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TSM Weekend Newsflash

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Guest TSMAdmin

Wassup, freaks? Guess who’s back and FLU-FREE, BABY!!! Yeah, yours truly spent damn near the entire week afflicted with the fucking flu. And I must say, the one thing probably worse than the flu itself is the goddamn MEDICINE. I swear, I got sick on Saturday, took the medicine at like 12 noon on Sunday, and didn’t wake up til 2:45 am on Monday. Now how fucked up is that? I was even told that I was so out of it that not even my friends kicking me in the side didn’t even stir me once. So yeah, I slept through Choke Bowl 2003(I later watched it since a friend of mine taped it) and I can safely say that the game itself wasn’t jack compared to the post-game bitching by the Raiders, most notably by Jerry Porter, and to be truthful, underneath all the bile and bitterness, he did have a valid point, but that’s neither here nor there and now the Raiders are fixing to get seriously buttfucked by the salary cap, so I hope they enjoyed their SB festivities because it may be a while yet before they go back again.



On the wrestling side of things, while I DID watch Smackdown, my VCR decided to start eating up tapes the day before, so I couldn’t tape it nor Lupin the Third and Inuyasha(MOTHERFUCKER!). So, I’ve kinda spent my last couple of days trying to fix the bitch ass machine and it ain’t doin’. God, I don’t want to waste my precious anime DVD dollars on buying another goddamn VCR. Man, life sucks sometimes. Okay, I’m back from my tangent… fucking flu medicine. Anyways, I was watching TNA on Wednesday for the first time in weeks and I came to this conclusion: I really fucking HATE Vince Russo. You’d think that he would take a hint and build someone else up as top heel and stop hauling in old-timers, but OH NO! That’s not the Russo Way, BAHGAWD~! Everybody who claims that Russo is doing great things with this company when he’s made himself the top heel AGAIN can blow me. At least he hasn’t booked himself into a NWA Title match yet, but I wouldn’t put it past them at this point. Also, there’s one thing that’s made me think that all is not lost and that’s A.J. Styles’ awesome character now, although I could have done without Larry Loser kicking his ass in their last match. Even if it did get rid of Mortimer Plumtree for good, A.J.’s better off on his own and hanging another albatross on his neck is no way to build a future star, dammit!



On the WWE side of things, there’s been rumblings that WM 19 will be main evented by another Rock/Austin rematch. Honestly, I’d love to see the match, especially if both guys bring their “A” games to Seattle, but come ON, Brock/Angle should be the main event, period. No ifs, no ands, no buts. If I were setting up the WM uppercard(basically the last 4 matches), I’d start off with HBK/Jericho, then do HHH/Whoever(choke on THAT, Hunter), then Rock/Austin, and finally, Brock/Angle. But then there’s the whole pesky Goldturd deal and his eventual appearance(stop lying to yourself, you know he’s going to come) to be “highlighted” by Rock/Goldturd at Maina and probably Backlash, which would really, really suck considering that Turd boy hasn’t exactly gotten better the longer he’s in the business.






Okay, now that we’ve got all the other crap out of the way, IT’S TIME FOR THE NEWS!




TSM Weekend Newsflash



Columnist’s Note: Unless told other wise, all news items come from Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer




Jones is a WHAT?


Yes, after all that hype and the spooky video packages, Nathan Jones is apparently coming in as a face as he’s teaming with Chris Benoit now(What the FUCK?) and worked as a face against Mattitude last week. Okay, lemme get this straight… After WEEKS of showing us these vid packages talking about how Nathan was the scourge of some backwoods Aussie prison(no disrespect intended towards Austrailians) and those creepy promos where he’s talking gibberish(I still have no clue what the hell he’s talking about), he’s coming in as a FACE? I know the WWE booking team is full of blind, shit-throwing monkeys and all, but COME ON NOW! Presenting the guy as some lunatic ex-con and then having him come in as a good guy is DUMB SHIT BOOKING! It’s bad enough with bitter geezers like Johnny Ace bury a budding star due to petty bullshit, but this is stuff they should get right ALL THE TIME. Maybe Heyman’s old ECW tendencies are rubbing off on them or something… or maybe they are just really fucking stupid, take your pick.






RAW whips Smackdown!’s ASS


Well, I guess there goes one justifiable reason to bring Austin back… Smackdown clocked in with a 3.2 last week, which means that it was RAW’s personal bitch(which is like the first time in months that RAW has blown away SD! in the ratings. I really think that this may be a one time thing since GeezerMania has been announced for the next Smackdown show, so unless RAW puts together a real blowaway show(HAH!), expect things to go back to their usual doldrums within 2 weeks.






Ahhhhh, My Quad, Part 2


Like you couldn’t tell by the title. Apparently, Triple H’s bruised thigh was enough to keep him out of the ring at the MSG show tonight and he will not wrestle for at least a week(shit, I can’t even remember the last time he wrestled on RAW as it is). Okay, really… it’s time to end the experiment once and for all. Either get the RAW Title off of him at No Way Out or just strip him of the damned belt. There’s no need to put up with him getting injured damn near every month and still be in the goddamn main event. I really don’t care who they give the belt to, either, just as long as Hunter takes his crippled ass home and actually comes back at more than 50%. I mean, it’s really fucking pathetic watching Helmsley cling onto that belt knowing that he’s not physically fit enough to wrestle one friggin match without injuring himself and I’m fucking tired of watching it. Do the right thing and do the fucking job, Hunter. Be a fucking man for once.






WrestleMaina Fan Axxess Announced


Considering the fact that I’m not going due to shitty circumstances and that I really have nothing of note to say, I’ll just copy and paste this from the Observer:


--WWE.com officially announced the Fan Axxess at Wrestlemania weekend. The schedule is events on 3/27 at 7 p.m., 3/28 at 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. and 3/29 at 10 a.m., 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. All sessions are three hours in length. There will only be 2,000 tickets available for each session, with the idea that will create shorter lines. Tickets are $40 per session.


Well, some of our own writers like Josh Lowmon will be in attendence for the PPV, so maybe he’ll drop by Fan Axxess and give us a first-person account of everything that goes on.








That’s about it from me for this week, kiddies. I got a few tests in school this week(college is a bitch), so I may not be online that much other than dropping the news(maybe not even then with the assload of term papers I have to do), so I hope you bastards bear with me on this.



Bringin’ The Pimpage


Yeah, it’s that time again. As always, be sure to drop in after RAW for RAW from JHawk’s Beak, cause let’s be honest here… You and I both know you don’t want to watch it anyway, so why not have a laugh at someone else’s pain? Wednesday nights, as usual, belong to your personal Messiah(:::: plots to have his thumbs cut off ::::) and mine, Damian Gonzalez drops his widely read and respected NWA:TNA Diatribe, so read it because it owns your sorry ass and stuff, ‘kay? Last, but not least, there’s my compadre in wrestling news, Dr. Tom, as he kicks your ass with the Midweek News/Smackdown Report doubleshot. I’ll be back Sunday, same Pissed Off time, same Pissed Off channel.





Later, bootches!





Byron Vester

The SmartMarks.com

E-mail me at: [email protected](remember to remove the spam-killing x’s)

Need to confirm something? Wanna read a rant or an excellent anime DVD review? Just get to the archives, yo.

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