chris STOOOOOOORM COMMENTS!

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Looks like a fucking solid show.

 

I'm DEFINITELY going to be reading Danny's match and the US Title match, and I'll try to get through the other stuff too. Read away, people!

[Guest Ace309]

Opening

- GSMS sends Bo off. Nice kayfabing, and good to see GSMS doing it instead of Suicide King.

 

Fugue over Xero

- Fugue, good job with the curtain jerker. I was pleasantly surprised with your ending, which was a nice sendoff for Xero. The only gripe I had was that Xero’s offense was inconsistent within the psychology of the match. Fugue was battering his arm, so Xero comes back with… a crossface chickenwing? Still, entertaining and a good read.

 

Wildchild over Johnny Dangerous

- I would have liked to see some edge from Riley in the opening banter, since he was critiquing two faces. Riley was actually a little too complimentary through the whole match, but that can be overlooked. I did like the early squash atmosphere, which was interesting from a psychology-of-Johnny standpoint. Overall, good match.

 

Danny Williams regains the US Title over Mak Francis

- Danny, you know I like your wrestling, and your writing’s improved exponentially since your return. Anything I said about your match would sound like empty pats on the back, though, so I’ll just point out one thing that bothered me:

“BOO!” cries the crowd.

“BOO!” cry the fans.

Your subjects and verbs aren’t agreeing in your writing when you’re referring to the crowd. The nitpicker in me would like you to pay a little extra attention to that. Other than that, what can I say? You’re winning consistently, and for a very good reason. You’re a damn good writer.

 

Mike Craven escapes from Alcatraz

-

Stevens: Riley fans?

 

Cut back to the arena for a second, where several obviously gay dudes stand, wearing tight “We Love Bobby Riley” T-shirts and tight leather pants. Now that’s just not right to wear in public.

 

The T-shirts, I mean.

 

Riley Fan #1(with lisp): We, like, soooo totally love Bobby!!!

 

Riley Fan #2(also with lisp): Yeah! We came to hear his redecorating tips!

 

Stevens: Bobby... your fans are gay.

 

Riley: Please, enough with the childish insults. You should know better than to call someone’s fans gay because you are jealous of the fact they actually have fans and you don’t... right?

 

Stevens: No, I mean it. They’re actually gay.

 

Riley: Now, Mark, can we grow up and stop with the name calling game, thank you?

 

That was great. GREAT! Although I would have liked it better as a one-time, rather than running, gag.

 

I’m not going to evaluate this, because it’s a comedy match. (Y)

 

Mag-7 over Midnight Carnival

- Let me just say that Frost is both justice and rule. His opening was wonderful and set up our agreed finish perfectly.

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Ok... I read Danny's match so far.

 

 

reading it over, the one thing that really bothered me was the repeat of the pinfall roll up by Mak so early in the match. I understand the psychology of picknig up where yo guys left off, but it fel too early in the match for it to get such a close fall. Other then that, it got a little dominating at the finish, especially with how Francis has been going. Of course I'm not much better in my finishes, and I'm a Franchise mark... WHOO!!! Whatever... but I loved that bit of commentary at the end where they mentioned how he should just go for the win instead of avoiding the loss. A great bit.

 

The middle of the match had the perfect amount with you two, so the rest was pretty rocking. I'll review more later, blarg.

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Ok... I read Danny's match so far.

 

 

reading it over, the one thing that really bothered me was the repeat of the pinfall roll up by Mak so early in the match. I understand the psychology of picknig up where yo guys left off, but it fel too early in the match for it to get such a close fall. Other then that, it got a little dominating at the finish, especially with how Francis has been going. Of course I'm not much better in my finishes, and I'm a Franchise mark... WHOO!!! Whatever... but I loved that bit of commentary at the end where they mentioned how he should just go for the win instead of avoiding the loss. A great bit.

 

The middle of the match had the perfect amount with you two, so the rest was pretty rocking. I'll review more later, blarg.

The roll up spot had to happen at the beginning of the match, since it would set up the match's entire storyline. It was to show that were past this stage, the time for pussy rollups is over, if Mak wants to keep the title he's going to have to fight to death for it and convincingly beat me. Mak also had two straight wins over me, and considering he's already cocky it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to actually believe that he could beat me in the opening seconds. Naive to the fight that would await him.

 

A great deal of Mak's offense after the DDT revenage spot had to be cut out do to the word limit, in fact the last 1000 words was thrown together right before I turned it in, I had to rewrite it to fit into the word limit while doing my best to keep the original story of the match. I couldn't cut the build because it was far to important, the original ended up being close to 8000.

 

The ending however was meant to be dominant, to establish the champion over whelmed story. Mak was doing everything he could to keep Williams off, but he just kept coming and coming until he he couldn't hold him off anymore. This is best presented by Mak hitting the standing Yakuza Kick to stop the Running Elbow, only to eat a Rolling Elbow anyway spot that sealed Mak's fate. Mak kicked out of the Deathbomb to show despite the loss, he had moved up to whole another level, worthy of a much more brutal finish to hold him down.

 

Originally Mak esacped the Deathbomb attempt with an eye rake, but Williams would set him down, and murder him with a Dynamic Kick and hit the Deathbomb anyway. Thanks for the feedback, glad to hear that my commentary has improved.

[Guest Listen2Reason]

- Fugue, good job with the curtain jerker. I was pleasantly surprised with your ending, which was a nice sendoff for Xero. The only gripe I had was that Xero?s offense was inconsistent within the psychology of the match. Fugue was battering his arm, so Xero comes back with? a crossface chickenwing? Still, entertaining and a good read.

 

Thanks, Tom. I was really rather unsure about what to write, and I'm glad what I came up with passed muster. I was a little too rushed to think much about psychology, which is why your criticism is on target. ;

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Ugh... am I the only one around?

 

Anyway I just read Wildchild's match. Dammit kid, you use a lot of commentary. Although one little tip with Riley, he may be treated like a dope a lot, but he is the eviller one of the two. You had him concerned over your style alot... when he normally would be thrilled at you landing on your head. Other then that, your pinfall sequences were really inconsistent. I disliked the close falls on the leg drop and flying forearm especially. I am also unaware of what the finish was... I think it was a stiffed hurricanrana, I suppose I could look at your stats... but lets face it, I'm lazy.

 

Edit: Looking at your stats, I have found out it was a vertebreaker. It might be best that you explain that a little better in the set ups. The finish is a very important part in the match after all.

 

Other then that, an alright send off for Xero. I haven't read the Alcatraz match and probably won't today. As for the Main Event... a good battle... nice to see TNT involved and a suitable finish which hopefully sets TNT up for some credible wins prior to the PPV. Of course TNT sucks ass, so we will probably see him job to Dangerous next week.