Promo: Justice and Rule Part I

[Guest Goodear]

“We are coming to you live at Magnificent Seven Courthouse,” whispers court reporter Tony Hydra, “as the trial of the century is finally reaching its conclusion right before our eyes. As you’re all aware, the plaintiff, a Mr. John McGee has launched a million dollar lawsuit against the McDonalds hamburger chain who he alleges caused him to balloon up to a staggering 492 pounds crammed onto his three foot six frame. His lawyer, one Ms. Ally McBeal has provided a staggering fourteen days of expert testimony only to stand in shock as her opposing attorney, a Mr. Ejiro Fasaki refused to even offer up any witnesses in defense of these allegations. Nonetheless, Ms. McBeal provided a stunning closing argument before yielding the floor to the defendant. After a short recess, we are now about to return to the courtroom to see if Mr. Fasaki will even put on any defense at all.”

 

“All rise,” bellows Rusty the bailiff, “This court is now in session, the right honorable Judge Mental presiding.”

 

“You may take your seats,” grumbles Mental to the crowd of onlookers, “Mr. Fasaki, are you ready for your closing statements?”

 

Standing up behind his desk wearing a gray suit Ejiro answers, “I am.”

 

“Proceed.”

 

The attorney makes his way out from behind his desk… wandering about for a moment before coming to settle just in front of the area of Mr. McGee and his attorney. Looking contemplative for a moment, Fasaki breaths deeply as he reflects on what to say… “Ah” he thinks to himself as the perfect counter argument hits him…

 

“YOU FAT BASTARD!” roars Fasaki.

 

“Objection!” squeals Ally as quickly as possible.

 

“Your honor,” Ejiro quickly explains, “I think it’s very important that the court recognizes that the plaintiff is, indeed, a fat bastard.”

 

Mental scratches his beard a moment before speaking up. “I’m going to allow this,” answers the Judge.

 

“Why don’t you just stop eating everything you stupid pecker head? McDonalds didn’t make you fat you freaking moron, you did! Maybe if you didn’t eat fourteen super sized number fours everyday you wouldn’t have your own area code! Maybe then you could find your own genitals without a search party! Maybe then you would know the pleasure of pants and wouldn’t have to wear a muumuu around the house everyday. Take your head out of the trough PIGGY!”

 

“You’re honor! This is ridiculous!”

 

“Ridiculous? Or PERFECT SENSE?!” He says, pointing accusingly at the paper-thin prosecutor.

 

“I’m going to allow this,” answers the Judge again.

 

“But… But But -” Stammers out Alley, but Fasaki cuts her off.”

 

“Shut up you WHORE! Maybe if you ate every once in a while, you wouldn’t be seeing things all the time? They out to suck the fat out of fatty here and jam it down your throat… maybe then you’d have some breasts instead of looking like the elf from Lord of The Rings yah skinny slut.”

 

“I’m going to allow this.” Preemptively answers the Judge.

 

“I didn’t even object yet!” murmurs the stunned McBeal.

 

“No more questions!” completes Fasaki as he takes a seat behind his desk once more.

 

Mental shakes his head, “Ejiro… you didn’t ask any questions…”

 

“Oh… sorry … I’m done then.”

 

Judge Mental looks pensive before, “I’m going to go in the back and play SNK vs. Capcom 2 … but you can all pretend I’m considering the case if you want.”

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“I’ve reached my decision,” starts Judge Mental after his recess, “And its days like this where I really love the fact that I have supreme power over people. Man, does that make me feel good. And honestly isn’t that what this whole process is all about? Anyway …”

 

Judge Mental points his gravel at McGee, “You… stop eating.”

 

And then at McBeal, “You … start eating.”

 

And finally at Ejiro, “And you… START THE BEATING!”

 

“What?” gasps McBeal and McGee as Ejiro tears off his coat and rolls up his sleeves. “You’re honor? You can’t do that!”

 

“Hmmm I’m going to allow this,” answers the Judge.

 

“RARRRR!” screams Ejiro as he comes racing across the room before leaping onto the table and coming crashing down on the Fatty and the Twig. Their screams rise up into the air as Judge Mental looks on from his bench with a happy chuckle, “Ahhh… I love the smell of justice in the morning.”

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

I think this is supposed to go to Community boards... or am I complete dope and this is an actual promo?

[Guest Suicide King]

Mmm... Fatty and the Twig...

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

BTW... this was amusing... I'm just REALLY unaware if the motivation of it. Will someone explain this to me?

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Judge, "I'm going to allow this" MUST be your new catchphrase.

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

I agree... especially if you're a special guest referee in one of my matches.

[Guest Goodear]

The point? Uh...

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Hmmmm

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No seriously the point is simply that Judge Mental (and to a lesser extent Ejiro) are guys that manipulate and break rules for their own gain. We're trying to put out a Guerrero through using Judge's gimmick for the process. Hence the courtroom ...