arena, elucidating the stature of Tod deKindes through the thick fog on the entrance ramp! The self-proclaimed “Soul Survivor” of X Force Nine makes his way down the ramp, and gets to the ring, but as soon as he catches a glimpse of the hostile look in Longdogger Pete’s eye, he refrains from entering the ring!

 

“What’s this? Tod doesn’t look like he wants to test his strength against an angered Longdogger Pete right now, and he’s refusing to enter the ring!” Stevens says. “What a coward.”

 

“Coward Mark? Or GENIUS!?”

 

“Coward.”

 

“Oh come on, the guy speaks GERMAN!! What BAD people have come out of Germany, honestly?”

 

“Well, there’s—“

 

“Yeah, that’s right, no one.”

 

Pete leans over the top rope and motions for Tod to come in and face him, but deKindes ignores LDP, strolling over to a little girl in the front row, and snatching her soda away from her! Tod smirks at the crying child, before taking the lid off of the soda cup, and chugging the liquid contents as unhurriedly as humanly possible! He finishes the beverage off with a mildly impressive burp, and hands the empty cup back to the small girl.

 

“Come on Tod, stop stalling and get in there!” Mark orders deKindes.

 

“When the time is right, Mark. When the time is right.”

 

An expression of irritation is plastered on Pete’s face now, but he can’t tend to Tod for long, because Annie Eclectic comes up from behind and catches his attention with a running forearm blow to the back! Pete leans even farther over, nearly falling out, but he is able to just barely keep himself in to massive cheers from the crowd. He turns around to see the Hardcore Queen, the girl that betrayed him to go to the Magnificent 7, and his anger boils. He grabs Annie and quickly lifts the tired girl over his head for a Musclehead Slam…

 

*** DING ***

 

“OOOOOH!”

 

The entire crowd sympathizes with the Longdogger as Tod DeKindes uses the momentary distraction as a chance to slide back into the ring and low blow the venerable XF9 founder! He drops Annie back to the mat as he goes down to clutch his family jewels, and Tod confidently takes the Dogger by the head and tosses him out without a fight!

 

“LDP IS OUT!! Tod just snuck up on Pete while he was distracted, and threw him out of the ring, and out of this match!!” Grand Slam wails.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Longdogger Pete-

ENTERED: 17th

LEFT: 14th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Tod deKindes

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Danny Williams, TNT, Frost, Tod deKindes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The crowd boos like there’s no tomorrow as the dickhead in the ring soaks it all up, and he immediately turns his attention towards the downed Annie, pulling her up by her head.

 

*** DING ***

 

“YAHHH!!!”

 

And the crowd goes insane as the Hardcore Queen gives Tod a taste of his own medicine!

 

“That’s SOOO unfair! They should boo her ass for cheating like that. That was a BLANTANT low blow!”

 

“As if Tod’s wasn’t blantant enough…”

 

“What? I didn’t see Tod cheat.”

 

“Then why did Pete double over and hold his groin like that?”

 

“Pete’s old. Walking across the ring like that probably caused him to pull his groin. I hardly think Tod should be responsible for Pete being totally out of shape.”

 

As Tod huddles up on the ground in immense testicular pain with a totally beaten Annie lying next to him, the reunited Chilly Chilly Bang Bang continues to punish Danny Williams with stomps. Frost picks up the Puroesque wrestler and both him and TNT give him a hard Irish whip to the other side of the ring. They hold out their arms for a dual clothesline, but Danny ducks it, hitting both of them with double running elbows! Both men hit the ground, and Danny Williams lies on one of the ropes for support after the brutal beating dished out by the team. Frost is the first to begin to rise out of the pair, and Danny immediately gets away from the ropes. The Velvet Hammer winds up and goes for Hell Freezes Over, but Danny still has enough in him to dodge it.

 

“If Danny wants to have any chance at all in this thing, he’s going to have to avoid Frost like no tomorrow!”

 

Frost begins to go after Williams again, but before he can do anything he’s broadsided by a recovered Tod DeKindes! He nails a shoulderblock on the big man, knocking him sideways into the ropes. Danny looks at Tod, Tod looks at Danny, and both know of the hatred they share for the big man. Almost immediately they both rush at the nippy behemoth, nailing him with punches and elbows! Frost is thrown towards the ropes, but the Danno/Todski alliance is almost immediately broken up by TNT! He grabs Tod’s head and nails him to the ground with an Inverted DDT, but Williams attacks, undaunted, with a huge elbow!! Frost takes a few more steps back, but he isn’t as surprised as he was before. He nails an overhead blow to Danny’s head, flooring the weakened Williams, and tries to pick him up to throw him out as the final countdown begins…

 

”10!! 9!! 8!! 7!!”

 

“I think the crowd knows who’s left, Bobbie,” Remarks Grand Slam, noting the swell from the crowd.

 

“6!! 5!!”

 

“As do I…” Says a sullen Riley, looking at the clock.

 

”4!! 3!! 2!! 1!!”

 

“So do you wanna’ be a Franchise… And live large… A big house… five cars…”

 

The SmarkTron flares up with a blue and white photonegative image of Mak Francis, which is followed by ‘The Franchise’ in large green lettering, flashing on the screen in time with the beat!

 

“The rent charge… Comin’ up in the world, don’t trust nobody… Gotta’ look over your shoulder constantly!”

 

As the opening lyrics of “Rock Superstar” by Cypress Hill, slightly altered of course, funk from the PA system, it takes a little while but eventually the self-proclaimed Franchise makes his way through the curtain! The lights come back up and Francis comes out onto the stage, tilting his shades down on the bridge of his nose, before looking left and then right…

 

“I remember the days, when I was a young kid grownin’ up… Lookin’ in the mirror dreamin’ about blowin’ up!”

 

That cues multiple short bursts of green pyrotechnics erupting from either side of him, and the crowd is going absolutely wild! He rushes down to the ring, sliding in and immediately attacks the biggest threat in there, Frost! The Icelandic monster immediately drops Williams, but he isn’t fast enough to avoid a massive Yakuza kick from Mak! TNT tries to fight him off, but Mak ducks TNT’s first punch and locks in a waistlock, leading to a release German Suplex that only serves to hype the crowd up even more.

 

“FILTHY GERMAN! FILTHY GERMAN!” Yells Mark Stevens as Mak Francis continues to punish the people in the ring.

 

Tod deKindes, getting up to his knees after taking the inverted DDT, immediately puts his hands up, trying to bargain with Mak. He points to Frost, saying that they should work together and try to get the monster out of the ring. Francis glares at the convincing man, but helps him up to his feet as the two begin to try and pull Frost up and throw him out of the ring! Frost sandbags, trying to keep his massive body as close to the ground as possible, but soon a recovered Annie comes over to help out and they get the big man off the ground.

 

“This looks real bad for the big man Frost right now! Practically everyone in the ring is going after him.”

 

They continue to push Frost closer to the brink, and Danny begins to join the group, but he is stopped by TNT, who gives him a big punch to the back. Williams stumbles, but his temper boils over at the little bastard. He turns around with a scowl on his face and begins NAILING elbows on the jaw of TNT! One after another, he pushes TNT back, and he spins around and hits his patented rolling elbow, which sends TNT into, and through, the ropes!! Taylor lands on the outside, clutching his hurt skull with one hand, while meanwhile, Mak, Tod, and Annie are all trying to get Frost out of the ring!! It looks like a traffic pileup, as nearly every competitor in the ring stacks up against the Iceman from Iceland!

 

“Frost is not going to last in a three-on-one fight here, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to get any help, as his only real ally, Taylor Thompson, is on the outside!!” Mark screams over the buzzing crowd.

 

Frost’s veins bulge, his face turns a bright red, and every muscle in his body contracts, as with one last rush of energy, he plows through all three of his antagonists, and gets away from the ropes! Frost turns around, and before anyone can even say “HOLY SHIT IT’S SNOWZILLA RUN!!”, he slabs a hand on top of Mak Francis’ head, and pitches him up and over the top rope with ease!! Mak lands on the outside, but Frost lets out another roar, this time setting his sights on Tod deKindes!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Mak Francis-

ENTERED: 20th

LEFT: 15th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Frost

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Danny Williams, TNT, Frost, Tod deKindes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Frost is seeing red now, and he’s taking out people left and right!!” Grand Slam yells.

 

“Danny, be John Wilkes Booth to Frost’s Abe Lincoln and take him out!!” Bobby yells instructions to the ring.

 

Frosty snarls at Tod deKindes, and he’s up next on the Job Train!! The Velvet Hammer takes a handful of the Todhead Fanclub President’s black streaming hair, and he’s out in short order as Frost launches him up and over the top rope!!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Tod deKindes-

ENTERED: 19th

LEFT: 16th

ELIMINATED: Longdogger Pete

ELIMINATED BY: Frost

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Danny Williams, TNT, Frost

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Damn you Frost! Go for the lesbian, THE LESBIAN!!” Riley insists.

 

“We’re down to the final four, and three of these wrestlers will be in a Triple Threat match, as soon as one more of them is taken out!! Can no one stop Frost’s rampage??” Mark is doubtful.

 

The crowd actually pops big to see the German/Canadian flung out of the ring, and Frost is getting possibly the loudest cheers that he’s ever received, when suddenly, the bulky form of Danny Williams tears his way across the ring, and LIQUIDIZES Frost’s face with the HARDEST FUCKING ROLLING ELBOW IN THE HISTORY OF WRESTLING!! Frost’s head snaps to the side, and a ribbon of blood spurts from his mouth, but unlike TNT who was lucky enough to go through the ropes, Frost flips backwards, up and over the top rope and down to the floor below!!

 

“Danny takes down Frost! That stupid Taco Shilling snowman is outta here, and now it’s Danny’s chance to take #1 Contender’s Spot! Hell, even if he doesn’t, TNT is a pretty safe option… if he’d just get up from the outside…” Bobby looks at the slowly recovering TNT.

 

The Velvet Hammer lands on his feet, and his eyes are glazed over, but he’s enraged enough to stay on his feet! He growls at Danny on the inside, who simply shoots him the finger!! This makes the Icelandic Monster even more furious, and he immediately tries to get back into the ring, but a horde of ringside attendants surrounds him, and begins backing him up the entrance ramp!! Frosty grabs a referee by the head and slams him against the guardrail, and takes another one down with a right hook!

 

“Frost wants revenge, and he’s taking an entire army of referees down in order to get it! Can nothing stop the SWF’s cigar-smoking iceman?”

 

This query is answered almost instantaneously, as special ring enforcer the Memphis Eel steps up to bat! Frost isn’t intimidated at all, and he shoves the Eel backwards, but Mr. Memphis won’t let himself get pushed around, and he swings forward at Frost with a PUNCH!!!!!!!! The crowd eats it up as the Velvet Hammer flies backwards almost two yards, and lands on the ramp with a thud, almost completely unconscious!! Moving quickly, the medical team loads Frost onto a stretcher as fast as they can, wanting to get him out of here.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Frost-

ENTERED: 18th

LEFT: 17th

ELIMINATED: Alex Zenon, Mak Francis, Tod deKindes

ELIMINATED BY: Danny Williams

LEFT IN RING: Annie Eclectic, Danny Williams, TNT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“The Memphis Eel takes out Frost with a Punch! THIS IS INTENSE!! And the Velvet Hammer is being loaded onto a stretcher now… but that’s not on the fans’ minds right now, because we’re down to the Triple Threat!!” Stevens watches as TNT slides into the ring, Danny turns to face him, and Annie Eclectic lies on the mat, blood still leaking out of her head and back.

 

“And now the former Mentor and Student team of Danny and Taylor can team up on Ann--… hey! What are you guys doing!! STOP!!!” Riley orders, but to no avail as the two break into an all-out brawl!!

 

Taylor slams his opponent with forearm after forearm, but Danny fights back, nailing several elbows into TNT’s head!! Thompson loses the striking contest, and starts to lose ground, but he comes back, hitting Williams with a boot to the stomach and doubling him over!! Taylor moves quicker than light on steroids, shoving Danny’s head between his legs and hooking his arms, looking for the Mushroom Cloud… but Deathwish sandbags!! The dynamite warrior is frustrated, and he tries his hardest to lift Williams from the mat, but Danny refuses to come up.

 

“Taylor is going for his finishing maneuver, the Mushroom Cloud, but Danny just won’t allow it!!”

 

“Let’s go Daaaaannnooooo!”

 

Taylor gives one last grunt of exasperation and yanks Danny to his feet, but Deathwish gets out of the headscissors, and comes up all the way to his feet, BLASTING Thompson with an uppercut elbow!!!!!! Taylor stumbles backwards, and now it’s Danny who’s moving as fast as he can. He locks TNT’s head into a front facelock, and without a moment of hesitation, puts all of his strength into this one move, raising Taylor off of the mat…

 

“What the…”

 

…AND SLAMMING HIM DOWN HEADFIST INTO THE MAT!!!!!!

 

“BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Riley apparently doesn’t realize that he’s not Japanese.

 

“Danny pulls out an old finisher to take down TNT!! Taylor is completely out of it! Danny goes for the cover… and I think we’ll be seeing him with a very high spot on the From the Fire card come February!”

 

Williams is pretty much spent, and he drapes himself over the carcass of Taylor Nicholas Thompson, hooking the leg, and a zebra comes out of nowhere to make the three-count…

 

 

 

 

 

“ONE!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“TWO!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“THRE—NOOO!!”

 

The crowd explodes with cheers as Annie Eclectic musters up enough energy to dive in with an elbow drop, and break up the pin!!

 

“ANNIE IS BACK IN THIS THING AND THE CROWD IS BEHIND HER ALL THE WAY!!”

 

“No!! NO!! We can’t have a gay person win the ‘Fuck TWO years in a row!!”

 

“…”

 

“OW! What was that for!!”

 

“Try to burn me, will you?”

 

Deathwish is barmy with fury, and he leaps up to his feet, facing the recovered Annie Eclectic, a scowl embezzled on his face! The crowd cheers Annie on, but she can’t follow up quick enough, allowing Williams to grab her and take her down to the mat with a Fujiwara Armbar!! Eclectic screams out, but in all of her panic manages to roll away from Deathwish before he can get the hold cinched on all the way. She scuttles across the ring, not quite knowing what she’s looking for, and not quite knowing if she’ll even be able to spot it with all of the blood in her eyes. Williams doesn’t let her get away though, and he comes up to her from behind and locks her head into a sleeper, before falling back and wrapping his legs around her body to complete the Doushime Sleeper!

 

”Danny and Annie are not friends in the SWF, and they’ve had many, MANY Hardcore vs. Mat-Based Wrestling matches in the past, most of which Danny won.”

 

“Well, being God and all. Duh.”

 

Eclectic’s eyes close and her arms begin to lower to the ground as soon as the hold is applied, but in a last ditch effort, she reaches up with her left hand, and digs her fingernails into Danny’s eyes! Danny shouts out and releases Annie, who hurriedly crawls away from him again. Williams rubs his eye, and as soon as he can even vaguely see out of it, he pursues the Queen of Hardcore a third time.

 

“Annie is trying to keep Danny off of her so that she can form some sort of battle plan, but Williams just keeps on coming with those submissions!”

 

Williams grabs Annie by the waistband of her brown slacks this time, almost accidentally pulling them down (causing one of the biggest pops of the night), and he saddles up on her back from behind, hooking his two hands underneath her chin, and leaning back with a mounted chinlock of some sort!! Eclectic can’t reach Deathish’s eyes this time, and she can’t roll away, so she chooses instead to shriek out in suffering! The Angel’s arms flail out in front of her, hoping to grab a hold of something, anything… preferably ropes, but it’s not a multicolored band that her hand comes across, but instead…

 

“Um, Danny… RUN!”

 

“ANNIE HAS A KENDO STICK!! She’s going hardcore!!”

 

“No! Technical Wrestling ALWAYS beats Hardcoreness! Even you know that Mark… c’mon Danny! Beat her like you always do!!”

 

“But Annie is determined, and the crowd is on her side!! Can she do it!?”

 

Bokken in hand, Eclectic acts out of desperation, and swings upwards with her kendo sword, snapping it against Danny’s face!!

 

*** THWACK ***

 

Williams grimaces in pain and falls back off of Annie, who, collecting all of the energy that she can from her determination alone, pops up to her feet, looking to impose more damage!! The crowd pops funky monkey on a stick, and Annie grins almost mischievously, her face 100% Crimson now, before lashing the Bokken down onto Danny’s chest!! Danny rolls over onto his stomach and groans in agony!!

 

*** THWACK ***

 

“SHE’S HARDCORE!!”

 

“SHE’S HARDCORE!!”

 

“SHE’S HARDCORE!!”

 

“Stop chanting!! STOP IT! STOOOOP IT!!!” Bobby pleads with the audience.

 

*** THWACK ***

 

Another Singapore Cane shot, and this time Danny’s back is the fodder!

 

*** THWACK ***

 

And then another one to the back is his neck!!

 

*** THWACK ***

 

*** THWACK ***

 

*** THWACK ***

 

Annie absolutely DEMOLISHES Williams with three HARD shots to the back of his head, before towing him up to his feet, grabbing him into a standing headscissors, and tossing her cane to the side!! She lets out a victorious scream to the crowd and raises an arm into the air, before hooking both of Danny’s arms up, and then jumping up…

 

*** BAM ***

 

…AND DROPPING TO HER KNEES, SPLATTERING DANNY’S FACE ONTO THE MAT WITH A DAYBREAK PEDIGREE!!!!

 

“Daybreak! Daybreak! The Pedigree that Annie learned from her past lover, Sydney Sky, could very well have just won her the #1 Contendership for the World Title!!” Stevens calls the finish, but it’s no use as his voice is totally drowned out by every single fan in the arena!!

 

“This can’t be happening! I’m dreaming!!” Bobby smashes his head onto the commentary table. “Aw dammit, I’m NOT dreaming!”

 

Annie gets up to her feet and raises her arms, completely pumped up due to the crowd’s deafening cheers. Danny lies lifelessly on the mat, welts from the cane shots that he took forming all across his back.

 

“The Hardcore Queen has one this thing! She just has to make the cover…”

 

“SHE’S HARDCORE!!”

 

“SHE’S HARDCORE!!”

 

“SHE’S HARDCORE!!”

 

Annie’s eyes are glazed, she’s been in there for almost forty minutes, and not an inch of her skin can be seen through the crimson color that coats her body. Only her pearly whites are visible as she bears a smile a mile wide, and she backs up from her opponent… only to be scooped up onto Taylor Nicholas Thompson’s shoulders in an inverted fireman’s carry!!

 

“It’s TNT! He’s recovered from the brainbuster suplex, and he completely caught Annie off guard!!”

 

“Yes! Yes! Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! Our God is an Awesome God!”

 

“But I can’t quite tell what he’s going to do with her… oh no.”

 

“Oh fuck yes.”

 

The crowd’s cheers have transformed into piercing boos, and Annie tries to wriggle off of TNT’s shoulders as insistently as she can, but it’s no use, as Taylor flashes a malicious grin to the crowd, and then jumps up…

 

…AND LANDS ON HIS SIDE, DRIVING ANNIE’S HEAD INTO THE MAT WITH A VICIOUS, SICKENING, UTTERLY BRUTAL JUMPING SHEER-DROP BURNING HAMMER!!

 

“The Detonation Drop!! The Detonation Drop!! TNT has only used that move once before, and I think Annie is DEAD!!”

 

“Ouch, mwahahaha.”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The crowd is furious, but Taylor ignores them. He turns Annie onto her back, and lifts her arm up, before dropping it. Nothing. With Danny showing no signs of life on the other side of the ring, and Annie’s life meter maybe even in the negative digits, TNT collapses over the Queen of Hardcore, and hooks her leg.

 

 

 

 

 

“ONE!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“TWO!!!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“THREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

*** DING DING DING ***

 

“TNT” by AC/DC is the sweetest sound ever heard by Taylor Nicholas Thompson, as it blares from the PA System, almost completely drowned out by boos.

 

“TNT! TNT IS GOING TO FROM THE FIRE!! He’s WON THE #1 Contendership for the SWF WORLD TITLE!! Taylor Nicholas Thompson has won 2003’s Clusterfuck, like Pimp Daddy Sarp and my idiotic colleague ‘Grand Slam’ Mark Stevens before him!!” Bobby is possibly the only happy person in the building, save Taylor Nicholas Thompson.

 

Danny lies on the mat a few feet away from the TNT/Annie train wreck, still hardly moving, but it’s clear that he knows what’s happened as he clenches his fist in anger and kicks his feet into the mat.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Danny Williams-

ENTERED: 11th

LEFT: N/A

ELIMINATED: Xero, Frost

ELIMINATED BY: N/A

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And it’s official: “The winner of this match and the #1 Contender for the SWF World Heavyweight Championship… via pinfall… is… Taylor Nicholas Thompson… TEEEEEEE EENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The audience is still furious, as the Queen of Hardcore is yet to move inside the ring.

 

“Taylor Thompson might have won here tonight, but Annie was the real iron woman. She was the Diesel, she was the Flair, she was the Bobby Backlund, and she was the most impressive superstar in the entire Clusterfuck.”

 

“Oh please, Annie can’t even pull of a Jackknife, and the only thing that she has in common with the Nature Boy is her breast cup size.”

 

“Oh, accept it or not, she was in there longer than anyone, and eliminated more people than any other competitor in this match. I salute you, Annie Eclectic.” Mark addresses the unconscious Angel who lies in the center of the ring and bleeds more blood than anyone else in the match, as well.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Annie Eclectic-

ENTERED: 4th

LEFT: 18th

ELIMINATED: Ejiro Fasaki, Judge Mental, Johnny Dangerous, Wildchild

ELIMINATED BY: TNT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

His only congratulations come in the form of jeers and several beer cups raining down from the crowd, but Taylor is the happiest man on the planet. His lips curl up into a smile as he lies on his back in the center of the ring. Utterly exhausted, the only celebration that TNT ensues in is in his mind, as he rolls out of the ring, and heads to the back, a grin cemented on his face. Tonight, he went through twenty other wrestlers, and at From the Fire, he only has to defeat one…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-TNT-

ENTERED: 15th

LEFT: N/A

ELIMINATED: Jay Dawg, Annie Eclectic

ELIMINATED BY: N/A

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Well, the audience certainly isn’t pleased with the outcome here tonight, but nonetheless, TNT is the new #1 Contender to the SWF World Heavyweight Title, winning what I’m sure will be considered as a Match of the Year Candidate…” Mark prophesizes.

 

“Hrm, I wonder what stipulations he’ll pick?”

 

“Only time will tell Riley, only time will tell…”

 

The crowd boos their hearts out. Annie Eclectic is loaded onto a stretcher, and Danny Williams is helped out of the ring by some referees, as we fade into a video package for Tom Flesher vs. El Luchadore Magnifico, to decide who will face Taylor Nicholas Thompson in just one month...

[Guest Suicide King]

Divefire:...and if you act now, you can get my new book, Exploits of a Drunken British Ninja, for this low low price of 19.95! Plus, I’ll throw in a set of authentic Ninjitsu Throwing Stars, absolutely free! Buy! Now! Buy now! Now!

 

Divefire’s pathetic shill fades off the screen, but is quickly replaced by a shot of the inside of the Mellon Arena, packed to the brim with drunken, overexcited, Clusterfuck-craving Pittsburghians! As Disturbed’s “Prayer” kicks up for the thousandth time, the camera shot pans over the crowd for a few seconds before focusing on the World Title, strung fifteen feet in the air, waiting eagerly for someone to grab it and claim the Title as their own. The shot then focuses on the two normal-sized and one gigantic ladder on the outside, which are begging to be climbed on or used for some sort of offensive onslaught. Finally, we cut to Bobby Riley and Mark Stevens, who are anxiously waiting behind their announce desk, looking nearly as excited as the idiotic fans behind them mindlessly fighting to get on camera.

 

Stevens: And welcome back to SWF Clusterfuck, ladies and gentlemen! Riley, can you even BELIEVE how amazing the Clusterfuck was that we just witnessed?

 

Riley: Yeah, actually, I can.

 

Stevens: Oh. Well, anyway, this year’s Clusterfuck was absolutely fantastic, displaying some of the best talent the SWF has to offer in an hour-long extravaganza of excellence!

 

Riley: Not to mention the beautifully brutal I Quit match preceding it!

 

Stevens: Right you are, my sexually ambiguous friend! But now, we’ve reached our Main Event, and what a Main Event it is! After months of battling back and forth, Tom Flesher and El Luchadore Magnifico will meet one more time to compete for the World Title in the SWF’s first-ever Submission Ladder Match!

 

Riley: The rules are simple, yet needlessly complicated! The only ways to win are to either climb one of the three ladders at ringside and retrieve the title hanging fifteen feet in the air, or to make your opponent submit!

 

Stevens: And since this match has no disqualifications, submissions can happen anywhere and everywhere! I have to say, it seems as though this match is perfectly suited for these two competitors!

 

Riley: You would say that, Carnie-lover! It’s obvious that this stipulation favors Flesher in every way, shape, and form! This is nothing more than a glorified Submission match, and Magnifico will soon come to realize that!

 

Stevens: I wouldn’t count on it, Riley! Magnifico’s performance in Ladder Matches has been legendary, and I’m sure tonight will be no different! Flesher’s submission skills may be top-notch, but see if you can make someone submit with a steel ladder wrapped around your skull!

 

Riley: Well, you’re stupid.

 

Stevens: Great. Let’s hand it over to Funyon and get this incredibly promising match started!

 

The camera cuts away from the announce desk and immediately focuses on the center of the ring, where Funyon stands proudly, decked out in his trademark tuxedo. As the announcer brings to microphone to his lips, the rowdy crowd suddenly grows quiet, hanging on Funyon’s every word.

 

Funyon: The following contest is the Submission Ladder Match, and it is for the SWF World Heavyweight Championship!

 

Suddenly, the SmarkTron goes white with the blue words "SUPERIORTY COMPLEX" and "MAGNIFICENT SEVEN" appearing on it. Then, with an explosion of blue pyro, "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin bursts out over the loudspeaker. Tom Flesher emerges from the cloud of smoke, striding confidently to the ring as videos of his signature moves alternate in half-second clips with the words "SUPERIOR ONE," "AWARD-WINNING," "MAIN ATTRACTION" and "MAGNIFICENT SEVEN." Since tonight is obviously a special occasion, a string of pyros guide Flesher down to the ring, shooting upwards from either side of the ramp as Tom strolls down the ring, his arms extended and his mouth curved into a smug grin. The boos are deafening in their volume as Tom sidesteps the ladders set up at ringside and climbs up onto the apron, taking the time to gesture lovingly towards the capacity crowd. Finally, Flesher enters the ring and poses in the center, head bobbing in time with the music, until the symphonic hook at 50 seconds in, which cues a machinegun-like burst of blue and white pyro from each corner. Funyon ceases his eye-rolling as Tom turns towards him and hands the announcer Flesher’s signature Index Card of Superiority. Funyon accepts the card and sighs loudly as he brings the microphone to his lips.

 

Funyon: The time has come, ladies and gentlemen! You, all of you will have the supreme honor of watching the one and only Tom “More Superior than Magnifico” Flesher reach the very end of the King’s Road! And remember, Tom Flesher, weighing in at two hundred and thirteen pounds, thanks each and every one of you for this opportunity. Remember, Tom Flesher loves you all, and will continue to love you once he is SWF World Champion.

 

Flesher golf-claps for himself, no-selling the crowd's boos, and then strips off his warmup suit. He folds it, sets it in the corner and goes through a cursory stretch as Riley rises out of his chair and begins applauding wildly.

 

Stevens: Sit down, Bobby.

 

Riley: I’ll do no such thing! This man deserves every last ounce of my respect, and I am more than happy to give it to him! Go Tom! Woooo!

 

Tom continues his stretching in the corner, the smug grin never leaving his face, as the fans continue to viciously boo and curse at the Superior One.

 

UNO!

 

BOOM!

 

DOS!

 

BOOM!

 

TRES!

 

BOOM!

 

CUATRO!

 

BOOM!

 

As the pyro explodes in time with the Mexican’s shouting, the fans burst into cheers, nearly drowning out “Mission Trip to Mexico” by Bunch of Believers! The incredible noise emanating from the stands only grows more incredible as El Luchadore Magnifico bursts out from behind the curtains, waving his Mexican flag proudly. Grinning like a madman, Magnifico pauses at the top of stage and raises his arms to a forty-five degree angle, creating a primo photo opportunity that those with the benefit of flash photography take advantage of.

 

Funyon: And now, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at one hundred and ninety-three pounds, he is the SWF World Heavyweight Champion...El Luchadooooooorre Magnificooooooo!!

 

Upon hearing his name, ELM breaks his pose and quickly heads down the ramp, slapping fans’ hands as he goes. Magnifico suddenly breaks into a run, charging right beneath the largest ladder before sliding under the top rope and gliding into the ring on his belly. Magnifico immediately pops to his feet, shooting a glare at Flesher as he does so. Tom happily ignores the luchadore, refusing to stop his stretching just to verify Magnifico’s existence. ELM holds his glare for a moment before turning towards the nearby corner and hopping onto its second turnbuckle, where he resumes his wild flag-waving, much to the delight of the crowd. After a few seconds, Magnifico hops back off of the turnbuckle, walks over to the referee, and hands him the Mexican flag. Seeing that ELM is finally ready, Flesher steps out of his corner and slowly approaches the luchadore, who stands defiantly in the center of the ring. Seeing that everything is in order, the ref signals to the timekeeper, who hits the bell three times to begin the match.

 

DING DING DING

 

Stevens: And here we go, folks! This could very well be a defining match in both men’s careers. Magnifico, looking to prove that he can beat Flesher on an even playing field and secure his status as one of the SWF’s finest World Champions. Flesher, hoping to become World Champion and set his victorious path for years to come.

 

Riley: Sappy bullshit aside, this should prove to be quite the entertaining match, despite me hating half of the competitors involved. Luckily, it’ll be that competitor who’s beaten to a lifeless Mexican pulp! Ha!

 

Flesher eventually comes face-to-face with Magnifico, the two competitors’ noses practically jammed together as they stand off in the center of the ring. The fans grow louder and louder as both men remain motionless, each man waiting for the other to make the first move. Suddenly, Flesher, laughing softly to himself, backs up a few steps...

 

 

...before reaching out and smacking Magnifico across the face, drawing a OOOOH! from the shocked crowd. Magnifico, his cheek turning bright red, glares at Flesher, his eyes wide-open in surprise and anger. The luchadore suddenly throws his fist forward, driving it into Tom’s forehead and beginning a brawl between the two men that sends the crowd into a frenzy! Flesher and ELM exchange blows equally for a few moments, until Magnifico takes control with three quick jabs to Tom’s face. Flesher, reeling, offers no resistance as ELM grabs him by the arm and tries to whip him across the ring. However, Tom easily reverses it, sending Magnifico rushing towards the far ropes. ELM bounces off of said ropes and rushes back towards Flesher, and as he approaches, the Superior One throws his foot high into the air, aiming it directly at Magnifico'’ skull with a Yakuza Kick! However, Magnifico manages to roll beneath Flesher’s foot, avoiding the kick by mere milliseconds. ELM pops to his feet, and both men spin around to face each other. However, Flesher spins just a bit faster, giving him time to deliver a stiff kick to Magnifico’s gut, doubling the luchadore over in the center of the ring. Not wasting a second, Tom immediately pulls ELM into a Suplex position, before lifting Magnifico straight up into the air for a Vertical Suplex! But as Flesher lifts, Magnifico manages to twist out of his grip, landing on his feet right behind the Superior One! The very second he lands, ELM bends down and grabs Flesher by the inside of his leg, before pulling back hard on it and, in turn, forcing Flesher down to the mat! Magnifico rolls Flesher onto his shoulders, executing a School Boy Pin to the delight of the crowd! However, remembering that there are no pins, ELM stands up, still gripping Tom’s leg, and begins twisting it in one direction to turn Flesher onto his stomach! However, Flesher kicks out his legs, forcing Magnifico off him and throwing the luchadore to the mat. Magnifico springs back to his feet, but Flesher stands a half-second earlier, allowing him to lash out with his arm and drive it into the luchadore’s neck as soon as he stands! ELM is immediately knocked back to the ground by the force of the Clothesline, drawing boos from the disappointed crowd.

 

Riley: See! Right off the bat, Flesher proves his superiority, a trend which I’m sure will be followed for the rest of the evening.

 

Stevens: Wow, I like how you make assumptions on the outcome of the entire match after watching a minute of it.

 

Riley: Yeah, I liked that part too.

 

The second Magnifico is on the mat, Flesher begins stomping away at the his left knee, refusing to let up even as ELM begins pushing himself to his feet. Before Magnifico can stand, however, Tom grabs him by the arm and whips the luchadore across the ring, sending him rushing towards the far corner. ELM spins around just before colliding with the corner, taking the brunt of the impact on his back. Flesher quickly follows the luchadore into the corner and resumes his attack on Magnifico’s knee, viciously kicking away at it as Magnifico grimaces in pain. Once he’s done with the kicking, Flesher grabs Magnifico by the arm and whips him across the ring, sending the luchadore towards the far corner. Tom immediately charges after Magnifico, trailing but a few feet behind the luchadore. Because of this, Tom seems to be completely unprepared when ELM leaps onto the corner’s second turnbuckle, before spinning around and leaping at Flesher like some kind of Mexican Cruise Missile! However, Tom manages to duck right before impact, leaving Magnifico to whizz harmlessly over his head! But instead of crashing helplessly to the mat, Magnifico manages to tilt his body forward and roll through on the landing, popping to his feet and spinning towards Flesher just in time to see Tom charging towards him! Before Flesher can capitalize on his attack, however, Magnifico manages to wrap his feet around Tom’s ankles, tripping him up with a Drop Toe Hold! As both men fall towards the mat, ELM shoots his hands out, looking to lock them around Flesher’s face for the Sangria Stretch! However, Flesher throws his arms in front of his face just in time, blocking ELM’s attempts at the submission to the chagrin of the crowd. As both men hit the mat, Magnifico struggles to apply the Sangria Stretch, before accepting the inevitable and releasing Flesher’s ankles.

 

Stevens: No! Magnifico tries to lock in the Sangria Stretch early in the match, but Flesher easily counters it. You know, Flesher’s ability to block the Sangria Stretch speaks volumes how well these two know each other. After several matches together, it’s only natural that each man would pick up on the other’s moves and strategy.

 

Riley: Well, that’s all fine and dandy, but we’ll see if you speak any truth once Flesher tries to hook in the SUPERIOR Stretch. That’s Superior, as in, the Superior Stretch is SUPERIOR to the Sangria Stretch.

 

Stevens: Thanks for clearing that up.

 

A somewhat frustrated luchadore quickly climbs back to his feet after releasing Flesher, before grabbing Tom by the arm and pulling him to his feet. Once Flesher is standing, Magnifico uses his grip to whip Tom across the ring, sending him rushing towards the far ropes. Flesher bounces off and charges back towards Magnifico, and as he approaches, the luchadore leaps into the air and extends his legs, looking to wrap them around Tom’s head with a Hurricanrana! However, Flesher manages to duck beneath Magnifico’s legs, then skids to a halt and spins around just as the luchadore lands on his feet! Before ELM can even turn around, Flesher grabs him from behind and applies a Rear Waistlock, before lifting the luchadore into the air for a German Suplex! But as Flesher lifts, Magnifico tilts his body forward and throws back his legs, hooking them beneath Tom’s armpits! ELM then reaches down, grabs Tom by the legs, and rolls forward, pulling Flesher down with him and pinning him to the mat with a quasi-Victory Roll! Releasing one of Tom’s legs, Magnifico quickly stands up and once again tries to apply a submission, wrenching on the leg that he holds on his grasp. However, Flesher kicks back with his legs, sending Magnifico stumbling backwards into the ropes! Flesher springs back to his feet as Magnifico bounces off of the ropes and charges back towards him! Tom decides to greet the luchadore by lashing out with his arm, looking to drive it into Magnifico’s throat with a Clothesline! ELM deftly ducks beneath Tom’s arm, before spinning around to face the surprised Flesher! Tom turns back towards Magnifico just in time to see the luchadore leap into the air and kick out his feet, driving them into Flesher’s forehead with a Flipping Dropkick! As soon as Tom is knocked to the ground, he begins rolling away from the luchadore, not stopping until he rolls off of the apron and steps out of the ring! Flesher exits the ring and steps onto the floor, apparently deciding to take a quick breather right in front of the three set-up ladders.

 

Stevens: It looks like Flesher needs a moment to recuperate! After being unable to gain control of the match, its understandable that he’d want to re-think his gameplan.

 

Riley: Bah, Flesher’s just giving Magnifico a time to recover from that incredible offensive onslaught! Very sportsmanlike, don’t you think?

 

Magnifico glares at Flesher incredulously for a few seconds...before turning around and making a break for the ropes furthest from the Superior One! ELM bounces off of said ropes before dashing across the ring, running as fast as he can towards his unaware opponent! Flesher looks up just in time to see Magnifico leaping over the top rope, flying towards him with a hands free Plancha! Thousands of flashbulbs light up the scene as Magnifico crashes directly into Tom, sending both men to the ground and into one of the shorter ladders! The fans erupt into cheers, drowning out the CLANG! of the steel ladder as it topples over onto the ramp.

 

Stevens: Beautiful Plancha from Magnifico as he soars over the top rope to interrupt Flesher’s little break!

 

Riley: And for that, I say shame! Shame on Magnifico for viciously attacking a man who generously gave his opponent a well-needed rest!

 

ELM remains on the ground for a few moments, shaking off the impact of the fall, before pushing himself to his feet. Once he’s standing, Magnifico grabs Flesher by the arm and the scruff of the neck, pulls him to his feet, and then leads him over to the ring, where he rolls Flesher onto the apron and beneath the bottom rope. Magnifico then turns away from the ring and heads over to the ladder that was knocked down, picking it up to the delight of the crowd. ELM then heads back towards the ring and slides the ladder beneath the bottom rope as Flesher begins pushing himself to his feet. Magnifico then climbs up onto the apron and reaches over the top rope, attempting to grab Flesher as he reaches one knee. However, before ELM can get a grip on him, the Superior One suddenly throws his body forward, slamming his head into Magnifico’s gut with a Mini-Spear! ELM doubles over and nearly falls off of the apron, but manages to grab the ropes before doing so. This little distraction allows Flesher to get back to his feet, and once he is standing, the Superior One reaches over the top rope and hooks Magnifico’s arm and head, locking him into Suplex position on the apron! Wasting no time, Tom immediately lifts ELM into the air, holding the luchadore perpendicular to the mat as the crowd begins to boo in anticipation. However, before slamming Magnifico into the mat, the Superior One twists his body so that the ladder Magnifico slid into the ring is right behind him! Flesher then falls backwards, slamming ELM’s back directly onto the steel ladder! The fans OHHH! in surprise and sympathy as Magnifico cries out and arches his back in pain.

 

Stevens: And the ladder comes into play for the first time tonight, as Flesher drives Magnifico onto it with a Vertical Suplex from the outside!

 

Riley: Ya see, I told you Flesher would be fine in this match! He’s gonna use the crap outta these ladders!

 

Flesher quickly climbs back to his feet as Magnifico twists in pain on the ladder. Once Tom is on his feet, he grabs Magnifico by the arms and drags him off of the ladder and onto the mat. With one hand, Flesher grabs the top leg of the ladder and folds it open, before using his free hand to grab Magnifico’s left arm and pull it onto the bottom leg of the ladder. Tom then uses both arms to lift the top leg of the ladder high into the air...before throwing it downwards at great velocity, slamming it into Magnifico’s knee and drawing a distraught OHHHH! from the audience! ELM cries out in pain and grabs his knee as Flesher stands above the pained luchadore, grinning contently.

 

Stevens: Ouch! Flesher kicks his assault on Magnifico’s left knee into high gear, mashing it in between the legs of a steel ladder!

 

After allowing Magnifico to wallow in pain for a few moments, Flesher kicks the side of the ladder, sending it sliding across the mat and freeing ELM’s leg in the process. Tom then reaches down, grabs Magnifico’s newly-freed leg, before bending it sideways behind Flesher’s own leg and beginning the setup for the Figure Four Leglock! But before he can get anywhere with it, Magnifico takes his free leg and jams it into Flesher’s stomach, before pushing out with both his legs and sending the Superior One stumbling backwards towards the ropes! As Flesher bounces off of the ropes, ELM struggles to his feet, doing his best to stand before Tom can continue his attack. However, Magnifico fails in this aspect, as Flesher charges towards the luchadore and leaps into the air just as ELM is standing! Tom then kicks out his feet, driving them directly into Magnifico’s knee with a Dropkick! ELM immediately falls back to the mat, clutching his knee and crying out in pain as he does so. Not wasting a second, Flesher then grabs Magnifico’s left leg and throws it onto the middle of the nearby ropes, before hitting the mat and rolling out onto the floor. As soon as Tom is standing on the floor, he reaches up and grabs Magnifico’s foot from the outside. Flesher then lifts it up slightly, before falling to his knees and pulling the leg downwards, driving it onto the middle rope! The fans boo in unison as Magnifico suddenly withdraws his leg, grabbing it in pain as he rolls away from the ropes. Magnifico comes to a stop a few feet away from the ropes, still holding his knee and grimacing in pain as Flesher climbs up onto the apron and lines himself up with the luchadore. After a few seconds, Tom then grabs the top rope and jumps/pulls himself over it, sticking out his elbow as he does so and falling towards Magnifico with a Slingshot Elbow Drop! Flesher makes perfect contact with the Elbow Drop, as he drives his elbow directly into ELM’s knee, sending a wave of pain through the luchadore’s body and causing him to cry out in anguish!

 

Riley: Now THAT’S what I call working a knee! Crushing it with a ladder, driving it on the ropes, hitting it with a Slingshot Elbow Drop...Flesher’s a fucking machine!

 

Stevens: I’d avoid the profanity, but the fact of the matter is that Tom is attacking Magnifico’s leg with incredible speed and efficiency. If he keeps this up, Flesher might be able to make ELM submit before he even has the chance to use a ladder!

 

Flesher begins pushing himself back to his feet, and as he does so, the Superior One grabs both of Magnifico’s legs, hooking them under his arms as he stands. Tom then begins to pull the legs to one side, trying to turn Magnifico onto his stomach! By the time ELM realizes what’s happening, it’s too late, as Flesher flips the luchadore over and steps over his legs! Tom then crouches down and wrenches backwards on Magnifico’s legs, hooking in a textbook Boston Crab to the ire of the crowd! Magnifico’s face twists into a mask of pain as he pushes himself off of the mat, doing anything he can lessen his intense suffering! ELM reaches out with one arm and grabs the nearby rope, drawing a cheer from the crowd, but is quickly reminded by the ref that there are no rope breaks in the match! Distraught, Magnifico falls back to the mat, clawing at his hair as Flesher tightens the hold, a look of incredible determination etched on his face.

 

Stevens: And that submission may very well happen now! With Magnifico unable to get a rope break, how will he manage to escape Flesher’s devastating Boston Crab?

 

Becoming frustrated, Tom begins shouting at the luchadore to give up, which Magnifico either ignores or replies to with another cry of pain. Suddenly, ELM uses all of his strength to push out and uncurl his legs, flipping Flesher onto his back as he does so! Magnifico then pushes himself up and sits on Flesher’s chest, before reaching back, grabbing both of Flesher’s legs, and hooking them beneath his arms! ELM pushes himself into something of a crouch before he starts turning Flesher over, apparently looking to lock in his own Boston Crab! However, Flesher realizes exactly what Magnifico’s doing and begins to struggle wildly, preventing the luchadore from turning him over! Realizing that Flesher isn’t going to let him lock in the submission, Magnifico instead stands straight up and readjusts his grip, pulling Tom’s legs further into his arms. ELM then falls backwards and jerks back hard on Flesher’s legs, yanking him off of the mat and throwing the Superior One into the air with a Catapult! Tom flies through the air for a second before landing neck-first on the top rope, drawing a pleased round of cheers from the crowd! Flesher stumbles backwards and away from the ropes as Magnifico climbs to his feet and turns around to see Tom backing up towards him! As Flesher approaches, ELM reaches out and wraps his arms around his body with a Rear Waistlock, before lifting Tom into the air and over his head! Magnifico then falls backwards, slamming Flesher neck first into the mat with a vicious German Suplex! The crowd’s cheering only grows louder as Flesher lies on the mat, grabbing his neck in pain as Magnifico pushes himself to his feet.

 

Stevens: Magnifico manages to escape from the Boston Crab and hit Flesher with a Catapult-slash-German Suplex combo mere seconds later!

 

Riley: Bah, lucky break. And even if it wasn’t, that’s two crappy offensive moves compared to the DOZENS Flesher hit on Magnifico!

 

Stevens: Actually, it was more like six or so-

 

Riley: DOZENS!

 

Once Magnifico is on his feet, he heads towards the ladder he slid into the ring earlier, limping slightly as he walks over to it. ELM grabs the ladder, lifts it up, carries it to the center of the ring, and then begins setting it up as the crowd cheers on his efforts. But as Magnifico finishes, he notices out of the corner of his eyes that Flesher is almost back on his feet. Turning his attention away from the ladder for a moment, Magnifico heads over to Flesher, who collapses back into the corner as soon as he stands up. ELM walks up to the Superior One, draws his arm back, drives it forward and...CHOP! SMACK! WHOOOO! Magnifico smacks Flesher’s chest with a stinging Knife-Edge Chop, drawing an obligatory whoo from the capacity crowd! ELM draws back once more, drives forward, and...CHOP! SMACK! WHOOOO! Flesher grabs his chest and grimaces in pain as the second chop cuts even deeper than the second! Magnifico draws back once more to complete the set, but as he does so, the Superior One suddenly shoots his fingers outwards, jamming them into the luchadore’s eyes! A round of booing quickly follows as ELM, temporarily blinded, shouts curses and covers his damaged eyes.

 

Stevens: Oh, c’mon! Now that was just blatant cheating!

 

Riley: You know what they say, Stevens! Cheat for victory!

 

Stevens: I don’t think that’s quite how the saying goes-

 

Riley: Silence! Only I am educated in the ways of heeldom!

 

Magnifico’s distraction allows Flesher to grab Magnifico by the hair and throw HIM into the corner, where the Superior One begins flailing away at the luchadore with a torrent of Palm Strikes to the chest and kidney area. After landing about fifteen blows, Tom reaches up and wraps his hands around Magnifico’s throat, choking the life out of the luchadore to the great displeasure of the crowd! The ref, even though he can’t really do anything about it, pleads Flesher to release the choke, which the Superior One refuses to do as Magnifico’s face turns a light shade of purple. Finally, Flesher releases the hold, allowing ELM to collapse against the turnbuckles, gasping for air. The luchadore’s rest is a short one, however, as Flesher grabs ELM by the arm to pull and whip Magnifico out of the corner. ELM begins to charge across the ring when he notices the erect ladder standing directly in his path! Magnifico suddenly skids to a halt, coming to a stop mere inches before coming in contact with the ladder! The relieved luchadore takes a second to wipe the sweat from his brow, before turning around and coming face-to-face with Tom Flesher! As soon as their eyes meet, Flesher throws his foot forward and delivers a stiff kick to Magnifico’s gut, immediately doubling him over! Tom then quickly maneuvers Magnifico into a Suplex position, before using his hold to lift ELM up into the air, holding him perfectly perpendicular to the mat! Flesher holds ELM in mid-air for a but a second, before falling onto his back and pulling Magnifico straight down, slamming the top of his head into the canvas with a skull-shaking Brainbuster! The fans OHHH! in unison and begin to boo as Magnifico lays lifeless on the mat, barely moving as Flesher pushes himself back to his feet. As soon as Flesher stands, he delivers a few stomps to Magnifico’s head for no reason other to be a dick, and then turns towards the set-up ladder. The boos pouring in from the audience only grow louder as Flesher begins to climb up the ladder, his eyes focused squarely on the World Title.

 

Stevens: And here comes the first attempt at the Title, perpetuated by Tom Flesher! Magnifico better shake off that Brainbuster quick-like, or Tom’s gonna capture Championship unopposed!

 

Riley: Yay! Looks like we’re getting out of here early. There’s absolutely no way Magnifico will be able to stop Flesher! Nope. No way.

 

As Flesher reaches the halfway point on the ladder, Magnifico begins to stir, as he looks up and sees Tom ascending the ladder at a frightening rate. Cursing to himself, ELM begins pushing himself to his feet, desperate to stand before Flesher gets too close to the Title. Tom reaches for the title for the first time, his fingertips grazing the leather belt as Magnifico finally gets back to his feet. Wasting no time, ELM grabs the ladder the very second he stands, before pushing it as hard as he can and tipping the steel structure over! Flesher looks around, panicked, as the ladder slowly falls, eventually throwing Tom off of the ladder and to the outside! Thousands of flashbulbs light up the scene as Flesher flies over the top rope and crashes onto the floor, drawing a mighty cheer from the delighted crowd!

 

Stevens: Whoa! Flesher takes the match’s first big bump, as ELM tips over the ladder he was climbing and sends the Superior One flying to the outside!

 

Flesher rolls to a halt directly in front of the other two ladders on the outside as Magnifico collapses to one knee, still shaking off the impact of the Brainbuster. After a second or two, ELM rises back to his feet and grabs the recently-knocked-down ladder, which ended up falling onto the top rope. Magnifico folds up the ladder, then twists it so that the wide part of it is parallel with the ring ropes. The luchadore then crouches in front of the bottom of the ladder, waiting patiently for Flesher to stir. When Tom does stir and begins pushing himself to his feet, Magnifico suddenly turns around and makes a break for the ropes behind him! ELM bounces off of the ropes and rushes back towards the ladder, before actually stepping onto the ladder and running up its rungs as though the steel structure was some kind of bridge! Tom gets to his feet just in time to look up and see Magnifico leap off of the end of the ladder, extending his arms and legs for a Flying Cross-Body as he crashes towards Flesher! ELM makes perfect contact with the Cross-Body, sending both men tumbling to the ground and into the remaining ladders, knocking them both down as the fans cheer wildly!

 

Riley: What the hell was that?! It’s a ladder, Magnifico, not some kinda goddamn frilly jumping board!

 

Stevens: Well, that’s how Magnifico used it! ELM actually ran on the rungs of the ladder before leaping off and nailing Flesher with a beauty of a Flying Cross-Body!

 

After a few seconds of motionlessness from both men, Magnifico stirs and begins pushing himself to his feet, standing up as Flesher remains on the floor. ELM hits Flesher with a few stomps before turning towards the knocked down ladders. Magnifico grabs the smaller of the two, picks it up, then heads back towards the ring, carrying the ladder beneath his arm. ELM slides the ladder into the ring, then turns back to Flesher, who has just begin pushing himself to his feet. Magnifico steps towards Flesher, who is on one knee, and reaches out to grab him, only to have the Superior One lunge forward and drive his arm beneath the luchadore’s legs, nailing him with a Low Blow! The boos immediately pour in as ELM doubles over and falls to one knee, the pain coursing through his body as Flesher slowly stands up. Once Tom is on his feet, he grabs Magnifico by the arm, jerks him to his feet, and then uses his grip to whip ELM towards the nearby steel steps! Still distracted by the pain in his crotch, ELM makes no effort to avoid the steps and ends up getting clipped right in the left knee! Being cut off at the knee causes Magnifico to flip right over the steps, falling awkwardly to the floor as the fans OHHH! in sympathy. Flesher heads over to where Magnifico lies, picks up the steel steps, and lifts them up to anticipatory boos from the crowd. Tom then turns towards ELM, pulls the steps high into the air...and then throws them downwards, driving the steel steps directly into Magnifico’s left knee! The luchadore cries out in pain, but his cries are quickly drowned out by the deafening boos pouring in from the audience. Flesher takes a second to turn towards the crowd and flash a quick grin, which only further infuriates the fans as the Superior One climbs onto the apron. Standing on the apron, Flesher turns towards Magnifico, who still has the steel steps lying on his left knee. Tom looks out over the crowd, triumphantly raises his arms...and then hops off of the apron and onto the steel steps, crushing ELM’s knee beneath it! ELM cries out and pitifully reaches for his covered knee as the Superior One steps off of the steps and onto the floor, a pleased look on his face.

 

Riley: Oh God, Flesher’s knee work is absolutely delightful! Did you see the subtle yet artful way he crushed Magnifico’s knee? It was elegant!

 

Stevens: Pardon me if I don’t mindlessly gush over Flesher’s every action, but I’m more than willing to admit that his attack has probably reduced Magnifico’s knee to jelly at this point.

 

Riley: Bah, inarticulate philistine.

 

Flesher nonchalantly kicks the steel steps off of Magnifico’s knee, before reaching down, grabbing ELM by the arm, and pulling him the limp luchadore to his feet. Tom then grabs the back of Magnifico’s neck and rolls him into the ring before rolling in himself a second later. As soon as he’s in the ring, Flesher pops to his feet and searches for one of the two ladders in the ring. Tom spots one and quickly heads over to it, before grabbing the steel structure and dragging it over to Magnifico, who is laying lifelessly on his stomach. With one hand, Flesher grabs the top leg of the ladder and folds it open, while grabbing Magnifico’s left leg with his other. Flesher then snakes Magnifico’s leg through the first hole of the ladder, before letting go of said ladder and trapping the luchadore’s left knee between its legs! Tom then turns away from Magnifico and sits on the ladder so that the luchadore’s leg is jutting out in front of him! Flesher grabs Magnifico’s leg, hooks it beneath his arm, and begins wrenching back on it, locking in a Single Leg Crab and drawing a wave of boos from the crowd! The luchadore suddenly snaps to attention, practically screaming in pain as he desperately claws at the mat, doing anything he can to distract himself from the pain!

 

Stevens: Although I hate to admit it, this is an absolutely brilliant move from Flesher! By wrapping Magnifico’s leg around the steel ladder, he makes it impossible for ELM to use the counter that helped him escape from the Boston Crab!

 

Riley: Oh sure, NOW you profess your love for Flesher! Well, it’s too late now! Now you can never be a part of Flesher’s veritable throngs of fans!

 

Stevens: Oh my, whatever shall I do?

 

The ref slides down to the mat and questions Magnifico as to whether he wants to quit or not. He is answered with a shouted “NO!” that comes out in between the screams of pain emanating from the luchadore’s mouth. Flesher wrenches back even harder on ELM’s leg, sensing that a submission is close at hand! Suddenly, Magnifico draws in his right leg, bringing it close to his body...before driving it upwards, slamming his foot into the back of Flesher’s head! The shot takes Tom by surprise and almost causes him to release the hold as the fans cheer Magnifico’s attempt to fight out of the submission! ELM drives his foot into Tom’s head again and again, doing everything in his power to escape the hold! Finally, Magnifico lands one particularly stiff shot, causing Flesher to finally release the hold! Holding the back of his head in pain, the Superior One stands up and slowly stumbles away from Magnifico, allowing the luchadore to pull his leg out from the confines of the ladder, drawing a relieved pop from the crowd in the process!

 

Stevens: And Magnifico, crafty as ever, finds another clever way to escape Flesher’s submission!

 

Riley: Oh, so kicking someone is crafty now? In that case, I guess a Sleeper Hold is pure fucking brilliance, hmm?

 

ELM slowly turns himself onto his stomach and begins pushing himself to his feet, just as Flesher turns back towards Magnifico, a look of immeasurable anger and frustration painted on his face. Magnifico manages to get to his hands and knees, but that’s before Flesher comes charging across the ring and drops an elbow on the luchadore’s back! Magnifico immediately falls to the mat, offering no resistance as Flesher pops back to his feet and begins wildly stomping ELM, kicking him all over his body as the fans boo like crazy. After ten or so stomps, Flesher reaches down, grabs Magnifico by the hair, and roughly pulls the luchadore to his feet, nearly tearing out his scalp in the process. Tom then leads Magnifico over to the nearby corner and drives his forehead forward, slamming it directly into the top turnbuckle! ELM turns around and limply collapses into the corner, offering no resistance as Flesher begins to viciously kick away at the luchadore’s left knee. Eventually, Flesher lets up on his attack, instead grabbing Magnifico around the waist and lifting him into the air, sitting ELM on the top turnbuckle to the displeasure of the crowd. Flesher then reaches up and grabs Magnifico’s left leg, hooking it under his arm as if for a Top Rope Dragon Screw! However, before he can do anything with Magnifico’s leg, the luchadore takes his free foot, jams it into Flesher’s chest, and pushes out with both legs, knocking Tom backwards and to the mat! Magnifico takes the free second he just earned to stand up on the top rope, his left leg nearly collapsing under the weight. As Flesher scrambles back to his feet, the luchadore leaps off of the top rope, extending his arm in mid air for a Flying Clothesline! Magnifico makes perfect contact with the aerial maneuver, but as he hits the mat, the luchadore clutches his knee in pain, as he further damaged it by jumping off of the top rope! Regardless, the fans cheer in unison as Magnifico, his knee burning in pain, lies next to Flesher, temporarily stunned by the impact of the Flying Clothesline.

 

Stevens: Magnifico managed a lucky break by countering the Super Dragon Screw, but quickly pissed it away by using his damaged leg to leap off of the top turnbuckle! Magnifico might not be quite as attentive as usual due to the intensity of this match and the incredible pain he must be experiencing in his left leg.

 

Riley: You make it sound as though this is a temporary thing, Stevens! If you had been following Magnifico’s career as closely as I have, you might now that he has absolutely no clue what he’s doing in a wrestling ring, ever! You’re lucky I’m around to catch things like that, pal.

 

Neither man moves for a few seconds, until Magnifico suddenly begins to stir and push himself to his feet. Flesher follows suit a few seconds later, and manages to rise much quicker due to ELM’s thoroughly damaged left knee. Tom pushes himself to his feet first, giving him a few good seconds before Magnifico is standing. When Magnifico does stand, however, Flesher suddenly lashes out with his foot, driving it into the back of ELM’s knee and kicking his leg out of his leg! I mean, out from under him! The fans, despising Flesher even more than usual, release a torrent of boos as Tom turns away from Magnifico and heads towards the nearby ladder lying on the mat. As ELM clutches his knee in pain and shouts angrily at Flesher, the Superior One grabs said ladder, lifts it up, and carries it over to the middle of the ring, where he begins setting it up. As Magnifico slowly pushes himself to his feet, Flesher finishes the setup and begins climbing the ladder, getting a few rungs up the steel structure before ELM begins climbing on the other side. The fans, sensing an impending confrontation as both men approach the top of the ladder, Flesher moving significantly faster than the limp-legged luchadore. As a result, Flesher reaches the top of the ladder while Magnifico is still a few rungs down, doing his best to catch up to the Superior One. Slowly, Tom reaches up, stretching his arm as far as he can towards the elusive World Title...

 

...his fingers graze the smooth black leather...

 

...he has his grip on it...

 

...when Magnifico reaches up and punches Flesher square in the stomach, causing Tom to withdraw his arm and double over in pain! Tom is stunned for a second or two, allowing Magnifico to reach the top of the ladder while Flesher shakes off the pain in his gut! ELM begins to reach for the Title, causing Flesher to snap back to attention and hit Magnifico’s jaw with a stiff punch! ELM is knocked back a bit and almost loses his balance, but quickly regains it and fires back with a shot of his own, igniting a brawl between the two competitors on the top of the ladder! Flesher and Magnifico exchange blows for a few moments until Tom takes control, landing three shots in a row and nearly knocking ELM off of the ladder! A dastardly scowl painted across his face, Flesher reaches across the ladder and grabs the stunned luchadore, maneuvering him into a Suplex position to the severe displeasure of the crowd! Tom holds Magnifico in that position for a few moments...before lifting the luchadore into the air and pushing himself off of the ladder, sending both men falling...

 

...falling...

 

...falling...

 

...falling to the mat, where both men crash flat on their backs, shaking the ring with their thunderous simultaneous impact! The crowd, impressed and enraged at the same time, releases a mish-mash of noise as both Flesher and Magnifico lay motionless on the mat, their bodies broken from the Super-Superplex!

 

Stevens: Dear God! Flesher made an attempt at grabbing the title, and when Magnifico stopped him, he retaliated by Superplexing the luchadore right off of the ladder!

 

Riley: Whoo! I was hoping for someone to be viciously slammed into the mat from a high altitude, and that more than fulfilled my expectations!

[Guest Suicide King]

Neither man moves for several seconds, save for the spasmic jerks that occasionally jolt through Magnifico’s limbs. Finally, Flesher slowly turns himself onto his stomach and begins pushing himself to his feet, drawing louder and louder boos the higher he rises. Finally, the Superior One stands, stumbling backwards and collapsing against the ring ropes the second he does so. Flesher leans up against the ropes for a moment, his chest heaving up and down as ELM still fails to show any sort of movement. Tom then pushes himself off of the ropes and heads over to the motionless luchadore, stepping in front of his legs. Reaching down, Flesher grabs both of Magnifico’s legs, lifts them up, and then folds the luchadore’s left foot into his right leg-pit, creating a “four” shape and drawing an anticipatory wave of boos from the crowd!

 

Stevens: And now Flesher is looking to lock in the Superior Stretch! But why doesn’t he climb the ladder instead? Surely Magnifico is stunned enough to allow Tom safe passage to the Title.

 

Riley: That’s an easy one, Stevens. First off, Magnifico is very likely to submit at this point, due to his severely damaged left knee and the fact that no rope breaks are allowed. Secondly, there is still a chance that Magnifico could interfere while Flesher was climbing, so there’s no need to take that risk.

 

Stevens: Wow. Color me impressed, jackass.

 

Riley: Why thank-hey! Shut up!

 

As Tom begins to turn Magnifico onto his stomach, the luchadore finally comes around, and, upon seeing what Flesher is doing, immediately snaps to attention! ELM begins struggling wildly to escape which greatly surprising Flesher as he thought Magnifico would provide no resistance! Regardless, Flesher continues his quest in getting Magnifico onto his stomach, although finding that the luchadore is making it nearly impossible with his wild thrashing and struggling! Finally, Flesher just seems to snap, as he begins stomping away ferociously at Magnifico’s gut, all the while maintaining his grip on ELM’s legs! Magnifico has no choice but to take the abuse as Tom delivers stomp after stomp to the luchadore’s body, apparently trying to weaken him enough so that he can lock in the submission with no resistance! And wouldn’t you know, his plan works, as Flesher abruptly stops his assault and resumes his Magnifico-turning, getting the luchadore onto his stomach quickly and with a minimum of hassle! Tom then wrenches back as hard as he can on ELM’s legs, locking in the Superior Stretch and drawing a flood of angry boos from the audience!

 

Riley: Yes! Yeeeeeeeesss!! World Title, here we come! With Magnifico’s leg beat to hell and no possible way for him to escape, it’s only a matter of time before Flesher is our new World Champion!

 

Stevens: I hate to admit it, but you seem to be right on target, Riley! ELM did his best to fight out of the Stretch, but Flesher was simply too determined to lock it in! And if Magnifico can’t escape now, he might as well kiss the Title goodbye!

 

Magnifico cries out in pain and begins clawing at the mat as Flesher practically screams at him to submit, a look of bloodthirsty determination on his face. The ref falls to the mat and asks ELM if he wants to submit, receiving a half-hearted shake of the head from Magnifico. Immediately after that, the luchadore begins to pathetically crawl forward, only to be quickly jerked back into position by a ravenous Tom Flesher. ELM emits one more cry before slowly raising his right hand, drawing a wave of crowd noise in fear and dread of the oncoming submission! Magnifico continues raising his right hand...but then begins pushing himself off of the mat with his left hand, eliciting supportive cheering from every part of the crowd! ELM then slams his left hand back on the mat, but instead of tapping out, uses it to lift his body even higher off the mat! A confused Flesher increases the pressure on Magnifico’s legs even more, but it’s no use, as ELM simply refuses to give up! Suddenly, the luchadore pulls his hands off of the mat while quickly pulling his head inwards, bringing it between Flesher’s legs! Magnifico lands on his neck, looking directly up at a bewildered and pissed-off Tom Flesher! Tom immediately tries to turn Magnifico over again, but before he can do so, ELM kicks out hard with his legs, sending Flesher stumbling backwards across the ring! Tom eventually backs up into the ropes, which he bounces off of before charging back towards Magnifico, who is struggling to get back to his feet as fast as he can! As Flesher approaches, ELM finally stands, and, in one fluid motion, wraps his feet around Tom’s ankles, tripping him up with a Drop Toe Hold! The fans explode into cheers as Magnifico, while falling with Flesher, reaches out and wraps his hands around Tom’s face, locking in the Sangria Stretch when both men hit the ground! The noise emanating from the stands is unbelievable as ELM wrenches back on Flesher’s neck, drawing a satisfying cry of pain from the helpless Superior One!

 

Stevens: No! No! Magnifico managed to escape the Superior Stretch before capturing Flesher in the Sangria Stretch! But with extensive damage done to his legs, how long will ELM be able to maintain his hold on Tom’s ankles?

 

Riley: I’d say until about...

 

Magnifico’s face twists into a grimace as he does everything in his power to prevent himself from releasing Flesher’s ankles. However, the pain to his knee finally gets to be too much for the luchadore, as his feet slowly slide off of Flesher’s ankles, drawing a disappointed OHHH! from the crowd! Magnifico releases his grip around Flesher’s face and rolls away from the Superior One, clutching his knee in pain.

 

Riley:...now.

 

Stevens: That must be absolutely heartbreaking for Magnifico! He managed to escape one of Flesher’s deadliest submissions, but wasn’t able to capitalize on it due to the damage Tom incurred on his left knee!

 

As ELM writhes in pain on the mat, Flesher begins pushing himself to his feet, gingerly shaking off the pain in his neck as he does so. After a few seconds of struggling, Tom finally reaches his feet, a look of unspeakable rage and annoyance etched across his face. As Magnifico pathetically attempts to get up, Flesher hits the mat and rolls out of the ring, stepping out onto the floor and leaving himself vulnerable to the shouts and insults of the front-row fans. Ignoring the civilians, Flesher heads directly over to Funyon, grabs him by the chest, and throws him out of his chair, drawing an incredible amount of heat from the audience! Tom picks up what was once Funyon’s chair, folds it up, and heads back towards the ring, unnecessarily stepping on Funyon’s stomach while doing so.

 

Stevens: Oh c’mon now, that was just plain mean!

 

Riley: Funyon had it coming, Stevens! What with his...um, tuxedo, and his...uh...sitting! He should be grateful Flesher didn’t deck him straight across the face!

 

Stevens: And throwing Funyon out of his chair is better?

 

Riley: Quite.

 

Tom rolls onto the ring, holding the chair against his chest, before popping back to his feet, standing just as Magnifico struggles to one knee. Grinning a dastardly grin, Flesher steps behind Magnifico, patiently waiting for the luchadore to get up so that he may more efficiently bash him with a steel chair. Completely oblivious Flesher’s presence and the warning boos pouring in from the crowd, Magnifico slowly stands up and begins to turn around as Tom draws the chair back in anticipation. A look of shock comes over ELM’s face as he catches sight of Flesher, and that lock only grows more shocked as Tom drives the chair forward and slams it into Magnifico’s gut! The boos grow twice as loud as ELM falls to his knees, clutching his gut. Flesher, smirking to himself as if to say “This is too easy”, draws the chair high above his head...before lunging downwards with it, slamming the chair directly into Magnifico’s skull! ELM’s eyes roll back into his head as he falls lifelessly to the mat, apparently knocked out by the unholy force of the last chairshot. Laughing to himself and shaking his head, Flesher unceremoniously throws the chair to the mat, leaving his hands free to wave diplomatically at the irate crowd. Angered by Tom’s overall prickish attitude, the fans boo like crazy, only growing louder when Flesher walks over to the set-up ladder in the center of the ring and begins climbing it!

 

Stevens: And with two devastating chairshots, it looks like Flesher’s path the Title is completely clear! Magnifico seems to be completely unconscious!

 

Riley: That’s right, and...aw, crap.

 

Stevens: What?

 

Riley: *mumbles* Magnifico is moving.

 

Stevens: Magnifico is what?!

 

As Flesher leisurely climbs the ladder, Magnifico begins to show signs of life on the mat, as he presses his hands on the mat and slowly but surely begins pushing himself to his feet!

 

Stevens: Unbelievable! Magnifico’s determination is simply incredible, as he refuses to allow Flesher to get the upper hand on him!

 

As Tom reaches the halfway point on the ladder, ELM dramatically lunges to his feet, his left knee nearly giving out on him as he does so. Magnifico takes notice of Flesher, oblivious to ELM not being unconscious, ascending the ladder, before catching sight of the steel chair used to bash his brains in. Grimacing as he walks, Magnifico limps over to the steel chair, picks it up, and turns back towards Flesher, who is nearing the top of the ladder. ELM steps directly behind Flesher, lifts the chair high into the air...and then drives it forward, slamming it into the back of Tom’s legs! Flesher’s cry of pain is completely drowned out by the cheers that immediately pour in from every part of the arena! Tom is distracted for a few seconds by the sudden pain in his legs, allowing Magnifico to slowly climb up a few rungs and raise the chair above his head once more! When ELM drives the chair forward this time, it smacks right against Flesher’s spine, causing the Superior One to unleash a string of profanities while curving his back in pain! Magnifico carelessly tosses the chair to the ground and slowly turns around on the ladder so that he’s facing away from Flesher. ELM then reaches up and thrusts his hands beneath Flesher’s arms, drawing an anticipatory pop from the crowd! With his hands securely tucked into Tom’s armpits, Magnifico lifts his opponent slightly into the air...before falling forward off of the ladder, pulling Flesher off with him! Thousands of flashbulbs light up the scene as ELM lands on his knee-first on the mat while slamming Flesher’s neck into the canvas with a Razor’s Edge! The fans go, for lack of a better term, absolutely apeshit as Flesher collapses to the mat, motionless save the occasional spasmic jerk! Meanwhile, Magnifico lays right next to Tom, his face twisted in pain as he clutches his knee tightly.

 

Stevens: Dear God! Magnifico just nailed Flesher with a Razor’s Edge off of the ladder, which could have easily fractured or snapped Tom’s neck upon impact!

 

Riley: You give Flesher too little credit, Stevens! The Superior One knows the importance of a balanced diet, which is why he is sure to ingest plenty of calcium to keep his bones strong and unbreakable!

 

Stevens: That was only COMPLETELY irrelevant, but thanks anyway.

 

Riley: Anytime.

 

ELM lays just as motionless as Flesher for a few seconds, until slowly turning himself onto his stomach and beginning the long struggle to his feet. Magnifico’s knee nearly gives out on him as he struggles to get up, but ELM manages to keep it straight as he finally gets to his feet. Magnifico merely glances as Flesher before turning towards the set-up ladder and starting the long climb towards his Title. Although his gimpy knee slows him down significantly, Magnifico still manages to makes quite a bit of upwards progress before Flesher stirs and begins pushing himself to his feet. ELM is about halfway up when Flesher, one hand on his neck, stumbles to his feet, half-dazed and oblivious to Magnifico’s position. However, he becomes all-too-aware of it when he cranes his aching neck upwards, catching sight of ELM coming dangerously close to the Title! Flesher’s eyes suddenly fly open as he quickly heads over to the ladder. Tom starts climbing up the same side of the ladder Magnifico occupies, ascending much faster than ELM due to both his legs being in good shape. Unfortunately for him, Magnifico has just reached the top rung of the ladder, and has begun to reach for the Title! Gritting his teeth and doubling his pace, Flesher makes a grab for Magnifico’s legs just as ELM is making a grab for the belt! Tom gets a hold of Magnifico’s ankles, surprising the luchadore and temporarily turning his attention away from the Title! ELM tries his best to shake Flesher off, but Tom refuses to relinquish his grip. Suddenly, the Superior One jerks backwards on Magnifico’s legs, causing the luchadore to fall forward and land gut-first on the very top of the ladder! The fans seem to wince simultaneously as ELM hangs over the top of the ladder, his mouth agape as he emits a soundless cry of pain and anguish. Flesher releases ELM’s right leg before taking a few more steps up the ladder, still clutching Magnifico’s left ankle as he does so. Once Flesher is higher than Magnifico, he begins wrenching away on his ankle, trapping the luchadore in an ankle lock on the top of the ladder! Magnifico pushes himself off of the ladder and cries out in pain as Flesher tears away at his ankle, the ladder teetering and tottering beneath them!

 

Stevens: Even at the top of the ladder, Flesher refuses to let up his assault on Magnifico’s left leg! Although I do have to question the intelligence of performing Ankle Lock on the top of a unbalanced ladder-

 

Riley: Always with the questioning! Can’t you just accept that Tom Flesher is your lord and savior, and that he’s never, ever wrong?

 

Stevens: Ummm...no.

 

Riley: Well, I just feel bad for you then, Mr. Not Believing in the Omnipotent Powers of Certain Wrestlers.

 

After toying around with Magnifico for a few more seconds, Flesher releases the luchadore’s leg, allowing him to lie limp over the top of the ladder. A superior smirk painted across his face, Tom begins pushing Magnifico off of the side of the ladder, as the luchadore currently blocks his path to the Title. After a bit of struggling, Flesher manages to shove Magnifico off of the top, sending him falling to the mat! But as ELM falls, he shoots his hand up...and grabs the top of the ladder! A horrified look crosses Tom’s face as Magnifico pulls the ladder down with him, causing it to slowly fall over with Flesher still clinging to it with his life! Tom makes one last desperate grab at the Title, but it’s too late, as the falling ladder carries him away from his ultimate goal! The fans burst into cheers as Flesher bails, crashing to the mat mere seconds after Magnifico! Both men lie motionless on the canvas, their chests heaving and their eyes shut, as the ladder falls unceremoniously onto the top rope, bouncing a few times before coming to a halt.

 

Stevens: No! With last burst of energy, Magnifico manages to take Flesher down with him by grabbing the ladder and pulling it down as he falls!

 

Riley: Magnifico has to be the sorest loser I’ve ever seen! Can’t he admit when he’s been beat?

 

Neither man moves an inch until Tom Flesher begins to stir, his eyes fluttering open as he slowly turns himself onto his stomach. Slowly, painfully, Tom begins pushing himself to his feet, muttering unheard curses and expletives as he does so. Magnifico follows suit a few seconds later, but due to his damaged left leg, can only get to his hands and feet as Flesher wearily stands up in front of him. As soon as Tom sees the luchadore, he begins to wildly stomp away at his back and head, Flesher’s face twisting into a mask of rage and frustration! ELM absorbs the stomps as he falls back down to the mat, unable to put up any sort of resistance to Flesher’s attack. Eventually, Tom forgets about the stomping and heads over to the ropes closest to the entrance ramp, before climbing through them, stepping onto the apron, and then hopping off of the apron and onto the floor. Looking only slightly less agitated than before, Flesher makes a beeline for the gigantic and thus far unused ladder, drawing a wave of anticipatory boos from the crowd. Tom grabs said ladder, picks it up, folds it up, and then heads back towards the ring, carrying it beneath his arms. Flesher slides the ladder beneath the ring before rolling in himself, popping back to his feet while Magnifico struggles to get back to his hands and knees. Tom shakes his head disapprovingly at the pathetic luchadore before picking up the ladder he just slid in and carrying it over to the center of the ring. Flesher pushes aside the ladder that was just knocked down, shoving it off of the ropes and to the mat, before slowly and carefully setting up the gargantuan ladder in the middle of the ring. Once that’s done, Tom heads back over to the luchadore, who is struggling to one knee, and grabs him by the hair, jerking Magnifico painfully to his feet. Using his grip, Flesher then throws the luchadore into the nearby corner, which Magnifico, in desperate need of a break, wearily rests up against. Tom then begins looking around the ring, searching for the steel chair both men used earlier in the match. Upon finding the chair, Flesher heads over to it, picks it up, and then sets the chair up a few feet in front of the corner Magnifico currently resides!

 

Stevens: What could all this possibly be for? It seems like Flesher is just going around, setting up ladders and chairs!

 

Riley: Ah, to the mind not educated in the ways of heeldom, that is! Flesher, as he did several months ago when he and Magnifico were last feuding, is going to use the chair to greatly increase the damage done by his signature Boilermaker! Then, with ELM dead and/or unconscious, he’ll use that freaking huge ladder to easily climb to the title!

 

The suspicious fans begin booing Flesher as he heads back over to the corner, a mischievous grin on his face. But as Tom approaches, Magnifico suddenly springs to life, as he pushes himself out of the corner and begins jabbing away at Flesher’s face with everything he has! The rousing cheers that come in from the audience are immediately stopped when Tom reaches out with his hand and claws Magnifico’s face, effectively ending the luchadore’s offense! ELM falls back into the corner, his hands covering his face, as Flesher grabs the luchadore around the waist and lifts him into the air! Tom holds him up for only a second before sitting Magnifico on the top rope, apparently looking to obliterate Magnifico with the Boilermaker!

 

Riley: Told ya so!

 

Stevens: Bah, this could be anything!

 

Flesher reaches up and delivers a few punches to the luchadore’s jaw, looking to stun Magnifico a bit as Tom climbs onto the second rope. Flesher then reaches out and tries to pull ELM into a Suplex position, but as he does so, Magnifico suddenly shoots his hands out, using one to grab Tom’s hair and using the other to bash him in the face! The fans, regaining their hope, grow louder and louder in their cheering as Magnifico nails Flesher with a flurry of punches, stunning the Superior One! After landing about ten solid punches, Magnifico releases Flesher’s hair, nearly causing the Superior One to fall off of the second rope! But before that happens, ELM wraps his arm around Tom’s head in a Front Facelock, which draws an incredible anticipatory pop from the crowd! Magnifico holds Tom in that position for a second...before leaping off of the top rope, twisting around in mid air and pulling Flesher off of the ropes for a Tornado DDT! Tom’s head is driven straight through the set-up steel chair, greatly intensifying as Flesher collapses to the mat, lifeless! Magnifico hits the mat at the same time, clutching his knee as he lays next to the unmoving Flesher.

 

Stevens: Holy crap! If Flesher was going for the Boilermaker, he failed miserably, as Magnifico countered it into a Tornado DDT and drove Tom’s head directly through the steel chair! If ELM can get up and get to the ladder, this match might be over!

 

ELM remains motionless for several moments, lying flat on his back and committing no action other than lazily opening his eyes. Finally, Magnifico slowly turns himself onto his stomach and begins pushing himself to his feet, his left leg, as always, causing major slowdown in the rising process. After quite a bit of struggling, ELM finally manages to stand, receiving an encouraging pop from the crowd as he does so. Wasting no time, Magnifico limps over to the set-up ladder and begins climbing it, wincing as he begins the slow ascent to the Title. As ELM climbs, Flesher actually begins to show signs of life, as the Superior One stirs and begins to ever-so-slowly push himself off of the mat. As he rises to his hands and knees, Flesher cranes his, neck, which is burning in pain, upwards, catching sight of Magnifico slowly but surely approaching the Title! Gritting his teeth and fighting through the pain, Flesher begins to push himself to his feet, finally reaching them when Magnifico is approaching the halfway point of the ladder. Tom heads over to one of the smaller ladders laying on the mat, picks it up, and hastily sets it up right next to the larger ladder. Flesher then begins to climb the ladder he just set up, quickly covering the ground between him and the dead-leg luchadore. As Magnifico passes the halfway point on his ladder, Flesher is approaching the top of his and is nearly as high up as ELM! Eventually, Tom reaches the very top of his ladder, carefully crouching on it as Magnifico takes notice of the Superior One for the first time. ELM turns towards Flesher, his eyes shooting wide open as Tom leaps off of his ladder and lunges his body at Magnifico! Flesher drives his head directly into ELM’s stomach, knocking him off of the ladder with a mid-air Spear!! Flashbulbs illuminate the inside of the arena as Tom slams Magnifico directly into the canvas, mere seconds before the gigantic ladder falls down next to them! Flesher bounces off of ELM and lands on the canvas, his chest heaving up and down as Magnifico lays next to him, completely motionless!

 

Stevens: Oh my God!! Flesher, in a remarkable display of agility and timing, just leapt off of his ladder to Spear Magnifico off of his!

 

Riley: And you thought he was just a submission wrestler! The Superior One is more than capable of the occasional mid-air tackle!

 

The response from the fans is a mixture of hate and amazement as Flesher and Magnifico remain motionless, their bodies both broken from the intense competition. However, after several seconds, Tom begins to stir, turning onto his stomach and pushing himself off of the mat to the great displeasure of the crowd. One hand on his head, Flesher shakes off the pain and dizziness plaguing his body before beginning the slow rise to his feet, leaving Magnifico alone and possibly dead on the mat. After a bit of struggling, Flesher finally stands, stumbling backwards and collapsing against the ropes as he does so. When Tom looks at Magnifico, he suddenly seems to be energized, as the Superior One pushes himself off of the ropes, a vengeful scowl painted across his face. Flesher makes his way over to Magnifico and stands in front of him, glaring down at the luchadore’s legs. Tom reaches down, grabs Magnifico’s left leg, and bends it sideways behind Flesher’s own right leg and on top of the ELM’s other leg, forming a “four” shape with the luchadore’s legs. Flesher then holds Magnifico’s straight leg, falls backwards to the mat, and lays his own free leg on top of ELM’s bent one, locking in the Figure Four to the great displeasure of the crowd!

 

Riley: Figure Four! Flesher has locked in the Figure Four, and it’s obvious that Magnifico won’t be able to escape the Superior One’s wrath this time!

 

Flesher, sensing victory, shouts at the luchadore to submit, only to find that Magnifico is completely out of it! ELM, either unconscious or doing a really good job of faking it, lays motionless on the mat as Tom rips apart his left leg with the Figure Four! Angered, Flesher commands the referee to administer the three count, to which the ref begrudgingly complies, as he kneels down next to Magnifico and grabs him by the arm. He lifts the arm up, lets it go...

 

...it falls lifelessly to the mat. The fans, really concerned at this point, begin to boo and shout for Magnifico to get up.

 

Riley: That’s one! Flesher is two arm falls away from being YOUR World Heavyweight Champion!

 

Stevens: ELM is in serious trouble here! If he doesn’t snap out of it, Magnifico is going to lose the Title without ever having tapped out!

 

A sick grin coming across his face, Flesher watches intently as the ref grabs Magnifico’s arm once again, lifts it into the air, and lets it go...

 

...it falls once more, with absolutely no resistance from the luchadore. Flesher, laughing to himself, commands the ref to do it again. As the fans grow louder than ever, refusing to believe that Magnifico is done for, the ref grabs ELM’s arm once more, lifts it up, and lets it go...

 

...it falls towards the mat, completely limp...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

..before springing to life, shooting into the air mere centimeters away from the mat! Flesher, a horrified look on his face, can only watch as Magnifico comes back to life, drawing an incredible pop from the capacity crowd!

 

Stevens: NO! NO! Magnifico is still in it! He simply will not give in!

 

Riley: God-DAMMIT! ELM’s persistence, courage, and bravery are really getting on my nerves!

 

ELM grimaces in pain as he slowly begins to push himself off of the mat, doing anything he can to lessen the pain shooting through his legs. Suddenly, the luchadore begins turning himself to the right, apparently trying to turn both men onto their stomachs and reverse the effect of the Figure Four! Flesher, shaking his head wildly, struggles with incredible fervor as he does everything he can to prevent Magnifico from turning over! Unfortunately, it’s no use, as ELM manages to plant his left hand on the mat, allowing him to pull his body onto his stomach! Flesher is forced to turn over with Magnifico, which reverses the Figure Four and sends shocks of pain shooting through Tom’s body!

 

Stevens: I can’t believe it! He did it! ELM managed to turn his body over, and in turn, turn the tables on Flesher!

 

Tom cries out in pain as he begins untangling his legs, desperate to escape! After much struggling, Flesher is able to remove his legs and roll away from the luchadore, who lays face-down and motionless on the mat as the fans cheer wildly for this sudden turn of events. Tom lays still for a few moments, wallowing in his pain and frustration, before starting the long climb to his feet. Flesher reaches one knee before Magnifico follows suit, greatly favoring his right leg as he begins pushing himself to his feet. Tom finally stands up, and as soon as he does so, makes a beeline for the steel chair laying in the ring. A downright frightening look on his face, Flesher grabs the chair, which is somewhat bent in after Tom was Tornado DDT’ed through it, picks it up, and heads back over to Magnifico, who is just now reaching one knee. Flesher steps behind the luchadore and begins to wildly pound the mat with his chair, creating WHACK! after loud WHACK!, all of which are drowned out by the warning boos and shouts of the crowd. Finally, ELM lunges to his feet, and, apparently oblivious to Flesher’s presence, slowly begins to turn around. Tom draws the chair backwards as Magnifico turns, and when he can see the luchadore’s eyes, Flesher swings it forward, aiming the chair directly at his opponent’s face!

 

Stevens: I can’t watch! Flesher is going to take Magnifico’s head off!

 

Riley: Whee, about time!

 

The chair quickly approaches Magnifico’s face at a dangerously high velocity, and makes perfect contact...or would have, had ELM not ducked at the last minute, missing being smacked in the face by a fraction of a second! An enraged Flesher spins around to face Magnifico, raising the chair as he does so, only to see ELM leap into the air and kick out his feet! Magnifico kicks his feet directly into Tom’s chair, which, in turn, is driven into Tom’s face, completing the Spanish Conquestor to the great delight of the crowd! The cheers rock the stands as ELM falls to the mat, crying out in pain and clutching his knee tightly. Meanwhile, Flesher lifelessly falls to the mat, failing to move save for the occasional spasmic jerk.

 

Stevens: No! Magnifico barely dodges a deadly chair shot before driving the chair directly into Flesher’s face with the Spanish Conquestor!

 

Riley: Yeah, but he had to use his knee to do it! How idiotic is that?

 

Stevens: Not very, considering that the Conquestor, while damaging his knee further, buys him a good bit of time to formulate a plan and recover from his injuries.

 

It seems to take ELM a long time to shake off the pain in his knee, but when he does so, he begins pushing himself to his feet, his left knee threatening to collapse several times as he does so. After much struggling, Magnifico wearily stands up, nearly losing his balance in the process. Out of the corner of his eye, the luchadore catches sight of Tom Flesher, who is stirring and has begun pushing himself to his feet. The look that comes over Magnifico’s face is almost one of exasperation as he hobbles over to Flesher, determined to get to him before the Superior One can stand. But as he hobbles, Magnifico suddenly catches sight of the steel chair, which has almost been rendered useless thanks to the damage it has sustained over the course of the match. A grin slowly coming over his face, ELM bends down, grabs the chair, and picks it up. Magnifico then steps in front of a dazed Flesher, who is pushing himself to one knee, his head hung and his eyes locked on the canvas. When Tom reaches one knee, he slowly, painfully cranes his neck upwards...to see Magnifico driving the steel chair right at him! ELM makes perfect contact, slamming the chair directly into the top of Flesher’s skull! One can actually see the Superior One’s neck compress as Flesher lifelessly falls to the mat, drawing an incredible pop from the crowd! Breathing heavily, Magnifico falls to one knee and releases the chair, nearly collapsing from the exhaustion that plagues his body.

 

Stevens: Dear God, what a chairshot! After all the damage Flesher has taken on his neck throughout the match, I wouldn’t be surprised if that final shot is what did him in!

 

Riley: Bullshit! This is merely a minor setback for the Superior One, as he is impervious to the sting of a steel chair!

 

Stevens: Well, you better tell Flesher that. I don’t think he’s picked up on the concept.

 

After a moment’s rest, Magnifico slowly, painfully stands back up. He briefly turns towards the set-up ladder in the center of the ring, but is suddenly reminded of the pain coursing through his leg and thinks better of it. Suddenly, an idea seems to Magnifico as he notices that Flesher is lying directly in front of a corner. With grim determination, ELM hobbles over to Flesher, grabs him by the arms, and slowly pulls him to his feet, receiving no help from his lifeless opponent. Once Tom is on his feet, Magnifico grabs him by the shoulder and between the legs, before lifting him up as if for a Scoop Slam! However, ELM instead dumps Flesher upside down in the corner, Tom’s feet hung over the top rope as his head lies on the mat. Magnifico then grabs Flesher’s feet and crosses them beneath the wire that connects the turnbuckle to the corner post, trapping the Superior One in a Tree of Woe position!

 

Stevens: What on Earth is Magnifico doing here?

 

Riley: Wasting our time, that’s what! Just admit your inferiority, Magnifico, and we’ll all get home a lot quicker!

 

With Flesher safely secured, ELM steps out onto the apron and walks directly behind Flesher. The luchadore grabs Tom’s feet with one hand, before kneeling down and wrapping the other around Flesher’s chin! Magnifico looks out over the crowd for a moment, a serious look etched on his face...before he begins to wrench backwards on Flesher’s neck, locking in what looks to be a Tree of Woe Sangria Stretch! The fans, while confused, burst into cheers as Flesher suddenly comes to life and begins to practically scream in pain!

 

Stevens: Holy crap, what a move! Magnifico has set Flesher up so that he can perform the Sangria Stretch without the use of his legs! And with Tom unable to escape due to the no disqualification stipulation, it might just be a matter of time before he has to tap!

 

The ref slides down to the mat and immediately gets in Flesher’s face, asking the Superior One if he wishes to submit. Flesher shouts out a pained “NO!” before crying out in pain, his neck being torn apart by Magnifico! A look of steadfast determination etched in his face, ELM wrenches back even harder on Flesher’s neck, refusing to let Tom escape! As the pain spreads through every part of his body, Tom slowly extends his arm, which only intensifies the cheers pouring from every part of the arena! Flesher’s eyes fly open as his hand, which floats over the canvas, shakes in pain and anger...

 

...the Razor’s Edge off of the ladder...

 

...the Tornado DDT through the chair...

 

...the Spanish Conquestor...

 

...the final chairshot...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...it’s just too much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tom taps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fans reach an unheard of point in their cheering, absolutely shaking the building as the ref springs to his feet and signals for the bell!

 

DING DING DING

 

Funyon: Your winner, by submission, and STILL, SWF World Heavyweight Champion...El Luchadoooooorre Magnificoooooooo!!

 

“Mission Trip to Mexico” hits the speakers, but of course, it can’t be heard in the slightest, as every fan in the building is cheering their little heart out. Upon hearing Funyon’s announcement, Magnifico releases Flesher, allowing the Superior One to fall to the mat and finally rest. Meanwhile, ELM collapses onto the apron, a look of elation on his face as he lays there, motionless.

 

Stevens: Oh my God! He did it! El Luchadore Magnifico is still the World Heavyweight Champion after an absolutely brutal match!

 

Riley: Blasphemy!! This absolutely cannot be!

 

Stevens: Oh, it sure as hell is, Riley! Magnifico realized that he could not climb the ladder or lock in the Sangria Stretch normally with his damaged knee, so he improvised, locking Flesher in the Sangria Stretch without the use of his legs!

 

Riley: You make it sound like it was fucking brilliance, but both you and I know that it was complete luck!! Flesher will be back! Mark my words! And that Title will be his!

 

Suddenly, the World Title begins to lower, quickly approaching the ref, who stands anxiously in the middle of the ring to receive it. Once it’s low enough, the ref reaches up, grabs the Title, detaches it, and heads over to Magnifico, who has still yet to move. The ref tries to hand the belt to the luchadore, but soon realizes that ELM isn’t getting up anytime soon, and instead lays it across his chest, drawing one final pop from the capacity crowd.

 

Stevens: Well, we’ve had a fantastic night, folks, but I’m afraid our time is up! For the SWF, I’m Mark Stevens-

 

Riley: And I’m fucking pissed!

 

Stevens: And we’ll see YOU at Storm!

 

The final image shown is El Luchadore Magnifico, his hands softly gripping the Title as a tired grin crosses his face...

[Guest Suicide King]

Results? Read the show. Many unexpected results, to be sure.

 

You are all incredibly lucky Strangler is posting the next card.

 

Congratulations must go to the Clusterfuck winner who really outdid himself. And the main event was closer that it had any right to be, mark my words.