Guest Ace309 Report post Posted February 12, 2003 Fade in on Magnificent Seven headquarters in Buffalo, New York. There’s a distinctive chill in the air… 9 degrees Fahrenheit of chill, to be exact, and several inches of snow on the ground. Despite the frigid temperature, Frost comes strolling up the front walk of a large house, bare-chested and in his wrestling tights. He holds a package wrapped in heart-motif wrapping paper, checks the address of the house, and raps three times on the door. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!! He shivers slightly as an arctic clipper wind blows by. “Brrr,” he says. “I really need to get those Frost Brand Electric Boxer Shorts through Underwriter Labs.” A moment later, Tom Flesher opens the door wearing a red sweater with a broken heart stitched onto the front. Frost looks at him for a moment, and then, in unison, they shout, “MERRY KINGMAS!” “Come in, come in,” says Flesher, ushering Frost into the foyer. “Let me take your… er… come on in. Bill made rumballs, and Fugue’s going to lead the caroling!” Frost steps in warily. “Are you sure you want me in your house…? I mean, we haven’t been…” Flesher cuts him off. “Oh, Frost, Frost, Frost.” He shakes his head sadly. “Don’t you understand? Kingmas is a wonderful time of nutshots and tights-pulling, a time in the year when people of all persuasions come together to worship the God of All Heels.” In the background, someone begins to play the piano. Flesher strolls into the next room, with Frost behind him, and sees Fugue seated at an upright piano. Gathered around are Judge Mental, Ejiro Fasaki, Janus and, for no apparent reason, the Memphis Eel. “Uh, Tom,” says Frost, “why is Cutthroat here?” “Oh, Danny didn’t want to come. Something about ruining the image of this great sport. You know how he is.” Fugue begins pounding away, to the tune of “Jingle Bells,” and Flesher sings along. Soon, all the guys join in. Dashing to the ring, With a baseball bat that’s black, Called the Ace of Spades, Some skulls he plans to crack! Kicking in the groin, Denying it in spite, And if the ref tries to stop him He’ll get a Jokers Wild tonight! Oh, Joker’s Wild! Joker’s Wild! Hit him with brass knucks! Selling all your merchandise, they’ll make a million bucks, HEY! Joker’s Wild! Joker’s Wild! Half nelson deluxe! And let all the world come see, Grand Slam Mark Stevens sucks! The Mag-7ers burst into a round of applause as Fugue smiles broadly. Flesher says, “Hey, did everyone bring their Mag-7 Secret Suicide Gifts?” Each man produces a gift and hands it off. Tom gives his to Mental, Frost hands his to Ejiro, Mental gives one to the Eel, Ejiro gives one to Janus, Janus gives a gift to Fugue, Fugue gives a gift to Frost, and the Eel presents Flesher with a very large package. “Okay… everyone unwrap!” “YES!” shouts Mental. “A mini Ace of Spades gavel!” Ejiro grins and holds up his brand-spanking new copy of The Compleat Heel, Second Edition, by Brian Applewhite. “It’s just what I’ve always wanted!” “Oh, mah lawdy goodness,” declares the Memphis Eel, “It’s a roll of black electrical tape! If I put THIS on my wrist, my really big punch will be even bigger!” Janus simply smiles and holds up his toy SWF World Championship, complete with ‘Suicide King’ nameplate. “Wow,” says Fugue, holding up his score of sheet music for the complete orchestral arrangement of “Crazy Train.” “I didn’t even know this existed!” Frost opens his package, and smiles as much as he ever does. “This is great,” he says. “A photo of the Suicide King and the Memphis Eel. I’ve wanted one of these since late last year.” Finally, Flesher takes a deep breath and unwraps his large package, revealing…. WOOHOO!!!!!! Flesher stands up, smirking, and sets up his brand new lifesize cardboard cut-out of the Suicide King! The entire room bursts into pleasant applause as Flesher beams. “Alright, folks,” he says. “Let’s get in the kitchen. The ham’s almost done, and then we can drink some eggnog!” The Magnificent Seven members all scamper happily into the next room, as we fade. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Grand Slam Report post Posted February 12, 2003 This is sooooo wrong... Funny! But wrong... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Luchadore Magnifico Report post Posted February 12, 2003 Bwahahahaha... Great stuff, Flesher. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Suicide King Report post Posted February 12, 2003 I am overwhelmed. In a good way this time! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Goodear Report post Posted February 12, 2003 In the background, someone begins to play the piano. Flesher strolls into the next room, with Frost behind him, and sees Fugue seated at an upright piano. Gathered around are Judge Mental, Ejiro Fasaki, Janus and, for no apparent reason, the Memphis Eel. “Uh, Tom,” says Frost, “why is Cutthroat here?” Wait a minute! The Memphis Eel is CUTTHROAT???? MAH GOWD THIS POST HAS BROKEN IN HALF!!!! Or did everyone else know that and I'm just an idiot? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Powerplay Report post Posted February 12, 2003 Tom... that was awesome. Just... (Y). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest redbaron51 Report post Posted February 13, 2003 a tear has dropped out of my eye in this humerous post... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WrestlingDeacon Report post Posted February 13, 2003 yeah, what's with the Memphis Eel being referred to as Cutthroat? A freudian slip perhaps. Hysterical stuff, love the song. I'm sure the King-Dome is having a big open house tonight for Kingmas. A Festivus for the rest of us, a Kingmas for your sorry ass. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest 5_moves_of_doom Report post Posted February 13, 2003 No wonder TNT wants to be in the M7. I mean, they get to SING! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Edwin MacPhisto Report post Posted February 13, 2003 It's...like...stuff. Yes. Merry Kingmas indeed. It's fitting, cause you're all a bunch of ho ho hos. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ash Ketchum Report post Posted February 13, 2003 *kicks Flesher in the balls* STOP STEALING MY IDEAS!!! I'VE BEEN WORKING ON KINGSMAS FOR THE PAST MONTH AND A HALF!!!! (Can I post my version of it anyways? I'll have to hunt it down on my disks...) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Powerplay Report post Posted February 13, 2003 *kicks Flesher in the balls* STOP STEALING MY IDEAS!!! I'VE BEEN WORKING ON KINGSMAS FOR THE PAST MONTH AND A HALF!!!! (Can I post my version of it anyways? I'll have to hunt it down on my disks...) *Kicks him back in the family jewels area. Don't slap the right hand of God without expecting a bitchslap from the left. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ash Ketchum Report post Posted February 13, 2003 *sells* Touche, Judge. But I'll have my thing I did up tomorrow. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
janusd 0 Report post Posted February 14, 2003 Merry Kingmas indeed. *claps* Well done, Tom. (And to think I was going to ask if I'd ever star in one of those M-7 promos. ) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
