Guest TSMAdmin Report post Posted February 8, 2003 Once there was Allan Bassett Who had lived with his parents They said clean out yer closet Unless you can pay some rent Allan was not quite a man And not quite a boy either To get rent he had no plan From home he took a breather Now out looking for a job No employer would hire Because he looked like a slob And thought he'd just get fired But he came across a place Yeah this is the place for me With a smile on his face He applied at T S C They said son you look real fine And can you work all the time He had no issue with that He'd found a place to work at Now he needed a new home And he would live all alone Spoke to managerial Who ran the Imperial He rented a one room flat He said this is where it's at And Big Al The Kiddie's Pal Found himself a new locale Now he's really doin fine He's on the web all the time He goes to the library There all the time and how very On the web he met a girl This girl really rocked his world And from there she could not tell That Allan really did smell Allan told her they should meet At a place across the street He could then see how she looked And he could really get hooked But when they met she did sniff And she did not like the whiff And she screamed and she ran To go find another man Allan's heart was very broke And his pillow he did soak And then he drank lots of beer He had really shed a tear But Allan got up and said Well at least I'm not yet dead And I am still The Franchise And then he did wipe his eyes Then Allan went out to work With a smile and a smirk On his mind this did not weigh Cause tomorrows a new day That's the story of Allan Nice to meet you too. - This is the Jake "The Snake" Roberts Coliseum video release from 1987 and is hosted by Craig DeGeorge and Johnny Valiant. Aren't you EXCITED!? I mean, CRAIG DEGEORGE! WHAT A DREAMBOAT! JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. SCOTT MCGHEE Wow, a Jake vs. a jobber. Take my money from me now. Roberts is a heel and this is near the beginning of his WWF run. Roberts squashes McGhee, until a comeback is made. Roberts stops it short with a DDT. [4:03] 1/2* Jake drapes the snake over McGhee after the match. JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. RICKY "THE DRAGON" STEAMBOAT This is from Saturday Night's Main Event. Roberts clothesline Steamboat on the apron before he can even get in the ring. Steamboat falls to the floor and Jake goes out there and DDTs him on the concrete. Jesus. Bobby Heenan says that Steamboat's head is leaking pineapple juice. I think I see a puddle of it on the floor next to him! Anyways, Roberts drags Steamboat into the ring and Steamboat looks just like a dead body. I mean, Jake just yanks on his arm hard to pull him in and Steamboat is total dead weight. It's weird looking. Jake drapes the snake across Ricky. See, now that's what I call a hot segment. No match, so no rating. - Scheme Gene interview Roberts, and Roberts shows off various snakes (which are in cages). I think this is from Tuesday Night Titans (that show ruled!). Roberts comes off as knowledgable, although he really doesn't say anything overly scientific about the snakes. JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. RICKY "THE DRAGON" STEAMBOAT The Boston Gardens crowd is super-hot. Steamboat continually tries for his chops, but Roberts blocks them with his forearm, which is the psychology throughout the first half of the match. Roberts stalls a lot, and takes a lot of breathers on the outside. Eventually Steamboat catches him and just chops the hell right outta him. Roberts heads outside again, and Steamboat follows him out and they brawl on the floor. Back up onto the apron, Steamboat goes to chop Jake but Jake ducks and Steamboat chops the ringpost. Great way to break your hand. Steamboat falls to the floor and Roberts sticks his arm in the frame of the ring post and bends it in a way mother nature never intended. I've never seen that done before. Roberts continues to work the arm by slamming it on the guardrail, and bringing Steamboat into the ring and working the arm over there. Steamboat gets dumped and Roberts pulls out a chain and wraps it around his hand, but the ref sees it and takes it away from him. He turns around and Steamboat gullotines him on the top rope. They brawl on the floor and then back inside, and series of chops get two for Steamboat. Steamboat gets his top rope flying chop, but afterwards Roberts tosses him into the ref. Roberts short-arm clothesline Steamboat and pins him, but no ref. Another pin after an inverted backbreaker, but the ref is still sleeping. ROberts revives the ref, and when he does so Steamboat rolls him up and the ref counts three. [17:17] Really, really good match ***1/2. Jake attacks Steamboat afterwards. _ Gene Scheme interview Jake and they talk about his face turn. Roberts basically puts himself over as being a lone wolf, and isn't a good guy or bad guy, but just a guy. JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. JUNKYARD DOG The timeline must be jumbled because in that interview Roberts was just turning face, and here is a heel. Typical JYD match. Lots of stalling, brawling, and rolling headbutts. They brawl on the outside and JYD rolls back in while Jake goes for the snake and gets counted out [9:14] 1/2* Actually, with the way things go on this tape, they should've ended it after the Steamboat match, but... JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. BOOM BOOM BUNDY ...Jake's gotta wrestle some fat guys, so don't go no place. Fat guy #1: King Kong Bundy. This is from MSG. Roberts is a total face here, and Jimmy Hart is on commentary. End comes when Jake gets dumped going for the DDT and Bundy follows him out and then rolls him back in, but because he's a big fatass can't get back in the ring in time and gets counted out, giving Jake the victory. [9:18] 1/4* Roberts chases Bundy & Heenan off with the snake afterwards. JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. BOOM BOOM...AGAIN! Okay, why do they need to show two matches with Bundy on the same tape? I mean, how different could each one possibly be? This one is from Saturday Night's Main Event. The finish comes when Jake DDTs Bundy and goes for the snake. He gets counted out, and Heenan gets Bundy outta there while Jake busys himself by attacking the referee with the snake. Match went 7:19. DUD - The Snake Pit with Jake Roberts. Honkytonk Man smashes him with his guitar, setting up their WrestleMania match. JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. HONKYTONK MAN Roberts flips Honky into the ring. They brawl. And they brawl some more. Then the head outside, and brawl. Then back in, brawling. Then outside, brawling. Then back in, and Honky wins with a rollup while holding the ropes. THAT'S THE WHOLE MATCH. [7:15] **1/2 Helluva brawl though. Jake absolutely destroys the guitar by smashing it across the ring post (but he was aiming for HTM). JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS VS. KAMALA Fat Guy #2: Kamala. This is from Saturday Night's Main Event. Kamala runs away from the snake a lot, chops a lot. Roberts sells a lot. Finish comes when Kamala cheats and big splashes Roberts [4:59] DUD I really don't see the point of this match being on the tape. Like just about every other match the exception of the Steamboat match. THE FINAL CUT A throway tape full of junk. Roberts interview, however, are timeless and priceless, and he remains my all time favourite mic worker. The Steamboat/Roberts match was really good too, and the psychology it played out was excellent. If you can find that match somewhere else, go for it, but otherwise, if you actually see a copy of this somewhere, go watch TV or something. I doubt you'll see as many fat people there (unless, of course, you're watching reruns of 'Roseanne'). If you dug this review (and baby I know you did), you can check out my site at http://TouchOfEvil.4t.com and sign up for a subscription to my print newsletter, the 'Touch Of Evil'. Each week I review the current WWE TV, NWA-TNA shows, and tons and tons of puro and MMA. Each issues is jam-packed with retro tape reviews, biographies, opinion pieces, anything and everything. This week I'm doing a classic superstar profile on Roberts (hence this review). There will be a biography on him, along with a review of his shoot interview done with RFVideo and a review of a SIX HOUR compilation featuring Jake's best stuff in WWF, WCCW, and his one WCW match. There's also a reviews on HBO's "The Smashing Machine" and Pride 24. And, as every week, Raw, Smackdown, NWA-TNA, and about a thousand other TV programs are reviewed. So check the site out and pick up a subscription. TALK TO ME BABY Share this post Link to post Share on other sites