SWF Clusterfuck 2002 Losing Match Thread

[Guest Ace309]

This is a two-poster, so....

 

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The camera fades in on the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where the fans are still on their feet from the exciting 20-man Clusterfuck match which named a new #1 contender to the SWF World Heavyweight Title. 20 of the SWF's best workers battling for over 45 minutes to see who would win the right to challenge, on his own terms, the man who holds the most prestigious title in the world today.

 

As the hook of "Prayer" by Disturbed grinds in the background, fans are shown holding up signs such as "Flesher Fears ELM," “TOM IS CIVILIZATION,” "ELM = Toll Booth On King's Road" and the ever-popular "Marks" with arrows pointing everywhere except straight down. Finally, the camera pans over to the SmarkTron, where the SWF World Championship graphic appears in the center of the screen. Slowly, it rises to the top of the screen, and a ladder crashes in below it. On the left, a photo of El Luchadore Magnifico fades in, with the World Championship belt slung over his shoulder. A moment later, a picture of "The Superior One" Tom Flesher appears on the right, and the words "SWF WORLD TITLE... EL LUCHADORE MAGNIFICO VS. TOM FLESHER... LADDER/SUBMISSION" scroll across the bottom of the SmarkTron. The fans pop as the graphic fades out, with "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens and Bobby Riley supplanting it.

 

"Fans, welcome back to the SWF's annual Clusterfuck extravaganza," says Stevens in his Pittsburgh Pirates hat. As always, his ball-and-bat cummerbund and bow tie make him look dapper.

 

... especially in comparison to Bobby Riley's standard pay-per-view ensemble, the enduring, endearing powder-blue tuxedo with ruffles. "I'm so excited," Riley beams. His smile evokes a father watching his daughter walk out the door on prom night. "I can't believe after all this time, my little Taamo's going to walk home with the belt! Man, THAT'S a mean way to hold your pants up."

 

Stevens glares at Riley. "Bobby, this match is hardly the foregone conclusion that you seem to think it is. El Luchadore Magnifico-"

 

"- has LOST to Tom Flesher every time they've competed," says Riley with a smirk. "Flesher beat him in Ultimate Submissions, Flesher beat him in a tag match with Mak Francis, Flesher beat him in a six-man tag, and Flesher beat him in the SWF Soup Cook-Off.”

 

“Magnifico wasn’t even IN the SWF Soup Cook-Off! And that’s…”

 

“Sounds like a default victory to me, then,” retorts Riley smugly.

 

Stevens grumbles angrily for a moment, then sighs, “Riley, I really do wonder about you sometimes. And the point is moot, since the last time Flesher and Magnifico wrestled one-on-one, the match ended in a draw. Flesher’s Ultimate Submissions win was under a stipulation where he had a decided advantage, and you can hardly hold that against Magnifico.”

 

“Bah,” scoffs Riley. “If Flesher, through some freakish twist of fate, somehow died and was dismembered, and Magnifico got a fluke ladder win over him, you’d still consider that a victory, wouldn’t you?”

 

“Yes, well…”

 

“That’s enough from you, boy-o.” Riley smirks in a self-satisfied manner, murmuring, “I showed HIM.”

 

Stevens clears his throat. “Yes, well, Bobby, we’re about to see. No one can possibly call THIS match unfair. Tom Flesher and El Luchadore Magnifico both had the opportunity to input their choice of stipulations, and when they reached an impasse, this is the compromise offered by the Suicide King.”

 

“Ah, good old Brian Applewhite. What a pleasure to see him sitting in the Commissioner’s office,” says Riley. “I can only hope he stays there for as long as possible.”

 

“Of course you would. You’re just thrilled with the flat-out favoritism he shows toward Tom Flesher and all of the Magnificent Seven. Well, it’s time now for El Luchadore Magnifico to show Flesher that he can beat him at his own game! It’s time for the main event! So, without further ado, let’s go to Funyon!”

 

Funyon steps into the ring, his red tailed jacket offsetting his black pants pleasantly. Meanwhile, newly licensed SWF referee Ced Ordonez receives a polite applause for his first outing wearing the stripes, having been forced into retirement by his third concussion in one year.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” announces Funyon, “it is now time for the main event!” He pauses for the initial pop. When it dies down, he continues, “The following match will be contested under Ladder And Submission Rules, and it is for the SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!” Another quick pause for the pop. “The SWF World Heavyweight Championship belt will be suspended from the ceiling of the Mellon Arena, and there are three ladders at ringside. Either competitor may win the match, and thus the title, either by making his opponent submit or by climbing one of the ladders and retrieving the SWF World Title. There are NO pinfalls… NO countouts… and NO disqualifications!” The fans begin to cheer, and Funyon declares, “The first combatant…”

 

 

BOOM!

 

 

With a loud explosion, the arena lights up in a flash of blue pyro and matching smoke. Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” rings out through the arena, and without wasting any time, “the Superior One” Tom Flesher steps through the curtain wearing his blue warmup suit, with his SWF Tag Team Title belt slung over his shoulder. He makes his way down the long, long ramp slowly, with an air of determination, as his SmarkTron video plays. Instead of the usual phrases interspersed with his move clips, though, Flesher’s video contains violent submission holds cut in half-second intervals with the repeated phrase “KING’S ROAD.”

 

As he reaches the halfway point in the aisle, the song’s first symphonic hook begins to blare over the speakers. Flesher raises his Tag Team belt high overhead, and as a column of blue pyro creates a wall behind him, he stands in silhouette, looking almost like he already won the match.

 

After the pyro show ends, Flesher continues his determined strut to the ring. Slowly and deliberately, he climbs up the stairs, and after wiping the soles of his Doc Marten boots on the apron, he enters the ring and poses in the center just in time for the second symphonic hook. Once again, he holds his Tag Team belt high in the air as blue and white machine gun bursts of pyro explode from each corner. As the pyro ends, the music fades away, and Flesher looks expectantly at Funyon.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” says Funyon, withdrawing the index card from his pocket, “…” he pauses to make sure he has the text right, raises an eyebrow, and reads, “Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no need for crap tonight. Your NEXT SWF World Heavyweight Champion, TOM FLESHER!!!!!!!!”

 

Flesher takes a quick bow, then walks over to his corner. As he strips off his warmup suit, Riley points out, “Flesher’s very serious tonight. He has his eyes on one thing and one thing only, and that’s the SWF World Title.”

 

“It’s not going to be easy,” says Stevens. “He’s going to have to go through-“

 

UNO!

 

(BOOM!)

 

DOS!

 

(BOOM!)

 

TRES!

 

(BOOM!)

 

CUATRO!

 

(BOOM!)

 

Mission trip to Mexico…

Mission trip to Mexico…

Spreading the word, now come on, let’s go

On a mission trip to Mexico!

 

As the looped chorus of “Mission Trip to Mexico” by Bunch of Believers blasts out over the speakers, the arena goes absolutely wild. Fans throughout the Mellon Arena leap to their feet and begin to chant along as orange fireworks illuminate the building. After a moment or two, the curtain parts, and out walks El Luchadore Magnifico! The crowd goes absolutely crazy as the SWF’s favorite completely legal Mexican immigrant walks down the ramp, the SWF World Championship strapped around his waist and his Mexican flag waving in the air.

 

Magnifico makes his way to the ring, climbing the stairs and waving his flag. He steps in and climbs the turnbuckle, saluting the fans and showing his Mexican pride by displaying the flag for the whole Mellon Arena! The fans continue cheering ELM as the music fades. After climbing off the turnbuckle, the World Champion hands the flag over the top rope to a ring attendant, then carefully unstraps his title belt. Magnifico takes a moment to kiss the belt before he hands it off to Ced Ordonez.

 

Ordonez holds the belt high, waiting for the wire loop to lower from the ceiling of the Mellon Arena. He straps the belt around the loop, then waits patiently for it to ascend to the roof. When it does, he calls for the bell.

 

 

DING DING DING!!!!

 

 

The two wrestlers come to the center of the ring, both visibly excited and nervous. Neither wants to attack, and so they begin circling and angling off, looking for an opening.

 

"We've seen this before," says Stevens. "These two know each other so well that each man seems to realize anything he does can be countered by the other."

 

"Of course," says Riley, "that's only if Flesher LETS Magnifico counter. Y'know, for snowflake purposes."

 

Somewhere, Scott Keefe smiles and adds a star to the overall rating of the match.

 

After a few more moments of hesitation, the two combatants finally lock up in a collar-and-elbow tie. They fight back and forth, with Flesher attempting a duck-under only to have Magnifico sprawl backwards to neutralize the attempt, then lock back up. With a bit of added confidence, Magnifico grabs Flesher by the left arm and turns sharply to the side, going for an Irish whip. Flesher, though, sees it coming and stops his motion, slapping on a side headlock. Familiar with Flesher's strategy, the more impatient fans in the audience begin to boo, as Flesher simply squeezes his adversary's head.

 

"Flesher makes El Luchadore Magnifico look like a fool," says Riley in a facetious Walter Cronkite voice. "Fans, we can only wonder how much longer Magnifico can take this before he submits."

 

"It's a little early for that," says a mildly irritated Stevens. "Magnifico may have gotten caught early, but this match isn't going to be decided by one headlock."

 

Flesher, of course, has other plans, as he clenches his arms around Magnifico's head. Magnifico rears back, then throws his weight forward in an attempt to shoot Flesher to the ropes. Flesher, though, sinks his hips and stops the motion before it starts. Once again, this starts the fans booing, but the Superior One simply smirks and tightens the headlock.

 

Magnifico, keeping his cool in spite of himself, once again tries to shoot Flesher off to the ropes, but Flesher blocks him off and stops the motion. This time, he kicks his leg out, throws his hips through and carries Magnifico over in a side headlock takeover! The fans stop booing, thinking they're finally going to see some action from Flesher. They are, of course, disappointed.

 

"Flesher's keeping that headlock on for as long as he possibly can," says Stevens. "It's not a bad strategy on his part, but you have to question the wisdom of devoting so much energy to a relatively ineffective hold."

 

Riley sighs as Flesher sits on the mat, clenching his arms together and halfheartedly trying to roll the Luchadore to his back. "Stevens, I thought you knew better than that. The headlock is an extremely painful hold. I mean, look at the way Flesher's wrenching Magnifico's neck! Besides, you can't lose this match by disqualification, and I know for a fact that Flesher's a master at using a headlock to choke his opponent out."

 

Magnifico reaches around Flesher's body and locks his hands, trying to get the leverage to roll him onto his back. After struggling for a moment, he succeeds, putting Flesher in a pinning position and relieving the pressure on his neck. Tom panics briefly due to the position, and he starts to kick out. Magnifico feels Flesher trying to bail and takes advantage by bridging, popping his hips into the air and effectively rolling Flesher off of him. Flesher rolls backwards and comes up on his feet as ELM rolls to the side. Before the World Champion can get to his feet, Flesher descends on him and locks on a front facelock. The fans groan, angry that Magnifico got caught and disgusted with Flesher's static submission holds.

 

"These fans don't know a damn thing!" spits Riley. "I don't get it. They pay all this money to see Flesher, and then-"

 

Stevens interrupts. "I think there are probably more people here to see Magnifico, Bobby."

 

"Well sure," says Riley indignantly, "if you want to count all the kids from the Ted Flink School for the Profoundly Retarded."

 

Flesher slaps on the front facelock, but Magnifico resists enough that he can't lock his hands and apply the pressure needed to turn the hold into a potentially lethal choke. Instead, Magnifico grabs Flesher by his left arm and drops to his knees. Tom doesn't know quite how to react until the Luchadore spins to the side, twisting the arm, and then stands up. Panicking, the leader of the Magnificent Seven locks his hands together and tries to pull away, but he fails to do so before Magnifico jumps into the air, somersaults and drags him to the mat with a textbook rolling jujigatame! The fans begin to cheer as Flesher flails on the mat, desperate to keep his hands locked. Magnifico tries to break his grip in order to get the full effect of the hold. Before he can, though, Flesher pulls away and starts back to his feet. Magnifico pops back up, keeping the arm. He shifts his weight and jerks Flesher's arm to the ropes with an Irish whip. Flesher rebounds, trying to think fast.... but fails! Magnifico catches him with a drop toehold, prompting a loud cheer from the crowd.

 

"The Sangria Stretch already?!" Stevens, excited, watches from his seat as ELM falls forward to complete his signature submission. Flesher has other plans, of course, and balls up to keep his opponent from getting the crossface. Magnifico releases the leg and the fans groan while Flesher scoots away.

 

"Damn," says Stevens. "Magnifico, of course, made Flesher tap out to the Sangria Stretch way back in July, in his losing Ultimate Submission effort."

 

"And Flesher made him tap twice, to the STF and the original Superior Stretch," adds Riley smugly.

 

"Magnifico also opened up a weakness on Flesher," says Stevens. "Flesher's arm was so sore and battered after the Ultimate Submission match that many people blame that injury for his US Title loss to TNT."

 

"Well, let's just hope Magnifico dances with the burro he brought," says Riley. "As long as he's too stupid to take out Flesher's legs and focuses on the arm, there's nothing stopping Tom from climbing the ladder."

 

Flesher rolls through, getting to his feet. Magnifico keeps pressuring him, forcing Flesher to start throwing shoteis before he's really ready. Consequently, Magnifico is able to dodge the palm strike, and answers back with an absolutely vicious knife-edge chop!

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

The challenger staggers backwards, trying to somehow avoid being made the World Champion's bitch.

 

 

Nope. Ain't happening.

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

Flesher stumbles backwards, leaning against the ropes. He holds his hands up, begging Magnifico not to chop his exposed chest again. Magnifico looks out to the crowd and holds his hand up, asking for their approval to unleash one more knife-edge across Flesher's torso. The fans overwhelmingly approve, and so Magnifico releases his hand. Flesher, though, takes advantage of the moment to prepare and sidesteps. He grabs Magnifico by the back of the head and quickly spins around, sending ELM straight over the top rope! Flesher stays in the ring a moment, grinning and tapping his temple while mouthing the words, "I've got the brains." He then turns and, as Magnifico gets back to his feet, plants a Doc Marten into his forehead. With that, Flesher runs to the opposite ropes. Magnifico gets to his feet again just in time for Flesher to grab the middle rope and swing out, nailing him with a baseball slide dropkick! The fans boo loudly, and Flesher slides out of the ring.

 

"We've got some fine back and forth wrestling going," says Stevens. "At this stage, both men are giving it their all, and that makes it nearly impossible to pick a winner."

 

"Pfft," says Riley. "Flesher's got NOTHING to worry about."

 

Pause.

 

"By the way, Mark, have you seen my coffee maker? This cup's getting... cold... yeah."

 

Stevens groans as Flesher, on the concrete, grabs the Luchadore by his head and pulls him to his feet. After taking a moment to wink at a well-endowed girl in the front row, Flesher locks on a front facelock and starts to lift his opponent for a brainbuster. Magnifico kicks his leg up and sinks his hips, blocking the suplex. Flesher furrows his brow, looking dissatisfied with anyone who would DARE deny him the opportunity for a gratuitous head drop. Flesher tries again, but again, Vicente Fox's favorite wrestler denies him. Capitalizing on his position, Magnifico quickly arches backward, slamming Flesher back-first to the concrete!

 

"Snap suplex on the floor!" says Stevens. "El Luchadore Magnifico turns the tables on Tom Flesher, and this could be the start of something big!"

 

"Mark, you just sound SO gay sometimes."

 

Flesher tries to roll away, but Magnifico quickly grabs his left leg. With a quick swing of his boot, he nails Flesher in the knee, and Tom winces. He starts to get up slowly, but the much more agile Luchadore beats him by jumping to the apron. Without missing a beat, Magnifico jumps onto the middle rope and springs off, twisting in mid-air and hitting Flesher with a super-stiff elbow!

 

"ASAI ROARING ELBOW SUICIDA!" screams Stevens, shocked and thrilled by the incredible ad hoc move. The fans react much the same way, bursting into a chant of "ELM! ELM!" as Magnifico and Flesher both try to peel themselves off the concrete. Predictably, Magnifico gets up much faster than Flesher, and capitalizes by looking out to the crowd, then lifting up the ring apron.

 

 

The crowd, simply put, explodes!

 

 

"El Luchadore Magnifico is going for the ladder!" says Stevens. "And I think this one's all but over!"

 

"Stevens, you're not giving Flesher nearly enough credit, so quit trying to look bad. You don't have the slightest idea what it's like to be in the ring."

 

"I DID win Clusterfuck AND the World Title last year, Riley."

 

"Oh yeah? Well Flesher's the wave of the future. By his mere PRESENCE, he's changing the way things work in the ring!"

 

Magnifico, of course, doesn't care. All he wants to do is pull the ladder out from under the ring, and after he does so, he sets it up on the outside. He climbs up a few rungs and perches, waiting patiently for Flesher to get back up. When he does, Magnifico leaps off the ladder and rocks him with a double axehandle! Flesher staggers away, staying on his feet. Satisfied with his actions to this point, Magnifico folds the ladder in order to slide it into the ring. Tom sees this and, operating mostly on instinct, jumps up and throws a dropkick that sends the ladder crashing into Magnifico's face! The fans boo as Flesher stands up and bows. Magnifico falls to the concrete, and Flesher grabs the ladder off of him. He slides the ladder into the match, then slides in himself.

Flesher moves to the center, lifting the ladder in order to set it up. The slightly stunned Magnifico follows him in, though, and demands more attention than the ladder. Consequently, Flesher leaves the ladder folded on the mat and turns to the Luchadore.

 

 

"Both of these men have taken some nasty shots," says Stevens, "but neither man wants to show weakness. Neither one of them wants to give his opponent any psychological advantage."

 

"Of course, for Magnifico to get a psychological advantage," adds Bobby, "he'd need a brain. As it is, he just has a skull full of day-old gazpacho."

 

When Stevens doesn't respond, Riley adds, "mmm... gazpacho... hey, Mark, do we get tableside service here?"

 

Flesher tries to block Magnifico out, but the World Champion simply nails him with a series of knife-edge chops.

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

Flesher grabs his chest, with welts starting to appear, and doesn't seem to notice Magnifico repositioning himself between Flesher and the ladder. Before Flesher can get a handle on what's happening, Magnifico has him in a front facelock, and he attempts a snap suplex onto the ladder! The fans pop, but their cheers are quickly replaced by a disappointed groan as Flesher capitalizes on his sizeable strength advantage, changes the motion of the move and lifts Magnifico up for a brainbuster! He holds the Luchadore in the air for a few seconds and stalls...

 

and stalls....

 

and STALLS...

 

before Magnifico peels off the grip and roll backwards, landing harmlessly on his feet! The fans applaud politely for the acrobatic counter… and cheer even louder when Flesher turns around right into a dropkick to the face! He staggers backwards, and Magnifico drops down to grab him in an ankle lock. Flesher, going by feel more than by strategy, and spins around. He drops onto ELM's back and slaps on a tight body scissors grip. Once he gets that applied, Flesher sees an opening. He throws a stiff elbow down, cracking Magnifico in the cheek and stunning him just long enough for…

 

SUPERIOR STRETCH BETA!

 

… well, not quite. As he reaches down, Magnifico catches the arm. The two workers struggle back and forth, with Flesher trying to lock on the deadly dragon sleeper, and Magnifico working just as hard to avoid getting caught. Finally, the World Champion manages to get both hands on Flesher’s wrist and twist it out. Keeping his grip, ELM sits out, facing Flesher, and powers back up to his feet. With a quick turn, Magnifico bends Flesher’s arm into a chicken wing behind the back and faces him belly-to-belly. Flesher's face falls, as he realizes not only exactly what's about to happen, but also that he can’t do a damn thing about it.

 

ELM fires off a quick glance at the crowd, then drops to his BUTT. He jars Flesher’s jaw against his shoulder with the Montezuma’s Revenge chicken wing jawbreaker, and the crowd goes wild as Flesher bounces up to his feet and falls straight back!

 

“Montezuma’s Revenge!” shouts Stevens. “El Luchadore Magnifico nails Flesher with the Montezuma’s Revenge, and it looks like Flesher’s out cold!”

 

“Don’t speak too soon, Grand Spam. Flesher’s probably just playing possum.”

 

As Magnifico walks over to get the ladder, Flesher starts to push himself up. A moment after he extends his arms, though, he simply collapses back to the mat, giving Magnifico ample time to set the ladder up in the center of the ring.

 

“Mags is going to start up the ladder!” Stevens declares. “This could be it!”

 

The fans cheer as Magnifico starts up the ladder. He climbs up a few rungs, getting closer and closer to the title belt suspended above the arena. As he does, though, Tom Flesher pushes himself back up and looks to the ladder. When he sees Magnifico progressing toward the belt, he finds the strength to push himself all the way to his feet and stagger toward the ladder. Regaining his footing with every step, Flesher finally gets to the ladder just as Magnifico reaches about a quarter of the way up. He tries to shake the ladder and jar the World Champion, but the Luchadore continues deterninedly up the ladder. Finally, Flesher changes plans and grabs Magnifico by the ankle, yanking his leg down. Magnifico falls down off the ladder, smashing his face into one of the steps, and Flesher stops to golf-clap for himself as the crowd starts chanting, "YOU SUCK DICK! YOU SUCK DICK!" Flesher dismisses them, shooing them away like the ungrateful and unappreciative insects they are.

 

"That's right, Flesher!" says Riley. "They're just too stupid to know you're the best thing going today!"

 

"Flesher stops Magnifico's climb, and let's see if he can capitalize," says Stevens. "Although, as we ALL know, Flesher hasn't had good luck with ladder matches..."

 

"That was a damn crime spree and you know it!"

 

Stevens looks down at the card on his side of the table and puts a second token over the "Lost to TNT" square. He murmurs, "Now I've just got to do 'losing to Ash' and 'Durandal,' and I'll have Flesher Bingo."

 

"That's a damn lie and you know it!"

 

"Pardon?"

 

"You still need to get the SWF Grand Slam square."

 

"True, but I don't think we're going to be getting that one any time soon."

 

With the ladder still up in the center of the ring, Flesher takes a break from his gratuitous self-promotion in order to actually wrestle. He does so by grabbing Magnifico by the head and slapping on another front facelock. This time, he sinks his hips in and compresses Magnifico's chin into his chest. As the leader of the Carnival rapidly starts to turn a dark shade of purple, Flesher simply grins at the crowd and shouts, "This kid can't compete with me!"

 

"He's got a point, you know," adds Riley helpfully.

 

"Bobby, do you EVER call a fair match?"

 

"I AM fair. It's not my fault that Flesher's so far above all us lowly mortals, and he told me that if I deny it, he'll smite me with the jaw of an ass."

 

"Your commentary's BAD, but it's never KILLED anyone," deadpans Stevens, before muttering, "Ass."

 

Flesher continues pressuring the World Champion's neck, cutting off both his breath and the blood flow to his brain. Magnifico, now moving into the blue end of the spectrum, begins to panic and flail wildly. Finally, almost serendipitously, he manages to get a grip on Flesher's thigh. Using all the power he has left, Magnifico drives into Flesher, knocking him off his feet and keeping a grip on the leg. Magnifico pulls his head out of the facelock and comes up holding Flesher's leg. He takes a minute to breathe, though, and Flesher capitalizes by applying a classic foot-to-crotch deathlock. Magnifico collapses to the mat in the fetal position, holding his groin, as Flesher backs away and smirks at the crowd. Referee Ced Ordonez admonishes him that further low blows will not be tolerated, but Flesher simply pats his head patronizingly and says, "Don't worry, someday YOU'LL beat the system, too."

 

"Now that was CERTAINLY a case of unethical treatment of testicles," says Stevens, obviously irked by Flesher's reproductive insensitivity.

 

"Oh, come on. This is a submission match, and in a submission match you run into unusual holds like the Greco-Roman Gonad Compression."

 

"Bobby, that was-"

 

"Don't worry, Mark. I'll explain things if you can't keep up."

 

Flesher swaggers to the center, where ELM lays next to the ladder trying to get his breath back. Flesher sarcastically nudges him with his boot, then reaches down and grabs his left leg. Flesher starts to turn around into a spinning toe hold, but Magnifico counters by scooting away as best he can, and incidentally getting closer to the ladder. Flesher keeps trying to torque the leg, but Magnifico braces himself on the ladder. With one quick move, Magnifico uses the ladder to pull himself to his feet, then jumps up and nails Flesher in the back of the head with an enzuigiri that sends Flesher slamming into the ladder! The Magnificent Seven's fearless leader falls backwards, knocked silly by the combined forces of the kick and the ladder

 

"What a counter!" shouts Stevens. "El Luchadore Magnifico shows absolutely stellar ring awareness and knocks Tom Flesher out! Now let's see if he can capitalize!"

 

"Oh, come on," says Riley. "How can he capitalize when he can't even write? I mean, that's just stupid, Mark, and it insults all of Magnifico's illiterate countrymen, as well as those who are simply stupid."

 

Flesher starts back to his feet as Magnifico begins to scramble up the ladder with his eyes on the prize. Trying to ignore the blow he just took to the head, Flesher follows Magnifico to the ladder and tries to trail him up. Magnifico deals with him by throwing a pair of very stiff stomps to Flesher's head, taking advantage of his disoriented state. Flesher stumbles backwards, and before he knows what hit him, Magnifico leaps off the ladder and nails him flush in the face with a missile dropkick! Flesher falls backwards, hitting the top rope and falling to the outside as the fans cheer on their hero.

 

As soon as Tom hits the concrete, Magnifico sprints to the opposite side of the ring. The fans, knowing exactly what's coming, rise to their feet and continue to cheer. Flesher rises to his feet, looking up just as Magnifico vaults over the top rope and springs off it, then comes crashing down onto him with the Crossing The Border springboard plancha! Flesher tries desperately to catch the champ, but Magnifico is simply moving too fast for him, and so the Superior One bears the brunt of the move and collapses onto the concrete as Magnifico gets back up, dusts himself off.... and starts to golf-clap for himself.

 

The fans join in, though their applause is MUCH less reserved.

 

"Beautiful," chuckles Stevens. "You have to admit, Bobby, it's pretty

funny."

 

"Mark Stevens, I'm ASHAMED of you. You're the Director of Talent Relations, and you're allowing this? You find this AMUSING? You ass, this is a plain, simple, prima facie case of gimmick infringement, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and put up with this. Mark, I'm calling the Suicide King, and I'm sure when the SWF's Next World Champion sees the replay, Bill Hearford will have lawsuits on everyone's desks in the morning. Jesus, Stevens, have some TASTE!"

 

"This, from the guy who wore a pink shirt to Anna Loire's funeral."

 

Magnifico slides back into the ring and takes a look at the ladder. He looks up at the title belt... and down at Flesher. Up at the prize... down at the pimple on the face of wrestling. He grins to himself and drags the ladder over to the ropes. Magnifico climbs up a few feet above the top rope, then looks down at the useless, motionless pile of meat that is Tom Flesher. He mockingly leans his head back and drags his thumb across his throat, then jumps off the ladder and toward the concrete. Floating gracefully, Magnifico assumes a perfect swan dive position as he falls toward his challenger. At the very last second, the Champion flips over and lands on Flesher with a sickeningly stiff, but abolutely picture perfect, senton bomb! As Magnifico grabs his back, sore from the impact, the fans rise to their feet and cheer unabashedly!

 

"Riley," says Stevens, "I don't care HOW cute you say he is, there's just no way Flesher can compete with Magnifico, popularitywise."

 

"I never said he was CUTE, I said he was HOT- er..." Riley gulps, and quickly adds, "Uh... shove it up your ass and die?"

 

Stevens sighs as Magnifico peels himself off the now slightly flatter heap of Flesher. Still a little stunned from the impact, Magnifico takes an extra second to get his breath back, then gets to his feet. He lifts Flesher up and rolls him into the ring, then grabs him by the leg. Magnifico drags Flesher along the apron until he gets to the ringpost, where he wraps Flesher's left leg around the steel. With a loud "THUNK," he slams Flesher's leg against the steel ringpost, then pulls it out and smashes it again! Flesher, regaining his sense of orientation, screams out loud from the pain, prompting Magnifico's fans to start an "ELM! ELM!" chant.

 

"These fans can't STAND Flesher," says Stevens. "They're just thrilled that he's finally getting what he deserves!"

As Riley sits next to him, murmuring "This is not happening... this is NOT happening...." Stevens adds in, "And, once again, the World Champion is concentrating on taking Flesher's legs out from under him. Of course, if Tom can't climb the ladder, it will be that much harder for him to win the match."

 

Magnifico winds up, then cracks Flesher’s left leg into the ring post one more time. Flesher recoils, grabbing his knee and trying to get to the center of the ring. Satisfied for the moment, Magnifico slides back into the ring. Without wasting even a second, Magnifico moves to the ladder and grabs on to the rungs. He starts to climb... but can't. He's being weighed down. When he looks down, he sees that Tom Flesher has crawled over and is holding his ankle! Once Magnifico sees Flesher, he stops his climb and turns his attention back to the mat. Flesher keeps the ankle and pushes his way to his feet. Magnifico responds almost automatically by jumping up and trying a repeat performance of his earlier enzuigiri into the ladder. He jumps into the air and kicks, sending a loud "CRACK!!!!" echoing through the Mellon Area. The crowd issues a collective gasp at the sheer brutality of the kick!

 

"Yup," says Riley nonchalantly, "he kicked that ladder pretty damn hard."

 

"Tom Flesher ducks ELM's enzuigiri, and the champ has to be in a world of pain right now," says Stevens.

 

"Well, that's the sort of thing that happens when you're sloppy and incompetent," adds Riley, who sounds very much like a kindergarten teacher explaining things to a five-year-old.

 

Flesher retains his hold on Magnifico's other ankle, sing it to drag Magnifico away from the ladder. Once he has the World Champion near the ropes, Flesher releases the ankle and sits with a splat onto his back. ELM tries to get away, but before he can, Flesher reaches down, cradles his chin, and sits back into a classic camel clutch! The crowd boos as Flesher sits back, grinning, and pretends to ignore Mags entirely.

 

"Come on," he shouts, "when am I gonna have to start working?!"

 

 

 

 

Flesher pulls his elbows closer into his body, increasing the upward pressure on Magnifico's chin and pulling his neck back like a well-cooked piece of asparagus.

 

"Mmm... asparagus...." drools Riley.

 

"Pardon me?" says Stevens, thoroughly confused.

 

"Oh, nothing."

 

Flesher sits back even further, relishing the fact that Magnifico is in sheer and utter agony. He grins broadly, and then decides on an abrupt change of plans. He releases the camel clutch.

 

"What could Flesher possibly be doing?" Stevens asks no one in particular. "That's just foolish, releasing a hold like a camel clutch in a submission match."

 

"Shows what you know, MARK. Flesher's obviously got something better in mind."

 

Tom, not one to disappoint his biggest (and only) fan, stays seated on Magnifico's back. He extends his right arm, then cracks it stiffly across Magnifico's left cheek. Magnifico, with his neck already sore and somewhat limp from the beating Flesher's inflicted on it up to this point, recoils in pain. Flesher stiff-arms him again, this time trying to force the arm under the top dog's neck for the Superior Stretch Beta!

 

"He's going for it again!" says Riley. "That's it, Ordonez! Ring the bell, this one's over!"

 

"He doesn't even have the hold on yet!"

 

 

Sure enough, Magnifico reaches up and grabs Flesher's wrist with both hands. The combatants struggle back and forth, with Flesher trying stubbornly to lock on his lethal submission hold and Magnifico frantically pushing the arm away to avoid it. The challenger drives his elbow into ELM's face again, but the struggle continues as the champion slides his knees in. With Flesher completely unaware, Magnifico puts himself in perfect throwing position and capitalizes on it, powering to his feet and jerking Tom's arm forward for a judo arm throw! Flesher crashes to the mat, and quickly, Magnifico jumps into the air. He fires off a lightning-fast bullfrog motion, then lands on Flesher with a standing frog splash! He rolls off, looks out to the crowd and throws his arms into the air as the fans chant, "ELM! ELM!"

 

Magnifico looks down at Flesher, holding his ribs while trying to catch his breath; he stops, thinking about the history between the two… Ultimate Submission… the cage match draw… stealing the Light Heavyweight title… and now making him go through this.

 

Flesher starts to sit up, but Magnifico deals with him by way of a quick kick to the face. Magnifico takes another long look at Flesher, then… grabs him by both arms and drags him over to the ladder. He moves the ladder over, setting Flesher directly under it. Then… he begins to climb.

 

“Look at this!” says Stevens. “El Luchadore Magnifico dragged Tom Flesher over and put the ladder OVER him! It’s the ultimate embarrassment! What a way to tell Flesher exactly what he thinks of him!”

 

“Listen, Mark, I don’t think we need this from you. There are KIDS who watch this! How DARE you encourage them to behave unethically, or to mock and humiliate their friends? Christ, Stevens, have you no shame?”

 

“Hey, Bobby, there’s an underage Asian boy in a mesh shirt over there.”

 

“OOH! Where?!”

 

Magnifico starts to slowly climb up the ladder. He pauses early on to look down to Flesher, who tries to move but still has yet to catch his breath. The World Champion takes a deep breath and begins climbing in earnest.

 

Flesher stares up, unfocused. He can’t quite make out what’s happening up the ladder a bit, but he knows in his gut that it isn’t good. He tries to sit up, but just can’t manage it.

 

ELM keeps climbing, fully aware of Flesher on the mat. Despite his better judgment, he continues up the ladder, his eyes never wavering from the SWF World Heavyweight Title belt…

 

and Flesher looks up, trying to focus on the belt. He can’t, because Magnifico is in his field of vision, climbing up and getting closer with every step to the belt. Slightly alarmed, Flesher tries to sit up again, but can’t. He takes a deep breath, wincing from the impact of Magnifico’s frog splash and kick to the face, and grimaces. He knows that if he wants to finish his walk down the King’s Road tonight, he needs to stop Magnifico.

 

Now.

 

Painfully, Flesher sits up, and pauses, holding on to the ladder. Magnifico realizes what’s going on, and he speeds up his pace. He climbs up, passing the halfway point up the ladder just as Flesher grips the nearest rungs and pulls himself to his feet. The ladder wobbles slightly, but Magnifico stubbornly continues up the ladder. Flesher, finally starting to breathe again, quickly runs through a mental list of options, then chooses the simplest one.

 

 

He shoves the ladder over.

 

 

“OH MY GOD!” Stevens is in utter disbelief, unable to formulate anything more articulate as Magnifico holds onto the ladder for dear life. It falls to the side, bouncing harmlessly across the top rope. Magnifico falls off, crashing to the concrete on the outside with a sickening SPLAT.

 

“MAGNIFICO’S NOT BREATHING! SOMEONE CHECK FOR A PULSE!” gasps Riley.

 

Stevens sputters, “Bobby, don’t joke about that!”

 

“No, no… it’s just that… well, I had him in the dead pool this year.” Pause. “He was my outside-chance deal sweetener,” Riley adds helpfully.

 

“Bobby, you’re a sick, sick person.”

 

“Well, last year I lost by one point. God damn Roja and his no-selling.”

 

Magnifico lays on the outside, barely moving and breathing shallowly. Flesher staggers forward, not quite sure what he did, exactly, but slowly becoming more aware. Eventually, he makes his way over to the ropes and sees Magnifico’s motionless body on the outside. He takes a deep breath, then… smirks.

 

“And look at Flesher, that bastard!” says Stevens angrily. “He nearly kills Magnifico, and now he’s proud of himself! Can you believe this?”

 

“Oh, come on, Stevens. It’s a ladder match. If Magnifico didn’t want to be murdered, he shouldn’t have signed the contract.”

 

“He’s showing no remorse! Well, let me tell you something, Tom Flesher. Someday, you’re going to be one on one, and you’re not going to be able to cheat and cower your way to the top. You’re going to get what’s coming to you, and that, my friend, is a damn promise!”

 

Flesher shakes off the last of the cobwebs. His smirk spreads into an ear-to-ear grin as he pulls the ladder off the top rope and folds it. He sets the flattened ladder on the bottom rope with the top few feet sticking out over the concrete next to Magnifico. Nonchalantly, confidently, Flesher steps through the ropes and onto the apron. He grins, nods, and gives himself a running start.

 

“There’s no WAY Flesher can pull this off,” says Stevens.

 

“I don’t know about that, Grand Piano,” responds Riley matter-of-factly. “I mean, he IS superior.”

 

Flesher sprints down the apron. He leaps into the air, landing on the ladder, and then springs off it! Using the tension of the bottom rope to turn the ladder into a diving board, Flesher gets extra height and shifts his weight in the air, landing back first on Magnifico with his trademark FAT… ASS… SENTON~!

 

“WOOHOO!” exclaims Riley. “Flesher NAILED that senton!”

 

“Magnifico took a lot of impact on that splash,” says Stevens, sounding very concerned. “I’m… not sure if he’ll be able to stop Flesher from taking the match right now.”

 

Sure enough, Magnifico lays mostly limp on the concrete as Flesher gets up and takes a deep breath, dusting himself off. He shakes out his arms on the floor, catching his breath as Magnifico remains motionless. Flesher shoves the ladder into the ring, then grabs Magnifico by the waist and rolls him back in as well. He follows behind, reentering to a chorus of boos.

 

With Magnifico on the ground, Flesher reaches down and locks his hands around the champion’s abdomen. He tightens the waistlock, then lifts Magnifico into the air. With a hard pop of his hips, Flesher arches his back into a German suplex, At the apex of the lift, Tom unlocks his hands and flings his opponent overhead! Magnifico falls a few feet, landing stiffly on his neck and upper back. Flesher doesn’t capitalize, though, taking the time to regroup and rebuild some of his strength. As he leans against the ropes, Bobby Riley says, “Flesher’s so far ahead of the game, he’s all but won the damn match!”

 

“Well,” replies Stevens reservedly, “EL Luchadore Magnifico is a talented and tough wrestler. He’s come back from more than this before, and I wouldn’t put it above him to come back and climb the ladder, or even beat Flesher at his own game and make him tap out to the Sangria Stretch.”

 

“Oh, come ON, Mark. Give up the ghost. Magnifico’s done for. Flesher’s the wave of the future!”

 

Flesher turns back toward the center of the ring, where Magnifico is starting to get back to his knees. Flesher sees him and smirks, with the proverbial light bulb coming on over his head. As Magnifico perseveres and wobbles his way to his feet, Tom stalks his way to the middle. He pauses behind the leader of the Midnight Carnival International Division, who tries to shake off the cobwebs without even realizing Flesher is behind him. Flesher clues him in very quickly, though, by grabbing him from behind in a waistlock and compressing his lower ribs. Fluidly, the challenger steps forward and powerfully arches his back. Once again, he sends El Luchadore Magnifico into the air, releasing him at the highest point of the arc with a powerful throwing motion that sends ELM crashing to the mat on his neck and shoulders! The crowd boos Flesher loudly, obviously irritated with his needless showboating. The Superior One responds by turning to face the crowd and starting a full-blown, wholehearted round of applause for himself. At that, the entire Mellon Arena bursts into a chant of “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE! *clap clap clapclapclap* YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE! *clap clap clapclapclap*” Flesher simply shrugs, and shouts, “Take it outside, kids!”

 

“You know,” says Stevens, “this kind of bull is just unnecessary. If Flesher’s so convinced that he can win the match now, he should do the honorable thing and climb the ladder. There’s no need for all this showboating and derision.”

 

“Stevens, if you knew the first thing about being in the ring, you’d know that feeding off the crowd is the best part of wrestling. Flesher’s out there and he’s just taking in the crowd’s love for him. Sure, maybe they won’t say it out loud, but I think everyone in this arena has a Boilermaker t-shirt at home.”

 

“Bobby, that may be the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.”

 

“Why? Just because you’re too embarrassed to wear yours to the company picnic?”

 

Flesher waits in the wings for ELM to get back to his feet, staring intently at his opponent like a lion stalking his prey. As Magnifico regains his footing, Flesher steps in behind him, once again clasping his hands in a waistlock. Magnifico’s face twists into a mask of determination as he tries desperately to break the lock. He attempts a standing switch, but Flesher blocks it by stepping around and eliminating Magnifico’s leverage. Magnifico tries to sandbag, facing the mat and trying desperately to scissor a leg and make himself harder to lift. Flesher, though, adjusts his grip, tightening it, and lowers his hips for more lifting power. Completely abusing the forces of leverage, Flesher hoists Magnifico up. With a sickeningly powerful lift, the Superior One jerks Magnifico into the air and releases him. Flesher throws him with such force that the World Champion flips completely in the air and lands in a disgusting belly flop! Flesher, hyperventilating from the exertion of the 360-degree German suplex, looks down at Magnifico, and then has the balls to raise his hands into the air and applaud himself! The crowd resumes their “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!” chant as Flesher grins.

 

“What a display of power!” gushes Riley. “Flesher shows his superior power, wrestling skill AND sense of style with three German suplexes, culminating in flipping El Luchadore Magnifico completely through the air! There’s just no way, Mark. Admit it, this one’s over.”

 

Flesher dusts off his hands cockily, wearing a look of utter and complete satisfaction. He grabs the limp Magnifico by one wrist and one ankle, then drags him over to one of the corners. After rolling Magnifico over onto his back, Flesher gets up and grabs the flat ladder. He drags it to the corner opposite Magnifico, where he sets it up in front of the turnbuckle. Tom gives the ladder a quick look up and down and nods, satisfied, before starting to climb the rungs.

 

“Flesher’s not even trying to get the belt!” says Stevens, disgusted. “All he’s doing is taunting the crowd and baiting Magnifico!”

 

“Yeah, but he’s doing a damn good job of it, isn’t he, Stevens?”

 

Flesher climbs up, step by step, with the crowd chanting at him the whole way up. He ignores the, ascending steadily until he gets to the last step below the very top of the ladder. He plants his feet, then turns to face the center of the ring. Suddenly, the crowd stops shouting at him… and he raises his arms into the air. The crowd gasps.

 

“Bobby… he’s going to go for the flying headbutt! Can you believe this? Is he SUICIDAL?”

 

Riley says nothing directly to Stevens in response, opting instead to simply murmur, “God, I hope he doesn’t miss.”

 

Flesher, arms still in the air, closes his eyes and smiles calmly. The facial expression is in sharp contrast to the tension in the Mellon Arena, with every fan fearing for the safety of the World Champion, but at the same time not exactly willing to watch Flesher plunge headfirst to his death, either. The Superior One, though, manages to ignore that, and with a quick pump of his thighs, leaps off the ladder. All the fans in attendance hold their breath.

 

Flesher floats through the air, arms spread wide, head pointed down. He aims for Magnifico, and as he quickly picks up speed, he angles himself toward the Luchadore’s chest. Magnifico doesn’t move.

 

A moment later, Flesher crashes headfirst into the World Champion’s chest! The World Champion reacts entirely on reflex, grabbing his ribs and convulsing on the mat. Flesher, for his part, isn’t much better off. He rolls away, obviously dazed, and grabs at his head as if he was afraid it would fall off if he didn’t.

 

“It looks like Flesher took the worst of that one,” says Stevens, sounding slightly encouraged. “ELM is definitely a little worse for the wear, but Flesher managed to buy his own ticket on the Head Trauma Express this time.”

 

ELM hacks and coughs, still holding his ribs with one hand as he grabs the middle rope with the other and starts to pull himself to his feet. He moves very slowly, clearly trying not to make any sudden movements that might further injure his chest. Flesher, meanwhile, is dazed and confused. He resembles a baby trying to learn how to crawl, extending his arms and pushing himself up off the mat for a few seconds only to collapse back down.

 

Magnifico, having had more time to recover from his head trauma, regains his bearing much faster than Flesher does, and ends up on his feet long before Flesher can even get to his knees. With the Superior One still struggling with moving in the center, Magnifico walks over and flattens him out just for good measure with a quick jumping elbow drop. The Luchadore then proceeds to grab Flesher’s left leg, twist it, and turn him over onto his back.

 

As Magnifico torques the leg, Flesher instinctively resists. He tries to straighten out his leg, but Magnifico drops an elbow into the side of his opponent's knee, drawing a small pop from the crowd. Magnifico, catching on, stands back up and repeats the sequence, once again dropping his elbow into Flesher’s knee and nearly taking it out of joint with the force. The crowd responds with another polite pop, and the World Champion grins broadly before he stands up, mockingly dusts his hands off in just the same smarmy, satisfied way Flesher does, and then brings his arms up in a double biceps pose as he puts one boot on Flesher’s chest! The crowd absolutely eats this up, and shows their appreciation by chanting “ELM! ELM!” over and over again.

 

Mark Stevens practically stands up and applauds, saying, “Magnifico’s showing Flesher exactly what he has left! This is great! Come on, Mags, give him everything you’ve got!”

 

“Now that’s just bullshit, Mark,” Riley replies disgustedly. “You’re an employee of this federation, and you have an affirmative duty to be impartial. Mark, you’re setting a bad example for all the kids out there who watch wrestling and dream of being the next Suicide King, Tom Flesher or, dare I say, Bobby Riley. I demand you apologize for your breach of etiquette.”

 

“That’s simply ridiculous, Riley. I have a duty to call the match, and this is what I’m calling.”

 

“If you’re so impartial, why don’t you ever say anything about Flesher’s muscular development? Particularly in the gleuts?”

 

Grand Slam sighs disgustedly.

 

“Come on, Stevens,” goads Riley. “You’re telling me all that lifting he does hasn’t given him really, really impressive gleuts?”

 

“Fans,” says Stevens, “I’d just like to apologize for this. If we’d known he was like this, we would have just kept NTD.”

 

Magnifico leans down and grabs Flesher’s let again, then hits him with a well-placed boot to the thigh. Flesher recoils, trying to pull his leg away from the World Champion, but Magnifico retains his firm grip and kicks Flesher’s quad again. Flesher, slowly regaining his senses, tries to pull away again, only to have Magnifico step in and twist the tender left leg around his own with a Funk-style spinning toe hold! The crowd applauds as Magnifico continues the motion, twisting and torquing Flesher’s leg!

 

“Bobby, I don’t know how you ever thought that Mags was going to lose this,” Stevens says with just a hint of Carnie Pride in his voice. I mean, El Luchadore Magnifico has obviously been studying films of submission wrestling, and that combined with his innate ability and advantage in a ladder match is just going to be too much for Flesher. Sorry, Tom. Maybe you’ll win the World Title another day, but not tonight! Not against El Luchadore Magnifico, everyone’s favorite completely legal immigrant!”

 

“Flesher’s going to break it,” Riley says, trying to sound calm. His voice, though, shows how nervous he really is. “I mean, the Funk toe hold is one of the most basic moves in the submission world. There’s no way Flesher will get caught… is there?”

 

“Magnifico’s been assaulting that left leg for the entire match. It’s only a matter of time until Flesher submits, Bobby.”

 

Magnifico continues twisting Flesher’s leg around his own as Flesher writhes in pain on the mat. He doesn’t, however, see that Flesher is gradually lifting up his free right leg. Before the Champion even knows what happened, Flesher sweeps his right leg out, scooping Magnifico’s heel and tripping it out from under him! ELM goes spilling to the mat, and immediately Flesher scoots toward the ropes, where he pulls himself up despite an obvious problem with his leg.

 

El Luchadore Magnifico, on the other hand, bounces back from the trip fairly quickly. He keeps his eyes on Flesher, watching every move the Superior One makes. Flesher tries to back away, but Magnifico keeps the pressure on with a high dropkick to the chest! Tom leans back onto the ropes as Magnifico moves back, but before Flesher can recover from the hit, the agile lucha libre star leaps into the air and sends his boots slamming into Flesher’s sternum again! Flesher grabs the ropes, holding on for dear life, and Magnifico continues his attack by grabbing Flesher’s arm. He jerks Flesher toward the corner, trying to send him careening into the ladder. Flesher’s face is a mask of horror as he sees the impending catastrophe, and he plants his feet to counter the only way he can.

 

 

He puts on a side headlock.

 

 

“Oh, COME ON!” shouts Stevens as the fans begin to boo. “We saw Flesher do this at the beginning of the match, and absolutely NOTHING came of it!”

 

Flesher’s face calms down a little as he readjusts his grip. Magnifico pushes him forward, trying to shoot him into the ladder, but Flesher maintains his sagged hips and strong position. He’s not going anywhere.

 

“You know, Stevens,” says Riley, “you continually amaze me with the depths of your ignorance. How can you say that Flesher accomplished nothing with that masterful side headlock that opened the match? He fatigued Magnifico. He gained a psychological advantage. Moreover, he started the line of work on the neck that El Luchadore Magnifico is eventually going to submit to. Now admit you’re wrong.”

 

Flesher settles into the hold, a look of serene equanimity on his face. He looks absolutely, completely relaxed, satisfied with the idea of keeping his opponent clinched in a long, fatiguing side headlock while he regains his wind and stops any momentum. Of course, Magnifico has other plans.

 

The World Champion tightens his waistlock and tries to take advantage of his position. He reaches down, grabbing Flesher’s left ankle and bending the leg up. Then, using the headlock for leverage, Magnifico lifts Flesher into the air and slams him across his knee with an absolutely vicious shinbreaker! Flesher staggers forward on his tender left leg as Magnifico shakes himself loose, then grabs Tom by the wrist and sends him crashing into the ladder in the corner! Tom staggers backwards, crashing back-first to the mat. Immediately, he pops back up, throwing a powerful lariat at nothing in particular before falling back onto his stomach! The ever-popular phantom lariat draws a round of applause from the capacity crowd, with every single fan cheering Magnifico on.

 

“So, Bobby, is that the psychological advantage that you were talking about?” asks Stevens with a smirk.

 

“Shove it up your ass and die.”

 

“I thought so.”

 

Magnifico grabs the ladder from the corner and drags it toward the center of the ring. Setting it up directly below the belt, Mags draws a big hand from the crowd, anticipating his impending climb to the top to grab his SWF World Heavyweight Championship belt. He looks around, looks up, and promptly starts up the ladder.

 

“Come on, Mags!” says Stevens. “Get to the top! Keep your belt for the Carnival!”

 

“Mark,” replies Bobby derisively, “I think the best we can hope for is an acrobatic fall when Flesher makes him crash and burn again.”

 

Magnifico scrambles up the rungs of the ladder as quickly as he can, hampered mostly by fatigue. He moves relatively quickly, but as he does, Flesher grabs onto the ladder and pulls himself up.

 

Flesher stares up at Magnifico getting closer and closer to the SWF World belt, and immediately kicks into overdrive. Spurred on by seeing his adversary moving up the ladder, Flesher digs down deep and grabs on to a rung. He pushes himself up the ladder, working harder with every step, and even having to stop and shake out his injured left leg. After a few rungs, though, he manages to grab on to El Luchadore Magnifico’s ankle. Magnifico feels it, and, upset that he’s being weighed down, tries desperately to shake Flesher off. He fails, though, and Flesher climbs another rung, getting to the halfway point with Magnifico about three quarters of the way up.

 

 

Of course, you know what this means.

 

 

Magnifico turns around, shaking his ankle violently. He holds on to the top of the ladder for balance and kicks at Flesher’s hand with his free leg to get Tom to release his grip. Flesher reluctantly lets the ankle go, but before he can adjust his position, Magnifico jumps off the top of the ladder!

 

“Oh my GOD!” shouts Stevens.

 

Magnifico falls down headfirst, and as he whizzes past Flesher, he grabs him for a sunset flip. The Superior One tries to hold on to the ladder, but to no avail, as the Champion’s momentum more than makes up for Flesher’s strength! Magnifico, capitalizing on his speed and agility, lands on his feet, using leverage and momentum to swing Flesher overhead and into a sickening power bomb! The crowd shows its appreciation with an “ELM! ELM!” chant.

 

“Jesus, Bobby, did you see that?! TEQUILA SUNRISE OFF THE LADDER!” exclaims Stevens in disbelief. “That was amazing!”

 

“Flesher could be injured! Someone call an ambulance!”

 

Grand Slam rolls his eyes. “Oh, so you didn’t have Flesher in the dead pool, eh?”

 

Riley gasps. “Mark Stevens, that may be the single most insensitive thing you have EVER said! Shame on you for even CONSIDERING hoping for the death of a young up-and-coming star, especially one with such broad mainstream appeal as Tom Flesher!”

 

“Oh, come on, Bobby, you said-”

 

“Shut up, Stevens. I don’t even want to look at you.”

 

Magnifico looks down at Flesher and smirks. The lucha libre star is obviously satisfied, having completely scrambled the brains of the man who’s been chasing him for over six months. He’s pleased, thrilled, and simply content to have his nemesis laying limp on the mat in front of him. The World Champion starts toward the ladder.

 

“Well, folks, I think we can safely say that the ladder climb, at this point, is simply a formality,” says Stevens. “El Luchadore Magnifico has all but murdered Flesher with the Tequila Sunrise.”

 

“I just don’t understand how you can condone bull like this, Mark. It’s disgusting, immoral and wrong.”

 

ELM takes a few steps toward the ladder… but stops. Pausing, he hears the crowd chanting and cheering for him, but he doesn’t go to the ladder. No, he’s got a little bit of unfinished business to take care of.

 

“Yes!” Stevens cries out. “Yes, Magnifico, you show him exactly what you think of him! Do it!”

 

“What a fucking showboat,” sighs Riley.

[Guest Ace309]

A grin spreads across Magnifico’s exhausted, sweaty face. He walks back over to Tom Flesher, then runs his hands through his crop of damp hair, flinging his sweat down at the prone body of the challenger. The crowd pops like Orville Redenbacher at the blatant show of disrespect, but Magnifico isn’t done yet. Not by a long shot. He reaches down and grabs Flesher by the ankle.

 

“El Luchadore Magnifico is going to finish what he started!” shills Stevens. “He’s going to put Flesher right under the ladder, so that son of a bitch can watch while he goes and gets HIS World Title!”

 

Mags starts to drag Flesher away from the ropes, but… can’t. Despite trying as hard as he can to pull Flesher away, Magnifico is unable. When he stops, he sees that the barely-conscious Flesher has somehow found the presence of mind to reach up and grab the bottom rope! The fans boo loudly, disappointed at having Magnifico’s inevitable win delayed even a few more minutes. Flesher, for his part, starts kicking wildly at Magnifico to get him to release his leg. Frustrated, the Champion doesn’t put up much of a fight.

 

Flesher tries to sit up, but Magnifico stomps him in the chest. Flesher absorbs the blow, visibly gritting his teeth. He takes a deep breath and clenches his jaw as he sits up, trying his best to ignore the pain. Magnifico tries to stomp him down again, but Flesher continues fighting through the pain and trying to find his last ounce of adrenaline.

 

The fans continue a loud chant of “ELM! ELM!”, hoping to encourage the World Champion to keep Flesher down. Mags evaluates his options, and chooses instead to reach down and grab Flesher by the wrist. Using every bit of the power he has left at this stage in the match, El Luchadore Magnifico throws Flesher’s arm past with an Irish whip! The Superior One, going only by feel and obviously not by thinking anything through, steps through and reverses the whip, pulling Mags right into a short-arm shotei! The Champion staggers backwards as Flesher slumps down to his knees, completely out of energy. The pain on his face is evident as he looks up at Magnifico, and then up at the SWF World Title.

 

Magnifico recovers from the hit relatively quickly, stepping back toward Flesher. Tom gets to his feet and tries desperately to fight back, but Magnifico steps in hard and cuts across his chest with a reverse knife-edge!

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

Flesher once again steps up, buut once again, everyone’s favorite luchadore whacks him on his exposed chest.

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

The crowd, whipped into a frenzy, looks on as Magnifico unloads just one more chop…

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

… before pulling Flesher toward the center of the ring. He grabs Tom in a front facelock, and as the fans’ cheers begin to crescendo, he hooks Flesher’s leg.

 

“Fans, I think it’s time for a Barrio Buster!!!!!” Stevens is just a little excited, having been drawn in by the emotion of the match as well as his general dislike for Flesher. “No ifs, ands or buts here, folks. This move WILL end a match.”

 

“Well, sure, if you’re a pussy like MacPhisto or Nielsen,” replies Riley.

 

Magnifico struggles, trying to lift Flesher up, but as soon as he feels his leg being hooked, Flesher immediately starts pumping it to try to break the grip. He struggles, pitting his power against Magnifico’s stamina for what seems like hours before finally managing to free his leg! The fans boo loudly, bursting into a “YOU SUCK DICK! YOU SUCK DICK!” chant as Flesher tries to back out of the front facelock. Magnifico tries to salvage the chancery hold with a snap suplex, but when he tries, Flesher simply blocks it. The challenger then counters it directly by changing the momentum and lifting Magnifico into the air! The chant of “YOU SUCK DICK!” continues as Flesher stalls…

 

 

and stalls…

 

 

 

AND STALLS…

 

before finally coming crashing down onto the mat with a vertical brainbuster! Magnifico flops onto his back, but Flesher isn’t any faster to get up after expending all of his energy. Referee Ced Ordonez walks around the ring and looks at both men, noting that neither man is moving or breathing very deeply. Though visibly concerned, Ordonez chooses not to make a ten-count.

 

“And that’s the right decision,” says Mark Stevens. “These two men have been battling for six months, and tonight, standard rules be damned, one of them is going to win this match and go home the SWF World Heavyweight Champion!”

 

“Yup,” agrees Riley. “The good-looking one.”

 

“I’m not in this match,” quips Stevens.

 

“I meant that goth in the front row, dumbass.”

 

Ordonez wanders around the ring, stopping to check the ladder occasionally, as Magnifico and Flesher begin to move slightly more with every passing second. They alternate starting to sit up and then crashing back down, their emaciated bodies simply unwilling to cooperate. Finally, Flesher manages to roll over and push himself to his knees. A half-second later, Magnifico does the same, and as soon as Flesher makes it to his feet, however unsteady he may be, Magnifico does the same. The crowd tries to encourage Magnifico, rising to their feet and starting a roaring chant of “ELM! ELM!” As if he was feeding off the crowd, Magnifico takes a deep breath, and unloads a knife-edge chop!

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

The fans go crazy as Flesher staggers backwards, caught off-guard as Magnifico takes advantage of his fatigued state. Flesher bites his lip, trying to ignore the pain, and throws a soft, slightly off-target palm strike that grazes Magnifico’s cheek as the World Champion slips his head to the side to avoid it. Magnifico feeds off the crowd, getting an obvious adrenaline rush and swinging his arm back for…

 

SMACK!!!! (WHOO!)

 

“Another vicious knife-edge chop!” says Mark Stevens. “You’ve got to admire the perseverance of these two wrestlers. They’re both digging down deep and bringing up more than we’ve ever seen from either of them. It’s at this point in the match that having the crowd on your side is really a big advantage.”

 

“You say that over and over, Mark, but it never seems to pan out that way. The crowd didn’t help Magnifico in Ultimate Submission at Ground Zero, or at the cage match last month. He went down in flames both times, crowd or no crowd, because he just CAN’T compete with Tom Flesher!”

 

Flesher grabs his chest, stepping backward as El Luchadore Magnifico throws in a quick kick to the leg, just for good measure. Flesher falls back, leaning on the ropes to stay on his feet. The World Champion steps in, going for another kick to the quad. Tom catches the leg, though, and lifts it up to stomach level to attempt a single-leg takedown. Magnifico thinks ahead, and instinctively jumps into the air for an enzuigiri! The Superior One feels it coming and, just as he did earlier in the match, ducks! Magnifico spills stomach-first to the mat, and Flesher releases the ankle. With a deep breath, he jumps into the air, and crashes down on the challenger with a sickening double stomp! The crowd, with their hopes dashed, issues a disappointed groan as Flesher staggers to the ropes to catch his breath before he tries to finish the match.

 

“Bobby, do you think Flesher’s even physically capable of climbing a ladder or locking on a strong submission hold at this point?” asks Stevens, sounding genuinely concerned. “We’ve all been in marathon matches, and around this point, even the strongest wrestlers’ arms start to turn to jello.”

 

“Nope, not Flesher,” says Riley as if it were a simple, self-evident truth about the universe. “Flesher NEVER turns to jello. He stays strong and stiff the whoooooooooooooooole way through. Mmm hmm.”

 

Stevens clears his throat, unsure exactly how he’s going to deal with the FCC Monday morning.

 

Flesher’s expression as he looks over at the prone World Champion is one of pain and defeat. He leans against the ropes, breathing hard, trying to get his battered body to cooperate with his emotions. Finally, with an extremely deep breath, he cracks his neck and starts toward the ladder.

 

“Now WHY would Flesher go for the ladder?” says Stevens. “That’s just foolish, when he could keep it on the mat and at least have a fighting chance.”

 

“Come on, Stevens, you know exactly why he’s climbing the ladder. He’s BETTER than Magnifico, and when that damn burrito roller looks up and sees him on top of the ladder holding the title belt that’s rightfully his, that’s the ultimate way he’s going to show his superiority. Flesher’s going to beat him at his own game.”

 

Flesher walks to the ladder and, very slowly, very deliberately, plants his feet on the bottom rung. He pulls himself up, moving just as fast as an exhausted wrestler can move after being battered for nearly an hour. He climbs up another rung, pausing to shake out his left leg and to look down at Magnifico.

 

 

Of course, he’s less than satisfied when he sees Mags take a deep breath, grit his teeth and push himself up to his knees.

 

 

“Can you BELIEVE this, Bobby?” says Stevens excitedly. “Magnifico’s digging down deeper than we ever thought he could! He’s going to find a way to stop Flesher from getting to the belt!”

 

“If you believe that, Stevens, I’ve got some land in Florida I’d like to sell you.”

 

Flesher’s jaw drops as ELM struggles to his feet, moving on wobbly legs and trying to shake out the pain and cramping in his neck. He staggers to the ladder, but doesn’t go the simple route of grabbing at Flesher’s leg. Instead, he gets on the other side… and starts climbing.

 

The crowd, as thrilled as Stevens, begins cheering their hero on. As he climbs up, rung by rung, stubbornly ascending to make up Flesher’s short head start, the entire Mellon Arena picks up on a chant of “ELM! ELM!”

 

Flesher looks across the ladder, his face showing sheer and utter horror. Magnifico stares back, his brown eyes ablaze with anger and persistence. He climbs up a rung, silently saying “Fuck you” to the challenger. Flesher takes a deep breath, his barrel chest heaving with adrenaline and fear as he sees his opponent getting closer and closer to the World Title.

 

“Come on, Magnifico!” shouts Stevens, the “ELM! ELM!” chant threatening to drown out his blatant show of favor. “Just a few more steps!!!!”

 

Flesher and Magnifico silently try to one-up each other, each man trying to beat the other to the next rung. As they move up the ladder, neck and neck, Ced Ordonez steps in to hold the ladder and watch carefully to see which man will get his hands on the belt first. Finally, as the rivals get to the top, they see each other, face to face, only inches apart. With no other option, they begin to brawl.

 

Flesher throws a stiff palm strike, catching Magnifico flush in the jaw. The Champion falls backwards, but keeps his grip on the top of the ladder so he doesn’t crash to the mat. He answers back with a stiff right hand that makes Flesher struggle to stay on the ladder. Flesher leans forward, trying to go punch-for-punch with Magnifico, but gets rocked with another punch that throws his balance completely off. Flesher holds on for dear life as Magnifico reaches over… and locks on a front facelock, as the fans begin to cheer!

 

“YES!” cries Stevens unabashedly. “YES! Magnifico’s going to nail him with a superplex, just like he did at SWF Holds Down Christmas! But this time, it won’t be a draw! No, this time El Luchadore Magnifico is going to superplex Flesher off the ladder, and it’s going to win him the match!”

 

Magnifico plants his feet on the ladder, just the way he braced on the cage back at SWF Holds Down Christmas. He tightens the front facelock and jerks backwards, trying to use his leverage and what little strength he has left to pull Flesher over the ladder and slam him down to the mat. Flesher, though, resists. He sags his hips, weighing himself down in a desperate attempt to stop the motion of the move. Frantically, Flesher sandbags, squeezing a front facelock of his own and trying to run through his mental list of counters for the superplex.

 

 

… Yup, there’s one.

 

 

Flesher looks up at the title belt hanging just out of his reach and digs down deep. With a look of fear on his face, Flesher tightens his front facelock, and… falls.

 

Leaning back, the Superior One reverses the motion of the superplex so fast that El Luchadore Magnifico never even sees it coming. Before he knows what’s happening, Magnifico is vertical, perpendicular to the mat, and falling at a blinding speed. Headfirst.

 

Flesher can’t believe it. Magnifico can’t believe it. The crowd can’t believe it. Riley can’t believe it.

 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” gasps Riley.

 

Told ya.

 

Flesher lands relatively safely, back first, on the mat. Magnifico goes crashing down with him, landing stiffly on his head as Flesher completes his ladder-top Boilermaker! After the sickening THUD on impact, the crowd goes completely silent.

 

And they wait.

 

Ced Ordonez steps in, looking at both combatants. He stares at Magnifico, barely moving, and at Flesher. Tom, as if on cue, takes a deep breath and sits bolt upright! The fans burst into a loud chorus of boos as Flesher, only slightly stunned, uses the ladder to pull himself to his feet.

 

“Unbelievable,” sighs Stevens. “Just unbelievable.”

 

Riley simply grins and grunts, “Uh huh.”

 

Flesher steadies himself on the ladder, then looks down at El Luchadore Magnifico. He starts to climb up… but stops. He turns, pauses, and grabs Magnifico by the ankles.

 

“No,” spits Stevens. “No, he can’t do this. This is just unnecessary!”

 

“It was plenty necessary when Magnifico did it to Flesher, wasn’t it, you god damn hypocrite? This is my favorite time in the whole business… when YOU have to watch people like Flesher PROVE to you that you’re flat-out wrong. Now shut your mouth and show some respect.”

 

Flesher drags Magnifico over, placing him under the ladder. With a short moment of silence, Flesher stares down at his fallen adversary. This is it.

 

This is the end of the King’s Road.

 

Flesher steps around and places himself in front of the ladder. His face is numb, his eyes blank. Slowly, deliberately, he begins to climb. One rung at a time, he gets closer and closer to his destiny.

 

“So tell me, Stevens… how does it feel to be watching history?” says Riley, his voice dripping with venom. “How does it feel to watch your favorite stablemate fall to Tom Flesher?”

 

Stevens says nothing.

 

Flesher ascends slowly, still not entirely sure that this is really happening. He gets to the top of the ladder, braces himself, and reaches up to the ceiling. A moment later, the belt is unfastened, and as Flesher holds it in his hands and stares at it, Ced Ordonez calls for the bell.

 

 

DING DING DING!!!!!!!

 

 

BOOM!

 

As “the Superior One” Tom Flesher holds the SWF World Heavyweight Championship belt in his hands and “Kashmir” begins to blare over the Mellon Arena’s speakers, a few fans boo. A few applaud the tremendous effort by both men in the SWF’s first-ever Ladder/Submission match.

 

Flesher is oblivious to all of it.

 

330 days since his debut.

 

Numerous feuds, alliances and injuries.

 

More wins and titles than he could even count.

 

Months on the King’s Road.

 

All of it pales in comparison to this one moment.

 

Tom Flesher, “the Superior One,” is your new SWF World Heavyweight Champion.

 

Let the changing of the guard commence.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Please read and comment. I need validation to my existence. I will try to do the same for the others who post as all deserve it.

 

The camera pans the empty and snowy confines of a small major league ballpark while Bobby Riley sings in voice over to the Bonanza theme song “Filler, filler, filler, filler, fiiiiiiiiiiiiiilleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, filler, filler, filler, filler, filler, filler filleeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”

 

“You would think just one time you could behave yourself” comes the exasperated sigh of Grad Slam Mark Stevens as the shot transitions to the SWF’s top (and only) commentating team holding court at their ringside table.

 

“You would think that now wouldn’t you?” questions Riley just as puzzled.

 

“That was a shot of the lovely PNC Ballpark here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania…”

 

“Home of the Pittsburgh Ass Pirates.” Riley interrupts to tax Stevens even more.

 

“There’s no ‘Ass’ in the name, but I guess if anyone around here knows a thing or two about ass pirates…” Mark grumbles and fades off. He shakes his head while Riley continues to beam a mischievous and clueless grin to the masses watching at home. “We on the other hand are coming to you live from the Mellon Arena…”

 

“Home of the Pittsburgh Mario Lemiux Tax Write-Offs.” Riley interjects again. Stevens slaps his forehead with his hand and hangs his noggin in shame. “Mellon Arena? PNC Park? It seems like the banks have repossessed this whole damn city.”

 

“I wish they’d repossess you!” Stevens fires back. “Or maybe I can trade you in for the Exploding Chicken.”

 

Riley’s eyes widen to the size of 45’s and he dives to grovel on Mark’s sleeve. “No, you can’t do that! I thought we had a beautiful and special relationship going on between us!”

 

Stevens shakes Riley off. “Fine, just don’t say you, me and relationship in the same sentence ever again.”

 

“Afraid the wifey might get jealous.” Riley makes kissie faces and snuggles up to Stevens.

 

“STOP IT!” Mark pushes off of Riley and he slides back in his chair five feet.

 

Riley cups his chin in his hand and leans on the table. He winks at the camera and addresses it with “And here you thought the shot of the stadium was filler material.”

 

Stevens scoots his chair back up to the table and straightens out his ruffled dress shirt. “Well now, I guess we’ll just have to move on with the show and to the match you’ve all bought this pay-per-view for.”

 

“Or rigged a cable hotbox for.” Riley runs a hand through his hair to make sure it is still in pristine condition.

 

“The Clusterfuck! A match unlike any other in the annals of professional wrestling.”

 

“If you discount that big company up in Connecticut.” Riley points behind him and keeps his shtick going.

 

“20 SWF superstars…”

 

“If you want to call most of them that…”

 

“SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I CRAM A LOUISVILLE SLUGGER UP YOUR ASS!” screams the usually reserved Stevens and he pounds the table with both fists.

 

“I see my work here is done.” Riley grabs the lapels of his jacket and looks to the heavens in a noble pose.

 

“On second thought, you’d probably enjoy that too much,” Mark takes a deep breath to regain his composure and continues. “20 SWF superstars, we know the names but not the general order, will enter the ring one at a time every two minutes until everyone from the back has entered the ring.”

 

“To be eliminated from the contest,” Riley takes over a little more in check “one must be thrown over the top ring rope and land with both feet on the floor. Even if the toes of both boots scrape the outside mats, you’re gone and have to head for the showers. When we’re down to three soul survivors, the match shifts gears to a standard triple threat affair.”

 

“The winner of which will receive an SWF World Title shot like in years past, but with a bit of a twist this year,” Stevens pauses a moment for dramatic effect. “For that person will also be able to name the stipulation of their choice for that match.”

 

“If you can dream it, the Suicide King can scheme it.” Riley points at the camera with both hands like a gun.

 

“Also added to the mix this year is the fact that the first three wrestlers eliminated will face some kind of nebulous punishment from our new Commissioner.”

 

“And if he can dream it, you’re going to scream from it.” Riley gives a long shrill whistle in just contemplating what the Suicide King might have in store.

 

“Plus, King has put a $20,000 bounty on Xstasy’s head as of the last Storm. The money goes to whomever can eliminate the recently returned thorn in the Gambling Man’s side.” Mark grits his teeth to betray that he doesn’t think much of that stipulation.

 

“If it wasn’t for this old Pong injury of mine always acting up,” Riley raps a fist on his knee under the table “I considered suiting up myself and going after the cash.”

 

“Considering your stellar showings the past two years.” Mark bites off with sarcasm.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Riley coos in melancholy reminiscing, missing the dig at him by Stevens. Riley snaps back into reality and shoots a thumb at the ring. “Didn’t you win this thing last year?”

 

“Yes I did.” Stevens replies with a hint of pride.

 

“And this year you’re sitting here with me. My how the mighty have fallen.”

 

The commentators’ witty banter is finally brought to a halt by the houselights flashing a sudden red. The opening beats of KMFDM’s “Adios” thump over the sound system and the SmarkTron’s face is seared with the image of a burning ankh. A mysterious fog rolls in to envelop the entrance stage. The audience stragglers make their seats from the bathrooms and snack counters, not a soul wants to miss a second of what is to come.

 

“NUMBER ONE! IT’S…” Bobby Riley’s revelation is cutoff by the booming explosions of red pyrotechnics around the ring and up the entrance ramp. A small degree of cheers grow louder as the fans also realize who is about to step through the backstage curtain.

 

“Now entering the arena,” Funyon belts out from the ring “from Phoenix, Arizona and weighing in at 242 pounds. He is…NATHANIEL…KIB… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

 

The former Silent appears from behind the curtain and purposely strides to the ring, never pausing once to acknowledge the screaming fans.

 

Stevens: “Number one in the Clusterfuck will be Nathan Kibagami. Being the first in is an intriguing slot, but I know it represents a challenge that the martial arts expert is looking forward too.”

 

Riley: “Maybe it’s punishment from King for Silent changing his name to something no one can spell or pronounce.”

 

Stevens: “All the numbers should have been drawn at random.”

 

Riley: “You just keep on believing that.”

 

Kibagami slides into the ring under the bottom rope and promptly leaps to the near second turnbuckle. He holds his arms out in the shape of a cross to pop the crowd even more and he soaks in the cheers for a scant instant.

 

Stevens: “One might notice that Silent’s valet Angel is nowhere to be seen this evening as all managers and seconds have been banned from ringside.”

 

Riley: “If you’re not in the match or it’s not your turn, watch it on the monitors in the back, bucko.”

 

Stevens: “That’s probably a sound decree with tensions riding high among a lot of the roster and specifically among the Magnficent 7 and the Midnight Carnival, two stables that look to figure very prominently in this battle.”

 

The house lights do not shift from their red cast, but the music definitely changes with “Tesitfy” by Rage Against the Machine gearing up. It starts slowly, but the tempo and drumbeats build to a bellowing…

 

“NOW TESTIFY!”

 

Three red sets of fireworks explode along the back of the entrance stage. The fans boo vehemently and Nathan can be seen at the edge of the screen still standing in the corner and staring at the backstage curtain.

 

“Now entering the arena,” Funyon announces once again “from Royal Oak, Michigan at a weight of 242 pounds. He is the SWF Hardcore Champion and represents the Magnificent 7, JUDGE… MENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!”

 

Stevens: “Speak of the devil and the devil appears.”

 

Riley: “I’m sure he’d find that a compliment, Mark. The Mag 7 is making their presence felt very early.”

 

Mental stretches out to grab the second rope and pulls himself to the apron. He steps through the second strand without taking his eyes off of Kibagami. Judge Mental retreats to the opposite corner from his first opponent while Funyon goes over all the rules for the two wrestlers and the throng in attendance.

 

Stevens: “We have six referees around ringside this year with senior referee Mark Hebner trying to keep order in the back where the wrestlers will enter from and exit too after elimination. Out here we have Eddy Long, Sexton Hardcastle, Anthony Michael Hall, Billy Chioda and two special referees just for this event. One being Ced Ordonez on a recent leave of absence from active ring duty and long time wrestling legend…uh, maybe that’s too strong…guy, long time wrestling guy the Memphis Eel.”

 

Riley: “The Eel would punch you right in the mouth if he heard you say that.”

 

Stevens: “Being that punching is about all he can do.”

 

Riley: “But he has a hell of a punch.”

 

Funyon slips through the ring ropes and drops to the floor. Eddy long punches his right first in the air and the timekeeper rings the bell.

 

DING DING DING

 

The crowd buzzes with anticipation as the first two entrants in this ring war move cautiously forward. They crouch down and circle each other, tentatively reaching their arms out to test the waters for a lockup.

 

Stevens: “It’s interesting to note that Mental and Kibagami weigh exactly the same, although Nathan does have the height and age advantage.”

 

Riley: “Coming in second at the age of 45 might seem like a detriment as far as stamina goes, but Judge more than makes up for it in shrewdness and planning. I know he’s been scoping out this match for at least a month now and he has all the angles covered. He will win this.”

 

Stevens: “Bold prediction, Bobby.”

 

The two men sense the moment and rush into a collar and elbow tie up. They press against each other for a second before Judge flings Nathan back to thump into the near corner. The audience boos and encourages Kibagami to give it another go.

 

Stevens: “For the folks at home, you should see a clock ticking down in the bottom right hand corner of your screen. This will keep track of the intervals throughout the match. When someone is eliminated you will also see a stats box for that person in the upper left hand corner of the screen.”

 

Riley: “That’s our crack production staff and it sure beats the busted egg timer and dry erase board we had to use last year.”

 

Mental waves Kibagami in and he charges for another lockup. Looking for the push off again, Mental is able to deftly slide to the right and twist out into a wristlock. Mental cranks on it once to send a shock of pain up to Nathan’s shoulder, but he refuses to flinch an inch. Judge fires out a stiff kick to the back of Nathan’s left leg and he drops to one knee still in the wristlock. Kibagami snags Mental’s left ankle with his free hand and trips him. Judge flops off balanced to his back and Kibagami pounces to mount him. Mental instinctively covers his face with his hands, but that is not the intended body part as Nathan wails on the fallen Mag 7 member with ferocious knee strikes to the stomach.

 

Stevens: “Kibagami works the Knee Strikes of Incredible Death to pop this crowd early.”

 

Riley: “Knee Strikes of Incredible Stupidity is more like it. You don’t want to ground a guy in this match; you want to keep him on his feet yet woozy so he’s easier to knock out. Why does whenever someone becomes a fan favorite their IQ drops 30 points?”

 

Stevens: “Good thing that never happened to you Bobby or you’d be brain dead.”

 

Kibagami rises off of Mental to his feet and jerks the man up by his wrist for an Irish whip into the ropes. Judge runs across the mat while holding a hand to his burning side. Kibagami plants himself firm and extends his arm with a slight crook in it for a lariat. It whooshes scant millimeters from decapitating the evil judge as he ducks under and pulls up short on his charge across the ring. Nathan is visibly surprised by that turn of events and is even more surprised as he feels Mental snag him from behind in a full nelson.

 

Stevens: “Mental ducks under the burning lariat to set up his patented full nelson suple…NO! KIBAGAMI CONTERS!”

 

Nathan intertwines legs with Mental to keep him on the mat before Judge can wrench him up and over. However, the quick thinking Mental snakes his other leg around Nathan’s left and sweeps him face first into the canvas!

 

Riley: “WAM! Mental pancakes him with a forward Russian leg sweep variation. That’s why he’s my pick, solid wrestling.”

 

Stevens: “I think somebody said something about not wanting to ground your opponent.”

 

Riley: “Really? I wonder who that was.”

 

Mental pulls Nathan up with the full nelson still locked on. He takes a second to set himself and hoists Kibagami up. Nearer the ropes, Nathan is able to get his feet on the top cord and kicks off to vault over Mental. He lands like a cat behind the Judge and scores a waistlock. He flexes his knees for leverage and pitches the man over to impale the mat headfirst!

 

Stevens: “Dangerous German suplex! Mental is out and the clock is ready to expire for the first segment.”

 

Riley: “Hopefully we can get Mental some help out here.”

 

The crowd counts down as the bright red numbers flash on the SmarkTron.

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

“Sellout” by Biohazard plays and a small smattering of jeers greet…

 

Stevens: “EJIRO FASAKI! It’s the former SJL World Champion and the first of the four bumpees to enter the ‘Fuck this year.”

 

Riley: “Most importantly he’s a member of the Magnificent 7 and a very good friend of Judge Mental’s from his SJL days.”

 

Ejiro sprints down to the ring and leaps to the apron. Kibagami kips to his feet with Mental out cold. Fasaki skips to the first rope, pops to the top and enters the ring with a springboard dropkick to Nathan’s chest! He stumbles back, but does not fall. Ejiro hits his feet fast and cocks an elbow as he spins.

 

Riley: “Screaming Elbow!”

 

Kibagami dodges with a quick head fake and steps into Ejiro with a palm strike.

 

Stevens: “Kibagami evades the Screaming Elbow, but Fasaki gets his hands up to block the palm strike.”

 

Ejiro takes Nathan’s hand and rolls away from him with a wristlock. Before he can react, Ejiro uses the extended arm as a lever to bring his right leg up and around Kibagami’s neck. He pushes down while jumping off the mat with his other leg and collars the aggressive face with his knees. He drives downward to smash Nathan’s right shoulder with jarring impact!

 

Stevens: “The Fasaki Fuser makes its SWF debut!”

 

Riley: “I’ve had my eye on this kid. He’s small, but scrappy. With the rest of the Mag 7 watching his back he can win this thing.”

 

Stevens: “Wait…I thought you were picking Ju…”

 

Riley: “Ejiro is checking on Mental while Kibagami backs into the corner holding his shoulder.”

 

Mental begins to pull himself up by the ropes and shakes his head to Ejiro that he’s fine. Nathan sits in the upper right ring corner favoring his shoulder and slowly rises to slouch in the turnbuckles. Ejiro sees this and charges to keep Kibagami stunned with a jumping knee to the face!

 

Stevens: “I will give you one thing Bobby, Ejiro is being very aggressive in the early going. He wants to prove himself to the SWF fans and wrestlers right off the bat.”

 

Riley: “Going from a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big pond can hurt a lot of grapplers, but he’ll turn into a whale in no time. And speaking of fish, Gordon’s fish sticks are a proud sponsor of this year’s Clusterfuck. Trust the ‘Fucking fishermen.”

 

Fasaki drags Kibagami out of the corner by the sides of his head and tosses him over to the recovered Judge Mental. Mental delivers a big headbutt to spin Nathan around and he follows by pulling his right arm behind him in a hammerlock. Mental wraps his other arm over Kibagami’s chest and lifts him off the mat and over his shoulder while making a half turn with his back now toward Ejiro. Fasaki takes Nathan’s neck on his shoulder and the Mag 7 contingent crash him down!

 

Stevens: “Unbelievable! Kibagami is destroyed by a hammerlock suplex/neckbreaker combo.”

 

Riley: “The Magnificent 7 has this match cold if they all keep working together.”

 

Stevens: “Speaking of cold, what happens when Frost comes in?”

 

Riley: “And speaking of Frost, Pillsbury Deluxe Frosting is another proud sponsor of the Clusterfuck. Nothing says lovin’ like ‘Fuckin’ from the oven.”

 

The Magnificent 7 duo stand and Judge points to the near ropes. Ejiro takes off on the senior members say so and bounds to the second rope with both hands on the top to steady himself. He bounces in place a few times to build momentum and moonsaults off. His small, light body twists through the air on a picture perfect arc before landing atop Kibagami! Nathan bounces off the mat and rolls to his side as Ejiro slides off.

 

Stevens: “Lionsault! Judge Mental is really letting Ejiro Fasaki show his wares against Nathan Kibagami.”

 

Riley: “Well and good, but they need to toss Kibagami before the next person enters.”

 

Stevens: “It’s always a wild card as to whether the next person out will be friend or foe and it’s in the Mag 7’s benefit to keep the odds 2-1 for as long as possible. Mental is picking Kibagami up and pointing to the upper set of ropes.”

 

The crowd hisses as Mental shoves Nathan nearer the ropes and wings him over by the shoulder. However, Kibagami has the presence of mind to hook onto the top cord and collapses into a heap on the apron. Mental screams in frustration and he and Fasaki charge to lay in kicks to knock Nathan to the floor, but he hangs onto the bottom rope for dear life.

 

Stevens: “Kibagami might not have the resilience he did before injuries sidelined him, but he’s still a very tough man to put out.”

 

Riley: “And here comes the next man in.”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Stevens: “It’s no man, it’s a woman!”

 

Riley: “Good powers or observation, Jim Ross!”

 

“I Get Wet” by Andrew W.K. wails over the speakers as the Hardcore Queen, Annie Eclectic charges down the ring ramp with her bokken in hand. The fans’ ravenous cheering causes Mental and Faskai to ease up on their pounding of Kibagami to see who’s running down the aisle. The camera catches the glimpse of a smile from Mental before Annie slides under the bottom rope and starts swinging her kendo sword wildly overhead to make the men scatter!

 

Stevens: “The audience is going nuts! The referees are trying to get Annie to release her bokken, but there’s really no rules saying she can’t have it in the Clusterfuck.”

 

Riley: “Because that’s the only way she can win. Like Judge Mental has been saying about her, Annie Eclectic is a garbage wrestler who can’t hang when ‘real’ wrestling comes into play.”

 

Mental and Fasaki lower their heads to discuss strategy in the far corner. Annie lowers her sword and waves them to come on to pop the crowd. Kibagami slips back into the ring holding his sides from the brutal thumping he took on the apron. Judge Mental motions for Ejiro to stay back as he approaches the Midnight Carnival’s resident angel of death.

 

Stevens: “These two have been heating up the past couple of weeks. Mental has the Hardcore Title Annie considers to be hers, even though the Judge is against that style of wrestling and wants to prove to Eclectic that he can overcome that style any day.”

 

Annie tosses her kendo sword at Judge as he nears. He grabs it to avoid being hit with it and Annie drops to her knees in the center of the ring. The fans murmur confused.

 

Riley: “Uh…I think Annie is taking the name ‘Clusterfuck’ a little too literally.”

 

Stevens: “She’s pointing at her head! She wants Judge to hit her with the bokken! Annie wants Mental to do the unthinkable!”

 

Annie shoots a mischievous grin at Mental and jaws at him nonstop to incite him to nail her with the bokken. Mental’s face flushes red and his nostrils flare. He grips the kendo sword tighter, so tight his knuckles blanche white.

 

Riley: “No! You can’t mean…Annie wants Judge to go hardcore!”

 

Mental raises the bokken over his head. Annie’s eyes sparkle and she can be seen mouthing the words “do it, you son of a bitch, do it.” Mental grits his teeth and forces in a big breath. He calms down at the last second and wings the kendo sword out to ringside where referee Ced Ordonez catches it. Judge forms a double axehandle with his hands, but Annie slams a forearm into his crotch before he can drop it! The audience roars as Ejiro charges only to receive a nut shot himself!

 

Riley: “Oooo…that’s the nearest she’s been to a man’s crotch in a while.”

 

Ejiro and Mental grovel on the mat with their hands on their genitals. Annie rises to her feet and gives a big thumbs up to the crowd. A recovered Kibagami approaches from behind and taps Annie on the shoulder. She turns and crouches, but the former Silent holds up his hands to show he means no ill will. He points at the two fallen men and discusses a plan.

 

Riley: “What is this nonsense? You’re not supposed to team up in the Clusterfuck. You’re supposed to throw everyone out on their ass.”

 

Stevens: “You said nothing against Ejiro and Judge teaming up.”

 

Riley: “And the viewers can judge for themselves how much new Diet Dr. Pepper tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper, another proud sponsor of this ppv. Wouldn’t you like to be a ‘Fucker too?”

 

Annie runs to the far ropes while Kibagami positions himself in front of the downed Fasaki facing Annie. Eclectic runs smack into Nathan who hooks her right under the armpits and tosses her over his head. Annie flips as she falls and splashes the bumpee!

 

Stevens: “Kibagami gives Annie an overhead suplex into a splash! Great double team maneuver and their lining it up again on Mental.”

 

Riley: “Yeah, but she’s not moving so fast now. Eclectic aggravated that nagging rib injury with such a needlessly flashy move.”

 

Kibagami sets himself up in front of Mental as Annie charges, this time with a bit of a drag in her step. The Hardcore Queen goes for the ride once more, but a little too late and a little too slow as Judge gets his knees up. Eclectic takes them full to the midsection and rolls off of Mental holding her burning stomach. The chorus of boos causes Nathan to whip around to see the aftermath of the botched move. He moves to attack Mental while he’s still down, but is tripped from behind by Ejiro still on the canvas!

 

Stevens: “Ejiro jerks Nathan’s ankles right out from under him and the clock ticks down once more.”

 

5

4

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1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Deafening cheers drowns out Puff Daddy’s “Come with Me” as soon as it hits.

 

Stevens: “The Clustefuck is about ready to feel the joy of X!”

 

Xstasy flies out from behind the backstage curtain like a fighter jet. He holds his arms up over his head in the shape of an X as he sprints down the ramp. Fasaki makes his feet and gets ready to receive the newcomer. Mental yanks Annie up by her tied back hair and forces her into the near corner. Xstasy springs to the apron and then makes a standing leap over the ropes in one clean, deft motion! He backflips into the action to catch Ejiro with one heel to the chest and the other to the chin! The crowd pops as X turns to meet Kibagami making his feet. Nathan plants his back leg and fires out the right for a high impact Yakuza kick to the chest! Xstasy reels into the near corner like a Matrix extra to slouch in the turnbuckles.

 

Stevens: “Wow! X makes a hell of an entrance with the Whipback Kick, but is quickly put in his place by Kibagami. The fans aren’t too fond of that, but there are no friends in the ‘Fuck.”

 

Riley: “Plus $20,000 for tossing that punk would allow Nathan to buy Angel some things she really needs. Like yeast infection treatments and lice shampoo.”

 

Mental hones in on Eclectic’s ribs in the corner with a barrage of body blows. Kibagami follows Xstasy in the corner with a powerful elbow and keeps him in place with a series of forearms.

 

Stevens: “That’s disgusting.”

 

Riley: “Why don’t you tell that to Clusterfuck sponsors Monistat-7 and Nix?”

 

Ejiro joins Nathan in the corner and the two form a shaky alliance to continue the beat down on X and hopefully win $20,000 from the Suicide King for his elimination. They each tuck their heads under one of Xtsasy’s arms and snag a bit of his black wetsuit. They pull him out of the corner with their knees slightly bent and then snap him over with a wham to the mat!

 

Stevens: “Double suplex on X by Kibagami and Fasaki. That’s a pairing I’d never thought I’d see.”

 

Riley: “Eh, the way people switch allegiances around here, they’ll probably be in the same stable by Mother’s Day.”

 

Stevens: “I don…ANNIE’S ABOUT TO BE ELIMINATED!”

 

Mental picks Annie up by the waist in a powerbomb position and swings her around to hang over the ropes. She throws her weight forward and grabs the back of his head to steady herself while she reins down the punches with her right hand! Mental stumbles around with Eclectic riding him like a bunking bronco. He topples over and Annie straddles him to continue her tirade. The audience shouts out a warning and Annie looks up to take a seated dropkick from Ejiro!

 

Stevens: “Annie avoids sure elimination, but Fasaki makes the save on his stablemate.”

 

Riley: “Matters little to Kibagami who’s looking to toss X out. Maybe there’s something in that boy I can still like after all.”

 

Nathan pulls X to his feet by his right arm and wrenches it with two short, stiff jerks. Fasaki mauls Annie on the mat with knee strikes to the ribs. Mental crawls over, trying to shake off the recent pummeling to join in. Nathan drives Xstasy near the ropes with two rapid hooks kicks while still holding the arm. He lets go and steps back to measure the wobbling wrestler. He jumps off the mat and twists his body to bring the full force of his right foot into X’s face!

 

Stevens: “GAMENGIRI SENDS X OVER THE ROPES!”

 

The resilient Xstasy has just enough awareness to grab the top cord as he topples over. He hangs there for a moment and one can see the veins in his arms strain as he skins the cat back in! Kibagami rushes forward to attempt to push him back out, but he’s too fast for him and X catches him in the chin with both feet as he swings in.

 

Stevens: “Nathan Kibagami was a hair’s breadth away from being $20,000 richer. Both of them take a breather on the mat while the Magnificent 7 forces viciously work over Annie Eclectic. It’s like a pack of wolves on a deer.”

 

Riley: “Or like a pack of smooth Winston Cigarettes. Welcome to ‘Fucking Flavor Country.”

 

Stevens: “Are you going to plug everything?”

 

Riley: “These three match ppv’s don’t exactly draw in the swag, you know.”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Stevens: “Linkin Park’s ‘Points of Authority’ playing means that only one man could be coming through the curtain to enter sixth.”

 

Riley: “Uh…Chester Bennington.”

 

Try Australian native Stryke. A light smattering of cheers escorts his trot to the ring. X makes his feet just as Stryke slides under the bottom rope. Stryke pops up with a spear that throws Xstasy between the ropes and to the apron.

 

Stevens: “Everybody is going after Xstasy and the fans are unsure what to make of it.”

 

Riley: “Most of these humanoids would beat their mother with a Dirt Devil Scorpion Bagless Upright Vacuum for eighty bucks, which just happens to be what the Dirt Devil Scorpion is selling for now at certain retailers.”

 

Stryke reaches through the ropes to hammer on X’s noggin. The referees scream at Stryke to drag him back in since he went between the cords and cannot be eliminated from the apron. Kibagami stands and trips over to pull Ejiro off of Annie Ecelctic. Fasaki turns to face Nathan and engages him in a lockup. They struggle into the lower left ring corner while Mental finally decides to pull Annie to her feet. He takes her by the wrist and crisply Irish whips her across the ring to the lower left corner. She turns to impact hard on her back and winces. Mental charges for a shoulder block, but Annie sticks her leg out and Judges eats foot! He stumbles back with his head down and holding his mouth. Annie bursts out of the corner with a desperation dropkick to the kisser!

 

Stevens: “Dropkiss! Annie refuses to give up against Judge Mental as they have turned this 20-man battle royale into a very personal contest. Kibagami scores a knee lift to break the tieup and works Ejiro over in the corner with chops.”

 

Riley: “Six wrestlers in and things are getting hard to follow, but no one wants to be among the first three out and face King’s wrath. Wouldn’t it be cool if X was the first eliminated AND someone picked up 20,000 bucks for doing it?”

 

Stryke finally tows X back inside and lifts him up. He throws his right arm over his neck and grabs hold of a section of slick wetsuit. Stryke gets Xstasy only a few inches off the ground before he throws his weight back to plant himself firm. He rides the momentum shift to get Stryke off the ground and vertical with the canvas! He holds him for a second before falling slightly back and releasing the Aussie. Stryke bounces on the top rope and flops to a pile on the apron!

 

Stevens: “X reverses the suplex, but it’s not enough to put Stryke out.”

 

Riley: “Nathan whips Ejiro across the ring. NO! He reverses. Good boy.”

 

Kibagami slumps in the turnbuckles and Fasaki comes twirling in with a spinning heel kick to the jaw! Nathan drops to his knees and then falls on his face. Fasaki lies on the canvas sucking wind until X soars into the picture with a knee drop to the gut. Although Stryke is right behind him and fells X with a double axe handle to the nape of the neck. Annie rises to her knees next to Judge Mental and pulls him up with her by his elbows. She secures the double underhook and tucks his heads between her knees. The audience roars with anticipation.

 

Stevens: “Annie lines up Mental in the Daybreak while everyone else is down. A big move on her arch ri…NO!”

 

With adrenaline surging, Judge rears back like a stallion and backdrops out of the move. Eclectic tumbles through the air and crash lands half way across the ring. Mental sinks to his knees and runs a hand over his sweaty, beat red face.

 

Stevens: “Everyone forces themselves up and jockeys for position as the clock runs down again. X tries to avoid getting tossed by going after the severely weakened Judge Mental. Stryke stomps Nathan Kibagami on the mat and Ejiro Fasaki attempts to yank the Hardcore Queen to her aching feet.”

 

Xstasy goes to shove Mental into the corner, but he throws the man’s hands off and shocks him with a headbutt. Judge and Fasaki make eye contact across the ring as Ejiro hauls Annie up by her hair. He takes her by the wrist while Mental does the same with X. They go to Irish whip the two faces into each other, but Xstasy leapfrogs over Annie and dives with a roll to the mat. He snags Ejiro’s ankle as he barrels into him and takes him down with a dragon screw leg whip! Eclectic takes to the air with a flying body press, but the short distance doesn’t give her much force behind it. Mental catches the lady across his chest and juts out his knee as he drops her into a backbreaker!

 

Riley: “Mental knows all about Annie E’s bad back and ribs. It’s beyond winning this thing for those two, they just want to dish out as much punishment as possible for their next singles encounter.”

 

Stevens: “The clock expires and our next entrant is…”

 

5

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1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Stevens: “Johnny ‘the Barracuda’ Dangerous!”

 

Riley: “The fact that he doesn’t come out to ‘Barracuda’ by Heart is a real shame.”

 

Instead, Limp Bizkit’s “Mission Impossible 2” plays him out, right after a seductive feminine voice coos his name. Dangerous is in no hurry as he saunters down the ramp, making eyes at the wooing female fans.

 

Stevens: “Dangerous is the second recent bumpee to join the fracas and is coming off of a big win over fellow bumpee Fugue at the SJL’s Malice in Wonderland ppv.”

 

Riley: “Not to mention that the one SJL title reign he has under his belt came through a heinous and disgusting win over Judge Mental.”

 

Mental still has hold of Annie E and pulls her up to slam her down in another backbreaker. He rises up for a third, but Dangerous has finally made his way to the ring and blindsides Judge with a running forearm to a pop from the fans. Mental drops Annie and The Barracuda whips him into the ropes with an extra shove on his back. Judge charges back toward Johnny who snaps out his right leg in a superkick to the tip of the chin!

 

Stevens: “Johnny Kick has Mental down and the brash newcomer is already looking for the Armed and Dangerous.”

 

Johnny runs to the far ropes to set up the running fist drop, but is intercepted by a judo kick to the stomach by Ejiro! Johnny falls to his knees. X leaps straight up from the canvas behind Fasaki and catches him unawares with an arm around his throat. He pulls Ejiro down into an inverted facelock and skips his feet off the mat before dropping with a bam!

 

Stevens: “Fasaki is making a habit of saving his stablemate and mentor Judge Mental, but he in turn takes a jumping inverted DDT from X. Stryke has Kibagami back to his feet in the corner and is really working the chops.”

 

Stryke bends down to wrap up Nathan’s left leg with his right arm and lifts him up. He snakes his other arm under his left shoulder and across his neck. Stryke takes a few steps out of the corner and plunges to his knees for an Argentine back breaker rack! Kibagami’s body shakes violently as Stryke stands with him still in position and delivers another one! He stands and nonchalantly flips him off over the ropes! Kibagami spins to face the floor, but as luck would have it, Stryke didn’t have quite enough power behind the toss and Kibagami hits the apron and compels his tortured body to roll into the ring.

 

Riley: “Stryke moves on to attack Ejiro and Johnny Dangerous who are up and trying to shove each other over the ropes. The old Stryke would have stayed on Kibagami until the job was done, although the old Silent wouldn’t have let Stryke get so close to tossing him.”

 

Stryke grapples with the two newbies while Kibagami leans against the upper right corner for a break. X heaves the hulking Mental to his feet. Annie attempts to climb up through use of the ropes, but is having a hard time making her feet. Xstasy measures the woozy Mental and pulls back a fist. The crowd roars and X shakes his head with a smile. He opens his hand as he drives it forward to slap Mental right under the chin.

 

Stevens: “The Upstart Slap!”

 

Riley: “But it looks to have woken Judge up.”

 

Mental’s eyes go wide at the insulting hit and he throws a wild haymaker that X easily ducks under. He pops back up in front of the Michigan native while shooting his feet between his legs. He kicks to the sides to make Judge lose his balance and he does a split with a howl of pain! Xstasy does a split himself to show that it’s no big deal and rocks forward to headbutt Mental in the chest to topple him over!

 

Stevens: “OOO…Wishbone Splint on Judge Mental, that can’t feel good.”

 

Riley: “But Wishbone Salad Dressing sure tastes good and would probably feel cool on those mutilated genitals.”

 

Stevens: “Thank you for that beautiful image Bobby, I’m going to go vomit now.”

 

X sees the trio of Stryke, Ejiro and Johnny Dangerous pushing and shoving on the ropes. He runs toward the men and takes to the skies with his arms flapping like a dying duck. He splashes onto the three men with little effect as they turn and gang tackle him to the canvas.

 

Stevens: “Our eighth entrant is about ready to come in and we have yet to have a single elimination, nobody wanting to face the Suicide King’s evil plans.”

 

5

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1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

“Cochise” by Audioslave rolls through the arena as the man once known as Ash Ketchum emerges from the back, thumping his chest to pump up the crowd.

 

Riley: “Well, that should end here.”

 

Stevens: “You think Michael Craven is going to eliminate someone?”

 

Riley: “No, I think he’s going to get eliminated.”

 

Craven bolts down the ramp, high fiving the fans nearest to him and slides under the bottom rope into the ring. He glides into the dog pile on X and starts to pummel away. Stryke, Faskai and Dangerous look at the freak trying to muscle in on their action and then gang tackle him to distribute the pain.

 

Stevens: “3-1 on Craven. It’s obvious that his recent metamorphosis hasn’t earned him any new friends.”

 

Riley: “Maybe it’s the fact that that Poke-punk is just a flaming douchetard.”

 

Kibagami slips in behind the pack of warring wrestlers to pick X off the mat. Annie is on her feet and spies Mental in the far opposite corner. He’s up, but still favoring his stretched out testicles. She limps toward him while holding her side, refusing to give up the fight. Nathan hooks X around the top of the thighs and rotates him around with his feet over his right shoulder and the grappler’s head hanging near his waist. He lets loose of the legs a bit for some slack and makes a small leap. He sits out as he falls and jackhammers Xstasy’s head into the mat!

 

Riley: “It’s the Mele Kalikimaka!”

 

Stevens: “Try the Kiou o Kakekisu, a Ganso bomb variation that has X out cold.”

 

Annie reaches Judge and tries to keep him winded with a kick to the groin. He grabs her foot to block and swings her around. He moves into Eclectic to grapevine her right leg and snakes his right arm under her shoulder and over her throat. He ratchets back and a high-pitched scream cuts through the Mellon Arena.

 

Stevens: “Mental punishes Annie with an abdominal stretch.”

 

Riley: “It won’t get her out of the ring, but she’ll feel it in the morning with those nagging injuries of hers.”

 

Kibagami tugs the unconscious X up and looks to throw him out. Ejiro baseball slides in out of nowhere to upend Nathan! He pops to his feet and catches X before he falls. He puts a hand on his shoulder to shovel him out, but is nailed in the face with a superkick from Dangerous!

 

Stevens: “Johnny Kick puts Fasaki down and the Barracuda cinches Xstasy around the waist for what is most likely an atomic throw to the floor…NO!”

 

Just as Dangerous lifts X, Stryke saddles up from behind and waistlocks Johnny. Stryke bends his knees and leeches off the thrust Dangerous already had building to get X up to German suplex the secret agent over, with Xstasy going along for the ride!

 

Stevens: “WOW! WHAT A MOVE! In essence, a double German suplex. Now it’s Stryke’s turn to try and toss X out for the $20,000 payday.”

 

Stryke shakes off Dangerous and hits his feet. He leans over to pick up X, but is collared from behind by Michael Craven!

 

Riley: “Craven has to screw up everything and I don’t even LIKE Stryke anymore.”

 

Craven tucks Stryke’s head under his arm in an inverted facelock. He sways to his right once and then swings hard to his left, swiveling Stryke up over his body to impel the mat on his upper back!

 

Stevens: “Sword’s Dance from The Nightmare.”

 

Riley: “An inverted swinging neckbreaker for people who don’t sit around all day eating Count Chocula out of the box and making up dumb ass names.”

 

Stevens: “That’s not a very positive plug for Count Chocula?”

 

Riley: “They’re not a sponsor, fuck ‘em!”

 

Craven bends down to pick Xstasy up with a hand between his legs and slings him on his back in a fireman’s carry. The audience roars down the boos and Mike stops in his tracks with a shocked look on his face.

 

Stevens: “Craven isn’t used to being jeered like that.”

 

Riley: “So X is more popular. He has to learn to not care what the fans think.”

 

Craven propels Xstasy’s legs back while allowing his body to roll over. He squeezes his right arm around X’s throat and sits down with a snap on the neckbreaker! The fans heckle more as Craven sits up. He stares out with unbelieving eyes.

 

Stevens: “Craven Cutter on X! But he better eliminate him quick with the others making their feet and a new SWF superstar ready to join us.”

 

5

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A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

A bald headed man with a blonde goatee emerges from the back to the tune of Megadeath’s “Trust.”

 

Stevens: “Xero tears down the aisle as we near the half way point for this Clusterfuck.”

 

Riley: (sarcasm dripping) “Nice to see the heavy hitters finally coming out.”

 

Ash lifts X up, paying no attention to the new man coming down. That changes when Xero bolts into the ring and rips Xstasy out of his grasp. He tucks X under his arm and jumps backwards to scramble his brains with a DDT! Xero kips to his feet with the stunned Craven standing with his mouth agape. Xero reaches up to snatch his skull and falls back with another DDT before he can react!

 

Stevens: “The King of the DDT is certainly living up to his name! There goes Stryke!”

 

Xero shoots to his feet once more and DDT’s the unsuspecting Stryke! The masses wail with disapproval as Xero continues going ballistic. He leaps up once more to seize Ejiro Fasaki. DDT! He nabs Johnny Dangerous. DDT! He facelocks Nathan Kibagami, runs up the ropes, twists off and….TORNADO DDT!

 

Riley: “DAMN! Is Xero sharing smack with Jake Roberts? It’s a DDT clinic out there! If he keeps this up, Xero is going to win this! He’s my pick!”

 

Stevens: “Hold on, Bo…”

 

Riley: “LOOK AT HIM GO!”

 

Xero makes his feet and looks for another victim. Judge Mental calmly watches the festivities from the corner while still grinding Annie in that abdominal stretch. He throws her forward into Xero’s arms and her catches her in perfect stride. DDT! Mental charges as Xero kips up once more. He deftly hooks Xero around the waist before he can reset himself and throws him over his head with all the power he can muster!

 

Stevens: “Overhead belly to belly suplex by Judge Mental!”

 

Xero revolves through the air, his hands making a mad grab for anything he can latch onto, but nothing presents itself until he splats onto the black floor mats!

 

Riley: “Smart work by Mental. He used Annie as a distraction and Xero is the first man gone and the first to be punished by the Commissioner.”

 

***************

XERO

Entered: 9th

Eliminated: 1st

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Judge Mental

***************

Stevens: “The referees are helping Xero up on the floor, but he’s a bit dazed. TNT beat Xero a few weeks ago by him being a little too quick and sloppy to start off and the same strategy backfires yet again. So, much for thinking Xero would win, eh Bobby?”

 

Riley: “You know if you put an x at the end of Xero it becomes Xerox? Another one of our fine sponsors. Xerox, the ‘Fucking copy people.”

 

Judge Mental surveys the aftermath of Xero’s DDT spree with a smirk. The hissing fans let Judge have it good as he sashays through the wreckage and picks who he feels will be another easy elimination in Johnny “the Barracuda” Dangerous. Xero can be seen in the corner of the screen heading for the showers with his head down.

 

Stevens: “Mental leaves Annie alone for a few seconds so he can work on clearing the ring.”

 

Judge jerks Dangerous up and works his arms underneath his shoulders and around to cup the back of his head in a full nelson. Johnny struggles as Mental drags him toward the ropes to suplex him out. All the wrestlers are stirring, but the one nearest the pair is the one who should not be, the ever resilient Annie Eclectic! She rises off the mat in the pushup position, breathing hard and desperately trying to block out the anguish coursing through her body. Mental leans forward for extra thrust in tossing Dangerous out and Annie dives with a knee clip!

 

Stevens: “Annie with the save! However, it’s most likely a chance to get at Mental than any ties to the would be secret agent.”

 

Riley: “Damn lesbi…bisex…whatever the hell she is now!”

 

Ejiro rises and trips over to pluck X off the mat, but he is cutoff with a punch to the gut by Stryke on his knees. Fasaki sinks to the mat and the two men trade blows like punch-drunk fighters. This leaves Kibagami to try and win the Xstasy lottery as he limps toward him. Mental hops up on one leg and is pressed into the upper left corner by the weary tandem of Annie and Dangerous who try to up end him. Michael Craves crawls to the apron unnoticed and slowly, yet stealthily makes his way up the outside of the upper right corner.

 

Stevens: “Everyone is just starting to recover from the Xero onslaught as we reach the halfway point of the entrants with number ten.”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Riley: “Oh, great! Another unworthy SJL punk.”

 

Wildchild bounces from behind the curtain as if he was shot out of a cannon. He bangs his head in time to his theme song “The Everlasting Gaze.” Wildchild runs down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. A lot might not know him, but they take an immediate liking to his breezy attitude and boundless energy.

 

Stevens: “Wildchild finally beat Ejiro Fasaki for the SJL World Title at Malice in Wonderland, but it looks like their feud might not be over.”

 

Fasaki jumps up and catches Stryke in the face with a knee. He falls back as Wildchild slides into the ring like a flash of lightening. Michael Craven is atop the upper right turnbuckle and surveying the battlefield. Kibagami snap suplexes X and Craven prepares to blindside him from on high before he stands. Wildchild shocks Ejiro with a sidekick to the lower back and grabs his wrist for an Irish whip in one continuous rapid motion. He shoots Ejiro across the ring, who looks to leave his feet and hydroplanes into the upper right corner with jarring force! The ring is rocked by the impact and Mike Craven is sent hurling backwards to the floor in a picture perfect Nestea plunge!

 

Stevens: “It was completely unintentional, but Michael Craven is gone!”

 

***************

MICHAEL CRAVEN

Entered: 8th

Eliminated: 2nd

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Ejiro Fasaki (with assist from Wilchild)

***************

Riley: “Maybe that will teach Craven that he’s not really one of these high flying monkeys who are more concerned with popping the crowd than winning matches.”

 

Stevens: “The ex-Ash Ketchum really cracked his head hard. Sexton Hardcastle and the Memphis Eel are trying to bring him around.”

 

Wildchild pounces on Ejiro with a running forearm. He nimbly takes the back of his head and bounds up to cram his feet into his foe’s chest. Wildchild whips himself back and monkey flips Fasaki out of the corner. He skids to a halt at the feet of Nathan Kibagami still working over the increasingly comatose Xstasy with kicks and palm strikes. Wildchild races in a half circle to vault to the near top rope. He kicks off, his feet barely brushing the cord, and tucks himself into a tight human ball! He smashes into Nathan and X with all three collapsing into a heap on top of Fasaki!

 

Stevens: “The pinball attack lays everybody out!”

 

Riley: “Wasn’t I just saying something about high flying monkeys?”

 

Annie Eclectic and Johnny Dangerous finally give up on pushing the very grounded Judge Mental out in the upper left corner. They tow him out and put their four hands on the leg Annie clipped earlier. With a grunt of exertion, the pair lifts him up and brusquely drops him to jam the knee into the mat! Stryke comes flying in over Mental with a clothesline that sends himself and Dangerous down. Annie shrugs her shoulders and mounts Judge from behind in a blatant camel clutch choke.

 

Stevens: “Uh-oh, Craven has come to on the outside and doesn’t seem to like being there.”

 

Riley: “Go play with your Pokemon cards, kid. You might say you’re a new man, but I haven’t seen it yet.”

 

Craven pushes by Hardcastle and Eel to put a hand on the second rope and a knee on the apron to reenter. The crowd jeers and Craven turns to look at them disgustedly.

 

Stevens: “Craven was eliminated fairly and the audience doesn’t think he has a case to go back in on.”

 

The other refs come over to push Michael away from ringside. He yells at the hissing crowd and moves to go into the ring again. The Memphis Eel gets in his face and pulls his right hand back, teasing a punch. Craven shakes his head and backs away from the gang of officials. He throws his hands up at the fans and turns to lumber down the alley on the side of the entrance ramp for the eliminated to exit by.

 

Riley: “Ok now, have Craven show me some more of that attitude and we’ll talk.”

 

Stevens: “Mike Craven has been acting a lot more aggressive lately with less care of what the fans think of him. We can only wait and see what affect this might have on him in coming weeks.”

 

Wildchild pulls himself out of the human heap in the middle of the ring and races for the ropes. Stryke and Dangerous are back up and brawl into the knot of men in the dead center of the ring. The mound begins to rise and untangle itself, but Wildchild won’t hear of that as he leaps to the second rope and twists as he vaults off to put everyone down once more with a springboard body press!

 

Riley: “There was no need for that. Everyone is getting clobbered together and can’t do anything. They’re all jumbled together in one big…uh…big…uh…”

 

Stevens: “Clusterfuck?”

 

Riley: (contemplating) “…No…”

 

Stevens: “Maybe the next entrant can pull the pretzel apart and thin the ranks a little more.”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

The oddly soothing sounds of “Jester’s Dance” wafts through the arena and are met with a hardy round of screaming hate.

 

Riley: “You must be psychic Stevens, because business will certainly pick up now.”

 

Stevens: “The US Champion, ‘Deathwish’ Danny Williams trudges to the ring with the gravity of an undertaker.”

 

Riley: “But not THE Undertaker as Danny can actually, like you know, move and wrestle and stuff.”

 

Williams exhibits this as he makes the apron and scales the outside ring post nearest Annie choking out Judge Mental. Her back is turned to him and the rest of the grapplers are still punching, shoving and kicking in the center of the ring. Williams steps to the top cord and off without ever breaking stride He cocks an elbow back as he falls and nails Annie E in the crown of the skull. Her body goes rigid from the shot and she slumps off of Mental. Judge scrapes along the canvas wheezing and hacking for air.

 

Riley: “Three, count them Mark, three Magnificent 7 members in the ring. You’ll see so many half naked bodies thrown about you’d think it was a police raid on a massage parlor. Of which Jimmy’s down on fifth is a proud SWF sponsor. Tell them Bobby Riley sent ya’.”

 

Williams hoists Annie to her feet and plows into her damaged ribs with two well-measured elbow thrusts. Annie is paralyzed from pain and Williams makes good use of it by applying a facelock, grabbing a hunk of her brown slacks and suplexing her over. Her back hits hard and she arches it in agony. Williams scrambles up and wades into the fray to aide Ejiro.

 

Riley: “Everyone else is just willy-nilly trying to toss whoever’s near them or going after X for greenbacks. The Mag 7 are watching each others backs and controlling the others in there.”

 

Williams reaches down and pulls Stryke up by his short brown hair. He jerks his head back and slams an elbow into his puss! Danny keeps the arm at the ready and swivels to mash a rolling elbow into Kibagami’s face! He drops to one knee to bury an elbow into the back of X’s neck! His systematic dismantling of the pack brings him to Ejiro and Wildchild.

 

Stevens: “Williams certainly is looking to help the junior member of the Mag 7 by clearing the other grapplers off of him. Fasaki has been in there for a while and is glad to see Williams. They pull Wildchild up and whip him to the far ropes.”

 

Riley: “Danny Williams. There you go! He’s my pick to win!”

 

Fasaki and Williams stand side by side and lift a leg apiece for a big boot. The bottled lightening that is the ex-SJL World Champ baseball slides between the narrow slit between their legs and out of harm’s way. The two men turn a bit perplexed. The one fighter who did not take an elbow, Johnny Dangerous, zooms into frame with both arms extended for flying clotheslines! The Mag 7 duo goes down while the team of Wild and Dangerous pop up to exchange a high five.

 

Stevens: “The crowd cheers. Some viewers might not know that Wildchild and the Barracuda formed a very successful team with Dace Night in the JL to combat the Magnificent 7 forces plaguing that federation.”

 

Riley: “The Wild and Dangerous Nights, sounds like a bad 80’s cop show.”

 

Wildchild runs to the ropes and springs off, racing toward Johnny. He ducks down to put his head and the upper part of his back into Wildchild’s stomach. He flicks him high overhead. Wilchild makes a quarter turn and stretches his arms in a T as he falls. He lands in between Williams and Fasaki, smashing them in the chest with his arms.

 

Stevens: “Dangerous helps Wildchild grab some sky for a makeshift Andros drop! You want to talk about teamwork, Bobby, there you go.”

 

Riley: “Yes, let’s talk about the winning team you and Hamburger Helper make in the kitchen. A ‘Fuckin’ great combination.”

 

Stevens: “Is that even their slogan?”

 

Riley: “I don’t know and I don’t fuckin’ care.”

 

Dangerous turns to check on the other wrestlers and misses Judge Mental clotheslining him from behind! Wildchild eyes this and charges. He hits him with a leg lariat and they squirt between the ropes to the apron. Mental holds onto the second strand to steady himself and clubs Wildchild in the back with forearms until he falls to the floor.

 

Stevens: “Wildchild is not eliminated. Both men went through the ropes and the referees are helping the Nassau native back in.”

 

Riley: “C’mon, we’ve got one more person to join the walk of shame with Xero and Michael Craven. Being punished by the Suicide King is a great initiation for one of the newbies.”

 

Kibagami and Stryke work to push X over the ropes, but he holds on through sheer instinct as the clock hits zero once more.

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Noble orchestra strings sends the fans into a fit of hysterics and quickly give way to the voice of Johnny Rivers belting out, “There’s a man who lives a life of danger.”

 

Riley: “CIA, great now there’s two secret agents in this damn thing. Maybe they can MacGyver a bomb out of athletic tape and we can all go home early. I’m getting hungry.”

 

The Candian Intelligence Agent glides into the ring next to Annie Eclectic. He helps his stablemate to her feet. She leans against him for support, yet nods her head that she is ok. Williams and Fasaki are back and up and advance on the duo. CIA and Eclectic push away from each other and rush toward their adversaries with a pair of dropkicks!

 

Stevens: “The odds might still be with the Magnificent 7, but the Midnight Carnival is not backing down.”

 

Riley: “Judge Mental will put a stop to this.”

 

Mental reenters the ring as the Carnies stand. They see the Judge, shrug their shoulders in unison and fly at him with a double dropkick! Mental soars through the ropes to the floor!

 

Riley: “BETWEEN THE ROPES! HE WENT BETWEEN THE ROPES! They let Wildchild come back in, Judge Mental cannot be eliminated like this.”

 

Stevens: “Calm down, Bobby, the referees are allowing him to go back. Wilchild and Dangerous are up and go to pull Nathan and Stryke off of X.”

 

Dangerous spins Kibagami around by the shoulder and muscles him into the upper right corner. Wildchild kicks Stryke in the knee and flips him to the turf with a Japanese arm drag. X sinks to his knees and wilts to his face. As they get up, Wilchild drives Stryke into the lower right corner with his shoulder. CIA pulls Ejiro up by his hair and throws him into the upper left corner, while Annie kicks and punches Williams into the lower left. Mental reappears on the apron and gives his rival a stiff rabbit punch to the back of the skull. He rips out her hair tie and slams her rearwards to the mat by her hanging locks.

 

Stevens: “Nine warriors duke it out in all four corners. X is hanging on by a thread and that $20,000 bounty is doing him no favors. Two competitors are already gone and one more is needed to join Xero and Mike Craven in feeling the devilish wrath of the Commissioner.”

 

Riley: “Consider this the seventh inning stretch. In fact, that’s a good idea. I’m going for a sandwich. I knew I should have packed a lunch.”

 

A wide shot by the cameraman not only shows the brawling in the ring, but Riley standing up, taking off his headset and stepping over the guardrail. The fans pop at having the color commentator in their midst and security guards are seen flanking him as he walks up the aisle, trying to stay away from the grubby humanoids.

 

Stevens: “Bobby! Bobby! Get your ass back here! I swear to God I have the Exploding Chicken on speed dial!”

 

Mental steps in between the ropes. He and Williams bend over to pick Annie up, who struggles mightily against them. Dangerous whips Kibagami out of the corner, but he reverses to send the Barracuda barreling into Danny Williams. They crash to the mat and Danny angrily peppers the party crasher with elbows as he tries to push himself away from the man with a deathwish.

 

Stevens: “Getting on Danny Williams’ bad side is not something a bumpee like Dangerous wants to do to start his run in the fed. Although I doubt if Williams has a good side.”

 

Wildchild whips Stryke across the ring. He freight trains to the opposing corner to squash the dueling CIA and Ejiro. Wildchild takes off and leaps into the air from center ring to wow the crowd and smash the trio in the corner!

 

Stevens: “Stinger splash by Wildchild and we have another mangled pile of human flesh. X is wrenching his tortured body up by the ropes, but who knows what internal injuries he might be suffering from the mauling he’s taken. Mental has Annie up and is right on those ribs and back like a shark to blood. He squeezes her for all she’s worth in a bearhug.”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Stevens: “There’s the airhorn and the ranks increase by one once more. The one this time being…Alex Zenon!”

 

The Carnie appears from the back with his head down. He snaps it back to whip the hair out of his eyes and quickly surveys the ring and cheering fans. He sees Nathan Kibagami break Mental’s bearhug on Annie E with a charging forearm and smiles. Rather it is a smile for the good of his teammate or the fact that Kibagami is still in the thick of things is hard to gauge. He trots down the ramps as if he has all the time in the world.

 

Stevens: “Dynamic kick from Williams puts Dangerous back down. Eclectic takes a breather while Kibagami takes over on Judge Mental. Mad brawling going on in the upper left corner with X slogging his way over to join in. Zenon finally hits the ring and goes to town on Mental with Kibagami.”

 

They work the man over with chops. Zenon taps Kibagami to back off for a second and he skips back on his left foot to swirl around with a spinning back kick to the stomach. Mental slumps further in the ropes and Nathan looks to go back to work on him. Zenon surprises Nathan with an arm over his throat and rips him down to take an elbow to the chest! He falls stunned and the crowd lets Alex have it.

 

Stevens: “Turn ‘n Burn from Zenon on Kibagami. As Bobby Riley would point out if he were here, there are no friends in the Clusterfuck. Although there have been some rumblings of animosity building between the two edgy fan favorites.”

 

Zenon brings Nathan to his feet, measures him, and sends him barreling over the ropes with a spinning heel kick. He smacks the apron and lies on the edge with one foot brushing the floor.

 

Stevens: ONE FOOT! That’s only one foot touching. Nathan is not eliminated, but Zenon is trying to kick him to the outside and finish the job.”

 

Kibagami grabs Zenon’s stomping boot and upends him. He rolls into the ring and keeps Alex grounded with a rapid succession of knee strikes while he holds onto the top rope for leverage. Williams has Dangerous seated in the center of the ring and hammers him with combos of a punt to the back and a chop to the chest. Annie limps into the corner where Mental still slouches staggered. She gives him a sharp knee to the face and continues on him with forearm shots. Wildchild and Xstasy appear out of the gang in the upper corner trying to whip the other across the ring. Each man uses his blinding speed to reverse, reverse, reverse, reverse, bound over Williams and Dangerous like they’re not even there, reverse, reverse. Finally, Wildchild is drilled chest first into the turnbuckles in the lower right corner. X catches him around the waist on the ricochet, but Wildchild reaches back to grab his bald dome and sits down for a jawbreaker!

 

Stevens: “Stryke and CIA bring Ejiro Fasaki out of the corner for a double suplex. No! They telescope his neck right into his cranium with a brainbuster! Vicious double team move there. Kibagami is pulling Zenon to his feet, as is Danny Williams with Johnny Dangerous. The Barracuda is already bruising from the beating he’s taken from one of the hardest hitters in the business today.”

 

Danny Williams waistlocks Dangerous and hoists him high over his head. The crowd ‘ooos’ as the mounted visage of Johnny Dangerous stands out among the rest. Williams takes a step back from the weight and then steadies himself before rushing Johnny forward to the mat for maximum impact!

 

BAM!

 

Stevens: “DEATHBOMB!”

 

Usually Deathwish hangs on for the pin, but with no pin to be had, he rocks backwards with the waistlock still held and shimmies his grip down to the top of the thighs. He pushes forward and lets go as his back grazes the canvas. Dangerous is catapulted into the ropes and tumbles helplessly over to the floor.

 

***************

JOHNNY ‘THE BARRACUDA’ DANGEROUS

Entered: 7th

Eliminated: 3rd

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Danny Williams

***************

Stevens: “Johnny Dangerous is gone at the hands of Danny Williams. That Deathbomb knocked him cold and he is out on the floor with just

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Stevens: “Johnny Dangerous is gone at the hands of Danny Williams. That Deathbomb knocked him cold and he is out on the floor with just thirty seconds left until the next man enters. The referees are trying to revive him.”

 

Kibagami pulls Zenon up to his knees. He shakes in the breeze as Nathan looks down on him and rams a Shining Wizard knee to his skull! Zenon collapses to the mat. CIA leaps in with a forearm to Kibagami’s head and they plop into the ropes to struggle. Williams marches to the lower right corner and blindsides Annie with a Dynamic kick to the back of her head! Wilchild and X roll around on the mat like kids while Stryke lifts Ejiro up in a suplex. He falls forward and kicks out to lay him flat to the canvas.

 

Stevens: “Showstopper by Stryke! And there’s the horn!”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Stevens: “Lord no! It’s another member of the Magnificent 7!”

 

An odd symphonic melody sings from the speakers instead of the usual hard rock music as Fugue strolls from behind the curtain to Bach’s classical “Toccata and Fugue in D minor.” Although the fans shower down the curses and hisses, his face is alight with a peaceful smile. His black T-shirt features white musical notes jumbled about on a bent and disjointed staff, muddled and knotted in a hodgepodge of…let’s just call it a Clusterfuck. He slowly shuffles down the ramp and spies Johnny Dangerous hobbling away from ringside down the channel to the left of the ramp. Without increasing his stride or breaking his main gaze from the ring, Fugue jumps off the ramp and dropkicks Dangerous like a bolt out of the blue! The fans bellow perplexed.

 

Stevens: “Fugue just ambushed Johnny Dangerous and the two are warring down the side of the ramp toward the back. Dangerous defeated Fugue at the SJL’s Malice in Wonderland in an Ultimate Fight match, but it doesn’t look like the fight is over!”

 

The two men trade crazed punches as they inch out of view of the cameras. Eddy Long and Billy Chioda run to the edge of the ramp to check the ruckus. Long simply throws his hands up and heads back to the ring, pulling the junior ref with him as he points toward the rear and asks if they should do something.

 

Stevens: “The referees are just letting them go. If Fugue doesn’t hit the ring before the next man enters he’ll be disqualified from the match. Although, it’s probably all the same to him.”

 

Back in the ring, Wildchild and X roll over Fasaki and bump into Stryke. He drops an axehandle to Xstasy’s back and joins in on the tussle. CIA and Kibagami lay against the ropes trying to force the other man out while Zenon creeps across the mat and shakes his ringing head. Danny Williams has Annie Eclectic in another abdominal stretch to allow Judge Mental to fire right hands to her ribs. She grits her teeth to keep from moaning and closes her eyes to fight down the white-hot pain.

 

Stevens: “Annie Eclectic looks on the edge of passing out. It also looks like Judge Mental is ready to have her out. He’s pointing to the floor and wants Williams to toss her.”

 

The Hardcore Queen reels her head back to remove the sweaty matted hair from her eyes. She stares at Mental with a glaring gaze that makes him stall in his tracks and his blood run cold.

 

SPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

 

A cloud of green mist streams from Annie’s mouth like pea soup from “The Exorcist.” The crowd threatens to tear the roof off the building as they erupt. Shafts of light catch the fog of residue to produce mini-rainbows. Mental turns his head away from Annie with his arms up, blinded!

 

Stevens: “HOLY SHIT! I DON’T KNOW WHERE ANNIE CAME UP WITH IT AT, BUT SHE JUST BLEW MIST IN THE EYES OF JUDGE MENTAL! WILLIAMS IS CAUGHT OFF GUARD AND SHE BREAKS THE HOLD!”

 

Eclectic wrenches herself out of Danny’s mitts and reaches her right arm around for a headlock. She sprints up the ropes, leaps off the top cord and coils back toward the ring to drop Williams with a springboard bulldog! Running on pure adrenaline, she easily collars the bumbling blind Mental with a facelock and races up the ropes again like a mountain goat. She throws herself backwards over the ropes and forcibly yanks the much heavier Judge with her! Annie hits the apron and slides under the bottom rope. Mental is not so lucky as he does a header to the floor!

 

Stevens: “TORNADO DDT TO THE FLOOR! ANNIE TOOK MENTAL OUT!”

 

***************

JUDGE MENTAL

Entered: 2nd

Eliminated: 4th

Eliminations: Xero

Eliminated by: Annie Eclectic

***************

 

The fans shout approval as Annie takes a second to catch her breath and revel in the cheers. She pushes her hair back out of her eyes once more and flashes a sweet smile. Mental pulls himself up on the outside; his chest and face smeared a bright green. He wipes his eyes and tries to head back in!

 

Stevens: “Judge Mental is a sore loser. He’s back on the apron and swatting at Annie. The referees are trying to get him down.”

 

Mental clutches Annie’s black hair with Ordonez, Hall and the Memphis Eel grasping at his legs and waist to yank him down. Annie is forced closer to the ropes. She pulls back, but Mental has her hair snagged tight. Danny Williams climbs up by Annie’s trousers leg and wraps his arms around her knees. He lifts her horizontal with the canvas and shovels her over the ropes with Judge falling back to drag her down with him!

 

Stevens: “THAT IS UNFAIR! Williams dumps Annie while Mental had her hair. That should not be legal, but I’m afraid such a tactic is.”

 

***************

ANNIE ECLECTIC

Entered: 4th

Eliminated: 5th

Eliminations: Judge Mental

Eliminated by: Danny Williams (with floor assist from Judge Mental)

***************

Stevens: “Mental and Eclectic are duking it out on the floor and, good God, here comes another one.”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

“OY! OY! OY!”

 

The pounding of AC/DC’s “TNT” heralds, who else, but Taylor Nicholas Thompson, aka TNT. He enters with his eyes fixed on the ring, letting the crowd boos bathe over him. Suddenly, he feels his body thrust forward from unknown impact behind him.

 

Stevens: “IT’S FUGUE! He just tackled TNT from behind! They go sprawling down the ramp! Half of the referees are trying to pull Mental and Annie apart and the other half are trying to pull TNT and Fugue apart. This is chaos!”

 

In the ring, Williams joins Kibagami in trying to force the hated Carnie, CIA, out of the ring. Zenon makes his feet and stumbles around, his mind still stinging. Stryke and Fasaki continue to struggle on the canvas as X and Wildchild separate from them and make it upright. X attempts to whip Wildchild to the ropes, but he reverses. The former SJL World Champion launches himself at X as he rockets toward him. He lands his feet on the man’s chest and seizes the back of his head with both hands. He rides his charging momentum for a few steps before slamming his weight back. Just like Scorpion in Mortal Kombat II, the foe is sent flipping head over heels through the void. X flattens out as he goes over the ropes to land on the floor with both feet! He swiftly skips up and grabs the bottom rope to pull himself backwards into the ring!

 

Stevens: “WILDCHILD ELIMINATED X! X took the Freefall to the floor, but all the referees are tied up and no one saw it! His feet barely hit, but hit enough to count. Some of the fans are booing Xstasy going back in, some cheering, but I don’t think most saw it as they too were watching the madness on the ramp.”

 

Wildchild shouts at the referees to come over, but X whacks him in the gut with a fierce spear and they brawl on the mat!

 

Stevens: “Ordonez and the Memphis Eel have Annie’s armed pinned behind her back. Long is pointing at Mental to go and he’s starting to exit up the ramp. The other officials are still trying to pull Fugue and Thompson apart. I’m getting a report now through my headset that Fugue left Dangerous beaten and bloodied in the rear. Our medical staff is checking him now.”

 

Mental stalks up the ramp and slashes his hand in disgust at the jeering fans. Annie kicks and struggles against the two special guest referees who have her and she finally wiggles free! She runs up the ramp before she can be grabbed and hops on Judge Mental’s backside! Eclectic pounds on his head and back and they disappear behind the curtain with the audience yelling.

 

Stevens: “We have security on the other side of the curtain and they are attempting to break up Annie and Mental. The officials out here have separated Fugue and TNT. This is sheer madness.”

 

Referee Eddy Long pushes Fugue in the chest and points to the back. Sexton Hardcastle talks with TNT and motions toward the ring. Fugue runs past Long, gunning for Thompson. The screaming fans alert Taylor to turn around and he takes a flying tackle to the stomach! His back strikes with a thump to the apron and the Explosive One cringes. Fugue wraps his arms around Thompson’s chest and rolls into the ring with him. The referees try to grab him, but the pair roll away and are lost in the crowd. Eddy Long tows himself to the apron by the second rope and bellows at Fugue. He is almost knocked off the apron as Williams and Fasaki whip Stryke into the ropes! The ref jumps backwards to the floor and circles the ring heading for Mark Stevens. Mark stands up to receive the ref and slips his headset to his neck. His microphone picks up the conversation.

 

“Fugue’s eliminated! He’s not legally in there!” Long shouts to be heard over the din of the crowd.

 

“What? Why?” Stevens asks.

 

“He didn’t set foot in the ring before the buzzer sounded. You have to come in ON your number. He’s disqualified.” Long explains.

 

***************

FUGUE

Entered: 14th

Eliminated: 6th

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Referee disqualification before not entering the ring in the allotted time

**************

“Ok, hey, Wildchild tossed X!” Stevens remembers to tell him.

 

“What?” He asks as confused as Grand Slam just was.

 

“When everything was going on by the ramp he tossed him. X should be gone.”

 

“If none of the referees saw it, it doesn’t count. He stays in until one of sees him go.” Long holds up his hands helpless.

 

At that moment, a small crowd pop announces the return of Bobby Riley to ringside. He is sipping on a straw in a large cup and is holding a cellophane wrapped sandwich.

 

“Hey, Eddy, how’s the hammer hanging?” Riley greets Long with a smile. The man rolls his eye and returns to his post.

 

Stevens and Riley sit down and put their headsets back on.

 

“So, did I miss anything?” Riley takes another sip of his drink.

 

Stevens takes a deep breath to fill him in and then simply says, “No, not really.”

 

5

4

3

2

1

A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

“THIS IS MAH HOUSE!”

 

Rammstein’s “Du Haste” plays out long missing SWF superstar Jamie “Jay Dawg” Drazon. He appears from the curtain with his head down and lifts it to view the jeering crowd. He gives a smile of ‘ah, you remembered’ and lowers his head once more before sauntering down the ramp.

 

Stevens: “Entrant 16 is Jay Dawg. He’s been AWOL since around losing a World Title match to El Luchadore Magnifico at Genesis in September. And I swear, Riley, the Exploding Chicken is on his way to the arena.”

 

Riley: “He’s going to be pissed when he gets here. I think I ate some of his children at the Quaker State and Lube booth.”

 

Stevens: “Whew…let’s just try to catch the folks at home up. Wildchild and X appear to both be out on top of each other in upper right part of the ring. Considering that Wildchild threw him out a few minutes ago…”

 

Riley: “Say what?”

 

Stevens: “Fugue and TNT are mindlessly brawling on the canvas. As Eddy Long said, Fugue has been disqualified and no one he ejects will count…”

 

Riley: “Eh…ay…huh?”

 

Stevens: “That’s a bit of a different situation from what happened with Annie Eclectic and Judge Mental, as the legal Danny Williams was the one to force her out of the ring, no matter that Judge had a hand on her after being thrown to the floor.”

 

Riley: “What you talkin’ about Willis?”

 

Stevens: “CIA and Alex Zenon are double teaming Nathan Kibagami in the lower right corner after Zenon made the save for the Canadian on Williams and Kibagami. Deathwish then went to help out Fasaki with Stryke. Danny has him in the Doushime Sleeper with Ejiro laying in stomps to the throat and chest, but here comes Drazon!”

 

Jay Dawg slides in under the bottom rope and glides to his feet. He carries through the motion to windmill his legs over and catches Fasaki with his Thai Roundhouse Kick! The impact sounds like a gunshot and he blasts across the ring. Williams releases his hold on Stryke and spins into Jamie with a rolling elbow. He ducks under it and grabs a waistlock. JD hoists Danny up and plops him onto the near top rope crotch first! His eyes bug out of his head and the fans pop wildly. Williams bounces off the cord to smash the ring edge and lies there holding his groin. Stryke is struggling up and JD takes his right arm to lift in the air victoriously. He points at the man giving him props and the crowd cheers. Without warning, Jay Dawg wrenches the wrist to arm drag Stryke in the air! His body flips as it falls and JD hooks him with a facelock and rides the force to the mat in a ring shaking brainbuster!

 

Stevens: “Drazon suckered Stryke with his Mexican arm drag brainbuster! Some might remember that Stryke eliminated JD last year while still a member of the JL. It might not seem right to hold a grudge all that time, but it’s understandable in a man like Drazon.”

 

Riley: “Wait…wait…don’t tell me Judge went out third?”

 

Stevens: “It was around third…I don’t remember…it might have been third…”

 

JD brings Stryke up by the sides of his head, his eyes closed to the jeering. He locks his right arm across the man’s throat and turns while lifting him off the canvas, seeking to squeeze the life out of him with a hangman’s choke.

 

 

Riley: “NO! The Hardcore Champion, the bastion of true technical wrestling, he can’t be punished by the Suicide King while that brazen hussie goes free.”

 

Stevens: “That’s right, the first three men eliminated will be punished in some manner by the Commissioner on Lockdown. That trio being Xero, Michael Craven and Ju…”

 

Riley: “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Stevens: “Johnny ‘the Barracuda’ Dangerous who was eliminated by Danny Williams.”

 

Riley: “I hate you Stevens with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.”

 

Fugue rolls Thompson over to his face on the mat. He sits on his back and winds his arms between TNT’s and locks his fingers on the back of his cranium in a full nelson. He rocks backwards into a bridge and TNT howls with the ripping in his shoulders.

 

Stevens: “Major Chord on Thompson! Fugue seems to really have it in for him. You don’t think that maybe he’s on a special mission for Mag 7 leader Tom Flesher? TNT did want to rejoin the group, but the Superior One refused him with some disdain.”

 

Riley: “How dare you accuse the bastion of all that is justice and rule of such a dastardly plot? Though if it’s true, I would love him even more…uh…platonically, of course.”

 

Stevens: “Let’s see if you any love for our next entrant as we get down to the nitty-gritty.”

 

5

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A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

“YOU WILL GET YOURS!”

 

Riley: “Nope.”

 

“Cold Contagious” by Bush blares from the speakers to sparks the crowd into screaming their raw lungs just a bit more. The towering figure of the Miami Menace, Longdogger Pete tramps from the back with a hand raised to signal the victory he knows will be shortly coming.

 

Stevens: “It’s the former leader of X Force 9, Longdogger Pete! He’s been gone almost as long as Jay Dawg has and a lot has changed in that time.”

 

Riley: “Like the fact that he’s the former leader of the former stable of X Force 9. Tod DeKindes is the ONLY person to survive that car wreck, although I don’t think Michael Craven ever got that memo.”

 

Pete hops to the apron and steps between the ropes. The first competition in his way is the elevated body of Taylor Thompson. He starts putting the boots to his abdomen, but Fugue quickly releases the hold and leaps to his feet.

 

Stevens: “Uh-oh! I don’t think Fugue is too happy with LDP horning in on his action with Thompson.”

 

Riley: “Damn straight. I’m tired of all these old, washed up has-beens coming back and thinking they can leap over everybody. LET’S GO JAY DAWG! He’s my pick to win this you know?”

 

Fugue gives up several inches and a lot of weight to the One Man Wrecking Crew, but no guts as he slides up to the man. Fugue grins like a fiend up at LDP who stares down at him with a look of ‘who’s this nutcase.’ He doesn’t know how right he is. LDP thrashes the bumpee with overhand right. Fugue takes everyone with a slight snap of his head, but keeps smiling. LDP backs up a little mystified and Fugue runs for the ropes. He leaves his feet as he near the Doggah for a dropkick that he easily dodges. Fugue kips up, still smiling broadly and heads to the ropes once more. This time Pete takes a few steps forward to cut him off and performs a standing Lou Thesz press to put him down! He hammers in the punches and the fans holler for joy.

 

Stevens: “The Dog Pound puts Fugue down, but LDP shouldn’t even waste his time with a man already eliminated, but who’s too stupid to leave.”

 

Riley: “Now, now, Mark, Fugue is insane, crazy, zany, odd, a few bricks short of a load, containing bats in the bell free and his cheese has slid off his crackers, but he’s not stupid.”

 

Williams and Fasaki have regrouped and pull Wildchild and X off the mat to inflict damage. Kibagami musters all his strength to push CIA and Zenon off of him. He hits a desperation high kick on CIA to put him out for the time being and Alex charges back in. Nathan sidesteps Zenon and he smacks the top turnbuckle chest first. Kibagami takes his skull and decides to introduce it to said turnbuckle a few dozen times.

 

Stevens: “Kibagami fights back on the Midnight Carnival. Williams whips X into the ropes…catches him coming off…SCOOP SLAM! I don’t know how much longer he can hold on.”

 

Riley: “Or how much longer that 20 thou is going to burn a hole in King’s pocket.”

 

Ejiro pulls Wilchild’s right arm out to his side with his body bent forward. He cinches the appendage tight and drives his shoulder into the mat with a single arm DDT. He rolls through to his feet and finally spots LDP working over his stablemate and friend Fugue. He advances to help out, but is jerked off his feet by the roving hands of TNT!

 

Stevens: “Magnificent 7 past meets Magnificent present as TNT and Fasaki lock up.”

 

Riley: “And to think the stable has only been in existence since July.”

 

Stevens: “And it’s already falling apart at the seams.”

 

Riley: “IS NOT!”

 

Thompson pulls Fasaki up by his wrist and whips him into the ropes. The exhausted grappler bounces off and into the arms of TNT. He leeches off his built speed to flip Ejiro around vertical to the canvas and batters him into the canvas with a scoop piledriver! On the other side of the ring, Kibagami gives Z one last smack into the turnbuckle and then waistlocks him. He slams backwards with the stunned Carnie and bashes his brains into the mat with a Dangerous German Suplex!

 

Stevens: “Williams is taking a breather while still dishing it out to X with a cross armbreaker. LDP is pulling Fugue up. JD is moving toward the ropes with Stryke on his back in that hangman’s choke. He looks passed out from being in it for so long.”

 

Riley: “Woo-hoo that’s exciting. I’m going to eat my sandwich.”

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

5

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A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

An unmistakable guitar lick slices through the Mellon Arena to produce loathing in its wake. A giant of a man strolls confidently out from behind the curtain with a cigar in his lips, his fist in the air, a title belt around his waist and contempt for all in his soul.

 

Riley: “Hold the mustard! Well, there’s none on the sandwich, but hold it anyway. There’s a Frost ready to the hit the ring.”

 

Stevens: “Frost is indeed 18 and rumors have it that it’s because King wanted it that way, trying to get the ICTV Champion in his back pocket.”

 

Frost walks so slowly, one would think he’s going to a funeral as “Frost Wants to Kill your Mama” drones on. He surveys every figure in the ring, takes in every opponent and knows he has almost two full minutes before making his entrance.

 

Stevens: “The in ring action continues before the big man hits. Wildchild and CIA, for lack of another dance partner, are trying to push the other man out on the far side of the ring. Williams continues working on X. Thompson hits a snap suplex on Ejiro. Kibagami appears to have Zenon right where he wants him. Pete has Fugue up and hurting, but still smiling. While JD has Stryke awful close to the those rope.”

 

Drazon has his eyes closed like usual, but he senses the ropes near and gives Stryke’s neck a tug. He flicks over his body and the strands, but lands with his feet on the apron! He grabs Jay Dawg’s head and plunges for a clothesline on the top rope! Drazon flies back holding his throat and Stryke collapses to the apron doing the same. LDP reaches between Fugue’s legs and puts a hand on his chest. He lifts the man up high and the crowd pops.

 

Stevens: “He’s got Fugue set for the Musclehead Slam…NO…NO…NOT TO THE FLOOR!”

 

The Doggah turns to the face the ropes and pitches Fugue to the floor. He flaps his arms in the air, trying to gain some altitude. Yet, it is not the cold floor he hits, but rather the muscular chest of one badass Icelander!

 

Riley: “Frost caught Fugue! And he doesn’t seem to happy about it.”

 

Frost sets his new stablemate down and gives Pete the evil eye. Fugue looks up at Frost with his ever present smile, but there’s an extra hint of warmth in it for the Velvet Hammer. Frost frowns down at Fugue and chomps on his cigar. He unhooks his ICTV belt and folds the straps in behind the metal plat. He gestures Fugue to hold out his arms and lays the belt in his care. The camera picks him up saying, “wait here” before climbing to the apron.

 

Riley: “I think some Longdogger is going to get crammed in the hurt locker.”

 

Stevens: “The referees are once again telling Fugue to go to the back, but he’s staying put like Frost told him too.”

 

Frost Diesels over the top rope while flicking his cigar to the floor and strolls up to Pete and bumps chests. LDP is not used to meeting up with someone bigger than him, but he doesn’t show it as he fires a right hand. Frost blocks it and the ex-boxer levels Pete with a right hook that sends him reeling! He bounces off the ropes and Frost snags him with an arm across his chest and hooked under the shoulder. He spins and around and kicks off the mat for a little elevation before impaling LDP into the mat with a spinning Ice Shelf!

 

Riley: (signing) “Frost wants to burn your daaaaaaaaaaaad. He gets real mean when you make him maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!”

 

Frost slides to his feet and makes a beeline for former foe CIA. Wildchild has his arms barred across the man’s throat trying to force him out. Frost takes him by his braided hair and slams him to the canvas. He slaps a meaty hand on CIA’s throat and hoists him up.

 

Stevens: “I know that Frost and CIA have some unresolved issues from before the short hiatus the secret agent took, but he can’t be thinking about chokeslamming him to the floor?”

 

Riley: “Hell, he probably dreamed about it last night, but I don’t think he sleeps.”

 

Wildchild shoots to his feet like an uncoiled spring and gives Frost a kick to the back of the knee. He drops CIA and bends to put a hand on his leg. Wildchild hits the ropes and launches himself with a flying forearm! Frost is knocked into the ropes dazed. The crowd pops as Wildchild takes his wrist and climbs the near turnbuckle with gusto. He glides like a dancer onto the top rope and the audience explodes for the praying ropewalk! Frost grasps the top rope with his free hand and hunkers over the strand to plant himself. Wildchild takes a few steps before he’s stopped cold and Frost pushes forward to free himself and the Clusterfuck of the Creole Kid! Wildchild turns and tries to catch himself as he falls from on high, but still takes the metal guardrail hard to the chin with a clang!

 

***************

WILDCHILD

Entered: 10th

Eliminated: 7th

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Frost

***************

Stevens: “WILDCHILD IS GONE!”

 

Riley: “We hardly knew ye.”

 

Stevens: “But we know who’s coming in next!”

 

5

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A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

Stevens: “Number 19 by his own decree after winning the top rope challenge on Storm is Tom DeKindes.”

 

Riley: “Number 19? The ONE member left of X Force NINE? Coincidence.”

 

“Cold” by Static X blares as Tod deKindes emerges from the rear. He is in no hurry to the ring, as he first has to remind the Pittsburgh fans that Tommy Maddox needs to go back to selling insurance, Barry Bonds never won a World Series playing for the Pirates, pierogies taste like ass, the Cathedral of Learning on the Pitt campus is just a giant penis for a city in need of one and most importantly that Cleveland does NOT suck.

 

Stevens: “deKindes is creeping toward a meeting with his maker, or rather former leader with LDP out but still alive in the match.”

 

Frost pushes himself off the ropes and stares down at Williams releasing his hold on X and bringing him to his feet. They lock an intense stare and just nod heads as Frost decides to go raise some hell on Kibagami and Zenon. TNT notices his former partner in the ring and his mood seems to intensify even more than before. He whips Fasaki to the ropes and raises his foot for a big boot. Ejiro slides under it to TNT’s horror and springs up behind him. He kicks off the mat to lock his feet around Thompson’s left shoulder and hooks his hands around the right. Fasaki tries to roll back for a fireman’s carry takedown, but TNT has too much weight for him to over come. He awkwardly falls into the ropes and shakes Fasaki off. His hip bumps the apron as he spills to the outside!

 

Stevens: “Thompson just eliminated Ejiro Fasaki!”

 

***************

EJIRO FASAKI

Entered: 3rd

Eliminated: 8th

Eliminations: Michael Craven

Eliminated by: TNT

***************

Tod finally makes it to the ring and comes up on the downed form of LDP. He points down at the fallen face to incite the fans and proceeds to kick him like a dog.

 

Stevens: “Frost pulls Kibagami off of Zenon and gives him a short whip into the near corner.”

 

Although short, the whip is hard and Nathan bounces out for Frost to take around the neck. He drops down for an inverted DDT! He sits up and is jarred forward by a kick to the neck from Jay Dawg!

 

Riley: “You know I like Frost and think he’s going to win this, but JD has had his number in a couple Hardcore matches last fall and I think he’s going to win this.”

 

Stevens: “……Do you even listen to yourself speak most of the time?”

 

Drazon brings Frost to his feet with a full nelson for a dragon suplex. He tries to lift him up, but Frost snags the toe of his boot on the nearby bottom cord to halt the move. He works his arms up between JD’s and breaks the hold while also turning him around into a neck vice!

 

Stevens: “Icelandice backbreaker! Frost is leaning forward as far he can to get JD off the mat and might be looking to drop him to the floor.”

 

Frost’s nose is almost grazing the turf as he steps backwards to the ropes. He rises up and lets go to drop Drazon over! JD firmly hits the apron with both feet, not being in the move nearly long enough to knock him out. He stands on the apron and gives the fans the rare instant of opening his eyes as he cockily nods his head ‘that’s right no elimination for me.’ Frost lumbers out of frame to go back to work on Kibagami with who else but Stryke standing behind him!

 

Riley: “Oh no! Not two years in a row!”

 

The crowd pops and JD turns just in time to see Stryke barreling at him with a big clothesline! He loses his grip on the ropes and hits the floor.

 

Stevens: “Yup, Stryke takes out JD for the second year running.”

 

***************

JAMIE ‘JAY DAWG’ DRAZON

Entered: 16th

Eliminated: 9th

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Stryke

***************

 

JD stomps and kicks the floor in frustration. A group of referees surround him and push him toward the back. Wildchild can be seen disappearing up the exit aisle. Fasaki tries to talk Fugue into coming to the back with him on pleas from Eddy Long, but he simply shakes his head and says no, smiling the whole time. Ejiro sighs, holds up his hands too Long and makes to leave as well.

 

Stevens: “We are seconds away from our last entrant.”

 

Riley: “Everyone’s already in there, well, everyone who matters.”

 

5

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A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

“So do you wanna’ be a Franchise… And live large… A big house… five cars…”

 

Stevens: “Yes, our last entrant is ‘The Franchise’ Mak Francis. All the players are set, so let the bodies hit the floor.”

 

Francis briskly walks to the ring and enters. He blows by deKindes stomping on LDP. He jets past TNT who was looking to lockup. He pays no heed to Frost beating on Kibagami in the corner. Gives not a though to Stryke and Zenon pulling CIA to his feet. He has eyes for only one man.

 

Stevens: “Mak Francis goes straight after Danny Williams. There’s been some buzz that Francis would like to get at his former stablemate and that US title.”

 

Riley: “I’m thinking, Mark, after tonight the Magnificent 7 will hold every belt in the SWF.”

 

Stevens: “Flesher hasn’t defeated ELM yet.”

 

Riley: Yet!”

 

Francis rips Xstasy out of Williams’ grasp and throws him aside like a sack of garbage. Danny’s eyes widen with surprise for a second and then he takes a step forward to bump chests with the man. Thompson picks X off the canvas behind them. Their eyes narrow and Francis sends a right hand chop slicing through the stillness!

 

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” reply the fans.

 

Williams takes a step back, but shows no ill effects as he lasers in a chop of his own.

 

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the crowd bellows again.

 

Riley: “It’s Chopfest 2K3! They are just blistering each other with chops.”

 

Stevens: “CIA takes the ride to the ropes…comes back…double back elbow! TNT has X on his shoulder and he might be looking to powerslam him to the floor. Alex Zenon and Stryke go after him.”

 

Stryke rips X off his shoulder as Zenon nails Thompson with a forward flipping axekick to the back of the neck!

 

Stevens: “TNT takes the crackshoot and the three men are battling it out to see who gets to eliminate Xstasy and win $20,000.”

 

Tod gets LDP up right and facelocks him. He takes a hunk of pants and lifts him vertical for a suplex. He swings around from the weight, but keeps his feet. He lets Pete’s body fall back and sits down to the canvas with a modified neckbreaker to piss the audience off even more.

 

Stevens: “Cerebral Driver on Longdogger Pete in a nice display of strength from the German Wunderkind.”

 

Riley: “He’s had Pete at his mercy since he entered the ring, I don’t even think the Miami Meathead know who’s kicking his ass.”

 

Frost has Kibagami in a half nelson and starts to run forward for a bulldog. Nathan twists into Frost to slow him and doubles the monster over with a sharp knee to the gut. Kibagami hooks a facelock and kicks his feet off the mat for his Judo style DDT! However, Frost’s massive center of gravity allows him to stay upright and he wraps a big arm around Nathan’s waist. He shifts his bulk to the left and side slams him!

 

Stevens: “Nathan Kibagami is having no luck with Frost as the Icelander’s former tag partner is having no luck with Alex Zenon and Stryke.”

 

Thompson gives Stryke a big boot in the stomach to stall his tirade, but it allows Zenon to grab his near arm and wind his right through it. He palms the back of Thompson’s head and reaches his other arm over to grab his left wrist. He pulls him in a spin, rips out his left arm and TNT swirls like a top to strike the mat face first.

 

Stevens: “Crossout by Zenon! X has taken a hell of a beating and it’s not over as Stryke and Alex move into pounce.”

 

Frost hoists Kibagami up still in the side waistlock. He adjusts him for a standing spinebuster, but Nathan fights free and stuns Frost with a palm strike to the Adam’s apple! Nathan leans over to take Frost by the tops of his legs and swings him around for his finisher, but the man’s a bit two fresh for the grappler who came in first. Frost rotates around to take his feet on the mat out of the hold and drops to one knee while slamming one of his big meathooks into the side of Nathan’s chest!

 

Riley: “TOUCH OF FROST!”

 

Frost has hold of Kibagami’s right wrist. He moves to whip him to the far ropes, reverse and allows him slide under crooked arm. Frost let’s go of his hold and twirls for a spinning lariat! Kibagami’s neck almost snaps off his shoulders as he trips over the ropes. His tailbone smacks the apron with a crunch as he falls!

 

Stevens: “HELL FREEZES OVER AND NATHAN KIBAGAMI IS GONE!”

 

***************

NATHAN KIBAGAMI

Entered: 1st

Eliminated: 10th

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Frost

***************

Stevens: “Nathan really took a jarring blow on that apron. Hall and Hardcastle are helping him to his feet and toward the back.”

 

Riley: “A similar bump ended Ricky Steamboat’s career. It’s not like Frost didn’t owe the former Silent for paralyzing his girlfriend Sydney Sky in the JL. What goes around…uh…does something.”

 

Stevens: “Comes around.”

 

Riley: “……No, that’s not it.”

 

Tod methodically works LDP over on the canvas while Mak and Danny trade chops, elbows, knees, kicks and what ever stiff strike they can come up with in the upper right corner. Stryke has X by the wrists and Zenon has his ankles as they have the man stretched out between them. Alex counts as they swing the body back and forth to wing to the floor. One…Two…Thr…

 

Stevens: “ZENON SUPERKICKS STRYKE!”

 

Alex drops his end of X and waylays his supposed ally with a sharp kick to the chest. Stryke stumbles back, but didn’t take enough of the brunt of impact to go down. He looks at Zenon pissed that he was trying to take the $20,000 for himself! Stryke catches Zenon with a slashing forearm and they brawl. X gets to his feet and the fans pop. He sees the two warring men near him and leaps to the skies! He headlocks Stryke while locking his ankles around Zenon’s neck, lying like a plank between them. He rolls to the right, but doesn’t have enough oomph to take them over. They get their arms on X and buck to the left! They push him off and finally, finally, the man with the price on his head exits the contest!

 

***************

XSTASY

Entered: 5th

Eliminated: 11th

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Alex Zenon and Stryke

**************

 

Stevens: “Alex Zenon and Stryke came to blows over who was going to eliminate X, but they both do.”

 

Zenon and Stryke straighten up and face each other. They look over to the floor at X struggling up. Zenon shoves Stryke and screams, “it’s my money.” Stryke shoves back and wails, “I tossed him, it’s mine.”

 

Riley: “What happens to the money? Do they both get 20,000 or split it 10 a piece.”

 

Stevens: “Uh, they might want to watch out here.”

 

Riley: “$10,000 could still buy a lot. Say some nice furniture, like a chesterfield or an ottoman.”

 

Stevens: “Uh…guys…”

 

Riley: “You could buy a K-car. A nice Reliant automobile.”

 

Stevens: “WATCH OUT!”

 

The fans roar and the fighting men turn their heads to see what the commotion is over. The commotion being TNT and Frost charging at them with arms linked for a double clothesline! There is no time to duck, no time to dodge and no time to block. Only time to take the impact and topple over the top rope to the floor eliminated!

 

***************

STRYKE

Entered: 6th

Eliminated: 12th

Eliminations: X, Jay Dawg

Eliminated by: Frost and TNT

***************

 

***************

ALEX ZENON

Entered: 13th

Eliminated: 13th

Eliminations: X

Eliminated by: Frost and TNT

**************

 

Stevens: “CHILLY CHILLY BANG BANG REUNITES! Stryke and Zenon are out, but not finished.”

 

Zenon and Stryke both land on their feet and stare at each other. Alex shoves him in the chest again. Stryke returns the blow and they start brawling again before the refs can break them up. The pair tumbles over the guardrail and war off into the crowd with security trying to keep the excited fans at bay.

 

Stevens: “Frost points at TNT to go after Francis and Williams, while he stalks over to pick up CIA. Tod has LDP back on his woozy feet and grabs a pumphandle. The German Wet Dream Machine is on its way!”

 

Tod spins LDP up and around for a Michinoku Driver, however, he tried to do the move too fast and can’t hold the much heavier grappler. He drops Pete with a thud and slumps against the ropes holding his back.

 

Stevens: “Tod might have hurt himself there.”

 

Riley: “He’s fine, he’s just…uh…uh…time to eat my sandwich.”

 

TNT leaps into Mak’s back with a flying knee. He falls to the wayside, but Thompson takes a punt to the gut before he can hit Williams and the hardnosed wrestler cuts him down to size with Mongolian chops to the shoulder blades. Frost jerks the Canadian up by the hair hanging out of the back of his mask and gruffly turns him around for a waistlock. CIA lifts his leg and sends a kick back into Frost’s knee!

 

Stevens: “Standing switch by CIA!”

 

Riley: “Ah, a Primanti Brothers sandwich, about one of the only good things in this burgh.”

 

CIA waistlocks Frost, bends his knees and takes a deep breath of air. He slams him over with a grunt of exertion!

 

Stevens: “RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!”

 

Riley: “French fries and coleslaw right on the sandwich, can’t beat it.”

 

Williams pounds Zenon right to the mat and skips backwards to the second turnbuckle. He leaps off with a knee drop to his chest. He sees the nearby Francis stirring and hops back up to give him one as well. LDP makes his feet and Tod presses into him with right hands to force him in the corner. Pete shakes his head to ward off the impact and opens his eyes to get a good look at the man who has been pounding him for the past few minutes for the first time.

 

Riley: “Tod, run! This is no time be a man, be a coward and run!”

 

Tod fires in a few more right hands, but LDP shakes his head and smiles to excite the crowd. He reels back one of his meaty paws and sends deKindes hard to the mat with a wicked right hook!

 

Riley: “You destroy and piss on something a man created with his own two hands and he’s a bit perturbed. Go figure.”

 

Stevens: “This is the first time the two have met up since the stable Pete started became defunct and Tod will be defunct now if he’s not careful.”

 

Williams lies between Francis and Thompson. He puts a leglock on TNT’s right arm and reaches back to put an armbar on Mak’s left.

 

Riley: “Williams puts a submission move on two men at the same time. Tell me he’s not going to win.”

 

Stevens: “Until we get down to the triple threat match that only serves to wear the men down. He can’t score the win that way at this time.”

 

Riley: “But you didn’t say he wouldn’t win.”

 

CIA drags Frost up by a full nelson.

 

Stevens: “I think CIA is setting up the Via Rail. He’s been fairly quiet in this match, but now is the time to shine!”

 

Frost takes the trick he learned from CIA and kicks him in the knee to gain a standing switch. He locks the intelligence agent’s left arm in a half nelson and brings his arm over the man’s throat in a Cobra Clutch. He wraps CIA’s near leg with his and sweeps him face first to the canvas!

 

Stevens: “Icelandic leg sweep by Frost, but he still looks shaken up from that German suplex earlier.”

 

Tod tries to get up, but takes another right hand to go down. He gets up again and is knocked down again. He turns to run, but LDP wraps his fingers around his long dark hair. He tucks his head under his armpit and underhooks both arms.

 

Stevens: “Tod is going to take the Longdogger Clogger!”

 

Riley: “But it’s not as good as Metamucil for UNclogging you. Another fine ppv sponsor.”

 

Tod twists around to get his back into LDP while still tied up by him. He leans over and drives him into the mat with a funky modified backslide. Pete flips over to his feet and charges as Tod rises. He moves into the man and uses his momentum to lift him up and around for a twisting slam. He pauses as he gets an arm across LDP’s chest to complete the Formula for Failure and bellows out “AW, HELL NO!” to the jeering crowd. Tod proves to be a bit too cocky though, as LDP takes the moment to put an arm around his waist and rushes into the ropes! The pair awkwardly flip over as they kick, punch and struggle out to the floor! LDP lands on his feet with Tod hitting on his back right behind him.

 

Stevens: “TOD DEKINDES AND LDP HAVE JUST ELIMINATED EACH OTHER! ONLY FIVE MEN LEFT!”

 

***************

LONGDOGGER PETE

Entered: 17th

Eliminated: 14th

Eliminations: Tod deKindes

Eliminated by: Tod deKindes

***************

***************

TOD DEKINDES

Entered: 19th

Eliminated: 15th

Eliminations: LDP

Eliminated by: LDP

***************

 

Stevens: “We have seen almost every way someone could be eliminated from a battle royale and we’re not done yet.”

 

Riley: “Humph, mumph, gurgle, mork.”

 

Stevens: “Bobby, don’t talk with your mouth full.”

 

Riley: “Sorry, I said ‘humph, mumph, gurgle, mork.’”

 

Tod staggers to his feet and sees LDP looking to lay in another right hand. He ducks it and backs up the ramp begging off. Pete follows with a punch cocked at the ready and the audience cheering. DeKindes turns and runs for the back with Pete in hot pursuit. Fugue watches them go with a smile, still holding the ICTV Title in his outstretched arms.

 

Stevens: “That fight might go on for hours, but we have action in the ring to watch.”

 

Williams lets go of his submission holds and pulls TNT to his feet. He grips his wrist and pounds two shoulder blocks into his banged up appendage.

 

Stevens: “One has to remember that Fugue was working TNT’s arms with the Major Chord earlier. He has to be hurting.”

 

TNT brings up his other arm and staggers Williams with an elbow to the head! He twists into the ropes with Thompson now controlling the wristlock. He slashes forward to clothesline Williams over the ropes, but he ducks under and takes TNT by the knees. He pushes up and the Explosive One explodes to the floor!

 

*************

TNT

Entered: 15th

Eliminated: 16th

Eliminations: Ejiro Fasaki, Stryke, Alex Zenon

Eliminated by: Danny Williams

***************

Stevens: “Thompson hits the floor courtesy of Deathwish and he’s about ready to go out via Mak Francis!”

 

Francis charges with a forearm to the throat with Danny still laying awkwardly on the ropes and tries to force him out. Frost has CIA slung on his back and spins around with him for five rotations. He spies Williams on the brink of going out and tosses CIA nonchalantly off his back. He twists and turns through the air, strikes the ropes and lands on the apron to the gasps of the fans. Both of Danny’s feet are off the turf and his eyes look back at the floor. Frost scoops the Franchise with a hand between his legs and upends to mats below!

 

Stevens: “Another one bites the dust at the hands of Frost.”

 

***************

‘THE FRANCHISE’ MAK FRANCIS

Entered: 20th

Eliminated: 17th

Eliminations: None

Eliminated by: Frost

***************

Riley: “He saved his stablemate, the Magnificent 7 is fine.”

 

Stevens: “On the last Storm, Frost and Danny promised to save each other for last and that looks just to be what he’s doing.”

 

Frost brings Danny back in the ring and they nod their heads at each other. Frost fires a right hand, but Danny blocks and starts chopping him across the ring.

 

Stevens: “Referee Eddy Long steps into the ring as the triple threat segment begins.”

 

Riley: “IT’S THE MATCH BEYOND!”

 

Stevens: “That’s Wargames, idiot!”

 

CIA drags himself in from the apron and realizes that he has survived to the end. Not taking time for a breather or reflection, he sprints across the ring and catches Williams in the side of the head with a flying forearm. Frost falls into the ropes and grabs his blistering chest. CIA runs to him with an elbow pulled all the way back and slams him in the skull!

 

Stevens: “Bionic elbow! Frost crumples! CIA covers!”

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TH-

 

Stevens: “Danny Williams dives for the save!”

 

Riley: “Frost is the freshest man in there. He has to use that to his advantage and let Williams and CIA wear each other down.”

 

Stevens: “I thought you picked Williams to win?”

 

Riley: “You know these sandwiches are really good with hot sauce.”

 

Williams pulls CIA up by his hair, but the Canadian pushes away from him. Danny makes with a spinning elbow, but CIA ducks under it and moves into Williams with a shoulder to the stomach. He cinches a waistlock and hauls him up. He twirls and swirls him before driving him gut first across his knee!

 

Stevens: “Spinning gutbuster and we have another cover!”

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THR-

 

Riley: “Frost saves with a double axe handle!”

 

He throws CIA off of Danny and hooks his leg for a cover of his own!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE-

 

Stevens: “KICK OUT! Williams kicks out! All three men are exhausted from this grueling contest and the end has to shortly be near.”

 

Frost yanks Danny up and into a facelock. He takes a handful of tights for extra lift and hoists him up. He slams back to bayonet his skull into the mat!

 

Stevens: “ICE PICK! THE COVER!”

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE-

 

Stevens: “CIA SAVES WITH A DIVING ELBOW SMASH!”

 

CIA pushes Frost off of Williams and makes his own cover!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE-

 

Stevens: “Williams kicks out again!”

 

Riley: “I’ve got to hide my eyes. I don’t think I can watch!”

 

CIA rises to his knees, but is roughly hauled up to his feet by Frost with a hand in his hair. Frost grinds his fingers in and twists CIA into him. He gives him a smart left hook to the cheek and then stretches his right arm across his chest and under his arm.

 

Stevens: “THE ICE SHELF! NO! COUNTERED!”

 

Riley: “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

CIA reverses to get behind Frost and clamps his hands behind his head in a full nelson. Frost tries to fight free, but doesn’t have much time before CIA draws on every bit of strength he has left to get the Iceman up and slam him down!

 

Stevens: “VIA RAIL! CIA is pointing to the top rope!”

 

Riley: “OH SWEET JESUS!”

 

The fans explode one more time, but what might very be the last time in this match. CIA quickly scales the turnbuckles and faces the crowd. He fires off a military salute and looks to moonsault off for the Air Canada…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stevens: “DANNY WILLIAMS RUNS UP TOP!”

 

Williams stands with his feet on the second rope and pummels CIA with forearms to the side! He spins him around and forces him to sit on the turnbuckles. He advances to the top rope and grabs a facelock!

 

Stevens: “WILLIAMS LINES UP THE SUPERPLEX! NO! CIA HOOKS HIS FEET IN THE ROPES AND WON’T GO OV…NO! CHRIST!”

 

Riley: “FUCK! AND I DON’T MEAN THAT IN THE GOOD KIND OF WAY! THAT STUPID BASTARD IS GOING TO REVERSE THE SUPERPLEX!”

 

The throng in attendance catches their collective breaths in their throats as CIA takes a handful of tights and rails back. He stands on his precarious perch, shaky but firm, and throws Williams off!

 

Stevens: “RELEASE VERTICAL SUPERPLEX TO THE FLOOR!”

 

Williams smacks with a meaty wet thud and lies still. The referees rush to his aide. The camera cuts back to the ring just in time to see Frost shake the ropes! CIA falls to crotch himself on the top turnbuckle. Frost ascends the ropes!

 

Riley: “Lord man didn’t you see what happened to Williams? Get down from there!”

 

Frost stands on the top rope with his right hand cupped around CIA’s throat. He lets a primal scream out before looping back to send CIA hurtling to the canvas below. They say that one’s life flashes before their eyes as death approaches. CIA chuckles internally at how easily the mind can be fooled.

 

Stevens: “TOP ROPE CHOKESLAM! FROST HOLDS THE THROAT FOR THE PIN!”

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

DING DING DING

 

Funyon: “Here is your winner of the third annual Clusterfuck! FRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!”

 

Stevens: “What a blazingly hot finish as Frost squeaks out a win in one of the most brutal and insane matches this commentator has ever seen.”

 

Riley: “Is it safe to look now?”

 

Frost releases his grip on CIA and stands. Long tries to lift his arm in victory, but shakes him off. He peers down at the EMT’s assisting Danny Williams. He’s unconscious, but hopefully that is all. Frost steps his long legs over the ropes to the apron and hops to the floor. He strides up to Fugue who holds his title belt out to him. Frost takes it from his hands and slaps it over his rights shoulder. He puts a hand on the back of the daffy grappler’s shoulder and ushers him up the ramp. The camera picks Frost up sayings, “Good job, kid, let me get you a cigar in the back.”

 

Stevens: “The paramedics are working on Williams on the floor and the officials are helping CIA up in the ring. I don’t know what to say.”

 

Riley: “Want a bite of my sandwich?”

 

Stevens: “No that I do know. We have to clear the ring and set up for the main event. Tom Flesher and El Luchadore Magnifico square off in pro wrestling’s first ever Submission/Ladder match. It should be huge. Please check out the Clusterfucke stats as we prepare for what should be a fantastic capper to a fantastic night.

 

***************

CLUSTERFUCK WINNER: Frost

TRIPLE THREAT RUNNERS UP: Danny Williams and CIA

TRIO OF SHAME (first three eliminated to be punished by the Suicide King): Xero, Michael Craven and Johnny Dangerous

$20,000 X ELIMINATION PRIZE WINNERS: Stryke and Alex Zenon

BUSHWACKER IN AND OUT AWARD: Xero

BLACK SABBATH IRON MAN AWARD: Nathan Kibagami

DIESEL MOST ELIMINATIONS AWARD: Frost

***************

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

God damnit. I wanted to win this one. Here it is...

 

boom. explosion. everybody dies but edwin.

[Guest kelloggs]

I tried it and wish I had some more time to actually build to my ending... but I can honestly say that I'm never writing a match in this style again.

---------------------------------------------------------

 

The lights, or lack there of, the glitz, the crowd… it all makes for great television. They always try their damnedest to entertain an audience with an aptitude for the sport, while still making memories for the young. I was so excited when I caught my first LIVE pro wrestling match in grade school. That must be how the girl to our left, sitting next to me, with her mom and dad felt, maybe 20 minutes ago, or that kid I saw in the hallway on his dad’s shoulders, while we were getting some hot dogs and beer with my fake id. Their eyes light up, as they catch their first glimpse of greatness, or mediocrity, or just an out and out DUD. Does it really matter? Who cares if it’s a technical masterpiece between two wrestlers, well ‘Workers’ for you wannabe smarts out there or two members of the old guard just trying to bring the quality. I don’t think it does because I’m not like those smarks out there. I can appreciate the art for what it is and remember when I didn’t know about message boards. When it was cool to like Shawn Michaels, and not make gay wise cracks about him being a ‘Born again Christian’. When, I could like the New Age Outlaws because they had the crowd in the palm of their hands, every time they cut THE promo. When, everybody booed the Rock except me and my high school buddies, not because we were black, but because he was fuckin’ cool in The NoD and The Corporation with his people’s, slash, corporate champ spiel. Rocky was the quintessential heel that you loved to hate and even though we weren’t smarks, somehow, we knew it. That’s what made him my favorite.

 

But I digress. I’m a nineteen year old college kid, who has traveled by car, with two friends, over four and a half, closer to five, HOURS, to arrive in the sold out Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania! Home of many things, all of which suck in comparison to Philadelphia, a.k.a. my home town!

 

The reason I’m here?

 

You’ll know that in about five minutes. Anyways, like I said before I’m not your typical, run of the mill, smark. The cock sucker with the dated ‘Marks’ sign with arrows pointing everywhere, three rows back… the overweight jackass to our right in the Hello kitty tee shirt, two sizes too small mind you, with a sign that advertises his forum… prime examples. I’ve always said that if a match made me remember what it was like to be that kid who ‘WHOOOOed’ with his uncle after seeing Ric Flair, then it did everything I needed it to. The Hville Thugg versus Perfect Bo in an, I QUIT match, did just that. There’s no need for snowflakes, stars, whatever you want to call them when a match entertains you… has you on the edge of your seat wanting one man or woman to maim and kill the other. I swear… there’s just something about a good finish that makes you want to cheer or boo, even when you know it’s fake. Well not fake, but “planned out”. I hate it when my dumb ass friends at the dorm say “You know wrestling’s fake, right?” Of course, I know it’s all planned out, but still, there’s just something about it that draws me in. If I could explain it I would, as it has forced me to work my ass off just to get the money to pay for these second row seats. Chris had money from his summer job at foot locker, yea at using his sneaker discount by the way, locked up… I’m truly sorry, pardon my punage and Mike… well Mike is just a rich motherfucker. I hate that by the way, but at least he’s a cool, rich motherfucker. I’m decked out in my NEW Mak Francis DEFINITION tee shirt, which has three concentric dollar signs, in different shades of green to show perspective, with “Franchisable (adj):” under it on the front and “Far and away better than a normal wrestler”, on the back. Mike’s sporting an Ego Buster tee, while Chris is rocking that vintage carnie hockey jersey that Raynor used to wear. Now, I’m a little upset because that same goober with the ‘MARKS’ sign, has now put that down, praise Jesus, for the more conventional ‘The people behind this sign can’t see’… he needs to DIE!

 

“WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” Bellows Funyon interrupting my current train of thought. Has it been five minutes already? “This contest is a TWENTY MAN, OVER THE TOPE ROPE… ELIMINATION CHALLENGE!”

 

This is it. The match that should always be fun no matter who’s in it…

 

“After seventeen men and women have been eliminated, there will be a Triple threat rules match for the number one contender to the Smarks Wrestling Federation, HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WOOOOOOOORLD!”

 

Finally, what I’ve been waiting for, for five painfully LONG minutes…

 

“And the right to be called winner of the aptly named, two thousand and three… CLUSTERFUCK!”

 

Da Fuck.

 

The crowd ignites in approval of Funyon’s attempt at a hard sell. I swear, they’ve done about three or four of these. One, before the PPV started, another before the Bo versus Thugg I QUIT match, and this last one during the slight intermission that just went down. I probably missed one somewhere along the way.

 

I’m still in shock that I got these tickets, and I must reiterate every five minutes that I worked my ass off for them, but it has been well worth it so far. I’m pretty much right behind Bobby Riley and Grand Slam Mark Stevens, so I can kinda hear most of what they are saying. If I listen really close…

 

“-ello fans,” shouts the Heavy Hitter above the crowds roar. “-can’t believe-” is another phrase I pick up but I’m only getting bits and pieces. If I can hardly hear him, then he must be having a hard time listen to his ear piece. He says something about this being the first ever full twenty person Clusterfuck in SWF History and the standard shilling of this being one for the ages, all in that eloquent style he has. Bobby Riley yells about the same things Mark did, but of course he busts out one of those heelish jokes that I love so much. This one was about him being the ‘Grand Shill’, a personal favorite of mine. That’s awesome; I’m a part of history and nobody can take that away from me, even if I did work my ass off for them… what… it’s been a couple of minutes!

 

“Now the main question is… who will be the first and second entrants into the Clusterfuck!” Shouts Stevens and now I can finally hear him clearly as the crowd has quieted considerably. I’ve been a part of some loud crowds, Philly being the home of the best, slash, worst fans in the United States. I hate how everyone says Philly’s not the city of brotherly love. WE’RE FRIENDLY DAMMIT! We don’t riot after winning the NCAA final four like Michigan, or the NBA championship like Los Angles! We haven’t killed anyone after the 93 World Series, The Stanley Cup in 1997 or 2001. Even the recent Eagles loss, which I have to admit almost killed my will to live, didn’t turn into the insurrection everyone thought it might be! Now if we had won the Superbowl… but seriously, the worst we’ve done is throw a battery or two at that no talent hack J.D., no not the wrestler, and boo Santa Claus… and that wasn’t even our fault because that guy was TERRIBLE! Mike isn’t from Philadelphia, but I ask you why, oh why, did he have to be from New York. Somewhere around Buffalo to be exact, which would explain the Tom Flesher shirt, I guess? So, Chris and I had to school him on our fans. He once made the mistake of thinking his opinions, like, mattered at all. I know, go figure. This just in, New York and in particular the Mets and those goddamn Yankees, can, and I quote, “Eat a bag of dicks!”

 

“Coming in number one and winning has to be the most difficult way I can think of winning this twenty man and woman battle royal!” adds Stevens after saying some other stuff that I wasn’t paying attention to.

 

“Yeah Mark,” starts Riley, “Whoever is first, is at about as big of a disadvantage as Magnifico in the Main Event! Tom’s going to end his King’s road and become the beacon of hat-errr… love that we all knew he could be!”

 

The one thing that I love about battle royals like this is… nobody knows what the order is. There are no internet leaks to spoil the surprise and thank god because you just know that somebody would post it and forget the spoilers tag. And was it just me, or did Stevens just mumble something about ‘I am a beacon of hate’ being someone else’s gimmick. I’ll have to look that one up on the dirt sheets. Grand Spam, yes I just called him that because I’m a smark and everything I say must be funny, asks Riley about something or another… probably why he’s SUCH A FLAMMING HOMOSEXUAL, but in a veil way and we get this gem in response.

 

“What can I say?” he questions. “I’ve got a Superiority complex.”

 

That Riley, I wonder if he add libed that one. Seriously, after Chris told me what Stevens asked him, it makes perfect sense. Pure unadulterated, GOLD! Now they go back to arguing about which ‘Worker’ will be number one and I for one don’t understand why the hell Tod deKindes isn’t booked into that slot. He’s number 19 or some shit like that. I mean, come on Tod, REALLY, whose won at number nineteen! If you’re going to go for a late entry go all the way.

 

Suddenly, the lights turn a deep shade of red and KMFDM’s “Adios” increases in volume as the lights begin to flicker! Some fans cheer, some fans boo and I just watch as I know, just like everyone else in the arena that the Silent One has arrived. Excuse me Nathan Kibagami has arrived. The burning ankh on the SmarksTron is a dead give away. Up near the entrance a cloud of fog starts to roll out from behind the curtain at and the lyrics to his theme hit… I can only catch the last couple because of the crowd…

 

It's been too many times…that I raised my voice (at you)

It's been too many times…that I walked the line (with you)

It's been too many times…that I've had no choice (but you)

Hypocritical swine…I have had it this time..

FUCK YOU…

 

An explosion of red pyrotechnics at ringside at the top of the ramp occur, as Nathaniel Kibagami, Angel-less for the first time in a while, makes his way through the curtain and I’m like, can this entrance be any longer! Christ, it rivals Francis and Zenon in lyrics! But Mike Craven far and away takes home the gold in the length category. I REALLY wanted to see it live too, so that I could trash talk Craven about it in person. By the way, Chris loves the way they’re playing up Kibagami as the bad ass face.

 

“I LOVE THE WAY THEY’RE PLAYING KIBS UP AS A BAD ASS FACE!” adds Chris, yelling over the pop of the crowd.

 

See.

 

He does seem like the kind of guy that would pound on Zenon for no reason and still get a face reaction… speaking of Alex, who wants to bet that Silent stays in until Alex is brought down. Kibs strides down to ringside, not really paying attention to us fans, so Mike comments on his girl Angel being hot and whatnot, but he’s all like NO POBO~! So I rail off a comment about Zenon boning his girl AND HE STILL NO-SELLS IT! Jesus, he’d probably no sell getting hugged off a cliff, through a table, onto sharp, pointy rocks! Doesn’t make sense… read the dirt sheets. He slides into the ring underneath the bottom rope and then Kibs leaps onto the second turnbuckle, extending his arms briefly in the familiar crucifix pose, which is used more than I care to comment on, as the lights come up and his theme fades out into nothingness… I wonder if they’d bring out Zenon next. Probably not, as they need to play up Kibs push, but hey anything can happen in the SWF…

 

The crowd quiets down, allowing me to hear Funyon intro Kibs. “In the number one position, weighing in at 242 lbs. from Phoenix, Arizona… NATHANIEL KIB-A-GAAAAMIIII!

 

Silent cracks his neck inside the ring, as the lights dim to a harsh red! Again dammit?! Can’t anyone come up with a better color than red?! The drumbeats from the beginning of Rage Against the Machine's "Testify" get louder and louder, and we all boo like a motherfucker when the cymbal hits before…

 

"NOW TESTIFY!"

 

More red pyros shoot up and I’m starting to wonder just how good the SWF’s financial backing is. I mean, are they gonna’ give EVERYBODY their full entrances with pyrotechnics! His SmarksTron flashes those nice M7 cut things and Judge Mental, get it? Judgmental! That is so cool by the way, makes his way down to ringside, playing to the fans with your basic heelish taunts, just to make sure we know he’s the heel and not Kibs. Nice touch! As he’s about halfway down the ramp Fun-pac intros him…

 

“Making his way down to ringside, weighing in at 242 lbs. from Royal Oak, Michigan… JUDGE MENT-AAAALLLL!”

 

The Judgmental one takes his last step down the ramp, entering the ring like he’s the slightly overweight old guy that he is. Don’t get me wrong, Mental is one of my favorite ‘Workers’, but he’s too slow and plodding in the ring sometimes. On my message board, which I won’t shill because I’m not the overweight jackass to our left, who is STILL pushing his goddamn sign behind Stevens and Riley… I thought that security would have taken it by now. It’s annoying and just plain assholish! Yeah I just made up a new word, sue me. Anyways, on the message board I defend Mental because he’s always trying to bring the quality, even in his late forties, I think? I’ll ask Mike…

 

“Yeah, he’s old!” not the answer I wanted Mike. Jesus, wait to state the obvious. “I think he’s 45? That sound right?”

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

I nod my head as the bell rings and Sexton Hardcastle, Anthony Michael Hall and Billy Chioda circle the ring. Hmm… only three ref’s… Anyways, Judge and Kibs lock up, causing the swank counter, which is placed on the SmarksTron, to start. I can’t believe it, neither man takes an advantage… and parity is the theme of the day. Now you just know Silent’s gonna’ whoop Judge’s ass pillar to post until a M7 member comes in! They really want to get Kibs over as a face, pitting him against the M7 right from the get go. They exchange fancy wristlocks, which is a spot I’m a HUGE fan off! The Judge attempts a kick to the knee but Nathan blocks with his shin, stunning Mental and takes control, pulling his head down about waist level…

 

“DAMNNNNNNN!” shouts the fellow smark, I assume, to our left as his teenage daughter is cheering on Kibs like she has his poster on the ceiling above her bed! I guess that’s why the re cappers call them ‘Knee Strikes of Incredible Death’. Silent bludgeons Judge with a second and third strike that he tries to block, but STILL sells like gun shots, sending Mental into the ropes and like any dutiful heel he bails through the middle and top ropes, electing to catch a breather. Mental must be getting a nice sized push to sell like that. Stevens points out that it’s been just about a minute by the counter and Judge is doing a great job on the outside selling. Kibs is calling him back into the ring, but he wants no part of him.

 

“Come on Judge,” encourages Bobby Riley, “Kibagami’s no match for your judicious reasoning and submissions!”

 

“I think he’s legitimately afraid Bobby and he has good reason as the man formerly known as Silent is not one to take lightly!”

 

Okay, their really giving this the hard sell. I already know an M7 member is coming down, but the question is who? It’s not Frost since he got eighteen in that segment with King on Storm, I think? Danny would be a good choice here, but they need to bring out someone that Kibs can fight off- wait, I almost forgot to count…

 

 

“THREEE!” shouts the crowd in unison. “TWOOOOO!” they continue louder than the first time.

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

“Sellout" by Biohazard blares in the background, as the SmarksTron fires up once again and we get treated to some more lovely M7 clips.

 

“Making his way down to ringside, weighing in at 188 lbs. from Sarasota, Florida… EJIRO FAAAA-SAAAA-KIIII!”

 

*Sigh*, I hate being a know it all, but what can I say, that’s just the way I am. Ejiro Fasaki, the newly bumped and former SJL Champion, makes his way down the ramp and he and Mental have a little chat. The two men slide in, from different sides of the ring and Kibs gets a quick kick in on Judge, knocking him back to the outside before he can even get in, through the ropes of course, not eliminating him and leaving Fasaki all by his lonesome. You just knew this was going to happen after that ‘desire’ promo he cut. Ejiro dives at Nathan looking to hit a double axe handle and Kib’s turns around all menacing, stopping him in his tracks…

 

“I think Fasaki just realized exactly what he’s gotten himself into…” states Stevens and the crowd pops as Fasaki grows a spine and fires off an reverse rolling elbow! Which Kibs blocks, then proceeds to do what I discussed on the dirt sheets with a few guys I know…

 

(10:18pm) (Ejiro) I figure in every version of Cfuck... Silent will be kicking Judge much

(10:18pm) (@Judge) Yeah. That's basically the first two minutes.

(10:19pm) (Ejiro) Yes.

(10:19pm) (Ejiro) Than I come out...

(10:19pm) (Ejiro) And Silent kicks me out of the ring

(10:19pm) (Ejiro) and then kicks Judge again

 

That’s the basic idea… Ejiro eats a boot to the mouth that sends him flailing back. And Silent follows up with another kick to send the floundering Fasaki stumbling into the ropes, going over the top - but holding on and falling onto the apron. Nathan notices this and backs up looking to send Ejiro to the outside with a Yakuza Kick!! But Judge comes into the picture, yanking him down to the canvas by his ankles. Judge quickly scurries back into the ring, getting to his feet as Nathan gets to one knee. The crafty old vet does cheating proud by…

 

“-kicking him while he’s down!” Shouts Stevens. “Judge Mental’s just kicking Kibagami right in the back of the head!”

 

“You know the expression kick him while he’s down?” questions Riley. “Judge invented that back in the 1950’s!”

 

Stevens says something about Mental not even being alive in the fifties and I think Riley is one of the best inane color men in the business! Ejiro finds his way back into the ring, crawling on all fours into a corner, as Kibs picks himself up, fending off Judge’s stomps. Silent, against all odds, well not really but you get the point, backs Judge off with a dreaded shotei, which, no matter how hard Tom Flesher tries I just can’t see as a valid attack and Judge, being wise and whatnot use his momentum to bounce off the ropes and plaster Kibs back down to the canvas with a rebound clothesline! Ejiro being the slimy heel that he is finishes shaking the cobwebs out and follows up with a rolling neck snap out of the corner, to a now sitting up Silent. Judge and Ejiro, lay the boots to Kibs as Stevens has ‘HEART ATTACK NUMBER ONE-AH~!’ for Da Fuck…

 

“Reprehensible!” Bellows Stevens. “This has just turned into a glorified two on one!”

 

And that’s what makes it good. That teenage girl with the crush on Kibs is near tears ALREADY! She’s about to fuckin’ ball and he hasn’t even played face in peril for TWO MINUTES! But nice subtle psych going after the neck, as K. is definitely trying to ‘protect’ it. Did I mention I’m feeling the heels! Oh, almost forgot about the countdown again…

 

“THREEE!”

 

 

“TWOOOOO!”

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

Trumpets trumpet, the SmarksTron does its thing and I Get Wet" by Andrew W.K. plays, as the lights in the arena dim, ANOTHER red spotlight… motherfucker this is starting to piss me off, shines at the top of the ramp. Annie Eclectic blazes from behind the curtain in a full sprint before I can even ask if she gives great head.

 

Funyon is a little late on the intro as she’s almost already in the ring, making a beeline for Judge Mental! “Uh… quickly making her way to ringside, weighing in at 175 lbs., from Indianapolis, Indiana… “The Hardcore Queen” ANNIE EEEEEE-CLEC-TIIIIIIIC!”

 

There’s no playing to the crowd, but they pop huge anyway for the Midnight Carnival member, as she dives under the ropes and swings her kendo stick, bokken for you Japanese out there, around above her head like CAPTAIN CAAAAAAVE-MAN! Ugh-a bung-a, me Allison Marie, me… ah that’s already played and I just thought it up. Chris, on the other hand is a HARDKORE MARK of the Hardcore Queen. He even does the ‘...by DECREE... of the Hardcore Queen.’ spiel along with her. I have my mark hard moments, but sheesh… Ejiro continues to lay the boots to Silent neck, while Judge turns and dashes towards the center of the ring…

 

THWAP!

THWAP!

 

Two shots, one to the gut and one to the back, hunch the Judge over! Ejiro takes note and quits his stomping session, pushing Kibagami under the bottom rope and to the outside as Annie lifts Mental’s face up with the tip of her bokken, points to herself and…

 

“This shot is... by DECREE... of the Hardcore Queen!”

 

THWAAAAAAAAP!

 

Damn… Annie’s going all Tommy F’n Dreamer on the old guy in the center of the ring and Judge sells the shot like a piledriver in Memphis! They have to show a replay of that, as I can hear Stevens calling it! He is D-E-D, DEAD! Judge is really selling like a champ! And there’s the blood, but I know he bladed. I’m a smark after all and if she potatoed him, he’d be pissed and not selling for her like she was the second coming Edwin MacPhisto! Anyways, Judge will be wearing the crimson mask by the end of this thing because that thing is pissing blood! Annie’s looking for the killing blow, as if the straight on shot that Bill leaned into wasn’t enough – but Ejiro dashes into the picture with a toe kick that bends her over, the follows up with a wrist lock, causing her to drop her cane and allowing him to throw a leg over her shoulder, before sitting out in Rock-a-Billy… Mr. Ass… when was Monty ever cool… ah yes, Bad Ass Billy Gunn fashion, driving her into the mat!

 

“Fasaki fuser!” shills Riley as Judge begins to stir on the mat a mere few feet away from Ejiro and Annie. Boy the crowd is really on Fasaki for a bumpie. He’s looking prime for a longevity push with his stamina too. Ejiro is playing off Annie like she’s nothing, toeing her in the back of the head, before kicking her in the ribs! WOW! Mark talks about Annie’s injuries as she spasms on the mat, but her ‘UNDYING WILL TO FIGHT~!’ has kicked in and she coerces herself to stand, making it to one knee. Fasaki has his back turned and Judge is still checking his bloody face. Everybody around me, especially Chris raises up and chants “ANN-E” giving her the energy to rise to her feet. She looks around on wobbly legs for her bokken and spots it… in the hands of Ejiro as he force feeds her it with a STO, or leg trip sweep for those not puro inclined… I say again with her own GODDAMN Singapore cane! That’s fuckin’ ace! Then he discards the cane to the upper right corner. Annie’s clutching her throat, gasping for air and her back is arched like she using Herbal Essence and just had a totally organic experience! Chris did say he noticed that her hair is a lot shinier, with better body and build… *ahem* Anyways, I now know why I like Ejiro the most out of the bumpie class for Clusterfuck. It’s because Ejiro is justice and Ejiro is rule, don’t believe me… check the dirt sheets…

 

<The_Mak> Ejiro is justice! Ejiro is rule!

(9:03pm) (@SuperiorOne) is Raw worth watching this week?

<The_Mak> Ejiro is justice! Ejiro is rule!

(9:03pm) (Action) * Judge agrees with Mak.

<The_Mak> my apologizes it just needed to be said again

 

The crowd deflates and the M7 duo goes to work on Annie. By the way, look at Judge and Ejiro working over the ribs with kicks… next comes the back subs, I’m sure. Ring psych, the love of all smarks… OH SHIT! Ejiro slaps on THE Camel Clutch and Judge follows up with a Boston crab, which is going to be a running theme. I guarantee at least three different crab variations put on Annie by Judge as long as they are both still in this thing. Annie is about to tap, and she still looks like she can’t breath from that STO, DAMN, but that means exactly jack shit since you need to go over the top to be eliminated. Stevens has ‘HEART ATTACK NUMBER TWO-AH~!’ for the show, pleading for someone to do something, while Riley cackles and KIBS comes to the rescue, now finally back inside the ring!! He charges forward and…

 

THWAP!

 

Steps on Ejiro’s bent knee, propelling his body to the height of the Emperor’s face, popping him in the side of his nose with the Shining Wizard~! Kenji Mutoh would roll over in his grave, even though he’s alive, if he wasn’t such a lazy, half assed ‘Worker’. Ejiro takes a tumble towards the ropes and Mental quickly understands that someone broke Fasaki’s hold by the change in Annie’s body angle. Mental drops Eclectic’s legs and turns around to face Kibs and it is go time…

 

“Business is about to pick up!” says Mike in a funny J.R. impression that makes me chuckle, but I’m really wondering who the next person in will be… I’ll find out in “THREEE!”… “TWOOOOOOO!”… “ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

Judge scores first with a knife-edge chop backing Kibagami up and the lights go dark stopping me from seeing the in ring action! Judge and Kibs look to be trading knife-edge chops and shotei’s, while Annie is crawling towards the ropes near the corner, to get up to her feet. “Come With Me” by Puff Daddy comes over the speaker system and you can tell who the knows the Joy of X, as we all cover our eyes in anticipation of the BRILLIANT white light that pours from the arena entryway! Steven’s and most of the audience, me included, are marking out as X enters at number five!

 

“Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 211 lbs., from Washington, D.C.… X-STASSSSSSS-CYAAAAH!” says Fun-daddy, introducing us all to the joy of X!

 

Xstasy’s silhouette is projected by this light as he stands there, and then runs down. Once he reaches the ring, the light dissipates, and the ring is illuminated as he takes to the turnbuckle on the outside, near Fasaki and displays the sign of the X. Fasaki, whose nose has a small amount of blood seeping from it, wipes it away with the back of his hand and nimbly hops up the turnbuckle pads catching X with a dirty cheap shot! Man, by the end of Clusterfuck, Ejiro’s gonna’ be SO over in my book! After taking a tumble, X looks to get back in the ring - but the Emperor has climbed through the ropes and is standing on the apron to deliver a double axe handle! He leaps off – BUT X backflips~! With no hands mind you, kicking him in the chest with his left foot and the JAW with the OTHER~! And this crowd is feeling the JOY… OF… X! That’s why I can still mark for the guy. See, it really sucks that he’s probably more strung out than Robert Downy Jr. because X is one of my all time favorites. He’s got more talent than the entire roster, but not even being a Kliq member can cover for him not showing up in the ring. It’s good to see him doing those cool moves again and if he can lay off whatever he’s been on, I’d love for him to stick around.

 

Stevens is trying to yell over the pop after that X Whipback Kick but it’s hard to hear. “-dge and -athan-up-brawl-” I asks Chris if he got that, but he couldn’t hear either. Whatever, I’m too focused on Ejiro, who crawls towards the ramp, looking half concussed and X, finished playing to the crowd, grabs Fasaki and whips him towards the apron – but Ejiro reverses and shakily charges in… HE’S STILL SELLING THE WHIPBACK KICK~! I’m really becoming an Ejiro fan… and so are Mike and Chris. X scores a back kick to the charging Ejiro and then springboards off of the second rope with an Asai moonsault… which Ejiro runs in front of – BUT X lands on his feet!! Fasaki turns around to see the carnage of a botched Asai, giving him just enough time to side step a knee strike! These guys are so fast paced, that I forgot all about Judge, who’s face has stopped bleeding and Kibs brawling in ring. Mental’s got some blood in his hair, but if he’s going to follow my prediction of crimson mask he’s still got a lot of bleeding to do. Ejiro’s going to need a break soon. Annie’s finally pulled herself up and is currently resting in the upper right corner after taking a Fasaki fuser and cane assisted STO early. Meanwhile, Ejiro has rushed forward and Xstasy lifted him overhead causing him to stand on the apron with his back to the crowd. Ejiro with a back kick to X in mid turn… PARITY~! Xstasy takes a few steps back and that’s all the leeway Fasaki needs to dive off the mat, in a blockbuster from the apron to the floor!! That was cool beyond words! Ejiro is justice! Ejiro is rule! After saying that out loud it’s actually not too long for a chant, if I ever felt like it…

 

“Judge and Nathan are going at it tooth and nail inside the ring,” comments Stevens, “while Ejiro ends an unbelievable sequence with a blockbuster from the apron to the floor!!”

 

“Ejiro is taunting the crowd as he holds X up like a prized trophy!” adds Riley.

 

Ejiro, who can now be referred to as ‘Justice and Rule’ tosses X back in and stands over him before he snitches in the wristlock, bends X over at the waist, placing his leg on him for a Fasaki Fuser – but X counters lifting him up into the air for what looks like a powerbomb… actually, he lets him fall down into kind of a piledriver setup… looks like the Owen Driver with Ejiro’s arms dangling to the canvas… WAIT! He’s trying to HOOK EJIRO’S ARMS WITH HIS LEG! Ejiro’s walking on his hands to avoid it, but X hooks an arm! Ejiro’s facial expression is great, as he panics trying to keep the other arm free, but it’s inevitable… ooh time to count again… the word “THREEE!” is bellowed, quickly followed by “TWOOOOOOOOO!” and finally…

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

A mix of the Jay Gordon remix of Linkin Park’s ”Points of Authority” and Xstasy hooking the other arm, causes the SWF fans to rise and cheers as after a few moments Stryke slowly walks out of the entranceway, orange and white pyro spraying up from each side of the stage. I still can’t believe the SWF has enough money for all of these entrances… just wait until Craven comes out… bankruptcy. Meanwhile, X pivots and falls down to the canvas crushing ‘Justice and Rule’ with a Styles Clash that has barely eeked out Ejiro as highlight of my night!

 

Funyon clears his throat and begins. “Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 218lbs., from Sydney, Australia… STRRR-YRRRKEEEEEEE!”

 

Stryke briefly stops to soak up the cheers of the crowd, before making his way down the ramp, as X plays to the crowd for a good ten to fifteen seconds, so whatever maneuver he’s trying here is going to be big and going to get counter and or miss completely! Stryke quickly slides into the ring, getting to his feet in the near corner, as X points to the air, calling for the ‘Xclusion~!’ and takes a one footed leap onto the middle rope, then steps up onto the top cable, prepping for his inverted senton bomb…

 

 

…

 

 

But the newly entered Stryke dropkicks his feet from under him, causing Xstasy’s legs to snap against the top cable as his body falls almost perpendicular to the mat!! Mark has ‘MINI STROKE NUMBER THREE-AH~!’ trying to explain what happened as they apparently go to replay. Riley points out the fact that King put out a contract on X’s head for twenty thousand in cash!

 

“You have to agree Bobby,” begins the Heavy Hitter, “that King has taken this grudge against Xstasy WAY TOO FAR!”

 

“All I know is that twenty thousand dollars in cold hard cash is equivalent to half of a new H2 Hummer for one of these guys!” says a very serious Bobby Riley. After all, if Labrone James has one you know it must be the shit. “To these guys, X is like Reeces peanut butter candy,” adds Riley, while Mark just gives him a questioning gaze. He’s probably hoping he won’t - “everybody wants a piece of his sweet ass!”

 

Say something gay…

 

In ring, Ejiro and Stryke have lifted the Xceptional one to his feet and are trying to toss him over the top ropebut he’s holding on! A little behind them and to their left, the Judge has finally stopped that boring brawling with an attempt at a German suplex, which gets parried with a standing switch into a rear leg takedown and Kibs floats over before he slaps on a triangle choke, that gets niftily counter into a one armed powerbomb by Mental! Surprisingly nice counter wrestling for a battle royal! Kibagami releases the Judge’s arm and they both roll away after what I’d consider a stalemate… when suddenly Kibs gets a SURGE of energy and blasts forward hitting THE Burning Lariat~! To quote a man that said it best, “Stiff as all hell, just like Kobashi’s. This isn’t your standard North American clothesline, oh no…this is a LARIAT. You’ll want to duck this one, people.” Truer words have not been spoken.

 

“Ouch!” mumbles Mike, myself and the pop of the teenage girl.

 

“I think Heartford is dead… again…” states Mike, with a cringe on his face. “That was almost as nasty as the fuckin’ cane shot!”

 

“Nothing will be nastier than that bokken shot,” Oh no. Please don’t say it Chris. I’ll buy you another couple of beers and a hotdog. “…by DECREE... of the Hardcore Queen!” Time to just nod my head and look away… I can’t believe he said it! Just wait until Annie actually gets back into the match. He’ll start foaming at the mouth or something! Kibs shakes out his arm after imposing his will on the Judge, as Ejiro and Stryke continue attempting to get X over the top and out of this match. And it’s time for another countdown to mediocrity…

 

“THREEE!”

 

 

“TWOOOOOOOOO!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

 

The house lights dim, just as the words “Johnny Dangerous!” comes from a sultry female voice and the fans respond with a roar of cheers!

 

Suddenly the theme from “Mission Impossible 2” by Limp Bizkit, blares from the massive wall to wall PA system, as colorful arrays of lights begins circling over the arena. On the SmarksTron, Johnny Dangerous is shown snowboarding down a cliff, jumping off said cliff and parachuting! A few shots of his hitting the cover up and armed and dangerous from different angles our mixed in with the central theme clip of Johnny’s snowboarding stunt.

 

Fun-stick makes the call. “Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 210lbs., from Las Vegas, Nevada… JOHNNY DAAAAN-GEROUSssssss!”

 

Johnny strides from behind the curtain backstage, taking his sweet time which amounts to a little more than thirty seconds, even winking at the girl next to me. Well, she’s too busy marking for Kibs to worry about Johnny. Now call me a mark, or idiot, which ever you prefer, but I actually like Johnny Dangerous. He’s got great mic skills and is a decent worker in ring. Sure he punches a lot, but like the Rock, he can draw the crowd into a match. He’s had great matches with Fugue and I’m actually glad to see the guy repackaged into one of the best gimmicks in SJL history. He worked his way back up and I like that.

 

Stryke and Fasaki continue to push at X, but he won’t move, as Johnny enters the ring. Dangerous goes into the ring and looks around for something to do. Silent is laying the boots to a balled up Judge. Annie is slowly walking her way over towards them with a one handed assist from the ropes because the other is occupied with the cane Ejiro dropped. Then there is Ejiro… one of the constant thorns in the side of the Wild and Dangerous Nights, partner of his hated M7 enemy Fugue and an all around bastard, teaming up with Stryke going after X and the twenty thousand dollar. Guess which cluster he picks to fuck.

 

Johnny quickly punches Ejiro in the side of the head, but Fasaki like a pit bull won’t stop trying to eliminate X. This is going to be a great theme in my book. It’s obvious both Stryke and Ejiro wants that money, but to what lengths will Fasaki go to make sure he eliminates X! It’s the little character things like that, that make Clusterfuck great. Johnny is now punching Ejiro, HARD mind you, from the side and trying to help X as he’s now sprawled out over the top cable, but still fighting… which means now THREE people are involved in pushing X out, two meaning to do it, the other trying to save him! Even the throwing out of Xstasy has to be the center of attention! Are you kidding me?

 

“THREEE!” chants the crowd

 

 

“TWOOOOOOOOO!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

The lights cut out and the crowd begins to cheer a little. Strobe lights pulse to the beat as Audioslave’s “Cochise” kicks in, smoke spewing from vents in front of the entrance as the drums cue in 24 seconds into the song. This is when the pyro similar to Christian’s entrance begins flowing from the top of the SmarkTron.

 

A huge pyro blast kicks up from the front of the stage at the guitar drop, about 50 seconds in for those scoring at home. Flames simultaneously shoot high up into the air on the edges of the stage not touching the ramp. They shoot up Booker T style into the air in beat with the song following the initial blast, as a red tint covers the stage. Fuckin’ red AGAIN! Be original damnit, but I guess this is the wrong person to ask that of. Suddenly, as Chris Cornell begins to sing, a spotlight shines down on Mike Craven as he bursts through the smoke cloud in a half-sprint, looking just a tad bit on the intense side. We try to start up a “Mike Hunt Stinks” chant; don’t get it… say it real fast, which gets laughs from the people surrounding our little group, but of course a new cock sucker, totally different from the guy with the signs, has to ruin it by saying “His last names Craven, MARK!!1!1”. Ugh, there’s nothing worse than an annoying smark. He stops turning to look at the fans, and quickly begins to pound his chest, pump his fist into the air and do other things to pump the crowd up, running all over the stage as the strobes pulse in tempo with the song behind Mike. After doing this for a short amount of time, he turns around, points at the ring as he hops in place like Brock Lesnar’s Happy Dance, and sprints down to the ring like the Ultimate Warrior, slapping hands with as many of the fans as he can.

 

”Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 260 lbs., from Tampa, Florida… MICHAEL CRAAAA-VENNNNN!”

 

Still in full stride, he slides under the bottom rope. Mike then hops up to his feet. But my question is what could make Mike’s entrance better and more time consuming than it already is at a minute thirty even? Let’s check the dirt sheets shall we…

 

(8:22pm) (@Taamo_03603) Black pyro

(8:22pm) (@Strangler) Riding a small bicycle

(8:23pm) (@Taamo_03603) on a scooter

(8:23pm) (@Taamo_03603) Winking.

 

If only he had these things in his entrance… he’d have been pushed to the US Title long ago!

 

(8:23pm) (Aecas) Crashing his scooter into the audience and trying to blame it on a fan.

<The_Mak> !!!

 

And this would have gotten him ICTV.

 

While Craven was making his entrance, some actual in ring action is occurring. Mental continues to sell the lariat by doing pretty much nothing except lie there! So Nathan picks him up by the hair and sets Mental up for a body slam, only to toss him onto the turnbuckle placing him in the dreaded ‘Tree of Woe’! While he stomps away, I can honestly say that this is not going to be pretty… especially since Mental has already been busted open once. That brings us back to Ash who walks by the X group, where Ejiro is REALLY getting his ass kicked by Johnny to get that money, but finally surrenders, getting into a punching war with Johnny and knocking him down with a Screaming elbow and turns back around… JUST AS X GOES OVER THE TOP AND TO THE OUTSIDE! Stryke raises his hands in triumph, as Hardcastle is right there to call the elimination since both X’s feet have touched the ground! It’s official, Stryke has just made twenty thousand dollars, with some hard work from Ejiro to soften X up! And Ejiro, understandably is PISSED at Johnny! A SWANK graphic showing the person eliminated, the number they entered, the time the entered, how long it took them to exit and the people they eliminated pops up on the SmarksTron so I’m assuming everyone watching the PPV on TV can see it too.

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #1 Xstasty

* Entered: 5

* Time Entered: 6:00

* Time Exited: 17:25

* Eliminated by: Stryke

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

Craven heads straight for Judge… pushing Kibs out of the way! Are you serious? Is this serious?! Craven is going to DIE! Mark calls it a bold move, but Riley just shakes his head, waiting to see Silent bring the pain. Mike quickly begins stomping on the Judge, but he forgot about Kibs, who dusts himself off, takes a few steps back, then promptly dashes forward for a High kick, lifting the leg and…

 

You know that sick sound that a person makes when they get kicked in the head, RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN HEAD! Well, Kibs just smacked Craven in the back of the head with one of those, ‘oft dodged by Flesher, because it hurts so much’ Yakuza kicks that Mak finally after millions of tries, FINALLY, hit in the six man last storm! Yeah, well Mike crumpled towards the ground but fell into Judge, head butting him in the nuts and staying propped in between Mental’s legs, in an interesting visual image that gets a hearty chuckle from the crowd. I think I see tears in Judge’s eyes as he cries out in pain! Those Michigan guys… what can I say, they love the cock. Did I mention I love the fuckin’ Yakuza kick~! LOVE IT! Grand Slam makes the easy joke, with a chuckle and the crowd breaks out into a ‘69!’ chant. That’s almost as good as the ‘you fucked up’ chant crowds have been know to do! Silent breaks up that sausage party and tosses Craven away like a rag doll, sending him flailing into an unsuspecting STRYKE, bumping him outside – but luckily through the top and middle ropes.

 

Some fans, probably around our age, a few rows back in our section are chanting and man, are they acting assholish! I told you I made up a new word, deal with it! The girl turned around for one second and here come the “SHOW YOUR TITS!” chants over and over AND OVER… WITH her mother and father here… like she’d even do it in the first place… least of all for a bunch of fat, dirty, farmers! The running gag is that Pennsylvania is Philadelphia, Pittsburg and Alabama in between. At least the sign could have been original… “TBS fears Dames”… pfft, like TBS actually fears someone! I fear that the next entrant will reek of mediocrity, but chant anyway, this time with a Sesame street vibe…

 

“THREEE!” HA-HAH-AH

 

“TWOOOOOOOOO!” HA-HAH-AH

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” HA-HAH-AH!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

The arena lights dim, as "Trust" by Megadeth begins to play. The drum beat gets louder every second, as red, I now hate this color, and white strobe lights flash in the arena. About 30 seconds of drums the guitars come in, as fire emerges from the stage, as Xero comes out. Xero flexes his muscles with the fire still blazing high. It’s a wonder how this guy stays motivated being the fed’s jobber. I like Xero, really I do, but he’s done exactly jack shit to distinguish himself from any other run of the mill wrestler. He reminds me of the guys I used to watch on Superstars… and sadly that’s not a good thing.

 

”Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 210 lbs., from Port Colborne…”

 

 

 

…this is a pretty long dramatic pause even for a Canadian province…

 

 

 

“Ontario, Canada… XEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Xero stands in the aisle taking his time and evaluating everyone and everything as Stryke, pretty pissed about his near elimination grabs a ‘steel chair~!’ not to be confused with an aluminum one, from ringside and quickly slides back into the ring. Stryker sneaks behind the clueless Craven and takes a mighty swing…

 

CRACK!

 

Waylaying him with a vile chair shot to the back that pops the crowd! Mike falls out of the ring – but luckily for him anyway, slides through the ropes. Xero walks down the aisle getting Mike’s attention and the two on and off tag partners form an alliance to take out Stryke. The Nightmare and King of the DDT reach under the ring and hit pay dirt. Pay dirt equaling kendo sticks for both Ash and Xero! And it’s on like Michael Shawn, TAKE OVER LEGENDS… OOOOOOKKKAAAAAY! For those that don’t know he’s a Philly radio DJ and that’s his shtick, OOOOKKKAAAAY!

 

On the other side of the ring, the former Silent one sets up to nail Judge with a diving dropkick to the face! But suddenly a Singapore cane held by the hand of Annie Eclectic slowly slides into his vision resting in front of his chest preventing him from initiating his attack! Eclectic, stares a hole into Kibs, while cradling her rib cage muttering he’s mine!! Nathan looks down at the bokken and casually pushes the tip away, as if to say ‘Are you serious?’, before bringing up his index finger and hitting the diving dropkick ANYWAY! Nice! Annie continues to stare at Nathan until she follows suit, connecting with a devastating dropkiss that reopens the Judge’s forehead! She stands back up in defiance looking at Kibs again, pointing out the fact that she drew blood! Mental screams out for Ejiro to help him as his aggressors try to think up new ways to continue this little game of one-upmanship.

 

While I like the idea could you please just hurry up and bring out the next person in “THREEE!”… “TWOOOOOOO!”… “ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

"The Everlasting Gaze" by the Smashing Pumpkins kicks up and the Wildchild explodes from behind the curtain onto the stage area, head banging in time with the music! And this is a perfect time for him to come out as he; Ejiro and Johnny have tons of history! Not to mention the fact that he’s a fuckin’ prodigy in terms of his high flying ability! Just thinking about the possibilities of spectacular maneuvers and combinations makes me wetter than… we’ll just leave it at the m’kay… joking, joking… he’s a rare talent and more importantly a nice guy from what I hear on the sheets.

 

“Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 217 lbs., from the Bahamas… THE WIIIIIIILD-CHIIIIILE!”

 

He slaps hands with the fans at ringside as he jogs towards the ring, somersaulting between the bottom and middle ropes, then he springs back to his feet popping the crowd!

 

Ejiro’s too busy in an enraged brawling session, which he is surprisingly winning by the turnbuckle, with Johnny Dangerous, who’s about to get some serious help in the form of Wildchild, to hear Mental asking for help, but what’s bothering me are more chants from the jackasses behind us and it’s official this girls getting more heat than Xero! To paraphrase Chris Tucker, “Who do they think this chick is, Chelsea Clinton?” It ain’t like she’s the presidents’ daughter. I mean, she’s well above decent… I’m thinking 5’ 6”, B maybe a small C cup, not that C is small in any way mind you, but the braces make her look like jailbait. And she looks completely disgusted at the chant, so I make an offhand comment that they’re just some left over mutants from the trip up here. And she asks me what a mutant is, to which I respond, “First time coming to a live event?”…not that I’ve been to many myself. She nods her head and we go back to watching the action.

 

Over on the announce table side of the ring, Mike waves at Xero and the two slide into the ring, well actually only Xero slides into the ring and Mike Craven has just impressed me character wise! This isn’t the same pokemon lovin’ fruit that I knew, but a cold calculated conniver…

 

WHACK!

 

Eww… that just let Xero take a fuckin’ man sized chair shot just so that he can sneak attack Stryke! Xero’s still standing…

 

WHACK!!

 

Damn… and is now hanging on to the ropes after a second swank Stryke chair shot and Anthony Michael Hall is in prefect position to call the soon to be elimination!! Craven, now in the ring, rushes forward to hit Stryke but Stryker turns around to Craven’s surprise and swings for the fences to dish out some more punishment – but Mike ducks underneath and THEN pushes Xero over the top, to springboard off the second rope, turning in mid air and connecting with a back kick to the chair that causes it to crash into Stryker’s face!

 

“Air Craven out of nowhere!” Yells Riley, but we all know he’s thinking that was the most contrived spot he ever saw… And I’d agree with him if I wasn’t so pleased with Craven acting a little bit heelish. As a tweener he should be doing stuff like that. He should be giving up the man he made an alliance with just to hit a move! Alliances are made to be broken! And Mike caps off the heelishness with a “WHO BETTA’ THAN CRAVEN!” Much better!

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #2 Xero

* Entered: 9

* Time Entered: 18:00

* Time Exited: 20:50

* Eliminated by: Michael Craven

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

I catch sight of Johnny Dangerous eating his second screaming elbow of the match and this one backs him into the corner, half knocked out, just as Wildchild flies in with a forearm shiver! Wildchild grabs Ejiro by the wrist and a whip is forthcoming – but Fasaki reverses sending the Bahaman bomber running. It’s hard to keep up with all the action, so I just focus on WC and Ejiro, but I think Stryke’s still down and Annie just pushed Nathan as Mental is begging for Ejiro to help him! Annie letting her pride get in the way of common sense and Silent holding off on killing her because Angel is her friend is a nice internal storyline. Each of these mini brawls has had a nice solid undercurrent to them. That’s what makes the wrestling have meaning. Anyways, Wildchild must have sent Ejiro running on a whip reversal in mid run, which is one of those Junior Heavyweight moves they always seem to use in chain wrestling, because the Emperor’s coming back off the ropes again… Japanese arm drag! Ejiro like any good heel does a blind charge… another Japanese arm drag, which is still one of the coolest looking moves in existence… he follows up with a leg lariat that Ejiro bounces up from and then promptly falls back down on his ass… Ejiro’s selling is almost as good as Judge over in the corner and Annie, who has been selling her ribs for like a goddamn year and he’s a quick study, by the way Wildchild is a HOUSE EN FUEGO~! Ejiro gets up; still trying to shake out the cobwebs… which he’s been selling since his stuff with X on the outside… the crowd pops… he turns with the classic heel wide eyed stare… Springboard Rana from WC – but Ejiro counters lifting him up into the air for what looks like a powerbomb… actually, he lets him fall down into kind of a piledriver setup… hmm… looks like the Owen Driver with WildChild’s arms dangling to the canvas… WAIT! NO FUCKIN’ WAY~! He’s trying to HOOK WILDCHILD’S ARMS WITH HIS LEG! HAH, where have we seen this before!! This spots so nice they’re doing it twice!! Wildchild’s walking on his hands to avoid it, but it’s inevitable… man what a time to have to count again…

 

“THREEE!”

 

“TWOOOOOOOOO!”

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

 

The gentle melodies of In Flame’s “Jester’s Dance” echoes through the arena, triggering a chorus of “boos”. Williams pushes his way through the heavy curtains draping from the locker room entrance, and slowly makes his way out to the platform. With the object of their hatred now in clear sight, the fans taunts become even louder. Danny Williams lets the negative reaction bounce right off of him, and slowly makes his way down to the ring like he has all the time in the world. As one of the camera men backs down the ramp. Williams, pie faces the guy causing him to bust his ass and roll down the ramp! HA! Danny Williams as a character, equals a dick, but that’s okay because it gets him more heat because almost everybody hates dicks and some people even have gag reflexes… don’t believe me… you should know by now it’s in the dirt sheets…

 

(11:58pm) (Annie_3444_writing) I've seen on once in real life and that's about it

(11:58pm) (Annie_3444_writing) *one

(11:58pm) (@Taamo_06944) And you vomited.

(11:58pm) (Annie_3444_writing) that's true

(11:59pm) (@Zed) ...what?

(11:59pm) (Edwin) Did you vomit on it? That would be warm.

(11:59pm) (Annie_3444_writing) so, I don't know what y'all do

(11:59pm) (@Zed) You VOMITED?

(11:59pm) (Annie_3444_writing) Zed: it's a penis. it grossed me out.

 

But I love his pound you till you die, kind of heel style, in ring! Fun-dawg’s on the mic to intro him.

 

“Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 238 lbs., from Louisville, Kentucky… “DEATHWISH” DANNY WILLIAMSsssssssss!”

 

Fucker, Wildchild’s still hand walking to avoid the Styles Clash, but Ejiro’s a fighter and won’t give up! OH SHIT! Wildchild just pushed himself up in a handspring type move, vaulting out of the GODDAMN STYLES CLASH, over the top of Ejiro’s shoulders and into a sunset flip… he’s a lucha god! Nice bit of psych as Wildchild being the high flyer can counter a move that the more ground based Fasaki had to take. Riley condemns that “Lucha library crap” as Fasaki rolls through and even DAZED and CONFUSED he hits a flipping front necksnap on WC! Ejiro is looking a little winded so he sells like the sunset flip hurt his neck… nice cover… and then picks WC up for a Screaming Elbow, which in my mind hasn’t been legitimized until he nails Silent with it – but WC parry’s the blow with his forearms and turns a wristlock into a corner whip! Johnny Dangerous sees the Emperor barreling in and hops up onto the top rope allowing Ejiro to crash into the corner back first! The super spy snitches in a back chancery or an inverted facelock if that’s a better description, while he sits on the top rope, before somersaulting over and flooring Fasaki with a Diamond Cutter, a.k.a. the Diamond Dust~! The Wild and Dangerous, minus the Night, are running wild on Ejiro!!

 

“That sneaky spy and crazy kid without shoes are double teaming Ejiro!” Shouts Riley having ‘HEART PALPATATION NUMBER ONE-AH!’ for himself but number four over all! If it were me I’d be yelling ‘THIS IS UNJUSTICE AND UNRULE LIKE!’

 

“Which goes against every bone in your body, right Bobby?” Mark shakes his head in annoyance. “You had no problems when Annie was getting double teamed by Ejiro and Judge!”

 

“That’s different,” complains Riley, “She’s a woman! Double and triple teaming are looked upon as GOOD things.”

 

Heh, double meaning! I wish I could have some double team action. Triple is just too far out of my league, but two on one sounds nice. Yeah, uh, Johnny and Wildchild look to be planning out something and Judge, having finally given up on Ejiro is still in that tree of woe, with a pool of blood under his head! Danny may be able to rectify that situation… as he slides into the ring and the crimson mask has finally been reached by Judge!! Annie and Kibs are just standing there arguing, well Annie is pushing him every so often and Silent is trying hard not to Burning Lariat her! And Mike Craven and Stryke have been going at it since the springboard Air Craven. Mike’s got the advantage with knee to the gut and after bouncing off the near ropes, does a jumping scissors kick to complete the Air Craven Deux… or would have if Stryke didn’t just stand up straight! Craven looks shocked and that is by far one of the funniest spots as Mike just seems dumbfounded by the fact that someone could counter an Air Craven Deux… HAHAHAHA! Stryker grabs Mike for an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex, of the release variety, TO THE OUTSIDE - but Craven gets a head BUTT breaking that up and sending Stryke into the ropes! Mike dashes forward, hitting Stryke with a clothesline that takes him over the top, but he neglected Stryke hooking his legs around his own neck as he tumble over top with him and to the mat! Stryke flips landing on his stomach, at the same time as Craven’s neck and back hits the mat and while they go to the replay Mike and Stryke get up and start flat out brawling!! And apparently they have made a decision as the graphics come up…

[Guest kelloggs]

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #3 Mike Craven

* Entered: 8

* Time Entered: 6:00

* Time Exited: 23:00

* Eliminated by: Stryke

* People Eliminated: Xero, Stryke

------------------------------

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #4 Stryke

* Entered: 6

* Time Entered: 6:00

* Time Exited: 23:01

* Eliminated by: Michael Craven

* People Eliminated: X, Michael Craven

------------------------------

 

Wow, that sucks for Craven but hey like the man said shit happens. And in other news, it looks like Johnny and WC have come up with a plan as Wildchild climbs the top rope, which is a royal no-no, and Johnny grabs Ejiro by the neck, hoisting him up for a suplex…

 

And Wildchild hits a dropkick sending him to the outside… um… woah… WOW, they did a throw back to the Rockers and the crowd is cheering as Ejiro has finally been eliminated!!! There are no words to describe the pop that move got.

 

…

 

Hmm… nobody seems to be looking…

 

…

 

As the referees attempt to break up the fight between Craven and Stryke on the outside, the wily Emperor looks around and quickly dives back onto the apron like nothings happened!!! I LOVE IT!!! The crowd screams in disapproval causing little Billy Chioda to turn and look, but the junior referee sees Fasaki on the apron and I guess he assumes that the crowd was upset because he didn’t get tossed! I’ve heard of saved by the bell, but never saved by the dumb ass referee! Ejiro climbs back into the ring and taps Johnny on the shoulder to get him to turn around, just before sucker punching him with a stiff elbow! Wildchild sees Johnny fall and turns around into a Fasaki SCREAMING ELBOW to the jaw… then Ejiro grabs him by the hair and waistband of his tights! Nice payoff to him blocking it earlier. The crowd is booing up a storm as Ejiro spins him around before tossing him out of the ring! I swear that ‘Justice and Rule’ is the second coming of all that is heel! Chioda sees this elimination and Fasaki gets his revenge, via another cool SmarksTron graphic, on Wildchild from their SJL World Title match!

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #5 Wildchild

* Entered: 10

* Time Entered: 20:00

* Time Exited: 23: 25

* Eliminated by: Ejiro Fasaki

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

Ejiro, Johnny, Danny, Annie, Nathan and Judge are left in the ring and there’s nothing good going on in ring as most people are catching their breath after the eliminations. Ejiro has deposited Johnny in a corner and is trying to actually stomp a mud hole and walk it dry! Silent’s finally had enough of Annie E. and they are doing some serious brawling in the middle of the ring. Meanwhile, Danny slid by them and is busy trying to get Judge out of the tree of woe! Poor Judge, he’s been taking punishment from that spot since about seventeen minutes in and we’re near twenty four! So, me and that chick are kinda yelling into each others ears the classic get to know you stuff. Even though its hard to hear because this place is like a concert ten fold, I find out her age and that she’s from Pittsburgh. I guess her pops is cool with it cause he hasn’t said anything yet, except that I must be from Philly to come up here with the mutants, confirming his smark status. Maybe my intentions seem good? That’s because she reminds me of a girl that I once knew… well still see frequently, but when you get a chance to quote Usher, you do it! Anyways, she’s sixteen just like this chick and quite frankly is like my little sister. Well, she could be if she wasn’t white, but you get the picture. We chilled all summer, worked together. I drove her around, she got me free Mickey D’s and all was cool. I’ll be the first to admit that I start getting the protective vibe going, as now, after getting a good look at her Mike is asking to switch seats with me! Okay, new rant! What the hell is wrong with Mike? He’s twenty years old, a junior and he’s ready to hit on a high school sophomore. I could understand a COLLEGE sophomore but HIGH SCHOOL! This scares me because my friend has come with me and gone with her own friends to one of these things, getting hit on the same way and I swear if she ends up IMing me teary eyed about some guy she hooked up with at a wrestling thing… I’m going to crack some skulls. But I digress, Mike’s my boy, bro’s before ho’s… meh, screw him, I have a right to ignore his request because this chick Samantha is cool and he’s rich, so…

 

“THREEE!” Can the next contestant…

 

“TWOOOOOOO!” Come on…

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” DOWN!

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

The lights in the arena change, slightly, everything acquiring a red tinge… okay I think that its getting out of hand when more than half the people that come to the ring have red in their entrance! The SmarksTron flickers to life, portraying a Canadian flag, flowing in the wind, and the instrumental accompaniment to 'O Canada' playing. Or at least, the first verse, before a soft, digitized female voice cuts in, whispering through the arena speakers for all to hear 'Midnight Carnival', the image on the SmarksTron showing the members of the Carnival standing side by side for a single instant, and then....

 

BOOM!

 

A bright red rush of pyro shoots up along the stage, glittering points of red light slowly drifting down from above, and a voice rings out, accompanied by the opening riff to 'Secret Agent Man', and the emergance of a masked figure, Smarktron showing highlights of some of CIA's finest moments, although for CIA, finest moments varies between amazing athletic feats, and silly showboating.

 

CIA, whips out a mic from behind his back bringing the instrument to his lips and most of the audience cheers before he can even start his pre match babble! With a shrug the masked Canadian brings the mic to his lips yet again and speaks. “Get to your feet, Pittsburgh PA!” says the kooky Canadian, with a little half turn and a smile. “Then grab a brew and cause I’m gonna show you something brand new!” After a slight pause CIA hams it up by gesturing with the microphone. “And since I’m here, it’s DAMN sure clear that at the least this Canadians bringing you some STYLE!!” With that CIA tosses his mic and dashes down to ringside while Funyon makes the call…

 

“Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 237 lbs., from Ottawa…

 

…

 

… Heh, CIA gets a bigger pause than Xero…

 

Ontario, Canada… C… I… AHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Now I’m as big a fan of CIA as the next guy, but Mike seems to have a problem with the ‘crowd whore’ as he put it during his entrance. I believe his exact words were, "I wish they'd quit shoving him down our throats. It's bad enough that the carnival's just Magnifico and Friends now, but this is ridiculous!" Heh, I’ll admit that the Midnight Carnival seems a little rag tag, and out of character with this alliance by necessity they seem to have with Mak, but no matter what happens carnies always seem to survive. Anyways CIA hits the ring and goes to help his carnie brethren… err, sisteren in need as Kibs just straight up blasted Annie, causing her to drop her bokken, with a gamagiri for those puro inclined, that hit her in the face… hard. Williams release the Judge from his prison and Team M7 gets to work. Williams shouts for Ejiro just after he sprints maybe from a quarter across the ring to clock Dangerous with a knee to the face! Fasaki, much calmer now, looks away from the slumped over form of his super spy opponent and sees a bloody Judge standing with Danny Williams. The three come together and it looks like they’ve decided to put Annie Ecletic out of her misery. I guess Johnny doesn’t pose a threat to them… or they just really hate Annie. Either reason will suffice. CIA, who had already scored a knockdown on Kibs with a flying forearm, picks him up and lands two forearms in a row before spinning 360° and getting his roaring elbow blocked by the Silent one! Nathan gets a wristlock turning it into an arm wrench, which leads into a hook kick that takes CIA to the mat! While this is happening, the M7 trio has pull a kicking and screaming Annie Ecletic away from all that action and into a Judge reverse Boston crab! Now THAT is a cool crab sub! And hold number two from the crab series has occurred. Annie fights to reverse, but each time she gets Judge to loosen the hold for just a little bit of waggle room, Danny or Ejiro drop a knee onto her head! CIA and Nathan are still occupied… Johnny Dangerous has being trying and failing to pull himself up out of the corner for the last few seconds and somebody new is coming down to the ring in… “THREEE!” Mississippi… “TWOOOOOOO!” Mississippi…

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

The house lights darken, as the sound of electrical distortion hums through the air… two white lights shine down on the entrance, appearing with the drums, and flashing like a rhythmic heartbeat. Suddenly…

 

BOOM!

 

The guitars drop, and the arena is filled with every color in the rainbow, as spotlights search the crowd! With the stage is illuminated by an ever-changing pallet of color, Alex Zenon slowly steps from the curtain, head down. He flips his long hair out of his eyes, and surveys the crowd with a smirk, tugging the lapels of his jacket, getting a (mostly) positive reaction. And then Alex sees what’s going on in ring and makes his way hastily down the ramp, lyrics calling out in the background…

 

“Driven by a strange desire…

I want… what I need

 

Funyon yells over the background voiceover to announce Z. “Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 229 lbs., from Trenton, New Jersey… ALEX ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENON!”

 

Shaking as the sex takes hold…

I lost… all control…”

 

Zenon slides into the ring a house a fire, eyes dead set on the man everyone but him can accept as Nathaniel Kibagami. Finally Z versus Kibs, which is one of the man rivalries I’ve been waiting to see! Alex sprints forward, ducking a burning lariat from the Silent one and dives into the pile of four people behind him! The left most man Danny Williams steps up to the plate and Alex ducks a stiff elbow grabbing a reverse headlock before Zenon floors ‘Deathwish’ with a suprising turn and burn, then dashes straight across breaking the Judge’s crab by stepping on his bent knee and smacking him in the face with a Shinning Wizard from a diagonal that propels him into the ropes! Annie crawls towards the nearest ropes to pull herself up, but can’t because of the searing pain in her back and rib cage! The former one letter wonder only has Ejiro left to deal with, who fires off a right hand that Alex evades, placing his right arm behind Fasaki’s head…

 

“The Midnight Carnival’s Alex Zenon has been a one man wrecking crew with a Turn and Burn, Knee lift and Crossout he has completely changed the complexion of this Clusterfuck!” states Stevens as Riley just looks on in wonder.

 

Alex brushes some hair out of his eyes as he stands, looking cold and menacing, as Silent gives him a mocking clap. Zenon, takes long strides over, yelling a mighty ‘FUCK YOU SILENT!’ and it’s on like a microphone dun, Alex wailing away with knife-edge chops and Silent fights back with those power drive elbow strikes! Silent’s elbows overcome Zenon’s chops and he is forced to run the ropes, and eat Silent’s second attempt at a burning lariat~! Silent stands over the downed Zenon shaking out his arm before grabbing the carnie by the scruff of his neck and thrusting a finger in his face before whipping him into an open corner! I think he’s aiming to teach Zenon about pain and just what it feels like… Silent, rushes in executing a somersault and attempts to whip his new victim with his heels – but Alex evades the corner rolling koppou kick! Zenon backs away as the Silent one regains his bearing and moves out toward him… then Alex slides in between Silent’s legs and snagging a pumphandle! He quickly, leaps up the turnbuckle pads and dives over Silent’s back and snitches in a front face lock, completing the Suicide Level Event or S.L.E~!! Then ring shakes as the Kibagami… no there’s nothing but silence in the crowd as SILENT gets his head driven into the canvas! Man that was a nasty bump…

 

Oh, but it seems Alex is far, far, FAR from done folks… he grabs Silent as he rolls on the mat cradling his neck in pain and with a sneer picks him up to his feet, hoists him into a bodyslam and hangs him in a tree of woe!! I’m sure somethings happening on the other side of the ring, but seriously, I could care less about what else is going down! Zenon tries to grab Silent by the neck, but he escapes by flailing an arm that connects with his opponent… but that won’t save him forever. Alex almost stalks his upside down prey latching onto his neck, this time turning and dropping to the canvas… fuckin’ ace! Alex stands, his grip on Silent’s neck never wavering as he drops a second… and a third… and… a… fourth time…

 

“Alex…” says Grand Slam, remembering a Canadian Death Match with Edwin MacPhisto versus Lerrin Breggan with JD as guest referee.

 

“I still don’t see how this can be the same Z we saw get pummeled all summer!” says Bobby Riley as Mark Stevens just looks on.

 

You know, I have to agree with Mark and Riley. Alex Zenon has been a one man wrecking crew, but how the hell did Z, the dumbass who bled more than Judge has tonight as a regular occurrence, become this ACTUAL WRESTLER! Did Z just grow some talent or something? Well, I don’t know and I don’t care because I like it! I like the edge! In fact, I love it! I love the fact that he’s trying to break Silent’s GODDAMN neck with each hangman’s he hits from that tree of woe!! That in kayfabe, he fuckin’ hates his guts for doing what he did this summer!! I can actually feel the drama as with each… and… every… successive… neckbreaker… Alex’s sneer gets closer and closer to a scowl and Samantha, the girl beside me and a Kibs mark, gets closer and closer to tears. Especially after number nine because the only sound is a dull…

 

 

THUD

 

 

Shit, Zenon still continues to hold on… and Wow, it’s three on three! The Midnight Carnival versus the Magnificent Seven with a little Johnny Dangerous to tip the scale in favor of the faces! But Zenon seems to be way to busy with Silent to help any of his fellow carnies so I guess Johnny’s his sub. How much money do you want to bet that Fugue makes his WF M7 and Clusterfuck debut in...

 

“THREEE!”

 

“TWOOOOOOO!”

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

 

 

Lights go out completely, and some more of the lovely M7 clips flash on the SmarksTron, while Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D minor" starts up. I’m am a booking god! After the first few measures (when it gets to the faster part), lots of white lights flash, including strobes rain down as Fugue appears and slinks down the ramp, smiling at the crowd.

 

“Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 181 lbs., from Philadephia, PA… FUUUUU-GUEEEEEE!”

 

Fugue tosses his mobster hat, which is one of the best accessories in the SWF today, slides into the ring and goes right after Johnny Dangerous, making this a four on three affair! I’v eliked Fugue ever since his JL run with the sWo and quite frankly the man one of the premier talents in this league! Some of the moves he’s done in that ring technique wise on the mat are unbelievable! Better than Francis, who’s got a collegiate background, and that’s nothing to laugh at! His matches always have a great flow about them!

 

Fugue and Ejiro take on Johnny… Danny and CIA go nose to nose… while Annie and Judge make an attempt to restart what has already been a bloody battle at the beginning of this match! Meanwhile Alex Zenon yells he finishes ten; I repeat TEN hangman’s neckbreakers to the former Silent one. Alex pushes Nathan up on the turnbuckle and carelessly pitches him over the side to the cold floor! Hardcastle makes the call and a few people come down to aid the first entrant overall, Nathan Kibagami to the back…

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #6 Nathan Kibagami

* Entered: 1

* Time Entered: 0:00

* Time Exited: 29:00

* Eliminated by: Alex Zenon

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

Back in the ring, Fugue and Ejiro are still double teaming Johnny, now placing him on the top turnbuckle pad. Fugue scores a few right hands, to keep Johnny’s face like tendency of being a HOUSE EN FUEGO in check and then turns around spreading his arms out in a crucifix, before driving him into the canvas with an Iconoclasm! Ejiro climbs the ropes behind him and as Fugue holds Dangerous down, Fasaki leaps off hitting a diving head BUTT!! Heh, Riley marks out like a mofo and the crowd boos like crazy! I guess even the JL M7 members have a superiority complex! And on the other side of the ring, the injured ribs of Annie Eclectic have yet to slow her down as she scores a DDT on Mental knocking him down! Annie attempts to pick Mental up for a Spicolli Driver – but the old mans weight is too much for her ribs and he slides off her shoulders! After falling off Judge gets a sharp knee to the gut, and I still can’t believe all the psych that has been in this match! Annie tries to fight off Judge with punches, but in her current state they have no effect! Williams and CIA have been going at it for awhile with a few nice counters, but now Danny is giving it to CIA and even over the roar of the crowd you can hear…

 

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

 

 

 

 

 

CRACK!

 

And down goes the Canadian… hard, which causes Alex Zenon to step in a take his place!

 

Stevens calls it a valiant effort from Annie as she fires off a weak dropkiss that Judge just swats away. I will never stop liking somebody just swatting away a dropkick! It’s just a part of being a cool heel and if you don’t do it, then you’ll never get over as a dick. Mental grabs Annie by the leg and flips her to the mat, stepping over in a single leg crab to complete his third part of the crab series! Chris is chanting “ANN-E”, but all she can do is… wriggle her body grab his leg and trip him? WHAT THE HELL!! She pulled out the Bret v Owen Sharpshooter counter… you’ve got to be kidding me! That’s a markout moment if I EVERY saw one!!! Annie rises up to her feet, as Judge peels his face of the canvas, standing up and getting rocked with Annie right hands! Eclectic goes for a haymaker, but Mental ducks grabbing Annie in a back waistlock…

 

“THREEE!”

 

The rest off the crowd can chant as I’m too into this match.

 

“TWOOOOOOO!”

 

Annie tries to fight out, but a well placed kidney shot stops her squirming…

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

And just as we count off the final second, Annie Eclectic is sent flying from the ring, pictures are taken of the gruesome display, as she soars through the air in something akin to slow motion, before landing with a dull THUD, the velocity of the throw causing her near broken body to bounce off of the ground once, ribs probably blazing with pain. Hmmm… there have been some good spots given and taken in this match but I now have become an Annie Eclectic mark… by DECREE... of the Hardcore Queen! I still can’t believe Annie took that bump as Mental lays in the ropes, with a glazed over stare, which can probably be attributed to losing so much blood as the use the graphic on the SmarksTron to show Eclectic has been eliminated…

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #7 Annie Eclectic

* Entered: 4

* Time Entered: 8:00

* Time Exited: 30:00

* Eliminated by: Judge Mental

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

 

OY, OY, OY!

 

Starts the beginning chant of AC/DC's "TNT." Suddenly, the entrance curtains begin to ruffle as a dark figure emerges from the backstage area. The figure steps into the sea of red and orange strobe lights, and is illuminated by them, revealed as Taylor Nicholas Thompson.

 

CIA, after seeing the sight of Annie being release German suplexed OVER the top rope, fights the pain in his head and neck for his fallen carnie member that has just been brutalized by the Judge! He pushes himself off the canvas and explodes forward taking on the weary and crimson masked Judge! This match has really got the crowd into it as we all give CIA a thunderous pop for his drive and determination!!

 

The letters "T-N-T" flash across the SmarksTron, just as a resounding "Watch me exploooooooooooode!!!!!" echoes throughout the arena, and the hulking mass that is Taylor Thompson briskly strides down the aisle way as Funyon does his thing. “Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 264 lbs., from Anaheim, California… “TNT” TAYLOR NICHOOOOLAS THOOOOOOMPSOOOOON!

 

Mental propels himself forward to get away from the ropes and meets CIA half way, nailing him with a knife-edge chop that backs him away! Judge swings away with another, getting ‘WHOOOO’S’ because the crowd is too into it to care, but takes a low dropkick to the knee, grounding him! CIA waves and screams for Mental to get up and fight, which gets Judge to his feet! For that he gets met with two viscous forearm shots to the face! CIA twirls around elbow out…

 

CRACK

 

And hits the roaring elbow on Judge! Mental falls back into the ropes as CIA stalks closer and in the last ditch effort to turn the tide the old man goes and hits a debilitating low blow kick!! CIA hunches over at the waist as Mental spins him around and grabs a back waistlock…

 

…

 

But eats a back elbow! And another AND ANOTHER! CIA, waves his hands around in a foolish manor but nowhere near the panache he normally has after taking a nut shot, turns, grabs his pained nuts and becomes William Heartford’s… judge, jury, and executioner with his Dance, drink and drop routine!!! Stevens calls the bionic elbow that eliminated Judge and great display of fortitude and Riley comment on whether or not it’s of the testicular kind! Nice one! Geez, the old man has made a great run in this clusterfuck, going thirty plus minutes, bleeding all over the ring, and now he gets eliminated! Great end to a great run…

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #8 Judge Mental

* Entered: 2

* Time Entered: 0:00

* Time Exited: 31:00

* Eliminated by: CIA

* People Eliminated: Annie Eclectic

------------------------------

 

Fugue, sees Mental go over the top and dashes across the ring leaving Ejiro to handle stomping on Johnny… but CIA quickly turns, sees the musician and bends over at the waist, back body dropping him to the outside!

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #9 Fugue

* Entered: 14

* Time Entered: 28:00

* Time Exited: 31:10

* Eliminated by: CIA

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

…just as Taylor slides under the bottom ropes and into the ring. Riley puts over the fact that TNT is well rested after a few months off… surfing and Stevens mentions Taylor’s surprisingly quick win over Xero. Okay that may have been the worst excuse ever to get a few months of leave but I’m glad to see the big guy back with some new intensity.

 

Taylor gets straight to work going toe to toe with the now freed up CIA that has just eliminated Judge Mental and Fugue! Meanwhile, Alex Zenon has just been giving Williams fits using his speed to his advantage!

 

Williams hoists Zenon up, lifting him parallel to the mat, hey they’re awful close to the corner… HE’S GOING FOR THE BACKDROP DRIVAH ONTO THE BOTTOM BUCKLE! Alex, getting his wits about him slides over the top and lands in a sitting position on the top turnbuckle!!! Danny turns around as Alex lauches forward, off of the top buckle mind you, and hits a double tilde bang worthy, Shinning Wizard~!~! Now THAT is a cool counter spot! Kenji wishes he could have thought up that application! The counter on the SmarksTron is at five… now four… and the great thing is…

 

“THREEE!” I have no idea who’s going to come down this time… and quite frankly… “TWOOOOOOO!”

 

That’s what still makes Clusterfuck cool. “ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

 

THIS

 

IS

 

MAH

 

HOUSE!!

 

The voice, obviously pre recorded, echoes through the arena. Rammstein's "Du Haste" plays over the speakers without the lyrics... The heavy beats thunder 360 degrees all over the arena... JD steps through the curtains, his head down. He walks to the top of the ramp, slowly raising his head. HE lowers his head again, although a smile without good intentions is now plastered on his face. Mark Stevens looks shocked; the crowd boos heavily as the ‘King of Hardcore’ has returned, steel chain and all! JD is taking almost a full minute soaking up the atmosphere and disdain that the audience has for him before walking down the ramp AND THEY’RE STILL BOOING HIM!

 

“Making his SWF return, weighing in at 250 lbs., from Vancouver, British Columbia… JAAAAY DAAAAWG!”

 

“Unbelievable,” starts the Heavy Hitter, “Jay Dawg makes his return in the 2003 Clusterfuck!”

 

“Well, we did say anything can happen in the S-W-F Mark.” replies Riley, after stealing the coined WWF catchphrase.

 

I personally can’t believe JD is here! Once considered a jobber for life, JD paid his dues and became the number two heel in the company, even getting a World Title shot against El Luchadore Magnifico! I just wonder how they will use him in the Clusterfuck. Dawg slides into the ring and goes after anything and everything he can get his hands on.

 

After hitting the swank shinning wizard, Alex has Danny back-to-back, at a 45* angle! Danny’s legs are over his shoulder, and his head is by Zenon’s thigh. He locks his other arm over Williams’s chin, and sits-out, DRIVING ‘Deathwish’s’ crown into the mat! OUCH! THAT’S A HEAD BUMP!

 

Ejiro turns around looking for Fugue, who hasn’t returned since going after CIA and finds the face of JD. Fasaki has a look of wonder and then remembers who the hell it is… before Dawg hits him in the mouth with a stiff kick! Heh, I guess CC members still hate the M7. With all that return heat for JD the crowd almost forgets to count… but enough do…

 

“THREEE!”

 

“TWOOOOOOO!”

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

You will get yours...

you will get yours...

you will get yours...

you will get yours...

 

YOU WILL GET YOURS!

 

After the fifth repetition of the opening line, an explosion of white pyro goes off on the stage, and then the entrance fills with smoke. Pete steps out and normally not one to waste time stalls for a moment as the crowd welcomes him back to the SWF ring! Then Pete walks down the ramp with one arm raised in anticipated victory. His lyrics continue and the crowd pops more and more, as he makes his way to the ring. LDP is a vet and I give him props for that. He’s one of the locker room leaders that actually leads in the locker room. His stable got a lot of the talent over, especially the VERY impressive Erek Taylor, who I hope makes a clusterfuck return!

 

LDP climbs into the ring, as Jay Dawg is busy kicking the shit out of Ejiro on the ground! In the center of the ring Alex tries to lift Danny up for a powerbomb, which is the set up for his Gory Special Neckbreaker, but Williams is fighting it off! But CIA and TNT is an interesting case, as the Canadian has been beaten pillar to post by Thompson! Taylor picks CIA up to his feet and snitches in a Half Nelson for his suplex – but CIA breaks the hold trapping TNT’s arm at his side, much like how Mak started out that Peterson roll on Orochi, before whipping around behind him locking in a half nelson of his own and hooking the other arm!!! And I’m thinking TNT’s about to take a trip to the canvas VIA RAIL!!!!

 

WHAM!!

 

Both men are down and everyone else is just brawling… so I look at the SmarksTron and it’s time to count down again…

 

“THREEE!” Hmm…

 

“TWOOOOOOO!” What entrance are we on…

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

Oh shit, number 18!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

Frost wants to kill your mamma.

Frost wants to kill your mamma.

Frost wants to burn your dad.

He gets real mean when you make him mad.

 

“Frost Wants to Kill your Mamma" by Dweezil Zappa. A remake of the Frank Zappa classic kicks up and the Iceman from Iceland, Frost~!, is on his way! He has a slow purposeful stride to the ring and raises one arm, fist clenched, to the crowd, smoking his Santa Clara and being the all around badass he is!

 

“Making his way to ringside, weighing in at 296 lbs., from Reykjavik, Iceland… FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!”

 

Once Frost gets to the ring he grinds the Santa Clara on the heel of his boot and throws it into the crowd. And guess who caught it! Well, a souvenir is a souvenir. As Frost climbs in, LDP tosses JD off of Ejiro and goes straight to work on Ejiro, but the Hardcore god doesn’t like that and apparently its on like neck bone! Dawg jumps Pete from behind with the steel chain, as Frost goes over to check on the now kneeling TNT. The two come together, after TNT gives CIA a kick to make sure he’s down and they go after JD, who is trying to toss Ejiro! The big Icelander grabs Dawg from behind and spins him around into a surprise choke! Ejiro falls down to the apron and rolls back in cheering as TNT grabs him as well, lifting him up and DOUBLE CHOKESLAMMING hit over the top rope! Wonderful bump to finish JD off with! I give him many props for taking it! And that my friends, is an elimination with only three seconds left on the clock…

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #10 Jay Dawg

* Entered: 16

* Time Entered: 32:00

* Time Exited: 37:57

* Eliminated by: Frost and TNT

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

“THREEE!”

 

“TWOOOOOOO!”

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

'Cold' by Static-X. Smoke starts to fill the entrance way as blinding strobe lights fill the arena. With the XF9 logo interspersed in his entrance video, Tod calmly walks out, clad in his trenchcoat, and stops under the Smarktron to throw random looks at the crowd. He throws a "What-ever" smirk at the crowd and walks down, hounding fans with meaningless boasting facts, all of which seem to be meant to annoy me in particular. He continues on talking about his favorite dildo, and how he likes to take it up the ass… okay so he MAY not have said those things, but they were implied. Tod throws off the trench coat and shades before faking his slide into the ring and watching the action take place…

 

Frost visiably annoyed by that leaves CIA to TNT and Dangerous to Ejiro, as he walks with a purpose over to deKindes and yells for him to get in the ring! Heh, Frost and Tod have had a thing since the JL and I like how they’re bring that up here! Tod slides in and points to TNT like they already have an alliance and then he acts like he’s going over to help eliminate the Canadian carnie, but he signals LDP to get Frost! Tod is fuckin’ gold right now, but I still don’t understand his spot in the Clusterfuck. Maybe he’ll do an interview on his website or something to explain it later. Frost doesn’t see is the figure of LDP behind him sneaking up for a cheap shot that sends the M7 member into the ropes. LDP charges after him – but Tod deKindes, out of no where hits a dropkick to his back that send him past the Icelander and over the ropes!! BAH GOD TOD IS DA MAN (WHOO!)! Tod runs back over to help TNT and Frost rests for a minute realizing he almost lost this thing.

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #11 LDP

* Entered: 17

* Time Entered: 34:00

* Time Exited: 38:45

* Eliminated by: Tod deKindes

* People Eliminated: N/A

------------------------------

 

 

Meanwhile Williams has back dropped out of the second Zenon G.L.E attempt and Ejiro, has now placed Dangerous in a double underhook looking for his version of the money maker - but Johnny backdrops out of it sending the crowd into a frenzy! Johnny Dangerous rushes over to help his fellow face in need as TNT and Tod are pushing CIA out over the top… and THEY SUCCEED – but the Canadian holds onto the middle rope only one foot touching the ground!! Tod, not seeing this, immediately breaks his alliance with Thompson, grabbing Taylor by the tights and tries to heave him as Dangerous comes into the picture, with his second Johnny Kick of the night sending Taylor Nicholas Thompson packing…

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #12 TNT

* Entered: 15

* Time Entered: 30:00

* Time Exited: 39:20

* Eliminated by: Johnny Dangerous & Tod deKindes

* People Eliminated: Jay Dawg

------------------------------

 

As CIA rolls back into the ring, Frost and Danny lock eyes and immediately go after Dangerous, well actually Danny has a little trouble walking as the Zenon’s S.L.E has taken it’s toll, tossing him over as Tod deKindes scurries away! And that’s the end for Johnny… nice run though… he went just over twenty five minutes.

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #13 Johnny Dangerous

* Entered: 7

* Time Entered: 14:00

* Time Exited: 39:45

* Eliminated by: Johnny Dangerous & Tod deKindes

* People Eliminated: Jay Dawg

------------------------------

 

Tod does the smart thing, which is grab CIA and act like he’s been trying to throw him the whole time! Boy this is great stuff! Ejiro grabs Zenon and gets an Irish whip, while Tod lines up CIA for a clothesline, as the last Clusterfuck contestant will make his intro in…

 

 

“THREEE!”

 

“TWOOOOOOO!”

 

 

 

 

 

“ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

 

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

 

The house lights shut off as the wispy sounds of a digital xylophone echo throughout the arena. You can feel the pulsation of the light dings, as a hard beat done by violins, suddenly strikes up slightly overshadowing the original background rhythm.

 

“So do you wanna’ be a Franchise… And live large… A big house… five cars…”

 

The SmarkTron flares up with a blue and white photonegative image of Mak Francis, which is followed by ‘The Franchise’ in large green lettering, flashing on the screen in time with the beat.

 

“The rent charge… Comin’ up in the world, don’t trust nobody… Gotta’ look over your shoulder constantly!”

 

As the opening lyrics from Rock Superstar by Cypress Hill, slightly altered of course, blare over the PA system, it takes a little while but eventually the self proclaimed franchise makes his way through the curtain... but not this time… The lights stay dark as Francis comes from under the stage on a lift!!! What a fuckin’ ham! You’re my favorite and all, but geez! He looks left and right and then raises his hands in the air, signaling a small burst of pyro to either side, after the elevator stops! God, I thought Craven was bad, but man, I guess you really can’t spend too much money on an entrance…

 

Well now that Mak is finally done with that he runs down to the ring trying to save CIA. Who Tod clotheslines over the top rope! Tod deKindes is in mid skinning the cat after his attack, ONLY TO SEE CIA IN MID MOVE TOO! A double skin the cat spot… I think that is the best thing ever!

 

On the other side of the ring Alex has locked his arms in the turnbuckle and a tired, worn out Ejiro, who isn’t think straight after nearly fourty minutes in ring charges forward and Z locks his leg around Fasaki’s waist flipping over and eliminating the Emperor…

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #14 Ejiro Fasaki

* Entered: 3

* Time Entered: 2:00

* Time Exited: 41:20

* Eliminated by: Alex Zenon

* People Eliminated: Wildchild

------------------------------

 

Mak Francis scoots into the ring and as Alex tries to rotate back around the self proclaimed Franchise eliminates him! Well they have no love loss but still that was cold… funny but cold!

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #15 Alex Zenon

* Entered: 13

* Time Entered: 26:00

* Time Exited: 41:30

* Eliminated by: Mak Francis

* People Eliminated: Nathan Kibagami

------------------------------

 

With CIA almost finished skinning the cat, Frost and Danny do the same thing Mak just did to Z ending the night for all the carnies in Clusterfuck!

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #16 CIA

* Entered: 12

* Time Entered: 24:00

* Time Exited: 41: 45

* Eliminated by: Alex Zenon

* People Eliminated: Wildchild

------------------------------

 

Tod looking around seeing M7 member and Mak Francis left in the ring so he quickly points over to Francis. Then motions that he’ll take care of it! Mak sees Tod and dashes over to hit a stiff clothesline – but deKindess ducks the blow and gets behind Francis with a waist lock! Tod arches overhead yanking Mak from the canvas and to the mat in a German suplex… then he gets up again and completes two… and now three rolling Germans – but even with the pain in his neck flaring up Francis breaks the waistlock and gets a standing switch – but Tod counters that with the all mighty nut kick! Tod tells Frost, Danny and the crowd this ones over as he snap suplexes Mak…

 

Then hits a reverse or face first front suplex…

 

“My boy T-D-K is looking to get into the triple threat with his triology of death and destruction!” adds Bobby over the crowds boos who are hoping for a flashy counter. But Tod’s finishes off his Trilogy, suplexing Mak stomach first on the top rope! DeKindes, takes a final cheap shot, knee lifting Francis and sending him up over the top rope – but Mak miraculously holds on, dangling on the edge of elimination trying to get his feet up onto the apron! The massive Frost decides he doesn’t want Tod in the triple threat…

 

As Tod prepares to end Mak’s night, Frost stalks over and whirls him around before hitting a heart punch staggering Tod and giving Mak a chance to reach over the ropes, spinning deKindes back around and grabbing a hand full of tights before trying to hoist him vertically… Tod wriggles in Francis’s grasp, but with the hand full of tights Mak is able to get him up… over… the… top…

 

 

And they fall…

 

To the concrete…

 

Hitting the floor at the exact same time…

 

Tod rolls on the ground not sure what just happened and now kneeling raises a hand in victory while yelling at the ref to say who’s out. Obviously, the refs have NO idea, so Francis, tired from the onslaught that Danny Williams put him through doesn’t even get up from the ground, content to stare up at the lights… and hope that he was not eliminated first…

 

-----------------------------

* Eliminated: #17 Tod deKindes

* Entered: 19

* Time Entered: 38:00

* Time Exited:

* Eliminated by: Mak Francis

* People Eliminated:

------------------------------

 

“This match shall now continue under triple threat rules!”

 

Francis gets up to his feet as the referees and security are forced to push Tod deKindess to the back! Heh, nice one! Mak, stands up and the crowd cheers as he has a hell of a road ahead of him. I’m pointing at my DEFINITION tee shirt like I knew he’d be in the final three all along, while Chris and Mike deny that they though Tod would toss him!

 

Mak crawls into the ring and Danny is immediately on him with a knee to the face! Frost lays back a little as Deathwish clobbers Francis and I love how dickish Danny can be as he’s stepping on Mak’s fingers! That’s just quality!! Frost finally decides to make his presence felt and grabs Danny from behind kicking him in the gut and LAYING HIM THE FUCK OUT WITH A ICEPICK!!!!

 

“Man matches like these always come down to who want them more, but Frost just waylaid his M7 partner out of nowhere!”

 

Danny should have saw that coming after all the stuff he and Frosty have been through. Frost deserves this win, but something in me just wants Mak to win… I guess it’s just Philly pride. The only referee not to leave with Tod, Sexton Hardcastle makes the count…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

H

R

E-

 

And Francis dives in to break up the pin fall!!!!!

 

“TWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” yells the entire crowd and yes we did just blatantly rip that from Montreal, but who cares, it’s mad funny!

 

Mak gets up laying boots to the head of Frost, but it having no effect as Frost blasts Mak with a couple of right hands! The Icelandic monster sends the Franchise to run the ropes and swings away with his ‘Hell Freezes Over’ lariat! BUT Francis hooks his arm and floats around to the other side lands in a DDT!!! Francis quickly crawls over to Frost and covers hooking the leg!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

T-

 

NO! Frost gets a shoulder up a two!

 

Mak looks around and sees Danny Williams still down, probably from all the recent head trama he’s received, including not only an ICEPICK but a S.L.E from Zenon! He dives over there and makes a cover hooking the leg!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

T

H

R

E

E-

 

NO! Williams kicks out at two and a half!!!

 

The Franchise tries again!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

T

H-

 

NO! Frost breaks up the three count!!!

 

Frost picks Francis up by the scruff of his neck and Mak fires off a few chops that do nothing but delay the inevitable! Mak goes for a right hand, which Frost blocks and then proceeds to kick him in the gut! A silent hush falls over the crowd as the self proclaimed Franchise doubles over in pain. Frost places him in a standing head scissors, underhooks both arm…

 

…

 

…

 

 

And gets head butted in the nads by Mak!!! Frost’s eye’s go wide as Francis rotates his body breaking the double chickenwing, but still latching onto the big man’s right arm pinning it to his body… Frost attempts to break free but Francis has already turned perpendicular to him securing the limb!! Francis juts his free left arm in between the Icelanders legs and rolls to his right…

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PINNING FROST’S BACK TO THE MAT!!!

 

 

 

Riley’s stunned…

 

 

 

 

Stevens calls the Peterson…

 

 

 

I’m marking out like a mofo…

 

 

 

And Frost…

 

 

 

 

Frost just looks helpless, as Mak hooks his leg and releases his right arm before cradling his head and clasping his two hands together completing the pin!!! He looks to Hardcastle, who looks like a deer caught in the headlights before he realizes that he should count, which he does after diving across the mat into position…

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

H

R

E

E!

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“The winner of the two thousand and three CLUSTERFUCK by pin fall… “THE FRANCHISE” MAAAK FRAAAANCISsssssssss!”

 

The arena erupts in cheers as Mak Francis gets up to one knee and falls over onto his back! We can’t even hear Riley and Grand Slam recapping what happened and nor do we care! He looks up at the crowd and he’s just beaming from ear to ear! And you can tell it isn’t about the title shot…

 

Mike and Chris are high fiving me and I got to admit this match had a good ending. After all my bitching and moaning I got what I wanted… to see a kid from Philadelphia, no older than me, do the one thing that every person in this business strives for…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pop the crowd like a cherry!

[Guest Goodear]

“Grand Slam” Mark Stevens calls into the microphone once more on this exciting night of pay-per-view action, “What a war that was between The Hville Thugg and Perfect Bo. I’m not sure I have ever seen anything quite so violent in all of my days as a commentator or as a wrestler in this great federation. But as we always say, we can top that! And later on tonight World Champion El Luchador Magnifico will face number one contender Tom Flesher in a Submissions/Ladder Match. But right now we have other business to attend to and that is the going to be the incredible twenty men Clusterfuck battle royal. So Riley, do you have any predictions for this upcoming brouhaha?”

 

“You bet your ass, Stevens. There has to be two big picks right now for this match and those have to be Frost, who we already know will be coming out at number 18, and Tod DeKindes, who got to select his own number 19 based on last weeks SmarkDown. But the one guy who is sure to have absolutely no chance just has to Xstasy who has a big twenty thousand-dollar bounty placed on his head by our beloved commissioner, The Suicide King. And with that amount of money you just know that there will be 19 guys gunning for him all night long.”

 

“I’m not sure I would go as far as ‘beloved’ Bobby, but The Gambling Man sure has added a whole lot of spice to the proceedings tonight. Including a promised punishment for the first three individuals to get tossed over the top that even we know nothing about. Not to mention the stipulation that the winner of the contest gets to decide under what rules they challenge the World Champion under. So without further ado, let’s go to Funyon with the ring announcement.”

 

Stepping into the ring enters the ring announcer that everyone loves more than life itself ... no the other one. Looking out to the people and getting a polite response to his presence, Funyon brings the magic microphone to his lips and begins his presentation of the match to come.

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen... it is time for the CLLLLLLUSSSSSTERFUCK! The rules of this match are simple. The match will begin with two wrestlers in the ring while every two minutes thereafter a new competitor will enter the match. The only way to be eliminated from the match is to be thrown over the top rope and both of your feet touch the floor. The final three individuals in the contest will compete in a triple threat match to determine the winner and go on to face the World Heavyweight Champion at a later date. And now... the man who drew number ONE!”

 

The lights turn a deep shade of right as the crowd explodes at the sound of “Adios” beginning to play over the sound system. Because all the fans know what that means, it means that Nathaniel Kibagami is on his way to the ring! With Angel trailing behind, the former member of the Clan strides all the way down to the side of the ring before climbing into the ring and climbing up to the middle rope. Extending his arms wide, Kibagami is welcomed to the ring by the fans, which are just aching to see Nathan kick someone in the face, hard. Funyon delivers Kibagami officially to the match.

 

“Weighing in at 242 pounds and hailing from Phoenix, Arizona, please welcome.... NATHAN KIBAAAAAGAMIIIII! And now... the man who drew NUMBER TWO!”

 

“NOW TESTIFY!”

 

The mood of the crowd rapidly shifts as the first member of the Magnificent Seven out of five makes his way down the aisle to a torrent of boos. Looking out to the people, Judge Mental scorns the fans in his usual style as he slides underneath the bottom rope.

 

“He weighs in at ... OHHH CRAP! GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

 

Not waiting for Funyon to get any further into his introductions, Nathan Kibagami immediately goes on the attack by taking Judge Mental and pushing him into the corner of the ring. Reaching back from downtown, Kibagami smashes into Judge’s jaw with a stunning palm strike right off the bat as Stevens and Riley begin their call of the action.

 

Stevens starts us out, “Kibagami is getting off the gates fast as he can! I bet he’s trying to get Judge out of the ring as quickly as possible so he can immediately catch breathers as he holds court in the ring.”

 

Riley adds, “Yeah, but that does not matter. There is no way the two guys that drew one and two are going to be there in the end of this grueling marathon... Except that they frequently actually do just that. I wonder why I even said that now.”

 

Reaching back, Nathan once again smashes into Judge’s jaw with a stunning palm thrust to the face. Taking the stunned Judge by the arm, Nathan sends him across the ring with a stunning Irish whip. Quickly following Judge into the corner, Nathan smashes into his opponent with a stunning high kick to the face that snaps Judge’s neck back in a whiplash. Staggering out of the corner, Judge struggles to get some sense of awareness back after this early attack. But Mental really cannot do that before the viscous Kibagami continues to go on the assault by hitting the ropes and smashing in Judge’s skull with a running Yakuza kick that sends Mental tumbling head over heels in pain. Flexing his shoulders and dropping into a crotch Kibagami surveys his work with a bit of sick satisfaction. Pulling Judge up by the hair, Nathan looks to propel him over the top rope but the intelligent Mental sticks his leg on the run in between the middle rope on approach in order to keep from flying over the top. Not giving up though, Kibagami lowers his center of gravity and tries to muscle the 242-pounder over the top. But Mental has other plans and manages to reach back and place the tips of his fingers into the eyes of his opponent. Blinded by the move, Kibagami releases the Hardcore Champion and staggers towards the center of the ring in order to get away from the ropes and a potential elimination. Finally not on the defensive, Mental charges forward with a clothesline but Nathan easily ducks underneath the wild attack. Turning on a dime, Nathan goes to Yakuza kick Mental right out of the ring, but the wily Judge manages to catch the kick just before it collides with his face once again. Spinning Nathan around, Mental closes the difference between himself and the powerful striker and grabs him around the chest. Jerking Kibagami up and over, Judge sends him crushing to the canvas with a belly-to-belly suplex that drives all the air out of his opponent. Quickly looking to take a more definitive advantage, Judge Mental tosses Nathan into a corner and follows immediately in with a running clothesline into the corner. Quickly grabbing Kibagami around the head, Judge rushes forward in an attempt to spike Kibagami with the ‘Surprise Witness’ but Nathan manages to shrug the move off and send Judge off with a shove. Turning back to his opponent, Mental is ill prepared for Nathan’s next move!

 

“BURNING LARIAT!” shouts Stevens as Kibagami’s arm pops against Mental’s chest and sends the Hardcore Champion plummeting to the mat in one swift blow, “Kibagami is just dominating competition thus far tonight against Mental.”

 

Riley says, “It’s still early on yet Stevens. Kibagami is emptying his holster way too fast for a match like this. At least that is what Angel tells all of us in the back.”

 

Pulling himself up and off the canvas, Nathan quickly hops into the ropes before coming back and burying a power drive elbow drop deep into the heart of his foe. Sitting up and off the mat, Judge’s eyes blur for a moment before falling over to one side and lying on the mat once again. Collecting Mental once more, Kibagami pushes the member of the Magnificent Seven into the ropes and once again tries to force him over the top as the clock on the SmarkTron counts down to...

 

THREE...

 

TWO...

 

ONE...

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

“It’s Ejiro Fasaki!” calls out Stevens, “One of the newest additions to the SWF.”

 

Riley adds, “And more importantly, he’s a member of the Magnificent Seven and he’s going to finally stop Kibagami’s rampage!”

 

Sliding into the ring, the n00b immediately slams a forearm down across the back of Kibagami and frees Judge Mental from his grip. But as an added ‘bonus’ Ejiro Fasaki draws the attention of the wrathful Kibagami right to himself. Turning to Fasaki, Nathan looks almost bemused for a moment as Fasaki hits him with a punch across the chest. Another punch and Nathan continues to simply stand there until he decides to grab Ejiro around the head, shocking Fasaki with the sudden movement. Quickly capitalizing on his advantage, Nathan begins to sweep his knees up and into the chest and face of Fasaki. Again and again, Kibagami buries his knees into the face of Ejiro before casually tossing Fasaki away in disgust to the canvas. Slowly rising with almost no idea of where he is, Fasaki is ill prepared when Kibagami grabs him around the waist for a German suplex. Unfortunately for Nathan, Judge Mental is prepared!

 

“Mental just clubs Kibagami from behind with a forearm. And again!” says Mark, “But ... Silent just won’t let go of the waist lock!”

 

“I’m really not sure if Judge Mental gives a damn!”

 

Grabbing Kibagami around the waist as Nathan continues to clutch onto Fasaki like a pit bull, Judge Mental lets out a terrible roar as he arches back and manages to German suplex BOTH of the other two men and creating his own little pileup in the ring.

 

Riley shouts, “What a power display! I don’t think I have ever seen anything like that! Who says Frost is the strongest man in the Magnificent Seven?”

 

Stevens shoots back, “Other than...well... everyone?”

 

“I mean besides them. Damn it Stevens, that was a good reflection and you ruined it.”

 

Stomping down on the man that would dare challenge two members of the Magnificent Seven at once, Judge Mental swears at the fallen form of Kibagami as Ejiro struggles to get to his feet. Scraping Kibagami off the mat, Mental tosses him into the corner and immediately follows his foe in with a charge that only meets feet as Nathan lifts a boot to the jaw that sends Judge Mental stumbling all the way across the ring and into the other corner. Quickly charging forth, Kibagami breaks into a springboard in preparation for the gamengiri but Judge quickly reacts and snatches Kibagami out of the air with a full nelson! Quickly turning and falling backward, the Hardcore Champion buries Kibagami with a deadly dragon suplex to stem the tide! Maniacally trying to hold Nathan down as Ejiro gets a chance to recover, Judge Mental immediately pulls Kibagami’s legs off the mat and turns him over into a Boston crab! Pulling back on the legs and taking a low seat on the spine of Kibagami, Judge strains back as Nathan bellows out in pain as Angel looks on in worry. That worry is only going to increase as Ejiro slowly manages to roll over and get a glimpse of the proceedings. Quickly crawling closer to the pile, Ejiro latches onto Kibagami’s arm and wrenches back with a Fujiwara armbar! With both members of the Magnificent Seven tearing away at him, Kibagami can do nothing but scream and hope that help will be on its way out soon. But there is still about twenty seconds to go before the next entry into the Clusterfuck comes out so he can do nothing but persevere as Ejiro and Judge Mental continue to rip and tear away on their respective holds.

 

“What a brilliant move by The Magnificent Seven,” gushes Riley, “If they take out Kibagami’s legs and arm, he will not have the power needed to hold onto the ropes and stave off elimination.”

 

“But this is going to take way too long,” mentions Stevens, “By the time they have Nathan Kibagami worked down to the point where that strategy will work, the next person will be on their way down the aisle... And speaking of which!”

 

THREE...

 

TWO...

 

ONE...

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

“It’s ’The Hardcore Queen’ Annie Eclectic and she isn’t coming alone!”

 

“She’s got that damn toothpick again! They won’t let her in the ring with that? Will they? WILL THEY?”

 

“No Disqualification in this one, Riley! She could have brought a chainsaw to the ring and no one would try and stop her.”

 

Dropping their hold on Nathan, The Magnificent Seven turn to see who is coming down the aisle next and boy are they surprised to see who it is and what she is carrying! Stepping away from the side of the ring that Annie Eclectic is entering on, The Judge and Fasaki huddle up for just a moment before Mental tosses the stunned Fasaki right into the path of Annie and her bokken sword. And she does not hesitate for a moment before swinging the weapon right into the gut of her opposition, quickly turning the sword over in her hand and cracking down on his back. But with Annie’s attention diverted, it is Judge Mental who makes the next move. Charging forward like a rhino, Judge catches Eclectic around the waist and drives her into a corner. Throwing shoulder after shoulder, Judge tries to go to work on the injured ribs and back of Annie. But Annie still has not let go of the sword yet... and she intends to use it. Taking the bokken with both hands, Annie slams it down across the back of Judge Mental to stop his assault. Staggering out of the corner with his hand on his back, Judge can’t do a thing as Annie draws a bead and cracks him across the face with the weapon. Turning back to Fasaki, Eclectic loads the stick up again and swings for the fences...

 

CRACK!

 

“Fasaki moved out of the way and Kibagami took the blow!” shouts Stevens as the bokken smacks into the unsuspecting Nathan’s head and sends him tumbling over the top rope and all the way to the floor!

 

++++++++++++++++++++

Nathan Kibagami

Entered: 1st

Order Eliminated: 1st

Eliminated By: Annie Eclectic

Eliminated: None

++++++++++++++++++++

 

“Annie must not have been able to stop the swing in time to keep from eliminating Kibagami,” remarks Stevens.

 

“Hey, why bother? It’s just one less guy to worry about,” questions Riley.

 

“Because now she is going to be in the same position that Nathan was just in as Ejiro and The Judge double up on her!”

 

And so, as Angel tends to her fallen man and helps escort him backstage, Annie is forced to deal with two men. Turning from where she had just deposited Nathan, Eclectic turns back towards the ring and immediately gets caught from behind the head with a leaping kick to the back of the head from Ejiro Fasaki that sends the Hardcore Queen tumbling head over heels to the canvas. Quickly claiming possession of the bokken, Ejiro makes sure to remove the weapon from the ring before turning his attention back to Annie.

 

“And that’s a smart move by Fasaki,” admits Stevens, “Neither Fasaki nor Judge are going to be as adept with that sword as Annie would be. So they are better off removing it from play than allowing Annie a chance to get a hold of it once again.”

 

Grabbing Eclectic off the canvas, Ejiro looks to deal out some more punishment but Annie is not about to just let this punk come in and deal with her like that. Quickly sweeping her hands up and breaking Fasaki’s grip, Annie instantly kicks Ejiro right in the bread basket and spiking him into the mat with a lightning fast DDT that flips Ejiro right over to the mat. Getting to her feet, Annie immediately charges at the rising Judge Mental, but Mental has not been spending all this time on the mat without thinking about what to do next. So as Annie recklessly moves forward, Judge lowers his shoulder and catches her around the waist before falling backward and dropping the Queen on the top turnbuckle! As Annie falls to the mat holding onto her face and neck, Judge goes about getting his stable mate back up to his feet. Slapping Fasaki about the face, Judge motions to him about what they should do to Annie next. Rapidly getting back over to Annie, Ejiro and Judge Mental both grab a leg as Annie struggles from her back to escape. But she does not have the power to fight off both men as Judge and Ejiro muscle her over heels over head before both men take a knee and bend her in twain with a double liontamer! But they cannot hold on for long before...

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

Xstasy comes sprinting down the aisle to the cheers of the Pittsburgh crowd as Judge and Ejiro release their grip on Annie’s legs and move to intercept the newcomer to the Clusterfuck and maybe get a piece of that 20,000 dollars. But they are nor ready when Xstasy gets to the apron and uses the ropes to immediately slide underneath both of The Magnificent Seven members. Turning back to where X had gone, Ejiro and Judge both get a face full of Xstasy and a double Capoeria flip dropkick. Both men go flying to the canvas as Xstasy easily rolls back up to his feet. Tossing Ejiro into a corner, X quickly grabs a rising Mental and also Irish whips into the same corner causing both heels to collide! Judge staggers from the collision and falls backward to the canvas and Ejiro is not far behind as he lands headfirst into the groin of his own partner in crime!

 

“Well.... How you doing?” asks Riley to the cringing mass of humanity that is piling up in the ring.

 

Thankfully for her, Annie Eclectic has gotten back to her feet and recovered a bit from that double liontamer and goes to get herself a piece of Judge Mental. While, at the same times X continues to go to work on Ejiro by pulling him up into the corner once more and blistering him with a series of hard knife edge chops to the chest. While in the center of the ring, Annie Eclectic lifts Judge Mental up before dropping him down across her knee with a reverse atomic drop. The Hardcore Queen immediately follows up with a hard flying forearm to the head that sends Judge Mental tumbling all the way under the bottom ropes and to the arena floor! Looking to the crowd for a moment, Annie smiles before ducking under the bottom rope and going to work on Mental on the floor!

 

“This is not a hardcore match you dumb broad!” shouts Riley. “What the hell is she doing out there!”

 

“I think she wants to discuss her hardcore philosophy with the champ,” answers ‘Grand Slam.’ “And I don’t think we are talking about Plato.”

 

Taking Judge by the head, Annie slams him against the guardrail and pushes him over it and into the crowd of screaming fans. While in the ring, X shoots Ejiro into the ropes once more and catches him on the rebound with an outstanding frankensteiner that drops the former leaguer strait down on his head. Getting up to his feet quickly, Xstasy grabs Ejiro by the foot and pulls him closer to a corner in preparation for some highflying maneuver. Climbing up to the top facing away from the ring, X comes flying off the top with his ‘Xclusion’ reverse swanton bomb...

 

But Ejiro rolls away and X’s back collides with the mat at 100 miles per hour!

 

“What a mistake from X!” laughs Riley. “There’s no way he should have gone for that move that early!”

 

Mark quickly answers back, “I guess having a target painted on you by the commissioner is enough to make anyone try and take a chance.”

 

Looking about for a moment, Ejiro tries to find his partner so they can continue their double teaming enterprise. But the vengeful Annie Eclectic is currently punching out Judge on the floor. Deciding that he needs to stick with the group, Ejiro rolls to the outside as well as X tries to get his sense of awareness back together inside the ring. Coming up from behind, Fasaki hops the rail and immediately blasts Annie from behind with a hard forearm blow to the back of the head that temporarily stifles her assault on Judge Mental. But Ejiro does not pack enough of a punch to stop the Hardcore Queen from coming back right away. So as Fasaki pops her in the head once more, Annie easily answers back with a hard punch of her own that sends Ejiro back a step. Another devastating blow sends Ejiro back against the barricade before a hard clothesline sends him flipping back over the rail and to the ringside area. But that distraction has allowed Judge Mental to collect a chair from some fan with a Hawaiian shirt and Mental pastes Annie across the back with it as the countdown resumes...

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZ!

 

“And Stryke makes his presence known!” calls Stevens as the wrestler comes jogging down the aisle and right into the ring.

 

Wasting no time, Stryke blasts a rising Xstasy from behind with a hard dropkick that causes X’s head to bounce against the middle turnbuckle. Ignoring what’s going on the outside, Stryke continues to press his advantage in the ring by sending X into the ropes and catching him on the rebound with an elbow to the chest before hitting the ropes himself and dropping a hard elbow across the sternum of the Xstatic One. While on the floor, the two members of the Magnificent Seven continue to pound away on Annie with as much venom as they can muster. Both Ejiro and Judge reach down low and take a leg of the standing yet stunned member of the Midnight Carnival. Lifting her up high above their heads, Fasaki and Mental drop Eclectic down across the edge of the guardrail throat first. Clutching at her throat, Annie falls to the concrete floor and tries to cough up some air and get back into this match. Satisfied with the damage done on the outside, Mental and Fasaki toss Eclectic back inside the ring and follow her back in to officially try and eliminate her from this Clusterfuck.

 

Stevens says, “Now this is when Xstasy and Stryke should stop trying to fight each other and try and deal with the Magnificent Seven. Because if they do not do it now, The Seven will continue to pick away at the other people in the ring one at a time until they are the only ones left.”

 

Riley responds, “What are you talking about? Fasaki and Mental aren’t teaming up, this match is everyone for themselves. It’s right there in the rules!”

 

“Are you blind?”

 

“Not only that, but I have hairy palms too.”

 

Mental and Ejiro lift Annie once more to try and lift her up and over the top rope, but The Hardcore Queen resists with every fiber of her being. While on the other side of the ring, Stryke is trying to do the same to X. Finally pushing Xstasy over the top rope, Stryke appears to have that twenty grand all wrapped up but the flexible X manages to sneak back in through the middle rope on the way down to the apron. But Stryke is not one to just quit on something so early. Stomping down on Xstasy, Stryke pulls him up off the canvas before ducking low and picking X up into a fireman’s carry. Quickly carrying X to the center of the ring, Stryke looks out to the crowd for a moment before swinging X around in an attempt to hit a face buster. But the acrobatic X manages to land on his feet and immediately runs strait through Stryke with a lariat. Ignoring the man that has been attacking him since he got into the ring, Xstasy immediately runs over to where the Magnificent Seven are working over Annie over the top rope. Slamming his arms down across the back of Judge Mental, Xstasy basically saves Eclectic from going over the top. Pushing Mental over to a corner, X blasts him underneath the jaw with a rising palm thrust upstart slap as a rising Stryke moves over to Ejiro and Annie. Burying a fist into Ejiro exposed face, Stryke finally manages to free Annie from Fasaki’s grasp and allows her an opportunity to fall to the canvas and get a chance to catch her breath. Taking Fasaki by the arm, Stryke sends the recent addition to the SWF into the ropes and buries a boot into his gut. Quickly hitting the ropes, Stryke comes back towards Ejiro and smashes him into the canvas with the recoil rocker dropper. Stryke gets to his feet and lets out a cheer of joy as the timer counts down once again...

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

And “The Barracuda” Johnny Dangerous comes flying down to the ring as Xstasy pushes Judge Mental up and onto the middle rope. Dangerous instantly grabs a hold of the downed Ejiro Fasaki and tries to send him flying over the top rope, but Ejiro grabs the top rope tightly and refuses to move as Dangerous exerts the full extent of his power. Meanwhile, Stryke keeps a close eye on Mental and X in the corner, looking for a chance to make his move. He does not have long to wait, as X climbs up the ropes and attempts to take Mental all the way over with a frankensteiner, but the powerful Judge holds onto the top rope and allows X to go tumbling backward alone. Thankfully for him, X lands on his feet. Not so luckily Stryke is right there behind him and slams a forearm down across his back. Quickly turning X around, Stryke lifts him again into position and this time delivers the fireman’s carry face buster! Bouncing right back up to his feet,

Xstasy stumbles right back up to his feet and is immediately nailed with a ‘heat seeker’ superkick that sends him all the way over the top and to the arena floor!

 

++++++++++++++++

Xstasy

Entered: 5th

Order Eliminated: 2nd

Eliminated By: Stryke

Eliminated: None

+++++++++++++++

 

“Remind me tomorrow that Stryke is my favorite wrestler and that I want to spend more time with him,” remarks Riley at the thought of getting his hands on that 20 grand.

 

Hopping up and down in the air at the joy of winning $20,000 Stryke fails to notice as Judge Mental comes flying off the middle rope and crushes him with a flying clothesline. But as he gets back up to his feet, Mental is also blindsided by the charging Johnny Dangerous and leveled with a clothesline as he leaves Ejiro sagging on the ropes. Taking Judge and slamming him into the top turnbuckle, Dangerous slams his leg into Judge’s chest again and again as a risen Annie Eclectic takes a hold of Stryke and begins to choke him against the bottom rope. Almost bouncing Stryke against the bottom rope, Annie continues to throttle her foe as Johnny continues to take big hard shots at Mental. Finally tired of kicking the crap out of Judge, Johnny Dangerous mounts the ropes behind him and hooks him up for the ‘cover up’ diamond dust! But Ejiro Fasaki is there to make the save as he quickly runs across the ring and slams a leaping fist into Johnny’s head. Freed from Johnny’s reverse facelock, Judge Mental instantly reaches up and grabs a hold of Johnny’s head before running out towards the center of the ring and burying him with a running ‘surprise witness’ diamond cutter! Quickly taking advantage of their opportunity, Ejiro and Judge quickly pry Johnny off the canvas and toss him right over the top rope to the floor!

 

+++++++++++++++

“The Barracuda” Johnny Dangerous

Entered: 7th

Order Eliminated: 3rd

Eliminated By: Judge Mental and Ejiro Fasaki

Eliminated: None

+++++++++++++++

 

“Well, at least that will be the last person who has to worry about receiving the punishment promised by The Suicide King.” comments Stevens. “But everyone in this match still has to be worried about just one thing, which is winning this match and going on to face the champion.”

 

Turning from their eliminated victim back to the center of the ring, the Magnificent Seven have their smiles knocked from their faces as a charging Annie Eclectic knocks both of them down to the canvas with a double diving clothesline. Pulling Ejiro up and off the mat, Annie quickly turns him over into position for a reverse neckbreaker while waiting on Judge Mental to climb back up to his feet. So when he does, Annie quickly grabs him around the head and suddenly drops to the canvas, smashing Ejiro with a reverse neckbreaker and Judge Mental with the DDT. Rising to her feet, Annie quickly turns back to the center of the ring to see the opportunistic Stryke charging forward. Ducking low, Annie manages to lift the high flyer over the top rope and to the ring apron. Trying to polish him off and send him off the apron, Annie proceeds to stomp away one of her challengers as the count begins once more...

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

“And Michael Craven is on his way to the ring,” calls out Stevens as the crowd immediately begins to tear into The Nightmare with the call of...

 

FUCK YOU ASH!

 

FUCK YOU ASH!

 

FUCK YOU ASH!

 

Almost shocked by this reception, Craven still manages to crawl underneath the bottom rope and grab the unsuspecting Annie Eclectic from behind and sends her into the canvas with the Sake bomb! With this little bit of air, Stryke crawls underneath the bottom rope in order to avoid elimination and crawls away from the pile of Magnificent Seven members on the canvas in order to get his wits about him. But with Annie down on the canvas, Craven has a special interest in one of the men in that pile. Pulling up the man that took the hardcore title away, Craven sends Judge Mental into the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a scintillating powerslam into the center of the ring. Quickly popping off the mat, Craven hits the ropes and comes back with a forward roll into a high frog splash before crushing him into the mat. While in a corner of the ring, Stryke pulls Ejiro Fasaki into a corner and kicking him hard in the chest as the hardcore threesome continue to battle it out amongst themselves. Because Craven refuses to just face one of his foes at a time, he picks up the rather stunned Annie and body slams her right next to the comatose form of Judge Mental. Quickly walking over to the rope, Craven makes his way all the way up to the top rope. Looking out to the crowd, Craven expects some show of support from the fans but is once again met with the venom of...

 

FUCK YOU ASH!

 

FUCK YOU ASH!

 

FUCK YOU ASH!

 

Stunned by this, Michael Craven still continues to try and focus his attention on his hardcore rivals in the middle of the ring. Taking to the air, Craven comes down hard in the center of the ring with a huge five star frog splash but Annie and Judge both roll out of harms way and Craven collides with the canvas! While in the other battle that is raging in the ring, Stryke pulls Ejiro in and buries him with a short arm Benoit-style clothesline that sends the new edition to the SWF hard down to the canvas. Pulling Ejiro up once more, Stryke again goes for the short arm clothesline, but this time, Fasaki manages to duck underneath and take Stryke back down to the canvas with a belly-to-back suplex that leaves both men laying on the canvas, trying to get their wits about. As, at the same time, the oddest double team in a long time is taking place. For Judge Mental and Annie Eclectic have marshaled their forces into one pool as they toss The Nightmare into the ropes and send him flying high up into the air with a double backdrop! Having accomplished that, the terms of the treaty immediately dissolve as Mental and Annie begin to trade punches back and forth once more. Finally it is Judge Mental who gets the advantage in the battle of punches, but as he goes for one last haymaker blow, Annie ducks underneath and quickly sends him to the canvas with a Fujiwara armbar. Cranking back on the arm, Annie tries to pull it out of socket as Craven and Stryke continue to try and get their wits about them. But unfortunately for Annie, Ejiro Fasaki is recovered enough at this point to lend a hand and drive a forearm down across the side the Hardcore Queen’s head and break her grip on Judge Mental’s arm. Standing up and basking in his achievement Fasaki smiles an exhausted smile for just a moment before Michael Craven runs right through the Magnificent Seven member with a running clothesline across the chest that sends the smaller wrestler spinning to the canvas. But Craven does not have long to celebrate either before Stryke snaps him back down with a spinning heel kick across the chest. All five wrestlers are down on the canvas sucking for air as the count begins once more...

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

Xero sprints down to the ring as fast as his legs can carry him so he might gain an advantage over everyone else in the ring. Immediately climbing all the way up to the top rope, Xero takes flight and crashes down on Fasaki with mile high frog splash! Quickly turning to a rising Annie Eclectic, Xero moves over and takes him down with the DDT that turns Judge all the way over onto his back with the impact. Continuing his roll, Xero next picks up his attack on Judge Mental by pasting him across the chin with a rapid fire superkick that knocks the Hardcore Champion flat back to the mat. It is Stryke who is next to feel the pain and indeed he does as Xero hits the ropes behind him and spikes Stryke right into the mat with a face buster. Getting to his feet once more, Xero looks to the people and lets out a bellow that is met with an enthusiastic cheer from the Pittsburgh anti-fans. Pointing right at the last target in the ring to not get a piece, Xero gets a far more rabid response as he promises to the fans to bring some pain to one Mr. Michael Craven. But as Xero approaches Craven, the Nightmare puts up his hands in order to stop his sometimes tag team partner. Xero pauses a moment as Craven gets up his feet. But only for a moment! Grabbing the rising Nightmare around the waist, Xero slowly forces the struggling Craven up to his shoulder in preparation for the Xero Gravity Driver! But Craven shifts his 260 pounds back and escapes the grip of the wild newcomer to the ring. Quickly trying to get rid of Xero before he can get even more momentum on his side, Craven rushes forward with Xero in his grasp before dumping him over the top rope and out of The Clusterfuck.

 

++++++++++++++++

Xero

Entered: 9th

Order Eliminated: 4th

Eliminated By: Michael Craven

Eliminated: None

++++++++++++++++

 

Raising his arms in celebration, Craven once again is served up a heaping helping of boos from the crowd. Tired of taking such abuse, Craven serves the fans a heaping handful of middle finger to the assembled people of the Pittsburgh community. Turning around and back to the ring, Craven is quickly assaulted by the resurgent Annie Eclectic to the thrill of the crowd. Sending Michael into the ropes, Annie bounds off the ropes as well and drills Craven across the forehead with a flying forearm. While at the same time, Stryke quickly runs over to Judge Mental and Ejiro Fasaki and quickly slams their heads together with the dreaded double noggin knocker ’96! Hitting the ropes for some momentum of his own, Stryke comes running in only to get jerked high up into the air by both men and hotshot across the top rope from almost ten feet in the air. And while Annie blasts Craven across the face with a series of mounted punches, The Magnificent Seven goes to work on Stryke. Judge Mental pulls the smaller man off the canvas and holds him in position for a powerbomb as Fasaki readies his part of the equation. Grabbing Stryke by the hair, Ejiro pulls his head down and locks on a reverse front facelock. Counting down between each other, Judge and Fasaki both quickly spin to the canvas with an elevated form of the roll of the dice!

 

“OOOOH what a move!” shouts Riley with a great deal of glee in his voice, “Man, you can really tell that Ejiro and Judge have been working together on some kind of strategy before this match took place.”

 

“And what an advantage that is,” admits Stevens, “while Stryke, Craven, and Annie are all out for themselves, Fasaki and Judge have been watching each others’ backs all match long. You have to wonder just how much more effective the Magnificent Seven will be as the three other members of that faction involved in this match come out from the back.”

 

As Mental and Ejiro continue their assault on Stryke, Annie hauls her hardcore rival up and sends him into the ropes for a clothesline. But the deceptively alert Craven easily ducks underneath the arm and hooks her up in a full nelson. Quickly jerking the Hardcore Queen up into the air, Craven releases Annie before sending her crashing to the canvas with the red fusion slam that once again bounces Annie’s face off the mat! Getting up with a smile, Michael is once more met with the sounds of the countdown...

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

“And here comes another recent addition to the SWF, the highflying Wildchild. And boy did he have an issue with Ejiro Fasaki, you have to expect that trend to continue up here in the big time.”

 

But for now, Wildchild has to deal with Michael Craven. Leaving Annie laying on the canvas, The Nightmare immediately meets Wildchild at the ropes with an attempted forearm to the head. But Wildchild easily blocks that clumsy attack and drives a shoulder in between the ropes to cut off Michael’s attack. Reaching over the top, Wildchild hooks Michael in a wristlock before climbing on up to the top rope! Walking across the ring with Craven in tow, Wildchild leaps off the top and sends the Craven crashing into the mat with a tornado DDT! Leaping up to his feet with a howl of glee, Wildchild quickly turns his attention to his former SJL opponent. So as Judge Mental and Ejiro Fasaki are working over Stryke in a corner, Wildchild grabs Fasaki from behind and pulls him to the center of the ring. Freed from the grip of two men, Stryke is able to stave off elimination and reverse his position with Judge Mental. But the more exciting things are taking place in the center of the ring where Wildchild is taking Ejiro to task. Sending Fasaki into the ropes, Wildchild takes to the air and buries his feet right into the sternum of his opponent with a dropkick that pops Ejiro to the mat. Looking about the ring for some like-minded individuals, Wildchild gathers Annie and Stryke to him to do some more damage to the other people currently in the ring. With Annie on Mental, Stryke on Craven, and Wildchild on Fasaki, all of the faces send the heels into the ropes and send them down to the canvas with a triple backdrop toss! Slowly all of the villains crawl back up to their feet only to get knocked right back down to the canvas with stereo superkicks!

 

“Wow. It’s like seeing the same match three times all at once!” remarks Riley, “Actually its a whole lot more like the sixties when I think about it.”

 

“Where you even alive in the sixties?”

 

“... I’m... not sure ...”

 

With Mental, Craven and Fasaki all lying out on the mat, the other side of the equation the other three people in the match all make their way up to the top ropes with a different target in mind. Leaping into the air, Wildchild comes crushing down on Fasaki with a moonsault as Stryke does similar to Craven with a flying elbow drop. Leaving only Annie left on the top rope. Looking out to the people, Eclectic gets ready to fly before realizing that... hey I don’t fly very well at all. So casually hopping off the top on to her feet, Annie simply walks over to Mental and drops a knee down across his face with a sadistic smile on her face and the absolute enjoyment of the crowd. Once again pulling the bad guys off the canvas, Wildchild, Stryke and Annie push them all into corners of the ring before whipping them all into the center of the ring. Or at least attempting to do so as Ejiro, Judge and Craven immediately reverse the whips and send all of their opponents into a giant collision in the center of the ring. And all of the faces stumble backward, Ejiro, Judge and Craven hooks them all up from behind before driving them backward with three hard German suplexes! Getting to his feet with a smile, Craven claps his hands in a show of joy and motions to the members of the Magnificent Seven to give him a high five. Looking at Craven with a pair of raised eyebrows, Judge and Ejiro raise their arms and allow Craven slap hands with them. And, of course, they immediately double cross him. Twisting Craven’s arms around in a double wristlock, the Magnificent Seven quickly slip in and drive Craven to the canvas with a double single arm DDT! Leaving Craven where he is, Mental and Fasaki both grab a hold of Annie and Wildchild respectively and work to push them over the top rope as Stryke tries to regain his senses. Wildchild easily manages to hold on to the top rope due to his relative freshness, but Eclectic due to her much longer stay in the ring is having a much rougher time holding onto the top rope. But while that is going on, Stryke and Craven get up their feet at precisely the same moment as the countdown start up once more...

 

THREE!

 

Stryke rushes at Craven!

 

TWO!

 

And gets backdropped right over the top rope to the floor!

 

++++++++++++++++

Stryke

Entered: 6th

Order Eliminated: 5th

Eliminated By: Michael Craven

Eliminated: Xstasy

++++++++++++++++

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

Craven gets backs up from the canvas just in time to see ”Deathwish” Danny Williams makes his slow way down the aisle. Making the sign of come on and get some, Craven eagerly awaits Danny’s entrance to the ring. While at the same time, the fans buzz at the possibilities that could await the former Pokemaniac.

 

DANNY’S GONNA KILL YOU!

 

DANNY’S GONNA KILL YOU!

 

DANNY’S GONNA KILL YOU!

 

Undaunted by this reaction, Craven meets Williams at the ropes and begins to toss a series of right hands at the US Champion. But Michael takes one swing too many as Williams ducks underneath and grabs Craven from behind before arching back and tossing Craven overhead... and over the top with a German release suplex!

 

“Holy Christ! Craven landed the back of his head! I think Danny might have actually killed him!” calls out Stevens as the outside officials run over to check and see if he is actually breathing or not.

 

++++++++++++++++

Michael Craven

Entered: 8th

Order Eliminated: 6th

Eliminated By: Danny Williams

Eliminated: Xero and Stryke

++++++++++++++++

 

“Oh well. What a tragedy,” replies Riley, “More importantly there are now three members of the Magnificent Seven in the ring. And boy, are you going to see some series beatings taking place now! I’d laugh evilly but my throat is a little raw from all the ... uh... stuff I did last night.”

 

Turning his attention back to his fellow stable mates, Danny decides to lend a hand to Judge Mental in order to help get another shot at the always-tempting target named Annie Eclectic. But that turns out to be an error as it is Ejiro who required the most help. Wildchild easily manages to hold off Ejiro’s grip by jamming his fingers into the eyes of the mat wrestler and getting himself a little room to operate. But instead of pressing the assault on Fasaki, Wildchild instead decides to try and save Annie from the grip of Mental and Williams so he does not end up in a three-on-one situation. Pulling Williams out of the corner, Wildchild boots him in the chest before slamming down on Judge Mental with a right hand to the head. Finally not having two wrestlers trying to toss her out of the ring, Annie rests for a moment with her feet on the ground for a moment before blasting Mental across the top of the head with a series of right hands. Meanwhile, Wildchild tries his luck against the deadly Danny Williams. Chopping Williams against the chest three times, Wildchild ropes to have Danny winded enough to whip him into the ropes, but he is sadly mistaken! Reversing the whip in an instant, Danny tosses Wildchild into the ropes like a shot and creams him on the rebound with a hooking lariat. Leaving Judge behind on the ropes, Annie tries to stop the juggernaut that has been Danny Williams since his entrance into this match with a clothesline. But Williams ducks underneath and Annie runs strait into the elbow of one Mr. Fasaki. Staggering backward, Eclectic feels the grip of Williams grabbing her by the back of the head just before he too smokes her with a big elbow. Suddenly finding herself sandwiched between two rather viscous individuals, Eclectic can do nothing as both of them toss elbows into her back and chest with rapid precision. Tired of trying to outdo each other for the moment, Danny and Ejiro immediately spin in opposite directions and crush Annie’s head in between both William’s rolling elbow and Fasaki’s screaming version! Out on her feet, Annie stumbles for just a moment before Judge Mental finally sends her down to the canvas with a hard superkick to the chest. Rolling all the way over to the ropes, Annie tries to hook herself within them to keep from getting tossed but The Magnificent Seven have other plans in mind. Together all three men collect Wildchild and send him into the ropes before all three men duck their heads and send Wildchild into the air with a triple backdrop!

 

“Holy hell!” shouts Stevens, “Wildchild just went 15 feet in the air if he went a foot! I’m almost surprised that wasn’t escape velocity and Wildchild isn’t in orbit right now.”

 

Not allowing Wildchild a chance to recuperate, Judge Mental grabs him by the legs and turns him over into a Boston crab. Inspired by Judge’s choice of move, Danny stands back-to-back with the Judge and reaches down to pull up on Wildchild’s chin and lock on a camel clutch. With the Bahama Bomber stretched out before him like a pinnate, Ejiro simply laughs for a moment before hitting the rope and dropkicking Wildchild strait in the face! But thankfully, The Magnificent Seven releases Wildchild as they hear the count kick up once more and look forward to attacking the next entrant.

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

[Guest Goodear]

Stevens roars “It’s CIA! And he’s not hesitating a bit! He wants a piece of those magnificent bastards right now! He’s going to save Annie Eclectic’s bacon if it kills him.”

 

Sliding into the ring, The Canadian Intelligence Agent is immediately met with the swarming forces of the Magnificent Seven. With six fists pounding away at the masked man, he is unable to mount any sort of offensive. Together once more as a unit, the three men send CIA into the ropes in preparation for another triple backdrop. But CIA isn’t going in for that as he instantly kicks Judge Mental (the man in the center) in the chops before sending both Williams and Fasaki into the canvas with the double DDT! Getting right back up to his feet, CIA ducks as a raging Judge Mental comes charging forward with a clothesline. Turning much quicker than the exhausted Mental, CIA quickly peppers with a series of short left jabs. And with Mental stunned, CIA breaks into the ‘Dance, Drink and Drop’ before slamming one huge bionic elbow down across Judge Mental’s head! Staggering backward in a daze against the ropes, it is Annie Eclectic who finally sends Mental out of the ring the drop kiss to the face!

 

++++++++++++++++

Judge Mental

Entered: 2nd

Order Eliminated: 7th

Eliminated By: Annie Eclectic

Eliminated: Johnny Dangerous (with Ejiro Fasaki)

++++++++++++++++

 

The crowd rises as one to congratulate Annie on finally managing to get Judge Mental out of the ring. CIA and Annie return the love by saluting the crowd before turning their attention back to the Magnificent Seven members still in the ring. Ejiro and Danny do indeed rise as one and quickly drop into fighting stances waiting for The Midnight Carnival to bring the action. But they forgot about just one thing, that’s right, Wildchild. While The Carnies have been doing their thing, the Bahama Bomber has been taking his time recovering before rolling out to the apron. Springing up to the top rope, Wildchild slams into the backs of Ejiro and Danny with a hard double dropkick that sends them right into the path of Annie and CIA who easily haul them up before body slamming them to the canvas. CIA and Wildchild go about bouncing around Ejiro in a corner as Annie tries to settle up more of her issue with Danny Williams. Kicking “Deathwish” strait in the chest, Annie stands Danny strait up before running the ropes and sending him down to the canvas with a running forearm to the head. Throwing her arm in the air, Eclectic lets out a war whoop before grabbing a hold of his head and setting Williams up for the ‘Annie T’. But Danny is not out of this yet and he thunderously rises with Annie in his grip before ramming her hard into a turnbuckle and injuring those ribs of hers once more. Quickly capitalizing while CIA and Wildchild still have their attention elsewhere, Danny takes Annie around the waist before jerking high into the air for a powerbomb. But not an ordinary powerbomb, oh no, because Danny just hurls Annie all the way over

the ropes to the floor! Colliding with the concrete with her shoulders, Annie curls up in a ball as once again the referees have to check and see if another wrestler eliminated by Danny Williams will require medical attention.

 

++++++++++++++++

Annie Eclectic

Entered: 4th

Order Eliminated: 8th

Eliminated By: Danny Williams

Eliminated: Judge Mental

++++++++++++++++

 

Infuriated by that last devastating move, CIA immediately grabs Danny from behind and begins to smash away with a series of hard forearms. Quickly spinning CIA tries to take Danny down with a roaring elbow but the US Champion casually ducks underneath the blow before leaping into the air and cracking CIA across the collarbone with a leaping ‘dynamic kick’ that sends both men down. And while Wildchild chokes Ejiro in the other corner of the ring, the counter once again appears to lead us to the next entry.

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

And out from the entranceway comes Alex Zenon to add another member of the Midnight Carnival to this Clusterfuck. But this Carnie does not come sprinting into he ring like CIA did, nope, Zenon takes his time with a light jog to ringside. And instead of immediately going to the aid of CIA, Alex decides to help Wildchild dispose of Ejiro Fasaki instead. Pulling Wildchild out of the corner for a moment, Zenon quickly begins to kick away at the fallen member of the Magnificent Seven. While in the other corner, Danny pushes CIA up against the ropes and begins to slam hard elbows into the jaw line of The Canadian Intelligence Agent again and again. But Zenon still does nothing to help his partner and instead directs Wildchild to take over the beating of Fasaki in the corner that they have him trapped. Pulling aside Wildchild once more, Alex appears to be talking strategy with the Bahama Bomber but quickly thumbs him right in the eye! Staggered by this shocking event, Wildchild feels his way around for a moment blinded before Zenon grabs him by the tights and tosses him right out of the ring.

 

++++++++++++++++

Wildchild

Entered: 10th

Order Eliminated: 9th

Eliminated By: Alex Zenon

Eliminated: None

++++++++++++++++

 

“What the devil is Zenon doing in there? Why turn on a potential ally like Wildchild like that?” asks an incredulous Stevens.

 

Riley answers, “What? Zenon doesn’t know Wildchild from Adam, why not eliminate him while he was the opportunity? Looks like a smart move from where I stand ... and he’s right back on Fasaki anyway! I think he just wanted Wildchild out of the way.”

 

With a little smile on his lips, Zenon buries his foot into the throat of Ejiro Fasaki while CIA continues to have his problems with Danny Williams. Firing one last elbow into CIA’s face, Danny seems satisfied enough to send the Carnie into the ropes for a more high impact blow. Tossing CIA into the ropes, The US Champion loads up and chucks a hard elbow at the skull of his opponent, but the wily CIA ducks right underneath and goes into another spin before slamming Danny across the chest with a roaring elbow that sends Williams falling to the canvas. While at the same time, Zenon pulls Ejiro out of the corner and easily forces him down to the canvas with a Russian leg sweep that smashes the back of Ejiro’s head into the mat with stunning force. With Danny stunned on the canvas, CIA moves over to his stable mate for a moment before discussing some strategy. Quickly both members of The Midnight Carnival pull Fasaki off the mat and lift him into the air as though they are about to deliver a double belly-to-back suplex. But instead, they slam Ejiro down strait down to the mat in a sitting position and, not coincidentally on top of Danny with a leg drop!

 

Stevens relates to the people at home, “Finally, after all their double teaming in this match, The Magnificent Seven are getting a taste of their own medicine! They might have had a chance to get a triple team in if Alex hadn’t have dumped Wildchild for no reason.”

 

“You don’t know that Stevens!” chimes in Riley, “For all you know, Wildchild could be helping Danny and Ejiro right now.”

 

“Wildchild... help Fasaki? Do you pay any attention to the SJL at all?”

 

“No. No I don’t.”

 

Pulling the stunned Fasaki off the mat once more, CIA and Zenon combine to toss him hard into a corner before they tend to Danny. Running forward, CIA crushes Ejiro in the corner with a running lariat before sending Fasaki out to the center of the ring where Zenon can crack his skull in with a spinning back kick! Not wanting to loose their momentum The CIA-Z Connection grabs a rising Danny Williams and whips him into an another corner. Once again CIA smashes into a Magnificent Seven member with a clothesline, but instead of going to the kicks once more, hits the ropes and comes crashing down with the ‘crack shoot’ rolling axe kick to the back of the head. Motioning to a rising Zenon that now would be a good time to make their move, CIA drags a weary Williams over to the ropes and attempts to lift him over the top rope. Zenon lends a hand with that incredible task as the count begins to fall once more...

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

The fourteenth person to enter this Clusterfuck is also the last of the latest edition to the SWF, Magnificent Seven member Fugue comes sprinting down the aisle before sliding into the ring and immediately goes to the aid of Danny Williams. Slamming down on Zenon’s back with a hard forearm and slamming a fist into the face of CIA, Fugue frees his stable mate from a possible elimination. Pulling CIA away from Williams, Fugue sends The Canadian Intelligence Agent into the ropes and catches him on rebound with a drop toehold that sends an unsuspecting CIA to the canvas hard. Immediately clamping down on the rising CIA with a double chicken wing, Fugue jerks him high into the air before driving him down to the canvas with the ‘Coda’ atomic drop! Cinching in on the chicken wing, Fugue flips over the body of the Carnie and holds on tight with the ‘Harmony’! Screaming out in pain, CIA can do nothing while the sadistic Musician bridges up on the toes of his feet. Thankfully for CIA, Zenon is not about to just let his only ally in the contest gets rendered unconscious. Unfortunately for both of them, Ejiro Fasaki intercepts Zenon on his path with a running elbow to the side of the head! Quickly dropping down on Zenon as soon as he hits the mat, Ejiro Fasaki turns Zenon over onto his chest and locks on the cobra crossface! With both of the Carnies currently incapacitated, Danny Williams takes the time to catch his breath an d come up with some sort of plan. Leaving Ejiro and Zenon alone for the moment as Alex struggles to push himself and Ejiro to the ropes, Danny taps Fugue on the leg and lets him know to release CIA so they can attempt to eliminate him.

 

Releasing the hold and rolling up to his feet, Fugue confers with Danny for a moment on the best course of action. While at the same time, Zenon has managed to push himself over to the ropes while an exhausted Fasaki attempts to keep him from escaping the crossface. But Ejiro cannot continue to hold on as Zenon manages to pull his body all the way underneath the bottom rope and cause both men to collide with the arena floor in a heap but still legally involved with this contest. Together in the ring however, Danny and Fugue send CIA into the ropes and look to catch him on the way back. But CIA manages to grab onto the top rope and keep himself from rebounding back to the Magnificent Seven. As if they were of one mind, Danny and Fugue run forward hoping to knock CIA over the top, but CIA ducks low and manages to lift both men up and allow both of them to fall onto the top rope throat first. Staggering with their hands on their throats, Fugue and Danny wander together towards CIA only to be met with a double bionic elbow to the top of the head! And another pair of elbows finds their marks as CIA rams down hard of both men before finally sending them both straight down to the canvas with one last big hammer to the tops of their heads! While on the floor, Ejiro and Zenon continue to battle it out for supremacy on the floor trading hard right hands back and forth. Finally, Fasaki attempts to kick Zenon in the chest, but Alex catches the boot and quickly rolls forward and smashing Fasaki to the floor with a front flip gamengiri to the face! Getting up to his feet, Zenon looks out to the crowd for a cheer before taking Ejiro and jerking him up onto his shoulder. Adjusting his grip around Ejiro’s neck, Zenon hooks in deep before dropping to the concrete floor and crushing him with the Genocide Level Event!

 

“GLE on the floor!” calls ‘Grand Slam’, “What a smart move by Zenon to take out a member of the Magnificent Seven. Even if he didn’t eliminate him, Zenon has assured that Fasaki won’t be causing any trouble for some time.”

 

Sliding back into the ring as CIA mounts Williams in a corner and lays in a ten punch count-a-long, Zenon goes right after Fugue and takes the new addition of the SWF down with a rushing chop to the chest that sends the submission master down to the canvas. But everyone will soon have someone else to deal with as the count begins once more to herald in the newest person to enter the Clusterfuck!

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

“It’s TNT,” shouts Riley, “Man, he wants to get back into the good graces of the Magnificent Seven, this would be the perfect opportunity!”

 

And that is exactly what Taylor Nicholas Thompson was thinking. Sliding into the ring, TNT immediately draws a bead on the turning Alex Zenon. Tossing a big boot up high, TNT knocks Zenon to the canvas in one swift blow. Quickly trying to continue his move into the good graces of The Magnificent Seven, TNT quickly moves in behind CIA, who is still on the middle rope. Running out of the corner with CIA on his shoulders, TNT sits out and crushes CIA into the canvas with ‘the mushroom cloud’ powerbomb! Getting up off the mat with a smile on his face, TNT goes over to Danny in the corner and starts to brush him off, knocking imaginary soot off the US Champion. Looking at TNT with a stunned look of disbelief, Danny half pushes TNT away while deciding what to do with him. Looking at TNT for a moment, Williams motions for the Magnificent Seven wannabe to go help Fugue while Danny goes to the outside and wake up an unconscious Ejiro Fasaki. Smiling broadly at this acceptance, TNT goes over to where Fugue is standing on top Zenon’s windpipe. TNT motions for the Music man to lift Zenon up and hold him. Raising an eyebrow, Fugue nonetheless complies and pulls Zenon up to his feet and holds him from behind as TNT hits the ropes and slams a running forearm down across the chest of Zenon and sends him to the mat. Laughing at this success, Frost pulls CIA off the mat and holds him tightly near the ropes while yelling for Fugue to come on in and take a shot. And so The Musician does as instructed but there is one person who is not in on the plan, and his name is CIA. So as Fugue comes running forward, CIA ducks low, taking TNT down with him before sending Fugue flying over the top rope to the floor!

 

++++++++++++++++

Fugue

Entered: 14th

Order Eliminated: 10th

Eliminated By: CIA

Eliminated: None

++++++++++++++++

 

Helping Ejiro back on to the apron, Danny watches in horror as Fugue goes tumbling to the floor. Sliding into the ring with a fury, Danny walks up and shoves TNT back against the ropes and begins to lay the bad mouth down on the luckless wrestler. But the debate does not last long before CIA slams into both men with a flying shoulder tackle that sends them both falling to the canvas. Quickly trying to pair down the numbers somewhat, CIA lifts TNT up into a fireman’s carry and attempts to lift the former Tag Team Champion over the top rope to the floor. While on the other side of the ring, Zenon pulls a still wobbly Fasaki off the mat and begins to wear him out once more with a series of knife-edge chops to the chest. Getting to his feet, Danny Williams looks about for a moment and decides to let TNT succeed or fail on his own merits before heading back over to Zenon and slamming him from behind with a forearm to the small of the back. Turning Zenon around, Williams holds onto Alex’s wrist and peppers him with a flurry of quick mini chops to the side of the neck. With Zenon suitably stunned, Williams turns on a dime and smashes into Alex with a backhand chop that sends the Carnie down to the mat in a heap.

 

“What a series of blows to the neck,” says Stevens, “Say what you will about his attitude, but Danny Williams is as tough as a two dollar steak.”

 

Still up on CIA’s shoulders, Thompson holds onto the top rope as tightly as he can before pushing off the ropes and sliding right out of CIA’s grip and falling down behind him. Grabbing a turning CIA around the body, Thompson arches back and sends CIA snapping over his head with a Exploder suplex that sends CIA flying to the mat and hitting hard on the small of his back! While on the other end of the ring, Danny snapmares Zenon to the canvas and kicks him across the back with a hard shot that causes the entire crowd to wince in pain. The wincing only continues as Williams moves to the other side of Alex and blisters his chest with a chop to the seated Midnight Carnival member. But Danny does not have a chance to continue his combination blows as TNT walks right up to him and gives him a hard shove against the chest. Williams does not hesitate for a moment before shoving Thompson right back with as much force as he can muster. But before they can come to blows, Ejiro Fasaki darts between them both and points to the counter that is rapidly dropping lower and lower to herald in the next competitor. Putting their issue aside for a moment, TNT and Williams place their attention to the entranceway. Because, after all, who knows who will be coming out next?

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

“It’s JAY DAWG!” calls out Stevens, “He’s returned to the SWF! And he’s brought his buddy with him! A heavy metal buddy!”

 

That’s right Stevens; Jay Dawg has come back and brought his big chain with him! Paused by the threat, the Magnificent Seven and TNT hesitate for a moment as Jay enters the ring and swings the length of his chain at their heads. Scattering like rats, the three men that have been holding court in the ring run for the safety of the outside, but they are not all quick enough to accomplish that goal.

 

“He caught Fasaki!” calls Stevens.

 

“This should be good,” laughs Riley as The King of Hardcore sends Ejiro into the ropes.

 

Quickly bringing a bunch of the chain up and into his hands, Dawg swings it up and into the face of the running Ejiro and sends him to the canvas with a sickening thud. And as Fasaki hits the canvas, it is clearly evident that Jay Dawg caught him just where he wanted to with the chain as blood begins to pour out from the former leaguer’s forehead and cover his face with the red mask of death. Ejiro rolls out of the ring and collapses to the ground as Dawg watches him with a grim sense of satisfaction. But Jay Dawg is unable to enjoy his work for long before Williams and TNT return to the ring and tackle him down to the mat. And as Williams holds Jay Dawg down, TNT pulls lose the bloody chain from the grip of their attacker and tosses it to the outside of the ring. Quickly joining on the attack on Jay Dawg, TNT kicks away at the downed Hardcore King as Danny basically attempts to maul him against the canvas. Satisfied with their work, Thompson and Williams pull Jay Dawg off the mat and send him into the ropes with a double whip. But they set too early and Jay Dawg manages to stop in his tracks and grab both of them in a front facelock Dropping down with all his weight, Jay nails both Danny and TNT with a double JD DDT! Getting up with an extra-added spring in his step, Jay Dawg appears to be in his glory … just before Zenon and CIA run him over with a double clothesline!

 

“I guess Z and CIA didn’t forget about Creative Control one bit did they?” remarks Stevens.

 

“This is great,” adds Riley, “There are six people in the ring and they all hate Jay Dawg… including Jay Dawg! He might start kicking his own ass next.”

 

Continuing with their attack, The Carnies send Jay Dawg into the ropes and catch him on the rebound with a high double flapjack that sends Dawg crashing into the canvas in a heap. But the Carnies aren’t just going to stop there, and they turn their attention right back to TNT and Danny Williams. Taking the staggered men into opposite corners, Zenon and CIA send them across the ring and right into each other at full speed. Cracking their heads together, Danny and TNT stagger back a few steps and right into the grasp of their attackers. CIA quickly hooks TNT up before slamming his head into the canvas with the ‘Via Rail’ just as Zenon pulls Danny’s head down into position for a reverse DDT and slams him down with the ‘turn and burn’ eye of the hurricane! Immediately trying to add to the pain they have delivered to their foes, Zenon pulls a winded Williams up to a seated position before locking on the Ikari Shinkan just as CIA pulls TNT off the mat before stepping in with an abdominal stretch! Both TNT and Danny scream out in horror as the Carnies administer the pain. Slowly getting back up to his feet, Jay Dawg watches the submission maneuvers for a moment before deciding that he really doesn’t care what the hell happens to any of these people. So instead, he rolls out to the floor and decides to go back to work on Ejiro Fasaki. Taking the bloody mess that used to be a wrestler, Jay Dawg adds to Ejiro’s pain by chucking him directly into the side of a ringpost. Laughing at his fun, Dawg pulls Fasaki off the floor and body slams him right to the hard arena floor. Hopping up to the ring apron, Dawg climbs up to the middle rope and looks down at his bloody foe. Holding his arms high, Jay Dawg drops all the way down to the apron with the swan dive head BUTT. But Ejiro still has enough life in him to roll to one side and move away from the terrible collision! Jay Dawg lays on the concrete floor unmoving as Ejiro looks through his bloody eyes looking to see where his teammates might be located. Seeing their predicament in the ring, Ejiro immediately slides into the ring in order to free them from CIA and Zenon. Slamming a forearm into the back of CIA before running across the ring to free Danny from the Ikari Shinkan with a boot across Zenon’s head. Staggered from just these meager efforts, Fasaki is still the only man standing in the ring as once more… the count falls…

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

Longdogger Pete is the next man to come racing down the aisle way as Ejiro brings his eyes to bear on the newcomer. With a surprising amount of rage, Fasaki immediately attacks as LDP comes stepping over the top rope. But Fasaki is simply not match in a strait up brawl against the one man wrecking crew and The Longdogger casually tosses a knee up into the chest of the enraged Fasaki. Grabbing onto the side of Fasaki’s head, LDP casually tosses Ejiro across the ring and slams him down on the back of his head. Hitting the ropes for momentum, LDP crushes Ejiro once more with a rushing lariat as the other fights in the ring begin once more. Williams and CIA begin to trade a series of elbows back and forth as Zenon knocks TNT down to the mat with a sweeping kick to the chest. Even Jay Dawg manages to slide back into the ring as Riley and Stevens struggle to keep up with the action.

 

“My god what a brawl,” Stevens notes, “There are bodies flying everywhere … and it’s going to get a whole lot worse in just two more minutes. Because, as you know if you have been keeping track, number eighteen will be next and that will be none other than the mighty Frost.”

 

Riley rubs his hands together, “You bet Stevens, all that beautiful meat in the ring at once is just so tempting. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m anxious for the second part of the match to start.”

 

“Dare I ask?”

 

“Well we’ve seen the cluster, lets get down to the f…”

 

“NO! Just stop right there, Riley, some of us want to be able to sleep tonight.”

 

Getting back up to his feet, Jay Dawg goes on the attack by grabbing Zenon from behind and allowing TNT an opportunity for free attack. Thompson answers that opportunity by laying a deep chop across Zenon’s chest as Jay Dawg continues to hold on fast. This time grabbing a handful of Zenon’s hair, TNT throws a hard haymaker at the same time moving Zenon’s head out of the way, striking an unsuspecting Jay Dawg across the face and knocking him back to the turnbuckle. TNT quickly goes in and grabs a leg, quickly pulling up in order to try and get The King of Hardcore out of the ring as a stunned Zenon falls down to his knees.

 

While at the same time in the center of the ring, LDP blasts a bloody Ejiro time and again with his hard overhand right hands again and again and knocking the Magnificent Seven member up and against the ropes. Taking Fasaki by the arm, Pete tosses him across the crowded ring and presses him high above his head in position for the ‘muscle head’ slam! But the quicker Ejiro kicks away while being so high above the ring and manages to land on his feet behind LDP before sneaking in deep and taking him down to the mat with a STO slam. Getting right up to his feet, Ejiro Fasaki runs over to the ropes and springs up to the middle before coming crashing down across the Miami Menace with a stunning lionsault. Once again displaying an odd vicious streak for him, Fasaki immediately pulls LDP up a bit off the canvas before slamming into his face with a series of vile right hands.

 

Finally, the battle of elbows between CIA and Danny has ended with one final rolling elbow from Williams that sends the Canadian Intelligence slamming down to the canvas with a sickening thud. Exhausted but oddly happy, Danny looks to put CIA out of this match in the same devastating style he did to Michael Craven and Annie Eclectic. Pulling CIA up from behind, Danny quickly snaps into position for the dangerous backdrop as the Pittsburgh crowd stands at attention for what could be the sickest elimination yet. With all his power, Williams jerks CIA high into the air and dumps him right over the top rope as rapidly as he can and sends CIA all the way to the ring apron… but no further! For as he was going over, CIA grabbed a hold of the top rope and manages to land right on his feet on the side of the ring. Reaching over and grabbing an unsuspecting Williams by the hair, CIA slams him down to the mat and quickly scales all the way up to the top rope before coming crashing down to the delight of the crowd with the ‘Air Canada’ moonsault elbow! Getting to his feet with a cheer, CIA points down at Danny and motions that he’s going over the top. Pulling the staggered Williams off the canvas, CIA lowers his center of gravity and starts to heave him over the top rope. But there is just one minor problem.

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Frost time.

 

 

 

 

Stampeding down the ramp way, Frost heads right towards CIA. Slamming CIA across the back with a forearm and freeing Danny, Frost turns CIA’s back towards the ropes and nearly cracks his sternum with the ‘Touch of Frost’ heart punch. Sliding down the ropes as though all the life had been sucked right out of him, CIA can’t even move as Frost heads into the ropes. His eyes widening like a deer in the headlights, CIA can do nothing but grit his teeth as Frost smashes him out of the ring as ‘hell freezes over’.

 

++++++++++++++++

CIA

Entered: 12th

Order Eliminated: 11th

Eliminated By: Frost

Eliminated: Fugue

++++++++++++++++

 

Stamping across the ring and leaving a surprisingly angry looking Danny Williams behind, Frost chooses his next target. Too bad Alex Zenon never saw him coming. Maybe then he would have been able to keep Frost from hooking him around the arm and head and crushing him into the canvas with the ‘ice shelf’ uranage. Getting up with a roar to the crowd, Frost reaches back down to the canvas and locks a vice around Zenon’s neck. Pulling Zenon up only by the neck, Frost betrays a smile for a moment before hauling Zenon up high and dumping Alex right over the top with a chokeslam!

 

++++++++++++++++

Alex Zenon

Entered: 13th

Order Eliminated: 12th

Eliminated By: Frost

Eliminated: Wildchild

++++++++++++++++

 

“Holy Christ,” gasps Stevens in awe, “What a difference a well rested Frost can have on a Clusterfuck. I think he might be trying to just eliminate everyone in the ring and go right to the triple threat with the two remaining guys in the back. Whoever they might be.”

 

“Come on Stevens,” chides Riley, “Everyone knows that Tod deKindes and Mak Francis are the only people left back there. It’s not like you have to keep it a mystery any more.”

 

Turning around once more for his next piece of meat, Frost turns his attention to the corner where Jay Dawg and TNT have been struggling this whole time. Finally breaking the stalemate, Jay Dawg jams a thumb right into Thompson’ eye. Staggering back towards the center of the ring, TNT stumbles right into the waiting arms of Frost. But instead of crushing his former tag team partner, Frost simply removes him from his path and motions for Jay Dawg to come and get some. Stepping up to the challenge Jay nails Frost across the forehead with a hard spin kick to the chest that sends Frost to the mat for the first time in this match. Almost surprised by his own success, Jay Dawg throws his arms in the air the annoyance of the fans. But knocking Frost to the mat and keeping him there are two different things and the Iceman gets right back up to his feet. Laughing, Jay Dawg turns right into the path of the waiting Frost and is immediately jerked strait up into the air with a military press! Walking over to the ropes, Frost almost casually allows Jay Dawg to fall all the way down the floor below!

 

++++++++++++++++

Jay Dawg

Entered: 16th

Order Eliminated: 13th

Eliminated By: Frost

Eliminated: None

++++++++++++++++

 

Turning to see where to go next, Frost goes over to the bloody mess that used to be Ejiro Fasaki and pulls him right off Longdogger Pete. Almost with ease, Frost clamps down around his throat just as he did to Alex Zenon and jerks Fasaki right up and into the air. That is until Danny Williams makes his presence known once again. Stepping right into Frost’s path Williams shouts to him to put down the junior member of The Magnificent Seven. Frost tosses Fasaki away like a piece of garbage as Danny lets Frost have it with a verbal barrage…

 

“What the hell are you doing? He’s one of us!”

 

“Yeah, but only three of us can make it to the triple threat.”

 

“There are only three of us!”

 

“But TNT…”

 

“Screw him! He’s not one of us anymore!”

 

But this isn’t really the place for debate and LDP proves that fact by running over both of our two arguers with a running clothesline that knocks both men right down to the canvas. Turning for just a moment to send Fasaki back down to the mat with a big boot, LDP returns his attention to Danny and Frost by hauling Frost up and slamming his three hundred pound body down right on top of Williams. But Pete still has one more problem to deal with by the name of TNT who runs up from behind and takes LDP right back down to the mat with a running bulldog to the canvas as the count begins once more.

 

THREE!

 

TWO!

 

ONE!

 

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

And Tod deKindes makes his entrance to the Clusterfuck. But unlike just about everyone else thus far, Tod takes his time getting down to the ring and decides to basically insult everyone that spent their hard earned dollars to get a seat close to the action. Whipping out the fat jokes like he’s appearing on Def Comedy Jam, Tod simply strolls down to ringside as the action continues inside the confines of the ring.

 

“Finally, someone is smart enough to not just run on in there and get his ass beaten in,” mentions Riley, “Why was everyone else in such a cotton picking hurry?”

 

Indeed as TNT continues to stomp away at Longdogger Pete, Danny and Frost try to get their wits about them and an exhausted Ejiro basically just bleeds; deKindes just moseys along dropping insult after insult towards anyone who catches his fancy. But enough about him, there is action going on in the ring. In the ring, Thompson sends LDP into the ropes for a big boot, but the cagey veteran catches it in mid kick. Swinging TNT all the way around, LDP boots the former member of Chilly Chilly Bang Bang all the way around and spikes him into the canvas with the ‘Longdogger Clogger’ double arm DDT! Quickly trying to keep this momentum building, LDP goes right after Frost and also smashes him with the DDT and then another on Danny Williams! Rising up to meet the cheers of the fans, Longdogger Pete is in his glory until he feels a tug on his hair that wrenches him strait backward and over to the floor!

 

“What brilliant strategy from Tod deKindes!” laughs Riley, “He hung out on the floor while Pete ran through everyone in the ring and then pulled LDP right of the ring and out of this Clusterfuck! He’s so smart, supercomputers come to him for the answers.”

 

++++++++++++++++

Longdogger Pete

Entered: 17th

Order Eliminated: 14th

Eliminated By: Tod deKindes

Eliminated: None

++++++++++++++++

 

Finally gets into the ring to get the hell away from an incensed Longdogger Pete on the floor who is barely being held back there by referees Matthew Kivell, Eddy Long, and The Memphis Eel. Tod DeKindes points and laughs at his foe before turning his attention to the biggest threat in the ring right now … and getting away for him. Charging right at the bloody Ejiro Fasaki, Tod easily pushes him into a corner and begins to have his way with the new comer to the SWF with a series of shoulder tackles to the chest. Winding Ejiro up with a wristlock, Tod fires him across the ring and crushes him in the corner with a running spear to the chest. Bouncing out of the corner with almost a laugh, Tod continues his assault on Fasaki while the rest of the participants get their wits about them.

 

The first to rise is the monster Frost, who soon helps pull TNT back up to his feet and help his former partner recover for a moment. Leaving TNT to help Danny Williams back up to his feet, Frost moves toward the rather obnoxious form of Tod deKindes. Pulling Williams up to his feet, TNT tries to help Williams get his wits back about him with a few light taps on the shoulders until Danny finally opens his eyes and signals that everything is alright and motions for Thompson to go help Frost, who just knocked the hell out of Tod with a running lariat. Smiling to Williams, TNT turns around just long enough for Danny to grab him from behind and …

 

“Dangerous backdrop to the FLOOOOR!” screams Stevens as Danny almost nonchalantly tosses TNT over the top rope backward and allows the former Magnificent Seven member to crash headfirst into the concrete floor.

 

++++++++++++++++

Taylor Nicholas Thompson

Entered: 15th

Order Eliminated: 15th

Eliminated By: Danny Williams

Eliminated: None

++++++++++++++++

 

Pointing down at TNT with a rather twisted smile, Danny Williams turns back to the action… and one really pissed off three hundred pound Icelander named Frost. Roaring out in his anger at Williams for what he did, Frost gets right up into the face of his ‘partner’ in The Magnificent Seven. For almost an entire second there is a debate on the subject until both simply start trading the hardest punches the world has ever seen! The sickening thuds resound through the arena as both titans collide!

 

“The Magnificent Seven is EXPLODING right before our eyes!” screams Stevens, “I know there was tension but this is unreal!”

 

Fighting and tearing like two pit bulls that have been starved, Frost and Williams smash together in a symphony of violence. Trading punches like they were going out of style, Frost finally gets an advantage and pushes Danny off and near to the ropes. Charging forward like an animal, Frost bulls right into Williams… a little too hard actually as BOTH men topple over the top and land on the floor!

 

++++++++++++++++

Danny Williams

Entered: 11th

Order Eliminated: 16th (Tie)

Eliminated By: Frost

Eliminated: Michael Craven, Annie Eclectic, TNT and Frost

++++++++++++++++

 

++++++++++++++++

Frost

Entered: 18th

Order Eliminated: 16th (Tie)

Eliminated By: Danny Williams

Eliminated: CIA, Alex Zenon, Jay Dawg and Danny Williams

++++++++++++++++

 

“They’re both gone!” calls out Stevens. “But that means that… The triple threat is now on and the last man isn’t even out here yet!”

 

“Well here he comes anyway! Here comes “The Franchise” Mak Francis!”

 

“It’s down to just three men… Mak Francis, Tod deKindes, and the surprise of this whole preceding, the man who drew number three, Ejiro Fasaki.”

 

Racing down the aisle as quickly as he can, Mak Francis can smell victory. Here he has been, sitting backstage this entire match and he’s managed to work his way into the final three without having to compete in the battle royal portion of this contest. But Tod deKindes is almost as fresh and catches Mak on the way into the ring with a hard knee as Francis pokes his head in between the ropes. Turning right back to Fasaki, deKindes hooks the smaller man up and takes him over with a vertical suplex, before rolling over and then dropping Ejiro’s chest right on the top rope! Hooking Ejiro once more, Tod pulls him off the top rope and back to the center of the ring before dropping down with a falcon arrow suplex! Holding on tight, Tod holds Ejiro down for …

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

‘Grand Slam’ calls out to the screaming crowd, “Mak Francis makes the save! DeKindes took too long going for the ‘Tod Trilogy’ and allowed Francis the chance to get back in the ring and make the save!”

Grabbing hold of deKindes, Mak Francis tosses him through the middle ropes and to the floor while he goes to work on the bloody Fasaki. Pulling the almost limp member of the Magnificent Seven off the mat, Mak tosses Fasaki into the ropes and rushes forward to knock him to the canvas with a Yakuza kick! Dropping down immediately into a sitting pin cover. Mak gets the …

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

“This time, it is Tod deKindes who makes the save,” shouts Stevens as the match continues, “You can easily tell what the strategy for this match is. Tod and Mak are fighting over the scraps that are left of Ejiro Fasaki, who you fans can obviously tell… wouldn’t even be here if Danny Williams and Frost hadn’t eliminated each other in a fit of rage.”

 

But this time Tod does not try to pick up the pieces of broken Fasaki, instead, he decides that the best course of action is to get Francis out of commission long enough that he can go back to Fasaki at a later date. So deKindes tosses a series of forearms into the side of “The Franchise’s” head as Ejiro voluntarily rolls out to the arena floor in the vain hope that it will save him from getting pinned or made to submit. But anyway, our attention is in the ring as Tod pushes Francis into a corner and pushes him up and onto the middle rope before climbing up after him and looking for the frankensteiner. But Francis just isn’t worn out enough for such a high-risk maneuver to work and quickly starts slamming a fist into the kidneys of his opponent. Reaching around Tod’s body, Mak turns deKindes body around in a tilt-a-whirl before leaping off the middle rope and crushing Tod’s spine with a super backbreaker! DeKindes goes tumbling over to the mat as Mak quickly tries to take advantage with a cover as Eddy Long counts...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRENAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Tod deKindes is not about to let a chance at the World Title slip away that easily as he tosses a shoulder off the canvas well in time to avoid the fatal three count. Francis is no quitter though and immediately hauls Tod off the mat to try something else, slapping his arms around Tod and jerking him off the canvas before slamming him right back down with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. DeKindes fights immediately to get off the mat and stay off his back, but as soon as he’s in a kneeling position, “The Franchise” is there to go on the attack with a series of driving elbows to the back of the head that finally cause Tod to slump back down to the canvas. But still, Mak Francis wants more and pulls Tod off the mat for yet more punishment as Ejiro Fasaki continues to lie on the outside of the ring like a lump of humanity. Pulling Tod in close, Mak cinches in for a German suplex, but the wily Canadian throws his base wide to avoid such a throw and quickly shoots a reverse mule kick right in between “The Franchise’s” legs. Stunned and thinking about having to puke, Francis can’t do anything as Tod quickly turns to the side and taking him down to the mat with a side suplex.

 

“Nice counter from Tod,” calls Stevens, “and yes, I should be complaining about the low blow and all but this is no disqualification… And Mak would do the exact same thing if you gave him the chance.”

 

Trying to follow up as quickly as he can, Tod goes right back to the suplexes by hooking Mak into a double arm and sending him flying to the canvas once more. But Tod still knows this will not be enough of punishment to keep Francis down for three and decides instead of going for the cover, to pick Mak off the mat once more. Setting Mak in position for a suplex, Tod jerks “The Franchise” up into the air for a brainbuster! But Mak manages to kick his legs and fall behind Tod safely. Grabbing Tod by the wrist immediately, Mak tries to send him into the ropes but the cagey deKindes reverses the whip for a backdrop attempt… big mistake. Stopping just before he reaches deKindes, Mak stops on a dime and drives deKindes down onto a knee with the hammerlock face buster! Stunned up to his feet, Tod stands there stunned for a moment before Mak jerks him into the air once again and drops him on the top rope with a release hotshot!

 

Stevens says, “That’s Franchisable! What a series of moves from Mak Francis! And now … he hits the gut-wrench suplex! That’s the set up for his frog splash! We could be seeing the Clusterfuck end right here!”

 

But what Mak and no one else seems not to notice is that Ejiro Fasaki is quickly climbing up to the apron of the ring … and he has a special surprise for everyone. But ignore that for now as Mak Francis steadies himself on the top ready to drop the “Brotherly Love” frog splash and become the next challenger to the World Title. Leaping off, Mak’s form is perfect as he comes crashing down on the unmoving form of Tod deKindes! The problem for him though is that Tod wasn’t the only thing Mak landed on…

 

“OH MY GOD! Fasaki managed to get back into the ring and toss a steel chair on top of Tod while Mak was coming off the top rope! What a move that hurt both of his opponents!”

 

Indeed as Mak rolls immediately off of an unmoving deKindes while grasping his ribs, trying to get some air back in his lungs as Ejiro comes stumbling into the ring. But it might be too late as the staggering, bloody Fasaki collapses on top of an unconscious deKindes with an outstretched arm as Eddy Long counts…

 

ONE!

 

"What the devil, it cannot be!"

 

TWO!

 

"It would take an act of GOD!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE~!

 

“DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES! I can’t … I can’t believe it! On his first match in the SWF, Ejiro Fasaki pulls off the impossible and takes away the Clusterfuck championship!”

 

“My sweet ass… I don’t know what to say to that one, Stevens. But Ejiro did it… he won. And … and… if the match was made with Ejiro against either El Luchador Magnifico or Tom Flesher yesterday, I would say he has no chance… but now?”

 

“I know what you’re saying, Riley, and that scares me something fierce. But none the less, Fasaki came out of here tonight with the win.”

[Guest Goodear]

Comments for Frost since he needs them to feel good about life, luck and lollipops... keep in mind I'm writing this as I read it for the first time because there is no way I'm going to remember this stuff long enough to comment on it.

 

You know, if anything... I think you had a little too much commentary with Stevens and Riley. I mean I understand using them and all since that is what they are there for and all. But it seemed like they were breaking up the action a little too much with their banter which seems early on to be a little pedestrian anyway since they don't point a whole lot out that the description didn't tell me.

 

The Annie kneels there for Judge Mental to go hardcore seemed a bit off character for Judge to even hesitate before cracking her skull. I mean, I never got the impression he wouldn't hit someone if he could... he'd rather just work a regular match if he could.

 

Riley: “Plus $20,000 for tossing that punk would allow Nathan to buy Angel some things she really needs. Like yeast infection treatments and lice shampoo.”

 

LOL ... you're a mean son of a bitch.

 

The battle of kicks with Kibagami and X was really well done. Why can't I use as many words when I'm being positive as when I'm being critical?

 

Just as Dangerous lifts X, Stryke saddles up from behind and waistlocks Johnny. Stryke bends his knees and leeches off the thrust Dangerous already had building to get X up to German suplex the secret agent over, with Xstasy going along for the ride!

 

Hey I wrote that same spot except with Kiba, Me, and Judge... Who would have thunk it? Anyway we're about 9 people in and still no one has taken the fall to the floor so there is bound to be a bunch of people flying out sooner or later. But anyway, I found eliminations to be a pretty good way to move the match along and make the stories run more smoothly. So far, this seems a little ... directionless with the exception of Judge fighting with Annie. God there are soooo many people in the ring right now.

 

Fugue jumping Johnny after he got eliminated was totally cool and I think that should be the strategy for everyone in CFs to come. Pick a psychotic and have him go WACKY! WHOOO and then he attacks TNT and I laugh. And then Frost comes out and it feels like there have been... 6 eliminations? Oy, come on man! Get to the pitching!

 

Riley: “Number 19? The ONE member left of X Force NINE? Coincidence.”

 

Actually... yeah... probably...

 

You know the problem with having that number of people in the ring? I forget who is in the ring since they don't get a whole lot of focus time... By this point, I've lost track of Stryke, X, Zenon, Nathan, and CIA.

 

Riley: “$10,000 could still buy a lot. Say some nice furniture, like a chesterfield or an ottoman.”

 

Stevens: “Uh…guys…”

 

Riley: “You could buy a K-car. A nice Reliant automobile.”

 

Buy me a monkey, Haven't I always wanted a monKEEE

 

And after all the build.... the finish still feels a bit rushed. Which totally feels weird to say, but I said it. I think you could have built CIA up a little better for being a guy who made it into the final three. Honestly, I never got the feeling in your match that he was in any sort of roll or anything like that. I really like the Fugue/Frost connection though and I hope that finds its way into a promo or something. That would rule.

 

And there you have it.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Five parter, ladies and gents. Stick with me here...

 

--------

 

Suddenly, commercial ends, and we are transported to a gigantic arena! Lights are flashing and suddenly, "Prayer" by Distrubed kicks up!! The shot then changes to “Grand Slam” Mark Stevens and behind the battered and often broken announcer's table.

 

Stevens: Welcome back to a sold-out Mellon Arena in Pittsubrgh!! The fans are fired up for the biggest single match of the year, the Clusterfuck!! And Commissioner King has raised the stakes even highter this year! Add to that a fantastic lineup of SWF superstars, new bumpees, and a few surprises, as is usual for the Clusterfuck!

 

Riley: I’ve seen the list of people entered into this match, and I’m about to cream in my pants over it!

 

Stevens: As long as it’s not all over me.

 

Riley: ...Was it something I said?

 

Cut out to a shot of the announce table, where Grand Slam and Bobby sit. Grand Slam, of course, is in a black tux, while Bobby Riley is dressed in a powder pink tux, similar in design like the one in “Dumb and Dumber” that Lloyd wears.

 

For those of you who forget, Lloyd was played by Jim Carrey, who was in Batman Forever with Val Kilmer, which also starred Nicole Kidman, who was in The Hours with Ed Harris, who was in Enemy At The Gates with Joseph Fiennes, who was in Leo (2002) with Elisabeth Shue who was in Hollow Man...

 

 

 

With Kevin Bacon.

 

OK, enough nonsense.

 

Stevens: Also in that ring tonight is a former or current title holder of every single WF and JL championship, minus, of course, the SWF World Championship! Plus, add punishment stipulations for the first three out of this match, a bounty on X’s head, and the chance of a World Title shot in a match of the winner’s choosing, and we have ourselves an amazing match!

 

Riley: What you say is indeed true for once, Mark! Pat yourself on the back for a job done well.

 

Stevens: Thank you, Bobby. For once.

 

Riley: Nooooooo problem.

 

Stevens: Now, we all know who has been entered, sixteen of the biggest stars in the SWF, four up and coming JLers, and we know that Frost and Tod deKindes are both in at numbers 18 and 19, respectively. But these JLers are a dangerous quartet: Ejiro Fasaki, Fugue, Wildchild, and Johnny “The Barracuda” Dangerous!!! Plus, the order has just been determined in the back by a 100% random drawing! We don’t plan this stuff out, ladies and gents! It’ll be interesting to see how these four factor into the ‘Fuck, if they’re even involved in the match.

 

Riley: What that doofus Stevens is trying to say is that we have even less of an idea than usual about what is going to happen tonight! It’s going to be 100% crazy! So buckle up and get ready to go with a brand new tape in the VCR, 'cause this will be a match you are going to want to have on tape for your kids to watch one day and say: “What a great match that was!!!”

 

Stevens: Can’t afford to tape over those gay pornos, huh, Bobby?

 

Riley: Mark... do not start tonight.

 

Stevens: But before we go to Funyon, let’s take a look back at the history of this unrivaled and unheralded match!!!

 

Cue a small video piece with some music behind it:

 

-Clusterfuck 2001-

 

Curry: And now, we are ready for the huge Clusterf*ck match!!! Unprecedented in IGNWF history, this 20 man elimination Battle Royal will undoubtedly be amazing! The elite of the IGNWF Superstars are in the Clusterf*ck, including Stubby “Potts” McWeed, Mercury, Pimp Daddy Sarp, Mr. Galatea, and others! Not to mention, yours truly and my broadcast partner NTD over here!

 

--

-A New Beginning For Some...-

--

 

Curry: To say the least! Needless to say, stars may be born tonight, right now! Let?s get down to Funyon for the introductions of the first two competitors!

 

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now ready for the Clusterf*ck match! (HUGE POP!) The rules of the match are as follows: 20 men have entered the match. Two wrestlers will start off in the ring, and every 2 minutes thereafter, another Superstar will enter the ring! This will continue until all 20 men have entered into the match. You are eliminated if you are tossed over the top rope and both feet or both hands touch the ground. The last person left standing at the end will be declared the winner, and will be given a title shot at the IGNWF’s Febuary PPV! Now we are ready to find out the wrestler who drew number 1?

 

"Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit plays to boos from the crowd. The stadium goes black instead for a blue glow and Sacred comes out as Pyros shoot off beside him on the entranceway. He walks down to the ring and stands on the apron facing the crowd and then he raises his arm up as pyros shoot off in the ringposts

 

Funyon:...from Adelaide, Australia, weighing in tonight at 223 pounds... fresh from the IGNJL... SACRED!!!!

 

Sacred walks around impatiently in the ring, a bit nervous in his first IGNWF PPV appearance. Suddenly, Linkin Park’s One Step Closer fills the arena and Axis appears on the entrance way! Axis eyes his partner in the ring as he makes his way down, and climbs in the ring.

 

Funyon: ...and the competitor who drew number 2, also making his IGNWF debut, also from Adelaide, Australia, he comes in weighing 290 pounds... AXIS!!!!

 

Curry: Whoa! Sacred and Axis, both good friends, are here to start us off!

NTD: It should be interesting to see if they fight it out or wait for the next entrant to gang up on him!

 

Curry: They sure as hell better fight! They need to not worry about friendship and make a big impact in their debut! First impressions are lasting ones?

 

------

 

Crowd (in unison with the clock): 4... 3... 2... 1...

 

BUZZZZ! and then a heroic theme strikes up, something majestic with a lot of brass and sounding vaguely like the theme from "Superman", and CYCLOOOOOOOONNNNEE COMET!!! makes his way to the ring to join his JL friends!

 

Curry: It’s CYCLOOOOOOOONNNNNNEE COMET!!! making his IGNWF debut! All 3 Junior Leaguers are in the ring now!

 

--

-A Star-Studded Event...-

--

 

Various cuts begin to play over the next few seconds of different entrances and events: PDS and Chris Wilson’s entrances, Bobby Riley getting thrown out by Comet, which is followed instantly by GOAT’s entrance, Galatea’s entrance, and Mercury’s entrance at Number 19.

 

--

-A Controversial Ending...-

--

 

Back in the ring, PDS and Mercury are having their way with Comet! Comet can’t cover up! They keep kicking and punching him mercilessly as he tries to defend himself, to no avail! PDS picks him up and fires him into the ropes, and hits a nice dropkick! Mercury then picks Comet up, and hits the PERMANENT MIDNIGHT! Comet lies motionless on the canvas! Mercury picks him up and tries to dump him over the ropes, but Comet is resisting! PDS comes over to help, and Comet still manages to hold on somehow!

 

Curry: How the hell is Comet holding on?

 

Finally, after about 30 seconds of struggling, Comet falls over the top rope and to the apron! He tries to roll back in, but Mercury swiftly kicks him in the head, and Comet finally falls the ground, as the crowd stands and gives him a standing ovation for his perfomance! What a job by Cyclone Comet, the most impressive man in the Clusterf*ck!

 

Curry: Comet is finally gone! But what a performance by this, and mark my words, future WORLD CHAMPION!!

 

NTD: I would have to agree! He came in 3rd and lasted all the way to the end! He is a true Superstar! What a debut for Cyclone Comet! But now it?s the two friends, PDS and Mercury... ONE OF THEM WILL WIN THIS MATCH!!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>>>>>CYCLONE COMET<<<<<

TIME ENTERED: 2:00

TIME ELIMINATED: 39:08

ELIMINATED: Bobby Riley, Red Hurricane, Divefire, Chris Wilson, Angelous, Molock

ELIMINATED BY: Mercury

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Mercury and PDS stare each other down in the ring for a few moments of extreme tension! Suddenly, PDS rears back and strikes his friend! Mercury returns the favor, and the crowd pops as the two favorites duke it out for supremacy! Mercury whips PDS into the ropes and takes him down with a Tilt a Whirl Flapjack! PDS is hurt! Mercury takes PDS up to the top rope, and HITS THE ECLIPSE!!! Mercury is in complete control! Outside the ring, Jennifer, PDS’s valet for the night, begins distracting the referee! Mercury picks PDS up and tosses him over the ropes and to the floor! MERCURY WINS!!!! Or does he?

 

Curry: MERCURY IS THE WINNER!!

 

NTD: THE REF NEVER SAW PDS’s FEET TOUCH THE GROUND!! PDS IS CRAWLING BACK INTO THE RING!!

 

PDS walks up behind Mercury and stands there for a moment. Mercury is celebrating by the ropes, thinking he is the winner! PDS grabs Mercury from behind and dumps him over the top rope! Jennifer lets the ref go! The ref sees Mercury on the floor and calls for the bell! PDS WINS!!

 

Funyon: The winner of the Clusterf*ck, to receive a shot at the Champion at the next PPV... PIMP DADDY SARP!!!!!

 

Curry: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WAY TO WIN IS THAT, PDS!!

 

NTD: The crowd is stunned! Jennifer, a ringside fan, has helped PDS cheat his friend out of a victory!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>>>>>MERCURY<<<<<

TIME ENTERED: 34:00

TIME ELIMINATED: 41:05

ELIMINATED: Cyclone Comet

ELIMINATED BY: PDS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Back in the ring, Mercury jumps up and climbs back in the ring and begins jawing with PDS! PDS has a look of shock on his face! Mercury is pissed, screaming at PDS! Mercury grabs a microphone, and PDS is tossed one as well...

 

Merc: PDS! What the hell are you doing? I won! I eliminated you! You and that whore over there cheated me out of my victory!

 

PDS: Listen, you bitch, don’t you ever call Jennifer a whore. She hates being called that!

 

Just then, Jennifer comes up from behind Mercury and delivers a low blow! PDS grabs Mercury and lifts him in the air! He drops down and hits THE AGONY OF DEFEAT! The crowd is booing loudly, in shock at the actions of Pimp Daddy Sarp! PDS grabs a chair, sets it on the ground, picks Mercury back up, and hits another AGONY OF DEFEAT ON THE CHAIR!! Mercury is lying on the ground in a puddle of blood as PDS basks in the chorus of boos! He grabs the microphone again and begins to speak!

 

PDS: RANE!! RANE!! Get your ass out here, right now, or I swear to God, I will kill Mercury! If you want to save him, bring your ass to the ring, NOW!!!

 

Rane and Outcast walk out to the top of the ramp, a look of shock on their faces..

 

Rane: What are you thinking, PDS? What’s wrong with you?

 

PDS: I’ll tell you what is wrong with me Rane... quite simply, YOU! I am through with Phoenix Uprising! Rane, for 4 months, I have lived in your shadow! Never once did you ever give me a chance to prove that I am simply better than you Rane! You held me back, held me down so I wouldn’t become a threat to your title! Well, no more! I am through with you, with Phoenix Uprising, with everything! IT IS MY DAMN TURN TO SHINE!!! YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE SPOTLIGHT LONG ENOUGH!! NOW GET DOWN TO THIS RING RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD, MERCURY IS FINISHED!!!

 

Rane: What the hell are you talking about? Calm down!

 

PDS: You have 3 seconds to get down here! 1... 2...

 

Rane: WAIT!!!

 

PDS: 3!!!!

 

Jennifer picks Mercury up, and PDS grabs the chair, winds up, AND CLOCKS MERCURY ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT!!! Mercury slumps back to the ground, in a pool of blood, as the crowd goes silent...

 

Curry: Oh my God...

 

PDS: Rane. Get in here, or Mercury gets it again. Do you hear me? GET IN HERE!!!

 

Rane and Outcast both rush towards the ring!

 

PDS: ONLY YOU RANE!! OUTCAST GET THE HELL AWAY!! THIS DOESN?T INVOLVE YOU!

 

Rane charges into the ring, and before he can even stand back up, PDS WHACKS him across the back with the chair!! Rane falls to the ground! PDS picks Rane up, and hits him with The Agony of Defeat!! Outcast can’t take it anymore, and he rushes into the ring, only to be met by a chair to the back of the head! With the fallen members of PU lying around him, in a sickening scene, he places Rane’s head in between the chair! Then PDS climbs to the second rope, and comes flying off, LANDS FEET FIRST ON THE CHAIR, PILLMANIZING RANE’S HEAD!!! THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!

 

Curry: Folks, we apologize for this... oh my God...

 

NTD: Rane, Mercury and Outcast need serious medical attention!

 

PDS stands alone in the ring with Jennifer as the two embrace and kiss passionately! The two of them wink at each other and exit to a chorus of boos!

 

Curry: Was Jennifer in on this the whole time? Who is she? Was she really just a fan? It doesn’t seem like it to me...

 

NTD: What are PDS’s reasons for his actions? Somebody is going to have a lot of

explaining to do tomorrow on IGNite...

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>>>>>PDS<<<<<

TIME ENTERED: 32:00

TIME ELIMINATED: WINNER

ELIMINATIONS: Mercury, Chris Storm, Dan Vigilante

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

-Clusterfuck 2002-

 

--

-The Sequel Begins...-

--

 

The promo fades to the tumultuous applause from the thousands in the arena!! Lights are flashing and suddenly, "Tonight the Stars Revolt" kicks up!! The shot changes to Curry Man and NTD sitting dressed in tuxes (well, above the waist anyway) behind the battered and often broken announcer's table.

 

Curry: Welcome back to a sold-out MCI Center in the nation's capitol!! The fans are fired up for the biggest single match of the year, Clusterf**k!!

 

NTD: And what a line up entered this year!! There is a ton of gold being represented in that ring tonight, both former and current!!

 

Curry: What you say is indeed true! Now, we all know who has been entered, sixteen of the biggest stars in the industry, and we know that El Luchadore Magnifico will have the obvious advantage by entering last. But the order has just been determined in the back by a random drawing.

 

NTD: What Curry is trying to say is that we have even less of an idea than usual about what is going to happen tonight! But buckle up and get the VCR ready to go, 'cause this will be a match you are going to want to have on tape for years to come!!

 

The camera cuts to Funyon as he enters the ring and raises a mic to his lips...

 

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for Clusterf**k 2002!! (Huge pop from the fans!!) Elimination can only occur after being thrown over the top rope, then both feet touching the floor! A wrestler cannot eliminate themselves!! The match will start with the first four wrestlers in the ring, then a new wrestler will enter the match every two minutes until all sixteen have netered the match. At that time, when all but three men have been eliminated, the format will change to a triple threat match for the Number One Contendership to the IGNWF World Heavyweight Title!!

 

--

-20 Men Give Their All...-

--

 

Quick shots here of the 20 Entrants into the Fuck, making their entrances in order:

 

X

Stryke

Mercury

Rane

Johnny Rotten

Jay Dawg

The Mistress (a.k.a. Sarah Leavenworth)

Fallout

“Grand Slam” Mark Stevens

Sacred

Neilsen of the Jungle

Perfect Bo

Thoth

Bobby Riley

Edwin MacPhisto

El Luchador Magnifico

 

Other quick shots go by, showing some big moves and eliminations:

 

-Stryke’s triumphant elimination fo JD

-Rane being heaved out by Fallout and X

-Grand Slam’s entrance and attack on Sarah, only to have X stop him fro hitting the Walk-Off

-Bobby Riley’s entrance and immediate depature for the second year in a row

-Neilsen hitting his finisher, the Neilsen McTwist, on Sarah, then throwing out Sacred

-Grand Slam’s muffed moonsault

-And lastly, Thoth hitting Edwin with the Riot of the Blood and eliminating him.

 

--

-One Man’s Dream Comes True...-

--

 

Curry: Here we go boys and girls!! From here on out, this is a triple threat match!!

 

NTD: Don't forget though, that this is no-DQ!!!

 

Thoth is in the best shape, relatively speaking, and pulls Neilsen into the center of the ring!! He pushes the Jungle King into a kneeling position, then runs at the ropes!! Bounce back, Thoth drives a hard knee into the back of Neilsen's head!! Neilsen is flattened on the mat!! Grand Slam pulls himself to his feet in the corner. His hair in front is matted to his head by blood, and the camera catches a spot on the mat where the Heavy Hitter left a huge puddle of blood!! A ref dives into the ring, ready to adjudicate any falls just as Thoth drops on top of Neilsen...

1... 2... 3NO!! Kickout by Neilsen!! Thoth pushes himself painfully to his feet, pulling Neilsen up with him! Irish Whip and Neilsen flies into the ropes, bounce back, Neilsen ducks under a clothesline, throws on the brakes, spins around and catches Thoth right in the gut with a hard toe kick that bends him over!! Front facelock by Neilsen, twist, stunner... WHAM!! Thoth hits the mat hard!!!

 

NTD: Neilsen McTwist!!! Its all over!!! Its all over!!!

 

Curry: He's going for the cover!!

 

Neilsen drops on top of Thoth, hooks the leg...

1... 2... 3NO!!! Grand Slam dives in and makes the save with a fast stomp to Neilsen's head!! Neilsen rolls to his feet as Grand Slam turns around!! Thoth has just enough left to roll out of the ring!! Neilsen and Grand Slam start exchanging right and left hands!!!

 

Curry: It's a brawl now!! There is nothing scientific about this now!!!

 

NTD: It looks like Grand Scam and Neilsen are trying to kill each other!!

Outside the ring, Thoth is slowly recovering, shaking his head and trying to stand!! He is on his feet and trying to get in the ring when a figure streaks down the entrance ramp and tackles him right off the apron!!!

 

NTD: What is this?? This isn't right!!

 

Curry: Its Bobby Riley!! He was ticked at the way Thoth helped eliminate him and wants some payback!!!

 

NTD: Stupid no-DQ matches!!!

 

In the ring, Neilsen gets the advantage!! He grabs Grand Slam's arm and whips him across the ring!! Bounce back, toe kick by Neilsen doubles the Heavy Hitter over!! Neilsen pulls Grand Slam into a front facelock, twists... but just as he is about to drop Grand Slam for the stunner, the Heavy Hitter pushes Neilseon off and into the ropes!!!

Outside, Thoth is extricating himself from Riley and trying to get into the ring!!!

Inside, Neilsen bounces back, hard kick from Grand Slam rioght in Neilsen;s breadbasket!! The Jungle King is doubled over!! Grand Slam grabs him and pulls him into a standing head-scissors!! He raises his right arm and signals for the Walk-Off!!

Outside, Thoth is on the ring apron, but Bobby Rilry isn't finished yet! He grabs The Mistress' whip from where it landed outside the ring and uses it to grab Thoth's legs!! With a quick jerk, Riley causes the Clannite to fall straight down and crack his jaw on the ring apron!!!

In the ring, Grand Slam hooks both Neilsen's arms jumps in the air... WHAM!!!

 

Curry: Walk-Off!!! Walk-Off!!! Walk-Off!!!

 

NTD: This might be it!!!!

 

Grand Slam slowly flips Neilsen over, hooks the leg...

Thoth tries once again to crawl into the ring, but Riley has too good a grip on him!!

1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!! The ref immediately raises Grand Slam's hand and the crowd spontaneously combusts!!! The arena is quaking as Funyon grabs a mic!!!

 

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner of Clusterf**k 2002 and number one contender to the IGNWF World Heavyweight Title, "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens!!!!!!!

 

Born Bad hits the PA just as Grand Slam collapses to the mat next to Neilsen.

The ref is signaling for medical personnel! Outside, Riley, satisfied with his work, walks up the ramp backwards, looking back at the ring. Edwin and ELM rush past him, on their way to the ring to congratulate their partner!!!

 

Curry: What a match!!! Everybody came out here and gave 150% and the fans loved every minute of it!!

 

NTD: I don't like the ending, but, as always, I love the match!!

Curry: Ladies and Gentlemen, why don't you take a look at the history between our two warriors for the World Title tonight while we get things cleaned up around here!!

 

Just before the camera cuts to the promo, it focuses on the bloody face of the winner. He is just barely awake and taking a drink of water from a bottle offered to him by ELM. Edwin says something to him, and the Heavy Hitter manages a weak smile, before closing his eyes...

 

-------

 

Stevens: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, 20 men will fight for a prize that, one year ago, I won. The Clusterfuck is a career-changing match. It can make you... or it can break you. The rules are simple and will explained shortly, but tonight, there will be those leaving with broken hearts and dreams; there will be those who will be leaving with bumps, bruises and sprains; and there will be those who will be leaving that know that in their first SWF match, they had a shot at the biggest prize in the fed, and that they will be working to win next year, as will all the losers: but one will leave with a shot at glory. One man will come out on top. Whoever it is, I say these words: God bless, and good luck. You’ll need it.

 

Riley: That’s bullshit! You shown me getting thrown out of the Clustefuck TWICE!!! This was all a self-serving little piece to prove how great you are, Stevens.

 

Stevens: Hey, that’s what happened, Bobby... it’s not my fault...

 

The camera cuts to Funyon, who stands in the middle of the ring. He, too, is dressed in a black tux, and before Bobby Riley can make a comment upon how sexy he looks toight, he raises a mic to his lips and says those oh-so-magic words...

 

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for Clusterfuck 2002!! (A rampant, huge pop comes from the fans!!) Elimination can only occur after being thrown over the top rope, then both feet touching the floor! A wrestler cannot eliminate themselves!! The match will start with the first two wrestlers in the ring, then a new wrestler will enter the match every two minutes until all twenty have entered the match. At that time, when all but three men have been eliminated, the format will change to a triple threat match for the Number One Contendership to the SWF World Heavyweight Title... on their terms!!!!!

 

The crowd cheers, both hating and appreciating the massive buildup. Finally, the lights turn a deep shade of red as an unfamiliar beat begins to thump over the sound system. KMFDM’s “Adios” increases in volume as the lights begin to flicker, and a burning ankh appears on the SmarksTron. A cloud of fog starts to roll out from behind the curtain at the top of the ramp as the chorus approaches…

 

It's been too many times…that I stuck out my neck (for you)

It's been too many times…that I spoke my mind (for you)

It's been too many times…that I caught all the flak (from you)

Apathetic crap…is all I can find (in you)

 

[Chorus:

I don't want no part in this,

I don't feel the need to score;

Burnt all the bridges,

Closed my heart;

I don't want to be a part

No more

Dosvidanija, Ciao, Adieu,

Hasta la vista, I'm on my way

Goodbye, Sayonara,

Auf nimmerwiedersehen,

Over and out,

And down the drain]

 

It's been too many times…that I raised my voice (at you)

It's been too many times…that I walked the line (with you)

It's been too many times…that I've had no choice (but you)

Hypocritical swine…I have had it this time..

FUCK YOU…

 

An explosion of red pyrotechnics at ringside and at the top of the ramp punctuates the chorus as Nathaniel Kibagami and Angel make their way through the curtains.

 

Funyon: In the Number One Slot, from Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 242 pounds... NATHAN KIBAGAMIIIII!!!

 

Kibagami purposefully strides down to ringside, as oblivious as ever to the screaming crowd around him, and slides into the ring underneath the bottom rope. Angel assumes her customary cheerleading position by the stairs next to the Spanish announce table. Nathan leaps onto the second turnbuckle and extends his arms briefly in the familiar crucifix pose as the lights come up and “Adios” begins to fade out…

 

Riley: I really feel sorry for Kibagami... he’s the first one

 

Stevens: Indeed Bobby... X has a long way to go before this one is over...

 

The crowd quiets down as the lights dim to a harsh red, and the drumbeats from beginning of Rage Against the Machine's "Testify" softly, slowly crescendoing up. The drumbeat gets louder and louder, and as the drum hits the cymbal there is a split second of silence before....

 

"NOW TESTIFY!"

 

The song skips to midway through and continues on as three sets of red pyros shoot up all across the stage, and Judge Mental appears on the entrance ramp. He walks down to the ring in a very precise and deliberate step, occasionally stopping to give a small taunt to the crowd.

 

Funyon: On his way to the ring, at the Number Two Slot... from Royal Oak, Michigan, weighing in at 242 pounds... he a member of The Magnificent Seven and is the SWF HARDCORE GAMER’S CHAMPION... JUDGE MENTAL!!!

 

Judge enters the ring to many jeers as Kibagami stares a hole into him. Referee Timothy Thompson stes between the two men, if only to keep them apart for a second while Mental proceeds to get onto his feet, then he turns around, and he signals for it as the crowd begins to buzz...

 

“DING DING DING!!!”

 

The crowd explodes in cheer as Judge and Kibagami turns towards each other rapidly, Judge spinning around just in time to catch a Kibagami boot to the chest!

 

Stevens: And the 2003 Clusterfuck is underway!!!!

 

Judge doubles over momentarily, just enough time for Kibagami to grasp Mental in a front headlock. He stomps the mat before he pulls Judge backwards sharply, lifting him up and back with a Chris Benoit-like snap suplex!! The ring shakes as Judge hits the canvas with a thud, but both he and Kibagami are quick to get back to their feet, but as they get up, Judge’s chest is impacted with the right palm of one Nathan Kibagami, and as Judge stands there with a stunned look on his face, Kibagami hooks an arm of Judge Mental and falls to the mat. Judge lets a cry of shock out as he is pulled down with a quick arm drag, and upon hitting the mat, Kibagami gets onto one knee, still grabbing that one arm of Judge. He wraps his arms around one of Judge's arms, locking the elbow straight out while applying pressure and a hold in the form of a basic armbar.

 

Stevens: Quick start to this match as Nathan Kibagami has taken the initiative so far in this match!

 

Riley: It’s two frickin’ guys fighting! You can’t comment on that yet!

 

Judge’s eyelids shut, his teeth clenching as he tries to fight through the hold. With his free arm, he plants it on the mat and pushes upwards, forcing himself up against Kibagami’s wishes. Kibagami attempts to send him back down with a twist of the locked arm, and though Judge drops to a knee for a sec, it is not enough to keep him down. As soon as he gets to his feet, Mental begins to jab his free elbow both hard and rapidly into the ribs of Nathan Kibagami. Kibagami takes the first with a grunt, the second with a small cry, the third with another cry, but on #4, he releases the lock on Judge’s arm. Mental runs forward, hitting the ropes and bouncing off them. Kibagami waits for him to return, and upon the rebound, he swings his arm around stiffly, attempting to decapitate Judge with a stiff lariat, but Mental, full expecting that, ducks the blow, sliding behind Kibagami. Nathan and Judge both quickly turn around, but it is the M7 member who is one step ahead of the former Clannie. He draws his arm back, hand flat as he swings it forward. “SLAP!” A chop falls upon the chest of Kibagami, sending him staggering back with a “Wooooo!” from the crowd and Bobby Riley. Judge draws his arm back again. “SLAP!” “Wooooo!” Another chop to Kibagami, and he staggers further and further away from the ring’s center.

 

Stevens: Looks like, yes, another chop from Mental! Listen to that slap!

 

Crowd: WOOOOO!

 

Riley: WOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Stevens. Stop that.

 

“SLAP!” Another chop sends Kibagami closer to the ropes!

 

Crowd: WOOOOO!

 

Riley: WOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

“SLAP!” Kibagami can’t be pushed farther frm being chopped out of the ring, hios back nearly against the ropes as Mental continues his assault!

 

Stevens: And one more chop for good measure from Judge Mental!

 

Crowd: WOOOOO!

 

Riley: WOOOOOO!!!

 

Stevens: ENOUGH.

 

As Kibagami’s back hits the ropes, Judge Mental clutches Kibagami by the wrist, and with a quick step back and a tug, Nathan Kibagami is sent flying towards the ropes opposite Mental, bouncing off them and flying back at Judge. He is ready, though, and as Kibagami rebounds, he ducks down, collecting Kibagami across his chest. Spinning around quickly, he drops to the mat, slamming Kibagami to the mat as he hits a powerslam close to the ropes! Following the slam, Kibagami cries out and grabs his back in pain as Mental slowly recovers and rolls Kibagami over onto his back, immediately grabbing hold of his right leg. He attempts to roll Nathan onto his back, most likely to attempt one of his infamous Boston crab variations, but Nathan sees it coming, and as Judge attempts to roll him over, Kibagami counters, pulling his free leg back before uncoiling it, smashing Judge in the face to a huge pop with a quick boot! Judge releases the leg, staggering back as Kibagami rolls onto his feet. Mental is right there, recovered from the brief blow, and quickly, he swings his clenched right fist around, the fist homing in and planting itself in Kibagami’s left jaw. Kibagami’s head whips to the right, but it quickly whips back, just as Nathan fires off a right hook into the cheekbone of Judge Mental! The Judge’s head, too, whips to the right, and as he straightens it back out, he throws a right hook to counter the one that just him, which is followed by a right from Kibagami, then a right from Judge, a right from Kibagami, and before you know it, a rapid exchange of blows breaks out between the two men!

 

Stevens: Judge Mental had the advantage, but now neither man owns it as they battle back and forth here in a hotly contested battle!

 

Riley: *yawn* What a snorefest. I think I’ll go to sleep now. Maybe I’ll even have that dream with me winning the Clusterfuck again!!!

 

Stevens: Keep dreaming.

 

Riley: What was that?

 

Stevens: Oh, nothing. However, it’s about time for our #3 entrant to make his appearance! Who could it be?

 

As time closes in towards the 2:00 mark, a small timer appears on the bottom right corner of every TV screen watching this event. In the arena, two small Smarktrons beside the normal, large one fill that job, and as they light up with a full-screen timer, the crowd counts along:

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

The entrance music of "Sellout" by Biohazard to bring out Ejiro Fasaki. Fasaki looks a tiny bit nervous as the crowd’s boos echo. Fasaki walks down the ramp slowly, taking his sweet time as Judge and Kibagami continue to exchange blows in the ring.

 

Stevens: DEAR GOD!!! IT’S FASAKI!!!

 

Riley: EEEEEEEEEJIRO!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

 

Stevens: Ejiro Fasaki has drawn #3!!! The bumpee from the JL has a lot of ground to cover if he expects to win, including stopping the monstrous Frost, who is yet to come in this match!

 

Riley: I feel sorry for the guy. He doesn’t know it, but he’s like a sheep being lead to the slaughter. Obviously, Vegas isn’t expecting him to win the Clusterfuck...

 

Fasaki slides underneath the bottom rope and hops onto his feet briskly, immediately turning his attention towards helping out his stablemate. Fasaki’s head turns around as he begins to take off, jumping into the air. His right forearm is placed out about a foot in front of his face, and with that, he nails Kibagami from the side, forearm meeting cheekbone as Kibagami and Fasaki fall to the mat! Both men land on the mat hard with separate thuds, Fasaki rolling after he hits the mat and springing to his feet. Kibagami, though, doesn’t get up, as his ascension is cut off by a barrage of stomps from Judge Mental! Fasaki joins in the fun, and Ejiro and Judge jointly begin to stomp a mudhole into Kibagami’s chest. Each time Kibagami attempts to sit up, Ejiro and Judge send a boot to his chest, violently whipping him back to the mat. Time and time again Nathan attempts to get up, but Ejiro and Judge continue to send him down to the ring floor, Angel forced to watch on with concern for the time being.

 

Stevens: God dammit!!! Mental and Fasaki are beating the shit out of Nathan Kibagami!! This is wrong! This is inhumane! This is-

 

Riley: Perfectly legal, Stevens. So stop your bitching, sit back, and enjoy the destruction of Nathan Kibagami!!!

 

As the two M7 members tire of the beating they are giving Kibagami, both men grab hold of Nathan and pull him to his feet. Like a five-star general, Judge commands Fasaki to grab Kibagami from behind, the bumpee complying as he slithers behind Nathan, clasping him around the head with a quick sleeper hold! Kibagami’s eyes shoot open while his body begins to go slightly limp, Ejiro’s arms coiling around Nathan’s neck like a boa constrictor. The crowd’s boos rain down harder and faster with each passing second, Nathan’s eyelids beginning to close, his teeth clenching together like a bear trap as he tries to fight through the hold. With one arm, though, Kibagami fires an elbow both hard and rapidly into the ribs of Ejiro Fasaki. At first, there’s a cry, then another cry, but just as Kibagami escapes the hold, the always vigilant Judge Mental cuts him off with a shot to the ribs! Kibagami falls onto his knees momentarily, but Judge Mental grabs him by the wrist, pulling him to his feet and whipping him to the ropes!!!

 

Stevens: Nathan Kibagami with a whip to the ropes, and perhaps Judge is going to eliminate Nathan here!

 

Angel watches with concern as her boyfriend hits the ropes... and then she makes a choice. She can stand by no more, and as Nathan hits the ropes, she gets out of her seat at ringside. Judge charges at Nathan, arm extended for a clothesline! Kibagami ducks the first blow, but Fasaki trips him up as he continues to run while ducking the arm, sending him flying onto the upper most rope! Judge hits the ropes, rebounding backwards at the recovering Kibagami, screaming at Ejiro to move. The bumpee notices Judge sprinting towards him and dives out of the way as Judge extends his arm out. Kibagami is up again, back against the ropes, and as he turns around, he notices that there’s nothing he can do now. He’s done for.

 

Riley: Bye-bye, Nathan! Hope you enjoy King’s punishment for you!

 

However, Kibagami’s guardian angel, or should we just say, Angel, saves him. Grabbing hold of Nathan’s ankles just seconds before Judge hits Nathan, Angel prevents Nathan from being thrown over the ropes by the clothesline! The ropes distort and bend severely, as if they were about to snap, but they hold. Judge bounces back from the blow, and as Angel releases Nathan’s ankles, an invigorated Nathan Kibagami stages a comeback!

 

Stevens: Angel saved Nathan from elimination!!! What a woman! And now, here comes Kibagami!

 

Riley: THAT’S CHEATING!!! HE CAN’T DO THAT!!!

 

Stevens: It’s legal, Bobby.

 

Riley: IF IT IS, THEN BY GOD, GIVE ME A SIGN!!

 

Suddenly, Riley’s cell phone rings. He fumbles aroud for it, pulls it out of his pocket, and flips it open to answer it.

 

Riley: Hold on one sec... (to phone) Hello? Oh, hi, Commish! How are you? Yes, I’m good, too. What’s that you say? Perfectly legal? Go back to work and shut up or else I’m fired? *sigh* Yes, sir. Right away sir.

 

Stevens: Told ya so.

 

A dazed Judge is defenseless to block Kibagami from thrusting his arm out, Judge’s chest impacted with the right palm of one Nathan Kibagami, and as Judge stands there with a stunned look on his face, Kibagami repeats the process with his left palm, beginning the delivery of a series of rapid, painful palm thrusts! Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left: Kibagami works over Judge’s chest like the hooves of a thousand wild mustangs stampedeing across the plains! Each blow throws Mental back inch by inch, the expression on his face changing with each blow as Ejiro rushes in to help his teammate out. Ejiro, though, is cut off as Kibagami stops his assault on Judge, thrusting his leg out into with a side roundhouse kick to Ejiro’s head that sends the newbie to the mat almost instantaneously!

 

Stevens: OOOOOO!! What a kick from Kibagami! Ejiro has to be out cold!

 

Riley: He is not. Flesher trains these kids

 

Stevens: How so?

 

Riley: Probably by kicking them repeatedly in the head.

 

As he does, though, Judge recovers, but Kibagami leaps into the air, thrusting his legs out and dropkicking him in the face, sending both men down! Both men hit the mat hard, but quickly hop onto their feet, though Judge doesn’t quite look all there. As Mental gets to his feet, in a complete and toal daze at this point, Kibagami ducks behind him, waistlocking the Judge from behind. Nathan abruptly lifts Judge up and falls backwards, a shocked look on Judge’s face as he is slammed hard down onto his neck at a ridiculously high angle! As Nathan releases the dangerous German suplex, Judge bounces off the mat, flipping in the air before coming to a halt with a slam to the mat! Kibagami is on fire as he rolls to his feet, Ejiro staggering a bit as he recovers from the earlier roundhouse. He staggers forward, and Kibagami, sensing him as a threat, lunges at him. His feet quickly shuffle, followed by the abrupt thrusting of a leg upwards into Ejiro’s face as he executes a superkick, sending Ejiro FLYING into the air! Ejiro falls to the mat with a hard thud as Judge slowly attempts to get up, but a rushing Kibagami meets him with even more devastating palm strikes to a huge pop from the crowd!

 

Stevens: Where has this sudden burst of offense come from?

 

Riley: I don’t know, Nathan better enjoy it while he can, because him being the #1 seed means he has to go through 19 guys to win, and I just don’t see another HBK-like run tonight

 

Judge, though, ducks one of the quick palm blow attempts, hooking under that arm. He then lifts him off his feet, leveraging him over his hip and slamming Nathan back first on the mat with a hip toss. Kibagami remains down as Ejiro gets up, but an angered Judge instantly picks away at Nathan’s ribs, delivering stomps to it as fast as he can. Here and there, he quickly drops an elbow into the ribs, Nathan screaming loudly in pain like a defenseless doe being torn apart by a savage gray wolf.

 

Stevens: Kibagami’s like a defenseless doe being torn apart by a savage gray wolf!!!

 

Riley: Which is how it should be, Mark. Which is how it should be...

 

Ejiro soon joins in, primarily dropping elbows in, but as he does...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

"I Get Wet" by Andrew W.K. plays as the lights in the arena dim, a red spotlight shining at the top of the Ramp. Mental suddenly stops his beatdown on Kibagami, leaving him to Fasaki as he gets down in a two-point stance, waiting for Annie Eclectic to make her entrance down the ramp!

 

Stevens: Annie Eclectic is #4!!! And Judge Mental is eagerly awaiting her arrival!

 

And then, as the synthetic trumpets play...

 

Annie doesn’t show!!! Judge continues to wait, mouthing something to himself , but as the thrash guitar takes over, the crowd pops...

 

“CRACK!!!!”

 

As Annie slams her kendo stick into the back of Judge Mental’s head! Instead of going down the ramp during her intro, she instead came out from the crowd at a full run, slid into the ring with her weapon, and snuck up behind Judge! The moves pays off as Judge falls forward, landing flat on his face. Meanwhile, Annie plays to the crowd inside the ring as she swings her bokken around above her head while Judge attempts to get to his feet.

 

Stevens: Annie came through the crowd with her bokken! What a smart move!

 

Riley: That breaks the rules! She has to come down the ramp!

 

Stevens: Nowhere does it say that, Bobby. You can enter in any manner, just as long as you enter!

 

Riley: You mean I could have dropped down from the ceiling like Sting last year? Shit...

 

Elsewhere, Ejiro is trying to keep Kibagami grounded with some kicks to the chest, but it isn’t working. The older, wiser Kibigami blocks one of the kicks by catching it, and pushing the leg back, throws Ejiro to the ground! The up-and-coming SWF star falls back, slamming into the mat before both men get back onto their feet. On the other side of the ring, Judge is under a barrage of quick kicks to the chest from Annie as he tries to get up, though the referee has grabbed Annie’s bokken out of her hands and placed it aside... for now, at least. Back to Ejiro and Kibagami as the two lunge at each other, ending up in a tie-up. Both men don’t last long in it, though, as Nathan immediately begins to fire off his famous Knee Strikes of Incredibe Death into Ejiro’s chest. Ejiro takes a few of these, screaming in pain with each one before Kibagami stops, grabbing Ejiro by the wrist, and with a tug, sending him to the ropes. Ejiro hits them, as across the ring, Judge Mental catches one of Annie’s kicks to his chest and quickly gets to his feet. Wasting no time, Judge hooks the knee of that leg as he spins, pulling Annie off her feet with a dragon screw leg whip! Annie his thrown to the mat violently as Ejiro bounces back from the ropes. Nathan Kibagami awaits him, arms extended as he tries for a possible belly-to-belly overhead suplex, but before he can grab Ejiro, he ducks, sliding down between Kibagami’s open legs. Ejiro hops to his feet on the other side, using his speed to his advantage while grabbing Kibagami around the head. As soon as he’s got the reverse headlock in, Kibagami is thrown back as Ejiro sits down, executing a beautiful reverse neckbreaker!

 

Stevens: Perfect reverse neckbreaker from Ejiro Fasaki as he continues to pulverize Nathan Kibagami, though I don’t know if that’s such a good idea for Judge, especially if Nathan breaks free...

 

Riley: It’s all about trust. Judge trusts Ejiro enough to do this because Flesher forced Judge to hang out with the JL M7 members and baby-sit them. Enough said.

 

As Judge gets to his feet, he gets on one knee, while the faster Annie kips-up in a similar manner to The Rock’s kip-up. you know, where he rolls off his back and jumps onto his feet. That thing. Unfortunately for Judge, his position leaves him vulnerable... as Annie wants him to be! Annie leaps into the air, and kicks her boots out, smashing Judge in the face with her patent seated dropkick! The Dropkiss, as it is called, sends Judge tumbling onto his back, but he rolls through the blow and rolls onto his feet. As he gets to his feet, albeit dazed, he is sharply kicked in the gut by Annie. Doubling over with a grunt, Annie applies a front face lock on Judge and drops back, executing a spiffy little DDT that rattles the ringposts! Opposite this action, Kibigami is caught around the head as Ejiro Snapmares him over his shoulder, slamming him into the mat and leaving Kibagami sitting up on the mat, though only for a second. As Kibagami gets to his feet, he is met by Fasaki, who locks in a strong wristlock before sliding behind Kibagami. Quickly applying an inverted face lock on the artist formerly known as Silent, Ejiro sharply falls backwards, driving Kibagami down to the mat with a reverse DDT!

 

Stevens: A high impact match so far, with quick moves and fast changes in momentum-

 

Riley: That has been dragged out too long. How long have I had to sit through this mess?

 

Stevens: We’ve gone 8 minutes so far, and that must mean our #5 entrant isn’t too far behind...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The arena lights go out. “Come With Me” by Puff Daddy begins, and BRILLIANT white light pours from the arena entryway. Xstasy’s silhouette is projected by this light as he stands there, and then walks down. Once he reaches the ring, the light dissipates, but as he slides in...

 

 

 

 

Ejiro and Kibagami jump him BIG TIME. And the ass-kicking commences.

 

Riley: Whoa! Look at them go!

 

Stevens: I can understand the agression towards X... but is everyone going to attack him like this?

 

Riley: IT’S $20,000. YOU CAN BUY A LOT OF SHIT WITH THAT, MORON!!! TVs, a small house, a car, some bling-bling, let’s see what else... Cutthroat, a lifetime supply of Ovaltine for Ted Flink, twenty thousand get-well cards for Chris Raynor...

 

Stevens: And what would you do with 20 grand, Bobby?

 

Riley: Open up a strip club...

 

Stevens: A gay one, too.

 

Riley: In the heart of San Fran... it’s always been a dream... WHAT DID YOU SAY? I’M NOT OPENING SOME DAMN GAY STRIP CLUB, YOU ASSHOLE!!!

 

As Annie gets up from her last move, she, too, jumps at X, pounding at him with fists and boots of fury! Eventually, X knocks the three of them away for a second to get up...

 

 

 

But he gets jumped again. Judge Mental, who is slowly rising to his feet, staggers towards X, and in a matter of seconds, he, too, is joining in on the fun.

 

Stevens: All four competitiors pounding away at X, working together. It seems kind of odd...

 

Riley: Twenty grand, Stevens... twenty grand. And these morons could all get it, except they’re not working together to throw him out right now.

 

Stevens: Where does it say more than one person?

 

Riley smiles, pulling out a transcript of King’s speech on Storm.

 

Riley: Erhem... (He clears his throat and reads from the transcript.) “And who will be the winner of that twenty person soirée? Will it be a technical master, like Danny Williams or Mak Francis? Perhaps a hardcore staple like Annie Eclectic or Michael Craven? Maybe even one of the latest and greatest batch of SJL prodigies? Anything can happen… well, almost anything can happen that is. One thing that cannot happen is that X CANNOT win. And to ensure that that wretched event does not come to pass, the person or persons who eliminate X from the Clusterfuck will receive 20,000 dollars in cash.” (Riley puts the transcript away.) It says right there, persons. Meaning more than one. If they all throw him out right now, cha-ching! Twenty grand in the bank for them all.

 

As X gets to his feet, he is kicked hard in the gut by Ejiro Fasaki and doubles over. Ejiro bends X down and hooks both his arms, lifting him up so he’s upside down. Ejiro them quickly sits down, dropping X down onto his head with a double underhook piledriver!

 

Riley: Ejirocation!!!! That’s gonna leave a mark!

 

Stevens: Sounds like something you do when you watch “Queer As Folk”, Riley.

 

Riley: Well, aren’t we failing to be funny today? I bet a trained monkey could do a better job than you!

 

Stevens: You’ve said that before, and I proved you wrong.

 

Riley: Zoo monkeys don’t count. I’m talking one that’s been trained to speak!

 

Ejiro gets up quickly, grabbing X by the head and pulling him to his feet, but as he does, Annie shoves him out of the way, forcing X down while hooking both his arms just seconds before she drops to the mat and Pedigrees X into the mat, slamming his face down with her finishing move, The Daybreak!!!

 

Stevens: DAYBREAK FROM ANNIE ECLECTIC!!! BIG CONNECTION HERE AS X IS DOWN AND ANNIE IS READY TO PICK HIM BACK UP AND THROW HIM OUT!!!

 

Riley: I’m afraid to ask what Annie would buy with 20,000... wait... maybe she can buy some friends!

 

Stevens: Bobby, you’re the one that doesn’t have friends.

 

Riley: I do not. I have many friends!!!! You just can’t see them all. Isn’t that right, Mr. Purple Giraffe?

 

Just as Annie begins to pick up X, though, Judge rips him from Annie’s arms, his arm wrapping around her head and what happens next happens all so fast: Judge falls himself forward, still holding X’s head as he lands on his back, dropping X’s head down onto the mat with a Diamond Cutter so powerful, the force of the blow flips X onto his back as Judge releases the lock on X’s head!!!

 

Stevens: SURPRISE WITNESS!!! Judge busts out HIS finisher now!!!

 

Riley: You’ll be seeing a lot more of that move before this night is over!

 

Stevens: This is becoming a game of one-upsmanship!!!

 

As Judge sits up from the blow, Nathan Kibagami tries to prove them all one better as he jumps to the top rope in one hop. He turns around, hands behind his head before he flips himself forward 450 degrees, adding a twist in mid-move before he slams hard onto X with a Stardust Press!!!!

 

Stevens: TATSUDOSHI!!! Kibagami flies thorugh the air to cap it off!!! They’re all trying to out do each other!!!

 

Riley: By the way, Tatsudoshi is Japanese for “Overrated Finisher For Overrated Wrestler”.

 

Stevens: It is not!!

 

Riley pulls out a Japanese-English dictionary and flips through it to a page.

 

Riley: Look, right here, on Page 415...

 

Stevens: YOU SCRIBBLED OUT THE ORIGINAL MEANING!!!

 

Riley: It’s the updated version.

 

But as Kibagami hops to his feet, grabbing X for himself...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The fans raise up to their feet in cheers as the Jay Gordon remix of Linkin Park’s ”Points of Authority” kicks up, and after a few moments Stryke slowly walks out of the entranceway, orange and white pyro spraying up from each side of the stage. Stryke briefly stops to soak up the cheers of the crowd, before making his way down the ramp as Stevens does his spiel.

 

Stevens: Stryke is in at #6!!! The man who threw out JD last year is here and ready to raise hell!!!

 

Riley: Stryke is nothing to get all hyped up about. He’s a washed-up loser. Now Tom Flesher, on the other hand...

 

As the announcers finish, Stryke quickly slides into the ring, getting to his feet and jumping at X, knocking him out of Kibagami’s hands with a quick forearm smash! X hits the mat as Stryke gets to his feet. He bends over and grabs X, ready to throw him out...

 

 

But Kibagami knocks him out of the way, grabbing X as he prepares to throw him out...

 

 

But Judge rips Kibagami off X and grabs him, Judge preparing to eliminate X...

 

 

BUT EJIRO grabs X, immediately being knocked away by Annie, who grabs X and prepares to throw him over the top rope...

 

 

Except Stryke shoves her out of the way! Annie falls backwards, hitting the mat, and as she sits up, she screams at Strkye while Judge screams at Kibagami in disbelief, and eventually, the four merge into one group that’s about ready to explode!

 

Stevens: They can’t decide who’s gonna throw X out!!!

 

Riley: Children!!! CHILDREN!! Stop fighting and just throw him out all together!!!

 

The four talk it over as X slowly gets to his feet:

 

Judge: WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO PULL?!?! I WAS TRYING TO THROW X OUT!!!

 

Annie: Me, too!!!

 

Stryke: What about me? What about Stryke? I was about to throw him out!

 

Kibagami: NO, I WAS!!!

 

Judge holds a hand up, silencing everyone briefly as he brings up a point.

 

Judge: Wait... didn’t King say he’d pay $20,000 to everyone who threw him out, even if it was more than one person?

 

Annie: I think so...

 

Stryke: Why don’t we all throw him out, then? We’ll all get paid the same for it.

 

Judge, Annie, and Kibagami: *sigh* OK...

 

With that, all four turn around...

 

 

Just in time to see Ejiro nail X in the back of the head with a forearm smash! X stumbles forward, hits the ropes...

 

 

And flips over them, both feet hitting the mat while Ejiro’s eyes light up in shock! The crowd lets out a loud gasp before they begin to boo a little, Ejiro dropping to his knees as if he was Kurt Angle, both fists pumping into the air following his elimination of X and $20,000 payday!!!

 

--------

-X-

Entered At: #5

Elimination Number: #1

Time Entered: 8:00

Time Eliminated: 11:42

Eliminated By: Ejiro Fasaki (via forearm smash to the back of the head)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Nathan Kibagami, Judge Mental, Ejiro Fasaki, Annie Eclectic, Stryke

--------

 

Riley: HOLY SHIT!! EJIRO GOT HIM BEHIND THEIR BACKS!!!!!

 

Stevens: And there goes the match’s first elimination!

 

Riley: Wasn’t that you last year?

 

Stevens: No... I WON. Did you bother watching the match after you left?

 

Riley: Well, after my crushing defeat... I went backstage and bitterly wept the rest of the night alone-I mean... I was consoled by several beautiful fans and had a great ending to my night.

 

Stevens stares, sighs, and doesn’t bother replying, just as the smiling Ejiro is confronted by Annie, Judge, Kibagami, and Stryke. All four look angry, and Ejiro’s expression quickly changes from “Hell yeah!!! I did it!” to “OH SHIT!!!” seconds before the four jump on him, tearing into him with closed fists and boots to anywhere they can get their hands and feet on. And speaking of seconds before...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The house lights dim as a females voice says...

 

 

 

 

 

“Johnny Dangerous!”

 

 

 

 

 

Which is responded with a roar of cheers!

 

Suddenly the theme from “Mission Impossible 2” by Limp Bizkit rocks out from the massive wall to wall sound system as colorful arrays of lights begins circling over the arena. On the screen various clips of Johnny Dangerous performing many spy like actions. You know... leaping from a 50 story building window to catch a dangling ladder from a helicopter, etc., which are mixed with clips of Johnny’s in ring fights and displayed on the SmarkTron.

 

Stevens: Johnny Dangerous is in at #7!!! The former JL World Champ will be the freshest one in this match so far, and he might just clean house once he steps foot into the ring!

 

Riley: Yay!!! More Frost Chow!!!

 

Johnny strides from backstage and to the ring with out a care in the world, usually taking the time to wink at a few ladies or even blow a kiss in there general direction before hopping foot into the ring, as in ring, Stryke and Kibagami continue to pound at Ejiro. Annie and Judge are in a test of strength right now, a test Judge is slowly winning as Annie begins to bend backwards, teeth clenched, muscles pushing upwards against Judge’s.

 

Stevens: Johnny Dangerous seems to be taking his time getting into the ring...

 

Riley: Well, he should hurry up! I don’t have all night to waste here, you know!!!

 

As Dangerous gets onto his feet, he makes his way towards Ejiro, sneaking in, grabbing the former JLer, and pulling him out of the 2-on-1 beatdown, only to draw his arm back before uncorking a overhand punch into Ejiro’s head! Ejiro stammers back as Stryke and Kibagami turn on each other, Stryke starting things off quicky with three successive punches to Kibagami’s temple. Each successive punch knocks Kibagami back a few inches before Stryke grabs hold of Nathan’s arm, whipping him to the ropes! Kibagami flies towards the ropes whiole the crowd pops as Annie Eclectic fights her way back in the test of strength, her and Judge about even before the Hardcore Champion swings his knee into her gut and wins out the battle. Annie bends over forward in pain, grabbing her ribs as Judge clenches her from overhead in a waistlock. He lifts her high into the air and falls back, slamming Annie’s back into the mat with a hard gutwrench suplex!!

 

Riley: Notice the perfect execution of this gutwrench suplex by Judge Mental to his adversary! What grace!! What elegance!! What power!!!

 

The focus shifts back to Stryke for a second as he leaps into the air, Kibagami flying back from the ropes while Stryke lands on Nathan’s shoulders. His legs wrap around Nathan’s neck before he flips himself back, sweeping Kibagami off his feet and driving him down into the mat with a hurracanrana! Stryke lands on his knees as Kibagami’s back slams into the mat with stunning force!

 

Stevens: Beautiful hurracanrana from Stryke!

 

Riley: Look at the flaws in that move!!! He landed two inches off of where he should have landed, and the rotational torque of Nathan Kibagami’s body was too fast!

 

Stevens: Will you stop being such a pessimist?

 

Riley: I’m not. I’m an optimist. And that’s as optimistic as I can be with this shoddy work you call wrestling.

 

Meanwhile, Johnny Dangerous grabs the stunned Ejiro Fasaki by the back of the head, placing Ejiro’s chin on his head before he drops to his knees, Ejiro’s head bouncing off Johnny’s skull as The Barricuda nails a jawbreaker! As a result of the move’s recoil on its victim, Ejiro flies back into the air, hitting the ropes with his back as Johnny gets off his knees, cracking his knuckles.

 

Riley: That’s illegal! He can’t do that!

 

Stevens: How is it illegal?

 

Riley: If you noticed, Johnny executed not the legal jawbreaker, but an illegal form in which the attacker delivers a low blow before using the jawbreaker

 

Stevens: You and your bullshit lies... there was no low blow...

 

Riley: He did it stealthly. He’s a spy, moron. He knows 30 different ways he could kill you in less than half a second!!!!

 

As Stryke gets off his knees, he grabs Kibagami, pulling him to his feet. Once more, he clutches Nathan’s wrist, and with a quick tug and a push, whips Kibagami to the ropes. Nathan hits them, the ropes bending before they slingshot him back towards Stryke! As Stryke waits for him, Kibagami leaps into the air, as if going for a dropkick to the side of Stryke’s head. However, as Stryke stands with Kibagami in the air, Nathan swings his right knee around, Kibagami’s knee slamming into the side of Stryke’s head as he takes him down with a Shining Wizard! Stryke collapses to the mat, grabbing his head, as most of Kibagami’s opponents do.

 

Riley: Shining Wizard!!! Nice move from Nathan Tsunami!!!

 

Stevens: That’s Kibagami, Bobby.

 

Riley: Hmmmm... an honest mistake, Stevens. As they say back in the ghetto... “My bad.”

 

Stevens: Bobby, for God’s sake... never say “my bad” again.

 

Back in the ring, Dangerous picks Ejiro up and fires him into the ropes! Ejiro hits them, bouncing back as Dangerous leaps into the air, thrusts out his legs, and hits a nice dropkick! Both men go down as the timer pops up in the corner again, signaling the arrival of Entrant #8!!!!

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The lights cut out, the crowd begins to both cheer and boo a little.

 

“BOOM-BOOM BOOM... BOOM...”

 

Strobe lights pulse to the beat as Audioslave’s “Cochise” kicks in, smoke spewing from vents in front of the entrance as the drums cue in 24 seconds into the song. This is when the pyro similar to Christian’s entrance begins flowing from the top of the SmarkTron and the crowd really begins to raise their boos and cheers louder.

 

Riley: Oh shit...

 

A huge pyro blast kicks up from the front of the stage at the guitar drop, about 50 seconds into the song. Flames simultaneously shoot high up into the air on the edges of the stage not touching the ramp, Booker T-style, in beat with the song following the initial blast, as a red tint covers the stage. Suddenly, as Chris Cornell begins to sing, a spotlight shines down on Mike Craven as he bursts through the smoke cloud in a half-sprint, looking just a tad bit on the intense side. He stops turning to look at the fans, and quickly begins to pound his chest, pump his fist into the air and do other things to pump the crowd up, running all over the stage as the strobes pulse in tempo with the song behind Mike. After doing this for a short amount of time, he turns around, points at the ring as he hops in place like Brock Lesnar’s Happy Dance, and sprints down to the ring like the Ultimate Warrior, slapping hands with as many of the fans as he can.

 

Stevens: Craven is #8!!! Michael Craven, a legend in his own right, is on his way to the ring, and maybe, now, we can clear up some of this clutter in the ring!

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Still in full stride, he slides under the bottom rope. Mike then hops up to his feet, turning around to face his adversaries... but nearly getting a faceful of a Irish whipped Ejiro Fasaki! Craven ducks down, Ejiro sliding onto his back before he sits up, launching Ejiro over the top rope with a huge back body drop!!! Ejiro tumbles, tumbles...

 

 

“THUD!” And hits the padded floor outside the ring!!!

 

--------

-Ejiro Fasaki-

Entered At: #3

Elimination Number: #2

Time Entered: 2:00

Time Eliminated: 14:10

Eliminated By: Michael Craven (via back body drop over the ropes)

Elimnations: X

Left In Ring: Nathan Kibagami, Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Johnny Dangerous, Michael Craven

--------

 

Craven barely has time to look over his shoulder before Johnny Dangerous, unable to eliminate Ejiro, attacks Cravenfrom behind, drivig a forearm into his skull! And the chants begin...

 

Crowd: EDWIN KNOCK-OFF!!! *clap-clap-clapclapclap*

 

Stevens: The crowd starting to stick it to Michael Craven once more...

 

Riley(chanting): EDWIN KNOCK-OFF!!! *clap-clap-clapclapclap* EDWIN KNOCK-OFF!!! *clap-clap-clapclapclap*

 

Craven collapses to the mat face-first, hitting the mat on his knees. He shakes is head blinks his eyes, and begins to get up, using the ropes to pull himself while Johnny Dangerous jabs the heel of his boot into Craven’s boot. Craven, though, fights through the rising pain in his back to get to his feet, and as he gets to his feet, cuts off the dealer of the stomps, hooking his leg back into the chest of Dangerous with a standing hook kick! The boot of Michael Craven presses against Johnny’s rib cage before his leg fully extends, throwing Dangerous back to a huge boo from the crowd!

 

Strangler: The crowd is not at all warming up to Michael Craven...

 

Riley: He’s a knock-off of a legend! Why should he be welcome?

 

In another part of the ring, Judge Mental has pulled Annie to her feet, and for a few seconds, was laying boots to Annie’s chest, but since Craven’s entrance, Annie has turned the tables, so to speak. She is now firing off quick jabs into Judge’s face, each one knocking him back just a little more. However, during one of the jabs, he counters it. He grabs her arm in mid-punch, and savgely, he forces it down, twisting it downward. Annie cries out as the pressure on her shoulder increases, but in a matter of seconds, Judge has her locked into a flawless hammerlock, and quickly, he grabs her around the head, lifting her up into the air before he drops back and slams Annie to the mat with a hammerlock suplex!!!

 

Stevens: And a hammerlock suplex from Judge sends Annie Eclectic to the mat!

 

Judge Mental sits up following the suplex, hands placed against the mat as he pushes himself to his feet. As he gets to his feet, he makes leeway for Annie Eclectic, who lies on the mat, clutching her back. Judge bends over, grabbing Annie, but before he gets her up all the way, he grabs a bent-over Annie around the head and immediately drops back, slamming Annie down with a DDT! Opposite this, Stryke is getting the shit kicked out of his head as Kibagami catches him with a spinning heel kick while he gets to his feet from the Shining Wizard!

 

Riley: Beautiful blow from Nate Origami!!!

 

Stevens: IT’S KIBAGAMI.

 

Riley: Tsunami, Origami, Kibagami... it’s all the same, isn’t it?

 

Elsewhere, Johnny Dangerous gets to his feet, Craven moving to grab him. Dangerous, though, swings his arm around, spinning as he attempts to hit Craven, but The Nightmare ducks the blow and puts a quick stop to that as he grabs Dangerous from behind, lifts him into the air, and scores with a belly to back suplex on the big man! Dangerous hits the mat hard, bouncing off his back as Craven sits up. Just as Craven does that, though...

 

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The arena lights are off, as "Trust" by Megadeth starts to play. The drum beat gets louder every second. Red and white strobe lights flash in the arena. About 30 seconds of drums the guitars come in, as fire emerges from the stage, as Xero comes out. Xero flexes his muscles with the fire still blazing high. Of course, the crowd boos loudly.

 

Stevens: It’s Xero! He’s #9!

 

Riley: He won’t last long!

 

He takes off down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope. Hopping onto his feet, he chooses to go help his tag team partner out, jumping at a recovering Dangerous from behind with a quick dropkick! Dangerous stumbles forward, bouncing off the ropes as the “EDWIN KNOCK-OFF!!!” chants continue. In doing so, he springs back up onto his feet, where Craven and Xero stand. Craven nods, and the two men know what comes next. Dangerous continues to stagger backwards, but as he does, Craven latches his arms around him in a waistlock, The Nightmare pulling him off his feet as he bends back and drops Dangerous onto his shoulderblades with a German suplex! As if that wasn’t enough, as the suplex is being executed, Xero runs to the ropes, leaping up onto them before he jumps off, and as Craven drops Dangerous into the German, Xero twists around, spiringboarding his body as he adjusts into the sitting position, his leg dropping across Dangerous’ throat in, well, a springboard leg drop!

 

Stevens: Excellent work here by the well-rounded tag team of Xero and Michael Craven!

 

Riley: You know, these guys almost won the SWF Tag Titles. That’s a scary thought!

 

Dangerous grasps for breath as Craven, still holding onto him via the waistlock, pulling him to his feet with it. He holds him there for a second, but as he does, Judge Mental is in the process of pulling Annie Eclectic to her feet, nailing a few stomps to Annie’s chest while he pulls her up beside him. As Judge pulls Annie up, he wraps one arm around her neck while stepping in front of the nearest leg of Annie and hooking it. Judge falls back and sweeps out Annie's legs, dropping her to the mat and wrenching her neck with a Russian leg sweep!

 

Riley: And there, you can see Judge Mental pulling off a Russian leg sweep, the way it was meant to be done!

 

As Stryke recovers from the spinning heel kick, the head-kicking Kibagami backs up, crouching down into a Tajiri-like stance. Stryke pulls himself to his feet slowly, but as he does, Nathan takes a step and jumps into the air, swinging his foot into the back of Stryke’s head, knocking Stryke back down with a kick that looks like an enziguri, minus the leg being held by Stryke!

 

Stevens: What a gamengiri from Nathan Kibagami!

 

Riley: Meh. Not impessive.

 

Stevens: How is that not impressive?

 

Riley: Everyone steals from Japan now a days! I bet there’s at least 3 guys in the SWF that can do it, and one of them is probably Divefire.

 

Stevens: And who are the other two, if I may ask?

 

Riley: Why, of course, myself, and our supreme ruler, Suicide King, that’s who!!! *winkwink*

 

As Bobby continues to spew more useless, and pretty much false, factoids, Xero leaps to the top rope, spinning around while Craven prepares to hoise Dangerous up for another German suplex! As Xero leaps off the top rope, though, legs extended for a dropkick, Dangerous breaks loose of Craven’s waistlock and drops to the mat. Craven has no option but to take a dropkick to the face that knocks both him and Xero to the ground. As both men get up, Dangerous hops to his feet, and while Craven asks Xero what happened, The SWF’s Super Spy makes his move! He first goes after Craven, flooring him with a hard overhand punch to the head! As Xero spins around to battle Johnny, he is nailed in the chest with a hard middle kick that knocks him to the mat! The crowd pops heavily as Craven springs to his feet, just as Johnny clenches his fist, spinnning backwards before he catches Mike in the jaw with a spinning backfist that drives the crowd wild! As Xero gets back up to his feet, staggering towards the near-by ropes, Dangerous lifts his knee up before he pushes it level to the ground, striking Xero with the bottom of his foot, sending Xero flying backwards with a side kick! Xero staggers back, hits the ropes...

 

Stevens: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT A KICK FROM DANGEROUS!!

 

“THUD!” And falls over it before he lands outside the ring!!!

 

--------

-Xero-

Entered At: #9

Elimination Number: #3

Time Entered: 16:00

Time Eliminated: 17:36

Eliminated By: Johnny Dangerous (via side kick)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Nathan Kibagami, Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Johnny Dangerous, Michael Craven

--------

 

Stevens: Xero’s been eliminated!!!

 

Riley: And no one cares.

 

Craven immediately exacts revenge for the elimination of his tag partner, smashing Johnny Dangerous’ face with a hard punch! Dangerous staggers back, Stryke recovers from the blow and ducks a hard roundhouse from Kibagami, and Judge twists Annie’s arm into an armbar, all at the same time while the timer pops back up on the screen...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

"The Everlasting Gaze," by Smashing Pumpkins kicks up as the crowd goes wild! Wildchild springs from behind the curtain onto the stage area, banging his head in time with his music. He quickly slaps hands with the fans at ringside as he jogs towards the ring, somersaulting between the bottom and middle ropes before he springs back to his feet, headed over towards Johnny Dangerous in order to help out his partner!

 

Stevens: It’s Wildchild!!! And he’s coming to help out his tag team partner!

 

Riley: Only to be fed to the monster that is Frost later on! That is, if he can make it that long!

 

As Craven turns to look up to see what the buzz is all about, Wildchild charges at Craven, leaping into the air, leg extending out and catching Craven up in a leg lariat!! Craven drops to the mat, but he is quickly snatched up on one arm by Wildchild, who pulls him to his feet. Hooking under that arm, Wildchild then lifts Mike off his feet, leveraging him over his hip and slamming Craven back first on the mat with a hip toss! As Craven hits the mat, the other half of Wild and Dangerous Nights adds in a quick drop of the elbow to Craven’s sternum, much to the crowd’s joy.

 

Stevens: The crowd has come alive!!! Wildchild is showing he’s got what it takes! It’s anyone’s match now!

 

Riley: The winner’s gonna need some help to win, just like you did.

 

Meanwhile, as Judge lcoks on the armbar, Annie crying in pain, Ms. Eclectic tries to free herself. Slowly, she pushes herself up to her knees, forcing Judge up onto his before she rolls forward, landing on her back first before she rolls onto hier feet! Judge, still holding on, is flipped, and as he lands on his back, releases the the hold on accident! He springs to his feet to stop Annie, but it’s too late. Annie wraps her arm around Judge’s head into a front facelock, throws his arm over the back of her neck, grabs and handful of tights and throws him up and over with a devastating snap suplex!! Judge hits the mat and lays there, obviously stunned by the ferocity of the attack, but as does Annie, both competitors sweating and starting to show signs of exhaustion!

 

Stevens: What do you mean, Bobby?

 

Riley: If I hadn’t been literally whipping Thoth’s ass, you wouldn’t have won!

 

Checking on Kibagami, we find out that Nathan is currently kicking Stryke repeatedly in the chest, and now, he steps back, thrusting his leg up high for a roundhouse kick! Stryke, though, ducks the high kick, grabbing the leg and hooking it from underneath. Stryke then reaches over Kibagami's head with his free arm and locks his hand, so Nathan is bent down with his head and his leg is held up in the air. Stryke then lifts Kibagami up and falls backwards, throwing him over his head with a leg capture suplex!!! As Kibagami slams into the mat, Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous tend to Craven on the other side of the ring, whipping him to the ropes.

 

Stevens: I don’t remember that exactly...

 

Riley: I do. And if I have to, I’ll cue up the replay to show you.

 

Craven hits the ropes, flying back at Dangerous while Wildchild heads for the ropes. Dangerous lifts Craven up over his head as he catches him, wasting no time before slamming him down on his back with a press slam! Craven cries out and grabs his back as Wildchild hits and jumps backwards off the ropes, flipping once in the air and landing a devastating asai moonsault on top of Craven!

 

Stevens: BEAUTIFUL DOUBLE TEAM MOVE!!!! Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous are a well-oiled tag team machine!!

 

Riley: Hey, isn’t it time for the next jabroni to come on out?

 

Stevens: I believe so...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The gentle melodies of In Flame’s “Jester’s Dance” echoes through the arena, triggering a chorus of “boos”. Danny Williams pushes his way through the heavy curtains draping from the locker room entrance, and slowly makes his way out to the platform. With the object of their hatred now in clear sight, the fans taunts become even louder. Williams lets the negative reaction bounce right off of him, and slowly makes his way down to the ring like he has all the time in the world.

 

Stevens: Dear Lord... It’s Danny Williams! He’s been all but unstoppable as US Champ... but it’ll be interesting to see him in this type of match!

 

As Williams walks down to the ramp, he passes Gus, who seems to have a bit of a cold.

 

Gus: *coughcough*Williamssucks*coughcough*

 

Williams turns, glaring with an evil look for a second. Gus realizes his mistake, but it’s too late as Williams jumps him and begins to beat him with fists of fury!

 

Stevens: It seems as though Gus’ comment has angered Danny Williams...

 

Riley: YEAH!!! KICK HIS ASS!!! MAKE HIM PAY FOR THAT COMMENT!!!

 

Meanwhile, in the ring, as Danny CONTINUES to beat the shit out of Gus, Judge Mental and Johnny Dangerous both pull their opponents to their feet, and with a tug and step, unknowingly Irish whip Craven and Annie towards each other! The former teacher and student, hough, counter the Irish whips with whips of their own, Irish whipping Judge and Johnny Dangerous into each other!!! The two men smack into each other and collapse to the mat, backs hitting the canvas with sepaerate thuds! At this time, though, the crowd begins to boo as they spot a familiar face coming down the ramp...

 

Riley: IT’S EJIRO!!! HE’S COMING BACK TO DISPENSE JUSTICE!!!

 

Stevens: What the hell is going on here? Ejiro’s been eliminated!

 

As Ejiro walks past the still-pummeling Danny Williams, he reaches ringside, and there he stands, cheering on Judge Mental in the ring. In the meantime, back in the ring, Craven, taking a quick breather and trying to regain himself, sweat dripping down his face, is caught from behind in an inverted face lock from Wildchild, who sharply falls backwards, driving Craven down to the mat with a reverse DDT! Craven hits the mat on his head, crying out in pain as he grabs his head. Elsewhere, Williams finally stops beating up Gus, a tired Stryke and Kibagami get to their feet, and Annie grabs Judge Mental, nearly dropping him as she pulls him to his feet slowly.

 

Stevens: The action in the ring seems to have calmed down a bit, so any thoughts so far, Bobby?

 

Riley: The match is living up to its name. This has become a total clusterfuck, with 3 eliminations in 20 minutes! I certainly hope action picks up soon, because right now, it sucks!

 

As Annie pulls Judge up to his feet, though, his hand clenches into a fist before he drives it into Annie’s chest! Annie staggers backwards from the blow, alloting Judge the time to turn around, bend over, grab Johnny Dangerous, and slowly pull the guy onto his feet. Dangerous looks a bit woozy from the collision, but none the less, Mental grabs him by the wrist, and pulling, Irish whips Dangerous towards the ropes closest to the ramp, where Ejiro is. The crowd is somewhat quiet as Dangerous hits the ropes, but as he does, Fasaki grabs Dangerous’ ankle! Dangerous lets out a cry of surprise before turning around to see Ejiro, Judge charging at Dangerous, who doesn’t notice the extended arm that nails him in the head right after Ejiro lets go! Dangerous flips over the top rope, landing on the ground outside the ring in a heap as Ejiro ducks his flying body!

 

--------

-Johnny Dangerous-

Entered At: #7

Elimination Number: #4

Time Entered: 12:00

Time Eliminated: 21:15

Eliminated By: Judge Mental (via clothesline, with help from Ejiro Fasaki)

Elimnations: Xero

Left In Ring: Nathan Kibagami, Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Michael Craven, Wildchild, Danny Williams

--------

 

As soon as Dangerous is out, Williams slides into the ring, finished with his beatdown of Gus. Ejiro hightails it, not wanting to be there when Dangerous gets to his feet. The crowd gives it to Mental, booing like crazy at Judge.

 

Stevens: What a cheap elimination! Ejiro cheated Johnny Dangerous out of a chance at winning the Clusterfuck!

 

Riley: There’s nothing wrong with that! As long as the ref don’t see it, it’s fine! So therefore, Ejiro’s interference is legal because the ref didn’t see it! Besides, what were his odds of winning anyways? I mean, we’ve still got Frost to deal with!

 

Those not on their feet already are rising to their feet as Judge steps back, fists pumped in the air. The crowd boos, while in other parts of the ring: Stryke is overpowering Kibagami, havin been able to throw in a few punches before getting behind him and locking in a dragon sleeper; Wildchild is having to fight off the re-energized Michael Craven, who, with a palm strike and rising uppercut combo, has Wildchild right where he wants him as he kicks him in the gut; and Annie is recovering from a brief rest, making her way towards Danny and Judge, but just then...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The lights in the arena change, slightly, everything acquiring a red tinge, as the SmarkTron flickers to life, portraying a Canadian flag, flowing in the wind, and the instrumental accompaniment to 'O Canada' playing. Or at least, the first verse, before a soft, digitized female voice cuts in, whispering through the arena speakers for all to hear 'Midnight Carnival', the image on the titantron showing the members of the Carnival standing side by side for a single instant, and then....

 

*BOOM!* A bright red rush of pyro shoots up along the stage, glittering points of red light slowly drifting down from above, and a voice rings out, accompanied by the opening riff to 'Secret Agent Man', and the emergance of a masked figure, hockey stick in hand, Smarktron showing highlights of some of CIA's finest moments, although for CIA, finest moments varies between amazing athletic feats, and silly showboating.

 

Stevens: It’s CIA!!! And he’s got wood!!!

 

Riley: Be more specific. He could have an unsharpened pencil for all I know! Better watch the eraser! You might poke an eye out with that!

 

CIA and his hockey stick burst down the ramp, sliding into the ring as CIA springs to his feet! CIA then begins to swing it wildly, like “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, only Canadian! He smashes Judge Mental at first in the chest, then slaps Danny Williams across the face with it, sending him spinning into a corner! CIA swings it at Williams, but he ducks out of the way of the blow, rolling out of the corner and onto his feet near Stryke and Kibagami. CIA lets out a cry and swings at Danny for a few seconds, but nails Stryke and Kibagami in the side of the head instead! He doesn’t care!!! He lifts his stick up and brings it down, finally nailing Danny with the stick in the head, the shaft of the stick-“CRACK!”-splintering in two upon impact as Williams collapses to the mat! A huge “C-I-A!” chant breaks out in the process of this, and it carries on while CIA discards his busted hockey stick and grabs hold of Danny Williams, pulling him to his feet as the crowd cheers him on!

 

Riley: That’s certainly a change of pace...

 

Stevens: Why would CIA do something like that?

 

Riley: He’s a Carnie. Carnies hate M7 members. Therefore, CIA hates M7 members. Ta-fucking-da.

 

While Stryke, Kibagami, and Judge recover from the light blows to their heads, Michael Craven promptly kicks Wildchild in the gut and hooks his arms as he bends over. Quickly, he lifts Wildchild up off his feet and falls back, executing a inverted double arm DDT!!!

 

Stevens: Aftershock from Michael Craven! Big move for The Nightmare!

 

Wildchild’s head slams hard into the mat as Craven releases his arms, rolling Wildchild over onto his back while CIA mounts an offfense. Leading off with several rapid forearm smashes to the head, followed quickly by a series of three overhand punches. Williams is starting to feel the pain as CIA quickly forces him downwards, bringing his knee up and driving it into Danny’s midsection sharply. Williams cries out in pain for the few knee strikes CIA throws, and as CIA lets him up, he is spun around and grabbed by the back, lifted onto CIA’s shoulder before he falls back! The subsequent backdrop downs Danny temporarily, but CIA sits up, hopping to his feet, full of life and energy following those three moves as the crowd cheers for him. CIA turns his back to Williams for a second, a stupid mistake while he plays to the crowd. Williams gets to his feet, holding his back for a second before charging at CIA. The Canuck turns around, just as Danny spins around, thrusting his elbow back with a back elbow smash that slams CIA to the mat! CIA hops up, but Danny sends him back to the mat with a mean spirited Scoop Slam! In great pain, CIA spasms on the mat, his face contorted in agony as Danny grabs him by the mask and pulls him to his feet. Quickly, he slaps him across the chest with one (“WOO!”), two (“WOO!”), three (“WOO!”) knife edge chops before he drops to his knees, tripping and flipping CIA over with a Fireman’s Carry! Danny, though, quickly wraps his arm around CIA’s chin as he hits the mat, floating into a chinlock.

 

Riley(impersonating the Crocodile Hunter): Man, Danny’s already goin’ into his submission work! Look at that deadly chinlock! Crikey! It’s a bloody killah!!!

 

While all this takes place, Annie charges up behind Judge Mental grabs Judge by the wrist, sending him towards the ropes for an Irish whip, but before Judge gets by her, she throws her arm out, catching him hard in the chin with a clothesline, dropping him to the mat while Stryke and Kibagami get to their feet. But just then...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The house lights darken, as the sound of electrical distortion hums through the air… two white lights shine down on the entrance, appearing with the drums, and flashing like a rhythmic heartbeat. Suddenly…

 

BOOM! The guitars drop, and the arena is filled with every colour in the rainbow, as spotlights search the crowd! With the stage is illuminated by an ever-changing pallet of colour, Alex Zenon slowly steps from the curtain, head down. He flips his long hair out of his eyes, and surveys the crowd with a smirk, tugging the lapels of his jacket, getting a (mostly) positive reaction. As Alex makes his way down, the camera cuts to an upper-mezzanine shot of the rampway, the lyrics of “Temptation” by The Tea Party calling in the background…

 

Stevens: ZENON IS HERE!!! Alex draws #13! It’ll be interesting to see how this works out!

 

The lights flicker erratically over the crowd, swooping and cutting in all directions. The camera is suddenly wiped out by the blinding flash of a passing light… and refocuses with a cut to the ring, as Alex climbs into it, leaping to the top rope closest to Nathan Kibagami and balancing himself on it. Kibagami looks up as Zenon leaps from the top rope, legs extended before they smash into Kibagami’s head with a dropkick! Kibagami staggers back...

 

back...

 

back...

 

baaaaaaaaack...

 

 

Back over the top rope, flipping over it and landing outside the ring!

 

--------

-Nathan Kibagami-

Entered At: #1

Elimination Number: #5

Time Entered: 0:00

Time Eliminated: 24:10

Eliminated By: Alex Zenon (via top rope dropkick)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Michael Craven, Wildchild, Danny Williams, CIA, Alex Zenon

--------

 

Riley: And there goes Nathan Kibbles and Bits!!!

 

Stevens: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT’S KIBAGAMI!!!!

 

Riley: Whatever his name is... he’s gone!

 

Zenon pops back up onto his feet, getting a mixed bag of reactions from the crowd before he diverts his attention to Stryke, the man Kibagami was fighting. As he does, though, Stryke spots him,leaping into the air, thrusting his legs out and dropkicking Zenon in the face, sending both men down to the mat! Zenon quickly recovers, bent over a little as Stryke slowly rises to his feet, winded, though ready to continue on. Zenon shakes his head, the dropkick cathcing him off guard as Stryke charges from behind and applies a side headlock on Zenon, running for a short dirance before he drops Alex down on his face. The bulldog stuns Zenon, Stryke sitting up from the move while Zenon sits up in pain. He forces himself upwards as Zenon once more rises, grabbing his face as he begins to move about to see if he’s OK. But just as he starts to move, Stryke jumps forward and unleashes a massive superkick that catches Zenon right under the jaw!! He flies back and lands hard on the mat, one hand immediately checking to see if his jaw is still located where it is supposed to be!!

 

Stevens: Heatseeker from Stryke as the Aussie begins to mount an offense!

 

Riley: You know, he should have been eliminated by now, but no one bothered to deal with him! No matter, though. He’s just another victim for Frost anyways!

 

Stevens: What is your obsession with Frost, anyways?

 

Riley: He’s big, scary, powerful... he’s the European Thugg!!!

 

Zenon gets to his feet, visibly shaken from the Superkick while Stryke gets to his feet, the crowd cheering for him. As he sees Zenon stunned, Stryke runs towards and leaps to the top rope as Zenon gets to his feet and moonsaults off the turnbuckle towards him, catching Zenon around the neck as Stryke lands beside him, before dropping down with an inverted DDT to Alex Zenon! Zenon’s head hits the mat hard as both men go down to the mat, breathing heavily, Stryke all but tired.

 

Stevens: God damn! Stryke is pulling out all the stops in this match!

 

Riley: You know, if they started throwing more people out, this match would be a whole lot better!!!!

 

Stevens: Shut up and enjoy it for what it is, Bobby...

 

Riley: A disgrace to the Clusterfuck name. That’s what it is!

 

Elsewhere, Wildchild has been dragged up by Craven and whipped to the ropes, bouncig off them. As he flies back at Craven, Mike prepares to catch him, but Wildchild jumps into the air, legs spread apart as he leaps frogs over Craven! The crowd goes nuts, but the go even more nuts as Wildchild thrusts his legs back, nailing Craven with a backflip kick! Craven falls forward onto his face, slow to get up as Wildchild rolls to his feet, popping up onto them and running for the opposite ropes! He flies back from the ropes, leaping onto the rising Craven’s shoulders. His legs wrap around Michael’s neck before he flips himself back, sweeping Craven off his feet and driving him down into the mat with a hurracanrana! The crowd cheers as Wildchild wastes no time, grabbing Craven by the arm and whippping him to the ropes! Craven hits the ropes and flies back, but he ducks an attempted clothesline from Wildchild, sliding behind him and hooking his arms. He lifts Wildchild into the air before forcing him down onto his chest with a ring-rattling full nelson front slam called the Red Fusion!

 

Stevens: Dear Lord, what a move from Craven!

 

Wildchild lays out on the mat, crying in pain, squirming about from the move as Craven stands tall over him... having to endure another round of “CRAVEN SUCKS!” and “EDWIN KNOCK-OFF!!” chants.

 

Riley: THAT’S WHAT I WANNA SEE!!! I wanna see people get hurt! None of this little WWE pussy loser style! More pain equals more gain! Buyrates, that is...

 

Stevens: Bobby, one word: ECW. That’s all I have to say.

 

Riley: You’re right... (trying to start a chant) E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!!! E-C-DUB!!!

 

Stevens: What are you trying to do, Bobby?!?!

 

Riley: Commentate and play to the crowd’s wants. What are you trying to do? Promote the moral majority or some crazy-ass chit like that?

 

Meanwhile, both Zenon and Stryke get to their feet, Zenon a bit faster than the heavy-breathing Stryke, who gasps for air, trying to beat Zenon to his feet. As they get up, both men look at each other, then quickly, without warning, turn 360 degrees and hit each other in the head with the heel of their leg which turned first, both men knocking each other down simultaneously with spinning heel kicks! Suddenly, though...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The lights go out completely, and Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D minor" starts up. After the first few measures (when it gets to the faster part), lots of white lights flash (some strobes too) as Fugue appears and slinks down the ramp, smiling at the crowd.

 

Stevens: And that rounds out the bumpee field as Fugue is former JLer #4 in the Clusterfuck!

 

Riley: *coughcough*FrostChow*coughcough*

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Fugue slides into the ring, looking up, and letting out a war cry, charges at Wildchild as Craven picks him up, nailing him from behind in the back with a clothesline! Wildchild drops to the mat, and Craven smiles as he looks up at Fugue... only to have the former JLer kick him square in the throat! Craven flies back from the blow, landing on his back, clenching his throat as he squirms to the corner and crawls for air, the crowd staring both a “CRAVEN SUCKS!” and a “FUGUE SUCKS!” chant as Fugue begins to isolate Wildchild as a threat, beginning with stomps to the back of the crowd favorite!

 

Stevens: Listen to this crowd stick it to Fugue!

 

Riley: Guess they don’t like the fact Wildchild has to face the music!

 

Stevens sighs and shakes his head at Bobby’s corny comment, as in the ring, Annie Eclectic, with Judge Mental in hand, drives a knee into Judge’s face! She doesn’t let go, driving another one, then another, then another into his face before she lets go of Judge’s head. Judge lets out a whininy cry as he grabs his forehead and staggers back, Annie turning about face and running for the ropes. Hitting them and bouncing off them, Annie flies at Judge, leaping into the air sideways, slamming into Judge’s chest with a flying cross body! The two fall to the mat together in one mass with a thud and a grunt from Annie as they touch down.

 

Stevens: Eclectic on the offensive here as she begins to gradually wear Judge Mental down!

 

Updating the situation with CIA and Danny Williams, CIA has pulled out of chinlock, currently delivering, but we catch only a second of it before he darts to the ropes, hitting them hard. He flies at Williams on the rebound, but Danny catches him and drops him stiffly and quickly to the mat, extended arm hitting CIA with a hooked lariat! Immediately, Williams grabs CIA as he hits the mat, pulling him right back up. Turnign him around, Danny grabs CIA with both arms around the throat, locking in a sleeper hold until he wraps his legs around CIa and falls back, squeezing the breath out of CIA with a sleeper with body scissors-a Doushime Sleeper!

 

Riley: And there goes Danny Williams, trying to bring submission holds into a match tha doesn’t need them... *yawn*... Will someone please throw him out?!?!

 

Back to Fugue as he deals with Wildchild. The Bahaman attempts to get up as Fugue pounds into his head with numerous punches, forcing him back down onto his knees. Once he has Wildchild there, he slants his shoulders downward and grabs Wildchild, sliding him onto his shoulders. Fugue then quickly flips forward, both men landing together on their backs with what could be best described as a reverse Samoan drop! Wildchild cries in pain, but Fugue does not stop there. He picks Wildchild back up, releasing the legs and allwoing Wildchild’s feet to hit the ground. His head slides under Wildchild’s left arm, arms waistlocking the Bahaman as he lifts him up into the air for a Northern Lights suplex near the ropes! However, as Fugue hits this, Wildchild breaks the waistlock and flips in the air, the athletic bumpee flipping onto his feet with his amazing speed as Fugue hits the mat backfirst! Fugue realizes something has gone terribly wrong, but as he sits up, Wildchild grabs Fugue in a front facelock, throws his arm over the back of his neck, grabs and handful of tights and throws him up and onto the ropes with a neckdrop suplex as the timer pops up on the bottom of the screen!!

 

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

Fugue hits the ropes... bounces in one direction...

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

Bounces in one direction...

 

1!!!!

 

And Fugue’s feet hit the ground!

 

Stevens: Fugue is history!

 

--------

-Fugue-

Entered At: #14

Elimination Number: #6

Time Entered: 26:00

Time Eliminated: 27:59

Eliminated By: Wildchild (via neckdrop suplex over the top rope)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Stryke, Michael Craven, Wildchild, Danny Williams, CIA, Alex Zenon

--------

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

The crowd boos like a mo' fo' as we hear a guitar chord, then...

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy...”

 

“Oy!”

 

“Oy!”

 

“Oy!”

 

“Oy!”

 

“OY!”

 

“OY!”

 

“OY!”

 

“OY!”

 

AC/DC's "TNT" kicks in at the first verse as, suddenly, the entrance curtains

begin to ruffle, a dark figure emerging from the backstage area. The figure steps into the sea of red and orange strobe lights, and is illuminated by them, revealed as Taylor Nicholas Thompson. The letters "T-N-T" flash across the Smarktron, just as the voice of the legendary Bon Scott lets out a resounding "Watch me exploooooooooooode!!!!!" that echoes throughout the arena, and the hulking mass that is Taylor Thompson briskly strides down the aisle way, the crowd lunging wadded up trash and empty beer cans at him.

 

Stevens: OH MY GOD!!!! IT’S TNT!!! THOMPSON IS #15!!!

 

Riley: Now don’t act like it’s a surprise. He came back on Storm, remember?

 

Stevens: I know that...

 

Taylor slides under the bottom ropes and into the ring, getting to his feet quicky. His target for now is the closest man to him: Stryke. He hops to his feet, charging at Stryke. Stryke turns around, catching a unexpected big boot to the face from TNT! Stryke drops to the mat, arms laid out as he srunches his face up, the sense knocked out of him by the big boot. TNT, though, grabs hold of Stryke, whipping him up onto his feet. Stryke is grabbed around the head before TNT snapmares him over his shoulder, slamming him into the mat and leaving Stryke sitting up on the mat, though only for a second. In that second, though, TNT drives a stiff knee into the back of Stryke’s neck, forcing him to cry out in pain. Stryke still sits up, crying in pain as TNT grabs him, crowd booing as he forces Stryke down, head between TNT’s legs. TNT leans over, locks in a waistlock, then lifts Stryke up to his shoulders, quickly slamming him on his back with an amazing, ring-shaking snap powerbomb!!!

 

Stevens: TNT is going right to work here, opening up on Stryke with force!

 

Danny still has the sleeper hold locked in, and CIA is reaching a level where he is about to blackout, when Michael Craven runs in, dropkicking Williams to get a small pop from the crowd that is tired of seeing Williams use submission moves. He lands on his back and Craven steps over him, scolding him with:

 

Craven: This isn’t a submissions match, you moron!!! Let me show you how you’re supposed to do it the right way!!!

 

“SLAP!” And with that, Craven bitch slaps the rising Williams. Williams responds quickly, lunging out and grabbing craven by the ankles! Craven is thrown to his back by Danny’s double leg takedown, and Williams mounts Craven, pounding away immediately with rights and left hands into Craven’s face and chest!

 

Riley: Shit, Williams just snapped again!!! First Gus, now Michael Craven! He’s acting like he’s on crazy pills!!!

 

CIA is still down on the mat as Craven throws Williams off of him, grabbing his jaw and checking it to make sure he’s OK. Judge Mental and Annie, near the announcer’s table, continue to battle. As we re-join the battle, we come in just in time to see Annie grab a running Judge, lifting him up before slamming him down on his back with a spinebuster! The crowd pops like crazy, and as Annie, sweat dripping from her face, goes toward the corner and grabs hold of the top rope, the crowd goes absolutely insane! She hops to the top rope, waiting for Judge to get to his feet. The second he does, Annie leaps from the top rope, grabbing him around the head as she attempts a Tornado DDT, but Judge grabs her by the waist and falls back, flipping Annie onto the mat with a thunderous northern lights suplex!!!

 

Stevens: HUGE counter from Judge Mental!!! That northern lights suplex is sure to change the momentum of that brawl!

 

Riley: Yep. I see Annie getting thrown out right about now, only to come back and help a friend win... then get forgotten.

 

Stevens: Bobby, I sent you something for helping me out last year. What else do you want?

 

Riley: For you to go away and never come back. The new Louisville Slugger you gave me wasn’t enough.

 

As Craven gets to his feet, Williams swings his leg around, attempting a spinning heel kick! Craven, though, ducks the kick, and this time, he grabs him from behind, lifting him into the air as if he were executing a Sky High powerbomb from behind. Danny screams out as Craven abruptly slams him chest first into the mat with a reverse Sky High powerbomb!

 

Stevens: SAKE BOMB FROM MICHAEL CRAVEN!!!

 

Riley: SHIT! LOOK AT THAT RING SHAKE! THAT WAS HARD!

 

Craven rolls Danny onto his back, leaving him thre as he springs to his feet while TNT, grabbing hold of Stryke and whipping him to the ropes. As he rebounds, Craven sticks his knee out, clipping Stryke in the gut with it. TNT promptly sticks his arm out and clotheslines Stryke, dropping him to the mat as both men look down at the fallen Aussie. Craven and TNT look up from Stryke, shrug, and both men grab him, lifting him up while the timer pops up again...

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

 

Multiple Fireworks explode around the arena, rafters and entrance ramp. The lights go out...

 

"THIS

 

IS

 

MAH

 

HOUSE!!"

 

The voice, obviously pre recorded, echoes through the arena. Rammstein's "Du Haste" plays over the speakers without the lyrics... The heavy beats thunder 360 degrees all over the arena... JD steps through the curtains, his head down. He walks to the top of the ramp, slowly raising his head. He lowers his head again, although a smile without good intentions is now plastered on his face.

 

Riley: YES!!! FIANLLY!!! A WORTHY CONTENDER!!!

 

Stevens: OH MY GOD!!!! JAY DAWG IS BACK IN TOWN!!!

 

JD slides into the ring, getting to his feet. Craven and TNT have pulled Stryke up, and quickly, both men clutch a hand of Stryke, whipping the Aussie to the ropes. JD, though, charges at Stryke, and as the Aussie hits the ropes, JD thrusts a leg up into his face, knocking Stryke over the top rope and to the floor below!!! As Stryke hits the mat, JD leans over the rope, taunting with:

 

JD: HAHAHA!!! THAT’S RIGHT, BITCH!!! I GOT YOU BACK!!! I... GOT... YOU... BACK!!! SUCK IT!

 

--------

-Stryke-

Entered At: #6

Elimination Number: #7

Time Entered: 10:00

Time Eliminated: 30:11

Eliminated By: Jay Dawg (via Thai Roundhouse kick)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Michael Craven, Wildchild, Danny Williams, CIA, Alex Zenon, TNT, Jay Dawg

--------

 

Meanwhile, Craven and TNT look at each other in disbelief. They don’t believe what JD just did to them, and as they look to each other, they realize they think the same way for now. Both nod, then charge at JD, still in the middle of a taunt. Both leap into the air, nailing JD in the back at the same time! JD flips over the ropes, arms flailing before he lands hard on top of Stryke, he, too, eliminated form the match!

 

--------

-Jay Dawg-

Entered At: #16

Elimination Number: #8

Time Entered: 30:00

Time Eliminated: 30:18

Eliminated By: TNT and Michael Craven (via double dropkick to the back)

Elimnations: Stryke

Left In Ring: Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Michael Craven, Wildchild, Danny Williams, CIA, Alex Zenon, TNT

--------

 

Riley: Aw crap. Jay Dawg’s gone!!!

 

Stevens: Two men gone in under 20 seconds!

 

Riley: The action just picked up!

 

As Craven gets to his feet, a weakened Danny Williams nails Craven from behind with a forearm to the back of the head! Craven stumbles forward, landing flat on his face. Meanwhile, Alex Zenon has been working on Wildchild with a few kicks to soften him up, but now, it gets physical. Alex grabs hold of Wildchild hand, pulling it through Wildchild’s legs for a pumphandle. He then drags him to the turnbuckle, climbing up to the second rope. There, he proceeds to back-roll Wildchild, clinching in a facelock as he passes his head, and drives it down in a DDT, all in one fluid motion!!!!

 

Stevens: Suicide Level Event from Zenon!!!

 

Riley: That’s gonna leave a mark!!!

 

As Craven gets to his feet from the last blow, Danny Williams leaps into the air, leg thrusting out as he knocks Craven back down with a Jumping High Kick. Craven falls to the mat sharply, but Williams quickly grabs hold of Craven’s arms, wrapping his arms around it into a quick armbar! Craven cries out as Williams tears at the arm, twisting it around and pulling it!

 

Riley: He’s got an armbar locked on! Craven’s gonna tap!!!

 

Stevens: Tapping is not an option at this point, Bobby.

 

Riley: It damn well should be. Gives guys like Danny a fightin’ chance!

 

While Danny locks in the armbar on Craven, Judge slowly gets to his feet, as does Annie Eclectic. Judge, though, slowly slides behind Annie and applies a full nelson on her, then lifting her up and falling backwards, dropping Annie on her neck with a full nelson suplex!!! Both Annie and Judge go down as the ring shakes and the crowd gasps in shock, but as they do...

 

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

"You will get yours...

 

you will get yours...

 

you will get yours...

 

you will get yours...

 

YOU WILL GET YOURS!"

 

After the fifth repetition of the opening line of "Cold Contagious" by Bush, an explosion of white pyro goes off on the stage, and then the entrance fills with smoke.  Longdogger Pete steps out and wastes little time getting to the ring, usually walking down the ramp with one arm raised in anticipated victory.  The lyrics continue as he enters the ring:

 

"You have no right to calm me down

You were never that around

And I have missed

Cold contagious

All the mighty mighty men

What you save is what you lose out in the end

Cold contagious

Cold contagious...!"

 

Stevens: OH. MY. GOD. He’s back in the SWF!! He’s back in the SWF!!!

 

Riley: And he’s ready to crumble! At Frost’s hands of course!

 

Stevens: Knock it off already!!!!

 

Riley: It’s the truth. Frost is unstoppable!

 

Stevens: No he’s not.

 

Pete slides into the ring, checking on CIA at first, but TNT grabs him from behind while he does and attempts to throw him immediately out! Pete stops him quickly, though, and as he gets to his feet, hits one, two, three overhand punches, then runs to the ropes, and in Hogan-esqe style, bounces back off them, lifting his leg up into TNT’s face for a huge big boot! TNT falls to the mat instantly as the crowd cheers for Pete! The Floridian, though, quickly makes his way to the nearest turnbuckle, climbing it to the top and turning around. Once there, he makes the shape of an “L” on his forehead, then leaps off, bringing his legs up towards his chest as he drops TNT across the chest with a diving leg drop!!!

 

Stevens: LONGDOGGER LEG DROP!!! It’s great to see that move once more here in the SWF!!!

 

Riley: Did he just give me the loser sign when he was on the top rope? I don’t appreciate that very much, Pete!!!

 

Zenon lifts Wildchild up so he is laying stomach first across Alex's shoulders, a standing fireman's carry. Zenon then falls backwards so that he lands with his upper body on top of Wildchild, who lands back first on the mat from a fallaway slam!

 

Riley: What the hell was that?

 

Stevens: Fallaway slam.

 

Riley: No, I mean, Danny just let Craven out of an armbar!!!

 

Stevens: Looks like he’s pulling Craven to his feet...

 

Riley: But this is Danny Williams we’re talking about!!! The Man of 1,000 Armbars!!!

 

Stevens: The Man of 1,000 Armbars? Puh-lease. Maybe we should call Chris Raynor “Captain POOFNAR”...

 

Riley: I can call him up and ask him-

 

Stevens: Don’t bother.

 

While all this has taken place, Michael Craven, free from the armbar, has been dragged to his feet while Danny Williams runs to the ropes. Hoping to nail him with something big, like a Roaring Elbow. However, as Williams charges at Craven, Mike locks his arms around the waist of Williams. Craven then lifts him off the mat, falling back and releasing Danny, who flies over the top rope and lands outside the ring with a “THUD!”

 

--------

-Danny Williams-

Entered At: #11

Elimination Number: #9

Time Entered: 20:00

Time Eliminated: 33:47

Eliminated By: Jay Dawg (via Thai Roundhouse kick)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Judge Mental, Annie Eclectic, Michael Craven, Wildchild, Danny Williams, CIA, Alex Zenon, TNT, Jay Dawg

--------

 

Riley: And there goes Danny “The Man Of 1,000 Armbars” Williams.

 

Craven begins to celebrate his elimination of Danny, sitting up as Judge Mental grabs Annie for more punishment, when just then...

 

 

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

Suddenly, everything shuts down. All action in the ring stops. No one moves a muscle. The crowd and announcers go silent, staring at the entrance ramp Then “Frost Wants to Kill your Mamma" by Dweezil Zappa kicks up...

 

 

 

And everyone shits their pants.

 

Riley and Stevens: Uh-oh...

 

The monster at #18 steps forth from behind the curtain, his name striking fear into the hearts of many: Frost. He has a slow purposeful stride to the ring and he raises one arm, fist clenched, on the way down to the crowd, who starts to boo. He has no fancy pyro or lighting effects. He’s a man who likes to get down to business. And tonight, that’s winning the Clusterfuck. Five men step out in front to take care of him: CIA, Craven, TNT, Zenon, and Pete. Judge, who has Annie in his grasp, stops to turn around and watch Frost along with Wildchild, who liek the others, trembles in fear. He grinds his Santa Clara 1830 on on the guardrail, throws it into the crowd, and smirks, laughing under his breath. As the crowd throws the cigar back, Frost enters the ring... and mayhem ensues.

 

Stevens: They’re all going after Frost!!! They know he’s the favorite to win this match with his size and strength!

 

Riley: I put $500 on him in Vegas. He’d BETTER win.

 

The five waiting for Frost jump him immediately, pounding him to the mat with elbows, clenched fists, and stomps of the boot. They force Frost to the mat, kicking and clawing at the big man, trying to wear him down. And then... it happens. The kicks and punches stomp working. Zenon is the first to feel it as a mighty shove from Frost throws him back against the ropes, falling through them, but grabbing onto them to keep himself from being eliminated! CIA is next, as Frost catches him with an uppercut that knocks him off his feet and to the mat! Craven gets smashed with a back fist punch to the gut that throws him to the mat, and as Frost gets to his feet, he thrusts his leg out into Pete’s chest, sending him down to the mat! TNT jumps on his former partner, grabbing him by the throat as he jumps on his back, but Frost grabs TNT’s arms and flips him over his head, slamming him back-first into the mat as he dispatches of all five men for the time being! Even the crowd has to cheer for such an amazing feat of strength and vitality!!!

 

Stevens: Simply amazing! Frost just fought off FIVE men!

 

Riley: Didn’t I say he was unstoppable?

 

Meanwhile, as Judge is distracted by all of this...

 

 

Annie punches him in the gut, causing Judge to bend down! Annie quickly hooks both his arms as the crowd pops, setting him up for her finishing move, The Daybreak...

 

 

 

 

But Frost charges across the ring, arm thrown out, and catapults Annie over the top rope and out of the ring with a clothesline from Hell, the Hell Freezes Over!

 

--------

-Annie Eclectic-

Entered At: #4

Elimination Number: #10

Time Entered: 6:00

Time Eliminated: 34:26

Eliminated By: Frost (via Clothesline from Hell)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Judge Mental, Michael Craven, Wildchild, CIA, Alex Zenon, TNT, Longdogger Pete, Frost

--------

 

Riley: Annie’s been eliminated! One Carnie down, two to go!

 

Judge smiles as he sees Annie lying outside the ring, breathing a sigh of relief as he turns around...

 

 

 

 

Until Frost grabs him around the throat, lifting him into the air, and throws him, too, over the top rope, right on top of Annie’s body!!!

 

Stevens: And there goes Judge Mental!!!

 

--------

-Judge Mental-

Entered At: #2

Elimination Number: #11

Time Entered: 0:00

Time Eliminated: 34:31

Eliminated By: Frost (via Choke Toss)

Elimnations: Johnny Dangerous

Left In Ring: Michael Craven, Wildchild, CIA, Alex Zenon, TNT, Longdogger Pete, Frost

--------

 

From off camera, Wildchild charges at Frost, nailing him in the back with a forearm, and then some punches, but Frost remains uop the whole time, and all he has to do is spin around and slam his fist into Wildchild’s head to knock him down to the mat fast!

 

Stevens: Frost seems to be on the defensive so far-

 

Riley: It’s a only a matter of time before he clears the ring, Mark. Get over the fact that your little Carnie budies aren’t gonna win!

 

Quickly, though, the other five left in the ring return to what they were doing before: wearing Frost down. They back Frost up into a corner, and for the next thirty seconds, each man takes a turn in laying whatever they’ve got to Frost. Zenon contributes kicks to the head, while Craven delivers a few palm strikes and kicks to the chest. Pete adds in a few slow overhand punches, CIA catches Frost with two spinning kicks, and TNT delivers a dropkick to Frost’s knee, followed by two stomps from Craven.

 

Stevens: The plan seems to be to wear down Frost to the point where he can’t move anymore.

 

Riley: Well, duh... wouldn’t you do the same thing? No wait... you’d play hide and sneak and screw Neilsen over to win. What did he ever do to you?

 

Stevens: He did nothing... and you helped me win. You said so yourself.

 

Riley: Worst mistake I’ve ever made, since it gave you that cocky-ass attitude...

 

The men take a break from beating Frost for a second, though, allwoing him to get to his feet, and slowly, Frost pulls himself up, brushes his shoulder up, and scowls. Without warning, he strikes. First, he gets TNT, grabbing him across the chest before he slams him to the mat with a Rock Bottom!! TNT cries in pain as his former tag partner gets to his feet, kicking Zenon hard in the groin, Alex dropping to the ground while his Carnie friend comes to his aid. Frost, though, manages to get a grip on CIA’s throat, and lifting him up, carries him to the ropes before throwing him over and to the ground outside the ring!

 

--------

-CIA-

Entered At: #12

Elimination Number: #12

Time Entered: 22:00

Time Eliminated: 35:29

Eliminated By: Frost (via Chokeslam over ropes)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Michael Craven, Wildchild, Alex Zenon, TNT, Longdogger Pete, Frost

--------

 

Stevens: There goes CIA! Only 5 eliminations left to go!

 

Riley: And two more victims for Frost, one of them being Tod deKindes!

 

As Pete reaches up, grabbing Frost around the neck with both arms and locking in a sleeper! The crowd pops as Frost’s arms frantically wave in the air, the big man trying to release himself from the hold! Pete tightens it, Craven moving to the front side to add in a few punches to Frost ribs while Pete locks in the hold. Frost begins to slip down towards the mat, trying to fight through the hold, but the more he struggles, the more he wraps himself in the hold. Frost begins to go down... down... down... right down onto the mat! Pete releases the hold once Frost hits the mat, allowing Frost to fall back onto his back! Meanwhile, perched on the top rope is TNT, and as Pete releases Frost from the hold, TNT flies from the top rope, his elobw flying out as he slaps his bicep a la Shawn Michaels, smashing into Frost’s chest with a hard top rope elbow drop!

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

As TNT gets up from the elbow drop, 'Cold' by Static-X begins to play while smoke starts to fill the entrance way and blinding strobe lights fill the arena. With the XF9 logo interspersed in his entrance video, Tod deKindes calmly walks out, clad in his trenchcoat, and stops under the Smarktron to throw random looks at the crowd. He throws a "What-ever" smirk at the crowd and walks down, hounding fans with his meaningless boasting facts, one being:

 

Tod: My GPA in high school was a 3.35! I bet you can’t even count that high!

 

Tod laughs as an aggravated fan tries to jump at him and attack him, security holding back. He’s not through, though, deciding he wants to have some more fun with the fans. And so, he haggles them some more with more useless factoids!

 

Stevens: *sigh* Well, here’s Tod...

 

Riley: YEAH!!! TODSKI!!! MY BOY!!! GO GET ‘EM!!!

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

While Tod taunts the fans, TNT, with the help of Craven, grabs Frost and pulls him up. He forces him down and hooks his arms, ready to liftin him up for a stiff sit-out underhook powerbomb...

 

 

 

The only problem being TNT can’t actually lift Frost. But Frost can, and does, lift TNT up on his shoulders as he sits up, grabbing both of TNT’s legs and throwing him to the mat with a sidewalk slam variation! TNT hits the mat amazingly hard, the ring shaking violently upon impact. Craven, like the coward he is, runs for the hills, grabbing a rising Wildchild and shoving him towards the angry giant. Pete tries to stop him, but Frost snaps around, clenching him with his left hand. Meanwhile, at the same time, Wildchild staggers forward, and looking up sees Frost. The Icelandic Monster does not differentiate friend from foe, though, and in a matter of seconds, Wildchild, too, is grasped around the throat, lifted into the air with Pete, and both men are slammed to the mat on the receiving end of a double chokeslam!!! Both men bounce hard off the mat as Frost begins to break into a sweat with the other competitors, the crowd booing for slamming Pete and Wildchild into the mat. As Frost begins to get booed...

 

“CLANK!”

 

A steel chair swings into his back and the monster lets out a ferocious scream, collapsing to his knees! “CLANK!” Another shot fires off, and Frost is on his chest, rolling onto his back to prevent further attack. Bad idea. The attacker lifts the chair up, swinging it-“CLANK!”-into Frost’s chest-“CLANK!”-again-“CLANK!”-and again-“CLANK!”-and again! The crowd both cheers and boos, depending on how they view it, as Stevens points and screams...

 

Stevens: Craven’s attacking Frost with that steel chair!!! Dammit, someone stop him!!!

 

Riley: If what Annie did was legal, then this sure as hell is legal! So stop yer bitching!!!

Stevens: Craven’s got an unfair advantage!!!

 

Riley: He’s obviously been studying his heelanomics, Mark!

 

On the ramp, Tod continues to haggle the fans, as he has for maybe the past minute or so. Once he's had his fun, Tod slides in under the bottom rope, and springs up, ready to join the action. In the mean time, Wildchild staggers to his feet, falling backwards towards the ropes. Tod, seeing opportunity, attempts to attack Wildchild, but with a swift knee, Wildchild stuns him! Grabbing Tod’s hand, Wildchild leaps to the top rope and begins to walk the rope like the Undertaker, possibly setting him up for a DDT or hurracanrana. However, as Wildchild stands on the top rope, Alex Zenon, somewhat able to catch his breath while the others worked on Frost, charges at Wildchild, leaping into the air. Instead of hitting a dropkick, though, he swings his right knee around, Zenon’s knee slamming into the side of Wildchild’s head as he takes him down with a Shining Wizard! Wildchild’s falls off the ropes, and as a result, the bumpee lands hard outside the ring!!!

 

--------

-Wildchild-

Entered At: #10

Elimination Number: #13

Time Entered: 18:00

Time Eliminated: 37:22

Eliminated By: Alex Zenon (via Shining Wizard)

Elimnations: Fugue

Left In Ring: Michael Craven, Alex Zenon, TNT, Longdogger Pete, Frost, Tod deKindes

--------

 

Stevens: That’s gonna do it for the JLers!!!

 

Riley: They’re just lucky they weren’t Frost Chow...

 

As Wildchild lies outside the ring, though, the crowd boos as Ejiro Fasaki and Fugue, both M7 members, hop over the guardrail surrounding the ring and move towards Wildchild. Stabnding over the fallen bumpee, Fasaki and Fugue joke and laugh while Wildchild attempts to get up, a quick stomp from one of the men able to knock him back down. Fasaki bends over, laughing and grabbing Wildchild as they pull him to his feet, though as they do...

 

POW! Fasaki is knocked to the ground as the crowd goes nuts! He drops Wildchild, the mystery man being revealed as...

 

Stevens: It’s Johnny Dangerous!!! He’s come to save his tag team partner!!!

 

Dangerous begins to wail away at Fasaki, throwing anything he can. Punches, kicks, knees: Dangerous hits at least one of each on Fasaki. Fugue tries to grab Wildchild, but before he can, Wildchild leaps off his knees, arm extended as he sends Fugue flying back into the guardrail, both men flipping over it as a result of the clothesline!

 

5!!!!

 

 

4!!!!

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

1!!!!

 

 

BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

Stevens: And this is gonna do it for entrants, which means it’s Mak Francis time!!!

 

The house lights shut off as the wispy sounds of a digital xylophone echo throughout the arena. You can feel the pulsation of the light dings, as a hard beat done by violins, suddenly strikes up slightly overshadowing the original background rhythm.

 

“So do you wanna’ be a Franchise… And live large… A big house… five cars…”

 

The SmarkTron flares up with a blue and white photonegative image of Mak Francis, which is followed by ‘The Franchise’ in large green lettering, flashing on the screen in time with the beat.

 

“The rent charge… Comin’ up in the world, don’t trust nobody… Gotta’ look over your shoulder constantly!”

 

As the opening lyrics from Rock Superstar by Cypress Hill, slightly altered of course, blare over the PA system, it takes a little while but eventually the self proclaimed franchise makes his way through the curtain. The lights come back up and Francis comes out onto the stage, tilting his shades down on the bridge of his nose, before looking left and then right…

 

“I remember the days, when I was a young kid grownin’ up… Lookin’ in the mirror dreamin’ about blowin’ up!”

 

That cues multiple short bursts of green pyrotechnics erupting from either side of him. He readjusts his shades with a smirk, before slowly strolling down to ringside and sliding under the bottom rope.

 

Riley: How’d you come to that conclusion?

 

Stevens: He’s the only one who’s entered who hasn’t come out!!!

 

Riley: Shoot... I was hoping it’d be Chris Raynor or someone special and great like that...

 

Frost is still down, clenching his ribs while Craven throws the steel chair across the ring into empty space. He grabs hold of Frost and pulls him to his feet. At this time, Frost begins to assert control in the ring among the survivors. His first action is to block Craven’s hard right, countering with a jab of his own! Craven fades back, but Frost grabs him by the arm, and with a quick tug, Irish whips him into the corner! Craven hits it, staggering back out instantly from just the force of the whip and the impact in the corner, allowing Frost to step forward, grab Craven around the head, lfit him up, and fall back, dropping him into an inverted DDT!!! Craven hits the mat hard and stays down as Frost gets back up onto his feet. TNT flies in to attack him with a lifting knee, but Frost dodges, grabbing TNT by the arm and whipping him towards another corner. TNT hits it as Frost charges after him, leaping at him like Vader before he squishes TNT into the corner with a huge body avalanche splash!!! Frost backs off, allowing TNT to stagger forward, but as he does, Frost grabs TNT around the head and falls back like he did to Craven, dropping TNT to the mat with a DDT as well!!!

 

Riley: Looks like my boy Frost is gonna make me $500 richer!!

 

Stevens: If he keeps up like that, he sure will!!!

 

Outside the ring, Wildchild and Fugue fight in the crowd as security rushes towards them, while Dangerous’ punches have left Fasaki a little woozy. Dangerous is crouched a few feet from Fasaki, winding up for a move!! Fasaki begins to fall forward a little, but just as he starts to move, Dangerous nails a superkick that catches Ejiro right under the jaw!! He flips back, landing hard against the guardrail, but before Dangerous can cause any more harm, security separates both him and Wildchild from the M7 members, escorting all four bumpees away from ringside as the crowd cheers loudly for Dangerous and Wildchild!!

 

Stevens: And even the fresh bumpees from the JL are brawling with each other!!! We can expect a lot of good things to come from these four!!!

 

Back in the ring, Frost is dealing with Alex Zenon, who caught the unsuspecting giant with a dropkick to the back of the head, and as the two tie-up in what should be a brief grapple, Tod deKindes slithers over towards the still-down TNT. He grabs the Explosive One, hositing him up by his head, and holding onto that head, runs to the ropes, launching TNT over the top rope and to the floor outside in such a cheap manner, the crowd’s boos drown out a small chant of “LET’S GO ZENON!!!”

 

--------

-TNT-

Entered At: #15

Elimination Number: #14

Time Entered: 28:00

Time Eliminated: 39:30

Eliminated By: Tod deKindes (via cheap throw over the top rope)

Elimnations: Jay Dawg

Left In Ring: Michael Craven, Alex Zenon, Longdogger Pete, Frost, Tod deKindes, Mak Francis

--------

 

Stevens: What a cheap elimination by Tod deKindes!!! That’s almost as bad as Ejiro’s interference that caused Johnny Dangerous to be knocked out!!!

 

Riley: That wasn’t cheap! It was resourceful!

 

Tod celebrates joyfully, pumping his fists in jubilation until Longdogger Pete cuts him off with a hard right hand to the temple! The crowd pops as the “Sole Survivor” of XF9 is thrown back by the blow onto his feet, scrambling to get back up! Tod manages to get to his feet again, but not before Pete grabs him by the head and pounds away, hitting one, two, thre, four overhand punches on Tod’s head, followed by a kick to the midsection or two. As soon as Pete finishes up with that, he grabs Tod and lifts him up into the air on top of his hands, holding him overhead for a press slam!

 

Stevens: He’s going for the Musclehead Slam!!! If he hits this, it’s over for Tod deKindes!!!

 

Meanwhile, almost simultaneously, Frost copies Pete’s move, lifting Zenon into the air, and as Pete slams Tod down with the Musclehead Slam, Frost throws Zenon over the top rope and to the ground outside the ring with a press slam of his own!

 

Stevens: There goes Zenon!!! We’re down to five!!!

 

Riley: Only four people stand in the way of Frost’s victory!

 

--------

-Alex Zenon-

Entered At: #13

Elimination Number: #15

Time Entered: 24:00

Time Eliminated: 40:09

Eliminated By: Frost (via body press over top rope)

Elimnations: Wildchild

Left In Ring: Michael Craven, Longdogger Pete, Frost, Tod deKindes, Mak Francis

--------

 

Tod sits up from the blow, grabbing his back and screaming in pain as Pete reaches down to grab him. Tod backs off, scooting back on his BUTT and waving his hands in order to get Pete to lay off, but to no avail. Pete backs him against the ropes, and that’s when the cornered deKindes strikes, lifting his leg into Pete’s lower extremities, stunning the Doggah with a huge low blow! Pete falls back quickly as Tod gets to his feet, now forced to deal with a whipped Michael Craven, Frost having whipped him across the ring after he tried to jump him. Tod quicly drops down, pulling on the ropes just as Mike is about to hit them!

 

Stevens: Tod’s pulling the ropes down so Craven goes over them!

 

Riley: And another one bites the dust!

 

Craven is flipped over the rope...

 

Stevens: There goes Michael Craven!

 

But he grabs the rope, catching himself and allowing himself to land on the apron of the ring as Tod turns away from Craven to deal with Pete!

 

Stevens: Craven just saved himself from elimination!!!

 

Riley: Dammit!!! That should count as an elimination!!! Screw the rules!!!

 

Tod laughs as he turns from Craven. He immediately taunts the crowd with the traditional DX chop, making an X with his arms before he tells the crowd to suck it. The crowd boos, and he laughs, but not for long, as when he gets to his feet, he notices Craven is NOT gone, but perched on the thrid rope, and as he leaps off, he flips slightily, grabbing Tod around the head and driving him into the mat with a flipping neckbreaker!!! Both men bounce up into a sitting position, but as Craven gets up, Longdogger Pete is there to assist him!! Craven’s old friend helps him to his feet while Tod crawls for the ropes, crying in pain as he slowly pulls himself up, while the crowd begins an “X FORCE NINE!!!” chant.

 

Stevens: They’re calling for it!! They’re calling for an XF9 reunion!!

 

The two men look at Tod, and to a pop from the crowd, cross their arms into an X, as is tradition for X Force Nine members!.

 

Riley: Hey, what are they discussing?!?!

 

Stevens: Perhaps a way to eliminate Tod, Bobby?

 

Riley: Nah. They wouldn’t do that, would they? Their own friend?

 

Stevens: Friend? He claims to be the sole survivor of the stable they helped build and put on the map!

 

Craven and Pete both run to the opposite ropes, their plan decided only moments earlier. The two men together charge at Tod as he gets up, both men catching him in the chin with a double team clothesline, sending Tod flipping over the ropes!

 

--------

-Tod deKindes-

Entered At: #19

Elimination Number: #16

Time Entered: 36:00

Time Eliminated: 40:40

Eliminated By: Michael Craven and LDP (via double clothesline)

Elimnations: TNT

Left In Ring: Frost, Michael Craven, Longdogger Pete, Mak Francis

--------

 

As Craven and Pete high-five each other for a second and the crowd pops, Mak Francis charges at one of the two, arm extended for a clothesline over the top! Craven ducks, though, and pulling on the ropes, sends Mak Francis over them, Mak hitting the floor outside the ring to a huge pop from the crowd!

 

--------

-Mak Francis-

Entered At: #20

Elimination Number: #17

Time Entered: 38:00

Time Eliminated: 40:45

Eliminated By: Michael Craven (via pulling the top rope down and falling over it)

Elimnations: None

Left In Ring: Frost, Michael Craven, Longdogger Pete

--------

 

Stevens: And there goes the last elimination!!! This match now becomes a triple threat!!! First pinfall or submission wins!! The winner will be either Longdogger Pete, Frost, or Michael Craven!!!

 

Riley: Frost is going to flat out win this match.

 

Stevens: Me, too, Bobby. Frost is really starting to look strong... but he looks to be a bit worn down!

 

Riley: That’s not exhaustion!!! It’s... uhhh... a special Icelandic technique to fool the opponent into thinking you’re exhausted!!! That’s all it is.

 

Frost turns to take on the two XF9ers, but as he does...

 

“CLANK!” Craven nails Frost in the head with the steel chair, denting the seat before Craven drops it as Frost drops to the mat.

 

Stevens: WHAT A CHAIR SHOT!!! Frost has to be out cold!!!

 

As Pete turns to Craven, Mike quickly slides him onto his shoulders, then swings him over his right shoulder, head lodging between Mike’s legs as Craven sits down, dropping Pete head first onto the mat with an inverted cradle Samoan driver into the mat!

 

Stevens: Breaking Point! Craven nails Pete with that driver, and the Doggah is out cold on the mat! Dammit!

 

Riley: I think the reunion might be over...

 

The crowd explodes in boos as Pete lies on the mat, breathing heavily as Craven sits up on the mat, breathing heavily as well, his head throbbing in pain. Through it all, though, he persists, finding and scooping the steel chair from before up as he gets to his feet.

 

Stevens: Craven has Pete right where he wants him! It looks like he may be considering his options!

 

Riley: He needs to do something now before he gets up!

 

But his mind is already made up. He quickly turns, leaping over the injured body of Longdogger Pete, and in one motion, LEAPS from the canvas to the top rope, holding the across his chest so the chair's legs point towards his feet, seat facing outward, hands on the sides of the chair. Without delay, Craven leaps into the air, flipping backwards as he flies thorugh the air and slams into Pete into a moonsault! The chair slams into Pete’s chest, and with a “CLANK!”/“THUD!” hybrid sound, Craven nails an impressive chairsault as Longdogger Pete screams in pain!

 

Stevens: CHAIRSAULT! CHAIRSAULT FROM CRAVEN! MY GOD, THE INHUMANITY!!! THE HORROR!!!

 

Riley: I loved it! It was simply amazing!!!

 

As Pete lies on the mat in pain, Craven discards the chair, covering Pete quickly for what could be the final pin of the match!

 

 

ONE!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!

 

 

NO!!!! Frost, recovered somewhat from Craven’s chair shot, pulls Craven off of Pete, throwing him back! Craven is stunned by the turn of events as the crowd pops a teent tiny bit, as well as boos Frost, Mike trying to get to his feet.

 

Stevens: HE ALMOST HAD PETE!!! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!!!

 

Riley: Then believe it. Craven and Pete won’t win: Frost is invincible!!!

 

Frost decides to help Craven to his feet, but not how he wanted it. Frost lifts Craven up over his head. He makes his way to the nearest corner, then drops him face first into the turnbuckle!

 

Stevens: Snake Eyes to Craven!!! That’s gotta be all she wrote for Michael Craven!

 

Craven’s head bounces hard off the turnbuckle and he slams onto the mat back first, Frost grabbing Craven and pulling him to his feet like he was as light as air. He then grabs Craven, lifting him up before slamming him down on his back with a standing spinebuster! Craven’s back slams hard into the mat and he cries out, but Frost has one more thing in store for Mike as he stands over his prone body. Grabbing Craven, Frost lifts him up over his shoulder so Craven is facing upwards. This is followed by Frost holding Craven in place and spinning around a few times, then he stops spinning around with Craven, dropping him back first into the mat as he slams him down with a airplane spin slam!

 

Stevens: OOOOOOOHHHHH!!! OH MY GOD! WHAT A SLAM! CRAVEN IS DOWN AND OUT! THIS MIGHT BE IT!

 

Riley: YES! HAHAHAHA! That’s my boy!

 

Stevens: FROST IS TOO MUCH FOR BOTH MEN! THEY CAN’T WIN!

 

As Frost gets to his feet, he pumps his fist into the air for only a second before it comes back down, Frost jumping off the ground. The crowd in the arena boos loudly as the big man spins himself around, pulling his legs up into a sitting position before he comes down hard on Craven, practically crushing his chest with a monster spinning leg drop! Craven lets out a scream of pain as Frost lands on him, and maybe, nearly snaps every rib in his chest!

 

Stevens: DEAR GOD! FROST MAY HAVE CRUSHED CRAVEN WITH THAT LEG DROP! HE’S DONE FOR!

 

ONE!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!! PETE BREAKS IT UP WITH A LEG DROP ACROSS FROST’S NECK! The crowd pops like crazy as The Doggah and The Icelandic Monster both lie on the mat, then slowly get to their feet, the crowd coming alove, chanting “LET’S GO PETE! LET’S GO PETE!”

 

Stevens: THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET!! LDP is mounting a comeback over Frost!!!

 

Riley: Not if I can help it!

 

Riley stands up out of his seat, grabbing his chair as he tries to go into the ring to help out Frost, but someone grabs hold of his shoulder and holds him in his place. As he turns around to see who it is...

 

 

 

“POW!” A fist flies into Bobby Riley’s face! Riley drops the chair and drops to the mat, curling up almost instantly in the fetal position, tears streaming from his eyes while Stevens shakes his hand in a minor amount of pain.

 

Stevens: I’m sorry, Bobby, but you’re not screwing with the finish this year!!!

 

Riley(sniveling): Owwww... I want my Mommy...

 

As both men get to their feet, Frost takes a small charge at Pete, but LDP jumps up vertically at Frost and slams him down onto the mat, pinning him to the mat with a Lou Thesz Press!!!! Pete begins to pound away with some huge right hands into Frost’s chest cavity and face, but Frost quickly throws Pete off of him, The Doggah landing on his back, but getting up rather quickly onto his feet, the crowd behind him 100%. As Frost gets to his feet, Pete ducks down and quickly slides him onto his shoulders, falling back while slamming him into the mat with a Samoan Drop! Frost clutches his side as he begins to slowly rise up, Pete getting to his feet faster. Frost remains bent over forward as Pete backs up a few feet, then takes a step forward, lifting his leg straight up in the air before he drops it down on the back of the head of Frost with a scissors kick!!!

 

Riley: Shit! Scissors kick to Frost! Get up, you oaf!!! Get up and fight like a man!!! I’ve got money on you!!!

 

Frost drops quicky to the mat, hitting his chest as he cries out in pain, clutching his ribs. As Pete stands over Frost, though, he signals to the crowd for one final move to end it all and win the Clusterfuck!!!

 

Stevens: HE’S GOING FOR IT!!! LDP IS GOING FOR IT ALL!! If I’m not mistaken, he’s going to hit his finisher when Frost gets to his feet!!!

 

Pete stalks down Frost as he slowly recovers from the last blow, the Frozen One looking a bit tired after having been worn down by the other competitiors, all of them hell-bent on making sure he doesn’t win and they do. Pete screams at Frost, motioning at him to get up. The Icelandic Monster turns, staggering towards the waiting Pete, and the instant he gets within range, Longdoger Pete promptly kicks him in the gut and hooks his arms as Frost bends over. Quickly, he lifts Frost up off his feet and falls back, executing a double arm DDT! Frost’s head slams ito the mat hard as the crowd goes nuts upon seeing the execution of the move!

 

Stevens: LONGDOGGER CLOGGER!! LONGDOGGER CLOGGER!!! PIN HIM, PETE!!! YOU’VE GOT THIS WON!!!

 

But as Pete gets to his feet, slowly turning around and rolling Frost over to pin him, the crowd electrified ...

 

 

 

 

 

WHAM!!! From out of the blue, Craven lifts his leg up into Pete’s crotch, the toe catching the Doggah’s family jewels! He falls to his knees as a result, eyes open, voice screaming as one half of the former 2-time JL Tag/Stables Champions collapses forward onto the mat. The other half of that team smiles.

 

Stevens: OH MY GOD!!! CRAVEN JUST SCREWED PETE!!! CRAVEN JUST SCREWED PETE!! DAMN YOU, MICHAEL CRAVEN!!!

 

Riley: That’s the best decision Craven’s made all match! He’s in this for himself!!!

 

Craven grabs Pete by his balding head and pants, pulling him to his feet, and as he looks down to the outside of the ring, takes one step forward, throwing his old tag partner through the space between the top and middle ropes! Pete’s body flies thorugh them, doing a tumbling flip in mid-air before coming down hard with a slap and a thud into the concrete ground below! Pete bellows in pain momentarily... and then, he falls back, clutching his back as Craven turns around.

 

Stevens: DAMMIT, PETE HAD THIS WON!!!

 

Riley: Well, it looks like he’s lying out on the floor in pain right now!!!

 

The crowd is ripping into him by now, both booing him and starting a small chant of “ED-WIN KNOCK-OFF!!! *clap-clap-clapclapclap*”, but Craven doesn’t seem to care as he turns his attention back to Frost, sweat pouring off of his face.

 

Stevens: What in the hell is he gonna do here?!?!

 

As Craven whips his head back around, he notes Frost, laid out now on his back, body parallel to the ropes facing the entrance way, about, oh, four or five feet between Frost’s body and the ropes. There’s a chance here, a chance Craven’s got to take. He’s never going to get an opportunity like this again. He’s put in too much, been in here too long to throw it all away now.

 

Wasting no time, Craven charges towards Frost, leaping over the body of the 2-to-1 Vegas favorite, the 25-to-1 underdog landing on the middle rope, Immediately, Ketchum springboards and leaps high off the middle rope... and boy, do we mean he gets some height on this one! He pivots his body around to face Frost in mid-air as he flips forward. There is no delay today as he flips the full 360-odd degrees, legs whipping around, ankles tucked under his thighs like he was praying as he smashes into Frost with tremendous force, nailing a Shooting Star Knee Drop into Frost’s ribs! The resulting blow lets out a thunderous thud, almost like a gunshot, and as the ring shakes, we can bet that it felt like one to Frost. The crowd practically shits their pants as they lay witness to a springboard Shooting Star Knee Drop from Craven to Frost!!!

 

Stevens: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!

 

Riley: HOLY SHIT!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

 

Upon impact, Craven purposely falls forward onto Frost, hooking the giant’s leg with quite possibly the last of his energy. The ref, briefly distracted as he looks to the still down Pete and makes sure he’s OK, hears the move beign executed, turning around just in time to see the pin. Immediately, as the crowd remains dead in total shock, he starts to count....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

Stevenms: Kickout, Frost, kick out!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stevens: KICKOUT!!!

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

And it’s over.

 

Funyon: Your 2003 Clusterfuck winner at 44 minutes, 26 seconds, and the #1 Contender to the SWF World Championship... MICHAEL CRAVEN!!!

 

Stevens: God damn, what a tragedy!!! Longdogger Pete had this match won, but that weasel, Craven, low blowed him and threw him out of the ring!!!

 

Riley: And I lost my $500. Dammit.

 

The crowd boos as “Cochise” kicks up in the background, a huge “EDWIN KNOCK-OFF!” chant firing up again as Craven falls onto his back, all smiles, his breathing deep and long. He puts one finger into the air, showing he’s #1. The ref is signaling for medical personnel, though, to check on the men. Outside,Pete is still in pain.

 

Riley: But what a match!!! Everybody came out here and gave 150% and the fans loved every minute of it!! Even if Frost lost and I lost money!

 

Stevens: What a Montreal screwjob ending, this was, but, as always, I love the match... except the ending...

 

A quick shot of the announcer’s table, where we see Grand Slam looking on like a spectator to a catastophe, and then there’s Bobby Riley, who is all smiles, even with the black eye beginning to form and the large swelling red spot on his forehead.

 

Stevens: I still don’t believe it... dammit...

 

Riley: While my partner finishes bitching and while we get things cleaned up around here, we’ll go to commercial, but next, it’s an all out battle between our two warriors for the World Title tonight, El Luchador Magnifico and “The Superior One” Tom Flesher!! So stay tuned!

 

Just before the camera cuts away, it focuses on the face of the winner one more time. He is just barely awake, still laughing as the arm falls back to the mat, a weak smile spread across Craven’s face before his eyes close up and we fade off into a commercial...

[Guest Longdogger_Pete]

/me marks like a devil at all the BNL references...