SK Raw Rant

[Guest Respect The 'Taker]

Fuck navigating his new site, i have NO idea where to even look so i was wondering if anyone knows where his latest RAW rant is (the rant of tonight's show0?

 

Many thanks.

 

UYI

[Guest eiker_ir]

what's the link to the site?

[Guest Respect The 'Taker]

The new site is 411Mania

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

You might want to check on the wrestling page. Scroll down a bit to "Rants" (on the right).

 

You also might want to wait until the show is over, so he can have a chance to write & post it

[Guest Respect The 'Taker]

Haha, thanks Spiff.

 

Im Australian, this whole time difference thing kills me.

 

Fuck Flyboy

[Guest Steviekick]

I feel your pain, UYI...411mania isn't well laid out. I usually go there to read about comics and toys, and I have no clue as to how to navigate it.

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

Errr, click the "tabs" at the top to go to the appropriate page?

[Guest Steviekick]

Yeah...I got the tabs part. It's just visually confusing with all the columns in stuff in the body of it. It's annoying from a layout perspective.

[Guest Respect The 'Taker]

Agreed SK, the layout is shithouse and makes me wonder why they even fuckin' changed in the first place

[Guest bravesfan]

http://www.411mania.com/wrestling

...or Click Here.

 

The homepage. This is where Keith will post all of his rants, reviews and recaps first, with the death of the"TheSmarks.com" subpage.

 

 

 

http://www.411mania.com/wrestling/videos/rants.php

..or Click Here.

 

Where the ENTIRE SK Video/PPV Rant archive is. For the past few weeks, I'm been saving them ALL to my hard drive for easy access.

 

 

 

http://www.411mania.com/wrestling/tvreports/

...or Click Here

 

Where all of SK's RAW and SD! rants will be archived.

[Guest Banky]

That site sucks an elephant cock.

[Guest Flyboy]

Fuck Flyboy

What the hell?!

[Guest The Tino Standard]

That layout is atrocious. Did they lose a bet or something?

[Guest Army Eye]

Can't believe thesmarks merged with that junk site. Now they've been totally assimilated, there is not even a TheSmarks page anymore. The new design is bad and the site STILL goes down way too much.

[JasonX 0]

Fuck navigating his new site, i have NO idea where to even look so i was wondering if anyone knows where his latest RAW rant is (the rant of tonight's show0?

 

Many thanks.

 

UYI

411mania is down at the moments, so here is the rant for everybody that didn't get the recap via the mailing list...

---------------------------------------------

 

The SmarK RAW Rant - March 3 / 2003

 

"There's a NEW Mania running wild!"

- Vince McMahon

 

Okay, so he PROBABLY didn't have 411Mania.com in

mind, but he was

THINKING it. I personally have no opinion on the

new design,

aesthetically speaking, and those who have seen

my previous attempts at

designing a webpage can testify to why that is.

But it loads a HELL of a lot

faster for me (and many others) which, as someone

who's been kicking

around since the days of Lynx, is the important

thing to me anyway. The

Smarks is now gone, although the former page now

redirects to my rant

archives, and the www.thesmarks.com URL (which is

still owned by Don

Becker) will soon redirect to his site until

disappearing sometime this year.

The <a

href=http://www.411mania.com/movies>411Mania</a> era of my

DVD reviews begins tomorrow with X-Men 1.5, and

MASH Season 3 later

this week.

 

- So the beat goes on with regards to the book.

Positive reviews are pouring

in, and here's a couple for your perusal in case

you've been wondering

whether it's worth your hard-earned dollars to

pick up a copy.

 

<a

href=http://www.9479.net/story7.html>http://www.9479.net/story7.html</a

>

 

<a

href=http://www.pwbts.com/messages/16523.htm>http://www.pwbts.com/

messages/16523.htm</a>

 

Both of these nicely summarize the meat of the

book as well, in case you've

been wondering what the heck it's all about and

stuff. And if those reviews

whet your whistle enough to drop $15 or so and

pick it up, you can order <A

HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0806524375/thesmarks

-20">

Tonight in This Very Ring</A> via Amazon or check

out your local Barnes

& Noble or Borders and probably find it on the

shelf, assuming it's not sold

out (and that's not my usual non-modesty - people

all over the US are

reporting that their local bookstores are sold

out very soon upon getting

some in). And coming next week, an announcement

about my NEXT

books! Not WCW yet, sorry...but maybe someday.

By the way, the oddest

comment about the book I've received yet was that

there isn't a single semi-

colon used in the entire book. Why someone would

take the time to notice

THAT, I don't know, but just for him, I feel I

should clarify that indeed I am

semi-colon illiterate and have never quite gotten

the hang of using them. I

don't think the book suffers TOO much from the

lack of semi-colons, but be

warned going in, in case you're a fan of any

particular punctuation mark -

I'm mainly a comma and colon kind of writer.

 

- Speaking of being on the shelf, if Kurt Angle

ends up there for a year due

to Austin/Benoit/Rhyno neck syndrome, it's gonna

be a BRUTAL year and

Wrestlemania is gonna suck a lot more than it

would have otherwise done.

About the only two options I can see is

hotshotting it onto Brock this week

and building a new feud, or putting it on Benoit

and doing Brock-Benoit

there instead. Well, no one said being a booker

was easy, that's for sure.

Well, I guess they can always go the Lex Express

route and buy a train to

take A-Train on tour around the country on the

"A-Train Express" and make

him the next big star in the business. Actually,

I'd better clarify that I'm

KIDDING, in case David Lagana is reading this...

 

- Well, if you don't feel dirty and used enough

yet, there's always RAW...

 

- Uncle Eric instructs 3 Minute Warning to take

care of Austin on the way

in. Yeah, if I was faced down with 2 fat samoans

and a hairdresser, I'd be

shaking too.

 

- Live from Long Island, NY.

 

- Your hosts are JR & King.

 

- Opening interview: Booker T actually gets

INTERVIEW TIME! Last

week he won the battle royale, but he didn't get

a trip to Disneyland. It's

pretty expensive anyway, dude. HHH interrupts

right away (just in case he

gets over, I guess), along with his one remaining

healthy flunky in the form

of Ric Flair. Not only is HHH injuring himself

on a constant basis, he's

now injuring people merely by association, as

both Batista and Orton went

down at a house show with serious injuries. HHH

points out that someone

like Booker doesn't deserve a World title,

because he's an entertainer, not a

competitor. Man, where's D-Lo and Teddy to play

the race card when you

need them? HHH thinks the idea of Booker

challenging him is funny. We

go with the stupid "David Arquette and Vince

Russo were WCW champion"

stuff to really bury Booker. Gee, Hunter, what's

that belt you've got thrown

over your shoulder and surgically attached,

again? Booker thinks he's

gonna win the title, but HHH gives him a

condescending "good luck" and

hints that something is up with the match against

Steiner being booked

tonight. Hey, HHH starts burying another

challenger and bores the crowd in

the process, what a shock. Well, never too early

to get started. I'm not one

to cry racism, but "you people" and "nappy hair"

and "dance for me,

Booker" seem to be a BIT over the line.

 

- Jeff Hardy v. Christian. Jeff pounds away in

the corner to start as JR says

"complex" and "conflicted" about a million times.

Christian bails and Jeff

follows with a crossbody to the outside and back

in for two. Christian

dumps him on the top rope for two. Christian

pounds away and gets the

inverted DDT for two. Choking follows, but Jeff

fights back with his girlish

punches and a dropkick for two. Man, even the

Long Island crowd is doing

the "Two!" thing now. Jeff gets the Compactor

and goes up, but Christian

moves, only to walk into the corkscrew for two.

You know the great thing

about the "Two" chant? You can't exactly stop

doing two-counts to

dissuade it. Twist of Fate is blocked and the

Unprettier finishes out of

nowhere at 4:15. Hey, a clean win on RAW, it's a

night of firsts. Okayish

TV match. *1/2

 

- Meanwhile, the next line of defense after

Austin finishes disposing of the

samoans: Lance Storm. Maybe he can read him one

of his whiny website

updates and lull him to sleep.

 

- Chief Morley v. Spike Dudley. If Spike wins,

the Dudleyz are

unsuspended. Spike attacks to start and Morley

runs into a boot, allowing

Spike to stomp on him in the corner and try for

the Acid Drop, which

Morley counters into a powerbomb. How come Bubba

and D-Von were

suspended and not Spike? Isn't he a Dudley Boy?

Morley's casual pin is

reversed for two, but he keeps hammering on Spike

and unloads the

CANADIAN VIOLENCE in the corner. And what's with

the skintone on

Morley? He looks like he was one of the kids in

"I Still Know What You

Did Last Summer" that got stuck in the tanning

bed. Suplexes and the

Money Shot finish at 2:19. So the Dudleyz are

still out. Total squash. 1/2*

 

- Meanwhile, Vitamin C meets with Uncle Eric and

gets drafted to be the

third line of defense.

 

- Trish Stratus & Jackie v. Jazz & Victoria.

Jazz dropkicks Jackie for two

and pounds away. Sideslam gets two. Victoria

comes in with her own

sideslam for two. Suplex gets two. Jackie

fights her off and makes the hot

tag to Trish, who slugs away for two. Jazz stops

to argue with Stevie, as

Trish's handstand rana is blocked for two. A

rollup gets the pin at 3:13,

however. Nothing blown, so okay. 1/2*

 

- Meanwhile, Morley joins Storm on the Austin

Welcoming Committee.

 

- Meanwhile, the Coach tries to interview the

Rock, but you don't just knock

on the door without an appointment! Wednesday is

better for the Rock.

With Coachman gone, he goes for the guitar, but

finds Hurricane instead.

He questions Rock's hypocrisy, but Rock questions

how long he's been

sitting in that locker. Rock points out who

tossed who out of the ring last

week. Hurricane counters with his impression of

Booker throwing Rock

out, leading Rock to have an argument with the

crowd. He stops to answer

his cell phone, and it's NOTHING, and apparently

he knows Hurricane.

"DON'T LAUGH AT THE ROCK'S JOKES!" This is

brilliant. Rock

quotes the Scorpion King, but Hurricane thinks

that it translates to having a

small dick. Sometimes it's funny, especially

when the heel sells it.

Hurricane thinks that Rock is afraid of Austin,

and flies away. Rock stops

to give encouraging words to Little Rocky

(possibly that he is indeed a swell

guy) and we're out. Compare the way Rock trades

insults with Hurricane

while still putting him over, and the way HHH

hijacks Booker's interview

and makes him sound like a second-rate

challenger. I cannot possibly heap

enough praise on the way Rock has revitalized his

interviews since the heel

turn, but I'll try it again: Rock is AWESOME and

makes me want to buy

another 3 shirts next time they're in town.

 

- Chris Jericho v. Test. Jericho shows us

SHOCKING footage of Test

signing a girl's boob, leading Test & Stacy to

argue about it. Test throws a

tantrum and leaves Stacy in the back. Way to

control your woman, Andrew!

Test charges out and beats on Jericho, and gets a

gorilla press. Stacy

(actually trying to sell the injury this time

around) limps out while Test

chokes out Jericho. Test stops to get rid of

Christian, and questions Stacy's

presence at ringside. Jericho takes over with a

backdrop suplex, but walks

into a tilt-a-whirl slam. Test gets a corner

clothesline, but a powerbomb is

reversed to the Walls. Test powers out and

powerbombs him for two.

Jericho uses the ref to stop the big boot, and

Christian sneaks in with a DDT

that gets two for Jericho. Jericho undoes the

turnbuckle (which you can do

in Smackdown, by the way - go to the corner and

hit L1), but Test gets

Uncle Slam while the ref is distracted again.

Jericho goes low and takes him

down for the pin with a lazy drop sleeper at

3:58. JR calls it the Breakdown,

but it's actually the Flashback, for the 3 people

who care. Match was

horrendously overbooked. 3/4* Test eats a

Conchairto and they go for Stacy,

but (guess who) Shawn Michaels makes the save.

Jericho FINALLY gets

revenge, laying him out with a chairshot. Shawn

does one of his awesome

"don't blink or you'll miss it" bladejobs and

Jericho wants a match at

Wrestlemania. Well, no shock there.

 

- Meanwhile, in the parking lot, Goldust arrives,

thus freaking out the first

line of defense. This new gimmick is death.

Goldust isn't seen again

tonight.

 

- Chris Nowinski joins us to slag Austin, and the

Dudleyz sneak in and hit

him with 3D. Well that was pointless.

 

- Meanwhile, Christian & Jericho prep for Austin.

 

- Scott Steiner v. Booker T. JR's funniest line

of the week: Calling Steiner

"very popular". Steiner chops away to start, but

Booker gets a leg lariat and

hits him with a knee. Spinkick is blocked by

Steiner and he gets the belly-

to-belly and stomps away. Muscle pose elbow and

pushups don't impress

the crowd, but Booker fires back. Clothesline

and sidekick get two. Booker

gets more chops and a sidekick, but Steiner stops

the Spinarooni. Steiner

Recliner and HHH joins us, prompting Steiner to

release it. Well thank god,

he might have KILLED Booker with that devastating

submission hold.

Booker gets his rollup out of nowhere for the pin

at 3:53. Well, we found

out that Booker wasn't the guy to get a good

match out of Steiner, either.

DUD And what's with the cheap win for Booker

thanks only to the blessed

intervention of HHH? If you're gonna try to make

a star, MAKE A STAR.

 

- Meanwhile, Rock sings us the promised song

about how Long Island

sucks, but Eric interrupts. Rock doesn't want

help with Austin, because

Rock wants him all to himself.

 

- Hardcore match: The Unlikely Duo of RVD & Kane

v. Tommy Dreamer

& Al Snow. Maybe they'll finally pull the

trigger on the heel turn here. Big

brawl to start outside. RVD hits Snow with a

quebrada and they head in,

where Rob walks into a caneshot from Tommy. Kane

gets the flying

clothesline, but Snow & Dreamer use the

devastating power of aluminum

trashcan lids to turn the tide. Kane goes

facefirst into one, and Snow uses a

little SIGN language (ho, I should be booking

this stuff) until Kane kills

everyone and Rob hits both of them at once with

the frog splash and gets the

pin at 2:37. So I guess the on-again off-again

dissention is off-again until

they need to hotshot a Wrestlemania match between

them in two weeks.

Totally pointless squash -- why were they even

fighting, let alone in a

hardcore match, let alone two babyface teams?

JR's lame explanation of

Morley booking it to mess with them doesn't

exactly rock my world. 1/4*

 

- Meanwhile, Austin tries to run over the

welcoming committee. Quick, call

Mick Foley to investigate!

 

- Main Event Interview: Steve Austin returns, to

somewhat less of a

reaction than you might think. He just wants to

thank us and whup some

ass. In that order, presumably. Rock interrupts

the promises of raising hell

and the people show him no love. Rock warns him

that people will turn on

him when he becomes "successful" (like the Rock).

And the Rock has done

it all, except for beating Austin at

Wrestlemania. Bischoff interrupts the

awesome before Austin can answer, and instead

gives Rock a match with

Booker next week, where if (when) he wins, he can

choose between Austin

or HHH as his Wrestlemania opponent. What the

FUCK? What does HHH

have to do with anything? That just totally

killed the flow of the interview.

3 Minute Warning gets called in against Austin

and quickly dispatched with

the usual. Rock comes in for the staredown, but

gets chased off by Austin.

 

The Bottom Line:

 

Kind of a weird and pointless show, with the Rock

carrying the whole thing

on his back yet again, even managing to

overshadow Austin's return. And

MAN could Austin's return be anymore humdrum? I

don't know what

they're gonna do when Rock leaves again, because

the stuff with Steiner and

HHH is just getting more brutal and

self-parodyish by the week. And

there's just nothing for good wrestling in the

midcard left, even moreso now

that Evolution has been de-Evolved by injuries

and will likely have to be

scrapped again.

 

Without the Rock, these would be absolutely

horrible, unwatchable shows,

and I hope they realize that and take steps to

fix it.

 

Until next week, BUY THE BOOK!

[Guest bob_barron]

If 411mania is down you can read my recap at smarktalk.

 

I apologise for the cheap plug

[JasonX 0]

That layout is atrocious.  Did they lose a bet or something?

No, basically Widro and Ashish want to have the next mega-pop culture site ala UGO or IGN and as a result 411wrestling becomes 411mania......

[Guest AlwaysPissedOff]

Wow... the new site design is so horrid that it screwed up the server... LOL!

 

Seriously, the new design looks like they paid Warrior to do it while on an acid trip.

[Guest bravesfan]

How/where do you go to sign up for the mailing list?

[Guest Banky]

If 411mania you can read my recap at smarktalk.

 

I apologise for the cheap plug

Huh? What?! I don't follow....

[Guest bob_barron]

If 411mania you can read my recap at smarktalk.

 

I apologise for the cheap plug

Huh? What?! I don't follow....

I forgot to write 'is down'

 

Oops

[Guest Steviekick]

Wow... the new site design is so horrid that it screwed up the server... LOL!

 

Seriously, the new design looks like they paid Warrior to do it while on an acid trip.

HAHAHAHHHAHA~!

 

For something more screwed up, read this. It's a speech he gave to a Conservative Youth Group.

 

http://www.yaf.org/speakers/warrior_cpac_speech.html

[Guest AlwaysPissedOff]

Wow... the new site design is so horrid that it screwed up the server... LOL!

 

Seriously, the new design looks like they paid Warrior to do it while on an acid trip.

HAHAHAHHHAHA~!

 

For something more screwed up, read this. It's a speech he gave to a Conservative Youth Group.

 

http://www.yaf.org/speakers/warrior_cpac_speech.html

WOW...

 

I couldn't even make halfway through that tripe before my head started hurting...

 

What type of drugs is this guy on?

[Guest Steviekick]

I have no clue...there's no point to it; it just goes on and on.

[Guest Steviekick]

The best part is to look at the picture of him delivering it while you read it!

 

Feel the power of the Warrior, baby~~!!

[Guest AndrewTS]

Haha, thanks Spiff.

 

Im Australian, this whole time difference thing kills me.

 

Fuck Flyboy

Flyboy makes friends everywhere, doesn't he?

[Guest Texas Small Arms 09]

It kinda looks like a kid tried to design that site.

[Mecha Mummy 0]

The best part is to look at the picture of him delivering it while you read it!

 

Feel the power of the Warrior, baby~~!!

Dear lord, is he wearing leiderhosen?

[Guest Lil Naitch]

Am I the only guy who HATED the old design so much that the new design is good?

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

13 years were not kind to Warrior.

 

WTF? Didn't the guy look sorta kinda like himself back in 98 for the horrid Hogan rematch? He looks like Bob Dole was filled with steroids and crazy juice now.